1
00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,240
Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:08,879
Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, every day, just like everybody else,

3
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,399
Speaker 2: I am experiencing some hard things. But I've done hard

4
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:17,280
Speaker 2: things before, which is evidence and proof that while life

5
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,120
Speaker 2: is hard, that's the fact. The truth is, I can

6
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:25,880
Speaker 2: do hard things, but I cherish the opportunity to share stories.

7
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,320
Speaker 3: Hey lady, have you ever felt like the world just

8
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,160
Speaker 3: doesn't get you? Well, we do.

9
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,960
Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

10
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 1: and empowering women like you.

11
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:48,720
Speaker 3: We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.

12
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,200
Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techy and transformational speaker.

13
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:56,160
Speaker 3: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

14
00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:00,960
Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

15
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,160
Speaker 3: women to just b.

16
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,600
Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow

17
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,679
Speaker 1: button and leave us a quick five star review.

18
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:09,360
Speaker 4: Lady.

19
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,480
Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support

20
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,600
Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you.

21
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:20,320
Speaker 3: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

22
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,680
Speaker 3: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

23
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,080
Speaker 3: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

24
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 3: and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well. If so, please

25
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,800
Speaker 3: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

26
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:44,120
Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I n I q

27
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:49,800
Speaker 3: U E b r O U ss ar D dot

28
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:54,760
Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

29
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 3: forward to hearing from you.

30
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,360
Speaker 1: Lady, if you've ever had to build a life from

31
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,800
Speaker 1: ingredients you didn't choose, if you've had to turn your

32
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,000
Speaker 1: pain into purpose, or maybe you've been the strong friend,

33
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,160
Speaker 1: the strong one at the table who's quietly falling apart.

34
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,720
Speaker 1: If that's you, then you've gotta stay tuned. Today we

35
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,120
Speaker 1: are welcoming back someone who has already poured into our community.

36
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 1: Tommy A Vincent Tommy is a best selling author, transformational speaker,

37
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:28,400
Speaker 1: and experienced designer who creates intentional spaces for women to gather, heal,

38
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 1: and grow. Through her Dinners retreats, workshops, and now her

39
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,640
Speaker 1: book The Table of Life, Nourishing the Soul with food,

40
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,160
Speaker 1: love and faith, she shows us how to turn our

41
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:46,000
Speaker 1: lived experiences, even the painful ones, into nourishment. Now, there

42
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 1: is so much more we can say about Tommy, but

43
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:52,120
Speaker 1: we're gonna let you hear it. From her Tommy, welcome

44
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 1: back to Cultivating her Space.

45
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,720
Speaker 4: Hey, listen, I am delighted to be here with you,

46
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:58,760
Speaker 4: beautiful ladies.

47
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,000
Speaker 3: Oh, we are so glad to have you back on

48
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,160
Speaker 3: the show. And so I am going to take us

49
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,920
Speaker 3: to our quote of the day, which, Tommy, this quote

50
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,240
Speaker 3: will sound familiar to you because these are your words.

51
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 3: A woman is a living masterpiece, not painted in oils,

52
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:31,320
Speaker 3: but encourage compassion, resilience, and grace. I'm going to say

53
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:35,320
Speaker 3: that quote one more time so that the folks in

54
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:40,960
Speaker 3: the back really hear this. A woman is a living masterpiece,

55
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:51,960
Speaker 3: not painted in oils, but encourage compassion, resilience, and grace. Tommy,

56
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 3: when you hear your words reflected back to you, and

57
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,800
Speaker 3: this quote is part of a larger quote that you had,

58
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,240
Speaker 3: tell us what comes up for you initially.

59
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,440
Speaker 2: So when I think about women and I think about

60
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:11,440
Speaker 2: what it takes to create a masterpiece, it involves many details,

61
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,560
Speaker 2: and every detail causes that masterpiece to come to life.

62
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,480
Speaker 2: And sometimes I believe that we as women, we try

63
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:25,599
Speaker 2: to mute details, We try to hide details of our

64
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,960
Speaker 2: creation because we believe that they somehow will take or

65
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,600
Speaker 2: distort the beauty that you know, we are when in

66
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,760
Speaker 2: all actuality, if those details don't come to life and

67
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,400
Speaker 2: aren't brought forward, then we're not even the masterpiece that

68
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,479
Speaker 2: we've been created to be.

69
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,359
Speaker 1: Mike Drop, this is how we're starting off. We are

70
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:47,360
Speaker 1: starting off preaching talk.

71
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,359
Speaker 4: That is a whole word.

72
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,599
Speaker 1: Love it so much. The quote is amazing, Your explanation

73
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,520
Speaker 1: is amazing. And I'm thinking about the woman who's listening

74
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,160
Speaker 1: right now and she's navigating her own heart season one.

75
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,000
Speaker 1: I want to say, your book, this is just time

76
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,679
Speaker 1: considering where we are in the world, what's happening in general.

77
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,280
Speaker 1: And so the woman who's listening and she's navigating that season,

78
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,720
Speaker 1: what do you hope she walks away with after this conversation.

79
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,000
Speaker 4: One. I hope that she walks away recognizing that she

80
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:13,680
Speaker 4: is worthy.

81
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:20,159
Speaker 2: Period. There's nothing else that she needs to do. There

82
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,719
Speaker 2: is no one that she needs to confirm that. It's

83
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,760
Speaker 2: just she has to believe that she is worthy. And

84
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,680
Speaker 2: then the second thing is that when you find spaces

85
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:34,680
Speaker 2: like here where you hear women having conversations that are

86
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,640
Speaker 2: intentionally designed to nourish, you continue to come back to

87
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,159
Speaker 2: be fed.

88
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,200
Speaker 3: I love that. Okay, So Tommy, I guess we just

89
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,280
Speaker 3: need to settle into you are going to be dropping

90
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:52,400
Speaker 3: gyms and preaching this whole episode, all right, lady, So

91
00:05:52,520 --> 00:06:00,159
Speaker 3: bubble up, grab your favorite beverage, and let's go. So, Tommy,

92
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:05,960
Speaker 3: you previously appeared on our episode Family, Food and Faith.

93
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,839
Speaker 3: Why pouring into you is a non negotiable And now

94
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:15,520
Speaker 3: you're back to talk about your book. And your book

95
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:21,919
Speaker 3: is part autobiography, part cookbook. So can you share with

96
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:27,920
Speaker 3: us what inspired you to write this book and share

97
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,200
Speaker 3: your stories with a broader audience.

98
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,640
Speaker 2: The inspiration for the book, The Table of Life, Nourishing

99
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,039
Speaker 2: the Soul with food, love, and Face was me. It

100
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,520
Speaker 2: was a life full of experiences, a life, you know,

101
00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:44,720
Speaker 2: metaphorically in.

102
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 4: The book, I talk about, you.

103
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,400
Speaker 2: Know, teaching the reader how to build their own table,

104
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,080
Speaker 2: one dish at a time, using all of the ingredients

105
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 2: from their life. I had all of these ingredients from

106
00:06:54,960 --> 00:07:01,320
Speaker 2: my life, and separately, those ingredients weren't always tasty.

107
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,360
Speaker 4: Some of them were outright disgusting.

108
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:08,000
Speaker 2: However, I am not the woman I am today without

109
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:12,720
Speaker 2: those ingredients from my life. And the process of writing

110
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,360
Speaker 2: the book and taking the time to really sit down

111
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,600
Speaker 2: and reflect on my life, it gave me an opportunity

112
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:23,160
Speaker 2: to explore the dark places that were, you know, parts

113
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,920
Speaker 2: of my life. But this time, instead of looking at

114
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:29,120
Speaker 2: the darkness, I chose to find the light in those situations.

115
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,720
Speaker 2: And I believe that if I brought this book forward

116
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,560
Speaker 2: that not only was it going to be healing for me,

117
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,040
Speaker 2: but it also was going to serve as healing or

118
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,480
Speaker 2: nourishment for the reader.

119
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,760
Speaker 1: That's incredible. We're so grateful for you and the work

120
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,280
Speaker 1: that you've done. And one of the questions that just

121
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,680
Speaker 1: came up for me as you were sharing is you said,

122
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,120
Speaker 1: I'm not the woman I am today without the ingredients?

123
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,880
Speaker 4: How do people get to that point?

124
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,040
Speaker 1: Because I think a lot of times we experience things

125
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,920
Speaker 1: and it's not fair, right, it hurts, it's painful.

126
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:00,920
Speaker 4: Why me?

127
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,640
Speaker 1: We ask how do we get to the place of

128
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,320
Speaker 1: you know what? That was all working for me? Like

129
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,640
Speaker 1: what has to happen to get to that place.

130
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:10,160
Speaker 4: For me?

131
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,840
Speaker 2: It was like I just talked about about going to

132
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,600
Speaker 2: those places and looking for the light, because when you

133
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,480
Speaker 2: go into a situation that's dark and then light shows

134
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,360
Speaker 2: up in the darkness ceases to exist because now you're

135
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,680
Speaker 2: focusing on what you can see instead of what consumed you.

136
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,840
Speaker 4: And when I took.

137
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,720
Speaker 2: The journey back to go to those dark places and

138
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:37,880
Speaker 2: to see what actually was cultivated in me, what came

139
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,640
Speaker 2: as came, how I developed as a result of those

140
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:42,559
Speaker 2: dark places.

141
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,720
Speaker 4: No one can take that away from me.

142
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:50,360
Speaker 2: Those things may have been traumatic, very hard, and things

143
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,720
Speaker 2: that if I had to choose experiences, I surely wouldn't

144
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:58,240
Speaker 2: choose them. However they happened, and I can't change that.

145
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,160
Speaker 2: But what I can do is go back to that

146
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,280
Speaker 2: moment and identify what are the best aspects of my

147
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,200
Speaker 2: development and that moment that I can bring forward and

148
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,040
Speaker 2: I can use it for me so that it launches

149
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,199
Speaker 2: me into the things that I've been created to do

150
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:13,760
Speaker 2: and to be.

151
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,840
Speaker 3: I love that. I love that reframe of how you

152
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:25,080
Speaker 3: are understanding the experiences that you've had and what you

153
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:30,280
Speaker 3: can do with it moving forward. So I know our

154
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:35,600
Speaker 3: listeners want to know because they're like, Okay, well, yeah,

155
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:40,720
Speaker 3: I've been through some stuff, but like, I need some steps,

156
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,679
Speaker 3: I need some clear direction. I need a recipe for

157
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,880
Speaker 3: how to do this. And so would you mind taking

158
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:56,840
Speaker 3: us through one situation or one experience that you had

159
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,160
Speaker 3: in life and walk us through give us a few

160
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:05,040
Speaker 3: steps on how you reflected how you re examine that

161
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,199
Speaker 3: experience and pull a purpose from it.

162
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,800
Speaker 2: So one of the things that I talk about in

163
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:15,080
Speaker 2: the book is my battle depression. And at the time

164
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:19,600
Speaker 2: when I was experiencing it, I often asked a question,

165
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,400
Speaker 2: what were the signs? How did you know that you

166
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:28,760
Speaker 2: were experiencing depression? And to be very frank, I did

167
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,840
Speaker 2: not know. I did not grow up where depression and

168
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:33,680
Speaker 2: what that looked like.

169
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,960
Speaker 4: There was no conversation there.

170
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:40,160
Speaker 2: I had no experience, no learned experience, you know, as

171
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,720
Speaker 2: a result of someone having a conversation with me or

172
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:48,000
Speaker 2: really unpacking what depression was is now I know, looking back,

173
00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,200
Speaker 2: there were times I recognized there were some women in

174
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:55,480
Speaker 2: my life who were dealing with depression, but I just thought,

175
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,520
Speaker 2: you know, and I learned how to be a woman

176
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,480
Speaker 2: and how to do life based off of those experiences.

177
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,440
Speaker 2: So here I am one day, just unable to get

178
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,760
Speaker 2: out of bed. I have no idea what has taken place.

179
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,840
Speaker 2: All I know is very unfamiliar, and I didn't like

180
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,480
Speaker 2: it because I also was, even at that point of

181
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,439
Speaker 2: my life, a woman who walked with women. I consider

182
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,920
Speaker 2: myself to be a strong woman, and even now I

183
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,160
Speaker 2: consider myself to be a strong woman. I just know

184
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,160
Speaker 2: how to regulate my strong and choose how my strong

185
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,760
Speaker 2: shows up. But in that moment, I thought the lights

186
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 2: were going out, and I knew I needed a lifeline,

187
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,520
Speaker 2: and so I cried out to the Lord Lord, I

188
00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:41,840
Speaker 2: need a lifeline. And therapy was the first thing, the

189
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,440
Speaker 2: first you know, tool that I used going to therapy.

190
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,640
Speaker 2: In the process of going through therapy, I kept having

191
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:53,280
Speaker 2: these visions of my grandmother's kitchen and her in there

192
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,680
Speaker 2: cooking and slinging and clanking those pots, and I remember

193
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,080
Speaker 2: life was kind of crazy growing, but it didn't matter

194
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,680
Speaker 2: when we were in my nana ET's kitchen. And so

195
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,280
Speaker 2: then I recognized a place of anchoring for myself. So

196
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,440
Speaker 2: even as I was walking through my healing, when I

197
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,040
Speaker 2: got into the kitchen and I started cooking, it was

198
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:19,280
Speaker 2: like the kitchen became a sanctuary for me. And I

199
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,840
Speaker 2: call when I start cooking and when I need to

200
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,760
Speaker 2: be you know, pulled back to myself.

201
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,599
Speaker 4: I call it soul food therapy.

202
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 2: Because it's something that for me, it gives me so

203
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,160
Speaker 2: much life, and it reminds me of who I am

204
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,560
Speaker 2: and what I've come from, the stock the women that

205
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,880
Speaker 2: I've come from, so therapy was the one step. Then

206
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,320
Speaker 2: finding an anchor for myself was the second step, and

207
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:46,720
Speaker 2: then the third step was to bring people in on

208
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,800
Speaker 2: what I was experiencing. I didn't share with my husband

209
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,959
Speaker 2: or my children for a long time that I was

210
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,840
Speaker 2: dealing with depression and that I was going to therapy.

211
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 2: And I didn't do that, especially with my husband, because

212
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 2: I did not want him to try to fix me.

213
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,200
Speaker 2: And this for me was it was very personal and

214
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,600
Speaker 2: I knew I needed to conquer it. But then as

215
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,520
Speaker 2: I was going through it, I'm like, he's someone who

216
00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:18,200
Speaker 2: loves me and desires the best for me. And so

217
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,440
Speaker 2: sharing it with people who love you and care about you,

218
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,719
Speaker 2: it develops a support system that you need as you're

219
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:29,040
Speaker 2: journeying through. And then also you could be honest and transparent. Hey,

220
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,160
Speaker 2: today is not the day. I don't have it for y'all.

221
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,679
Speaker 4: Today, like you could talk about it in a real way.

222
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,400
Speaker 2: So the three just to summarize the three things are one,

223
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,320
Speaker 2: I chose a tool of getting professional help. Someone who

224
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,680
Speaker 2: didn't have any skin in the game, didn't know me

225
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 2: from a can of paint. Just where a professional and

226
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:54,360
Speaker 2: can help me to see what I was unable to see. Secondly,

227
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,640
Speaker 2: I found an anchor something that brought me back to myself,

228
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,719
Speaker 2: and that was the soul food therapy, cooking in a

229
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,640
Speaker 2: kit And then the third was identifying a support system

230
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,640
Speaker 2: and sharing my truth about where I was in life

231
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,679
Speaker 2: so I could have accountability, I could have love, and

232
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,520
Speaker 2: I could have you know, just understanding from people who

233
00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:15,200
Speaker 2: cared about me.

234
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for breaking that down and then

235
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,960
Speaker 1: circling back. I'm looking over here, Tom, because I've taken

236
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,479
Speaker 1: notes writing write once you're saying down this is so powerful.

237
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,280
Speaker 1: But thank you for making it actionable for listeners so

238
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,160
Speaker 1: they can if they're on this journey, they can also

239
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,600
Speaker 1: implement some of these I love what you said about

240
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,520
Speaker 1: the anchor though, because it sounds like that is very,

241
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,760
Speaker 1: very personal. It's like each person finds what's going to

242
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,560
Speaker 1: be your anchored. It may not be the kitchen for

243
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,280
Speaker 1: one person, but it might be I don't know, the

244
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,480
Speaker 1: gym or yoga or something else.

245
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,800
Speaker 4: So I love that you're inviting.

246
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,440
Speaker 1: People to take a look with them to see what's

247
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,760
Speaker 1: going to anger them to themselves. I want to talk

248
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 1: to you about something you mentioned in the book that

249
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,400
Speaker 1: I think many of us can relate to and it's

250
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:56,720
Speaker 1: counterfeit strength. So let's talk about what counterfeit strength means,

251
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,480
Speaker 1: and how can women recognize when they're pretending to be

252
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:03,520
Speaker 1: strong instead of actually being supported in their effort wherever

253
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 1: they might be working through.

254
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,680
Speaker 4: When I was growing up, I had.

255
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:13,480
Speaker 2: Phenomenal women who raised me, and what I learned from

256
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 2: them was to take life and sling it over your

257
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,120
Speaker 2: shoulder and make it do what it do. And so

258
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 2: life was doing them versus them doing life. I learned

259
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,760
Speaker 2: how to do life that way, and to me at

260
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 2: that time, that was a strong woman.

261
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 5: This is Rod and Karen from the Blackouts podcast. We're

262
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,800
Speaker 5: a husband and wife duo who make a comedy podcast

263
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 5: about sports, pop culture and everything like that annoying checkout

264
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,800
Speaker 5: lady at the grocery store you go to with.

265
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 4: The glasses, she just randomly keeps asking us what y'all

266
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,440
Speaker 4: eating for dinner?

267
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,840
Speaker 3: We would we we wouldn't even in the line.

268
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,800
Speaker 1: We were just walking around the store and she's like,

269
00:15:54,800 --> 00:16:00,560
Speaker 1: what y'all ain't for dinner? I thought, what, ma'am you?

270
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,720
Speaker 5: Yeah? She was violating hard because that one cashire she

271
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 5: started talking to other people about my groceries I'm like, what, Like,

272
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 5: it's other people involved in this transaction now or this

273
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,280
Speaker 5: is just between uns. She's like, oh girl, come over here.

274
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,640
Speaker 5: They got the buffalo chicken dip.

275
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,680
Speaker 3: Like, what are y'all gonna do?

276
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 1: Open it up, write it, eat it in my face.

277
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,080
Speaker 4: Listen to the Black au Tips on the iHeartRadio app,

278
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 4: Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

279
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,200
Speaker 2: As I got older and I started experiencing life for

280
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 2: myself and as I was going through my healing journey,

281
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 2: going through therapy, what I recognized no one that was

282
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,240
Speaker 2: a self aggrandize martyr. I was showing up in life

283
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,200
Speaker 2: that way. And then that wasn't a strong woman. That

284
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:53,320
Speaker 2: was a beat down woman. They didn't have anything left

285
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,240
Speaker 2: for themselves, and they did not, at least at that

286
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,840
Speaker 2: point in their life. What I was witnessing, they it

287
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 2: gave everybody everything that they had with nothing else to

288
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:09,639
Speaker 2: give for themselves. And so I just think about how

289
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:16,479
Speaker 2: much of their life went unfulfilled because of that counterfeit strength.

290
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 2: And so recognizing counterfeit, I had to identify what was

291
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,640
Speaker 2: real strength. And for me, real strength is my ability

292
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:30,119
Speaker 2: to choose, my ability to decide when and how my

293
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,040
Speaker 2: strong is going to show up or if it's not

294
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,760
Speaker 2: going to show up, that is my choice, and that

295
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,400
Speaker 2: to me is real strength.

296
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 3: Thank you for pointing that out and giving that explanation

297
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 3: of what counterfeit strength is, because I think there are

298
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 3: so many of us that have had those examples in

299
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 3: life and actually maybe currently living with this counterfeit strength.

300
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 3: And so once you recognize that this was not how

301
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 3: you wanted to live and you did the work, how

302
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 3: did your life change? How did your family respond? Because

303
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 3: we don't We don't live in a vacuum, right, we

304
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:19,119
Speaker 3: don't live in isolation. And what we often experience is

305
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 3: that when one person in the family is making a change,

306
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 3: it causes change within the overall family dynamic. And so

307
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: talk to us about how as you're going on your

308
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 3: healing journey, what were the ripple effects within your family?

309
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 2: Oh there were many, There were many, And I had

310
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:49,399
Speaker 2: to be courageous and I had to stand firm, flat

311
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 2: footed and knowing that a better me was best for them,

312
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 2: even when they didn't recognize it. Because people benefit from

313
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:03,760
Speaker 2: our dysfunction, people benishit from our unhealed selves, and so

314
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 2: showing up differently is frightening for people because they want

315
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 2: to know, how does this impact me?

316
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 4: How does this you know? Are you going to continue

317
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,159
Speaker 4: to do the things that you used to do? And

318
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 4: are you going to show up the way that you

319
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 4: used to show up for me?

320
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 2: And I had to There was a recognit moment with

321
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,360
Speaker 2: my family where I had to say, look, this is happening.

322
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 4: This is a non negotiable for me. This is happening.

323
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 2: But I've always loved you, I've always cared for you,

324
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 2: and why would that be different? But I also get

325
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 2: to love me, and if you care about me, this

326
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 2: same desire that I have for myself. That's a foreign land.

327
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,880
Speaker 2: I have no idea what it's going to shake out

328
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 2: to be and how I'm going to emerge from this.

329
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,760
Speaker 2: All I know is I will be evolved and I

330
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 2: Am going to be better for everybody, starting with me.

331
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 1: Listen that part right there, starting with me. It sounds

332
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 1: like you have to do a reintroduction Hello everyone, like

333
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 1: this is to du me. Oh my goodness, wow, wi wow,

334
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 1: that's so good.

335
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:07,680
Speaker 4: Tell me and tell me.

336
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 1: One of the things you share about in the book,

337
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,399
Speaker 1: you talk about becoming a mother of twelve, and that

338
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 1: was such a profound and life altering experience, and I

339
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 1: was even I felt reading it. I mean I felt

340
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 1: getting emotional just thinking about that little girl, and I

341
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: was trying to think of, like, how can we delicately

342
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 1: ask about this experience, and so what do you feel

343
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: comfortable sharing about that season in your life and like

344
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,679
Speaker 1: how it changed you emotionally and also what you learned about.

345
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 4: Identity and shame.

346
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 2: So one, I am very comfortable talking about all of it,

347
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 2: like that's to me, That's the whole point of why

348
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 2: I wanted to share. I wanted to, you know, my

349
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,440
Speaker 2: book to be part memoir because there were so many

350
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 2: aspects of my life that I tucked away that I

351
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 2: would not allow that that part of me into the

352
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 2: room because I thought if people knew about Tommy the

353
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 2: twelve year old having a baby, that somehow they would

354
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 2: determine my fate. They would decide that I wasn't worthy

355
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 2: of being in the space and in the place. And

356
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 2: when I quickly realized as I matured into my womanhood,

357
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,719
Speaker 2: it's those very experiences that actually that I thought were

358
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 2: my disqualifiers, that were my qualifiers. So when I had

359
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 2: my daughter, Desiree at twelve, back then I had no idea.

360
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 2: How much of what I experienced through that process of

361
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 2: rejection and having to walk into the rooms knowing that

362
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 2: people were judging me and had a preconceived notion about

363
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 2: who I was, But it built and fortified a resilience

364
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 2: in me that allowed for me to walk through fire,

365
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 2: sometimes getting a little burnt, but I came out of

366
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:53,440
Speaker 2: it healed and unscathed, and it allowed for me to,

367
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: as an adult, recognized that you got to allow for

368
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 2: people to keep living. We can't throw people away because

369
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 2: of one experience in their life. You have to allow

370
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 2: for them to keep.

371
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 4: Living into mature into who they are so that they

372
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 4: can use those things to be who they've been created

373
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,359
Speaker 4: to be. And that's what I had to learn about

374
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 4: twelve year old Tommy.

375
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 2: And so now when I go into a room, I

376
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 2: recognize when she shows up, when she's the one that's

377
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: got the mic, when she's the one that's able to

378
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 2: stand up and to defend and to you know, self,

379
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 2: advocate for herself, because I had to do that at

380
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 2: twelve years old, because I was someone who nobody had

381
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,880
Speaker 2: a vision for and oftentimes not even myself.

382
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that, And as I was listening

383
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 3: to you and we talk about the healing work. When

384
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 3: when twelve year old Tommy shows up, what are some

385
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 3: of the things that you tell her to encourage her

386
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 3: to uplift her.

387
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you asked that because, and you know this,

388
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 2: your brain, like your mind, is still your mind at twelve,

389
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 2: like my mind. I'm fifty two, right, no, fifty one,

390
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 2: I'm fifty one. So my fifty year old mind is

391
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 2: still a mind I had when I was twelve. And

392
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 2: so there's you know, wiring that's existed before the age

393
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 2: of fifty two. And so sometimes Tommy of twelve is

394
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 2: in the room and something is said that makes me

395
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 2: want to shrink, something is said that makes me want

396
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 2: to retreat to the place of shame. And then I

397
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: have to encourage her, twelve year old Tommy, no, you

398
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 2: belong here, You belong here. I have to remind her

399
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 2: just how great and how valuable she is, and how

400
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 2: necessary and vital she is, so that fifty two year

401
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 2: one year old Tommy has an opportunity to shine. I

402
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,439
Speaker 2: can't shine without the light of twelve year old Tommy.

403
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: Oof, that's amazing. I think a lot of times we

404
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 1: may you know, may have shame about our past and

405
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,879
Speaker 1: kind of ignore I know, I definitely have some pictures

406
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: of myself for things where I was like, oh my gosh.

407
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 4: Like that time.

408
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: But I love that you're talking about just embracing the

409
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: whole aspect and what you said about the brain is

410
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 1: so true. And I want to go back to something

411
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 1: you also mentioned in the book. I believe you were

412
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: around three years old and you talked about witnessing and

413
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: experiencing domestic violence at that time, and I believe you

414
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 1: were talking about like the cycle of how you'd see

415
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: the violence and then everything was great the next day

416
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: and everyone was happy, and you're like, oh, this is

417
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 1: all love works. Tell us more about what those experiences

418
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: taught you and what you've learned being on the other

419
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: side of that, and like learning what a new version

420
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: of love looks like.

421
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 2: So when I learned my definition of love was formed

422
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 2: for me at three years old, and I equated love

423
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: with harm, And so as I got older and I

424
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 2: was in an abusive relationship the first hit, I thought, Wow,

425
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 2: he really loves me, and I carry that in that

426
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 2: through that relationship until I had the moment of recogning

427
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: where I was like, I want to live well. In

428
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 2: the book, I talk about how he picked me up

429
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 2: to drop me off of a bridge, and in that moment,

430
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 2: my sixteen years of life flashed before my eyes and

431
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 2: I knew I wanted to live and I knew that

432
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 2: this wasn't right. However, it still took time for me

433
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 2: to re consider my definition of love. And it wasn't

434
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 2: until I really and I really believe this. It's like

435
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 2: love evolved. My definition of love evolved, but it was

436
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: when I was going through therapy.

437
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 4: And so I liken my process of depression like this.

438
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 2: If we're sitting in a room, and in this room

439
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 2: we're all just sitting and talking, and the light has

440
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 2: a dimming switch, and then someone is coming in and

441
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 2: incrementally dimming that light, our eyes are just going to

442
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 2: continue to adjust. And for me, that's how depression was.

443
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 2: One day, the light was just out and I was like,

444
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 2: what happened to the light? And I always thought that

445
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 2: God was turning the light off, But what I recognized

446
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 2: is that God was turning the light on so that

447
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 2: I could see me. And so when I came out

448
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 2: on the other side of my depression and I could

449
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 2: see me, it allowed for me to love me, all

450
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 2: of me. So throughout my journey up until that point,

451
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 2: I was still only allowing aspects of me to be

452
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 2: the part that I would embrace, the part that I

453
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 2: would cherish, the part that I would care for. But

454
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 2: there were still parts of Tommy that did not have

455
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 2: an opportunity to come to the table. At that point

456
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 2: in my life, I realized that real love does not

457
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 2: hurt intentionally, and that I had to start by loving

458
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: me because my capacity to love other people was capped

459
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 2: off by how much I could love myself. I wasn't

460
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 2: even loving other people to the fullestability because there was

461
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,440
Speaker 2: a limit to how much I was willing to love myself. Wow,

462
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 2: you know there is so much insight that you gained

463
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 2: through your healing process, and in your book you share

464
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 2: so many deeply personal stories For our listener who hasn't

465
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 2: picked up the book yet and they're wondering, well, wait,

466
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 2: didn't they say that this book was part memoir, part

467
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: book book? Wait, how does the food come in? Where

468
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 2: do the recipes come in? Can you talk to us

469
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 2: how about how you integrated recipes into the book. So

470
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 2: at the end of each chapter there is a recipe

471
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 2: and as I mentioned at the top of the show

472
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 2: that the premise of the book is to teach the

473
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:26,239
Speaker 2: reader how to build their own table, one dish at

474
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: a time, using all of the ingredients of their life.

475
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 2: So when you get to the end of the book,

476
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 2: you've taken ingredients in each chapter and you've made a dish.

477
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: You get to the end of the book and you

478
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 2: have a table that is filled with dishes from my table,

479
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 2: and I have invited you to come and take a

480
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 2: seat to be nourished. So now you are empowered to

481
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: go and build your own table, and then add a

482
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 2: leaf to that table, pull up some chairs, and invite

483
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 2: some people that you love and care about so they

484
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 2: can also learn how to build their own table themselves.

485
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 4: And so the recipes are a part of me.

486
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 2: I talked about my healing journey and how going in

487
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: that kitchen and cooking was essential to my healing. I

488
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 2: also went to culinary art school because I left school

489
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 2: early to get married at nineteen, so I wanted to

490
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 2: go back to school. Like all of this is happening

491
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: in my healing journey, I was snatching back parts of

492
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: my life. So the book is a love letter to

493
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: myself that I share with everyone else so they can

494
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 2: see how to love themselves well, how they can take

495
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 2: their life and they can use it in a beautiful

496
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 2: way to build a table and create this dishes from

497
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 2: their life seeing that, Wow, these things do make sense

498
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 2: now and the dishes that come from my life are

499
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: one of a kind and they are delicious.

500
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 1: We talked about about your dishes last time. Tommy and

501
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: I remember Domini and that conversation, like we want some

502
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: of this food. It's also good, So we're just I

503
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: just so great for the conversation. So Tommy, you are

504
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: just a well of wisdom and knowledge.

505
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 3: As we're having this conversation, something that kept coming up

506
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 3: for me was how deeply our health is connected to

507
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 3: everything else, especially our intimate health, which we don't always

508
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 3: talk about openly. So we want to share a sponsor

509
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 3: that aligns with that whole body, whole person approach to wellness.

510
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 3: All right, lady, let's talk about libido for a second.

511
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: I know, I know, but it's something that people care

512
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 3: about and we don't always talk about it openly.

513
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 4: And dom here's the thing.

514
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 1: If you've ever looked into supplements for support, you've probably

515
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: noticed how many options there are and how many of

516
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: them are quite questionable.

517
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 3: Girl. That's exactly why we appreciate drive Boost from VB Health.

518
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 3: It's grounded in research, not hype.

519
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:54,719
Speaker 4: And here's the thing.

520
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: It's formulated by doctors using ingredients that have evidence supporting

521
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: their role and libido and overall sexual wellness.

522
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 3: Plus everything is tested in independent labs and produced in

523
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 3: the US.

524
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: Drive Boost is designed to support sexual wellness in a

525
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: way that feels balanced and sustainable.

526
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 3: Which is truly the overall goal with wellness.

527
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: You can learn more at VB dot heal use code

528
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: her space for ten percent off, or click the link

529
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: in our show notes.

530
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 4: And now let's get.

531
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: Back to the conversation. I feel like I just want

532
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: to rapid fire and ask you all these questions about

533
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: your perspective on this and that. Like all these questions

534
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: I want to ask you. At the same time, I'm

535
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: also thinking about what people maybe don't ask you that

536
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: you wish they would ask you more of. I'm like,

537
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: is there something in there that we're missing that You're like?

538
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: You know what people don't ask in this enough that

539
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: you will want to talk about? Is there something else

540
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: you can share that we might be missings? I just

541
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: want to get all the insight we can get.

542
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 4: You know that I've never even considered that. You know what,

543
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 4: what people don't ask me about in life is because

544
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 4: I show up confident in who I am.

545
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 2: If you didn't have any of my backstory, you may

546
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: think I just woke up like this, and I did not.

547
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, every day, just like everybody else,

548
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 2: I am experiencing some hard things. But I've done hard

549
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: things before, which is evidence and proof that while life

550
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: is hard, that's a fact. The truth is I can

551
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: do hard things.

552
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: But I.

553
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 2: Cherish the opportunity to share stories. I cherish the opportunity

554
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 2: to share experiences because I believe that I would not

555
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 2: have had some of the experiences in my life that

556
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 2: I had had the women of my life just talked

557
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 2: and shared.

558
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 4: But because that was not a part of.

559
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 2: The dynamics of my family and the women that were

560
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 2: in my life, we didn't have those kind of conversations.

561
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 2: I had to learn so much of life the hard way,

562
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 2: and so especially with younger women, I would welcome them

563
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 2: just to ask me anything in everything and to not

564
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 2: get stuck on there. I'm the only one that's experiencing

565
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 2: this because if women just talk more, we would recognize that,

566
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 2: wait a minute, she went through that, or she is

567
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 2: going through that, Yes, because that's life. So those are

568
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 2: the things that I believe I wish people would ask

569
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 2: more of. Okay, so we're going to ask all the questions.

570
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 3: Now, Tommy, in this current season of life, you said

571
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 3: you're fifty one, right, what are some of the things

572
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 3: that you are experiencing now at fifty one that you

573
00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 3: wished someone had prepared you for? You know, we talk

574
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 3: about you mentioned that there are conversations that we just

575
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 3: don't have right and it would be great to have

576
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 3: that knowledge. What are some of the things that you

577
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 3: wished someone had prepared you for at fifty one.

578
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: I wish someone would have talked to me about the

579
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,959
Speaker 2: changes that a woman's body goes through. I wish someone

580
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 2: would have really talked with me about menopause and would

581
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 2: have talked to me about how you feel like you're

582
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,280
Speaker 2: always having an outer body experience, like who is this lady?

583
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm like, is this like an is my life

584
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 2: going to be like this for the rest of my life?

585
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 2: Like it's such a the experience is I don't even

586
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 2: have the words for the experience. But I believe if

587
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 2: somebody would have prepared me when it showed up and

588
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 2: knocked on my door, I would have said, oh girl,

589
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: I know who you are, come on in. I've been

590
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 2: waiting for you, and I would be able to handle

591
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 2: it differently. But now I always just feel like I'm

592
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: like in a twilight zone because the experiences are so

593
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 2: many and it's constantly happening, and it shows up when

594
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 2: I least expect it.

595
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 1: Okay, Thomas, and now I got to get the tea.

596
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what is one of the things? But

597
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: all I mean, so we could ask anything, what's one

598
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,320
Speaker 1: of the things that knocking on the door, And you're like, who.

599
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 4: Invited you?

600
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 3: Hear?

601
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 1: What is one of those things?

602
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: Sometimes I just don't like anybody talk about it. Yes,

603
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 4: facts like it happens. That's a new thing, not to

604
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 4: be funny, but that's a new thing in this space

605
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 4: where it's like I.

606
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 2: Don't it's a new thing because when I say nobody,

607
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 2: I'm talking about my husband, my kids, my and I

608
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 2: love them and I like my husband, like you know

609
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, Like I genuinely like him. But sometimes

610
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 2: I just be like I'm about to flip all these

611
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 2: tables over in this house. If somebody say one more

612
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 2: thing to me and they don't even be they literally

613
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 2: don't even be doing anything. But I mean, I don't

614
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: even have a nerve left to get on. So I

615
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 2: just sometimes just like have to retreat and I have

616
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 2: to put I put myself in time out because I'm like,

617
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 2: you are bugging and like nobody is doing anything. But

618
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 2: it's like I literally have no control over what it's like,

619
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 2: like my body has been hijacked.

620
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 4: Interesting, and everybody's experience is different, so you know what

621
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 4: I'm saying that, but that is my experience, and so.

622
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 3: Is there anything that could have prepared you for that?

623
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 3: Like when you think about what you were going, like

624
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: how life was transpiring in your thirties and forties, outside

625
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 3: of someone sitting you down and having that conversation, is

626
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 3: there anything that could have prepared you for that?

627
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 2: You know what I think about doctor dom is when

628
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 2: I was growing up with my mind and sometimes would

629
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 2: feel like she didn't like us, and given the season

630
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 2: of life I knew she was in menopause, could explain

631
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: that instead of a child walking away feeling like they

632
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 2: did something wrong, feeling rejected, and so I think having

633
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 2: those conversations with my mom or her even just sharing

634
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 2: like this was happening, would have given me the tools

635
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,399
Speaker 2: to share it with my kids. I wish y'all would

636
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 2: have been able to share with my children, you know,

637
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 2: because my mom had shared with me, Hey, y'all, your

638
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:45,479
Speaker 2: mom is going through something called menopause, the change of life,

639
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,919
Speaker 2: whatever however she wanted to determine. I know, y'all feel

640
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 2: like I ain't feeling y'all, like I don't love y'all,

641
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:53,800
Speaker 2: or whatever the case may do, but it has nothing

642
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: to do with y'all. I would have been equipped when

643
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 2: it knocked on my door and I was having these

644
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 2: overwhelming feelings that were so consuming that I lost in

645
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 2: myself to have a conversation with my children and instead

646
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 2: of having to do repair work, you know, and you

647
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 2: have to do repair work when you do that, but

648
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,399
Speaker 2: you don't understand and recognize.

649
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:22,399
Speaker 4: What it is yourself that is so good.

650
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 1: And it goes back to something you were talking about earlier,

651
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 1: is like that communication piece where you're able to be

652
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: with yourself, understand what's happening, and then communicate with your

653
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 1: family like today, it's not the day y'all today you

654
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: might be safe. You might be safe to just stay

655
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: all on that side, like let them know.

656
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 4: So thank you so much.

657
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: This is so this is so impactful and helpful. I

658
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: want to also ask you about the book something about

659
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: the book. Is there a story that you wanted to

660
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: add but maybe you didn't have space to add and

661
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I didn't add this because I know

662
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: you have so many more stories that you can fit

663
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: everything in the book. Is there something that you weren't

664
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: able to put in the book that you thought about

665
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 1: putting in or didn't.

666
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 2: So when I wrote the book, I knew there were

667
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: three stories that I wanted to talk about, and that

668
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 2: was having my daughter Desiree at twelve, my experience with

669
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 2: domestic violence, and my vowder depression.

670
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 4: And I'm a very.

671
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 2: Like my brain works where I like put everything real,

672
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 2: neat and tidy, and so through the process of writing

673
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: the book, I did keep everything real, neat and tidy,

674
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 2: and I didn't like drift into other places. But what

675
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 2: I did do when I was writing the book, there

676
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 2: were a lot of stories that I forgot, Like even

677
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 2: in my experience of abuse, I had forgot about the

678
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 2: time when you know, he cut my hair. But when

679
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 2: I was writing, there were these stories that were coming

680
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: back to my memory and I could not include all

681
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 2: of the details because they were too many for all

682
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: of the aspects. I had to just get to the

683
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 2: point so that the reader, you know, would have an

684
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 2: opportunity to get what I was given.

685
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: That makes sense, And we can tell that your brain

686
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: works in that way, the way you gave that one

687
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: answer in the beginning and you recaptured I said, oh,

688
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: she wants you better go ahead, Tommy, you just did it.

689
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 4: Yes, you don't usually do that, but we can definitely tell.

690
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 4: So we love it.

691
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 1: We love it.

692
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm tidy, and we appreciate that that tidiness. And

693
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 3: you know, as you're as you were sharing it, there

694
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 3: are so many details that didn't get added necessarily. One

695
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 3: of the things that I think about is like, Okay,

696
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,479
Speaker 3: well this might like this might.

697
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 4: Be good for a movie.

698
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 3: Right to that way, all the other details get to

699
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: be added in. Now I say that, And Tommy, we

700
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 3: know that you have a lot of projects that you

701
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: were working on, so don't let me add to your list.

702
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 4: And when you when you think about all.

703
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 3: Of the things that you do, is there one particular

704
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 3: thing that brings you the most joy.

705
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 4: It is my women's retreat. It is my women's retreat

706
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 4: that I do.

707
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 2: I have a cabin in North Carolina, and so for

708
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 2: thirteen years now going into the thirteenth year, I've been

709
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: hosting women's retreats. The very first one I did was

710
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 2: when I came out on the other side of my depression,

711
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 2: and I use it as an opportunity to tell because

712
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, there's no way I'm the only person that

713
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,879
Speaker 2: is experiencing this, and I felt like I could create

714
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 2: an environment where I could share more.

715
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 4: But the reason why that.

716
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 2: Gives me so much joy is because I get to

717
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 2: show up in all the ways that Tommy likes to

718
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 2: show up.

719
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:54,880
Speaker 4: I chef the entire weekend.

720
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 2: I get to create florals, I get to do, you know,

721
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:04,280
Speaker 2: do elements of decor and gifting, and I get to teach,

722
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 2: I get to pray. I get to really just be

723
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 2: all of Tommy. Like that is the one space I

724
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 2: show up in, and I am full force in all

725
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 2: of the giftings and just having maximum impact not only

726
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 2: for the women, but truly for myself.

727
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 1: That is so beautiful and I love Tommy, that you

728
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 1: find a way. I'm trying to figure out how to

729
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: even say this. You find a way to bring all

730
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: of you to the table. And I think oftentimes people

731
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,439
Speaker 1: say things like, oh, you can't do that, you can't

732
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: mix those two. Oh you can't do an autobiography or

733
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: a memoir and a cookbook. That just doesn't go together.

734
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: But the way you beautifully orchestrate that and bring that together.

735
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: And I'm thinking about your retreats, the way you're able

736
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: to tap into all those different aspects of yourself. I

737
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,760
Speaker 1: guess what would you say to the woman who's struggling

738
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 1: to do that, who thinks that she has to sort

739
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 1: of compartmentalize different aspects of life. What would you say

740
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,399
Speaker 1: to her, the woman who's desiring to bring different parts

741
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 1: together that maybe don't fit traditionally.

742
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like that was me. That was me where I

743
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,839
Speaker 4: am a creative and I did a lot of things.

744
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 2: I went to cosmetology school, I went to colin their

745
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 2: art school, I went to interior design school. And you know,

746
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 2: one would be like, well, girl, what is you doing?

747
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 2: Who would like, whe are you going with this thing?

748
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: And every piece of that is used in this moment

749
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 2: and so like what I talked about earlier about you

750
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 2: got to give people a chance to keep on living.

751
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:43,720
Speaker 2: And so if there's anybody who is doing all the things,

752
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 2: I encourage you to do all the things because you

753
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 2: don't know how that shows up in your life when

754
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 2: you fully embrace who you are. It was a moment

755
00:43:56,239 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 2: where I allowed for myself to be me. And you know,

756
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 2: people say be unapologetically, you will be boldly, you just

757
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: be you. And when I did that, it was like

758
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 2: I didn't work to make them fit. All of a sudden,

759
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: I said, dang, they fit.

760
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 1: You know.

761
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 4: It was like and it was like I could see

762
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 4: it all playing out.

763
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 2: I could see every piece, even to the hair piece,

764
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: like as a cosmetologist, when we're at the lake, because

765
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 2: it's on the lake and the ladies, we go swimming,

766
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 2: we get out the winter, we end up washing hair.

767
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 2: I might braid somebody's hair. I'm like, so everything that

768
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,800
Speaker 2: I've ever done shows up at that retreat. And so

769
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 2: now when I feel like cooled in a direction to

770
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 2: learn something new or to do something, I don't fight it.

771
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 2: I lean into it because I'm like, it's another tool

772
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 2: that your girl got in her toolbox that where she

773
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 2: can do some things.

774
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 3: Oh I love that answer. Oh my gosh, like just

775
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 3: another tool that you're adding into your toolbox. And so

776
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 3: but also, as you were talking about your retreat, I

777
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 3: just got pulled in and I'm like, all right, well

778
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 3: sign me up. So can you tell our listeners because

779
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 3: I'm sure as they've been listening to this interview and

780
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 3: feeling your energy, that they're like, no, I need to

781
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 3: be at one of time. He's retreats in North Carolina too.

782
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 3: Tell us how how can we participate?

783
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 2: So you so well, So it's a couple of things here, right.

784
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 2: So I mentioned to you that the retreats are at

785
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 2: my home. So there's a couple of ways to be

786
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,879
Speaker 2: able to participate. Bait and a treat a retreat one.

787
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: I have the Table of Life dinners, and I have

788
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 2: the Table of Life workshops. Those are communities that are

789
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 2: built based off of someone else. So, like an example,

790
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 2: if Terry was to host a Table of Life dinner

791
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: and she curates the dinner and she invites ten women

792
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,800
Speaker 2: and we're all at that, We're all at the Table

793
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 2: of Life dinner. And what the Table of Life dinner

794
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 2: looks like is everyone gets a book and then I

795
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 2: chef for the dinner and we sit down and we

796
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 2: break bread and we talk the book. All of those women, now,

797
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 2: because we've had an intimate exchange, now have access to.

798
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 4: Join a retreat.

799
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 2: But it's not a retreat where you can go to

800
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 2: a website and any and everybody can attend a retreat

801
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 2: because it is my home and even it is a

802
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 2: monetized aspect of my business, but it's still you're getting

803
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 2: the best of me, and the best of me requires

804
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 2: that I do due diligence and that you're a trusted

805
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 2: person to be able to receive everything that Tommy Vincent

806
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 2: has to give you.

807
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 1: Come on boundaries. We were supposed to dive into boundaries today. Listen,

808
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 1: you've been dropping gyms of well, have to have a

809
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: third interview. Tell them where we can dive more into boundaries.

810
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 1: But I love that like that people and hell yeah,

811
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:29,800
Speaker 1: they want the Tommy Vince experience. They have to be

812
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: vetted and qualified to be there. Tommy, is there anything

813
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 1: else that you want to share with the listeners as

814
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: we close, any next steps you have for them? I'm

815
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: sure you know we're going to put the book link

816
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: in the show notes, but anything else that you want

817
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: them to remember or go and do after our conversation.

818
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,879
Speaker 2: I would love for them to go to TOMMYV dot com.

819
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 2: That's t o MMIV dot com. On there they can

820
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 2: learn more about me. They also have an opportunity to

821
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 2: see the public facing offerings I have, which are the

822
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:02,360
Speaker 2: Table of Life and also the Table of Life workshops.

823
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 2: They can follow me on social media at Chef Tommy V.

824
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 2: Again that's Tommy with an I t O MMI Chef

825
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 2: Tommy V, and they can learn more about me. I

826
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: may not be everybody's you know, dish, because I believe

827
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 2: I am an acquired taste. We all should be an

828
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 2: acquired taste. But the people that are called to eat

829
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 2: from our tables, the food that we provide to them,

830
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 2: it will nourish their souls and they will know I

831
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 2: belong at this table.

832
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 4: So if you check me out and you see that

833
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 4: you belong at my table, you have ways that you

834
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 4: can connect with me through the Table of Life, like

835
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 4: I said, dinners workshops as well as I do individual

836
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 4: one on one coaching.

837
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 3: Thank you so much Tommy for being here in this

838
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 3: space with us today. Thank you for all that you

839
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 3: do in in pouring into so many others. We are

840
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:03,160
Speaker 3: so appreciative of you sharing your story, and yeah, we're

841
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 3: just so grateful that you were here with us today.

842
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,720
Speaker 2: I am honored to have been here with you, ladies,

843
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 2: and and grateful that you continue to extend your platform

844
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 2: to me and allow for me to come in and

845
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 2: be in conversation with you. I am greatly, greatly appreciative.

846
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations, or visibility for

847
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: your brand, I got to tell you the truth. This

848
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: is Terry Lomax and I've been a public speaker for

849
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,359
Speaker 1: over twelve years. I've lended national media, a TED talk,

850
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 1: in six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big

851
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: social media following. And here's what most people don't hear.

852
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,560
Speaker 1: You don't need a publicist or a massive audience to

853
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: get booked. Most people are waiting to feel established first,

854
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 1: and that waiting is costing them visibility. How many times

855
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: have you looked up and seeing people with less experience

856
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 1: getting opportunities you were fully qualified for.

857
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 4: Here's the truth.

858
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: Opportunities don't go to the most qualified. They go to

859
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:02,800
Speaker 1: the people who can clearly communicate their value. Once I

860
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 1: learned how to organize my story and position, my expertise.

861
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:10,200
Speaker 1: Using a framework, everything changed. If you want my exact

862
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:14,320
Speaker 1: pitch emails, word for word, my winning subject lines, and

863
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,359
Speaker 1: the Saucy Solutions framework, visit get that pitch dot com

864
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 1: for a limited time use code her Space for a

865
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 1: special listener discount. If this is your year to stop

866
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:28,359
Speaker 1: hiding and start getting booked, I'll see you inside. Visit

867
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 1: get that pitch dot com or click the link in

868
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 1: our show notes.

869
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 3: Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember that while

870
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:45,439
Speaker 3: this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's

871
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 3: not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you

872
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 3: know needs support, check out resources like Therapy for Black

873
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 3: Girls for Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do

874
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,399
Speaker 3: us a favor and share it with a friend who

875
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 3: needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review.

876
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 3: Your support means the world to us and helps keep

877
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 3: this space thriving.

878
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,720
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me, I trust

879
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: myself to begin even without all the answers chief Thriving Lady,

880
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: and tune in next Friday for more inspiration from Cultivating

881
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 1: her Space. In the meantime, be sure to connect with

882
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at her space podcast,