1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,920 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,839 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one twenty eight. Today 11 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:40,480 Speaker 1: we'll be interviewing Jillian Goddard, who is a practicing endocrinologist 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: in New York. She's also the mom of four that 13 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: she had at all different stages in her medical training 14 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: and practicing, so we're excited to talk with her about 15 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: how she manages her life and all that she's got 16 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: going on. Of course, we're taping this ahead of time 17 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: a couple, you know, weeks ahead of time, because by 18 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: the time this is I may have actually had my baby. 19 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 1: We'll see, maybe not, it could be this week. At 20 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: some point. We'll post on Instagram when it happens. But 21 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,920 Speaker 1: you know, we we try to plan ahead for these things. 22 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: It's a known deal, and we do not want to 23 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: leave you hanging on a tune learning you hanging on 24 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: a Tuesday morning, like, where is best of both worlds? 25 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: I could handle it if you were a later, I 26 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: could do an episode, you could record an episode. You'd 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: be fine. It would be all good. So that's good 28 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 1: to have in place. But no, Laura is not really 29 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: planning on any specific maternity leave from the podcast as 30 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:42,119 Speaker 1: of now, and we are hoping and maybe it's already aired, 31 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: depending on the timing of everything, to do a sort 32 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: of live not live, but no, you don't want this live. No, 33 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: not a live, like a fairly immediate post baby update 34 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: so that she can just pop in, tell us how 35 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: things went, tell us I don't know, some quick details, 36 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: and then maybe I will take over from there and 37 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: she can feed a baby. Yes, exactly, so weird to 38 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: think about. It's surreal in many ways that there will 39 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 1: be diapers and bottles and things like this around the 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: house in a couple of weeks in fact, from when 41 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,679 Speaker 1: we were recording that. Yes, I should get on that. Yeah, 42 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, we did record some episodes while 43 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: you were right after Genevieve. Yeah, and you never forget 44 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: what we did, what was our plan. We recorded a 45 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: few ahead of time. We did a couple ahead of time, 46 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,239 Speaker 1: but I think only a couple of weeks worth, and 47 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,679 Speaker 1: then I knew I would have or nanny to help me, 48 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: so I sort of figured that I would just jump 49 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 1: on while I was feeding. And I think there were 50 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: a couple episodes early on where I literally like had 51 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 1: Genevieve right there or she was in the wrap while 52 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 1: we were recording. And I did kind of look forward 53 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: to that, because you know, you do kind of enter 54 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: this vortex of like, oh my god, I'm thinking about 55 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: is when is the baby sleeping? And what am I, 56 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: you know, feeding, and all that kind of stuff. And 57 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 1: it was nice to just do something. You know, I 58 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: wouldn't have been able to go back to work work 59 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: three weeks out, but I was pretty ready to speak 60 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,679 Speaker 1: on the microphone for thirty minutes. And now that you 61 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,959 Speaker 1: and I are pretty seasoned at this, it's not like 62 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: the recording or the preparation takes hours and hours, so 63 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 1: I bet you'll be ready to jump in pretty quickly after. 64 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: But I think it's still nice to have a buffer. Yeah, 65 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: nice to have a buffer. And well, this is the 66 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: thing of working for myself and working from home most 67 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: of the time. Is the sort of line between being 68 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: on maternity leaves such as it is, and like just 69 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: continuing to do whatever you were doing is somewhat gray. 70 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, there's there's a lot of motioniness in there. 71 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: And that's one of the reasons I've never taken a 72 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: real maternity leave. You dial a lot of stuff down 73 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: for a while, but there's no one hundred percent off. 74 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: And the one difference this time around is that my 75 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: speaking schedule is a lot more intense than it was 76 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: for any of the other children, and so because of that, 77 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 1: I've actually had to say I'm not booking anything for 78 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: a certain period of time so I don't wind up 79 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: with a late January trip to California, which is just 80 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: not going to happen. And so I did have to 81 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: turn stuff down. So I was like, WHOA, this is crazy. 82 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 1: I don't It's not a comfortable feeling to turn stuff down, 83 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: but probably necessary. And you've reached a point in your 84 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: speaking career that I don't think you're going to you know, 85 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: you know, from a logic standpoint, like the offers are 86 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: going to continue to come even if you do either 87 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: postpone some of them or have to turn some of 88 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: them down. In fact, it me force you to pick 89 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,840 Speaker 1: and choose a little bit more where you kind of 90 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: cherry pick and decide, oh, this one's worth it, or 91 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: oh I would be happy to do that, but it 92 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: has to be in September or something like that. Yeah, 93 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 1: And the good news is that it's only at the 94 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 1: end of the sort of time I've identified as being 95 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 1: off that it starts to be a real issue anyway. 96 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,239 Speaker 1: I mean, I would say that in the last two years, 97 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: the number of speeches I had between mid January and 98 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: mid March were minimal because most people don't do their 99 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: conferences during that time, either because of the holidays or 100 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: because you know, half your company is stuck in O'Hare 101 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:22,280 Speaker 1: overnight when the winter weather cancelations of flights. It's just 102 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: not a good time. I've done some you know, people 103 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,040 Speaker 1: have very sort of all everyone's in the south, so 104 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: it's all good, but you know, it's less of it. 105 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: So the timing actually worked out great that when it 106 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: picks up in late April through June, I'm ready to 107 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 1: be back in. So yeah, that's what it's going to 108 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: look like. Awesome. Well, listeners, we will keep you posted, 109 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: I'm sure you'll see on our Instagram and we have 110 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: our exciting announcement and again we'll pop in with an 111 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 1: update as soon as more can give one. Well. Sarah 112 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 1: and I are excited to welcome Jillian Goddard to the program. 113 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: She has been a commenteror on both of our blogs, 114 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: so we've got to know her a little bit virtually 115 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: over the years. But this is exciting to have our 116 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 1: first conversation with her and we put a face with 117 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: the name. I know you can't if you're listening to 118 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 1: the podcast, but we are as we have the conversation here, 119 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: So Jillian, can you go ahead and introduce yourself to 120 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:18,279 Speaker 1: our listeners. Sure. My name is Jillian Goddard, and I'm 121 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 1: a full time adult and a chronologist in private practice, 122 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,359 Speaker 1: and i am an adjunct assistant Professor of medicine at 123 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:32,880 Speaker 1: NYU Langone Hospital. My husband and I have four children 124 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: and their ages twelve, nine, six, and just a couple 125 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 1: months shy of four, and we live in southern Westchester County, 126 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: just outside of New York city. Yeah, and so you know, 127 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: one of the questions we sometimes get from people, you know, 128 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: younger women who are entering professional fields and stuff, is 129 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: thinking about how they're going to space and time their 130 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: children based on various professional things. That I know that 131 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: one of the questions with medicine is always a win, 132 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 1: is the right time? And with you, the answers seemed 133 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,600 Speaker 1: to be all of the above. So why don't you 134 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about the when in the course 135 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: of building your career you had your kids and sort 136 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: of that experience. Sure, so I had my twelve year 137 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 1: old during my third year of medical school. I had 138 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: my nine year old at the very beginning of my 139 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: second year of my residency, so just after intern year, 140 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: I had my six year old the last week of 141 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: the first week year of my fellowship. And then I 142 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: had my almost four year old a couple years into 143 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: joining my practice. Oh my god, you've literally had a 144 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: child during every stage. Well, that's what I said, all 145 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: of the above, right, that I literally have. That is amazing. Well, 146 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: among other things I would love you to talk about. 147 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, how how have your philosophies changed and 148 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: how did you you know being a parent in those 149 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: early years must have been so different the resources you 150 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: had available your focus at work compared to now. So 151 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: tell us more about your journey. I think that it 152 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: is interesting to kind of think about this question my So, 153 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 1: I was a non traditional medical student for people not 154 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: in medicine. What that means is I didn't go straight 155 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: from undergraduate to medical school. I actually worked in the 156 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: pharmaceutical public relations industry for about three years and then 157 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: decided to go to medical school. And because I was 158 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 1: not pre med undergrad, I then had to do a 159 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: couple of years of prerequisite courses before I could even 160 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: apply to medical school and take the MCAT. So I 161 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:02,719 Speaker 1: started that process about years after I graduated from undergrad 162 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 1: and about six months into that process, I met my husband. 163 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: He is about twelve years older than I am, and 164 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: so when I started medical school we had just gotten 165 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 1: married and I was twenty seven and he was thirty nine. 166 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: So when I started medical school, he was actually old 167 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: enough to be the father of the students that had 168 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,559 Speaker 1: gone straight from undergrad into modle school who are in 169 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: my class. But he also had an established career in law, 170 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,559 Speaker 1: and so I had some resources available to me, particularly 171 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:45,959 Speaker 1: financially that I would say the typical medical student does not. 172 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: But because of both of our ages, we really decided 173 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: that we didn't want to wait until I had gone 174 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: through nine years of training to think about starting a family. 175 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,719 Speaker 1: So even when I was interviewing for med school, I 176 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:09,599 Speaker 1: did sort of look around at the different schools and 177 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: what they had to offer, and who was having kids 178 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: during medical school in those programs, and how was the 179 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,599 Speaker 1: school handling it. Did It seem like the school was 180 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: fairly friendly to it. So my medical school really liked 181 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: non traditional medical students. There was a decent handful of 182 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: us in the class, and as a result, they were 183 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: pretty well versed in how to accommodate medical students having families. 184 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,839 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that it was super easy, but 185 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: they'd seen it before. You were not the first person 186 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: to do it. No, not at all. There were four 187 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: women in my graduating class who had kids during their 188 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: time in medical school, and at all different points from 189 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: second year of med school through fourth year of med school. People, 190 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,079 Speaker 1: I think traditionally think that if you're going to have 191 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: kids during med school, you should wait till your fourth 192 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: year because it's a little bit of a less intense year. 193 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: I really felt like I didn't want to start internship 194 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: year with a baby under the age of one. I 195 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: thought it would be a little easier to start internship 196 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 1: year with a child that was slightly older, So I 197 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,960 Speaker 1: actually started my internship year with a two year old. 198 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,319 Speaker 1: And I would say the things that have changed the 199 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: most are that there's been a big shift in both 200 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: my time at home but also my husband's available time 201 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: at home. So my oldest was born in August of 202 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: two thousand and seven, and about three weeks before he 203 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: was born, my husband and I had this argument because 204 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 1: we ran into each other in the hallway in our 205 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: apartment building. We lived in New York City at the time. 206 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: It was like four forty five in the morning, and 207 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,560 Speaker 1: I was leaving for work and he was coming home 208 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: from work, and we had this huge argument because we 209 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: were supposed to have dinner with friends that night, and 210 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:23,079 Speaker 1: he kept saying that we had dinner with friends tomorrow night, 211 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 1: and I kept saying, no, no, it's tonight. And it 212 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,199 Speaker 1: took us like five minutes to figure out that we 213 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 1: were talking about the same night. It was just I 214 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: was starting my day and he was coming home to 215 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: go to bed, and we had really not given a 216 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: lot of thought into how we were going to deal 217 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: with adding a baby to this, because because you didn't 218 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: Best of both worlds podcasts had not yet started. So 219 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding exactly. But my son was born, and 220 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: the economy went into a huge recession and my husband 221 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: was basically under employed for about two to three which 222 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: essentially meant that he didn't have a lot going on 223 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: at work and he had much more regular hours, and 224 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: I had a lot going on at work and predictable 225 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 1: most of the time, but pretty irregular hours. We also 226 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 1: managed to find ourselves a really fantastic nanny who really 227 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: kind of fell into our laps, and she helped smooth 228 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: a lot of these transitions for us. Yeah, Julie, one 229 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: of the things you've commented on our blogs, which I 230 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,199 Speaker 1: think is so fascinating is because of the timing of 231 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: the recession, your husband wound up doing things that he 232 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: might not have had the situation and the timing been different. 233 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: And maybe your residency would have forced some of that anyway, 234 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 1: but because it coincided with him finding some extra time 235 00:13:55,400 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: because of the bad economy, he wound up being more 236 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 1: of an equal partner than it might have automatically happened, 237 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 1: and so I wonder if you could talk a little 238 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,080 Speaker 1: bit about that. I mean, because obviously most people don't 239 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 1: want to engineer a recession for that to happen, but 240 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 1: it was an unexpected benefit of how you guys have 241 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: then planned things going forward. Sure, so I would say 242 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: that during my end of medical school and during my residency, 243 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: because my husband had more time, he really was the 244 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: primary parent. He was the person who met the nanny 245 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: in the morning. Oftentimes he was the person who sent 246 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 1: her home at night. He was the person who took 247 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: our son to doctor's appointments and went to his first 248 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: day of nursery school. And I think that because he 249 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: spent so much time on his own with my son, 250 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: Because the other thing you have to remember is I 251 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: was working a lot of weekends during this time, and 252 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: he was home at night by himself with our children. 253 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: I think because he spent so much time with my 254 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: son and then also with my daughter by himself, he 255 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 1: developed his own expertise and sort of how to get 256 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: things done around our house and how to manage our kids. 257 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: I also think because he's a man, he had many 258 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 1: fewer issues and hang ups around outsourcing. He had no 259 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: qualms about talking to our nanny about doing laundry, He 260 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: had no issue finding the dry cleaners that picks up 261 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: and delivers. He was really set to think about outsourcing 262 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: absolutely everything that he could during that time. And he 263 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: also had no issues about using childcare outside of his 264 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: work hours. So if he felt like he really needed 265 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: a sitter on Saturday when I was going to be 266 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: at work for thirty hours straight, he had no problem 267 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: getting a sitter and going out with friends on Saturday evening. 268 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: And I think that as a result, he sort of 269 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: set the tone in our household for how we were 270 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: kind of going to utilize a lot of these resources. 271 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 1: The other thing is that that meant that when our 272 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: time availability shifted a little bit, because he has definitely 273 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 1: now ramped way back up and is working typical big 274 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: law partner hours again and I am in a little 275 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: bit more of a predictable outpatient role, the balance and 276 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 1: how we take care of things around the house has shifted, 277 00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: but it's shifted to an equilibrium, not to one person 278 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: really being a primary parent. We definitely have our specific roles, 279 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 1: but I think that we've found a good balance because 280 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,640 Speaker 1: of that awesome, Well, I want to hear more details there. 281 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 1: We are just going to take a quick break and 282 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: we will be right back. Hey, listeners, the new year 283 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: is about growth and change. We've got lots of resolutions, 284 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 1: many people looking to do big new things in their lives. 285 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: And if you're a business owner looking to grow your business, 286 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,159 Speaker 1: LinkedIn can help you find the right hires that can 287 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 1: set you up for a strong year. 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Well, we are back with Jillian Goddard, who 333 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:59,160 Speaker 1: is a practicing endochronologist mom of four. She's been describing 334 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,399 Speaker 1: how how she and her husband got things done during 335 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,880 Speaker 1: all her medical training and such, and how they found 336 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: an equilibrium with all of that. So let's talk about 337 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: your schedule now, Jillian, and how you guys manage your 338 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: household now sort of the tricks and things like that. 339 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: You have to make two big career, four kid life work. Sure, 340 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,760 Speaker 1: so I would say. The first thing we do is 341 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,160 Speaker 1: that we definitely each have our allotted sort of time 342 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: of day that we're responsible for. So typically my patient 343 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: day starts at seven o'clock in the morning, three days 344 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: a week, so I am up and out of the 345 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 1: house before anyone else is awake, hopefully unless something has 346 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 1: gone terribly wrong. I here, well, there's definitely been years 347 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: where we've had early rising babies and all of a sudden, 348 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to go to work with an infant 349 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:03,160 Speaker 1: crawling around my legs in the bathroom. But our youngest 350 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 1: is four now and tends to sleep past my departure 351 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: time at this point. But what that means is that 352 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 1: my husband is completely responsible for the mornings, so even 353 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: if I'm there in the mornings, it is really best 354 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: for me to stay out of the way. He's responsible 355 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,440 Speaker 1: for making lunches, He's responsible for getting everybody dressed and 356 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: up and ready to go. He's responsible for making sure 357 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 1: that the backpacks are packed. I don't know how lunches 358 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 1: get made in my house, and I don't care to 359 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 1: waste any brain space knowing it gets done. Everyone eats 360 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: every day, and so that is just not within my purview. 361 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 1: I then tend to get home earlier, and some days 362 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,639 Speaker 1: I'm home even before my kids get home from school, 363 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: and so I take on more organization around the after 364 00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: school time. I help our ow pair drive. If i'm home, 365 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: I am one of the many people in our house 366 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: who's responsible for getting dinner on the table. I definitely 367 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:14,199 Speaker 1: have some homework supervision. And then my husband typically arrives 368 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 1: home on good days around six forty five or so, 369 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 1: and we will actually have a late family dinner three 370 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 1: times a week usually. And if you had told me 371 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 1: when my oldest was two that we were going to 372 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,159 Speaker 1: be having family dinners at seven pm, I would have 373 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: laughed at you. But it works for us at this point. 374 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 1: And then we do the bedtime routine and that we 375 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 1: sort of divide and conger on. It's become. It started 376 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: out as something where we had a bunch of kids 377 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 1: to put together put to bed all at once. It's 378 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,360 Speaker 1: morphed into a little bit of a rolling bedtime as 379 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: our older kids have hit puberty and suddenly want to 380 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,840 Speaker 1: stay up till all hours of the night. And then, 381 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: you know, our other jobs around the household kind of 382 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:10,399 Speaker 1: center around that type of thing. So we split up 383 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: grocery shopping. I do all the online grocery shopping. He 384 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: goes to the farmer's market and to the regular grocery store. 385 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: Our OH pair will go to the regular grocery store. 386 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 1: We keep a very complicated family calendar so that we 387 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,240 Speaker 1: know when we need extra help in the evenings. I 388 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 1: typically am responsible for making our O pair schedule, but 389 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,919 Speaker 1: we definitely if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist. 390 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: And don't assume you have coverage for it. And do 391 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: you use a Google calendar for that or what is 392 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 1: your preferred tool? Sure, so we actually use the Cozy app. 393 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: And the reason we like that is because it's easy 394 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: for to integrate our OH pairs. So you can easily add, 395 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 1: ad and remove a member of the family, and you 396 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,199 Speaker 1: can change their privileges as far as what they can 397 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,879 Speaker 1: add and not add to the calendar. And so as 398 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 1: we have OH pairs come and go from our household, 399 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 1: that's a really useful feature. My husband does use Outlook 400 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: at work and it does sync with his Outlook calendar 401 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 1: at work. Yeah, I know that that is a common 402 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 1: stumbling point for people trying to figure this out. If 403 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: they can integrate the work thing because then you could 404 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 1: automatically see if like, oh, there's a work dinner he's accepted, 405 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: and so I mean, yes, he should tell you as well. 406 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,920 Speaker 1: But it's like worst case scenario. At least it's on there. 407 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:42,919 Speaker 1: But I wonder if you could talk a little bit 408 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 1: about the O pair situation and how you arrived at 409 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: that as the right one, what the rules are about that, 410 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: and the scheduling, And I love what you just mentioned 411 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: if you still need another you still need a second adult, 412 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,879 Speaker 1: Like you've got four kids they're driving to you know, 413 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 1: six different activities on a day doesn't work with one 414 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 1: driver anyway most of the time, So talk about how 415 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: you manage all of that. Sure, So we have had 416 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: O pairs for about three years now. Before that, we 417 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: had two nannies. Our first nanny we had for six years, 418 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: and then our second nanny we had for about three years. 419 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: And then when our youngest child was about a year 420 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: and a half hold, we decided to switch to a 421 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: situation where we actually have a part time sitter who 422 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,200 Speaker 1: cover and kind of housekeeper too who covers mornings. She 423 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:43,240 Speaker 1: works from seven thirty to eleven every day, and then 424 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: an a pair we really couldn't do just an O 425 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: pair because we need too many childcare hours, although in 426 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: the future, when our youngest child start school, that will 427 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 1: no longer be the case and we'll be able to 428 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 1: just have an O pair. Theaon we switched just because 429 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,840 Speaker 1: we were finding we needed a lot more flexibility, particularly 430 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:15,439 Speaker 1: in the afternoons as our kids got older. So until 431 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,880 Speaker 1: we had our fourth child, I really only had childcare 432 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 1: coverage when I was at work, and that was probably 433 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 1: a rookie mistake. Quite frankly, I really probably should have 434 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,639 Speaker 1: gotten more childcare much earlier, but I didn't, and it 435 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: was around the advent of our fourth one that I 436 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,399 Speaker 1: really realized that I couldn't be handling the afternoons on 437 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,440 Speaker 1: my own. My oldest child also started a travel soccer 438 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: league get around that time. Yeah, that'll kill you. So 439 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: one he's in is not so terrible, but it definitely 440 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:55,119 Speaker 1: involves more driving than the rec league did. And so 441 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: the other thing is we knew we needed someone who 442 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 1: could drive, and we found that for us we had 443 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,920 Speaker 1: the spare room available, and so we felt like we 444 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 1: could leverage that in a more affordable option, so more 445 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 1: hours but a little bit lower cost. Because the O 446 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,359 Speaker 1: pair is set to forty five per week as the 447 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: condition of the visa. That is true and o pair 448 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: can work forty five hours a week, they can work 449 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,479 Speaker 1: up to ten hours a day, and they need at 450 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: least one weekend off per month and at least a 451 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: day and a half off per week, although that doesn't 452 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 1: have to be on the weekend. So we typically utilize 453 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: all forty five of those hours, and we probably have 454 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: our pair work about fifty percent of the weekends. On 455 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: the weekends, we mostly use her for a Saturday night 456 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,440 Speaker 1: date night, and on the weeks where she has the 457 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: weekend off, we usually will do it date night on 458 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 1: a Thursday or a Friday, ending on what other things 459 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: are going on, whether there's a local charity event. We 460 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: tend to be very involved in our community. It's a 461 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: community that tends to be very involved, and so that's 462 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,680 Speaker 1: what we do. And when she works on we can 463 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: have her work on Saturday night because she has Sundays 464 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,080 Speaker 1: off and she has Mondays off, she has the first 465 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 1: half of the day off. Excellent. So I wonder about 466 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: it just your parenting, you know, things you've learned over 467 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 1: the course of having four children, you know, any any 468 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: things that work really well for you as you manage 469 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: a larger family. Things you know, to do with the 470 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 1: fourth that were rookie mistakes for the first. Younger children 471 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 1: definitely benefit from a fair amount of benign neglect. I 472 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,480 Speaker 1: think that, you know, we really started parenting trying to 473 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: be the parent who made all the baby food and 474 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: read all the books and bought all the really great, 475 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: you know, educational toys. My son never viewed a screen 476 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: that had anything going on in until he was about 477 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 1: two years old, and you know, I feel like we 478 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: kind of micro managed to the degree that we could 479 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: kind of every little milestone and change with him. My 480 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: fourth child basically lived in a car seat. He slept 481 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: in a device that is now discontinued because it got 482 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: him through the night. He started helping set the table 483 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 1: when he was two years old, and he can get 484 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,480 Speaker 1: his coat and shoes on and do all kinds of 485 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 1: things for himself that my oldest definitely could not do 486 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: at that point. I also just think we are so 487 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:02,160 Speaker 1: much more relaxed, like nothing, nothing gets us anymore, and 488 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 1: there is I think a certain disadvantage in Sarah. I 489 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 1: don't know if you agree with this or a certain 490 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 1: disadvantage your kids might say. To being a physician, my 491 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: kids say they basically have to have a fever of 492 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 1: one hundred and five, or have be bleeding, or have 493 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: like bones sticking out before they get taken to the 494 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 1: doctor for anything other than a well child. Visit pretty 495 00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 1: much to the point where I had to forcibly write 496 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 1: a doctor's note to allow my third child to continue 497 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 1: attending school even if her runny nose was yellow or green. 498 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: I was like, I will do let search. There is 499 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: nothing the important part, she's going to school. She's fine. 500 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: I actually once wrote my own doctor's note because I 501 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: was the physician who removed the stitches from my son's eyebrow, 502 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: and they wouldn't let him return to Pe without a 503 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 1: doctor's note. Well, it's good that you were able to 504 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 1: get those out for him. But speaking of things you 505 00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 1: do for fun, Jillian, you mentioned you and your husband 506 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: do a lot in your community, and I know you run, 507 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: you do stuff with friends. So how do you how 508 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: do you make space for that? How does that? How 509 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: does that fit into everything? So it goes on the 510 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: cozy calendar basically like your workouts go on the cozy calendar. Really, 511 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 1: the workouts probably don't unless I'm planning to do something unusual. 512 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: So I have a set Saturday and sometimes Saturday and 513 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: some excuse me, and sometimes Sunday morning run that I 514 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: do with a friend locally. So we run from seven 515 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,239 Speaker 1: to eight in the morning on Saturday mornings, pretty much 516 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 1: rain or shine, and we do it. She always talks 517 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 1: about how her kids aren't up when she leaves the house, 518 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: and I think, my kids haven't been up when I 519 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: leave the house at seven, like once in the three 520 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,800 Speaker 1: and a half years. So we've been doing it. But 521 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,560 Speaker 1: so we do that. I don't see patients on Wednesdays, 522 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: and so I typically work from home on that day, 523 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 1: and so I work out on Wednesdays. I always work 524 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,440 Speaker 1: out on Sundays, whether or not, whether or not I 525 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,000 Speaker 1: work out with my friend. So those things are just 526 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 1: sort of set in my routine. But recently a friend 527 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 1: of mine and I were talking about we're going to 528 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 1: start doing taking tennis lessons together, and so that's going 529 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,240 Speaker 1: to have to go on the calendar. My husband plays tennis. 530 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,160 Speaker 1: He has a weekly tennis date, and that goes on 531 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: the calendar. Book club goes on the calendar the minute 532 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:39,240 Speaker 1: it's scheduled. I a so we have a very active community. 533 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 1: So we moved to our town because it has an 534 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:47,320 Speaker 1: excellent public school, and so did everyone else who lives there, basically, 535 00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: but it tends to be a very active, involved town 536 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: and so those types of things. So I have sat 537 00:32:54,760 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 1: on a board that helped select school board members currently 538 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,040 Speaker 1: serving on the vestry at our church. All of those 539 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 1: meetings and obligations just go on the calendar the minute 540 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,480 Speaker 1: that they happen, and we do definitely meet in person 541 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: a couple of times a month or more often at 542 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: this time of year because things tend to get really busy, 543 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,600 Speaker 1: just to sort of sort through the calendar, make sure 544 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: we're going to have enough childcare to get us through 545 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: the week, and sort of troubleshoot. Essentially. The other thing 546 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 1: we don't have that I think a lot of dual 547 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,720 Speaker 1: career couples have is neither of us travels much for work, 548 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: and so that does simplify things a little bit. I'm 549 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: guessing there's like maybe a couple times a year and 550 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 1: that's it or not. Even My husband travels a couple 551 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 1: of times a year for work, and more recently a 552 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 1: little bit more often to deal with aging parents. Neither 553 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: of us live close to our families, and I travel 554 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: once or twice a year for conferences. Yeah it makes sense. Well, Jillian, 555 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: we always end with our love of the week, as 556 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: you know, as the best of both worlds listener. So 557 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: Sarah and I can go first, so you can think 558 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,719 Speaker 1: about it. Sarah, what are you thinking about this week? Well, 559 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: this month I get to attend a very fancy wedding 560 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 1: and I haven't gone to a wedding in a while, 561 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: and I was just thinking how weddings are really fun, 562 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,600 Speaker 1: especially when you're not in that wedding season where you're 563 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 1: going to one like every other month and you kind 564 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,799 Speaker 1: of get fatigue. Now it's much more rare. I'm sure 565 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: as our kids get older and we end up in 566 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 1: the like barmuts fora circuit, it's like going to be 567 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: not that fun again. But right now we're in a lull, 568 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,560 Speaker 1: so I'm super excited, and there's parts of this wedding 569 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,959 Speaker 1: where the family's invited, and I've already reserved my gown 570 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: on rent the runway because it's black tie and a 571 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:53,399 Speaker 1: very fancy venue in Miami, So weddings there you go. Yeah, 572 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,839 Speaker 1: that sounds great. Winter weddings are kind of I guess 573 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,040 Speaker 1: in Miami you can do it whatever, you should do 574 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 1: it whenever. That's yeah, Well, I got to say, like, 575 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,359 Speaker 1: I actually kind of like the whole bar mitsva thing. 576 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not really getting invited to them. It's 577 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 1: my kid who's getting invited to them, right because he's 578 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 1: in seventh grade and so that's when they are all happening. 579 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:19,080 Speaker 1: But it's just sort of a fun evening activity for them. 580 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: And since since we're not Jewish, there's somewhat of a 581 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: limit on it, so there's not going to be so many, 582 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 1: which I'm sure if you are, you know in your 583 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,800 Speaker 1: synagogue you have them then every week and have to 584 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: in fact coordinate with the other parents so that it's 585 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,719 Speaker 1: every week as opposed to like two on the same 586 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 1: night that they would all be expected to go. But 587 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 1: you know, it's fun to see the kids get dressed 588 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,240 Speaker 1: up and have them go have a semi adult party. 589 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,919 Speaker 1: I'm just enjoying seeing this right now. So that could 590 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,840 Speaker 1: be my love of the week. So along the lines 591 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: of getting older kids out of the house in the evenings, 592 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,120 Speaker 1: I would say that my love of the week is 593 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 1: an event that takes place at my in the middle 594 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: school where we are called teen Night. I used the 595 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,280 Speaker 1: word teen pretty loosely because the kids are eleven, twelve, thirteen. 596 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:13,760 Speaker 1: We're there, but each grade gets a couple of Friday 597 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 1: nights during the school year where the PTA organizes a 598 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 1: teen Night for them at the school. They have food, 599 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,400 Speaker 1: they have a DJ there's like a karaoke room, a 600 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 1: room where there's just a bunch of boys playing video games, 601 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 1: and it feels grown up to them. They feel like 602 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,600 Speaker 1: they're doing something kind of fun and cool, but without 603 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 1: the pressure of like a dance kind of situation. And 604 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,480 Speaker 1: so my son recently went to his first one. He's 605 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 1: in the sixth grade, and had a really great time, 606 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:53,760 Speaker 1: and we're looking forward to many, many more. That sounds 607 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,880 Speaker 1: way more fun than a dance a middle school, especially 608 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 1: if you're an eleven year old boy. All right, well, Jillian, 609 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,000 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. We've learned a 610 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: lot from you, so thank you so much for doing this. 611 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:11,560 Speaker 1: Thank you. All right, Well, now that was a great interview. 612 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: We've enjoyed hearing from Jillian. And now we have our question, 613 00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:19,399 Speaker 1: our listener question. So shall I read it? Sarah? Yeah, 614 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,560 Speaker 1: this was kind of like a like. My heart hurt 615 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,359 Speaker 1: a little bit when I read this one. So yes, 616 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,160 Speaker 1: so I don't get all tierry. You can go okay, 617 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: good thing. We're recording this ahead of time, so I'm 618 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:34,040 Speaker 1: not going to get all tierry. The baby so this 619 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 1: This person wrote in that my husband and I work 620 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 1: with full time in well paying, demanding jobs. We both 621 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,680 Speaker 1: work about forty hours a week, so normal full time, 622 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,320 Speaker 1: but full time, although his occasionally includes the odds Sunday 623 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,680 Speaker 1: for a few hours. Anyway, they commute one hour each 624 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: way every day in separate directions, and she says they 625 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 1: looked at places to live closer to work, but the 626 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,480 Speaker 1: places in between just weren't going to work out for 627 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 1: all sorts of reasons, probably related to a school and 628 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 1: location and things like that. They're both pretty committed to 629 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,960 Speaker 1: their careers. However, we are finding the daily grind quite overwhelming. 630 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,720 Speaker 1: They have two kids, ages eight and six, who do extracurriculars, 631 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,479 Speaker 1: plus have homework and reading each night, and she says, 632 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,280 Speaker 1: by the time we get home and do the nighttime 633 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: routines homework and dinner, we find we are usually too 634 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 1: tired for exercise or quality time. Not to mention that 635 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,239 Speaker 1: I work super early to try to pick the kids up, 636 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 1: and he does drop off, so it feels like we're 637 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,320 Speaker 1: almost living in different time zones. Anyway, all this is 638 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,840 Speaker 1: taking its toll. Neither of us has flexible employers to 639 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,880 Speaker 1: allow us to work from home or flex hours. Our 640 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,840 Speaker 1: kids are in childcare, so early care or aftercare on 641 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 1: either side of school, and I feel like we are 642 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 1: going through the motions. I've tried to pack in lots 643 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,280 Speaker 1: of fun stuff on the weekends, but then come Monday 644 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,759 Speaker 1: morning we are either exhausted or wishing away the week 645 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,320 Speaker 1: to Friday. Again. I just feel like there has to 646 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: be a better way. We do want the best of 647 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: both worlds, but she says, right now it feels like 648 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,040 Speaker 1: work is getting the best of us rather than family life. 649 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: Any ideas, tips or perspectives would be greatly appreciated, So 650 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: what do you have for there? I just I don't know. 651 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:01,800 Speaker 1: Maybe it was the mood I was in as I 652 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,560 Speaker 1: read this email, but I just felt a little bit 653 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,920 Speaker 1: of pain coming through this, and I was putting myself 654 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 1: in her shoes and found that, Yeah, I think I 655 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: would be pretty unhappy too with their current setups. So 656 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,720 Speaker 1: I do think, you know, as she wrote this email hopefully, 657 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 1: but didn't you. I mean, I gotta say just yeah 658 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: to interrupt play Devil's Advocate, this is kind of what 659 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: you had, Like you were commuting forty five minutes when 660 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,719 Speaker 1: you were in Miami. I had time to ex right, 661 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: and I had well, so why does it she it's 662 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,279 Speaker 1: a good I guess that's a good pride. That's what 663 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 1: I think she's gone from. Like if she's working forty 664 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,880 Speaker 1: hours a week and she has an hour commute on 665 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 1: either side, that's eight to six, right, or maybe it's 666 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 1: seven to five in her care Well, actually, I think 667 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,880 Speaker 1: I think the main difference between my life and this 668 00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,759 Speaker 1: person's life ding ding ding and nanny that's like, yeah, 669 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,680 Speaker 1: that's why I was happy in this person. It's not 670 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,480 Speaker 1: because you know, she talks about like doing nighttime routines 671 00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,879 Speaker 1: and being too tired, and they're like dropping off early 672 00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,200 Speaker 1: care and after care and again like somehow the not 673 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,320 Speaker 1: having time to answers like I took that personally, like 674 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that would suck, Like you're driving an 675 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,400 Speaker 1: hour to work and you never get your work out in. 676 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:14,840 Speaker 1: But again, I mean you're awake for okay, seventeen hours 677 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,600 Speaker 1: a day. And you're gone for ten. There's there's some 678 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 1: times I see what you're saying. I mean my thoughts 679 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,359 Speaker 1: were that they that they did need to look at 680 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,000 Speaker 1: maybe some of the big pieces, and maybe the answer 681 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: is an O pair or nanny, like maybe that would 682 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 1: take away some of kind of the housekeeping work that 683 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,239 Speaker 1: is what is making I mean, I don't know what's 684 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: making them too tired to do anything else other than 685 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:33,840 Speaker 1: work because their kids are eight and six, and like, 686 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,239 Speaker 1: God help me, I think like if I just had 687 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,680 Speaker 1: Annabelle and Cameron, like it shouldn't it wouldn't be that terrible. 688 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,799 Speaker 1: And a lot of after school activities at that age. 689 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,920 Speaker 1: Hopefully you can find ones that are bundled, you know, 690 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,200 Speaker 1: with their schools to maybe minimize some of this shuttling 691 00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:49,879 Speaker 1: at that age. You know, it's not like they're ten 692 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:57,080 Speaker 1: and in some very specific competitive thing. So I mean, yeah, 693 00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,440 Speaker 1: the big things I think they should think about if 694 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,920 Speaker 1: they can or there are there another childcare option that 695 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 1: would kind of give them a little bit more flexibility 696 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,759 Speaker 1: and that they could potentially then use to take a 697 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:13,319 Speaker 1: couple of nights to for themselves. Yeah, yeah, no, because 698 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,840 Speaker 1: if they didn't have to, maybe it's said, it's you know, 699 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 1: getting up early in order to get to the kids 700 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,080 Speaker 1: to before care or something because they don't have this 701 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,879 Speaker 1: right exactly, that's a picture. You're getting up at six am, 702 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,839 Speaker 1: they're like packing everything up, they're doing lunches like it's 703 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,879 Speaker 1: all this stuff. Then they have to drive even earlier 704 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,120 Speaker 1: because the kids are in before and after care. And 705 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 1: when kids are in before and after care, like then 706 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:33,960 Speaker 1: you're right, a lot of times they don't get their 707 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,719 Speaker 1: homework done, and then there's a lot of like you 708 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 1: have five, you know, a backpack full of stuff and 709 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 1: a half eaten lunch at six pm and nobody's made dinner. 710 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,440 Speaker 1: Like I'm stressed out thinking putting myself in this person's situation, 711 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:49,719 Speaker 1: and I do see why they're exhausted and don't feel 712 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,879 Speaker 1: like they have time. But I think they said they're 713 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:55,239 Speaker 1: both well paying, so the answer is going to have 714 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,239 Speaker 1: to be to get some help. Now. I guess if 715 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 1: they were not in well paying jobs, that's not going 716 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,520 Speaker 1: to be necessarily, but they they said well paying, well paying, 717 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,920 Speaker 1: demanding jobs, so yeah, I think they need the support 718 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,160 Speaker 1: to allow this to work. I mean, I was reading 719 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 1: in this that she feels like, you know something has 720 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 1: to change if it doesn't actually have to change in 721 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,600 Speaker 1: terms of the jobs, and I don't think it has 722 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 1: to change in terms of that or where they live. 723 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:20,920 Speaker 1: It has to change in terms of the amount of 724 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:25,160 Speaker 1: support they have on the home front, because yeah, I said, 725 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,359 Speaker 1: you could be gone from the house for fifty hours 726 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,480 Speaker 1: a week, but there's still quite a bit of time. 727 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 1: So the question is why are they not feeling that way, 728 00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,000 Speaker 1: especially when your kids are not toddlers right like that 729 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:40,880 Speaker 1: they don't physically require your presence every single second. So 730 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,600 Speaker 1: I think there's also narratives we tell ourselves, like and 731 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,879 Speaker 1: I worry that this listener is telling herself a story 732 00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,160 Speaker 1: where it just doesn't work, like we can't have kids 733 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,760 Speaker 1: in before care and aftercare and have two big jobs 734 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,480 Speaker 1: and commute, like it just can't work. Well, yeah it can, 735 00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,400 Speaker 1: but it maybe it's the before care and aftercare that 736 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,520 Speaker 1: needs to go in that you need another adult around 737 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,480 Speaker 1: who can do some of these things that you guys 738 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:08,240 Speaker 1: are currently taking on yourselves outside of that ten hours 739 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:12,400 Speaker 1: that you're gone each day window. So yeah, and I 740 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,680 Speaker 1: do think you know the grass it's going to the 741 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,479 Speaker 1: grass is gonna get greener. No, that's not the right phrase. 742 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: But things are going to improve, I think pretty quickly, 743 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,680 Speaker 1: because eight and six is going to become eight and 744 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:26,279 Speaker 1: ten pretty soon. I mean, it should not be a 745 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:28,680 Speaker 1: hardship to put an eight and six year old even 746 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 1: to bed. So that's something that perhaps just on the 747 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,839 Speaker 1: little things front, you could do an alternating with your 748 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,920 Speaker 1: husband where you know you're in charge of Monday Wednesday 749 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,880 Speaker 1: and he's in charge of Tuesday Thursday, and you completely 750 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,960 Speaker 1: compartmentalize it so that in your mind you know that 751 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,160 Speaker 1: like you get to relax or exercise or take a 752 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:46,120 Speaker 1: class or do your thing on the nights. Because again, 753 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,560 Speaker 1: like I'm happy. The thing I have a little harder 754 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,560 Speaker 1: time I get. I get the stress of the driving 755 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,359 Speaker 1: and the commuting and the thing. The thing I don't 756 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,240 Speaker 1: get as much the stress of is the the ages 757 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,080 Speaker 1: of the kids and sort of the the degree of 758 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,719 Speaker 1: involvement in the parenting, because I I do feel like 759 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:05,160 Speaker 1: maybe these kids could be capable of some more independent Yeah, yeah, time, 760 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,560 Speaker 1: I think that that could be the case too, And 761 00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,520 Speaker 1: maybe look at the schedule and see where you can fit. 762 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,560 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be daily exercise, like it's not 763 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,960 Speaker 1: going to that may not happen but yeah, certainly, like 764 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,200 Speaker 1: one time during the week and then two times on 765 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,480 Speaker 1: weekends and next thing you know, you're exercising three times 766 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 1: a week and life feels a lot better. And turning 767 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,520 Speaker 1: the commute into me time too, like being very cognizant 768 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,000 Speaker 1: of doing fun stuff on your commute, whether that's listening 769 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:33,560 Speaker 1: to awesome podcasts like ours and various others you can do, 770 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,800 Speaker 1: or audiobooks or great music or whatever it is, but 771 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,960 Speaker 1: really kind of enjoying that time as you time and 772 00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,279 Speaker 1: whatever it is that would would make you feel good 773 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,520 Speaker 1: about it. Yeah. So I hope at the time this 774 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,880 Speaker 1: airs that this person has already by writing the email, 775 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 1: realized that there are opportunities for them to hopefully feel 776 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:56,440 Speaker 1: a little bit better and feel like life has more 777 00:44:56,560 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: meaning and they're not so overwhelmed. Yeah, exactly. All right, Well, 778 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,520 Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking 779 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,960 Speaker 1: with doctor Gillian Goddard about her life and then also 780 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,480 Speaker 1: addressing a listener question about how to make the two 781 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,920 Speaker 1: big career life work. We'll be back next week with 782 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:17,360 Speaker 1: more on making work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. 783 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,319 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 784 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,600 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore shoebox on Instagram and you can 785 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:28,880 Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 786 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,200 Speaker 1: been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us 787 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,200 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work 788 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:35,640 Speaker 1: together