Speaker 1: I leave in a you wanta way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time
Speaker 2: and aid urmanol and gay. We want to send you
Speaker 2: off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: Porn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need ride?
Speaker 3: Ride with Karen and Chris? Mm hm, Welcome Do you
Speaker 3: need a ride? My name is Chris Fairbank.
Speaker 1: My name is Karen Colgaro.
Speaker 3: I feel like since there's a question mark at the
Speaker 3: end of the title of our podcast, I should be
Speaker 3: saying welcome, did you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I like that about it.
Speaker 3: I'm Chris. Yeah.
Speaker 1: From now on, let's just start over completely.
Speaker 3: Okay, forever Take two. Welcome, do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: My name is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbank, scarc Guira.
Speaker 3: And we've found out that someone that we know did
Speaker 3: need to ride. Oh it doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1: Did it? Yeah he did? No one knows.
Speaker 3: I think he does.
Speaker 1: Let's just ring his doorbell.
Speaker 3: And we are driving to Lachrisenna.
Speaker 5: Lachrisenna, California, which is kind of near Eagle Rock, but
Speaker 5: more toward Montrose.
Speaker 3: It's definitely far enough to be not considered Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm not. I think so. It's where the adults live.
Speaker 5: It's like the town you moved to after you get
Speaker 5: a job, a steady job.
Speaker 3: Oh okay. And does Dave Anthony have a steady job?
Speaker 1: He is a writer on Maren.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, what a great gig. Yeah, maybe we'll ask
Speaker 3: him about.
Speaker 1: That, Maybe we should.
Speaker 3: Did he move into this area after his marin money
Speaker 3: came rolling in?
Speaker 1: I think so he. I think they just moved here recently.
Speaker 3: Oh day, meaning him and his and his fat room.
Speaker 1: Him and his wife who is and their baby Finn.
Speaker 1: Lovely family.
Speaker 3: What a great name for a baby, Finn.
Speaker 1: Yes, and he's super cute and funny.
Speaker 5: Well, his wife is gorgeous, and I think she's either
Speaker 5: a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so she's.
Speaker 1: Kind of a badass.
Speaker 3: They're very similar their jobs to the layman, that's true.
Speaker 1: I think it's just a piece of paper.
Speaker 3: One of them analyzes you and one of them listens
Speaker 3: to you.
Speaker 1: Right, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know either. I actually was going out on
Speaker 3: a limb.
Speaker 5: You know what, I think a psychiatrist can prescribe you medicine, right,
Speaker 5: and I like a psychologist can't.
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know either, So I bet one of
Speaker 3: them looks down on the other one like a doctor
Speaker 3: a dentist or yeah.
Speaker 1: Or a dentist as a podiatrist.
Speaker 3: Right, there's a there's a long line. It's a it's
Speaker 3: a cast system, right for the tooth industry, and it.
Speaker 5: Always ends up in the in that one river in
Speaker 5: India where everyone's taking.
Speaker 1: A bath and the one, yes, that's where all cast
Speaker 1: systems are. The bottom is at that river.
Speaker 3: They all end at a sweaty bath house.
Speaker 1: What's it? What's that river called? Murky? James Ashy? Oh,
Speaker 1: I think it's the Tames. Yeah, it's the Tames.
Speaker 3: The Times, the Tames. Isn't that the river Thames? Am
Speaker 3: I wrong? Am I making a fool of myself?
Speaker 1: I'm not sure.
Speaker 5: I feel like I've only ever seen it at the
Speaker 5: beginning of the Mommy Python.
Speaker 3: Hey, if either Karen or I sound like idiots right now,
Speaker 3: go ahead and fire off a heated tweet.
Speaker 1: At we need to know. Oh, you know what?
Speaker 5: You know what's really funny. Remember when we were talking
Speaker 5: about Bretty Stonella's Yes Yes, Braddy, one of the.
Speaker 1: Best things ever happened in recorded history.
Speaker 3: I'd say that and Thriller.
Speaker 1: Really Yeah, I would say those are top two. Turns out.
Speaker 5: J McInerney was the author of the book we were
Speaker 5: talking about.
Speaker 3: McInerney wrote Bright Lights, Big City, Oh Okay Yeah, And
Speaker 3: that song yellow Uh did called oh Yeah was indeed
Speaker 3: on the Bright Lights Big City soundtrack. Really I found
Speaker 3: the vinyl. The other side is a forgettable track, but
Speaker 3: I don't know which came first.
Speaker 4: The Ferris Bueler's day Off.
Speaker 3: See, we'll talk. We're not afraid to talk about issues.
Speaker 3: This one under your need.
Speaker 5: A Ride, we certain we certainly will go into the
Speaker 5: dull areas, That's for sure.
Speaker 1: There's with a kind of a the braveness of a
Speaker 1: joan of arc.
Speaker 3: Yes, there's a lot of dull areas that have been
Speaker 3: tackled kind of in a in a cowardly way. But
Speaker 3: we we really open it up. We talk about different
Speaker 3: types of cars, different routes that you can take in
Speaker 3: the city, and songs.
Speaker 1: Songs and songs songs.
Speaker 3: It's been wrong about delilahy.
Speaker 1: Go, hey, have you heard Delilah?
Speaker 3: Have you heard that? Where where you're listening? Are you
Speaker 3: on the coast? This one goes out, it's Phil Collins,
Speaker 3: And it goes out.
Speaker 5: This is Tracy called in tonight. She wanted to send
Speaker 5: her boyfriend Phil a little bit of Phil Collins. That's
Speaker 5: because they have the same name, and because he really
Speaker 5: is her suit Sue studio. So congratulations she Phil.
Speaker 3: He drums to the beat of her heart, which of
Speaker 3: course beats for him. This is no way out.
Speaker 5: Take me home, Phil Collins and a bunch of computers.
Speaker 3: I had a great day. I went to a sauna situation.
Speaker 3: I went to my gymnasium and sat with many old men.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that tweet say say your tweet is
Speaker 1: a joke right now.
Speaker 3: I today went to the sauna with many sad old men,
Speaker 3: and I wanted to say, hey, why the long scrut him?
Speaker 3: Because one guy he just haphazard like he have to
Speaker 3: towel around him with the looseness that most people would
Speaker 3: approach some of the topics we tacked and man, he
Speaker 3: had one long I just looked at his ball.
Speaker 4: I just looked at it.
Speaker 3: I'm you know, I'm in a clinical way, like I
Speaker 3: was worried about his health. Yes, he should not be
Speaker 3: that long, and so I really or.
Speaker 1: Was it like midshin it?
Speaker 3: Well, he was seated, so it was beyond thigh and
Speaker 3: it was dangling mid bench. Would you can imagine him
Speaker 3: sitting on something as as thick as a two by four.
Speaker 3: It was the length of his from his body and
Speaker 3: then halfway down the board. So conservatively a four inch
Speaker 3: long ball. Jesus, Yeah, it was really, I mean maybe
Speaker 3: five inches and.
Speaker 5: The world of men is a four inch ball like
Speaker 5: that kind of a point of pride?
Speaker 1: Is that why he'd be loosely walking around?
Speaker 3: I don't don't know that he knew the way he
Speaker 3: was peacocking, but he was really putting him. He was
Speaker 3: really roughly in his feathers and uh and I looked
Speaker 3: kind of like the way a doctor would.
Speaker 5: Sure through your Lorgnette Glenn Wood taking him right on
Speaker 5: Glenn Wood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all we say.
Speaker 3: Makes me think of Glenn Fry and Steve Winwood. They
Speaker 3: of course did a track together. We're going to hear
Speaker 3: that right now for Larry and Calabasas. Oh is that
Speaker 3: the red dort? That's good FUNCTIONU I hope he lives there.
Speaker 3: I hope he lives there. Going to the home of
Speaker 3: Dave Anthy. I have some questions about his podcast, Walking
Speaker 3: the Room.
Speaker 4: Is it still active?
Speaker 3: Is it on Hiatus?
Speaker 1: I think they're done, really, but.
Speaker 3: That was such a well known post.
Speaker 5: Well, now he does the doll Up with Garrett Gareth Reynolds.
Speaker 3: And that's about a mayonnaise sour cream.
Speaker 5: Yeah up, and uh, this might be it.
Speaker 4: What's your address so I can kind of rest you.
Speaker 1: My address.
Speaker 3: It's one two three Fake.
Speaker 4: Street, one two three Fake Street. Got it?
Speaker 3: We just gave everyone we did.
Speaker 1: Oh no, this has to be edited.
Speaker 3: Oh I guess, so I guess. So it's okay. I'll
Speaker 3: just go back. Oh god, he already knew. Look at him,
Speaker 3: he's so angry already.
Speaker 1: It looks like it's a mullet. But I think it's
Speaker 1: part of the note.
Speaker 4: It's just the way his hair grows.
Speaker 3: I think it's curly, and he's like, oh, I'll just
Speaker 3: have it all be one length. But he doesn't know that.
Speaker 3: It's kind of I'm gonna tell him now. It looks great.
Speaker 3: I like the way he looks. I like how he
Speaker 3: seems angry.
Speaker 1: He lifted the car backwards.
Speaker 3: Oh thank god, we land it on the wheels.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Really, Hi there, yeah, get on in. Hi there, Hi,
Speaker 3: thank you for getting out the dog blanket.
Speaker 4: You see the dog blanket? Yeah? Good? How are you do?
Speaker 4: You guys know how to get to the Hollywood improvisation?
Speaker 1: I kind of do.
Speaker 4: Of course.
Speaker 3: I mean from here. No, I have no idea where
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 4: Is that light for the for the camera? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we just go ahead and slate if you could,
Speaker 3: Like you're auditioning for a.
Speaker 4: Cat food commercial, you take two. I always do that.
Speaker 3: That's a good tactic to just go in and assume
Speaker 3: it's take two.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to. Yeah, I don't even acknowledge. That's
Speaker 4: a great dog. That's a beautiful animal. Look at it,
Speaker 4: just calm, collected, just straight off the set of Night Walk. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Those poor huskies in Los Angeles, they're all dying of heat.
Speaker 3: And that is the sweater of a good dog owner.
Speaker 4: Yeah it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of an apatchy print, something in a wool rich.
Speaker 4: He's up here in the mountains. He's dressed for it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, he's wearing his dude sweater.
Speaker 4: Dave, is this the farthest you guys have come to
Speaker 4: pick up a comedian m per.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yes, sweet yeah print.
Speaker 4: Did you move up to this neck February? That's nice?
Speaker 4: I love it up here.
Speaker 3: It's a nice house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really nice house. Dog whole thing. Wife did
Speaker 4: the whole thing. Yeah, we got a dog. It is
Speaker 4: a Cairn Terrier. Oh. It's a very cute little dog.
Speaker 4: And when I walk with it, people think I'm less masculine.
Speaker 1: Is it really tiny?
Speaker 4: It's not tiny, but it's not large. Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 4: What do you have like a like.
Speaker 3: A lav I do? Yeah, she's got clap a safety first,
Speaker 3: he guess I'm adjusting.
Speaker 4: Don't forget, uh, the people who are listening. If you're
Speaker 4: doing a podcast in your car, wear a love.
Speaker 1: Got a lot please Jackson head.
Speaker 3: If not, if not for sound, for safety, because if
Speaker 3: you're driving and you're holding one of these prices, right
Speaker 3: elongated showbiz mics, Yeah, you're gonna veer off the road.
Speaker 4: This is really is it time to spin the wheel?
Speaker 4: It is you're playing for a Kia Spectra. Oh my god,
Speaker 4: I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: Let's try and get the arrow to point to a
Speaker 3: dollar amount.
Speaker 4: That's the lock. That's the Locker Center hotel. It's been
Speaker 4: in a lot of movies. Oh, a lot of movies
Speaker 4: where someone surrounds a hotel and does bad things.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it seems like that kind of hotel.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's terrifying.
Speaker 1: Is it all old fashion in there?
Speaker 4: Yeah, super old fashion.
Speaker 1: And are there real murders there?
Speaker 4: Yeah? About four a week?
Speaker 3: And how many production murders are there?
Speaker 4: Seventeen? Oh? Wowee, numbers. That's good. I'm really bad with numbers.
Speaker 4: By the way. Hey, also, by the way, rip Allen,
Speaker 4: what happened? She's not dead. I'm just practicing.
Speaker 3: I'm just I love that your your legitimate reaction, Karen.
Speaker 3: You just meant, oh what happened?
Speaker 4: Karen? You were devastating?
Speaker 1: Is it over?
Speaker 3: What happened? The rain has concluded.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I didn't start singing.
Speaker 3: You guys, you're talking about Ellen DeGeneres. I love her work, really,
Speaker 3: I love her and everything she's been in the thing
Speaker 3: over a fella, it was crazy.
Speaker 1: She was up his ass.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people were both.
Speaker 4: Did Milton Burl who can?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were talking about you were just talking about it.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you why the long screwed him because he
Speaker 3: is a star.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you why the long screed him sings.
Speaker 4: Did you guys talk the whole way up?
Speaker 3: Well, we talked for a little bit a couple exits
Speaker 3: before we started mid freeway.
Speaker 1: Was just starting the freeway.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, it's more terrifying that way.
Speaker 4: The freeway here is the best freeway in the Los Angeles. Yeah,
Speaker 4: the two you're gonna go right through that red or
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 3: That's why she keeps me on my toes even when I'm.
Speaker 1: Sitting I was just thinking about the freeway.
Speaker 4: Sure. You know. The thing about thinking about the freeway
Speaker 4: is you don't have to pretend you're on the freeway.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you can just remember it nostalgically.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just I go there in my mind.
Speaker 4: I was just watching a show called Impractical Jokers on TV.
Speaker 4: Really it's really something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I used to I used to be in the
Speaker 3: True TV family.
Speaker 4: I think it's I think it's great to have four
Speaker 4: guys go out and do something and they tell they
Speaker 4: what it is is. They tell one guy to go
Speaker 4: do a prank or whatever on the street, and then
Speaker 4: the other and then they just keep cutting to the
Speaker 4: other guys laughing their asses off, whether it's funny or not,
Speaker 4: which makes it weird because if it's not a funny
Speaker 4: one and they are loving it, it's uncomfortable for every buddy,
Speaker 4: the viewer, the people involved.
Speaker 3: Is that what they do? They just show the other guy? Yeah,
Speaker 3: make it right here, one of them at a time.
Speaker 4: Oh god, we're dying. We're dying. Oh my god. Please
Speaker 4: if if you guys ever die in a car accident
Speaker 4: with a comedian, someone has to upload it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh god, that talking about guarantee.
Speaker 3: I hope finally then we'll get a sponsor, maybe maybeoff.
Speaker 4: I think, you guys, it would at least make buzz flash.
Speaker 3: We might at least sell some merch.
Speaker 1: I mean, the clip of us dying would definitely go
Speaker 1: viral for at.
Speaker 4: Least two hours for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we'd stopped talking about Bill Cosby for a
Speaker 3: goddamn minute.
Speaker 4: What happened with Bill Cosby? Oh? He there?
Speaker 3: I think his show got canceled the end?
Speaker 1: Wait, Dave, what's your show at the improv to night?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: The lineup? We want to know details. Uh, it's Brian
Speaker 3: has he ever raped anyone?
Speaker 4: Post saying yeah but not to not not like out
Speaker 4: in the public like nobody knows about it, right, right,
Speaker 4: it's posts saying, Yeah, how else is he gonna? Is
Speaker 4: it gonna happen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's metal. That's what metals do.
Speaker 4: That is what metals do.
Speaker 3: Brian Posaying was often a guest on your podcast Walking
Speaker 3: the Room, And I wanted to ask, is Walking the
Speaker 3: Room on hiatus or.
Speaker 4: Is it lutiicially over? God damn it to put I
Speaker 4: have a new podcast all.
Speaker 3: Good things called Dollop I do, right, the dollup and
Speaker 3: uh yeah, Walking the Room it ran its course.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah, everything does.
Speaker 4: We had a good run and uh it was fun,
Speaker 4: but uh, I don't know, it just kind of Yeah,
Speaker 4: I got really tired of talking about myself, right, it's
Speaker 4: really annoying.
Speaker 5: Well that's the thing. The doll up is about something.
Speaker 5: And it's amazing when you have a tent pole like that.
Speaker 5: How much easier it is.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's it's more work to put together,
Speaker 4: but it's so much easier to do. Like you're not
Speaker 4: like turning off the mic and going, okay, what do
Speaker 4: you want to talk about now?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: And and what is a tenpole other than a little
Speaker 3: kid with us leaping back boner.
Speaker 1: Philosophical.
Speaker 4: I really don't know it. It's just a right that
Speaker 4: it holds up there.
Speaker 3: I knew I could have figured that out on my own.
Speaker 4: I'm just sure that that's true.
Speaker 3: I just never have heard it used that way.
Speaker 5: I like to throw in kind of assy writer's room
Speaker 5: jargons every once in a while to make.
Speaker 3: People hate me and see what sticks.
Speaker 4: Oh, I know other people that are on the show.
Speaker 4: TJ Miller, t J Miller, hul he's going to talk
Speaker 4: about makes about dead babies, and uh Tefler who lives
Speaker 4: in right near me in South Pasadena. I love and
Speaker 4: Brandon Small God.
Speaker 3: That is a star studded lineup.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's so fucking joke. I don't just do any
Speaker 4: show around town.
Speaker 3: Going to get us in yeah.
Speaker 4: Place to observe the show. No we can. I can.
Speaker 3: There's a crack in the back wall that I lending
Speaker 3: her two people there, right, Chris, I know a couple
Speaker 3: of people there. Actually I need to I needed to
Speaker 3: get some business done, some paperwork. See that makes me
Speaker 3: seem like now, all of a sudden, you guys are
Speaker 3: in a position where it's like, Wow, I don't have
Speaker 3: to go back to do paperwork. Ever, Chris must be
Speaker 3: at a hire.
Speaker 1: Chris has hand in this Yeah, on this car ride?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that way?
Speaker 3: Really, Dave, would you.
Speaker 1: Go all the way down into like silver Lake and over?
Speaker 3: Yes, Now people know the area he lives in.
Speaker 1: You're definitely gonna get shot.
Speaker 4: I mean I did. I did already say there's the locker,
Speaker 4: sent a motel, giving away oh.
Speaker 1: Street and exact address.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna because there's only five million people that want
Speaker 4: to kill me.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go back.
Speaker 4: We edit.
Speaker 3: We did, in all seriousness say your draft for the
Speaker 3: one of the first times ever. We're gonna have to
Speaker 3: go back, and I'm gonna have to go and be.
Speaker 4: Great when you forget that and people are like, I
Speaker 4: got your address.
Speaker 1: I'm from the n I'm Sarah Palin.
Speaker 3: We've got it handled. We've got it handled, we got.
Speaker 1: People covered, no problem.
Speaker 3: So you're Greg Baron, your old podcast partner lives in
Speaker 3: New York now, and he's.
Speaker 4: No, he went to New York for a few months.
Speaker 4: In fact, now he just got back a couple of
Speaker 4: weeks ago.
Speaker 3: Is he he'll probably be a guest on the dollup.
Speaker 1: There's no guests.
Speaker 4: There's no guests.
Speaker 3: Really, no, you got to.
Speaker 1: Listen to the dollar.
Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, that's me.
Speaker 4: This is super awkward right now. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I usually I do my research when there's a guest.
Speaker 4: You certainly did not do anything, should not do it.
Speaker 3: This time, I just thought knowing and loving you as
Speaker 3: a person would be enough research. But I do suppose
Speaker 3: I have made a mistake.
Speaker 1: But I am one of the dollups number one fans.
Speaker 4: Yeah did it one day?
Speaker 1: You had no response and then I deleted it?
Speaker 4: Is that true? I might not have sent the tweet,
Speaker 4: I know, but.
Speaker 1: I can't be vulnerable like that on Twitter day.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm out there, I'm working at my job.
Speaker 3: Sometimes don't people are like walking in the park, they're
Speaker 3: dog walking with their with their.
Speaker 1: I left it up eleven minutes and I was like, fuck.
Speaker 4: You good god woman.
Speaker 1: No, No, it really is.
Speaker 5: I listened to it every morning, and it's about fucked
Speaker 5: up things from history, so it's super interesting to listen to.
Speaker 5: And then Gareth Reynolds is like one of the funniest
Speaker 5: people ever.
Speaker 4: God, he's so funny.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, so funny.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna listen. It's really good, insane how funny he is?
Speaker 3: Do you just put it Uh, you do it yourself?
Speaker 3: Do you have it on a network?
Speaker 4: Where do you have?
Speaker 1: Where do you network?
Speaker 4: He's on your network?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, Like I said, little to know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Hey, you're listening to worst Interviews with Chris Fervan. You
Speaker 4: know what?
Speaker 3: Between you and I, I know all that ship, But
Speaker 3: the people listening don't.
Speaker 4: Are you a fella?
Speaker 3: Do you think that? On talk shows? Letterman hasn't seen
Speaker 3: the clip, you know, And you're oh, and you're playing well,
Speaker 3: you're like an army general in this.
Speaker 4: We know it's the guys army.
Speaker 3: I'm being professional. What what information are we gonna get
Speaker 3: where I just go? And I know about your podcast,
Speaker 3: So let's not talk about it, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean? True? All right?
Speaker 3: If I didn't I did.
Speaker 4: It was barely a thing. I just said. I knew
Speaker 4: there was a lot of talking and not a lot
Speaker 4: of nothing behind it, little to no meaning I knew.
Speaker 1: Is it all of getting good numbers?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's getting it's getting good numbers. It's getting better
Speaker 4: numbers and walking the room right now it's on all
Speaker 4: Things Comedy dot com. Yet it's on All Things Comedy.
Speaker 4: It's getting better numbers. Yeah, it's really here's the crazy thing.
Speaker 4: It's really popular in Australia. Oh, it's like the number
Speaker 4: four comedy podcast in Australia.
Speaker 3: How do you do?
Speaker 4: So? Now?
Speaker 3: Are you you're gonna get a do a bunch of
Speaker 3: Have you been doing stand up in Australia already?
Speaker 4: Down under? There? I? Well, so what I did was
Speaker 4: I went down there once and I did I did
Speaker 4: two podcasts at the the festival, shre the Melbourne Festival
Speaker 4: and so so staying the left and get and get
Speaker 4: a over there yeah and uh you take yeah that's left.
Speaker 4: Oh god, yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean it's it's a tense podcast, isn't it. You
Speaker 3: never know if it's going to be your last.
Speaker 4: You don't know. So I uh so I went down
Speaker 4: there and I and I did stand up around town,
Speaker 4: but I didn't do the stand up at the festival.
Speaker 4: And then recently I did a Kickstarter to uh to
Speaker 4: get money to go to the festival and I got
Speaker 4: like a lot of money.
Speaker 1: Wow, lot more than I asked for.
Speaker 4: Wow, it's pretty cool. Like I made my I asked
Speaker 4: for fifteen thousand and I got it in twenty four hours. Really, yeah,
Speaker 4: it was pretty crazy, totally like seeing the career I've
Speaker 4: had very unexpected.
Speaker 1: To be honest, did you cry a little bit?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yeah, there were tears. I hugged my dog.
Speaker 3: Can I just do that? Can I take a like,
Speaker 3: show a picture of an MRI of my hip and say, hey,
Speaker 3: dad is having trouble walking?
Speaker 4: Okay? So that usually it's about artistic endeavors or okay.
Speaker 4: I think what you're what you're trying to do is, uh,
Speaker 4: what if I make my hip something called sadmea dot com?
Speaker 4: I already go there one?
Speaker 3: Yeah, there we go Glendale Boulevard North. What if I
Speaker 3: make my hip more aesthetically pleasing and not just.
Speaker 4: If you said I want to take my hip on tour, yeah,
Speaker 4: and show people how good I can walk, then then
Speaker 4: you might be able to get away. Oh okay, but they,
Speaker 4: but they they watched the Kickstarter people and may see
Speaker 4: if it's oh right, okay, straight through the light.
Speaker 3: No, because I've heard of my friend invented some sort
Speaker 3: of a weed hiding piece of wood that it was.
Speaker 4: Really cools, like it looked like people out there doing that.
Speaker 4: Because because what we need right now is places to hide.
Speaker 4: It's just been a problem for so long and.
Speaker 1: Knows where to put it.
Speaker 3: As a result, he did not get the funding. Smart asses,
Speaker 3: so weird he you know, he didn't know it was
Speaker 3: going to become legal.
Speaker 5: He made those weed necklaces he was thinking of because
Speaker 5: you can really just flaunt it these days.
Speaker 3: It was a neat little apparatus. It was like a
Speaker 3: rubik scube, but it was like a puzzle.
Speaker 4: It's very cool. And also you get a.
Speaker 3: Wood puzzle, a puzzle, a wooden weed puzzle.
Speaker 4: That's this is This is not only the worst product
Speaker 4: I've ever heard, but I think it might be the
Speaker 4: worst conversation I've ever been. Let's go right, Let's go right.
Speaker 3: Let's go up that hill for no damn tall hill.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is the San Francisco Hill.
Speaker 3: So so when I'm.
Speaker 4: Gonna show you something when we get down here, you
Speaker 4: guys are gonna laugh. So this is this.
Speaker 3: Is going to be the Barca Darrow.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna show you where I got a I got
Speaker 4: a ticket driving here. Yeah. See it's just like you
Speaker 4: can't see as you come, oh my god, over the hill.
Speaker 3: I feel like Steve McQueen.
Speaker 4: Okay, so now you come down here to this light,
Speaker 4: and do you see any lights that say no, do
Speaker 4: you see any signs say no left turn?
Speaker 3: I certainly do.
Speaker 4: Are they pretty pretty hard to see? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well now there's three of them.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I came rolling up at nine am and
Speaker 4: made that left. Oh wow, it's like it's like and
Speaker 4: the cop pulls me where he goes did you see
Speaker 4: any of the signs? And I was like I didn't.
Speaker 4: It's like really, and I'm like no, seriously, I didn't.
Speaker 4: And then the next day I drove here, I was like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, I am an idiot.
Speaker 1: There's never been more no left turns.
Speaker 4: But there's not. There's not a place in LA that
Speaker 4: has more no left times. That's fine.
Speaker 3: You know what I always say, taking left.
Speaker 4: Here, Yeah, you're taking a left. I always wait for
Speaker 4: the light to turn though. Yeah. Yeah that's a red light.
Speaker 3: That's just standard rule following.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I always say, you know what, I I didn't look
Speaker 3: up because my eyes were on the road.
Speaker 4: That's always a good one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean my eyes were on the road.
Speaker 4: There's cars, So you don't pay attention to signs or
Speaker 4: street lights, not when.
Speaker 3: There's cars in front of me. When it's a light
Speaker 3: and it's red and you're coming to a stop, don't
Speaker 3: you look at the car in front of you and
Speaker 3: not wander around with your eyes up in the air
Speaker 3: like you're like, You're like, you just don't care exactly.
Speaker 4: I'm I am right now very happy that you're in
Speaker 4: the passenger seat because what you're saying doesn't make sense
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 3: I will back up. I'm just saying, when I'm talking
Speaker 3: to the coppers, man and I want to get out
Speaker 3: of a ticket, yeah, I have visions and I'm not
Speaker 3: I'm not front exactly. I just I'm looking out the
Speaker 3: road and I've had a lot of I'm not I'm
Speaker 3: not drunk.
Speaker 4: I did watch an episode of Cops where a cop,
Speaker 4: a cop pulled the guy over and I was like,
Speaker 4: that guy's drunk. And the cop like checked out his
Speaker 4: ID and was like, all right, guys, just uh, you know,
Speaker 4: be safe tonight. And then and he walks away and
Speaker 4: the guy leans it out the wind. He goes, yeah, man.
Speaker 4: He starts talking to the cop and the CoP's trying
Speaker 4: to walk away back to his car, and guy keeps
Speaker 4: talking and then the cop goes, all right, get out
Speaker 4: of the car. Oh wow, he talked himself into a ticket.
Speaker 3: Oh that's amazing.
Speaker 4: Also, a very bad cop because I was proud. Oh wow.
Speaker 3: He just didn't want to deal with it. And he's like, well,
Speaker 3: now that your alcohol breath has actually seeped into the
Speaker 3: fire bears of my uniform, I should probably pull you
Speaker 3: over or give my is anyone else in the car anymore?
Speaker 4: Just let me wait? He down.
Speaker 3: This happens all the time. Slow down this time, Karen.
Speaker 3: You're right. If I was driving, we'd be in danger.
Speaker 5: Wait, Dave, can you just tell me the general plan
Speaker 5: of how should I just go to Melrose and go
Speaker 5: all the.
Speaker 1: Way down at uh?
Speaker 4: You? Uh no, I don't think we're gonna go to Melrose.
Speaker 4: Let me look at my math thing.
Speaker 1: Sunset here.
Speaker 4: It depends on what the traffic's like. I uh no,
Speaker 4: you're gonna go straight. You're definitely gonna go straight. You
Speaker 4: might get on the one o one though, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I would say one on one two. Uh. That's the
Speaker 4: way I usually do it.
Speaker 3: Oh, I know where we are, now, do you?
Speaker 4: I love this?
Speaker 3: See that's I don't know the city very well because
Speaker 3: I live in Venice.
Speaker 4: Is that true?
Speaker 3: I've always lived there.
Speaker 4: Why it's like being by the ocean. Yeah, But then
Speaker 4: what happens when you want to go anywhere.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think that about where the hell
Speaker 3: you live out in bum fuck mountain town.
Speaker 1: You guys come on only as soon as.
Speaker 3: We pulled up to your house and and and park
Speaker 3: behind your juke a car that says lady like as
Speaker 3: your little dog. I thought, win more of a gay
Speaker 3: man in whatever when your butt beat of a man's
Speaker 3: shipping out gay dildo the car. Oh, I'm sorry you're.
Speaker 4: So you're a little defensive about them.
Speaker 3: Maybe you're having questions about how far away you move
Speaker 3: from society or are you gonna design your own flag cabin? Man?
Speaker 3: I I enjoy be sure, you guys, I have each
Speaker 3: every day way like every day every day I wake up,
Speaker 3: I'm like.
Speaker 4: Why out there? Why? Yeah? Wat sweater?
Speaker 3: Man? I I really do have. You're right, I don't
Speaker 3: know why I live by the beach. I drive too much.
Speaker 4: It's great out there, the weather's great, but then it's
Speaker 4: just getting in and out of there.
Speaker 3: Oh it's the worst, man, And I do it now
Speaker 3: that I'm doing these commercial audition things. I'm not bragging.
Speaker 3: I'm just talking about what I've been doing. Sure, so
Speaker 3: I put on my sweater. I I leave on my
Speaker 3: novelty mustache.
Speaker 4: That's real.
Speaker 3: And I you know, I added for the and I
Speaker 3: fucking you know. It's a long drive. It's a pain
Speaker 3: in the ass. I don't get a lot done.
Speaker 4: See. See you're right bunking on the highway.
Speaker 1: The highway.
Speaker 3: Whoa that guy? I know why they're hunking? Holy shah. Well,
Speaker 3: you know when it's cherry apple.
Speaker 4: Red, someone's getting to the party.
Speaker 1: Get that.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, someone's got a dance.
Speaker 3: I just realized we're Yeah, we are podcasting on a
Speaker 3: late Saturday night, and then we're getting off here.
Speaker 4: This is dangerous. And then from here we're just on Melrose.
Speaker 4: And since it's the the Melrose Improv, you guys get it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but it's on this street.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why we're getting off on Melrose.
Speaker 4: Karen, and you said, hmmm, I'm also in Scorpions Mondays
Speaker 4: on CBS.
Speaker 3: Oh what's that?
Speaker 4: Oh there's my Oh.
Speaker 1: Look at that plural or singular?
Speaker 4: Yep, Yeah, I'm on score.
Speaker 1: This scene is pure.
Speaker 4: He was talking so bad that I forget the news.
Speaker 3: He's on multiple episodes. One episode is called Scorpion. Several
Speaker 3: of them wear.
Speaker 4: A hat and a little black hat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're the poor man's here.
Speaker 4: And Paul No, No, that's the kid from American Pie
Speaker 4: that has sex with Steffler's mom.
Speaker 1: No, that's true.
Speaker 3: I have twenty that is not him.
Speaker 1: I'm his fan. Sean William Scott, Yeah that's him.
Speaker 3: That's him there, that's him.
Speaker 1: A windbreaker.
Speaker 3: These guys are both arguing that if you're listening, go
Speaker 3: to IMDb, go to the Scorpion IMDb and see that
Speaker 3: that kid wasn't in American Pie.
Speaker 4: I'm the gift.
Speaker 3: He grew up, he's a man. You expect everyone to
Speaker 3: look the same forever.
Speaker 4: I don't feel like simple. I feel people don't completely
Speaker 4: change their faces from teen years to They don't they
Speaker 4: they don't morph their skull structure.
Speaker 3: And I know you do another human.
Speaker 4: I mean it could happen. I just haven't seen him
Speaker 4: with human was his face.
Speaker 3: He just thinned up and grew a goatee and put
Speaker 3: on your hat that you're wearing.
Speaker 4: I'm starting to think you don't tell the truth about anything.
Speaker 3: I guarantee I'm gonna look it up right now, at
Speaker 3: the risk of it being good podcasting.
Speaker 4: Jesus Airia, So what it's called Jesus Airia and internet
Speaker 4: going to Laicia Jesus Aria like like like a but
Speaker 4: for Jesus.
Speaker 1: A restricted area only the Lord walks around.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they it's great here because they just stick
Speaker 4: it in a in a building that looks like it
Speaker 4: could also be a grocery store.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, there are a lot of little well I'm
Speaker 3: not seeing one now, but.
Speaker 5: Those jesus Arias that you're talking about. The music they
Speaker 5: do in there is the literal opposite of like Baptist
Speaker 5: gospel music.
Speaker 4: What do you mean.
Speaker 5: It's always like somebody playing a keyboard badly and then
Speaker 5: people barely singing.
Speaker 4: That's amazing.
Speaker 5: Have you ever walked by and listened to the music.
Speaker 5: It's always very off key and kind of sad, like.
Speaker 4: That's incredible, everybody. I want to see that. Do they
Speaker 4: also have a washers and dryers in there? Do you
Speaker 4: listen to the word of Jesus?
Speaker 3: I know that Karen does. God.
Speaker 4: Wow, you weren't going to slow down, Karen is because
Speaker 4: if you had hit it, the card just crumpled into
Speaker 4: his giant, giant vehicle.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. That's how you teach people a lesson.
Speaker 4: No, you did look Hey, I just died on your car.
Speaker 4: What do you think about that?
Speaker 5: It's like you're not going to get over onto your
Speaker 5: side of the road. Well, then you're going to get
Speaker 5: a big slice of this car, do you.
Speaker 4: Think Do you think they made the Milano sign purposely flash.
Speaker 3: The Yep, he's an American pie, all of them. That's
Speaker 3: the guy. His name is Eddie k Eddie K Thomas.
Speaker 3: So you guys, you know.
Speaker 4: What fucking hat that. I couldn't tell what was happening.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well you said that. I was claiming his face
Speaker 3: structured mark.
Speaker 4: I think he looks a little bit like Ryan Gosti grew.
Speaker 3: He's handsome now just because you're confronted about being attracted
Speaker 3: to him.
Speaker 4: It's I like the hat.
Speaker 3: I did like that. Oh we changed the subject.
Speaker 4: Well, we were talking about talking about Milano. I'm sorry
Speaker 4: you got into your IMD A lit store over there
Speaker 4: and the light was flashing on it coming sexy.
Speaker 1: Part of the city. It's a lot, it's really doing it.
Speaker 3: Have you ever gone to that place? Stereo l Yeah?
Speaker 4: Great? Get the Nochi Yeah, I like I like it.
Speaker 3: And it's loosely a motorcycle themed, which is a trend
Speaker 3: I'm seeing like.
Speaker 4: You know, did you go to it when it was
Speaker 4: really small and it was just four tables?
Speaker 3: I didn't.
Speaker 4: That was awesome back then, it was better back in
Speaker 4: the day. Well, it was just cool. It was like
Speaker 4: a tiny, tiny, family owned place.
Speaker 3: I went in there with a group of fancy people
Speaker 3: and they were all ignoring me and no one thought
Speaker 3: I was anything. And then I got recognized by the
Speaker 3: bartender from living in Austin, not from show biz, just
Speaker 3: he is like, hey, did you used to live in Austin?
Speaker 4: And did the fancy people give a ship?
Speaker 3: Yeah? They were like, wow, somebody knows somebody, and free
Speaker 3: drinks were involved and I pretty much almost got carried
Speaker 3: off on their shoulders.
Speaker 1: Wow, why were you with people that didn't care about you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's what's going on with you that you have?
Speaker 3: Sometimes you gotta hang out with some big, fancy, high
Speaker 3: flute and assholes if you want to.
Speaker 4: It's so well put.
Speaker 3: No, I was just some friends of my lady friend.
Speaker 1: But it was a victory.
Speaker 4: It was a victory.
Speaker 3: I felt like Pele doing one of those backflip kicks.
Speaker 4: Back flip kicks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the ball is no, that's the ladies. He he
Speaker 3: would Pele would flip back. He'd do a backflip while
Speaker 3: the ball is in where when otherwise people would head
Speaker 3: butt the ball.
Speaker 4: Any backflip, it's not called head butting the ball. It's
Speaker 4: called heading the ball.
Speaker 3: Oh, look at the cans.
Speaker 4: None of your soccer terms are correct, soccer fan. She
Speaker 4: would head butt the ball much like Irish. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: she she would. She would see the ball coming this
Speaker 4: pea chit and she'd head butt the ball like like
Speaker 4: like she was in a public Is it like the
Speaker 4: way like a like? Uh, Sean White will get on
Speaker 4: a skateboard and he'll do like a flippy Do.
Speaker 1: You just got to where he lived?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Man, I didn't know you'd be hitting so close town.
Speaker 4: That's Bogey's Liquors that was actually owned by Bogie.
Speaker 1: And Lauren bcaull would sometimes work there on the weekends
Speaker 1: to keep it real.
Speaker 3: It used to be pars like her, and then they
Speaker 3: hired one employee.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 3: If we can do soccer humor.
Speaker 4: I had no idea what you were talking about until
Speaker 4: you explained it. I had no clue.
Speaker 3: Well, sometimes my jokes are intricate.
Speaker 4: Well, you know what, save it for Ben Crenshaw. He's
Speaker 4: an old golfer. Yeah, it might even be dead.
Speaker 3: But we still have Crenshaw Boulevard to remember him by.
Speaker 4: But for one reason, when I was a child and
Speaker 4: my grandparents would watch golf, I decided that I like
Speaker 4: Ben Crenshaw. Oh really, And now that I look back
Speaker 4: on it, I don't know why the fuck I would
Speaker 4: care about any golfer and root for them.
Speaker 1: You probably had to do something like you were bored.
Speaker 3: To death, that is true, maybe like the knickers he
Speaker 3: was wearing, or something they did wear.
Speaker 4: They did wear really great knickers back then.
Speaker 3: That was a good time for golf fashion, the Crunchhaw years.
Speaker 1: We're throwing around the word knickers everybody again.
Speaker 4: I just want to throw out there, I r I
Speaker 4: p Ellen, you know what.
Speaker 3: The only problem I mean, there's a lot less knickers
Speaker 3: on the course these days because people are wearing more
Speaker 3: of a slack.
Speaker 4: What do you think this is a good podcast so far?
Speaker 3: No? Now, Usually when we commented on it being bad
Speaker 3: at Spirals Downward.
Speaker 5: I think, what we'll go in and we'll bleep out
Speaker 5: your addresses and then everything.
Speaker 1: That's my plan.
Speaker 4: I like that idea. I'm for it. I mean I've
Speaker 4: been here. I've been here for the whole thing, and
Speaker 4: I think it's an unmitigated disaster.
Speaker 3: Well, what every time I was saying something that you
Speaker 3: didn't find funny or interesting? Why didn't you make a
Speaker 3: beeping noise, like a beeping sound to affect yourself? Oh?
Speaker 4: I know, because I'm because I'm not an asshole. Oh no, wait,
Speaker 4: that's not a good excuse.
Speaker 5: Wait a second, dad, let's talk about let's talk about
Speaker 5: your preparation for the show tonight. How many minutes are
Speaker 5: you going to do?
Speaker 4: Are you doing any.
Speaker 3: Jokes?
Speaker 4: I was thinking about maybe doing a new thing, but
Speaker 4: I think I might not.
Speaker 1: What's it about?
Speaker 4: What's what about? The fits? Uh? It is about when
Speaker 4: I when I was five and I went to Yellowstone
Speaker 4: and I plugged up the toilet in the in the
Speaker 4: hotel room.
Speaker 3: People love poop stories.
Speaker 4: Doing what a poop story is as much it is?
Speaker 4: It is a dad's story. Okay, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Go well, your dad doesn't handle it.
Speaker 4: Do you believe that way? No, he doesn't. He was
Speaker 4: a drinker.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he is a bit of a boozeound.
Speaker 4: And that usually doesn't lead to reason.
Speaker 3: Now, well, I'm sorry that there's a story where you
Speaker 3: are where you beaten.
Speaker 4: No, it was just crazy. He wasn't beaten. I was
Speaker 4: never beaten. I was beaten once, but I deserved it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I what year were you guys? Beaten of it?
Speaker 4: Where you slapped around?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: No, I was spanked.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's spanking.
Speaker 4: You know that happened. Yeah, I got spanked.
Speaker 3: I apparently didn't do anything wrong until I was like
Speaker 3: fourteen or fifteen.
Speaker 4: Then we started getting spanked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's when I started getting spanked, which is.
Speaker 1: Weird, and we were never spanked.
Speaker 5: And then, honestly, my mom tried to spank me once
Speaker 5: when I was seventeen and I grabbed my arms.
Speaker 1: She was so mad. She was like, god, damn it.
Speaker 1: And I kept moving my ass way, going what are
Speaker 1: you doing? Yeah, that's what are you doing? And when
Speaker 1: she just gave up and left my room.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I remember my mom trying to hit my butt with
Speaker 3: a wooden spoon and I just caught it and then
Speaker 3: I broke it on my knee.
Speaker 4: That's amazing.
Speaker 3: And then no more of this, please, I think. Then
Speaker 3: she wetted some toilet paper and threw it at my face.
Speaker 4: And then were you in school with your mom.
Speaker 1: Bathroom.
Speaker 3: She made me push a penny around the toilet seat,
Speaker 3: said push it, frosh, push it, and then clean my
Speaker 3: towels in the locker room. It just turned into a lighthearted,
Speaker 3: wet toilet paper fight, though, And that's you know, even
Speaker 3: my mom. She couldn't be disciplinary, you know, she just
Speaker 3: get caught up in the childlike fanfare.
Speaker 4: Girl soul food or we just passed a sort of
Speaker 4: comedy club called sALS. Yeah, okay, where have you ever
Speaker 4: been there?
Speaker 3: I have seen people?
Speaker 4: Is we just passed it?
Speaker 3: Sal's Comedy Joint.
Speaker 4: Sal's Comedy Joint. Apparently it's one in New York? And
Speaker 4: then they have one here? Isn't that funny?
Speaker 3: Who works at it? If we aren't?
Speaker 4: I don't know what happens there.
Speaker 3: Just comedy store dudes.
Speaker 4: No, I don't even I don't even know if it's that.
Speaker 4: I don't know what. I think. It's like just a
Speaker 4: glorified open mic.
Speaker 3: I bet that everyone, well.
Speaker 4: It's like a restaurant. It used to be a restaurant.
Speaker 4: He used to be called the Vienna.
Speaker 3: I bet everyone that works there has kangall hats backwards,
Speaker 3: kangall hat I hope so well, Oh, I'm sorry, you
Speaker 3: like those hats, don't you.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Well, he loves Australia.
Speaker 3: I love. Do you know what they get really mad
Speaker 3: at outback steakhouse when you take one of those boomerangs
Speaker 3: off the wall and throw it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, what if you say? What if you say I
Speaker 4: love raw Warrior?
Speaker 3: And then and then they're like, okay, let's bring him
Speaker 3: another round of bluemin onions.
Speaker 4: That's what they say.
Speaker 1: Have you ever eaten a blue onion?
Speaker 4: Yeah? It's gross? Is it like? Is it a deep
Speaker 4: fried onion? Yeah?
Speaker 3: It's like fried, you know, it's wouldn't just.
Speaker 4: Be like rings.
Speaker 1: Then it's so greasy.
Speaker 3: It's they're less breaded and so it's just the onion
Speaker 3: with a little bit of breading. But it is the
Speaker 3: greasiest onion fry shoul.
Speaker 4: The show.
Speaker 3: My mouth is watering.
Speaker 4: Where do they do bloomin onions? Do they do them
Speaker 4: all over the place?
Speaker 3: Just out.
Speaker 1: Copyright?
Speaker 3: It's the most standout outback menu item name wise, and
Speaker 3: I always want to order one, but just thinking about.
Speaker 4: Actually authentic Australian yep, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know how it is. Well, here we're in
Speaker 3: a situation where we could easily podcast for twenty more minutes. However,
Speaker 3: we are approaching the improv, So Dave, I'll leave it
Speaker 3: up to you.
Speaker 1: Do you want to What do you think?
Speaker 3: What do you think?
Speaker 4: I mean?
Speaker 3: We could round the block and try and wrap this
Speaker 3: thing up on a high note and like fire on
Speaker 3: all We could just do it better, or we could
Speaker 3: drop you off.
Speaker 4: We could, we could or we could Oh god, oh
Speaker 4: holy shit, are we being arrested ocasting? We can keep
Speaker 4: driving them. Fine.
Speaker 3: Your show starts at ten, Yeah, and uh yeah, you
Speaker 3: won't be up first Spring Chicken. Yeah, I don't come on,
Speaker 3: You're at least mid line up.
Speaker 5: I'll start with a tight shot. He'll do about his
Speaker 5: impossible beard.
Speaker 3: Scott I in from Anthrax is on the show. How
Speaker 3: was I not listening?
Speaker 4: Welcome the Guardians. Now I don't now, I don't know
Speaker 4: what's happening. It says, Welcome the Guardians.
Speaker 3: Scott Ian, and then closing the show will be scott
Speaker 3: Ian's goatee. Jake Johanson is their next classic classic joke formula. Jake.
Speaker 3: I love him.
Speaker 4: He's amazing.
Speaker 3: He's up there with Brian Reagan as far as just
Speaker 3: comics that all comics like and people. Even if you
Speaker 3: wear camouflage shirts with no sleeves. You like Jake Johansson,
Speaker 3: that's true.
Speaker 4: He came up and had lunch with me up in
Speaker 4: the hills that I live in. Oh really a couple
Speaker 4: weeks ago. Does he lives uh near Chris in Santa Monica? Oh?
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 3: I just like the way he does his comedy. A
Speaker 3: lot of people think that I'm influenced by him. True.
Speaker 3: I mean I wouldn't go that for I didn't know
Speaker 3: of him before I started doing comedy.
Speaker 4: I didn't think you were influenced as much as you
Speaker 4: just lifted.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of copying him. I was going to get
Speaker 3: to that.
Speaker 1: I thought they called it felching.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's.
Speaker 4: When you know, I'm not sure what's happening.
Speaker 3: I think I think I know what felching is. And
Speaker 3: I don't think that's something we can talk about on
Speaker 3: the podcast.
Speaker 4: Oh do you guys keep it clean on here? Yeah?
Speaker 3: We don't talk about drinking semen from a man's butthole.
Speaker 4: Probably my favorite Christian podcast.
Speaker 3: And that reminds me it's time to read from Psalms.
Speaker 4: My favorite podcast is Fox and Friends.
Speaker 3: And your favorite Your favorite religious podcast.
Speaker 4: You know, I like I like to wake up with
Speaker 4: them in the morning, and then I like to listen
Speaker 4: to it again when I'm driving home because I because
Speaker 4: then I think deeper about what they were talking about.
Speaker 1: Fantastic mister Fox and Friends.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh that's a good a. I love that movie.
Speaker 3: That's a sketch right there, Fantastic mister Fox and Friends.
Speaker 1: It's all about combining nouns.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 3: Just throw darts at a spinning wheel with two things
Speaker 3: on it, and you got yourself a sketch. What A
Speaker 3: What are you working on now, Chris? You want to
Speaker 3: show well, I have a I have a podcast and
Speaker 3: that's been going pretty well. I've been doing commercials. I've
Speaker 3: got a few commercials this year and I've been doing that.
Speaker 3: But no, I'm not working that world Stumma's got canceled.
Speaker 3: That's done. So uh, not doing a TV stuff.
Speaker 4: And Karen, you're on at midnight?
Speaker 3: We both want to be.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 5: No, I'm I just started working on two Broke girlstation.
Speaker 3: I didn't even know. I heard there's two of them.
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that wasn't official. Congratulations right now I'm.
Speaker 4: To us. Yeah, someone's going to make some money.
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid of money. I'll tell you that, right.
Speaker 4: That's Laura Klinger's on there.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, she's a consultant, so she comes on tape nights.
Speaker 1: She is the funniest person on the planet.
Speaker 4: Morgan Murphy's on there.
Speaker 1: Murphy's on there. Pat Walsh is on there. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone else.
Speaker 4: I don't care about the rest of them. Yeah, they're
Speaker 4: all that'll be really fun.
Speaker 1: It's pretty great.
Speaker 4: Have you say, have you met Garrett Morris? Yes, that's
Speaker 4: kind of cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's very cool. He's hilarious. The girls are really
Speaker 5: funny and really good actresses.
Speaker 3: They're very who are who are the main actresses?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: I have a crush on her? Can you can you
Speaker 3: introduce me to her? I think she's so pretty.
Speaker 4: I don't think that's how it works at all. All Right,
Speaker 4: what you just said is slightly terrifying.
Speaker 3: Can I just show up to where you work and
Speaker 3: then you point to where and I'll go introduce myself.
Speaker 4: How many Chris? How many women have you made cry?
Speaker 3: Oh that I'm not related to? Probably most of them, Dave,
Speaker 3: probably most of them. But you sometimes it's because I've
Speaker 3: done something impressive tears of joy.
Speaker 1: Oh they're like it's a shock and off thing.
Speaker 4: But they've all cried. They've all cried. That's a very
Speaker 4: good question.
Speaker 3: I'm now trying to think of how many girls I've
Speaker 3: made cry?
Speaker 4: Have you made Karen cry?
Speaker 3: I don't think so. Have I brought you to tears?
Speaker 4: Ever? Karen? Karen doesn't cry that much, not really.
Speaker 3: Karen and I get along. I made Karen cry, And
Speaker 3: when I'm being a weirdo, Karen knows how to real me.
Speaker 1: I don't think you remain crying.
Speaker 4: I made you cry once you did.
Speaker 3: What you do.
Speaker 4: I sent you a mean card.
Speaker 1: Was that the one where you called me meat?
Speaker 4: No? That was in my joke book that you read.
Speaker 4: I had it. I just wrote a line in my
Speaker 4: chokbook that said my girlfriend's nickname is meat. You read
Speaker 4: it got all mad at me, and I was like,
Speaker 4: it's a joke.
Speaker 3: And it wasn't about Karen at all.
Speaker 4: No, but it was funny bullshit.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 1: It was totally about me.
Speaker 4: I don't play. It's just a silly word thing.
Speaker 5: How what is saying my girlfriend's a slab? My girlfriend's
Speaker 5: just this fucking hideous thing. It is essentially what I
Speaker 5: was reading.
Speaker 4: Doesn't it only matter that it's funny. Who it hurts
Speaker 4: is irrelevant.
Speaker 1: I was trying to explain this the other day to
Speaker 1: my friend because she's like, you should go on tender.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't. I can't date anyone that's not
Speaker 1: a comic, and I hate.
Speaker 4: That.
Speaker 1: Fuck, I'm so fucked. I'm it's ridiculous.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, but here's the weird thing you give if
Speaker 4: you're a comic. You get bored by other people really
Speaker 4: easily because they're not making you laugh or whatever.
Speaker 3: I mean.
Speaker 1: I tried. I've gone out with people who weren't and
Speaker 1: who wanted to be funny, and that's.
Speaker 5: Almost it's so sad to me, Like it makes me
Speaker 5: feel like a weird it makes me feel like a
Speaker 5: doctor's without border situation. I'm just like, I'm trying to
Speaker 5: save you, but I can't. But let's pretend you'll.
Speaker 1: Be able to keep your arm while you live for
Speaker 1: the next five minutes. It's that sad.
Speaker 4: I know a guy who I see him all the time,
Speaker 4: like on a weekly basis, and he is always cracking
Speaker 4: jokes and no one ever laughs at them, but he
Speaker 4: never stops cracking jokes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like, wouldn't At some point you go, uh,
Speaker 3: this isn't working out and he's a comedian. No he's not.
Speaker 4: He's just a guy. I mean.
Speaker 5: The one thing I realized is there's just different types
Speaker 5: of sense of senses of humor or like ability of humor.
Speaker 3: But I need top notch, top notch. Yeah you want
Speaker 3: to You've been spoiled your whole life.
Speaker 4: Yes, I have so fine.
Speaker 3: I just I like when girls laugh and so they
Speaker 3: don't necessarily always have to be a joke teller to
Speaker 3: get jokes. I like when I like when girls appreciate
Speaker 3: funny and they acknowledge it, but then they bring something
Speaker 3: else to the table like that. I don't have, like
Speaker 3: any other skill.
Speaker 5: Imagine a guy doing that though, it just doesn't happen. Oh,
Speaker 5: guys think they're the funniest one.
Speaker 4: Oh man, boy, here we go. But oh all right,
Speaker 4: we just walked onto Twitter.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, I just want to be honest about my feelings.
Speaker 3: No, I think you're right, I really do. I know
Speaker 3: what you're saying.
Speaker 4: I know what you're saying too.
Speaker 1: Patriarchy, that's all.
Speaker 4: Yeah, guys need to be the funny one. I think
Speaker 4: there's a lot of guys that couldn't date a woman
Speaker 4: that was funnier than them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in my opinion, there's a ton I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna keep telling myself that's the reason.
Speaker 4: That's all. There's no other reason other than that.
Speaker 1: I'm totally blake Lively. It's crazy, it's so tragic.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't understand why if I didn't just visit
Speaker 3: you at work, you couldn't go turn to cat. Hey,
Speaker 3: this is my friend Chris Fairbanks. He's a professional comedian.
Speaker 3: You've you've liked here. Here's something you don't know. She
Speaker 3: has liked some of my Instagram photos. Oh no, that's
Speaker 3: what we open with, unprovoked. She doesn't know. Don't you
Speaker 3: think that's legitimate? She's like, I like the kind of
Speaker 3: this guy's Granted it was a photo of one of
Speaker 3: my childhood bikes, but he didn't have to she didn't
Speaker 3: have to, it's all. And here's the other thing about
Speaker 3: liking it on Instagram. It's a heart button. So she
Speaker 3: wants to marry me?
Speaker 5: Can I just tell you the worst news that you're
Speaker 5: ever gonna have right now? Oh no, what she's going
Speaker 5: out with James Grobin is Josh.
Speaker 4: Jos Oh way, which one's Josh Grog.
Speaker 1: He's the guy that started out as the religious singer.
Speaker 3: He does Christmas songs, but now he does.
Speaker 5: Like comedy things because oh yeah, oh god, how bizarre,
Speaker 5: how bizarre?
Speaker 4: How are we supposed to feel? How are we supposed
Speaker 4: to feel about that? Because I feel uncomfortable?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know the grober oh groubin all right,
Speaker 3: I guess we podcast it enough. I mean, this is
Speaker 3: my favorite stop motion cat graffiti in town. It's wonderful.
Speaker 3: I did a nice vine of it. I'll show you
Speaker 3: when we close out.
Speaker 5: Dave, do you have anything else, like any topic, hot
Speaker 5: button topics that we should talk about?
Speaker 4: Yeah? When is just going up? Yeah? Uh? Day after
Speaker 4: tomorrow we covered Cosby? Yeah, yeah, we talked about Yeah,
Speaker 4: we really got into that in depth.
Speaker 3: We went deep into that hot button topics. Sorry that
Speaker 3: I argued with you about. We covered up whether or
Speaker 3: not a patchwork robe is the right thing to wear.
Speaker 3: It's fine, drugging.
Speaker 4: Some perfectly perfect.
Speaker 3: I love that in the description he even he is
Speaker 3: wearing like a Cosby robe. He was wearing a multi
Speaker 3: colored patchwork robe.
Speaker 5: I mean, how awful. You're slowly like nodding out. You
Speaker 5: can you can tell you've been drugged. You're slipping into places.
Speaker 5: And then a horrible sweater with a joggle.
Speaker 1: That's the last thing you remember. That alone is like
Speaker 1: just the sweaters must have been so horrible.
Speaker 3: Most of the people coming forward are just describing horrible
Speaker 3: embroidery in the last moment.
Speaker 4: The color coat coming. It's happening in a Broadway show.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I black college athletes.
Speaker 4: I went and saw him in in February. Do stand up?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah? And uh, I was in like the second row.
Speaker 4: And the reason I got the tickets because it was
Speaker 4: just a solo ticket, and I was like, I'll go
Speaker 4: and I'll just sit in the second row instead of
Speaker 4: sitting away in the back and going with somebody. Those
Speaker 4: were the choices.
Speaker 3: Sure.
Speaker 4: So I sit next this couple as older couple and
Speaker 4: there and there, and they were asking me about something
Speaker 4: is yeah, I'm a comedians. I want to see him,
Speaker 4: and they go do you swear? And I go, yeah,
Speaker 4: because we do not like swearing in comedy. And now
Speaker 4: we're like to sit next to them and go what
Speaker 4: about raping? Yeah, do you like raping in comedy? Because
Speaker 4: that's his mix.
Speaker 3: I hate that that was his thing. I already didn't
Speaker 3: like that about him, that he and that was kind
Speaker 3: of the thing that Hannibal Burris was talking about, is
Speaker 3: that he felt it was his job to here was
Speaker 3: the moral to two black people. He felt like he's like, no,
Speaker 3: pull up your pants and you don't need to swear,
Speaker 3: and like he had things to say about Richard Pryor,
Speaker 3: and it's like, oh, guess who's always been funny or
Speaker 3: new sir.
Speaker 4: I just read a big article about him and I
Speaker 4: concluded that he's always been a fucking asshole.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, he's like connesson.
Speaker 4: We just let him get away with it because he
Speaker 4: was the cause. But he's always been kind of a dick. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, and also, you always have to keep your eye
Speaker 5: peel those people that want to tell everyone else how
Speaker 5: they're supposed to live.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're always secret hypotheta doing something terrible.
Speaker 4: It's like it's like the televangelists.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Always, Although Swaggert was on top of this.
Speaker 1: Game, swagger have something special?
Speaker 4: Did you ever? I can still in my mind see
Speaker 4: the picture of the prostitute that he was jerking off
Speaker 4: in front of because she was such a sad let's out.
Speaker 3: I want to Oh, I wish we could show JPEGs.
Speaker 1: Have you ever talked about Jimmy Swaggert on the doll Up?
Speaker 4: No? Oh no, that's a good one.
Speaker 1: That's a good one. I'm I really want I want
Speaker 1: a hand in this podcast somehow, as.
Speaker 4: Absolutely tell me subjects.
Speaker 5: Well, here's and here's what I was going to say
Speaker 5: about the Doc Ellis idea, because I Dave and I
Speaker 5: were talking to her and I said, have you ever
Speaker 5: talked about Doc Ellis?
Speaker 1: Who's the guy that pitched on acid pitched.
Speaker 5: A no hitter on Amazing story and they're making a
Speaker 5: movie about it. But I think if if Gareth has
Speaker 5: never heard anything about it right, which also.
Speaker 1: Is funny because it honestly sounds like the wrong name.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying, I know Gary totally Gary.
Speaker 5: If he's never heard anything about it, the whole point
Speaker 5: of that podcast to me is you telling him something
Speaker 5: he's not right.
Speaker 4: That is true.
Speaker 3: That is true.
Speaker 4: So it's amazing how many things he has.
Speaker 3: It's funny we're talking about this. I was on a
Speaker 3: plane once and I sat next to a televangelist guy.
Speaker 3: These EVANGELICALA was a father and son duo, and they
Speaker 3: went to these mega churches and they were huge dudes,
Speaker 3: and they were black Baptist preacher guys. They had all
Speaker 3: these rings and all this money, and they kept asking
Speaker 3: me about what I thought of God and stuff, and
Speaker 3: I'd made it apparent that I was like, oh, I
Speaker 3: don't know, I kind of don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 3: And then we talked about the difference between Bill Cosby
Speaker 3: and Richard Pryor. Shut up, yeah, and the dad who
Speaker 3: was like, I always thought Prior was funnier. He didn't
Speaker 3: say much, but then he said that, and then his
Speaker 3: son looked at him, like, what was the best thing ever?
Speaker 3: And then they started talking about it. The son pulled
Speaker 3: up his shirt. He's like, I didn't talk to my
Speaker 3: dad for years. I was in the streets and I
Speaker 3: got in some trouble and he pulled up his shirt.
Speaker 4: And he was riddled with bullet holes.
Speaker 3: Really yeah, yeah yeah, And they said, and that's when
Speaker 3: I found God. Once I was bleeding out of twenty
Speaker 3: five holes and got with my dad and now I
Speaker 3: travel with him. It was they were really sweet people.
Speaker 3: That's kind of they just thought that, you know, the
Speaker 3: devil planeted dinosaur bones to test our faith or whatever.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, yes, wow.
Speaker 5: She looks like it looks like a man that's about
Speaker 5: to do a don't litter Native America.
Speaker 3: Yeah, did he find her at Pachanga?
Speaker 1: Damn?
Speaker 3: Damn.
Speaker 1: Let's do a podcast called slam and Process, just full
Speaker 1: of pictures and say what they look like.
Speaker 3: Everyone's going to tune in because they're going to think
Speaker 3: it's audio of us actually having sex with prostatutes.
Speaker 4: I said, go after people in the lowest rung, and
Speaker 4: comedy is really about.
Speaker 5: They're already on crystal maths, so we'll be able to
Speaker 5: make fun of their acne and their emaciated frame.
Speaker 1: And their lack of teeth m hm, and they're just
Speaker 1: their general sadness.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of loss. Dave. Wait, now do you
Speaker 1: need Do you need to ride home?
Speaker 4: I can ooper if you guys don't want to wait,
Speaker 4: that's fine.
Speaker 1: That's awesome news.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I figured that was what it was going to be.
Speaker 1: Oh good, Okay.
Speaker 5: I was telling Chris, there's no way that you weren't
Speaker 5: going to expect a full on round trip ride. No,
Speaker 5: I can uper and get mad if you weren't going to.
Speaker 3: Have it well, I didn't. I didn't think you would
Speaker 3: get mad. I think you're handling it very well.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to tell people the ship you
Speaker 1: were talking about them before they got in the car refresh.
Speaker 4: I think it's I think it's very honest and awkward.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, two a's that's what I go for.
Speaker 4: Uncomfortable. There's no way this dick is not going to
Speaker 4: make us drive him back to his fucking you know
Speaker 4: the day.
Speaker 1: You think you know?
Speaker 3: Okay, well just wait, Karen stopped yelling. We're in its driveway.
Speaker 4: Hi.
Speaker 3: Hi, Karen was just telling me a story about how
Speaker 3: nice you are. Well, I kind of want to come
Speaker 3: in and watch this.
Speaker 1: It's such a good show.
Speaker 3: But I have a friend of mine who's eagerly waiting
Speaker 3: for me to entertain him. He's on my couch, he's visiting,
Speaker 3: so I have to head back home. Your fake friend,
Speaker 3: he's a real friend. Sometimes he's fake because I think
Speaker 3: he talks behind my back.
Speaker 1: Is it a celebrity.
Speaker 3: No, he's the editor of Thrasher's skateboard magazine.
Speaker 4: Oh man, you guys must have some great skateboard talks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we talked mostly about that time we did a
Speaker 3: rollover flippity kick.
Speaker 4: Oh man, I love the flippity dudes.
Speaker 1: Wait, can I tell a story of the last time
Speaker 1: I was at the improv? Yes, I think I stop
Speaker 1: me if I've told this on this podcast.
Speaker 3: Before, I have a horrible memory.
Speaker 5: But shoot, okay, it's such a good story it won't
Speaker 5: matter if I've told it before.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So me and Fortune Themes star are standing there talking
Speaker 1: in that new bar.
Speaker 3: Heard it really?
Speaker 4: Nope.
Speaker 5: I had just done someone's and friend's show and she
Speaker 5: was about to do the coming up show. So we're
Speaker 5: standing there talking and some guy neither of us knew
Speaker 5: or had ever seen before, in a three piece suit
Speaker 5: with long hair. He looked like a magician came up
Speaker 5: and goes supermodels or female comics.
Speaker 3: Oh god wow.
Speaker 1: And I looked at him and.
Speaker 5: Then looked at her and was going to walk away,
Speaker 5: and then he already started on his second thing. No
Speaker 5: he didn't oh wow, which was like, hey, ladies, I
Speaker 5: can't even do it please.
Speaker 1: It was like because I was like, well, you just called.
Speaker 5: Me ugly, so I ain't get to leave now, Like
Speaker 5: I don't have to fucking stand here and listen to
Speaker 5: anything you have to say.
Speaker 1: But he thought that was like gonna be his entree.
Speaker 5: And then he started talking to Fortunate about something and
Speaker 5: she was just staring at him and laughing because it
Speaker 5: was insane.
Speaker 1: And at one point he was like, you're.
Speaker 5: Doing the show coming up, Okay, I'm gonna give you
Speaker 5: five books if you say the word penguin on stage.
Speaker 1: And that's when I just went, I'll talk to you
Speaker 1: later and run and walked.
Speaker 3: Away and left her with him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh god, well that's free money. You have a
Speaker 4: whole penguin bit.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh my god, I was going to
Speaker 5: open with mister Popper's penguin, but I'm not gonna give
Speaker 5: this motherfucker the satisfaction.
Speaker 3: Oh shi, it's a penguin in a box.
Speaker 4: Who does that to someone they don't know their apartment floor?
Speaker 5: Nobody hear how rich mister Popper was. That was pretty great.
Speaker 5: I think of it every time I go to the improv.
Speaker 3: That's every time I'm in there there's someone like that
Speaker 3: that comes up.
Speaker 4: It's like, hey, yeah, wait, are you going to it?
Speaker 6: In the thirties, Yeah, some jam Jam, Jim John Wales,
Speaker 6: Epman Brothers as in the chest, All right, that's.
Speaker 4: The year was nineteen thirty. Man, this is this is
Speaker 4: the Thanksgiving episode?
Speaker 5: Yes, so what let's wrap it up by everybody's saying
Speaker 5: the one thing that they're most grateful for this year.
Speaker 4: I would say the genocide of the American Indian Oh
Speaker 4: are there?
Speaker 1: Are they all gone?
Speaker 4: Mostly? I mean it was pretty bad.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, well I was my weird mind takers. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I can come up with a new one. I'm thankful
Speaker 3: for the fact that we are We've got a successful
Speaker 3: podcast and that always goes smoothly. And I'm thankful, honestly
Speaker 3: for the fact that we have not yet murdered a
Speaker 3: guest with manslaughter vehicular manslaughter.
Speaker 4: That's gonna happen.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm thankful for that. Hey, we're parked, You're
Speaker 3: off the hook.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm I'm thankful for Pumpkin Pie.
Speaker 1: You did yours already?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yours was my person was a joke.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, the real one. I knew it was the
Speaker 4: real One's pie our Lord Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: Oh which Pie or Christ?
Speaker 4: You have to pick one? Fuck? Okay, Pie Pie.
Speaker 3: Karen, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Speaker 1: If no one is going to do it?
Speaker 3: Boy, I'm gonna say I had the best one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it was sincere Yeah right, yeah, you just.
Speaker 3: You guys got all flippant.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm I'm grateful for just the fact that the
Speaker 5: art of comedy interlocks all of our lives together so
Speaker 5: that we have a reason to hang out and talk
Speaker 5: to each other.
Speaker 4: All that.
Speaker 3: Now, that is overly genuine.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what that was. That was revenge? Genuine?
Speaker 4: Oh that really was. That was a slap.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you fucking out genuine to me. I dig deep,
Speaker 3: have a good comedy?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Finn, tell us one quick fin st fin?
Speaker 4: Oh god, there's so many Finn stories. What's a good Uh?
Speaker 4: So Finn? Uh? You know, he's a really good soccer player.
Speaker 1: And is it because you pressure him?
Speaker 4: No, he's just really good. And he started shooting from
Speaker 4: the halfway line, shooting and scoring goals.
Speaker 3: Shooting like kicking that sad, Yeah you should be.
Speaker 4: And I said, why aren't you jubbling up? And guess
Speaker 4: it's just so boring. But he's scoring like eight goals
Speaker 4: and kicking it from the halfway line. Wow, okay, why
Speaker 4: don't you fucking take it back a notch? That's boring.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna kick it from here. It's like, what
Speaker 4: the fuck is happening?
Speaker 1: You get him into a traveling team right now?
Speaker 3: That's so cool, that's.
Speaker 4: Well there.
Speaker 1: I knew a couple of girls in my high school
Speaker 1: who were on traveling teams. It was kind of a
Speaker 1: big deal.
Speaker 5: And my friend Amy had a boyfriend, Mark, who was
Speaker 5: who was a professional soccer player somewhere in Europe. But
Speaker 5: he was not like first dread right, and he was
Speaker 5: the best looking person I've ever really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's those people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it works out for you. I wouldn't know anything
Speaker 4: about it, but you do look good. I mean I've
Speaker 4: seen pictures.
Speaker 1: It looks good.
Speaker 4: There is a there is a five year old that
Speaker 4: plays in Finn's league that was scouted by a traveling team.
Speaker 4: They came to the practices and they watched him practice,
Speaker 4: and then they two teams they made offers for him,
Speaker 4: and the teams are for kids that are eight and older.
Speaker 4: And he's scoring goals. He's a five year old. Oh wow,
Speaker 4: it's crazy.
Speaker 3: That's a huge at that age. There's no bigger gap
Speaker 3: in like size and development.
Speaker 4: Oh no. And I watched him play today and I
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, he's amazing.
Speaker 1: Wow, Now, aren't you worried?
Speaker 5: If Finn is really good, aren't you worried put him
Speaker 5: into some advanced thing that's gonna make his life about
Speaker 5: like on.
Speaker 1: The fast track to professional anything. I'm not gonna do that, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's fucked up. Right, then they just only do one.
Speaker 4: Thing he can Uh, he'll he'll go in and out
Speaker 4: of stuff. I think he'll like soccer. Right now, he
Speaker 4: likes baseball, and he's like soccer boring, and then and
Speaker 4: then he'll get bored a baseball and be a soccer
Speaker 4: And I just don't think. I don't believe in that
Speaker 4: kind of Yeah, maybe you should believe. Hey, you're five,
Speaker 4: it's about time for traveling club. What the fuck are
Speaker 4: you doing?
Speaker 1: You're getting scouted?
Speaker 3: Maybe start thinking about putting a book in front of
Speaker 3: his face. I'm just kidding. And my parents never did that.
Speaker 3: As being another.
Speaker 4: Person, my wife's got, you know, a PhD. And she's
Speaker 4: all about he's gonna go to college, and like he
Speaker 4: might not go to college. You don't know what.
Speaker 1: A little cocaine in front of him and see if
Speaker 1: he likes that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe he don't, haven't Jesus Christ if you put
Speaker 4: cocaine in front of a five year old, and how
Speaker 4: much talking there is. It's gibberish, it's just nonsense.
Speaker 1: So many questions.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's crazy, A lot of puzzles. Lot
Speaker 4: of cats have hair, all right, that I shouldn't giving
Speaker 4: you the blow. Oh kids on coke.
Speaker 3: It's a great, it's great.
Speaker 4: And now you guys are my uber, right we I
Speaker 4: mean we. I said I was going to order one,
Speaker 4: but I meant I was going.
Speaker 1: To order you to sit here for three hours.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go. Here's what I'm gonna do. I to
Speaker 4: go in and do my set and I'm gonna just
Speaker 4: drink till two and then I'll come out and you
Speaker 4: guys will give me right, Okay, well, just idle, do
Speaker 4: you have enough gas to do that?
Speaker 3: Pard?
Speaker 4: I mean?
Speaker 1: And if I don't, we'll work it out.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll just lay on the sidewalk.
Speaker 4: Okay. Right by the way, you really took it up
Speaker 4: a notch.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Thanks for being on our podcast. Maybe one day we
Speaker 3: can be on the dollop.
Speaker 4: Don't I don't have guess?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, I keep forgetting. You've said that a
Speaker 3: few times. I don't know, I don't know what's wrong.
Speaker 3: I've been that way all day. Life Ah yeah, by
Speaker 3: day I mispronounced.
Speaker 4: The word life. So I'm doing We're doing a live
Speaker 4: doll up December eighth, that melt down in Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: That'll be fun.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, don't you have a guest on.
Speaker 4: That we do, Paton Oswald? Well, we do have guests
Speaker 4: on the live ones, but we've only done two live ones.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe one day Karen and I can be on
Speaker 3: the line.
Speaker 4: Maybe Karen, Maybe Karen. Karen's actually a fan of the podcast.
Speaker 1: I know how it goes.
Speaker 4: You barely know the name of it. It's it's a
Speaker 4: it's the.
Speaker 1: Friend this weekend. Say I'm sorry I don't listen to
Speaker 1: your podcast, And I said, please never say anything like
Speaker 1: that to me. Yeah, that's the saddest.
Speaker 3: Sentence I've ever heard, the weirdest thing ever that goes
Speaker 3: without saying. Most people don't.
Speaker 4: Why would you have to bring it up?
Speaker 1: Why would you?
Speaker 4: We just don't.
Speaker 1: Please don't be sorry.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna request that you do the Dad toilet story
Speaker 3: and I hope it goes well.
Speaker 4: I should try it.
Speaker 3: And I'm sorry. This whole time in the car, I
Speaker 3: haven't looked at you. You obviously don't know about the cars.
Speaker 3: I know from my face.
Speaker 4: Well, you guys, I look way different. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I got shot in the face. Yeah, shots all right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: well it's Montana.
Speaker 4: I shouldn't. Yeah, And I'm glad you came. I'm glad
Speaker 4: I came with you and uh Karen welcome.
Speaker 3: It was good to having another podcast with you, just
Speaker 3: between you and I guess time from Dave. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: also with Dave. I already told him I enjoyed him
Speaker 3: so secondary to that you are the secondary to it. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I should do a regular ending like where you honked
Speaker 4: the horn or we have one you've.
Speaker 3: Been listening to. Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: D y n A R?
Speaker 3: Are you leaving?
Speaker 1: You want to way back?
Speaker 3: Either?
Speaker 2: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much that is.
Speaker 2: You clean this time and they turning on and gave
Speaker 2: me we want to send you us in Sia.
Speaker 1: Welcome you back home. Tell us all about every scared
Speaker 1: he was it fine? Now porn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need ride? Do you need to ride? Do
Speaker 4: you need.
Speaker 3: With Karen and chriss
Speaker 4: H