WEBVTT - This is Dramatic: Ex’s and Co’s 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:09.960 Chris Harrison and Lauren z Ema coming to you from 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:13.560 the smoking hot home office in Austin, Texas. 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.800 I mean, maybe Chris is talking about how good looking 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:20.160 he is, but it's also we're in excessive heat warnings 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:23.840 in Austin. You step outside, it's like stepping into a 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:26.640 bath that we did escape. This weekend, we went to 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:31.280 Colorado visited the town of Aspen for the very first 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.720 time neither of us had ever been. And I absolutely 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.720 love going to brand new places together because I feel 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.240 like it's always a nice little reinvigoration of the relationship, 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:44.559 like exploring new places and new restaurants and kind of 0:00:44.560 --> 0:00:46.720 feeling like you're learning and growing together. 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:48.080 Just to get out of town and we do. 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:50.720 We like to away. I said it was very cool 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.239 and like deep, and you said, just to get out 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:53.560 of town. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:55.400 It was nice to get out of it. 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:00.880 Also, does everyone hear me? Did you I've seriously did 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:04.959 you ever do vocal training in our profession? Because we 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:06.880 go away for a weekend with friends and I come 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.199 back sounding like this and Chris is ready to host 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:09.480 a lot of. 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:13.160 Fun I did. Finally, I didn't my entire career, had 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.080 never done it. But I always had the same issue 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:19.119 where if I got a little sick, Like I worked 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.240 in Vegas quite a bit, whether it was Miss America 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.240 or Millionaire, and it's very dry and it's smoky. They 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:25.600 call it Vegas throat. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:27.520 The only place people are still owed to smoke. Cecrests. 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:29.200 Yeah, and they really do have a name for it. 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.880 They called Vegas throat. And so I kept losing my voice, 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.160 long story short, and so I went to this vocal 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:37.320 coach and she was amazing. The only embarrassing thing is 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.679 a She taught me how to speak and what part 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:42.720 of my body to use to save my voice, that 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.800 which most singers do. But she had me sing. I 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:47.920 had to sing to her in our sessions. 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:50.680 What song did you sing? Did you get to choose? 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:54.360 Well, we did range stuff, so it wasn't even songs 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:54.880 per se. 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.400 It was more like, well, can you tell everybody the truth, 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:59.400 which is that you were in weren't you in an 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:00.720 a cappella group at one point? 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:02.560 Well, I did do choir back in the day, that's 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:05.160 but that's when I was a tenor. I think it's 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:08.400 before my boys had dropped really so my voice was 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:11.520 a little bit higher, got it. I think i'd probably 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:13.520 be more in the bass section now. 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:14.079 So can you give it? 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:14.480 But I did? 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:15.919 I loved choir, you. 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.200 Did, and I was a part of this thing called madrigals. 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:20.840 You're going to be so excited to marry me after this. 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:22.399 I was just where three. 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:24.560 Of us would would sing together, like kind of like 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:26.320 barber shop quartets. 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:28.359 By this is making me like you more? Do you 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.200 even know me? I mean, I'm a theater kid. I 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.320 in my mind the choir story was that you were 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:33.760 in an a cappella group, So I guess I'll have 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:34.520 to settle for question. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.120 I also, back in the day, we had this I 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.080 forget the name of it, like maybe it was a 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.840 Spree or Spirit or something. It was like a pop 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:45.400 group that was at our high school, and I auditioned 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:49.120 for it. But I went into it with no idea 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.440 what to do or how to audition for something like that. 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:55.560 So I remember I played it was a Billy Joel song, 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:57.000 I forget which one it was. It was from his 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:59.800 Glasshouses album, and I just played the song over and 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:02.120 over and I would sing to it in my bedroom. 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.880 And then I went to audition now that day, and 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.079 I didn't realize how many people were going to be watching. 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:10.399 There were so many people packed into this choir room 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:13.160 to watch, and they said, okay, well, where's your music? 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.320 Who's performing your music for you? Like, who's playing it 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:16.080 on piano or whatever? 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:18.680 And I I had no idea, Okay, that's on them. 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:20.760 At a standard audition, you just have someone there on 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:22.200 the piano playing everybody's. 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:23.320 I was probably fourteen or thirteen. 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.600 Oh my gosh. So you did not make it into 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:28.600 the battle group. No, your whole life could have been different. Yeah, 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:28.919 And so. 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:30.920 All this to say, yeah, I finally in my life, 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.280 I took some vocal lessons just so I would quit 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:36.760 losing my voice, because you know, oftentimes you'll go, like say, 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.360 Miss America, You'll rehearse for three days for the big show, 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:41.920 and by the time you get to the big show 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:44.520 on Saturday night, your voices totally. 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.960 So can you give me without us practicing my singing? Here, 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:50.360 what's like one thing I should be doing differently when 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:52.080 we go away for the weekend with friends. That leaves 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:52.920 me sounding like this. 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:56.280 Most of the time, when people get lazy, you start 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:58.760 you start talking. No, it's just we all do this right. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:02.440 It's like lifting weights. We start talking up in our throat, 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:04.840 in our neck. Think of your voice coming from your neck. 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.560 It's really right now it's high. 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:09.960 And so you're just you're exacerbating the muscle and that's 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:11.920 all it is. You got to drop it down into 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:14.640 your chest and your your diaphragm and your lung speaking 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:17.080 from her. So if you want to go back in 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.159 history and find something really embarrassing, and I'm going to 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:24.039 out myself Miss America. It was the year that Kuric 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.800 is Ansive, who you know, a good friend of ours 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.240 now on Golf Channel having a great career. She was 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:33.799 missed New York and my voice broke announcing Miss America. 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.000 That is the moment when you're hosting Miss America. 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.000 I mean, like a crack like America is. 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.559 And I go no, because you always say to State 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:47.640 and I go miss New York and Kierk is answif 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.120 and so. But you will hear my voice break and 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.960 I was. It was like a teenager going through puberty 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.000 and right at that moment, I just rolled over and died. 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:58.920 Is that when you decided to get the vocal coach? 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:03.440 Because it was because After that moment, you know she's 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.160 gonna go on talk shows for the next year. And 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:08.960 the one thing they always play leading up to every 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:11.280 interview with Kira or Miss America I did it for 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:15.880 ten years, is my announcement. It's Miss America is Miss 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:16.360 New York. 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:19.000 If that happened today, it would have been like everywhere, 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:20.359 you know what I mean. You probably got away with 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:21.840 it being a few years ago and it. 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:24.320 Was kind of subtle, but I noticed it. It really 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.360 did break, and it was just because it's so loud. 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:29.000 It was. We're doing it in Atlantic City. There's thirteen 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.320 thousand people there, so it was But I was mortified 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:35.080 because you want you think about that moment the whole night, 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:38.080 the whole week. You're thinking, as the host, this is 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.599 my moment to announce Miss America. I wanted to be perfect. 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:41.600 Well, maybe screwed that up. 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:46.440 I did, thanks, But from that day on I learned 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:47.559 to speak deep. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:50.360 I've got it. I'm gonna try it right now. I've 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:50.720 got it. 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.279 No, that's what I sounded like. 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.160 So I mean, I should be better because obviously I'm 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.000 on et. I've been in news for forever, but I 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:01.279 just never I know, go lower. But I never worked 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:02.800 on it. I think this is like a muscle you 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.040 have to practice. By the way, it's interesting to hear 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:07.640 I never knew that you auditioned for this pop group, 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:12.320 and I all, I guess I'm listening to that story, thinking, 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:15.599 you know, you grew up in Texas, and this is 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.520 no knock on your parents, obviously, it's just your boy 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:20.480 growing up in Texas. They're going to put you in sports, 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.560 and you played all the sports, and you loved sports. 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.240 You loved baseball and soccer and all that. But it's 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:27.559 just always interesting to me as someone who did theater. 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:32.320 Every kid is typically put in sports by their parents, 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.640 and that's a good thing. Sports teaches you teamwork and 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:36.880 it's good to be healthy and fit and all these things. 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:41.680 But it is not standard that kids try the arts typically. 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:44.040 I don't think, like maybe through school, but you know, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:48.240 I obviously never did well in sports, but my parents 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:52.080 still had me try volleyball and tennis and all these things, 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.400 and luckily they then realized how horrible I was and 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.680 let me brand into theater. But I just I would 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.800 encourage all parents to have their kids try theater, because 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:03.080 I'm in here thinking what if you'd tried plays and 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:03.960 stuff as a kid. 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:05.960 Well, you know what, I didn't love the theater. I 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:07.920 was never drawn to the theater. I was never drawn 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:10.720 to acting. I always wanted to host, which is I 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:12.920 know it fits now, but no, like even the talent show, 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:16.720 the school talent show, when everybody was auditioning for stuff, 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:20.239 I wanted to MC. I wanted to run the show. 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.720 Someone has a control. 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.760 I do for sure, But I always and you know, 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:28.440 I did speech and I was a part of the 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:30.160 speech club and stuff like that. But you're right. I 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:34.440 think typically you have to find theater as opposed to 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:36.200 your put into sports. 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:37.880 Right, it's not so automatically. 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:39.920 And you know, not to get on a soapbox. But 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:43.680 unfortunately the first thing that's cut in schools is. 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:45.080 The article let's get on a soapbox. 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:48.679 Oh, and that is a bummer because you know, choir, music, band, 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:51.320 all those things, just that outlet. You should be well rounded, 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.280 and you should play sports. You should try it. You 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:54.480 should try all these things. 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:58.040 And just so, I think doing that teaches you how 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:01.240 to speak in meetings, teaches you how to you know, 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:04.240 like that's people's number one fear. Right, Even you said 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.600 you were nervous auditioning in front of everybody. It's such 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:08.640 a good way to kind of get away fears of 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:10.600 stage fright and even social interaction. 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:12.600 And we have a lot of parenting things we're going 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:15.080 to discuss today that are in the headlines. And it's 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:17.480 funny because you know, as far as as my kids go, 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:21.480 I probably definitely helped my daughter because she went into theater, 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:23.520 found that she was a great athlete as well, so 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:27.160 she was more well rounded than probably Joshua, who never 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.880 found that voice and experimented with theater and all that, 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.640 and so he's probably a little lacking, a little behind 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.040 in the public speaking forum. 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.839 Yeah, so let's run the drills, you know, dad, give 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:43.280 him the mic and just do some tittering. 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:45.719 If I had Joshua on this podcast, it would be 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.319 a very short podcast, a lot of one word answers. 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:49.520 Someday I'll have the kids on. 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:51.200 Oh you know what, we talked about doing that for 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:53.640 father's sake, and we just straight up for your. 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:56.160 We were all traveling and going kind of different directions. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.079 But someday we'll have them on. And because it's fascinating, 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:01.680 there at a kind of a perfect age to do it, 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:04.480 being nineteen and twenty one, and they're both in college, 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.120 and that kind of takes us to some of these 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.120 things that struck us this week. One is this Gavin 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:16.920 Rossdale and Gwen Stefani co parenting story where Gavin Rossdale 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:21.000 went on they share three kids, Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo. 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.680 Their ages seventeen, fourteen, and nine, so very impressionable ages, 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.560 and they just talked about their co parenting and how 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:29.400 they really don't co parent. 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:32.480 Well, Gavin spoke about it's only Gavin on this podcast. 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:33.520 A podcast, and he said they don't co. 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:35.520 Parents, and they don't co parents, and they don't do podcasts. 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:40.760 They just parent. And I know you're like, well, yeah. 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:43.160 Yeah, I'll read the exact quote he said on the 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:44.760 Not So Hollywood Podcast. 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:48.840 Quote shout out to Adreana Costa Body, former co host 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:50.640 of mine. We worked together for years. 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:52.600 Oh really, I didn't know that. I know her from 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:53.559 seeing her on Red Carpet. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.280 We worked a TV guy together, We did Red Carpets 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:59.760 together for the award shows and lived near me out 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:01.320 in in Westlake Village area. 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:02.319 It's lovely. 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:04.360 Her podcast. 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:10.200 Yes, so Gavin said to her quote of co parenting 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.880 and being divorced with kids. I think you can go 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.880 one of two ways. You can either do everything together 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.800 and really co parent and see how that goes, or 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:21.880 you can just parent. And I think we just parent. 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:26.000 We're really different people. I don't think there's much similarity 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:27.800 in the way we bring them up, but I think 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.800 it gives them an incredible perspective for them to choose 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.600 which pieces of those two lives they'd like to inherit 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:36.520 and move on with, and which part of themselves comes 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:37.440 out of the whole process. 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:40.640 You can clearly see number one, how Gavin and Gwen 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:44.720 Stefani did not stay together well right, because you very 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:45.440 different people. 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:48.600 Yeah, I mean it makes me honestly, hearing that quote 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:51.160 alone makes me think, well, gosh, it sounds like their 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:54.640 marriage was rough. We're very different people. I think that's 0:10:54.679 --> 0:11:00.960 the biggest mistake people make typically marrying young. Myself included ourselves. Well, 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.560 you grow up hearing like opposites attract and he needs 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:05.920 someone to balance you out and he needs your counterpart. 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.839 And that's true if that helps you work as a team, 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:11.320 but it's not true if you're such different people. Like 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.400 I think, honestly, relationships work better when people are pretty similar, 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:16.040 and they want to do life the same way, and 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:18.719 he's saying, we don't do parenting the same way. 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:20.840 Well, and that's the big one, right, I mean, you know, 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:22.880 when it comes to economics and how we spend our 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:26.840 money and save our money, our politics, typically things like that, 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:30.480 But when kids come into the picture, that's when it's 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.480 really noticeable. 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:33.160 Because you're doing the hardest job. 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.360 That's when it gets exacerbated because you are dispensing advice 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:40.200 and making decisions every single day, so you're put on 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:44.760 display for each other as partners, husband and wife, whatever, 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:49.080 mother and father. So it just gets exacerbated because it's 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.280 magnified so many times a day, and these are pretty 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.439 big decisions. And if you don't align all the time, 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.400 I mean, you're never going to always align, Like you 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:01.280 and I had a disagreement recently, but you're not always 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:04.480 going to agree. But for the most part, big picture, 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:15.079 you should and clearly they didn't. 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:22.720 We disagreed on a parenting thing recently and it was 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.480 sort of shocking to me, and I guess this is 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.319 a good problem to have, but it was the first 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:31.240 time in the five years we've been together that I 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:34.280 did not agree with you. On a parenting thing. Now, 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:38.600 granted we sort of separate, how like, I never have 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:42.200 disciplined the kids I leave. You know that in my mind, 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:45.000 I'm a mentor to them, I'm not their parent. But 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.800 you and I talk about this stuff, and I don't know. 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:50.880 I was really shaken by it. I even spoke to 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.959 some friends and said, I don't agree with Chris. I 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:55.920 don't agree with Chris, and I don't know what to do. 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.760 And my friends were like, Lauren, parents disagree on things 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.560 all all the time, And I felt very naive about it. 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:04.880 But I really don't know the answer. When you disagree 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:09.240 on a especially a pretty big parenting decision, what do 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:09.640 you do? 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:13.440 Well. It's funny because I blew right past that with 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:17.280 you and just continued on because you mean, because I 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.120 know that that happens all the time, because I've had that. 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:22.520 Oh it didn't hit you as hard until. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.400 I saw how it affected you, and I realized, oh, 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.280 this is the first time you and I have had 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:30.439 this situation, And so I stopped. And I don't know 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:31.840 if you noticed, but I went back and I had 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:35.120 a lot of discussions with you about parenting and how 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:36.880 I and just our philosophies are. 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:38.560 I don't know if I noticed, Babe, we stopped and 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.720 had those discussions because I kept telling you, I don't 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:41.559 feel good about this. 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:43.720 We need to have these discussions, and so I just 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.719 realized I was going, you know, one hundred miles an hour, 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:48.360 which you just typically do, and you just kind of 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:52.200 move on because yeah, you do these these broad brush things, 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:54.680 and I always say, you can't really parent with a 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:59.520 scalpel and be so specific. It's more broad brush strokes 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.760 and the best you can in that moment, and then 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:04.480 you just accept it and move on. That that was 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:08.320 the decision that we made, and so I realized that 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.280 we had never disagreed before, and so that was kind 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:14.319 of the first time that we had to actually stop 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:14.960 and discuss it. 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.520 So let me ask you then, and you know, take 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:19.720 you and I out of it, just being as someone 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:26.360 who's a parent period. If you do disagree, what do 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:26.800 you do? 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:31.880 I mean, you just got to find that eventually, you 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.520 find that common ground and you're just not always going 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:38.640 to agree and someone at the end of the day, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:43.200 someone's going to win. And I guess you could say 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:47.160 that one I won. But I think for the most part, 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:48.920 what you do. And this is why I really related 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:52.400 to the Gavin Rossdale Gwen Stefani thing is because I 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:56.200 have two schools going on like you and I, and 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.880 I know you don't consider yourself in this realm, but 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:01.840 we do. We copair it, we discuss things. Typically we 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.840 arrive at a decision that is best suited for all 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:08.640 of us. And I very much value your opinion because 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:10.200 I know you love the kids as much as I do, 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:12.080 and I think you have a great perspective, and you 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:15.280 are unbelievably smart. And I think I've been doing this 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:16.920 for a while and I think I'm a good dad 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.520 and I have good perspective, and so it's that's typically 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:21.720 what you have when you're married or when you're raising 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:24.920 kids together. What scared me, and this is what drove 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:28.520 me on this Gavin Rossdale Gwen Stefani's story is that 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.000 scared the heck out of me when I got divorced again. 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:37.000 My ex I get along with, she's a good mother, 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.600 none of those issues that Gwen and Gavin seem to have. 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:43.040 But at the same time, you lose control. And I 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.440 actually just said this to my nineteen year old daughter 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:48.240 Taylor the other day. We were having a deep discussion. 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:50.000 I said, you know, the scariest thing for me as 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.400 a dad was when we got divorced, you would go 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:56.320 to your mom's. We were fifty to fifty and I 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.640 didn't think you were you know, anything was wrong, but 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.320 it just it scared me because I lost control again, 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.680 going back to a control thing. But I didn't know 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.280 what was being done, what was being said. I didn't 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:08.920 know the things you were going through on the day 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:09.640 to day anymore. 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.600 If you weren't seeing half for life in person in 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:13.040 real time. 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:16.560 Usually every single day you see it and you're dealing 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:18.720 with it. And again, even if you agree or disagree, 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:23.680 as you're co parenting, you're in it and you lose 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.960 that and that that scared the hell out of me 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:28.200 as a dad because then they come back to you 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:31.160 a week later or however you're doing your your custody 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.240 and you're not going to get the full report, and 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:35.680 you don't want to dive in and be like, oh 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:38.040 what did mom say? You know, it's you're trying not 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.600 to pit anybody against each other, but at the same 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:43.000 time you're trying to get some information as to what's 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.480 going on in your life. It was a very It's 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.600 a very difficult thing to navigate. And I have all 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.880 the love and the respect in the world for even 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.000 for Gavin and Gwenn trying to figure this out and 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:53.240 navigate these waters. 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.200 Well, I you know, I think what I've learned in 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.640 this these past couple weeks with us is that I've 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:01.760 maybe learned, for the first time in my adult life, 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.439 the true meaning of agree to disagree. And I know 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:10.760 sometimes you're like, you think that I keep tally of 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:12.520 things in my head. By the way, babe, this is 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:16.000 just a female thing. Like women, I'm stereotyping here, But 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.359 when you are about to have an argument with me, 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:21.640 I've played that scenario out five different ways in my head. 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.240 I know the chays you're going to get scoreboard. 0:17:24.640 --> 0:17:26.639 I do a little bit, but not in a way 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:31.280 of like like to me, I'm like a lawyer gathering evidence. 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.440 I am the child of two lawyers, and I'm just 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:35.439 trying to show you how I feel, and so I 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:39.040 provide examples. I did think to myself with this, Okay, 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:43.080 we've agreed to disagree here, he has won here. But 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.440 I thought, well, in future, you know, if this same 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:48.639 situation comes up, I am going to bring this up 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:52.000 and say I felt differently here, then this is why, 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:53.960 And now we're kind of in the same situation again, 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:59.119 and I thought that is that a toxic thing? Yes? 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:05.240 Now I guess my advice to parents and I think 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:07.320 to going back to your original question, what do you 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:11.600 do if you quote unquote lose in the decision making. 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.520 It's not that you lose and you lose power, it's 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:19.199 you need to find other ways to reach that child 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:23.520 with your wisdom. And so obviously there's only one way 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:27.120 certain certain decisions can go, but that doesn't mean you 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:31.520