1 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of Dear Diamonds with 2 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,400 Speaker 1: myself Teddy Mellencamp and I'm. 3 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,639 Speaker 2: Erica Jane and I can't imagine why anybody wants our advice. 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,080 Speaker 1: I could have either. 5 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,920 Speaker 2: Okay, so here we go. Are you ready, Dear Diamonds. 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 2: I'm in school right now, studying to get my bachelor's 7 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 2: degree and fear that I'll be stuck living in my 8 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 2: hometown for years and years. What did you guys do 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: to overcome the fear of leaving your routine and shooting 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 2: for the stars? And also curious what your thoughts are 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 2: in this day and age when it comes to leaving home. 12 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 2: I'm in California and it's extremely expensive to live on 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 2: your own. 14 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: Best aj Aj, I appreciate you for sharing your name 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:52,560 Speaker 1: or initials. 16 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I like it. 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: We appreciate it. I personally think there are some people 18 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: that look so much to leave their hometown and they 19 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: don't really want to, and then they end up regretting. 20 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 2: It, regretting leaving or not. 21 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: Leaving leaving, and then I think there's also people that 22 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: need to leave. And if you need to leave, you're 23 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: going to feel an overall like earning in your body 24 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: that you have to do it, and that will give 25 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: you the strength to be able to do it. 26 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 2: I'll also say this, if you're graduating right now and 27 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,759 Speaker 2: you don't have any responsibilities let's say family or kids, 28 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 2: do it now, because take the chance now, while you 29 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,479 Speaker 2: have the zero holding you down, take the leap of faith. 30 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 2: Teddy's right, You're right. If you feel like you need 31 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 2: to leave, you will leave. 32 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, if you. 33 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 2: Nothing will stop you, no amount of I don't have anything, 34 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 2: like I remember just it was going to work out, 35 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 2: like it was going to work out. I didn't know how, 36 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 2: but I knew it was going to so AJ now 37 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 2: is your chance to test it? And I know it's 38 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 2: expensive here. That's kind of the price for where we live. Yeah, 39 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 2: it's overpriced. 40 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: And you can do it in different ways. I mean 41 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 1: you can go on Craigslist. You can go and find 42 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: different roommates. Like my first living situation here, people never 43 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: believe me, but like I lived in a studio apartment 44 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: with another girl. 45 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 2: I remember that, and like it. 46 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: Was teeny tiny. We had bunk beds in there. We 47 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: couldn't afford, but we were living the dream. We were 48 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: both acting. We worked as hostesses and waitresses and in 49 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: the mailrooms at different companies. But like we really wanted to. 50 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: We didn't want to leave just because we didn't want 51 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: to be around our parents. 52 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 2: No, you wanted to leave because it was something calling you. 53 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, there was something bigger calling me. That being said, 54 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: to this day, I'm like, gosh, you know, if I 55 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: had the opportunity to move back to South Carolina. 56 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: You know what, South Carolina is like a real good 57 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 2: right now. It's interesting because you set out to do 58 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 2: something like that, nothing will stop you. So if you 59 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 2: have that burning desire, it will work out. 60 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: It will work out, and just out. 61 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 2: And do it now before you have anything holding you. 62 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: Back, and then people will start saying things. If you 63 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: talk about something for too long without doing it, people 64 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 1: will start to bring you down. 65 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 2: Well, keep that to yourself, keep your plans close, and 66 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 2: you know all of that, all right, Dear diamonds. How 67 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 2: do I deal with a selfish brother in law who 68 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 2: only takes takes takes. He's my hubby's only brother, so 69 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 2: my husband does like to see him, but he's lazy, 70 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 2: won't come to visit us, and only wants us to 71 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 2: travel to him. Calls my husband a clan what a 72 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 2: clan if we don't pick up the bill for a 73 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 2: clam a clam like a clam. Okay, and taught his 74 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 2: kids to call him uncle no because when he and 75 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 2: his two kids lived with us after his wife threw 76 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 2: him out, we didn't pay for their entertainment and every win. Well, 77 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 2: who is this? I can't even finish this? Hey, my 78 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 2: husband wants to see his niece and nephew, but I 79 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 2: can barely like be in this guy's presence. Should I 80 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 2: grin and barrett or write him off? Or what? Growing 81 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 2: in patient sister in law, I'm not down with this now. 82 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: I'm not done with this at all. 83 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 2: Took this man in and he's calling your husband these 84 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 2: names uncle no and just like and he seems. 85 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: Like uncle no, he's the one, the one go anywhere? 86 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 2: Hey, stop projecting? How about that? 87 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 1: How about that? Growing in patients sister in law? You're 88 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:35,040 Speaker 1: doing way more than I would actually. 89 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 2: Do, situation, any of this shit. You'd get one chance 90 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 2: with me? 91 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that maybe your husband should grow a 92 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: little bit of a pair and say to him, Hey, 93 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 1: you want to see us, let's meet here. It's halfway. 94 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:48,559 Speaker 2: I agree. 95 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: Let's do something with the kids. I miss you, I 96 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,039 Speaker 1: love you. You're my brother. But this would be a 97 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: good plan for us. If if your brother in law 98 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: financially can't do it, but your brother wants to see 99 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 1: him anyway, then yeah, he should pay for it. If 100 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,160 Speaker 1: he doesn't care to see him, then he should go 101 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 1: visit him wherever he is. 102 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 2: Right, But there has to be some effort made by 103 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 2: this brother in law to at least show like good faith, like, hey, 104 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,360 Speaker 2: I want to be around you guys, not you know, 105 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 2: the bills and the fuck you. 106 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: I also want to know what the age gap is. 107 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 2: I also want to know why who gets to act 108 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 2: like this? But I'm at a time, I'm at a 109 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 2: place in my life, you know, on patience for that. No, 110 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,280 Speaker 2: you don't either. 111 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 1: I mean I would just assume that the wife is 112 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: taking over, trying to eliminate the pain that her husband 113 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: is feeling by doing it all for her. 114 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, she feels bad for him, but I. 115 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: Would just, you know, kind of cut it as it is. 116 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: And if your brother, if your husband wants to see 117 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: his brother, he can make the opportunity some time, he. 118 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 2: Can make some effort. Okay, your diamonds, I'm a thirty 119 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 2: two year old gay man. I started a friends with 120 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 2: benefit thing with this really cool guy about seven months ago. 121 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 2: He's about seventeen years older than me. We've been hanging 122 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 2: out one to three times a week since we met. 123 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 2: We've gone on a few little trips together and met 124 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 2: each other's friends. Recently, I told him I wanted to 125 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 2: be ooh. 126 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: Recently, I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend. 127 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 2: I couldn't even get the words out. 128 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: I know. 129 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 2: I am so sorry, sir, and he kind of laughed 130 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 2: at me and said that he was surprised. I would 131 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 2: say that since we started as friends with benefits, it 132 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,160 Speaker 2: was kind of humiliating, but I let it go and 133 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 2: we've still been hanging out. 134 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: Since no more hanging out. 135 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 2: Should I keep seeing him even though I asked him 136 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 2: out and he rejected me. Or should I stop seeing 137 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 2: him and look for someone who actually wants to date me. 138 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 2: I say you do both. I say you still do 139 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 2: the friends with benefits, but get your ass out there 140 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 2: and look for other opportunities. 141 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: Because this guy has made it very clear, very abundantly clear, 142 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 1: he wants nothing but friends with benefits. 143 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,840 Speaker 2: Right and Cam, he laughed at you. This is Cam, Hey, Cam? 144 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 2: He laughed at you, Cam, he can go f himself. 145 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 2: But in the meantime you can keep effing him. You 146 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 2: find something, right, I say, keep him on and like, 147 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,920 Speaker 2: but then you need to get your sights out there 148 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,920 Speaker 2: and like get something else. 149 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: Going plus and then watches. 150 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 2: I don't know, forty two fifty something. Okay, you could 151 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 2: do better. 152 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: I'm assuming can forty nine. 153 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 2: Thank you forty nine. Really, I know Slate's and honors algebra, 154 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 2: but we so I just saw Slate in the house 155 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 2: and she's like said, He's like, tell Erica, I'm in 156 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 2: honor to algebra. It's like, oh my god, I never 157 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 2: even got there, Like. 158 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, we we can't even read the dude, diamond, I don't. 159 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: I don't know that I have an excuse, because even 160 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: if I didn't have my excuse, I would still have 161 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: a hard time reading this farm whatever. You know. 162 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 2: I got reading glasses, and I keep forgetting to bring them. 163 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: They look like a total fucking geek. 164 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: Oh well, guess what I got tented reading glasses, and 165 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: those are even geek here. 166 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 2: I don't even know what it's like. Okay, dear Diamonds, 167 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: I just turned what I just turned three years divorce? 168 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: I I'm so sorry. I don't know what my I 169 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 2: don't know if this is meant. I was like, we 170 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 2: gave us this, all right, why'd you get married so young? 171 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: Three years old? Jeers? Who? 172 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 2: Okay, dear diamonds, I just turned three years divorced on 173 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 2: May nineteenth. I'm in a friends with benefit situation. This 174 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 2: happened while my marriage was falling apart. I'm quite afraid 175 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,199 Speaker 2: to ask him if he wants more, because I don't 176 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 2: want to be rejected. And we do work together. What 177 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 2: should I do? Anonymous shocking? 178 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: This person's anonymous because they work together and it started 179 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 1: before they're messed. 180 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,880 Speaker 2: So first off, let me just tell you something. You're 181 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 2: divorced and you need a job. So we're not rocking 182 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 2: this boat. Okay, we're not rocking the boat for the dick. 183 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 2: I would say again, like we just told cam this. 184 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: I am the worst. I think that we keep things 185 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 2: status quo, but you need to start looking around. 186 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: But also I think if this started as like a. 187 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 2: The bad thing is that it's at work. So work 188 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 2: comes first when you're when you're born, you got to 189 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 2: keep you have to preserve the work thing. Do you 190 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:13,719 Speaker 2: see where I'm coming from? 191 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: I I do understand, but I'm curious if this guy 192 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:21,880 Speaker 1: was willing to, you know, take it further, take it further, 193 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,239 Speaker 1: if he was doing it for the thrill. 194 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 2: Of the of the workshit and the marriage shit and 195 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 2: all that. 196 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 197 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 2: Interested? 198 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: I mean, I think she could ask in a way 199 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 1: slightly less than CAM love you, Cam, but I think 200 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: she should ask like, Hey, should I be like dating 201 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 1: other people? I'm new to this whole thing, and like, 202 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: now I realize I went right from a marriage to 203 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 1: a relationship. What is your thoughts on that? 204 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: What are your thoughts? Like, how are you feeling about this? 205 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 2: It's so interesting. I wonder what that's like to have 206 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 2: those conversations like what do we do with this? 207 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I have to have some type of 208 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,760 Speaker 1: the hard conversations with dating, not even hard conversations, but 209 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: more so like clarity. I most of the time people 210 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: are asking me because it's weird. Maybe I'm not the 211 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: most clear. 212 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 2: Is that a real thing? Like I think you're one 213 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 2: of the most direct humans I've ever met. 214 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: I think I'm direct, but in. 215 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 2: Like romantic situations, you're not there. 216 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I'm direct, but I also you know, 217 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 1: I've I've had to make it clear to people i've dated, like, listen, 218 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: kind of this is where I am. This is what 219 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 1: I've got. If it's enough for you, great. If it's 220 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: not enough. 221 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 2: For you, I understand. 222 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,719 Speaker 1: I won't be upset. I mean, yes, my feelings will 223 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 1: probably be hurting, but like. 224 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 2: This is this is really all you got to give. 225 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: This is all I got to give. And if that's enough, great. 226 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: Are you still dating the same guy? 227 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: I am still dating the same guy. And I haven't 228 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: had to say any of those things. But he is 229 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: really sweet, sweet and kind, Like I know I said 230 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,319 Speaker 1: that before, No. 231 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 2: But I saw it, but like it's no, I've seen it. 232 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 2: I've seen it in real life. 233 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: Like he came and picked us up this week from 234 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,680 Speaker 1: the show and he could like tell that I was down. 235 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: He like sat and watched like one million hours of 236 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,319 Speaker 1: horror show rounds. Like he's just a good guy. And 237 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: I always say to him, I'm like, listen, you so 238 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 1: deserve that. One. I know I deserve it and it's 239 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: really nice. But two him, like if for some reason 240 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: you realize you need somebody that doesn't have three kids 241 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,559 Speaker 1: one million activities to do eighty seven podcasts, like you 242 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: want more time than I'm able to give. I understand 243 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: I would not be mad at you for not even 244 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: a second. He's like, I am willing to do anything 245 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: to be able to spend time with you. 246 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 2: Do you know what he said to me in the 247 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 2: driveway when I first met him, when we were he 248 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 2: had to move his gargaz Teddy's such a really good girl, 249 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 2: And I said, yeah, she really is. Me is a 250 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 2: very sweet spirit about him. 251 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: I don't know why he thinks that, but he's very 252 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 1: very nice. 253 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 2: Because Teddy, you know, he knows you differently than like 254 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,960 Speaker 2: the rest of the people that watch you. 255 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: And I think, also, I know this sounds bananas, but 256 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 1: I think I changed as a human being. 257 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 2: Well, it's so funny because your best friend and I 258 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 2: had a long conversation about you this weekend. 259 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: Oh really, what'd y'all say? Am I going to be 260 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: pissed at? 261 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 2: No? I said, I think that you've softened your edges 262 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 2: and I see you being very caring and I gave 263 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 2: some great examples of how you were supportive of me 264 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 2: during this time, this really hard time in your life. 265 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 2: And I said, I think that Teddy has uncovered a 266 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 2: new level of empathy. 267 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to know what's weird what I give 268 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:49,920 Speaker 1: hugs now? Because you know why, because I felt what 269 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: it feels like to maybe never have another. 270 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 2: That's right, that's right, yeah, and that changes everything everything. 271 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: So I definitely feel like I have a softer side 272 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: to me. We talked about other people's. 273 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 2: Time well, and I respect that, like, but I know 274 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 2: what you're saying with your with your guy. But I 275 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 2: was telling her. I was like, she meaning, you are 276 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 2: so You're so soft and you're you asked me, You're like, well, 277 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 2: what's going on with you? Like, how are you? And those? 278 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 2: I was like, com fine, You're like, no, no, no, Erica, 279 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 2: what's really going on? You just have You've grown. It's 280 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 2: gonna sound so crazy. You've grown so much during this period, 281 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 2: I think. And it's really beautiful the. 282 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 1: Way thank you it's it's really been nice. But you're 283 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 1: definitely caught through them in the middle, because like, on 284 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: one side of my life, I recap housewives, I recap 285 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,439 Speaker 1: you guys, and I'm so petty and so shitty and 286 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: I and then on the other side, I'm like, I've 287 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,439 Speaker 1: turned into a freaking softie. 288 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 2: Which is beautiful, which is beautiful. 289 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 1: I can't wait you're a softie, but only behind closed doors. 290 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 2: I'm a softy behind closed doors. I'm a softie with 291 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 2: those that I love and I trust. I am a mushball, 292 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 2: and you can ask any like I am. She motherfucking 293 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:07,199 Speaker 2: hen But but I don't much like you. I didn't 294 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 2: have the luxury of being nice because I was out 295 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 2: here trying to like protect myself and be I wasn't 296 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 2: in a loving environment all the time. And sometimes when 297 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 2: that happens, you can't show that sad. 298 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, so AJ, this should tell you you want to 299 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: come out here, you want to go after it. You're 300 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: probably gonna have to, you know, Yeah, be a little, 301 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: be a little dicey from time to time to get 302 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: what you want. 303 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 2: I agree, all right, let's move on your diamond's. I'm 304 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 2: a twenty eight year old woman that's never been in 305 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 2: a relationship or ever been on a date. 306 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: Oh, have you had sex? 307 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 2: My best friend is getting married next year, So now 308 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 2: it's really hit me that I myself have never formed 309 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 2: a romantic connection with anyone yet. I didn't realize how 310 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 2: quickly time was flying by, and I'm wondering if I 311 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 2: should just put myself out there or at least try. 312 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 2: Dating problem is how do I meet people to try 313 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 2: to form these connections and how do I even get 314 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 2: a date? Help this girl out, listen, Alicia. Yes, the 315 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 2: answer is you need to live your life. Well you 316 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 2: know what you take this Well. 317 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: First of all, Alta, I need to know have you 318 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: been hooking up? 319 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 2: Well, let's okay, Well we do need to know this, 320 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 2: I mean, let us know, but like, have you been 321 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 2: hooking up? 322 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: If you haven't and you enjoy your life of just 323 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: like hooking up with people casually. I don't think you 324 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: have to rush into a marriage or a serious relationship 325 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 1: or get on dating apps or doing any of those 326 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: things if you're happy with what you're doing. 327 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 2: But she's never even been on a date. This is 328 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 2: something we need to tackle. She needs to be human 329 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 2: beings need touch and companionship, a date. 330 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: A date. Yeah, So I would say this, I would say, 331 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: if you don't know anybody in your friend group that 332 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: can sell you. I also, I have to say I 333 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: have a little bit of a red flag. I have 334 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: a girlfriend that was like this. Yeah, she was older 335 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: than twenty eight and when this was all going on, 336 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: But a lot of it had to do with the. 337 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 2: Way she acted, I was gonna say the same thing. 338 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,600 Speaker 1: And I don't know Alicia, and so I hate to 339 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: say that, but like I wonder if Alicia is very 340 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: like stubborn, and what. 341 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 2: If Alicia's scared and she gives off shy vibes and 342 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 2: she's not even resonating, you know, because you broadcast out 343 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 2: as I know what you want. So maybe Alicia's just 344 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 2: maybe she doesn't feel confident, maybe she's shy, maybe she 345 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 2: has social anxiety. 346 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: Maybe take a look in and see what it is 347 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 1: that you want, what you need. I mean, there's a 348 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: million ways to meet somebody's but. 349 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 2: You also have to put yourself in places to meet people. 350 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to put yourself. And like, we have 351 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: a friend who like laughed at me and she's like, teddy, 352 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: I can't believe. Not she didn't laugh at me in 353 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: a bad way, but she was like, I can't believe 354 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: you had the balls to go out with somebody you 355 00:16:55,840 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: met online. I was scared and and it wasn't her, 356 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 1: And I was like, well, of course I don't want 357 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: to go out with all the same people I already know. 358 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 1: Like if I wanted to be with one of those people, 359 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 1: then I would have, but I also don't. I'm not. 360 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: I don't have that shyness to me. But I also 361 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: think it's easier to sometimes meet somebody completely fresh if 362 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: like go online and do it, go on a couple 363 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: of days. They may be terrible, but at least then 364 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,120 Speaker 1: you'll know how to go on date. 365 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 2: Teddy has a different Teddy has uh. I couldn't do that. 366 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 2: I can't. I can't go online because I just can't. 367 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,639 Speaker 2: I've tried, and Teddy is very confident like that. I'm not. 368 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 2: I prefer to be meeting someone in real life. And 369 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 2: so Alicia like, I don't know whether you're cool going 370 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 2: online or not, but I understand if you're not, that's 371 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 2: what I'm. 372 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,119 Speaker 1: Trying to Yeah, And if you're not, then you have 373 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: to start being vocal with the people in your life 374 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,640 Speaker 1: great spend time with or I mean, you can even 375 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: say certain things like if you have your friend that's 376 00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: getting married and you want to have a plus one 377 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: and you want to do those things. I know everybody's like, 378 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 1: no plus ones unless you're in a serious face. 379 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 2: You're being cheap and they don't want to pay for that. 380 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 2: You're being cheap. 381 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: So what I would do to start would say, hey, 382 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 1: can I bring a friend? I've been single our entire 383 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 1: time of knowing each other, but apparently you love me 384 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,719 Speaker 1: enough that you want me to be at your wedding. 385 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 1: Can I bring a friend? We'll stay in the same room, right, 386 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,360 Speaker 1: do that? Do that, and then get a little tipsy 387 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: and then go out with your friend that night wherever 388 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 1: amazing place this wedding is going to be, and you know, kiss, 389 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: make out with someone, and. 390 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,880 Speaker 2: How about this make out with someone. But then don't 391 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: rush into anything. You gotta go slow, babystips. I think 392 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 2: that you should go out. I think you should. You 393 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 2: know you have to. You have to put yourself out 394 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 2: there a little bit as uncomfortable as it is. 395 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, and Alicia, please slide into my DMS. I bet 396 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: I could probably find you someone. 397 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 2: Let me tell you something, if anybody could find it, anybody, 398 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,120 Speaker 2: let me tell you this bitch. 399 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,879 Speaker 1: Right here, I can sign just about anyone to. 400 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 2: Whom ever's listening. This one has a special talent. Like 401 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 2: I thought I was good, I got shadowed. 402 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can find about it, find anything. So yeah, Alicia, 403 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: get on it, Okay. 404 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 2: Dear diamonds. I was once friends with this guy. And 405 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,960 Speaker 2: I am no longer anymore, except he keeps trying to 406 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 2: reach out to another friend of mine to see me. 407 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 2: What should I do? He is blocked on everything on 408 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,399 Speaker 2: my phone? Why Ashley? Actually absolutely no need, no need, Ashley, 409 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: move on. If he's blocked, he's blocked for a good reason. 410 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 2: I'm assuming tell this guy to stop fucking Tell your 411 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 2: friend to stop talking to this fool, and then tell 412 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 2: us talk to him. Don't tell you, that's my point. 413 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,040 Speaker 1: Then don't tell her. Don't tell you. 414 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 2: There is saying, Oh god, hey, Teddy, you know that 415 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 2: guard that you hate so much. He's been hitting me 416 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 2: up all the time to see you so bad. Look, dude, 417 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 2: don't hit me up about my friend and break you up. 418 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 1: Remember the reason why you blocked him in the first place. 419 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 2: I don't even do that, okay, dear Diamonds. I'm fifty two, 420 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 2: have five kids from the ages of twenty four to eleven. 421 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 2: I am a single parent. Co parent is not reliable, responsible, 422 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 2: or helpful in a financial mess. How can I dig 423 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,240 Speaker 2: myself out? Anonymous Anonymous? Do you have a job? 424 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,880 Speaker 1: Anonymous Anonymous? This is tough, Anonymous. This would be hard 425 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 1: for anybody, because five kids is a shit ton of kids. 426 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: Your ex, who your co parent? 427 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 2: Who can have fathered these kids? And why isn't he reliable? 428 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,480 Speaker 1: Because he's probably done pay his bills or he's probably 429 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,800 Speaker 1: a douche lord. This is the majority of people. This 430 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: is single parenting. This is what so many people go 431 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 1: have to go, so. 432 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,680 Speaker 2: Many women have to go through. 433 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think the first way to dig your 434 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,280 Speaker 1: yourself out is find some happiness. What makes you happy? 435 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,360 Speaker 2: What makes you happy? You're gonna have to do two things. 436 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 2: You're gonna have to carve out at least thirty minutes 437 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 2: to yourself a day. And then we need to absolutely 438 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 2: because if you don't feel good about yourself, you're never 439 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 2: gonna wake up with the strength to go get it correct. 440 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: And your kid, Now that I'm looking at the ages 441 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 1: of your kids, you're young. 442 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 2: You shouldn't be responsible, right you should? Yeah, you shouldn't 443 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 2: be responsible for a child that's twenty four. So anybody 444 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 2: that's over the age of eighteen, they got to get 445 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 2: a job and get themselves together. Yeah, so eleven, that's 446 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 2: still your responsibility. But anybody like my mother, when I 447 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 2: turned eighteen, my mother looked at me, she said, pay 448 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:35,640 Speaker 2: rent or get out. 449 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,159 Speaker 1: Yeah no, I mean when I'm not taking care of 450 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: adults out here, they're like, we'll ship your car. That's it. 451 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,920 Speaker 2: That's it, that's it. That's it. So whoever's over the 452 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 2: age of eighteen, I'm sorry, playtime is over. You're an adult. 453 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 2: You are a an able bodied like no, the little ones, 454 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 2: that's a different story. 455 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 1: And I also have this gut feeling that there's probably 456 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,639 Speaker 1: a lot of resentment towards the cope parenting party in 457 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: this that you potentially may still have feelings for. 458 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 2: It is a waste of your time. So waste of 459 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 2: your time, waste of your breath. Let it go, move on, Okay, okay, no, 460 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:14,880 Speaker 2: go ahead. What were you going to say? 461 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: No, that was it's a waste. 462 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,440 Speaker 2: Now that you've gone through everything that you do, you 463 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 2: just look at things like I don't have time. This 464 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 2: is stupid. 465 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: Well, certain things, I mean they're small things that feel overwhelming, 466 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: but a lot of things that I just say no 467 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 1: to right like I'm like, no, no, not interested, not 468 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 1: going to do it. And I used to stress about 469 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,640 Speaker 1: completely unnecessary shit like what am I going to do Friday? 470 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: What is what plan am I going to make with 471 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: my kids? This Friday, or like what how do I 472 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 1: organize this birthday? Or blah blah blah, and I would 473 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: overthink things till the frick and cows come home. Now 474 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 1: I'm like, if we miss the birthday, it's not one 475 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 1: of my kids best friends. They don't even remember. 476 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay. 477 00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: I'd rather take them and go swimming and do something 478 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: thing that like, because you know, I'm not legally allowed 479 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: to drive right now. 480 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,400 Speaker 2: You didn't drive anywhere, but I could. 481 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: At least before drive. But now every moment of every 482 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: day has to be planned out. Oh my god, yeah, 483 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 1: because I can't just like zip in my car. I 484 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: used to be able to like drive my friend La 485 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 1: Tall's house drives, you know. Like now it's like I 486 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: either walk or like I walk. 487 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 2: One of the fuck you walking around for with whom 488 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 2: by myself? 489 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: Where anywhere? Oh my god, dear diamonds, We'll. 490 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 2: Let you walk around. I'm not trying to police you, 491 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 2: but I am like, what the fuck? 492 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: No, I walk around? 493 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 2: Better not be by yourself. That that's not safe. 494 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: Not at night, I'm not. I am constantly walking around. 495 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 1: Put an air tag in my wigs and you'll know 496 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: how I am by mood. She's let today in an 497 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: uber let it ride around. 498 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:05,639 Speaker 2: No. 499 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: Kyle and Jane god so mad. They're like, why'd you 500 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: take your fine my friends off? I was like, I 501 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,680 Speaker 1: don't like y'all finding me. Whenever you want, you better 502 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 1: put it back on. I'm not putting it back on. 503 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 2: I don't like you walking around. 504 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: I like to be free. 505 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 2: I know you're free, but sweetheart, like you can be 506 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 2: out of here walking around. Well, please don't do that. 507 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: The second that you add me to find my friends, 508 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: I'll add you. 509 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 2: No, you're not, I say this. Nope, none of y'all 510 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 2: know what I'm doing in my ass. Okay, anyway, go ahead, 511 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 2: dear dim okay. 512 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: Dear diamonds. My husband and I have been together for 513 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,120 Speaker 1: almost sixteen years. The affection is gone. Is there any 514 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 1: way to get to him to love me again? What 515 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: happens when that is gone? Is there any recovering from that? 516 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: When we first got together, we were younger, out at 517 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: the bars, et cetera. He got very sick with pancreatis 518 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: and had to stop drinking. He is not drinking almost 519 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:54,399 Speaker 1: three years he did not. 520 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 2: I do not know the sober version of him. 521 00:24:58,760 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: You take it from here. 522 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 2: I do not know the sober version of him. It 523 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 2: was like I was just seeing who he really was. 524 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 2: We've both been unfaithful in the marriage, but we are 525 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 2: committed to staying together making it work. We have no 526 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 2: kids together. Is there any saving this or is this 527 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 2: just a matter of time before it dissolves? Help Anonymous? Okay, 528 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 2: you go, do you what well? 529 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: I have a couple of things. If there's no love 530 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: there and you're wondering how to get him to love 531 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 1: you and you don't have kids, leave bye. 532 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 2: I agree, bye bye bye. Also too, if you don't 533 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 2: know each other sober and you know you got to 534 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,639 Speaker 2: drink a lot to get pancreatitis. 535 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: That's the one where like you drink again and you 536 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 1: could kick it right. 537 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, pancreatitis is legit. 538 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,120 Speaker 1: And maybe they We don't know you, Anonymous, and we're 539 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,600 Speaker 1: not judging you either way. But if your sole thing 540 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 1: that you guys did together was drinking together, that's not good. 541 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,560 Speaker 1: It's not good because you're never gonna find that that 542 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: feeling and you. 543 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:05,359 Speaker 2: Don't really an Alcohol and drugs mask your personality so 544 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 2: much and you become. 545 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: And loneliness and loneliness they mask loneliness because even though 546 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: it's like a depressant, it still like gives you that, 547 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,000 Speaker 1: Like Joel. 548 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 2: Well, you also have that you drop your social restraints, 549 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,440 Speaker 2: so you become like this, either angry drunk or fun drunk, 550 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 2: whichever you prefer. That's why I don't drink as a rule. 551 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, it's wonderful that he's sober, but 552 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,400 Speaker 2: the reality is you two don't know each other. 553 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: But I also wonder if he's sober like you went 554 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: through the program, or if he's just a dry drunk, 555 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: because then sometimes the dry drunk they fall off. No, 556 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: their emotions are just the same as when they were drinking. 557 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: A dry drunk means you didn't go to any therapy 558 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,639 Speaker 1: to gain you just quit. You just quit drinking. 559 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 2: Well, they should be in therapy, both of them should. 560 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:59,399 Speaker 1: And also if you personally can't stop drinking to be 561 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: when you to be around him and you don't enjoy 562 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 1: your time together not drinking, you're probably not going to No. 563 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 2: And I think that you know, look, sixteen years, no kids, 564 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,879 Speaker 2: go live your life. Yeah, I just I don't know, 565 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 2: and maybe that like people will criticize me for that, 566 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 2: But when I look at things like this. I'm like, 567 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,120 Speaker 2: you know what, sixteen years is a long time. 568 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also I wonder how long's it's been 569 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: like this, Like was it like this before he got sober? 570 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 2: You mean that there's no affection? Yes, Well, if you're 571 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 2: drinking like this heavily, I doubt you're having a lot 572 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 2: of sex, that's true, or even affection, because you know, 573 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:48,920 Speaker 2: theo alcohol clouds your personality, It clouds your judgment when 574 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 2: that comes first. How can you be affectionate or intimate 575 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:52,919 Speaker 2: or anything. 576 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think she's probably feeling guilty because she 577 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,480 Speaker 1: didn't know the sober version of him, and maybe the 578 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: sober version of him is very boring. 579 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 2: Maybe maybe she's maybe they're just. 580 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: Or maybe she's still pounding it out and he's trying 581 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: to stay sobs. 582 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 2: We don't know if she's drinking or not. We don't know, 583 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 2: but it says when we were younger, we were going 584 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 2: out in bars and also too, here's the thing. After 585 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 2: sixteen years, Yeah, you're both going. 586 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 1: To change a lot, a lot, a lot. I would 587 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: say there's a massive change in my life at least 588 00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,400 Speaker 1: every five years. Yeah. 589 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,399 Speaker 2: For you for sure, over five years, five weeks with 590 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 2: your ass. I don't know what's going on. I get 591 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 2: panicked every fucking day. Oh my gosh, I might know, 592 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,160 Speaker 2: but it's true. Like remember when I said to you, 593 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 2: the last five years of yours in my life is 594 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:40,600 Speaker 2: fucking insane. 595 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 1: Yes, I talked to it. 596 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 2: Do you realize that everybody in our friend group the 597 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 2: last five years have been upending, Like all of our 598 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 2: lives have turned upside. 599 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: Down, every single line of us. But by bet, I 600 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if I should be proud 601 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: of the fact that I was the one that started 602 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,080 Speaker 1: it all. 603 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 2: I think you were. I think that I think you 604 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 2: should be very proud. 605 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: That start that started all of our lives falling apart. 606 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 2: I don't know that I could be proud of that, 607 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 2: But I don't know hold on our lives apart. Yes, 608 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 2: our lives fell apart for a reason. I have to 609 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 2: believe that from the bottom of my soul. 610 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. 611 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 2: And I also have to believe that we're friends during 612 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 2: this time to witness each other and help each other 613 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 2: through this because our friend group, like everybody's been decimated, 614 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 2: I fucking just destroyed. None of our lives look. 615 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: The same, none, none, none. 616 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,360 Speaker 2: It's kind of fun it's kind of unusual for all 617 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 2: of us. 618 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 1: To fall like and just to get over this bs 619 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: of like. I think it's because you're on a reality 620 00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 1: television show. I really don't believe it. I saw this 621 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,239 Speaker 1: thing that I don't even want to mention her name, 622 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: but she's an ex housewife and she says, you know, 623 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 1: I think all these people, and she included us, got 624 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: divorces because they were on Real Housewives, And I strongly 625 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: disagree with that. I think my marriage may have lasted 626 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 1: longer because I was on Real Housewives. 627 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 2: I yours for sure. I think that my marriage. I 628 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 2: had no intentions of my marriage ending up the way 629 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,520 Speaker 2: that it did. I was gonna hold just that was 630 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,200 Speaker 2: not I didn't want to go anywhere I was. 631 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 1: You know, like, no, you would have figured it out. 632 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: But guys, we love doing these episodes with you. We 633 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 1: also are pretty excited because there's something that's coming up. Son. 634 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 1: What our birthdays? Well, our birthdays? 635 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 2: What are you going to do? Oh? I have to 636 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 2: reply to your party. Oh I'm so sorry. 637 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,720 Speaker 1: It's okay, I was. I love that we call it 638 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: a party. It's five o'clock dinner with fifteen people. 639 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,200 Speaker 2: I'm gonna have a good time. I'm here to celebrate you, honey. 640 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,720 Speaker 1: You never know, but thanks guys for tuning in to 641 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 1: another episode of Diamonds in the Rough. 642 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 2: Thanks guys, and we'll be back.