1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 12 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 3: It's about not focusing on the deficit and really looking 13 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 3: at your life and what is in your life that 14 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 3: is filling your life up. And I think that that 15 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 3: really does help. And I shifted from there because I 16 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 3: saw what I really had, I embrace it. 17 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 18 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 19 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 20 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 21 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 22 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our 23 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 25 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a 26 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 27 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 28 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 29 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 30 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 2: five roads to fake friends, and create a safe space 31 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 2: where black women can just be. 32 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: Hey, Lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 33 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: Are you currently a resident of the state of California 34 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please 35 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 36 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: That's d R D O M I n I q 37 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: U E b r O U S s ar d 38 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. 39 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,800 Speaker 2: I look forward to hearing from you. Than Hello lady. Today, 40 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 2: we have a very special guest and Cultivating her Speee podcast. 41 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 2: We actually have my new therapist here on the show, 42 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 2: so I'm super excited for this conversation. Eve Marie is 43 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 2: a woman that affirms daily that she is only here 44 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 2: for God. Her passion is to live on purpose and 45 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: loving coaching, encouraging and aspiring others to get to know, 46 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 2: own and accept themselves. For over forty years, Even Marie 47 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 2: has been in the pursuit of peace, and today she 48 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: believes that she has mastered her prescription for how to 49 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 2: live a life of peace. On this journey, she has 50 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 2: earned a master's degree in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University. 51 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 2: She is licensed in Marriage and Family Therapy and certified 52 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 2: in life mastery and well being coaching. Eve Marie is 53 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 2: also the founder and executive clinical director of a faith 54 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 2: based private practice for well being, Eve's Place of Peace. 55 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 2: Eve Marie, welcome to cultivating her space. 56 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you so much for having me. 57 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 2: You're so welcome or super excited for this conversation today. 58 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: Today, yes we are, and so we are going to 59 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: dive right in with our quote of the day. And 60 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: Eve Marie, this quote of the day should sound really 61 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: familiamiliar to you because this is one of your words 62 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: of wisdom. As humans, we tend to hold on to 63 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: people and things. We have a deep love for. Holding 64 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: on in general is about us trying to have control. 65 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,839 Speaker 1: We hold on mostly because we don't want to feel 66 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 1: the pain and sadness that come along with letting go, 67 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: so we do whatever we can to avoid those feelings. 68 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 1: But pain and sadness are part of our human experience. 69 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. That is so beautiful, and I think that 70 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: in that particular word of wisdom, it applies to our 71 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: conversation today as we talk about what it is like 72 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: to have a family member who has mental illness or 73 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: psychological disorder, and what that really looks like in that 74 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: journ jorney to finding peace for ourselves. So are you 75 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: ready to dive in? 76 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 3: I think I'm ready do it. Let's do it. 77 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: So Rickin, tell us a bit about your origin story 78 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 2: and what prompted you to dive into the world of psychotherapy. 79 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 3: Sure, absolutely, I think for sure it's my story. It's 80 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,600 Speaker 3: my origin story that brought me here. And really I 81 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 3: always thought it was my mother who suffered from mental 82 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:32,160 Speaker 3: illness because she did from a young child and from trauma. 83 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 3: And however, in realizing once I decided because this is 84 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 3: a second career for me. Originally I was in human 85 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 3: resources and I've always been an entrepreneur. And so the 86 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 3: idea you know, in looking through my journals, when I 87 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 3: was going through my I want to say, mid life 88 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 3: crisis at forty and deciding what I want to do 89 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 3: with the second half of my life, it was clear 90 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 3: in my learning that I was always engaged in helping people, 91 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 3: you know, through my church, me and my husband ran 92 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 3: in small groups for couples. I had volunteered for suicide Hotline, 93 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 3: the Great Prices for families. I had started Girls Talk 94 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 3: for teenage girls in high school as a safe place 95 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 3: to talk about everything their sexuality, but just everything that 96 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 3: you know, young people go through. The idea though, in 97 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 3: reflecting in those journals, you know, this was this was 98 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:39,480 Speaker 3: always my calling, and it was because as a young 99 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 3: person I suffered and suffered with so much shame around 100 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 3: not having a mom or my mom not being available, 101 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 3: you know. And so in studying going back then, I 102 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,119 Speaker 3: realized in my studies that, you know what my father 103 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 3: suffered too. So I had two parents that suffered with 104 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 3: I'm going to say severe. Now that I am a therapist, 105 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 3: I can say that it's both of them severe mental illness. 106 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 3: And really that's why I'm here is to help others 107 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 3: really master who they are and how to navigate and 108 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 3: heal from shame and all the other you know, defenses 109 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 3: that rise up because we you know, have mentally parents 110 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 3: are family members. 111 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: Wow, I can definitely appreciate your origin story, and I 112 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: think that it's beautiful how you transition careers. But it 113 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily a transition in the sense that you were 114 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: already in the giving and helping with others in general. 115 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: And so but there's one there was one thing that 116 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 1: you said in terms of your parents having severe mental illness. 117 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 1: Can you tell us what is the definition of severe 118 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: mental illness? Because you know, we know, like statistics show 119 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: that the majority of us will experience some level of 120 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 1: anxiety or depression in our lives, and so what is 121 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: severe mental illness? Like what psychological disorders would be considered severe. 122 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 3: Psychological disorders, there's a spectrum, and so there is mild, moderate, severe, 123 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 3: and so severe is really when you are not able 124 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 3: to really function in day to day living, You're not 125 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 3: able to really hold a job and do what is 126 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 3: required of you as a human being to take care 127 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 3: of yourself. That's really severe. And I would say that 128 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 3: both of my parents, throughout my lifetime both suffered to 129 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 3: the extent that they couldn't take care of themselves at 130 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 3: different points in time, lets alone their children. Thank God 131 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,439 Speaker 3: for grandparents, right, because they stepped into help. 132 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 2: That's right. Thank God for grandparents got to love them. Yeah, 133 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: So even where, can you tell me a little bit 134 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 2: about your words of wisdom? That's something that you really 135 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 2: focus on your practice, and so can you tell us 136 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 2: about I guess what inspired you to create your words 137 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 2: of wisdom? And then what exactly are the words of 138 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 2: wisdom and how do they help people with powerful shifts 139 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 2: in their lives. 140 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 3: I'm going to say that I am a creative at heart, 141 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 3: where both my parents are are are creative as well, 142 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,319 Speaker 3: and so I've always been a writer. Like I said, 143 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,079 Speaker 3: I kept a journal always just about my entire life. 144 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 3: And so I think it was when I really I 145 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 3: know I put it. I guess when again, in that 146 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 3: phase of being midlife prices, I started really writing, and 147 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 3: I think it was about the healing and about what 148 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 3: was my next step because that was a surrender on 149 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 3: where where does God want me to be? And so 150 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 3: from there it was really just writing every day and 151 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 3: it was really about peace, just living in peace, and 152 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 3: it was designed to really help other people and so 153 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,679 Speaker 3: the words of wisdom come from a place of all 154 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 3: of my experiences. I had a client that shared with 155 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 3: me at some point and I loved it and I've 156 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 3: coined it and I keep saying it that my go 157 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 3: through is for somebody else, right, And so that's what 158 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 3: the words of wisdom really is about. It's about my 159 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 3: go through and leveling up somebody else's life because what 160 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 3: I have walked myself through, now I can walk others through. 161 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 3: And so that's what the words of wisdom are about. 162 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 3: You know, I'm starting up words of wisdom walk actually, 163 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 3: and it was a filmmaker that had encouraged me to 164 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 3: do it. Unfortunately a couple of months ago he passed away. 165 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 3: But I'm still in the process of how could I 166 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 3: he said, having a romance with the camera, learning how 167 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 3: to walk and talk and feel comfortable. And I have 168 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,359 Speaker 3: a partner, Doris Julie, who has always been a spiritual, 169 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 3: connective sister, and we are really in our experiences are 170 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 3: so different, and so just really sharing life's wisdom and 171 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 3: the things that we've been through with other people. It 172 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 3: really is helping others resonate and have tools know they're 173 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 3: not alone. Release shame. That's what it really is about. 174 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 3: That's beautiful. 175 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,320 Speaker 1: I really love that. 176 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:32,559 Speaker 3: And so. 177 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: How do you use the words of wisdom specifically around 178 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 1: helping someone cope with a loved one who has mental 179 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 1: illness and perhaps that loved one is treating them poorly. 180 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 3: Oh that's so interesting. You know, when I work with clients, 181 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 3: whether it be in coaching capacity or whether it be 182 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 3: in therapy. You know, as a woman of color. When 183 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 3: I first started this, first started my practice ten years ago, 184 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 3: you know, we're taught in graduate school. We're this empty slate, 185 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,079 Speaker 3: and so you know, you can't really be transparent. It's 186 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,680 Speaker 3: client center people. You know, your clients don't know anything 187 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 3: about you. And I knew. I knew that either I 188 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 3: had spent too much time in graduate school and I 189 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 3: was really designed to be a coach because I knew 190 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 3: I was that was not going to be my style 191 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 3: as it related to be a transparent because of what 192 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 3: I knew I was bringing to the table. And why 193 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 3: so I think that my words of wisdom come through 194 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 3: when I'm trying to help my clients humanize the experience 195 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 3: of being in relationship, first of all, with someone who 196 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 3: is mentally ill. Helping them understand the illness and differentiate 197 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,199 Speaker 3: the illness from the person. 198 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 2: You made me think of another question already carry one 199 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 2: of the things. This is a personal topic, Tommy. So 200 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 2: if you sense it I am triggered today, I probably am. 201 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 2: So it's all good. We're still all work in progress. 202 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 2: But I want to know, yes, we are the best 203 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 2: way to develop compassion? Yes, what is the best way 204 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 2: to develop compassion when you're when you are interacting with 205 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 2: someone that does have mental illness? Because I find that 206 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 2: for me, it's sometimes hard to see it as an 207 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 2: illness when you cannot see it, and it's easy for 208 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 2: me personally. I don't know bout anyone else, but to 209 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 2: take things personally when and someone appears to be okay 210 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 2: and there they may have great potential or be extremely intelligent, 211 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 2: and you see them doing well in other areadons of life. 212 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 2: But you're like, wait a minute, something doesn't add up. 213 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 2: So how do you develop compassion and work on being 214 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 2: so triggered? 215 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 3: The key word is, like you said, something doesn't add up, 216 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 3: and so you recognize that something's wrong. But but to 217 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 3: develop compassion first, I think it starts with you. I 218 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 3: think it starts with with you. Knowing yourself, You owning 219 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 3: yourself and where your stuff comes from. You recognizing that 220 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 3: we are human beings that are all flawed. We all 221 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 3: want grace, and so it starts with that grace and 222 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 3: that love that we give to ourselves. And as you 223 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 3: work to give that to yourselves, it penetrates and you 224 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 3: can give it to other people. So I like to 225 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 3: say that really does start with self and having an 226 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 3: understanding and grace of getting that, and then you it 227 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 3: creates to other people. 228 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: I love that that it starts with self. And so 229 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 1: then speaking of self, how do we set boundaries? You know, 230 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: so we've got the compassion down, we've got the grace down. 231 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 1: How do we then set boundaries to protect ourselves when 232 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: we're interacting with someone in our lives who's experiencing mental illness. 233 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 3: Yes, that's a tricky one too, And again the boundaries 234 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 3: that are set are unique to who you are. You 235 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 3: know a lot of times we want to talk to 236 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 3: our friends and other family members and they tell them, what, girl, 237 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 3: this is what I do or you want to do that, 238 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 3: But really it's it's again it goes back to you 239 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 3: knowing yourself and you knowing what is uncomfortable for you. 240 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 3: What your tolerance is, what your life looks like, how 241 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 3: much you can take, what season that you're in. All 242 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 3: of that dictates what the boundaries look like with that 243 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 3: mentally ill person. And I'll sort of give you an example. 244 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 3: It's in my own life and dealing, let's say, with 245 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,720 Speaker 3: my mom. So, my dear, loving, wonderful mother, and I 246 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 3: am so grateful. Know that I am so grateful for 247 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 3: my mother today. And while she has suffered and has 248 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 3: caused a lot of suffering in my life, I no 249 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 3: longer take it personal. I have forgiven my you know, 250 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 3: have forgiven my mom, and in setting boundaries with her, 251 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 3: it would look like you know, over the years, I 252 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 3: recognized after about let's say oo, in mom's presence, after 253 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 3: about twenty minutes, she starts to get triggered. And I 254 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 3: realized over the years and talking with Mom, I'm a 255 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 3: trigger for her from her abuse mom because I remind 256 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 3: her of her mother my disposition. How I show up 257 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 3: being overly responsible. You know, my mother suffers with a 258 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 3: mental illness, and she was a child, so her capacity, 259 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 3: her mental state is sort of like a teenager. So 260 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 3: when I come at her, I'm coming at her like 261 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 3: an adult, and after twenty minutes, that's too much adulting 262 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 3: and it triggers her and I realize that over the years. 263 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 3: So a boundary in annoying myself is after about twenty minutes, 264 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 3: I know that's enough time of being in the presence 265 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 3: with my mother. So therefore, you know what, I might 266 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 3: visit her fifteen twenty minutes, I'm taking her food, we 267 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 3: talk for a little minute, and I'm out twenty minutes. 268 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,199 Speaker 3: If it's a holiday, I already know I've got to 269 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 3: prepare myself if it's going to be an all day 270 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 3: of what that looks like. Otherwise I'm gonna do something 271 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 3: different with that holiday with my mom, depending on what season. 272 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 3: So I think that's an example of a boundary. She's 273 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 3: older now, right. I loved her from a distance, really 274 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:30,959 Speaker 3: didn't talk to her every day, didn't need to know 275 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 3: her every day interaction. It was a lot for me. 276 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 3: But now that she's older, my mom was like in 277 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 3: her eighties, I have to check in on her. How 278 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 3: does that look? That's healthy for me. That's just a simple, 279 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 3: you know, a couple minute phone call every day, Hey Mom, 280 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 3: how you doing you okay? I know within the first 281 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 3: ten fifteen seconds, whether or not she's taken her meds. 282 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 3: At that point, I could find out a little information. 283 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 3: I could help Rebel shoot to get her what she needs. 284 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,679 Speaker 3: That's the boundary. Would she like me to come over 285 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,639 Speaker 3: and spend a whole lot of time with her? I 286 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 3: can't do it. My life is full and it would 287 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 3: drain me beyond drain me. So I know what my 288 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 3: limits are. I love my mother. I know what my 289 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 3: limits are. I no longer hold that level of guilt 290 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 3: about what I can do and what I can't do. 291 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 3: I know what I can do, and I stay true 292 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:28,400 Speaker 3: to it. 293 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 2: That is a beautiful example. Oh that's so perfect. Can 294 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 2: we let's dive into more examples. I feel like examples 295 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 2: because these situations are so tricky and so hearing someone 296 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 2: else's perspective on how they're dealing with that, I think 297 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 2: is super helpful. I know for me and my the 298 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 2: work that I've been doing on myself, one of the 299 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 2: things that comes up is what do you do with 300 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 2: the I want to say, the gaping hole or the 301 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,200 Speaker 2: void that you feel from a loved one that does 302 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 2: have the mental illness and they don't have on their shelf. 303 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 2: What you're desiring what you need. You might need affection 304 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 2: and love, you might need and you might feel as 305 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 2: though you need an apology, right, But that person doesn't 306 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 2: have the capacity. So that what are we to do 307 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 2: with what we feel as though we're lacking because that 308 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 2: person hasn't showed up in the way that we want 309 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,159 Speaker 2: them to. 310 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and that's a part of the lacking, right. The 311 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 3: lacking is part is also rooted in what the pain 312 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 3: the trauma of them not being there, right, And so 313 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 3: it's it's a matter again of understanding, really understanding and 314 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 3: not taking personal how that parent showed up and the 315 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 3: fact that you said it Arry, they don't. They don't 316 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 3: have the capacity to give you what it is that 317 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,400 Speaker 3: you want. And so if you stay focused on that, 318 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 3: then you're going to continue to stay in that level 319 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 3: of kurd and pain because you're staying focused on the deficit. 320 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 3: And so, to tell you a story, it was again, 321 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 3: this is a milestone for me. I guess big year 322 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 3: was my fortieth birthday and going through that mid life crisis, 323 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,680 Speaker 3: and you know, I never had thrown a party for myself, 324 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 3: and I thought, oh, forty's a big one. And it 325 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 3: was somewhat painful for me because I believe it was 326 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 3: my fortieth birthday. My mom wasn't going to be there, 327 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 3: and I don't recall why. It's either she was in 328 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 3: the throes of either substance abuse or whatever the case 329 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 3: would be. But I'm giving this big brunch and she 330 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 3: wasn't going to be there, and naturally that was painful 331 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 3: for me, and I was focused on it, and so 332 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 3: it was even more painful because it's like, here, I'm 333 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 3: turning forty, I've gotten here, and I still don't have 334 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 3: my mama. Right, it's painful. However, I invited a lot 335 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,199 Speaker 3: of people in my life that I love and have 336 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 3: been there, and so we're sitting at brunch, Oh my goodness, 337 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 3: and I get up to say a speech to say 338 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 3: thank you to everybody that had come to celebrate my life. 339 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 3: And as I look around the room was the most beautiful, 340 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,199 Speaker 3: profound gift that God had given me, because as I 341 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 3: looked around the room, it was one auntie after another. 342 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 3: You know, some people don't even have God moms, and 343 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,439 Speaker 3: I had several and play moms and neighbors, and it 344 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 3: was all these mother figures that was revealed to me 345 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 3: in that moment. That I just couldn't even talk. I 346 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 3: was just overwhelmed with what God had given me. And 347 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 3: it was all of this wisdom, all of this caring, 348 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 3: all of this covering, all of this showing how to 349 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 3: be a woman, how to have character, how to walk 350 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,639 Speaker 3: in integrity, came from all of these beautiful women that 351 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 3: sat there in that room with me. So it's Terry. 352 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:53,440 Speaker 3: It's about not focusing on the deficit and really looking 353 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 3: at your life and what is in your life that 354 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,400 Speaker 3: is filling your life up. And I think that that 355 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 3: really does help. And I shifted from there because I 356 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 3: saw what I really had. I embrace it so beautiful. 357 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,360 Speaker 2: I love it. Thank you for sharing that too. 358 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 3: Thank you. 359 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, yes, I love I love that too. 360 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:15,479 Speaker 2: I know. 361 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: One of the things that I usually tell my clients 362 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: is that if there's a need that you're noticing, is 363 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: something that you feel that you're lacking. 364 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,359 Speaker 2: Like a mother or father figure, you can get. 365 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 3: That need met elsewhere. 366 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: And while it may it may hurt, and there may 367 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,360 Speaker 1: be some work around the grief and the loss of 368 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 1: not having your actual parent be the person to provide it, 369 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 1: there are so many other ways in which you can 370 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: still have that need met, and I think your example 371 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 1: was such a beautiful, beautiful example of that. 372 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a very profound moment. 373 00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 2: Yeah. 374 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: So one question I do have is how does one 375 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: begin to tell if someone in their life has mental illness? 376 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,360 Speaker 1: You know, like I mentioned before, we all have moments 377 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: of anxiety and depression, right, But how do we know 378 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,719 Speaker 1: that the person in our life, whether it's a parent 379 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: or another loved one, is experiencing symptoms that are worthy 380 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: of like a diagnosis. 381 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,880 Speaker 3: So again, I think it's when we're close to people 382 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 3: and we're around our family members and we can see 383 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 3: their level of maybe functioning is going down, maybe they're 384 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:51,639 Speaker 3: they're maybe more frustrated. Again, we're looking at their level 385 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 3: of how they show up in the world and what 386 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 3: they're able to do. Severe is you're not even really 387 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 3: being able to take care of yourself. But somebody who 388 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,439 Speaker 3: mild maybe you know they're sad. It's like checking in 389 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,439 Speaker 3: on somebody. Somebody's really anxious or having panic attacks you 390 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 3: or you might notice or they share with you what 391 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 3: they're going through. It's like really encouraging them. Have you 392 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 3: seen a doctor? Even sometimes emotional hell without us taking 393 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 3: care of it, right, will start to manifest in our 394 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,399 Speaker 3: body and we think, oh, it's something physical, when really 395 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 3: it's our stress levels that is now affecting us in 396 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,880 Speaker 3: our body. And so I think it's about checking in 397 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 3: on people and seeing how they're feeling. And again, if 398 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 3: somebody is operating very different than what you know to be, 399 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 3: don't just ignore it. Ask them. So I think that's 400 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 3: how we know. You know, in children, of course, there's 401 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 3: developmental stages and if a child is not you know, 402 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,439 Speaker 3: performing to that stage, well then we check in with 403 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 3: a doctor to find out, you know, somewhat of going 404 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 3: of what's going on. But with adults it's a little different. 405 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 3: And with teenagers it's like irritability, it's isolation. You need 406 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 3: to check in on them, find out what's going on, 407 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,560 Speaker 3: ask questions, and same with adults. A lot of times adults, 408 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 3: because we don't understand mental illness so much, we try 409 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 3: to hide it, right because it's a stigma unfortunately attached 410 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 3: to it, and we don't want people to know. But 411 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 3: it's like what we're doing now is helping release that stigma. 412 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. And I know you 413 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 2: talked a bit about some of the things that we 414 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 2: can do or a perspective shift that we can have 415 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 2: when we are focusing on what we might be lacking 416 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 2: and all actuality, we might actually have an abundance of 417 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 2: some type of energy that we're desiring. Are there any 418 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 2: suggestions or activities for maybe inner child work that we 419 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,639 Speaker 2: can do to help with that, because I know for 420 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 2: me in my experience, again this is personally as I'm 421 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 2: talking about my experience because that's what I know. But 422 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 2: when it comes to inner child work, are there any 423 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,400 Speaker 2: activities that you can recommend when that inner child comes 424 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 2: up and it's kind of longing for those things that 425 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 2: you've talked about, like the you know, the mother energy 426 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 2: or the father energy, or just looking for that person 427 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 2: that isn't there. I know you've shared someone with me personally, 428 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,159 Speaker 2: but I'd love to kind of share it with the 429 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 2: listeners as well. 430 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 3: I definitely think definitely with inner child work, but I 431 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 3: think if you're going to do the inner child work, 432 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 3: I would highly recommend that you do it with a 433 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 3: professional that can witness it, can walk you through, that 434 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 3: can help you, that can help you differentiate between that 435 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 3: little child self versus your adult cell. It's learning to 436 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,640 Speaker 3: love on and talk to that child self as you're 437 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 3: being triggered from those past traumas. Journaling is very very 438 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 3: helpful when those feelings or emotions or you're triggered, you 439 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 3: can purge them, allow the paper to hold it, sort 440 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 3: of work it out, pin the paper. I found that 441 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 3: that find that that's a really good tool. But I 442 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 3: always like to see when you're doing that inner child work. 443 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 3: Wh's just really important if you've grown up with childhood trauma, 444 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 3: do it with a professional. Work with a professional, because 445 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 3: you can retraumatize yourself all over again. It's I think 446 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 3: that it's nice if you have a professional that you're 447 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:19,440 Speaker 3: working with. 448 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: I think that that's a beautiful point there to like 449 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: to make sure that we do have someone with us 450 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: who can bear witness and can hold that with us 451 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: and can help us and guide us through that from 452 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:36,880 Speaker 1: a professional, from a professional stance. So I do want 453 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 1: to shift just a little bit. So you talk about 454 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: being faith based, right, And I know earlier you mentioned 455 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 1: that you know, for those of us that are mental 456 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 1: health professionals, in our training, we aren't taught to incorporate 457 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,680 Speaker 1: a lot of ourselves into this work. So can you 458 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:02,480 Speaker 1: talk to us a little bit about how you incorporate 459 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: your faith into the work that you do with clients. 460 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, I love it. I couldn't do it any 461 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 3: other way. And so really, me being a faith based 462 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 3: practitioner really means that I draw upon the belief systems 463 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 3: of my clients to help them heal and to help 464 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 3: them grow. It's not my faith, it's their faith that 465 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 3: I'm drawing on. Certainly, we bring our whole selves to 466 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 3: the room. At least I decided as a therapist or 467 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 3: in a coach, I bring my whole self to the session. 468 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 3: So yes, I'm going to bring my belief system, but 469 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 3: I'm not projecting that on my clients. They bring both. 470 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 3: So I see clients anywhere I don't know, from Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Taoism, 471 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 3: across the board religions, denominations, wisdoms and philosophies. Right, But again, 472 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 3: I'm drawing upon something greater than themselves to help them 473 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 3: heal and to help them grow. And it's interesting, all 474 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,720 Speaker 3: these years I've been doing this work, right, I'm talking 475 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 3: about the God I serve, and they think I'm talking 476 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 3: about the God they serve. And I like to always 477 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 3: say that when we boil it down it really is. 478 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 3: The greatest is love and that's what we're talking about. Yeah, 479 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:43,720 Speaker 3: it's learning yourself who you are, owning, accepting becoming that 480 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 3: best version, and that comes with love and compassion. So 481 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 3: it's love. So that's how I incorporate. 482 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 2: That is so beautiful. I love that it's not like 483 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 2: a cookie cutter. I want to say experience for you equally. 484 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 2: It really is you sort of bringing your full self 485 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 2: but also tailor making the experience to the particular client 486 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 2: that you're speaking to. I think that's beautiful and I'd 487 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,520 Speaker 2: love to also know what is your favorite thing about 488 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 2: doing this work, about diving into these potentially sensitive topics 489 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 2: with your clients. What's your favorite thing about doing this 490 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 2: type of work? 491 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 3: My favorite is when I see people just really get 492 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 3: to know themselves and understand why they do what they 493 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 3: do and where it comes from. And knowing that I 494 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 3: am a facilitator. You know, My gift to this world 495 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:44,720 Speaker 3: is encouragement, it's motivation, it's inspiration, and it's helping others 496 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 3: find those gifts within themselves. And I get to do 497 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:54,400 Speaker 3: that every single day. And the second part is in 498 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,400 Speaker 3: the right I get to operate in my gifts. I 499 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 3: get to operate in my gifts and I get to 500 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 3: tell talk about God all day long. It's no greater, Joey, 501 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:06,760 Speaker 3: I love that. 502 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,080 Speaker 2: I'm just watching the therapist connection now, you and doctor Don, 503 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 2: the therapist connection. I see Don shaking her head and smiling. 504 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, I see it. That's so amazing to 505 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 2: be able to do that work. It really is. 506 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:24,320 Speaker 1: It's a bloody things joy and it's it is exactly. 507 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: What's one thing, even Marie, that you wish that your 508 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 1: clients knew coming into the therapy process. 509 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 3: You know, it's really interesting, what will I want my 510 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 3: clients to know? You know, my practice? My practice? You know, 511 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 3: I decided early on as it related to the specialty 512 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 3: being faith based and working with entertainment and creatives, and 513 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 3: the idea is and I only work with I want 514 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 3: to say, high functioning pals, as you will, right, And 515 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,760 Speaker 3: so what would I want them to know? A lot 516 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 3: of times i'm that sort of like they've been to therapy, therapy, therapy, 517 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 3: and I'm like that last therapist. So it's not so much, 518 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 3: you know, because I guess I'm like that last therapist 519 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 3: that I'm trying to articulate this that would that they 520 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:27,640 Speaker 3: would probably see right, because it's maybe they've learned at 521 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 3: this point what their illness is, how to navigate, how 522 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 3: to navigate it, and now they're at a season in 523 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 3: their lives. Maybe it's a transition in their lives. Maybe 524 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 3: the depression came back up, maybe the anxiety is showing up, 525 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:46,840 Speaker 3: or maybe someone again is navigating relationships with other people. 526 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 3: So there isn't really you know, I think that it's 527 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 3: pretty self explanatory when I do an inpake what I'm 528 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 3: looking for as it relates to fit. Because I'm transparent, 529 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 3: I can't work with certain personality disorders because that therefore 530 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,479 Speaker 3: I couldn't really be a transparent therapist because it wouldn't 531 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,040 Speaker 3: be so helpful to the client. It's like, I'm very 532 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 3: specific as it relates to my kind of specialty. I 533 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 3: don't really know how to answer that other than I'm 534 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 3: very specific on the client tele and I'm teaching again 535 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 3: a prescription for peace, how to know, own and accept yourself, 536 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,479 Speaker 3: and I'm coaching me to become that better version. 537 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 2: That's amazing, I want to say. And we talk a 538 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 2: lot about boundaries on the podcast, and so I don't 539 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 2: think I ever recalled chatting with a therapist who was 540 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 2: so specific about the person the type of person that 541 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,920 Speaker 2: they were looking to attract. I see that in other 542 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 2: realms of different professions. But when I had a chance 543 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: to read your information and work with you, even Maria, 544 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, that's really cool, that's amazing. We 545 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 2: have to set a standard for how and who you 546 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 2: want to work, but then what type of energy you're 547 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 2: going to be engaging with all days. It can be 548 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,960 Speaker 2: inspiring for all of us when it comes to boundaries 549 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 2: and really cultivating what type of energy do I want 550 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,840 Speaker 2: to attract, even in the professional setting. 551 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:15,360 Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, yes, I could totally understand that, and I 552 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,839 Speaker 1: do think you know, you did answer that question beautifully 553 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 1: in terms of, you know, when you want your clients 554 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: to know is you are specific on the type of person. 555 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:29,799 Speaker 3: That you bring in. 556 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 1: And so that means that some people are not going 557 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,799 Speaker 1: to be a good fit. And that's okay, and that's 558 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,839 Speaker 1: a part of life that we Life wouldn't be this 559 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 1: beautiful thing that it is if everybody was a good 560 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,800 Speaker 1: fit for everybody. 561 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 3: Correct. Correct, there's many many therapists and many many specialties. 562 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 1: Exactly, And we have one more final question for you, 563 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 1: what is the one question that you wished people would 564 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,160 Speaker 1: ask you more often? 565 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 3: I don't know. I think that when it comes to 566 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 3: my practice really trying to help people find their place 567 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,560 Speaker 3: of peace, I think a lot of times people get 568 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 3: caught in the details of their life, and I take 569 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:27,399 Speaker 3: it to the higher level of looking at really where 570 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 3: it is you want to go, you know. And so 571 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 3: maybe if people would ask me more of what is 572 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 3: my prescription for peace? Or how do I get to 573 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 3: know myself? You know what I mean. Certainly that's my 574 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 3: practice and I'm helping people do that, but a lot 575 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:48,399 Speaker 3: of times that's not what they're coming or what they 576 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 3: think they're coming for. That's always my agenda and it 577 00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:56,600 Speaker 3: tends to work out well. 578 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 2: It's a very very good point there, And I will say, 579 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,400 Speaker 2: we want to thank you so much, Efrey for just 580 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 2: spending time with us. We appreciate your patience with our 581 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,360 Speaker 2: technical difficulties as well. I'm glad we were able to 582 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,200 Speaker 2: still get the conversations done even though we had some 583 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,359 Speaker 2: technical difficulties. Yes, we really appreciate you, and we'd love 584 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,239 Speaker 2: to let folks know where they can find you, how 585 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:19,759 Speaker 2: they can learn about your practice and your work and 586 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,239 Speaker 2: potentially book a session with you. 587 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,279 Speaker 3: Absolutely. So my practice is eaves Place of Peace, and 588 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,880 Speaker 3: all you have to do is google EA's Place of 589 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:32,399 Speaker 3: Peace and Eve Marie comes up, my website comes up, 590 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,719 Speaker 3: and I have all my contact information on there. And 591 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 3: really my practice is, you know, I've been in the 592 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,400 Speaker 3: pursuit of peace, like I said, for over forty years, 593 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 3: and that's why it's a used place of peace. So 594 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 3: that's what I'm here to help people find their prescription 595 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,600 Speaker 3: for peace as it makes for a very joyful life. 596 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, thank you so much, Emory. We really appreciate you. 597 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,239 Speaker 3: Thank you, I appreciate you. Thanks for having me. Thank you. 598 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,640 Speaker 4: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 599 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,800 Speaker 4: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to 600 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,399 Speaker 4: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how 601 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,520 Speaker 4: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit 602 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:16,440 Speaker 4: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I 603 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:17,320 Speaker 4: hope to see you there. 604 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 605 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 606 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 607 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 608 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 609 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 610 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:50,400 Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 611 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 612 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website, cultivatingharspace dot com and 613 00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,960 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get acts, 614 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 2: us to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show 615 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 2: and before we meet again, repeat after me. Greatness is 616 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,440 Speaker 2: my birthright, so I no longer ask for permission,