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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephone.

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Speaker 1: Never told your production of I heart radio, and welcome

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Speaker 1: to another edition of Happy Hour in which we are

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Speaker 1: drinking responsibly and I hope you are as well. Um,

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Speaker 1: today's episode is not sponsored by a specific and there's

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Speaker 1: several sponsors we have obviously you've heard of. We have

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Speaker 1: a lot of ads, we know. So sorry, uh, not

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Speaker 1: under our control, but we're taking a small break in

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Speaker 1: our love of sex in the city episodes watched through Um,

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Speaker 1: partially because we are trying to gather our thoughts. You know,

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Speaker 1: if you've been listening on our happy hour second in

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Speaker 1: the city segments. If you haven't, you can still catch up.

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Speaker 1: We're trying to find someone who would want to join us,

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Speaker 1: one of y'all, our listeners, who might want to join

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Speaker 1: on a watch through as well. So if you're interested,

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Speaker 1: you can send us an email, which any will give

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Speaker 1: you information at the end, or our instagram or twitter.

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Speaker 1: Send us a message, comment on the picture and we'll

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Speaker 1: add you into the drawing and we're just gonna do

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Speaker 1: literally just do a drawing, but would love to have

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Speaker 1: you a part of that. But for now we're gonna

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Speaker 1: take a quick break from that and I'm just gonna wine.

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Speaker 1: Can I wine any please? Wine and dine. So, before

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Speaker 1: we start, what are you sipping on? Responsibly? You know

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Speaker 1: it's I wish I had known it was a wine episode.

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Speaker 1: I would have gotten wine. I should. You should have.

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Speaker 1: You know how I like a theme in a pond.

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Speaker 1: I told you the Times I would do a bit

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Speaker 1: and wine sessions with my friends and literally drink wine while,

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Speaker 1: I mean to each other. That sounds lovely, that sounds

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Speaker 1: fun great. I miss it. Yeah, well, here we go,

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Speaker 1: but minus the wine. I have my usual tin and tonic,

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Speaker 1: because that's all I really have around here. It's a

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Speaker 1: good one. Um, I'm drinking a cell so, so so I'm

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Speaker 1: also not drinking wine. Funny enough, because but I should.

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Speaker 1: But I just really want to go with something lighter. Um,

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Speaker 1: I will say I have been venturing through the Costco

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Speaker 1: Box oh wines around the world and I went through

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Speaker 1: my reds pretty quickly. I am now on rose. So

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Speaker 1: it's been a fun little adventure. Just so you know,

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Speaker 1: the name of the rose and I don't know the

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Speaker 1: company is literally called Uh problema problem and it's a

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Speaker 1: picture of a Llama. So Nice. That's us. I like that,

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Speaker 1: all right. I love a good Lama. Send me all

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Speaker 1: the Lama junctions. But yeah, so if you have been

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Speaker 1: listening recently, you would know that September is my birthday month.

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Speaker 1: That's how we celebrate things around here, and I have

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Speaker 1: titled this one specifically still in crisis, because not too

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Speaker 1: long ago I talked about the fact that I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I'm going through a midlife crisis or if

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Speaker 1: I'm approaching a midlife crisis, but there's just a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that I'm starting to become antsy about out

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Speaker 1: and for a little while I was okay. When it

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Speaker 1: comes to my birthday, I'm odd, like I try to

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Speaker 1: really get excited about it, like people really get excited

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Speaker 1: and want to do things, but as I try to

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Speaker 1: plant things, I have this dread that forms into me

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Speaker 1: that it eventually makes me just curl up in a

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Speaker 1: ball and quit all together. I'm like now I'm good,

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Speaker 1: I'm done, I'm done. I want to sit in the dark,

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Speaker 1: uh and just drink some wine in the quiet and

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Speaker 1: silence and think about my past like that. Essentially, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of how it comes down to and I feel

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Speaker 1: the same way about holidays. We've talked about this previously.

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what it is, but there's

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Speaker 1: something that I try to I don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: because I'm trying to build it up. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if there's an anxiety to trying to do things or

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Speaker 1: if it's me trying to be like regular people are

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Speaker 1: excited by these celebrations. Regular people do these things and

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Speaker 1: I just don't. And I think a lot of that

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Speaker 1: has to do with childhood trauma. We won't get into

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Speaker 1: it in this episode anyway. Um. So there's a lot

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Speaker 1: to this and that I still always feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: in a crisis. I'm in a good place. That's the

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Speaker 1: part that I also add that guilt and that I

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Speaker 1: know I'm privileged enough to know I'm that I'm in

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Speaker 1: a good place. Uh, got have with a partner and

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Speaker 1: he is great and we are doing really well in

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Speaker 1: the house. Um, all these things. I've got a good job,

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Speaker 1: I've got great friends any Um, and there are so

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Speaker 1: many good things. But as any of y'all who have

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Speaker 1: dealt with anxiety, depression, um, any of those types of

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Speaker 1: mental health stuff, you can't rationally pull yourself out of it,

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Speaker 1: even though you desperately understand this is not a big deal,

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Speaker 1: calm down, move on, and you really wish you could

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Speaker 1: talk your way out of that. I really do. That's

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Speaker 1: my thing. Is like. I know, I know how good

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Speaker 1: I have have it right now in comparison to so

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Speaker 1: many others and to the fact that there are so

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Speaker 1: many things that I am able to do. I understand

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Speaker 1: that all the past trauma no longer is present, as

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Speaker 1: in like that, the things that happened to me in

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Speaker 1: the past is not happening now. So I get all

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Speaker 1: of that, but as someone who does have mental health

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Speaker 1: issues in such as deppression and anxiety, and maybe not ecilepsy.

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Speaker 1: That's physical, but you know whatever, it's still hard for

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Speaker 1: me to bring myself out of it big moments and

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Speaker 1: even though it's not big moments to everybody, no one

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Speaker 1: really cares outside of my friends and family, that my

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Speaker 1: birthday is coming around. Um, it still feels like a

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Speaker 1: landmark for me. Obviously it is a landmark for me,

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Speaker 1: and so because of that, it feels overwhelming. So there's

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Speaker 1: this whole level of like trying to figure out the

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Speaker 1: last and you know, because I keep going back and

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Speaker 1: forth you're getting texts about it, which I was going

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Speaker 1: to ask you. How do you felt about these plants

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Speaker 1: that I've made? And then I'm like, I'll just waiting

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Speaker 1: till the show. WHO's we'll talk about in a minute,

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Speaker 1: because there are so many things. And then, on top

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Speaker 1: of these added things, trying to plan. I hate planning.

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Speaker 1: I actually do hate it. I despise it because as

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Speaker 1: in that route of like yes, I'll do it if

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Speaker 1: I have to, if no one else will do it,

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Speaker 1: I will do it. But then if people are disappointed,

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Speaker 1: if it's not good, if something falls through, someone doesn't

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Speaker 1: like something, I feel like I failed and that felt

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Speaker 1: like the fear of failure. It feels like it's looming Um.

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Speaker 1: We're still technically in a pandemic, like there's so many

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Speaker 1: people still getting covid Um and I'm like, I yet

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Speaker 1: to get it. So, as far as I know, knocking

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Speaker 1: on wood, uh, there's a booster shock coming. Wonderful. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to get that. I can't wait for it

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Speaker 1: to be ready to go for me. But there's still

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Speaker 1: so much happening, polio, measles, uh, monkey POPs, that it

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Speaker 1: just makes me not want to do any of these things.

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Speaker 1: At the same time I am itching to get out

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Speaker 1: of the state alone, like I want to go somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I have been looking at plane tickets like non stop,

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Speaker 1: but every time I think about going, I realized, Hey,

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Speaker 1: there are people who on strike because airline industry are

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Speaker 1: treating some people like crap, Hey, you shouldn't go to

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Speaker 1: certain places because these places are dealing with things that

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Speaker 1: can't handle tourists and or are doing so much for

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Speaker 1: tourists and not enough for the people who live there

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Speaker 1: that it's unfair and it should not be. Uh, we

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Speaker 1: should not be traveling there. Literally, the people who live

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Speaker 1: there are telling us, please, don't come here. So trying

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Speaker 1: to be conscientious of that. Uh. I at one point

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Speaker 1: told you I wanted to do an all inclusive thing.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, lets still go do a resort. I don't

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Speaker 1: have to think about it, I don't have to plan it,

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Speaker 1: we don't have to go anywhere, we can just chill there.

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Speaker 1: Most of them are so bad for that country, that

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Speaker 1: area and the people that they employ that I'm like, Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we definitely can't do that. Like it just I if

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Speaker 1: there was like, yes, I am the sad sally in

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Speaker 1: this whole mix of this conversation, because I want to

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Speaker 1: be conscientent just about all the things that we are

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Speaker 1: wanting to do, but it feels almost hopeless and doing

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Speaker 1: it and now out because of the abortion bands, I

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Speaker 1: am really hesitant and stepping in states, and I say

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Speaker 1: this in the state of Georgia. Don't come here too,

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Speaker 1: I get it, and going to states where the state

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Speaker 1: government are truly, truly, truly atrocious in putting these bands

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Speaker 1: out and doing so much to control women's bodies, control

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Speaker 1: bodies of those who have UNs is in general as

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Speaker 1: in fact, uh controlling any and everything that they think

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Speaker 1: is immoral, which has proven just to be biased opinion

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Speaker 1: and not morality. All that to say. So it feels

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Speaker 1: even worse because I would love to go to certain

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Speaker 1: places in the US, but I'm like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go to there because I don't want to support this,

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Speaker 1: but there are people who live there, Atlanta, who think,

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Speaker 1: who like, we need you here to support us. But

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Speaker 1: how do you do this again, in a manner and

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Speaker 1: understanding who you're going to see? So I thought about

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Speaker 1: this and I had to look it up. I booked

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Speaker 1: an AIRBNB here in Georgia, but in the mountains, which

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Speaker 1: outside of Atlanta, it gets pretty pretty conservative Um, and

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Speaker 1: I will try to look them up to see what

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Speaker 1: kind of stands they have. And of course they're not

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Speaker 1: going to tell you unless something goes bad. You don't

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Speaker 1: you're not you might not know. So even doing that

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Speaker 1: has me on edge. I went to looked it up.

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Speaker 1: I think they're okay. It's only for a night, but

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Speaker 1: we did this because we're going to a wedding um

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Speaker 1: and I would rather stay overnight than try to drive

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Speaker 1: back to Atlanta. But, like things like that, it feels overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: So having this layered panic attack, essentially that I want

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Speaker 1: to do these things for my birthday, but all of

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Speaker 1: this a t z issues are making me feel like

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Speaker 1: I can't or I shouldn't, and then, therefore, because I'm tired,

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Speaker 1: I just give up and I go back to square

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Speaker 1: one of like I'm just gonna sit here in the dark.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot and I think it's it's complicated in

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Speaker 1: so many ways that it can feel for me very

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Speaker 1: like I can't, I can't make a decision because, like

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Speaker 1: you said, you know, being in Georgia and Atlanta, we

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Speaker 1: don't want everyone who's like pro abortion to flee, but

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Speaker 1: I get it at the same time, like it's it's

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Speaker 1: one of those things where there's just like everything is

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Speaker 1: complex and complicated, and it has been for a long time,

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Speaker 1: but just right now it feels like every decision there's

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Speaker 1: not like a good it feels like there's not a

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Speaker 1: good decision but to stay in. And then even that

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Speaker 1: I'll catch myself being like I have been in this

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Speaker 1: apartment for like two plus years, doing the same things.

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Speaker 1: In most days I don't feel guilty about it, but

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Speaker 1: every now and then I'm like, you just turned thirty

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Speaker 1: four and you're still here, you're still not going m M.

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Speaker 1: and I mean I love I love traveling and I

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Speaker 1: do I don't know that I like planning, but I'm

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Speaker 1: a good planner and I have the opposite thing of you,

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Speaker 1: where I plan when I'm nervous. So you can tell

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Speaker 1: if I'm like going through some kind of anxious thing,

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Speaker 1: because all of a sudden I'm like what if we

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Speaker 1: do this and then this and then this, Um, and

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Speaker 1: then the next day I'm like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do any of that anymore because I'm not panicking anymore. Um.

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Speaker 1: But it is it is stressful and it is tiring

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Speaker 1: and I can totally see like birthdays come around and

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Speaker 1: it's like suddenly it's on you to make a plan

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Speaker 1: so that other people can like come, yea, and they

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Speaker 1: want to celebrate you. Don't get me wrong, but it

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Speaker 1: is like something you have to do right, right. So

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Speaker 1: I'm as an adult, you don't want to make other

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Speaker 1: people pay for the graces of your presence. It's like

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Speaker 1: it's this whole thing. And again, you have been you

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Speaker 1: and my partner. I've been at the forefront of here's

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Speaker 1: the things that I do want to do. NOPE, never mind,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. Hey, maybe we don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do the back and forth is phenomenal. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the part of that is I just I just don't.

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Speaker 1: I just don't want to do any of these things.

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Speaker 1: I want to see people, but then the same time,

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Speaker 1: if I don't, I kind of wish I could ignore it,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time there's just part of it

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Speaker 1: like if people forget it, then they don't like me anymore.

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Speaker 1: Lem Too. Why would my mind not stop? Funny enough.

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Speaker 1: So we went home recently. I went home recently to

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Speaker 1: my parents house. I'm always nervous about going there because

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Speaker 1: you never know what's gonna Happen, you never know it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be brought up and even though for the most

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Speaker 1: part it was good, it was fine, I honestly thought

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Speaker 1: it was because, partially it's my birthday, so my mother

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Speaker 1: likes to do things ahead of time and she's gonna

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Speaker 1: Scooch you in or whatever whatnot. So I thought partially

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Speaker 1: it was going to be for all of our birthdays.

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Speaker 1: My Mom's birthday is in this month, my mom and

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Speaker 1: dad's anniversaries in this month and then my birthday is

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Speaker 1: in this month. So I just assumed that's what it was.

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Speaker 1: I went in with her birthday gift, their anniversary gift,

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Speaker 1: expecting to come home with my gift. Nope, they completely

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Speaker 1: did not do it. And I'm almost like, Oh, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to see each other like and I don't

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Speaker 1: see my parents that often. I see them probably once

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Speaker 1: every other month, and I was just like wow. And

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Speaker 1: though it hasn't like I'm not upset, I'm not mad,

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Speaker 1: but I did have a moment of like give me

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Speaker 1: my birthday cheese cake. So at that one moment of like,

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Speaker 1: even though I don't want all of that I do

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Speaker 1: still wanted to be acknowledged. Is that whole level of

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Speaker 1: I don't want to come out, but I still want

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Speaker 1: you to ask me because I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: forget about me and it hurts my feelings when you don't,

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Speaker 1: even though you know I'm gonna say no. But there's

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Speaker 1: it's so much and I get like again, this is

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Speaker 1: just a mall, like drop into the basket of child.

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Speaker 1: Think of water that is spilling through everywhere. We have

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Speaker 1: global warming, we have again issues with human rights and

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Speaker 1: we have depths and we have diseases and there's so

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Speaker 1: many other things that we all need to be concerned

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Speaker 1: about it. And again, as podcasters in this field, we

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Speaker 1: know it, we hear it, we see it. I've been

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Speaker 1: reading stories left and right about how bad it has

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Speaker 1: become for those in the trigger states and how quickly

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Speaker 1: it has uh downspital to the fact that we talked

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Speaker 1: about recently. Other conservative women have realized this is not good,

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Speaker 1: this is not a good idea, even though today Linda

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Speaker 1: Graham decided that he was like Mr I law states rights.

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Speaker 1: Now let's do make this federal. Happened today and we

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Speaker 1: knew it was coming. There's a lot of bad that

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Speaker 1: is shouldn't be acknowledged before I talk about I'm sad

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Speaker 1: on my birthday, which is the theme of my life,

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Speaker 1: but it is. It's still like an odd moment of

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Speaker 1: trying like all of these things and and to compartmentalized

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Speaker 1: and then it all comes crashing down. You're like, son

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Speaker 1: of a biscuit, what is happening today? Type of moments.

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Speaker 1: And Yeah, I guess I'm trying to just kind of

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Speaker 1: unfold it all and trying to figure out why does

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Speaker 1: this feel as big as it is? So if anybody's

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Speaker 1: out there like no, this has a name to it,

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Speaker 1: please let me know, because I haven't seen that yet. Um,

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Speaker 1: because I would love to name this a other than

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Speaker 1: Sam being said on her birthday, celebration, Um, type of thing.

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Speaker 1: But also the other part of this was if you

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Speaker 1: are a traveler, and I follow a few on Tiktok

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Speaker 1: and I try to follow as many as I can

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Speaker 1: who understand this conundrum of wanting to be out there

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Speaker 1: but do it in a conscientious way, ecology, ecologically being friendly,

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Speaker 1: as well as being aware of the surroundings in the

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Speaker 1: lands and being respectful of the land and the people

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Speaker 1: and where to best do this if you know of

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Speaker 1: a resort that does. I got found one and then

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Speaker 1: any and I went back and forth like is this truly?

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Speaker 1: Is it truly one of those? Would love to hear

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Speaker 1: about it. Have you had a good experience in traveling

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Speaker 1: where you felt like not only were you able to

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Speaker 1: experience the land in the area to uh, the best

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Speaker 1: of of them, but also giving back to that? That

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Speaker 1: would be awesome. I would love to hear about that

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Speaker 1: because I need those. I need a list of this

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Speaker 1: because I'm starting to lose it a little bit, a

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Speaker 1: little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that would be fantastic. Um, we would love to hear

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Speaker 1: from you, just in general. Yes, I'm sad, talk to me.

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Speaker 1: And also, we're a real hoote to hang out with,

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Speaker 1: so please don't forget that. We want one of you

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Speaker 1: to come on and join us for one of these

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Speaker 1: champion hours. It'll be very fun, we promised. We promise,

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Speaker 1: and very easy. All you have to do is contact

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Speaker 1: us and it doesn't matter if you've seen sex in

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Speaker 1: the city or not. I haven't seen it, so we'll

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Speaker 1: be great company you. You can email us at Stuffia,

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Speaker 1: mom stuff at I heeart media DOT COM. You can

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Speaker 1: find us on twitter at MOMS top podcast or on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at stuff I've never told you. Thanks, as always,

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Speaker 1: to our super producer, Chris. Do you know? Thank you, Christina,

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Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening stuff I never told you.

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Speaker 1: suspection by heart radio. For more podcast for my heart radio,

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Speaker 1: you can check out the heart radio APP, Apple Podcast,

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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows,