WEBVTT - How I'm 'Posed to Pay Off Debt When I'm Depressed? Ft. Aja Evans

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<v Speaker 1>Shame comes up so frequently with my clients and with

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<v Speaker 1>money in general. Right, it's not just like my clients

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<v Speaker 1>who are coming to me to have these types of conversations.

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<v Speaker 1>It's also, as I know you know and can see

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<v Speaker 1>and can hear from other people, people are just dealing

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<v Speaker 1>with it silently. And I love what you said about

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<v Speaker 1>talking about it and bringing it up is the antidote

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<v Speaker 1>to shame, because I completely agree. I think it brings

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<v Speaker 1>us out of this isolation and sadness and gloom that

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<v Speaker 1>we can create ourselves when we start to spiral in

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<v Speaker 1>our shame to think I'm the only one who's going

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<v Speaker 1>through this, nobody else is going through this. I you know,

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<v Speaker 1>then the terrible things that you say to yourself right

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<v Speaker 1>start showing up to all of that negativity, and it

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<v Speaker 1>forces you inward versus forcing you outward where you can

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<v Speaker 1>feel loved and appreciated even though you were going through

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<v Speaker 1>a hard time.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, ba fam, it's your host, Mandy Money. I sat

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<v Speaker 2>down with Asia Evans this week. Asia is a financial therapist.

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<v Speaker 2>She's the author of a book called Feel Good Finance.

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<v Speaker 2>And yes she is taking new clients, but only a few,

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<v Speaker 2>So maybe if you like what you hear on today's episode,

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<v Speaker 2>you can go check out her website. I'll put it

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<v Speaker 2>in the show notes. But Asia and I sat down

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about debt, and even just saying that word

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<v Speaker 2>makes me want to throw open my mouth a little bit.

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<v Speaker 2>My relationship to debt is probably as dysfunctional as anyone else's,

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<v Speaker 2>and at this time in our economy, it's very common

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<v Speaker 2>to hear pieces of personal finance advice about paying down

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<v Speaker 2>your debt, consolidating your debt, getting your debt under control,

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<v Speaker 2>and saving. But if we can't get through the shame

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<v Speaker 2>of even having debt in the first place, then ba fam,

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<v Speaker 2>how do we even start getting ourselves out of it?

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<v Speaker 2>On today's show, Asia and I are going to talk

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<v Speaker 2>about how we actually get more comfortable being uncomfortable, and

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<v Speaker 2>how that can lead us on a path toward finally

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<v Speaker 2>paying down debt and releasing ourselves from the shame of it.

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<v Speaker 2>Stay tuned, we'll be right back jump in. Asia, I

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<v Speaker 2>want you to ask me what you just asked.

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<v Speaker 1>So I think, looking at why we have such a

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<v Speaker 1>hard time feeling uncomfortable, and I don't say just we

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<v Speaker 1>as in me and you, I mean we as a

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<v Speaker 1>human collective, Why are humans so afraid to be uncomfortable?

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<v Speaker 2>I love that question so much. It's funny because it's like, well, duh,

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<v Speaker 2>you're a therapist, so of course you know that that's

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<v Speaker 2>a crucial question to ask. But it is one of

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<v Speaker 2>the key questions I have been working on to answer

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<v Speaker 2>this past year of my life. I've been on this

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<v Speaker 2>big mental health journey where I was just like, so overwhelmed.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sure that with ba fam, with all the things.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think I'm just like, if you look

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<v Speaker 2>at my situation, like what's wrong with her, it's like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>she's just a modern woman in her late thirties with kids,

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<v Speaker 2>a mortgage, a business, a husband, and family and friends,

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<v Speaker 2>and she's this is what happens when you try to

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<v Speaker 2>do all the things, and this day and age is like,

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<v Speaker 2>of course you're struggling. And for me, the big journey

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<v Speaker 2>has been how to sit in that discomfort and how

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<v Speaker 2>to not obsessively or not obsessively, but how not to

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<v Speaker 2>be afraid of it so that you're constantly trying to

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<v Speaker 2>fix it. And I want to talk about the ways,

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<v Speaker 2>like when we're not able to cope with just being uncomfortable,

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<v Speaker 2>being anxious, not being financially secure, not having whatever it

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<v Speaker 2>is that you want going on in your life. Like,

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<v Speaker 2>in what ways are we hurting ourselves by constantly trying

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<v Speaker 2>to fix that discomfort?

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<v Speaker 1>That's a beautiful question, And I don't think that we

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<v Speaker 1>think enough about how we're hurting ourselves trying to just

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<v Speaker 1>get out of that uncomfortable feeling. So a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>times when you are, you know, there are the classics.

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<v Speaker 1>You overspend, you go shopping, you order take out, you

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<v Speaker 1>book a last minute trip where you know it's going

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<v Speaker 1>to be far more expensive than it would have booked

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<v Speaker 1>if you you know, planned it out a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more or gave it.

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<v Speaker 3>Some times you had a.

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<v Speaker 2>Really terrible day and you're like, whatever, just do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Throw caution to the wind.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, correct, Like you know, I only live once. This

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<v Speaker 1>is ridiculous, Nothing matters. Everything is crashing out all over

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<v Speaker 1>the world. It feels so hopeless. But what I want

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<v Speaker 1>people to understand is that when you are in that moment,

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<v Speaker 1>when you're in fight or flight, when you're in that crisis,

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<v Speaker 1>your body is screaming at you to do something to

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<v Speaker 1>make you feel more comfortable. That's just instinctually, that's what

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<v Speaker 1>humans go through, and I want that thing that you're

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<v Speaker 1>going to do, whatever that coping strategy is, to be

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<v Speaker 1>something that you are going it's going to put you

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<v Speaker 1>in a better situation longer term. So when we are

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<v Speaker 1>in a crisis and we're reaching for our cards, we're

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<v Speaker 1>reaching for our phone, we're ready to double tap, we're

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<v Speaker 1>ready to just hit purchase hit by. That is a

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<v Speaker 1>short term win. It is in the short term, going

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<v Speaker 1>to make you feel better, and it does work, to

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<v Speaker 1>be clear, Like a lot of those things do work.

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<v Speaker 1>You get that quick spike of dopamine and you're like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>everything's great, I feel good. But the problem with that

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<v Speaker 1>is that it doesn't last long and you will go

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<v Speaker 1>right back to where you were before if you don't

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<v Speaker 1>actually start addressing how you handle stress, how you handle

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<v Speaker 1>that level of discomfort in a way that is a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit more, a little less short sighted, and aiming

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<v Speaker 1>at a long term change and shift in your life. So,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'll give an example of something that I did

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<v Speaker 1>just recently. I myself was having a hard time just

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<v Speaker 1>managing everything that you just said, because that's me too.

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<v Speaker 1>A woman in her late thirties, two young kids, six

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<v Speaker 1>an under and trying to build a business, trying to

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<v Speaker 1>show up for my clients, trying to promote my book,

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<v Speaker 1>trying to do all these things at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>while I'm like, oh, I'm ready to get fit again

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm ready to spend time with my friends again.

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<v Speaker 1>And I honestly was just having a really hard time.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, Asia, what would you tell one

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<v Speaker 1>of your clients. I would tell them to feel the feels.

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<v Speaker 1>So I just sat there and I cried and I

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<v Speaker 1>was sad, and I'm like, I'm so upset and spiraled.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I did a really hard workout. And for me,

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<v Speaker 1>when I'm in that kind of space, i don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to do the workout. I'm not getting on that peloton

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<v Speaker 1>bike like I can't wait to take this class. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm cursing myself out. I'm upset that.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm doing it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm angry, and midway through the workout is when I'm like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you were making it through this workout. This is awful.

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<v Speaker 1>This feels bad.

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<v Speaker 3>Listening to the motivational Tune Day telling me what I

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<v Speaker 3>need to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Tune Day just too incandescent. She's just too stunning. Study. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just like stunning, the bar is too high.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. I was like, listen, we're not gonna look like

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<v Speaker 3>Tune Day today.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Man, I mean, but that's why she got the

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<v Speaker 2>job right aspiration.

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<v Speaker 1>She's good at it. She is good at it. So

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes I just need somebody to yell at me to

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<v Speaker 1>crank the resistance and pedal faster and after that, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be honest like I tap in and and cry

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<v Speaker 1>while I'm on the bike. I cried during my workouts.

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<v Speaker 1>I cried during yoga. I'm a pretty emotional person. I'm expressing,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's what I needed to then release that.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh you're one of those ones who gets a deep

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<v Speaker 2>stretch and you like unlock trauma.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, looking for that stretch.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm waiting for the stretch that just lets me get

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<v Speaker 2>it all out because I watched those TikTok and I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that looks nice. Let me try that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>It hasn't happened yet.

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<v Speaker 1>It's mostly for me, honestly, and I think this it

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<v Speaker 1>talks about what we're talking about right now. It is

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<v Speaker 1>mindset for me because I'm not just saying, oh I

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<v Speaker 1>need to get through this workout. I need to get

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<v Speaker 1>through this pose or whatnot. It's you are strong. You

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<v Speaker 1>can push through this. You have pushed through this before.

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<v Speaker 1>You may feel alone, you may feel like you're the

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<v Speaker 1>only one going through this, but you will be okay.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's when I'm weeping, and it is just a

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<v Speaker 1>reminder of what my strengths are and what I'm pushing

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<v Speaker 1>for and why I'm doing this. So I'm having a

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<v Speaker 1>whole internal therapy session on myself when I'm working out,

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<v Speaker 1>because I really do believe it's about mindset and that's

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<v Speaker 1>what I want people to work on. When you find

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<v Speaker 1>yourself reaching for something that's a little bit more short term,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to start thinking about, hey, what can

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<v Speaker 1>I do right now when I'm feeling so bad that

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<v Speaker 1>is going to help me feel better even tomorrow, and

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<v Speaker 1>that it could be something so small. You could meditate,

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<v Speaker 1>you can exercise, you can take a shower, do something

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<v Speaker 1>that is not going to be detrimental to yourself or

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<v Speaker 1>to your finances. If you are going to feel bad

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<v Speaker 1>about that coping strategy that you used in that moment tomorrow,

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<v Speaker 1>then we cannot do it. I don't want you to

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<v Speaker 1>continue the longevity of feeling bad because you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm mad that I did it that way. I'm mad

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<v Speaker 1>I got out of that feeling that way because I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think that's really what you want. You're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>find relief, but not a lot of people understand what

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<v Speaker 1>they need and that takes time.

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<v Speaker 2>To Yeah, one of the ways that my anxiety was manifesting,

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<v Speaker 2>like in terms of like the way I was coping

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<v Speaker 2>with it after I had my two year old couple

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<v Speaker 2>years ago. I would drop off my son, my older son,

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<v Speaker 2>at school, and then I would like and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>drop the baby off a daycare or whatever, and I'd

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<v Speaker 2>have a lot of stuff going on to catch up on,

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<v Speaker 2>and I would come up with a grocery shopping. I'd like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I need to go grocery shopping, and I would like

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<v Speaker 2>spend and it doesn't feel like it's bad because it's

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<v Speaker 2>grocery shopping, you know, but I would turn it into

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<v Speaker 2>like a very long trip and I'd be out there

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<v Speaker 2>for like two hours. Maybe I would go to one

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<v Speaker 2>store and then I would go to another like Marshals

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<v Speaker 2>or home Goods or whatever, and it would all feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm doing it for the family, but I was

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<v Speaker 2>also like avoiding, you know, the overwhelming amount of things

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<v Speaker 2>on my plate, and the it's not just like the

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<v Speaker 2>overwhelming amount of things, but the overwhelming amount of unfinalized, unanswered,

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<v Speaker 2>unfinished things, like the open endedness, you know how those

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<v Speaker 2>like it'll be an email thread and you haven't responded

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<v Speaker 2>in a day, and then that becomes two days, and

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<v Speaker 2>then it becomes three, and each day you're like, why

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<v Speaker 2>haven't I responded? This is like so rude, and then

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<v Speaker 2>you just that anxiety stops you from doing the thing

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<v Speaker 2>and just responding. So that for me is something that

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<v Speaker 2>I won't even say was is something that I continue

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<v Speaker 2>to try and cope with. But what I've had to

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<v Speaker 2>do is like identify what those behaviors are. You see

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<v Speaker 2>me shopping at BJS. You're not thinking, oh, wow, she's

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<v Speaker 2>really like avoiding some stressful you know, she's a business

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<v Speaker 2>owner who's really just like cope, like trying to self soothe,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, in the Hamper's aisle at BJ's right now.

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<v Speaker 2>But I have to recognize, like it's like naming those

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<v Speaker 2>behaviors and recognizing what it actually is. And that requires

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<v Speaker 2>a level of like self awareness and self honesty that

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<v Speaker 2>I think is really challenging, Like to actually get quiet

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<v Speaker 2>with yourself and say this is something that I do

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<v Speaker 2>to soothe myself, this is a behavior that I'm doing

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<v Speaker 2>and for my own like for my own long term good,

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<v Speaker 2>I need to stop this behavior and do something different.

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<v Speaker 1>I so deeply understand that, and I feel like that's

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<v Speaker 1>literally what feel good finance is about. Like literally, that's

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<v Speaker 1>exactly what I'm trying to help people do, is to

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<v Speaker 1>take the time to get honest with themselves, to identify

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<v Speaker 1>what the feelings are, what your triggers are, and then

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<v Speaker 1>what you do that you don't really like that you're doing.

0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.480
<v Speaker 1>So it could be yes, you can still go to BJ's,

0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.160
<v Speaker 1>you can still go grocery shopping, but before you do that,

0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.400
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna go call a friend and just be like, Hey,

0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm so overwhelmed, this is whild My email box is

0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.320
<v Speaker 1>looking insane and I don't want to tackle it. So

0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go to the grocery store, but talk me

0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.680
<v Speaker 1>through what I'm eating this week, Like let's talk about

0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:46.839
<v Speaker 1>like how I'm planning to go to the grocery store

0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:50.960
<v Speaker 1>versus like I we really need this eighteen pack of

0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:55.280
<v Speaker 1>toothbrushes from BJ's, Like we need that, right, yes, and

0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.760
<v Speaker 1>we also need you know, all the things that you

0:12:57.880 --> 0:12:59.560
<v Speaker 1>end up buying when you're in these stores that you

0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.000
<v Speaker 1>can just if I for your family, and some of

0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:04.280
<v Speaker 1>them I'm sure you do really need. But a lot

0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.760
<v Speaker 1>of it, to your point, could be coming from your

0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 1>desire to self soothe and how you are self soothing

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.960
<v Speaker 1>through that, not even the stuff that.

0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Makes me feel better. It's like it's just the time,

0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:19.320
<v Speaker 2>Like I will go slow, I'll go up and down

0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:22.240
<v Speaker 2>every aisle. It may not be that I spend an

0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:26.719
<v Speaker 2>obscene amount of money, it's like the act itself is

0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:30.959
<v Speaker 2>like it's it's a distraction. It's a distraction. I love

0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:34.000
<v Speaker 2>what you said about like calling the friend in advance.

0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:40.000
<v Speaker 2>I also feel like being able to well one thing

0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.480
<v Speaker 2>is like being an entrepreneur and being at home alone.

0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.680
<v Speaker 2>Everything does feel like it's so you're the only one.

0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Like if I'm having a stressful day, I'm looking left

0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.840
<v Speaker 2>and right. I got my dog who doesn't care, and

0:13:52.960 --> 0:14:00.760
<v Speaker 2>the walls. Yeah, and it's don't you feel like sometimes

0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.480
<v Speaker 2>it is? You can have all the friends and community,

0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.160
<v Speaker 2>and I know black women one thing we love to

0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.720
<v Speaker 2>do is build community. But sometimes when you're in that moment,

0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:12.760
<v Speaker 2>it can feel like the biggest task ever to reach out, text, call,

0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.600
<v Speaker 2>go outside, knock on someone's door. You know, which may

0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:20.080
<v Speaker 2>sound completely forign to someone listening. You can feel so hard.

0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and it is.

0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:26.160
<v Speaker 1>It is hard, And I think you need to know

0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:29.520
<v Speaker 1>what you need right. So for somebody like me, I

0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.119
<v Speaker 1>love to talk it out. I am a verbal processor,

0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>which is very interesting because majority of my life is

0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:39.640
<v Speaker 1>built un listening to people. But for me personally, I

0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 1>do need to talk it out. I do need to

0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:45.320
<v Speaker 1>verbally process like my thoughts and my feelings. So I

0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.320
<v Speaker 1>know that that is going to be something that can

0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.800
<v Speaker 1>help me when I'm having a hard time. But if

0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.400
<v Speaker 1>you know that reaching out for help in that moment

0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.120
<v Speaker 1>is going to be hard, let's find something else that

0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 1>is a little bit easier, that doesn't feel like it's

0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 1>going to be a new uphill battle. We want this

0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.600
<v Speaker 1>to be something very easily accessible that you can just

0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:06.880
<v Speaker 1>go to very quickly without having to think about it.

0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:09.560
<v Speaker 1>And if that's calling a friend, great, I love that,

0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.480
<v Speaker 1>But it could be something else before you get to

0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 1>that point. But the most important part of this whole

0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:18.920
<v Speaker 1>cycle is to identify, Oh, I need to do something

0:15:19.200 --> 0:15:23.280
<v Speaker 1>before I go to that other coping strategy that you know.

0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:25.360
<v Speaker 1>I don't mind that I do, but maybe I want

0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:26.480
<v Speaker 1>to do something differently.

0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.040
<v Speaker 2>Hey, ba fam, we're going to take a quick break

0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:33.800
<v Speaker 2>and be right back with more of my conversation with

0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:38.280
<v Speaker 2>financial therapist Asia Evans. All right, ba Fam, we're back.

0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:42.000
<v Speaker 2>In your book, do you talk about like the impact

0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.880
<v Speaker 2>that the noise around us can have? Like you may

0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:48.040
<v Speaker 2>be fine, but you good on your phone, you read

0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.920
<v Speaker 2>the news and it's like, wait, the GDP's down this

0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:53.360
<v Speaker 2>this month, this quarter, or it was down the first

0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:55.360
<v Speaker 2>quarter or twenty twenty five, and it's like, oh, only

0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:58.160
<v Speaker 2>one more, only one more down GDP And officially we're

0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 2>in a recession, but I won't know for another quarter. Right, So,

0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:06.160
<v Speaker 2>like all of a sudden, you could feel very anxious

0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:09.080
<v Speaker 2>and then you're like what do I do with this feeling?

0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 2>Do you talk about that? Like what would you say

0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.160
<v Speaker 2>to people like me who are struggling with that?

0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, in the book, I don't really talk about that specifically.

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:19.680
<v Speaker 1>I do talk about the noise of social media and

0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:23.000
<v Speaker 1>how quickly we can, you know, fall into comparing ourselves

0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.800
<v Speaker 1>and go that route. But what I will say to

0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:29.760
<v Speaker 1>you if this is something that you're struggling with shut

0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:32.240
<v Speaker 1>out the noise. And that's the same advice I would get.

0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, that was me at six am.

0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:38.360
<v Speaker 3>Right like, do not and I you know, I am you,

0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:38.920
<v Speaker 3>you are me.

0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:43.880
<v Speaker 1>We're all living the same you know, pattern of reality

0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:47.080
<v Speaker 1>on the spectrum of the same reality. Do not pick

0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.880
<v Speaker 1>up your phone at six am and start scrolling or

0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:53.760
<v Speaker 1>looking at the news app like now is just not

0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.760
<v Speaker 1>the time in our lives. You can go do that

0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.200
<v Speaker 1>at a time in your day, but six am, when

0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.800
<v Speaker 1>you're opening your eyes and you could potentially feel like, oh,

0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:07.560
<v Speaker 1>today is a beautiful day. Going straight into our news

0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:10.640
<v Speaker 1>cycle right now is not the time. There's nothing good

0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.080
<v Speaker 1>there right now, like we're not finding it right now

0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:14.520
<v Speaker 1>the headlines.

0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:15.000
<v Speaker 2>Start that way.

0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah good. I don't I don't start.

0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:20.080
<v Speaker 2>Looking, you know, like no, no, no, I mean I

0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.119
<v Speaker 2>don't intentionally go to my phone for the news. I

0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.360
<v Speaker 2>will go to respond to a text from my mom,

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:28.200
<v Speaker 2>which I was doing, or check I got some blood

0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.359
<v Speaker 2>work results and I was like scanning through the blood

0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:32.280
<v Speaker 2>work and then I start googling what this you know

0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.679
<v Speaker 2>acronym means when I should just wait for my doctor

0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:37.399
<v Speaker 2>to call me. And then next thing, you know, it's like,

0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:41.120
<v Speaker 2>oh oops, I'm like reading some news that just popped up,

0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:44.119
<v Speaker 2>and then yeah, it's like a it's a slippery slope.

0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:44.439
<v Speaker 3>It is.

0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Also it's like one of my neighbors we had this

0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.160
<v Speaker 2>like kind of we started this walking ritual that we've

0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:52.920
<v Speaker 2>fallen off of, and I woke up at six' ten

0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.119
<v Speaker 2>AND i, said, Oh i'm up early. ENOUGH i should.

0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:57.600
<v Speaker 2>GO i should Textl in and we should go for this.

0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Walk AND i was in bed on my phone until seven,

0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:05.040
<v Speaker 2>Fifteen so over an HOUR i spent in bed on

0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:09.560
<v Speaker 2>my phone doom. Scrolling yeah and, noo it's not.

0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:12.560
<v Speaker 1>The, best but, again the dopamine is hitting in those

0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.560
<v Speaker 1>moments right when you're. Scrolling AND i do think there's

0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:17.639
<v Speaker 1>a time and a place for. SCROLLING i get, It

0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:21.000
<v Speaker 1>BUT i also want us to, like, OH i can

0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:24.080
<v Speaker 1>feel the breeze coming through my open, window look at

0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.640
<v Speaker 1>the sun coming, Up like we need time to almost

0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.159
<v Speaker 1>just be present before we go into. That AND i

0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 1>think similar to us talking about people struggling being, uncomfortable

0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.959
<v Speaker 1>we really struggle to be bored as, well and that

0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:39.720
<v Speaker 1>going straight to your phone is a beautiful way to

0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:43.199
<v Speaker 1>just kind of cure that, momentarily especially when you're a,

0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:44.639
<v Speaker 1>parent especially when you're working.

0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:46.320
<v Speaker 3>Hard it is very easy.

0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.240
<v Speaker 1>To be, Like i'm just going to disassociate into the

0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:50.760
<v Speaker 1>internet for a little, bit and it feels. Nice it,

0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.200
<v Speaker 1>does BUT i also want to make sure that you're

0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:56.919
<v Speaker 1>creating enough space for yourself to just be, like, oh,

0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.800
<v Speaker 1>OKAY i woke. UP i got to wake up on

0:18:59.840 --> 0:19:01.800
<v Speaker 1>my own VERSUS i don't know about, you but it

0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:04.480
<v Speaker 1>drives me nuts when my kids come Like trella lying

0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:08.359
<v Speaker 1>in And i'm, like really, SLEEPING i do not do.

0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:10.879
<v Speaker 2>No the two year olds be getting up at Four

0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.520
<v Speaker 2>he's been getting up angry at four four am because

0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 2>he doesn't want to eat dinner and it's very. Frush

0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.600
<v Speaker 2>so last night we both like he didn't he was

0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:21.520
<v Speaker 2>like he was a baby. Again it's like he's looked

0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:21.720
<v Speaker 2>through the.

0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:24.879
<v Speaker 3>Night it was. Great, Yeah so it makes a.

0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:28.080
<v Speaker 1>Difference so sometimes it is, Like, OKAY i want to

0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:29.879
<v Speaker 1>go for a walk with my. Neighbor that MEANS i

0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.200
<v Speaker 1>need to get out of this. BED i cannot look

0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.040
<v Speaker 1>at my phone BECAUSE i know What i'm going to.

0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:35.840
<v Speaker 1>Do if that means you have to turn off your,

0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:39.359
<v Speaker 1>notifications sometimes you have to turn them off or let

0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:41.120
<v Speaker 1>them just come to your phone at a certain, time

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.960
<v Speaker 1>that sort of. Thing so it is very, hard AND

0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:48.080
<v Speaker 1>i want it can sound really nice when you're listening to, us, like,

0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:50.720
<v Speaker 1>Wow asia had all these cool. Things that's not. Realistic

0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:53.920
<v Speaker 1>i'm not doing. That do what you are what's gonna

0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:56.879
<v Speaker 1>work for? You figure that. Out but WHAT i don't

0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.399
<v Speaker 1>want people to do is feel like it's, impossible so

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.520
<v Speaker 1>they don't make any changes and then they're just stuck feeling.

0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:06.640
<v Speaker 1>Awful so it sometimes it takes, work like you have

0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:11.159
<v Speaker 1>to figure out what that tweak in your, life tweak

0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.359
<v Speaker 1>in your habits is going to be that's going to

0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:16.320
<v Speaker 1>allow you to feel. BETTER i mean you almost you

0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:18.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of, like and this often, happens you sort of

0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:21.320
<v Speaker 1>run through that list of other things.

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:23.160
<v Speaker 2>You could be. Doing you can, meditate take a, walk

0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:25.680
<v Speaker 2>call a. Friend but, like let's slow that down a

0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:27.880
<v Speaker 2>little bit and just talk through what that can look.

0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:31.960
<v Speaker 2>Like so let's say this is the beginning of the

0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:35.359
<v Speaker 2>month right, now AND i know personally that has become

0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:38.040
<v Speaker 2>a stressful time because all the big bills hit at

0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:40.440
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of the, month and you, KNOW i got

0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.600
<v Speaker 2>to move money from business pay make SURE i my

0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:45.800
<v Speaker 2>payroll runs and Like i'm the only, employee but like

0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:48.200
<v Speaker 2>THAT i pay myself and like is there going to be?

0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:51.639
<v Speaker 2>Enough and da da da, Da and it's so the

0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:55.359
<v Speaker 2>last week of the month, before like the last week Of,

0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:58.320
<v Speaker 2>april it can kind of just like you start to

0:20:58.359 --> 0:21:03.160
<v Speaker 2>feel that like the weight and the anxiousness around. It

0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:07.360
<v Speaker 2>AND i don't THINK i did the best job soothing

0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:09.840
<v Speaker 2>that this. WEEK i THINK i. WENT i kind of

0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:13.120
<v Speaker 2>fell back on some like old habits in terms of

0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:16.159
<v Speaker 2>like not shopping and things like, that but definitely like

0:21:16.200 --> 0:21:20.040
<v Speaker 2>internalizing a lot of. It so for someone like me

0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:23.680
<v Speaker 2>or someone who's listening who knows that there's a lot

0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:27.200
<v Speaker 2>of like, big you, know bills that are coming to

0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:31.480
<v Speaker 2>questions that have been, unanswered and opening up the computer

0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:36.240
<v Speaker 2>and just like getting the things done to get those

0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:40.000
<v Speaker 2>things paid can feel really. Overwhelming like it can feel

0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:42.199
<v Speaker 2>like a crisis in and of. Itself it can feel like,

0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 2>paralysis like in your, experience what of those like coping

0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:51.040
<v Speaker 2>mechanisms that you talked about or other habits can help

0:21:51.080 --> 0:21:51.919
<v Speaker 2>like break you out of.

0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:56.360
<v Speaker 1>Me, Yeah i'm all that romanticizing something that you don't

0:21:56.400 --> 0:21:59.399
<v Speaker 1>want to. Do so if it is like opening up

0:21:59.440 --> 0:22:02.640
<v Speaker 1>your computer is your workspace clean when you come sit.

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:05.760
<v Speaker 1>Down did you get dressed that? Morning do you feel

0:22:05.760 --> 0:22:09.080
<v Speaker 1>good about yourself when you're about to sit. DOWN i

0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.680
<v Speaker 1>will get dressed for no reason When i'm not even

0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:14.000
<v Speaker 1>gonna be on camera in any, way shape or. Form

0:22:14.040 --> 0:22:16.399
<v Speaker 1>it's just me Because i'm, LIKE i don't want to do,

0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:19.080
<v Speaker 1>This so how CAN i feel good doing? This SO

0:22:19.160 --> 0:22:22.440
<v Speaker 1>i want to give that to everybody. Listening how can

0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:24.679
<v Speaker 1>you feel good doing something that you don't want to?

0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:25.400
<v Speaker 3>Do for?

0:22:25.440 --> 0:22:28.480
<v Speaker 1>ME i REALLY i don't really love, coffee BUT i

0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:31.080
<v Speaker 1>love coffee. Shops So i'll go to a coffee, shop

0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:32.879
<v Speaker 1>get some, tea and be, Like, Okay i'm going to

0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:34.920
<v Speaker 1>crank out this work THAT i KNOW i don't want

0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:37.920
<v Speaker 1>to do BECAUSE i like the, vibes and the vibes

0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:40.800
<v Speaker 1>are going to help. Me then start to do the

0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:43.840
<v Speaker 1>things THAT i don't necessarily want to. Do so how

0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:47.560
<v Speaker 1>can you romanticize you what you get to do and

0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:49.760
<v Speaker 1>what you have to do so that it's not feeling

0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:54.880
<v Speaker 1>so dreary and daunting and just, Know, OKAY i don't

0:22:54.880 --> 0:22:58.800
<v Speaker 1>want to do, this But i'm doing this because insert

0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:02.200
<v Speaker 1>blank here's good for my. BUSINESS i want to. GROW

0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:05.040
<v Speaker 1>i remember waiting for the DAY i would be in this.

0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:07.720
<v Speaker 1>Position i'm here. NOW i want to make Sure i'm

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:10.199
<v Speaker 1>providing for my. Family whatever it is for, you whatever

0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:13.479
<v Speaker 1>your why, is kind of ground yourself in that before

0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:16.280
<v Speaker 1>you go into doing the things that you have to.

0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:17.800
<v Speaker 3>Do And i'm.

0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:20.679
<v Speaker 1>Sure and especially all of us who are running our

0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:23.560
<v Speaker 1>own businesses and, entrepreneurs there was a time where you

0:23:23.600 --> 0:23:25.720
<v Speaker 1>were hoping and wishing and begging to be where you

0:23:25.800 --> 0:23:29.840
<v Speaker 1>are at now and just grinding yourself and like younger

0:23:29.920 --> 0:23:32.280
<v Speaker 1>you and just being, like you know, WHAT i get

0:23:32.320 --> 0:23:34.800
<v Speaker 1>to do this BECAUSE i did all this work, before

0:23:35.280 --> 0:23:37.320
<v Speaker 1>AND i don't want, to but that's okay because it's

0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:39.679
<v Speaker 1>going to help my. Business so sometimes we just have

0:23:39.760 --> 0:23:43.480
<v Speaker 1>to ground ourselves in, romanticizing you, know the work that

0:23:43.520 --> 0:23:45.840
<v Speaker 1>we don't want to do as well as the work

0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:47.720
<v Speaker 1>that we get to do because our business is at this.

0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:51.240
<v Speaker 1>POINT i do like the idea of. ROMANTICIZING i also think,

0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:54.399
<v Speaker 1>that like tapping into your younger, self sometimes it's hard

0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 1>to remember those things when you're in the tough, Moment so,

0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:02.199
<v Speaker 1>like what are some strategies to help us? Remember, like for,

0:24:02.240 --> 0:24:04.280
<v Speaker 1>example one of the things that has helped me a

0:24:04.359 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>lot is slowing down and writing out and kind of

0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 1>answering some of those. Questions so, like is it maybe

0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:13.320
<v Speaker 1>having a, prompt like having a little journal where you

0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:15.720
<v Speaker 1>have some, questions like if you're in crisis, mode ask

0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:16.400
<v Speaker 1>yourself these.

0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:19.600
<v Speaker 2>Questions you, know what do you what do you?

0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 1>THINK i, Mean i'm a huge proponent of journaling and

0:24:23.040 --> 0:24:26.720
<v Speaker 1>writing and brain, dumping SO i think when people, journal

0:24:26.720 --> 0:24:29.199
<v Speaker 1>they always have there's kind of this tendency to be, like,

0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:31.119
<v Speaker 1>OH i need a, prompt what AM i journaling? ABOUT

0:24:31.160 --> 0:24:33.119
<v Speaker 1>i need to kind of start, it almost like a school,

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:37.119
<v Speaker 1>Essay And i'm, like, yeah that's, great you, know but

0:24:37.240 --> 0:24:38.560
<v Speaker 1>sometimes you just need to get it.

0:24:38.560 --> 0:24:39.040
<v Speaker 3>OUT i hope.

0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:40.720
<v Speaker 2>SOMEONE i hope people never find my.

0:24:40.840 --> 0:24:42.399
<v Speaker 3>Journal sometimes you need.

0:24:42.480 --> 0:24:45.840
<v Speaker 2>To sometimes you have to write the worst things you've ever.

0:24:45.960 --> 0:24:47.080
<v Speaker 3>Said that's what it's.

0:24:47.119 --> 0:24:52.040
<v Speaker 2>FOR i pray no one ever finds my. Drum PRAY

0:24:52.119 --> 0:24:52.800
<v Speaker 2>i need to burn.

0:24:52.840 --> 0:24:54.879
<v Speaker 3>Them that's what they're. For i'm afraid of things That

0:24:54.920 --> 0:24:58.560
<v Speaker 3>i've written in. There, yeah that's oh my.

0:24:58.560 --> 0:25:01.400
<v Speaker 1>Goodness speaking of, That, LIKE i have a journal from

0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:05.520
<v Speaker 1>college that my HUSBAND i think he picked it up

0:25:05.600 --> 0:25:07.360
<v Speaker 1>or saw it and THEN i was, like, oh, yeah

0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:09.520
<v Speaker 1>you could read. IT i had no idea was in.

0:25:09.560 --> 0:25:12.200
<v Speaker 1>There oh my, goodness, GIRL i was going through. HEARTBREAK

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:15.280
<v Speaker 1>i had poetry in. THERE i am not a, POET

0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:18.440
<v Speaker 1>i had poetry in. THERE i had like doodling how

0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:19.080
<v Speaker 1>ANGRY i.

0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:23.760
<v Speaker 3>Was it was just raw emotion in those.

0:25:23.800 --> 0:25:25.760
<v Speaker 1>Pages and when he read, IT i did feel a

0:25:25.760 --> 0:25:27.480
<v Speaker 1>little was, like oh my, god MAYBE i shouldn't have

0:25:27.560 --> 0:25:29.600
<v Speaker 1>let him read it like a little. Exposed BUT i was,

0:25:29.640 --> 0:25:32.880
<v Speaker 1>like you, know, me this was like twenty years. Ago that's,

0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:36.560
<v Speaker 1>okay AND i can laugh about it, now But i'm, like,

0:25:36.680 --> 0:25:38.440
<v Speaker 1>WOW i was going through.

0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:43.359
<v Speaker 2>IT i found a lot of old letters from my,

0:25:43.480 --> 0:25:45.520
<v Speaker 2>childhood AND i was, like you, KNOW i don't need these.

0:25:45.560 --> 0:25:47.480
<v Speaker 2>ANYMORE i don't know Why i'm keeping. THESE i don't

0:25:47.520 --> 0:25:51.360
<v Speaker 2>need to remember all these like really intense. Moments CAN

0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:54.000
<v Speaker 2>i talk about you for a? Suck? YEAH i want

0:25:54.040 --> 0:25:57.520
<v Speaker 2>to where do you come? From like how did you

0:25:57.960 --> 0:26:00.240
<v Speaker 2>what's your origin? Story what's your story in j? General

0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:02.600
<v Speaker 2>how'd you get into this practice that you have?

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:02.920
<v Speaker 3>Now?

0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:06.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah SO i grew up in Upstate New. York that's

0:26:06.560 --> 0:26:09.359
<v Speaker 1>that's WHERE i hail, from and both my parents are

0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:11.320
<v Speaker 1>From New York. City so it's something THAT i always.

0:26:11.400 --> 0:26:13.919
<v Speaker 1>KNEW i would always live there at some point in my.

0:26:14.240 --> 0:26:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Journey BUT i REALIZED i wanted to be a therapist very.

0:26:17.240 --> 0:26:21.000
<v Speaker 1>YOUNG i THINK i was, twelve and in True virgo,

0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:25.159
<v Speaker 1>FASHION i literally mapped out the schooling that would need to,

0:26:25.400 --> 0:26:29.760
<v Speaker 1>happen like WHAT i needed to do for years to

0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:33.800
<v Speaker 1>get to a point WHERE i could be a practicing

0:26:33.840 --> 0:26:35.879
<v Speaker 1>therapist and what that would look. Like and you, KNOW

0:26:36.000 --> 0:26:38.879
<v Speaker 1>i did those, things you, know went to, college went

0:26:38.920 --> 0:26:43.840
<v Speaker 1>to grad school for, counseling, psychology worked for two three years.

0:26:43.440 --> 0:26:46.520
<v Speaker 3>In a day, rehab became a mental health. Therapist great.

0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:50.480
<v Speaker 1>Unlcensed at that POINT i was living In New York,

0:26:50.520 --> 0:26:53.239
<v Speaker 1>city which was. Great and then So i've been all

0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:55.880
<v Speaker 1>over mental health for the last fifteen, YEARS i would,

0:26:55.960 --> 0:27:02.959
<v Speaker 1>say just all over it anywhere from impatience and community

0:27:03.000 --> 0:27:07.160
<v Speaker 1>work as, well LIKE i, said rehab, clients, kids, adults.

0:27:07.240 --> 0:27:10.920
<v Speaker 1>Couples and Then i've been in private practice for about

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:15.800
<v Speaker 1>my goodness eight, YEARS i think it. Is so three

0:27:15.840 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 1>of those were part time and then the last five

0:27:18.040 --> 0:27:21.600
<v Speaker 1>years have been full. Time but it was also DURING

0:27:21.760 --> 0:27:24.200
<v Speaker 1>covid and five years ago was also WHEN i decided

0:27:24.200 --> 0:27:27.840
<v Speaker 1>THAT i really wanted to niche down into financial therapy

0:27:28.000 --> 0:27:29.960
<v Speaker 1>and that happened by way of my own. JOURNEY i

0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:32.720
<v Speaker 1>fell in love with personal finance WHEN i was living

0:27:32.800 --> 0:27:35.879
<v Speaker 1>In New, york not understanding where my money was, going

0:27:36.000 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 1>really struggling to, understand like why didn't have more money

0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:41.439
<v Speaker 1>in my? Account why wasn't my credit card debt like

0:27:41.600 --> 0:27:43.800
<v Speaker 1>just disappearing BECAUSE i was paying the. BILL i just

0:27:43.960 --> 0:27:47.280
<v Speaker 1>didn't get. It and it's BECAUSE i didn't. Know and

0:27:47.680 --> 0:27:51.159
<v Speaker 1>AS i went on my own personal financial, journey if you,

0:27:51.200 --> 0:27:54.359
<v Speaker 1>will my, awakening that's WHEN i realized that my clients

0:27:54.760 --> 0:27:57.560
<v Speaker 1>didn't know. Either my clients didn't have a place where

0:27:57.560 --> 0:27:59.600
<v Speaker 1>they felt like they could talk about their, money feels

0:27:59.600 --> 0:28:01.800
<v Speaker 1>that they could just be honest about what was going.

0:28:01.840 --> 0:28:04.240
<v Speaker 1>On they would just be, Like, Oh i'm stressed about,

0:28:04.280 --> 0:28:07.000
<v Speaker 1>Money i'm stressed about this, Relationship i'm stressed about my,

0:28:07.000 --> 0:28:09.560
<v Speaker 1>family and then brush over AND i was, like oh, wait, wait.

0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:10.400
<v Speaker 2>Wait come back a little.

0:28:10.400 --> 0:28:12.480
<v Speaker 3>Bit let's talk about the money.

0:28:12.520 --> 0:28:17.359
<v Speaker 1>Piece and nobody was talking about, it AND i really was,

0:28:17.400 --> 0:28:19.440
<v Speaker 1>LIKE i need to learn more about. This who's doing,

0:28:19.480 --> 0:28:21.800
<v Speaker 1>this who's talking about? This and that's WHEN i found

0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:25.600
<v Speaker 1>The Financial Therapy, association which at this point Now i'm

0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:28.080
<v Speaker 1>the president of the board to, them So i've been heavily.

0:28:28.160 --> 0:28:31.120
<v Speaker 1>INVOLVED i found trauma of money and.

0:28:31.080 --> 0:28:32.280
<v Speaker 3>Got involved With virgo.

0:28:32.400 --> 0:28:37.679
<v Speaker 1>Energy It's virgo, overachiever eldest, daughter it's all.

0:28:37.560 --> 0:28:39.800
<v Speaker 3>Here it's all, here.

0:28:41.200 --> 0:28:44.720
<v Speaker 1>So and part, honestly it's part of my own money,

0:28:44.760 --> 0:28:47.280
<v Speaker 1>beliefs Right, like even THOUGH i know it is not,

0:28:47.400 --> 0:28:49.880
<v Speaker 1>TRUE i know that there's a part of me that

0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:54.080
<v Speaker 1>does believe IF i work, HARDER i will make. It

0:28:54.120 --> 0:28:59.160
<v Speaker 1>i'll be, Okay i'll get, there whatever that. Means and that's,

0:28:59.200 --> 0:29:01.160
<v Speaker 1>true and it's not. True like there's a lot of

0:29:01.160 --> 0:29:03.640
<v Speaker 1>people making a lot of money who aren't working, hard

0:29:04.120 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 1>and that's amazing for. Them BUT i need to figure,

0:29:06.520 --> 0:29:08.560
<v Speaker 1>out you, know for my own self and my own,

0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:11.880
<v Speaker 1>journey how to manage those feelings and the nuances of

0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:15.520
<v Speaker 1>what that looks like for my. Realities so WHEN i, say, like,

0:29:15.840 --> 0:29:17.800
<v Speaker 1>Listen i'm talking to my clients about you, guys but,

0:29:17.880 --> 0:29:19.719
<v Speaker 1>LIKE i still have to go through it. TOO i

0:29:19.800 --> 0:29:23.360
<v Speaker 1>still have to understand and dissect my own money, story

0:29:23.400 --> 0:29:25.120
<v Speaker 1>and a lot of THAT i did talk about and

0:29:25.160 --> 0:29:29.520
<v Speaker 1>share in the book as, well BECAUSE i always want

0:29:29.520 --> 0:29:32.800
<v Speaker 1>people to understand that you're not the only one going through.

0:29:32.840 --> 0:29:35.440
<v Speaker 1>This AND i think especially with, money it's very easy

0:29:35.440 --> 0:29:37.080
<v Speaker 1>to believe that nobody else has been here.

0:29:37.120 --> 0:29:37.440
<v Speaker 3>Before?

0:29:37.760 --> 0:29:42.000
<v Speaker 2>Gotcha so you are your twelve year old selves wildest,

0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:46.680
<v Speaker 2>dreams like you did. It. Yeah so the financial aspect,

0:29:46.760 --> 0:29:49.200
<v Speaker 2>though in, practice what does that look? Like is it

0:29:49.280 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 2>like half the session is mental health and like half

0:29:52.440 --> 0:29:54.360
<v Speaker 2>we're going to look at your. Budget how does That

0:29:54.880 --> 0:29:57.479
<v Speaker 2>i've never actually been through a session with a financial,

0:29:57.480 --> 0:29:59.480
<v Speaker 2>therapist so can you kind of talk me through what

0:29:59.520 --> 0:29:59.760
<v Speaker 2>that can?

0:29:59.800 --> 0:30:01.400
<v Speaker 1>Look, SO i mean it can look like whatever you.

0:30:01.440 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Want i'm very client focused and client. Led so if you're, like, Hey,

0:30:04.520 --> 0:30:08.120
<v Speaker 1>asia let's talk about the, numbers Or i'm telling, you,

0:30:08.160 --> 0:30:10.400
<v Speaker 1>hey it's time for us to talk about the, numbers.

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:10.760
<v Speaker 3>Let's look at.

0:30:10.760 --> 0:30:14.719
<v Speaker 1>Them THEN i will sit down with my clients And

0:30:14.840 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 1>i'll take notes while they're, Like, okay these are my,

0:30:17.600 --> 0:30:19.080
<v Speaker 1>bills this is what this.

0:30:19.680 --> 0:30:22.240
<v Speaker 3>Costs let's build a budget. Together And i'll do that with.

0:30:22.480 --> 0:30:26.200
<v Speaker 1>Them but before we even get to the, numbers a

0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:28.560
<v Speaker 1>lot of the work that we've done is understanding what

0:30:28.600 --> 0:30:32.760
<v Speaker 1>their money story, Is understanding almost like their money autobiography

0:30:33.360 --> 0:30:38.000
<v Speaker 1>and what have they gone through in their upbringing that

0:30:38.080 --> 0:30:40.200
<v Speaker 1>led them to where they're at. Today and that is

0:30:40.240 --> 0:30:43.880
<v Speaker 1>When i'm pulling out different patterns or threads or themes

0:30:44.200 --> 0:30:47.200
<v Speaker 1>that have happened and continued throughout their life and what

0:30:47.360 --> 0:30:49.720
<v Speaker 1>might be impacting what they do with their money.

0:30:49.720 --> 0:30:53.960
<v Speaker 2>Today, hey ba, fam we got to take a quick,

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:58.360
<v Speaker 2>break pay some bills and we'll be right. Back welcome,

0:30:58.400 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 2>back bea. Faan let's get back to the. Show and

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:04.840
<v Speaker 2>are you working with like couples because Or i'm just

0:31:04.840 --> 0:31:09.840
<v Speaker 2>wondering individuals couples both? Both? Okay do you recommend like

0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:13.200
<v Speaker 2>if you're BECAUSE i just feel like if you're, married

0:31:13.320 --> 0:31:15.640
<v Speaker 2>or at least you're living, together if you're co mingling your,

0:31:15.680 --> 0:31:19.440
<v Speaker 2>finances if one person's in financial, therapy the other person

0:31:19.520 --> 0:31:22.240
<v Speaker 2>has to be. RIGHT i think it's so. Intertwined what

0:31:22.280 --> 0:31:22.960
<v Speaker 2>do you, think.

0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Especially if somebody is. Married so there are times WHEN

0:31:25.760 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 1>i have worked with people And i'm treating the couple.

0:31:28.440 --> 0:31:30.320
<v Speaker 1>Right so they're coming to me as a. Couple we

0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:34.120
<v Speaker 1>might be going through their money stories, individually just in

0:31:34.560 --> 0:31:37.400
<v Speaker 1>a like, tripod if you, Will so it's all three

0:31:37.440 --> 0:31:40.720
<v Speaker 1>of us here having that kind of. Conversation but the

0:31:40.800 --> 0:31:43.880
<v Speaker 1>problems that can happen if it's somebody seeing me they're

0:31:43.920 --> 0:31:46.520
<v Speaker 1>going through their money, story but something is getting lost

0:31:46.720 --> 0:31:50.560
<v Speaker 1>in communication when they're trying to talk to their, partner

0:31:50.680 --> 0:31:53.040
<v Speaker 1>or their partner isn't on board with what they're trying

0:31:53.080 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 1>to do or how they're trying to do. It and

0:31:54.800 --> 0:31:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes i'm, Like, okay let's have a couple, session bring

0:31:57.280 --> 0:32:01.000
<v Speaker 1>your partner. In we're all going to talk together and level.

0:32:01.120 --> 0:32:05.400
<v Speaker 1>Set And i'm able to do that SO i can

0:32:05.440 --> 0:32:07.440
<v Speaker 1>see an individual and if they want to bring their partner, in,

0:32:07.480 --> 0:32:10.000
<v Speaker 1>great let's chat about, it and THEN i can continue

0:32:10.040 --> 0:32:13.120
<v Speaker 1>seeing that. Individual i've had people Who i've started seeing

0:32:13.160 --> 0:32:15.520
<v Speaker 1>individually they're, like, oh, no we need to see you

0:32:15.560 --> 0:32:19.640
<v Speaker 1>as a, couple and then then we transition into just couple's,

0:32:19.680 --> 0:32:23.360
<v Speaker 1>work and that is very specific because we need to

0:32:23.560 --> 0:32:26.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of close out that relationship And i'm almost like

0:32:26.040 --> 0:32:28.680
<v Speaker 1>we're starting from square one as a couple BECAUSE i

0:32:28.720 --> 0:32:32.480
<v Speaker 1>don't want anybody to ever feel. Slided AND i also

0:32:32.520 --> 0:32:34.840
<v Speaker 1>make sure with the partner that this is SOMETHING i

0:32:34.920 --> 0:32:38.120
<v Speaker 1>feel good entering into If i've had an established relationship

0:32:38.160 --> 0:32:40.200
<v Speaker 1>with the other person. Before so there are a few

0:32:40.240 --> 0:32:44.240
<v Speaker 1>dynamics that come into. Play but, yeah both parties need

0:32:44.280 --> 0:32:46.480
<v Speaker 1>to be prepared to do this work and also be

0:32:46.520 --> 0:32:49.000
<v Speaker 1>prepared That i'm going to be in your, business Like

0:32:49.080 --> 0:32:53.400
<v Speaker 1>i'm going to be all up in your business and that's,

0:32:53.520 --> 0:32:54.520
<v Speaker 1>Hard like.

0:32:54.520 --> 0:32:56.840
<v Speaker 2>What do you have a dashboard or, something or like

0:32:57.040 --> 0:32:58.040
<v Speaker 2>do you have to GET i.

0:32:58.040 --> 0:33:02.040
<v Speaker 1>Don't because password to, It like LIKE i don't want any.

0:33:02.080 --> 0:33:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Passwords i'm not touching your. Money i'm not looking at.

0:33:04.560 --> 0:33:06.480
<v Speaker 1>It but WHEN i say, that it's a lot of

0:33:06.520 --> 0:33:09.400
<v Speaker 1>people don't want to share how much they. Make they

0:33:09.440 --> 0:33:12.800
<v Speaker 1>may not have shared their salary with their. Partner they

0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:15.440
<v Speaker 1>have trouble saying out, loud, hey this is how much

0:33:15.480 --> 0:33:20.080
<v Speaker 1>it cost us to run our. Life those, numbers especially being.

0:33:20.000 --> 0:33:22.000
<v Speaker 2>Do you not do your taxes? Together how do you

0:33:22.040 --> 0:33:23.960
<v Speaker 2>not know what You're some people don't.

0:33:24.080 --> 0:33:27.680
<v Speaker 1>Know it is very. Shocking both parties in a marriage

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:32.920
<v Speaker 1>do not always know what's happening. Financially it just kind

0:33:32.920 --> 0:33:37.120
<v Speaker 1>of gets done and that can cause a lot of.

0:33:37.280 --> 0:33:40.160
<v Speaker 1>Tension and what happens is that a lot of couples

0:33:40.200 --> 0:33:44.040
<v Speaker 1>don't talk about where each partner is coming, from like

0:33:44.120 --> 0:33:47.600
<v Speaker 1>their history and why they act the way they do

0:33:48.160 --> 0:33:51.200
<v Speaker 1>now in a partnership with the, money and that can CAUSE.

0:33:51.240 --> 0:33:55.800
<v Speaker 2>Freto can you talk about some of the themes that

0:33:56.160 --> 0:33:58.520
<v Speaker 2>come up for you when you're talking to, clients like

0:33:59.240 --> 0:34:01.600
<v Speaker 2>some of THE i think you. Like the way that

0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:06.720
<v Speaker 2>you expressed it earlier was like the stories that they're telling.

0:34:06.720 --> 0:34:09.960
<v Speaker 2>Themselves WHAT i really want to know is, like out

0:34:09.960 --> 0:34:13.120
<v Speaker 2>of the clients that you're working, with what's causing them

0:34:13.120 --> 0:34:17.800
<v Speaker 2>the most just like mental health, Struggle like what's causing

0:34:17.840 --> 0:34:21.960
<v Speaker 2>them the most stress financially and how are you helping?

0:34:22.000 --> 0:34:25.840
<v Speaker 1>Them SO i would say money avoidance is a huge

0:34:25.840 --> 0:34:30.040
<v Speaker 1>one for, People so that could be any money, Avoidance

0:34:30.040 --> 0:34:33.879
<v Speaker 1>so that could be somebody is just totally avoiding their.

0:34:33.920 --> 0:34:36.279
<v Speaker 1>Money they are not looking at their, bills they're not

0:34:36.480 --> 0:34:40.120
<v Speaker 1>looking at their, Accounts they're just kind of, hoping swiping

0:34:40.120 --> 0:34:42.319
<v Speaker 1>on a hope in a prayer and just being, LIKE

0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:44.360
<v Speaker 1>i hope it goes. THROUGH i, Hope i'm, Okay but

0:34:44.400 --> 0:34:48.640
<v Speaker 1>they're not. Looking so that comes up for. People money

0:34:48.680 --> 0:34:52.040
<v Speaker 1>hoarding comes up for, people which is LIKE i am

0:34:52.160 --> 0:34:58.480
<v Speaker 1>so worried about security or stability THAT i am hoarding

0:34:58.520 --> 0:35:01.600
<v Speaker 1>all of my money in a savings account THAT i can,

0:35:01.640 --> 0:35:04.400
<v Speaker 1>see THAT i can access any. TIME a lot of

0:35:04.400 --> 0:35:06.560
<v Speaker 1>times it's not even a high yield savings, account so

0:35:06.560 --> 0:35:09.160
<v Speaker 1>it's just a lot of money sitting in this little savings,

0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:11.200
<v Speaker 1>account And i'm, like we have got to move that

0:35:12.560 --> 0:35:15.920
<v Speaker 1>it cannot be, here and a lot of that is

0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:20.680
<v Speaker 1>coming from growing up and having less or worrying about

0:35:20.680 --> 0:35:24.640
<v Speaker 1>your financial. STABILITY a lot of that's growing coming from

0:35:24.719 --> 0:35:26.640
<v Speaker 1>a place of nobody taught me what to do with this,

0:35:26.760 --> 0:35:28.759
<v Speaker 1>money So i'm just going to hold on to. It

0:35:28.920 --> 0:35:31.959
<v Speaker 1>and that's like a tomorrow mean, problem but it keeps

0:35:31.960 --> 0:35:34.279
<v Speaker 1>getting pushed, off and a lot of my clients are

0:35:34.320 --> 0:35:36.760
<v Speaker 1>just dealing with what it looks like to be making

0:35:36.800 --> 0:35:39.160
<v Speaker 1>more money than their, parents live a different life than

0:35:39.400 --> 0:35:42.080
<v Speaker 1>they grew, up what it feels like to potentially feel

0:35:42.120 --> 0:35:45.560
<v Speaker 1>ostracized from a community while also trying to break into

0:35:45.640 --> 0:35:48.560
<v Speaker 1>a different, community and that leads itself to a lot

0:35:48.600 --> 0:35:53.160
<v Speaker 1>of identity work and just. Discomfort so When i'm working with,

0:35:53.239 --> 0:35:57.680
<v Speaker 1>clients What i'm trying to help them do is understand

0:35:57.800 --> 0:36:02.640
<v Speaker 1>why their past experiences are potentially harming where they want

0:36:02.680 --> 0:36:06.400
<v Speaker 1>to go. Financially and sometimes they, aren't and sometimes they

0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:09.640
<v Speaker 1>are and that's, okay but it's just not what they

0:36:09.640 --> 0:36:12.520
<v Speaker 1>want to be doing. Anymore they don't like it. Anymore

0:36:12.520 --> 0:36:14.200
<v Speaker 1>So i'm, Like, okay what can we do that's going

0:36:14.239 --> 0:36:16.319
<v Speaker 1>to get you closer to living your best? Life what

0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.200
<v Speaker 1>can we do that makes you feel like you can

0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:22.359
<v Speaker 1>be financially well and enjoy the things that you want to.

0:36:22.480 --> 0:36:25.040
<v Speaker 1>Enjoy because as much as we teach people to save,

0:36:25.080 --> 0:36:27.480
<v Speaker 1>money we also need to teach people to spend money.

0:36:27.520 --> 0:36:30.759
<v Speaker 1>Too so it's kind of this too prong approach of

0:36:31.280 --> 0:36:33.560
<v Speaker 1>healing from some of the past things that you've gone

0:36:33.600 --> 0:36:35.279
<v Speaker 1>through and understanding it's going to be a part of,

0:36:35.320 --> 0:36:37.560
<v Speaker 1>you but understanding that you don't need to hold on

0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:40.040
<v Speaker 1>to some of those old beliefs that don't apply to

0:36:40.120 --> 0:36:44.320
<v Speaker 1>your life. Anymore and a lot of that is just reality,

0:36:44.400 --> 0:36:47.439
<v Speaker 1>testing if you will Of, okay, well what's the worst

0:36:47.480 --> 0:36:49.719
<v Speaker 1>is going to? Happen tell me what's the catastrophe that

0:36:49.840 --> 0:36:51.719
<v Speaker 1>is going to. Happen that's going to mean that you're

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:55.880
<v Speaker 1>going to be, homeless or your money's going to be totally,

0:36:55.920 --> 0:36:59.160
<v Speaker 1>gone or that if you look at your, money what's

0:36:59.160 --> 0:37:02.960
<v Speaker 1>going to? Happen and sometimes it's, like, well what happens

0:37:03.000 --> 0:37:07.080
<v Speaker 1>if it's at? Zero what happens if it's? Negative what

0:37:07.120 --> 0:37:09.320
<v Speaker 1>happens IF i have more money THAN i? Thought i'm, like, okay,

0:37:09.440 --> 0:37:10.960
<v Speaker 1>well guess. What we're still going to be in this.

0:37:11.040 --> 0:37:12.960
<v Speaker 1>Office it's still going to be me and you on

0:37:13.040 --> 0:37:15.560
<v Speaker 1>this video chat, together and then we're going to figure

0:37:15.560 --> 0:37:17.440
<v Speaker 1>out how you need to cope with the feelings that come,

0:37:17.520 --> 0:37:19.160
<v Speaker 1>up and we're going to talk about. It so it's

0:37:19.200 --> 0:37:21.719
<v Speaker 1>literally just one foot in front of the, other and

0:37:21.760 --> 0:37:24.400
<v Speaker 1>as you can, imagine it goes in many different ways

0:37:24.400 --> 0:37:27.239
<v Speaker 1>and many different nuances to each.

0:37:27.320 --> 0:37:30.400
<v Speaker 2>Individual you said people need to learn how to. Spend

0:37:30.520 --> 0:37:32.080
<v Speaker 2>do we really, LIKE i think we got that.

0:37:32.160 --> 0:37:34.160
<v Speaker 3>DOWN i mean a lot of us, do but not.

0:37:34.320 --> 0:37:35.319
<v Speaker 3>Everybody not.

0:37:35.640 --> 0:37:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Everybody i'm very, concerned especially and this comes in with

0:37:39.560 --> 0:37:42.520
<v Speaker 1>people who are more like tend to hoard their money

0:37:43.200 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 1>and they don't want to spend their. Money, yeah they

0:37:46.760 --> 0:37:48.960
<v Speaker 1>do not want to spend their. Money they are very

0:37:49.000 --> 0:37:50.680
<v Speaker 1>concerned about what it's going to look like in the

0:37:50.719 --> 0:37:53.239
<v Speaker 1>future if they have. ENOUGH i wrote about in the

0:37:53.280 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 1>book as. WELL a friend's father so different generation than

0:37:56.600 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 1>my typical. CLIENTS i usually see people somewhere between like,

0:37:59.680 --> 0:38:04.000
<v Speaker 1>twenty so he is, older but he was telling, me

0:38:04.040 --> 0:38:07.040
<v Speaker 1>he's Like. Asia for, Decades i've been told to save this,

0:38:07.160 --> 0:38:10.480
<v Speaker 1>money to put it in, investments to squirrel away from my.

0:38:10.560 --> 0:38:12.520
<v Speaker 1>Retirement and Now i'm here and you want me to

0:38:12.560 --> 0:38:17.399
<v Speaker 1>just spend. It And i'm, like, yeah like don't Spend

0:38:17.400 --> 0:38:19.319
<v Speaker 1>you're not gonna go spend all of, it but, yes

0:38:19.440 --> 0:38:23.279
<v Speaker 1>please go, Enjoy please go travel with your wife or

0:38:23.320 --> 0:38:26.120
<v Speaker 1>hang out with your grandkids or your loved. Ones, like,

0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:28.840
<v Speaker 1>yeah do what you want to do within your, means but,

0:38:28.960 --> 0:38:32.319
<v Speaker 1>yes please go spend. It and that is a very

0:38:32.600 --> 0:38:35.640
<v Speaker 1>large struggle for him and for a lot of people

0:38:35.680 --> 0:38:38.399
<v Speaker 1>to feel LIKE i don't have anything, Incoming how CAN

0:38:38.440 --> 0:38:39.560
<v Speaker 1>i possibly just spend the?

0:38:39.560 --> 0:38:42.360
<v Speaker 2>MONEY i, mean that's what retirement is supposed to. Be

0:38:42.600 --> 0:38:45.160
<v Speaker 2>but you're, RIGHT i can, Imagine like that's a big mental.

0:38:45.160 --> 0:38:49.760
<v Speaker 2>Shift like it also is like it kind of forces

0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:53.799
<v Speaker 2>you to confront mortality in a way that's, Uncomfortable, like you,

0:38:53.880 --> 0:38:56.120
<v Speaker 2>MEAN i don't have that much time, Left So i'm like.

0:38:56.160 --> 0:38:57.200
<v Speaker 2>Old is that what you're. Saying i'm not.

0:38:57.200 --> 0:38:58.520
<v Speaker 3>Old i'm like, no But i'm not.

0:38:58.640 --> 0:39:00.640
<v Speaker 2>Dying like you got to use.

0:39:00.640 --> 0:39:01.520
<v Speaker 3>It you only have so many.

0:39:01.600 --> 0:39:07.120
<v Speaker 2>Years, yeah use it before you lose. It. YEAH i

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:11.480
<v Speaker 2>was also thinking, about Like i've had to And i've

0:39:11.520 --> 0:39:13.799
<v Speaker 2>talked about this on the, show like get back in

0:39:13.840 --> 0:39:16.640
<v Speaker 2>touch with HOW i spend my money and like WHAT

0:39:16.760 --> 0:39:20.280
<v Speaker 2>i value and making sure that like How i'm spending

0:39:20.320 --> 0:39:22.600
<v Speaker 2>my money lines up with WHAT i SAY i value

0:39:22.640 --> 0:39:27.000
<v Speaker 2>and WHAT i actually, value because for, me that's HOW

0:39:27.040 --> 0:39:31.560
<v Speaker 2>i feel, Happier like with my, expenses like HOW i

0:39:31.600 --> 0:39:33.080
<v Speaker 2>can at least look at it and, say, well that

0:39:33.320 --> 0:39:36.279
<v Speaker 2>was you, know something it has to do with such

0:39:36.320 --> 0:39:40.360
<v Speaker 2>and such THAT i, value like for, example spending fifty

0:39:40.360 --> 0:39:44.520
<v Speaker 2>bucks on like a sound bath versus spending fifty bucks

0:39:44.560 --> 0:39:49.319
<v Speaker 2>ON i don't, know the eighteen pack of toothbrushes At

0:39:49.400 --> 0:39:53.680
<v Speaker 2>pj's and like seven rotisserie chickens or whatever cost fifty

0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:57.440
<v Speaker 2>dollars At pj's and being able to like tie that

0:39:57.560 --> 0:40:02.240
<v Speaker 2>to something THAT i, value like my mental, health like self,

0:40:02.280 --> 0:40:06.319
<v Speaker 2>care you, Know like can you talk a little bit about?

0:40:06.360 --> 0:40:09.600
<v Speaker 2>That and is that something that you've seen in your?

0:40:09.640 --> 0:40:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Clients, yeah, WELL i think what happens with my clients

0:40:12.320 --> 0:40:15.799
<v Speaker 1>and is especially because of the, location, Right SO i

0:40:15.840 --> 0:40:19.960
<v Speaker 1>do believe that sometimes where you live can dictate what

0:40:20.080 --> 0:40:24.600
<v Speaker 1>you prioritize and what you. Value SO i am practicing

0:40:24.640 --> 0:40:27.319
<v Speaker 1>In New York. CITY i tend to see people who,

0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:31.120
<v Speaker 1>are LIKE i, said twenty five to forty. Five so

0:40:31.680 --> 0:40:33.279
<v Speaker 1>a lot of my clients are in the range of

0:40:33.400 --> 0:40:36.200
<v Speaker 1>just preparing for what it might look like to have a.

0:40:36.239 --> 0:40:41.080
<v Speaker 1>Family how do they prepare themselves to feel as stable

0:40:41.120 --> 0:40:45.640
<v Speaker 1>as they can to start expanding their. Family and when

0:40:45.680 --> 0:40:49.360
<v Speaker 1>you live in a city that really does prioritize going

0:40:49.520 --> 0:40:52.920
<v Speaker 1>out or spending a lot of money or looking a certain,

0:40:52.960 --> 0:40:56.080
<v Speaker 1>way it can feel hard to then, say, hey we

0:40:56.120 --> 0:40:58.520
<v Speaker 1>can't do as much as we were doing before because we're,

0:40:58.560 --> 0:41:04.719
<v Speaker 1>prioritizing you, KNOW ivf we're prioritizing saving for a, house

0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:06.680
<v Speaker 1>or we just want to make sure that we can

0:41:06.120 --> 0:41:09.440
<v Speaker 1>expand our family or take care of, family whatever it

0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:13.239
<v Speaker 1>looks like for. Them SO i think aligning your values

0:41:13.239 --> 0:41:15.799
<v Speaker 1>with how you want to spend your money is very

0:41:15.840 --> 0:41:18.320
<v Speaker 1>important for people to do and to spend some, time

0:41:18.840 --> 0:41:21.800
<v Speaker 1>whether it's, journaling thinking about, it making a, list to

0:41:22.040 --> 0:41:24.960
<v Speaker 1>understand so that when you are saying no to some,

0:41:25.000 --> 0:41:27.600
<v Speaker 1>things which can be very difficult to set the boundary

0:41:29.320 --> 0:41:32.480
<v Speaker 1>outside of yourself to say no to SAY i can't

0:41:32.719 --> 0:41:34.439
<v Speaker 1>Or i'm not going to go on that trip BECAUSE

0:41:34.440 --> 0:41:37.320
<v Speaker 1>i have something else going, on to ground yourself and

0:41:37.520 --> 0:41:39.960
<v Speaker 1>why you aren't doing the things that you used to

0:41:40.000 --> 0:41:43.040
<v Speaker 1>do because you're trying to get to your financial goal

0:41:43.120 --> 0:41:46.480
<v Speaker 1>of something. Else so a lot of that is fortifying

0:41:46.520 --> 0:41:49.319
<v Speaker 1>people to understand why their values are so important how

0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:51.520
<v Speaker 1>do they prioritize, them and then how do they set

0:41:51.520 --> 0:41:54.720
<v Speaker 1>healthy boundaries with other people so that they can continue

0:41:54.760 --> 0:41:56.400
<v Speaker 1>to prioritize them and feel good about.

0:41:56.400 --> 0:41:59.160
<v Speaker 2>It, okay SO i know we don't have very much time,

0:41:59.239 --> 0:42:01.840
<v Speaker 2>left so why not talk about a huge topic That

0:42:01.840 --> 0:42:06.759
<v Speaker 2>i'll probably take in another, hour but, QUICKLY i the

0:42:06.840 --> 0:42:08.319
<v Speaker 2>REASON i want to. TALK i want to talk about,

0:42:08.360 --> 0:42:13.120
<v Speaker 2>shame financial. SHAME i actually got A dm from one

0:42:13.160 --> 0:42:16.200
<v Speaker 2>of my cousins who hadn't seen in a, while and

0:42:16.239 --> 0:42:17.920
<v Speaker 2>we were supposed to like see each other WHEN i

0:42:18.000 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 2>was back, home and you, know for whatever, reason we

0:42:20.640 --> 0:42:22.680
<v Speaker 2>didn't make it. Happen and SO i got this message

0:42:22.760 --> 0:42:25.520
<v Speaker 2>After i'd already, left and she was, saying, LIKE i

0:42:25.560 --> 0:42:28.080
<v Speaker 2>didn't know how to say, this But i'm actually having

0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:31.080
<v Speaker 2>a really hard. Time we're in between houses right, Now

0:42:31.840 --> 0:42:35.719
<v Speaker 2>we're really struggling, financially AND i didn't want you to

0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:38.360
<v Speaker 2>think of us as, trash you, know if if you

0:42:38.400 --> 0:42:41.840
<v Speaker 2>saw us and like it was really heartbreaking to me

0:42:43.320 --> 0:42:45.759
<v Speaker 2>BECAUSE i could just feel how much shame she had

0:42:45.840 --> 0:42:49.319
<v Speaker 2>for being in a challenging position and then you, know

0:42:49.600 --> 0:42:51.720
<v Speaker 2>needing a little bit of financial help in that. Moment

0:42:51.840 --> 0:42:55.360
<v Speaker 2>AND i at the same, TIME i was like proud

0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:59.399
<v Speaker 2>of her for saying, something because the antidote to shame

0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:01.200
<v Speaker 2>for me is like saying the thing out loud and

0:43:01.239 --> 0:43:04.640
<v Speaker 2>actually admitting that you're. Struggling but it did remind me

0:43:04.840 --> 0:43:07.319
<v Speaker 2>just of how much SHAME i think so many of

0:43:07.360 --> 0:43:10.680
<v Speaker 2>us are caring because we don't feel like we're doing

0:43:10.760 --> 0:43:13.000
<v Speaker 2>as well as we should be or as other people

0:43:13.080 --> 0:43:15.120
<v Speaker 2>think we should be or other people look like they're,

0:43:15.120 --> 0:43:19.359
<v Speaker 2>doing and that can cause a lot of. Suffering so

0:43:19.400 --> 0:43:23.120
<v Speaker 2>how does shame kind of play into all of this

0:43:23.239 --> 0:43:25.520
<v Speaker 2>and into your practice and working with your.

0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:29.640
<v Speaker 1>Clients shame comes up so frequently with my clients and

0:43:29.840 --> 0:43:32.239
<v Speaker 1>with money in. General, right it's not just like my

0:43:32.320 --> 0:43:34.360
<v Speaker 1>clients who are coming to me to have these types of.

0:43:34.400 --> 0:43:38.719
<v Speaker 1>Conversations it's, also AS i, know you know and can

0:43:38.800 --> 0:43:41.759
<v Speaker 1>see and can hear from other, people people are just

0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:44.560
<v Speaker 1>dealing with it. Silently AND i love what you said

0:43:44.719 --> 0:43:49.239
<v Speaker 1>about talking about it and bringing it up is the

0:43:49.320 --> 0:43:53.719
<v Speaker 1>antidote to, shame BECAUSE i completely. AGREE i think it

0:43:53.840 --> 0:43:59.960
<v Speaker 1>brings us out of this isolation and sadness and gloom

0:44:00.160 --> 0:44:03.160
<v Speaker 1>that we can create ourselves when we start to spiral

0:44:03.760 --> 0:44:06.200
<v Speaker 1>in our shame to Think i'm the only one who's

0:44:06.200 --> 0:44:09.160
<v Speaker 1>going through. This nobody else is going through. THIS i you,

0:44:09.200 --> 0:44:11.600
<v Speaker 1>know then the terrible things that you say to yourself

0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:15.520
<v Speaker 1>right start showing up to all of that, negativity and

0:44:16.080 --> 0:44:19.279
<v Speaker 1>it forces you inward versus forcing you outward where you

0:44:19.320 --> 0:44:23.080
<v Speaker 1>can feel loved and appreciated even though you are going

0:44:23.120 --> 0:44:26.239
<v Speaker 1>through a hard. Time so it comes up a lot

0:44:26.360 --> 0:44:29.279
<v Speaker 1>in my, practice AND i want to also share that

0:44:29.320 --> 0:44:31.200
<v Speaker 1>it comes up not just when people don't have, money

0:44:31.239 --> 0:44:33.919
<v Speaker 1>but when people. Do AND i think that is much

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:37.680
<v Speaker 1>harder for us to grapple with because we want to,

0:44:37.719 --> 0:44:40.840
<v Speaker 1>believe especially In american, culture that if you have, money

0:44:40.880 --> 0:44:43.840
<v Speaker 1>everything is, great you have no. Problems but there's a

0:44:43.840 --> 0:44:46.440
<v Speaker 1>lot of people who have a lot of shame about

0:44:46.480 --> 0:44:49.319
<v Speaker 1>being wealthy. Too AND i would say just as much

0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:52.520
<v Speaker 1>shame as people who don't have the money when they

0:44:52.520 --> 0:44:54.680
<v Speaker 1>do have the. Money so it's just a very complex

0:44:54.760 --> 0:44:59.200
<v Speaker 1>thing that takes time to break up because it takes

0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:02.240
<v Speaker 1>time for people to be vulnerable enough to start bringing

0:45:02.280 --> 0:45:05.839
<v Speaker 1>it to light to Say i'm really struggling with the

0:45:05.880 --> 0:45:09.279
<v Speaker 1>financial MISTAKES i. Made i'm really struggling with What i'm

0:45:09.320 --> 0:45:11.520
<v Speaker 1>doing with my. MONEY i don't like, this And i'm

0:45:11.520 --> 0:45:14.200
<v Speaker 1>starting not to like myself because of, it AND i

0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:16.520
<v Speaker 1>think it can really quickly go down a slippery slope

0:45:16.520 --> 0:45:19.960
<v Speaker 1>when we start to almost attack your self, esteem when

0:45:20.000 --> 0:45:24.240
<v Speaker 1>you feel so isolated and so buried in your. Shame

0:45:24.400 --> 0:45:28.200
<v Speaker 1>and a lot of my work is reinforcing that people

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:32.200
<v Speaker 1>are still worthy even if they don't feel great about their,

0:45:32.200 --> 0:45:35.279
<v Speaker 1>money don't feel great about money in, general have had,

0:45:35.360 --> 0:45:38.919
<v Speaker 1>debt are making a ton of, money are. Different it's

0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:43.160
<v Speaker 1>about figuring out how you can still love yourself and

0:45:43.200 --> 0:45:45.640
<v Speaker 1>how you can still take care of yourself even if

0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:47.799
<v Speaker 1>it's not the way that you want to be able

0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:50.920
<v Speaker 1>to right now to and also feel like you can

0:45:50.960 --> 0:45:53.600
<v Speaker 1>have a community that supports you even though this stuff

0:45:53.680 --> 0:45:56.279
<v Speaker 1>is going. On AND i want to be clear That

0:45:56.320 --> 0:45:59.680
<v Speaker 1>i'm not, saying, hey get up on your soapbox.

0:45:59.200 --> 0:46:01.799
<v Speaker 3>And tell the world about your financial shame and tell the.

0:46:01.840 --> 0:46:03.560
<v Speaker 1>World, no it doesn't have to be all of, that

0:46:03.719 --> 0:46:06.640
<v Speaker 1>but it could, Be, Hey i'm talking to my really

0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:09.800
<v Speaker 1>close family member about this AND i feel really bad about,

0:46:09.800 --> 0:46:12.640
<v Speaker 1>it OR i am calling that friend to just be

0:46:12.800 --> 0:46:14.920
<v Speaker 1>sad and to just, cry and Then i'm gonna go

0:46:14.960 --> 0:46:15.319
<v Speaker 1>about my.

0:46:15.440 --> 0:46:16.279
<v Speaker 3>Day so.

0:46:16.760 --> 0:46:18.520
<v Speaker 1>Pick you can, pick and choose who you share it.

0:46:18.560 --> 0:46:22.840
<v Speaker 1>With BUT i really encourage people to start talking about,

0:46:22.840 --> 0:46:26.080
<v Speaker 1>it because that's really what breaks up the isolation and

0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:28.560
<v Speaker 1>stops you from cocooning.

0:46:28.600 --> 0:46:32.000
<v Speaker 2>In, yeah talk about, it and then hopefully you're speaking

0:46:32.000 --> 0:46:34.160
<v Speaker 2>to someone who could then encourage you on the step

0:46:34.239 --> 0:46:39.000
<v Speaker 2>toward yeah, something, yeah you, know to improve the situation

0:46:39.160 --> 0:46:42.440
<v Speaker 2>or just to like get through. It, well thank You

0:46:42.520 --> 0:46:47.040
<v Speaker 2>asia for joining me on Brown. Envision, finally this interview

0:46:47.120 --> 0:46:50.000
<v Speaker 2>is like a year in the making almost any last,

0:46:50.000 --> 0:46:51.279
<v Speaker 2>words where can people find? You?

0:46:52.000 --> 0:46:56.200
<v Speaker 1>So you can find me On instagram AT Ajae, therapy

0:46:56.440 --> 0:47:00.480
<v Speaker 1>So i'm there on my, Website asiaevanscounseling dot, com and

0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:03.080
<v Speaker 1>you Can Feel Good finance wherever you get your. Books

0:47:03.160 --> 0:47:06.400
<v Speaker 1>but in, GENERAL i do want people to know that

0:47:06.400 --> 0:47:08.799
<v Speaker 1>you're not the only one going through. This that whether

0:47:08.880 --> 0:47:12.560
<v Speaker 1>it's shame or just feeling really bad about, yourself low self, esteem, depression,

0:47:12.640 --> 0:47:15.480
<v Speaker 1>anxiety other people are going through it, Too and people

0:47:15.480 --> 0:47:18.480
<v Speaker 1>that you do not expect to be going through it

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:21.200
<v Speaker 1>are probably going through it too and want to have

0:47:21.239 --> 0:47:24.600
<v Speaker 1>these kinds of. Conversations so it might feel big and

0:47:24.640 --> 0:47:26.239
<v Speaker 1>scary at, first but it doesn't have.

0:47:26.160 --> 0:47:26.719
<v Speaker 3>To always be that.

0:47:26.760 --> 0:47:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Way thank. You before we send folks to your. Website

0:47:30.200 --> 0:47:33.400
<v Speaker 2>are you taking new? Clients, yes SO i. HAVE i

0:47:33.440 --> 0:47:35.560
<v Speaker 2>THINK i have about three. SLOTS i have to double.

0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:37.160
<v Speaker 2>CHECK i was at three to. FIVE i just took

0:47:37.160 --> 0:47:39.319
<v Speaker 2>on two new, clients SO i THINK i have three slots. Left,

0:47:39.880 --> 0:47:43.080
<v Speaker 2>okay go get, in Ba. Fam keep her booked and.

0:47:43.160 --> 0:47:44.880
<v Speaker 3>Busy, yes, please.

0:47:45.160 --> 0:47:50.080
<v Speaker 2>All, Right, asia thanks so much having me all, right Ba,

0:47:50.200 --> 0:47:52.680
<v Speaker 2>fam thank you so much for tuning into this week's.

0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:55.920
<v Speaker 2>EPISODE i want to hear from. You what did you?

0:47:56.000 --> 0:47:59.520
<v Speaker 2>Think did this? Episode did it get to you or

0:47:59.600 --> 0:48:03.120
<v Speaker 2>you feel a little less shame about your financial picture right?

0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:05.680
<v Speaker 2>Now are you gonna maybe call up a, friend your,

0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:09.880
<v Speaker 2>therapist a financial advisor and start chipping away at it

0:48:10.040 --> 0:48:13.640
<v Speaker 2>and releasing yourself from that. Shame i'd love to hear from.

0:48:13.640 --> 0:48:16.600
<v Speaker 2>You you can hit me Up bronambitionpodcast at gmail dot,

0:48:16.600 --> 0:48:20.320
<v Speaker 2>com or you CAN dm me At Brown Ambition podcast

0:48:20.880 --> 0:48:23.719
<v Speaker 2>AND i will be waiting for your. Message and, YES

0:48:23.760 --> 0:48:26.960
<v Speaker 2>i do, RESPOND i actually. Do WHILE i got, y'all Ba,

0:48:27.080 --> 0:48:29.319
<v Speaker 2>fam let me do a quick shout out to our

0:48:29.400 --> 0:48:32.960
<v Speaker 2>incredible listeners who took the time In may so far

0:48:33.520 --> 0:48:36.560
<v Speaker 2>to leave us a review On Apple. Podcasts oh my,

0:48:36.600 --> 0:48:39.640
<v Speaker 2>goodness thank you so. Much all, right we have one FROM.

0:48:39.800 --> 0:48:44.480
<v Speaker 2>Wgssf she says or he, no assume it's is?

0:48:44.520 --> 0:48:44.600
<v Speaker 1>She?

0:48:44.920 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 2>Yay? Moms Mandy, Love love love the episode about moms

0:48:49.080 --> 0:48:51.760
<v Speaker 2>With reina And. JESSICA i love how honest and thoughtful

0:48:51.800 --> 0:48:55.520
<v Speaker 2>your conversation was about the difficult balance that motherhood can.

0:48:55.520 --> 0:48:58.920
<v Speaker 2>Bring thank you for your candid takes on life and. Money,

0:48:59.200 --> 0:49:02.120
<v Speaker 2>Girl you're. Welcome if you all missed last Week's Mother's

0:49:02.160 --> 0:49:06.440
<v Speaker 2>day episode With Reina campbell From dreams And drive And

0:49:06.560 --> 0:49:11.480
<v Speaker 2>Jessica norwood From Sugar Daddy, podcast listen go check it.

0:49:11.520 --> 0:49:14.239
<v Speaker 2>Out whether you are a, mom you want to be a,

0:49:14.280 --> 0:49:17.399
<v Speaker 2>mom you like your, mom or you don't like your.

0:49:17.400 --> 0:49:20.200
<v Speaker 2>Mom maybe it'll help you understand her. Better go listen

0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:24.320
<v Speaker 2>to last week's episode and then listener our N optional

0:49:24.400 --> 0:49:28.640
<v Speaker 2>says so good five, stars been listening for. Years mandy's

0:49:28.640 --> 0:49:33.400
<v Speaker 2>handling solo hosting with great roundtables and continues to bring amazing.

0:49:33.440 --> 0:49:37.360
<v Speaker 2>GUESTS i also love how vulnerable she is in her motherhood.

0:49:37.400 --> 0:49:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Season keeping it real is how we support each. Other hell,

0:49:41.360 --> 0:49:46.240
<v Speaker 2>yes thank you so. Much and To Ae jackson says

0:49:46.520 --> 0:49:49.359
<v Speaker 2>Love Brown ambition five. Stars i've been listening To Brand

0:49:49.440 --> 0:49:51.840
<v Speaker 2>ambition since twenty twenty and it's helped me grow so.

0:49:52.000 --> 0:49:54.960
<v Speaker 2>Much every episode has something new for me to. Learn

0:49:55.080 --> 0:49:59.000
<v Speaker 2>mandy does such a great job of utilizing personal experiences

0:49:59.280 --> 0:50:02.799
<v Speaker 2>to make career finance topics feel real and, applicable AND

0:50:02.840 --> 0:50:05.399
<v Speaker 2>i love her guests at THE Ba Brown table. Too

0:50:05.560 --> 0:50:08.040
<v Speaker 2>can't wait to see how the show continues to. Evolve

0:50:08.840 --> 0:50:12.120
<v Speaker 2>thank y'all so. Much please leave us a. Review you

0:50:12.160 --> 0:50:15.600
<v Speaker 2>can leave it On Apple podcasts Or. Spotify those are

0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:20.279
<v Speaker 2>the two best places. Review however many stars you, wish of,

0:50:20.280 --> 0:50:23.319
<v Speaker 2>Course i'm always hoping for, five BUT i do read

0:50:23.400 --> 0:50:26.400
<v Speaker 2>each and everyone AND i just can't thank y'all. Enough all,

0:50:26.520 --> 0:50:31.560
<v Speaker 2>right until next, time BY Ba fam okay va, Fam

0:50:31.600 --> 0:50:33.960
<v Speaker 2>thank you so much for listening to this week's. SHOW

0:50:34.040 --> 0:50:38.240
<v Speaker 2>i want to shout out to our production, Team, courtney our, Editor,

0:50:38.440 --> 0:50:42.839
<v Speaker 2>carla our fearless leader for idea to launch. PRODUCTIONS i

0:50:42.840 --> 0:50:46.760
<v Speaker 2>want to shout out my Assistant Lauda escalante And cameron

0:50:46.840 --> 0:50:49.799
<v Speaker 2>McNair for helping me put the show. Together it is

0:50:49.920 --> 0:50:53.440
<v Speaker 2>not a one person, project as much AS i have

0:50:53.520 --> 0:50:56.080
<v Speaker 2>tried to make it so these past ten, YEARS i

0:50:56.200 --> 0:50:59.319
<v Speaker 2>need help, y'all and thank Goodness i've been able to

0:50:59.320 --> 0:51:01.719
<v Speaker 2>put this team around me to support me on this,

0:51:01.880 --> 0:51:04.840
<v Speaker 2>journey and to y'all ba, FAM i love you so

0:51:04.840 --> 0:51:08.600
<v Speaker 2>so so so. Much please, rate, review, Subscribe make sure

0:51:08.640 --> 0:51:10.520
<v Speaker 2>you sign up to the newsletter to get all the

0:51:10.600 --> 0:51:15.799
<v Speaker 2>latest updates on upcoming, episodes our tenth year anniversary celebrations to,

0:51:15.880 --> 0:51:19.399
<v Speaker 2>come and until next, time talk to you soon via.

0:51:19.640 --> 0:51:24.160
<v Speaker 2>Bye