Speaker 1: I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So if I
Speaker 1: seem stoic to you, if I seem like I don't care,
Speaker 1: it's not that I'm just not great at expressing it.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a good place to start. What's up, guys,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy four.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here and watching and listening wherever you're
Speaker 1: coming from, whatever platform you're you're on right now. I
Speaker 1: just I'm grateful to be able to speak into wherever
Speaker 1: you are as a friend, because we all need a
Speaker 1: friend sometimes to bounce ideas off of. And you know,
Speaker 1: thank God for technology these days, where we could we
Speaker 1: could sit here on a podcast something that we're familiar
Speaker 1: with and walk through problems. Basically, you, guys, email me.
Speaker 1: That's the whole format of this thing. You email me
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Any kind of question
Speaker 1: could be about any subjects. We've seen it all one
Speaker 1: hundred and seventy four episodes. We've seen every kind of question,
Speaker 1: at least I think so far. So if you got
Speaker 1: something for me, shoot it over, we'll discuss it. I
Speaker 1: have no notes on this table, I have no preparation
Speaker 1: or fancy beautiful quotes lined up for you. We're just
Speaker 1: talking like we're in the cab of a truck, like
Speaker 1: we're sitting around a campfire. That's what we do every
Speaker 1: single Monday. So let's get to it. First question here,
Speaker 1: subject line says, unsure how to go about this? Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: As a man who grew up in a household where
Speaker 1: you don't talk about your feelings very much, how would
Speaker 1: you do that with others on submarines? There's a stigma
Speaker 1: about talking about your problems sometimes because you don't want
Speaker 1: the wrong thing to be portrayed and then be disqualified. However,
Speaker 1: I've been starting to drink more and everything seems to
Speaker 1: pour out when I drink. I don't want to continue
Speaker 1: drinking a lot. I also don't know how to go
Speaker 1: about talking about things that go on in my mind.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Austin. Are you on a submarine, bro? Surely
Speaker 1: not currently while you're emailing. Do submarines have Wi Fi?
Speaker 1: I'm not sure either way. Hey, I don't think you
Speaker 1: just said that casually. Thank you for your service, Thanks
Speaker 1: for what you do. I'm assuming Navy. What's so? What's
Speaker 1: so interesting? I find this so interesting? On this podcast?
Speaker 1: Each and every week I read these questions and I
Speaker 1: see interesting things about human nature. Right, I've learned so
Speaker 1: much through all of these episodes with you guys. Look
Speaker 1: at this. Let me showt it. Come on it, everybody,
Speaker 1: come on in huddle around the campfire, and let's look
Speaker 1: at this question that Austin is sending. He saying to me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of give him some words here.
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that I'm having trouble feeling how
Speaker 1: to express my feelings, and so I'm feeling that maybe
Speaker 1: I'm inadequate in the feeling that I'm having with these
Speaker 1: feelings that I'm trying to express through others because they
Speaker 1: want me to express my feelings. That's how I feel
Speaker 1: about the stranger. That's basically the question that you asked me.
Speaker 1: And it's it's always interesting when people word things the
Speaker 1: exact way that I think they should word it to
Speaker 1: everyone else, But for some reason, you guys feel comfortable
Speaker 1: enough to say it with me. What you just did,
Speaker 1: Austin was great. You expressed yourself and gave me a
Speaker 1: piece of who you are through just a few short sentences,
Speaker 1: and you did it very well and it's it's interesting
Speaker 1: that you could open up on an email through a
Speaker 1: podcast and have trouble on the submarine with your buddies.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing, let's dive into it. Let's get
Speaker 1: practical about this. I just want to point out that
Speaker 1: you are capable of doing it right. So, practically speaking,
Speaker 1: alcohol is not going to be a good good with you.
Speaker 1: This is not it's not a crutch that you need
Speaker 1: to learn how to drink alcohol so that you could
Speaker 1: say more of your feelings. That's a short term solution.
Speaker 1: That's that's going to go wrong or bad in some way,
Speaker 1: probably soon, sooner than later. It's a short term fix.
Speaker 1: It's it's just numbing the circumstance, right, but it's not
Speaker 1: fixing it at all. That's what alcohol does. So, practically speaking,
Speaker 1: surrounding yourself with a core group of friends, people around
Speaker 1: you or hey, some people say I don't have friends, Okay,
Speaker 1: people you're around people, you're you are surrounded with it work.
Speaker 1: You don't have to call them friends if you If
Speaker 1: you say that you don't have any friends, surely you
Speaker 1: live on this planet Earth around other people. So we'll
Speaker 1: just call it that people in your group around you
Speaker 1: your tribe, and you want to tell this tribe, you
Speaker 1: want to say, you know what. I struggle with telling
Speaker 1: you my feelings. So if I seem distant or off
Speaker 1: or quiet, just no ahead of time. That's just me, man.
Speaker 1: I'm just I got I got an issue I have.
Speaker 1: I have the trouble expressing my feelings. There's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with that. There's nothing wrong with you at all. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's like saying to anyone else I have asthma. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like we're all running a marathon. Not me. I'm
Speaker 1: not a good runner. But say we're saying we're running
Speaker 1: a marathon, and before you run, you say, hey, just
Speaker 1: let you guys know I got asthma. I don't breathe
Speaker 1: too well, especially in humidity or in smog or whatever.
Speaker 1: I don't have a good breathing technique. I have a
Speaker 1: short lung capacity. Okay, And everyone would go cool, Well,
Speaker 1: now that we know that, let's put you in this group,
Speaker 1: or that we'll keep an eye on you, or we'll
Speaker 1: just know that about you in some way, it's the
Speaker 1: same thing with our feelings or being able to express
Speaker 1: anything about ourselves, Like, hey, I just want to tell
Speaker 1: y'all man, I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So
Speaker 1: if I seem stoic to you, if I seem like
Speaker 1: I don't care, it's not that I'm just not great
Speaker 1: at expressing it. I mean, that's a good place to start. Look,
Speaker 1: you want to break the ice, let's build a let's
Speaker 1: build a totally practical scenario. Or sitting at chow right,
Speaker 1: sitting at the table, got some people around you. You
Speaker 1: guys are just challenging down some food, and you go, hey,
Speaker 1: can I ask y'all a question? People look up, put
Speaker 1: the forks down. Yeah, Alison, what's up? Do I ever
Speaker 1: seem distant to you? Guys are quiet apathetic to a
Speaker 1: situation in any way. Put your own words in there.
Speaker 1: Some guy goes, I don't know, maybe, and you go,
Speaker 1: that's because I have I don't know. I kind of
Speaker 1: got an issue with expressing my feelings. I grew up
Speaker 1: in a household where you don't talk much about your feelings,
Speaker 1: and that's just how I learned to grow up. And
Speaker 1: I just want you guys to know that if you
Speaker 1: see me in that kind of situation, that just call
Speaker 1: me out on it or nudge me in the gut.
Speaker 1: That's just the way I am. It's like saying I
Speaker 1: got asthma. People will appreciate that kind of vulnerable ability
Speaker 1: and that kind of honesty. Alcohol is not going to
Speaker 1: fix it for you. Next question, steptic Lyne says dating,
Speaker 1: Hey grangeer. Recently, my best friends fiance started writing and
Speaker 1: working together with a girl who I have started to
Speaker 1: become attracted to. Let me read that for myself. Recently,
Speaker 1: my best friends fiance started writing and working together with
Speaker 1: a girl who I have started to become attracted to.
Speaker 1: We all hang out and we go out and we eat,
Speaker 1: but I can't really decide if she feels the same.
Speaker 1: We all get along and have a good time together,
Speaker 1: and her and I talk pretty regularly. How do I
Speaker 1: go about or figure out if she feels the same way?
Speaker 1: Love your pod and your music? Thanks brother, all right,
Speaker 1: My question comes from logan. Appreciate you brother, Thanks for
Speaker 1: the email and your situation is man, I probably get
Speaker 1: this kind of question. How do I tell a girl
Speaker 1: that I like her or how do I know that
Speaker 1: she likes me? Back? That kind of question I get
Speaker 1: so much, y'all. I get my inbox just gets flooded
Speaker 1: with I like a girl. I don't know how to
Speaker 1: tell her that I like her? How do I know
Speaker 1: that she likes me back? Like some way? That question
Speaker 1: is asked every single day to this podcast. So let
Speaker 1: me try to say this universally for a lot of
Speaker 1: people listening. Right, I say many times on this podcast,
Speaker 1: I'm not always right, and every personality is different. So
Speaker 1: I'm going to say this in a way that I
Speaker 1: would need to do it for myself. I say need
Speaker 1: because I'm hesitant to say this is the way I
Speaker 1: would do it, because it's hard to do it. This
Speaker 1: is hard, y'all. It's not easy like this. This is
Speaker 1: a difficult thing because it's it's vulnerable, and it's awkward,
Speaker 1: and it's humiliating and it's nerve wracking, and it is is.
Speaker 1: It's part of dating, and it's it's part of humanity. Right,
Speaker 1: So this is what I would recommend for someone like me,
Speaker 1: and the way my brain works, I need to put
Speaker 1: an ultimatum in my own brain. I need to put
Speaker 1: I need to get it out there so that I
Speaker 1: don't talk myself out of it. Here's what I mean
Speaker 1: if I say, because okay, you know that you need
Speaker 1: to talk to her and you need to you need
Speaker 1: to say something along the lines of I like you,
Speaker 1: but I want to bring it up to see if
Speaker 1: you like me too, because then maybe we can go
Speaker 1: get some coffee or something and take this to the
Speaker 1: next level. And I wanted to bring it up, So
Speaker 1: you want to say that, right. The hardest part of
Speaker 1: that is getting it started. So with my brain, if
Speaker 1: I say, next time I see her, I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: her this, then I would probably begin to talk myself
Speaker 1: out of it, depending on the scenario. So I would
Speaker 1: say I say that, and then I see her and
Speaker 1: she's with her friend, and I'm like, ah, she's with
Speaker 1: her friend, So I can't do it now because she's
Speaker 1: with her friend. So maybe I'll wait till a better time.
Speaker 1: And then a better time comes, and then she ends up.
Speaker 1: Another person comes and then she's distracted, and then she
Speaker 1: gets a call from her mom and she might have
Speaker 1: to go back home, and then I will talk myself
Speaker 1: out of it again and say it's not a good
Speaker 1: time because maybe maybe later would be a better time,
Speaker 1: and then she has to go home early, and then
Speaker 1: I say, well, maybe tomorrow is a good time, and
Speaker 1: then I say, are you coming tomorrow? And she says,
Speaker 1: I'm actually, I've got to work tomorrow, so I'm not
Speaker 1: coming out tomorrow. And then I think, dang it, maybe
Speaker 1: the Friday is a better So I will continually talk
Speaker 1: myself out of it because I'm so nervous. That's me.
Speaker 1: How do I fix that? Maybe you're like this too, Logan,
Speaker 1: I have to get it out immediately and make her
Speaker 1: know that I need to say something like this, what's
Speaker 1: her name? You don't have her name? Okay, let's say
Speaker 1: her name is Haley, just for the sake of having
Speaker 1: a name. You say Haley. Later on this afternoon, after
Speaker 1: we finish here, like three o'clock, is it cool if
Speaker 1: we just take a walk. There's something I need to
Speaker 1: run by you? Oh right, okay, So what you did?
Speaker 1: You got it out in the open that you need
Speaker 1: to talk. You got it out in the open that
Speaker 1: you need to single her out and say something independent
Speaker 1: of everyone else in the group. And number three, you
Speaker 1: have set an ultimatum for yourself. You've put it out there,
Speaker 1: something that now you cannot back out of because now
Speaker 1: she's curious. She's like, Logan, yeah, sure, what what's it about?
Speaker 1: Anything bad? And you're like no, no, no no, it's just
Speaker 1: something I need to something I need to talk about
Speaker 1: with you. She will not forget that you said that, right,
Speaker 1: She's not gonna just venture off into whatever she has
Speaker 1: to do that day. She's gonna know Logan said something
Speaker 1: kind of strange. You wanted to take a walk with
Speaker 1: me and say something to me. She will hold you
Speaker 1: to it and she'll say, hey, what what was that
Speaker 1: thing that you were gonna talk to me about? Do
Speaker 1: you want to you want to do the walk? And
Speaker 1: you go yeah, So now she's holding you to it, right,
Speaker 1: So then she goes, yeah, you say, let's let's let's
Speaker 1: take a walk just down there, down walk a couple
Speaker 1: of blocks down the road. I like to walk because
Speaker 1: because you don't have to stand there and just go
Speaker 1: eye to eye contact and be feel super awkward just
Speaker 1: kind of walking. And then you just say, Haley, I am.
Speaker 1: I'm having trouble finding the words because it's awkward, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to I don't want to make you uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But I like you in a way more than friends.
Speaker 1: And I don't know any other way to say it
Speaker 1: besides just to tell you straight up, I like you
Speaker 1: and I would like to take you out for a
Speaker 1: cup of coffee if if by chance you feel the
Speaker 1: same way about me, there it is. And then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, all the pressure is completely off of you.
Speaker 1: You've put it on her. Whatever she says next is
Speaker 1: all on her. You have given her the ball. It's
Speaker 1: in her court. You don't have to do anything else now.
Speaker 1: So now the pressure's on her to say, oh, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: I'm I just don't, I don't, I'm sorry, I am
Speaker 1: dating somebody, or I don't feel that way. And then
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, absolutely, But guess what, Logan, Now you
Speaker 1: just feel good because now it's out there. There's no
Speaker 1: more wondering. It's out there. Like I said, this is
Speaker 1: the most common question, probably besides I lost my faith God,
Speaker 1: how do I get it back? Those are the that's
Speaker 1: the most common thing I get asked on this podcast.
Speaker 1: And the answer to me, in my opinion, for my
Speaker 1: personality is always, let's just get it out. Let's get
Speaker 1: it out. Let's fumble it, let's mumble it, let's stutter it,
Speaker 1: let's look down, let's kick the grass, let's let's scratch
Speaker 1: your heads, let's be awkward, but just get it out.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect or or
Speaker 1: perfectly written out like some beautiful poem. Or you don't
Speaker 1: have to be wearing the right cologne or the right clothes,
Speaker 1: or the sun doesn't have to be setting in the
Speaker 1: sky in the perfect spot. You just you make it
Speaker 1: just like real love is, and it's vulnerable and real
Speaker 1: and salty and sweet and and just completely messy. Sometimes
Speaker 1: that's how I would do it. That's how would answer
Speaker 1: almost every time that question comes up, That's how I
Speaker 1: would answer it. Let's say one more here subject Cline says,
Speaker 1: help getting started? Hey Granger Love the podcast. Prefer to
Speaker 1: stay anonymous, but I will say that I am sixteen
Speaker 1: years old and I live in Northern Canada. I've been
Speaker 1: having feelings for a girl in my church, and I
Speaker 1: want to move forward with this, but I'm not sure
Speaker 1: how to see I told you what did I tell
Speaker 1: y'all about these questions? I'm not sure how to go
Speaker 1: about this. Our families have been friends for many years.
Speaker 1: Here's the run. Here's where I run a foul. I
Speaker 1: would not be willing to ask her out without her
Speaker 1: father's permission. I am not sure if she feels the
Speaker 1: same way about me. See there's that question again. My
Speaker 1: question to you is should I ask her if she
Speaker 1: feels the same way and then ask her father, or
Speaker 1: should I ask her father first and then find out
Speaker 1: by asking her on a date. Hope this gives you
Speaker 1: enough info. Yes, Anonymous, bro, I got it. I got
Speaker 1: your I love this question, and it's just like the
Speaker 1: last one, but it has a twist. The father's involved.
Speaker 1: I am the father of a eleven year old girl,
Speaker 1: and I could appreciate a young man respecting the father
Speaker 1: enough when the girl still lives with him, or I
Speaker 1: think even after that. I think it's very important that
Speaker 1: you are considering this, and I would not feel comfortable
Speaker 1: with my daughter dating or going out with another kid
Speaker 1: that didn't talk to me. I know that sounds maybe psychotic,
Speaker 1: but I think it's appropriate. So I love Anonymous. I
Speaker 1: love that you're asking this question. Your question is just
Speaker 1: to recap for everyone. You want to ask the dad's
Speaker 1: permission to date the girl, but you don't know what
Speaker 1: a girl likes you yet, so you're wondering if you
Speaker 1: should just get some information out of her and then
Speaker 1: go back to the dad or go straight to the
Speaker 1: dad at the beginning. My answer to you is go
Speaker 1: straight to the dad at the beginning, so that you
Speaker 1: could say this, so that you can go to the
Speaker 1: father and say, Sir, I would like permission to ask
Speaker 1: your daughter out on a date. He says, have you
Speaker 1: talked to her about this? You say, no, Sir, I
Speaker 1: wanted to come to you first before I mention anything
Speaker 1: to her. WHOA, that's good. That's good from a dad,
Speaker 1: that's good. The alternative to that is have you talked
Speaker 1: to her about this? And you say, yeah, yeah, she
Speaker 1: likes me. I like her. We've been talking about it.
Speaker 1: See the difference. There's a respectful difference in saying no, sir,
Speaker 1: I came to you first. In fact, in fact, Sir,
Speaker 1: I'm almost embarrassed to say, because I haven't mentioned it
Speaker 1: to her. I don't even know if she likes me back.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to start with you, because Sir, I
Speaker 1: feel like that's the respectful thing to do. I like that.
Speaker 1: Take a break, be right back, helly, podcast listeners, I
Speaker 1: appreciate y'all so much for supporting me and this very
Speaker 1: different piece of media for me. Podcasting is long form
Speaker 1: and unplanned, and it's just a different way to consume
Speaker 1: media with me. And I just appreciate that you guys
Speaker 1: can last with me this long, for this many episodes
Speaker 1: on so many different platforms. If you want to get
Speaker 1: a hold of me or have a video made by me,
Speaker 1: you could do that at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Now this is really cool. You could do it as
Speaker 1: a congratulations or a happy anniversary, or a happy Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: or a happy birthday, even a little bit of motivation
Speaker 1: for yourself. You could always do this at cameo dot
Speaker 1: com Granger Smith, and I will make you a personalized
Speaker 1: video message right here on my phone saying whatever you
Speaker 1: need me to say to whoever you need me to
Speaker 1: say it to. You could also download the app Cameo
Speaker 1: c am e o and then search for me Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Super easy and a great way for us to keep
Speaker 1: in touch. Also, are you looking for new ee ye gear,
Speaker 1: Well you could find that at ye ye dot com.
Speaker 1: So many new things that we have on that website
Speaker 1: right now for sale. This is our e commerce company.
Speaker 1: It's everything ye Ye related, whether that's apparel or beef jerky.
Speaker 1: Go check it out at eey dot com. Back to
Speaker 1: the podcast, all right, Back to these questions. By the way,
Speaker 1: I don't have any notes in front of me. I
Speaker 1: don't have any reading material or fancy beautiful quotes. I'm
Speaker 1: just going off what you guys. Email me to Grangersmith
Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. We're going to walk through
Speaker 1: it just like two friends. Ask me anything you want,
Speaker 1: I only say please, don't send us a email twice.
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to make it too long, maybe not
Speaker 1: longer than a phone link for the sake of reading
Speaker 1: on the podcast, and I'm not a great reader. Next question,
Speaker 1: subject line says anonymous, Hey Granger, I'm nineteen. I have
Speaker 1: a problem. I have an addiction to masturbation, and it's
Speaker 1: been eating away my life for the last four to
Speaker 1: five years. I keep trying to pray and read my Bible,
Speaker 1: but I feel like the devil keeps attacking me, and
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel
Speaker 1: like giving up. I keep talking to my friend about
Speaker 1: it and he encourages me, but I feel like it's
Speaker 1: just drawing me further and further away from God. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I
Speaker 1: just lack self discipline, love your work and all that
Speaker 1: you do, all right, anonymous, let me say, let me say,
Speaker 1: let me start this whole thing with Listen, brother, listen,
Speaker 1: you are not alone in this problem. I get this
Speaker 1: email all the time, worded in different ways, but I
Speaker 1: get it a lot, especially from young men around your age.
Speaker 1: This is the time when pornography has is is rampant,
Speaker 1: rampant right through and I and i'm I'm I'm guaranteeing
Speaker 1: that this is gonna be your problem. You didn't say it,
Speaker 1: but pornography is your problem, and it is rampant in
Speaker 1: society because it's so easy, it's on everyone's cell phone.
Speaker 1: So I want to start just by saying, you're not alone. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're not isolated. You're not You're not dealing with this
Speaker 1: all by yourself. This isn't a problem that's unique to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: take a breath. Here's the thing I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna to call you out and say that, yes, you
Speaker 1: lack self discipline. I'm not gonna say that because you
Speaker 1: already know what it's going to take. It's going to
Speaker 1: take willpower, it's gonna take surrender, it's gonna take building
Speaker 1: up your self discipline. But how do you do that practically,
Speaker 1: how do you do it? I always like to say
Speaker 1: that if someone wants something bad enough, you could tell
Speaker 1: the degree by which that person wants something by the
Speaker 1: fruits of the current results of what they're doing. For instance,
Speaker 1: if someone says, I really want to be a welder.
Speaker 1: That's what I want to do. That my dream and
Speaker 1: life is to be a professional welder. And you don't
Speaker 1: even own a welding machine. You don't even you don't
Speaker 1: even have any skills, You've never watched a YouTube video
Speaker 1: on how to weld. You don't want to be a welder, then, right,
Speaker 1: you don't really, you're just saying it. You could tell
Speaker 1: if you really want to be a welder by the result,
Speaker 1: the current result of what you're doing to achieve that goal.
Speaker 1: So I say to you, anonymous, what are you currently
Speaker 1: doing to achieve this goal that you say has been
Speaker 1: eating away your life for four to five years? Okay,
Speaker 1: start with let's start with that. That's that's to try
Speaker 1: to help motivate you. I'm trying to just give you
Speaker 1: a little push. You're on the swing. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: get you get your momentum going here. Okay, Now, let
Speaker 1: me give you some practical stuff. Once again, you said
Speaker 1: I have an addiction to masturbation. That's what you wrote.
Speaker 1: But I'm assuming this is stemming from pornography. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna assume that I've said this before. Covenant eyes dot com,
Speaker 1: Covenant eyes dot com. I heard about this from pastor Chad,
Speaker 1: former guest on this podcast. He brought it up on
Speaker 1: the podcast in real time as we were talking about this,
Speaker 1: and I looked at him and I was like, what
Speaker 1: is that. Well, it's a website you go to, you
Speaker 1: enter your information that I'm just speaking. I'm just freelancing here.
Speaker 1: You enter your information, you put in your IP address
Speaker 1: of your device. It then starts monitoring your whatever you're surfing.
Speaker 1: If you land on a site that is vulnerable, some
Speaker 1: kind of nudity site, whatever, if you go there, it
Speaker 1: will send a notification to whoever your accountability person is.
Speaker 1: So go back to my first thing. You could tell
Speaker 1: how bad you want something by the fruits of what
Speaker 1: you're doing to get there. If you want this bad enough,
Speaker 1: you will put your accountability person as your mother, or
Speaker 1: your sister, or your grandmother if you're married, your mother
Speaker 1: in law, somebody super vulnerable, somebody just makes you cringe.
Speaker 1: If they knew your deepest, darkest secret, If that person
Speaker 1: knew what you did when the lights were off in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, you would just die. That person,
Speaker 1: whoever that is, that becomes your accountability person on Covenant
Speaker 1: Eyes dot com. You enter them in there and you
Speaker 1: enter your IP address, and then that's a way to
Speaker 1: get your self disciplined up a notch. Right. You say,
Speaker 1: I feel like I lack self discipline. You know what
Speaker 1: you would say in the Marine Corps. If someone was
Speaker 1: in the Marine Corps, they were in boot camp and
Speaker 1: they would say I lack self discipline, I would say,
Speaker 1: don't worry. The drill sergeant will help you. The drill
Speaker 1: sergeant is happy to help you work on that self
Speaker 1: discipline problem. So then I bring in for your situation
Speaker 1: inter Covenant Eyes, your new drill sergeant to help you
Speaker 1: along with your self discipline problem. We all need help.
Speaker 1: We all need somebody to push us. We all need,
Speaker 1: in some ways or shape or form, a drill sergeant.
Speaker 1: This world is too dark and cold to just try
Speaker 1: to navigate it all by ourselves. We are creatures, made
Speaker 1: for a tribe, made for a community, made for people
Speaker 1: to be around us. It says in Proverbs that iron
Speaker 1: chopin's iron. We need iron to sharpen iron. We need
Speaker 1: people around us, like us, like minded, to lift us up,
Speaker 1: to keep us accountable. Try this. There is no need
Speaker 1: for you to be stuck any longer in this four
Speaker 1: to five year rut that you're in that's degrading your life.
Speaker 1: Enough is enough, Now's the time. Next question, says Subjecline.
Speaker 1: Thanks for the message, Granger. Love your podcast, but disappointed
Speaker 1: with your sponsorcozysheets dot com. I tried to order from
Speaker 1: the site provided, but I could not move on without
Speaker 1: entering my email and phone number. Long story short, I
Speaker 1: stopped the order when asking for my number. I don't
Speaker 1: need any more emails and text messages about sales. Thought
Speaker 1: you should know yours in christ Mark, Hey Mark, if
Speaker 1: you're listening, I hope you're listening. I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I agree with you. Man. Here's the deal, though, is
Speaker 1: anybody watching me? Is anybody watching me right now? Is
Speaker 1: about to say something? About to say something? I put
Speaker 1: in a brother. I put in a fake number every time.
Speaker 1: I don't ever put in my real cell phone number
Speaker 1: when I'm buying stuff. In fact, when I go to
Speaker 1: like best Buy or something and they say phone number, please,
Speaker 1: I tell them the number that's fake and my information
Speaker 1: is in the database under a fake number. That's how
Speaker 1: they keep track of me. They pull and they go, oh,
Speaker 1: mister Smith. I'm like, yep, that's me under that fake
Speaker 1: number that I've been giving you guys for years, and
Speaker 1: just so happened that I have my fake number memorized.
Speaker 1: It's not a big deal to me, And don't I
Speaker 1: don't think this is a big deal either. So give
Speaker 1: them a fake number if I go. If I'm traveling
Speaker 1: and I'm going to a gym and I have to
Speaker 1: fill out you know that who I am and my email.
Speaker 1: I don't give them a real email. You don't have
Speaker 1: to do that. Don't do it. No big deal. Let's
Speaker 1: move on next question. Subject line here says dealing with
Speaker 1: high and low in life at the same time. Hey
Speaker 1: grena drum Jordan from Kentucky and early November, my youngest
Speaker 1: son was born. In less than twenty four hours later,
Speaker 1: I lost my father to a surprise heart attack. I
Speaker 1: have been struggling to enjoy the birth of my new
Speaker 1: son and mourn the loss of my father. All the
Speaker 1: while staying strong for my family and my wife as
Speaker 1: my children's pastor, and work a full time job. I'm
Speaker 1: comforted that I will be able to see my father
Speaker 1: again in glory, but how are we supposed to balance
Speaker 1: everything going on in a healthy biblical way. Thanks for
Speaker 1: all your help. I'm glad to know there's a Christian
Speaker 1: man giving advice and bringing glory to God. Jordan, thank you, brother,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email. I don't know if you know
Speaker 1: this about me, Jordan, but I share a very similar story.
Speaker 1: I lost my father around the same time I had
Speaker 1: my son, Lincoln, my first son, my second child. Lincoln
Speaker 1: was born in January of twenty and fourteen. In early
Speaker 1: March of twenty fourteen, I lost my dad to a
Speaker 1: massive surprise heart attack. Was around two months old. Your
Speaker 1: son was around twenty four hours old. So there's a
Speaker 1: slight difference there, but similar in fact that they were
Speaker 1: both infants, in fact that we both lost our dad
Speaker 1: to a surprise heart attack. I understand. First thing I'm
Speaker 1: going to point out, brother, first thing I'm going for here,
Speaker 1: this is the low hanging fruit. I've been where you
Speaker 1: are in your shoes to some extent. Every grief is
Speaker 1: different because we all have our own stories. But to
Speaker 1: some extent, the low hanging fruit in your story is
Speaker 1: this from when I'm reading this podcast November December, January,
Speaker 1: February three, November December, January, three months, three months, brother,
Speaker 1: three months. You lost your dad three months ago. That's
Speaker 1: I could spend the entire time answering your question solely
Speaker 1: based on not enough time has gone by. You're in
Speaker 1: the middle of it, man, You are in the trenches,
Speaker 1: and you got enemies coming down raining all over you.
Speaker 1: You say, how are we supposed to balance everything going
Speaker 1: on at once in a healthy Biblical way. It's like
Speaker 1: saying you're in the trenches in World War One and
Speaker 1: German soldiers are piling over into your trench, and you're saying,
Speaker 1: how do I balance all this right now? An appropriate
Speaker 1: answer could be, and should be, you don't have to.
Speaker 1: The world might tell you keep it all in balance,
Speaker 1: keep everything checked, keep everything neutral, the goods, the bads,
Speaker 1: the highs, the lows, keep it all on a manageable level.
Speaker 1: Guess what, bro Sometimes life comes at you hard and
Speaker 1: the balance shifts, chaos ensues, order gone. That's just what
Speaker 1: happens sometimes. Guess what it's okay. Tell yourself that you're
Speaker 1: losing your mind a little bit. You lost your dad,
Speaker 1: you're grieving, you're hurting, you got this newborn son. You're thinking,
Speaker 1: I've lost my mind. Tell yourself, and that is okay,
Speaker 1: and that is understandable. I lost my dad, lost my hero.
Speaker 1: I lost the leader of our family, the patriarch, the
Speaker 1: one I look to for advice, the one that taught
Speaker 1: me how to be a man. How am I supposed
Speaker 1: to teach my son how to be a man when
Speaker 1: I lost the one person that taught me. And I
Speaker 1: haven't finished learning, Dad, You didn't teach me everything yet,
Speaker 1: that still got so much to learn. And now I
Speaker 1: gotta teach this baby how to be a man. And
Speaker 1: I haven't finished my own class yet. I haven't graduated yet, Dad,
Speaker 1: and you left me here. Now I'm losing my mind
Speaker 1: a little bit. I'm crying in the shower. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to hold it together. Be strong for my wife. She's
Speaker 1: got it, she's got a job to do. She's raising
Speaker 1: children and being strong. And then I gotta come out,
Speaker 1: and I gotta earn my keep and pay the bills
Speaker 1: and stand up straight and keep my hair combed and
Speaker 1: in fact, I'm losing my mind a little bit. And
Speaker 1: then you tell yourself and that's okay. No one's gonna
Speaker 1: blame you for that. You break down a little bit
Speaker 1: and you go, man, I'm sorry. Ah. Thinking about Dad
Speaker 1: a lot today. I actually had a dream about him
Speaker 1: last night. I dreamed about Dad and and he was back,
Speaker 1: and he was good, and he looked he looked happy,
Speaker 1: and he looked healthy, and I showed him our little
Speaker 1: son and he held him. And that dream really messed
Speaker 1: me up, because now I've just been thinking about it
Speaker 1: all day. And it's okay, man, Jordan, It's okay, because
Speaker 1: that's what you got. You got time, you got time,
Speaker 1: it's coming. It's the seconds tick by and they turn
Speaker 1: into minutes, and the minutes turn into hours, and the
Speaker 1: hours into days, and the days in the weeks, and
Speaker 1: then the weeks and the months, and then then you're
Speaker 1: counting years like I am, and here I am where
Speaker 1: I sit. In about one month and one month, it'll
Speaker 1: be nine years since I lost my dad. Nine years.
Speaker 1: One year should have a decade. And it feels like
Speaker 1: just yesterday, Jordan, I was you, I was where you are,
Speaker 1: and I was thinking there's no way out of this.
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna feel joy again. Dad taught me everything.
Speaker 1: I'll never I'll never be the same. I've got a
Speaker 1: massive hole in my soul and nothing's gonna replace it
Speaker 1: because Dad has gone. Man, here I am nine years later,
Speaker 1: telling you, brother, you got this. All you have to
Speaker 1: do is take breath. That's all you have to do.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be strong. You don't have to
Speaker 1: be a rock. You don't have to put on a face.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be somebody you're not. You don't
Speaker 1: have to tell your wife that you're strong and you're not.
Speaker 1: You don't you surrender to God. You've got this part
Speaker 1: figured out. You could just give it to God and
Speaker 1: you go God. I don't know what to do. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm losing my mind. Restore to me the
Speaker 1: joy of my salvation again. And minute by minute, day
Speaker 1: by day, hour by hour, month by month, heartbeat by
Speaker 1: a heartbeat, all the different intervals of time start passing by,
Speaker 1: and you look back and instead of saying losing Dad
Speaker 1: was meaningless, instead nine years later you're me talking to
Speaker 1: someone who's going through it in the trenches, and you go,
Speaker 1: losing my dad was not meaningless because now I've learned
Speaker 1: something very valuable that I pass on to you. Next
Speaker 1: question subject line says question, dear granger, please don't read
Speaker 1: my email address. My question is below. Dear granger, my
Speaker 1: name is Did you not want me to say your name?
Speaker 1: You think it's okay to say your name, just not
Speaker 1: your email. My name is Will. I'm a longtime fan.
Speaker 1: Even have your song list that you threw out in
Speaker 1: the crowd in Colorado hanging in my kitchen. My question
Speaker 1: is this. I accepted Christ as a Lord and savior
Speaker 1: of my life as a teenager. I followed his teaching
Speaker 1: and made him my lord of my life and served
Speaker 1: my church to the point where I became the youth pastor.
Speaker 1: I experienced a church hurt and saw things I can't unsee.
Speaker 1: I also experienced things that happened in my life that
Speaker 1: I wish God would have intervened, and he didn't. And
Speaker 1: now I have a lot of anger towards religion. I
Speaker 1: hold it against God. I still love him and want
Speaker 1: him in my life. How can I forgive him and
Speaker 1: move on? Thanks for all you do, Will from Colorado, Oh, Will, Oh, Will,
Speaker 1: my brother. I have a very simple yet complex answer
Speaker 1: to your question. And it's the same answer. I have
Speaker 1: simple answer that could also answer ninety nine point nine
Speaker 1: percent of all the other questions I get on this podcast.
Speaker 1: My answer to you, Will is, you don't know God.
Speaker 1: You don't know him. You say you love him, you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't love him. You don't love him because you
Speaker 1: don't know him. Because you wouldn't say that. If you did,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't say you wouldn't say something like how could
Speaker 1: I forgive? How could I forgive him? How could you
Speaker 1: forgive God? How could you? You? Will? Okay, hang time out,
Speaker 1: time out, time out. Time. My voice is getting excited,
Speaker 1: my voice is getting direct. Don't let that direct sound
Speaker 1: of my excited voice sound like it's coming down upon you.
Speaker 1: It's not. I'm joining you as a as a fellow
Speaker 1: flawed human. Okay, I'm locking arms with you and joining
Speaker 1: you as a fellow human. So don't let this. Don't
Speaker 1: let Sometimes I listen back on my podcast and I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: you're yelling at him. No, no, no no, no, I'm just
Speaker 1: a very passionate person. Y'all know this. Will, You don't
Speaker 1: know God. You would not tell the creator of the
Speaker 1: universe the Alpha and the Omega, the one that purposed
Speaker 1: heaven and earth, the one that spoke life. You would
Speaker 1: not say something like you are trying to forgive him.
Speaker 1: You would not say something like I'm trying not to
Speaker 1: hold it against him anything. You would not say I
Speaker 1: still love him and want him. But you wouldn't say
Speaker 1: but if you just knew him. I say all that
Speaker 1: in a way that I have sympathy for you, because
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent understand you and where you're coming
Speaker 1: from and your sentiment, and that your your idea of
Speaker 1: You've seen bad things in the church, which has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with God. Those are people, flawed humans that
Speaker 1: have messed up. No front page news there you have
Speaker 1: experienced church hurt. I've saw things that you can't unsee.
Speaker 1: Have we not all? Have we not all? Just get
Speaker 1: on Twitter for five seconds, turn on the news, open
Speaker 1: up any front page of any article. You see things
Speaker 1: that you wish you couldn't see, you wish didn't happen
Speaker 1: on this earth. And then you say, in your life
Speaker 1: you've experienced things that you wish God would have intervened on.
Speaker 1: I say that in a way that I understand you,
Speaker 1: but also in a way that I used to feel
Speaker 1: that way, but I don't anymore because now I know
Speaker 1: who God is. This is the most passionate thing I
Speaker 1: could ever be about in my life. How did I know?
Speaker 1: How did I learn this? Through the living, breathing word
Speaker 1: of God, the Bible itself, reading it cover to cover
Speaker 1: diligently every single day, not taking a learning through that
Speaker 1: the character of God through that, page after page, story
Speaker 1: after story, learning the character. If you're married and you're
Speaker 1: around your wife every single day, slowly, after being around
Speaker 1: her and hearing her talk, you learn her character so
Speaker 1: much so that you could start to predict how she
Speaker 1: would react in certain situations, how she would handle certain things,
Speaker 1: even though she's not there or even though she's not
Speaker 1: currently speaking about it. You know her so well because
Speaker 1: you're with her every day that you could predict how
Speaker 1: she's going to respond. And that's what happens with God
Speaker 1: when you're in his word, when you're diligent about it,
Speaker 1: and you understand. If you're in his word, you understand
Speaker 1: that bad things happen, that things happen within the church,
Speaker 1: that things happen within leadership of the church, and religion
Speaker 1: becomes corrupt. Wow, those stories are all in the Bible,
Speaker 1: and see how God feels about that. See how God
Speaker 1: reacts to those situations that you're talking about. They're right
Speaker 1: there in front of you in your Bible, and it
Speaker 1: will blow your mind if you read that and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: that's how God feels about church hurt. That's how God
Speaker 1: feels about these experiences that I can't unsee. That's how
Speaker 1: God feels about these experiences in my life that I
Speaker 1: wish he would have intervened. This is what he promises,
Speaker 1: This is what he is fulfilled. This is where he
Speaker 1: came through. This is why he allows suffering. This is
Speaker 1: why he doesn't stop it, because he walks us through
Speaker 1: it so that we benefit from it, so that we're
Speaker 1: refined like gold and silver in a furnace. He refines
Speaker 1: us through suffering, through tribulation, through like the last question,
Speaker 1: losing our dads, and I don't want to lose my dad. God,
Speaker 1: why didn't you intervene? Why don't you stop the heart
Speaker 1: attack from happening, so he could have been here and
Speaker 1: he could be with me and he could see my
Speaker 1: son Lincoln. Why would you do that to me? God?
Speaker 1: You could have intervened if I said that it would
Speaker 1: be because I don't know God. Because God says I
Speaker 1: got a plan for you, Granger I got a plan
Speaker 1: for you, Will, and you can't always see the result
Speaker 1: of it right now, you can't always see what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: In fact, you don't need to know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I am building something, I'm doing something new, and you
Speaker 1: need me and you need this plan. And it's always good,
Speaker 1: even with the suffering. Take your favorite movie, Will, and
Speaker 1: take the bad guy out of it. Take the bad
Speaker 1: scenario out of your favorite movie, and what does it become?
Speaker 1: Probably your least favorite movie because it no longer has
Speaker 1: the struggle, and it no longer has the main character
Speaker 1: overcoming the struggle, learning becoming better because of it and
Speaker 1: trying thing in the end, because of the darkness, because
Speaker 1: of the struggle, because of the suffering. That's why it's there.
Speaker 1: That's why you love the movie so much. You don't
Speaker 1: know God, learn who he is. Love you guys, See
Speaker 1: you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yi Yi