WEBVTT - Should You Apply Marriage Rules In Dating?

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<v Speaker 1>I know.

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<v Speaker 2>Your opinion to the Breakfast Club top.

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<v Speaker 3>Come on, I did five five one.

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<v Speaker 4>Morning.

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<v Speaker 5>Everybody's DJ Envy Charlomagne the God. We are the Breakfast Club.

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<v Speaker 5>We got our special guest co host, Big Sue K

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<v Speaker 5>ninety seven Memphis. Now, if you're just joining us, we're

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<v Speaker 5>asking eight hundred five A five one oh five one.

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<v Speaker 5>A gentleman called this morning during Get It Off your Chest,

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<v Speaker 5>and we're talking about this book marriage Rules in Dating,

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<v Speaker 5>all right, and we were talking about should you use

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<v Speaker 5>marriage rules in dating? Eight hundred five A five one

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<v Speaker 5>oh five one. Charlamage said no.

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<v Speaker 3>Uh yeah, I agree with him. I don't think marriage

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<v Speaker 3>rules should be implied. Uh in dating are not implied

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<v Speaker 3>or imposed. I don't know what the word I'm looking for,

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<v Speaker 3>but marriage rules should not be involved when you're just

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<v Speaker 3>dating somebody. When you do dating somebody, you're dating them,

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<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean. And as y'all grow in

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<v Speaker 3>the relationship, then you start to say to yourself, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>this is somebody I may want to be with, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>as a husband, as a wife, and then that might

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<v Speaker 3>start to evolve into what looks like more of a marriage,

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<v Speaker 3>and then hopefully you get engaged and then you actually

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<v Speaker 3>become married. But if you just dating a person, you

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<v Speaker 3>ain't got a reason to be treating that person like

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<v Speaker 3>a husband, and you ain't going to reason to be

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<v Speaker 3>treating that person like a wife if y'all just dating.

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<v Speaker 4>So you know what, I got to co sign that.

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<v Speaker 6>I think sometimes people get to dating and they're too

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<v Speaker 6>early in the relationship and then they start you know,

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<v Speaker 6>dating with a marriage mind is one thing, but starting

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<v Speaker 6>too early before you really know a person, that's when

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<v Speaker 6>you run into problems.

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<v Speaker 2>See.

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<v Speaker 5>I also think there's different stages of dating. Right there's

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<v Speaker 5>young dating, where I think people are young and they're

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<v Speaker 5>just out having fun. But I think there's also an

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<v Speaker 5>age where it's like people are ready to find that

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<v Speaker 5>right person. And in that situation, I feel like you

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<v Speaker 5>almost have to have marriage rules because you don't want

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<v Speaker 5>you don't want nobody to waste your time.

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<v Speaker 2>That causes a lot of problem.

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<v Speaker 5>You want to make sure that that person has the

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<v Speaker 5>same aspiration, the same inspiration, the same ethics, the same morales,

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<v Speaker 5>even when it comes to financing and it comes to credit,

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<v Speaker 5>it comes to because you're trying to build a life

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<v Speaker 5>with this person, and if they're if their values don't

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<v Speaker 5>fit with yours. You want to know early before you

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<v Speaker 5>waste your time, because you could be in a situation

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<v Speaker 5>for a yeah, and you're wasting your time with that person.

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<v Speaker 3>A lot of people lose people like that though, because

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<v Speaker 3>you know, you be a man or a woman that's

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<v Speaker 3>really looking for marriage, like you're really looking to get

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<v Speaker 3>chasing it right, and then you get with a person

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<v Speaker 3>that might be forty something fifty something that don't want that,

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<v Speaker 3>that person might have already been divorced, or that person

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<v Speaker 3>may have never wanted to be married, and being that

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<v Speaker 3>you want such a major commitment, they falling back from

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<v Speaker 3>you like.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh, but don't you want to know that early if

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<v Speaker 5>that person's not on that same vibe as you, if

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<v Speaker 5>you're ready to rock lock and you know, do it now?

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<v Speaker 5>And they like, Nah, don't you want to know early

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<v Speaker 5>before I waste my time, waste my birthdays, waste my valentine?

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<v Speaker 2>Tell me, so we don't even go on a date.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, but at the same time, you can't go in

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<v Speaker 6>play some real heavy expectations.

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<v Speaker 4>On it early in the relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Well, let's go to.

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<v Speaker 4>The phone lines eight hundred five eight five one oh

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<v Speaker 4>five to one Lake.

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<v Speaker 3>What up?

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<v Speaker 2>Lake?

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<v Speaker 7>What?

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<v Speaker 1>Man?

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<v Speaker 7>What's going on?

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<v Speaker 8>Interviewing?

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<v Speaker 4>How you feeling?

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<v Speaker 2>Brother?

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<v Speaker 1>Can't?

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<v Speaker 4>Good morning?

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<v Speaker 2>All right?

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<v Speaker 9>I want to stop.

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<v Speaker 1>In a marriage rule in my opinion, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>say that first because it's just my opinion. Dating is

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<v Speaker 1>an interview, for marriage is an extend. Your interest in

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<v Speaker 1>the position is show and you're performing. So if you're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna show up and step better the interview, you're not interested.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's the difference in seeing if somebody is

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<v Speaker 3>marriage material as opposed to laying down marriage rules, right,

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<v Speaker 3>because like the things that you give a person in marriage,

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<v Speaker 3>when you are dealing with an individual, you can say

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<v Speaker 3>to yourself, man, this is somebody that I would.

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<v Speaker 2>Do all of that force. I think what he's saying

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<v Speaker 2>is true.

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<v Speaker 3>I just think that you know, when you're dating somebody

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<v Speaker 3>you're realizing that they are marriage material.

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<v Speaker 2>That don't mean you should apply to marriage rules yet.

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<v Speaker 4>Hello, who's this?

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<v Speaker 7>And dingo?

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<v Speaker 2>Dingo?

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<v Speaker 4>What's going on wrong?

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<v Speaker 8>Hey?

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<v Speaker 7>What's up your husband? In a minute, how y'all feeling blessed?

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<v Speaker 2>Black and holly? Favor? Good? Brother?

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<v Speaker 7>That's what I'm talking about, And how you feel good?

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<v Speaker 7>I'm the name, but God, I love you my brother

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<v Speaker 7>Big two.

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<v Speaker 4>How you doing, Hey, I'm doing good. How you doing

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<v Speaker 4>this morning?

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<v Speaker 7>Hey, I'm good represented Memphis. I like that you're playing great.

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<v Speaker 8>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 7>Absolutely so my take on this whole situation. I just

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<v Speaker 7>recently started dating the night young lady. We married a

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<v Speaker 7>couple of weeks in, and uh, you know, it's really

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<v Speaker 7>important to make your attentions clear when you're dated, Like

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<v Speaker 7>those first couple of dates are very vital to express

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<v Speaker 7>yourself and what you guys want in a relationship because

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<v Speaker 7>it'll make the dating process that much simpler. You know,

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<v Speaker 7>we have that understanding now. We know that we're dating

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<v Speaker 7>with attention and we're just not putting the pressure on

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<v Speaker 7>like a time frame. We're just letting things go day

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<v Speaker 7>by day and we're enjoying each other's company and that's

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<v Speaker 7>really all you got to do with Then once that

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<v Speaker 7>blossoms into something else, we go see where it goes.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree with you so much.

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<v Speaker 3>Ding Like dating, dating is a process, right, It's a

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<v Speaker 3>process in which two people get to know each other better.

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<v Speaker 2>Marriage, man, is when two people make a commitment to

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<v Speaker 2>be together for the rest of their lives. You're not

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<v Speaker 2>getting that we're just dating.

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<v Speaker 4>But you got to get to that.

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<v Speaker 5>But you got to make sure that y'all aligned the same,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, I mean, because you can be wasting a

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<v Speaker 5>lot of time with people, you know what I mean

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<v Speaker 5>some people, one side might be in there for fun

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<v Speaker 5>and another side might be in there for the long distance.

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<v Speaker 5>But you want to know these things now. You want

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<v Speaker 5>to know if you're compatible, if everything actually matches.

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<v Speaker 2>That's why you date. You date to learn all of that.

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<v Speaker 4>Let's call it one more caller.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, who's this?

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, what's up? And be just cue. Don't put marriage

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<v Speaker 7>rules and dating themselves.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, you wrote the book. Yeah, we talked about

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<v Speaker 4>you this morning.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 7>I wanted to elaborate on it. You know, I could

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<v Speaker 7>definitely give some commentary contact to that. You know, it's

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<v Speaker 7>like this. You know a lot of people get into

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<v Speaker 7>relationships and they asked the wrong things. They try to

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<v Speaker 7>find out the wrong things. You got to know who

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<v Speaker 7>your mate is, you understand. I want to know how

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<v Speaker 7>you was raised. I want to know if you had

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<v Speaker 7>both parents. I want to know if you carry in

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<v Speaker 7>some trauma, some PTSD. I want to know everything about you.

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<v Speaker 7>You know, people talk about what the obvious, what they like,

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<v Speaker 7>the superficial stuff. But I want to know what what

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<v Speaker 7>I what I probably won't like, like give me the

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<v Speaker 7>other stuff. Let me get to know who you are.

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<v Speaker 7>What's you know? HOWE was raised?

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<v Speaker 2>I agree with you? You got I think I agree?

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<v Speaker 2>I agree with you. Yeah, thank you.

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<v Speaker 4>Eight hundred five A five one o five one.

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<v Speaker 5>We're asking, do you guys put marriage rules into dating?

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<v Speaker 4>That is the question, should you? Let's discuss. It's the

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<v Speaker 4>Breakfast Club.

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, it's topic time. Eight hundred five five one

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<v Speaker 2>five one to join into the discussion.

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<v Speaker 4>With the Breakfast Club Morning, everybody.

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<v Speaker 5>It's TJ n V. Charlamagne to God. We are the

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<v Speaker 5>Breakfast Club. We got our guest co host, Big Sus

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<v Speaker 5>of course K ninety seven Memphis, and we're asking eight

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<v Speaker 5>hundred five A five one oh five one. Do you

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<v Speaker 5>guys put marriage rules into dating? Kind of feel like

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<v Speaker 5>you have to, though, I kind of feel like if

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<v Speaker 5>that's that's what you want as a goal, you want

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<v Speaker 5>to get the I don't want to say the judge,

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<v Speaker 5>but the duds out the way early.

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<v Speaker 3>But what about the process, whether it dating is the

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<v Speaker 3>process you're going through the process, You're learning a person,

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<v Speaker 3>you're getting to know somebody better.

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<v Speaker 5>I'm not saying you're giving me the ring the first day.

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<v Speaker 5>I'm just saying, not even the ring.

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<v Speaker 3>That commitment that comes with the ring. Marriage is a

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<v Speaker 3>commitment to be together for the rest of your life.

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<v Speaker 3>Correct for the person. I'm not going in there giving

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<v Speaker 3>somebody that energy.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just dating.

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<v Speaker 8>Hell.

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, good morning, mama, good morning. What's your thoughts.

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<v Speaker 9>In those relationships? I feel like marriage wills kind of

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<v Speaker 9>make them well their way depending on how connect it

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<v Speaker 9>you are in the relationship you in. I think will

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<v Speaker 9>kind of brings themselves into the relationship that you're in, especially.

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<v Speaker 8>Out of respect.

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<v Speaker 9>I don't I don't feel like like you said, and

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<v Speaker 9>you should be treated like a wife or a husband

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<v Speaker 9>because that to me, that levels to to ative roles

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<v Speaker 9>in relationships.

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<v Speaker 10>But certain rules just to.

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<v Speaker 9>Find their way in there. And if you expect yourself

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<v Speaker 9>and know yourself, then and then you can have a

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<v Speaker 9>conversation with the person that you're with and you guys

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<v Speaker 9>can be mutually will mutually agree on certain aspects of

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<v Speaker 9>your relationship.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, thank you, mama, Regie, good morning.

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<v Speaker 8>Good morning.

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<v Speaker 10>Uh to one such on the barrass subtific roles and whatever. Yes, sir,

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<v Speaker 10>and I feel like, man, it's definitely made roles that

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<v Speaker 10>you know, single people shouldn't get, like, uh, next week

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<v Speaker 10>is my three year anniversary, and you know four three

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<v Speaker 10>years ago, I couldn't see myself giving a woman pass,

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<v Speaker 10>goes to my phone jailed. My location is definitely always

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<v Speaker 10>and stuff like that. Man, Look, it's it's completely different,

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<v Speaker 10>but I love it, you know, damn going up three years,

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<v Speaker 10>you know, changed for the world. But it's definitely a

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<v Speaker 10>difference and role that should be separate from marriage to day.

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<v Speaker 3>And we all know the difference because we've all been

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<v Speaker 3>in situations where we were dating and we've all been

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<v Speaker 3>into well.

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<v Speaker 2>Not all of us, but most of us are. We're

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<v Speaker 2>all married, is what I'm saying. We know the difference

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<v Speaker 2>between dating and marriage, right, So yes, there's.

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<v Speaker 3>Certain things that you are doing in a marriage that

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<v Speaker 3>you wouldn't think of doing with somebody you just dating.

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<v Speaker 8>Coach David, you know what's going on these and be

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<v Speaker 8>struggling me to god, how y'all doing? What?

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<v Speaker 2>Say? What up the big sue, big shoe?

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<v Speaker 8>How you doing, beloved?

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, Hey, good morning?

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<v Speaker 4>How you doing all right?

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<v Speaker 8>Listen? You asked a very good question earlier. The difference

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<v Speaker 8>between being married and being you know, just dating, you know,

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<v Speaker 8>as a man, as a man of a current age,

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<v Speaker 8>and being married to my wife over twenty one years.

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<v Speaker 8>I look at it like this, there's a difference between

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<v Speaker 8>dating and courting. If you're dating, you know, we're we're

0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:02.640
<v Speaker 8>just being friends. We're being friendly, being caught. We can

0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:04.520
<v Speaker 8>know each other, you know, we go out on a

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<v Speaker 8>few days. When courting, that's the situation. I'm probably looking

0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:11.559
<v Speaker 8>your parents at some point. We're preparing for marriage. So

0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.120
<v Speaker 8>there's a level of commitment that's there. You got to

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<v Speaker 8>think about it like this. You you want eggs and

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<v Speaker 8>bacon in the morning, right.

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<v Speaker 2>For breakfast, turkey bacon.

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<v Speaker 8>There's a different level of commitment between a chicken and

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<v Speaker 8>a pig. A chicken can give an egg and still

0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:28.599
<v Speaker 8>leg that pig gotta get his life for us to

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<v Speaker 8>eat bacon. But there's a different level of commitment when you.

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<v Speaker 2>Married, you're calling your wife a pig.

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<v Speaker 6>Man.

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<v Speaker 8>I know how I know you, Bro, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm now I don't want to no, bro, get what

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<v Speaker 3>you're saying.

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<v Speaker 8>I expect you respect what you need taking my guy.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I get what you're saying, though, I do understand

0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:53.160
<v Speaker 2>what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 4>Thanks coach.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, you've been coaching saying be pork. I'm hungry.

0:10:58.200 --> 0:10:59.560
<v Speaker 2>Now I'm saying be pork.

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<v Speaker 6>I Actually he made a really good point, the difference

0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:04.640
<v Speaker 6>between you know, like courting and just dating, because some

0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.199
<v Speaker 6>people are just dating and marriage isn't in the cards.

0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:10.240
<v Speaker 6>They enjoy dating, they like the companionship. Marriage isn't a

0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:11.800
<v Speaker 6>goal for them. You need to know that.

0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:12.920
<v Speaker 2>I never thought about that either.

0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.120
<v Speaker 3>There is levels, right, because I guess it's dating, and

0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:17.319
<v Speaker 3>then I didn't realize courting is when you're about to

0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:19.480
<v Speaker 3>take it to that next level, which is probably the

0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:20.640
<v Speaker 3>engagement in marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>I never thought about it like that, at definitely levels.

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<v Speaker 4>All right, Well, what's the morrow of the story Tomorrow?

0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:28.000
<v Speaker 2>Dating is a process, you know what I'm saying. Marriage

0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:28.640
<v Speaker 2>is a commitment.

0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:32.280
<v Speaker 3>You know, can't give somebody the commitment while you just

0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:33.200
<v Speaker 3>going through the process.

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<v Speaker 5>All right, all right, when we come back, we got

0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:37.400
<v Speaker 5>your room and report big. So what we're talking about

0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:38.200
<v Speaker 5>in the rooms this time?

0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.360
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, we got to talk about Michael Ore.

0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:41.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh Lord, have mercy.

0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.480
<v Speaker 3>I laughed at that yesterday so much, but I always

0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:46.240
<v Speaker 3>knew that day was up to no good.

0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:47.160
<v Speaker 2>In that damn house.

0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.280
<v Speaker 3>I had a whole love theory okay, that I still

0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:51.880
<v Speaker 3>think is true, but we'll discuss.

0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.440
<v Speaker 4>All right, we'll get into that nextus The Breakfast Club.

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Good morning,