1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:22,156 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Most of the time. I like to think I'm 2 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:26,076 Speaker 1: a relatively nice person, but if I'm being completely honest, 3 00:00:26,516 --> 00:00:29,116 Speaker 1: there is one person out there that I do tend 4 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:33,196 Speaker 1: to screw over constantly. Now mind you, I don't intend 5 00:00:33,236 --> 00:00:35,316 Speaker 1: to be a jerk to this person. I mean, I 6 00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:38,196 Speaker 1: actually care about her a lot, so I'm not purposefully 7 00:00:38,196 --> 00:00:41,716 Speaker 1: out to get her, but I do inadvertently wind up 8 00:00:41,756 --> 00:00:45,756 Speaker 1: making her life a lot more difficult. I've wroped her 9 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,076 Speaker 1: into doing all kinds of things she didn't want to 10 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:51,316 Speaker 1: deal with. I've cheated her out of money, I've made 11 00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:53,916 Speaker 1: her pick up the pieces whenever I miss a work deadline, 12 00:00:54,236 --> 00:00:56,676 Speaker 1: and I've even forced her to eat healthier while I 13 00:00:56,716 --> 00:00:59,476 Speaker 1: get to pick out. This poor girl winds up being 14 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:03,236 Speaker 1: the collateral damage in nearly every bad decision I've ever made. 15 00:01:03,836 --> 00:01:07,716 Speaker 1: So who is this easy mark that person I'm constantly sabotaging. 16 00:01:08,596 --> 00:01:12,836 Speaker 1: She is future Laurie. She's me just in the future 17 00:01:13,596 --> 00:01:17,116 Speaker 1: tomorrow Laurie or next month Laurie. And let me tell 18 00:01:17,156 --> 00:01:21,116 Speaker 1: you from her perspective, right now, Laurie is a real bitch. 19 00:01:22,996 --> 00:01:25,476 Speaker 1: To be happier in twenty twenty, I need to stop 20 00:01:25,516 --> 00:01:28,916 Speaker 1: screwing over future Laurie, that's the only way I'm going 21 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,636 Speaker 1: to form better habits and meet my new decade goals. 22 00:01:33,756 --> 00:01:37,196 Speaker 1: But how do I stop sabotaging my future self? What 23 00:01:37,276 --> 00:01:40,556 Speaker 1: can we all do to avoid instant gratification and take 24 00:01:40,596 --> 00:01:44,236 Speaker 1: better care of our tomorrow selves? Our lying minds give 25 00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:47,156 Speaker 1: us a quick answer to this question. We need willpower. 26 00:01:48,076 --> 00:01:50,636 Speaker 1: Even if you listen to our last episode, I bet 27 00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:53,076 Speaker 1: you still have the intuition that gritting your teeth is 28 00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:56,276 Speaker 1: the way forward. But that just force yourself kind of 29 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:59,476 Speaker 1: willpower tends to disappear as soon as times get rough, 30 00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:02,716 Speaker 1: deserting us in the very moment we need it most. 31 00:02:03,236 --> 00:02:05,476 Speaker 1: But what if I told you that science teaches us 32 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:08,356 Speaker 1: an easier way to kick ourselves into goal mode, one 33 00:02:08,356 --> 00:02:11,596 Speaker 1: that makes delay gratification to protect our future selves a 34 00:02:11,636 --> 00:02:15,156 Speaker 1: total breeze. Sound too good to be true, Well, it 35 00:02:15,196 --> 00:02:18,076 Speaker 1: gets even more shocking because my favorite thing about this 36 00:02:18,156 --> 00:02:21,396 Speaker 1: willpower supercharge strategy is that it doesn't just help you 37 00:02:21,436 --> 00:02:24,636 Speaker 1: achieve your future goals, it can also make you happier 38 00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:28,196 Speaker 1: in the process. So if you're ready to harness some 39 00:02:28,276 --> 00:02:31,676 Speaker 1: self control and feel better, then join me doctor Laurie 40 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:35,316 Speaker 1: Santo's for the next installment. Of the Happiness Lab twenty twenty. 41 00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,476 Speaker 1: I wanted to learn more about this strategy that helps 42 00:02:42,476 --> 00:02:45,276 Speaker 1: you achieve your future goals and feel good. So I 43 00:02:45,356 --> 00:02:48,516 Speaker 1: dropped a line to my friend David Desteno. Are we rolling? 44 00:02:49,556 --> 00:02:53,996 Speaker 1: Here you go? I'm David Desteno, Professor of psychology at 45 00:02:53,996 --> 00:02:59,756 Speaker 1: Northeastern University and author of Emotional Success, The Power of Gratitude, 46 00:02:59,796 --> 00:03:02,836 Speaker 1: Compassion and Pride. So, Dave, one of the things I 47 00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:05,316 Speaker 1: love about your book is that it really discusses in 48 00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:07,676 Speaker 1: a lot of detail the limits of willpower. I think 49 00:03:07,716 --> 00:03:09,516 Speaker 1: in the book you actually call it a handle in 50 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:13,556 Speaker 1: the wind. So why is willpower so fragile? Well, let 51 00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:16,356 Speaker 1: me give you some examples of why I say that. So, 52 00:03:16,476 --> 00:03:18,796 Speaker 1: we tend to use willpower when we're trying to pursue 53 00:03:18,836 --> 00:03:20,956 Speaker 1: a long term goal, you know, something that has a 54 00:03:20,956 --> 00:03:23,756 Speaker 1: big reward in the future, but might be difficult in 55 00:03:23,796 --> 00:03:26,116 Speaker 1: the moment or require some effort on our part to 56 00:03:26,156 --> 00:03:28,996 Speaker 1: persevere toward. You know, whether you're trying to study to 57 00:03:29,036 --> 00:03:32,556 Speaker 1: do well in school or on an exam, exercising and 58 00:03:32,596 --> 00:03:35,676 Speaker 1: eating right, saving money rather than buying the new iPhone. 59 00:03:35,956 --> 00:03:38,476 Speaker 1: And we tend to try and use willpower to overcome 60 00:03:38,516 --> 00:03:42,316 Speaker 1: our desires for more immediate gratification, and if it's something 61 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,756 Speaker 1: that we consider even more important. You know, this time 62 00:03:44,796 --> 00:03:46,916 Speaker 1: of the year, we can think about New Year's resolutions. Right, 63 00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:50,556 Speaker 1: eight percent of New Year's resolutions are kept till the 64 00:03:50,636 --> 00:03:53,436 Speaker 1: year's end. Twenty five percent are gone in the first 65 00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:58,076 Speaker 1: week or two of January. And so we're doing something 66 00:03:58,156 --> 00:04:01,396 Speaker 1: really wrong, right If pursuing our long term goals we 67 00:04:01,436 --> 00:04:04,196 Speaker 1: all know leads to success, yet our failure rate is 68 00:04:04,236 --> 00:04:07,076 Speaker 1: that high. And there's a lot of reasons why willpower 69 00:04:07,356 --> 00:04:09,756 Speaker 1: is weak. For most of our history here on Earth 70 00:04:09,796 --> 00:04:12,996 Speaker 1: as a human species, the future was very uncertain. I 71 00:04:13,076 --> 00:04:14,956 Speaker 1: didn't know if the food I was looking at was 72 00:04:14,996 --> 00:04:16,436 Speaker 1: going to be here tomorrow. I didn't know if I 73 00:04:16,436 --> 00:04:18,756 Speaker 1: was going to be here in two months. But now 74 00:04:18,796 --> 00:04:20,956 Speaker 1: the world is a lot more certain, and it's just 75 00:04:21,036 --> 00:04:25,116 Speaker 1: that our mental calibration hasn't caught up to that certainty. 76 00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:28,236 Speaker 1: If you're always using willpower to kind of tamp down 77 00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:32,076 Speaker 1: desires for what you want in the moment, then your 78 00:04:32,116 --> 00:04:35,116 Speaker 1: body isn't kind of a perpetual state of stress. You're 79 00:04:35,156 --> 00:04:38,996 Speaker 1: always trying to tamp down one desire to persevere towards 80 00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:41,996 Speaker 1: something in the long term. To not eat something you want, 81 00:04:42,036 --> 00:04:46,796 Speaker 1: but to exercise that is a problem. Work by Greg Miller, 82 00:04:46,796 --> 00:04:49,756 Speaker 1: who's the psychologist at Northwestern University was looking at this 83 00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:52,436 Speaker 1: in terms of students in high school and college who 84 00:04:52,436 --> 00:04:54,876 Speaker 1: were studying for exams. What you found is when you 85 00:04:54,916 --> 00:04:58,996 Speaker 1: train kids in these cognitive strategies to build willpower, to 86 00:04:59,036 --> 00:05:02,876 Speaker 1: build grit, to kind of suppress their desires, yeah they 87 00:05:02,956 --> 00:05:07,516 Speaker 1: performed better, but there was actually premature aging to their 88 00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:10,636 Speaker 1: DNA because of the stress, which, if you extrapolate out, 89 00:05:10,716 --> 00:05:13,676 Speaker 1: means yeah, I'm doing better, but I'm not going to 90 00:05:13,756 --> 00:05:17,516 Speaker 1: be around as long to enjoy the fruits of that success. 91 00:05:17,596 --> 00:05:20,796 Speaker 1: But the other problem is, oftentimes we choose not to 92 00:05:20,876 --> 00:05:23,916 Speaker 1: invoke willpower in the first place because we're really good 93 00:05:23,996 --> 00:05:28,716 Speaker 1: as humans at engaging in rationalization. Right, I deserve the 94 00:05:28,756 --> 00:05:31,196 Speaker 1: extra scoop of Ben and Jerry's I've been good this week. 95 00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:33,716 Speaker 1: I deserve to spend money on myself or whatever it 96 00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:36,116 Speaker 1: might be. And if we go that route, we're not 97 00:05:36,156 --> 00:05:38,236 Speaker 1: going to engage in willpower in the first place. We're 98 00:05:38,236 --> 00:05:40,676 Speaker 1: going to give ourselves the easy way out. This looks 99 00:05:40,676 --> 00:05:43,196 Speaker 1: pretty bad for New Year's resolutions, right, Like this one 100 00:05:43,236 --> 00:05:45,676 Speaker 1: thing we usually rely on willpower is not going to 101 00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:48,796 Speaker 1: save us. So if not willpower, if not pushing ourselves, 102 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,036 Speaker 1: you know, what can we do? You know, economists talk 103 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:53,876 Speaker 1: about this problem as they's a fancy term which is 104 00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:58,156 Speaker 1: called intertemporal choice, which basically means do I want an 105 00:05:58,236 --> 00:06:02,276 Speaker 1: immediate gratification now or am I willing to forego that 106 00:06:02,356 --> 00:06:04,236 Speaker 1: so that I can have a better gain in the future. 107 00:06:04,676 --> 00:06:06,796 Speaker 1: And if you think about why we as a human 108 00:06:06,836 --> 00:06:10,396 Speaker 1: species have the ability for self con self control didn't 109 00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:13,116 Speaker 1: evolve so that I could save from my four oh onek, 110 00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:16,676 Speaker 1: None of it existed for most of our evolutionary history. 111 00:06:16,836 --> 00:06:21,396 Speaker 1: What mattered for our success was the ability to be 112 00:06:22,636 --> 00:06:25,876 Speaker 1: a little bit selfless as opposed to selfish, That is, 113 00:06:26,396 --> 00:06:28,916 Speaker 1: to cooperate with others, to be fair, to be honest, 114 00:06:28,996 --> 00:06:33,036 Speaker 1: to be generous. Those are the traits that allowed us 115 00:06:33,036 --> 00:06:36,116 Speaker 1: to be good partners and valuable partners to other people. 116 00:06:36,556 --> 00:06:41,556 Speaker 1: And what underlie those abilities are what I call moral emotions, 117 00:06:41,596 --> 00:06:45,876 Speaker 1: things like gratitude, things like compassion, things like authentic pride, 118 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:49,156 Speaker 1: not arrogance and hubrists. They tend to make us more 119 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:54,036 Speaker 1: willing to be selfless, to cooperate with others, to engage 120 00:06:54,076 --> 00:06:57,436 Speaker 1: in self sacrifice, to be willing to tap down our 121 00:06:57,476 --> 00:07:01,476 Speaker 1: desires for immediate gratification. And people often ask me, Laurie, 122 00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:02,996 Speaker 1: you know, Dave, if I want to be a success, 123 00:07:03,076 --> 00:07:06,836 Speaker 1: should I be a nice guy or a nice woman, 124 00:07:06,956 --> 00:07:09,316 Speaker 1: or should I be kind of a selfish jerk? That 125 00:07:09,356 --> 00:07:12,756 Speaker 1: I mean, should I cooperate and work fairly with others 126 00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:16,556 Speaker 1: or should I basically exploit others and be very self interested? 127 00:07:16,596 --> 00:07:19,916 Speaker 1: And the answer, what science shows is, you know, I say, well, 128 00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:22,956 Speaker 1: what's your time frame? Right? If you want to be 129 00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:25,116 Speaker 1: a success in the short term, yeah, you can be 130 00:07:25,156 --> 00:07:27,476 Speaker 1: a jerk, you can be selfish, you can exploit others. 131 00:07:27,876 --> 00:07:31,716 Speaker 1: Individuals who are self interested to exploit other people's rise 132 00:07:31,996 --> 00:07:35,716 Speaker 1: very quickly, but over time they begin to fail because 133 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,076 Speaker 1: no one wants to cooperate with them, no one wants 134 00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:41,396 Speaker 1: to work with them. And individuals who are selfless, who 135 00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:45,396 Speaker 1: have the ability to control their desires for immediate gratification 136 00:07:45,516 --> 00:07:48,596 Speaker 1: selfish behaviors do well in the long run. And so 137 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,916 Speaker 1: a lot of what I argue in this book and 138 00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:53,996 Speaker 1: in my work is that we are not using the 139 00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:58,276 Speaker 1: emotional tools that we have in our arsenal to help 140 00:07:58,356 --> 00:08:01,596 Speaker 1: us succeed in the long run. We're relying on these 141 00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:06,356 Speaker 1: weaker tools of kind of tamping down emotional responses via 142 00:08:06,396 --> 00:08:10,676 Speaker 1: willpower that researchers shown are pretty fragile. So let's zoom 143 00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:13,356 Speaker 1: in on one of these tools in particular. You mentioned gratitude, Like, 144 00:08:13,556 --> 00:08:17,316 Speaker 1: what is gratitude? Yeah, so, gratitude is the emotion that 145 00:08:17,356 --> 00:08:22,396 Speaker 1: we feel when someone gives us something of value at 146 00:08:22,476 --> 00:08:26,876 Speaker 1: some cost to themselves, a present or financial assistance. It 147 00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:29,156 Speaker 1: can be you know, a shoulder to cry on. It 148 00:08:29,196 --> 00:08:31,476 Speaker 1: can be someone who's going to help us and mentor us. 149 00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:34,836 Speaker 1: The important thing about it is that we feel that 150 00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:38,276 Speaker 1: the benefit that this person is giving us we couldn't 151 00:08:38,276 --> 00:08:42,196 Speaker 1: achieve very easily on our own, and they're doing it 152 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,556 Speaker 1: not to help themselves, but at some cost. And it's 153 00:08:45,636 --> 00:08:48,596 Speaker 1: not a feeling of indebtedness in the negative sense, but 154 00:08:48,636 --> 00:08:51,076 Speaker 1: a feeling of this person really helped me, and I 155 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,756 Speaker 1: value that and I want to go above and beyond 156 00:08:53,796 --> 00:08:56,996 Speaker 1: and pay them back. That feeling is gratitude. I mean, 157 00:08:57,076 --> 00:08:59,996 Speaker 1: gratitude sounds awesome and it increases happiness. But you know, 158 00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:02,756 Speaker 1: at first, blush, it doesn't seem obvious that this emotion 159 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,356 Speaker 1: has anything to do with willpower. You know that feeling 160 00:09:05,356 --> 00:09:07,596 Speaker 1: grateful isn't going to help me eat healthier or get 161 00:09:07,596 --> 00:09:10,916 Speaker 1: to the gym in the morning. But what's the connection there. Well, 162 00:09:10,916 --> 00:09:14,156 Speaker 1: the beautiful thing about gratitude is, and any emotion really is, 163 00:09:14,156 --> 00:09:16,556 Speaker 1: while we feel it, it kind of sets our expectation 164 00:09:16,716 --> 00:09:19,116 Speaker 1: for what we should value and what we should do next. 165 00:09:19,276 --> 00:09:21,636 Speaker 1: Why would you have an emotion that's only focused on 166 00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:25,676 Speaker 1: the past? Right If you're feeling an emotion that can't 167 00:09:25,796 --> 00:09:29,076 Speaker 1: change anything you do in the future, it's a waste 168 00:09:29,116 --> 00:09:31,596 Speaker 1: even metabolically, Why would the brain want you to waste 169 00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:34,636 Speaker 1: its time feeling something? And so I tell people gratitude 170 00:09:34,716 --> 00:09:38,356 Speaker 1: is really about the future. It makes us value long 171 00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:43,316 Speaker 1: term goals more than immediate gratification. You may still doubt 172 00:09:43,356 --> 00:09:45,956 Speaker 1: the idea that gratitude is more powerful for protecting our 173 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:49,356 Speaker 1: future selves than good old fashioned willpower, but there's some 174 00:09:49,436 --> 00:09:52,116 Speaker 1: super cool scientific results to back it up, ones that 175 00:09:52,196 --> 00:09:55,556 Speaker 1: we'll hear about right after this break. That Happiness lab 176 00:09:55,636 --> 00:10:03,396 Speaker 1: will be right back. What's the biggest obstacle to being 177 00:10:03,476 --> 00:10:06,556 Speaker 1: kinder to our future selves, to getting more exercise and 178 00:10:06,636 --> 00:10:10,156 Speaker 1: stopping procrastination and saving more money. Turns out it's our 179 00:10:10,196 --> 00:10:13,276 Speaker 1: lying minds. We tell ourselves that all we need is 180 00:10:13,316 --> 00:10:16,436 Speaker 1: a bit more willpower that our self control will save us. 181 00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:20,076 Speaker 1: But as we've seen, when push comes to shove, our 182 00:10:20,156 --> 00:10:22,476 Speaker 1: rationalizing minds will just say it's okay to screw of 183 00:10:22,516 --> 00:10:25,876 Speaker 1: our future selves just this once. But what if we 184 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,836 Speaker 1: tried a different strategy, What if we harnessed an emotion 185 00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:31,996 Speaker 1: like gratitude, one that naturally primes us to protect our 186 00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:35,916 Speaker 1: future selves. This was exactly what researcher David Desteno set 187 00:10:35,916 --> 00:10:38,956 Speaker 1: out to test. He defies an experiment to see whether 188 00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:41,076 Speaker 1: people could be nice to their future selves in the 189 00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:44,316 Speaker 1: face of attempting reward. So in our lab we bring 190 00:10:44,356 --> 00:10:47,716 Speaker 1: people in. We have them answer a bunch of questions 191 00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:51,356 Speaker 1: of the form would you rather have ten dollars now 192 00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:54,636 Speaker 1: or thirty dollars in three weeks? Right? And to make 193 00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,076 Speaker 1: it real, we tell them we're going to pick one 194 00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:57,916 Speaker 1: of your answers and honor it. So if you said 195 00:10:57,956 --> 00:11:00,196 Speaker 1: I'd rather have ten dollars now than thirty dollars in 196 00:11:00,356 --> 00:11:02,476 Speaker 1: three weeks, we gave you ten dollars. If you said 197 00:11:02,356 --> 00:11:04,756 Speaker 1: it rather thirty dollars in three weeks, we'd send you 198 00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:07,076 Speaker 1: a check in three weeks. And what we found, right, 199 00:11:07,156 --> 00:11:10,676 Speaker 1: is that most people tend to be pretty impatient. That is, 200 00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:13,276 Speaker 1: they discount the value of future rewards a lot. So 201 00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:17,436 Speaker 1: for example, our average subject said they would take seventeen 202 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:21,116 Speaker 1: dollars now rather than one hundred dollars in a year. 203 00:11:21,356 --> 00:11:23,836 Speaker 1: Another way of saying that is, they viewed a hundred 204 00:11:23,876 --> 00:11:26,036 Speaker 1: dollars in a year is worth seventeen dollars now. And 205 00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,276 Speaker 1: I don't know about you or your listeners, but if 206 00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:31,036 Speaker 1: you don't need that seventeen dollars to survive right now, 207 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,636 Speaker 1: then passing up an opportunity to quintuple your money given 208 00:11:34,636 --> 00:11:37,276 Speaker 1: with the banks or paying is not the greatest decision. 209 00:11:37,956 --> 00:11:43,276 Speaker 1: When we made people feel grateful right suddenly, how much 210 00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:46,116 Speaker 1: they discounted the future, how impatient they were to get 211 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:49,876 Speaker 1: that money in their hands changed. These folks suddenly viewed 212 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,796 Speaker 1: a hundred dollars in a year not as worth seventeen 213 00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:55,316 Speaker 1: dollars now, but as we're thirty dollars, so we'd have 214 00:11:55,316 --> 00:11:57,716 Speaker 1: to give them at least thirty dollars before they passed 215 00:11:57,796 --> 00:12:00,196 Speaker 1: up the opportunity for one hundred dollars in a year. 216 00:12:00,196 --> 00:12:03,436 Speaker 1: And what that means is they're discounting the value of 217 00:12:03,476 --> 00:12:05,996 Speaker 1: a future reward less. And if you take this and 218 00:12:06,076 --> 00:12:08,796 Speaker 1: you extrapolate it out to the real world to decisions 219 00:12:08,876 --> 00:12:11,316 Speaker 1: that at or you know, other people have found that 220 00:12:11,636 --> 00:12:16,356 Speaker 1: people who experience gratitude are more willing to exercise for 221 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:20,516 Speaker 1: better health, They're more willing to save their money rather 222 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:24,716 Speaker 1: than spend it on impulse buys. They're more willing to 223 00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:28,836 Speaker 1: work harder for long term goals. And so what we 224 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,396 Speaker 1: see here is just by changing the emotional state you're in, 225 00:12:33,116 --> 00:12:36,476 Speaker 1: how much you value the future changes. And so that 226 00:12:36,596 --> 00:12:38,476 Speaker 1: raises the question of, you know, how did you, as 227 00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:42,396 Speaker 1: this clever experimentalist, get people to experience gratitude? You know, 228 00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:44,316 Speaker 1: how do you make people more grateful in the lab? 229 00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,196 Speaker 1: One way we do this is we have them doing 230 00:12:47,236 --> 00:12:49,956 Speaker 1: this task on the computer that's designed to be god 231 00:12:49,996 --> 00:12:55,916 Speaker 1: awful boring. Psychologists are good at that, yea boring, And 232 00:12:55,996 --> 00:12:59,036 Speaker 1: right as they think they're about to be done, the 233 00:12:59,036 --> 00:13:02,156 Speaker 1: computer is rigged crashed or to look like it crashes 234 00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:05,676 Speaker 1: on them. And then the experimenter comes in and says, oh, 235 00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:08,196 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you're going to have to do this all 236 00:13:08,236 --> 00:13:10,756 Speaker 1: over again. Let me go get the tech. And of 237 00:13:10,796 --> 00:13:13,796 Speaker 1: course people are not happy. We have somebody else in 238 00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:16,996 Speaker 1: the lab who are our subjects believe is another subject 239 00:13:17,036 --> 00:13:19,436 Speaker 1: taking the study, but it's actually an actor who works 240 00:13:19,476 --> 00:13:21,716 Speaker 1: for us. And this person will get up and walk 241 00:13:21,716 --> 00:13:24,196 Speaker 1: over to them and say, oh, this is terrible. I'm 242 00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:26,836 Speaker 1: pretty good with computers. Let me see if I can 243 00:13:26,876 --> 00:13:29,756 Speaker 1: help you. And so you know, she starts fussing with 244 00:13:29,796 --> 00:13:32,756 Speaker 1: the wires and surrepetitiously hits a key that starts a 245 00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:36,636 Speaker 1: timer and lo and behole bang the computer comes back on. 246 00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,116 Speaker 1: And ninety five percent of our subjects are incredibly grateful 247 00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:42,236 Speaker 1: for this. Five percent of them think somehow they fix 248 00:13:42,316 --> 00:13:46,356 Speaker 1: it themselves, but the most part they get excluded. But 249 00:13:46,476 --> 00:13:48,956 Speaker 1: for the most part, if people are very grateful because 250 00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:52,076 Speaker 1: they don't want to do this got awful task over again, 251 00:13:52,596 --> 00:13:54,716 Speaker 1: and then that way, what we can find is that 252 00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:57,836 Speaker 1: the people who are actually experiencing gratitude in the moment 253 00:13:58,276 --> 00:14:00,356 Speaker 1: compared to people who are feeling neutral or people who 254 00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:02,596 Speaker 1: are feeling happy. And that was important because we wanted 255 00:14:02,636 --> 00:14:05,916 Speaker 1: to show it wasn't just that you were feeling positive, 256 00:14:05,956 --> 00:14:09,876 Speaker 1: but that was something really particular about gratitude. What gratitude 257 00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:13,076 Speaker 1: makes you do is engage in self control. And as 258 00:14:13,076 --> 00:14:17,076 Speaker 1: I said, evolutionarily speaking, that's so you're willing to be 259 00:14:17,196 --> 00:14:20,556 Speaker 1: less selfish. But if you think about it, when you 260 00:14:21,076 --> 00:14:25,476 Speaker 1: feel gratitude, there's one person besides strangers or people you 261 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,356 Speaker 1: meet on the street or friends who you can help 262 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:30,276 Speaker 1: that's important to your own future goals, and that is 263 00:14:30,556 --> 00:14:33,516 Speaker 1: your own future self. And what we find is when 264 00:14:33,516 --> 00:14:37,116 Speaker 1: you're feeling grateful, yes you're willing to sacrifice for other people, 265 00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:40,636 Speaker 1: but you're also willing to sacrifice for your own future self. 266 00:14:40,676 --> 00:14:43,556 Speaker 1: And that's how you can pivot the power of gratitude 267 00:14:43,596 --> 00:14:45,436 Speaker 1: from just being this emotion that has kind of a 268 00:14:45,476 --> 00:14:48,396 Speaker 1: moral cast to do the right thing, to repay debts 269 00:14:48,516 --> 00:14:51,916 Speaker 1: or to behave morally, to actually help your own future 270 00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:54,836 Speaker 1: self achieve her or his own goals. I wanted to 271 00:14:54,876 --> 00:14:56,916 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about some of the specific domains 272 00:14:56,916 --> 00:14:59,076 Speaker 1: in which gratitude helps because I just find these datas 273 00:14:59,236 --> 00:15:02,156 Speaker 1: totally fascinating. So in your book, you show that gratitude 274 00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:04,716 Speaker 1: doesn't just help you on financial decision making, it and 275 00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:08,036 Speaker 1: also help you get your job. Yeah, it just depends 276 00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:10,316 Speaker 1: what your job is. So Adam Grant has this great 277 00:15:10,396 --> 00:15:13,036 Speaker 1: data where he shows that people who are working in 278 00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:16,316 Speaker 1: a call center and talk about a thankless job, you're 279 00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:20,076 Speaker 1: calling people up for fundraising asking people to donate money. 280 00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:25,636 Speaker 1: When gratitude is expressed in those offices, people's productivity goes 281 00:15:25,756 --> 00:15:29,436 Speaker 1: up fifty percent, and not only do they work harder, 282 00:15:30,156 --> 00:15:33,876 Speaker 1: but they're actually happy about it. They feel good about it, 283 00:15:33,956 --> 00:15:36,956 Speaker 1: and so there's no stress there. When you're a doctor, right, 284 00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:40,276 Speaker 1: if you're feeling gratitude, it makes you more willing to 285 00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:42,916 Speaker 1: invest the effort to do the right thing, and you're 286 00:15:43,036 --> 00:15:47,236 Speaker 1: more willing, the data show to engage in greater thought 287 00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:50,996 Speaker 1: in terms of your diagnoses. And so gratitude and whatever 288 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,556 Speaker 1: the realm is that we're talking about. By giving you 289 00:15:53,596 --> 00:15:57,076 Speaker 1: more patients, by giving you and nudging you, is going 290 00:15:57,116 --> 00:16:00,596 Speaker 1: to improve the outcome. And while it's doing it, it's 291 00:16:00,596 --> 00:16:02,716 Speaker 1: going to solve two other problems for United And this 292 00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:04,876 Speaker 1: is something else that I really want to talk about, 293 00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:08,516 Speaker 1: is that it does it in a way that's better 294 00:16:08,556 --> 00:16:11,716 Speaker 1: for your mom mind and your body in terms of 295 00:16:11,716 --> 00:16:14,516 Speaker 1: your physical health and your mental well being. And so 296 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,276 Speaker 1: talk about the mental well being part, because one of 297 00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:18,116 Speaker 1: the things we're trying to do in this mini series 298 00:16:18,196 --> 00:16:21,076 Speaker 1: is to help people find strategies that can allow them 299 00:16:21,076 --> 00:16:23,636 Speaker 1: to achieve their goals, but in doing so, can make 300 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,556 Speaker 1: them happy in the moment too. And that's really the 301 00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:29,276 Speaker 1: amazing thing about gratitude is it doesn't just help you 302 00:16:29,396 --> 00:16:32,396 Speaker 1: exercise more and save more. It feels good, unlike willpower. 303 00:16:32,996 --> 00:16:36,476 Speaker 1: That's right. So David Brooks likes to talk about that. 304 00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:39,916 Speaker 1: There are two types of virtues people have. Resume virtues, 305 00:16:39,996 --> 00:16:44,236 Speaker 1: which are the virtues like being dogged, working hard, having grit, 306 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:48,556 Speaker 1: trying to get ahead, and eulogy virtues things like being fair, 307 00:16:48,756 --> 00:16:52,076 Speaker 1: being generous, being kind. And the eulogy virtues are the 308 00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:55,476 Speaker 1: ones that ultimately we want to be remembered for. They're 309 00:16:55,476 --> 00:16:58,396 Speaker 1: the ones that draw other people to us, that give 310 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:02,636 Speaker 1: us the relationships that help our lives. And so if 311 00:17:02,636 --> 00:17:06,676 Speaker 1: we're pursuing our own success and whatever realm it might be, 312 00:17:07,356 --> 00:17:09,636 Speaker 1: you know, as I said, for millennium, the way to 313 00:17:09,676 --> 00:17:12,956 Speaker 1: do that was to have good character, to be fair, 314 00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:16,316 Speaker 1: be generous. It used to be that eulogy virtues and 315 00:17:16,356 --> 00:17:19,436 Speaker 1: resume virtues were the same, there was no difference between them. 316 00:17:19,676 --> 00:17:22,076 Speaker 1: But because of the way we structure our lives now 317 00:17:22,596 --> 00:17:25,836 Speaker 1: we can pursue success in a very atimistic manner. That is, 318 00:17:25,876 --> 00:17:27,636 Speaker 1: you know, we can just be dogged and if we 319 00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:31,196 Speaker 1: earn enough money we can meet all of our needs, 320 00:17:31,196 --> 00:17:34,356 Speaker 1: we don't have to have other people around us as much. 321 00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:37,436 Speaker 1: But that leads to a not very fulfilling life, and 322 00:17:37,436 --> 00:17:42,636 Speaker 1: it's a very stressful existence. When you choose to pursue 323 00:17:42,916 --> 00:17:47,276 Speaker 1: success by cultivating emotions like gratitude, by virtue of what 324 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,516 Speaker 1: you're doing, yes, it's going to give you the self 325 00:17:50,556 --> 00:17:54,996 Speaker 1: control to pursue your goals, to have patience, to persevere 326 00:17:55,036 --> 00:17:57,596 Speaker 1: in the face of difficulty, but it's also going to 327 00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:01,156 Speaker 1: change your relationships. Right when we feel gratitude, not only 328 00:18:01,156 --> 00:18:04,396 Speaker 1: do we work harder, but we show more appreciation to 329 00:18:04,436 --> 00:18:08,196 Speaker 1: others around us. It makes us behave more loyally, It 330 00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:12,076 Speaker 1: makes us behave more compassionately toward other people, and so 331 00:18:12,116 --> 00:18:15,196 Speaker 1: we build that social safety net that are there to 332 00:18:15,276 --> 00:18:18,276 Speaker 1: buttress us. And so you know, when you look at gratitude, 333 00:18:18,316 --> 00:18:20,916 Speaker 1: people who feel more gratitude, yes they exercise more, Yes 334 00:18:20,956 --> 00:18:23,396 Speaker 1: they save more, Yes, they get ahead in life more, 335 00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:28,236 Speaker 1: but they also sleep better at night. They also have 336 00:18:28,396 --> 00:18:32,236 Speaker 1: better blood pressure, they show less stress reactivity than do 337 00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:36,316 Speaker 1: people who don't experience gratitude more often. They even have 338 00:18:36,556 --> 00:18:40,316 Speaker 1: better cholesterol. How and why these things are intertwined is 339 00:18:40,516 --> 00:18:42,796 Speaker 1: an interesting story having to do with the stress and 340 00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:46,036 Speaker 1: do they exercise more because of that gratitude, etc. But 341 00:18:46,156 --> 00:18:49,276 Speaker 1: gratitude really is a buffer. It helps us pursue our 342 00:18:49,276 --> 00:18:52,796 Speaker 1: resume virtues and our eulogy virtues at the same time. 343 00:18:53,196 --> 00:18:55,116 Speaker 1: And what's so striking about this, though, is that I 344 00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:57,836 Speaker 1: think if you asked people, people often think those resume 345 00:18:57,916 --> 00:19:00,956 Speaker 1: virtues and eulogy virtues are in conflict, right, Like you 346 00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:03,316 Speaker 1: to boost up your resume, you got us, you know, 347 00:19:03,356 --> 00:19:05,996 Speaker 1: stop your fellow man, And that's right, but it's just 348 00:19:06,036 --> 00:19:08,516 Speaker 1: the opposite. So so much of this podcast is about 349 00:19:08,516 --> 00:19:10,796 Speaker 1: the idea that our minds are leading us astray. Right, 350 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,476 Speaker 1: we have this bad intuition about what gratitude is going 351 00:19:13,516 --> 00:19:15,196 Speaker 1: to do, Like it makes us weak, you know, it's 352 00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:17,156 Speaker 1: going to make us help others rather than getting out 353 00:19:17,196 --> 00:19:19,436 Speaker 1: of life. Yeah. And part of that, right is, you know, 354 00:19:19,516 --> 00:19:22,156 Speaker 1: I think our resume and our eulogy virtus we think 355 00:19:22,196 --> 00:19:26,196 Speaker 1: of them as distinct, but for most of our evolutionary 356 00:19:26,236 --> 00:19:28,956 Speaker 1: history they weren't. And we're kind of told that, you know, 357 00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:31,996 Speaker 1: the way to succeed is to be self interested, but 358 00:19:32,076 --> 00:19:35,276 Speaker 1: if you actually look at the data, it's not true. 359 00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:38,316 Speaker 1: You know, I think we're being sold a bill of 360 00:19:38,396 --> 00:19:40,676 Speaker 1: goods you know, it is in the short term, right, 361 00:19:40,676 --> 00:19:42,836 Speaker 1: the faster way is to kind of be self interested. 362 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:47,756 Speaker 1: But in the long run, it is people who experience gratitude, 363 00:19:47,756 --> 00:19:52,436 Speaker 1: who experience compassion and empathy that do really, really well. 364 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:54,956 Speaker 1: You know, my friend Bob Franks an economist at Cornell, 365 00:19:55,196 --> 00:19:57,716 Speaker 1: and he wrote this great book called Success and Luck, 366 00:19:57,716 --> 00:20:00,836 Speaker 1: and he talks about the illusion that people have that 367 00:20:00,956 --> 00:20:04,076 Speaker 1: the way that any of us succeeded us through our 368 00:20:04,116 --> 00:20:06,556 Speaker 1: own self determination. And I'm not saying that doesn't matter, 369 00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:08,796 Speaker 1: of course it does. But there's a lot of luck 370 00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:10,716 Speaker 1: along the way. And if you think about what a 371 00:20:10,716 --> 00:20:14,476 Speaker 1: lot of luck is, it's not really luck. It's people 372 00:20:14,556 --> 00:20:17,796 Speaker 1: open indoors for us. It's people supporting us in our 373 00:20:17,956 --> 00:20:20,716 Speaker 1: hours of need and helping us out and us doing 374 00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:23,796 Speaker 1: the same for them. Right, that's what a lot of 375 00:20:23,916 --> 00:20:27,236 Speaker 1: luck is, not all. When people do that for us, 376 00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:30,116 Speaker 1: we feel gratitude. And when we feel gratitude, it makes 377 00:20:30,156 --> 00:20:32,956 Speaker 1: us not only want to pay those people back, but 378 00:20:33,036 --> 00:20:35,396 Speaker 1: to pay it forward to other people. So, for example, 379 00:20:35,436 --> 00:20:37,956 Speaker 1: in our studies that we were talking about, when we 380 00:20:37,996 --> 00:20:40,796 Speaker 1: make people feel gratitude in the lab and then they 381 00:20:41,316 --> 00:20:43,876 Speaker 1: leave the lab thinking the experiment is over, and we 382 00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:47,116 Speaker 1: have a stranger approach them who asks for help, they'll 383 00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:50,076 Speaker 1: help the stranger too. And the reason why is when 384 00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:53,636 Speaker 1: you feel gratitude, it makes you want to help someone else. Right, 385 00:20:54,556 --> 00:20:57,036 Speaker 1: the brain is nudging you that way because in the 386 00:20:57,076 --> 00:21:00,476 Speaker 1: long term, that's a successful strategy. And so the beautiful 387 00:21:00,516 --> 00:21:02,876 Speaker 1: thing about gratitude is it makes us pay it forward 388 00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:05,756 Speaker 1: and it creates kind of an ongoing cycle. And so 389 00:21:05,796 --> 00:21:08,236 Speaker 1: I think people often feel that gratitude can be a 390 00:21:08,276 --> 00:21:12,836 Speaker 1: sign of weakness, but really gratitude is an emotion of power. 391 00:21:13,516 --> 00:21:15,916 Speaker 1: And so hopefully listeners are sold on this idea that 392 00:21:16,076 --> 00:21:18,916 Speaker 1: becoming more grateful is a good thing. But then that 393 00:21:18,996 --> 00:21:21,316 Speaker 1: raises the question how do you do that? What can 394 00:21:21,356 --> 00:21:25,156 Speaker 1: listeners do to improve their sense of gratitude. One strategy 395 00:21:25,476 --> 00:21:30,756 Speaker 1: is simply doing daily reflections, thinking for a few minutes 396 00:21:30,836 --> 00:21:33,036 Speaker 1: about what it is that you're grateful for in life. 397 00:21:33,036 --> 00:21:36,236 Speaker 1: Lots of people do gratitude diaries. The trick there, right 398 00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:38,636 Speaker 1: is we all have the two or three things that 399 00:21:38,676 --> 00:21:41,476 Speaker 1: were incredibly grateful for in our lives. But if you 400 00:21:41,516 --> 00:21:44,356 Speaker 1: think about the same things over and over again, they're 401 00:21:44,356 --> 00:21:46,436 Speaker 1: going to lose their power. You're going to habituate to it. 402 00:21:46,436 --> 00:21:50,236 Speaker 1: It's going to become boring. And so think about little things. 403 00:21:50,516 --> 00:21:53,476 Speaker 1: Think about the person who gave you their seat on 404 00:21:53,516 --> 00:21:56,276 Speaker 1: the bus or the subway. Think about the person who 405 00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,276 Speaker 1: gave you directions, you let you get on the highway, 406 00:21:58,556 --> 00:22:00,716 Speaker 1: someone who held the door for you. And you might say, Dave, 407 00:22:00,796 --> 00:22:03,756 Speaker 1: really is that going to work? It does. So you 408 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,996 Speaker 1: know I told you earlier about the way we induce 409 00:22:06,036 --> 00:22:09,036 Speaker 1: gratitude in our lab where we have these big shenani 410 00:22:09,116 --> 00:22:12,116 Speaker 1: agains we go through where computers crash on people. But 411 00:22:12,156 --> 00:22:14,716 Speaker 1: when we simply ask people reflect on something in your 412 00:22:14,756 --> 00:22:17,356 Speaker 1: life that you're grateful for, whether it's something somebody did 413 00:22:17,356 --> 00:22:20,356 Speaker 1: for you, your parents, a friend, the universe, if you 414 00:22:20,396 --> 00:22:23,396 Speaker 1: believe in God, God, whatever it might be. Those simple 415 00:22:23,396 --> 00:22:28,276 Speaker 1: reflections produce the same exact effects. And so it may 416 00:22:28,356 --> 00:22:31,796 Speaker 1: sound trite, but it's not cultivating gratitude daily in your life. 417 00:22:32,076 --> 00:22:35,116 Speaker 1: We'll do this through reflections. Another way is to engage 418 00:22:35,156 --> 00:22:38,196 Speaker 1: in something called the reciprocity ring. This is great if 419 00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:40,196 Speaker 1: you have an office and you're trying to create a 420 00:22:40,196 --> 00:22:42,676 Speaker 1: culture of gratitude, or a classroom, or even for families 421 00:22:42,716 --> 00:22:46,396 Speaker 1: at home, have everybody take a post it note and 422 00:22:46,436 --> 00:22:48,716 Speaker 1: write on the post it note something they need help with. 423 00:22:49,716 --> 00:22:52,156 Speaker 1: Then on a board or on the refrigerator or wherever 424 00:22:52,236 --> 00:22:55,116 Speaker 1: it might be, stick up those post it notes in 425 00:22:55,196 --> 00:22:58,196 Speaker 1: kind of a circle. Now, everybody, take a different color 426 00:22:58,276 --> 00:23:01,756 Speaker 1: post note and write your name on it, and go 427 00:23:01,836 --> 00:23:03,516 Speaker 1: up and stick it next to a post it note 428 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:06,236 Speaker 1: that's up there already where a person's requesting helps that 429 00:23:06,276 --> 00:23:08,676 Speaker 1: you're saying, Ah, John says he needs help with this, 430 00:23:09,236 --> 00:23:11,316 Speaker 1: I dave, I'm going to help him with this, right. 431 00:23:11,676 --> 00:23:14,316 Speaker 1: And then what you do is draw lines or tie 432 00:23:14,356 --> 00:23:16,636 Speaker 1: strings or tape, whatever you might be, and what you'll 433 00:23:16,636 --> 00:23:20,716 Speaker 1: see is connections in this circle. And then most importantly, 434 00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,916 Speaker 1: go give that assistance that you said. And what this 435 00:23:23,996 --> 00:23:28,756 Speaker 1: does is a few things. One, it shows that asking 436 00:23:28,836 --> 00:23:32,476 Speaker 1: for help is okay and offering to help is okay. 437 00:23:32,916 --> 00:23:35,396 Speaker 1: And by you actually helping the person who you said 438 00:23:35,396 --> 00:23:38,196 Speaker 1: you were going to help, that person feels gratitude. And 439 00:23:38,236 --> 00:23:40,716 Speaker 1: what our research shows when that person feels gratitude, it 440 00:23:40,916 --> 00:23:44,076 Speaker 1: increases the probability very dramatically that they're just going to 441 00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,876 Speaker 1: go and offer help to someone else. And it's a 442 00:23:46,916 --> 00:23:49,436 Speaker 1: way of creating kind of a norm and a culture 443 00:23:49,436 --> 00:23:52,316 Speaker 1: for gratitude in your family or your classroom, or your workplace. 444 00:23:53,036 --> 00:23:54,756 Speaker 1: Have you used this in your lab or in your 445 00:23:54,756 --> 00:23:57,516 Speaker 1: own family? Yeah? I you know, before I started doing 446 00:23:57,556 --> 00:24:01,196 Speaker 1: this research, I wouldn't say I wasn't ungrateful person, but 447 00:24:01,236 --> 00:24:04,116 Speaker 1: I don't think I thought a lot about gratitude in 448 00:24:04,156 --> 00:24:07,956 Speaker 1: my life. But what I realized through doing this work 449 00:24:08,556 --> 00:24:11,516 Speaker 1: is that you can curate your own emotional life. Right. 450 00:24:11,556 --> 00:24:16,476 Speaker 1: Emotions don't just happen to us. We can curate what 451 00:24:16,516 --> 00:24:19,676 Speaker 1: we feel by taking time to think about what we 452 00:24:19,716 --> 00:24:22,076 Speaker 1: want to feel, by paying attention to the people that 453 00:24:22,116 --> 00:24:24,876 Speaker 1: help us as opposed to the people that annoy us. 454 00:24:24,916 --> 00:24:26,636 Speaker 1: And so what I've begun to do in my own 455 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:29,636 Speaker 1: daily life now is to do that is to focus 456 00:24:29,676 --> 00:24:32,636 Speaker 1: on when somebody does something for me or someone helps me, 457 00:24:33,036 --> 00:24:35,076 Speaker 1: to not say thank you and quickly move by that, 458 00:24:35,716 --> 00:24:37,756 Speaker 1: but to focus on it for a few minutes, to 459 00:24:37,756 --> 00:24:40,836 Speaker 1: curate the emotions that I feel are important and valuable 460 00:24:40,836 --> 00:24:43,836 Speaker 1: in my daily experience as opposed to the ones that aren't. 461 00:24:44,156 --> 00:24:46,036 Speaker 1: And what happens when you do that is it begins 462 00:24:46,036 --> 00:24:48,956 Speaker 1: to change the lens through which you automatically view your life, 463 00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:52,956 Speaker 1: so that suddenly gratitude isn't something that you're trying to curate, 464 00:24:52,996 --> 00:24:55,716 Speaker 1: but it becomes a lens that you pick out things 465 00:24:55,756 --> 00:24:58,196 Speaker 1: with daily in life, and I think it, you know, 466 00:24:58,356 --> 00:25:01,796 Speaker 1: it becomes a habit in some ways. And the beautiful 467 00:25:01,796 --> 00:25:05,036 Speaker 1: thing about gratitude is as opposed to habits is you know, 468 00:25:05,316 --> 00:25:07,476 Speaker 1: if I have a habit to save money that works 469 00:25:07,476 --> 00:25:09,716 Speaker 1: for saving money, if I have a habit study that 470 00:25:09,796 --> 00:25:12,276 Speaker 1: works for studying. But if I have a habit to 471 00:25:12,356 --> 00:25:15,836 Speaker 1: experience gratitude, that's going to bleed over into making me 472 00:25:16,036 --> 00:25:19,516 Speaker 1: better able to pursue my long term goals in any realm. 473 00:25:19,756 --> 00:25:24,716 Speaker 1: And I would encourage your listener to try and create 474 00:25:24,796 --> 00:25:29,316 Speaker 1: gratitude as a habit. After talking to Dave and hearing 475 00:25:29,316 --> 00:25:32,036 Speaker 1: about his work, I've decided on a personal goal for 476 00:25:32,036 --> 00:25:35,636 Speaker 1: this new decade. I'm going to stop sabotaging future, Larie. 477 00:25:36,276 --> 00:25:40,036 Speaker 1: I'm going to stop assuming that willpower will save me. Instead, 478 00:25:40,316 --> 00:25:43,036 Speaker 1: I'm going to harness the power of my moral emotions. 479 00:25:43,476 --> 00:25:45,396 Speaker 1: I'm going to work harder to become a bit more 480 00:25:45,436 --> 00:25:49,796 Speaker 1: grateful starting now. So here goes. I'm so grateful that 481 00:25:49,876 --> 00:25:52,356 Speaker 1: Dave and so many other scientists took time out of 482 00:25:52,396 --> 00:25:55,636 Speaker 1: their busy schedules to share these insights with us. I'm 483 00:25:55,676 --> 00:25:58,076 Speaker 1: so so thankful that we all have a fresh start 484 00:25:58,116 --> 00:26:00,516 Speaker 1: with this new decade to make a bunch of positive 485 00:26:00,596 --> 00:26:02,836 Speaker 1: changes that we want to see in twenty twenty. And 486 00:26:02,916 --> 00:26:06,316 Speaker 1: I'm so so grateful for you. Thanks so much for 487 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:08,876 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, and thank you for being a 488 00:26:08,916 --> 00:26:11,236 Speaker 1: part of this journey to use science to live a 489 00:26:11,316 --> 00:26:15,516 Speaker 1: little bit better. And finally, I'd be super grateful if 490 00:26:15,516 --> 00:26:18,676 Speaker 1: you joined Future Laurie for our third bonus episode of 491 00:26:18,956 --> 00:26:36,356 Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab twenty twenty. The Happiness Lab is co 492 00:26:36,396 --> 00:26:39,396 Speaker 1: written and produced by Ryan Dilley. The show was mastered 493 00:26:39,436 --> 00:26:42,396 Speaker 1: by Evan Viola and our original music was composed by 494 00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:47,356 Speaker 1: Zachary Silver. Special thanks to Ben Davis, Mia Lavelle, Julia Barton, 495 00:26:47,556 --> 00:26:52,836 Speaker 1: Carl mcgliori, Heather Fame, Maggie Taylor, Maya Kanig, and Jacob Weisberg. 496 00:26:53,956 --> 00:26:56,716 Speaker 1: The Happiness Lab is brought to you by Pushkin Industries