1 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:13,399 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch Talks. 2 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: Couch Talks is the bonus episode of You Need Therapy, 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: where I cat answer questions that you guys send in 4 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,639 Speaker 1: to me directly and you can send those to Catherine 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: k A t h R y n at You Need 6 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: Therapy podcast dot com and quick reminder that yes, I'm 7 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: answering your questions. No, this is not therapy, but it 8 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: might help get you into it. So let's jump in. 9 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 1: Usually I were in the past, I've been doing two 10 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: questions a week, and lately I have been doing one 11 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: because it allows me to go a little deeper into 12 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: some stuff. So I will step top. Today we're going 13 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,319 Speaker 1: to talk about one question that kind of encompasses more 14 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,319 Speaker 1: than just one thing. So first I want to talk 15 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: about last Friday. I guess it's Wednesday, So half a 16 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: week ago, Lisa Ham released an episode on her podcast, 17 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: The Truthius Life. So if you don't know Lisa, she's 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: part of the Amy Brown podcast network. She's amazing. She's 19 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: a registered dietitian and she has this podcast called The 20 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: Truthius Life. And she released an episode on Friday where 21 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: I was a guest and I had actually recorded this 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 1: episode a while ago before she went on maternity leave, 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: and I kind of forgot a lot of the stuff 24 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: that we talked about, and I do remember, however, I 25 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: do remember being very nervous about the interview because I 26 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: usually am in charge of the interviews, Like I've been 27 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: on plenty of podcasts and I have a podcast, but 28 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 1: I'm usually in charge of the interview where it's not 29 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: about me, It's about something I know about, it's not 30 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 1: like about my life. And so I even said on 31 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: the podcast that this was one of the most anxiety 32 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: provoking episode that I had ever done, because it felt 33 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: very much about me and less about what I know 34 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 1: or what expertise I have or somebody else's life. So 35 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: when it was released, I also didn't know it was 36 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,040 Speaker 1: going to come out Friday, so I woke up and 37 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, because I subscribe. When I saw 38 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: it was like at cat Defata and I was like, oh, WHOA. 39 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: And I was visiting this past week my best friend 40 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: who lives in Boston, and I was like, oh, dagn 41 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to figure out what 42 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,799 Speaker 1: I even said in this episode. Like I did get 43 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: some extra anxiety about it and Luckily she had to 44 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: do some work, so I went on a little walk 45 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: run and listened to it and was surprised that I 46 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: couldn't say anything that I um want to take back now. 47 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: At the same time, did I think it was perfect. No, 48 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: but I don't think any podcasts are perfect, and I 49 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 1: think it was honest and what needed to be said 50 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: and put out into the world was said and put 51 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: out into the world. So I'm gonna let you guys 52 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: listen to it. I'm not going to talk about what 53 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 1: we talked about a lot today, but it basically talks 54 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: about my development from someone who was very much living 55 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: in a place of I'm not good or I'm not 56 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 1: good enough and I'm not wanted to a place where 57 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: I really wanted to be a part of my own life. 58 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: And we spent some time in that com versation talking 59 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: about social media, and it kind of lines up with 60 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: the episode that I did a couple of weeks ago, 61 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: which is so funny because they were so far apart 62 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: when we recorded them. But it lines up with this 63 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 1: episode that I did with Nabijasad from the Markup a 64 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, and in that episode, we talked 65 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: about boundaries with social media and how to take back 66 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: agency and power. And that's why I'm even doing this 67 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,799 Speaker 1: experiment that I'm doing right now where I unfollowed everybody 68 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: on Instagram. So if you haven't heard, I'm I've unfollowed 69 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: literally everybody that I follow on Instagram and I follow 70 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: zero people, nobody, And I'm doing an experiment of what 71 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,119 Speaker 1: that brings up and how that affects how I feel 72 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: about myself, my life, how much I'm on the app, 73 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: and what I actually post myself. So the reason I'm 74 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: even talking about all this is because I got an 75 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: email that I want to read and then I want 76 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: to talk about and answer some of her questions, and 77 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: it's talking about social media, and her questions came up 78 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: after listening to the episode I did with Lisa on 79 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: The Truthius Life. So I'm gonna read the email and 80 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: then we'll chat. So here does wow wow wow? You 81 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: and Lisa spoke some truth on your episode together on 82 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: Truthious Life. A few things really stuck out to me 83 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: and I would love your thoughts on this. What are 84 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: some ways we can protect ourselves on social media from 85 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: having other people's opinions affect us? Is there a way 86 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: to turn off likes? Any other tips? I feel like 87 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: everything I share a post instantly makes me feel like 88 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: I'm monitoring how many likes I'm getting in what comments 89 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: are being said. And another thing I would love to 90 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,160 Speaker 1: hear any tips you have on healthy social media habits 91 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: in general. How much is too much? When do we 92 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: know if it's become an issue? What is research showing 93 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: us as to how social media affects us mentally and emotionally? 94 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: I watched the social dilemma, but would love a therapist 95 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: perspective once again. Awesome job to you both, so thank 96 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: you for the kind words. And there's so much to 97 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: talk about here, which is why we're just going to 98 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 1: do one question today and I won't even get through 99 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: it all. And I will also say I'm going to 100 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,160 Speaker 1: do a whole episode at the end of my little 101 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: experiment where I'll go much deeper into the stuff. And honestly, 102 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 1: I feel like a part of me is like You've 103 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 1: talked about this so much lately. However, part of making 104 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 1: positive changes comes from continuing conversations and not letting them 105 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,840 Speaker 1: just be a one and done thing and then we 106 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: never do anything about it. So I think that the 107 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: social media issues we need to continue to talk about. Yes, yes, yes, 108 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 1: we've heard that it affects us and we're addicted and 109 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,039 Speaker 1: it makes us compare ourselves. But we need to keep 110 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: talking about that because it's still happening. That nothing has changed. 111 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 1: We just are more aware of it. So we have 112 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,280 Speaker 1: to continue to be aware else we're not going to 113 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: change anything. So let's start with the basics here. So 114 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: she asked, what are some ways we can protect ourselves 115 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 1: on social media from having other people's opinions affect us? 116 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 1: Is there a way to turn off likes? Any other tips? 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: So basic? When it comes to likes, you actually can 118 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 1: turn them off so it doesn't show the number of 119 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,919 Speaker 1: likes you have on posts, which I think is really cool. 120 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 1: I think this is genius. However, I do want to 121 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: say that when people can't see your likes, I think 122 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: there's going to be something that happens because of that, 123 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: and you have to have an internal boundary not to 124 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,799 Speaker 1: check and pay attention, because I think people can still 125 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: like your post, it's just not posting how many people 126 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 1: are liking it. And this is an assumption, but I 127 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 1: just would wonder that if people can't see how many 128 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: likes that's not being shown, they might be less attuned 129 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: to like actually like it, so then you might get 130 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: less like. So you have to have an internal boundary 131 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: that you're not going to check them even though other 132 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: people can't see them, if that makes sense. And I 133 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: haven't done my research on this fully, so you might 134 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: not be able to see them if people like them, 135 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: but I know you can see that somebody liked it still, 136 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: so that's going to come with an internal boundary that 137 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to turn on. You can also block 138 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: certain words and hashtags from showing up on your feet, 139 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 1: So if you don't want to see a certain word, 140 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: you can block it and it won't show up anywhere. 141 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: So if somebody even comments that, their comment won't show 142 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: up to you, which I think is very very cool. 143 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: We also know that we can block people, and we 144 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: can block accounts, we can mute accounts. I think those 145 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 1: are all really great ways to help us create some 146 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: like boundary setting that isn't all about like willpower and us. 147 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: We can help ourselves out. I will say with that 148 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: having other people's opinions and thoughts about us not affect 149 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: us is an even bigger issue though, because I think 150 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: if we really get down to it, there's not anybody 151 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: who who is a healthy, connected human that doesn't care 152 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: at all, so zero percent about what people think of them. 153 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: There's just levels of that. We can care about what 154 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: people think about us and also care about our opinions 155 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 1: and value our opinions and our thoughts more So. I 156 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 1: think that's something that might be tackled on your own 157 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: through therapy or maybe some journaling or your own experiments. 158 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: But these things like turning off the stuff and taking 159 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: off likes might help just disconnect you from the constant 160 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: need to know what people are saying about your stuff. 161 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: I also think there's something to be said about being 162 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: very intentional about what you post. So, am I posting 163 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: this picture just because I love this picture? Am I 164 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: posting this thing because I love this thing? Or is 165 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: my honest intention to get attention? Am I looking for attention? 166 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: Is that's why I'm posting this thing? Okay, Well, then 167 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: you're probably going to check the like, you can check 168 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 1: the comments, and you're going to be really excited if 169 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: it gets big and really bummed out if it doesn't. 170 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: So if I'm posting something simply because of that, there 171 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: needs to be some like work behind the scenes with 172 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 1: us around being more careful and intentional about what we're 173 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: putting out into the world. Now there's a lot of 174 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 1: new research on how social media is affecting us in 175 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 1: so many ways, including our self esteem, which in a 176 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: large part affects our ability to show up in the 177 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 1: world with a sound and healthy mind and a sound 178 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: and healthy sense of self. And I thought it was wild, 179 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: like so wild that the day we posted our podcast 180 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: on Reclaiming Power over the Internet, that was a day, 181 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: the one I did with Niby has I d that 182 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: was the day that Facebook and Instagram shut down, which 183 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, what are the odds Now? I don't think 184 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: I broke the Internet, but it was just a coincidence 185 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: that we were kind of talking about that and then 186 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 1: that day it was gone. Now, what we have to 187 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: remember is that these are tools that were created to 188 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:24,079 Speaker 1: offer us something, not take things away. Instagram wasn't created 189 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: to lower our self esteem. They were supposed to help us, 190 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 1: not hurt us. And there are so many positive things 191 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: about social media. I love social media. There's so much 192 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: good that comes from it and that can come from it. 193 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: But we have to be very clear on what those 194 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: things are for us. So maybe take a second and 195 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: ask yourself, like what does social media do for me? 196 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: And how do I want to use it? What does 197 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 1: it offer me that I really value? Like what is that? 198 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: And then we have to create ways to continue to 199 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: use it in that way. We have to remind ourselves 200 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: that we actually have the power to make that happen. 201 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: We have to do that, like I think that so 202 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 1: many people are like, oh, it just is it. It 203 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: sucks the time out of me, or it makes me 204 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: think this, or it makes me do this, And we 205 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: have to remind ourselves that we have the power to 206 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: get what we are looking for out of these apps. 207 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 1: We just have to be very careful and intentional about 208 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:23,199 Speaker 1: how we use them, and know that they are very 209 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: careful and intentional about how they posture themselves, so we 210 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 1: use them certain ways. I was talking to somebody recently 211 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: about I don't really use Twitter. I just use it 212 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: for the weather because there's a really good weather account 213 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: in Nashville, So I don't know like a lot about it. 214 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: But she was telling me about how there's this like 215 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: I guess part of it where it has like all 216 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,760 Speaker 1: the trending stuff and you can just click on these 217 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: things really quickly. And I was like, Okay, I get 218 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: where you might think that they created this part of 219 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: the platform to like help you get information faster, but 220 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: they actually created this page so you day on Twitter longer. 221 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 1: And like for Instagram, the discover page, they didn't create 222 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: that page, so like you can find what you need 223 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: quicker and easier. They created that so you stay on 224 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,719 Speaker 1: the app longer. And we have to remember that and 225 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:18,239 Speaker 1: remember that, like, we can be more powerful than these apps. 226 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: And I say this, and I think this is important 227 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: because social media doesn't have to black and white. It 228 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can use it, 229 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: I I can't use it. Life generally doesn't work that way. 230 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: And when we try to operate with that mindset, we 231 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: miss out and we don't learn about literally our power 232 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 1: and our agency in the world. Now, something that I 233 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: thought was also wild when I went in and followed everyone, 234 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 1: was how many people and things and accounts I followed 235 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: that I simply just did not care about, and how 236 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: much extra information I was feeding myself that I did 237 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: not need and that I did not want. We don't 238 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: have to follow everybody that we know or meet, and 239 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: I say that it sounds simple, but like you meet 240 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: somebody at a party, they follow you, you don't have 241 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: to follow them back if you don't care about what 242 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 1: they're doing, like, you don't have to. And you're allowed 243 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: to not care about other people's lives like you are. 244 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: I'm giving you that permission. You don't need it from me, 245 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 1: but you just might need to hear it. You're allowed 246 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 1: to not care about what this random person that you 247 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: went to high school with is eating for breakfast, or 248 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: when so and so is walking their dog, and what 249 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: shooes this person found at Target, Like you're allowed to 250 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: not care about that stuff. And I think social media 251 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: has created this community esque idea that I'm connecting to 252 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: people and I should care, but like, if you're honest, 253 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,199 Speaker 1: like I don't really care what's so and so had 254 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: for breakfast? Why am I looking at this picture? It's 255 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: just like so crazy that that is such a simple thought, 256 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: But I feel like I even have to say it 257 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: to myself too. Now. I think that Instagram was really 258 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: onto something when they created the close Friends feature. And 259 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: this is something that I use a lot, and I'm 260 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: really happy to exist, and I think that it fights against. 261 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 1: One of the biggest issues with these platforms, and this 262 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: is the desire and the need for more, more content, 263 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: more followers, more responses, more likes. All of that. Well, 264 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: when you create a close friend group set of posting 265 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: to your story to all your followers, you're posting to 266 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: a group of followers that you can choose, and it 267 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,439 Speaker 1: could be like five people, it could be a hundred people. 268 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,679 Speaker 1: It's a lot of close friends, but it's smaller than 269 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: the pool that you would post to your actual story. Now, 270 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: let's say we use Instagram to keep in touch with 271 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: family and friends, which is a great way to do that. 272 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,440 Speaker 1: Let's create a close friend group and then post things 273 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: to that. Then you are mitigating the wonder of why 274 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,319 Speaker 1: certain people didn't watch your story, or why nobody replied 275 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 1: to this, or why you didn't get as many hearts 276 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: on this, because you're just sending it to these people 277 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 1: who actually really do care about your life and actually 278 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 1: have earned the right to know what you're eating for 279 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: breakfast if that's what you choose to post. The thing 280 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: that we have to come back to is that we 281 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 1: can enjoy things without people who are not involved being involved. 282 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: You can have fun at a party without people knowing 283 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: that you're there. It's a wild concept these days, but 284 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: it is a thing. And you can enjoy a vacation 285 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:15,680 Speaker 1: without posting the pictures of it to social media or 286 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: to anything like. You can enjoy a vacation and have 287 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: these pictures and love these pictures, have had a great 288 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: time without other people knowing. Somebody liking a picture of 289 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: your vacation doesn't mean you had more fun. And what 290 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 1: we've done is we've created a lot of patterns, a 291 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: lot of patterns that create this need to feed the pattern, 292 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 1: and then that's why we need this validation. It's like 293 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: the food for the pattern we've created, almost like an 294 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: animal like thing inside of us that needs more and 295 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: more and more and more and more to stay satisfied. 296 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 1: But we didn't always have this, and we forget that too. 297 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend that I visited this 298 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: week in Boston, and I was like, remember when we 299 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: just like went home after school and we didn't know 300 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 1: what our friends did that night, or we didn't know 301 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: what they did over the weekend until the next day 302 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: when we saw them, or till Monday when we saw them, 303 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: Like we didn't need to know that they were doing. 304 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: While they were doing it, we got to have conversations 305 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 1: about it later. But now we need need need, need, need, 306 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: because we have that ability and we've had that ability. 307 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: And the good news is we can wean ourselves off 308 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: of this. This has been trained, and we can untrain 309 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: our brain when we are posting things and then monitoring 310 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: to see who sees it, how many people like it, 311 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: and who's comedy. This is a natural response to how 312 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: Instagram has trained us up to be talking specifically about Instagram. However, 313 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 1: I have to sit and ask myself the question why 314 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: does any of this matter? Like we're feeding this animal 315 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: that needs all this validation and attention. But then I 316 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: have to ask myself, why does this attention matter? Do 317 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: I even know? Like I really want you guys to 318 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: even ask yourself that question. It may really matter, and 319 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: it may be very important to you because let's say 320 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: you built a business off of Instagram, so it's a 321 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: matter of your actual career and livelihood. Okay, I get that. 322 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: And then we get to look at Instagram as a 323 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: business and rather than like a legit picture of our full, 324 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: authentic lives, that wouldn't be that. And so there's some 325 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: separation there. But if your Instagram is not your business, 326 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: maybe you can't come up with an answer. Maybe you're like, 327 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 1: I don't know why it matters? Why does it? And 328 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: you have to keep asking yourself that over and over. 329 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: Wonder sit there and wonder do I think that if 330 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: more people like it, it means more people care about me? 331 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,640 Speaker 1: Does that feel true? And I would just invite us 332 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: to be a little bit curious right here, Just be 333 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: very curious instead of just like thinking it matters because 334 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: it matters, Be curious, why does this matter? Just because 335 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: I think it? Just because I think this matters doesn't 336 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 1: mean it actually is. A thought doesn't mean an actual fact. 337 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: So why is this important? Maybe ask yourself what does 338 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: social media give me? And then we maybe ask ourselves 339 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: what does it take away? What does it give me 340 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: that I don't want? And I think the reason I'm 341 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: even having this lung of a conversation right now about 342 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: this is because when it comes to boundaries round like 343 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: this person asked, like, what are some boundaries I can create? 344 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: So Instagram and social media isn't affecting me as much? 345 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: And it's really hard to just be like, you need 346 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: to create boundaries of social media, you need only have 347 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 1: a timer on your phone that shows up when you've 348 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: reached your limit, or put your phone down for two 349 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: hours after work or all of that. Like, it's really 350 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: hard to just give yourself boundaries and limits and then 351 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 1: you be the sole responsible person to uphold them. I 352 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: think that's really talking more about discipline and will power, 353 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 1: and that's just really tough to snap your fingers into. UM. 354 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 1: I talked about this with like, when I'm doing work 355 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 1: with clients around eating disorders of recovery, isn't a matter 356 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: of like willpower and discipline. It's not like just do it. 357 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: It's how do I set myself up so it's the 358 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 1: easiest for me to do those things. So the question 359 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,639 Speaker 1: that I want you guys to ask yourselves when it 360 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: comes to like what are the boundaries or what do 361 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: I need? It's what do I want to do? First? 362 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: What is my goal? I don't want to be on 363 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: here as much, or I don't want this to affect 364 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 1: me as much, or I don't want to post as much, 365 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: or I don't want to check my likes as much. Okay, 366 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: what do you want to do? And then what do 367 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: I need to do or what do I need in 368 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 1: order to the make that the easiest to uphold, because 369 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: if it was really not easy, you just want to 370 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,920 Speaker 1: do it. So this could be a million things. It 371 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: could be stuff like not having the app on your phone, 372 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 1: or blocking certain hashtags, or telling somebody that you're doing 373 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: this so then you can have an accountability partner. But 374 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: I just wanted to say that lastly, that there's not 375 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: like a trick for me to give you guys, so 376 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: you can just like snap your fingers and not use 377 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,160 Speaker 1: this the same way. This has more to do with 378 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: asking yourself and being really curious about what do I 379 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: not like about what I'm getting from this, what do 380 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: I want to shift and change, and what are some 381 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: ways to make that shift and change easier for me. 382 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: Doesn't mean I'm going to do it perfectly, but it 383 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,959 Speaker 1: is going to help me do it. And I just 384 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,479 Speaker 1: want to say in the closing of all of this 385 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 1: that this is one of those things I feel like 386 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: I say this all the time, but it's easier said 387 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 1: than done, and I'm in it with you, and that's 388 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: why I'm doing this experiment where I'm like, oh, what 389 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: happens and what shifts in my life when I just 390 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: stop looking at other people's lives all the time. How 391 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 1: does that change the way I look at mine and 392 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 1: feel in mine? How does that change the way that 393 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 1: I just show up in general presently with the people 394 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 1: around me. And so maybe you do an experiment and 395 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,560 Speaker 1: that helps you figure that as well, so you can 396 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 1: figure out what you do need, because what I might 397 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 1: need might be different than what you need. So thank 398 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: you so much for that question, and thanks for being 399 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 1: curious about um wanting to make positive shifts in your life. 400 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,159 Speaker 1: And again, if you haven't listened to the episode with 401 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,360 Speaker 1: Lisa on The Truthius Life, go do that her. She's 402 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 1: awesome and she has a very calm, easy way of 403 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: conversating with people that just kind of lets you say 404 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: things that otherwise you might not say. I was talking 405 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 1: about that on Instagram the other day, speaking of Instagram, 406 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,520 Speaker 1: and I really like that about her. So the conversation 407 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: was really easy and calm and it's safe for me 408 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: to have. So again, thank you Lisa for that. Go 409 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: follow and subscribe to The Truthist Life, and thanks for 410 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: being here half the day you need to have And 411 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: I will see you guys on Monday.