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Speaker 1: M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl is.

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Speaker 1: Two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

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Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands

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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who grew into hymnals

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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots. To keep

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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,

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Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts, bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of

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Speaker 1: Jim see king told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,

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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.

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Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to

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Speaker 1: give wisdom houses. They said you would come dropping roping Jim. Welcome,

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Speaker 1: dropping gems. Thank you for joining us in this sacred space,

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Speaker 1: this beautiful container. I'm Debbie Brown. I'm the host of

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Speaker 1: the show per Usual. Um as always feeling really grateful

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Speaker 1: and blessed to be here with you and to share

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Speaker 1: this audio space. Real quick shout out to the new

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Speaker 1: Clubhouse room that I'm doing. If you happen to be

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Speaker 1: on Clubhouse, join the Choper club Room. I've been doing

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Speaker 1: meditations and discussions there, and I just started a new

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Speaker 1: room on my page Debbie Brown Everywhere, and it's called

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Speaker 1: the Sacred Self, and I'm gonna be leading some live

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Speaker 1: meditations throughout the week there. So join me today's show.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is gonna be a lot in

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Speaker 1: the best way possible. I've been waiting for this moment.

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Speaker 1: I have one of my dearest friends on the show

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Speaker 1: today and absolutely exceptional woman. Yvonne Orgy is a Nigerian

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Speaker 1: American Emmy nominated actress, comedian, and writer who continues to

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Speaker 1: display her versatility and passion with each project that she

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Speaker 1: takes on. On television. She stars in HBO's critically acclaimed

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Speaker 1: comedy series and Secure. She's a distinguished stand up comedian.

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Speaker 1: Yvon previously open for Chris Rock on various stops of

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Speaker 1: his Total Blackout Tour and headlined her incredible first comedy tour,

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Speaker 1: Lagos to Laurel at the Top, of which stays on

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Speaker 1: repeat on My HBO, and she subsequently debuted her first

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Speaker 1: one hour HBO stand up special Mama, I made it

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Speaker 1: on June six. Additionally, Orgies faith based advice book Bamboozled

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Speaker 1: by Jesus, How God Tricked Me Into the Life of

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Speaker 1: My Dreams is currently out now and Wow, I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to I can't wait to dive into the duty

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Speaker 1: of that book. In September, Evan made her feature film

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Speaker 1: debut in Universal's Night School along Kevin Hart and Tiffany Hattish,

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Speaker 1: and she's also the co host of the podcast Jesus

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Speaker 1: and Jelaf alongside another faive, our Girl Lovey and Outside

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Speaker 1: of our creative work, org is dedicated to her charitable efforts.

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Speaker 1: In two thousand and eight, she spent six months working

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Speaker 1: on post conflict Liberia with Population Services International and NGO

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Speaker 1: that utilizes social marketing in the adoption of healthy behaviors.

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Speaker 1: While in Liberia, she worked with a group of talented

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Speaker 1: youth to help build a mentoring program as well as

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Speaker 1: a weekly talk show that helped educate and prevent WOW

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Speaker 1: Team pregnancy and HIV AIDS. Just when you think your

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Speaker 1: friends are amazing enough already, you read their bio and

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Speaker 1: you get a deeper look at their life and you're like, well, damn,

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Speaker 1: you've been saving the world this whole time. Uh. She's

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Speaker 1: currently involved with red campaigns and faith based youth ministries,

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Speaker 1: and before moving to l A even earned a bachelor's

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Speaker 1: degree in sociology and a master's of public health from

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Speaker 1: George Washington University. Damn, you have lived a million lives

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Speaker 1: in this one. Welcome to the show. Vinoo hey, hey

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Speaker 1: foo hey love you, Like let me just love Debbie Brown.

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Speaker 1: Like it's like like you know, like when I when

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm driving here, It's like it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: let me take it back in the Bible when uh,

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Speaker 1: Elizabeth who came to visit Mary and she was like,

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Speaker 1: at the sound of your voice, the baby in my

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Speaker 1: in my womb left. I'm like, as I got closer

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Speaker 1: to your house, I'm like, the joy in my womb left.

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Speaker 1: Like it's like it's like there's some people who you

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Speaker 1: feel there there or in their presence before you're in

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Speaker 1: their presence, and you're one of them, It's like, yes,

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Speaker 1: who do I want to be around you? Because you

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Speaker 1: bring me joy? And I'm a joy defender. That's like

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Speaker 1: part of my purpose and so to be around people

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Speaker 1: who honor the sacred space of positivity, of peace, of

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Speaker 1: of light. Girl. Thank you for blessing me with that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for blessing me with that. It's so funny, Van,

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Speaker 1: because when I think of you like you are just

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Speaker 1: so everyone, please know this will be a love fest

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Speaker 1: before I go any farther. Get ready to savor in

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Speaker 1: all of this girlfriend love. Um. You know, when I

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Speaker 1: think of you, Yvonne, like you are like the manifestation

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Speaker 1: of delight, Like you are literally this being that's so

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Speaker 1: effervescent and just filled with this delight, this joy, this radiance,

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Speaker 1: and it's like pours out of you, like seeps out

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Speaker 1: of your pores, and you know, it's so it's so

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Speaker 1: beautiful what you just reflected to me. And I'm so

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Speaker 1: grateful and I completely relate because I remember, you know,

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Speaker 1: when we before I even met you. I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: I was a fan of the show. I think that

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Speaker 1: goes without saying like Insecure is one of the greatest

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Speaker 1: shows of all time, and when it when it debuted,

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Speaker 1: I think so many of us felt like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: really get to see myself and I get to see

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Speaker 1: my friendships and I get to have, you know, a

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Speaker 1: show that had more complex layers like it's a funny show,

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Speaker 1: but it's a very real depiction of our day to

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Speaker 1: day lives, of our friendships, of our love, of the

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Speaker 1: way we hold space for ourselves. And so when I

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Speaker 1: think about the show, Yvonne, you know, I remember seeing

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Speaker 1: you on that show, and I think one, I thought

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Speaker 1: you were so striking like that show. When you hit

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Speaker 1: the screen, I was like, oh, she fine, Like this

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Speaker 1: woman is beautiful, like she has this like this way

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Speaker 1: of being. I loved the way they styled Molly. I

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen a character like Molly on TV in that way,

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Speaker 1: you know, someone that was that like in themselves but

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Speaker 1: still seeking more, but already at a young age, holding

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Speaker 1: power in that way. I really connected to that in

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Speaker 1: that character, you know. And I remember we've kind of

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Speaker 1: orbited each other for a while, like we have a

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Speaker 1: lot of mutuals. And it's so funny how I find

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Speaker 1: out how many mutuals we have because we have like

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Speaker 1: our kind of industry mutuals, and then we have mutuals

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, wait, you know the guy that grew

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Speaker 1: up with my cousins like in Carson, really like we

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Speaker 1: just found that out, just found that. But that's why

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Speaker 1: I told Demie. I was like, you can't even be

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Speaker 1: a crackhead. Someone's gonna sign out, someone's going to be

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Speaker 1: like you further on the weekend, you'd be a crackhead.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, it's not thank God for meditation, because

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Speaker 1: I think that is the thing that will always keep

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Speaker 1: me from from from that, from crack, from many things. Um,

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Speaker 1: but we thank God for the things they keep you from. Greg.

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Speaker 1: If you're you know this, it is hard. If you're listening,

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Speaker 1: you're you know, reforming, it's so good. Everybody has a

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Speaker 1: process that there's no here the dignity of our process. No,

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Speaker 1: but truly right because so many things, like we're saying

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Speaker 1: that in jest, but so many things bring us to

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Speaker 1: these vices sometimes really disconnect us from ourselves. Um. But

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Speaker 1: so I was always watching you from afar and I

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Speaker 1: was like, she seems like a great person. Like I

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Speaker 1: remember just seeing you interact with people, the way you

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Speaker 1: showered people. I was just like, she seems like a

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Speaker 1: great human. And then we had a chance to meet

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Speaker 1: for the very first time. We met at an insecure party.

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Speaker 1: I think it was like a couple of seasons ago

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Speaker 1: was the Rat party, and we have the same realtorn.

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Speaker 1: We love you hey, and so we the three of

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Speaker 1: us ended up in a pow wow at the party

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Speaker 1: and we were sharing space and I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have a thing for her, like I like her,

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Speaker 1: and I think you were like, you gotta come over

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Speaker 1: to you know, my nic wilds, and I remember me

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Speaker 1: like house because that's what she was far and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I was like, oh, she said, but the

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Speaker 1: funny thing is, I don't if I get to your

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Speaker 1: house in fifteen minutes, but that's fine. We can. We

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Speaker 1: can hold it there if you wish. And then I

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Speaker 1: finally did come to her house and I was like

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Speaker 1: I could live here. Let me see about being her

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Speaker 1: neighbor and then dependemic and I was like, it don't

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Speaker 1: even matter when you lived no more, right, I'm a

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Speaker 1: little tucked away um. And then the tie. I think

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Speaker 1: that you know how, sometimes you can orbit people and

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Speaker 1: you can feel that there is something to be had

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Speaker 1: between you, but then you just kind of surrender to

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Speaker 1: divine time. And so I remember, I think we flashed

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Speaker 1: forward like maybe half a year and you and I

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Speaker 1: lock eyes on a plane. Yes, we're both on our

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Speaker 1: way to Mexico. We're going to Cancoon. We're going to

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Speaker 1: our dear friend my Leak's beautiful retreat that she does

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Speaker 1: for women every year. Just incredible that my taught you retreat.

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Speaker 1: And we locked eyes on the plane and we're like,

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Speaker 1: oh hey girl, and then we get off the plane

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Speaker 1: and we've been inseparable ever since. It was right immigration

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Speaker 1: we were in the line. Commigration was like, girl, this

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Speaker 1: is gonna take us an hour to get through. We're

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Speaker 1: going to the same place. We might as well be

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Speaker 1: here to get Let's talk about life. So tell me.

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Speaker 1: I found like everything about you in that line. I

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Speaker 1: was like, get your pastor about to get his stamps

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Speaker 1: and and just and I was like, oh, I like her.

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Speaker 1: And it was because it was the thing too, like

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know everyone that's going to

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Speaker 1: be here. I know some people, but I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: we we have that bond in the connection of the

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Speaker 1: insecure party. But I'm like, this is you know, when

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Speaker 1: you're taking out of the element that you're used to

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Speaker 1: and then you're just allowed to be yourself with someone

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Speaker 1: in real time, you're just like, oh, oh, I do

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Speaker 1: like her now. She's sweet. She's sweet, and I'm like nice,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I know people are like, don't be nice,

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Speaker 1: be kind or whatever. I'm like, I like nice, I

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Speaker 1: like generous, I like sweet, I like easy. I need

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Speaker 1: easy in my life because life can get filled with

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Speaker 1: so much other stuff that it don't need to be

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Speaker 1: And when you find people that you can just take

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Speaker 1: yourself off withes. Yeah, And I would love to hear

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Speaker 1: your thoughts on that, because you know, for me, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've reached I've really, really really reach the

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Speaker 1: place in my life why I am unwilling to perform

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Speaker 1: in any moment right, And so even that means noticing

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Speaker 1: the tiny performances we do for ourselves sometimes or that

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Speaker 1: we do for even our closest friends, you know, like

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Speaker 1: I don't want to have to be in a continual

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Speaker 1: state of excitement. Like the way I experience excitement is

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Speaker 1: just I'm content, you know. Um, And I love that

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Speaker 1: when you have those really genuine, deep friendships, you get

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Speaker 1: to take off not only the armor, not only the mask,

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Speaker 1: but you also get to take off that that the

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Speaker 1: many performances, you get to take yourself out of the

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Speaker 1: role of having to be someone's audience and you can

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Speaker 1: just really exist at the deepest layer possible, which doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean we're always crying and talking about you know, our wounds.

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Speaker 1: But when you don't even recognize the you that you are,

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Speaker 1: that's when you know this is safe space, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Because when because it's like you know,

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Speaker 1: they say, they say, don't tell a lot because you

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Speaker 1: have to remember it like the truth, the truth needs

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Speaker 1: to know alibi. So you if you're walking in truth,

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Speaker 1: you can encapsulate any space and you don't have to

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Speaker 1: like do recon on, like yo, what was the last

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Speaker 1: thing I said? Because you know how you're moving, You're

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Speaker 1: you're moving in your authenticity and so it's like I

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Speaker 1: don't need to remember I'm just I'm being. And so

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Speaker 1: you know, I grew up in a way where love

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Speaker 1: was performative. I grew up where one I was bullied

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Speaker 1: as a kid, right, so let's we can go all

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Speaker 1: the way back. So I was bullied as a kid,

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Speaker 1: and so for me, acceptance came um at a cost.

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Speaker 1: So the times where I was accepted was when I

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Speaker 1: would let the smart pretty girls copy my science somewhere

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Speaker 1: because I was like, yo, you can't be foolish, and

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Speaker 1: you know, unpopular I got, I got big one I'm like,

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Speaker 1: if I can't eat with y'all, you know, share lunchables

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Speaker 1: with y'all, I'm gonna be smart. I'm gonna get these

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Speaker 1: straight a's and you know. So it was just like,

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Speaker 1: all right, well even knows all the chemistry, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna be her friend. And so for me, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh okay, so relationship so transactional. For me, it was

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Speaker 1: like that's what this is. I have something that someone

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Speaker 1: wants and I will allow myself to be used because

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Speaker 1: they have something I want, which is acceptance. So that

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Speaker 1: was that part. And then growing up in a Nigerian household, Um,

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Speaker 1: love was performative. It was if as long as you're

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Speaker 1: doing these things, we love you the most. No one

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Speaker 1: says that, but they sure as heck act like it,

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Speaker 1: you know, and so it's it's then love because performatives.

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Speaker 1: So in order for me to stay your good graces,

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Speaker 1: I kind of have to be a people pleaser or

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Speaker 1: a parent pleaser or whatever insert p word here pleaser.

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Speaker 1: And um, I didn't know who to be because I

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Speaker 1: didn't know who which version of me would be most accepted.

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Speaker 1: So I kind of was just like double dutcheon, you know,

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Speaker 1: be all things to all people. It was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's that's not what the scripture me. But it

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Speaker 1: was it was literally, who what version of myself do

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Speaker 1: you like? Cool? Let me do that? Okay, I wonder

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Speaker 1: if that same version translates this other person. Well I

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Speaker 1: can't take no chances, So what version of me do

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Speaker 1: you like? Cool? Let me do that? And so I

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Speaker 1: just was like picking up versions of me and like

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Speaker 1: never rocking the boat because in Nigerian hounseholds you don't argue,

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Speaker 1: well you don't know how to argue because it's literally

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Speaker 1: like I don't talk to high anymore. No. She said

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Speaker 1: one thing to me five years ago, I'll never, I'll never.

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Speaker 1: You're like, what what did she say? She didn't say

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Speaker 1: good morning? And I was like, oh my god, well

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Speaker 1: why did you say good morning? I M I have

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Speaker 1: mates and this is everything is so like built on

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Speaker 1: like disrespect or respect or how dare you? And it's

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Speaker 1: just like yo, fam, this can be there's got to

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Speaker 1: be more than life. I remember like not seeing my

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Speaker 1: cousins for five years because our parents were beefing, Like

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Speaker 1: just because they were beefing. It was just like cool,

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Speaker 1: we're casualties of this war, and it's like, but I

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Speaker 1: like them, and there's a family, and we were grown.

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Speaker 1: We were like high school, so then you know, we

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Speaker 1: both we all graduated. So now like it's like, hey, um,

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Speaker 1: I guess we can be cool again. But we missed

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Speaker 1: those formative years and it's like we we've had to

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Speaker 1: like rebuild and rework because of the sentences of our fathers.

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Speaker 1: So it's just like this is wow. Relationships. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really see a lot of fostered um positive relationship because

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Speaker 1: then there was also the thing of like mom, you

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Speaker 1: know or Auntie, that's your best friend and it's like, yes,

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Speaker 1: but we don't know what's happening in the house. You're

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Speaker 1: like what what does that mean? Like you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. It's like I didn't know that you could

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Speaker 1: be completely transparent and be accepted because there was always

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Speaker 1: like you gotta keep something for yourself. So it's like, yes,

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Speaker 1: that is my best friend, but like she can't know

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Speaker 1: my deepest dark and secret, and it's like then who

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Speaker 1: can you know? Like who can? Because and so why

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Speaker 1: because I'm sure she got a deep dark secret and

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Speaker 1: she trying to give to you too, And it was

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Speaker 1: just like this notion of you don't know what they

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Speaker 1: will do with that information, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: this just feels like this just feels unsafe, but it

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Speaker 1: doesn't need to be unsafe. But I didn't know how

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Speaker 1: to have those words because I was also in an

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Speaker 1: unsafe situation because I was being bullied, like so I

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Speaker 1: didn't I didn't know what true friendship was, so I

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Speaker 1: couldn't navigate for other people what it should be, and

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Speaker 1: so I just was like, we'll figure it out something,

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Speaker 1: and then life just kept going on. So I didn't

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Speaker 1: really get friends or know how to be for a

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Speaker 1: friend till college. And even then it was still I

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Speaker 1: was a yes friend because it was like I got

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Speaker 1: him now I don't want to let him go. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's so powerful, and I'm so grateful that you shared

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Speaker 1: like the fullness of the layers of that, because so

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Speaker 1: many of us can hear our selves in this. I

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Speaker 1: think one, I relate to so much of what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: I I see and feel myself in so many of

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Speaker 1: those observations and those connections you were making as a

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Speaker 1: young person, and I think it just perfectly illustrates that's

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Speaker 1: how so often an adult life we arrive at different

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Speaker 1: moments in time where we have judgment on ourselves, thinking

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Speaker 1: we should know how to do things. But when we

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Speaker 1: walk back, when we kind of are able to reverse

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Speaker 1: engineer our beliefs, we come into a space of saying, well, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: wonder that doesn't feel true because what I've noticed, you know,

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00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,960
Speaker 1: we're at a very special moment in time where we're

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Speaker 1: having expansive conversations we've never had. But also people are

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Speaker 1: given access to resources that they've never had, like therapy,

320
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Speaker 1: or like even going on Instagram and getting a breakthrough

321
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Speaker 1: from a couple of lines like oh other people went

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Speaker 1: through that, you know, and and the people are the

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Speaker 1: generations before us did not have access in that way.

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Speaker 1: And so from what you're saying and the way that

325
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Speaker 1: I I've been really investigating, um, my own life, I

326
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 1: always was kind of hyper aware without the language, that

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Speaker 1: the adults around me were performing and that they weren't

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Speaker 1: as emotionally illiterate as as emotionally literate as we were

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Speaker 1: trained to think that adults were, because since we're kids,

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Speaker 1: it's always kind of trained to find an adult, Go

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Speaker 1: find an adult, an adult will have the right thing

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Speaker 1: to do. And then I was kind of noticing adults

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Speaker 1: in my life not making the most whole choices um,

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Speaker 1: even as it related to their own friendships. Like I

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Speaker 1: remember being like, well, maybe you should just call them

336
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Speaker 1: or you know, or why don't you tell to that

337
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 1: as it relates to decisions UM with me, or in

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Speaker 1: the way that emotions were expressed, it just seemed like

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Speaker 1: what you're saying and how you're living don't feel like

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Speaker 1: they're fully matching, and so is that actually real? And

341
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Speaker 1: can I trust that from you? And if you can't

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Speaker 1: trust it in your family of origin, it's impossible to

343
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Speaker 1: go in the world and create relationships that are built

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Speaker 1: and trust because we haven't yet access what that means

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00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 1: for us um and what that means in motion as

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00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,880
Speaker 1: a verb in action you know. So yeah, and it's

347
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Speaker 1: so later too, because I'll never forget. I used to

348
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Speaker 1: think because my mom was so on the spectrum of like,

349
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Speaker 1: you know, keep your secrets close to you. Yeah. I

350
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Speaker 1: I thought that when someone shared like their deepest secret

351
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Speaker 1: with me, like we're best friends, yes, But then I

352
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 1: experienced people who just like share those things and I

353
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: was just like, hold up. So it was like they

354
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Speaker 1: shared something that was like, oh, my god, I would

355
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Speaker 1: never share that, and so then it gave me, it

356
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,200
Speaker 1: gave me license to share. Oh, I don't think we're

357
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 1: I don't think we're close at all, you know what

358
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,439
Speaker 1: I mean? Like and that that stung me because then

359
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Speaker 1: I was like, I got this all wrong. I was

360
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,159
Speaker 1: over here telling you know, my mom and my aunts,

361
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: a like open up and this person is opening up,

362
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Speaker 1: but they open up to everybody, so like what is

363
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 1: the what's the spectrum? You know? Because I thought this

364
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: is how you know somebody rocks with you, they can

365
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,679
Speaker 1: share something so INTI minute so personally so private. But

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Speaker 1: then I had a relationship that did or friendship that did,

367
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Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, this is weird because now

368
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Speaker 1: I'm wide open and she got my secrets, but I

369
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: don't think she keeping them safe and so that hurt me.

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Speaker 1: So then it was just like who can you be

371
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Speaker 1: your stuff with? You know what I mean? Like what

372
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: is the It's almost like Goldilocks. It's like one is

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Speaker 1: too close, one it's way too open. What's the middle?

374
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Speaker 1: And sometimes that trial and error makes you close up.

375
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Speaker 1: You're like I don't know, I don't know, I don't

376
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: know that I want to find the middle because I

377
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: don't know who got the middle, because yikes, I love that.

378
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 1: And I think that that is so especially in our

379
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 1: young formative life where we're even learning who we are,

380
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 1: what our stories are, where we can feel safe, that's

381
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: such a big piece of it. UM. And I think

382
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: in our adult lives, like the space that I like

383
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 1: to occupy is I consider myself as having no secrets

384
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: because I'd rather just be fully open in me as

385
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: I feel called right and shot. My friend Job says

386
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: it really good, Um, really well, he says, you know,

387
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: speak your truth so no one can use it against you.

388
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: That's the language. But also like speak your truth because

389
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,439
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with you or your truth. You know,

390
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 1: like there's nothing that any of us can do that

391
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: we should be really truly ashamed of and hold ourselves

392
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Speaker 1: to forever. You know, there's always an option for love

393
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 1: to creep in. There's always an option to have UM

394
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 1: an enlightenment of transcendence and ascension from whatever those styles

395
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: of being were UM because I was like, I'm the

396
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,919
Speaker 1: person that might walk up to someone at a party

397
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 1: and and if the conversation is flowing, you might know

398
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: more about me than everyone in my life and and

399
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 1: and we had a moment and it could be this

400
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: is the last time I'll see you, ye like we

401
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: go together now or we go together. What I found

402
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 1: to that point, DEVI, is that your freedom freeze just

403
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: in general, like my freedom to be able to be

404
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 1: an an American woman saying like I want more than

405
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 1: what I've seen the generations before me. It's like that's

406
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 1: free into the next n you're an American woman, was like,

407
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 1: I think that was possible. It's like it is for me,

408
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: So turn up and again, everything costs. Freedom costs, So

409
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: it comes with the price. It comes, there's a there's

410
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 1: a price to pay for it. But once you get

411
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 1: it and then you are able to unlock the change

412
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: for other people. So you know, I think about even

413
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:58,959
Speaker 1: just like things that I've shared about, you know, growing

414
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: up with this dual lens of being both nan American

415
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,959
Speaker 1: and in my experiences there and things that I'm on learning,

416
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 1: and it can be like, man, you know, I really

417
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: want to protect you know, the adults in my life

418
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 1: in this way, but at the same time, it's like

419
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: to what cause, but protect them, like like everybody made

420
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: a decision. You know, even some things that even I

421
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: put in the book, or I was like, at some

422
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: point I was like, oh, someone's gont my read that

423
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: and I think I'm talking about them, But I'm like,

424
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 1: but they're part of my history and that's how it

425
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: went down. So yeah, yikes, you know what I mean, Like,

426
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 1: I sorry, but I it's now a teachable moment. And

427
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 1: if you're not happy with that part of history that

428
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: you contributed to, then the onus is on you not

429
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,440
Speaker 1: to be mad at me that I wrote about it,

430
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: but to change it for yourself, you know, so it

431
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 1: doesn't repeat itself. Man. And what you're saying, I think

432
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 1: you know, so many of us now are speaking to

433
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 1: the idea of like healing and sstral trauma healing and

434
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,479
Speaker 1: a generational trauma, and you just said is just that

435
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: It's like, if I'm not going to be bound by secrets,

436
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: I also refuse to be a secret keeper for others

437
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: because that weighs just as heavy as your own, you know,

438
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: like we all have to come into a space where

439
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 1: our value system mirrors our behavior and the moments that

440
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: that's not true, we still have to just own where

441
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 1: we were in that time. But family that the concept

442
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: of family secrets or the concepts of veiling or concealing

443
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: ourselves in any way, I think it will keep us

444
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: so stuck um and especially within our family dynamic. It's like,

445
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: let's be free. If someone is upset at you for

446
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,880
Speaker 1: telling the truth, they're upset at themselves for the way

447
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: that it has not been processed through them yet, and

448
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 1: that is not my responsibility at all. And it also

449
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 1: goes back to that performative thing, right, because it's like

450
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: people want to only be seen in the in the

451
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 1: best light, and it's just like, yes, if you do

452
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 1: best light things, you will be seen in the light.

453
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: And at the point to which you do non best

454
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: like things but want to be it's like, fam you

455
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,159
Speaker 1: can't have it those ways, you know. It's like or

456
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: check your light, you know, check your light? Like what is?

457
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: What is? Why do you want the result but not

458
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: the process? And also what is? And but like you

459
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 1: said earlier on, we have more information in this generation

460
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: than the previous generation ever had, So it's almost like

461
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: I'm not even asking you to go back and change

462
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: your light. You can't. You don't even know that the

463
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: light needs to be adjusted or fixed. This is just

464
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: who you have created yourself to be and maybe there's changed,

465
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: maybe there's not. But at the same time, I have

466
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 1: to honor that I know more in this season for myself,

467
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: and I can reflect on all the situations. I can

468
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 1: give you great two things can be true. I can

469
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: give you grace, but I can also be honest. Yeah

470
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, And let the grace suffice, let the grace slift.

471
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: You don't have to be the one doing the holding.

472
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 1: I love that, you know, when you were speaking to

473
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 1: your childhood, um, something I've resonated with quite a bit.

474
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 1: And that we I mean, we we have our deep,

475
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: deep dive all day talks, Um. I love them. When

476
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: I tell you, I when Devin and I can link

477
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 1: our schedule, my God, and it's like just come over.

478
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: We can beat by the pool with order lunch and

479
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: we'll just kiki. It's like we be in the pool

480
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: for like ten hours and we come out like having

481
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: solved all the problems of the universe, like the world

482
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: what who can love most us? But I just I

483
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: feel so full. I Mean there are times where we've

484
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 1: cried and it's just like man, what just happened? But

485
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: it was like a veil got lifted, or it's you know,

486
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: what it is. It's that ability to be seen and

487
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 1: be allowed to be seen, because sometimes being seen is hard.

488
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: It's like my friend just saw me, but she's not

489
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: even my friend just saw me, but which was a

490
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: new thing for me because I was so covered and

491
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: so hidden because I'm like, well, no one can see

492
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 1: me because the me that I've always been wasn't necessarily accepted.

493
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: So like we're just gonna keep her under wraps. So yeah,

494
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: we're just gonna make sure she don't come out. Really,

495
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: but it's to me that I wanted to be but

496
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to double dutch and navigate in

497
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: those waters because and now I'm just at the point like,

498
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: well if they leave, they whenever your Jobeyah, it's cool.

499
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: Like now I'm like, you're going to see the fullness

500
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,239
Speaker 1: of me, and me is dope. But if me, in

501
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: my totality rubs you the wrong way, I don't have

502
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: to take on that projection, right, go be with God. Yeah,

503
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: And I think that's the piece that feels so free

504
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 1: so often when we when we come into that just

505
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: that deep knowing of self and like what we are

506
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: available for and what we're not available for. It's like Okay,

507
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 1: I see that we are moving different. We don't have

508
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: to have beef about it. But I also don't have

509
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 1: to receive all of your projections. I have choice in

510
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: this too. And I think for so long, the way

511
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: that relationships and friendships were mirrored to us in society,

512
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: it was just like, First of all, I have major

513
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: problems with the word loyalty. I think it's it's a

514
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: word that doesn't Actually I've looked it up extensively and

515
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 1: in other languages, because that's how my brain works. Um,

516
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I don't understand something, let me do

517
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 1: my research and create some calculation. Um. But there's no

518
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: real clear definition for loyalty. The definition in the dictionary

519
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: is an affinity. For so that means I like something

520
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: right like I maybe a little more than like it something.

521
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: But we have this idea of that word and what

522
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: it's supposed to represent, and very often that word is

523
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: a tool that we weaponize against ourselves to really hide

524
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: our codependency, or to hide our wounds, or to hide

525
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: our fear, you know. And so we can stay trapped

526
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: in the cells of relationships and the cells of friendships,

527
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: even within our own family systems, because of this word

528
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: that has been used as a tool of gas lighting.

529
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,959
Speaker 1: For I remember even sometimes I'd be at whatever company

530
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: I was working for at the time, at a job right, Like,

531
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 1: we're a family here, what does that even mean? First

532
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: of all, we all come from different family structures, so

533
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: for each person, their understanding of that word is different.

534
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 1: Most family structures, by nature, as it was designed by God,

535
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: are dysfunctional because they are meant to be your mirrors.

536
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: And also we just work together and we all are

537
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: getting to check and we could be let go at

538
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: any given time. I've never bought into that collective loyalty.

539
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 1: It always seemed like a tool of manipulation, um, And

540
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 1: I think that's what we do in friendships sometimes, especially

541
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: with groups of people, especially with people we've known for

542
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: a long time, this idea that we can't choose ourselves

543
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: because we're being loyal or because how that person will

544
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: receive it, you know. And it feels like this moment

545
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: in time, we're able to start being a little choosy,

546
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: We're able to start making different choices and really saying,

547
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 1: if my time is precious, if life is actually limited,

548
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: there is a beginning in an end to it. Here

549
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: on Earth, How do I want it best to use

550
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: my time? And with whom and with whom? And I think, oh,

551
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: you said so many dope things in that. I was like,

552
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: I'm listening. I'm like this is dead talk. Um. But

553
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: you know, I think one therapy is so essential and

554
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: that's just like a period. Um. But I found myself

555
00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: as I got to know more about myself, um, Bishop Jakes,

556
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 1: and I I forever mentioned this sermon because I was like,

557
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,959
Speaker 1: it's the thing that actually changed my life. It was

558
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: a message called I didn't know I was me And

559
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,239
Speaker 1: you said something earlier where you're like, you know, we

560
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: need to give ourselves grace for getting to a place

561
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: and feeling like I should know this by now, and

562
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: it's like when were you going to learn it? When? When?

563
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: When did you give yourself? I recognized like I had

564
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: a moment where I was like, man, I haven't dated,

565
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,479
Speaker 1: you know, my dating period has been shortened. It was like,

566
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: huh why? And it was like you went to college,

567
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 1: you went to Liberia, you know, you moved to New

568
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: York and you were focused on that. Then you moved

569
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: to l A and you were like, I gotta make it.

570
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: You just popped five years ago, you know what I mean, Like,

571
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: and my my whole steeds was like I need to

572
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 1: make sure that my work life is right before my

573
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: love life is right. So it's like when I think

574
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: about my dating, just like, yeah, well went on went

575
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: on this path where you gonna have all these experiences,

576
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 1: right like some some grades hold that thought. We are

577
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: coming right back. That's such an amazing example Levon of

578
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: how we're always willing to find room to judge ourselves,

579
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: like we don't. We'll talk ourselves out of finding room

580
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: to love on ourselves. We'll talk ourselves out of finding

581
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: time for self care like oh no, I'm too busy,

582
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: Oh no, I gotta put this person first. But we

583
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: find all the damn time in the world, in every second,

584
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: in every moment, to come into some kind of judgment

585
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: about us, and it's not the right judgment. And it's

586
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: also like why the boys that talks to you about

587
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: you got be so negative? Why do why? Why can't

588
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: it be like don and I'm changing that I've changed, um,

589
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: and so as I got to know me more and

590
00:32:55,120 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: like me more. Um hell yeah, uh there was awakening right.

591
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: So it's funny I have I have a friend h

592
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: d are beautiful. So I was like, y'all too, would

593
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 1: would just get along? So well, she's witty, funny and

594
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 1: just into that and lovely human being. And I remember

595
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 1: kind of doing this like I wasn't. This is a

596
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: space where I was like doing like recon I'm like

597
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: who I was. It was just really weird and she

598
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: basically let me know, um because I was just like, hey,

599
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: just out of curiosity, what is what is the thing

600
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: that like you like about me? Because because it was,

601
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: it was that's so powerful, though, that's amazing, keep going,

602
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: keep going. But it was it was it was that thing.

603
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: But but on the end of the spectrum, that's not fruitful.

604
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: It was it was me slipping back to like middle

605
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: school me of like, what do you like about me?

606
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: Something you know like or just like let me know

607
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: so I can make sure, like let me pull from

608
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 1: everyone in my life that I like and that likes

609
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: me back so that I can create the conglomerate of

610
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: the perfect Evin right, it was perfection. It was like

611
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: if you say you like my smile, I will always smile. Okay.

612
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 1: If you say you're okay funny show time, you know,

613
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: if you say you like my styles. Okay, I wrung her.

614
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 1: I gotta always dress nice, you know. It was it

615
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 1: was the thing of like let me, let me lego

616
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 1: mania this person um and she was just like so

617
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 1: she threw me for a loop because she was just like,

618
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 1: what I love most about you, it's your energy. I

619
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 1: was like, this is not helping, like tangible give me energy.

620
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 1: Everyone has energy, Like in my mind, I was like,

621
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 1: this is the dumbest answer, like everyone has energy, bam.

622
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: And she was like, no, have you met everyone? She

623
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: was like, girl, you have. She was like, you have it,

624
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 1: and she's like I remember when I first met you

625
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: and you came up to me and you I was

626
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: like I had to remind myself if I've ever met

627
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: you before because you were just so like easy and

628
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: you were like hi. And then I was like, I

629
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: probably give you a compliment about your here because it's amazing.

630
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: She was like you did, and but it was just

631
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 1: like who is she? What does she want? Well? I

632
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: don't know, but I like it. And she was like

633
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,320
Speaker 1: we met another time and it was consistent the same energy,

634
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 1: and it was just kind of like, well, this can't

635
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: be fake because this is just kind of who she

636
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: is and she was like, that has been the most

637
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: consistent thing, and I just I remember leaving the conversation

638
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:31,280
Speaker 1: like this is not tangible, this is trash. This answer

639
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: is stupid, like you know, because I couldn't receive it,

640
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: because I was still on the fact finding mission of like,

641
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: tell me the thing about me that's so special so

642
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: I can replicate it um. But telling me energy, I'm like,

643
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 1: that's like telling me there's neutrons and atoms and atomic particles,

644
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,720
Speaker 1: Like what does that mean? And so I remember putting

645
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 1: that away for a little bit. I remember putting that

646
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 1: away for a little bit, like this doesn't make any sense.

647
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: And then I went to another party of a very

648
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,720
Speaker 1: dear friend of mine and she had you know, she's

649
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 1: her friends are like mega celebrities and dad da da da,

650
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: and I'm you know, I'm still like new to this,

651
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: but like I love her so much and I'll never

652
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: forget when when I met her, she was like, who

653
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: are you? And why do people like you? Because I'm

654
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: really like a lot of people. I was like, well,

655
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 1: what kind of what kind of energy just to put

656
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 1: out in the world, you know what I mean? She

657
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: was very like, I don't really like a lot of people,

658
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I'm a I wanna show

659
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: because we were in the so house and people like,

660
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love your show. And she was like,

661
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: I don't watch TV, so what what show? Okay, I

662
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: don't care. I only watched the show if you were

663
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 1: in the end me. And I was like, well that

664
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: is and she literally has never watched the show. And

665
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 1: when I got the Emmy nomination, I was like, you're

666
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: gonna watch it that. She's like, you still haven't one.

667
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: I was like, keep me home. She is but it

668
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: sounds rough, but he is literally the best human being

669
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: you will ever ever meet. And I wasn't. What's funny

670
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: is like I wasn't afraid of this editor, you know

671
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,399
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like I met her and I was like,

672
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: I actually like the purity of her being her son,

673
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: her being her absolute stuff. And it's like you can

674
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: either take it or leave it. And I was like

675
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 1: and it wasn't even like challenge accepted. It was just like, Wow,

676
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: you are so confident in how you show up that

677
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: the onus is not on you to change. It's on

678
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 1: me to decide if I want to be part of

679
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: your right what I'm like, this is new to rain,

680
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: you know, because I was so used to like making

681
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 1: sure I create an atmosphere where everyone feels loved and

682
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: you know whether or not I like them. And it's

683
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: kind of like the performance piece of just like you

684
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: know she's hurting you know, somebody hurt her in her life.

685
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: It's okay, taddy issues or whatever it is. Let me

686
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 1: make sure that like around me, I'm a beacon of

687
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: hope as opposed to be like, yes, two things to

688
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,919
Speaker 1: be true. People hurt you, but now you're hurting other people.

689
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: So stop this. This is trash. Like let's let's let's

690
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: heal so that you don't have to walk in the

691
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: world wounded and cause havoc everywhere, you you know. But

692
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,240
Speaker 1: it's like, in a way, was like betting over backwards

693
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: for other people who weren't showing up fully as themselves,

694
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: just to make sure that like an atmosphere of hope

695
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: and love and peace was set. And it was like

696
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm walking on exhow and this is exhausting. I really

697
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: just don't be like shut the heck up, Sam, like

698
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: your energy is whack, Like that's like that's what I

699
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: want to say, or just like I don't want to

700
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: be around you because you were draining, but I don't

701
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: say that, whereas this particular friend was just very comfortable

702
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: being like, clearly, I don't like you for anything that

703
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 1: you do. I like, I liked how you showed up

704
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: in the world, So let's figure this out if we're

705
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: gonna be friends or not. And we have been friends

706
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 1: heavy for the last what for some years. I'll never forget.

707
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:47,479
Speaker 1: It was like season one and I wanted to bring

708
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 1: my parents that like, like now, season one, I just

709
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: paid up all my debts like a Lanister Game of thronesence.

710
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: I just paid. I was like, I gotta just so.

711
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: By season two, I was poor again, Like I was like, day,

712
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 1: I have a whole HPO show. Folks know my name,

713
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: but the hole is oke. Why did I have to

714
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 1: pay for this degree? I'm not even using it? Like

715
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: it was, I was back to zero. I'll never forget.

716
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 1: Like we were about to shoot the first episode of

717
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 1: season two and I didn't get my nails done, and

718
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 1: I was like, I called the director. I was like,

719
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:19,879
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you're gonna want to get a close

720
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: up on my nails, but yeah, I don't don't do that.

721
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 1: She was like, why so she like zelled me, she

722
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 1: sells me money. Like the director was like, because we

723
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,400
Speaker 1: had we were shooting, and how how it works like

724
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: until the episode is done, like then you get paid

725
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 1: for the episode. So I knew money was coming, but

726
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 1: I was like, yo, I'm fami prep And so I

727
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 1: told my friend, like, you know, I want to bring

728
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 1: my parents here and she was like and I was like,

729
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 1: oh man, I gotta get a couple of hotel rooms

730
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: in Hollywood. And she's like, you don't have enough money

731
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: for hotels in Hollywood. And I was like, you're not wrong,

732
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 1: and she said, I'm going away for the weekend your

733
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: parents and say in my house. And it was just

734
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 1: like you them, or like you don't you don't even

735
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 1: know me, like never read like the generosity of her

736
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: heart to one be like relax your life. You're gonna

737
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: be in a better place, but I'm not gonna let

738
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: you fall to the wayside because you're trying to do

739
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 1: this nice thing. I'm gonna make sure the nice things

740
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: that happens, but not at the detriment of you know,

741
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 1: your pockets. And it was just like that's the same

742
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 1: hard show exists in this soft, beautiful vessel, and I

743
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 1: was just like, I love you so much because in

744
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 1: that moment, there was no judgment, there was no light

745
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: you should be pop because you know what, it's l

746
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: a people. People move very differently out here, and there

747
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: was no judgment. There was no like you should be

748
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 1: at a better place by now. It was like, Yo,

749
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: you want to do this thing. I have the ability

750
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: to help. I got you, and I'm gonna I'm gonna

751
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: tell you, m M, I'm gonna tell you about you

752
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 1: so you don't do something stupid or you don't do

753
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,280
Speaker 1: something reckless, which is like go broke, go more broke,

754
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: trying to like come through in this way that you

755
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: want to show up for your parents, but this is

756
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 1: not the season for that. And I just was like, yeah,

757
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 1: I appreciate. I appreciate the heck out of you. And

758
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: it taught me in that moment it was like, Yo, friendship,

759
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: it's not only sacrifices, but it's truth giving, you know,

760
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: And I had to be at a place to receive.

761
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: There's there's a version of ego that could be like

762
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: dang like she did she called me broke? Like did

763
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: she she? But you know, and an ego that couldn't

764
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: receive that, but I was like, no, I see your

765
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: care for me, and I thank you because I can.

766
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 1: I know now you will always be honest with me.

767
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: That's the one thing. And and I can also challenge

768
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: your honestly because there's there are the times where I

769
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: was like I'm balling down and she's like get out

770
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: of the store right now, please get out of the store.

771
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: I was like, nah, I'm gonna do it. And then

772
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 1: it's just like all right, yeah, okay. So it's like

773
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 1: as I became more of me, it wasn't just like

774
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 1: I'm I'm gonna let you tell me what to do

775
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: because I don't know who I am. It's in this moment,

776
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: I'm a conceived because that's that that's wisdom. And in

777
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 1: another moment it's like nah, man, but I know me,

778
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,439
Speaker 1: like I know me, Like this is okay. And that's

779
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: beautiful too because you evolved. That was a long winded story,

780
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: but now so beautiful because you you illustrated so perfectly

781
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: the power of self sovereignty. And I think that's the piece,

782
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: Like like I'm very I'm self sovereign, right, I have

783
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 1: full ownership of self, and I I look for that

784
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 1: in my friendships like those are the friendships that are

785
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 1: really like my deepest friendships that go the length of time,

786
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 1: and we meet people at different legs of our own journeys.

787
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: So sometimes the friendships that we have that were maybe

788
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 1: rooted in codependency can evolve as we evolve, and then

789
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: we can also have a friendship as we're both in

790
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: our sovereignty, you know, And sometimes it doesn't happen, and

791
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 1: then you make other choices. But what I'm hearing and

792
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: what you share it is one you have a friend

793
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 1: that no exactly who she is and that shows up

794
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: in the world that way, which is so powerful, and

795
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 1: in doing that, it gives you freedom to be your

796
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: most authentic self in the friendship because it is it's exhausting.

797
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: That performance is exhausting. It is, and I'll never forget

798
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: because I kind of was like I wasn't intimidated by her,

799
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: but it was it was this thing of like, man,

800
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 1: I admire you talk about people being reflections. I would

801
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: always admire people who we're stronger in their sense of self. Then,

802
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: because I didn't know love it how to do that?

803
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 1: That is a friendship turn on. I'd be like, oh yeah,

804
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: and it left me feeling like you what do I

805
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: have to offer? It let me feel like, well, then

806
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: what's my place? Like what do I because you show

807
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: up so so boldly, like why you like me? You

808
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Because I'm still trying to figure

809
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: out my boldness. I'm still trying to figure out that

810
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 1: and I'll never again. We she had like a party

811
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: and she invited all of us and she went around

812
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 1: it was like like maybe five of us and she

813
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, you know, you're my friend that

814
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: I call when it's time to turn up. You're my

815
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: friends that I call when it's time to go shopping,

816
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: or you're my friend and that. And then she got

817
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 1: to me and she was like, and you're my friend

818
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: and I called when I didn't encouragement and I was

819
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 1: just like wait what, Like it's surprised me because I'm like, yo,

820
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: you have like these are the chicks aren't encouraging you?

821
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: Like it's like and not to say that they're not,

822
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: but it was just like, yo, that's what you look

823
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 1: to me for because for me, I'm like, yeah, I

824
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 1: would give your encouragement off. Ripped like if you're a

825
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: homeless person, like your day's gonna better, I promise you,

826
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 1: like you know, like whatever it is, like I just

827
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: got encouragement for the masses, like it loses out of me.

828
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: So I wasn't looking at it as like a superpower.

829
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: I just was like, Yeah, this is just it's what

830
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you, and that that this thing because

831
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was. I was tricking off

832
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,320
Speaker 1: a lot of the things that made me so dagon

833
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 1: special because they came so naturally. And so when she

834
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 1: said that, she was like, yeah, who was I'm gonna

835
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:09,919
Speaker 1: call that I want to pray for me or who

836
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 1: was I'm gonna call that like wants the best for

837
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 1: me in this way. And I was just like, that's

838
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 1: my value to you, because I'm like, wow, I I

839
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: didn't realize how valuable that was. Again, going back to

840
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 1: the other friend who was like, it's your energy, I'm

841
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: like energy. I didn't know how valuable that was. And

842
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: now so I got one person saying that's my energy,

843
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 1: I got another person saying it's my encouragement. And I

844
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't think you needed encouragement because you

845
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 1: walk so boldly. So it's almost kind of like I

846
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 1: just thought I was reinforcing the things that you already were.

847
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: But I didn't I didn't know how that was depositing

848
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 1: in you, um and so. And that's why we just

849
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,919
Speaker 1: have to think about how we're showing up and take

850
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 1: out of our minds fully how we're being received or

851
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 1: how we're being perceived. Because what I'm hearing in that

852
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 1: is like, it's the beauty of when you are in

853
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 1: your most authentic essence. You know, when you're in purpose,

854
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 1: when you're on purpose, your natural gifts are the most

855
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 1: powerful gifts you possess, and you don't have to think

856
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: about them because they just come so innately. Like yeah,

857
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,879
Speaker 1: but that's the thing, the path of ease, right, like

858
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 1: life is actually meant to be on that path of

859
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: ease and grace. What comes easy is your inherent natural

860
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:36,320
Speaker 1: highest self. Say that again, please, what comes easy? What

861
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: comes easy? She does this to me all the time.

862
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: I just have to say, if we're on FaceTime, She'll

863
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:43,879
Speaker 1: be okay, hold on say that because I've been thinking

864
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: knows that'd be like ya, well, I'm gonna run this

865
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 1: back and like easy, go ahead and say it again. Okay,

866
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: let me try to remember, but what you know, what

867
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 1: what comes what comes easy and natural. And here's the thing.

868
00:46:55,520 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 1: We have been trained by society since it conception of humanity.

869
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 1: We have been trained to think and operate under the

870
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: mis aligned belief that love has to be earned, that

871
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: things have to be learned, that goodness has to be earned,

872
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 1: that attention has to be learned, that we are not

873
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:20,759
Speaker 1: worthy just because we are because of that, all of

874
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 1: that conditioning that is in the fibers of ourselves, but

875
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: also in all the programming we see around that leads

876
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,839
Speaker 1: us to think that our most natural, inherent ease filled gifts,

877
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: the peace of our essence that makes us us. It

878
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 1: leads us to believe that that's not enough because we

879
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: didn't have to earn it, we didn't have to fight

880
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: for it, we didn't have to study for it. But

881
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,240
Speaker 1: when we're in that flow, that's when we're in God.

882
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: You know that, when we're in that beautiful space within ourselves,

883
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: in the ease. I like to say the way that

884
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: I experienced it is, I say, I'm maximizing the energetic

885
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: potential of each moment. Get out of here. I'm like,

886
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,280
Speaker 1: this is the end of the I'm maximizing the energetic

887
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 1: who you know what I'm not. I know I wrote

888
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 1: a book, but I don't read it because I'm not

889
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: doing this. I'm maximizing the energetic. I just saw two

890
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: coppertone batteries come together. I was like, what is she?

891
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 1: What is she saying? But truly, it's like all we

892
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:24,759
Speaker 1: have to do is show up as ourselves. Ourselves is

893
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 1: the roadmap for others, it's the roadmap for us. Sometimes

894
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: people see ourselves before we see ourselves, and sometimes that's

895
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 1: great to help us on the journey to see that's

896
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: the process. And then sometimes they trick that off because

897
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: there is a version where people can see you before

898
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 1: you see you and then take advantage of that of

899
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 1: you not knowing who you are. But that comes into

900
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,240
Speaker 1: self sovereignty to right, and that's part of the learning

901
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: and it First of all, can I preface this by saying,

902
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:58,280
Speaker 1: it sucks like it's like being betrayed by anyone, being used,

903
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 1: being manipulated, being slit um, being undervalued by anyone. It sucks.

904
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 1: It's an awful, disgusting feeling. Um, But that feeling is

905
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 1: meant as a tool. We feel that feeling. Sometimes it

906
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 1: it inhibits us as like a shame um or you know,

907
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 1: a desire to conceal um disappointment. It feeds into the

908
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: limiting false beliefs we've told ourselves. The reason it feels

909
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 1: that bad is that depth of feeling is supposed to

910
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 1: be our catalyst to changing course, to being more ourselves.

911
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: So when we experience that from people, and I know

912
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: that sometimes when like these phrases are said, like oh,

913
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: but it was a gift, or find the lesson I

914
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 1: used to despise that, I'd be like, if you don't

915
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 1: shut up right now, what do you mean by that?

916
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: Like it used to drive me. I have a very

917
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:55,399
Speaker 1: specific and clear moral compass, like I am led by

918
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: my values, and so as a young person, younger person

919
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: in this moment, whenever I'd experienced people that don't operate

920
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: on that, it would fill me with anger, with disappointment,

921
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: with so many things like just be who you say

922
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,879
Speaker 1: you are. But then you find the grace and then

923
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:18,439
Speaker 1: you find the compassion, because most people have the whole

924
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 1: point of being alive is to find ourselves. We all

925
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: come out of the womb knowing who we are, and

926
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 1: then we forget. And that's part of this divine flow

927
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 1: of what God wanted, you know, I believe that I

928
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: share this quite often, but it's something that really means

929
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: a lot to me, and it's it's foundational for my faith.

930
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: God exists inside each of us in every moment, and

931
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: the reason we're here as human beings, I believe, is

932
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: because God wanted to experience itself and so it created

933
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 1: this opportunity for us to have lessons, for us to

934
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 1: have flow, for us to have all of the things

935
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 1: to come into the deeper awareness of God. So if

936
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: that is true, right, if I'm using that as my

937
00:50:56,200 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 1: compass and my standard, then everything someone has for me

938
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,839
Speaker 1: is a gift because it's leading me to more of me.

939
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 1: It was leading me closer to God. And those people, yeah,

940
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 1: those people that that are just like you know, sometimes

941
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 1: it's felt is really awful. Like sometimes the way we

942
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 1: feel it in a moment is like, oh, wow, you

943
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 1: are you are the juice of the trash because you

944
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: are because it's like you, you hope to believe more,

945
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: Like I I um entering entering the season in terms

946
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: of like the more I've found out about me and

947
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 1: what made me special and how I cured more about myself,

948
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 1: you know, like didn't trick off the energy or the

949
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 1: things that like innately were easy. Um, I realized like

950
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:56,359
Speaker 1: it's like I gotta awakened two things around me, right,

951
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: I gotta awakened. And it was just like m hm.

952
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,319
Speaker 1: I found myself in a place where I was just

953
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 1: like mm hmmm, how do you tell someone like you

954
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 1: haven't changed but I have? And the me that I

955
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: am becoming more aware of and the you that you've

956
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: always been might not rock m h and and and

957
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: it's and it's and it's not me saying because I

958
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: would never be like you have to change because I can't.

959
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: I can't say that, but I'm recognizing that in the

960
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: totality of who I am, who you are. And it's

961
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: so crazy because I'm like I'm hearing East and Molly

962
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 1: at the end of like episode nine as this like

963
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: life instating art and I was like, I remember when

964
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 1: I did that scene, and I was like who says this?

965
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: Like I remember, like I have never I've never had

966
00:52:55,200 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 1: this conversation, and then cut too like months later, was

967
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:02,759
Speaker 1: like yo, fam like is Molly people up? Like this

968
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 1: is some trash or is she I got this difficult

969
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: combo with a friend. Let me pull that script out,

970
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: Like what did I say? And also the writer the

971
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: writers are like, you know, five months into my actual

972
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:17,319
Speaker 1: real life, like but it was because I remember Molly

973
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: saying like maybe who you are and who I am

974
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: just don't fit but it but I was just like

975
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 1: that's wild, Like what does that even mean? And then

976
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:27,839
Speaker 1: I had my own awakening thing of just like yo,

977
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 1: as I recognize more about the things in me that

978
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 1: I need to harness and also protect, I recognize the

979
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 1: thing that makes you you, it's not in alignment with

980
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: the me that I've kind of always been but kind

981
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 1: of suppressed. So I don't know how to navigate that.

982
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 1: Like it's like it's like I don't it's wild, but

983
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 1: it's growth for me. I'm just like, yo, I have

984
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: to honor that though, because to your point in terms

985
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 1: of like when you talk about like loyalty, it's just

986
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 1: like there's a point that's like you know, like is

987
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 1: it this is how they always showed up and I

988
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: was just blind to it or you know, I mean

989
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: like and and it's not my place to be like

990
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 1: how you've always showed up. It needs to be changed

991
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 1: or it's just like I'm just I'm shifting, I'm just

992
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 1: in a new I'm I always say I'm on a

993
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 1: new level because it's not like we're on a different

994
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 1: levels episode. I'm just on a new level for me

995
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:36,800
Speaker 1: for from my old level UM emotional level, to be honest.

996
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 1: And it's it's it's interesting navigating these waters because, uh,

997
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: the more I guess, the more evidence you gather about

998
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:52,359
Speaker 1: people you moved with or and it's just like, oh,

999
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: like were they always for me? And when you have

1000
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: to when you ask questions or like when did there

1001
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 1: for me shift? And that's because you're just like and

1002
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: why m hmm, yeah, and you don't have the answers. Way,

1003
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 1: is there is there space for us to come into

1004
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: knowing that them shifting from us or UM or us

1005
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:25,879
Speaker 1: shifting from them isn't about either of us. Unpack that. So,

1006
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 1: like you know, I think and and and I say

1007
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 1: this just like with a little peak, and this is

1008
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: this is a therapy session right now, in therapy session. No,

1009
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: I think I think we're all discovering this right because

1010
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 1: like we are coming into new territory. UM. A lot

1011
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: of us have grown tremendously in really new ways, especially

1012
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 1: coming out of a global pandemic, and like that's something

1013
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 1: I'm evaluating constantly, Like I have kind of kind of

1014
00:55:54,200 --> 00:56:00,760
Speaker 1: formally but with love ended some significant relationships in my life. Um,

1015
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 1: and when I think, when I think, especially around like

1016
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 1: two instances of relationships and friendships that will not be

1017
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: moving forward with me. You know, what I realized was like,

1018
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: were there some behaviors that directly affected me? That I

1019
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 1: was like, Yo, hold up absolutely, But the deeper layer

1020
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 1: of that, I think we can always climb dive into

1021
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,760
Speaker 1: a feeling and then take it down a few places

1022
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 1: and see, like what the root of it is. The

1023
00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: root of of their behavior towards me is one million

1024
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: percent about themselves. It's one million percent about how they

1025
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:39,399
Speaker 1: feel about themselves. And in that moment it manifested as

1026
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 1: a projection that did directly affect me and offend me

1027
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:46,399
Speaker 1: in some ways. But the deeper truth of it is, oh,

1028
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: this isn't even mine, Like, this has nothing to do

1029
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 1: with me. This is your internal war with you, and

1030
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 1: I'm just going to make the conscious choice to not

1031
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 1: be a part of it. That's not how I'd like

1032
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 1: to constructively use my time, but I'll leave you to

1033
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: your process. But now I am off limits for you,

1034
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,319
Speaker 1: and that's that's me being in choice for me, you know.

1035
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 1: But I felt that for me as I as I

1036
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 1: kind of explore those scenarios, it's it frees me from

1037
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 1: having to have any expectation or ownership. In one of

1038
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 1: the scenarios, I said, you know, listen, I don't I

1039
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: don't want to actively be a part of your life anymore.

1040
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 1: And I don't want you to feel that you have

1041
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: to actively be a part of mine. And that's okay.

1042
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 1: And I appreciate what this was and and even in

1043
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: what can be perceived as the worst of it, there

1044
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 1: there are gifts in it, and there's a gratitude for

1045
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 1: what it brought. But I think I think we're complete.

1046
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 1: We're complete right now, you know. And and that person

1047
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 1: may not take it as as I'm saying. I was like,

1048
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 1: I was like that also, but I don't need the

1049
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,120
Speaker 1: playbill on that one. I was like, what is this correct?

1050
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 1: Can I get that in uh? What final draft form? Pleast?

1051
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,880
Speaker 1: I can write this grip because you know, it's always

1052
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 1: so dope about you to me, Um, there's many things,

1053
00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 1: there's many things that are so incredible about you, but

1054
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 1: one of them is like you really have this this

1055
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 1: natural flow of God that comes into you, like you

1056
00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 1: really have this freaking oven, this light that radiates from you.

1057
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 1: But it's your grace, Like your grace for people is

1058
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 1: like just gorgeous to behold. I want to share an

1059
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 1: example of something. Um, I don't even think we've unpacked

1060
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 1: this together, but you know we so I think we've

1061
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 1: established this. Like you and I are very close, and

1062
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things in my life that you know,

1063
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that I know about your life,

1064
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:50,919
Speaker 1: and um, you know, you had your birthday and this year,

1065
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 1: though I have been plowing through it with a tremendous

1066
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: amount of grace and ease, it's been the most challenging

1067
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 1: year of my entire human existence. Um, this past year,

1068
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:03,439
Speaker 1: and you know, I was in a place where I

1069
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 1: was I was walking and moving through so many things

1070
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 1: in my own life and also being a mom of

1071
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 1: a toddler. But then my day to day life is

1072
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 1: holding space for the collective. So that's a lot of

1073
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 1: emotional output for me on a day to day basis,

1074
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:19,480
Speaker 1: Like it may for some look like oh you got

1075
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 1: a podcast or oh you're doing a live like I

1076
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 1: am trying to hold hearts, you know, and I know

1077
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 1: that's my calling, but it it's a lot. And so

1078
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 1: your birthday came up, and I mean, your birthday is

1079
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 1: plugged into my calendar off top, and so it was

1080
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: always like in my purview. And but you and I

1081
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: are very like tender with each other, so we are

1082
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 1: like we love to like have special moments for each other.

1083
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: So we'll send each other gifts for no reason, cards

1084
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: for no reason, flowers for no reason. Like I love

1085
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: this for us. It's like one of my favorite things.

1086
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:55,919
Speaker 1: She gave me the most plush not even plush look

1087
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: like and and the things I have to remind myself,

1088
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 1: use your nice things, use your nice thing. She gave

1089
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 1: me this role I love a row moment. She gave

1090
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 1: me this role sexy road that I said, I think

1091
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need a husband for this. And I said, no,

1092
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:11,600
Speaker 1: you're gonna call him in wearing this, okay, Like it's

1093
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 1: just it was so and I was and it was

1094
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 1: like on a Tuesday, like it was no, it was

1095
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: not a birthday, it was not especially event. It was

1096
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 1: like I saw this and I thought about you, and

1097
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 1: I said, I won't marry you if you're really you

1098
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 1: don't say I was like, don't get to my spirit.

1099
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 1: It's my soul. Damn it, girl, you just have this

1100
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: baby quest about that have a sister. Oh my god,

1101
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 1: it's about to be a Mecana conception out here. But

1102
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 1: now it was it was just you. You wanted my garden,

1103
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: and and it was one of those like I'm just

1104
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 1: thinking about you, because I'm like, I'll be just thinking

1105
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: about people all the time, but like, who thinks about me?

1106
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard on Let's not make this about me,

1107
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 1: because I want to talk about the way that you

1108
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 1: water my garden. So it was your birthday, and I

1109
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,160
Speaker 1: wasn't able to do probably what my heart would have

1110
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:04,320
Speaker 1: really wanted, which is like, oh let me let me

1111
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 1: find something so delicious and thoughtful and send it to her.

1112
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 1: She's gonna love it. It was just a really crazy

1113
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 1: week and I was I was emotionally just so in

1114
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 1: the thick of my process that week. I was having

1115
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 1: a really really challenging week. You know some of those

1116
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 1: weeks nothing goes right. Not getting enough sleep, my kid

1117
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 1: is teething, he's customed me out and baby like it's

1118
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 1: too much. Um. And you know, I remember I hit you,

1119
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 1: I hit you early. I hit you at like five

1120
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,800
Speaker 1: am on your birthday. You didn't see it till like

1121
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 1: a couple days later, but I'm like, happy birthday? Did

1122
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 1: I posted on Instagram? And I was like, oh, you know,

1123
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,320
Speaker 1: I was happy it was your birthday, but we hadn't

1124
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 1: talked and it was a global pandemic. And you face

1125
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 1: timed me the next day, and at first I remember

1126
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,200
Speaker 1: feeling like, oh my god, like I wonder if she's disappointed,

1127
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 1: if she noticed that I didn't get like I didn't

1128
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: do something like not that you would, but it's just

1129
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 1: some relationships are that layer of special, right, Like I

1130
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like that with everybody, but that is how

1131
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: we that's our love language together, right. So that occurred

1132
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 1: to me, and you face time me and you were

1133
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:17,760
Speaker 1: like hey girl, and I was like, hey, happy birthday

1134
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 1: and did you get my text? And you were like

1135
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: how are you? And I literally just started crying and

1136
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 1: I was just like, I was like, Ivan, I'm exhausted,

1137
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 1: I'm so tired, and I just and you just started

1138
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 1: praying over me and I was just crying and I

1139
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:35,800
Speaker 1: was just like and You're like, so, what's going on?

1140
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, honestly, I'm just tired, Like my

1141
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 1: soul is really tired this week, and I can't shake it.

1142
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:45,880
Speaker 1: So I'm just giving myself that space to feel this way.

1143
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 1: And you just started praying over me, and you just

1144
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 1: prayed and and filled me with light and it felt

1145
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 1: so beautiful. And then we get off the phone and

1146
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, thank you so much, girl, And I

1147
01:02:57,280 --> 01:03:00,439
Speaker 1: go upstairs and I like, you know, I get into

1148
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:04,280
Speaker 1: my prayer and ritual routine, and you text me and

1149
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 1: you were like, come outside in fifteen minutes. Well I

1150
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 1: was like what. It's also global pandemic, right, so we

1151
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 1: hadn't seen each other, and I'm like, you know, I

1152
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 1: think at that point they're like, don't go near your people,

1153
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:17,760
Speaker 1: and so I'm like okay. And so in my mind,

1154
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you know what I Betty Von did,

1155
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 1: Like she probably sent me like a delicious dinner or

1156
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 1: something like like she probably like, okay, there's something yummy

1157
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:28,960
Speaker 1: coming to the door. This is so sweet. So I

1158
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 1: run downstairs and I buzzed open the door and you

1159
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 1: come walking up and you have your mask on and

1160
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 1: you stay like kind of far from me, but it

1161
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:40,720
Speaker 1: was like like you were standing on my grass and

1162
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 1: you're like you're loved, and you had like this arm

1163
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: filled with flowers. It's eleven pm at night. I don't

1164
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:49,960
Speaker 1: know if I said that. It's eleven pm. You have

1165
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:52,200
Speaker 1: an armful of flowers in one hand, and in your

1166
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 1: other hand you had cakes and pastries and you had

1167
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 1: put together it's really gonna make me cry. You have

1168
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 1: put together this bouquet for me of your birthday flowers,

1169
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,800
Speaker 1: like you had picked out some of the bouquets that

1170
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 1: other people have gotten you, and you created a bouquet

1171
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 1: for me. And then you sliced up the tasty treats

1172
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:16,640
Speaker 1: and your birthday cake and you put it on a

1173
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 1: plate for me, and you brought it to me at

1174
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:22,640
Speaker 1: eleven o'clock at night, just to hug me and to

1175
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:34,080
Speaker 1: bring me joy. Like that moment was so many things.

1176
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 1: That moment was so many things for me, like the

1177
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 1: grace you gave me, but also the way you filled me,

1178
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:47,240
Speaker 1: Like there were there were multiple ways that your radiant

1179
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:51,400
Speaker 1: showed up for me that day. One it was like

1180
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 1: a call where I should be celebrating you, but you

1181
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 1: energetically sent something and you gave me grace. It wasn't

1182
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 1: like so where were you yesterday girl, or you know,

1183
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 1: it's like you also knew all that I was holding,

1184
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 1: you know, and so you you didn't take it personally

1185
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: that maybe I couldn't be as exuberant as we typically are.

1186
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 1: And then you went out of your way to like

1187
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:17,560
Speaker 1: do this, get in your vehicle, come to me, hug me,

1188
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:21,560
Speaker 1: and just hold space for me with no expectation, you know,

1189
01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:27,600
Speaker 1: and just fill me and the grace of Jess allowing

1190
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 1: me to be in my process and to still be

1191
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 1: my friend and to still show up for me, you know,

1192
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:34,880
Speaker 1: like even and not that I did right, but my

1193
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 1: mind was saying, like, oh, I disappointed my friend on

1194
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 1: her birthday and you were just like yeah, my birthday,

1195
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 1: Like I'll have more but outside of this day, Like

1196
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 1: I know you love me, I know how you feel

1197
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 1: about me, and I can hear in your voice that

1198
01:05:48,800 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 1: this don't got nothing to do with me, And how

1199
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 1: can I give you some of this overflow of the

1200
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:58,520
Speaker 1: joy I've been receiving. It was one of the most

1201
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:03,720
Speaker 1: breathtaking moments of my friendship life. You know, well, thank

1202
01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 1: you for sharing that um for me. I was like

1203
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 1: I almost felt like it was a no brainer. I

1204
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,640
Speaker 1: I think what you have to give yourself credit for

1205
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 1: is that you are able to receive that because that's

1206
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:22,439
Speaker 1: how I like to show up. That's how I want

1207
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 1: to show up. That's how I energetically. I'm gonna use

1208
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 1: a Debbie energetically magnetically um desire to function in this

1209
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 1: world with the people I love. Everybody don't get that

1210
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:41,880
Speaker 1: with the people I love. But sometimes I'm handicapped from

1211
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:46,560
Speaker 1: that because it with you, it's easy because I don't

1212
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:51,120
Speaker 1: have to think. It's just like, hey, I know these

1213
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:54,240
Speaker 1: aren't like I didn't go to you know, the Fleur

1214
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:56,600
Speaker 1: petite or whatever to like buy these. I'm like, these

1215
01:06:56,600 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 1: are flowers that came. But I'm like I have a

1216
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,480
Speaker 1: plan for I hope, like I want to bless it

1217
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:03,600
Speaker 1: with these some people like you give me a hand

1218
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 1: me damp flowers, Like I mean, like you know saying

1219
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 1: like that, I knew that, Like for those people, I

1220
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 1: can't show up like that because then it's like then

1221
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 1: I have to perform then and then it becomes not

1222
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 1: about the desire to share, it to give. But now

1223
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,240
Speaker 1: it's like it has to be perfect. It has to

1224
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 1: be a thing. It has to be a thing as

1225
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 1: opposed to just like this is the best I can

1226
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:26,360
Speaker 1: do for right now, because it is eleven o'clock. I

1227
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 1: hope it. What is your guarden? Then if it's not enough,

1228
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:30,600
Speaker 1: I come back tomorrow. You're like, like, what but it was?

1229
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:34,000
Speaker 1: It wasn't enough, and you gave it me space for

1230
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:38,480
Speaker 1: that to be enough, whereas other people needed to be

1231
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: more than that than just I thought about that enough.

1232
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:45,120
Speaker 1: I was like, this is one of the grandest, most

1233
01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:48,600
Speaker 1: gorgeous gestures I've ever received in my life in a

1234
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:51,360
Speaker 1: moment that I needed it the most. But I think,

1235
01:07:51,560 --> 01:07:55,919
Speaker 1: I think if I can be honest, like the thing

1236
01:07:56,160 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 1: that blessed me about um, the thing that blessed me,

1237
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:06,400
Speaker 1: or what I can say is the bamboozlement, right, the

1238
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:11,640
Speaker 1: bamboozlement of my upbringing is all the things that I'm

1239
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,560
Speaker 1: to say the devil, all the things that the devil

1240
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:18,639
Speaker 1: tried real early to cut me off from Um, which

1241
01:08:18,760 --> 01:08:25,360
Speaker 1: is knowing me, which is me being accepted, which is friendships,

1242
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:27,720
Speaker 1: all of those things. It was like, if I can

1243
01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:30,519
Speaker 1: get her earlier than life, the purpose that God has

1244
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 1: for her like that will never manifest, right. And I

1245
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:36,960
Speaker 1: think he didn't expect for me to double doubt on

1246
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:40,120
Speaker 1: it because I know what it's like to be rejected.

1247
01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:43,200
Speaker 1: I now, I'm like, I gotta be as inclusive as

1248
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,320
Speaker 1: possible to whomever because you have no idea where people

1249
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:49,680
Speaker 1: are going through. Because I know what it's like to

1250
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:54,840
Speaker 1: you know, have I had one friend that's stuck closer

1251
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:57,839
Speaker 1: than a brother. I know what it's like for somebody

1252
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:00,760
Speaker 1: to see you in the midst of other people not

1253
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,679
Speaker 1: seeing you, or or a moment where you want you

1254
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,880
Speaker 1: want to so badly be seen. And I'm like, that

1255
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:09,880
Speaker 1: feeling of someone showing up for me, that's what I

1256
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,160
Speaker 1: want to replicate in my life and in my relationships.

1257
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:17,799
Speaker 1: And so in that moment, it was it was almost

1258
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 1: me feeling like she's too bright and I and my

1259
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:25,439
Speaker 1: sister's keeper in this moment, and I need to protect

1260
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:30,040
Speaker 1: her light because it cannot go out because not only

1261
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:34,759
Speaker 1: does her light shine and light my light, it lights

1262
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:40,120
Speaker 1: so many others. So uh, it's it's like, hey, how

1263
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:42,120
Speaker 1: are you fixing this? Like what we gotta do? What

1264
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:46,840
Speaker 1: we like team huddle, like we gotta get we gotta

1265
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:51,920
Speaker 1: get Debbie back to being Debbie because there are other

1266
01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 1: forces trying to get her to not see that shine

1267
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:58,679
Speaker 1: and not on my watch, Like that's like if you're

1268
01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:01,640
Speaker 1: my friend, not on my watch, am, Like I have

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01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:06,720
Speaker 1: a not on my watch, um mentality and movement to

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01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:11,800
Speaker 1: me because nah, we're not going out like that. We

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01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:15,160
Speaker 1: have too much to give and to do and to

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01:10:15,280 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 1: be and to love and to live. Get out of here,

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01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:20,160
Speaker 1: stop that. And so it was easy for me to

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01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:23,679
Speaker 1: give to you, UM. And I think for me where

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01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:28,120
Speaker 1: I'm recognizing now, like, why is it not easy for

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01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:33,920
Speaker 1: me to be me with some people? Mm hmm hold

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01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 1: that thought. We are moving into part two of this episode.

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01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:43,439
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen. This show has been incredible, so UM,

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01:10:43,520 --> 01:10:47,320
Speaker 1: go ahead and let's move into the next episode. I

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01:10:47,360 --> 01:10:52,639
Speaker 1: love you everyone. Please share this show UM with anyone

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01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,800
Speaker 1: you feel called to kind of dive into some deeper

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01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:58,599
Speaker 1: friendship with UM or to just explore these themes with

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01:10:59,080 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 1: And if you get a chance, please go ahead and

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01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:06,680
Speaker 1: leave me a robust, abundant review on my podcast in

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01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:09,639
Speaker 1: the Apple Store. Please give us a rating five stars

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01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 1: and reave leave a review if you have the time

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01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:15,920
Speaker 1: in the capacity it just takes a little less than

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01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 1: a minute. I would be super appreciative. So thank you

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01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:21,960
Speaker 1: for listening to Part one with Yvonne Orgy and now

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01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:27,040
Speaker 1: or soon. However this is edited, we'll get to part two. Peace.

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01:11:28,479 --> 01:11:32,320
Speaker 1: Hey find me on social Let's connect at Debbie Brown.

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01:11:32,520 --> 01:11:35,679
Speaker 1: That's Twitter, on Instagram, or go to my website Debbie

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01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:38,800
Speaker 1: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show

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01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:44,719
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, please please please don't forget to rate, review,

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01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:49,839
Speaker 1: and subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Dropping

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01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:52,120
Speaker 1: Jams is the production of I Heart Radio and the

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01:11:52,120 --> 01:11:56,280
Speaker 1: Black Effect Network. It's produced by Triple and Me Debbie Brown.

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01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:59,280
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I

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01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:03,080
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:04,000
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.