WEBVTT - Eve Rodsky Returns for Some “Fair Play” 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:07.240 Hello Sunshine, Hey, Messi's we're back and we've got a 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:09.400 little treats of brighten up your weekend. 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:12.920 Simone, this is our first ever bonus episode, Capital B. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:14.400 I'm so here for this. 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:17.000 Love a bonus, We love a bonus. 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:18.880 Okay, So, a couple of weeks ago, we had an 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:22.560 amazing conversation with Eve Rodsky. And if you haven't listened 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:24.639 to the episode yet, Eve's a member of the Hello 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.920 Sunshine family. She's the author of fair Play, and it 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:33.960 changed the cultural conversation entirely. In it, she sheds light 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.640 on all of the cognitive labor that women take on 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:40.040 in traditional family structures, things like planning and preparing for 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:43.480 everyday tasks like even putting sunscreen on your kids. 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:44.280 That takes time. 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:47.920 And she's an expert in organization, so she's talking about 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:50.920 everything that a household needs to function. So she didn't 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:54.920 just start the conversation. Eve dug in. She researched it, 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.240 and she's trying to fix the issue. She offers practical 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:03.320 ways that family can redistribute all of the work more equitably. 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:06.240 Yeah, that book, Fairplay is a New York Times bestseller 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:08.560 and a former Reese's Book Club pick, and there's also 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:12.240 a fair Play card game and a documentary. And Eve's 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:15.119 been really open about the backstory behind fair Play and 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:18.360 how all of these resources have even transformed her own 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:22.120 relationships and her home from the inside out, her dynamic 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.759 with her husband Seth. Us are three kids, Zach, Ben 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:28.839 and Anna. Eve told us she designed the fair Play 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:31.960 card game as a tool to help us navigate hard 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:35.520 conversations better. We actually had the opportunity to play this 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.880 game with Eve during our original conversation, but we didn't 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:42.240 have time to include it in our show until now. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.680 So today we have a very special bonus episode where 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:48.960 we're playing Eve's game and all of us are getting 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:52.200 really honest. But if you haven't listened to our first 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.800 episode with Eve, we promise you'll still be able to 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:57.600 follow along with this one. But definitely go check out 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:02.200 that original conversation If you're interested in buying Eve's game, 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:04.280 which I highly recommend I give it as a gift 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.600 to a lot of friends, especially as they get married. 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:09.360 You can find the link to the game in our 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:10.000 show notes. 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:11.360 Well, let the games begin. 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:15.000 Here's our extended conversation with Eve Rodsky, The New York 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.600 Times best selling author of fair Play and Find Your 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:18.480 Unicorn Space. 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.760 You've called fair Play a love letter to men, and 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.200 I think that's a really important part of this because 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:31.320 I know we can all joke about men and the 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:35.120 inadequacies that we feel, but we keep marrying them for 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:39.040 the most part, and so it's important that they're a 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.880 part of this and that it feels positive. And you 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:45.840 say that the research shows it actually is, oh absolutely so. 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:49.760 Part of our research that just came out shows that 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:54.720 fair play works, which is very exciting and the reason 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:58.560 why sometimes I actually think, even though it feels so 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:03.440 heavy for women that the home organization is so painful 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:07.400 for men as well, is because they're defined in one way, 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:12.600 which is breadwinning, and actually the value of that men 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:15.320 bring to all those other tasks the fair Play cards 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:18.960 is exponential, and we see it in the research that 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:21.959 when men are involved in transporting their kids to school, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:23.360 kids get amazing advice. 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:24.400 When men are. 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:27.920 Involved with cooking and allow their kids to be involved 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:29.400 more as opposed to women who are like, get out 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.800 of this kitchen and I don't want you being burned. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:36.000 There's just so many different ways that when men are 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:38.960 invited into their full power in the home, not only 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.200 can women step into their full power in the world, 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.800 but children benefit, society benefits. 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:44.960 It's a really beautiful thing. 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:48.240 So, Danielle, when you're asking about why Fair plays a 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:52.840 love letter to men, I think the pain and just 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:56.440 being a helper is actually probably as bad as the 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:00.120 mental load. When you think about when men are the 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.120 ones going to the store for the mustard but have 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:05.680 zero context for that task. It becomes a random assignment 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.560 of a task. And we actually know from the organizational 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:11.440 management side that if you bring somebody in simone, you're 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:12.880 going to be at my partner in the meeting, and 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:14.840 I'm really excited for you to be here. And here's 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:16.919 why you're here. I want you to Yes, you're going 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:18.800 to take notes, but also we're going to go over 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:21.760 and you'll help me with this PowerPoint after. That's very 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:25.200 different than simone just I need grab a pen. You're 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.600 coming this meeting with me, And so that psychological safety 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.880 of understanding why you're part of the team is often 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:35.280 lacking in men's understanding of the of the home, and 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:39.120 that can be very painful for them. And so I 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.560 just grabbed my phone because I wanted to read you 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:47.080 this beautiful message I got from this man in Korea, 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:52.440 and this is just one of thousands and thousands we 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:55.440 get from men, which is why I said fair plays 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:58.440 become a love letter to them, this idea that they 0:04:58.480 --> 0:04:59.760 want to be partners in the home. 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:00.880 Okay. 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:04.200 He works in a legal department in Korea, and he says, 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.880 thank you message from Korea, Dear miss Rodsky, I read 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.240 your book fair Play Project, and write this message to 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:13.280 express gratitude for you. I bought this book as one 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.840 of husbands in the world, and I confess I thought 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:18.160 I'm a fairly good husband, but I was wrong. That's 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:20.200 really not fair Play is not much a shame, but 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.719 in the beginning it could feel a little little angry. 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:27.840 But then the system is helpful. So for men who 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:29.480 are reading it for the first time, maybe skip to 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:33.640 page one hundred. He says, I strongly believe everybody must 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.839 read this book before they got married or have a baby. Personally, 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.200 I lost my sister, who was a high court judge 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:42.520 and a mother of two elementary student sons, four years ago. 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:45.680 It was because a cerebral hemorrhage stroke took her. I 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:48.120 believe this disease exploded as she worked too hard and 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:51.239 handled too many things. During her father in law's death, 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:53.840 which was just a week before her death, she took 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:56.280 care too many things as a full time worker and 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.279 a perfectionist judge. I think of this whole fair Play 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:05.360 project over the entire Korea, and every husband executes this project, 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.400 my sister would still be with us, having a balanced life, 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:11.400 with her smiling face, which I terribly miss. Thank you 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.279 for writing this book and I will practice this method 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:16.160 from now on. Wow, how could fair play not be 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.080 a love letter to men when that's what you see? 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:18.520 Wow? 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:22.479 I have so emotional hearing that I know, so do I. 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.920 I've read it probably over fifty times, and I still 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.480 tear up because A I hear the pain in his voice, 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:30.960 and B I know it can be better, could be 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:33.680 better for women out there, And it does require men 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.640 to step into their full power in the home, and 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:39.880 it only only benefits men. There's not one man that 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.920 I've interviewed again in seventeen countries that has as ever 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:47.760 said I regretted taking my child to school that morning, 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.400 I regretted being there for that recital. I regretted buying 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.800 the flowers for my daughter and watching her get the 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.599 yellow Roses that she loves after she did her ballet. 0:06:58.240 --> 0:06:59.159 We just don't hear that. 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:03.640 We have to take a quick break. But when we 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:07.119 come back, we're playing a game of fair play. Don't 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:18.360 go anywhere, and. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.800 We're back with Eve Rodsky. Should we fair play it up? 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.960 Yeah, let's fair play it up. I was going to 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.040 ask you, you know what is the solution? What is 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.720 because you know you said you know that there is 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.160 a better way, I'm guessing it's that. 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:36.240 Yeah, Well, I'll say it's the magic formula. The formula 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.280 is boundaries, systems, and communication. 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:40.520 That's it. 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:43.040 People who use those three things and had the fair 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.400 play tools to help with those three things during the 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:50.800 pandemic performed really really well, and those that didn't. You know, again, 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.400 that's not quantitative the same way our a study on 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:56.320 cognitive labor as yet, but our qualitative studies show that 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:58.720 people who didn't have it faar it a lot worse. 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:00.840 But how do you even come to the It's not 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:02.280 like I could just give you this tool and be like, 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.600 go for it. So the third piece, communication, I think, 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.480 is such a big piece of it. And that's what 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.320 we're going to play today with fair play. So we're 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:10.280 not going to divide up the cards as if you 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:13.240 and I were in a partnership together. But we're going 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:14.920 to use the cards the way a lot of therapists 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.000 have been using the cards, which I think is so exciting, 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:21.120 which is to play a different type of game with 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:21.640 the cards. 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.920 So and it's basically a communication exercise. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:27.800 You know, you've got a real game on your hands 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:29.600 when therapists they are using cards. 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:31.440 Yes, it's actually really amazing. 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:34.480 Yeah, and we actually have people now trained and a 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.200 lot of the people who are trained in fair play 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:39.120 are therapists. So for all of you out there who 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:44.040 see a therapist or who are therapy adjacent, understand how 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:47.120 much I value you because again, as a lawyer, I 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.959 needed psychologists like our friends at USC who helped me 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.600 do with my studies and it was very important. Okay, 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:54.840 so this is what I'm going to have you do, Danielle. 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:56.840 Let's start with you. Okay, I'm going to just have you. 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:00.600 Shuffle the cards and then just shuffle them and then 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:03.440 you're going to just pick one. Okay, Yeah, it's sort 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:05.960 of they're a little thick, so maybe hard to actually 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.040 shuffle them like poke for style, but yeah, try it. 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:09.400 Yeah. Oh, actually you. 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.960 Did it, okay, and then I just picked one. 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:16.760 Yeah, pick one anywhere on the deck, just yeah, pick one. 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:20.880 Ooh gifts. I love this card. Okay. 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:24.240 So Danielle, you picked gifts for VIPs. VIPs mean very 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.120 important people in your life. So this is how we're 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:31.120 going to play. I want to know any story or 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:33.840 anything you can remember about gift gifting in your childhood. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:36.360 Okay. 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:38.760 Sometimes I throw my parents under the bus on the show, 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:43.640 but it's coming from a sincere place. So when I 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:47.000 was growing up, there was the Tiffany necklace. 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:48.559 But by the way, can I just say that we 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:51.080 literally went through one hundred cards, you picked one, and 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.800 then you're so smart in articulate you were able to 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.080 just jump in and have a memory. 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:57.439 I just want to say how good you are that 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.160 you were able to do that. We did not script 0:09:59.160 --> 0:09:59.880 this beforehand. 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:04.679 Okay, it's a distinct memory, Okay, for some reason. So 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:08.240 when I was growing up, the Tiffany dog chain collar 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:12.200 necklace was a big thing, and so many of the 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.120 girls in my school had it, and I begged my 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.080 parents for it, and they were like, we're absolutely. 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.680 Not getting you anything from Tiffany's. 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:23.760 So for my tenth birthday, I opened a box and 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:28.440 it had like a knockoff Tiffany bracelet okay, and it 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:31.439 was engraved and it said a decade of Love Dad, 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:36.600 And I was so excited. And then I looked at 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.800 my dad and I realized that he had never seen 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:40.000 that bracelet before. 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:40.440 Wow. 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.800 And I looked at my mom and she was the 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.880 one who had given me a gift from my father. 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.640 And that was the entirety of my childhood. My mom 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:53.960 did all of the gifts for everybody, including his parents 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.480 and his cousins and his aunts and uncles, and it's 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.440 so ingrained in my mind because I just I feel 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:01.400 like she did so much. 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.160 I just got chills for many reasons. But I have 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:07.160 a question for you. Do you think that in that 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.920 memory that you realize that later on as you've been 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.160 processing what you want for your life and your relationship, 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:16.680 or do you actually really think in the moment you 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:19.560 knew except from the bottom, like from the back of 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.240 sort of your ten year old not you know, fully 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:23.360 executive function brain. 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:24.839 That's such a good question. 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:29.120 I knew because I saw my dad's face and it 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.240 just wasn't from him, and I knew it wasn't, and 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:35.040 I still have it. I love it, but as I've 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:38.480 gotten older, I think about that moment a lot, actually, 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:42.000 because I don't want that for my hopeful future marriage. 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:47.760 Well, so interesting is I wonder, right, if you were 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:52.120 in a partnership in that situation with a child and 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:55.679 then your partner says to you, you know, what are 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.080 we giving them for their birthday? It could be a 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.960 bigger trigger for you than say the average person. 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:01.360 Right. 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:04.400 And I don't know how much a partner would know 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:08.679 about that, because that wasn't how we've ever been taught 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:10.520 to ask people, Hey. 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:11.760 Who gave you gifts growing up? 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:12.319 Right? 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.480 But I do feel that I know you in a 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:18.959 deeper way just that was probably I don't know how 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:19.920 long did that story take? 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:20.960 Forty five seconds? 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:21.480 Right? 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:22.400 Maybe a minute? 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.280 In that minute, just by doing that game, I feel 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.280 like I have a really interesting and deeper sense of 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.280 who you are as a person. 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.320 So I just I love that so much. 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:35.400 Well, Simone's shuffling. 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:38.880 What I just realized playing that was I'd always thought 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.840 of fair play as a division of labor, and I 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:45.120 didn't realize that these cards could be used to understand 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:46.760 your partner better and hear stories. 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.679 Yeah, yeah, well we're going to talk about how important 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:53.920 that is. But I think the biggest piece of that 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.839 formula we were just talking about boundary systems communication. It 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.640 keeps going back to why these conversations about the home 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:04.199 are a movement and not what I thought in the beginning. Oh, 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.079 I'll just give you this tool and everything's going to 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:12.040 be fine. Is because each piece of that puzzle of 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:15.400 understanding your own boundaries to the system of understanding what 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:18.240 actual ownership is, and not just the piece that you 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:20.560 see like going to the store, but all the mental 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:21.959 load and on top of it. 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.000 Now we have to learn how to communicate in a 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:24.720 different way. 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.800 Not just why didn't you get the necklace or go 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:29.680 to the store for the birthday gifts? We have to 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.840 sit down and say, wait a second, these are not 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:33.840 just chores and housework. 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:40.000 These are humanity. It's very, very big. It's big than 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:40.440 I thought. 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.199 Yeah, we're talking about a five years later, right, that's 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.040 how big it is. And I think we'll continue to 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:49.559 have this. Okay, so now we're going to go to you. Okay, 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.240 we just just pick any card in the deck. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:54.840 Okay, I'll do this. 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:57.160 Oh what came up? 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.400 Here weekday breakfast. 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:00.520 We breakfast. 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:04.040 Okay, let's go back. You're in second grade or third grade. 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:09.160 Do you have any memories of what school, I mean, 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:11.640 home was like before you went to school in the morning, 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:16.640 or what your lunches look like, anything related to meals 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.920 as a child, but especially breakfast. 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.080 Yeah. Actually, I'm going to talk about my dad too. 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:23.200 Interesting. 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:28.760 We've always had a really tight daddy daughter relationship, and 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.080 we moved around a lot when I was growing up. 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.920 That's something that's been a defining characteristic of me and 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.880 has shaped me into who I am. And it's funny 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:40.080 in each city I can remember these breakfast traditions that 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:40.480 we had. 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:41.240 I got again. 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.280 I swear to God to the listeners, we did not 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:46.880 script this in advance. We just literally picked a card 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:48.800 out of the deck. Okay, so tell me please. 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.880 So I think from a really young age in elementary school, 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.200 I have this vivid memory of my dad making me 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:59.600 smoothies every morning. Oh my God, and he really inst 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:03.760 under Back then, we were a vitam ex. We were 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.000 a cutting edge family. We had a blender. It was crazy, 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:10.680 but he would make me smoothies. And I think to 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.720 this day he instilled a love of smoothies in me 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:16.240 and I think about him whenever I make them. And 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:20.000 then we also had a beautiful tradition of going to 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:21.880 get Cuban food in Miami. 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.880 Wow, So what does that mean? Tell us more? 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:29.359 Yeah, so it's it's actually pretty ritualistic getting a Cuban breakfast. 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:35.360 So it's typically bread, coffee coletche, and then like eggs 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:40.160 and rice and beans. And I distinctly remember just like 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:42.680 what you do whenever you have a Cuban breakfast is 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.680 you dip the bread into the coffee coleche and then 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.400 you eat it and it's like the sweet and savory combination. 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:52.640 So honestly, my dad is the one who I have 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.040 all these breakfast memories with. 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:57.240 Oh my gosh, Well again, the fair play is a 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.080 love letter to men. This is a love letter to 0:15:59.120 --> 0:15:59.520 your father. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:00.000 Yeah. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:01.680 Did your parents? Were your parents together where? 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:01.960 I am? 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:02.280 Yes? 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:03.240 Are they still together? 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:04.240 Yes? 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:06.000 And are you still close to your dad? 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:07.040 I am yeah? 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.680 Can we say his name on the air, yeah, Charles, Charles, 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:15.160 thank you for doing breakfasts. It's become a memory for 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.720 your daughter as part of her humanity. So tell me, 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.320 do you have any traditions now for your children? 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:22.080 And food. 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.320 I really take pride in my kids nutrition. 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:30.080 I really want to set them up for success, and 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:32.400 I know that food is one of the best ways 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:36.880 to do that. So I do all the weekday breakfasts. 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.560 While my husband is getting the kids ready and dressing 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.400 them for school, I do the breakfast, I do the lunches. 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:43.920 And honestly, it doesn't feel like a chore for me. 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:44.240 Yeah. 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:47.280 I love the act of putting intentionality and thoughtfulness into 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:50.480 their meals and hoping when I'm making their food, I 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:53.200 think about them opening it up at school and being like, oh, 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:55.480 my mom got me the snacks that I really wanted, 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.640 Like I remember that feeling of feeling so cool at 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:02.160 school when you had like I don't know, fruit roll ups, whatever, 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.640 And I have to shout out my mom, like yes, 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:08.320 my dad, we had all these great breakfast memories together, 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.280 but my mom did all the rest of the cooking, 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:13.120 so like the lunches, the dinners, and we always had 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.199 a tradition of sitting and eating dinner together. And I 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:19.920 think I've inherited her. I hope I have inherited her 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.720 intentionality when it comes to feeding my kids. 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:27.119 So if we were married, that could again that that 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.080 would be something that we hadn't talked about the way 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.199 you just so beautifully told me, and we just went 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:35.160 into a relationship together and we just started to make 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.920 meals may have been a point of contention for both 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.960 of us because I grew up sort of a you know, 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:47.480 latch key kid. Nutrition was literally the meal I ate 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:51.720 from sixth grade till college at the bodega because I 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:56.680 didn't eat breakfast was a toasted plain bagel, extra steak 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:00.360 fries and extra ketchup. It's actually very delicious, it is, 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:02.680 but that toasted bagel with steak fries in the middle 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.840 and extra ketchup was what I ate for basically a decade. 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:07.200 You put the fries on the page. 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.320 Yes, that's what I'm saying, So the steak fries go 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:14.720 in the bagel, so it's a it's hardcore, and then ketchup. 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:18.679 So again, you may feel if we were together that 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:19.320 I wasn't. 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:20.399 Valuing what you valued. 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.800 But also I wouldn't really necessarily understand your why, And 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:25.800 also maybe you could have a little bit more compassion 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.200 for me for why I don't really understand the value 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:33.440 of that intentionality when what's the big deal? Of course, 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.600 it becomes a division of labor tool just inherently in 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.400 seeing the hundred cards. And you you know, people who 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.320 come to this with these the values you know, with 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:45.200 with good intentionality feel like there's no way I want 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:48.520 you to hold all those cards like that would feel unfair. 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:52.000 So I do visual power, yes, but I do think 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:54.280 that the reason why a lot of people are using 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:57.960 it to get people to tell their stories is because 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:02.240 we've missed that step. We think we know so much 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:06.639 about our partners, but actually we know incredibly little about 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.720 them in our lives that we had before them. So 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:12.199 it's been a very eye opening thing for me to 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:14.800 do these types of exercises with Seth, with my kids, 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:19.440 with my parents. And so if these conversations feel triggering 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:21.040 to you or you're like, this would never work in 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.119 my relationship, you know, my partner would never do X, 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:26.720 Y and Z. I don't think you could say my 0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:31.760 partner would never answer question about their childhood. 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:32.600