1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny. 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 2: And Samantha and welcome to stuff I never told your 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,559 Speaker 2: production of iHeartRadio. 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 3: And welcome to another Monday Mini. We've kind of been 5 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:25,319 Speaker 3: hinting at, yes, but I think we are going to 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 3: dive into it. So recently we made mention of an 7 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 3: article that had really been impacting a lot of people, 8 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:37,559 Speaker 3: apparently all the people's both positive and negative. And you 9 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 3: know what, I've enjoyed every bit of it, every bit 10 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 3: of it, including a lot of like commentary from the 11 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 3: actual author. The article is titled is having a boyfriend Embarrassing? 12 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 3: So this is written by Chantey Joseph and was published 13 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 3: in October of twenty twenty five this year for Vogue 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 3: US and with this popularity that actually spread internationally and 15 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 3: then so I'm like, other articles are now writing articles 16 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 3: based on this article. It is making waves. 17 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: Anyah. The reaction, y'all, wow. 18 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 3: It has been both enlightening and disheartening to see in 19 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 3: real time as. 20 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 4: It was released. 21 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 3: But I will say the question alone resonated, like seriously, 22 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 3: any resonated as a person who feels they can only 23 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 3: identify as heterosexual and am in currencys hetero relationship in 24 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 3: our field? That I say, we understand that identity and 25 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 3: structure is a spectrum. Like we have come to that conversation. 26 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 3: We embrace it and find joy in that that it 27 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 3: is all a spectrum, and we say that for mental health, 28 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 3: we say that about gender identity. Like so many things, 29 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 3: there's spectrums, and I think it makes the most sense 30 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 3: that that is how it should be evaluated. But with that, 31 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 3: this type of articles can't help but feel exposed with 32 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 3: understanding that. Of course, we've talked about the usage of 33 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 3: the term partner, because that's been a big debate, right 34 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 3: like even today. 35 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was actually past host and founder Kristen. She 36 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 2: did a whole episode on years and years ago on 37 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 2: about like boyfriend, the word feels really childish, it doesn't 38 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 2: feel very serious, So what is the other what are 39 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 2: the other words we can use? And she partner was 40 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 2: part of that discussion. So yeah, we've been talking about 41 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 2: this for. 42 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 3: A while a while, and like even today, people get 43 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 3: upset for people who are in since hetero relationship to 44 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 3: call their boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever whatnot partners instead of boyfriend girlfriend. 45 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:00,679 Speaker 4: And I've talked. 46 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 3: Previously about the fact that this is because age, like marage, 47 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 3: is not something that I see in my future and 48 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 3: not anything that I've ever really wanted outside of being 49 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 3: told I should want it, and so following that social norm, 50 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 3: which again is part of this conversation, So feel like 51 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 3: calling my seven year relationship boyfriend. When we live together, 52 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 3: own things together, like share like a dog, all these things, 53 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 3: it just seems not significant enough, you know, to compare 54 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 3: it to a high school boyfriend or a middle school boyfriend, 55 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 3: slash all those things so it's more significant. And then 56 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 3: I've also seen a queer couple saying that they like 57 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 3: it because it gives credence as well as value to 58 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 3: partnerships as what they call each other, and even when 59 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 3: they do get married or if they do get married, 60 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 3: they see that and being able to claim that as 61 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 3: being a norm. So normalizing that word feels like progress. 62 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 3: So it's like a back and forth of that. With 63 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 3: all of that said, like I felt like me using 64 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 3: that term partner maybe implying that I'm trying to hide 65 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 3: the fact that I have a boyfriend. But I've been 66 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 3: you know, specific because he goes by he and so 67 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,919 Speaker 3: there's no hiding it other than I'm not also not 68 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 3: airing his name out because it's not, you know, in 69 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 3: respect to him and everything else. So definitely different reasons, 70 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 3: but like it does feel like I'm kind of hiding 71 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 3: it a little bit when I say this, And I 72 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 3: think it's interesting because this article kind of hits on 73 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 3: not him. This has nothing to do with my actual partner. 74 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 3: It's the conversation of having or being in said relationship, right. 75 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:48,480 Speaker 3: So in this article, Joseph asked this question and talks 76 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 3: about the cultural shift of like, once upon a time, 77 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 3: having a boyfriend, having that partner and being in a 78 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 3: cis heterosexual relationship gave you power, gave you more value 79 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 3: as a person, as a woman. 80 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was your goal. 81 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: It was the thing that you wanted and you know, 82 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 2: go to college and get your mrs degree, Like it 83 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,359 Speaker 2: means your whole thing. 84 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 4: This is who you were supposed to be. 85 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 3: So she writes this in this conversations like is it 86 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 3: a cultural shift? Maybe? 87 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 4: Why are people. 88 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 3: Saying, nah, we don't say that, it says soa gives 89 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 3: Are people embarrassed by their boyfriends now or is something 90 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 3: more complicated going on? To me, it feels like the 91 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 3: result of women wanting to straddle to worlds one where 92 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 3: they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, 93 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 3: but also not appear as boyfriend obsessed that they come 94 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 3: across as quite culturally losorish. Quote. They want the prize 95 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 3: and celebration of partnership, but understand the norminess of it, 96 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 3: says as Zoe Shmudzi, writer and activists. In other words, 97 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 3: in an era of widespread hetero fatalism, women don't want 98 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 3: to be seen as being all about their men, but 99 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 3: they also want the cloud that comes with being partnered. Okay, 100 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 3: So the way that sounds, it feels very accusatory in 101 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 3: a certain sense of like, oh, they're trying to be 102 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 3: both these things. Again, when I say the word partner, 103 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 3: I feel like it's trying for me to purposely hide 104 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 3: something in a field that that's not necessarily a celebration 105 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 3: that doesn't make you special, which I'm glad. Which I'm 106 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 3: glad because I lived the majority of my life not 107 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 3: being in relationships. So like, I love seeing that as 108 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 3: in fact as of reason. As happy as I am 109 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 3: in my relationship and any you've witnessed our relationship pretty closely, 110 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 3: pretty closely, and we are happily together, I feel like 111 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 3: we're pretty equal in so many things, and we take 112 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 3: care of each other, and like we are aligned when 113 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,039 Speaker 3: it comes to political things and mental health things and 114 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 3: cultural and social things. So there's no surprise for me. 115 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 3: Like for a little while I thought there might be, 116 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 3: but there wasn't. With all of that though, like it's 117 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 3: still odd, and I will say to people who are 118 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 3: not in relationships and seeking relationships, like why why, especially 119 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 3: if they've come out of a bad relationship or bad 120 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 3: dating experiences. Be like, being single is not bad. It 121 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 3: is actually pretty great. You should learn to embrace it. 122 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you just had a really great interview that 123 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 2: you'll hear with Liberal Jane. But because we have so 124 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 2: many things, I didn't get to bring up this point, 125 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 2: but she was talking about divorce and kind of how 126 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 2: people have that knee jerk. Oh, I'm so sorry, But 127 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,559 Speaker 2: there really has been a shift in that conversation as well. 128 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 2: And I actually witnessed this years ago when I was 129 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 2: at a bar and there was just a group of 130 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 2: divorced women and they were having the best time, and 131 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 2: they were like, this was a I'm glad I was 132 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 2: able to make this decision. We found each other. But 133 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 2: that's just not the narrative. I grew up hearing I 134 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 2: grew up hearing if you get divorced, you failed. If 135 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 2: you can't find the dude in a very heteronormative sense, 136 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 2: you have failed. But I do think something is happening 137 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 2: right now where peeple are being more willing to say, 138 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,680 Speaker 2: you know what, I'd rather be single, or you know what, 139 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 2: I'd rather be divorced women specifically, where that hasn't been 140 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 2: the case for a while, at least openly I think 141 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,320 Speaker 2: it was, but openly people are talking about it more. 142 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 3: They are, And in this place she talked specifically about 143 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 3: like the progressiveness I guess in that once upon a 144 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 3: time you could only make good content as if you 145 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 3: had to show you perfect boyfriend relationship and now and 146 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 3: capitalize on that. But now that's shifting, and so they're like, oh, 147 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:11,479 Speaker 3: blow out his face, don't show him. We got Yeah, 148 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 3: So like this cultural dynamic being changing again, the circular 149 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 3: time of like regressing in all these things. But in 150 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 3: her research, she talks about different women's reasons to why 151 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 3: they may not share their partnership so kind of hiding 152 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 3: it as they say, whether it was a fear of 153 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 3: the relationship ending like this, like at one point when 154 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 3: it ends, what happens, you have to also publicly. And 155 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 3: then I've seen so many of those where relationships end 156 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 3: in divorce and their whole platform was about them having 157 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 3: the perfect relationship or they're horrible breakup because one of 158 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 3: them did the other is get to get called out. 159 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 3: It gets messy and like things get gross or things 160 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 3: happening in which like they're just sad, and so they 161 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,199 Speaker 3: can't grieve for more. And people, because you've shared so much, 162 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 3: feel that they have the right to know why, why 163 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 3: is there entertainment going away? Why is their fantasy or 164 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 3: ideal of this relationship going away? And it does happen 165 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 3: with both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, so like we know 166 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,679 Speaker 3: this is a crossboard. 167 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And actually I have a friend We've been 168 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 2: honest about it listeners, but neither of us really listen 169 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 2: to podcasts. But I have a friend that listens to 170 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 2: a lot of podcasts and they're the hosts who were 171 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 2: best friends, just platonic best friends, broke up and the 172 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 2: podcast went away, And I've been like getting these texts 173 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 2: from her about how devastated she is because this was 174 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: a relationship she was fond of and that was their 175 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 2: whole thing, and she says like, now it's hard for 176 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 2: me to even listen to the old podcast episodes because 177 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 2: now I know how this ended and it was really 178 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:58,599 Speaker 2: gross apparently, but you get attached to the idea of it. 179 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, now that that's happening on playing out like it 180 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 3: once upon a time as. 181 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 4: It ages that ends this way. 182 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,439 Speaker 3: Those are other reasons that they said that people are 183 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 3: afraid that other people are jealous and that might ruin 184 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 3: it somehow, And I think like whether it's they're trying 185 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 3: to break them apart or they're trying to find faults 186 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 3: in their relationships. Again, there's also those who are paranoid, 187 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 3: like you're just jealous of me type of thing too, 188 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 3: So like those levels exist and they feel like this 189 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 3: could you know, ruin the show again. It also has 190 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,959 Speaker 3: something to do with like they just feel guilty and 191 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 3: having a relationship, And it could be those people who 192 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 3: maybe have for a long time banked on the fact 193 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 3: that they are single wild now girls or having like 194 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 3: these like moments of like travel alone and then they 195 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 3: do find somebody, they're like, oh, we can't we can't 196 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 3: show I feel like we kind of win this it 197 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 3: with past hosts. Kristin you just mentioned when she was 198 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 3: of course there's so many things that happened happening, but 199 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 3: when she got engaged and then she got like an 200 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 3: op ed and they came after her specifically being like, 201 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 3: how dare you, as a feminist get married? Yeah? 202 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, and she was, you know, excited about it, and 203 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 2: it was and then she should be. This is she 204 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 2: found somebody she really loved and that she was open 205 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 2: about it and very excited about it, and people were like, well, 206 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 2: you've lied to me. 207 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,439 Speaker 3: Then, yeah, you're not an independent, strong woman at the 208 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 3: very marrying a woman. 209 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,440 Speaker 4: Like it's just like it was like intensity. 210 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,199 Speaker 3: I remember that because I had to her wedding and 211 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 3: like it was a beautiful, dude, everything was wonderful, but 212 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 3: it was like the pre as I was saying, and 213 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 3: I was barely on social media at that point, but 214 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, why are people having so many 215 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 3: opinions about her wedding. I'm very confused about this. 216 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 2: It was, Yeah, it was strange, that whole thing. I 217 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 2: remember that too. 218 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 4: Didn't she have to come out with an episode to explain? 219 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: I think so? 220 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, she Because at the time I was mostly involved 221 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 2: in the YouTube the stuff one never told you YouTube 222 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: videos and she had a series professor boyfriend, which is 223 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 2: when her boyfriend would come on and they would talk 224 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 2: about things. It was really cute, but I'm pretty sure 225 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 2: they had like a whole thing that was just. 226 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: You know, he's here supporting me to do that. 227 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 2: I'm sure he wasn't getting paid, which is wrong by 228 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 2: the way that he should have been, but he was 229 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 2: there supporting her. There was no talk of like, I 230 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 2: don't know, she's gonna stop doing this because she's getting married. 231 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 1: It was just a very bizarre. 232 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 2: Why people thought that immediately this meant she's not a feminist. 233 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 3: Actually right, Yeah, it was an odd level, but yeah, 234 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 3: like not necessarily, Kristin did not do this. But I 235 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 3: know a lot of people again out of guilt for 236 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 3: like they can't say they have a boyfriend or they 237 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 3: are in a heterosexual relationship, us this relationship anyway. So 238 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 3: it is interesting and again Jose goes on and it 239 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 3: explains this way, but there was an overwhelming sense from 240 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 3: single and partnered women alike that, regardless of the relationship, 241 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 3: being with a man was an almost guilty thing to do. 242 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 3: On the Delusional Diaries podcast, fronted by two New York 243 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 3: based influencers. 244 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 4: Haley and Jazz. 245 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 3: They discuss whether having a boyfriend is quote lame. Now, 246 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 3: why does having a boyfriend? Phil Republican read a top 247 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 3: comment boyfriends are out of style. They won't come back 248 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 3: in until they start acting right read another with thousands 249 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 3: of likes in essence quote having a boyfriend that typically 250 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 3: takes hits on women's aura. As one comment or claimed, 251 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 3: so I feel like this is the backwards of like 252 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 3: this is the results of the patriarchy and misogyny, Like 253 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 3: this is the results of like what we have seen 254 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 3: are such bad relationships. Yep, that that seems to be 255 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 3: the norm. So therefore that is really embarrassing. 256 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:15,119 Speaker 5: Yeah. 257 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 2: I have a friend who is in a wonderful relationship now, 258 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 2: but historically have not liked her boyfriend. And there's nothing. 259 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 2: I don't judge her, and I don't feel like she 260 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 2: is an intelligent person, but there was something about because 261 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: all of her relationships were bad, I just had this association. 262 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 2: So her new the person she's seeing is wonderful. I 263 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 2: put off meeting him forever. Yeah, because I was like, 264 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 2: I don't even want to everybody else I haven't liked, 265 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 2: so I get that kind of idea of and you know, honestly, 266 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 2: this is saying something about as we were talking about 267 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: it in a last Monday, many state of dating, the 268 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 2: state of men and these heterosexual dating situations is so 269 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 2: bad that now we have this association. 270 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 3: Of like like it really like we are building more 271 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 3: prone to be skeptical. But at the same time, when 272 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 3: they're okay, again that the bar is so low, you 273 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 3: find them above the curve somehow, yep, and yeah. 274 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 4: That's the level. 275 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 3: So like there's just like battling mentality here, Like it 276 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 3: is embarrassing. So if they're okay, like they hit the 277 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 3: minimum standards, therefore they're great, But at the same time, 278 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 3: it's still kind of embarrassing, Like. 279 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 4: There's this balance that seems to be off. 280 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 3: And I have interestingly seen a lot of people I 281 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 3: guess maybe it's just my algorithm seeing many people write 282 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 3: or talk about the fact that the only types of 283 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 3: women who are in good heterosexual relationships are the ones 284 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 3: that women the women that woman actually hate all men, 285 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 3: most men, if not all men, except for that one person. 286 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 3: And still found this one person, and this one person 287 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 3: understands why she hates all men and accepts the fact 288 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 3: that he has to prove, yeah, that he is not 289 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 3: one of those like type of conversation and being like okay, 290 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 3: And again. 291 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 4: That is usually men who are being good humans. That's 292 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 4: the bar. 293 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: Now, just yea. 294 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 2: Treating you like a personal. 295 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 3: Helping support you like equal and equity makes sense to them. 296 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I've already hinted at it. But we have 297 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 2: this episode coming up about moms are not okay right now, 298 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 2: and I just have been struck by how much of 299 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 2: our new entertainment is women just being like, you know what, 300 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 2: I'd rather be alone? Yes, then your gaslighting of doing 301 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 2: the bare minimum yep, and telling me that I'm making 302 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 2: things difficult for you. And so yeah, I think finding 303 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 2: that that person is absolutely possible, but it's difficult. 304 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 4: It's difficult. 305 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 3: Again, Joseph talks about the fact that the culturals guist 306 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 3: has shifted, meaning where we once were fed that to 307 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 3: be happy and fulfilled is to be married with a 308 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 3: perfect family and living the American dream. H and now 309 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,359 Speaker 3: that has been drowned out by the reality that having 310 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 3: the freedom of being single is the actual dream because again, 311 00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 3: as studies have shown more recently, that are more likely 312 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 3: to be satisfied and live longer than married women because 313 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 3: married women are sacrificing so much. Married men are fine 314 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 3: because they've actually gotten a load off. Someone cooks dinner 315 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 3: for them, someone takes care of their washing, someone comes 316 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 3: in and takes care of the kids. As were for 317 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:21,359 Speaker 3: married women, the work doubles, if not triples, if not quadruples, 318 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 3: because they now take on taking care of an entire family, 319 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 3: usually under the American dream umbrella, without the help of 320 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 3: the father so or the husband or the man in 321 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 3: the house. 322 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was kind of a big trick because 323 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 2: it was like, this is the American dream. You get 324 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,639 Speaker 2: to stay home and do all of this stuff and 325 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 2: I don't have to thank you or pay you or 326 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 2: do anything. 327 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,680 Speaker 3: And now you can't stay home, and now you can't. 328 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 2: Care to live home because it's too expensive to have 329 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 2: a kid. So in these traditional heterosexual relationships, women are 330 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 2: doing They're going to work and they're taking care of 331 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 2: the kid, and they're taking care of their husband and 332 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:00,879 Speaker 2: the house. 333 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: Like, yep, that's not a dream. 334 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,879 Speaker 3: The deal is gone right out the window because we 335 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 3: don't want to just minimally live. You promised us the dream, 336 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 3: So you're buying as clothes you're buying us like trips 337 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 3: you're buying. 338 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 4: Where did that go? And now to go? That dream 339 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:20,640 Speaker 4: does not exist. 340 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 3: Me and you are having to both work through the 341 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 3: max while I take care of these things the woman 342 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 3: and we barely still can afford a good dinner and 343 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 3: once a month date maybe because we have to pay 344 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 3: for a sinner. 345 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: We have to. 346 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,400 Speaker 3: And I'm probably gonna plan all these things because you're 347 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 3: not going to. 348 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: Do that exactly, and. 349 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 2: I'm tired to think about it too, but like you can't. 350 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 2: We talked about this in a past episode. But also 351 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,959 Speaker 2: leisure time. Men have a lot more leisure time than 352 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 2: women do. And if you're talking about like the minimal 353 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 2: for time, women have most of it. Even so, and 354 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 2: these are old studies I'm thinking of, are spent thinking 355 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 2: about your kids, yep, like you're still our groceries or 356 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 2: like you're still worried about this. And by the way, 357 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 2: this actually came up in a study on sexual health 358 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 2: because women were saying they didn't enjoy they couldn't enjoy 359 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 2: sex because all they were doing was thinking about everything 360 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 2: they had to do. 361 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: So that's I. 362 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 2: Mean, even in your free time end quotes, so you're not. 363 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 2: It's not free. You're thinking about all this other stuff 364 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 2: you have to do. 365 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. 366 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 3: So back to Joseph's article, she writes, from my conversations, 367 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 3: one thing is certain. The script is shifting. Being partnered 368 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 3: doesn't affirm your womanhood anymore. It is no longer considered 369 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,119 Speaker 3: an achievement, and if anything, it's become more of a 370 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:56,160 Speaker 3: flex to pronounce yourself single. As straight women were confronting 371 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 3: something that every other sexuality has had to contend with, 372 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 3: a politicization of our identity. Heterosexuality has long been purposefully indefinable, 373 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,159 Speaker 3: so it is harder for those within it and outside 374 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 3: of it to critique. However, as our traditional roles begin 375 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,880 Speaker 3: to crumble, maybe we're being forced to reevaluate our blind 376 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:24,120 Speaker 3: allegiance to heterosexuality. That sentence, Yeah, I giggled at that sentence. 377 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 3: It's powerful to me. Yeah, it is this level of 378 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,719 Speaker 3: like that as being the standard? 379 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:32,720 Speaker 4: Is it? 380 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 5: Yes, it's not. 381 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,640 Speaker 2: No, And I, like I mentioned, this has been kind 382 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 2: of interesting for me as an ace person hearing this 383 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 2: play out where I'm like, I went from I must 384 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:53,720 Speaker 2: be a sad cat lady to look at the life. Well, 385 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 2: we did have a lot to say about this, as 386 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 2: we knew we would. 387 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 1: I was pretty I was pretty certain. 388 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 2: We are going to slit this one into two Monday 389 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 2: Minnis if you will so look out for part two. 390 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: But in the meantime, if you would like to contact 391 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 2: us if you have any thoughts about this, We've heard 392 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 2: some interesting things from listeners about the conservative men lying 393 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 2: on dating apps, so please write and you can email 394 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 2: us at Hello at Stuffnever Told You dot com. You 395 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,120 Speaker 2: can find us on Blue Sky at all Stuff podcast, 396 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 2: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I Never Told 397 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 2: You for us on YouTube. We have some new merchandise 398 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 2: at Compuro and we have a book you can get 399 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,239 Speaker 2: wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our 400 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,160 Speaker 2: super producer Chris team you're executive preus and mya and. 401 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 1: Your contributor Joey. 402 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,639 Speaker 2: Thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff Never 403 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 2: Told You Much in My Heart Radio. For more podcast 404 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,400 Speaker 2: from my Heart Radio, you can check out the iHeartRadio app, app, 405 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: a podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.