1 00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Radi's never let me define my self worth based on 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: my success. So when I first started to experience success, 3 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: Radi didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to, and. 4 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,360 Speaker 2: I would want. 5 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: Look, I'd wanted my wife to be my number one 6 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,480 Speaker 1: fan and my biggest cheerleader, and she wasn't for my career. 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 2: But I had to realize if I. 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: Skewed my perspective, she was for who I was, So 9 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: if it came to my character, that's what she was 10 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: back in. 11 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,639 Speaker 2: I think we all want to be loved for who 12 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 2: we are and not love for what we achieved. 13 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,159 Speaker 3: I did start listening to a podcast last year. 14 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: There I mean. 15 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 4: Welcome to My Legacy Podcast, where we explore what it 16 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,279 Speaker 4: truly means to create a living legacy through our actions, 17 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 4: our choices, and the way we show up for others 18 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 4: every day. Ronor to be joined by Jay Shetty, global 19 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 4: best selling author and purpose driven entrepreneur who's wisdom on love, mindfulness, 20 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 4: and personal transformation has reached millions through his number one 21 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 4: podcast on Purpose Now. Of course, what makes my Legacy 22 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 4: Podcast unique is we don't just hear from extraordinary individuals. 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,040 Speaker 4: We hear from their life partners, their friends, the people 24 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,839 Speaker 4: who know them best. And we're beyond lucky because Jay 25 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 4: is joined today by his incredible wife, Roddy de Vlukiya. 26 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 4: She is a nutritionist. She is a best selling author 27 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 4: of joy Full. She is the host of her own podcast, 28 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 4: A Really Good Cry. I love that title. She's a 29 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 4: powerful force for wellness, for conscious living and for joyful cooking. 30 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 4: Welcome to you both. 31 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. 32 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so grateful to be back with you and 33 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: reunited with all of you. Thank you so much for 34 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: having us. We're so honored and so grateful. Truly, it 35 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: was such a wonderful to be in your presence a 36 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: year ago now is it even longer? 37 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 5: It was about a year ago, about a year ago. 38 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: So wonderful to be reunited. And I wish you were 39 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: meeting Rady in person too. Why we'll settle for this. 40 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 5: We must do dinner when we're all on the same 41 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 5: coast again. 42 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,839 Speaker 4: We would love that absolutely, yes, yes, yes, well, Jay, 43 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 4: on that note, because we want to know you over 44 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,519 Speaker 4: well gosh, probably a decade now, but we don't know 45 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 4: Rady as well. So if I can put you on 46 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 4: the spot. The two of you have created this incredible 47 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 4: relationship based on conscious living, on Purpose, on Joy. So 48 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 4: how did you first meet this incredible woman and how 49 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 4: did you know that she was your person? 50 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: So the interesting thing is the first episode of my 51 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,679 Speaker 1: podcast On Purpose Ever, was me and Rady telling this 52 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 1: story together. And I always wanted to start the show 53 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 1: at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place, and I thought, 54 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: why not do it with the person who knows me 55 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: best and knows me most deeply. And so the long story, 56 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: short version is I was in my final year of 57 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: college and I knew that I was going to become 58 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: a monk after I graduated, and I would go to 59 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends 60 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: just to stay out of trouble. And when I was 61 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 1: doing that service, I was asked to show a woman 62 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: around who was around my mom's age, with different chores 63 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,399 Speaker 1: and different practices at the temple. I'd never been asked 64 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: to do this before. This was the first time I 65 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: showed her around. She was very sweet, and then at 66 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: the end of it, she said to me, I have 67 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 1: a daughter that I'd love to introduce to spirituality and meditation. 68 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk, 69 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: so I can introduce her to my younger sister who's 70 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: also involved in the community. 71 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: And why don't you bring her in? 72 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: And so you know, that week she brought her in 73 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: and it happened to be my wife's mom, and Raley 74 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 1: was her daughter who came in, and I introduced Radi 75 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: and my sister, and I remember seeing Rally and thinking 76 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and 77 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 1: I thought, no, no. 78 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 2: No, focus, focus, focus to. 79 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 5: Become a monk, and so I kind of like shut 80 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 5: it out. 81 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: And then when I came back from the monastery, Radi 82 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: and my sister had become best friends, and so my 83 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: sister was our matchmakers. So that's how we met, and 84 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: then how I knew she was the one. 85 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 2: You know, it's really interesting. 86 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: Someone asked me this question recently, and I think I 87 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: gave at least what I believe to be a truthful 88 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: and honest answer, and is that I don't know if 89 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: you ever know. 90 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: I think you. 91 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: Commit and invest to building something together, and you know, 92 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: because the other person also wants to commit and build 93 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: and invest in you, and that's what makes them the one. 94 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: And I really believe that it's quite naive to think 95 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: when you meet someone, or when you move in with someone, 96 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: or when you marry someone, that this is going to 97 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: be the person you're with for three or four or 98 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: five decades in today's world. And so for me, I 99 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: know that Radi's the one because she invests every day 100 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 1: today more than even when we start. And that's something 101 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,919 Speaker 1: that I can only discover today, and I couldn't have 102 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: known twelve years ago when we first got together, and 103 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: nine years ago when we got married, I couldn't have 104 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: possibly known that. And so I hope that freeze people 105 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,160 Speaker 1: up from this pressure and expectation that I've got to 106 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: find this person on day one and know that they're 107 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: going to be perfect and the person. When I probably 108 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,039 Speaker 1: would have said that twelve years ago if you asked me, like, 109 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: I found the one, I know it now when I 110 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: look back, I'm like, no, I'm lucky. She's proved me right, 111 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: but she very easily could have proved me wrong. And 112 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 1: so I'm very grateful that she's, you know, stood by 113 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: me through so many ups and downs and so many 114 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: incredible journeys that we've been on. 115 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 5: So roddy, I'm very very curious. So you're at a 116 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 5: temple and you see this wonderful human being that was 117 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 5: training to be a monk. At what was going through 118 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 5: your mind when you first when you first met him. 119 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 6: That's a really good question. You know, I he was 120 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 6: in like, he was in white robes at the time. 121 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 3: Weren't you. Yeah, he was training to be a monk. 122 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,359 Speaker 3: He was in white robes. He knew my mom. It 123 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 3: was like a very odd situation. 124 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 6: My mom was introducing us, and so when I saw him, 125 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 6: it was it was interesting because he had like tattoos 126 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:20,479 Speaker 6: in monk clothes, was a very like well spoken person, 127 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 6: where normally, in my mind, a monk was someone who 128 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 6: was from India and I, you know, usually would have 129 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 6: to speak to them in another language. And so it 130 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 6: was kind of changing a lot of narratives in my 131 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,840 Speaker 6: mind of what I expected to see when my mom 132 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,559 Speaker 6: was like, oh, I want to introduce you to this monk, 133 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 6: so I think I was readjusting to my expectations. And 134 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 6: then I mean I started going to his classes and 135 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 6: hearing him speak about spirituality, and honestly, I think I 136 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,599 Speaker 6: felt in awe of him through watching him in those 137 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 6: spaces and in the community, and you know, I ended 138 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 6: up being an observer of him rather than a friend 139 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 6: at the beginning, because we didn't really have a friendship 140 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 6: or a relationship at all when we first met. So 141 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 6: it was quite nice seeing him in his own environment 142 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 6: doing something that he loved. And so at first it 143 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,239 Speaker 6: was almost like he had He felt like a teacher 144 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 6: and a guide more than he felt like someone that 145 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 6: I was thinking I could be with. But then when 146 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 6: I became friends with his sister and she kept telling 147 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 6: me all these amazing things about him. 148 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, he's so sweet and they have. 149 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 6: The sweetest relationship he you know, he is like a 150 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 6: father figure to her, and she loves him so much. 151 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 6: And I thought, well, someone who's got that relationship with 152 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 6: their sister, and usually your sibling has the best and 153 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 6: worst things to say about you. And she just loved 154 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 6: him so much. And so there was moments where you know, 155 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 6: I kept saying to I was like, you know, I 156 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 6: think every like your brother, and she was like, you can't. 157 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 6: He's going to be a monk for the rest of 158 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 6: his life. I leave him alone. She was like, I 159 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 6: need you to leave him, please, Yeah, please, I'm just 160 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 6: telling you he wants to be a monk. 161 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:48,239 Speaker 5: Forever. 162 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 6: So yeah, I kind of gave up on that idea. 163 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 6: And so as soon as he came out from being 164 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 6: a monk and we got to know each other, we 165 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 6: both just realized how how right we ended up being 166 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 6: about each other, as he said, And it was a 167 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 6: nice surprise because it could have gone both ways. 168 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 5: You know, I love that she said fell in awe 169 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 5: rather than fell in love. I don't think I've ever 170 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 5: really heard that way. That's a beautiful yes, yes, fell 171 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 5: in awe. 172 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: Well, the one thing she left out was that she 173 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: usually tells a bit like you didn't you didn't clarify 174 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: that actually when we first met, you just didn't notice me, 175 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 1: and I didn't like, just yeah, well, no I. 176 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 3: Did notice you. 177 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 6: I just wasn't like it wasn't like my mom saying, hey, 178 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 6: here's someone for you to meet in that way, Hey, 179 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 6: here's a monk from him. 180 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:38,479 Speaker 5: Here's a monk. Every great journey begins with the foundation 181 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 5: that we come from the people who raised us, those 182 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 5: who you know, sewed into us, the people who believed 183 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 5: in us. So, Jay, who were the most influential people 184 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 5: in your life in your childhood, and what would you say, 185 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 5: are some of the biggest lessons that they passed on 186 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 5: to you. 187 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: That's such an interesting question. I feel I was very, 188 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: very fortunate that the most influential people in my life 189 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 1: became people I discovered through autobiographies and biographies. So and 190 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: that's because I think I was the eldest and I 191 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 1: kind of was a bit rebellious, so I didn't really 192 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,199 Speaker 1: fit in, and I don't think I was getting that 193 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: much great advice from my family or extended family. And 194 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: I fell in love with I mean, you know, I 195 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,719 Speaker 1: think I mentioned this to you when we first met. 196 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 1: I fell in love with the writings of doctor Martin 197 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 1: Luther King. I fell in love with Malcolm X. I 198 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: fell in love with Dune the Rock Johnson and David Beckham. 199 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: So my reading my reading spectrum was fairly wide, but 200 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: I was reading the biographies and autobiographies and writings of 201 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: all of these individuals. And so there were pop culture 202 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 1: icons like David Beckham and Draine the Rock Johnson, and 203 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: then these incredible historical figures to me in Martin Luther 204 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: King and in in Malcolm X. And that really truly 205 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: became the basis of the advice in my life. I 206 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 1: really really believed that I associated with these people through 207 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: their writing. I really believed that they became my wise advisors, 208 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: they became my board of directors, and they became the 209 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 1: people that I turned to in times of difficulty because 210 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: they'd been through so much, so much more than i'd 211 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: ever even have to fathom going through, and so there 212 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 1: felt to be an incredible strength in that. And I 213 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: think because my dad was fairly aloof and disconnected from 214 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: me when I was young, it really gave me a 215 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: freedom to look for that. And now I look back, 216 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 1: and I didn't know this then, but I assume I 217 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 1: was looking for male role models at the time, more 218 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: people that I could hold onto. So it's no surprise 219 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 1: that all the books I was reading were men. And 220 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 1: at the same time, my monk teachers, who I really 221 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: do see as father figures to me as well, have 222 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,319 Speaker 1: become incredible pillars in my life. And I'm really grateful 223 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: to my dad for them. You know, I think a 224 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: lot of people may feel that if their parents are 225 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: slightly disconnected or aloof, it can be a bad thing. 226 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 2: For me, it was great. 227 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: I got to become the man I wanted to be. 228 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 1: I got to build an image of who I wanted 229 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: to be, and I got to choose the people that 230 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: I really aspired to learn from and gain from and 231 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,679 Speaker 1: gain insight from, and so those individuals, whether it was 232 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 1: reading about how David Beckham on a Friday night would 233 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: tie a car tire in the top hand corner of 234 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 1: a goalpost and practice taking free kicks while all his 235 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: friends were out drinking and partying and all the rest 236 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: of it, or whether it was talking about Drained the 237 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: Rock Johnson's challenges with depression and finding himself, or whether, 238 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: of course it was the incredible work of Martin Luther 239 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: King and Malcolm X. It was just fascinating to gain 240 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: insight from what I believe to be some of the 241 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,439 Speaker 1: most powerful, incredible and beautiful people who walked the earth. 242 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 5: That's so amazing, and it resonates so deeply with me 243 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 5: because you all know how much I love reading. I'm 244 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 5: a I love love reading. And I don't know if 245 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 5: we talked about this Jay when we were together, but 246 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 5: when I was a little girl in elementary school, I 247 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 5: spent a lot of time in the library of my 248 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 5: school and I read. I mean I went through almost 249 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 5: the entire autobiography and biography section of my school. I 250 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 5: got special awards for that, so I really resonate with that, 251 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 5: Like you know, taking bits and pieces of I always 252 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 5: found inspiration in people's stories. 253 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 4: We can testify to this because you two haven't, I 254 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 4: don't think yet been to the King's House. We got 255 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 4: to make this happen though. But you got the amazing 256 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 4: shoe closet that's full of books. 257 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,560 Speaker 5: Books. 258 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 2: I love it. 259 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 7: I love it, not just the shoe closet, it's everywhere. 260 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 7: You just kind of walk in and you're goneer knowledge. 261 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 7: You don't even have to open. 262 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 5: Although Martin hates traveling with me and with the with 263 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 5: my with my book back. 264 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,959 Speaker 2: It's just a heavy lift. That's so true. 265 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 1: When we moved to New York nine years ago, I 266 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: had one suit I only had like two suitcases with me, 267 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,559 Speaker 1: and one of them was full of clothes and things 268 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: like that, and the other one was completely full of books. Yes, 269 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: and that's that's how we traveled. And I was like, no, 270 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: I can't leave these behind. And I'm still into physical books. 271 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 1: I'm not a fan of digital books. 272 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 5: To talk, you're not both and Radi. You said that 273 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:30,319 Speaker 5: your family's journey from being refugees to building a new 274 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 5: life shape the way that you see the world. What 275 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 5: lesson from your upbringing would you say continues to guide 276 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 5: you today? 277 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 3: So many things. 278 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,199 Speaker 6: My you know, my grandma was born and raised in 279 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 6: India and then moved to Uganda when she got married 280 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 6: to my granddad, and from there she then became a 281 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 6: refugee when she came into Scotland with absolutely nothing. They 282 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,319 Speaker 6: coudn't bring anything with them. And it was so interesting 283 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 6: because even from the moment that I like my first 284 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 6: memory of my grandma has been she has spent her 285 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,079 Speaker 6: whole life just in service to family, to community, whether 286 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,599 Speaker 6: it was in the refugee camp. She was one of 287 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,559 Speaker 6: the first people to start cooking in the kitchen for 288 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 6: the community because they went used to eating the food 289 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 6: from from the UK. They wanted to eat food that 290 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 6: was part of their culture. And so my grandma got 291 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 6: in the kitchen and she was cooking for everyone. Even 292 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 6: when she had nothing, she was still doing things for 293 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 6: other people. And so I think that's been a thread 294 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 6: of all I've seen her do and not ever have 295 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 6: I seen a moment of resentment through doing it. And 296 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 6: you know, I always think about, you know, you're doing 297 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 6: too much or beyond your capacity when you start becoming 298 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 6: resentful or feeling like you deserve something back for doing 299 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 6: what you've been doing. But my grandma I've never seen. 300 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 6: She's ninety one now and she is still the most joyful, content, 301 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 6: like self content human that I've met. And I honestly 302 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 6: think it's because she gave with zero expectation throughout her life, 303 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 6: and certain situations put her into a into a moment 304 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 6: where she had to do that whether she wanted to 305 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 6: or not, but it became part of her. And so 306 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 6: I think that watching her has wanted like has made 307 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 6: me want to do the same for people around me. 308 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 6: And you know, also her deep spiritual practice, Like my 309 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 6: grandma speaks to God more than she speaks to humans, 310 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 6: and I don't say that lightly. She spends more hours 311 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 6: of her day in prayer speaking to God than she 312 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 6: does actually interacting with humans, at least for the past 313 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 6: ten years that I've seen. She wakes up in the 314 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 6: morning at like three point thirty in the morning, She's 315 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 6: praying till nine am. She's then back in prayer by 316 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 6: two pm till three o'clock, back in prayer again from 317 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 6: six pm till eight pm, and then again in the 318 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 6: evening before she goes to bed, And so I think 319 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 6: you can only really give that two people when you've, 320 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 6: when you've given yourself that deeper connection to God or 321 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 6: the universe, that's empowering you to be able to actually 322 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 6: give to others in that capacity. So those are just 323 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 6: a couple of the things, but yeah, so many things. 324 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 6: And my mum and my dad both emulate that same 325 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 6: nature too. 326 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 4: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might tap 327 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 4: that button and stay connected to conversations that can't. Now 328 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 4: back to my legacy. 329 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 7: You know from my experience it's often the struggles that 330 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 7: define who we are. Many times we know the glory, 331 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 7: but we don't necessarily know the story of the individual. 332 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 7: So Jay, can you share or take us back to 333 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 7: one of the toughest moments in your journey and what 334 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 7: ultimately it taught you. 335 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 2: It's so interesting, isn't it. 336 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: When you're asked to think about a tough moment in 337 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: your life, you almost just see it as your life, 338 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: and so you don't I don't know. 339 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,200 Speaker 2: I never grew up. 340 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: I only recognize when I got older and I spoke 341 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: to people about experiences I went through that they were 342 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 1: tough because up until that point, they were just my 343 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: life and they just felt normal, and you kind of 344 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,360 Speaker 1: assume everyone's going through those things, and so I think 345 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: we all walk around thinking that everyone should understand us 346 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 1: because they went through the same thing. And the truth 347 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: is we don't understand each other because we went through 348 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: very different things. And until you meet someone who's gone 349 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: through something that you can connect with or resonate with, 350 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: it's really hard to reconcile it. I think for me, 351 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,439 Speaker 1: a big part of it was that I grew up 352 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,919 Speaker 1: in a home that I mediated my parents' marriage, and 353 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 1: I would say that that was the most challenging thing 354 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 1: growing up because I didn't wake up to a great environment. 355 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: And I think for me that made me who I 356 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: am today, and so I have a lot of grat 357 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: for that and appreciation for that. But I think a 358 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,119 Speaker 1: lot of people see me and the work I do today, 359 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: and they often see the marriage I have with my 360 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 1: wife today in our connection and relationship, and it comes 361 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 1: from just having a long list of what not to do. 362 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: And so I think often in life you could get 363 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: an amazing experience, and when you get that, you should 364 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: write down everything you should do, and sometimes you're going 365 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 1: to get a really painful experience, and in that you 366 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 1: should write down everything you should never do. And so 367 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: partly what I'm grateful to have today is a list 368 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: of what not to do in a relationship. And I'm 369 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 1: very grateful that I got those lessons and those messages 370 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:45,360 Speaker 1: because they allowed me to really be conscious about who 371 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: I wanted to be, what I wanted to build, how 372 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: I wanted to grow. And so that was very very 373 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: early on in my life, and I really believe that today. 374 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 1: The reason why I have the ability to listen to 375 00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 1: people and their pain, and why I feel empathetic and 376 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 1: passionate to pretty much all experiences is because I remember 377 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: doing that for my parents. I remember listening to my 378 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 1: mom for hours and hearing her challenges and recognizing that 379 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: they were real. And I remember listening sitting to my 380 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: dad for hours and recognizing his challenges and that they 381 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 1: were real. And what it taught me was to look 382 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,640 Speaker 1: beyond the person and find the context to how they 383 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: became that way. And I think this is what we 384 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: often don't think of. We think, why are you that way? 385 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 1: But we don't ask the question, how did you become 386 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: that way? Or what happened to you that that's where 387 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: you are today. And I think that's a better question. 388 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,159 Speaker 1: And I think when I started to look into the 389 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 1: past of my parents, I started to notice so much 390 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: more information and experiences and pain and stress that they'd 391 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,439 Speaker 1: been through that had made them that way. And so 392 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: I felt very grateful to be loved by both of them, 393 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: and to this day feel my mother. It's unconditional love 394 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: in the most special way. But being there for both 395 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 1: of them was a really interesting challenge growing up that 396 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: it's why I do what I do for a living today, 397 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: So I'm not mad about it. 398 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 8: Well, Jay, we're so inspired by that context of how 399 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 8: you've become such an incredible voice, RADI, I wanted to 400 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 8: ask you a question. You've dedicated so much of your 401 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 8: life to helping others heal. What's a moment in your 402 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 8: life where you've had to heal yourself. 403 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,560 Speaker 3: That's a good question. I feel like I'm healing on 404 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 3: a daily basis. 405 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,920 Speaker 6: But I'd say a place where I felt I needed 406 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,240 Speaker 6: the most amount of growth and noticed the most amount 407 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 6: of growth was when me and j first got married. 408 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,640 Speaker 6: We moved to New York, and it was the first 409 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 6: time i'd really moved away from family, moved away from home, 410 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,400 Speaker 6: moved to a place where I pretty much knew nobody 411 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 6: and we were starting from scratch, and I grew up 412 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 6: as the youngest child where most things were done for me. 413 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:01,200 Speaker 6: I was whether it was like me doing my homework late, 414 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 6: my sister would stay up late and help me, whether 415 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,640 Speaker 6: any part any decision I would make, my mum would 416 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 6: help me make it. You know, I really wasn't used 417 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 6: to doing things for myself or by myself, and so 418 00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 6: when we moved to New York, I also had been 419 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 6: studying for a long time, only to move a jay 420 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 6: to have a spouse visa where I couldn't work, And 421 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 6: so I found myself in a weird position of just 422 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 6: feeling lost and having to get to know myself in 423 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 6: ways that I never had before. I was able to 424 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,919 Speaker 6: hide behind the work I did, or my family or 425 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 6: the community I was part of, and all of that 426 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 6: was kind of stripped away from me to only come 427 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 6: to realize I absolutely did not know myself at all. 428 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 3: I didn't know how. 429 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 6: To choose colors of things that I liked. I didn't 430 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,159 Speaker 6: know how to make decisions for myself. I didn't know 431 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 6: whether I wanted something or didn't, And so it became 432 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 6: this journey that of just starting to learn about who 433 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 6: I actually was, Like I grew up just thinking I 434 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 6: wanted what my family wanted, or I I liked what 435 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 6: my sister liked, because I didn't spend the time to 436 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 6: really get to know what my wants or needs were. 437 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 6: And so I spent a lot of my time in 438 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 6: New York walking around well one crying over crying down 439 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,159 Speaker 6: the streets, which seemed really normal in New York, no 440 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 6: one seemed to careful, and then having to do some 441 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 6: seriously deep work of figuring out what is it that 442 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 6: I like and dislike and want in my life. And 443 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 6: so I'd say that took a lot of healing because 444 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 6: I had to also unlearn things that I had I 445 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 6: thought that I knew about myself based on other people, 446 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 6: and I had to realize that those were all views 447 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 6: from others and perceptions of others that I had to 448 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,959 Speaker 6: step away from because maybe I didn't want that narrative 449 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 6: of myself and I wanted to create a new one. 450 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 6: So yeah, they say that was probably the time I've 451 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 6: had to heal the most. 452 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 5: That's beautiful. It's interesting too, because so we have an 453 00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 5: eldest child married to a younger child. Yes, exactly, you're 454 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 5: making it work. And as I'm hearing your idea, I 455 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,719 Speaker 5: think that obviously all of our stories are so unique, 456 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 5: but I do think that that what you just shared 457 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 5: is so indicative to a lot of women as well, 458 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 5: you know, kind of finding our voices, finding what it 459 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,199 Speaker 5: is that are, you know, aligning to our desires, and 460 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 5: then honoring our desires. And so I think that that 461 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,640 Speaker 5: was a beautiful share, and I think that so many 462 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 5: women in particular can find themselves within that story. 463 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,160 Speaker 6: No, I was just thinking about you know, I think 464 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 6: we go through this ebb and flow of being lost 465 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 6: and found regularly. And I always used to think that 466 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,199 Speaker 6: you just once you figure out what you want to 467 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 6: do or who you. 468 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 3: Are, is just an upward trajectory. 469 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 6: But I realized that you end up, you know, when 470 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 6: you end up realizing that being lost is part of 471 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 6: life's journey, Like you're always going to feel a little 472 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 6: bit lost as you go along life because experience has happened, 473 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,280 Speaker 6: things happen that you don't expect to. You realize that 474 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 6: it's actually part of it. It's not an obscure thing 475 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 6: that only you are going through, because I feel like 476 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,159 Speaker 6: I've gone through moments of feeling really found and understood 477 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 6: to only feel really lost again. And then I feel 478 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 6: really in my purpose and in my power, and then I. 479 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 3: Feel lost again. 480 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 6: And so I think that ebb and flow is something 481 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,160 Speaker 6: that we have to realize is actually just part of it. 482 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 6: I don't think it is. I don't think it's the exception. 483 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 6: I think it is actually the rule of life, and 484 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 6: it's part and partil of it. 485 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 2: Yes, I love that. 486 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,360 Speaker 5: I think also that's almost the progress as it relates 487 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 5: to humanity in a way. I think we all we 488 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 5: think that progress is linear, but it really is. It 489 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 5: is more in the ebbs and flow and keeping hold 490 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 5: to that vision and that the dream that's inside of you. So, okay, 491 00:24:54,920 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 5: we know the challenges of working with your your partner. 492 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 8: There's challenges. 493 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 6: It's wonderful right now, Like it's so wonderful all the 494 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 6: time every day. 495 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 5: How do you all navigate through through those challenges? 496 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 2: How do we deal with working with each other? 497 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 4: I noticed, very wisely the questions. 498 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 6: He's like, let me see what she saystive, I would say, 499 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 6: you know, the good thing is we both have extremely 500 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 6: different skill sets, Like we are very different humans. And 501 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 6: so what what's great in that sense is Jay handles 502 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 6: a lot of the things that I don't want to 503 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 6: or don't have the skills to. I would say, like, 504 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:55,399 Speaker 6: he's really good at the business side of things, and 505 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 6: I really enjoy the creative side of things. 506 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 3: And so especially for. 507 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,720 Speaker 6: The main part we work on together is Junie, our 508 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 6: tea company, and so he does a lot of the 509 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 6: business management calls. 510 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 3: Is that what you'd call it? 511 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 6: Sure, like the finance stuff and what else would you 512 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 6: call it? 513 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 2: Strategic? 514 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,919 Speaker 6: The strategic stuff, Yeah, And I really liked doing the creative, 515 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 6: working with the team to do events and building the brands, 516 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 6: the flavors of yeah, the flavors, the intricacies behind what 517 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,440 Speaker 6: we actually put into the product. And so honestly, we're 518 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 6: not often on the same cause and so we do 519 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 6: work together, but I wouldn't say. 520 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've only ever the only thing we've 521 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,920 Speaker 1: ever done together work wise is our tea company, Juni, 522 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: and that was really exciting because that was something that 523 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: we shared in common. We both wanted to drink drinks 524 00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 1: that didn't have sugar, so we wanted to build a 525 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,400 Speaker 1: zero gram sugar drink. We wanted something with low calories, 526 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: so only as five calories. We wanted something that was 527 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 1: filled with ashwagandha and rishi mushroom and all these things 528 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 1: that we know we should be taking, and so that's 529 00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 1: why we focused on that. But the reason why it 530 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: is easy to work on it together is because we 531 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 1: founded the company many years into our marriage, and I 532 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,359 Speaker 1: think by then we have a good understanding of each 533 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 1: other's strengths and weaknesses, and we have a lot of trust. 534 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: So I know, if Radi's on a call about flavor profiles, 535 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,919 Speaker 1: I know she understands flavor profiles far better than I 536 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: ever would. My palette is really basic. Right before I 537 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: met her, I had no idea what any of these 538 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: incredible herbs and plant extracts and adaptations are. And so 539 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,639 Speaker 1: her level of knowledge in that field is something I 540 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,119 Speaker 1: can trust. It's something I would back, it's something I 541 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: feel very confident in, and thankfully she feels that way 542 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: about me and my strength, and so I think that's 543 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 1: why it works for us. I don't think I could. 544 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 1: I think I'd find it hard if we had similar 545 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 1: skill sets and we were constantly debating and figuring it out. 546 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: I quite like the dividing conquers who works well. 547 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,159 Speaker 8: Well, we love your tea company, we love your t brand. 548 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 2: Jay. 549 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 8: In your international best selling book Eight Rules of Love, 550 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 8: you talk about what it takes to nurture a relationship. 551 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 8: Can you give us one or two of your top 552 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 8: suggestions on how you can continuously strengthen bonds between couples? 553 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 1: Should be asking all of you this, but I'll try 554 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: my best. I'm sure there's a lot more wisdom on 555 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 1: that side of the table. So I feel underqualified, but 556 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:36,439 Speaker 1: I would say one of my favorite ones is I 557 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 1: have a chapter in the book called your partner is 558 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 1: your Guru. And what I mean by that is that 559 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: not that they're an authoritative, judgmental, dictatorial individual, because that's 560 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 1: not what a guru is. A guru is someone who's 561 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: dedicated to your growth, who's committed to helping you find 562 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: your path, and who's while. 563 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 2: You do it. 564 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 1: That's actually what a guru is, especially in the Eastern traditions. 565 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,560 Speaker 1: And one of my favorite things about that is that 566 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 1: your partner is really a mirror. And the challenge we 567 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 1: have in relationships is that the right partner holds up 568 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 1: the mirror in a non judgmental way. But we're so 569 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 1: convinced that the mirror is broken because we don't like 570 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 1: what we see that we reject them. So we reject 571 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: the one person who actually has the ability to help 572 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: us grow. And so Radi has been completely non judgmental, empathetic, 573 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 1: and compassionate about my health journey. When I met Radi, 574 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 1: I was addicted to sugar, I ate a lot of 575 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 1: fried food. I was fairly unhealthy physically, and because I 576 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: had a strong mind and meditated daily and felt like 577 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: I'd got somewhere with that journey, I felt like my 578 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: body almost didn't matter. I almost felt like it was 579 00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 1: an afterthought. And she didn't teach me by telling me 580 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 1: I was wrong and that I was wasting time, that 581 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: I was being lazy, and that I should work out more, 582 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: because none of those things would have helped me, because 583 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,959 Speaker 1: my ego would have come to my defense and been 584 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: a shield and pushed back, and I would have been 585 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: affected by that like I think we all are. Instead, 586 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: she set the example. She's worked out every day i've 587 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,680 Speaker 1: known her, She's eaten a clean diet, she's always cooked 588 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: healthy food. She encouraged me and educated me in the 589 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,720 Speaker 1: challenges of how I was living without making me feel 590 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: bad about them, and she's been my guru for my 591 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 1: health and so to me, when your partners your guru, 592 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 1: and you allow your partner to teach you in a 593 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:43,479 Speaker 1: non judgmental, non confrontational, non finger pointing way, that is 594 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: the person who can help you grow. There's no one 595 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: on planet Earth who could make you a better human 596 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: being than the person you spend the most time with, 597 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: so that your partners your guru is probably one of them. 598 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: And I think you said a couple. I would add 599 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: that the problem is we often want our partners to change, 600 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: but what we don't have is the patience that it 601 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: takes to watch them change. And we also want them 602 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: to change into the people we want them to be, 603 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 1: not the people that they want them to be. We 604 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 1: see their potential and we say you must rise to this. 605 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 1: We see the possibility and we say you must reach this. 606 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:26,800 Speaker 1: We see the result for them that we've projected, and 607 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: we say, if you don't get to this, you've failed. 608 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,000 Speaker 1: And never have we asked them, who do you want 609 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:37,880 Speaker 1: to be? How do you want to live your life? 610 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: What are you trying to accomplish? And it's really interesting 611 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 1: to me that we believe, just because we want to 612 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: invest in them, that that care is greater than their ambition. 613 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 1: And I think we work so hard we want to 614 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: be their savior. We want to be the person to 615 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,920 Speaker 1: solve all their problems, we want to be the person 616 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 1: who fixed this is everything for them, just to feel 617 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: good about ourselves. We don't actually want them to be happy. 618 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: We just want to be happy that we're doing something 619 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: for them, and so we don't really give them the patience, 620 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 1: the time, the energy to find who they are and 621 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: move in that direction for themselves because we want to 622 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 1: feel like we're helping, we're fixing, where I'm here to 623 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: solve all your problems, and in that you try to 624 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 1: be the person who saves them, but actually you push 625 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: them away. So those would be my two biggest things 626 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 1: that I think if we can, on the first hand, 627 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,479 Speaker 1: learn to be a guru that's non judgmental, and on 628 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 1: the second hand, learn to be patient and let people 629 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: become who they want to be, not try to make 630 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: them who we want them to be. 631 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 4: I love that on a personal note because I'm going 632 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 4: to own that, and I think a lot of guys 633 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 4: who are husbands need to own that just being radically 634 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 4: transparent because you called it as it is, like it 635 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 4: is this male desire to want to help, to want 636 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 4: to protect and so on. Often it is that instead 637 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 4: that patience that's sitting in it. And I love I 638 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 4: love that phrase. I wrote that down, like, you know, 639 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 4: the idea of supporting who they want to be, asking 640 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 4: them you know who they want to be, and then 641 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,080 Speaker 4: supporting them with that patience on that journey, not wanting 642 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,960 Speaker 4: to help even though it comes from a good place, 643 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,959 Speaker 4: just giving the space. I just so many husbands out there, 644 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 4: anyone who's listening, who wants to play that clip back 645 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 4: on social media for someone in their life to sit with. 646 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,959 Speaker 4: I just want to encourage them to sit with that 647 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,720 Speaker 4: for a few minutes. I love the honesty of that advice. 648 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 8: Well, and the partner is your guru is just so profound. 649 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's changed my life. I didn't know all this 650 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: before I got married. I think you figure it out 651 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 1: when you are married, and then you start learning how 652 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 1: much it has to teach you and how much better 653 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 1: you have to become because you love someone. And I 654 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: think that's the difference. The right person inspires you to 655 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: want to become better, not want to make them better. 656 00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 1: Like you know, yeah, I think we're constantly worrying about 657 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: oh God, Dan not doing this, and Dan not doing that, 658 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,400 Speaker 1: and Dan not doing this, and the right person makes 659 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: you look at yourself and go, well, I'm not doing that. 660 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 2: So let me start that. 661 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:13,120 Speaker 5: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might. We're 662 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 5: sharing real stories, heart won wisdom and unforgettable lessons that 663 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,160 Speaker 5: stay with you long after the screen goes. Start tap 664 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 5: that button and stay connected to conversations that truly count. 665 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 5: Now back to my legacy. 666 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,320 Speaker 7: This is a very simple thing, but it's very important. 667 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:37,640 Speaker 7: I rarely get sick, and I'm blessed and fortunate. But 668 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 7: a lot of that, in my mind is because every day, 669 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 7: not a day goes by that I'm tree doesn't put 670 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,960 Speaker 7: out vitamins from me. Now, I would like to be 671 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 7: That's a simple thing. I'd love to be able to 672 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:55,840 Speaker 7: do that, and I will get there. But that constantly reinforces. 673 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 7: You know, when your partner loves you so much that 674 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 7: they're very concerned about your being healthy, being able to 675 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,160 Speaker 7: go out into the world as many of us have 676 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 7: to do. So I want to ask you both, what 677 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,359 Speaker 7: simple thing does your partner do to show that they 678 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:12,799 Speaker 7: love you? 679 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,480 Speaker 3: Ah, my gosh, Jason. 680 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,719 Speaker 6: Well, Jason very expressive person, but it's not just the 681 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,799 Speaker 6: words that he uses, Like he is someone who will 682 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:23,719 Speaker 6: verbally check in and be like, what can I do 683 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 6: to make you happier? Is it anyway I can help you? 684 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,000 Speaker 6: And he says that to me on a regular basis. 685 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 6: So I think one part of it is being vocal 686 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,720 Speaker 6: about how you want to be there for your partner, 687 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,000 Speaker 6: which I actually wasn't very good at and I'm still 688 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,880 Speaker 6: getting better at to actually vocalize it. I've you know, 689 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,880 Speaker 6: in my mind, I'm I see myself more of an 690 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 6: active service, which is how I've seen my parents be. 691 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 6: So I'd be like, oh, but in my mind, I've 692 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,319 Speaker 6: cooked a meal and I've done this little thing. But 693 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:54,000 Speaker 6: sometimes you realize that actually having those vocal moments are 694 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 6: really important and how much that makes a difference in 695 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,280 Speaker 6: a relationship. But then in action, it's like the little 696 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 6: things of you know, even if he's just sat down, 697 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 6: when I've sat down and I need something, he'll get 698 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,439 Speaker 6: back up. Like if I won't get back up, he'll 699 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,839 Speaker 6: get back up to get it. For me or if 700 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 6: I am feeling. 701 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 3: You still do it. 702 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 6: And you know, it's those little things where you just 703 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,879 Speaker 6: notice someone going out of their way for you, because 704 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 6: not many people want to go out of their way 705 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,919 Speaker 6: for you. And then another one is whenever I'm having 706 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 6: I'm quite an emotional person, and whenever he feels my 707 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,479 Speaker 6: energy is a little bit off, he'll always, no matter 708 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 6: what he's got going on, he'll always make space and 709 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,800 Speaker 6: time to just check in and be like, do you 710 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,120 Speaker 6: need do you need help with anything? Can I sit 711 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 6: with you? I can work through whether it's a work thing, 712 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,000 Speaker 6: whether it's a family thing. You know, he always creates 713 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,799 Speaker 6: the time and space, no matter how busy, to have 714 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 6: those moments of connection if he feels like I really 715 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:46,719 Speaker 6: need it. 716 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,279 Speaker 3: And so, I mean I could probably go on, but 717 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,239 Speaker 3: I'll leave it that. There's are a couple of them. 718 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,760 Speaker 6: But yeah, there's so many different ways he expresses himself. 719 00:36:54,800 --> 00:37:00,200 Speaker 2: Actually, Jay, Yeah, so many as well. I think. Me 720 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:01,839 Speaker 2: the biggest one is. 721 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,480 Speaker 1: I think when we first got married and we moved 722 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: to New York and then we were kind of there 723 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 1: for a couple of years, then moving to LA and 724 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,279 Speaker 1: we've just been through so much change and change that 725 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:18,120 Speaker 1: wasn't anticipated or expected so change that. We both had 726 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:21,839 Speaker 1: planned to live our whole lives fifteen minutes from our 727 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,800 Speaker 1: local temple in England and five minutes away from Radi's 728 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:30,600 Speaker 1: parents home, and actually that was one of her requirements 729 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 1: for us getting married, was that she could be a 730 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:37,919 Speaker 1: one mile radius away from her parents' home and I'd 731 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: commit to that, and I genuinely had committed to that. 732 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,359 Speaker 1: It was something that I thought was very real. All 733 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,320 Speaker 1: of our friends are in that area, families in that area. 734 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,840 Speaker 1: It made sense. And then all of a sudden, my 735 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: career took a turn in twenty sixteen when this part 736 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,239 Speaker 1: of my life started to grow and it's continued to 737 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,960 Speaker 1: for the nine years, thankfully. And if I'm completely honest, 738 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,160 Speaker 1: that was completely not part of the plan, not my plan, 739 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:05,840 Speaker 1: not her plan, not our plan, but it was what 740 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:10,680 Speaker 1: I couldn't even have dreamed of. And not once in 741 00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:14,480 Speaker 1: the last nine years has Radi ever said to me, 742 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:18,680 Speaker 1: look what I gave up for you. And oh God, 743 00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: I could cry saying this, but it's one of those things. 744 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,960 Speaker 1: It's like, I know how much her parents mean to her, 745 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,759 Speaker 1: no much her family friends mean to her. I know 746 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,799 Speaker 1: how much London means to her and for her to 747 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: move away, for her to give that up when we 748 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,760 Speaker 1: didn't have clarity, like, you know, we're very fortunate today 749 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:42,280 Speaker 1: to have a wonderful life, but getting here wasn't easy. 750 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 1: I was away a lot, I traveled a lot for work, 751 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,000 Speaker 1: I was building things, moving around. And never once did 752 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,919 Speaker 1: she say, I gave this all up for you. 753 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,520 Speaker 2: You're never around. You work too hard. 754 00:38:55,280 --> 00:39:01,280 Speaker 1: And I think that kind of trust without nagging, without 755 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,719 Speaker 1: making someone feel bad, when I was already carrying the 756 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 1: burden of it myself. And I think that's the feeling 757 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,680 Speaker 1: that makes you feel loved where you're like I was 758 00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,600 Speaker 1: already feeling that way myself. So if she would have 759 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,200 Speaker 1: said it to me, it probably would have broken me. 760 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,480 Speaker 1: But the fact that she didn't feel that she had 761 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: to say it to me makes me feel loved. So 762 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:27,040 Speaker 1: not blaming, not shaming, not pushing, not prodding is is. 763 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,560 Speaker 1: It feels like a small thing, but actually it's huge. 764 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,480 Speaker 1: And even at the most difficult times in our life, 765 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:41,240 Speaker 1: whether we were financially struggling, you know, struggling with moving, changing, 766 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,640 Speaker 1: whatever things were going on in our life, every time 767 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,359 Speaker 1: I'd update her on what would happen. She'd always say, 768 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:50,160 Speaker 1: I trust you, and hearing your partner say that when 769 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,239 Speaker 1: you don't even know what's going to happen next is 770 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:57,400 Speaker 1: the greatest sign of love. And so and and you know, 771 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 1: she radly decided to date me and commit to a 772 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: relationship with me when I had nothing to offer about myself, 773 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,080 Speaker 1: And so that's a pretty big thing. She could have 774 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 1: married anyone she wanted to marry. And so her decision 775 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,120 Speaker 1: to be with someone who didn't have a even a 776 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,160 Speaker 1: secure job when we first started dating, and you know, 777 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: someone who'd been in the monastery for three years and 778 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 1: didn't have any sort of savings or any sort of plan, 779 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,560 Speaker 1: I think it shows her character and her ability to 780 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 1: you know, go beyond material things. And the more recent one, 781 00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I could go on as well. I think 782 00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:36,040 Speaker 1: the more recently. 783 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:36,560 Speaker 3: Don't need to get one. 784 00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:43,360 Speaker 1: Raddi's never let me define my self worth based on 785 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 1: my success. So when I first started to experience success, 786 00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,640 Speaker 1: Raddi didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to, 787 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: and I would want Look, I'd wanted my wife to 788 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,319 Speaker 1: be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and 789 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:03,040 Speaker 1: she was a for my career. But I had to 790 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,480 Speaker 1: realize if I skewed my perspective, she was for who 791 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 1: I was. So if it came to my character, that's 792 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: what she was backing. She wasn't backing me because of 793 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:15,880 Speaker 1: my career, and that took me. That helped me detach 794 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,840 Speaker 1: from valuing myself based on the success of my career 795 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 1: because I think that's what I would have done and 796 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: what I would have wanted if she had fallen in 797 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,360 Speaker 1: that way. And so her lack of validation for my 798 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:31,440 Speaker 1: career was the greatest validation for my career. 799 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:31,759 Speaker 6: I'm not. 800 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,560 Speaker 3: Great, but I think it's a cute saying. 801 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,080 Speaker 1: And again going back to the men point, I think 802 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,759 Speaker 1: a lot of men like we want our partners to 803 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,320 Speaker 1: be like front row. We want them to be the cheerleader, 804 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,480 Speaker 1: like we've we've got that culture. And I'm not saying 805 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,520 Speaker 1: that my wife isn't my cheerleader that, but I'm saying, 806 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,400 Speaker 1: your wife's cheerleading your character, not your career. That's better 807 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,279 Speaker 1: because the career is up and down, Like the career 808 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,279 Speaker 1: is going to do whatever it's going to do, But 809 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,440 Speaker 1: your characters who you are, Like, what do you want 810 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:00,840 Speaker 1: to be loved? Do you want to be loved for 811 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:02,799 Speaker 1: the amount of followers you have, or do you want 812 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,920 Speaker 1: to be loved for who you are and how you 813 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,880 Speaker 1: show up and what she believes you represent. And so 814 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,319 Speaker 1: I think it's genuinely be laughing about it and it 815 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,840 Speaker 1: can't have funny connotations, but I want to clarify, Like 816 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,880 Speaker 1: the point is, I think we all want to be 817 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,440 Speaker 1: loved for who we are and not loved for what 818 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:18,040 Speaker 1: we achieve. 819 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:19,960 Speaker 3: I did start listening to your podcast last year. 820 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 8: That's guys, are hilarious. 821 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:28,080 Speaker 6: I love this. 822 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:43,239 Speaker 4: I love that your your voice was cracking, like. 823 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 2: The stop stopping. 824 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,440 Speaker 4: I can see Likee's eyes starting welling out the two 825 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:41,640 Speaker 4: of you. 826 00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:42,280 Speaker 2: It's awesome. 827 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,040 Speaker 5: There are a great lesson in the languages of love 828 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,520 Speaker 5: and acknowledging that that you know that we all love 829 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:55,120 Speaker 5: different ways and we receive love differently, And the ongoing 830 00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:59,239 Speaker 5: challenge is to find the love language of your partners, 831 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,960 Speaker 5: or your your children or your work, you know, because 832 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,400 Speaker 5: and what I keep hearing is that you all do 833 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,879 Speaker 5: that you all kind of ask of what language does 834 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,400 Speaker 5: Roddy speak and show love of what language does Jay speak? 835 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,920 Speaker 5: And then how can I show them love in my language? 836 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,640 Speaker 5: And I just think that's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. 837 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:25,680 Speaker 9: Thank you for joining us. If you enjoy today's conversation, subscribe, share, 838 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,880 Speaker 9: and follow us on at my Legacy movement on social 839 00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:34,160 Speaker 9: media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday. At its core. 840 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:38,600 Speaker 9: This podcast honors doctor King's vision of the beloved community 841 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,440 Speaker 9: and the power of connection. A Legacy Plus studio production 842 00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:47,399 Speaker 9: distributed by iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward Come 843 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,160 Speaker 9: executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or 844 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,400 Speaker 9: wherever you get your podcasts.