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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: Subject fight or flight, Fight or flight. Dear Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old flight attendant and I'm married

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Speaker 1: to a forty four.

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Speaker 2: Year old professor.

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Speaker 1: I met him when I was in grad school and

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Speaker 1: we started dating after I got my degree. He was

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Speaker 1: going through divorce and we kept our relationship private until

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Speaker 1: it was finalized. He has a seventeen year old daughter

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Speaker 1: that found out on social media and she started a

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Speaker 1: lot of chaos in our lives. She didn't show up

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Speaker 1: at our wedding and itd devastated. My husband was upset

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Speaker 1: that his ex wife allowed her to skip the wedding.

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Speaker 1: I was over her by that time, so I didn't care.

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Speaker 1: Now she's about to turn eighteen and asks if she

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Speaker 1: can come live with us in Florida and attend a

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Speaker 1: fashion school. I never answered my husband, and he eventually

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Speaker 1: flipped out on me and made the executive decision to

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Speaker 1: allow her to come. I fixed up our home office

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Speaker 1: for her, and I moved my desk on to our

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Speaker 1: sun porch.

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Speaker 2: I was so irritated.

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Speaker 1: She has been here four months and she has done

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Speaker 1: exactly what I knew she was going to do. Now,

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Speaker 1: when she's got an attitude, I leave and go to work.

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Speaker 1: I take any flight available so I can get away

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Speaker 1: from this girl. My husband and I argue because he

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Speaker 1: says I'm not a positive role model for her. She's

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Speaker 1: a grown woman to me, and she's got parents that

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Speaker 1: failed her and allowed her to disrespect grown people. I

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Speaker 1: told my husband that if she pops off at the

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Speaker 1: mouth one more time, I'm going to pop her. He

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Speaker 1: says I need to learn how to be a parent,

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Speaker 1: and I told him I will as soon as he

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Speaker 1: makes me one. I would rather work and deal with

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Speaker 1: the plane full of needy passengers instead of dealing with

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Speaker 1: the grown child. My husband told me that my fight

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Speaker 1: or flight mentality is ruining us. He can't see that

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Speaker 1: his child is divisive and honoring. Am I wrong or

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Speaker 1: does he need to put her out? Absolutely? Yes, I

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Speaker 1: think you're wrong. I do think you're wrong on so

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Speaker 1: many levels. Here I'll tell you why. It's simple. You

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Speaker 1: are the adult. You keep calling her a grown woman.

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Speaker 1: You keep saying she's grown, but she's really still a child.

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Speaker 1: You're grown when you can pay your own way and

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Speaker 1: when you can take care of yourself, and she's not

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Speaker 1: doing that right now. She's in your home, she's living

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Speaker 1: off you, guys, she's living with you.

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Speaker 2: Guys.

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Speaker 1: You're also grown when you can face your problems head on.

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Speaker 2: But what do you do?

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Speaker 1: You run and jump on a flight and, as you say,

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Speaker 1: deal with the plane full of needy passengers rather than

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Speaker 1: trying to fix a problem at the house. And yes,

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Speaker 1: it is a problem because it's causing you and your

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Speaker 1: husband to argue.

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Speaker 2: Now, why would you let that happen? You too should.

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Speaker 1: Prevent present a united front to his daughter, making it

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Speaker 1: impossible for her to come between you, guys, because that

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Speaker 1: is what's happening, that situation. You all are allowing to

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Speaker 1: let it come between you stay home in the midst

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Speaker 1: of all this and handle your situation. No more jumping

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Speaker 1: on planes when you can't deal with it anymore. I say,

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Speaker 1: first you and your husband should talk agree on some

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Speaker 1: basic house rules. Then a family meeting should be called

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Speaker 1: to let the daughter know about the new changes. And again,

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Speaker 1: remember you and your husband are on the same team,

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Speaker 1: and you guys are the adults. I mean, she needs

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Speaker 1: to see that you guys are together. He's her dad,

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Speaker 1: but he's your husband, which means it's your house and

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Speaker 1: your rules. So as you know, she's welcome as long

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Speaker 1: as she abides by the house rules. I mean that

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Speaker 1: means no attitudes, no popping off at the mouth.

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Speaker 2: No disrespect of any kind.

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Speaker 1: Let me say this, if she pops off at the

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Speaker 1: mouth one more time, you're gonna pop her. Don't pop her.

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Speaker 1: That's not what this is all about. Don't do that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, she's angry, she's trying you and

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Speaker 1: all of that, trying to come between her.

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Speaker 2: But you don't have to take it there. You can

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Speaker 2: be the bigger person here.

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Speaker 1: You can invite her to lunch, you can do something

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Speaker 1: fun with her, you know, and try to make peace

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Speaker 1: with her and like your husband said, be a role

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Speaker 1: model for her. I think you should try that before

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Speaker 1: you give up on this situation and start, you know,

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Speaker 1: popping her and all that all together.

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Speaker 4: Steve, Wow, this is gonna have a couple of twists

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Speaker 4: and turns in it. I agree with what Shall is

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Speaker 4: saying about the letter. The problem the real problem here

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Speaker 4: is in the letter writer. That seems to be the

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Speaker 4: real problem. Now, if you're a thirty year old flight

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Speaker 4: attendant and you're married to a forty four year old professor, see,

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Speaker 4: I want you to understand something.

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Speaker 3: The news got out.

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Speaker 4: Some kind of ways because this story got told because

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Speaker 4: somebody knows he was your professor at the school. I

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Speaker 4: met him when I was in grad school and we

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Speaker 4: started dating after I got my degree. He was going

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Speaker 4: through a divorce, and we kept our relationship private until.

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Speaker 3: It was finalized.

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Speaker 4: He has a seventeen year old daughter that found out

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Speaker 4: on social media, and she started a lot of chaos

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Speaker 4: in our lives. Well, the daughter found out what on

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Speaker 4: social media that you all were dating or you all

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Speaker 4: had gotten married. I think she found out y'all was dating,

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Speaker 4: so quite naturally, her and the mother are now blaming

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Speaker 4: you as the cause of the divorce. That's how it

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Speaker 4: always works, ain't it. Yes, So now after they found

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Speaker 4: out on social media, she started a lot of chaos.

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Speaker 3: In our lives.

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Speaker 4: She didn't show up at our wedding, and it devastated

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Speaker 4: my husband. He was upset that his ex wife allowed

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Speaker 4: her to skip the wed. You mean his ex wife

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Speaker 4: didn't make her go to the wed? His ex wife wasn't. Now,

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Speaker 4: so the ex wife didn't make the daughter go to

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Speaker 4: the wedding? What you mean allow her to skip it?

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Speaker 4: She's seventeen. She didn't want to go down there because

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Speaker 4: she figured you the reason her mama and daddy ain't together.

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Speaker 4: And her mama didn't co sign that, because as soon

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Speaker 4: as you start dating somebody, they go, oh here she

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Speaker 4: is right here. You the reason that you was dating,

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Speaker 4: and you younger and you young.

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Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, Part two of your responses coming up

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Speaker 1: at twenty three minutes after the hour today's Schrawberry let

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Speaker 1: her subject fight or fight. We'll get back into it

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Speaker 1: right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on Steve Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject fight or Flight.

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Speaker 4: Thirty year old flight attendant is married to a forty

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Speaker 4: four year old professor. She met the professor in grad

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Speaker 4: school and they started dating after she got the degree.

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Speaker 3: That's what she says.

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Speaker 4: He was going through a divorce and we kept our

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Speaker 4: relationship private until it was final. Lot he got a

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Speaker 4: seventeen year old daughter that found out on social media

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Speaker 4: and she started a lot of chaos in her life.

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Speaker 4: She was seventeen then, right, well, now listen to that.

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Speaker 4: She didn't show up at our wear and it devastated

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Speaker 4: my husband because he was upset that his ex wife

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Speaker 4: allowed her to skip the wear.

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Speaker 3: No, his ex wife didn't make her go down there.

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Speaker 4: Because the ex wife and the daughter then came to

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Speaker 4: the conclusion that this young girl you married is the

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Speaker 4: reason why y'all got the divorce any way, And that's

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Speaker 4: exactly how it looks.

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Speaker 3: And then when they found out about.

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Speaker 4: Y'all's relationship on social media, that validated because it was

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Speaker 4: only telling one story. Then you said I was over

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Speaker 4: her by that time, so I didn't care. So now

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Speaker 4: you didn't care if she comes to the wind because

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Speaker 4: you over her by that time. It was a year

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Speaker 4: of chaos that you was through with the girl. Now

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Speaker 4: she's about to turn eighteam Oh, So it wasn't even

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Speaker 4: a whole year because now you say it was about

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Speaker 4: to turn it to you see how fast this is

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Speaker 4: moving because you left that out the letter, baby, you.

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Speaker 3: Left that out.

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Speaker 4: After she finds out there, next thing she know, y'all

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Speaker 4: getting married and there's a fourteen year age jerge and

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Speaker 4: you were his students while he was a professor, and

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Speaker 4: y'all were seeing each other while they still were married

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Speaker 4: and not yet the boy because y'all kept it to.

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Speaker 3: See see how this working. See how this worked?

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Speaker 4: Ah, Now she want come live with y'all in Florida

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Speaker 4: and attend the fashion school. I never answered my husband.

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Speaker 4: He eventually flipped out on me and made an executive

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Speaker 4: decision to allow her to come.

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Speaker 3: It's his daughter. She want to come down there and

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Speaker 3: stay with her. Daddy's go to fashion school.

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Speaker 4: What you want him to say, except yes, I fixed

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Speaker 4: up a home office for her. I moved my desk

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Speaker 4: into our son porch. I was so irritated. You did

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Speaker 4: all this begrudgingly. She has been there four months and

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Speaker 4: she's done exactly what I knew she was gonna do.

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Speaker 3: Now she's got an attitude.

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Speaker 4: Now, when she's got an attitude, I leave and go

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Speaker 4: to work. See you're not explaining this. You're not explaining

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Speaker 4: she did exactly what you want. You don't give us

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Speaker 4: no information. I take a flight whenever available, anything to

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Speaker 4: get away from this girl. My husband, I argue, because

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Speaker 4: he says I'm not a positive role model for her.

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Speaker 4: She's a grown woman. To me, Shirley's right, she's not

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Speaker 4: a grown woman. She's eighteen. She's just not turning eighteen.

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Speaker 4: She's a child. She don't get it. Now, you're an adult.

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Speaker 4: You know what happened. You know why this girl mad.

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Speaker 4: She's got parents that failed her and allowed her to

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Speaker 4: disrespect grown people.

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Speaker 3: Wait a minute, respect on social media?

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Speaker 4: You dating her daddy. That's divorce in her mama. Wow,

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Speaker 4: they still married that You kept it a secret.

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Speaker 3: That's what you said. Respect.

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Speaker 4: See you want something you wasn't willing to give, see,

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Speaker 4: little sister, that's how this game work. Now this the

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Speaker 4: grown folk game. I'm just giving it to you straight.

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Speaker 4: I told my husband, and she pops off at the

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Speaker 4: mouth one more time.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna pop up and then.

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Speaker 4: And then what because she talking that you're gonna hit

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Speaker 4: her in the mouth, So you're gonna resort the violence.

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Speaker 3: Pharol stopped.

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Speaker 4: He says, I need to learn how to be a parent.

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Speaker 4: I told him as soon as I will, as soon

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Speaker 4: as he makes me one.

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Speaker 3: Wait a minute, excuse me.

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Speaker 2: Parent. Parent, you're twelve.

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Speaker 4: Years older than this girl. That best you can be

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Speaker 4: her big sister. But parent, she has two parents. You

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Speaker 4: not finna, She not finna call you mama. Hey, none

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Speaker 4: of this is fitting to work. I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 4: suggestion for you to say. I told him, as soon

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Speaker 4: as he makes me, I would rather work and deal

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Speaker 4: with a plane full of needy passages instead of dealing

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Speaker 4: with a grown child.

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Speaker 3: He keeps saying grown.

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Speaker 1: But she a child, She's not grown.

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Speaker 4: My husband told me that my fighter fighter flight mentality

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Speaker 4: is ruining us. He can't see that his child is

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Speaker 4: divisive and honor. Am I wrong? Or does he need

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Speaker 4: to put herut? First of all, he can't put his

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Speaker 4: daughter out? Well, you're asking a man to not be

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Speaker 4: a man. You're asking a father to not be a farther.

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Speaker 4: You asking a man to show his daughter an example

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Speaker 4: of man that he's hoping that one day she'll be

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Speaker 4: able to find put her out? Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 4: And you for asking that? What's wrong with your maturity level? No,

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Speaker 4: he can't ask his daughter to leave, and no, he

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Speaker 4: can't put her out.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you right here, y'all.

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Speaker 4: You never failed to mention in this letter that you

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Speaker 4: all have ever had to sit down to discuss this

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Speaker 4: to work?

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Speaker 1: Do it?

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Speaker 3: Because you know what your corner decided. You don't like her.

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Speaker 4: You was through with a boat. She came to y'allut,

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Speaker 4: and now you're reaping what you saw. You remember how

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Speaker 4: you got your man doesn't fight?

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Speaker 2: All right? Steve? Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Please leave your comments on today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram

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Speaker 1: at Steve Harvey Fm and check out the Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: podcast on demand.

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Speaker 2: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.