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Speaker 1: Well, the fucking mini episode many episode, moll the fucking mini.

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Speaker 2: Episod murder Right, Welcome to another episode of My Mama

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Speaker 2: Told Me.

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Speaker 3: The podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets

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Speaker 3: of black conspiracy theories and.

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Speaker 2: We worked to prove the conspiracies of you the listeners.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, fucking mini episode.

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Speaker 2: I'm David Bory, I'm like Saint German and and.

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Speaker 3: We we're we're excited. I don't know, we we're a

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Speaker 3: little low energy this time.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I feel like that murderer thing didn't start the

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Speaker 2: way that I wanted it to be.

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Speaker 3: I liked it, did you be clear?

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Speaker 2: I liked it.

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Speaker 3: It shocked me it certainly it threw me off, but

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Speaker 3: not in a way that I felt a fit did

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Speaker 3: or or upset about it. I just it threw me

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Speaker 3: off my square for a second.

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Speaker 2: All right, that's good. I think it was a big swing.

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Speaker 2: Because sometimes you know, life's about pushing yourself forward.

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Speaker 3: You gotta challenge yourself, and I think you did that today.

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Speaker 2: All right, Well, that's good. How's everybody feeling? Is that

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Speaker 2: how you start?

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Speaker 3: I don't think so, because they can't talk back, so

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Speaker 3: it's sort of a I like.

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Speaker 2: To think they're all talking back in their car.

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Speaker 3: They go, good David, we good.

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Speaker 2: Girls, girls, moms in town. You know that.

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Speaker 3: Talking about when you're gonna pick a real career and

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Speaker 3: not just a job.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, man, Come on, you know I make

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Speaker 2: beats you. We are here. We have a great we

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Speaker 2: have a great email today.

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Speaker 3: We do have a great email.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited about this. It has everything that I

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Speaker 2: like in a conspiracy, which is you know P.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's your main thing is like oftentimes we'll log

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Speaker 3: off or we'll stop recording and we'll still have conversations.

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Speaker 3: How did the episode go? What do we think we

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Speaker 3: could do better in the the the podcast in general?

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Speaker 3: And David's biggest thing is we need more P.

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Speaker 2: We need more P. You know what I mean? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: pushing P. Pushing P.

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Speaker 3: Pushing P is is something he's always shouting at us.

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Speaker 3: And we say, we say, Bory, please, enough's enough, and

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Speaker 3: he says, no, fuck that, push more P.

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Speaker 2: Of all the liquids to come out of your body,

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Speaker 2: I think it's the funniest.

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Speaker 3: WHOA, that's a ball statement. You think P is funnier

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Speaker 3: than poop liquids? Oh liquids?

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Speaker 2: Well, it's not funnier than diarrhea.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, that's that's the closet.

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Speaker 2: Second. Diarrhea is the funniest technically, diarrhea is the funniest

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Speaker 2: liquid to come out of your body.

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Speaker 3: Diarrhea the rarest of the liquids coming out of your

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Speaker 3: body and then pee. Not if you were me and

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Speaker 3: my twenties fair enough weekly, bro, were you doing something

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Speaker 3: specifically to attract diarrhea to your inside or was it

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Speaker 3: just happening?

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Speaker 2: I think I was just living foul man. Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: never had like a long period where you got a

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Speaker 2: lot of diarrhea and you I don't think.

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Speaker 3: I was more just curious about your diarrhea. There was

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Speaker 3: a period where I was exclusively drinking cracking rum.

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Speaker 2: I would.

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Speaker 3: I would drink, I would buy like fifths of cracking

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Speaker 3: and then fucking twenty ounces of vanilla coke and i

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Speaker 3: would jump out half the vanilla coke and then I'd

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Speaker 3: fill the rest with cracking, and I'd go to the

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Speaker 3: club and you off cracking dog cracking and coke, and

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Speaker 3: I'd be I would black the fuck out, Like almost weekly,

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Speaker 3: I was blacking out off of cracking and coke and

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Speaker 3: shitting my brains out the next day and then going

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Speaker 3: to educate children after.

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Speaker 2: Rum is already like a crazy thing to make your drink.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy. It's all crazy. Man. Black rum was my choice.

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Speaker 3: I was bugging.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you were going crazy. Man. I wish part of

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Speaker 2: me does though, wish I could have witnessed that era.

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Speaker 2: That sounds like a good time.

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Speaker 3: I was having a great time and get I get

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Speaker 3: girls to come over and I'd offer them black rum

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Speaker 3: and they'd be like, no, I'm good, And I didn't

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Speaker 3: understand why, because I was like, that's the best. That

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Speaker 3: was it.

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Speaker 2: That was one of the first like grow up things

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Speaker 2: I ever realized. Like I'd have a girl come over,

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, I got some leftover jim B And

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Speaker 2: she'd be like, no, no, I don't want that. I

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Speaker 2: don't get why, a you psychopaths?

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Speaker 3: Why why is this the only choice you had.

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Speaker 4: It's it's one thing, if it's if you had if

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Speaker 4: that's like your choice, right, like if you just go yo,

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Speaker 4: I prefer black rum rum.

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Speaker 2: Guy, you got different types of black rum or something.

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Speaker 3: It is what it is. I don't you know whatever.

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Speaker 3: But the fact that you're like, dog, I am, I

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Speaker 3: am sinking all my profits into this and nothing else.

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Speaker 3: You gotta go to jail.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 3: Oh you do not pass go, do not collect two

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Speaker 3: hundred dollars. You're going to jail.

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Speaker 2: Oh man. Rum Yeah, cracking. Some of about cracking specific It

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Speaker 2: was like new at the time though, right because it

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Speaker 2: hasn't been it was.

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Speaker 3: It was super new. It was the bottle was cool.

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Speaker 3: It felt like a signature in a way.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I'm I was still a comedian, so there was a

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Speaker 3: part of me that was like, I gotta do the

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Speaker 3: ship that other niggas ain't doing, and it was just

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Speaker 3: a bad choice.

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Speaker 2: No, I understand. I understand wanting to make yourself a

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Speaker 2: rum guy for sure, because you don't want to drink

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Speaker 2: like everybody else. I get it, Like we are you

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Speaker 2: gonna be a Hennessy guy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, seem whack. But I also like knew that, like,

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Speaker 3: all right, I should I should be a dark flickuor

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Speaker 3: man that classier.

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Speaker 2: Also, I drink a lot of Hendisy. I'm not like,

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying I understand the want to not look like.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I wanted to be special crack Instead. Instead,

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Speaker 3: I destroyed my inside and I don't know that I'll

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Speaker 3: ever recover fully from what I did.

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Speaker 2: And the vanilla coke that's so sweet.

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Speaker 3: But all of it was crazy, dude, It truly none

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Speaker 3: of it made sense.

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Speaker 2: Was it?

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Speaker 3: Like hands like you were pouring out some of the

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Speaker 3: can no twenty ounces, like you could travel with it?

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Speaker 3: So I could travel with it. So because I was

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Speaker 3: in Boston at the time, so you know, the t

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Speaker 3: the train out there, you can get on the train.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to be able to travel, and I presume

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Speaker 3: that this was like the cleanest way of handling that,

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Speaker 3: not also getting drunk. But what you don't realize is

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Speaker 3: that rum makes you stink like a fucking pirate. You

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Speaker 3: smell like an alcoholic. So I'm out thinking. I'm being

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Speaker 3: like cool and subtle, and people on the train are

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Speaker 3: looking at me like, who is this monster?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 3: It smells like he rides the rails all day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he smells like he lives on this train.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was.

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Speaker 2: All bad. I get it, man, I get it. Man.

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Speaker 2: I've smoked beat on the bus before. I'm not here

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Speaker 2: to say anything. I completely understand.

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Speaker 3: Dear listeners, It's Langston Kerman and it's David Bori, and

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Speaker 3: we are the hosts of a little podcast called My

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Speaker 3: Mama Told Me, and more importantly, my Mama told me,

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Speaker 3: is going on tour. We're eating a bunch of phenomenal

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Speaker 3: cities and we want you to be there. Yes, come

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Speaker 3: out and see us. We are going to be in Seattle, Washington,

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Speaker 3: August twelfth, August thirteenth, Los Angeles, California, August nineteenth, Houston, Texas,

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Speaker 3: August twentieth, Austin, Texas, August twenty fourth, Chicago, Illinois, Illinois.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to do it. August twenty sixth,

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Speaker 3: New York, New York, and August twenty seventh and Pittsburgh, PA.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna be telling jokes, We're gonna be playing games,

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Speaker 3: we are going to be spreading salacious rumors, and we're

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Speaker 3: gonna be accusing some of your favorite black people of

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Speaker 3: being a part of the illuminati. It's all gonna be phenomenal.

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Speaker 3: Got to be there. Buy your tickets now?

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Speaker 2: Should we Should we get into this? Yeah, let's get

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Speaker 2: into this long because this is an exciting one. Like

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Speaker 2: I said, p Bass, here we go Langston and David PS.

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Speaker 2: My dog's name is Langston. I don't like that at all.

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Speaker 3: I don't care for that edition I don't give a

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Speaker 3: ship what your dog's name is. I certainly don't want

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Speaker 3: to know that your dog and my and I share

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Speaker 3: a name. Fuck your dog?

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Speaker 2: What if he named it after you? Though? I don't know?

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Speaker 3: Now I'm torn, Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 2: Because you could be kind of flattered.

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Speaker 3: But also yeah, I'm a little honored. But I'm also like,

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Speaker 3: come on, man, stop, don't not a dog name your

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Speaker 3: child after me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, make a good choice. That's definitely a people name. Anyways,

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Speaker 2: growing up in North growing up in rural North Louisiana,

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Speaker 2: I've heard of some off the wall stuff. Hell, I

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Speaker 2: believe most of it. One that stands out is this

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Speaker 2: piece advice lots of pre pevestingployees received from their mama's

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Speaker 2: uncles and heck whoever else they wanted to grow facial hair. Uh.

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Speaker 2: This isn't that well written that.

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Speaker 3: I do love. Uh, because he's saying he grew up

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Speaker 3: in rural North Louisiana. Nothing made that more apparent than

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Speaker 3: him saying, heck, yeah, he wrote it down, but I

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Speaker 3: never wrote heck in my life.

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Speaker 2: That's so funny. It's a weird. It's a weird thing

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Speaker 2: to say for growing up all right, and heck, whoever

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Speaker 2: else that if they wanted to grow facial hair to

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Speaker 2: just put a little pea on their face and boom,

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Speaker 2: all caps wolf man. I saw it happen with many

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Speaker 2: of my friends after rubbing pits on their face. Ol

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Speaker 2: oh l those caps too. I didn't do it. I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I didn't try it because I didn't need it. But

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Speaker 2: I believed that. I believe the ammonia and the p

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Speaker 2: is what does the trick? Which y'all think this? Have

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Speaker 2: you ever heard of this? Advice? Ps? Me and my

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Speaker 2: boys coming to see you next week in Seattle. We

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Speaker 2: in there and then he should I say his name? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Daondon and a lot of degrees I don't understand.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Dathion is a pH D, He's an impass, He's

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Speaker 3: a posse, He's a mitches.

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Speaker 2: I think that's a munch.

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Speaker 3: Oh, he's a munch. He's a munches. Trademark Daython is

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Speaker 3: a very very capable person who writes heck down in emails.

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Speaker 2: Hey, we'll see you in Seattle.

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Speaker 3: We'll see you in Seattle, big dog.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of this one?

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Speaker 3: Uh? I?

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Speaker 5: Who?

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Speaker 3: I have heard? And we talked about this on the

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Speaker 3: podcast with Miss Pat, who you know, I love dearly.

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Speaker 3: I'm a big, big fan of Miss Pat and she

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Speaker 3: loves me, and that's the important part. It's reciprocal love.

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Speaker 3: That a bond that was built that cannot be broken.

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Speaker 3: That's say, gee, I can't imagine she ever stops talking

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Speaker 3: about me. But Miss Pat came on the podcast and

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Speaker 3: talked about how baby urine could be used to cure acne.

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Speaker 3: We did not discuss the possibility that baby urine could

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Speaker 3: also be used for growing facial hair. And it also

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Speaker 3: this Daython does not actually specify that it's baby.

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Speaker 2: Urine if I don't think.

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Speaker 3: I think he's saying I could a other A person

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Speaker 3: could just piss on a person's face and hair will grow.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's different application methods.

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Speaker 3: Is pretty clear. I agree to disagree. I think being

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Speaker 3: pretty clear here that uh, you could just whip your

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Speaker 3: dick out be on a man's face and he's gonna

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Speaker 3: grow a sweet Hulk Hogan mustache.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy, because how bad do you want your ship

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Speaker 2: to connect? I'm not letting anybody pee on my face.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't.

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Speaker 3: I listen, there's that that theory that if you get

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Speaker 3: stung by a jellyfish. You let somebody else pee on

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Speaker 3: you and the sting will go away, and it's like, nah,

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Speaker 3: I'll keep stinging.

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Speaker 2: I'm good. It's also so I was it when I

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Speaker 2: was playing Dead Crow Comedy Club. My feature got stung

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Speaker 2: by a jellyfish and she just went to the lifeguard

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Speaker 2: tower and he had a cream. You don't have to

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Speaker 2: be going crazy like that peeing on everybody.

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Speaker 3: Oh that they actually.

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Speaker 2: Have, Like, I got a whole thing for it, man,

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Speaker 2: knock it right out.

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Speaker 3: Medications for this. You don't have to rely on urine

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Speaker 3: as a solution.

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Speaker 2: Because we had that awkward moment where she was like,

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Speaker 2: I think I got some by a jellyfish, and I.

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Speaker 5: Was like, finally a reason be on you all day. No,

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Speaker 5: that's I never heard this one. I don't like it.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't care for it at all. I think

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Speaker 3: I was a little more on board when I thought

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Speaker 3: we were talking about baby urine. But if we're just

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Speaker 3: talking about grown ass urine, there ain't nothing medicinal in

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Speaker 3: nobody's p that I know.

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Speaker 2: Because baby. Something feels different about a baby where it

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Speaker 2: might have some magical quality that were yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like it feels like I don't think baby urine smells.

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Speaker 3: Hmm right, I agree to disagree.

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Speaker 2: Uh doesn't smell back.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't smell the way our urine smells, if that

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Speaker 3: makes sense, right, right?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: It certainly it is. Yeah, it doesn't smell like cracking.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't smell like a twenty three year old man

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Speaker 3: who really needs to reflect.

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Speaker 2: On some things.

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Speaker 3: It does smell. It smells like something and not as

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Speaker 3: something you want to keep smelling. But it isn't pungent

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Speaker 3: in the same way that everything else is, right.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I also feel like if this was true,

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Speaker 2: people would have you know how many bad beards are

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Speaker 2: out there like this, this would have caught on, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, I agree, like this would

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Speaker 2: have been, this would have been, this would have everybody

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Speaker 2: would have been I would have been doing it before

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Speaker 2: I had a beer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, even my beard, Like and I think I have

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Speaker 3: a relatively connected beard, but there are parts that grow

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Speaker 3: thicker than others and certainly could be more connected. And

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Speaker 3: I would have a Joe Budden ass beard.

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Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, it would be great if.

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Speaker 3: This were true. I would have figured this out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I did a lot, like I had to

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Speaker 2: have time on task to connect like years and years

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Speaker 2: and years if you're making black castor oil and all

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Speaker 2: kinds of stuff, because I don't even think. I think

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Speaker 2: it's kind of a perversion that I even have facial

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Speaker 2: hair if we're getting into it. Uh oh, the other

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Speaker 2: men in my family don't seem to. And like when

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Speaker 2: you go to Si Leon, you don't see a lot

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Speaker 2: of men with beards as big as mine. But is

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Speaker 2: that is that like a cultural thing? You know what

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Speaker 2: I mean?

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Speaker 3: Like how you like when you go to African nations,

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Speaker 3: a lot of people keep their hair very low, and

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Speaker 3: some of that is just its hottest fuck out there.

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Speaker 3: This is like a style that everybody has adopted more

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Speaker 3: than it is, Like, y'all, it's not that they can't

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Speaker 3: grow long hair, it's that they choose not to.

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Speaker 2: I guess that's a question. I thought it was like

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Speaker 2: some kind of GMOs or something. I got you. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Do you think all the shit that we're eating out

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Speaker 3: here is making beards bigger? Because Americans, I think, are

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Speaker 3: bearded men.

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Speaker 2: Beards and boobs.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah American.

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Speaker 2: Bigger beards and bigger rests.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, damn go crazy America.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this thing is ending anyways, get all the biggest

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Speaker 2: hairy titties you want.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, whatever's in the water, get them big old hairy

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Speaker 3: titties from going. Who else does?

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Speaker 2: Like I said, this plane is crashing.

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Speaker 3: So dadion, I guess part of what I would say

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Speaker 3: to your suggestion that this is rooted in truth, because

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Speaker 3: you saw people grow their beards after having been pissed on,

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Speaker 3: I would say some of that is probably connected to

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Speaker 3: just maturity, Like they were already maturing and going through puberty,

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Speaker 3: and it just happened that them getting peed on syncd

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Speaker 3: up with the time that their beards started to grow.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that it's it's as much causation as

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Speaker 3: it is sort of random correlation.

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Speaker 2: I guess, right, right, right, And good on you for

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Speaker 2: not needing it, although I don't believe you. I think

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Speaker 2: you tried it a little bit. Yeah, you peed on your.

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Speaker 3: You know what you did, well, sprinkle a little yeah,

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Speaker 3: a little nasty boy, yourself.

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Speaker 2: That little boy in the home alone.

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Speaker 3: Everybody kept walking around like this.

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Speaker 2: Niggas stink. Damn. You know. P is the worst thing

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Speaker 2: to smell like too, Yeah, it's not good. I think

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Speaker 2: it's probably worse to smell like Pete than poop. Mmmm

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Speaker 2: oh that's tough. Actually, yeah, I don't know. I here's

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Speaker 2: what I think the worst smell is.

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Speaker 3: I won't I won't make that decision, but I will

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Speaker 3: say that that dried poop is the worst smell of

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Speaker 3: all the smells. When it's reached a point where it

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Speaker 3: becomes like that crusted like aged poop is like like, oh,

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Speaker 3: we've this is bad bad.

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Speaker 2: I mean, dried piece is pretty bad though, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: soaked into the mattress type dried, that's a pretty terrible smell.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, if you at home have a big opinion,

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Speaker 3: a hard filmed opinion about which smell is worse wet

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Speaker 3: pee or dry pee versus wet poop or dry poop,

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Speaker 3: we'd love to hear it. We love to hear all

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Speaker 3: of your thoughts relating to to all versions of the

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Speaker 3: wet and the dry that comes out of our bodies

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Speaker 3: and and send it all to my mama pod at

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Speaker 3: gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you.

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Speaker 3: Once again, No pictures, No pictures. There's that's we're talking

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Speaker 3: about smells here. There's no reason to show us pictures

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Speaker 3: of your dried poop or wet poop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, or pee, although if I'd rather see your pea

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Speaker 2: than your pool.

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Speaker 3: I'll take your pee. If I got to pick, I'll

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Speaker 3: take your pee.

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Speaker 2: But I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't have to because you don't have to send

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Speaker 3: it beautiful, beautiful bory, because you tell the people where

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Speaker 3: they can find you and what cool shit you have

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Speaker 3: going on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, come find me a cool guy jokes eighty seven

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Speaker 2: on Instagram. Uh, come come to our tour, and then

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Speaker 2: after that, I'm going on my own tour. Bring David

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Speaker 2: aplate dot com for all the dates, send me a

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Speaker 2: picture of a plate, and then if I like it,

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Speaker 2: you can bring it to the show and I'll give

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Speaker 2: you a discount of tickets. So you know that's good.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna have some merchant ship like that, a bunch

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Speaker 2: of cities that I don't have listed right now, but

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Speaker 2: you know I'm gonna be in Ohio, shit like that.

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Speaker 3: Man whoa.

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Speaker 2: Oo, shit like that.

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Speaker 3: Uh yeah, go go fucking see David and more and

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Speaker 3: not more importantly, but equally importantly, come see us on tour. Well,

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Speaker 3: I think we still have some dates left when this

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Speaker 3: comes out. Okay, great, Yeah, So so if you are

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Speaker 3: in Seattle, you still have a chance to see us there.

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Speaker 3: If you are in Los Angeles this Sunday, August thirteenth,

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Speaker 3: we would love to see you at the Improv and

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00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 3: then Chicago, Pittsburgh, New York, Houston, Austin. You all all

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Speaker 3: have the chance to see us perform live. It's gonna

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Speaker 3: be a great show. We're gonna talk some shit, we're

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Speaker 3: gonna have some amazing guests and and we would love

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Speaker 3: to see you come out. Yeah, enjoy And as always,

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Speaker 3: you can follow me at Langston Kerman and and that's

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Speaker 3: that's the whole shebang. By bitch no who sent you.

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Speaker 1: Nig motherfucking mini yea sool Mini episode, Well, the fucking

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Speaker 1: Mini Ever Sol motherfucking Mini easol Minie episode. Mother fucking

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Speaker 1: mini eversold all everything s