1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,400
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jenna Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,640
Speaker 2: Well, I think we should start this episode off with

3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 2: just talking about the mood that my husband's in right now.

4
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,960
Speaker 2: You are in the worst mood.

5
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,240
Speaker 1: I've also just noticed that my cup says you're an

6
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:24,200
Speaker 1: awesome mom. Keep that car. It just sums my morning up. Yeah,

7
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,760
Speaker 1: it's been an interesting moment.

8
00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:26,920
Speaker 2: You want to talk about it?

9
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do. I love that because I had to

10
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:36,519
Speaker 1: step into your shoes this morning and become but one

11
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,800
Speaker 1: of the things that you do, and you're like an

12
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,680
Speaker 1: expert at it, is promoting the products that people give

13
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,239
Speaker 1: to you. So I've obviously done a deal with the

14
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,680
Speaker 1: company which I won't name right now, and I had

15
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:53,080
Speaker 1: to do I had to do a real and a

16
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,280
Speaker 1: story and my whole world has just ended because I

17
00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:01,320
Speaker 1: don't know how to do it. Okay, what's a morning

18
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,959
Speaker 1: in the life of all? And it's a it's a

19
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 1: it's a product that you can take before enduring and

20
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,240
Speaker 1: after a workout. So I've had to structure that this morning,

21
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,399
Speaker 1: which I feared with my workout mm hmm, clearly, because

22
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,959
Speaker 1: then dolphins are not flown. I've been released, which is

23
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,959
Speaker 1: why I'm a cage line and then I had to

24
00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:30,119
Speaker 1: put like a script together for it. So four hours

25
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,560
Speaker 1: later and it's still not complete. What's complete now?

26
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,600
Speaker 2: But again, can you put the reil together? Well, so

27
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,119
Speaker 2: it's not complete because that's another painful part of it.

28
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,240
Speaker 1: I'll get to that part stages, babe, please, But it

29
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,800
Speaker 1: gave me. I know it's it's a small part of

30
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,280
Speaker 1: what you what you do, bab and but it gave me.

31
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,760
Speaker 1: They don't have respect for you, know how much respect

32
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,960
Speaker 1: to have you? But give me another level of respect

33
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,080
Speaker 1: for you. How you structure these things that you do

34
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,800
Speaker 1: because I'm not easy. There's so much what goes into it.

35
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,519
Speaker 1: And I think partly is because I am so out

36
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 1: of that saither like you have to explain Okay, well

37
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,480
Speaker 1: I know what I realized, but you have to explain, Okay,

38
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,480
Speaker 1: here's how your reel should look. How here's how your

39
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,919
Speaker 1: story should look. And I honestly I felt the whole model.

40
00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 1: I felt like a child would come back to school. Well,

41
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,520
Speaker 1: len about that stuff, and I'll get it quickly.

42
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,679
Speaker 2: I think there's a piece of this where well, first

43
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,240
Speaker 2: of all, you say it's a small part of what

44
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,359
Speaker 2: I do. The sad reality is It's a big part

45
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,960
Speaker 2: of what I do. Unfortunately, that is what pays the

46
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:47,280
Speaker 2: bills the most, is promoting products and doing Instagram influencing,

47
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 2: which is something that I never thought that I would

48
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,760
Speaker 2: ever rely on that for income, but it is. It's

49
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:58,119
Speaker 2: what ultimately pays for a lot of things more than

50
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,200
Speaker 2: anything else that comes in. Is just the the reality

51
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,560
Speaker 2: with it. I've embraced it. But I think we had

52
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 2: a point where we were going through something and you know,

53
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,600
Speaker 2: You're like, I'm not living my dream and this is

54
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 2: my dream, dream, dream dream. And I remember I was

55
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,040
Speaker 2: in the middle of doing a reel for a product

56
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:23,080
Speaker 2: and I just I had this like yeah, where I

57
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,280
Speaker 2: was like, do you think this is my dream?

58
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:25,880
Speaker 1: Like?

59
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,760
Speaker 2: And it wasn't even me getting angry towards you. It

60
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,200
Speaker 2: was more just of like, this isn't fun for me either,

61
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,200
Speaker 2: But I do this because it a supports my kids.

62
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,560
Speaker 2: It gives me a you know, a chance to be

63
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,720
Speaker 2: able to be flexible and be somewhat of a stay

64
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,600
Speaker 2: at home mom and like present and you know, not

65
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,440
Speaker 2: be at the grind of being out touring all the

66
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:50,960
Speaker 2: time and being away and and I think at times,

67
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,800
Speaker 2: so there's like that piece of it. So it's like

68
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,360
Speaker 2: it's not like I enjoy doing it because it's not

69
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,760
Speaker 2: it it takes up a lot of time, and I

70
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,240
Speaker 2: think it's really hard because when I talked to not

71
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,800
Speaker 2: even like my it's not my parents are just anybody

72
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,280
Speaker 2: that doesn't understand like that world of things. Even I

73
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,400
Speaker 2: guess you at the time, it's like you don't realize

74
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,680
Speaker 2: how much time actually goes into it. It just thinks, oh,

75
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,840
Speaker 2: you're just promoting a product because on Instagram it just

76
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 2: just looks like it took thirty to ninety seconds because

77
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,400
Speaker 2: that's all the film was. And it's like it's actually

78
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,920
Speaker 2: so much more because you want it to look good

79
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,800
Speaker 2: and you put the detail into it, and then it

80
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,440
Speaker 2: takes that it's truly becomes a job and it becomes

81
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:31,719
Speaker 2: it takes likes it took up your morning, and you

82
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,600
Speaker 2: realize how much work actually goes in it.

83
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's not that I don't want to do it,

84
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,240
Speaker 1: and it's not the it's just you have a process

85
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:43,320
Speaker 1: in place with it, whereas I don't, and I don't

86
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,400
Speaker 1: I don't do it. So it was almost like relearning

87
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,720
Speaker 1: something because I used to do a lot of Instagram

88
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,280
Speaker 1: stuff before I was I went to England.

89
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember your secret deodorant thing ad that I

90
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:54,360
Speaker 2: saw on Yeah.

91
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,520
Speaker 1: I used to do a lot of it, but they

92
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,800
Speaker 1: would piece it all together for me. So it just

93
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,400
Speaker 1: going back to Okay, I need to I've got a lot.

94
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,360
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about a load of other things at the moment.

95
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,599
Speaker 1: So I was like, Okay, how do I prioritize my

96
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,400
Speaker 1: focus on this and structure? Whereas you've now got a

97
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,440
Speaker 1: process in place with.

98
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 2: It, but it still takes up time, It still takes

99
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,280
Speaker 2: up hours, and it does the energy.

100
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,160
Speaker 1: Because you have we both have high standards with what

101
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,960
Speaker 1: we do, so you want to do it properly. So

102
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,400
Speaker 1: if you're want to do something, you may as well

103
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,080
Speaker 1: do it to the best of your ability. So if

104
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, like the hardest bit is me sitting in

105
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,560
Speaker 1: the swing to your sanctuary room, You're like, Okay, put

106
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,760
Speaker 1: this on the mirror, the mirror and then just go

107
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 1: through your story and tell them Like it took me

108
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:44,520
Speaker 1: like forty five minutes just to do my story. Yeah,

109
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,200
Speaker 1: it's like this is not good enough. You need to

110
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,480
Speaker 1: step your levels up here. So I went and get

111
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,359
Speaker 1: my iPad and I noted down key points and sat

112
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,040
Speaker 1: it below the below the phone so that when I'm

113
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,560
Speaker 1: looking at the iPad, it looks like I'm looking at

114
00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,200
Speaker 1: the camera. So I cheated my acting days coming in now.

115
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:06,400
Speaker 2: Oh boy, well we're all rooting on influencer Alan. But

116
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,080
Speaker 2: it is nice. It's almost like, you know, when you

117
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 2: step into I remember when we were kids. This is

118
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,359
Speaker 2: the worst example, but I'm gonna do it anyways. Uh,

119
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,560
Speaker 2: the parents were always like, oh, why can't you do that?

120
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,080
Speaker 2: And it's like, oh, really, why can't I do a

121
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,880
Speaker 2: double axle on? You know, And so it was a

122
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,480
Speaker 2: day where the parents had to put on the skates

123
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,440
Speaker 2: and it's like, why can't you do that?

124
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:29,400
Speaker 1: Oh?

125
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:29,680
Speaker 2: Why?

126
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,000
Speaker 1: You know.

127
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,680
Speaker 2: So it's it's nice. It's kind of showing things if

128
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 2: you're not used to doing them, or even when you

129
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,200
Speaker 2: do do them, it's not easy. It's not no, it's

130
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:40,719
Speaker 2: it's hard.

131
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,320
Speaker 1: It's hard if you want to do it properly, like

132
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,479
Speaker 1: I could have half off it and done it in

133
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,520
Speaker 1: a noah or two hours.

134
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,960
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's still pointing in that, Well, how can

135
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:56,520
Speaker 2: we change the attitude because when you were doing your

136
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,320
Speaker 2: store and by the way, I just want to be

137
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,320
Speaker 2: I just want to be clear. And the fact that

138
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,039
Speaker 2: I was more like, even though you sent me the

139
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,120
Speaker 2: brief and you're like, you're okay, I still was like,

140
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,880
Speaker 2: this is what you can do, but it's your thing,

141
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,440
Speaker 2: so you do whatever you want to do, okay. And

142
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 2: so that's where you know, I at least wanted to say,

143
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,800
Speaker 2: like I wasn't like this is how you have to

144
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,320
Speaker 2: do it. You can do it however you want to

145
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,840
Speaker 2: do it. But when I did come in the sanctuary

146
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,600
Speaker 2: and I was trying to show you because you were like, well,

147
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,200
Speaker 2: what does three frames mean? And so what I'm trying

148
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,560
Speaker 2: to like explain to you, all right, so you're paid

149
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,800
Speaker 2: for one story but within three frames, and then you

150
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 2: just kind of gave me a look, and I'm like,

151
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to exit this right now because this attitude

152
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,440
Speaker 2: is not for me or meant for me at this moment.

153
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,120
Speaker 2: And I love you.

154
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 1: Just the reflection of how much I hated myself at

155
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:48,400
Speaker 1: that moment.

156
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,559
Speaker 2: The thing, you poor thing. You're getting paid to promote

157
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,720
Speaker 2: a product, and.

158
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: It's disgusting only to slap myself in the face and be.

159
00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,960
Speaker 2: Like you spoiled little yeah, yeah, okay, well I just

160
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,240
Speaker 2: did for you. But it's hard Anyways, Okay.

161
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,680
Speaker 1: You're getting seven hundred and fifty thousand to promote this

162
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,240
Speaker 1: one product for two was what?

163
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,360
Speaker 2: I only get twenty grand for a vibrator? What are

164
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:18,360
Speaker 2: you talking about? Which, by the way, I'm joking, are

165
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,600
Speaker 2: you we against? Because against? You don't hate that? Do

166
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,600
Speaker 2: you hate the vibrator? Ad? No, wonder it's a little

167
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,000
Speaker 2: bit more than that. But I'm just it's hard to

168
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,520
Speaker 2: turn that down. I got child support and be.

169
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,280
Speaker 1: Careful what I say here on camera. But how would

170
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:39,720
Speaker 1: you like it if I was promoting what a men's

171
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:47,080
Speaker 1: masturbating machine and I'm and I'm sitting like, yeah, go on, guys,

172
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:51,199
Speaker 1: I can't even do the action because being appropriate, being inappropriate.

173
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:55,040
Speaker 1: Go on, guys, you deserve this. Man time is so

174
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 1: important for your mental health. You deserve this. And get

175
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,760
Speaker 1: the machine down there, going in twenty five mile. Now

176
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,720
Speaker 1: it's almost like my wife can't do it properly. So

177
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,880
Speaker 1: now I've got this machine. Go on, you deserve this.

178
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:18,160
Speaker 2: I think it's different. Oh I want to believe it's different. Yeah, okay,

179
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,520
Speaker 2: And plus there's nothing like that, is there?

180
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,959
Speaker 1: No? I thought about the woobie.

181
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,160
Speaker 2: Do you think so?

182
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:32,040
Speaker 1: What a machine that beats a guy off of course

183
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:32,720
Speaker 1: of Obie.

184
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,280
Speaker 2: It's interesting. I mean, I guess when you do flip it,

185
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,640
Speaker 2: it's in you know, it's not.

186
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,880
Speaker 1: Like I have to use it though the man time

187
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:49,319
Speaker 1: pro three. You deserve this, listen.

188
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,960
Speaker 2: I mean it's not an easy ad to do. I'll

189
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 2: say that, but I do because you block my mom

190
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:59,040
Speaker 2: and dad. I block everybody. I know everybody, grandparents, are

191
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:06,079
Speaker 2: your parents, stepson, I mean everybody. It's so niece's nephews.

192
00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 1: I'm pretty secure and that I'm good. You can post

193
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:09,679
Speaker 1: what you want.

194
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,320
Speaker 2: I know, but I do get it, like I do

195
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,400
Speaker 2: see that and I'm like, but it's again, it's it's

196
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:19,840
Speaker 2: very hard with yeah, with with you know, the industry

197
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,160
Speaker 2: that I'm in the lack of.

198
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,880
Speaker 1: You're going to wear your classices?

199
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,439
Speaker 2: Am I what?

200
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,679
Speaker 1: You going to wear your glasses when you post about it?

201
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:28,280
Speaker 2: Why?

202
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,079
Speaker 1: Because you like sexy your classes? Go on, ladies, you

203
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:32,840
Speaker 1: deserve this.

204
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,840
Speaker 2: Love your sexy librarian.

205
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:41,439
Speaker 1: Love yourself and your secretary. Thank you.

206
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:48,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, moving on, we have Do you wanna because

207
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,240
Speaker 2: you deep dived on her this morning or last.

208
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:54,920
Speaker 1: Night with a deep dive that my research as I

209
00:10:55,000 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: normally do because I'm not as natural as this as you.

210
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 2: Are at this, No, I need to do better at that.

211
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,160
Speaker 1: I like to just pack things up so quickly. Well

212
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:10,079
Speaker 1: with the Yeah, her name's Sarah Kubrick, I'm sure that's

213
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:14,360
Speaker 1: how you pronounce itbridge. And she's a millennial therapist.

214
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:19,439
Speaker 2: Which we're millennials, aren't we. I think so, I think,

215
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,600
Speaker 2: I think I think we are. Where do you? Because

216
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:28,560
Speaker 2: her big thing is psychotherapy, she unpacks self loss, so

217
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:31,280
Speaker 2: giving us new vocabulary to understand the royally talked about

218
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,320
Speaker 2: experienced offers tools she used for years to help clients recover.

219
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 2: Self loss becomes apparent when we do not recognize ourselves

220
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,400
Speaker 2: in our actions, words, or relationships, when we lose sight

221
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,800
Speaker 2: of who we truly are and feel the pain and

222
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,319
Speaker 2: emptiness from performing or observing life rather than living it.

223
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:53,520
Speaker 2: I'm curious you said that with that breathing Where for

224
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:58,520
Speaker 2: you have you? I mean I can probably already guess

225
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,440
Speaker 2: which time, but you're biggest self loss time in your life?

226
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,840
Speaker 2: And how did you regain that self loss?

227
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? My biggest self loss was the period from eighteen

228
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,840
Speaker 1: to twenty two.

229
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 2: Really, do you want to talk about the moment or no?

230
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:21,680
Speaker 2: One moment that impact? I don't and that's okay.

231
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think some people will lose themselves because of

232
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,920
Speaker 1: one incident. Some people will lose themselves because of a

233
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:34,040
Speaker 1: combination in period. And I don't think you get it

234
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,840
Speaker 1: back quickly. But one of the one of the biggest

235
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,480
Speaker 1: ways of I mean, structure helps you get things back

236
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:43,800
Speaker 1: and focus. To be honest, one of the biggest things

237
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:48,319
Speaker 1: that helped me become myself a given as you me.

238
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,000
Speaker 2: In which area because you know how they always say

239
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,400
Speaker 2: that like a person shouldn't be like you should be okay,

240
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,400
Speaker 2: like you were okay on your own obviously, Yeah.

241
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,800
Speaker 1: I had to do. Everyone has to do their own work.

242
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 1: And a period or a situation on our occurrence has

243
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,520
Speaker 1: to sit with you until you're ready to to actually

244
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,680
Speaker 1: deal with it and move on and become either yourself

245
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 1: again or a better version of of who you were before.

246
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:28,840
Speaker 1: But I think having finding finding love in you and

247
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,680
Speaker 1: and not that that's the wrong way, not that at

248
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:35,120
Speaker 1: taxed all my happiness towards you, But you came in

249
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,040
Speaker 1: and you were like the most amazing person and women

250
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:44,679
Speaker 1: and kind and ambitious and beautiful, and you had your

251
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:51,199
Speaker 1: own traumas from the past, which we shared and discussed

252
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,040
Speaker 1: and so I think there was a big part of

253
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,679
Speaker 1: you coming in at that point where I was on

254
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,079
Speaker 1: the I was on the healing side of it, but

255
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:05,200
Speaker 1: then you came in and I regained my confidence on

256
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:12,439
Speaker 1: like love and appreciation that there's actually the right person

257
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,080
Speaker 1: in your person is out there if you get through

258
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,520
Speaker 1: the tough times and you navigate through the tough times

259
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 1: and you don't let yourself lost dictate a whole life.

260
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:28,000
Speaker 1: But it's tough. It's tough for people. So it will

261
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:34,120
Speaker 1: be interesting to hear what hard description if she's an expert,

262
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,760
Speaker 1: and that she's a psychotherapist, what hard description of self

263
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,840
Speaker 1: loss is, and how people and like for the listeners

264
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,360
Speaker 1: as well, like there's an education piece on how do

265
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,360
Speaker 1: people get out of that self loss? I think so much,

266
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,240
Speaker 1: so much of the population is lost.

267
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: Well, that was really sweet and I'll share my where

268
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,360
Speaker 2: I believe you also came in for me. But she

269
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 2: is here, so let's take a break and then get

270
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:58,640
Speaker 2: Sarah on.

271
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,640
Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, hie, Sarah.

272
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, real nice to meet you too.

273
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,760
Speaker 2: So we'll just hop right in. Alan was just saying,

274
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,680
Speaker 2: I'll let you kind of repeat what you were saying

275
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,720
Speaker 2: about the self lost piece of things.

276
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were just talking about periods in your life

277
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,600
Speaker 1: where you feel or a period in your life where

278
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,520
Speaker 1: you feel that you've lost yourself, whether it's one incident

279
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,400
Speaker 1: or it's a combination, and a period that's that's gradually

280
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 1: got you to a point where you lose yourself. And

281
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,760
Speaker 1: I was just saying, it would be really interesting to

282
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 1: see and hear your description of what actually self loss

283
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 1: is and what you do, because you're an expert in

284
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,400
Speaker 1: your field. So people might feel like, oh, I've lost

285
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 1: myself when they really haven't, like what really deems someone

286
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,320
Speaker 1: losing themselves.

287
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, because that's an interesting thing because people will say, oh,

288
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,280
Speaker 2: I've lost myself, right, because there's times when I've walked

289
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,920
Speaker 2: into therapy and I'm like, I'm depressed and she goes, well,

290
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,520
Speaker 2: let's let's go through the steps, like and then I'm like, well, no, no, no,

291
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 2: I don't and then it said so she's like, okay,

292
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 2: so it's not that. So let's then like, so you

293
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 2: might be feeling sad, but like let's let's like let's

294
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,360
Speaker 2: if they're gonna say those words, let's really attach them

295
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 2: to what you know, the truth is. So oh I

296
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 2: love that.

297
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,280
Speaker 3: So much, And I actually do this with my clients

298
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,400
Speaker 3: all the time, like I'm so angry, and then we'll

299
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,320
Speaker 3: kind of discuss him, like, well, are you sure you're angry,

300
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:35,080
Speaker 3: Maybe you are hurt, maybe you are whatever it is.

301
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 3: And so getting them to find the word that actually

302
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 3: defines what they're feeling is really powerful. And I think

303
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 3: a lot of people will go, I'm feeling lost, and

304
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,800
Speaker 3: sometimes they say that when they don't know what to do.

305
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 3: And that's not the same thing necessarily being like confused,

306
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 3: being uncertain, being frustrated with yourself, not temporarily being not

307
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,400
Speaker 3: attuned with yourself. It's not the same thing as being

308
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,760
Speaker 3: completely lost. To me, to be fully lost is to

309
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 3: lack alliance, an alignment, and to feel like a stranger

310
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,440
Speaker 3: to yourself. So I had this one moment where I

311
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,760
Speaker 3: was maybe a little drunk in a whiskey bar in

312
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 3: my twenties, and I remember looking in a mirror and

313
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 3: genuinely just feeling like I didn't know this person. I

314
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,560
Speaker 3: didn't recognize her. She was a complete complete stranger to me.

315
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,679
Speaker 3: And although that that's an extreme version of it, I

316
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,719
Speaker 3: do think it's just not knowing. It's not just I

317
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 3: can't get in touch with myself temporarily. But it's like

318
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,560
Speaker 3: I have no idea because the self I don't think

319
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 3: is found, it's created, and it means you haven't created

320
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,200
Speaker 3: your sense of self in that moment.

321
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 2: That's interesting, I think. And I don't want to put

322
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,159
Speaker 2: this on you if this isn't true, Alan, but I

323
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 2: just from observing you and then knowing me too. A

324
00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 2: lot of times where my self loss comes in is whether, well, a,

325
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:05,400
Speaker 2: if I wasn't this is like you know, pre pre

326
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,480
Speaker 2: my divorce was you know, if the relationship, if I

327
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 2: wasn't in a good relationship, I would feel kind of

328
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 2: lost and then wondering where my life is going. But

329
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,560
Speaker 2: now in this relationship, I feel like my loss goes

330
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 2: more like what am I doing with my life? Like

331
00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,199
Speaker 2: sometimes like if we're not getting a job opportunity and

332
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 2: you know, kind of same with him, like our jobs

333
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 2: are so not typical and they're massive. There's more disappointment

334
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,879
Speaker 2: than there is getting jobs, and so it's you know,

335
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 2: we kind of well, we'll have wins sometimes, but then

336
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,239
Speaker 2: most of the time it's like, oh, we just lost this,

337
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 2: and it's just like and then we both go to

338
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,320
Speaker 2: a place of what am I doing with my life.

339
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 2: I have not you know, I'm just like this list loss,

340
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 2: like we have nothing and we're just like you know,

341
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 2: and but it really affects us. And so it's like,

342
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 2: how do you not let that piece of that self loss?

343
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 2: Is that self loss? And then like how do you

344
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 2: not let that just take over every all the goodness

345
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,639
Speaker 2: that is actually around?

346
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a great question. I think that sounds a

347
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 3: bit like an existential crisis of like what am I

348
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:10,440
Speaker 3: doing here? Like what is the freaking point? And that's

349
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,760
Speaker 3: not necessarily the same a self loss of like I

350
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 3: don't know who I am, but they can go hand

351
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 3: in hand, particularly when we overidentify with a role. So

352
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 3: I have this horrifying story that when I was dating

353
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 3: someone again in my twenties. He was this auzy surfer

354
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 3: dude and I was very smitten and we went out

355
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 3: a couple times and I was like, I'm living the dream.

356
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 3: I was like visiting For a second. He's like, you know,

357
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 3: you seem like a really nice girl, So I'm going

358
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 3: to tell you the truth as to why this is

359
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 3: not going to work out for us, And I was

360
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 3: like real and comfortable. I was like, oh my god,

361
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 3: I'm being dumped and he's going to tell me why

362
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 3: I think this is terrible. I don't want to know.

363
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 3: And he looks at me and he goes, you're so

364
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 3: incredibly boring, and I was like, really obviously appendic because

365
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 3: I think I'm a hoot, I'm pretty funny. I was like,

366
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 3: what are you talking about? And he goes, it's because

367
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 3: all you talk about is akademia. He's like, I've never

368
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 3: had a conversation with you that didn't end up being

369
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,400
Speaker 3: about grad school, that didn't end up being about psychology,

370
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 3: that didn't end up being about existentialism. He's like, it

371
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 3: is just so boring to talk to you. And although

372
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 3: I think that was a little harsh, probably unecessary, there's

373
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 3: other ways to communicate that. It was such a good

374
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,959
Speaker 3: eye opener because in that moment, I actually realized I

375
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 3: didn't know anything else to talk about, and I had

376
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 3: no other role that I was really identifying with. So

377
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: I felt like, if you took that away from me,

378
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 3: there would be no one to see. And this was

379
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 3: before kind of my big breakdown over self loss. And

380
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 3: so I think when it comes to career stuff, when

381
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 3: it gets really dangerous, or when it shifts from like

382
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 3: an existential crisis to more like self loss is when

383
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 3: we over identify with that role of being an actor,

384
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 3: being an athlete, being a psychologist, being an account and

385
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 3: then that isn't being sort of given back to us,

386
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 3: and there are no opportunities, and now we feel like

387
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 3: there's nothing else that's left. And so what's really helpfully

388
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 3: in those moments is to realize what other roles you have,

389
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 3: and that your identity comprises of a lot of roles,

390
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 3: and that you can choose which ones you want to honor,

391
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 3: which ones you want to lean into, which ones you

392
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 3: want you know, to have meaning in. And so I

393
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 3: think that that can really help because it is devastating

394
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 3: and it's just subjectively shitty when when things don't work

395
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 3: out with our career, but more so when we kind

396
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,239
Speaker 3: of hang our identity on that.

397
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: It's a really good answer. Yeah, because I've become a

398
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 1: barista because I just make myself coffees.

399
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 2: Well, No, he's what he what he does specifically is

400
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 2: like and and I do the same thing where I'm like,

401
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 2: I'm just a shady after and I'm never going to

402
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 2: work ever again, and like I've got absolutely nothing and

403
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 2: then Alan's like, you know, I just cut the grass

404
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 2: and you know, I've like and he's like, I'm just

405
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 2: going to be, you know, and then he goes to

406
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 2: his cabin alone in the woods that's actually not a

407
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: real place, but it's a real place in his mind.

408
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: So then he just like pushes away. And so I

409
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 2: think we both just don't do well with what we

410
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 2: want to have come to fruition and then it's like

411
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 2: taken Like it's like our dreams are like taken away.

412
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: We lose our identity.

413
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, it's a really good it's a really

414
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 1: good point that you make on the identity because particularly

415
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 1: because we've done it with whole life, so when it

416
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 1: doesn't serve you the way that, when it doesn't give

417
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 1: you back what you put into it, it becomes really

418
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 1: frustrating and disappointing. And that kind of leads me to

419
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 1: my next point, which is something that you you have

420
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: you have said previously, is about feeling people feel more

421
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 1: in control by reliving old pathons. So when you lose

422
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: the role, or you lose like I go, don't get

423
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: considered for a head coach and whatever it may be,

424
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: you almost feel okay, right, I'm gonna I'm going to

425
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: manage this by doing what I used to do to

426
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. And you almost tend to unless you stop yourself.

427
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 1: You slip into old pathons, don't you. How do you?

428
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,679
Speaker 1: I think? And again, I think it's really big for

429
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: our for our listeners, because so many people, when they

430
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: get disappointment or they feel heart or they feel pain,

431
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: will automatically default and deviate to those to those patterns

432
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: where they feel more in control and more comfortable. How

433
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 1: do people stop doing that or how do you help

434
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: people stop doing that? Because I think it's a big

435
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: one for us as well, isn't it.

436
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting when we don't achieve our goals, we

437
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 3: go back to doing the same thing that made us

438
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 3: not achieve our goals in the first place. And this

439
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 3: is this is not just you know, maybe in our

440
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 3: professional lives, it's also in relationships. It's like, these types

441
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: of conversations led to this argument or left to like,

442
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 3: led to the fact that you guys are not sleeping

443
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 3: in the same bed. So maybe let's know, let's not

444
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 3: go not go back to those patterns even though they

445
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 3: feel super familiar. And that's something about our brains that

446
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 3: familiar feel safe. And so my question with my clients

447
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 3: is always how can we make you feel safe to

448
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 3: try something different, because what you're seeking is safety, like

449
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 3: control is often just sort of a manifestation of fear,

450
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 3: And so how can we make you feel safe trying

451
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 3: something different that will then maybe lead to a different result.

452
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 3: And I think it's also important to emphasize that sometimes

453
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 3: what we think will make us happy won't. I don't

454
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 3: know if you've ever had like a goal where like,

455
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 3: oh my god, I must achieve this. Then you had

456
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,239
Speaker 3: it and you're like, Okay, of course that was like

457
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 3: a little disappointing.

458
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 2: Well, I think there's a what's next, But I think

459
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 2: there's also like it might and you even said this too,

460
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 2: like you might not like as much as I'm like, yeah,

461
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 2: I want to be a series regular again on a

462
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 2: TV show, I might hate doing that again, you know

463
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like I've gotten so comfortable and happy

464
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: and you know, good and this what I am doing

465
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 2: and being able to be home and so flexible, and

466
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,239
Speaker 2: I might hate that schedule again. And you might not

467
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 2: like the schedule when you have to be away so

468
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: much again, you know, and it might not be actually

469
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 2: what we're making it out to be this like dream

470
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 2: of like every it's going to be I will be

471
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 2: so happy when X happens.

472
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, we either romanticized the unknown or we're completely scared

473
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: of it.

474
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: And I mean he romanticizes and I'm scared of it.

475
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 2: And that's where we then.

476
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: Are amazing.

477
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 2: The fallout of the full spectrum.

478
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 3: But we're never just curious about it. I think we're

479
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 3: so committed one way or or another. We're like, this

480
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 3: going to be amazing. And then there are so many

481
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 3: people that are achieve amazing things, objectively amazing, but because they

482
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 3: weren't aligned with them, because it wasn't really there, it

483
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: was an authentic they they're disappointed and they assume that

484
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 3: getting this one thing would make life worth living. And

485
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 3: now that they're at the top, they go, well, and

486
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 3: it's scary because you're like, I don't know where else

487
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 3: to climb. So there is that one alternative, and then

488
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 3: there is the I'm so scared and so I'm not

489
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 3: even going to try it. And it goes back to

490
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 3: like safety honesty, being honest about the situation, about the outcome,

491
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 3: and just being curious of like, well, I enjoy this

492
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 3: there's so many things I thought I would enjoy and

493
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 3: then I did it, and then I try to convince

494
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 3: myself that I'm enjoying them for a long time until

495
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, this actually it's all It's all

496
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 3: in my head. I convinced myself to enjoy this. And

497
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 3: I think this is where self loss happens too. Like

498
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 3: something that you said at the start was just so

499
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 3: bang on of Like, I think either it happens gradually

500
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 3: or there's a big event that kind of fractures your

501
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 3: sense of self, maybe something traumatic or a loss or

502
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 3: a divorce or even becoming a parent, just a transitional phase.

503
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 3: And then there are subtle things that we do, which

504
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 3: is betray ourselves, abandon ourselves, not pay attention to ourselves

505
00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 3: that can then lead to this like huge disconnect.

506
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 2: What are some ways that you talk about in your

507
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 2: book It's on me how to reconnect with yourself?

508
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I talk a lot about the fact that

509
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 3: it's a lot more simple than we think it is,

510
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 3: but it's a lot of work. So it's simple but hard.

511
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 3: It's not complicated, And I often think about it in

512
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 3: terms of imagine you're having a relationship with someone else,

513
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 3: it's the exact same thing. We assume that because we

514
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 3: are us, we will understand ourselves, we will like ourselves.

515
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 3: But that's just not true. And so many people stry

516
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: for self love and I think that that's a really

517
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 3: admirable goal, and as an existentialist, I kind of chuckle

518
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 3: a little bit and I was like, Okay, let's let's

519
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 3: take it back. So for me to be able to

520
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: love yourself, you first need to know yourself. And people

521
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 3: skip that step. They try to go into like I'm

522
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 3: gonna love this, my I'm gonna love and they can't

523
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 3: define the me the I. And so it's like, do

524
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 3: you know yourself? Do you accept who you see? Do

525
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 3: you respect the person that you see? Do you like

526
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 3: spending time with this person? And then maybe we can

527
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 3: kind of get to love. And so that's what I

528
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 3: talk about in my book of like are you connecting

529
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 3: with yourself mentally? Are you connecting with your body? Are

530
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,479
Speaker 3: you connecting with your emotions? And it's not you know,

531
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 3: the body is the trickiest one where I think a

532
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 3: lot of people think of their body just as a

533
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 3: vessel or a tool. And I think this is where

534
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 3: we miss out, where I think you are your body

535
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 3: and your body is you, and so if you mistreat

536
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 3: your body, which so many of us do, is going

537
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 3: to lead to self loss. And no matter how emotionally

538
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 3: in touch you are, or intellectually you can kind of

539
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 3: conceptualize and self actualize, you're still going to feel really disconnected.

540
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 3: So those are kind of three areas that I.

541
00:28:48,680 --> 00:29:04,479
Speaker 2: Talk about, where do you think people lose Like like

542
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 2: one of the first kind of flags for losing yourself,

543
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 2: you know, like we always put a flag on other people,

544
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 2: but if we could put a flag on ourself, Like,

545
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: what would that be? Like the red flag that within

546
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 2: us that we lose ourselves.

547
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 3: I think not recognizing your own actions is a good one.

548
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 3: I don't know, if you've ever done something and then

549
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 3: looked at your sod be like what was that? Like

550
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 3: you shock yourself, You kind of surprise yourself and not

551
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 3: in a good way. I think that that's a really

552
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 3: good one. And then also a lot of resentment. If

553
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 3: you're feeling a lot of resentment, chances are you're doing

554
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 3: a lot of things that are violating who you are.

555
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 3: And if you do not pay attention, at some point,

556
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 3: you might reach self loss. So I think those would

557
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 3: be the two biggest. No one's ever asked me that question.

558
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 2: By the way, Well, I feel like, you know, we

559
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 2: all if other people can label people with red flags,

560
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: it's like we should be able to lay ourselves with

561
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: what our red flags are.

562
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and I mean seeking identity and relationships. If

563
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 3: we're talking about like red flags, If you're someone who

564
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: always overly identifies with being a partner, and their preferences

565
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 3: fully become your preferences, and their dream become your dream dreams,

566
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 3: chances are that you don't actually know who you are,

567
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 3: and they're just a crutch. They help you not feel

568
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 3: the agony and the emptiness of not knowing yourself. So

569
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 3: you take on their identity and where it as your

570
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 3: own until that relationship ends.

571
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 2: Right.

572
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: Okay, So a lot of your stuff you talk about

573
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: dating and relationships, don't you, And pardon a lot of

574
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: your A lot of your work is dating in relationships.

575
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: And I read something earlier that it was as I

576
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: scrolled down your social media, and it's you that's not controversial,

577
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: that body. It says they nineteen ninety six, you had

578
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: me at Hello dating. In twenty twenty four, you had

579
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 1: me at I go to therapy, which I thought was

580
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: really funny. But I think I guess my question from

581
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: that is, which of those periods you think is a

582
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 1: was a healthier as a healthier time to date people?

583
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: Was that the nineteen nineties a healthier dating era or

584
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: is now this kind of period of people are And

585
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: I think a lot of it they mask by the way,

586
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 1: like walk people and people who now know themselves. I

587
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: think a lot of it's fake in all, honestly, and

588
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: use it as a smoke screen for all the bullshit

589
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: that they do. But out of those two periods, what

590
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 1: is it, what is a healthier Do you think now

591
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: the modern dating and relationship is a healthier period for

592
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: people or not? Or was it more simple in the

593
00:31:58,800 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: past in the nineties?

594
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 2: Whin as social media? So anything without social media is

595
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 2: like a win in my book.

596
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: Some people see that as a as a bonus because

597
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: they can it can it can cast a like a

598
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: mat and dragon more.

599
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's how you found me? Bad? Social media would

600
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 2: never found me in the nineties.

601
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 3: I love that it's cute. Well, you had me at

602
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 3: hello is an incredibly low bar, So I would say,

603
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 3: let's not do that. That kind of depresses me. I

604
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 3: also think there's something so toxic, if I can say

605
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 3: about that concept of like in that moment when they

606
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 3: said hello to you, even if you're absolutely smitten, all

607
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 3: you're doing is projecting on that person. And so when

608
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 3: I see it that way, I'm like, Okay, I totally get.

609
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 3: It was a simpler time, and maybe people weren't pretending

610
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 3: to be as self enlightened, and they were just more

611
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 3: honest about their faults and who they were, and people were,

612
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:59,719
Speaker 3: you know, maybe not complicating relationships as much. He was like,

613
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 3: I love you, and now we're just going to make

614
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 3: your work. And there is something really cute and idyllic

615
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 3: about the way that love was portrayed in the nineties.

616
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 3: And at the same time, that concept is very I mean,

617
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: it's rooted in projection. So I saw you, I was

618
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 3: attracted to you, and then I put my dreams on you,

619
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 3: and it was like, yes, that is my person. Now

620
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 3: you had me at you go to therapy. I like this.

621
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: Now.

622
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: Do I think there's a lot of people that weaponize

623
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 3: mental health? Yes? Do I think there's a lot of

624
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 3: you know, like boys and people who like use all

625
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 3: the right words because they are also on these therapy

626
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: Instagram pages and have read the self help books and

627
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 3: now they're using these words to sort of justify their

628
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: own actions. And I'll see videos of this and they'll

629
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 3: just be horrifying because if you heard them, you'll be like, Wow,

630
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 3: this is a really educated individual. This is an individual

631
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,239
Speaker 3: that reads self help. And then the way that they

632
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 3: use the words is very manipulative. It's very harm and

633
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 3: so therapy can just be a gimmick. People can be

634
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 3: like I go to therapy, I'm going to be such

635
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 3: a great partner, and you know, it's kind of like

636
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: a selling point. But I think if you genuinely see

637
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 3: that someone is doing the work and is in therapy

638
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 3: intentionally trying to be a better person, I think that

639
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 3: makes all the difference, because your relationship is only going

640
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 3: to be as good as who you are as individuals. Sure,

641
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 3: and so I think that that's important to remember.

642
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 2: In your book, you talk about mental decluttering. What is

643
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 2: that and how can people do that? Because I'm like, well,

644
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 2: I'd never even heard of that before.

645
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's making space for yourself. I think a lot

646
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 3: of us have mental noise, so a lot of beliefs,

647
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 3: a lot of relationships that We're thinking about a lot

648
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 3: of hobbies and habits and things that just take up

649
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 3: so much space that when people talk about you know, okay, Sarah,

650
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 3: well I want to be myself and I want to

651
00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 3: create myself. How do I do that? And I say,

652
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 3: you have to mentally to clutter. What I mean is like,

653
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: let's say you wanted to make a lasagna. I'm hungry,

654
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 3: it's a dinner time. Let's say you want to make

655
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 3: a lasagna. And then we walked into your kitchen and

656
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 3: every pot and pan was used or dirty, The floor

657
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,320
Speaker 3: was sticky, the sink was overflowing with dishes, the oven

658
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 3: already had things in it. You would have a really

659
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 3: hard time making lasagna. And that's the same principle. You

660
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 3: have to declutter. You have to actually make space so

661
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 3: that you can start creating yourself. So the shoulds, the assumptions,

662
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 3: the beliefs, all that stuff you need to put it

663
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 3: on paper. You're like, what are all my shoulds? What

664
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 3: are all the things I feel like I should do?

665
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 3: What are all the things I believe about life, love, God, religion, politics,

666
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 3: the body, literally anything, And just kind of have this

667
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 3: process of like what do I want to keep and

668
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 3: what do I not want to keep? What is going

669
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 3: to be part of my lasagna? And what's not going

670
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 3: to be part of my lasaga? Yeah, and I think

671
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 3: that's an important thing to sort of think about. We

672
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 3: have so much going on in the background at all times,

673
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 3: and I'm sure as people who are in a relationship

674
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 3: and parents, right, congratulations, you have so much that you

675
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 3: probably think about. And you know you're thinking about your

676
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: kid even if you're not with your kid, And so

677
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 3: that's kind of the can you quiet the noise? Can

678
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 3: you have time and space to actually be yourself and

679
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 3: what needs to be there and what doesn't need to

680
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 3: be there?

681
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? What do you want? The biggest takeaway to be

682
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:38,760
Speaker 2: from your book?

683
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 3: Take responsibility for your life. I mean, it's called It's

684
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 3: on Me, and that's I mean a pretty intense message

685
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 3: and it makes it a really difficult Christmas book, although

686
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 3: I think, you know, people should still buy each other

687
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 3: in the book because it's I genuinely believe the responsibility

688
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 3: is a beautiful thing. It's not blame. It's freedom and

689
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 3: it's autonomy and realizing that, Okay, if you're living a

690
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,280
Speaker 3: life that you don't want, if you're being a version

691
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 3: of yourself that you don't like, if you're you know,

692
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 3: in this relationship dynamic that is not going super well,

693
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 3: ask yourself, what is my responsibility recognizing that you can

694
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 3: change yourself. Now it's trick here with other people in

695
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 3: different dynamics, but what you can do is your own part.

696
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 3: And you know, there was a time in my life

697
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 3: where I really didn't like myself. Then I realized it

698
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 3: was on me to change it. No one was going

699
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 3: to change it for me. No one could change it

700
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 3: for me. And so if you're feeling lost, if you're

701
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 3: feeling disappointed, if you're feeling purposeless, if you're really struggling

702
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 3: with meaning in your life, I think understanding that you

703
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 3: have the capacity to change all of those things for

704
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,280
Speaker 3: yourself it's really.

705
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 2: Powerful, Sarah, what would be the one thing? Because I

706
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 2: love doing this to my therapist too, because I'm always like,

707
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 2: you're not perfect, right, Like tell me like, let's flip Like,

708
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: let's flip it. What's going on?

709
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:57,879
Speaker 3: You've done this?

710
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 2: Like you said, you're not a square? Okay, like I've been.

711
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 2: I was called that one time on a date, like

712
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 2: you're such a square. I was like, oh okay, thanks,

713
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 2: but so you're not boring. We're not boring, But what

714
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 2: is one thing that you can take responsibility on today?

715
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 2: And the question is going to you too, So.

716
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 3: Oh, can I hear all your answer?

717
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're all gonna we're all gonna take responsibility for

718
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 2: something to close.

719
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 3: Out safety circle like well with a couple.

720
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,839
Speaker 2: Of hundred thousand listeners. But it's fine, I.

721
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 3: Mean, no big deal. I think something Actually this is

722
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 3: really relevant because I've been working on it the last

723
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 3: couple of days. I'm I'm working on too many things

724
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 3: that I do not find meaning in anymore, and I

725
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 3: just I am really struggling. I have way too much

726
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 3: going on, way too many balls in the air and

727
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 3: things that I don't even know how they got in

728
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:47,399
Speaker 3: the air. Now I'm like, what are you doing up there?

729
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 3: And so I think I need to take responsibility for

730
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 3: just genuinely cutting down and going back to just working

731
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 3: on core things that I really care about, not only

732
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 3: because I don't want to feel lost again, but because

733
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 3: I think it's the healthier, loving thing to do. So

734
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 3: I need to take responsibility for that.

735
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 2: I think I need to take responsibility. Well, there's plenty

736
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 2: of things, but I think one of the things that

737
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 2: I was just recently talking to my therapist about was

738
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: just I have so much I have like anger inside

739
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 2: of me that I need to release pieces of that.

740
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 2: And so I did do some amdr this session around it.

741
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 2: But sometimes the people that are around me can maybe

742
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 2: get that response because I'm just like dealing with so

743
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 2: much or having some leftover resentment and anger, and where

744
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 2: I just get, I get my fuse is short, and

745
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 2: I need to maybe take some things off the plate

746
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 2: so that my fuse isn't like that extreme and get

747
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:49,720
Speaker 2: frustrated easily.

748
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think mine will be, and it's quite relevant

749
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 1: to this conversation. Mine would be. I'm going to say

750
00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: responsibility for the clustering because it's affected me this morning.

751
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: I've I've got so many things in the air that

752
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: I should be doing, like you, but because I can't

753
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: prioritize and put them in order of importance and how

754
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: they should be done, I've become angry at myself. So

755
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: therefore my emotions get the better of me. So I've

756
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: got two things I need to prioritize declustering because that

757
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: will that will help my anger and emotions.

758
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 2: I like that, Y.

759
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 3: Like we're gonna just like text each other in about

760
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 3: a month and be like did you do it? Accountability?

761
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to be sliding into your DM thereah and

762
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 2: being like okay.

763
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 3: So yeah, this is not going well.

764
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: Yeah the lasagna is not cooking in the oven.

765
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, or we've got tenels on you it's cooking and

766
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 2: I've learned how to cook all of a sudden. So

767
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 2: there we go.

768
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 3: It's amazing.

769
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: But I want, yeah, everyone take a little responsibility now

770
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 2: and then go get it's on me. It's available now, Sarah,

771
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 2: thank you so much for coming on.

772
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.

773
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 2: Thank you appreciate it. Just laden and soon see you soon. Bye, okay,

774
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 2: bye girl. Let was sweet. I think it's good that

775
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 2: when people take it's the people that just point and

776
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 2: don't point the finger back at themselves, you know, because

777
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 2: I always said that where it was like post divorce,

778
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, I could point the finger at this person

779
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 2: for the longest time, but I also need to reflect

780
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 2: it back on me. And this is you know, I'm

781
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 2: staring at myself in the mirror, So where do I

782
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 2: clean up?

783
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: Yeah? There's that, but those also I think some things

784
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 1: you really hollered on yourself yeah, those are a sleek everything.

785
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: Those a balance, Those are balance.

786
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 2: You're right, all right? Well that was fun. How are

787
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 2: you feeling? Are we feeling less heated, less angry? Or

788
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 2: where are we at with your anger today? Because we

789
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: day night later. So I just want to see how

790
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 2: the rest of this day is going. But I've I

791
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 2: don't know if you've noticed, but I don't take it

792
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 2: on anymore your.

793
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 1: Emotions, my midswings.

794
00:41:57,719 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 2: No, I Just'm like, are he's in a mood?

795
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: Which Alan is going to show up for at night tonight?

796
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 2: To be determined when you guys watch our stories later?

797
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,359
Speaker 2: Is if you flash back to Wednesday? Was was there

798
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 2: a candle at dinner? Or was Jannah alone? I love

799
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 2: you