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Speaker 1: Shame comes up so frequently with my clients and with

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Speaker 1: money in general. Right, it's not just like my clients

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Speaker 1: who are coming to me to have these types of conversations.

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Speaker 1: It's also, as I know you know and can see

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Speaker 1: and can hear from other people, people are just dealing

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Speaker 1: with it silently. And I love what you said about

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Speaker 1: talking about it and bringing it up is the antidote

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Speaker 1: to shame, because I completely agree. I think it brings

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Speaker 1: us out of this isolation and sadness and gloom that

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Speaker 1: we can create ourselves when we start to spiral in

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Speaker 1: our shame to think I'm the only one who's going

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Speaker 1: through this, nobody else is going through this. I you know,

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Speaker 1: then the terrible things that you say to yourself right

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Speaker 1: start showing up to all of that negativity, and it

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Speaker 1: forces you inward versus forcing you outward where you can

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Speaker 1: feel loved and appreciated even though you were going through

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Speaker 1: a hard time.

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Speaker 2: Hey, ba fam, it's your host, Mandy Money. I sat

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Speaker 2: down with Asia Evans this week. Asia is a financial therapist.

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Speaker 2: She's the author of a book called Feel Good Finance.

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Speaker 2: And yes she is taking new clients, but only a few,

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Speaker 2: So maybe if you like what you hear on today's episode,

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Speaker 2: you can go check out her website. I'll put it

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Speaker 2: in the show notes. But Asia and I sat down

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Speaker 2: to talk about debt, and even just saying that word

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Speaker 2: makes me want to throw open my mouth a little bit.

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Speaker 2: My relationship to debt is probably as dysfunctional as anyone else's,

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Speaker 2: and at this time in our economy, it's very common

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Speaker 2: to hear pieces of personal finance advice about paying down

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Speaker 2: your debt, consolidating your debt, getting your debt under control,

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Speaker 2: and saving. But if we can't get through the shame

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Speaker 2: of even having debt in the first place, then ba fam,

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Speaker 2: how do we even start getting ourselves out of it?

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Speaker 2: On today's show, Asia and I are going to talk

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Speaker 2: about how we actually get more comfortable being uncomfortable, and

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Speaker 2: how that can lead us on a path toward finally

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Speaker 2: paying down debt and releasing ourselves from the shame of it.

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Speaker 2: Stay tuned, we'll be right back jump in. Asia, I

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Speaker 2: want you to ask me what you just asked.

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Speaker 1: So I think, looking at why we have such a

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Speaker 1: hard time feeling uncomfortable, and I don't say just we

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Speaker 1: as in me and you, I mean we as a

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Speaker 1: human collective, Why are humans so afraid to be uncomfortable?

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Speaker 2: I love that question so much. It's funny because it's like, well, duh,

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Speaker 2: you're a therapist, so of course you know that that's

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Speaker 2: a crucial question to ask. But it is one of

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Speaker 2: the key questions I have been working on to answer

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Speaker 2: this past year of my life. I've been on this

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Speaker 2: big mental health journey where I was just like, so overwhelmed.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that with ba fam, with all the things.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think I'm just like, if you look

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Speaker 2: at my situation, like what's wrong with her, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: she's just a modern woman in her late thirties with kids,

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Speaker 2: a mortgage, a business, a husband, and family and friends,

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Speaker 2: and she's this is what happens when you try to

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Speaker 2: do all the things, and this day and age is like,

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Speaker 2: of course you're struggling. And for me, the big journey

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Speaker 2: has been how to sit in that discomfort and how

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Speaker 2: to not obsessively or not obsessively, but how not to

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Speaker 2: be afraid of it so that you're constantly trying to

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Speaker 2: fix it. And I want to talk about the ways,

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Speaker 2: like when we're not able to cope with just being uncomfortable,

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Speaker 2: being anxious, not being financially secure, not having whatever it

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Speaker 2: is that you want going on in your life. Like,

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Speaker 2: in what ways are we hurting ourselves by constantly trying

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Speaker 2: to fix that discomfort?

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Speaker 1: That's a beautiful question, And I don't think that we

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Speaker 1: think enough about how we're hurting ourselves trying to just

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Speaker 1: get out of that uncomfortable feeling. So a lot of

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Speaker 1: times when you are, you know, there are the classics.

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Speaker 1: You overspend, you go shopping, you order take out, you

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Speaker 1: book a last minute trip where you know it's going

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Speaker 1: to be far more expensive than it would have booked

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Speaker 1: if you you know, planned it out a little bit

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Speaker 1: more or gave it.

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Speaker 3: Some times you had a.

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Speaker 2: Really terrible day and you're like, whatever, just do it.

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Speaker 2: Throw caution to the wind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, correct, Like you know, I only live once. This

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Speaker 1: is ridiculous, Nothing matters. Everything is crashing out all over

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Speaker 1: the world. It feels so hopeless. But what I want

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Speaker 1: people to understand is that when you are in that moment,

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Speaker 1: when you're in fight or flight, when you're in that crisis,

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Speaker 1: your body is screaming at you to do something to

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Speaker 1: make you feel more comfortable. That's just instinctually, that's what

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Speaker 1: humans go through, and I want that thing that you're

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Speaker 1: going to do, whatever that coping strategy is, to be

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Speaker 1: something that you are going it's going to put you

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Speaker 1: in a better situation longer term. So when we are

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Speaker 1: in a crisis and we're reaching for our cards, we're

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Speaker 1: reaching for our phone, we're ready to double tap, we're

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Speaker 1: ready to just hit purchase hit by. That is a

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Speaker 1: short term win. It is in the short term, going

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Speaker 1: to make you feel better, and it does work, to

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Speaker 1: be clear, Like a lot of those things do work.

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Speaker 1: You get that quick spike of dopamine and you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: everything's great, I feel good. But the problem with that

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Speaker 1: is that it doesn't last long and you will go

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Speaker 1: right back to where you were before if you don't

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Speaker 1: actually start addressing how you handle stress, how you handle

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Speaker 1: that level of discomfort in a way that is a

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Speaker 1: little bit more, a little less short sighted, and aiming

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Speaker 1: at a long term change and shift in your life. So,

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Speaker 1: and I'll give an example of something that I did

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Speaker 1: just recently. I myself was having a hard time just

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Speaker 1: managing everything that you just said, because that's me too.

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Speaker 1: A woman in her late thirties, two young kids, six

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Speaker 1: an under and trying to build a business, trying to

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Speaker 1: show up for my clients, trying to promote my book,

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Speaker 1: trying to do all these things at the same time,

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Speaker 1: while I'm like, oh, I'm ready to get fit again

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Speaker 1: and I'm ready to spend time with my friends again.

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Speaker 1: And I honestly was just having a really hard time.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, Asia, what would you tell one

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Speaker 1: of your clients. I would tell them to feel the feels.

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Speaker 1: So I just sat there and I cried and I

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Speaker 1: was sad, and I'm like, I'm so upset and spiraled.

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Speaker 1: And then I did a really hard workout. And for me,

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Speaker 1: when I'm in that kind of space, i don't want

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Speaker 1: to do the workout. I'm not getting on that peloton

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Speaker 1: bike like I can't wait to take this class. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm cursing myself out. I'm upset that.

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Speaker 3: I'm doing it.

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Speaker 1: I'm angry, and midway through the workout is when I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you were making it through this workout. This is awful.

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Speaker 1: This feels bad.

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Speaker 3: Listening to the motivational Tune Day telling me what I

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Speaker 3: need to do.

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Speaker 2: Tune Day just too incandescent. She's just too stunning. Study. Yes,

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Speaker 2: it's just like stunning, the bar is too high.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I was like, listen, we're not gonna look like

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Speaker 3: Tune Day today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Man, I mean, but that's why she got the

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Speaker 2: job right aspiration.

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Speaker 1: She's good at it. She is good at it. So

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Speaker 1: sometimes I just need somebody to yell at me to

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Speaker 1: crank the resistance and pedal faster and after that, and

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Speaker 1: I'll be honest like I tap in and and cry

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Speaker 1: while I'm on the bike. I cried during my workouts.

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Speaker 1: I cried during yoga. I'm a pretty emotional person. I'm expressing,

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Speaker 1: but that's what I needed to then release that.

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Speaker 2: Oh you're one of those ones who gets a deep

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Speaker 2: stretch and you like unlock trauma.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, looking for that stretch.

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Speaker 2: I'm waiting for the stretch that just lets me get

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Speaker 2: it all out because I watched those TikTok and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that looks nice. Let me try that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It hasn't happened yet.

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Speaker 1: It's mostly for me, honestly, and I think this it

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Speaker 1: talks about what we're talking about right now. It is

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Speaker 1: mindset for me because I'm not just saying, oh I

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Speaker 1: need to get through this workout. I need to get

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Speaker 1: through this pose or whatnot. It's you are strong. You

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Speaker 1: can push through this. You have pushed through this before.

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Speaker 1: You may feel alone, you may feel like you're the

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Speaker 1: only one going through this, but you will be okay.

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Speaker 1: And that's when I'm weeping, and it is just a

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Speaker 1: reminder of what my strengths are and what I'm pushing

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Speaker 1: for and why I'm doing this. So I'm having a

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Speaker 1: whole internal therapy session on myself when I'm working out,

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Speaker 1: because I really do believe it's about mindset and that's

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Speaker 1: what I want people to work on. When you find

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Speaker 1: yourself reaching for something that's a little bit more short term,

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Speaker 1: I want you to start thinking about, hey, what can

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Speaker 1: I do right now when I'm feeling so bad that

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Speaker 1: is going to help me feel better even tomorrow, and

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Speaker 1: that it could be something so small. You could meditate,

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Speaker 1: you can exercise, you can take a shower, do something

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Speaker 1: that is not going to be detrimental to yourself or

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Speaker 1: to your finances. If you are going to feel bad

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Speaker 1: about that coping strategy that you used in that moment tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: then we cannot do it. I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: continue the longevity of feeling bad because you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm mad that I did it that way. I'm mad

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Speaker 1: I got out of that feeling that way because I

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Speaker 1: don't think that's really what you want. You're trying to

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Speaker 1: find relief, but not a lot of people understand what

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Speaker 1: they need and that takes time.

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Speaker 2: To Yeah, one of the ways that my anxiety was manifesting,

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Speaker 2: like in terms of like the way I was coping

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Speaker 2: with it after I had my two year old couple

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Speaker 2: years ago. I would drop off my son, my older son,

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Speaker 2: at school, and then I would like and you know,

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Speaker 2: drop the baby off a daycare or whatever, and I'd

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Speaker 2: have a lot of stuff going on to catch up on,

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Speaker 2: and I would come up with a grocery shopping. I'd like, Oh,

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Speaker 2: I need to go grocery shopping, and I would like

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Speaker 2: spend and it doesn't feel like it's bad because it's

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Speaker 2: grocery shopping, you know, but I would turn it into

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Speaker 2: like a very long trip and I'd be out there

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Speaker 2: for like two hours. Maybe I would go to one

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Speaker 2: store and then I would go to another like Marshals

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Speaker 2: or home Goods or whatever, and it would all feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm doing it for the family, but I was

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Speaker 2: also like avoiding, you know, the overwhelming amount of things

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Speaker 2: on my plate, and the it's not just like the

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Speaker 2: overwhelming amount of things, but the overwhelming amount of unfinalized, unanswered,

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Speaker 2: unfinished things, like the open endedness, you know how those

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Speaker 2: like it'll be an email thread and you haven't responded

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Speaker 2: in a day, and then that becomes two days, and

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Speaker 2: then it becomes three, and each day you're like, why

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Speaker 2: haven't I responded? This is like so rude, and then

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Speaker 2: you just that anxiety stops you from doing the thing

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Speaker 2: and just responding. So that for me is something that

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Speaker 2: I won't even say was is something that I continue

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Speaker 2: to try and cope with. But what I've had to

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Speaker 2: do is like identify what those behaviors are. You see

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Speaker 2: me shopping at BJS. You're not thinking, oh, wow, she's

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Speaker 2: really like avoiding some stressful you know, she's a business

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Speaker 2: owner who's really just like cope, like trying to self soothe,

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Speaker 2: you know, in the Hamper's aisle at BJ's right now.

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Speaker 2: But I have to recognize, like it's like naming those

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Speaker 2: behaviors and recognizing what it actually is. And that requires

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Speaker 2: a level of like self awareness and self honesty that

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Speaker 2: I think is really challenging, Like to actually get quiet

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Speaker 2: with yourself and say this is something that I do

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Speaker 2: to soothe myself, this is a behavior that I'm doing

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Speaker 2: and for my own like for my own long term good,

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Speaker 2: I need to stop this behavior and do something different.

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Speaker 1: I so deeply understand that, and I feel like that's

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Speaker 1: literally what feel good finance is about. Like literally, that's

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Speaker 1: exactly what I'm trying to help people do, is to

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Speaker 1: take the time to get honest with themselves, to identify

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Speaker 1: what the feelings are, what your triggers are, and then

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Speaker 1: what you do that you don't really like that you're doing.

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Speaker 1: So it could be yes, you can still go to BJ's,

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Speaker 1: you can still go grocery shopping, but before you do that,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna go call a friend and just be like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm so overwhelmed, this is whild My email box is

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Speaker 1: looking insane and I don't want to tackle it. So

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the grocery store, but talk me

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Speaker 1: through what I'm eating this week, Like let's talk about

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Speaker 1: like how I'm planning to go to the grocery store

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Speaker 1: versus like I we really need this eighteen pack of

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Speaker 1: toothbrushes from BJ's, Like we need that, right, yes, and

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Speaker 1: we also need you know, all the things that you

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Speaker 1: end up buying when you're in these stores that you

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Speaker 1: can just if I for your family, and some of

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Speaker 1: them I'm sure you do really need. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of it, to your point, could be coming from your

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Speaker 1: desire to self soothe and how you are self soothing

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Speaker 1: through that, not even the stuff that.

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Speaker 2: Makes me feel better. It's like it's just the time,

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Speaker 2: Like I will go slow, I'll go up and down

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Speaker 2: every aisle. It may not be that I spend an

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Speaker 2: obscene amount of money, it's like the act itself is

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Speaker 2: like it's it's a distraction. It's a distraction. I love

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Speaker 2: what you said about like calling the friend in advance.

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Speaker 2: I also feel like being able to well one thing

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Speaker 2: is like being an entrepreneur and being at home alone.

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Speaker 2: Everything does feel like it's so you're the only one.

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Speaker 2: Like if I'm having a stressful day, I'm looking left

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Speaker 2: and right. I got my dog who doesn't care, and

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Speaker 2: the walls. Yeah, and it's don't you feel like sometimes

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Speaker 2: it is? You can have all the friends and community,

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Speaker 2: and I know black women one thing we love to

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Speaker 2: do is build community. But sometimes when you're in that moment,

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Speaker 2: it can feel like the biggest task ever to reach out, text, call,

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Speaker 2: go outside, knock on someone's door. You know, which may

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Speaker 2: sound completely forign to someone listening. You can feel so hard.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it is.

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Speaker 1: It is hard, And I think you need to know

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Speaker 1: what you need right. So for somebody like me, I

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Speaker 1: love to talk it out. I am a verbal processor,

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Speaker 1: which is very interesting because majority of my life is

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Speaker 1: built un listening to people. But for me personally, I

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Speaker 1: do need to talk it out. I do need to

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Speaker 1: verbally process like my thoughts and my feelings. So I

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Speaker 1: know that that is going to be something that can

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Speaker 1: help me when I'm having a hard time. But if

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Speaker 1: you know that reaching out for help in that moment

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Speaker 1: is going to be hard, let's find something else that

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Speaker 1: is a little bit easier, that doesn't feel like it's

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Speaker 1: going to be a new uphill battle. We want this

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Speaker 1: to be something very easily accessible that you can just

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Speaker 1: go to very quickly without having to think about it.

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Speaker 1: And if that's calling a friend, great, I love that,

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Speaker 1: But it could be something else before you get to

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Speaker 1: that point. But the most important part of this whole

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Speaker 1: cycle is to identify, Oh, I need to do something

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Speaker 1: before I go to that other coping strategy that you know.

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Speaker 1: I don't mind that I do, but maybe I want

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Speaker 1: to do something differently.

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Speaker 2: Hey, ba fam, we're going to take a quick break

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Speaker 2: and be right back with more of my conversation with

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Speaker 2: financial therapist Asia Evans. All right, ba Fam, we're back.

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Speaker 2: In your book, do you talk about like the impact

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Speaker 2: that the noise around us can have? Like you may

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Speaker 2: be fine, but you good on your phone, you read

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Speaker 2: the news and it's like, wait, the GDP's down this

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Speaker 2: this month, this quarter, or it was down the first

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Speaker 2: quarter or twenty twenty five, and it's like, oh, only

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Speaker 2: one more, only one more down GDP And officially we're

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Speaker 2: in a recession, but I won't know for another quarter. Right, So,

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Speaker 2: like all of a sudden, you could feel very anxious

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Speaker 2: and then you're like what do I do with this feeling?

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Speaker 2: Do you talk about that? Like what would you say

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Speaker 2: to people like me who are struggling with that?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in the book, I don't really talk about that specifically.

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Speaker 1: I do talk about the noise of social media and

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Speaker 1: how quickly we can, you know, fall into comparing ourselves

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Speaker 1: and go that route. But what I will say to

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Speaker 1: you if this is something that you're struggling with shut

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Speaker 1: out the noise. And that's the same advice I would get.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that was me at six am.

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Speaker 3: Right like, do not and I you know, I am you,

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Speaker 3: you are me.

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Speaker 1: We're all living the same you know, pattern of reality

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Speaker 1: on the spectrum of the same reality. Do not pick

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Speaker 1: up your phone at six am and start scrolling or

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Speaker 1: looking at the news app like now is just not

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Speaker 1: the time in our lives. You can go do that

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Speaker 1: at a time in your day, but six am, when

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Speaker 1: you're opening your eyes and you could potentially feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: today is a beautiful day. Going straight into our news

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Speaker 1: cycle right now is not the time. There's nothing good

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Speaker 1: there right now, like we're not finding it right now

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Speaker 1: the headlines.

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Speaker 2: Start that way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah good. I don't I don't start.

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Speaker 2: Looking, you know, like no, no, no, I mean I

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Speaker 2: don't intentionally go to my phone for the news. I

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Speaker 2: will go to respond to a text from my mom,

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Speaker 2: which I was doing, or check I got some blood

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Speaker 2: work results and I was like scanning through the blood

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Speaker 2: work and then I start googling what this you know

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Speaker 2: acronym means when I should just wait for my doctor

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Speaker 2: to call me. And then next thing, you know, it's like,

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Speaker 2: oh oops, I'm like reading some news that just popped up,

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Speaker 2: and then yeah, it's like a it's a slippery slope.

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Speaker 3: It is.

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Speaker 2: Also it's like one of my neighbors we had this

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Speaker 2: like kind of we started this walking ritual that we've

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Speaker 2: fallen off of, and I woke up at six' ten

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Speaker 2: AND i, said, Oh i'm up early. ENOUGH i should.

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Speaker 2: GO i should Textl in and we should go for this.

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Speaker 2: Walk AND i was in bed on my phone until seven,

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Speaker 2: Fifteen so over an HOUR i spent in bed on

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Speaker 2: my phone doom. Scrolling yeah and, noo it's not.

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Speaker 1: The, best but, again the dopamine is hitting in those

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Speaker 1: moments right when you're. Scrolling AND i do think there's

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Speaker 1: a time and a place for. SCROLLING i get, It

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Speaker 1: BUT i also want us to, like, OH i can

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Speaker 1: feel the breeze coming through my open, window look at

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Speaker 1: the sun coming, Up like we need time to almost

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Speaker 1: just be present before we go into. That AND i

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Speaker 1: think similar to us talking about people struggling being, uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: we really struggle to be bored as, well and that

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Speaker 1: going straight to your phone is a beautiful way to

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Speaker 1: just kind of cure that, momentarily especially when you're a,

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Speaker 1: parent especially when you're working.

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Speaker 3: Hard it is very easy.

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Speaker 1: To be, Like i'm just going to disassociate into the

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Speaker 1: internet for a little, bit and it feels. Nice it,

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Speaker 1: does BUT i also want to make sure that you're

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Speaker 1: creating enough space for yourself to just be, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: OKAY i woke. UP i got to wake up on

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Speaker 1: my own VERSUS i don't know about, you but it

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Speaker 1: drives me nuts when my kids come Like trella lying

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Speaker 1: in And i'm, like really, SLEEPING i do not do.

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Speaker 2: No the two year olds be getting up at Four

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Speaker 2: he's been getting up angry at four four am because

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Speaker 2: he doesn't want to eat dinner and it's very. Frush

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Speaker 2: so last night we both like he didn't he was

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Speaker 2: like he was a baby. Again it's like he's looked

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Speaker 2: through the.

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Speaker 3: Night it was. Great, Yeah so it makes a.

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Speaker 1: Difference so sometimes it is, Like, OKAY i want to

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Speaker 1: go for a walk with my. Neighbor that MEANS i

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Speaker 1: need to get out of this. BED i cannot look

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Speaker 1: at my phone BECAUSE i know What i'm going to.

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Speaker 1: Do if that means you have to turn off your,

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Speaker 1: notifications sometimes you have to turn them off or let

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Speaker 1: them just come to your phone at a certain, time

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Speaker 1: that sort of. Thing so it is very, hard AND

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Speaker 1: i want it can sound really nice when you're listening to, us, like,

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Speaker 1: Wow asia had all these cool. Things that's not. Realistic

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00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 1: i'm not doing. That do what you are what's gonna

380
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,879
Speaker 1: work for? You figure that. Out but WHAT i don't

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00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,399
Speaker 1: want people to do is feel like it's, impossible so

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Speaker 1: they don't make any changes and then they're just stuck feeling.

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Speaker 1: Awful so it sometimes it takes, work like you have

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Speaker 1: to figure out what that tweak in your, life tweak

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Speaker 1: in your habits is going to be that's going to

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Speaker 1: allow you to feel. BETTER i mean you almost you

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Speaker 1: kind of, like and this often, happens you sort of

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Speaker 1: run through that list of other things.

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Speaker 2: You could be. Doing you can, meditate take a, walk

390
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 2: call a. Friend but, like let's slow that down a

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Speaker 2: little bit and just talk through what that can look.

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Speaker 2: Like so let's say this is the beginning of the

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Speaker 2: month right, now AND i know personally that has become

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Speaker 2: a stressful time because all the big bills hit at

395
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 2: the beginning of the, month and you, KNOW i got

396
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 2: to move money from business pay make SURE i my

397
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 2: payroll runs and Like i'm the only, employee but like

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Speaker 2: THAT i pay myself and like is there going to be?

399
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Speaker 2: Enough and da da da, Da and it's so the

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00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 2: last week of the month, before like the last week Of,

401
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: april it can kind of just like you start to

402
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:03,160
Speaker 2: feel that like the weight and the anxiousness around. It

403
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:07,360
Speaker 2: AND i don't THINK i did the best job soothing

404
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 2: that this. WEEK i THINK i. WENT i kind of

405
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 2: fell back on some like old habits in terms of

406
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 2: like not shopping and things like, that but definitely like

407
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 2: internalizing a lot of. It so for someone like me

408
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 2: or someone who's listening who knows that there's a lot

409
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 2: of like, big you, know bills that are coming to

410
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 2: questions that have been, unanswered and opening up the computer

411
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 2: and just like getting the things done to get those

412
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Speaker 2: things paid can feel really. Overwhelming like it can feel

413
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Speaker 2: like a crisis in and of. Itself it can feel like,

414
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 2: paralysis like in your, experience what of those like coping

415
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 2: mechanisms that you talked about or other habits can help

416
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 2: like break you out of.

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Speaker 1: Me, Yeah i'm all that romanticizing something that you don't

418
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 1: want to. Do so if it is like opening up

419
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: your computer is your workspace clean when you come sit.

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Speaker 1: Down did you get dressed that? Morning do you feel

421
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: good about yourself when you're about to sit. DOWN i

422
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 1: will get dressed for no reason When i'm not even

423
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 1: gonna be on camera in any, way shape or. Form

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00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: it's just me Because i'm, LIKE i don't want to do,

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00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: This so how CAN i feel good doing? This SO

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00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 1: i want to give that to everybody. Listening how can

427
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 1: you feel good doing something that you don't want to?

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Speaker 3: Do for?

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00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: ME i REALLY i don't really love, coffee BUT i

430
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: love coffee. Shops So i'll go to a coffee, shop

431
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 1: get some, tea and be, Like, Okay i'm going to

432
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Speaker 1: crank out this work THAT i KNOW i don't want

433
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 1: to do BECAUSE i like the, vibes and the vibes

434
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: are going to help. Me then start to do the

435
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: things THAT i don't necessarily want to. Do so how

436
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: can you romanticize you what you get to do and

437
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: what you have to do so that it's not feeling

438
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 1: so dreary and daunting and just, Know, OKAY i don't

439
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: want to do, this But i'm doing this because insert

440
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 1: blank here's good for my. BUSINESS i want to. GROW

441
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: i remember waiting for the DAY i would be in this.

442
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: Position i'm here. NOW i want to make Sure i'm

443
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 1: providing for my. Family whatever it is for, you whatever

444
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,479
Speaker 1: your why, is kind of ground yourself in that before

445
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: you go into doing the things that you have to.

446
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 3: Do And i'm.

447
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 1: Sure and especially all of us who are running our

448
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: own businesses and, entrepreneurs there was a time where you

449
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 1: were hoping and wishing and begging to be where you

450
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: are at now and just grinding yourself and like younger

451
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: you and just being, like you know, WHAT i get

452
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: to do this BECAUSE i did all this work, before

453
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 1: AND i don't want, to but that's okay because it's

454
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,679
Speaker 1: going to help my. Business so sometimes we just have

455
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 1: to ground ourselves in, romanticizing you, know the work that

456
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: we don't want to do as well as the work

457
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: that we get to do because our business is at this.

458
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 1: POINT i do like the idea of. ROMANTICIZING i also think,

459
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: that like tapping into your younger, self sometimes it's hard

460
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: to remember those things when you're in the tough, Moment so,

461
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 1: like what are some strategies to help us? Remember, like for,

462
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: example one of the things that has helped me a

463
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: lot is slowing down and writing out and kind of

464
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: answering some of those. Questions so, like is it maybe

465
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 1: having a, prompt like having a little journal where you

466
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: have some, questions like if you're in crisis, mode ask

467
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 1: yourself these.

468
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 2: Questions you, know what do you what do you?

469
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: THINK i, Mean i'm a huge proponent of journaling and

470
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 1: writing and brain, dumping SO i think when people, journal

471
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,199
Speaker 1: they always have there's kind of this tendency to be, like,

472
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 1: OH i need a, prompt what AM i journaling? ABOUT

473
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: i need to kind of start, it almost like a school,

474
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:37,119
Speaker 1: Essay And i'm, like, yeah that's, great you, know but

475
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: sometimes you just need to get it.

476
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 3: OUT i hope.

477
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 2: SOMEONE i hope people never find my.

478
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 3: Journal sometimes you need.

479
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: To sometimes you have to write the worst things you've ever.

480
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 3: Said that's what it's.

481
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 2: FOR i pray no one ever finds my. Drum PRAY

482
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: i need to burn.

483
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 3: Them that's what they're. For i'm afraid of things That

484
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 3: i've written in. There, yeah that's oh my.

485
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 1: Goodness speaking of, That, LIKE i have a journal from

486
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: college that my HUSBAND i think he picked it up

487
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 1: or saw it and THEN i was, like, oh, yeah

488
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: you could read. IT i had no idea was in.

489
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 1: There oh my, goodness, GIRL i was going through. HEARTBREAK

490
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: i had poetry in. THERE i am not a, POET

491
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 1: i had poetry in. THERE i had like doodling how

492
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: ANGRY i.

493
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: Was it was just raw emotion in those.

494
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: Pages and when he read, IT i did feel a

495
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: little was, like oh my, god MAYBE i shouldn't have

496
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: let him read it like a little. Exposed BUT i was,

497
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,880
Speaker 1: like you, know, me this was like twenty years. Ago that's,

498
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: okay AND i can laugh about it, now But i'm, like,

499
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 1: WOW i was going through.

500
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 2: IT i found a lot of old letters from my,

501
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: childhood AND i was, like you, KNOW i don't need these.

502
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 2: ANYMORE i don't know Why i'm keeping. THESE i don't

503
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 2: need to remember all these like really intense. Moments CAN

504
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: i talk about you for a? Suck? YEAH i want

505
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 2: to where do you come? From like how did you

506
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 2: what's your origin? Story what's your story in j? General

507
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 2: how'd you get into this practice that you have?

508
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 3: Now?

509
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,360
Speaker 1: Yeah SO i grew up in Upstate New. York that's

510
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: that's WHERE i hail, from and both my parents are

511
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: From New York. City so it's something THAT i always.

512
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 1: KNEW i would always live there at some point in my.

513
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 1: Journey BUT i REALIZED i wanted to be a therapist very.

514
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 1: YOUNG i THINK i was, twelve and in True virgo,

515
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 1: FASHION i literally mapped out the schooling that would need to,

516
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: happen like WHAT i needed to do for years to

517
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: get to a point WHERE i could be a practicing

518
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: therapist and what that would look. Like and you, KNOW

519
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: i did those, things you, know went to, college went

520
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: to grad school for, counseling, psychology worked for two three years.

521
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 3: In a day, rehab became a mental health. Therapist great.

522
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 1: Unlcensed at that POINT i was living In New York,

523
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,239
Speaker 1: city which was. Great and then So i've been all

524
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 1: over mental health for the last fifteen, YEARS i would,

525
00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:02,959
Speaker 1: say just all over it anywhere from impatience and community

526
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: work as, well LIKE i, said rehab, clients, kids, adults.

527
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: Couples and Then i've been in private practice for about

528
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: my goodness eight, YEARS i think it. Is so three

529
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: of those were part time and then the last five

530
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: years have been full. Time but it was also DURING

531
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 1: covid and five years ago was also WHEN i decided

532
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: THAT i really wanted to niche down into financial therapy

533
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: and that happened by way of my own. JOURNEY i

534
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: fell in love with personal finance WHEN i was living

535
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: In New, york not understanding where my money was, going

536
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: really struggling to, understand like why didn't have more money

537
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: in my? Account why wasn't my credit card debt like

538
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: just disappearing BECAUSE i was paying the. BILL i just

539
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: didn't get. It and it's BECAUSE i didn't. Know and

540
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: AS i went on my own personal financial, journey if you,

541
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: will my, awakening that's WHEN i realized that my clients

542
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: didn't know. Either my clients didn't have a place where

543
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: they felt like they could talk about their, money feels

544
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: that they could just be honest about what was going.

545
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: On they would just be, Like, Oh i'm stressed about,

546
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: Money i'm stressed about this, Relationship i'm stressed about my,

547
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: family and then brush over AND i was, like oh, wait, wait.

548
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 2: Wait come back a little.

549
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 3: Bit let's talk about the money.

550
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 1: Piece and nobody was talking about, it AND i really was,

551
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: LIKE i need to learn more about. This who's doing,

552
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 1: this who's talking about? This and that's WHEN i found

553
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: The Financial Therapy, association which at this point Now i'm

554
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: the president of the board to, them So i've been heavily.

555
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 1: INVOLVED i found trauma of money and.

556
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 3: Got involved With virgo.

557
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 1: Energy It's virgo, overachiever eldest, daughter it's all.

558
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 3: Here it's all, here.

559
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: So and part, honestly it's part of my own money,

560
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: beliefs Right, like even THOUGH i know it is not,

561
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: TRUE i know that there's a part of me that

562
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 1: does believe IF i work, HARDER i will make. It

563
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: i'll be, Okay i'll get, there whatever that. Means and that's,

564
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: true and it's not. True like there's a lot of

565
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: people making a lot of money who aren't working, hard

566
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: and that's amazing for. Them BUT i need to figure,

567
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: out you, know for my own self and my own,

568
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: journey how to manage those feelings and the nuances of

569
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: what that looks like for my. Realities so WHEN i, say, like,

570
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: Listen i'm talking to my clients about you, guys but,

571
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,719
Speaker 1: LIKE i still have to go through it. TOO i

572
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: still have to understand and dissect my own money, story

573
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: and a lot of THAT i did talk about and

574
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: share in the book as, well BECAUSE i always want

575
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: people to understand that you're not the only one going through.

576
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: This AND i think especially with, money it's very easy

577
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: to believe that nobody else has been here.

578
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 3: Before?

579
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 2: Gotcha so you are your twelve year old selves wildest,

580
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 2: dreams like you did. It. Yeah so the financial aspect,

581
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: though in, practice what does that look? Like is it

582
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 2: like half the session is mental health and like half

583
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 2: we're going to look at your. Budget how does That

584
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,479
Speaker 2: i've never actually been through a session with a financial,

585
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 2: therapist so can you kind of talk me through what

586
00:29:59,520 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 2: that can?

587
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 1: Look, SO i mean it can look like whatever you.

588
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: Want i'm very client focused and client. Led so if you're, like, Hey,

589
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: asia let's talk about the, numbers Or i'm telling, you,

590
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: hey it's time for us to talk about the, numbers.

591
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 3: Let's look at.

592
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,719
Speaker 1: Them THEN i will sit down with my clients And

593
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: i'll take notes while they're, Like, okay these are my,

594
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: bills this is what this.

595
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 3: Costs let's build a budget. Together And i'll do that with.

596
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: Them but before we even get to the, numbers a

597
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: lot of the work that we've done is understanding what

598
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 1: their money story, Is understanding almost like their money autobiography

599
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: and what have they gone through in their upbringing that

600
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: led them to where they're at. Today and that is

601
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: When i'm pulling out different patterns or threads or themes

602
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: that have happened and continued throughout their life and what

603
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: might be impacting what they do with their money.

604
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 2: Today, hey ba, fam we got to take a quick,

605
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 2: break pay some bills and we'll be right. Back welcome,

606
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 2: back bea. Faan let's get back to the. Show and

607
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 2: are you working with like couples because Or i'm just

608
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 2: wondering individuals couples both? Both? Okay do you recommend like

609
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: if you're BECAUSE i just feel like if you're, married

610
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 2: or at least you're living, together if you're co mingling your,

611
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 2: finances if one person's in financial, therapy the other person

612
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 2: has to be. RIGHT i think it's so. Intertwined what

613
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: do you, think.

614
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: Especially if somebody is. Married so there are times WHEN

615
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: i have worked with people And i'm treating the couple.

616
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: Right so they're coming to me as a. Couple we

617
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: might be going through their money stories, individually just in

618
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: a like, tripod if you, Will so it's all three

619
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: of us here having that kind of. Conversation but the

620
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: problems that can happen if it's somebody seeing me they're

621
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: going through their money, story but something is getting lost

622
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: in communication when they're trying to talk to their, partner

623
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: or their partner isn't on board with what they're trying

624
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: to do or how they're trying to do. It and

625
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: Sometimes i'm, Like, okay let's have a couple, session bring

626
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: your partner. In we're all going to talk together and level.

627
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: Set And i'm able to do that SO i can

628
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: see an individual and if they want to bring their partner, in,

629
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: great let's chat about, it and THEN i can continue

630
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: seeing that. Individual i've had people Who i've started seeing

631
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 1: individually they're, like, oh, no we need to see you

632
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: as a, couple and then then we transition into just couple's,

633
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: work and that is very specific because we need to

634
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: kind of close out that relationship And i'm almost like

635
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: we're starting from square one as a couple BECAUSE i

636
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: don't want anybody to ever feel. Slided AND i also

637
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: make sure with the partner that this is SOMETHING i

638
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: feel good entering into If i've had an established relationship

639
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: with the other person. Before so there are a few

640
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: dynamics that come into. Play but, yeah both parties need

641
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: to be prepared to do this work and also be

642
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: prepared That i'm going to be in your, business Like

643
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: i'm going to be all up in your business and that's,

644
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: Hard like.

645
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 2: What do you have a dashboard or, something or like

646
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 2: do you have to GET i.

647
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: Don't because password to, It like LIKE i don't want any.

648
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: Passwords i'm not touching your. Money i'm not looking at.

649
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: It but WHEN i say, that it's a lot of

650
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 1: people don't want to share how much they. Make they

651
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: may not have shared their salary with their. Partner they

652
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: have trouble saying out, loud, hey this is how much

653
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: it cost us to run our. Life those, numbers especially being.

654
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 2: Do you not do your taxes? Together how do you

655
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 2: not know what You're some people don't.

656
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: Know it is very. Shocking both parties in a marriage

657
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: do not always know what's happening. Financially it just kind

658
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: of gets done and that can cause a lot of.

659
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: Tension and what happens is that a lot of couples

660
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: don't talk about where each partner is coming, from like

661
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: their history and why they act the way they do

662
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: now in a partnership with the, money and that can CAUSE.

663
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 2: Freto can you talk about some of the themes that

664
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: come up for you when you're talking to, clients like

665
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 2: some of THE i think you. Like the way that

666
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 2: you expressed it earlier was like the stories that they're telling.

667
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 2: Themselves WHAT i really want to know is, like out

668
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 2: of the clients that you're working, with what's causing them

669
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:17,800
Speaker 2: the most just like mental health, Struggle like what's causing

670
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: them the most stress financially and how are you helping?

671
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 1: Them SO i would say money avoidance is a huge

672
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: one for, People so that could be any money, Avoidance

673
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,879
Speaker 1: so that could be somebody is just totally avoiding their.

674
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: Money they are not looking at their, bills they're not

675
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: looking at their, Accounts they're just kind of, hoping swiping

676
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 1: on a hope in a prayer and just being, LIKE

677
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 1: i hope it goes. THROUGH i, Hope i'm, Okay but

678
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 1: they're not. Looking so that comes up for. People money

679
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: hoarding comes up for, people which is LIKE i am

680
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: so worried about security or stability THAT i am hoarding

681
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: all of my money in a savings account THAT i can,

682
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: see THAT i can access any. TIME a lot of

683
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: times it's not even a high yield savings, account so

684
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 1: it's just a lot of money sitting in this little savings,

685
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: account And i'm, like we have got to move that

686
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 1: it cannot be, here and a lot of that is

687
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: coming from growing up and having less or worrying about

688
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: your financial. STABILITY a lot of that's growing coming from

689
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: a place of nobody taught me what to do with this,

690
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: money So i'm just going to hold on to. It

691
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,959
Speaker 1: and that's like a tomorrow mean, problem but it keeps

692
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: getting pushed, off and a lot of my clients are

693
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,760
Speaker 1: just dealing with what it looks like to be making

694
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 1: more money than their, parents live a different life than

695
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: they grew, up what it feels like to potentially feel

696
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 1: ostracized from a community while also trying to break into

697
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: a different, community and that leads itself to a lot

698
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: of identity work and just. Discomfort so When i'm working with,

699
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: clients What i'm trying to help them do is understand

700
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: why their past experiences are potentially harming where they want

701
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 1: to go. Financially and sometimes they, aren't and sometimes they

702
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: are and that's, okay but it's just not what they

703
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: want to be doing. Anymore they don't like it. Anymore

704
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: So i'm, Like, okay what can we do that's going

705
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: to get you closer to living your best? Life what

706
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: can we do that makes you feel like you can

707
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 1: be financially well and enjoy the things that you want to.

708
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: Enjoy because as much as we teach people to save,

709
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 1: money we also need to teach people to spend money.

710
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 1: Too so it's kind of this too prong approach of

711
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: healing from some of the past things that you've gone

712
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: through and understanding it's going to be a part of,

713
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: you but understanding that you don't need to hold on

714
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: to some of those old beliefs that don't apply to

715
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:44,320
Speaker 1: your life. Anymore and a lot of that is just reality,

716
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,439
Speaker 1: testing if you will Of, okay, well what's the worst

717
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: is going to? Happen tell me what's the catastrophe that

718
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 1: is going to. Happen that's going to mean that you're

719
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: going to be, homeless or your money's going to be totally,

720
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: gone or that if you look at your, money what's

721
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: going to? Happen and sometimes it's, like, well what happens

722
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: if it's at? Zero what happens if it's? Negative what

723
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: happens IF i have more money THAN i? Thought i'm, like, okay,

724
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: well guess. What we're still going to be in this.

725
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: Office it's still going to be me and you on

726
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: this video chat, together and then we're going to figure

727
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: out how you need to cope with the feelings that come,

728
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: up and we're going to talk about. It so it's

729
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 1: literally just one foot in front of the, other and

730
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 1: as you can, imagine it goes in many different ways

731
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 1: and many different nuances to each.

732
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 2: Individual you said people need to learn how to. Spend

733
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 2: do we really, LIKE i think we got that.

734
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: DOWN i mean a lot of us, do but not.

735
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 3: Everybody not.

736
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: Everybody i'm very, concerned especially and this comes in with

737
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: people who are more like tend to hoard their money

738
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 1: and they don't want to spend their. Money, yeah they

739
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 1: do not want to spend their. Money they are very

740
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: concerned about what it's going to look like in the

741
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 1: future if they have. ENOUGH i wrote about in the

742
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 1: book as. WELL a friend's father so different generation than

743
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 1: my typical. CLIENTS i usually see people somewhere between like,

744
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: twenty so he is, older but he was telling, me

745
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: he's Like. Asia for, Decades i've been told to save this,

746
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: money to put it in, investments to squirrel away from my.

747
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: Retirement and Now i'm here and you want me to

748
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:17,399
Speaker 1: just spend. It And i'm, like, yeah like don't Spend

749
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 1: you're not gonna go spend all of, it but, yes

750
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 1: please go, Enjoy please go travel with your wife or

751
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 1: hang out with your grandkids or your loved. Ones, like,

752
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: yeah do what you want to do within your, means but,

753
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: yes please go spend. It and that is a very

754
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: large struggle for him and for a lot of people

755
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,399
Speaker 1: to feel LIKE i don't have anything, Incoming how CAN

756
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: i possibly just spend the?

757
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 2: MONEY i, mean that's what retirement is supposed to. Be

758
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 2: but you're, RIGHT i can, Imagine like that's a big mental.

759
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 2: Shift like it also is like it kind of forces

760
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 2: you to confront mortality in a way that's, Uncomfortable, like you,

761
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 2: MEAN i don't have that much time, Left So i'm like.

762
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 2: Old is that what you're. Saying i'm not.

763
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 3: Old i'm like, no But i'm not.

764
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 2: Dying like you got to use.

765
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 3: It you only have so many.

766
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: Years, yeah use it before you lose. It. YEAH i

767
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 2: was also thinking, about Like i've had to And i've

768
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 2: talked about this on the, show like get back in

769
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: touch with HOW i spend my money and like WHAT

770
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:20,280
Speaker 2: i value and making sure that like How i'm spending

771
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 2: my money lines up with WHAT i SAY i value

772
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 2: and WHAT i actually, value because for, me that's HOW

773
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 2: i feel, Happier like with my, expenses like HOW i

774
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: can at least look at it and, say, well that

775
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 2: was you, know something it has to do with such

776
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 2: and such THAT i, value like for, example spending fifty

777
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 2: bucks on like a sound bath versus spending fifty bucks

778
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 2: ON i don't, know the eighteen pack of toothbrushes At

779
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 2: pj's and like seven rotisserie chickens or whatever cost fifty

780
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: dollars At pj's and being able to like tie that

781
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:02,240
Speaker 2: to something THAT i, value like my mental, health like self,

782
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: care you, Know like can you talk a little bit about?

783
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 2: That and is that something that you've seen in your?

784
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 1: Clients, yeah, WELL i think what happens with my clients

785
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 1: and is especially because of the, location, Right SO i

786
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: do believe that sometimes where you live can dictate what

787
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 1: you prioritize and what you. Value SO i am practicing

788
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 1: In New York. CITY i tend to see people who,

789
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: are LIKE i, said twenty five to forty. Five so

790
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:33,279
Speaker 1: a lot of my clients are in the range of

791
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: just preparing for what it might look like to have a.

792
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: Family how do they prepare themselves to feel as stable

793
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: as they can to start expanding their. Family and when

794
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 1: you live in a city that really does prioritize going

795
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 1: out or spending a lot of money or looking a certain,

796
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: way it can feel hard to then, say, hey we

797
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: can't do as much as we were doing before because we're,

798
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 1: prioritizing you, KNOW ivf we're prioritizing saving for a, house

799
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: or we just want to make sure that we can

800
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 1: expand our family or take care of, family whatever it

801
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: looks like for. Them SO i think aligning your values

802
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 1: with how you want to spend your money is very

803
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 1: important for people to do and to spend some, time

804
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 1: whether it's, journaling thinking about, it making a, list to

805
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: understand so that when you are saying no to some,

806
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 1: things which can be very difficult to set the boundary

807
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: outside of yourself to say no to SAY i can't

808
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,439
Speaker 1: Or i'm not going to go on that trip BECAUSE

809
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 1: i have something else going, on to ground yourself and

810
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: why you aren't doing the things that you used to

811
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: do because you're trying to get to your financial goal

812
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 1: of something. Else so a lot of that is fortifying

813
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: people to understand why their values are so important how

814
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: do they prioritize, them and then how do they set

815
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,720
Speaker 1: healthy boundaries with other people so that they can continue

816
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 1: to prioritize them and feel good about.

817
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 2: It, okay SO i know we don't have very much time,

818
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 2: left so why not talk about a huge topic That

819
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 2: i'll probably take in another, hour but, QUICKLY i the

820
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 2: REASON i want to. TALK i want to talk about,

821
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 2: shame financial. SHAME i actually got A dm from one

822
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 2: of my cousins who hadn't seen in a, while and

823
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 2: we were supposed to like see each other WHEN i

824
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 2: was back, home and you, know for whatever, reason we

825
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: didn't make it. Happen and SO i got this message

826
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 2: After i'd already, left and she was, saying, LIKE i

827
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 2: didn't know how to say, this But i'm actually having

828
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 2: a really hard. Time we're in between houses right, Now

829
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 2: we're really struggling, financially AND i didn't want you to

830
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 2: think of us as, trash you, know if if you

831
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,840
Speaker 2: saw us and like it was really heartbreaking to me

832
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 2: BECAUSE i could just feel how much shame she had

833
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 2: for being in a challenging position and then you, know

834
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,720
Speaker 2: needing a little bit of financial help in that. Moment

835
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 2: AND i at the same, TIME i was like proud

836
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 2: of her for saying, something because the antidote to shame

837
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 2: for me is like saying the thing out loud and

838
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 2: actually admitting that you're. Struggling but it did remind me

839
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 2: just of how much SHAME i think so many of

840
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 2: us are caring because we don't feel like we're doing

841
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 2: as well as we should be or as other people

842
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 2: think we should be or other people look like they're,

843
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 2: doing and that can cause a lot of. Suffering so

844
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 2: how does shame kind of play into all of this

845
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: and into your practice and working with your.

846
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: Clients shame comes up so frequently with my clients and

847
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: with money in. General, right it's not just like my

848
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,360
Speaker 1: clients who are coming to me to have these types of.

849
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: Conversations it's, also AS i, know you know and can

850
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 1: see and can hear from other, people people are just

851
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: dealing with it. Silently AND i love what you said

852
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: about talking about it and bringing it up is the

853
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: antidote to, shame BECAUSE i completely. AGREE i think it

854
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: brings us out of this isolation and sadness and gloom

855
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: that we can create ourselves when we start to spiral

856
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: in our shame to Think i'm the only one who's

857
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: going through. This nobody else is going through. THIS i you,

858
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 1: know then the terrible things that you say to yourself

859
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: right start showing up to all of that, negativity and

860
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: it forces you inward versus forcing you outward where you

861
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 1: can feel loved and appreciated even though you are going

862
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: through a hard. Time so it comes up a lot

863
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: in my, practice AND i want to also share that

864
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: it comes up not just when people don't have, money

865
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,919
Speaker 1: but when people. Do AND i think that is much

866
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: harder for us to grapple with because we want to,

867
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 1: believe especially In american, culture that if you have, money

868
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: everything is, great you have no. Problems but there's a

869
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 1: lot of people who have a lot of shame about

870
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 1: being wealthy. Too AND i would say just as much

871
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: shame as people who don't have the money when they

872
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: do have the. Money so it's just a very complex

873
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: thing that takes time to break up because it takes

874
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 1: time for people to be vulnerable enough to start bringing

875
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 1: it to light to Say i'm really struggling with the

876
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: financial MISTAKES i. Made i'm really struggling with What i'm

877
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: doing with my. MONEY i don't like, this And i'm

878
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: starting not to like myself because of, it AND i

879
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: think it can really quickly go down a slippery slope

880
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: when we start to almost attack your self, esteem when

881
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: you feel so isolated and so buried in your. Shame

882
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: and a lot of my work is reinforcing that people

883
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: are still worthy even if they don't feel great about their,

884
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: money don't feel great about money in, general have had,

885
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,919
Speaker 1: debt are making a ton of, money are. Different it's

886
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: about figuring out how you can still love yourself and

887
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: how you can still take care of yourself even if

888
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: it's not the way that you want to be able

889
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 1: to right now to and also feel like you can

890
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 1: have a community that supports you even though this stuff

891
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: is going. On AND i want to be clear That

892
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: i'm not, saying, hey get up on your soapbox.

893
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 3: And tell the world about your financial shame and tell the.

894
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: World, no it doesn't have to be all of, that

895
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: but it could, Be, Hey i'm talking to my really

896
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 1: close family member about this AND i feel really bad about,

897
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: it OR i am calling that friend to just be

898
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 1: sad and to just, cry and Then i'm gonna go

899
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 1: about my.

900
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 3: Day so.

901
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: Pick you can, pick and choose who you share it.

902
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:22,840
Speaker 1: With BUT i really encourage people to start talking about,

903
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 1: it because that's really what breaks up the isolation and

904
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: stops you from cocooning.

905
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 2: In, yeah talk about, it and then hopefully you're speaking

906
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: to someone who could then encourage you on the step

907
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 2: toward yeah, something, yeah you, know to improve the situation

908
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 2: or just to like get through. It, well thank You

909
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 2: asia for joining me on Brown. Envision, finally this interview

910
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 2: is like a year in the making almost any last,

911
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 2: words where can people find? You?

912
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: So you can find me On instagram AT Ajae, therapy

913
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: So i'm there on my, Website asiaevanscounseling dot, com and

914
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: you Can Feel Good finance wherever you get your. Books

915
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: but in, GENERAL i do want people to know that

916
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: you're not the only one going through. This that whether

917
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 1: it's shame or just feeling really bad about, yourself low self, esteem, depression,

918
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: anxiety other people are going through it, Too and people

919
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 1: that you do not expect to be going through it

920
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 1: are probably going through it too and want to have

921
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: these kinds of. Conversations so it might feel big and

922
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: scary at, first but it doesn't have.

923
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 3: To always be that.

924
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 2: Way thank. You before we send folks to your. Website

925
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 2: are you taking new? Clients, yes SO i. HAVE i

926
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 2: THINK i have about three. SLOTS i have to double.

927
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 2: CHECK i was at three to. FIVE i just took

928
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,319
Speaker 2: on two new, clients SO i THINK i have three slots. Left,

929
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: okay go get, in Ba. Fam keep her booked and.

930
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 3: Busy, yes, please.

931
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 2: All, Right, asia thanks so much having me all, right Ba,

932
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 2: fam thank you so much for tuning into this week's.

933
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 2: EPISODE i want to hear from. You what did you?

934
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: Think did this? Episode did it get to you or

935
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 2: you feel a little less shame about your financial picture right?

936
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 2: Now are you gonna maybe call up a, friend your,

937
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 2: therapist a financial advisor and start chipping away at it

938
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 2: and releasing yourself from that. Shame i'd love to hear from.

939
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 2: You you can hit me Up bronambitionpodcast at gmail dot,

940
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 2: com or you CAN dm me At Brown Ambition podcast

941
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 2: AND i will be waiting for your. Message and, YES

942
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 2: i do, RESPOND i actually. Do WHILE i got, y'all Ba,

943
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 2: fam let me do a quick shout out to our

944
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: incredible listeners who took the time In may so far

945
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 2: to leave us a review On Apple. Podcasts oh my,

946
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: goodness thank you so. Much all, right we have one FROM.

947
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 2: Wgssf she says or he, no assume it's is?

948
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 1: She?

949
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 2: Yay? Moms Mandy, Love love love the episode about moms

950
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,760
Speaker 2: With reina And. JESSICA i love how honest and thoughtful

951
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 2: your conversation was about the difficult balance that motherhood can.

952
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 2: Bring thank you for your candid takes on life and. Money,

953
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 2: Girl you're. Welcome if you all missed last Week's Mother's

954
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 2: day episode With Reina campbell From dreams And drive And

955
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 2: Jessica norwood From Sugar Daddy, podcast listen go check it.

956
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 2: Out whether you are a, mom you want to be a,

957
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,399
Speaker 2: mom you like your, mom or you don't like your.

958
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 2: Mom maybe it'll help you understand her. Better go listen

959
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 2: to last week's episode and then listener our N optional

960
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 2: says so good five, stars been listening for. Years mandy's

961
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 2: handling solo hosting with great roundtables and continues to bring amazing.

962
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 2: GUESTS i also love how vulnerable she is in her motherhood.

963
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 2: Season keeping it real is how we support each. Other hell,

964
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:46,240
Speaker 2: yes thank you so. Much and To Ae jackson says

965
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 2: Love Brown ambition five. Stars i've been listening To Brand

966
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 2: ambition since twenty twenty and it's helped me grow so.

967
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 2: Much every episode has something new for me to. Learn

968
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 2: mandy does such a great job of utilizing personal experiences

969
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 2: to make career finance topics feel real and, applicable AND

970
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 2: i love her guests at THE Ba Brown table. Too

971
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 2: can't wait to see how the show continues to. Evolve

972
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 2: thank y'all so. Much please leave us a. Review you

973
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 2: can leave it On Apple podcasts Or. Spotify those are

974
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 2: the two best places. Review however many stars you, wish of,

975
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 2: Course i'm always hoping for, five BUT i do read

976
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 2: each and everyone AND i just can't thank y'all. Enough all,

977
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 2: right until next, time BY Ba fam okay va, Fam

978
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 2: thank you so much for listening to this week's. SHOW

979
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:38,240
Speaker 2: i want to shout out to our production, Team, courtney our, Editor,

980
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:42,839
Speaker 2: carla our fearless leader for idea to launch. PRODUCTIONS i

981
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,760
Speaker 2: want to shout out my Assistant Lauda escalante And cameron

982
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,799
Speaker 2: McNair for helping me put the show. Together it is

983
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 2: not a one person, project as much AS i have

984
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: tried to make it so these past ten, YEARS i

985
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 2: need help, y'all and thank Goodness i've been able to

986
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 2: put this team around me to support me on this,

987
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 2: journey and to y'all ba, FAM i love you so

988
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 2: so so so. Much please, rate, review, Subscribe make sure

989
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 2: you sign up to the newsletter to get all the

990
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 2: latest updates on upcoming, episodes our tenth year anniversary celebrations to,

991
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,399
Speaker 2: come and until next, time talk to you soon via.

992
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 2: Bye