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Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, we're back.

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Speaker 2: We're black, we're brown.

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Speaker 1: Ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition. Normally I would say, hey, manager,

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Speaker 1: how are you? But unfortunately Mandy's out said today she's

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Speaker 1: not feeling well, she's got to she actually lost her voice.

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Speaker 1: But y'all got me. You know, I'm loud enough for

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Speaker 1: the us, both of us. Well, I'm super excited because

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Speaker 1: we have a special guest in studio today. If you

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Speaker 1: listen to our Baqa's which air on Fridays, literally mean

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Speaker 1: that was a little rye.

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Speaker 2: Baqa's airs on Fridays.

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Speaker 1: You know that we answered a question from a gentleman

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Speaker 1: named mister Kid aka Kevin about concern he had about

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Speaker 1: his wife maybe not taking a job that she was

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Speaker 1: more than qualified for and why.

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Speaker 2: And so we got miss Kevin together, we are here,

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Speaker 2: I'm together, and his wife co signed. She was like,

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Speaker 2: who said that? I didn't think that I was ready?

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Speaker 2: I may not want to know it. And so it

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Speaker 2: was awesome.

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Speaker 1: And so we actually invited Kevin to come chat with

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Speaker 1: us today so we could talk money and relationships and

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Speaker 1: career and relationships and just all things, you know, So welcome, Kevin.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm doing fantastic, fantastic, I get to defend myself, okay,

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Speaker 3: because listening to y'all have me afraid for my life.

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Speaker 3: As I listened to that podcast, I was like everything

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Speaker 3: I see, I was in love and I'm listening back

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Speaker 3: like like that.

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Speaker 1: So maybe for those who didn't you know, didn't get

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Speaker 1: a chance to listen to that BAQ and we should

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Speaker 1: put the link. I'm gonna ask you MANI, our producer,

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Speaker 1: to put the link to that episode in the show note,

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Speaker 1: so you guys can listen, but maybe just give us

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Speaker 1: a brief overview of like what, what why you wrote

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Speaker 1: in and what happened after?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, well, first let me just tell you I

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Speaker 3: really discovered you ladies listening to Cumulus Radio and those

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Speaker 3: wonderful commercials y'all were doing on Cumulus. And I was

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Speaker 3: scrolling through Facebook one day and I saw the budget

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Speaker 3: Neasta reads DR, and as a DR devotee, I was like, well,

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Speaker 3: let me go see what she's us saying about my

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Speaker 3: boy DR. And I listened in and I was like,

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Speaker 3: nothing she said was off base or you know, she

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Speaker 3: made valid points, and then I just got hooked from there.

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Speaker 4: And in terms of that letter, though.

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Speaker 3: You know how your spouse comes homes and they complain

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Speaker 3: about work every day. Anybody ever have that, Like every

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Speaker 3: day there's a complaint like they should do this, they

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Speaker 3: should do that, they should do this. And that particular day,

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Speaker 3: I was sitting right where I'm sitting right now, and

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Speaker 3: I had just had enough. I was like, I need

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Speaker 3: help because this isn't a toxic job. This isn't, you know,

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Speaker 3: an overly stressful workplace. This is a place that loves her,

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Speaker 3: adores her, wants her to do the best. And I

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Speaker 3: was just confused, like, why aren't you taking this money?

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Speaker 3: They are literally throwing money at you.

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Speaker 4: Take it.

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Speaker 3: And when she didn't take it, I said I need

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Speaker 3: some help. And that's when I wrote into it.

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Speaker 2: So what was that?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: What do we tell you? Kevin? What do we what

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Speaker 2: do we? What we have we had said to you

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Speaker 2: to make you say all right?

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Speaker 4: So let's go through it.

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Speaker 3: So first, Kevin is a very common name, man, and

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Speaker 3: if you recall, you were like, Kevin, I know you're

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Speaker 3: not using your real baby. But then from there, y'all

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Speaker 3: gave me some of the most transformative advice. You know,

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Speaker 3: my marriage has leveled up. I'm not using hyperbocly. I'm

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Speaker 3: not speaking, you know, in exaggerations. We literally met leveled

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Speaker 3: up because the advice was one, shut up and listen, right,

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Speaker 3: And then two the advice was understand that some people

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Speaker 3: know that enough is enough for them, right. And listening

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Speaker 3: to you talk about your experience with your husband, Jirelle

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Speaker 3: it resonated so much with me because you were like,

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Speaker 3: I was like, he needs to go get it and

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Speaker 3: he can be that's me, that's me.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, Tina, come on, they can do this, they

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Speaker 4: can do that. You can do this, You'll run the

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Speaker 4: whole department, right, And she's just like, no, I'm good. Right.

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Speaker 3: So from there, you guys really leaned in on talking

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Speaker 3: to me about how my wife could be a.

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Speaker 4: Role model already.

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Speaker 3: And that's why I really wanted to confront Mandra because

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Speaker 3: I thought she was gonna get me killed.

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Speaker 1: Because the fact that like, you know, you know, her

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Speaker 1: taking this like higher level position, you know, would you know,

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Speaker 1: would just increase would she was that she would be

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Speaker 1: a role model to you or you have a daughter, right?

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Speaker 2: And then so many yes.

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Speaker 1: And because we can all go about what you right now, Kevin,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying we can't remind and thought

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Speaker 1: some players, and so Mandy was said that you know

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Speaker 1: that basically your wife as she is is already a

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Speaker 1: role model. She doesn't need to have a big, fancy

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Speaker 1: job in order to do so. I know that wasn't

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Speaker 1: your intention, obviously, we know you know, but I wanted

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Speaker 1: to It's because when we just know that when we're

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Speaker 1: answering these letters, Kevin, it's not just for the person

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Speaker 1: writing in. It's for the whole of the audience who

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Speaker 1: might be you know, thinking, you know, thinking that you

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Speaker 1: know that like somehow that just because you can do

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Speaker 1: something means that you ought to you know, that more

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Speaker 1: is more, or thinking that you know, I ought to

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Speaker 1: do something so that way my children can then look

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Speaker 1: up to me. And we want to dispel those things.

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Speaker 1: You know, we weren't trying to get on you. Well

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Speaker 1: we were a little bit, but we weren't trying to

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Speaker 1: fully get on you because we also wanted to say, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, let's dispell that you have to do. You know,

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Speaker 1: you could be a stay at home mom and a

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Speaker 1: role model. You can be a teacher in a role model,

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Speaker 1: you can be you know, a president in a role model.

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Speaker 2: You know, but it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Being a role model is not about these external validating things,

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Speaker 1: you know, It's really about how you navigate as a

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Speaker 1: person through life.

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Speaker 2: And so we just wanted to make that clear.

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Speaker 4: So and thank you for saying that.

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Speaker 3: And again I was specifically talking about in relation to negotiations,

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Speaker 3: and but when you guys read it, I heard it

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Speaker 3: in a whole different light, and I began immediately apologizing, uh,

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Speaker 3: buying flowers by.

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Speaker 2: You know, but I'm she liked the flowers and the kid.

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Speaker 4: My wife, do you know? Okay, No, she's not here yet,

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Speaker 4: so thank God because he probably right now.

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Speaker 3: Well, she did finally listen to the episodes, and I

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Speaker 3: think after I wrote that second letter follow up where

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Speaker 3: I was talking about how transformative your advice was, I

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Speaker 3: note she listened because she started treating me so much better.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I just felt like a king.

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Speaker 3: And let me say again for the record, she's beautiful, gorgeous,

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Speaker 3: ten times smarter than me, and a gift from God.

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Speaker 3: I have my soul mat Okay, so but yeah, and

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Speaker 3: then when I had written in for that second letter,

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Speaker 3: it took me a while. So it took me about

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Speaker 3: a month to send something back because we had some

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Speaker 3: real transformative conversations. I mean, because think about it, how

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Speaker 3: many spouses out there feel the same way I did,

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Speaker 3: Like if you would just if you would just do this,

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Speaker 3: if you would just do that, and just by being

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Speaker 3: able to listen and really listen, not listening to tell

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Speaker 3: her what to do, but listen to here, Oh, this

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Speaker 3: is what you've been trying to say to me for

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Speaker 3: the past six months, Like I don't feel comfortable in

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Speaker 3: my role, I missed my supervisor who left. I'm really

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Speaker 3: ready for a change, right, And that's when we started

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Speaker 3: talking and I started really listening and asking questions about

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Speaker 3: what do you want, what's out there, what's possible? And

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Speaker 3: so let me just tell you this. The laughter that

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Speaker 3: you two had on my second letter still warms my

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Speaker 3: heart to this day to know that I can bring

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Speaker 3: out so much joy.

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Speaker 1: And I wrote because the letter was like, Hi ladies,

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Speaker 1: let me open with saying, how wonderful beautiful maze. We

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Speaker 1: said that that Miss Tina was standing over Kevin showed like, yeah, wonderful,

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Speaker 1: beautiful write that down, No beautiful put that. So we

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Speaker 1: were just teasing that that she coached him on the

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Speaker 1: letter be like, uh, huh, go ahead on and tell

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Speaker 1: the ladies how amazing I am. I know we were

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Speaker 1: just teasing, but shared the aftermath. So you said that,

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Speaker 1: you know it'll allows you to take a step back

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Speaker 1: and rethink about you know, what it is that how

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Speaker 1: you were navigating with your wife, and and so like,

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Speaker 1: what one, what are some core lessons you learn and

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Speaker 1: what's the aftermath of those lessons?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So the biggest lesson I learned is figuring out

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Speaker 3: what environment your spouse is comfortable advancing it Because the

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Speaker 3: thing about I learned about my wife is when she

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Speaker 3: has a great supervisor who she feels supports her and

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Speaker 3: can help her navigate, she'll jump into those roles.

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Speaker 4: But when she.

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Speaker 3: Doesn't have that, no amount of money, no amount of praise,

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Speaker 3: nothing is going to get her to step in there

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Speaker 3: because she wants that support. And you know, just thinking

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Speaker 3: about spouse is going through this with me because you

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Speaker 3: get so frustrated.

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Speaker 4: Because I grew up in that area.

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Speaker 3: If your boss offers you money, you take it right

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Speaker 3: and you just work your way up. But for a

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Speaker 3: lot of people, like you said, enough is enough and

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Speaker 3: they're grown but learning, all right, what is it that

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Speaker 3: will make them move. And here's the question I have

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Speaker 3: for you, because there's a difference for me in knowing

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Speaker 3: when your spouse has enough and knowing when something's wrong. Right,

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Speaker 3: And I think for me in this situation, I knew

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Speaker 3: something was wrong, I just didn't know how to get

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Speaker 3: to it and help her. And so I was curious

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Speaker 3: about your thoughts on the difference between the two of those,

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Speaker 3: like knowing when they have enough and knowing really when

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Speaker 3: something's wrong.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I learned being with Charel for

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Speaker 1: a number of years is that for both he and

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Speaker 1: I is that sometimes even just asking the question are

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Speaker 1: you are you just wanting to share or.

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Speaker 2: Are you looking for feedback?

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Speaker 1: You know, it's it's okay to ask that clarifying question

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Speaker 1: because sometimes I just want to rant.

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Speaker 2: I'm not looking for you to fix it.

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Speaker 1: Oftentimes, if you're in a you know, a male female relationship,

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Speaker 1: men tend to want to fix, you know, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: now I'm just I'm just talking, you know, like I

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Speaker 1: just want you to listen, I'm gonna fix it, you know.

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Speaker 1: You know, So asking that clarifying question, but also bigger

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Speaker 1: than like you kind of going into kind of save

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Speaker 1: the day, is the safer the environment that you create

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Speaker 1: for anyone to like be able to share, whether it's

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Speaker 1: your child, your bestie, your spouse, whomever. Creating a super

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Speaker 1: safe environment, they will come to you, you know. But

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Speaker 1: also you also have to acknowledge it's not your job

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Speaker 1: to fix it, you know, like not for adults, you know.

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Speaker 2: And it's hard because I'm a fixer too.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm like, well, what's want we we could

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Speaker 1: do it, and it's like, it's really not my job

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Speaker 1: to fix it. It's my job to create a super

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Speaker 1: safe environment where this person feels comfortable coming.

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Speaker 2: To me for anything.

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Speaker 1: And if they ask for help, and certainly you could offer,

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Speaker 1: you know, is this something you like me to help

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Speaker 1: you with? You know, if they say no, allowing them

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Speaker 1: to figure it out on their own, but always letting

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Speaker 1: them know the light is still on. If ever you're

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Speaker 1: wanting my help on this, I'm here. I know it

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Speaker 1: could be hard to watch people struggle on their own,

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Speaker 1: but that is a human existence, right, Like you are

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Speaker 1: in charge of your journey and path and so so

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Speaker 1: that's what I just say that, like, you know, creating

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Speaker 1: a safe environment, and you have to reaffirm that environment

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Speaker 1: you can't just say it once. It's like and it's

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Speaker 1: not just saying it, it's it's doing it. Because a

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Speaker 1: safe environment looks like this, Like let's just say, you know,

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Speaker 1: for example, parents a child, if I tell my mom,

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Speaker 1: you know, when I'm a kid or a teenager, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was out with my friends and they

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Speaker 1: started smoking, they were smoking, would you smoke it up?

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Speaker 1: I already know I can't talk enough, you know. But

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Speaker 1: if I'm like, I was not my mom and you

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Speaker 1: know they were smoking, okay, and you know they asked

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Speaker 1: me to smoke, okay, but I didn't want to, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not really sure how to. You see, Like it's

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Speaker 1: it's like what you don't say oftentimes it's not just

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Speaker 1: what you do say. So creating that environment where it's like, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: whenever I tell Kevin something, it's a safe space to

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Speaker 1: just share and if I do need help, he's there.

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Speaker 1: And when I don't need help, he doesn't force help

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Speaker 1: on me. This is a safe space. I think that's

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Speaker 1: the best thing you could do in a relationship that

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Speaker 1: Drone I got really good at that right before he

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Speaker 1: passed away, which is like really creating a super safe

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Speaker 1: environment where you could share anything you know and not

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Speaker 1: feel like the other person was going to get angry

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Speaker 1: with you, judge you, or try to wrestle away control and.

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Speaker 2: Fix it for you.

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Speaker 3: Wow, it's interesting because that's the space we got into.

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Speaker 3: And that's why I felt my marriage leveled up, because

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Speaker 3: you know, it put us into that old marriage advice

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Speaker 3: about fix it, feel it, or forget it. You know,

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Speaker 3: that's something someone told me a long time ago. Ask

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Speaker 3: your wife, literally, do you want me to fix it?

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Speaker 3: Do you just want me to feel your pain? Or

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Speaker 3: do you want me to just listen, let you rent

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Speaker 3: and forget it. And in this space, she really wanted

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Speaker 3: me to feel her frustration. And I was able to

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Speaker 3: listen and listen with an open mind and not answers

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Speaker 3: like you said, not fixing. And what we began to

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Speaker 3: talk about is, Okay, I've got you. So we're well

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Speaker 3: enough in life that if you are so stressed out

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Speaker 3: that you need to step away, I've got you.

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Speaker 4: We're well enough.

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Speaker 3: That if you need to find another job with a

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Speaker 3: pay cut just for your happiness, I've got you. And

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Speaker 3: that really resonated with her, And just to show you how.

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Speaker 4: Good God is.

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Speaker 3: Just man that follow up was in August. I think

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Speaker 3: it was September. She started getting calls about new jobs.

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Speaker 3: She interviewed, and she got hired in a new job

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Speaker 3: on October thirty first, making more money because she's happy.

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Speaker 3: She's coming home talking about all the great stuff at

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Speaker 3: work rather than a pop or complaining and just to

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Speaker 3: see that smile on her face. Because again, my letter

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Speaker 3: was really about my wife is hurting and I don't

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Speaker 3: know how to help her.

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Speaker 4: Please help me help her.

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Speaker 3: And you, ladies, I can't even tell you how grateful

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Speaker 3: I am, because honestly, I'm gonna be honest. We have

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Speaker 3: we had a great marriage. I mean, like outstanding. To

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Speaker 3: hear that advice and see what it has done to

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Speaker 3: us and taking us to another level is just mind bowing.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much love that.

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Speaker 1: Like I say that, like I was just talking to

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Speaker 1: a friend of mine who is struggling in his marriage,

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Speaker 1: and we were just talking, and you know, he was

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Speaker 1: just asking me, like, how did you manage to grow

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Speaker 1: from you know, because I told him I was like,

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Speaker 1: but by the time d passed away, we had elevated

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Speaker 1: from good to great in our marriage. And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: a few things in the beginning certainly. It's it's it's

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Speaker 1: a bit of a struggle. It's like dancing on the

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Speaker 1: dance floor with a new dance partner. You're like stepping

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Speaker 1: on each other's toes. You're not really sure what's the

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Speaker 1: beat You're gonna left you all right, like you know.

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Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of a and sometimes people

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Speaker 1: mistake that initial kind of like awkwardness for we must

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Speaker 1: not meant to be meant to be together. And it

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Speaker 1: might be that you know, you might have the wrong

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Speaker 1: dance partner, but it could just be you have to

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Speaker 1: find the beat and the rhythm, you know, and.

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Speaker 3: So yes, in your own rhythm. Because I will attest

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Speaker 3: to that because early in our marriage we would argue

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Speaker 3: over my mama said towels that way, and it was like, okay, wow,

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Speaker 3: we going, I said.

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Speaker 1: When Jarrelle and I decided, like maybe it's like a

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Speaker 1: year and a half in, I said, you know, baby,

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Speaker 1: let's let's make a pack that we come up with

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Speaker 1: our rules, rules that we keep just between us. We're

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Speaker 1: not sharing them with our family, friends, sister, cousin, mother.

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Speaker 1: We make up our own rules for our relationship and

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Speaker 1: that's what we abide by. And it was so great

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Speaker 1: and freeing, because you know, it's not like my well

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend said we shouldn't do it like that.

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Speaker 2: My nope, nope, nope.

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Speaker 1: It was like, these are our rules, and if ever

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Speaker 1: we wanted to change them, it's just me and you

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Speaker 1: that have to be to get consensus. All right, Kevin,

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Speaker 1: hold that thought real quick, because we're going to break

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Speaker 1: for commercial and we're to come right back. Isn't this

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Speaker 1: such a great conversation, you know it is set us

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Speaker 1: a tweet at Brianna vission the budget. He's the Mandy money.

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Speaker 1: If you're loving this conversation, we'll be back in a moment.

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Speaker 1: That was the key. We had to get consensus, and

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Speaker 1: so we started making up rules. We had rules of

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Speaker 1: disagreement even for example, if we disagree, how do we.

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Speaker 2: Want that to go? So we had a few rules

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Speaker 2: for that.

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Speaker 1: It was like one So I grew up in a

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Speaker 1: yelling household, and so like what it was like no yelling?

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, fine, I guess right too. Jarrell

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Speaker 1: had a kind of a party mouth. I mean, he

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Speaker 1: grew up in the hood, so he would just in

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Speaker 1: common conversation be like this mother, EPI said, can you

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Speaker 1: believe that dab, which was fine in general conversation, but

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Speaker 1: I told him, when we're in disagreement, like, cursing sounds crazy.

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Speaker 1: So you know, even though you might not be here

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Speaker 1: at me, that's what it feels like. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: so E raised that from your memory when we're when

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Speaker 1: So for me, it was no cursing even if you're

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Speaker 1: not you know, like he wouldn't curse at me, but like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I said, his normal cadence would just

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Speaker 1: be like, you know, he's gonna slip in a curse

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Speaker 1: here and there, right, So I'm like, but not, we're

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Speaker 1: in this when we're in disagreement.

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Speaker 2: So he both said okay.

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Speaker 4: No, okay.

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Speaker 2: And the third one of which was the hold.

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Speaker 1: That transformed our relationship, is that we created a safe word.

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Speaker 2: And the safe word for us was pineapples.

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Speaker 1: And that was when we had went from like if

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Speaker 1: a disagreement went from helpful to hurtful, you know what

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Speaker 1: that goes, you know, when you're like, you're just trying

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Speaker 1: to win at this point, and so our so we

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Speaker 1: came up with this word pineapples, and it was for

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Speaker 1: if I felt like or he felt like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you're getting to a place where it's not healthy anymore.

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes, like let's just say, if I'm in the

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Speaker 1: I'm about to get him good. I'm about to get

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Speaker 1: him good. He'll be like pineapples, right, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what pineapples mean? Everything stops, no more talking. You go

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Speaker 1: on stairs, I go downstairs. We separate, you know, And

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Speaker 1: it would be it was so frustrating in the beginning

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, oh, we only did that because I

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Speaker 1: was about to win, you know, and so and so

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Speaker 1: I remember one time I didn't want to I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to respect pineapples. He said, oh, we not respect

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Speaker 1: the pineapples because when.

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Speaker 4: You need it.

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Speaker 1: But when I tell you, it was so helpful because

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Speaker 1: what it did was it was like a shock to

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Speaker 1: the system to say, what do you what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: This is the person that you love. You're about to

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Speaker 1: say something hurtful and harmful. And so it made us stop.

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Speaker 1: And we had gotten so good at it that we

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Speaker 1: didn't even have to say pineapples anymore. The year he

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Speaker 1: passed away, it was I would internally self correct, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: So we got to the point, like my.

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Speaker 1: Sister lived with us for like almost two years and

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Speaker 1: she was like, do you guys ever argue?

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Speaker 2: And we really didn't.

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Speaker 1: We had never We didn't let it escalate because we

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Speaker 1: got trained that muscle of is this hurtful?

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Speaker 2: Is this helpful?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: But I would always tell him, and for those of

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Speaker 2: you in.

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Speaker 1: Relationships, just even like you know, with your kids or whomever,

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Speaker 1: we would always remind ourselves that, like I would visualize

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Speaker 1: that we were wearing the same jersey, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: so if I have on the Bulls jersey and you

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Speaker 1: have on a Bulls jersey, so what do.

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Speaker 2: I look like tripping you to sink a basket? Right?

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Speaker 2: Because if you lose, the team loses.

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Speaker 1: Therefore I lose too, you know, Like I cannot win

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Speaker 1: over you because if I win over you, then you lose.

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Speaker 2: That we all lose.

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Speaker 1: And so even when we were like gearing up for

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Speaker 1: like a disagreement, like I would, I would visualize, yo,

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Speaker 1: you yo, this man has on the same jersey as me,

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Speaker 1: So like me, winning is not really a win. I

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Speaker 1: cannot win without him. We have to both win in this.

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Speaker 1: So that just helps a lot. I'm just I love

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Speaker 1: to hear because the world will tell you that like

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Speaker 1: there are no successful black relationships, you know, and that

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Speaker 1: like black love is did or just love in general,

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Speaker 1: and or that everything is struggle love, whatever that means.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm here to say that not that

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Speaker 1: I know like a ton, but I know a good

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Speaker 1: enough amount of people who are realistically happily married, not

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Speaker 1: that everything's always rainbows and butterflies, but realistically happily married,

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Speaker 1: meaning like they're like you, Kevin and Tina, where you're

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Speaker 1: actively working on your marriage.

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Speaker 2: You are reaching.

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Speaker 1: Consensus from a place of love and respect, and that's

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Speaker 1: why I get stronger and better.

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Speaker 2: And so just I really commend you for.

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Speaker 4: That well, and thank you for sharing your journey.

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Speaker 3: It has been so like heartwarming to see you go

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Speaker 3: through your journey of healing and sharing that with all

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Speaker 3: of us and honestly listening to you, it inspires me

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Speaker 3: to be a better husband because you know, for those

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Speaker 3: of us who have gone through loss, it really makes

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Speaker 3: you really pay attention to the things that really matter

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Speaker 3: and focus in. So I just wanted to make sure

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Speaker 3: before this conversation gets too far in to say thank

436
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: you for sharing that, and just say this for those

437
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 3: who are going through and arguing like you, we had

438
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 3: the benefit of a roommate for like the first three

439
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: years of our marriage, so we couldn't.

440
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 4: Really shout at each other.

441
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: We just had to like like sort of talk our

442
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 3: points out and we would literally talk through him.

443
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 4: He was like, well, don't you think I'm right? Don't

444
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 4: you think I'm right?

445
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,160
Speaker 3: And I tell people all the time that really helped

446
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 3: us in our marriage to understand how to have a

447
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 3: disagreement instead of an argument. And at the end of

448
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 3: the day, a house in discord, nobody wins right.

449
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 4: If you and your spouse are mad or one's mad,

450
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 4: it's not.

451
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 3: Good for anybody. But when you have that harmony. And

452
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, she just walked in, so I had to

453
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 3: catch it.

454
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 2: Hi real quick, girl, I know you're let me say.

455
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 4: Beautiful, and she is. Man, let me tell you what

456
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 4: an extra introvert she is to do that.

457
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: She probably might, you know, because people, I am an

458
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: extrovert introvert meaning that like certainly I can, like, you know,

459
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: put it on, but quietly I'm actually really really shy,

460
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 1: you know. And so after I do the thing, I

461
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: got to take a nap because it's just so overwhelming.

462
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: I have just learned to like through my shyness, but

463
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 1: so I totally understand.

464
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 3: But no, but yeah, So in dealing with those situations,

465
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 3: the biggest thing for me is and a question I

466
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 3: had for you, is when you have these spouses who

467
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 3: are out us and this just isn't a husband. We

468
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 3: have wives who are the alpha or the breadwinner, and

469
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 3: you have the spouse that may not be making, you know,

470
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 3: as much as the other one, but you want to

471
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 3: push them to go up to that next level. I mean,

472
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 3: how do you have that conversation because a lot of times,

473
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 3: for me, my pushing is about the stress of trying

474
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 3: to provide for everybody right and trying to share that burden.

475
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 3: And that's something I was able to communicate, like, you know,

476
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,159
Speaker 3: we got retirement coming up, our daughters in college, you know,

477
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 3: we got another son in college.

478
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 4: The more money we make, the easier it'll be.

479
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 3: So just having those conversations and recognizing when it's about

480
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:52,360
Speaker 3: their needs and when it's about your needs versus you.

481
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: See what I'm saying.

482
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, candidly, he never made over sixty

483
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a year, and you know I could take

484
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 1: up words to seven figures home, you know, And so certainly.

485
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: There were times when I'm.

486
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 1: Like, babe, you know what, you could do this, and

487
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: because you're a super for housing, you know, we could

488
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 1: buy all these like apartment buildings, you.

489
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 2: Know, and he'd be like, okay, you know, and.

490
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, Or like when I first met him,

491
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: because he's really smart, I was like, why don't you

492
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: go back to school and you could get your degree

493
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: in this and you know, and he'd be like, I

494
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 1: don't know if I want to go back to school.

495
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: And so I was so frustrated by that in the

496
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 1: beginning until, like I remember the first time I took

497
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 1: my he was my boyfriend at a time, to meet

498
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: like my parents, and my dad was getting on him

499
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 1: about going to school. And I didn't like it because

500
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, who are you to tell him

501
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 1: how he ought to live his life? And then I

502
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: had to look and say, oh, pick up that marative.

503
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 1: You don't like it, that's you, siss You see how

504
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: I look?

505
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 2: You see how that look, you know?

506
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 1: And I was like, so, this is what I learned

507
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: when it comes to that, is that he and I

508
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 1: again had to make up our own rules. So because

509
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,159
Speaker 1: especially the dynamic is you know, like switch because he

510
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 1: was the man and he wanted to be the provider,

511
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: although I did not necessarily need a financial provider. So

512
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 1: what we decided was that we were going to live

513
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: within the means that he could provide.

514
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 4: You know.

515
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 1: And so so what that meant, like, so I remember

516
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: we were living, So I moved in with him maybe

517
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: like two years until like dating, and rent was super cheap.

518
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: It was, like, you know, because he because he worked

519
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,199
Speaker 1: for housing. We actually lived like on campus, and it

520
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 1: was like nine hundred bucks a month, you know. And

521
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: so I was like, well, how much do you want

522
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: me to put toward rent? He was like, well, I

523
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: was paying before you got here, I'm paying it now.

524
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: I said, okay, right, So he continued to pay like

525
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: all the bills, and I was building the budgets. I

526
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 1: mean I was already like five years in the budget.

527
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: Esta was making six figures. But I said okay. And

528
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 1: since we weren't like married, you know, I didn't really

529
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: start setting aside for both of us until like we

530
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: got engaged. But when we got engaged, he was like, okay,

531
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: you how about this. You pay the bills, so we

532
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: keep our life under what the bills you can afford,

533
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: and I will save and invest the money that I'm

534
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: bringing in.

535
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 2: And so, so the way it played out.

536
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: Was, I was like, he always wanted to be a homeowner,

537
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 1: and ID already brought a condo when I was like

538
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: in my twenties and I had lost it to foreclosure.

539
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you know, I'm like a house too.

540
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: And so we were looking for homes and it was

541
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: hard because it was like, Okay, we could only look

542
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 1: for homes that his pay could cover.

543
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 2: So some of the homes, you know, what we're looking

544
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 2: I didn't really like. I was like, I don't like

545
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: this one, I like this one, don't like that neighborhood.

546
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: But I realized, well, maybe we're looking at it in

547
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 1: an incorrect way, right. So his main desire was I

548
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: should be able to continue to pay our bills.

549
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: I want that. If you don't want to do budget

550
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 2: EASTA no more, you don't have to. I got you.

551
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,439
Speaker 1: So then I thought, well, babe, what if we do this?

552
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,719
Speaker 1: A foreclosure came up on the market. It was one

553
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: hundred and eighty thousand dollars, and I said, what if

554
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: we purchased that home cast with the money I have

555
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: saved and invested for us because my job was save investor,

556
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: your job to.

557
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 2: Pay the bills.

558
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: What if we purchased at home, that one hundred and

559
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: eighty thousand dollars home with that money, which we did,

560
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 1: and then we renovated it. Now I can get the

561
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: house that I want in the neighborhood that I want.

562
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: And guess what, we don't have a mortgage. So like,

563
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 1: so the monthly bills actually decreased. And so we found

564
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 1: ways like that to navigate versus me saying go make

565
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: more money, you know which is you know it was

566
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: more so how do we make the money that we

567
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: do have work for both of us? And so he

568
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: loved the fact that he was like, y'all pay all

569
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 1: the bills in the house because you know which, like

570
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: I said, there's no mortgage.

571
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 2: And same thing.

572
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: That's how we bought our cars too. So I purchased

573
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: a car for myself and then his car was like

574
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: getting old, and I was like, well, why don't we

575
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: get you a car with the money that we have

576
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: in our savings that I've been saving, So purchase his car,

577
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: purchased my car, no car, no, but he paid the insurance,

578
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: you know wow.

579
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 3: And let me get some of that if you don't mind,

580
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 3: because that is good stuff. Boy, and I want to

581
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: just jump rope in there. But you are dead on

582
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 3: because like you are the textbook example.

583
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 4: Like back in the nineties, I used to read Essence,

584
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 4: you know, Full Disclosure.

585
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 3: And literally Essence would talk about these black women who

586
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 3: are making these six figure salaries dating people who didn't

587
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 3: have that college degree or were working, and the skills

588
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 3: and the trades, and how to balance that and make

589
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 3: that work. And now you see that more and more

590
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 3: where people are making it work.

591
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 4: And the trick really is how do we.

592
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 3: Go from we to us right and still make people

593
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 3: feel like they're valued in the relationship because you allow

594
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 3: Jirell to still keep that protector, provider manhood thing that

595
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 3: we all strive to give. I want to protect her.

596
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: That's why I'm always trying to fix it. I want

597
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,479
Speaker 3: to protect my daughter. That's why I'm always signing her

598
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 3: up for Mandy's courses and pushing them on her right.

599
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 4: I want to protect and.

600
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 3: Provide By allowing us to do that, man, I can't

601
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 3: even tell you how happy that makes all of us.

602
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 4: And I hope people are listening to the advice.

603
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: He would tell you all the time, like, babe, thank

604
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 1: you so much for never making me feel like, you know,

605
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: feel bad, or feel less than or feel you know,

606
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: because sometimes I'd have to remind him.

607
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, maybe you know we're millionaires. He was like

608
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 2: we are.

609
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you look at our investment account?

610
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 4: You know?

611
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: And because I mean he was still wearing his brown

612
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: uniform to work as a super you know, like and

613
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: so and and somebody might be listening.

614
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 2: But so you lived less than a life. I said.

615
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 2: It didn't feel less than.

616
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: To me because one one, if you know me, like

617
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 1: Darrell's not here, I'm still in the same house. I'm

618
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: still wearing my target's best like that's my Like I

619
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: it was a fit for me because I was already

620
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: living in that way. So if I'm going to splurg

621
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,959
Speaker 1: so so the things that I would pay for for

622
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: myself to splurge were vacations. You know, I didn't have

623
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: the expectation he paid for my vacations. And I also

624
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: looked after my parents. That was a bill that he didn't,

625
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: you know, take care because I was like, these are

626
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 1: my parents, this is my responsibility. I gave them money

627
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: every month, and so it allowed us like creating things

628
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: like that, like creatively figuring out how do we do

629
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: this dance? So I can honor the fact that you

630
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: are the protector provider. But this is something that I'd

631
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: like for us to have. And so there's no right

632
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: or wrong. That's what I mean about creating your own

633
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: internal rules for yourself and your relationship. If you can

634
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: do that, you know, like I said, I you know,

635
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: I made a significant amount of money, and yet you know,

636
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: like like for example, it wasn't until I was in

637
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: college that I realized that my mom made way more

638
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: than my dad.

639
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 2: I never knew.

640
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: She was a nurse and he was an accountant, and

641
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: I was just like she was like with the overtime

642
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: or whatever she was make it almost double.

643
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 2: And I didn't know. But because also too same in that,

644
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 2: you know, it.

645
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: Didn't they didn't let it affect the dynamics of their relationship,

646
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: you know. And so I just think I think the

647
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: rule is there is no rules except for the ones

648
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: that you create for yourself. You know, when it comes

649
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: to your how you navigate your relationship, especially when it

650
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: comes to money. So I'll say for you, Kevin, when

651
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: it comes to you and Tina, you know her. The

652
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: only solution that is not just Tina gotta make more money.

653
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: You know, I want you to explore what are some

654
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: other solutions, because too, you have to get to the

655
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: root of what are you really saying?

656
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 2: What are you really wanting?

657
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, like, oh, I want safety

658
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: and I want security and I wanted to have enough

659
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: for so okay, So is it Tina gotta make more

660
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: money or the money we do make do we manage

661
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 1: that better?

662
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 2: Is you see what I mean?

663
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: It might be that you know what I mean, Like,

664
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: you know, it might be that it might be like,

665
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: you know, are there some things that we really don't

666
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: need that actually we could put that put that money

667
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: toward retirement. You know, are there some ways to cut back?

668
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 2: You know?

669
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 1: It might be that I don't know, only you would know,

670
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: and so like so, you know, I don't want you

671
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: to just in anything. Don't get so stuck that the

672
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: only solution is there's never just one solutions. Actually, when

673
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: it comes to your finances, you know that you want

674
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: to explore, like what other ways, Like it's the only

675
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: way for us to get a house that Jarrell has

676
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,719
Speaker 1: to qualify for a mortgage no, it's we found a foreclosure,

677
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: paid for a cash Now we ain't got to worry about

678
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: a mortgage. You see what I mean? So there is

679
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: alternative solutions I do, you know, for you to navigate

680
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: but get to the root of what you're really saying

681
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: that you want and then put both of your heads

682
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: together to figure out what are different ways to achieve

683
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: the same solution.

684
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 3: And so yeah, wow, and you know that's such good advice.

685
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 3: And you've got to I have got to be able

686
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 3: to sit with myself and say, what am I really needing?

687
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 3: Why am I pushing for this? We make more than

688
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 3: enough money, and I have learned from the past that

689
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: when we used to make more money and then go

690
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 3: out and get a new car payment and lose all

691
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 3: that money, we may, you know, but it comes down

692
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 3: to can you manage what you have? Because in cree

693
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 3: can come through decrease. And I learned that listening to you.

694
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 5: Guys, Hey, my paster listens, I just gave you a

695
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 5: service for.

696
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: Something that Kevin, you are awesome. Any last words for

697
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: the people?

698
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 3: You know what the last word I would say is

699
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 3: one of the reasons why I was so happy that

700
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 3: y'all called me on is I know that there are

701
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 3: so many spouses going through the same thing that I'm

702
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 3: going through, and it's causing stress on your marriage, and

703
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 3: the more we talk about it, the more we're able

704
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 3: to deal with it. So I want to thank you

705
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 3: for having me on. Thank you for talking to me.

706
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,280
Speaker 3: I just gave away two copies of your book last week.

707
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 3: I'm giving away three copies at Christmas, and I'm about

708
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,879
Speaker 3: to give my daughter that many script negotiating.

709
00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 4: So now get some gear so we can buy.

710
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: If you go to brownebischopodcast dot com, I feel like

711
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 1: we have gear on there.

712
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 2: Take a look. I'm almost possibly have some.

713
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,320
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, so brown Ambition dot com get your gear.

714
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 4: I will go there asking everybody to go with.

715
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 3: Me because I'm your biggest fan and now I'm promoting

716
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 3: your ken.

717
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 2: You're an awesome guest. Thank you so much.

718
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 1: I mean, I know you're a private person, but if

719
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: you do have any social media that you mind people

720
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: following or anything, you don't have to.

721
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 2: I'm just like it.

722
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 4: No I do.

723
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 3: But you're gonna laugh because you know how you have

724
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 3: that nineties email address.

725
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 4: Well, my uh my Instagram name is Gilo Tony g

726
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 4: I G O l O t O N.

727
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:43,720
Speaker 3: Why hey, it's it's a nineteen eighties rapping from Miami.

728
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 4: It's an look up smurf Rock all.

729
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: Right, all right, go ahead and.

730
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 3: You'll see some of the best salads and you can

731
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 3: hit me up at Facebook, Kevin Kidd. We do a

732
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 3: lot of great things, from coaching you soccer and empowering

733
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 3: girls to bring it after school programs to youth and attention.

734
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 4: So you're welcome. Thank you so much.

735
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 2: I D D for those of your listening, JIGGLO Tony.

736
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:09,879
Speaker 1: For those of you who know what you're talking about,

737
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,240
Speaker 1: tweet me who's from who from Florida?

738
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 4: A name?

739
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 3: Okay, there you go, that's Miami base right, So thank

740
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 3: you so much and thank you for inspiring me.

741
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 4: Hopefully this will be the first.

742
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 3: In my journey to realize my dream of becoming a

743
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 3: motivational speaker through your example.

744
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,879
Speaker 2: And just tell Tina I love you.

745
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 4: I will and she said hello fla.

746
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 2: Hey, ba fan.

747
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 3: We could not do this show without your support or

748
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 3: the support of our team behind the scenes.

749
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 4: The Brown a Mission podcast is produced by Cumulus Podcast Network.

750
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 4: It's edited by the wonderful Emani Crosby.

751
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 3: And produced by Tanya Bustos. Dennistimplinsky is our in house

752
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 3: tech guru, and I am Bandy Woodrid Santos your co host,

753
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: and I see y'all next week