WEBVTT - #174 This is extremely difficult to express 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.200 I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So if I 0:00:06.240 --> 0:00:09.840 seem stoic to you, if I seem like I don't care, 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:15.160 it's not that I'm just not great at expressing it. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:30.680 I mean, that's a good place to start. What's up, guys, 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:33.320 Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy four. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.479 Thanks for being here and watching and listening wherever you're 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.640 coming from, whatever platform you're you're on right now. I 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:43.720 just I'm grateful to be able to speak into wherever 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:48.120 you are as a friend, because we all need a 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:52.320 friend sometimes to bounce ideas off of. And you know, 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.560 thank God for technology these days, where we could we 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:58.400 could sit here on a podcast something that we're familiar 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:02.560 with and walk through problems. Basically, you, guys, email me. 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:05.480 That's the whole format of this thing. You email me 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:10.560 Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Any kind of question 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.280 could be about any subjects. We've seen it all one 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:16.559 hundred and seventy four episodes. We've seen every kind of question, 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:19.240 at least I think so far. So if you got 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.679 something for me, shoot it over, we'll discuss it. I 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:24.759 have no notes on this table, I have no preparation 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.640 or fancy beautiful quotes lined up for you. We're just 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:30.480 talking like we're in the cab of a truck, like 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:33.520 we're sitting around a campfire. That's what we do every 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.920 single Monday. So let's get to it. First question here, 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:42.760 subject line says, unsure how to go about this? Hey, Granger, 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:45.640 As a man who grew up in a household where 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.920 you don't talk about your feelings very much, how would 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.840 you do that with others on submarines? There's a stigma 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:55.200 about talking about your problems sometimes because you don't want 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:58.720 the wrong thing to be portrayed and then be disqualified. However, 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:02.600 I've been starting to drink more and everything seems to 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.080 pour out when I drink. I don't want to continue 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.440 drinking a lot. I also don't know how to go 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.000 about talking about things that go on in my mind. 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:18.080 Thank you, Austin. Are you on a submarine, bro? Surely 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:23.359 not currently while you're emailing. Do submarines have Wi Fi? 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:27.240 I'm not sure either way. Hey, I don't think you 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.960 just said that casually. Thank you for your service, Thanks 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:34.520 for what you do. I'm assuming Navy. What's so? What's 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:38.680 so interesting? I find this so interesting? On this podcast? 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.000 Each and every week I read these questions and I 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:45.960 see interesting things about human nature. Right, I've learned so 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:49.760 much through all of these episodes with you guys. Look 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.120 at this. Let me showt it. Come on it, everybody, 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.240 come on in huddle around the campfire, and let's look 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:59.519 at this question that Austin is sending. He saying to me, 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.160 I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of give him some words here. 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:11.000 I have a feeling that I'm having trouble feeling how 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:15.240 to express my feelings, and so I'm feeling that maybe 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.280 I'm inadequate in the feeling that I'm having with these 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:22.160 feelings that I'm trying to express through others because they 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.360 want me to express my feelings. That's how I feel 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:30.200 about the stranger. That's basically the question that you asked me. 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:36.240 And it's it's always interesting when people word things the 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.960 exact way that I think they should word it to 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.680 everyone else, But for some reason, you guys feel comfortable 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.320 enough to say it with me. What you just did, 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:52.040 Austin was great. You expressed yourself and gave me a 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:55.800 piece of who you are through just a few short sentences, 0:03:56.080 --> 0:04:00.960 and you did it very well and it's it's interesting 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.520 that you could open up on an email through a 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.960 podcast and have trouble on the submarine with your buddies. 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.280 So here's the thing, let's dive into it. Let's get 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.840 practical about this. I just want to point out that 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:18.760 you are capable of doing it right. So, practically speaking, 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:22.919 alcohol is not going to be a good good with you. 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:25.880 This is not it's not a crutch that you need 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:27.799 to learn how to drink alcohol so that you could 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:31.120 say more of your feelings. That's a short term solution. 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.599 That's that's going to go wrong or bad in some way, 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:39.520 probably soon, sooner than later. It's a short term fix. 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:44.000 It's it's just numbing the circumstance, right, but it's not 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:51.320 fixing it at all. That's what alcohol does. So, practically speaking, 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:57.239 surrounding yourself with a core group of friends, people around 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:00.440 you or hey, some people say I don't have friends, Okay, 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:04.360 people you're around people, you're you are surrounded with it work. 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:06.840 You don't have to call them friends if you If 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:09.560 you say that you don't have any friends, surely you 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:11.800 live on this planet Earth around other people. So we'll 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.480 just call it that people in your group around you 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:18.599 your tribe, and you want to tell this tribe, you 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:22.599 want to say, you know what. I struggle with telling 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:28.159 you my feelings. So if I seem distant or off 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:33.200 or quiet, just no ahead of time. That's just me, man. 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.680 I'm just I got I got an issue I have. 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:42.159 I have the trouble expressing my feelings. There's nothing wrong 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:46.440 with that. There's nothing wrong with you at all. I mean, 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:50.480 that's like saying to anyone else I have asthma. You know. 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:54.120 It's like we're all running a marathon. Not me. I'm 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.679 not a good runner. But say we're saying we're running 0:05:56.680 --> 0:06:00.919 a marathon, and before you run, you say, hey, just 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:05.000 let you guys know I got asthma. I don't breathe 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:09.080 too well, especially in humidity or in smog or whatever. 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:13.680 I don't have a good breathing technique. I have a 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:18.880 short lung capacity. Okay, And everyone would go cool, Well, 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:20.960 now that we know that, let's put you in this group, 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:22.600 or that we'll keep an eye on you, or we'll 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:26.200 just know that about you in some way, it's the 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:30.080 same thing with our feelings or being able to express 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:33.960 anything about ourselves, Like, hey, I just want to tell 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:40.560 y'all man, I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.560 if I seem stoic to you, if I seem like 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:48.840 I don't care, it's not that I'm just not great 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:55.520 at expressing it. I mean, that's a good place to start. Look, 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:57.840 you want to break the ice, let's build a let's 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:01.360 build a totally practical scenario. Or sitting at chow right, 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:05.200 sitting at the table, got some people around you. You 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:09.120 guys are just challenging down some food, and you go, hey, 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:12.600 can I ask y'all a question? People look up, put 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:17.720 the forks down. Yeah, Alison, what's up? Do I ever 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:21.640 seem distant to you? Guys are quiet apathetic to a 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.240 situation in any way. Put your own words in there. 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:30.080 Some guy goes, I don't know, maybe, and you go, 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:35.040 that's because I have I don't know. I kind of 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.200 got an issue with expressing my feelings. I grew up 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:40.400 in a household where you don't talk much about your feelings, 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:44.240 and that's just how I learned to grow up. And 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:47.000 I just want you guys to know that if you 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:49.520 see me in that kind of situation, that just call 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.840 me out on it or nudge me in the gut. 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:55.960 That's just the way I am. It's like saying I 0:07:56.000 --> 0:08:00.480 got asthma. People will appreciate that kind of vulnerable ability 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:05.200 and that kind of honesty. Alcohol is not going to 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:11.360 fix it for you. Next question, steptic Lyne says dating, 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.960 Hey grangeer. Recently, my best friends fiance started writing and 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.560 working together with a girl who I have started to 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.600 become attracted to. Let me read that for myself. Recently, 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:28.000 my best friends fiance started writing and working together with 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:31.280 a girl who I have started to become attracted to. 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.200 We all hang out and we go out and we eat, 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.240 but I can't really decide if she feels the same. 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.480 We all get along and have a good time together, 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.920 and her and I talk pretty regularly. How do I 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:46.280 go about or figure out if she feels the same way? 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.560 Love your pod and your music? Thanks brother, all right, 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:51.760 My question comes from logan. Appreciate you brother, Thanks for 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:56.360 the email and your situation is man, I probably get 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:59.000 this kind of question. How do I tell a girl 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.320 that I like her or how do I know that 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:05.120 she likes me? Back? That kind of question I get 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:09.120 so much, y'all. I get my inbox just gets flooded 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.520 with I like a girl. I don't know how to 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.400 tell her that I like her? How do I know 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:19.680 that she likes me back? Like some way? That question 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:25.640 is asked every single day to this podcast. So let 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:28.080 me try to say this universally for a lot of 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:37.000 people listening. Right, I say many times on this podcast, 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:40.760 I'm not always right, and every personality is different. So 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:42.440 I'm going to say this in a way that I 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:47.959 would need to do it for myself. I say need 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.040 because I'm hesitant to say this is the way I 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.360 would do it, because it's hard to do it. This 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:57.480 is hard, y'all. It's not easy like this. This is 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:02.600 a difficult thing because it's it's vulnerable, and it's awkward, 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:08.160 and it's humiliating and it's nerve wracking, and it is is. 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:12.520 It's part of dating, and it's it's part of humanity. Right, 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.720 So this is what I would recommend for someone like me, 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:21.360 and the way my brain works, I need to put 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.600 an ultimatum in my own brain. I need to put 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:26.679 I need to get it out there so that I 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:30.040 don't talk myself out of it. Here's what I mean 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:35.000 if I say, because okay, you know that you need 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:36.720 to talk to her and you need to you need 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:40.480 to say something along the lines of I like you, 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:43.920 but I want to bring it up to see if 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:47.640 you like me too, because then maybe we can go 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:50.400 get some coffee or something and take this to the 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:52.480 next level. And I wanted to bring it up, So 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:56.160 you want to say that, right. The hardest part of 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:59.480 that is getting it started. So with my brain, if 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:03.760 I say, next time I see her, I'm gonna tell 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:08.040 her this, then I would probably begin to talk myself 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:11.120 out of it, depending on the scenario. So I would 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:13.800 say I say that, and then I see her and 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:16.280 she's with her friend, and I'm like, ah, she's with 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:19.439 her friend, So I can't do it now because she's 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:21.440 with her friend. So maybe I'll wait till a better time. 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.120 And then a better time comes, and then she ends up. 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:27.160 Another person comes and then she's distracted, and then she 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.280 gets a call from her mom and she might have 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.560 to go back home, and then I will talk myself 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:33.679 out of it again and say it's not a good 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:35.840 time because maybe maybe later would be a better time, 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:38.440 and then she has to go home early, and then 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:41.320 I say, well, maybe tomorrow is a good time, and 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:44.800 then I say, are you coming tomorrow? And she says, 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:46.800 I'm actually, I've got to work tomorrow, so I'm not 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.160 coming out tomorrow. And then I think, dang it, maybe 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.840 the Friday is a better So I will continually talk 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.520 myself out of it because I'm so nervous. That's me. 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.880 How do I fix that? Maybe you're like this too, Logan, 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:05.240 I have to get it out immediately and make her 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:09.840 know that I need to say something like this, what's 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:14.719 her name? You don't have her name? Okay, let's say 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.720 her name is Haley, just for the sake of having 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:25.800 a name. You say Haley. Later on this afternoon, after 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:30.200 we finish here, like three o'clock, is it cool if 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:32.640 we just take a walk. There's something I need to 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:39.000 run by you? Oh right, okay, So what you did? 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:40.880 You got it out in the open that you need 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.160 to talk. You got it out in the open that 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:46.280 you need to single her out and say something independent 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:49.480 of everyone else in the group. And number three, you 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:53.040 have set an ultimatum for yourself. You've put it out there, 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.160 something that now you cannot back out of because now 0:12:56.200 --> 0:13:03.959 she's curious. She's like, Logan, yeah, sure, what what's it about? 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:06.240 Anything bad? And you're like no, no, no no, it's just 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:08.120 something I need to something I need to talk about 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:13.200 with you. She will not forget that you said that, right, 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.760 She's not gonna just venture off into whatever she has 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:21.640 to do that day. She's gonna know Logan said something 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:23.520 kind of strange. You wanted to take a walk with 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:27.120 me and say something to me. She will hold you 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:28.959 to it and she'll say, hey, what what was that 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.000 thing that you were gonna talk to me about? Do 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:33.240 you want to you want to do the walk? And 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:36.559 you go yeah, So now she's holding you to it, right, 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.960 So then she goes, yeah, you say, let's let's let's 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.760 take a walk just down there, down walk a couple 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:45.840 of blocks down the road. I like to walk because 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:48.000 because you don't have to stand there and just go 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:51.440 eye to eye contact and be feel super awkward just 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:55.640 kind of walking. And then you just say, Haley, I am. 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:01.560 I'm having trouble finding the words because it's awkward, and 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:05.199 I don't want to I don't want to make you uncomfortable. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:09.920 But I like you in a way more than friends. 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.679 And I don't know any other way to say it 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:16.680 besides just to tell you straight up, I like you 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:17.960 and I would like to take you out for a 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:20.640 cup of coffee if if by chance you feel the 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:26.040 same way about me, there it is. And then all 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:28.080 of a sudden, all the pressure is completely off of you. 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:31.000 You've put it on her. Whatever she says next is 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:34.160 all on her. You have given her the ball. It's 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:36.960 in her court. You don't have to do anything else now. 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.600 So now the pressure's on her to say, oh, sweetheart, 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:44.640 I'm I just don't, I don't, I'm sorry, I am 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:46.840 dating somebody, or I don't feel that way. And then 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:50.920 you're like, okay, absolutely, But guess what, Logan, Now you 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.280 just feel good because now it's out there. There's no 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.680 more wondering. It's out there. Like I said, this is 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.400 the most common question, probably besides I lost my faith God, 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.680 how do I get it back? Those are the that's 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.359 the most common thing I get asked on this podcast. 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.040 And the answer to me, in my opinion, for my 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:12.240 personality is always, let's just get it out. Let's get 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:15.480 it out. Let's fumble it, let's mumble it, let's stutter it, 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:19.400 let's look down, let's kick the grass, let's let's scratch 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:22.720 your heads, let's be awkward, but just get it out. 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:27.160 It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect or or 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:31.280 perfectly written out like some beautiful poem. Or you don't 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.320 have to be wearing the right cologne or the right clothes, 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:36.320 or the sun doesn't have to be setting in the 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:40.360 sky in the perfect spot. You just you make it 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:44.800 just like real love is, and it's vulnerable and real 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:52.359 and salty and sweet and and just completely messy. Sometimes 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:59.400 that's how I would do it. That's how would answer 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.280 almost every time that question comes up, That's how I 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:10.840 would answer it. Let's say one more here subject Cline says, 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:14.000 help getting started? Hey Granger Love the podcast. Prefer to 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.560 stay anonymous, but I will say that I am sixteen 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:20.040 years old and I live in Northern Canada. I've been 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:23.280 having feelings for a girl in my church, and I 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.600 want to move forward with this, but I'm not sure 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.680 how to see I told you what did I tell 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.480 y'all about these questions? I'm not sure how to go 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.880 about this. Our families have been friends for many years. 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:40.320 Here's the run. Here's where I run a foul. I 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:43.200 would not be willing to ask her out without her 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.600 father's permission. I am not sure if she feels the 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.800 same way about me. See there's that question again. My 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:52.880 question to you is should I ask her if she 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:56.080 feels the same way and then ask her father, or 0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:58.800 should I ask her father first and then find out 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.720 by asking her on a date. Hope this gives you 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:05.960 enough info. Yes, Anonymous, bro, I got it. I got 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.000 your I love this question, and it's just like the 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.760 last one, but it has a twist. The father's involved. 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.120 I am the father of a eleven year old girl, 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:20.959 and I could appreciate a young man respecting the father 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:24.840 enough when the girl still lives with him, or I 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.960 think even after that. I think it's very important that 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:34.959 you are considering this, and I would not feel comfortable 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:39.080 with my daughter dating or going out with another kid 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:45.679 that didn't talk to me. I know that sounds maybe psychotic, 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:51.080 but I think it's appropriate. So I love Anonymous. I 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:54.320 love that you're asking this question. Your question is just 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.560 to recap for everyone. You want to ask the dad's 0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.919 permission to date the girl, but you don't know what 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.320 a girl likes you yet, so you're wondering if you 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:04.560 should just get some information out of her and then 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:07.920 go back to the dad or go straight to the 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.199 dad at the beginning. My answer to you is go 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:16.239 straight to the dad at the beginning, so that you 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.399 could say this, so that you can go to the 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:25.600 father and say, Sir, I would like permission to ask 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:30.600 your daughter out on a date. He says, have you 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:35.639 talked to her about this? You say, no, Sir, I 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.000 wanted to come to you first before I mention anything 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:42.480 to her. WHOA, that's good. That's good from a dad, 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:46.160 that's good. The alternative to that is have you talked 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.280 to her about this? And you say, yeah, yeah, she 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:51.320 likes me. I like her. We've been talking about it. 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:57.200 See the difference. There's a respectful difference in saying no, sir, 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:01.680 I came to you first. In fact, in fact, Sir, 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:04.520 I'm almost embarrassed to say, because I haven't mentioned it 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:06.080 to her. I don't even know if she likes me back. 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:08.440 But I wanted to start with you, because Sir, I 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:12.960 feel like that's the respectful thing to do. I like that. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:21.399 Take a break, be right back, helly, podcast listeners, I 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:25.240 appreciate y'all so much for supporting me and this very 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.600 different piece of media for me. Podcasting is long form 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:31.560 and unplanned, and it's just a different way to consume 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:34.040 media with me. And I just appreciate that you guys 0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:37.640 can last with me this long, for this many episodes 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:40.400 on so many different platforms. If you want to get 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.480 a hold of me or have a video made by me, 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:47.800 you could do that at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:49.720 Now this is really cool. You could do it as 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:53.600 a congratulations or a happy anniversary, or a happy Valentine's Day, 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:56.920 or a happy birthday, even a little bit of motivation 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.720 for yourself. You could always do this at cameo dot 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:03.720 com Granger Smith, and I will make you a personalized 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:06.720 video message right here on my phone saying whatever you 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.320 need me to say to whoever you need me to 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:12.520 say it to. You could also download the app Cameo 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:16.080 c am e o and then search for me Granger Smith. 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.200 Super easy and a great way for us to keep 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:22.080 in touch. Also, are you looking for new ee ye gear, 0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:24.879 Well you could find that at ye ye dot com. 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:27.320 So many new things that we have on that website 0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:29.960 right now for sale. This is our e commerce company. 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:34.720 It's everything ye Ye related, whether that's apparel or beef jerky. 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.080 Go check it out at eey dot com. Back to 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:44.359 the podcast, all right, Back to these questions. By the way, 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:46.159 I don't have any notes in front of me. I 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:49.520 don't have any reading material or fancy beautiful quotes. I'm 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:52.360 just going off what you guys. Email me to Grangersmith 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:54.680 podcast at gmail dot com. We're going to walk through 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.960 it just like two friends. Ask me anything you want, 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:01.120 I only say please, don't send us a email twice. 0:21:01.440 --> 0:21:03.560 I'm trying not to make it too long, maybe not 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:06.280 longer than a phone link for the sake of reading 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:10.080 on the podcast, and I'm not a great reader. Next question, 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:14.800 subject line says anonymous, Hey Granger, I'm nineteen. I have 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:19.240 a problem. I have an addiction to masturbation, and it's 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:22.080 been eating away my life for the last four to 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:26.159 five years. I keep trying to pray and read my Bible, 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:28.960 but I feel like the devil keeps attacking me, and 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.240 I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel 0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:34.120 like giving up. I keep talking to my friend about 0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:37.120 it and he encourages me, but I feel like it's 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.760 just drawing me further and further away from God. I 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:41.520 don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:44.920 just lack self discipline, love your work and all that 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:50.600 you do, all right, anonymous, let me say, let me say, 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:54.359 let me start this whole thing with Listen, brother, listen, 0:21:56.400 --> 0:22:02.399 you are not alone in this problem. I get this 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:09.000 email all the time, worded in different ways, but I 0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:16.560 get it a lot, especially from young men around your age. 0:22:17.200 --> 0:22:23.120 This is the time when pornography has is is rampant, 0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:30.720 rampant right through and I and i'm I'm I'm guaranteeing 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:32.919 that this is gonna be your problem. You didn't say it, 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:37.399 but pornography is your problem, and it is rampant in 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:41.720 society because it's so easy, it's on everyone's cell phone. 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:45.040 So I want to start just by saying, you're not alone. Okay, 0:22:45.240 --> 0:22:47.840 you're not isolated. You're not You're not dealing with this 0:22:47.920 --> 0:22:52.800 all by yourself. This isn't a problem that's unique to you. Okay, 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:59.760 take a breath. Here's the thing I'm not. I'm not 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:02.359 gonna to call you out and say that, yes, you 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:06.800 lack self discipline. I'm not gonna say that because you 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:09.800 already know what it's going to take. It's going to 0:23:09.880 --> 0:23:16.080 take willpower, it's gonna take surrender, it's gonna take building 0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:19.840 up your self discipline. But how do you do that practically, 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:22.480 how do you do it? I always like to say 0:23:22.520 --> 0:23:28.320 that if someone wants something bad enough, you could tell 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:33.240 the degree by which that person wants something by the 0:23:33.240 --> 0:23:40.400 fruits of the current results of what they're doing. For instance, 0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:44.600 if someone says, I really want to be a welder. 0:23:46.280 --> 0:23:48.119 That's what I want to do. That my dream and 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.200 life is to be a professional welder. And you don't 0:23:51.200 --> 0:23:54.720 even own a welding machine. You don't even you don't 0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:57.440 even have any skills, You've never watched a YouTube video 0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:02.160 on how to weld. You don't want to be a welder, then, right, 0:24:02.840 --> 0:24:06.560 you don't really, you're just saying it. You could tell 0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:09.159 if you really want to be a welder by the result, 0:24:09.320 --> 0:24:12.400 the current result of what you're doing to achieve that goal. 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:15.600 So I say to you, anonymous, what are you currently 0:24:15.640 --> 0:24:20.920 doing to achieve this goal that you say has been 0:24:21.000 --> 0:24:27.240 eating away your life for four to five years? Okay, 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:31.000 start with let's start with that. That's that's to try 0:24:31.000 --> 0:24:33.040 to help motivate you. I'm trying to just give you 0:24:33.080 --> 0:24:35.359 a little push. You're on the swing. I'm just gonna 0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:38.600 get you get your momentum going here. Okay, Now, let 0:24:38.600 --> 0:24:42.160 me give you some practical stuff. Once again, you said 0:24:42.160 --> 0:24:44.399 I have an addiction to masturbation. That's what you wrote. 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:50.040 But I'm assuming this is stemming from pornography. I'm just 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:56.280 gonna assume that I've said this before. Covenant eyes dot com, 0:24:56.320 --> 0:25:02.920 Covenant eyes dot com. I heard about this from pastor Chad, 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:05.359 former guest on this podcast. He brought it up on 0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:08.280