WEBVTT - Thirty, Flirty & Thriving 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.960 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler, Dared Haven and 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:11.959 I Heart Radio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to an all 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:15.160 new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. My name 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.760 is Jared. Have been joined, of course, every week by 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:21.040 the beautiful, the glorious, the wonderful, man, the myth, the legend, 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:24.800 Dean Ungler It also known as Deanie Babies. You're gonna 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:29.000 ever gonna change your Instagram handle? Um, I don't plan 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:32.080 on it, would I ever? Why would I? Maybe Deanie 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:37.440 Manny's no, no. Anyways, we got a great episode for 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:41.920 you guys. Today. We have a couple of guests from 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:46.400 the podcast Almost thirty. Lindsay and christ will be joining 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:50.199 us a little bit later on. Um. But first, uh 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.920 and foremost, I think, at least on this week's podcast 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.200 is this is the first podcast since Super Bowl fifty, 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:59.200 whatever the heck it was, Jared, I just want to 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:01.840 say congratulate sations on. I know we talked about this 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:03.440 on the live and was famous a little bit, but 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.959 I just wanted to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you. 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:08.760 I know that you worked really hard for this, so 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:11.560 um it was a grindalls, you know. I'm just practice 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:13.880 every day It's all I could ask for. Really, teammates 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.560 didn't well, they played well. UM. I don't think anybody 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:20.320 cares about my Super Bowl opinions. Unfortunately. I do love 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:24.840 talking sports though, but thank you. UM. We did want 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:27.160 to talk about, obviously an issue that's going on in 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:30.280 the Bachelor world right now, which comes as no surprise, 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.160 is the Chris Harrison situation. I know it's kind of 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:36.480 weird to switch gears and talk about something that's very 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.960 serious and important. UM. And I know that we're a 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:43.440 dating podcast and we're here for an escape and fun, 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:47.040 and I love providing that We're gonna provide it this episode. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:48.480 You know, we have some great guests coming up, and 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:50.160 we have some of your emails, and we're gonna talk 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:52.800 about dating and everything that we usually talk about. But 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.600 I do feel, both Dean and I feel that it's 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:58.280 very important that we start this podcast off by talking 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.600 about the current Cres saracence which ration which, of course, 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:03.640 if you are not aware, Chris Harrison was on an 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:07.320 interview earlier this week with Extra with our former Bachelor 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.200 at Rachel Lindsay Uh, and he was talking about a 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.040 new contestant, Rachel Uh not Rachel Lindsay, but a new 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:17.639 one on Matt James season, who has some controversial uh 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:21.800 um things surrounding her. Uh. There was a pictures of 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:24.919 her at an antebellum party on a plantation from a 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.760 couple of years ago a sorority party. She also liked 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:34.240 some controversial pictures online confedering, including a Confederate flag UM 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:38.200 and UM. Chris Harrison spoke about it, uh, Dean, I 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:40.600 don't know if you had an opportunity to listen to 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:52.239 the interview. UM. I did, UM, and it's it's disappointing. Um. 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:53.959 You know, Ashley and I have talked a lot about 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:55.920 it in the past couple of days and trying to 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:01.000 listen uh and learn um and become better, which is 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:03.200 something that we've been trying to do for a while now. 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:07.959 And so so Jared help me understand because I keep 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:11.440 seeing a lot of my friends and peers and people 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:14.799 I look up to say that like it's disappointing uh, 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.440 and you know they're trying to learn from it what 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:19.080 exactly was disappointing about it? And again this is just 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.800 fully from someone that hasn't watched it or doesn't really 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:23.880 like I obviously under say the gist of what's going on, 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:26.639 but I haven't watched it myself. So what what what 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:30.080 was disappointing? Well, you know, it's a lot to unpack. 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:33.760 I would advise everybody to listen to the interview and 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:36.600 formulate their own opinions, but also listen and learn to people, 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.080 specifically people of color, who want to talk about this 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:44.240 issue and subject and in their own experience with it. UM. 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:47.360 You know, he in the interview they talk about how 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:53.440 UM two thousand eighteen was vastly different than I think. 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:56.960 The most disappointing part for me is listening to Chris 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:03.080 just not have the information uh that he should have. UM. Like, 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.360 for example, he started off the interview saying that, you know, 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:07.240 five years ago there was a picture that came out 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:11.400 of of of Rachel at at a plantation, and it 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:13.120 wasn't five years ago as to was an eighteen, which 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.800 is obviously a pretty big difference and UM, but regardless, 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.200 I just I think it was overall his tone and 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.960 you know, the lack of understanding and specifically talking about 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:28.800 race to a woman of color and trying to UM 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.760 tell her what he thinks racism is about. You know, 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:36.440 it's Rachel has experienced it, and I think in moments 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:42.320 like that, UM, it's best to listen and learn. Um. Rachel, 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.200 I thought I handled her stuff really well in the interview. 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:48.200 I thought she was elegant. I thought she, uh, showcased 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:53.040 a lot of strength. UM. And UM, you know Chris 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:56.279 is a friend. UM that adds a whole, not a layer, 0:04:56.560 --> 0:05:01.720 because UM, he is a friend. And it's it's hard 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:08.120 um to just you know, say that a friend messed up. Um, 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.440 but he did and he needs to be held accountable 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:14.720 for it. And UM, I hope that this is a 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:18.039 learning lesson for us all. I hope this is a 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:22.120 teachable moment that we can all um have more conversation 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:27.080 around UM, because I think it's needed and for me specifically, 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:30.520 like just speaking upon it, like I, you know, I 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:34.200 need to do a better job. Um. I want to 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:37.040 continue trying to be as much of an ally as 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:41.480 possible and continue to condemn racism and continue to try 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.560 to evolve or become a be a part of a 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:49.320 society that wants to evolve, that wants to be better. UM. 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:51.880 And uh, I feel bad for Rachel. I listened to 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.360 her podcast that I posted on my own Instagram. A 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:57.120 couple days ago, uh, saying people should listen to it. 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.240 But it's it's her podcast on The Ringer, and she 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:01.520 just talks about the interview that she had with Chris 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:06.840 Harrison and and she just, um, it's pretty enlightening. Um. 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:09.400 And so I really suggest everybody goes to listen to 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:12.120 her podcast on The Ringer. Uh, the episode that came 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:15.800 out I think Friday, um, And I don't know, I 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:17.520 don't know what else to say about it. I really 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:21.320 hope that I know, I'm just like blabbing at this point. 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.600 But obviously, as you could see him, you know, pretty 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:27.200 uncomfortable talking about it. It's an uncomfortable conversation to have. 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:32.040 But that doesn't mean that we should not have it 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.400 because it's uncomfortable. I think we should have it because 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.200 it is uncomfortable. Yeah, right, all right, all right, here's 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:40.080 my take on on everything that I've gathered through my 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:43.400 friends and through what you just said just there. Um. Again, 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:47.560 I haven't seen the interview. I've seen people's reactions to it, 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:51.880 and I understand the gist of it, and I agree 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:54.920 with with basically everything that you said. I don't think 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.520 it's just it's it's certainly not a white man's place 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.800 to tell a black woman how she should be feeling 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.919 out any type of racial issue, right, that that is obvious. 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:06.240 But when I think about how, uh there was a 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:10.600 social media post or reaction or or whatever from a 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.600 contestant as little as three years ago, here's my experience, 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:16.080 and this is the only thing. This is what I 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:17.600 was thinking about. Most of the time that you were 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:20.440 sharing a story. Was when I was thinking about going 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:23.640 back on Bachelor Paradise season six for the you know, 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:27.160 the fourth time in my Bachelor's stint. This was this 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:33.080 was what two thousand two and nineteen. Whenever it was 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.440 whenever I was about to go on two thousand, I'm Bachelor, 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:39.840 I was sure if two nine, yep, that's right. It 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.400 was probably around like April May of two thousand nineteen, 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:44.360 I was considering going back on the show. I was 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:47.480 talking to producers, blah blah, blah, blah blah. I was 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:49.720 in China for a week and a half, just exploring 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:53.280 China and you know, having a blast. And this was 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.800 during the whole the whole process of me trying to 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.240 decide whether or not I was going to go on 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.600 the show or not. And while I was in the 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.080 decision making process. Some of the producers, you know, not 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.040 Chris Harrison, of course, this is this is Chris Harrison. 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:07.920 Is is kind of like a you know, in my opinion, 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.440 above this pay grade, right, Like, some of the producers 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:11.920 would reach out to me and be like, hey, Dean, 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.680 we found some discriminating things on your social media and 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:18.560 I was like, that's crazy, what is it? And they 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:20.320 were like, hey, we see that. You. You You know, you 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:23.800 said the F bomb uh five times on your friends 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:27.680 Facebook ball back in two thousand and seven. Holy, And 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:31.560 I'm sitting here saying I was sixteen years old, and 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.880 you guys are getting upset with me about dropping the 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.840 F bomb on a friend's Facebook wall in two thousand 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:38.960 and seven. I was like, listen, I'm in China. I 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.000 can't even get on Facebook. I'll delete it when I 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:42.640 get back, but I'll take care of it, you know, 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:47.720 as soon as I'm able to. So that all to say, um, 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:51.920 I think the recourse here is if if you're upset 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:53.840 about it, which absolutely should be, you have every right 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:57.280 to be stop watching the show, like you don't the 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.800 show doesn't owe you anything. You don't know the show anything, 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:04.560 Like just stop giving your participation, your involvement, your attention, 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:08.600 and eventually it'll fade away or it'll fix itself. And 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.160 once it fixes itself, then you can re recontinue to 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:14.560 watch it. But it's like, you know, that's kind of 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.160 my take on it. Yeah, I understand where you're coming from. 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.480 I think the rebuttal to that would be for people 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:24.280 who who would who criticize the show but continue watching 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.160 it would be why, you know, I want the show 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.040 to be better, and the only way for it to 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.319 be better is for me to hold the show accountable. 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:36.400 So by just not watching it would then, you know, um, 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:38.960 just let them continue doing what they're doing. Even though 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:41.000 I think the show has been taking steps in the 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:44.920 right directions, I also don't want to ignore that. Um. 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:49.400 You know, I I this Chris Harrison interview is not good. 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.599 Watching it was was disappointing, like we said, But I 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:54.839 do believe that the show has been trying to take 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:58.280 the right steps. Um, and they haven't been succeeding in 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:01.200 everything they've been doing. While it's my here's my argument 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:04.280 against that idea is, I don't watch a bad show. 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.960 I don't watch a show a bad show and think 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:11.200 to myself that's a bad show. How can I take 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:13.280 action to make it better? If I watch a show 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.559 and it's a bad show, or I don't agree with 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.920 the you know, the message that they're putting out there, 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.640 My way of contributing to getting that show off of 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:24.680 you know, the air or whatever way it is just 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.920 not giving it the attention that it doesn't deserve. I'm 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:29.800 just gonna say, I think people like the people that 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:32.360 are They like the show, they like watching the show, 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:34.480 They want the show to continue, They just want the 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:38.200 show to change. I just to me, it's crazy. Again 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:41.480 I I don't understand to the extent maybe, but to 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:42.959 me it's crazy. It's like, if you don't like it, 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:45.000 didn't stop watching it. If you like it but you 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.840 want to change, then stop watching it. Maybe a little 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.240 pivot and maybe it'll change. It's like, you know, if 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:52.920 you don't like something, then just don't give it the 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:56.640 attention doesn't deserve, and eventually it'll it'll course correct. If 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.200 it doesn't course correct, it'll fade into obscurity as it should. 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:03.280 Like I don't know, none of us know. And again 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.880 we are we are two white guys talking about a 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:08.440 racial issue. We have no place to be talking about 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:10.400 it obviously as you know, you know, you know you 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.040 you you can beat that dead horse too. It's like, 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.720 we are not people that deserve an apology in any 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:17.800 sort of way, like you said, it's you know it's 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.000 And even Rachel when she just so Rachel just spoke 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:25.280 after the whole Chris Harrison debaccle happened, she finally came 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.640 out with a statement, you know, weeks after these accusations, 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.679 and she even says that in her apology, like this 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:33.840 is this is for the people of color who have 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:38.600 been offended by my previous actions. And so, like, I 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:40.720 thought that was worded pretty well. It's not for someone 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:42.800 like you and I to really judge whether this apology 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.520 is acceptable or not. It's for people who have been 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.679 offended by her previous actions. But I agree, like, I 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.920 think this leads to a bigger cultural conversation that needs 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:54.760 to be had, um, you know, Like to be completely frank, 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.480 I didn't know what an anti bomb party was until 0:11:57.559 --> 0:11:59.559 this whole conversation came up. I had to google it. 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:03.880 But again, like so I don't know, like you know, 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:07.040 I mean there, I'm not gonna lie like I attended 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:08.800 a wedding at a plantation a few years ago, and 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:11.959 like it felt weird driving there, but I know, I 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.320 didn't like stand there and be like, I'm not going 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:15.960 to this. It was like this is kind of weird. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.760 And then there were people of color at the wedding 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:20.079 and I was like, all right, well, I guess I 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.679 don't know, Like I truly just don't know if this 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:24.440 is you know, I know that I don't know if 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:25.560 this is a good thing, it's a bad thing. I 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:26.760 don't know what the hell you think of it. But 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:28.360 you know, I'm not really thinking too much of it 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.840 at the moment. Uh. And then of course looking back 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:34.040 at it, just like someone like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.240 they got married on a plantation I don't know how 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.440 long ago, but they came out this year and said 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.720 that they regretted having the wedding at the plantation. And 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.160 so I think, you know, hopefully we can grow and 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.680 learn and have more conversations even if they are uncomfortable 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:49.080 discussing this is how we can get better, and this 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.920 is what we need to do in order to get better. Um, 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:54.800 And I really, I really hope that that continues with 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:59.920 the Bachelor franchise. And with the world as a whole, right, right, 0:13:00.000 --> 0:13:01.560 And I do agree with what you were saying. Like 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.600 as Chris, Chris, you know, I would necessarily call him 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:07.079 a friend. But I like Chris. Every time I've interacted 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.040 with Chris, I've enjoyed meeting him. I don't think he's 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.959 a bad guy. I think, uh, from what I've surmised 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:15.079 this interview that he gave. Maybe he was a little 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:19.440 too like cavalier with his words. You know, who the 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.800 heck knows. But like like you said, it's like you 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.600 want to stand in your friend's corner here. So it's um, 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:27.800 but there is no excuse, There is absolutely no excuse 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:32.400 for for for any type of discrimination whatsoever, like I 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:35.480 mean too, Yeah, And to piggyback off that point, like 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.840 we want to make it very clear that you know, 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:43.360 we condemn racism in any in all forms, and it's deplorable. 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:48.040 Um So anybody defending any type of racism is something 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:55.200 that we vehemently are against. Yeah, absolutely, But I don't know. 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:57.719 The thing is again, I don't think it's like I'm 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:59.360 glad that we can touch on it and talk about it. 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:03.200 I don't necessarily think it's our place to you know, like, 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.720 of course, I don't know, I don't know. What do 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.960 you think? I agree, I don't think it's our place 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:12.160 to really judge whether Rachel's apology or Chris Harrison's apology 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:15.360 is worthy to be accepted at this point or if 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.680 there needs to be more done in order to earn forgiveness. 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.640 Like that's just not up to us, you know, like 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:25.560 you said, we're too privileged white dudes who I don't 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:26.920 really have a say in it. But of course we 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.240 want to also be good allies. And I know that 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.200 word has been thrown around so much, but it's but 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:34.440 it's true. You know, we have you know, we've had 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:36.360 a lot of we have friends, you know who are 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:39.160 in the Bachelor franchise, Katie and Mike and Intation and 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.440 a lot of people who you know, have to deal 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.720 with this that you know, we don't have to deal 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.000 with And it's I just want to support in any 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:53.240 way we can. Um. I just wanted to add one 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:59.960 more thing before we move on, and that is Chris 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:03.000 as a friend and he's a good man, and he 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:09.280 announced that he's gonna be stepping aside, uh for a 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:12.640 period of time. What that period of time is I 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.800 have no idea. I think that he's doing the right 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:21.160 thing by stepping aside, but I also know Chris, and 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:29.080 I believe that Chris will be better from this. UM. 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.360 It is a teachable moment. As much as we're throwing 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:36.400 that word around, this is really an opportunity for a 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:43.480 lot of people to educate themselves, myself included. UM, Chris 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:46.800 needs to be held accountable, he needs to do better, 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:51.400 and I believe that he will do better. I hope 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:56.320 that Chris is not fired. UM. I hope that we 0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:01.520 can have more uncomfortable conversation it's like this in the future, 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:06.280 because as uncomfortable as they are, they need to happen, 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:11.120 as we've seen over the past year. UM. And those 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.960 are my thoughts. So Chris is stepping aside for a 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:20.040 period of time, and UM, I hope he's back. UM. 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.320 I hope he's better. UM, because we all need to 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:28.040 do better. And those are really my thoughts about it. UM. 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.240 Like I said, Chris is a friend, and that makes 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:36.000 this even more difficult. UM because while I don't agree 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:41.840 with what a friend said, UM, you know, I believe 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:49.680 that he can be better from this UM true true. Anyways, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.600 we have a like I said at the at the beginning, 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:53.480 we have got a great episode for you guys. We 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:58.680 have the host of almost thirty coming up next um, 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:01.440 and then, as we always tend to do, we will 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:04.720 jump into some listener emails at the end of the show, 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:18.640 so stay tuned for that. We will be right back. Hey, 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:20.840 welcome back to help I Suck at Dating. We have 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:23.080 two very special guests on the line right now. You 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.960 know them from the Almost thirty podcast. It is Christa 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:31.760 Williams and Lindsay Simsic. Lindsay Krista, how are you, ladies. Oh, 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:35.400 we're good. So excited to be here right around Valentine's Day. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:38.159 So it's just a dream. I know it's the perfect 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.399 time to come on a Suck Dating podcast right around. 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:45.120 We just put out a breakout episode specifically around this time, 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.719 just to like support those going through whatever transition. So well, 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:50.959 I don't know about your person. Are you both in relationships? 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.920 We are? Now? Okay, do you have any special Valentine's 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:59.880 Day plans for me? So I'm engaged. We will yeah, 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:01.600 And I think once you're engaged, you're kind of like, 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:03.720 you know, the gigs up, so we'll probably do sweatpants 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.400 order in hang out. You know, nothing special. I think 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:09.000 we used to. We used all of our like intense 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:11.760 dating experiences the first couple of years, and now we 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:13.760 just like to chill. No, that's the best kind. That's 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:15.080 what my wife and I are gonna do. So I'm 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.480 gonna cook for. My wife's name is Ashley. I'm gonna 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:19.080 cook for. I made a pizza for the first time 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.040 in my life last week, and I'm gonna make the 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:22.960 pizza again for. We're gonna have a bottle of wine. 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:24.719 And then she doesn't know this, but of course I'll 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.760 go to flowers and chocolate and all that good stuff. 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:28.439 But it's just gonna be a low key Valentine's Day. 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:29.960 I mean, what else can you do during the COVID 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:34.240 times exactly the best though, And whatever I was out 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:35.719 on dates, I was like, I just want to be 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:38.399 in my sweatpants at home anyway. So now to just 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:40.920 kind of cut that and just be home is so beautiful. 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.240 So I love I love your Valentine's Well, I feel 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:48.159 like sweatpants goes right along with being uh almost in 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.480 your thirties, which is what your podcast is all about. 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:54.040 Tell us a little bit about your podcast. So we 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:57.280 started almost thirty when we were transitioning from our twenties 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:58.879 to your thirties. And I'm sure a lot of your 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:02.080 listeners can relate. It's a time when you just feel 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:04.920 like what the is going on? You know, there's so 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:09.359 many questions and fears and doubts around relationships, career and 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:12.400 just like knowing yourself. And you know, we we talk 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.679 a lot about or we talked through the lens of 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:20.199 spirituality often and um, astrologically, it's called your Saturn return 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.800 and so this is when Saturn returns to the spot 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.680 it was when you were born. And really it's it's 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:30.520 helping you to recognize things in your life that really 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:34.680 aren't working and possibly not in alignment, and so it's 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:37.600 asking you to get kind of serious. You know. So 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:40.280 a lot of people during this time might switch jobs, 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:43.000 they might get married, they might get divorced, they might 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.000 make a big move. For example, I moved from New 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:48.080 York to l a during that time, and so, um, 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:50.320 you know, we just we met each other during that time, 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:54.600 related so much and just felt like, wow, these conversations 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:57.440 were having together just super comforting and healing, and so 0:19:57.520 --> 0:20:00.720 we figured can't be alone and was like, you think 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:02.920 we can start a podcast? And I was like, I'm 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:05.639 so down to try. So we did, and four and 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:10.679 a half years later, it's yeah, it's become a thing. Uh, 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:13.880 well that's great. Yeah, you guys have had super success 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.720 on it. I think about like my own transition from 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:18.879 my late twenties to early thirties. I guess it's probably 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:22.320 different for a guy than it is a woman, especially 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:25.320 for women that want to have a family, have kids, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:30.440 Like I don't have a biological clock that's ticking. Is 0:20:30.440 --> 0:20:34.080 is that a factor? Like I hear Ashley, My wife 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.200 talked about it all the time, and you know, we 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:38.320 were actively trying to have kids right now, we've been 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:39.800 married for about a year and a half, and it's 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.480 there's so much more pressure on women than there his men. 0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:46.600 I really feel bad. Well thanks, we'll take that when 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:50.600 we receive your your sympathy. Um. Yeah. And I think 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:54.000 there's the biological element, and then there's the societal pressures. 0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:56.280 You know, when I was younger, and I think Lindsay 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:58.000 as well, a lot of women grow up and they're like, 0:20:58.080 --> 0:21:00.520 I want to have kids when I'm twenties, say I 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:03.320 want to be married when I'm twenty five and this 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:05.000 will be my house and this will be my car, 0:21:05.040 --> 0:21:08.040 and this will be my husband and etcetera, etcetera. And 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:10.960 you know, I'm thirty two and we're just about to 0:21:11.000 --> 0:21:13.280 get married and we're probably gonna have kids soon. But 0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:15.280 your life doesn't always end up the way that you 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:17.919 thought or way you plan. So women just feel the 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:20.840 pressure to really be the best wife, be the best mother, 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:23.439 have kids at a certain time, um, have a beautiful 0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:25.000 wedding and all these things. So I do feel like 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:27.600 women have a lot of pressure. And I think the 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:31.280