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Speaker 1: Hey, I Do Part two.

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Speaker 2: It's one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Ben Simone, and

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Speaker 2: I'm back with your favorite real life a single gal Helluise,

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Speaker 2: Hey Louise.

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Speaker 3: Hello Kelly. How are you happy New Year?

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Speaker 1: Happy to you.

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Speaker 2: One of the biggest things you listeners ask on the

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Speaker 2: pod is from men's perspectives on things like dating, sex, divorce,

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Speaker 2: and so today we are so excited because we have

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Speaker 2: someone joining us on the pod will be coming to

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Speaker 2: the I Do Part two crew like us. He's been

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Speaker 2: divorced and he's found love in his chapter two from

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Speaker 2: Beverly Hills nine oh two one oh, it's Brian Austin Green.

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Speaker 3: I mean, on that note, I cannot believe that he

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Speaker 3: is joining us. I mean, I remember being in college

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Speaker 3: in the nineties with our producer Amy, sitting in the

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Speaker 3: den of the Kappa House, all of us jumbled together,

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Speaker 3: stuffing yogurt park down our throats, watching him on the

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Speaker 3: TV show. So oh, very exciting to have him on.

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Speaker 1: I know me too, I'm super excited.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he's so cool, he's so attractive, and such

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Speaker 2: a babe. He's such a babe, I mean, the babe

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Speaker 2: of all babes. But also he has a crazy track

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Speaker 2: record of.

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Speaker 1: Dating hot girl. Really he's got very good taste. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, very good taste.

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Speaker 3: But by the way, as you were talking about that intro,

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Speaker 3: are all of us? Does everybody get divorced? I mean,

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Speaker 3: it's like yet another one.

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Speaker 1: I know, another one. Mike's the dust.

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Speaker 3: It's ever And then, Kelly, I have to ask you,

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Speaker 3: because the last time we spoke, we're in love. How

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Speaker 3: are they things? Is it still amazing?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: We broke up in December, and it makes.

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Speaker 3: Me really sad because I have to hope for all

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Speaker 3: of us. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that hope for everyone too. I mean, he

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Speaker 2: was he's such a great guy. Just that you know,

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Speaker 2: our lives are just they just don't mix. And I'm

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Speaker 2: on a new show and just you know, it's complicated

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Speaker 2: when you're someone that's in the entertainment industry, it's just complicated.

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Speaker 1: It's like very difficult.

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Speaker 3: And also, as we've kind of lived our lives a

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Speaker 3: certain way for so long, it kind of has to

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Speaker 3: perfectly align or close enough where we can mesh it.

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Speaker 3: Otherwise it's just too hard. I run into that a

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Speaker 3: lot too.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's like one. The one thing

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Speaker 1: that I find.

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Speaker 2: That's difficult is that like I have, you know, friends

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Speaker 2: like you know, just like you and Amy. Like I

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Speaker 2: have friends from college. I have friends from you know,

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Speaker 2: from modeling. I have friends from work life, I have

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Speaker 2: friends from entertainment. I have just friends from all over

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Speaker 2: the place. And it can be intimidating. It could be intimidating.

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Speaker 1: I don't see it, like I'm like, hey, guys, how

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Speaker 1: are you?

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Speaker 2: And then I go home and I eat Chinese food,

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Speaker 2: Like I could I don't even I couldn't even think

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Speaker 2: twice about it. But I think it can be intimidating.

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Speaker 2: And I think that too. It's that, you know, sometimes

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Speaker 2: the entertainment business is the land of smoke and mirrors,

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Speaker 2: and it's also that's also intimidating too. I mean we've

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Speaker 2: seen that a lot, like on Housewives, where people you

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Speaker 2: know appear to be something that they're not, and it's

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Speaker 2: just it's a lot. So you know, I'm I just

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Speaker 2: I just keep my steady path. I'm like, I know

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Speaker 2: my forever person is there.

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Speaker 3: You're so authentic. But I think it's even not just entertainment.

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Speaker 3: I think like we both have very big lives. Right,

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Speaker 3: and there's a lot in it and a lot of

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Speaker 3: people in it, and I think, to your point, A,

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Speaker 3: it can be intimidating, but be a lot of these

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Speaker 3: men need this like twenty four to seven kind of coddling,

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Speaker 3: an attention, and I find that that's hard. And when

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Speaker 3: I began to when I begin to feel that kind

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Speaker 3: of pressure or neediness, it makes me go the opposite direction.

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Speaker 3: It almost has the opposite effect of what they're saying

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Speaker 3: to me, is it gives me kind of that ick,

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Speaker 3: And so I get it. It makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 2: I mean, actually, you know, it's interesting because I'm actually

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Speaker 2: the opposite. So with every single man that I've ever dated,

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Speaker 2: I'm very like hand in the hands on a punt intent,

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Speaker 2: very hands on.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm very like.

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Speaker 2: In their lives, very you know, I'm very like nurturing,

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Speaker 2: very interested in what they're doing and how they're doing things.

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Speaker 2: So I don't really have that kind of ick with men.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I love, you know, I don't get pick

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Speaker 2: with men.

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Speaker 3: I don't like when early on they're demanding too much

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Speaker 3: of me. As I'm learning how to add another element

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Speaker 3: to my life that's going to be as important, So

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Speaker 3: it takes me a minute to work.

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Speaker 4: All that in.

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Speaker 3: So it's not that I'm not you know, hands on

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Speaker 3: and all of that stuff. It's more about the recalibration

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Speaker 3: takes a second, and I find that the speed at

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Speaker 3: which they operate is sometimes faster than at the pace

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Speaker 3: I'm going.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's honest. I actually I'm the opposite.

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Speaker 3: It's maybe that's why you and I are both single.

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Speaker 3: Maybe there's a happy medium between us. Kelly, Yes, well, but.

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Speaker 2: You've always given me such good advice, and you know,

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Speaker 2: it's interesting because like, I'm just very I think one

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Speaker 2: of the things that I've just realized from this breakup

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Speaker 2: is that, you know, I have a twin brother, and

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Speaker 2: so I'm so used to being around male energy and

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Speaker 2: so everything that most women don't like, I'm just very,

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Speaker 2: very used to. And so I think for a lot

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Speaker 2: of men, my familiarity makes them a little almost almost

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Speaker 2: like nervous.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I really, I really don't know. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I'm just like open to I'm just really excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm really I'm so excited about everything that's happening in

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Speaker 2: my life, and I just feel so unbelievably grateful. I

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Speaker 2: just I'm just like, I mean, you know, I wish

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Speaker 2: that he could go through this part of my life

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Speaker 2: with me, Like, I mean, he would be a perfect partner.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately we're not. But I'm just very excited about filming

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Speaker 2: and going on the show. And you know, I just

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Speaker 2: sold the apartment that I'm living in, so I'm moving

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Speaker 2: to Florida, literally packing up everything as we speak, and

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Speaker 2: I'm moving to Florida and I'm just going to start

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Speaker 2: completely fresh for the first time.

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Speaker 3: My dad just moved there and I want to go.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Palm Beach for two months.

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Speaker 1: Come and visit me.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be there for two months filming, and

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Speaker 2: I'm just very excited about it. I just I've never

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Speaker 2: had this freedom in my life before, and I'm just

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Speaker 2: feeling very empowered and also super nervous.

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Speaker 3: I can see it in your smile. And I'm going

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Speaker 3: to just make two comments right now. Okay, I see

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Speaker 3: you in a while. Haircut ever, Okay that you have

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Speaker 3: this is like this like dirty hot, sexy kitty thing.

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Speaker 1: It's so hot, and then your.

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Speaker 3: Arms are like totally ripped. Did you change the workout?

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Speaker 3: I mean it's like, yes.

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Speaker 1: I've been working out, thank you for very much.

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Speaker 2: It's like one shild I've been working with this new

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Speaker 2: trainer and yeah, we've been doing a lot.

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Speaker 3: It's yeah, like what is the change? Because I can,

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Speaker 3: I actually can totally see it.

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Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, I love you like ripped. Oh great, I

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Speaker 1: love that. Thank you, thank you for that.

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Speaker 3: Well, at our age, we should only be doing heavyweight chraining.

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Speaker 2: I've been working out a lot. I've just been trying

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Speaker 2: to do things that, you know, make me better. And

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Speaker 2: today I was at food bank, which I love to do,

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Speaker 2: and I just I'm just really, I'm just I.

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Speaker 1: Know this sounds really crazy because people are like, shouldn't

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Speaker 1: you be upset?

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Speaker 2: Like, I mean, I still care a lot about him,

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Speaker 2: but I'm really excited about what my future holds.

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Speaker 3: Did your and again, you don't have to answer any

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Speaker 3: of these questions because you seemed really I mean last

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Speaker 3: time we did this, you were actually I think, not

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Speaker 3: at your own house. Did did your kids? Did your

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Speaker 3: daughters meet him?

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Speaker 1: Yes, my daughters met him. I met his kids.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot for me. It was a lot.

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Speaker 1: It was very fast, it was a lot. It was

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Speaker 1: it was a lot. It was a lot of a

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Speaker 1: very short period of time.

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Speaker 2: And then I had I had a health issue and

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Speaker 2: it was just a lot, and it was the holidays.

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Speaker 1: It was just like it's just a big explosion.

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Speaker 2: And I'm just a very like easy you know, just

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Speaker 2: do the work and get everything done and go and

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Speaker 2: have my fun and do whatever I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a very easy going person. But when shit.

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Speaker 2: Hits the fan and I'm like, okay, where's it, where's

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Speaker 2: my support group?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 1: Like loving life?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, right right, sounds like you've had

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Speaker 3: a lot of changes, but you look refreshed and ready

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Speaker 3: to ready to hit the ground running. So I'm happy

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Speaker 3: for you have I am.

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Speaker 1: I just am.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just feel really good about where I'm going and I.

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Speaker 2: Just feel I'm actually, for the first I'm not intimidated

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Speaker 2: to I was. I've been very like nervous to meet,

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Speaker 2: you know, to go and day and meet people because.

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Speaker 1: I've just been through so much. I've just had so

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Speaker 1: many like it's like whiplashes. I'm well, here goes one,

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Speaker 1: there's another.

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Speaker 3: It's like, just how long were you in that relationship?

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Speaker 3: Six months?

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Speaker 1: Six months?

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Speaker 3: Okay? And have you dated since? Can I not ask

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Speaker 3: that question on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I've gone a couple of days.

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Speaker 3: Oh, we got a break. Our friend Brian's arrived. Let's oh,

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Speaker 3: let's bring the hot guy.

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Speaker 1: Get to Brian.

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Speaker 3: Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian.

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Speaker 4: Hello, how are you fantastic?

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Speaker 3: I'm Louise. We've never met before, although I did watch

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Speaker 3: you a lot of times in the story House in

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Speaker 3: the nineties, and you're still a total babe. So meet you.

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Speaker 4: Nice to meet you. Also now I'm all self conscious

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Speaker 4: and insecure.

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Speaker 1: Oh again, we're.

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Speaker 2: First of all, congratulations and welcome to the pod. We're

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Speaker 2: so happy to have you here. You're and super excited

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Speaker 2: to hear your pov on like what it's like in

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Speaker 2: that second chapter.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, see you say that now, until all

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Speaker 4: of a sudden, it's people are asking me questions and

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Speaker 4: then you guys are like, why is he on this?

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Speaker 3: No, we need this information. This is helpful for all

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Speaker 3: of us and the listeners.

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Speaker 1: All right, Louise and I have a like a serious

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Speaker 1: list of questions, so I know that you're gonna be honest,

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Speaker 1: and I just I'm really interested to hear what you

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Speaker 1: have to say. Okay, we're gonna get dive.

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Speaker 4: In really deep yeah, let's do it. Let's go.

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Speaker 1: Are you excited.

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Speaker 4: I am excited. Yeah, cool, you're gonna love it. I

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Speaker 4: mean I always, honestly, like I am, I'm pretty much

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Speaker 4: an open book, like when people are wondering things, asking

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Speaker 4: my advice for things, like, I'm pretty open and honest

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Speaker 4: about it. So I I'm an actor, there's there's a

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Speaker 4: bit of narcissist. I think in every actor.

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Speaker 3: We all like to talk.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we all love to talk, especially about ourselves and

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Speaker 4: our opinions.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, well I'm not an actor. I'm a reality star,

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Speaker 2: so I do like to talk.

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Speaker 4: Well yeah, so then that makes you an actress if

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Speaker 4: you're a reality star, I know how that works.

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Speaker 3: So so, Brian, you know you're already have found love

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Speaker 3: in chapter two, but in the interim of where you

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Speaker 3: had gotten divorced and kind of started that whole process again. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: kind of What was your takeaway being out there again

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Speaker 3: and you know you obviously found love quickly. Maybe it's

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Speaker 3: easier for a guy, Kelly, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't. It wasn't too quickly. So honestly, I hated

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Speaker 4: being single and being out there. I absolutely hated it.

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Speaker 4: Like I am not I'm not someone that likes to

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Speaker 4: go out and go on dates and get to know

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Speaker 4: people and go through that because I think there's I

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Speaker 4: think there's a lot of pressure that comes with that,

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Speaker 4: and people are sort of on their best behavior, so

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Speaker 4: you don't really get a sense of who you are

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Speaker 4: sitting with. Necessarily, you get the person that they think

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Speaker 4: you want to meet.

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Speaker 3: They're acting. It's like an audition.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think I honestly believe that that is

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Speaker 4: what the honeymoon phase is of a relationship. That people

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Speaker 4: kind of jump in and they've got this mask on

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Speaker 4: and they're being who they think the other person wants

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Speaker 4: to be with, and they're trying to sort of check

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Speaker 4: all the boxes. But that can only last for so.

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Speaker 1: Long, right.

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Speaker 3: I was on a date last week and I was

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Speaker 3: pretty clear about who I was, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: you know, this is me. I'm fifty three years old,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not going to try to pretend to be

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Speaker 3: something that i'm not. And if I'm sitting here and

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Speaker 3: telling you I'm a gourmet chef, which I'm not, and

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Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, you know, date number four,

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Speaker 3: You're like, come over and let's cook, and all of

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Speaker 3: a sudden, I'm like helpless in the kitchen. Then it

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Speaker 3: was a misrepresentation number one. It was me not being

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Speaker 3: authentic to myself and maybe that was something that was

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Speaker 3: important to you. So then right out of the gate,

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Speaker 3: it's been, you know, kind of a bait and switch, Right,

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Speaker 3: So I think your point is really important.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I mean that it only you can

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Speaker 4: only keep up that ruse for so long, and then

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Speaker 4: eventually you are tired, you're stressed, You're having either some

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Speaker 4: financial stuff or some family stuff. Who knows the list

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Speaker 4: of things. But then all of a sudden, the cracks

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Speaker 4: in that mask start showing, and people start arguing about

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Speaker 4: it and feeling like, oh my god, this is not

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Speaker 4: the person that I've known for the past six months

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Speaker 4: of this relationship, or week of this relationship, or a

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Speaker 4: year and a half. And so, you know, I think

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Speaker 4: that relationships tend to start on they start off on

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Speaker 4: the wrong foot. I was about a year and a

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Speaker 4: half out of my relationship, my marriage that I was

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Speaker 4: in and really honestly working on myself. I gotten to

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Speaker 4: a point in life where I was like, I don't

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Speaker 4: want to repeat the same things that I've done before.

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Speaker 4: I just got out of a fifteen year relationship. I

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Speaker 4: have three kids. This situation is going to be incredibly

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Speaker 4: hard for everyone. I don't want to do this again.

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Speaker 4: I want to figure out what role I played in

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Speaker 4: things that went wrong.

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Speaker 3: I love that so few people do that work and

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Speaker 3: take the time to address some of that.

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Speaker 4: You can't expect that you're going to find somebody and

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Speaker 4: things are going to be different. If you are, you

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Speaker 4: were a part of the relationship. You were an equal part,

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Speaker 4: So you played a part in what ultimately didn't work.

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Speaker 4: And it's not until you recognize at least your half

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Speaker 4: of it that you go Okay. I want to go

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Speaker 4: into this next situation differently.

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Speaker 2: Let's start with some questions, Brian, because we have so many,

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Speaker 2: and thank you for being so sure, transparent, open.

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Speaker 4: I told you I'm an oversharer. I've been, I've been.

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Speaker 4: I've been called that before.

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Speaker 1: Keep over sharing. We love it. Okay.

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Speaker 2: If a woman has never been married and is over fifty,

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Speaker 2: is that a red flag that men that are dating after?

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Speaker 2: Is that a red flag to men that are dating

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Speaker 2: after after their own divorce?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 1: Would you ever marry? Would you ever go out with someone?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that wouldn't be that wouldn't be a red flag

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Speaker 4: for me. I would look at it as this is

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Speaker 4: somebody either that has been driven in a bunch of

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Speaker 4: other ways in their life and so now they're in

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Speaker 4: a place where they feel like they're ready to settle

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Speaker 4: down and do that, or this person just doesn't believe

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Speaker 4: in it. And you know, marriage is not something that

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Speaker 4: everybody believes in and agrees with like it is there.

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Speaker 4: There are a lot of old beliefs in it. It's

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Speaker 4: kind of an old system the whole you know, a

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Speaker 4: wife taking the husband's name and then the there are

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Speaker 4: a lot of things that people have an issue with

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Speaker 4: now and I understand that and I don't. I think

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Speaker 4: it depends on whether you are looking to get married

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Speaker 4: or not, and then it's about whether the person that

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Speaker 4: you're dating has the same beliefs as you do or not,

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Speaker 4: and if you can settle with those or if they're

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Speaker 4: just deal breaker things. And it's like, I want to

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Speaker 4: be married like this is. This has always been a

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Speaker 4: dream for me and for the man, or vice versa,

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Speaker 4: that never was a dream, At which point you have

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Speaker 4: to decide how important is the marriage aspect of it

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Speaker 4: compared to dating this person that I really like.

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Speaker 3: Or the once held beliefs could have changed and maybe

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Speaker 3: at one point didn't want to get married, and all

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Speaker 3: of a sudden, this is the person, and you're like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I want to marry this person.

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Speaker 4: You never know. I mean, it's you go into I

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Speaker 4: think it's a mistake to go into anything thinking that

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Speaker 4: you know what the final answer is going to be.

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Speaker 4: I'm open to anything. I never say never because you do.

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Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden you're in something. You go,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, this is I never in a million

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Speaker 4: years thought that I would be doing this, yet here

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Speaker 4: I am.

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Speaker 1: You know what's interesting is when you were talking about

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Speaker 1: the name change, I was supposed to get married to

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Speaker 1: my exidiance in four days before I called off the wedding.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I'm on the pod.

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Speaker 2: And I remember being I remember, you know, when we

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Speaker 2: were doing the paperwork and we were writing my name

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Speaker 2: but it wasn't my.

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Speaker 1: Name, it was his name. Yeah, And I just I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my.

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Speaker 2: God, I don't think I can do this. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I can do this. And that was the

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Speaker 2: beginning that like, was the thing that triggered me.

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Speaker 4: Was that see now I'm going to interview you guys,

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Speaker 4: all right, Yeah, was that do you feel like that

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Speaker 4: was a real issue or was that sort of the

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Speaker 4: straw that broke the camel's back. So it was a

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Speaker 4: relationship that you already had all of these questions about,

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Speaker 4: and then as soon as you saw that, you want.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm wondering. If it was literally just lit

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Speaker 3: the match that burned the house down.

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Speaker 4: This is the thing where as I saw my name

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Speaker 4: changed that way, like, it really solidified that this is

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Speaker 4: not a relationship that I want to be in.

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Speaker 2: I mean when I saw that, I was just like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know who that person is.

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Speaker 4: That's not me for you. Were you having questions before them? Though?

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, but that really they like to to Louise's point,

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Speaker 2: with the match and then later on things you know,

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Speaker 2: went downhill.

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Speaker 4: But that was I mean, if you're if you're looking,

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Speaker 4: if you're already in that mode of questioning and marriage

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Speaker 4: is a big big deal. I mean it was to me.

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Speaker 4: I to me, it was something that you do one time.

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Speaker 2: And Brian, when you're a kid, you sit there in

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Speaker 2: math class and you write, you know, like Kelly and

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Speaker 2: Brian Green, Kelly greed.

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Speaker 3: I know all these things.

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Speaker 1: I never wrote that.

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Speaker 4: You never wrote that, So marriage has never been a

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Speaker 4: thing for you.

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Speaker 2: Well, I have been married before, I have two kids,

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Speaker 2: But for him, I just didn't write that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's been other.

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Speaker 2: Men that I've that I've dated that I was like,

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Speaker 2: that's a cute name, like, but I mean that that

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Speaker 2: those relationships and the last either, but I mean it

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Speaker 2: has it's interesting.

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Speaker 3: So what would be the reason or some of the

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Speaker 3: kind of I guess feelings that would make you want

400
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Speaker 3: to pursue somebody more seriously versus more casually or situationship,

401
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Speaker 3: Like what would be the uh as a man like

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Speaker 3: for you, Brian?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So for me, I when I got to the

404
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Speaker 4: point when I was single and I really felt like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm ready to meet somebody, it was it was very

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Speaker 4: obvious to me when I met people whether we were

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Speaker 4: truly on the same uh the same path and we

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Speaker 4: had the same moral values that we were that we

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Speaker 4: were sort of following in life. And then they're they're

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Speaker 4: the people where you meet and they're a really good

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Speaker 4: time and you go, God, I have a really great

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Speaker 4: time when I'm around them. But that's no, that's what

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Speaker 4: it is right that it's it's a great time, and

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Speaker 4: like sexually it's super fun and we you know, and

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00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 4: and that all clicks. But as far as really being

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Speaker 4: committed to somebody and wanting to be around somebody all

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Speaker 4: the time and share my life with someone, it's got

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Speaker 4: to be someone that is on the same path in

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Speaker 4: life with me at that point. I don't necessarily believe

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Speaker 4: that people stay on the same path. I feel that

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Speaker 4: people grow apart naturally, and then sometimes people grow in

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Speaker 4: the same direction. And I think that's why these relationships

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Speaker 4: last an incredibly long time. And you go, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: how'd you guys do it? It's like because even though

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Speaker 4: we hated each other at different times, we always loved

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Speaker 4: each other and we were always moving the same direction.

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Speaker 2: And what about a body count? So are you do

428
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Speaker 2: you get offended if you hear that a woman has,

429
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Speaker 2: you know, slept with x amount of men?

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Speaker 3: Does she really talk about it?

431
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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 3: Who do we ask these questions women?

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Speaker 4: It's like coat of armor, I ask, just honestly for

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Speaker 4: the simple fact of is someone going to be honest

435
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Speaker 4: with me and be uncomfortable in front of me? Because

436
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Speaker 4: I'm willing to be uncomfortable in front of people, Like

437
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Speaker 4: I'm willing to sort of bleed for people and go, hey,

438
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Speaker 4: are you going to bleed with me? Because that is

439
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 4: telling of what this relationship is. If you're not, again,

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Speaker 4: it's fine, I just need to keep I have to

441
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 4: be very clear of what it is I am getting

442
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 4: out of this relationship with someone. The same way with friends,

443
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,120
Speaker 4: you know, like I'm very clear on who my real

444
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 4: close friends are and then who my acquaintances are that

445
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 4: are super fun. I just don't mind. Expectations aren't more

446
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 4: than that. I don't give as much because I don't

447
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 4: expect as much in return. But then the relationships that

448
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 4: I have that are really valuable relationships, I give and

449
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 4: I give and I give because I know they're going

450
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 4: to be the same way.

451
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think as we get older, we really

452
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 3: learn who's going to be in our table of five?

453
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 4: For sure?

454
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 3: What table a five that we're sitting at. And as

455
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 3: stuff happens in life, good and bad, you learn a

456
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 3: lot about the people that have been in different chapters.

457
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 3: And I'm in an interesting time in my life where

458
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 3: I'm really learning who my friends are and who I'm

459
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 3: aligning with. And it's just it's just interesting to see

460
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 3: and watch it. Yeah, it can be painful at times too,

461
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 3: a lot of change.

462
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 4: It absolutely can. But that's the pain is that's the growth,

463
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 4: I mean, that's you. You don't grow from things that work.

464
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 3: You grow from things don't where you have to have grit.

465
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 4: You go back to the drawing board on things that

466
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,479
Speaker 4: don't work, and you go, God, why isn't this working? Like,

467
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 4: I need to approach this in a different way if

468
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 4: it's working. The old saying is if it ain't broke,

469
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 4: don't fix it.

470
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: Don't fix it.

471
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 3: But if you want change, be changed, if you want

472
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: a different result, do something different. Right.

473
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 1: What about your IX, Brian, what did you have any X?

474
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,359
Speaker 3: That's a great question.

475
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:30,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is a great question. Lying is a big ick. Man.

476
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 4: If I catch you in some way where you're being dishonored,

477
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 4: like it's one I have no problem with someone not

478
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 4: wanting to share everything. And if you're honest with me

479
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 4: and you say I don't really want I don't really

480
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 4: want to get into that. Cool if you give me

481
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 4: some bullsh like side answer and lie to me about

482
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 4: what it is and then I find out later, oh

483
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 4: my god, it was a completely different story than what

484
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 4: it is you told me. Then I start questioning, like, Okay,

485
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 4: how much have you lied to me about how it's

486
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 4: very that's but it's very simple to me. That's honestly

487
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 4: one of the one of the main x for me.

488
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 4: Like I just I think because I'm honest with people,

489
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 4: I uh, it's not that I demand honesty. I feel

490
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,439
Speaker 4: like I command it, Like I try and keep those

491
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 4: relationships clear and clean with people. And I'm open and honest.

492
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 4: So if you're not, it really says something about you

493
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 4: because you know I'm being honest. Like you know, I'll

494
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 4: get down in the dirt with with stuff and all,

495
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 4: you know, I'll talk about I'll talk about sexual counts

496
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 4: and all all the stuff, you know, all the stuff

497
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 4: that could make somebody look at me and go mmmm,

498
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 4: that's a little too much for me, But I'm willing

499
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 4: to get into it.

500
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 2: I just just listen to what you were saying, and

501
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 2: it's and I and you know, we're asked aking these

502
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 2: questions that are just like Okay, you know, do you

503
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: like this?

504
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: Do you don't like this?

505
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 2: But what you're saying is that you know there could

506
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 2: be like let's say, girls been with fifty guys, you're saying,

507
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 2: you know, as long as you're honest with me and

508
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: we're having these conversations and we're talking about these things

509
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 2: in a way.

510
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: I mean, fifty is a lot, but we're doing I

511
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm working for.

512
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 4: It depends though, again on Okay, let's say fifty was

513
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 4: your number, but you were like, I have always been

514
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 4: in a place where I haven't really wanted to be

515
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 4: in a relationship. I haven't felt like I've been very

516
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 4: career driven. I've been, and so fifty is your count,

517
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 4: but it's it's an honest fifty. It's not like you

518
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 4: have been through fifty relationships and you're sort of in

519
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 4: them and you throw them away and you so you

520
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 4: seem very wishy washy, and it's like, oh my god,

521
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 4: do you ever commit to things? If you're if you

522
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 4: tell me from the beginning, I've been noncommittal up until

523
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 4: all the point where I decided I want to be committal,

524
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 4: that's a it's a different it's a different thing, you know.

525
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 4: It's like, uh, it's like somebody that has an incredible

526
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 4: shoe collection, but they've gone through a ton of shoes

527
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 4: to have that collection. And it's I don't. I don't

528
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 4: fault somebody for that necessarily that's just me. But I don't.

529
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 4: I don't fault somebody, no judgment.

530
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 3: It's part of their life, you know, kind of experiences.

531
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 3: But on the uh, you know, kind of a note

532
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 3: of I guess relationships not relationship. When a guy says

533
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 3: they're not ready for a relationship, what does that really mean?

534
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 4: I could mean all sorts of things.

535
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 3: Like just not with you.

536
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 4: It could be it could mean just like yeah, it

537
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 4: could yes. But but again, then we start crossing into

538
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 4: that honesty thing, and I think you start seeing flags

539
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 4: before that question is asked. I think if you're asking

540
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 4: that question to get a gauge on the person you're with,

541
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 4: then it's already been a very weird situation. Like I

542
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 4: don't think you're asking that question because you're in a

543
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 4: great relationship with somebody or it's clear you only fish.

544
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 4: I think if you're feeling like, God, I need some

545
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 4: sort of like validation in this.

546
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 3: Do you think you have to have a do you

547
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 3: feel like organically it just kind of morphs into oh,

548
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: it's just me and you and you don't even really

549
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 3: have to have the conversation yes, or I agree, like

550
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 3: I feel like authentically it's kind of I don't want

551
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 3: to see anyone else. We don't even have to have

552
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 3: the conversation. It just it happens. So that question I

553
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 3: asked you is almost a version of what you're saying,

554
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 3: which is there's some sort of a kind of subliminal

555
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 3: message or something, which is you're not all in, one

556
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 3: foot in, one foot.

557
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 4: Out, You're not all in, and the person that you're

558
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 4: with can feel that, yes, and they feel insecure, which

559
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 4: I think then is why they start getting into the

560
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 4: questions of, hey, so you know, is this something that

561
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 4: you want to continue to pursue, And then it's like, yeah,

562
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 4: I'm not really looking for a you know, steady thing,

563
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 4: and it's and unfortunately you are digging into something that

564
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 4: you already had a gut feeling.

565
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 3: Isn't careful what you ask for, isn't there?

566
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, and your intuition, you always intuition always knows.

567
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 4: Don't put like, you know, don't put specific rules on

568
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 4: something if you're going to end up getting a rule

569
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 4: and a feedback that you don't want to hear. Yep,

570
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 4: like and you shouldn't have to, like I when I'm

571
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 4: in a great relationship like the one I'm in now.

572
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 4: We literally it was like, oh, there's no there's no

573
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 4: need to discuss this any further, Like we're we love

574
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 4: being in this. This is fantastic. Let's see how long

575
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 4: this goes and where it goes. And I love sharing

576
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 4: this with you.

577
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: I love this. This is a really good follow up question.

578
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 2: What's the one thing you see or hear women tolerating

579
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 2: today when it comes to dating and do you think

580
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 2: that they need to stop accepting?

581
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 1: I think women do.

582
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 4: Tie a lot. Yeah, I think I think women need

583
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 4: to stop giving up their power in relationships, like I

584
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 4: think sometimes and not just women, honestly people. I think

585
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 4: people they're lonely and they and they get to a

586
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 4: point where they're willing to settle good.

587
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 3: Enough, they'll take good enough.

588
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you can't. If you want something great, you

589
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 4: can't settle. And it's hard because at certain points you

590
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 4: get really only and you go, God, I really wish

591
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 4: I had this, But I genuinely feel like you have

592
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 4: to know that the universe has a different plan for you,

593
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 4: so you need to continue to do what it is

594
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 4: you're doing, and when it's the right time, it'll fall

595
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 4: in your lap. I never in a million years thought

596
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 4: that I was going to meet Charna.

597
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 3: How'd you guys meet?

598
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 4: So it was during COVID. We have a business manager

599
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 4: in common and she is not a matchmaker at all,

600
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 4: And she text me after she left my house. I

601
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,959
Speaker 4: made coffee and we were hanging out and we were

602
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 4: talking about finances and the stuff you talk about with

603
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 4: the business manager, and she said to me, she texted

604
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 4: me and she was like, Hey, I've got a client

605
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 4: that I want you to meet it. I was intrigued

606
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 4: right away because that is just again that's not her thing.

607
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 2: But it's also like a validation's tamp of approval from

608
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 2: someone that you trust and that you I mean, you

609
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 2: trust her with your finances.

610
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 4: Someone I trust with my finances. That's someone I trust

611
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 4: in love. She's never ever been a matchmaker, right, But

612
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 4: I'd been with her for years. I was with her

613
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 4: when I was married and so and she she has

614
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 4: handled my ex wife's finances also, so she's been around

615
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 4: for a while. I know, I've known her for a while.

616
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 3: And she also knows you and knows you're a good

617
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 3: guy and responsible. She also knows Sharna really well, right,

618
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 3: that's that's a good that's a good story. I always

619
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 3: think divorce attorneys should have a side hustle of being

620
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 3: a matchmaker.

621
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 4: It's a really good idea.

622
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 3: Yes, that is a great idea, right, think about it.

623
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 4: Because they know you so well.

624
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 3: And they know the other person so well, and they

625
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 3: know who is the I hate to say it, but

626
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 3: the more problematic one in the divorce or in the

627
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: whole process.

628
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 4: She said to each of us, she was like, when

629
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 4: I'm with him, I think of you, and when I'm

630
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 4: with you, I think of him. And so we just

631
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 4: we each reminded her of the other ones. So we

632
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 4: met and it was a date, but not really not

633
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 4: really a date, but it was coffee and we ended

634
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 4: up talking for like six hours at this coffee shop.

635
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 4: It was just as things were starting to open up

636
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 4: and I had to be at work, and I was like,

637
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,959
Speaker 4: I was supposed to be on the road, and I

638
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, I've got I have a

639
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 4: zoom call I'm supposed to be on and and she

640
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, was supposed to be somewhere.

641
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 4: And so we left and we were like, we should

642
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 4: do this again. This is amazing and we we went

643
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 4: and had breakfast to two mornings after that, and it

644
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 4: was the same thing. We ended up sitting down and

645
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,959
Speaker 4: talking for like four and a half five hours. And

646
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 4: that was the point where restaurants were they had the

647
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 4: heart out rule, remember, because they were so it's limited space.

648
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 4: So they were like, okay, we'll give you a half

649
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 4: an hour and then we've got to like turn the

650
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 4: table over and get other people. No non, we ended

651
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 4: up closing that place down also, like we were in

652
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 4: until they were they were shutting their doors.

653
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 3: We hopefully your business manager is still your business manager,

654
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 3: and that you both gave her a raise because she

655
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 3: gave you the greatest gift in life.

656
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 4: We didn't give her a raise, but a bonus.

657
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 3: When you get married.

658
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 4: No, I'm kidding, but we've invited her to baby shower,

659
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 4: to everything, like we' she's a she's a part of

660
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 4: the family for sure. It's amazing.

661
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 3: So let's talk about sex. So you go out with somebody,

662
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 3: it's a great day. There's two scenarios. A she throws

663
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 3: the cat out right away. You guys have great sex.

664
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 3: Was it too soon or was it okay because you

665
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 3: were so into it? Or is it better if there's

666
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 3: more of a kind of sapio sexual gradual process where

667
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 3: you're getting to know each other, you're it's growing, you

668
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 3: haven't yet crossed that line. Where do you sit on that?

669
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 4: Honestly, I've had both. I've had Like my ex wife,

670
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 4: we we had sex. I think the first night that

671
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 4: we hung out and we ended up we were together

672
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 4: for fifteen years. And then Searana and I we didn't

673
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 4: even get physical until the fifth time that we hung out,

674
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 4: and at that point we literally just kissed and made

675
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 4: out in the car and then she went back inside.

676
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 4: They both both ways led to amazing things. I I

677
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 4: think the sex, I think it's about how the sex

678
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 4: came to be. Like I think there's I think there's

679
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 4: different processes in a date. So I think sometimes you

680
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 4: can have a date where you really feel connected and

681
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 4: you have this amazing conversation, so then the sex is

682
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 4: kind of the last thing on your mind, and then

683
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 4: you get to the end of the night and you're like,

684
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,439
Speaker 4: oh my god, like we didn't we barely touched each other.

685
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 4: It was such an amazing conversation. And then you have

686
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 4: the conversations with people where it's just like, oh my god,

687
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 4: I'm completely just sexually attracted to you, and all of

688
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 4: our conversations are honestly leading in that direction. So let's

689
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 4: do this and then you have great conversation afterwards. I'm

690
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 4: open to.

691
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 3: Both situation by situation.

692
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 4: Basically, I don't think there are rules to it. I

693
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 4: think people make a mistake if they try and follow

694
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 4: specific rules of like oh, don't call right away, or

695
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 4: you know, give it three days, or like. There are

696
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 4: all these different variations, and I think, honestly, I think

697
00:36:58,960 --> 00:36:59,760
Speaker 4: they're all games.

698
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,240
Speaker 3: So it's like organically letting.

699
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you're just sort of in and what

700
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 4: happens happens. And I think if you are, if you're

701
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 4: honest and you're clear from the get go, I think

702
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 4: it sort of unfolds in the way that makes sense.

703
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 4: You know, when I was single before Sean and I

704
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 4: started dating, there were situations where we had sex early

705
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 4: and it was great and it was fun, but we

706
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 4: just didn't have much of a connection beyond that. So

707
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 4: we did that a couple times and then it was like, okay, cool,

708
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 4: it's it's you know, it was a fun activity, but

709
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 4: I was at a point where I was looking for.

710
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 3: It, so as we're all older now, right, and and

711
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,839
Speaker 3: you know we're saying, okay, let's let all those kind

712
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 3: of traditional quote you know, antiquated rules go out the window, right,

713
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 3: Like we're all parents, we've had experiences like all these

714
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 3: different things. So you go on a date with the girl,

715
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 3: how do you feel Here's a couple of questions with

716
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: basically the same kind of broad stroke. How do you

717
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:09,360
Speaker 3: feel about you know, the next day, the girls texting you,

718
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 3: how do you feel like in terms of you not

719
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 3: doing kind of the first outreach post date and she's

720
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 3: taking the bull by the horns? Is that hot? Is

721
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 3: it confident?

722
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 4: Is it I that that literally means nothing to me,

723
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 4: because if it did, again, I feel like that is

724
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 4: I am in some sort of a game. And there's uh,

725
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 4: there's there's thought into things outside of just speaking to

726
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 4: and spending time with the person that I met that

727
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 4: I really get along with them, I'm looking forward to

728
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 4: talking to.

729
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 3: So it shows that they're thinking about you, right.

730
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 4: Why like why waste all of this time on like

731
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 4: the rules and yeah, what and who if I I'm fifty two,

732
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:00,760
Speaker 4: if I enjoy a conversation with you, let's have another

733
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 4: conversation as soon as possible, Like why.

734
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: Are we waiting?

735
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: What?

736
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: Yeah?

737
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 4: What are we? What are we with?

738
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 3: You?

739
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:09,720
Speaker 4: Like kidding ourselves for.

740
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 3: You know, I went out with somebody last week and

741
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 3: I was telling this story about this. I put cayenne

742
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 3: pepper in my coffee and he was like what I go, yeah,

743
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 3: so like.

744
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 4: Wa wait you like willingly you know it?

745
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

746
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 4: Coffee? Why? Oh?

747
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 3: My whole coffee creation is like bananas anyway.

748
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 4: So your coffee game is elevated, got it?

749
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 3: Well, I wouldn't say it's elevated.

750
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 4: I would say it's Dianne, which nobody has. I've never

751
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 4: heard of that before.

752
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 3: So neither tomorrow.

753
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:41,280
Speaker 4: It's either elevated or you're an alcoholic and there's something

754
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 4: else we should be talking about. Because the.

755
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 3: Something and the cinnamon sugar. Anyway, So I took a

756
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 3: picture of it, okay, and I sent him the picture

757
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 3: of it with the coffee, and he wrote back saying,

758
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: oh my god, you made my day that you reached

759
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 3: out to me. This is making me And it was

760
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 3: like so warm and receptive and you know, it just

761
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 3: felt it felt good.

762
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 4: That's yeah. I mean, what are you looking for? Are

763
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 4: you looking for a real relationship with someone? Where an ease.

764
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 4: Feel that and the person that you are dating feels

765
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 4: that as well. If you do, if that's what you're

766
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 4: looking for, do that. It's it doesn't have to be

767
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 4: that complicated.

768
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 1: Do it.

769
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 4: Enjoy speaking to each other, enjoy sharing silly stories and

770
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 4: pictures and thinking about you just wanted to let you know, like,

771
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 4: you know, be secure in that, and hope that the

772
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 4: person that you're interested in is secure in the same way,

773
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 4: because you're setting yourself up for the kind of relationship

774
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 4: that you want. And if they if they experience that

775
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 4: as I don't like that, I feel attacked. I feel

776
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 4: like that, you know, that's just way too committal for

777
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 4: me right now. And they've got all these walls up,

778
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 4: in these guards up, then you know, and you get

779
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 4: the fuck out now, stop wasting time, right like, do it?

780
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 4: And if it literally lasts for a day, it's it's one,

781
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 4: you know, it's a day out of a lifetime. Move on,

782
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 4: go meet some other people, compared to somebody that like

783
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 4: kind of leads you on a little bit with it,

784
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 4: but it's not really something that they're into. And then

785
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 4: it's overwhelming, and then all of a sudden you're going,

786
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 4: oh my God, what have I done. I've been this

787
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 4: way since the beginning, but they sort of lied to

788
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: me and they led me onto they led me to

789
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 4: believe that they liked this, but they didn't really like.

790
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 1: I don't have time, right, brat. Let me ask you

791
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: a question. What do you I love that?

792
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 2: I think that's just really smart too, And it's just

793
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 2: like a lot of people and just like, well, you know,

794
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 2: they have these expectations of things you're going to change

795
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 2: or evolve. I mean, people tell you exactly who they are.

796
00:41:58,680 --> 00:41:59,879
Speaker 2: They tell you, so.

797
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: You're not listening to your problem. What Why do men ghost?

798
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 4: I think I think men ghost because they're not honest

799
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 4: about how they feel from the get go. So they

800
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 4: feel like I don't want to be confrontational or say

801
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,839
Speaker 4: no to somebody, so I'm just going to disappear. It's

802
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 4: just easier because then.

803
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 3: It's just so rude.

804
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 4: But then, but then I don't have to deal with

805
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 4: the repercussions of this person that I let on for

806
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 4: this way or that way, you know, and not being

807
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 4: honest about it, and like I don't have to answer

808
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 4: to anything. I can literally just disappear and she can

809
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 4: think whatever she thinks until she forgets about me, who cares?

810
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 2: So now I have another question about the process of

811
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 2: breaking up for men. So do you know a lot

812
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 2: of men who've been through therapy after divorce or how

813
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 2: how do you how do you and your friends like

814
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 2: process that that time?

815
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:03,800
Speaker 4: So so, me and my friends, we are very honest

816
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 4: with each other. I have a great group of guys

817
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 4: around me. We are very complimentary of each other. We

818
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 4: support each other, we're we're like constantly giving each other

819
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 4: a pat on the back when you're dad, when you're

820
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 4: doing those things. Because those are the kind of people

821
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 4: that I want around me. I think I think it's

822
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 4: very telling the people that are around someone that you

823
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 4: meet because their friends are that that gives you a

824
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 4: very clear picture of where they are in life. And

825
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 4: when you again, when you meet someone and they show

826
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 4: you who they are, believe them and I and you

827
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 4: know a lot of times they show you who they

828
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 4: are by the people that they're surrounded.

829
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 3: You are who you surround yourself with.

830
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 4: Like, I feel like I'm in a place where I

831
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 4: want the people around me that are on the same

832
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 4: path as me. They want to they want to they

833
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 4: want to take that road less travel, they want to

834
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 4: be authentic. They want to live in the moment. They

835
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 4: want to be real. They they don't feel insecure about things,

836
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 4: and if they do, they share them. You know, I

837
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 4: don't want to be with a group of people that

838
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 4: are just fun to hang out with. But I don't actually,

839
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 4: I don't actually grow with because what's the fucking I

840
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 4: want to grow like. I don't ever want to be

841
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 4: in a place where I am just settling for life.

842
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:39,480
Speaker 4: I don't and I and I know that as uh

843
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 4: as much as I've learned and grown, I I plan

844
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:45,879
Speaker 4: on doing that for the rest of my life. And

845
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,880
Speaker 4: I love any information that I get from somebody that

846
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 4: makes me go hmm, holy shit. I didn't I never

847
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 4: even thought of that. That's amazing.

848
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 2: I have one last question before I have to wrap up.

849
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 2: But have you been on dates where women just have

850
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 2: had too much therapy and they're just like with that

851
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 2: therapy speak? Have you been on those and what are

852
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 2: your thoughts?

853
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think so. My bullsh meter is really sensitive

854
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 4: when it comes to people that talk the talk instead

855
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 4: of walking the walk. Yeah, I think, you know, I

856
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,360
Speaker 4: think all of the self help books and the stuff

857
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 4: people can stay the right words. I but I can

858
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 4: feel when they are actually walking the walk, when they

859
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 4: are reading those things and they're going, Okay, got it,

860
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 4: I'm going to try that stuff. Walking the walk is

861
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,760
Speaker 4: not It's not an easy thing to do. I always

862
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 4: tell people, you know, it's so easy for people to

863
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 4: preach about meditating and the things it's really hard to do.

864
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 4: Monks don't live on a mountain because it's fun. They

865
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 4: live on the top of a mountain by themselves because

866
00:45:56,480 --> 00:46:00,080
Speaker 4: that's what they have to do to stay focused on

867
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 4: who they want to be. So I love you know,

868
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 4: like you have to. You have to be honest about it.

869
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 4: You know. I'm honest with people about the fact that

870
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 4: meditating the like the way you you normally hear about meditating,

871
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 4: like sitting in a room quietly and you know, and

872
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 4: and doing an um and some sort of thing and

873
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 4: and and sitting like that is not I suck at that.

874
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 4: That is not something that I do. Meditation for me

875
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 4: is working outside on something d I Y like projects.

876
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 4: I when I'm by myself doing these things, I start

877
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 4: getting into my head and and and you know, hearing

878
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 4: conversations that I had with people and reflecting on what

879
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 4: I liked about what I did, and what I didn't

880
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 4: like about what I did. Like, I try and be

881
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 4: really conscious in moments, and there there are always times

882
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 4: where you get the end of the day and you go, God,

883
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 4: I did not handle that the way I wanted to.

884
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 4: So I try and live as consciously as possible.

885
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 1: I love that with that, Brian.

886
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for you're.

887
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 4: Gonna go, Yeah, you're gonna go, like organize your closet

888
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 4: or something like, yeah, hey, whatever, whatever it is that

889
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 4: gets you out of like the grind of stuff and

890
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 4: activity with other people and gets you into an activity

891
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 4: just with yourself where you can sit and really kind

892
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 4: of unwind and focus and breathe a little bit. You

893
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 4: can do that, man, whatever it is, if it's doing

894
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:47,240
Speaker 4: dishes or doing laundry, or cleaning or gardening or washing

895
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 4: the car, whatever it is, do it.

896
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Brian.

897
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 4: We love having.

898
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm so excited. I can't wait to pad with you

899
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,839
Speaker 2: so many more times. I need to hear everything that's

900
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 2: in that.

901
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 4: Brain of yours. Thank you so much for the hot

902
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 4: takes falling out constantly.

903
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: We're so excited for you to be on ITU Part two.

904
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 2: Do you have any questions you want to get on

905
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 2: Brian's perspective and when it comes to love.

906
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: Dating, sex, divorce, all of it. Email us or call us.

907
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 2: All of the info are in the show notes falls

908
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 2: on Socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast

909
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 2: I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast.

910
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 1: We're falling in love is the main objective.