Speaker 1: Hey, I Do Part two.
Speaker 2: It's one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Ben Simone, and
Speaker 2: I'm back with your favorite real life a single gal Helluise,
Speaker 2: Hey Louise.
Speaker 3: Hello Kelly. How are you happy New Year?
Speaker 1: Happy to you.
Speaker 2: One of the biggest things you listeners ask on the
Speaker 2: pod is from men's perspectives on things like dating, sex, divorce,
Speaker 2: and so today we are so excited because we have
Speaker 2: someone joining us on the pod will be coming to
Speaker 2: the I Do Part two crew like us. He's been
Speaker 2: divorced and he's found love in his chapter two from
Speaker 2: Beverly Hills nine oh two one oh, it's Brian Austin Green.
Speaker 3: I mean, on that note, I cannot believe that he
Speaker 3: is joining us. I mean, I remember being in college
Speaker 3: in the nineties with our producer Amy, sitting in the
Speaker 3: den of the Kappa House, all of us jumbled together,
Speaker 3: stuffing yogurt park down our throats, watching him on the
Speaker 3: TV show. So oh, very exciting to have him on.
Speaker 1: I know me too, I'm super excited.
Speaker 2: I mean, he's so cool, he's so attractive, and such
Speaker 2: a babe. He's such a babe, I mean, the babe
Speaker 2: of all babes. But also he has a crazy track
Speaker 2: record of.
Speaker 1: Dating hot girl. Really he's got very good taste. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, very good taste.
Speaker 3: But by the way, as you were talking about that intro,
Speaker 3: are all of us? Does everybody get divorced? I mean,
Speaker 3: it's like yet another one.
Speaker 1: I know, another one. Mike's the dust.
Speaker 3: It's ever And then, Kelly, I have to ask you,
Speaker 3: because the last time we spoke, we're in love. How
Speaker 3: are they things? Is it still amazing?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: We broke up in December, and it makes.
Speaker 3: Me really sad because I have to hope for all
Speaker 3: of us. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that hope for everyone too. I mean, he
Speaker 2: was he's such a great guy. Just that you know,
Speaker 2: our lives are just they just don't mix. And I'm
Speaker 2: on a new show and just you know, it's complicated
Speaker 2: when you're someone that's in the entertainment industry, it's just complicated.
Speaker 1: It's like very difficult.
Speaker 3: And also, as we've kind of lived our lives a
Speaker 3: certain way for so long, it kind of has to
Speaker 3: perfectly align or close enough where we can mesh it.
Speaker 3: Otherwise it's just too hard. I run into that a
Speaker 3: lot too.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's like one. The one thing
Speaker 1: that I find.
Speaker 2: That's difficult is that like I have, you know, friends
Speaker 2: like you know, just like you and Amy. Like I
Speaker 2: have friends from college. I have friends from you know,
Speaker 2: from modeling. I have friends from work life, I have
Speaker 2: friends from entertainment. I have just friends from all over
Speaker 2: the place. And it can be intimidating. It could be intimidating.
Speaker 1: I don't see it, like I'm like, hey, guys, how
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 2: And then I go home and I eat Chinese food,
Speaker 2: Like I could I don't even I couldn't even think
Speaker 2: twice about it. But I think it can be intimidating.
Speaker 2: And I think that too. It's that, you know, sometimes
Speaker 2: the entertainment business is the land of smoke and mirrors,
Speaker 2: and it's also that's also intimidating too. I mean we've
Speaker 2: seen that a lot, like on Housewives, where people you
Speaker 2: know appear to be something that they're not, and it's
Speaker 2: just it's a lot. So you know, I'm I just
Speaker 2: I just keep my steady path. I'm like, I know
Speaker 2: my forever person is there.
Speaker 3: You're so authentic. But I think it's even not just entertainment.
Speaker 3: I think like we both have very big lives. Right,
Speaker 3: and there's a lot in it and a lot of
Speaker 3: people in it, and I think, to your point, A,
Speaker 3: it can be intimidating, but be a lot of these
Speaker 3: men need this like twenty four to seven kind of coddling,
Speaker 3: an attention, and I find that that's hard. And when
Speaker 3: I began to when I begin to feel that kind
Speaker 3: of pressure or neediness, it makes me go the opposite direction.
Speaker 3: It almost has the opposite effect of what they're saying
Speaker 3: to me, is it gives me kind of that ick,
Speaker 3: And so I get it. It makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: I mean, actually, you know, it's interesting because I'm actually
Speaker 2: the opposite. So with every single man that I've ever dated,
Speaker 2: I'm very like hand in the hands on a punt intent,
Speaker 2: very hands on.
Speaker 1: No, I'm very like.
Speaker 2: In their lives, very you know, I'm very like nurturing,
Speaker 2: very interested in what they're doing and how they're doing things.
Speaker 2: So I don't really have that kind of ick with men.
Speaker 2: I mean, I love, you know, I don't get pick
Speaker 2: with men.
Speaker 3: I don't like when early on they're demanding too much
Speaker 3: of me. As I'm learning how to add another element
Speaker 3: to my life that's going to be as important, So
Speaker 3: it takes me a minute to work.
Speaker 4: All that in.
Speaker 3: So it's not that I'm not you know, hands on
Speaker 3: and all of that stuff. It's more about the recalibration
Speaker 3: takes a second, and I find that the speed at
Speaker 3: which they operate is sometimes faster than at the pace
Speaker 3: I'm going.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's honest. I actually I'm the opposite.
Speaker 3: It's maybe that's why you and I are both single.
Speaker 3: Maybe there's a happy medium between us. Kelly, Yes, well, but.
Speaker 2: You've always given me such good advice, and you know,
Speaker 2: it's interesting because like, I'm just very I think one
Speaker 2: of the things that I've just realized from this breakup
Speaker 2: is that, you know, I have a twin brother, and
Speaker 2: so I'm so used to being around male energy and
Speaker 2: so everything that most women don't like, I'm just very,
Speaker 2: very used to. And so I think for a lot
Speaker 2: of men, my familiarity makes them a little almost almost
Speaker 2: like nervous.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I really, I really don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm just like open to I'm just really excited.
Speaker 2: I'm really I'm so excited about everything that's happening in
Speaker 2: my life, and I just feel so unbelievably grateful. I
Speaker 2: just I'm just like, I mean, you know, I wish
Speaker 2: that he could go through this part of my life
Speaker 2: with me, Like, I mean, he would be a perfect partner.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately we're not. But I'm just very excited about filming
Speaker 2: and going on the show. And you know, I just
Speaker 2: sold the apartment that I'm living in, so I'm moving
Speaker 2: to Florida, literally packing up everything as we speak, and
Speaker 2: I'm moving to Florida and I'm just going to start
Speaker 2: completely fresh for the first time.
Speaker 3: My dad just moved there and I want to go.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Palm Beach for two months.
Speaker 1: Come and visit me.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be there for two months filming, and
Speaker 2: I'm just very excited about it. I just I've never
Speaker 2: had this freedom in my life before, and I'm just
Speaker 2: feeling very empowered and also super nervous.
Speaker 3: I can see it in your smile. And I'm going
Speaker 3: to just make two comments right now. Okay, I see
Speaker 3: you in a while. Haircut ever, Okay that you have
Speaker 3: this is like this like dirty hot, sexy kitty thing.
Speaker 1: It's so hot, and then your.
Speaker 3: Arms are like totally ripped. Did you change the workout?
Speaker 3: I mean it's like, yes.
Speaker 1: I've been working out, thank you for very much.
Speaker 2: It's like one shild I've been working with this new
Speaker 2: trainer and yeah, we've been doing a lot.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, like what is the change? Because I can,
Speaker 3: I actually can totally see it.
Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, I love you like ripped. Oh great, I
Speaker 1: love that. Thank you, thank you for that.
Speaker 3: Well, at our age, we should only be doing heavyweight chraining.
Speaker 2: I've been working out a lot. I've just been trying
Speaker 2: to do things that, you know, make me better. And
Speaker 2: today I was at food bank, which I love to do,
Speaker 2: and I just I'm just really, I'm just I.
Speaker 1: Know this sounds really crazy because people are like, shouldn't
Speaker 1: you be upset?
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, I still care a lot about him,
Speaker 2: but I'm really excited about what my future holds.
Speaker 3: Did your and again, you don't have to answer any
Speaker 3: of these questions because you seemed really I mean last
Speaker 3: time we did this, you were actually I think, not
Speaker 3: at your own house. Did did your kids? Did your
Speaker 3: daughters meet him?
Speaker 1: Yes, my daughters met him. I met his kids.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: It was a lot for me. It was a lot.
Speaker 1: It was very fast, it was a lot. It was
Speaker 1: it was a lot. It was a lot of a
Speaker 1: very short period of time.
Speaker 2: And then I had I had a health issue and
Speaker 2: it was just a lot, and it was the holidays.
Speaker 1: It was just like it's just a big explosion.
Speaker 2: And I'm just a very like easy you know, just
Speaker 2: do the work and get everything done and go and
Speaker 2: have my fun and do whatever I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm just a very easy going person. But when shit.
Speaker 2: Hits the fan and I'm like, okay, where's it, where's
Speaker 2: my support group?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: Like loving life?
Speaker 3: And I was like, right right, sounds like you've had
Speaker 3: a lot of changes, but you look refreshed and ready
Speaker 3: to ready to hit the ground running. So I'm happy
Speaker 3: for you have I am.
Speaker 1: I just am.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just feel really good about where I'm going and I.
Speaker 2: Just feel I'm actually, for the first I'm not intimidated
Speaker 2: to I was. I've been very like nervous to meet,
Speaker 2: you know, to go and day and meet people because.
Speaker 1: I've just been through so much. I've just had so
Speaker 1: many like it's like whiplashes. I'm well, here goes one,
Speaker 1: there's another.
Speaker 3: It's like, just how long were you in that relationship?
Speaker 3: Six months?
Speaker 1: Six months?
Speaker 3: Okay? And have you dated since? Can I not ask
Speaker 3: that question on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I've gone a couple of days.
Speaker 3: Oh, we got a break. Our friend Brian's arrived. Let's oh,
Speaker 3: let's bring the hot guy.
Speaker 1: Get to Brian.
Speaker 3: Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian.
Speaker 4: Hello, how are you fantastic?
Speaker 3: I'm Louise. We've never met before, although I did watch
Speaker 3: you a lot of times in the story House in
Speaker 3: the nineties, and you're still a total babe. So meet you.
Speaker 4: Nice to meet you. Also now I'm all self conscious
Speaker 4: and insecure.
Speaker 1: Oh again, we're.
Speaker 2: First of all, congratulations and welcome to the pod. We're
Speaker 2: so happy to have you here. You're and super excited
Speaker 2: to hear your pov on like what it's like in
Speaker 2: that second chapter.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, see you say that now, until all
Speaker 4: of a sudden, it's people are asking me questions and
Speaker 4: then you guys are like, why is he on this?
Speaker 3: No, we need this information. This is helpful for all
Speaker 3: of us and the listeners.
Speaker 1: All right, Louise and I have a like a serious
Speaker 1: list of questions, so I know that you're gonna be honest,
Speaker 1: and I just I'm really interested to hear what you
Speaker 1: have to say. Okay, we're gonna get dive.
Speaker 4: In really deep yeah, let's do it. Let's go.
Speaker 1: Are you excited.
Speaker 4: I am excited. Yeah, cool, you're gonna love it. I
Speaker 4: mean I always, honestly, like I am, I'm pretty much
Speaker 4: an open book, like when people are wondering things, asking
Speaker 4: my advice for things, like, I'm pretty open and honest
Speaker 4: about it. So I I'm an actor, there's there's a
Speaker 4: bit of narcissist. I think in every actor.
Speaker 3: We all like to talk.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we all love to talk, especially about ourselves and
Speaker 4: our opinions.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well I'm not an actor. I'm a reality star,
Speaker 2: so I do like to talk.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, so then that makes you an actress if
Speaker 4: you're a reality star, I know how that works.
Speaker 3: So so, Brian, you know you're already have found love
Speaker 3: in chapter two, but in the interim of where you
Speaker 3: had gotten divorced and kind of started that whole process again. Yeah,
Speaker 3: kind of What was your takeaway being out there again
Speaker 3: and you know you obviously found love quickly. Maybe it's
Speaker 3: easier for a guy, Kelly, I don't know.
Speaker 4: It wasn't. It wasn't too quickly. So honestly, I hated
Speaker 4: being single and being out there. I absolutely hated it.
Speaker 4: Like I am not I'm not someone that likes to
Speaker 4: go out and go on dates and get to know
Speaker 4: people and go through that because I think there's I
Speaker 4: think there's a lot of pressure that comes with that,
Speaker 4: and people are sort of on their best behavior, so
Speaker 4: you don't really get a sense of who you are
Speaker 4: sitting with. Necessarily, you get the person that they think
Speaker 4: you want to meet.
Speaker 3: They're acting. It's like an audition.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think I honestly believe that that is
Speaker 4: what the honeymoon phase is of a relationship. That people
Speaker 4: kind of jump in and they've got this mask on
Speaker 4: and they're being who they think the other person wants
Speaker 4: to be with, and they're trying to sort of check
Speaker 4: all the boxes. But that can only last for so.
Speaker 1: Long, right.
Speaker 3: I was on a date last week and I was
Speaker 3: pretty clear about who I was, and I was like,
Speaker 3: you know, this is me. I'm fifty three years old,
Speaker 3: and I'm not going to try to pretend to be
Speaker 3: something that i'm not. And if I'm sitting here and
Speaker 3: telling you I'm a gourmet chef, which I'm not, and
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, you know, date number four,
Speaker 3: You're like, come over and let's cook, and all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, I'm like helpless in the kitchen. Then it
Speaker 3: was a misrepresentation number one. It was me not being
Speaker 3: authentic to myself and maybe that was something that was
Speaker 3: important to you. So then right out of the gate,
Speaker 3: it's been, you know, kind of a bait and switch, Right,
Speaker 3: So I think your point is really important.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I mean that it only you can
Speaker 4: only keep up that ruse for so long, and then
Speaker 4: eventually you are tired, you're stressed, You're having either some
Speaker 4: financial stuff or some family stuff. Who knows the list
Speaker 4: of things. But then all of a sudden, the cracks
Speaker 4: in that mask start showing, and people start arguing about
Speaker 4: it and feeling like, oh my god, this is not
Speaker 4: the person that I've known for the past six months
Speaker 4: of this relationship, or week of this relationship, or a
Speaker 4: year and a half. And so, you know, I think
Speaker 4: that relationships tend to start on they start off on
Speaker 4: the wrong foot. I was about a year and a
Speaker 4: half out of my relationship, my marriage that I was
Speaker 4: in and really honestly working on myself. I gotten to
Speaker 4: a point in life where I was like, I don't
Speaker 4: want to repeat the same things that I've done before.
Speaker 4: I just got out of a fifteen year relationship. I
Speaker 4: have three kids. This situation is going to be incredibly
Speaker 4: hard for everyone. I don't want to do this again.
Speaker 4: I want to figure out what role I played in
Speaker 4: things that went wrong.
Speaker 3: I love that so few people do that work and
Speaker 3: take the time to address some of that.
Speaker 4: You can't expect that you're going to find somebody and
Speaker 4: things are going to be different. If you are, you
Speaker 4: were a part of the relationship. You were an equal part,
Speaker 4: So you played a part in what ultimately didn't work.
Speaker 4: And it's not until you recognize at least your half
Speaker 4: of it that you go Okay. I want to go
Speaker 4: into this next situation differently.
Speaker 2: Let's start with some questions, Brian, because we have so many,
Speaker 2: and thank you for being so sure, transparent, open.
Speaker 4: I told you I'm an oversharer. I've been, I've been.
Speaker 4: I've been called that before.
Speaker 1: Keep over sharing. We love it. Okay.
Speaker 2: If a woman has never been married and is over fifty,
Speaker 2: is that a red flag that men that are dating after?
Speaker 2: Is that a red flag to men that are dating
Speaker 2: after after their own divorce?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Would you ever marry? Would you ever go out with someone?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that wouldn't be that wouldn't be a red flag
Speaker 4: for me. I would look at it as this is
Speaker 4: somebody either that has been driven in a bunch of
Speaker 4: other ways in their life and so now they're in
Speaker 4: a place where they feel like they're ready to settle
Speaker 4: down and do that, or this person just doesn't believe
Speaker 4: in it. And you know, marriage is not something that
Speaker 4: everybody believes in and agrees with like it is there.
Speaker 4: There are a lot of old beliefs in it. It's
Speaker 4: kind of an old system the whole you know, a
Speaker 4: wife taking the husband's name and then the there are
Speaker 4: a lot of things that people have an issue with
Speaker 4: now and I understand that and I don't. I think
Speaker 4: it depends on whether you are looking to get married
Speaker 4: or not, and then it's about whether the person that
Speaker 4: you're dating has the same beliefs as you do or not,
Speaker 4: and if you can settle with those or if they're
Speaker 4: just deal breaker things. And it's like, I want to
Speaker 4: be married like this is. This has always been a
Speaker 4: dream for me and for the man, or vice versa,
Speaker 4: that never was a dream, At which point you have
Speaker 4: to decide how important is the marriage aspect of it
Speaker 4: compared to dating this person that I really like.
Speaker 3: Or the once held beliefs could have changed and maybe
Speaker 3: at one point didn't want to get married, and all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, this is the person, and you're like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I want to marry this person.
Speaker 4: You never know. I mean, it's you go into I
Speaker 4: think it's a mistake to go into anything thinking that
Speaker 4: you know what the final answer is going to be.
Speaker 4: I'm open to anything. I never say never because you do.
Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden you're in something. You go,
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is I never in a million
Speaker 4: years thought that I would be doing this, yet here
Speaker 4: I am.
Speaker 1: You know what's interesting is when you were talking about
Speaker 1: the name change, I was supposed to get married to
Speaker 1: my exidiance in four days before I called off the wedding.
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm on the pod.
Speaker 2: And I remember being I remember, you know, when we
Speaker 2: were doing the paperwork and we were writing my name
Speaker 2: but it wasn't my.
Speaker 1: Name, it was his name. Yeah, And I just I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, I don't think I can do this. I don't
Speaker 2: know if I can do this. And that was the
Speaker 2: beginning that like, was the thing that triggered me.
Speaker 4: Was that see now I'm going to interview you guys,
Speaker 4: all right, Yeah, was that do you feel like that
Speaker 4: was a real issue or was that sort of the
Speaker 4: straw that broke the camel's back. So it was a
Speaker 4: relationship that you already had all of these questions about,
Speaker 4: and then as soon as you saw that, you want.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm wondering. If it was literally just lit
Speaker 3: the match that burned the house down.
Speaker 4: This is the thing where as I saw my name
Speaker 4: changed that way, like, it really solidified that this is
Speaker 4: not a relationship that I want to be in.
Speaker 2: I mean when I saw that, I was just like,
Speaker 2: I don't know who that person is.
Speaker 4: That's not me for you. Were you having questions before them? Though?
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, but that really they like to to Louise's point,
Speaker 2: with the match and then later on things you know,
Speaker 2: went downhill.
Speaker 4: But that was I mean, if you're if you're looking,
Speaker 4: if you're already in that mode of questioning and marriage
Speaker 4: is a big big deal. I mean it was to me.
Speaker 4: I to me, it was something that you do one time.
Speaker 2: And Brian, when you're a kid, you sit there in
Speaker 2: math class and you write, you know, like Kelly and
Speaker 2: Brian Green, Kelly greed.
Speaker 3: I know all these things.
Speaker 1: I never wrote that.
Speaker 4: You never wrote that, So marriage has never been a
Speaker 4: thing for you.
Speaker 2: Well, I have been married before, I have two kids,
Speaker 2: But for him, I just didn't write that.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's been other.
Speaker 2: Men that I've that I've dated that I was like,
Speaker 2: that's a cute name, like, but I mean that that
Speaker 2: those relationships and the last either, but I mean it
Speaker 2: has it's interesting.
Speaker 3: So what would be the reason or some of the
Speaker 3: kind of I guess feelings that would make you want
Speaker 3: to pursue somebody more seriously versus more casually or situationship,
Speaker 3: Like what would be the uh as a man like
Speaker 3: for you, Brian?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So for me, I when I got to the
Speaker 4: point when I was single and I really felt like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm ready to meet somebody, it was it was very
Speaker 4: obvious to me when I met people whether we were
Speaker 4: truly on the same uh the same path and we
Speaker 4: had the same moral values that we were that we
Speaker 4: were sort of following in life. And then they're they're
Speaker 4: the people where you meet and they're a really good
Speaker 4: time and you go, God, I have a really great
Speaker 4: time when I'm around them. But that's no, that's what
Speaker 4: it is right that it's it's a great time, and
Speaker 4: like sexually it's super fun and we you know, and
Speaker 4: and that all clicks. But as far as really being
Speaker 4: committed to somebody and wanting to be around somebody all
Speaker 4: the time and share my life with someone, it's got
Speaker 4: to be someone that is on the same path in
Speaker 4: life with me at that point. I don't necessarily believe
Speaker 4: that people stay on the same path. I feel that
Speaker 4: people grow apart naturally, and then sometimes people grow in
Speaker 4: the same direction. And I think that's why these relationships
Speaker 4: last an incredibly long time. And you go, oh my god,
Speaker 4: how'd you guys do it? It's like because even though
Speaker 4: we hated each other at different times, we always loved
Speaker 4: each other and we were always moving the same direction.
Speaker 2: And what about a body count? So are you do
Speaker 2: you get offended if you hear that a woman has,
Speaker 2: you know, slept with x amount of men?
Speaker 3: Does she really talk about it?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: Who do we ask these questions women?
Speaker 4: It's like coat of armor, I ask, just honestly for
Speaker 4: the simple fact of is someone going to be honest
Speaker 4: with me and be uncomfortable in front of me? Because
Speaker 4: I'm willing to be uncomfortable in front of people, Like
Speaker 4: I'm willing to sort of bleed for people and go, hey,
Speaker 4: are you going to bleed with me? Because that is
Speaker 4: telling of what this relationship is. If you're not, again,
Speaker 4: it's fine, I just need to keep I have to
Speaker 4: be very clear of what it is I am getting
Speaker 4: out of this relationship with someone. The same way with friends,
Speaker 4: you know, like I'm very clear on who my real
Speaker 4: close friends are and then who my acquaintances are that
Speaker 4: are super fun. I just don't mind. Expectations aren't more
Speaker 4: than that. I don't give as much because I don't
Speaker 4: expect as much in return. But then the relationships that
Speaker 4: I have that are really valuable relationships, I give and
Speaker 4: I give and I give because I know they're going
Speaker 4: to be the same way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think as we get older, we really
Speaker 3: learn who's going to be in our table of five?
Speaker 4: For sure?
Speaker 3: What table a five that we're sitting at. And as
Speaker 3: stuff happens in life, good and bad, you learn a
Speaker 3: lot about the people that have been in different chapters.
Speaker 3: And I'm in an interesting time in my life where
Speaker 3: I'm really learning who my friends are and who I'm
Speaker 3: aligning with. And it's just it's just interesting to see
Speaker 3: and watch it. Yeah, it can be painful at times too,
Speaker 3: a lot of change.
Speaker 4: It absolutely can. But that's the pain is that's the growth,
Speaker 4: I mean, that's you. You don't grow from things that work.
Speaker 3: You grow from things don't where you have to have grit.
Speaker 4: You go back to the drawing board on things that
Speaker 4: don't work, and you go, God, why isn't this working? Like,
Speaker 4: I need to approach this in a different way if
Speaker 4: it's working. The old saying is if it ain't broke,
Speaker 4: don't fix it.
Speaker 1: Don't fix it.
Speaker 3: But if you want change, be changed, if you want
Speaker 3: a different result, do something different. Right.
Speaker 1: What about your IX, Brian, what did you have any X?
Speaker 3: That's a great question.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is a great question. Lying is a big ick. Man.
Speaker 4: If I catch you in some way where you're being dishonored,
Speaker 4: like it's one I have no problem with someone not
Speaker 4: wanting to share everything. And if you're honest with me
Speaker 4: and you say I don't really want I don't really
Speaker 4: want to get into that. Cool if you give me
Speaker 4: some bullsh like side answer and lie to me about
Speaker 4: what it is and then I find out later, oh
Speaker 4: my god, it was a completely different story than what
Speaker 4: it is you told me. Then I start questioning, like, Okay,
Speaker 4: how much have you lied to me about how it's
Speaker 4: very that's but it's very simple to me. That's honestly
Speaker 4: one of the one of the main x for me.
Speaker 4: Like I just I think because I'm honest with people,
Speaker 4: I uh, it's not that I demand honesty. I feel
Speaker 4: like I command it, Like I try and keep those
Speaker 4: relationships clear and clean with people. And I'm open and honest.
Speaker 4: So if you're not, it really says something about you
Speaker 4: because you know I'm being honest. Like you know, I'll
Speaker 4: get down in the dirt with with stuff and all,
Speaker 4: you know, I'll talk about I'll talk about sexual counts
Speaker 4: and all all the stuff, you know, all the stuff
Speaker 4: that could make somebody look at me and go mmmm,
Speaker 4: that's a little too much for me, But I'm willing
Speaker 4: to get into it.
Speaker 2: I just just listen to what you were saying, and
Speaker 2: it's and I and you know, we're asked aking these
Speaker 2: questions that are just like Okay, you know, do you
Speaker 2: like this?
Speaker 1: Do you don't like this?
Speaker 2: But what you're saying is that you know there could
Speaker 2: be like let's say, girls been with fifty guys, you're saying,
Speaker 2: you know, as long as you're honest with me and
Speaker 2: we're having these conversations and we're talking about these things
Speaker 2: in a way.
Speaker 1: I mean, fifty is a lot, but we're doing I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm working for.
Speaker 4: It depends though, again on Okay, let's say fifty was
Speaker 4: your number, but you were like, I have always been
Speaker 4: in a place where I haven't really wanted to be
Speaker 4: in a relationship. I haven't felt like I've been very
Speaker 4: career driven. I've been, and so fifty is your count,
Speaker 4: but it's it's an honest fifty. It's not like you
Speaker 4: have been through fifty relationships and you're sort of in
Speaker 4: them and you throw them away and you so you
Speaker 4: seem very wishy washy, and it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: do you ever commit to things? If you're if you
Speaker 4: tell me from the beginning, I've been noncommittal up until
Speaker 4: all the point where I decided I want to be committal,
Speaker 4: that's a it's a different it's a different thing, you know.
Speaker 4: It's like, uh, it's like somebody that has an incredible
Speaker 4: shoe collection, but they've gone through a ton of shoes
Speaker 4: to have that collection. And it's I don't. I don't
Speaker 4: fault somebody for that necessarily that's just me. But I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't fault somebody, no judgment.
Speaker 3: It's part of their life, you know, kind of experiences.
Speaker 3: But on the uh, you know, kind of a note
Speaker 3: of I guess relationships not relationship. When a guy says
Speaker 3: they're not ready for a relationship, what does that really mean?
Speaker 4: I could mean all sorts of things.
Speaker 3: Like just not with you.
Speaker 4: It could be it could mean just like yeah, it
Speaker 4: could yes. But but again, then we start crossing into
Speaker 4: that honesty thing, and I think you start seeing flags
Speaker 4: before that question is asked. I think if you're asking
Speaker 4: that question to get a gauge on the person you're with,
Speaker 4: then it's already been a very weird situation. Like I
Speaker 4: don't think you're asking that question because you're in a
Speaker 4: great relationship with somebody or it's clear you only fish.
Speaker 4: I think if you're feeling like, God, I need some
Speaker 4: sort of like validation in this.
Speaker 3: Do you think you have to have a do you
Speaker 3: feel like organically it just kind of morphs into oh,
Speaker 3: it's just me and you and you don't even really
Speaker 3: have to have the conversation yes, or I agree, like
Speaker 3: I feel like authentically it's kind of I don't want
Speaker 3: to see anyone else. We don't even have to have
Speaker 3: the conversation. It just it happens. So that question I
Speaker 3: asked you is almost a version of what you're saying,
Speaker 3: which is there's some sort of a kind of subliminal
Speaker 3: message or something, which is you're not all in, one
Speaker 3: foot in, one foot.
Speaker 4: Out, You're not all in, and the person that you're
Speaker 4: with can feel that, yes, and they feel insecure, which
Speaker 4: I think then is why they start getting into the
Speaker 4: questions of, hey, so you know, is this something that
Speaker 4: you want to continue to pursue, And then it's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm not really looking for a you know, steady thing,
Speaker 4: and it's and unfortunately you are digging into something that
Speaker 4: you already had a gut feeling.
Speaker 3: Isn't careful what you ask for, isn't there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and your intuition, you always intuition always knows.
Speaker 4: Don't put like, you know, don't put specific rules on
Speaker 4: something if you're going to end up getting a rule
Speaker 4: and a feedback that you don't want to hear. Yep,
Speaker 4: like and you shouldn't have to, like I when I'm
Speaker 4: in a great relationship like the one I'm in now.
Speaker 4: We literally it was like, oh, there's no there's no
Speaker 4: need to discuss this any further, Like we're we love
Speaker 4: being in this. This is fantastic. Let's see how long
Speaker 4: this goes and where it goes. And I love sharing
Speaker 4: this with you.
Speaker 1: I love this. This is a really good follow up question.
Speaker 2: What's the one thing you see or hear women tolerating
Speaker 2: today when it comes to dating and do you think
Speaker 2: that they need to stop accepting?
Speaker 1: I think women do.
Speaker 4: Tie a lot. Yeah, I think I think women need
Speaker 4: to stop giving up their power in relationships, like I
Speaker 4: think sometimes and not just women, honestly people. I think
Speaker 4: people they're lonely and they and they get to a
Speaker 4: point where they're willing to settle good.
Speaker 3: Enough, they'll take good enough.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you can't. If you want something great, you
Speaker 4: can't settle. And it's hard because at certain points you
Speaker 4: get really only and you go, God, I really wish
Speaker 4: I had this, But I genuinely feel like you have
Speaker 4: to know that the universe has a different plan for you,
Speaker 4: so you need to continue to do what it is
Speaker 4: you're doing, and when it's the right time, it'll fall
Speaker 4: in your lap. I never in a million years thought
Speaker 4: that I was going to meet Charna.
Speaker 3: How'd you guys meet?
Speaker 4: So it was during COVID. We have a business manager
Speaker 4: in common and she is not a matchmaker at all,
Speaker 4: And she text me after she left my house. I
Speaker 4: made coffee and we were hanging out and we were
Speaker 4: talking about finances and the stuff you talk about with
Speaker 4: the business manager, and she said to me, she texted
Speaker 4: me and she was like, Hey, I've got a client
Speaker 4: that I want you to meet it. I was intrigued
Speaker 4: right away because that is just again that's not her thing.
Speaker 2: But it's also like a validation's tamp of approval from
Speaker 2: someone that you trust and that you I mean, you
Speaker 2: trust her with your finances.
Speaker 4: Someone I trust with my finances. That's someone I trust
Speaker 4: in love. She's never ever been a matchmaker, right, But
Speaker 4: I'd been with her for years. I was with her
Speaker 4: when I was married and so and she she has
Speaker 4: handled my ex wife's finances also, so she's been around
Speaker 4: for a while. I know, I've known her for a while.
Speaker 3: And she also knows you and knows you're a good
Speaker 3: guy and responsible. She also knows Sharna really well, right,
Speaker 3: that's that's a good that's a good story. I always
Speaker 3: think divorce attorneys should have a side hustle of being
Speaker 3: a matchmaker.
Speaker 4: It's a really good idea.
Speaker 3: Yes, that is a great idea, right, think about it.
Speaker 4: Because they know you so well.
Speaker 3: And they know the other person so well, and they
Speaker 3: know who is the I hate to say it, but
Speaker 3: the more problematic one in the divorce or in the
Speaker 3: whole process.
Speaker 4: She said to each of us, she was like, when
Speaker 4: I'm with him, I think of you, and when I'm
Speaker 4: with you, I think of him. And so we just
Speaker 4: we each reminded her of the other ones. So we
Speaker 4: met and it was a date, but not really not
Speaker 4: really a date, but it was coffee and we ended
Speaker 4: up talking for like six hours at this coffee shop.
Speaker 4: It was just as things were starting to open up
Speaker 4: and I had to be at work, and I was like,
Speaker 4: I was supposed to be on the road, and I
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, I've got I have a
Speaker 4: zoom call I'm supposed to be on and and she
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, was supposed to be somewhere.
Speaker 4: And so we left and we were like, we should
Speaker 4: do this again. This is amazing and we we went
Speaker 4: and had breakfast to two mornings after that, and it
Speaker 4: was the same thing. We ended up sitting down and
Speaker 4: talking for like four and a half five hours. And
Speaker 4: that was the point where restaurants were they had the
Speaker 4: heart out rule, remember, because they were so it's limited space.
Speaker 4: So they were like, okay, we'll give you a half
Speaker 4: an hour and then we've got to like turn the
Speaker 4: table over and get other people. No non, we ended
Speaker 4: up closing that place down also, like we were in
Speaker 4: until they were they were shutting their doors.
Speaker 3: We hopefully your business manager is still your business manager,
Speaker 3: and that you both gave her a raise because she
Speaker 3: gave you the greatest gift in life.
Speaker 4: We didn't give her a raise, but a bonus.
Speaker 3: When you get married.
Speaker 4: No, I'm kidding, but we've invited her to baby shower,
Speaker 4: to everything, like we' she's a she's a part of
Speaker 4: the family for sure. It's amazing.
Speaker 3: So let's talk about sex. So you go out with somebody,
Speaker 3: it's a great day. There's two scenarios. A she throws
Speaker 3: the cat out right away. You guys have great sex.
Speaker 3: Was it too soon or was it okay because you
Speaker 3: were so into it? Or is it better if there's
Speaker 3: more of a kind of sapio sexual gradual process where
Speaker 3: you're getting to know each other, you're it's growing, you
Speaker 3: haven't yet crossed that line. Where do you sit on that?
Speaker 4: Honestly, I've had both. I've had Like my ex wife,
Speaker 4: we we had sex. I think the first night that
Speaker 4: we hung out and we ended up we were together
Speaker 4: for fifteen years. And then Searana and I we didn't
Speaker 4: even get physical until the fifth time that we hung out,
Speaker 4: and at that point we literally just kissed and made
Speaker 4: out in the car and then she went back inside.
Speaker 4: They both both ways led to amazing things. I I
Speaker 4: think the sex, I think it's about how the sex
Speaker 4: came to be. Like I think there's I think there's
Speaker 4: different processes in a date. So I think sometimes you
Speaker 4: can have a date where you really feel connected and
Speaker 4: you have this amazing conversation, so then the sex is
Speaker 4: kind of the last thing on your mind, and then
Speaker 4: you get to the end of the night and you're like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, like we didn't we barely touched each other.
Speaker 4: It was such an amazing conversation. And then you have
Speaker 4: the conversations with people where it's just like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: I'm completely just sexually attracted to you, and all of
Speaker 4: our conversations are honestly leading in that direction. So let's
Speaker 4: do this and then you have great conversation afterwards. I'm
Speaker 4: open to.
Speaker 3: Both situation by situation.
Speaker 4: Basically, I don't think there are rules to it. I
Speaker 4: think people make a mistake if they try and follow
Speaker 4: specific rules of like oh, don't call right away, or
Speaker 4: you know, give it three days, or like. There are
Speaker 4: all these different variations, and I think, honestly, I think
Speaker 4: they're all games.
Speaker 3: So it's like organically letting.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you're just sort of in and what
Speaker 4: happens happens. And I think if you are, if you're
Speaker 4: honest and you're clear from the get go, I think
Speaker 4: it sort of unfolds in the way that makes sense.
Speaker 4: You know, when I was single before Sean and I
Speaker 4: started dating, there were situations where we had sex early
Speaker 4: and it was great and it was fun, but we
Speaker 4: just didn't have much of a connection beyond that. So
Speaker 4: we did that a couple times and then it was like, okay, cool,
Speaker 4: it's it's you know, it was a fun activity, but
Speaker 4: I was at a point where I was looking for.
Speaker 3: It, so as we're all older now, right, and and
Speaker 3: you know we're saying, okay, let's let all those kind
Speaker 3: of traditional quote you know, antiquated rules go out the window, right,
Speaker 3: Like we're all parents, we've had experiences like all these
Speaker 3: different things. So you go on a date with the girl,
Speaker 3: how do you feel Here's a couple of questions with
Speaker 3: basically the same kind of broad stroke. How do you
Speaker 3: feel about you know, the next day, the girls texting you,
Speaker 3: how do you feel like in terms of you not
Speaker 3: doing kind of the first outreach post date and she's
Speaker 3: taking the bull by the horns? Is that hot? Is
Speaker 3: it confident?
Speaker 4: Is it I that that literally means nothing to me,
Speaker 4: because if it did, again, I feel like that is
Speaker 4: I am in some sort of a game. And there's uh,
Speaker 4: there's there's thought into things outside of just speaking to
Speaker 4: and spending time with the person that I met that
Speaker 4: I really get along with them, I'm looking forward to
Speaker 4: talking to.
Speaker 3: So it shows that they're thinking about you, right.
Speaker 4: Why like why waste all of this time on like
Speaker 4: the rules and yeah, what and who if I I'm fifty two,
Speaker 4: if I enjoy a conversation with you, let's have another
Speaker 4: conversation as soon as possible, Like why.
Speaker 1: Are we waiting?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: What are we? What are we with?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 4: Like kidding ourselves for.
Speaker 3: You know, I went out with somebody last week and
Speaker 3: I was telling this story about this. I put cayenne
Speaker 3: pepper in my coffee and he was like what I go, yeah,
Speaker 3: so like.
Speaker 4: Wa wait you like willingly you know it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Coffee? Why? Oh?
Speaker 3: My whole coffee creation is like bananas anyway.
Speaker 4: So your coffee game is elevated, got it?
Speaker 3: Well, I wouldn't say it's elevated.
Speaker 4: I would say it's Dianne, which nobody has. I've never
Speaker 4: heard of that before.
Speaker 3: So neither tomorrow.
Speaker 4: It's either elevated or you're an alcoholic and there's something
Speaker 4: else we should be talking about. Because the.
Speaker 3: Something and the cinnamon sugar. Anyway, So I took a
Speaker 3: picture of it, okay, and I sent him the picture
Speaker 3: of it with the coffee, and he wrote back saying,
Speaker 3: oh my god, you made my day that you reached
Speaker 3: out to me. This is making me And it was
Speaker 3: like so warm and receptive and you know, it just
Speaker 3: felt it felt good.
Speaker 4: That's yeah. I mean, what are you looking for? Are
Speaker 4: you looking for a real relationship with someone? Where an ease.
Speaker 4: Feel that and the person that you are dating feels
Speaker 4: that as well. If you do, if that's what you're
Speaker 4: looking for, do that. It's it doesn't have to be
Speaker 4: that complicated.
Speaker 1: Do it.
Speaker 4: Enjoy speaking to each other, enjoy sharing silly stories and
Speaker 4: pictures and thinking about you just wanted to let you know, like,
Speaker 4: you know, be secure in that, and hope that the
Speaker 4: person that you're interested in is secure in the same way,
Speaker 4: because you're setting yourself up for the kind of relationship
Speaker 4: that you want. And if they if they experience that
Speaker 4: as I don't like that, I feel attacked. I feel
Speaker 4: like that, you know, that's just way too committal for
Speaker 4: me right now. And they've got all these walls up,
Speaker 4: in these guards up, then you know, and you get
Speaker 4: the fuck out now, stop wasting time, right like, do it?
Speaker 4: And if it literally lasts for a day, it's it's one,
Speaker 4: you know, it's a day out of a lifetime. Move on,
Speaker 4: go meet some other people, compared to somebody that like
Speaker 4: kind of leads you on a little bit with it,
Speaker 4: but it's not really something that they're into. And then
Speaker 4: it's overwhelming, and then all of a sudden you're going,
Speaker 4: oh my God, what have I done. I've been this
Speaker 4: way since the beginning, but they sort of lied to
Speaker 4: me and they led me onto they led me to
Speaker 4: believe that they liked this, but they didn't really like.
Speaker 1: I don't have time, right, brat. Let me ask you
Speaker 1: a question. What do you I love that?
Speaker 2: I think that's just really smart too, And it's just
Speaker 2: like a lot of people and just like, well, you know,
Speaker 2: they have these expectations of things you're going to change
Speaker 2: or evolve. I mean, people tell you exactly who they are.
Speaker 2: They tell you, so.
Speaker 1: You're not listening to your problem. What Why do men ghost?
Speaker 4: I think I think men ghost because they're not honest
Speaker 4: about how they feel from the get go. So they
Speaker 4: feel like I don't want to be confrontational or say
Speaker 4: no to somebody, so I'm just going to disappear. It's
Speaker 4: just easier because then.
Speaker 3: It's just so rude.
Speaker 4: But then, but then I don't have to deal with
Speaker 4: the repercussions of this person that I let on for
Speaker 4: this way or that way, you know, and not being
Speaker 4: honest about it, and like I don't have to answer
Speaker 4: to anything. I can literally just disappear and she can
Speaker 4: think whatever she thinks until she forgets about me, who cares?
Speaker 2: So now I have another question about the process of
Speaker 2: breaking up for men. So do you know a lot
Speaker 2: of men who've been through therapy after divorce or how
Speaker 2: how do you how do you and your friends like
Speaker 2: process that that time?
Speaker 4: So so, me and my friends, we are very honest
Speaker 4: with each other. I have a great group of guys
Speaker 4: around me. We are very complimentary of each other. We
Speaker 4: support each other, we're we're like constantly giving each other
Speaker 4: a pat on the back when you're dad, when you're
Speaker 4: doing those things. Because those are the kind of people
Speaker 4: that I want around me. I think I think it's
Speaker 4: very telling the people that are around someone that you
Speaker 4: meet because their friends are that that gives you a
Speaker 4: very clear picture of where they are in life. And
Speaker 4: when you again, when you meet someone and they show
Speaker 4: you who they are, believe them and I and you
Speaker 4: know a lot of times they show you who they
Speaker 4: are by the people that they're surrounded.
Speaker 3: You are who you surround yourself with.
Speaker 4: Like, I feel like I'm in a place where I
Speaker 4: want the people around me that are on the same
Speaker 4: path as me. They want to they want to they
Speaker 4: want to take that road less travel, they want to
Speaker 4: be authentic. They want to live in the moment. They
Speaker 4: want to be real. They they don't feel insecure about things,
Speaker 4: and if they do, they share them. You know, I
Speaker 4: don't want to be with a group of people that
Speaker 4: are just fun to hang out with. But I don't actually,
Speaker 4: I don't actually grow with because what's the fucking I
Speaker 4: want to grow like. I don't ever want to be
Speaker 4: in a place where I am just settling for life.
Speaker 4: I don't and I and I know that as uh
Speaker 4: as much as I've learned and grown, I I plan
Speaker 4: on doing that for the rest of my life. And
Speaker 4: I love any information that I get from somebody that
Speaker 4: makes me go hmm, holy shit. I didn't I never
Speaker 4: even thought of that. That's amazing.
Speaker 2: I have one last question before I have to wrap up.
Speaker 2: But have you been on dates where women just have
Speaker 2: had too much therapy and they're just like with that
Speaker 2: therapy speak? Have you been on those and what are
Speaker 2: your thoughts?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think so. My bullsh meter is really sensitive
Speaker 4: when it comes to people that talk the talk instead
Speaker 4: of walking the walk. Yeah, I think, you know, I
Speaker 4: think all of the self help books and the stuff
Speaker 4: people can stay the right words. I but I can
Speaker 4: feel when they are actually walking the walk, when they
Speaker 4: are reading those things and they're going, Okay, got it,
Speaker 4: I'm going to try that stuff. Walking the walk is
Speaker 4: not It's not an easy thing to do. I always
Speaker 4: tell people, you know, it's so easy for people to
Speaker 4: preach about meditating and the things it's really hard to do.
Speaker 4: Monks don't live on a mountain because it's fun. They
Speaker 4: live on the top of a mountain by themselves because
Speaker 4: that's what they have to do to stay focused on
Speaker 4: who they want to be. So I love you know,
Speaker 4: like you have to. You have to be honest about it.
Speaker 4: You know. I'm honest with people about the fact that
Speaker 4: meditating the like the way you you normally hear about meditating,
Speaker 4: like sitting in a room quietly and you know, and
Speaker 4: and doing an um and some sort of thing and
Speaker 4: and and sitting like that is not I suck at that.
Speaker 4: That is not something that I do. Meditation for me
Speaker 4: is working outside on something d I Y like projects.
Speaker 4: I when I'm by myself doing these things, I start
Speaker 4: getting into my head and and and you know, hearing
Speaker 4: conversations that I had with people and reflecting on what
Speaker 4: I liked about what I did, and what I didn't
Speaker 4: like about what I did. Like, I try and be
Speaker 4: really conscious in moments, and there there are always times
Speaker 4: where you get the end of the day and you go, God,
Speaker 4: I did not handle that the way I wanted to.
Speaker 4: So I try and live as consciously as possible.
Speaker 1: I love that with that, Brian.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for you're.
Speaker 4: Gonna go, Yeah, you're gonna go, like organize your closet
Speaker 4: or something like, yeah, hey, whatever, whatever it is that
Speaker 4: gets you out of like the grind of stuff and
Speaker 4: activity with other people and gets you into an activity
Speaker 4: just with yourself where you can sit and really kind
Speaker 4: of unwind and focus and breathe a little bit. You
Speaker 4: can do that, man, whatever it is, if it's doing
Speaker 4: dishes or doing laundry, or cleaning or gardening or washing
Speaker 4: the car, whatever it is, do it.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Brian.
Speaker 4: We love having.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited. I can't wait to pad with you
Speaker 2: so many more times. I need to hear everything that's
Speaker 2: in that.
Speaker 4: Brain of yours. Thank you so much for the hot
Speaker 4: takes falling out constantly.
Speaker 1: We're so excited for you to be on ITU Part two.
Speaker 2: Do you have any questions you want to get on
Speaker 2: Brian's perspective and when it comes to love.
Speaker 1: Dating, sex, divorce, all of it. Email us or call us.
Speaker 2: All of the info are in the show notes falls
Speaker 2: on Socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
Speaker 2: I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: We're falling in love is the main objective.