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This is not an offer 30 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 3: to buy yourself security snor is it investment, legal or 31 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 3: tax advice. 32 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 4: Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. Thanks for listening to 33 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 4: our podcast and thanks for supporting the ministry. If you 34 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 4: enjoy today's message, why don't you be a blessing and 35 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 4: share it with a friend. We appreciate you and pray 36 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 4: put God's very best in your life. God bless you 37 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 4: always a joy to come into your homes. 38 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 5: We love you. 39 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 4: If you're ever in our area, I hope that you'll 40 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 4: stop by and be a part of one of our services. 41 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 4: I promise you this will make you feel right at home. 42 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 5: You'll love our new facility. 43 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 4: You can come celebrate what God has done for us 44 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 4: right here at Lakewood and just love to have you 45 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 4: be a part of it. But thanks for tuning in today. 46 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 4: I like to get started each week with something kind 47 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,639 Speaker 4: of funny. And I heard about this couple. They were 48 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 4: driving down the road and they saw this sign that 49 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 4: said Nacodochius forty miles ahead. They began to argue about 50 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 4: how to correctly pronounce the name Nacodochus. The husband got 51 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 4: so upset he finally said to his wife, when we 52 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 4: get there, I'm going to stop and prove to you 53 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 4: that I'm right. And they sat silently the next thirty 54 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 4: minutes as they drove, and when they finally arrived, he 55 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 4: pulled into the first fast food restaurant. He and his 56 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 4: wife barged up there to the counter, and he said 57 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 4: to the young lady, my wife and I have been 58 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 4: arguing for the last thirty minutes. Can you tell us, 59 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 4: very slowly and very clearly, how to pronounce the name 60 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 4: of this place. The young ladies got real big, and 61 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 4: she leaned over the counter and said, Burger King, all right, 62 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 4: hold up your Bible. Say it like you mean it. 63 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,839 Speaker 4: This is my Bible. I am what it says, I am, 64 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 4: I have what it says I have. I can do 65 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 4: what it says I can do today, I will be 66 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 4: taught the word of God. I boldly confess my mind 67 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,519 Speaker 4: is alert, my heart is receptive. 68 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 5: I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God 69 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 5: bless you. 70 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 4: We've been talking about not letting people control us and 71 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 4: learning how to set boundaries. Boundaries are like fences. We 72 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 4: put up fences around our property to show people how 73 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 4: far that they can come. And it doesn't mean that 74 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 4: we're being unfriendly, doesn't mean that we're being rude. It's 75 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 4: simply a way of saying, this is the line that 76 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 4: you cannot come beyond. And in the same way, if 77 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 4: you don't have boundaries in your own life and especially 78 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 4: in relationships, then you're just asking for trouble because this 79 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 4: world is full of controllers and manipulators. And I don't 80 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 4: mean to sound like everybody's bad, because they're not. Many 81 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 4: times they don't realize they're doing it. They've been raised 82 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 4: by people that have done it and this is all 83 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 4: that they know. But God wants us to live our 84 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 4: lives free. And we're never going to really enjoy life 85 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 4: as long as we're being a people pleaser, or as 86 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 4: long as we're trying to control everybody. 87 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 5: And this is what so many people are doing today. 88 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 4: They're trying to run the universe, trying to make their 89 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 4: grown children do what they want, manipulating people at the 90 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 4: office in order to get their way, or they'll throw 91 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 4: a fit at home, hoping that their spouse will feel 92 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 4: guilty and eventually give in. But friends, that's a miserable 93 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 4: way to live. It's a heavy burden trying to run 94 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 4: everybody's life around you. And being free means you are 95 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 4: free not. 96 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 5: To control everybody. 97 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 4: It means you don't have to have your way all 98 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 4: the time. You can adapt, you can adjust. For instance, 99 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 4: if every time Victoria and I go out to eat, 100 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 4: we have to go where I want, or I'll very 101 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 4: subtly let her know that I'm not happy. I'll make 102 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 4: her feel just guilty enough so that next time I'll 103 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 4: get my way. 104 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 5: That's being a controller. 105 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 4: I'm manipulating her in order to get what I want. 106 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 4: Don't play those games. Be bigger than that and give 107 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 4: people the room to be who God has made them 108 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 4: to be. And maybe you're on the flip side of that. 109 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 4: Your spouse or the person you're in relationship with is 110 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 4: always doing what he wants and I'm not saying to 111 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 4: just be a door mat and let them run over you. 112 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 4: Now you've got to stand up to a controller. You 113 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 4: need to confront that say, hey, listen, let's take turns. 114 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 5: Don't be so selfish. 115 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 4: But you have to recognize when somebody always has to 116 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 4: have their way. They're always trying to give you their opinion, 117 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 4: making you do. 118 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 5: What they want. That's a controller. 119 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 4: I've seen parents that have grown children, but they're still 120 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,159 Speaker 4: telling those children how to spend their money, how to 121 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,159 Speaker 4: raise their kids, what car to buy, what neighborhood to 122 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 4: live in. Now, listen, parents, those children have grown up. 123 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 4: Now you've got to let them go and stop trying 124 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 4: to run their lives. There's nothing that will ruin your 125 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 4: relationship with your grown children any quicker than always telling 126 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 4: them what to do, and too much advice, although you 127 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 4: may mean well, is eventually just going to drive them away. 128 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 4: You have to give your grown children the freedom to 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 4: make their own choices and even the freedom to make 130 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 4: their own mistakes. Sometimes that's the only way they're ever 131 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 4: going to learn. And I'm not saying to never give 132 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 4: them advice, but if when you do, you can tell 133 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 4: they're not receiving it. Things are heating up, it's turning 134 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 4: into a debate. Well, you need to be big enough 135 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 4: to just back off and let it go, because if 136 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 4: you're constantly giving people advice, constantly telling them what to do, 137 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 4: in the end, it's going to build up resentment. The 138 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 4: first house Victoria and I were about to buy, my 139 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 4: father didn't agree with it. He didn't think it was 140 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 4: right for us, but he didn't tell us right at 141 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 4: the first. In fact, he had a friend of ours 142 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 4: call me, a man that deals in real estate, and 143 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 4: we discussed the pros and cons and we ended up 144 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 4: not buying that house. But I didn't find out un 145 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 4: till later that my father was not for it. See, 146 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 4: Daddy was trying not to run my life. He was 147 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 4: looking for that fine line of when two and when 148 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 4: not to be involved. 149 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 5: And of course it's good to give your children counsel. 150 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 4: It's good to share your opinions and advice with them, 151 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 4: but you too are going to have to find the 152 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 4: balance to not go overboard and make them feel like 153 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 4: you're pressuring them and trying to control them. After all, 154 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 4: the scripture says a man shall leave his father and 155 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 4: mother and become one with his wife, too often parents, 156 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 4: our children have left the house, but we haven't let 157 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 4: them go. 158 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 5: We're way too involved in their affairs. 159 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 4: You know, it's because you love your children, It's because 160 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 4: you want the best for them, and that's why this 161 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 4: can be so blinding. And I really believe some of 162 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 4: you don't have good relationships with your grown children today, 163 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 4: and it's because of this. 164 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 5: You're too involved. You're always telling them what to do. 165 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 4: I talked to a young lady a while back, and 166 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 4: she told how she doesn't like to go over to 167 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 4: her mother's house anymore because her mother is always telling 168 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 4: her how to eat, what to eat, and what not 169 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 4: to eat. Growing up, she had struggled with her weight 170 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 4: and her mother had been very involved in her diet. 171 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 4: And this mother meant well, she had good intentions. But mother, 172 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 4: when your little girl grows up, she probably doesn't want 173 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 4: you telling her what to do all the time. It 174 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 4: was fine for a time, but we have to recognize 175 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 4: at one point that goes from right control to wrong control. 176 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 4: And sure, we are to train and guide our children 177 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 4: while they're under our care, but if we don't learn 178 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 4: to let them go, give them a little space, give 179 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 4: them the freedom to make their own choices. Then it's 180 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 4: going to build resentment, it can stifle their growth, and 181 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 4: it is certainly going to strain our relationship. Some of 182 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 4: you would see your relationships go to a new level 183 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,319 Speaker 4: if you just take a step back and quit telling 184 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 4: those people how to run their lives all the time. 185 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 4: And if you feel like your parents are doing this 186 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 4: to you, they're too controlling, giving you too many opinions, 187 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 4: too much advice, I would just challenge you to take 188 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 4: the initiative and go to them and address it. Don't 189 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 4: let it ruin your relationship for the next twenty years. 190 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 4: Set a boundary. You can do it in love. Just 191 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 4: say mom, dad, I love you, I appreciate your advice, 192 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 4: but you've got to do me a favor and quit 193 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 4: trying to run my life all the time, because when 194 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 4: I don't do what you want, I feel bad and 195 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 4: I respect you, but you've got to give me the 196 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 4: freedom to make my own choices. See, just be open 197 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 4: and honest. That's what it means to set a boundary. 198 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 4: One principle that I've learned to live by is never 199 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 4: give your opinion unless somebody ask, and even then realize 200 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 4: most of the time they don't really want your advice. 201 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,079 Speaker 4: They just want you to tell them what they want 202 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 4: to hear. And people today are way too opinionated. You 203 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 4: hear them all the time. Well, if I were you, 204 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 4: I wouldn't do that. If I were you, I wouldn't 205 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,599 Speaker 4: buy that car. If I were you, I wouldn't be 206 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 4: dating that man. No, you don't really know what you 207 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 4: would do because you're not in their shoes. And it's 208 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 4: good to give advice, but don't be overly opinionated. Like 209 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 4: that cartoon I saw was this big gorilla had his 210 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 4: fist up in the air and a real mean face, 211 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 4: and the caption said, if I want your opinion, I'll 212 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 4: beat it out of you. The scripture says in First 213 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 4: Thessalonians four, verse eleven, May it your ambition to live 214 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,760 Speaker 4: a quiet life and to mind your own business. For 215 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 4: some of you, that was worth the drive out today. 216 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 4: Mind your own business, not your grown children's business, not 217 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 4: your neighbor's business, not your co work worker's business. Mind 218 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 4: your own business, and never give your opinion unless you're asked. 219 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 4: And parents, we need to make sure that we allow 220 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 4: our children to follow their God given dreams. I see 221 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 4: so many parents that are living out their own dreams 222 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,680 Speaker 4: through their children, you know, pressuring them to go to 223 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 4: this college, get into this career, work for this company. 224 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 5: Now, that's never healthy. Proverbs twenty two to six. 225 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 4: Says train up a child in the way that he 226 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 4: should go in keeping with his individual gift. Notice that's 227 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 4: saying your child has a specific gift. There's something he's 228 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 4: inclined toward. And our job as parents is to help 229 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 4: our children discover their gift and then encourage them in 230 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 4: that area. 231 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 5: And here's the key. 232 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 4: Their God given gift may not be what you prefer. 233 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 4: I know my father always wanted me to preach. I 234 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 4: knew that from the time. 235 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 5: That I was a little boy. But I never had 236 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 5: the desire, and my parents never pressured me. I believe 237 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 5: that they would have. It would have driven me away. 238 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 4: And if you'll let your children follow the God given 239 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 4: dreams and desires in their own heart, they will end 240 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 4: up exactly where they're supposed to be. But if my 241 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 4: father had just pressured me and pressured me, and finally 242 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 4: I just gave in because I didn't want to disappoint 243 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 4: my dad, I don't believe i'd be standing here today. 244 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 4: I would have been out of God's timing I would 245 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 4: have been living to just please people. I think that 246 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 4: I would have missed out on God's best and in 247 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 4: part it would have been my fault for being a 248 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,959 Speaker 4: people pleaser, But it also in part would have been 249 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 4: my father's fault for trying to control me and manipulate me. 250 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 4: And that's why parents, it's so important that we be 251 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 4: extremely careful in this area, because when we're too controlling 252 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,720 Speaker 4: and too opinionated, we can keep our children from fulfilling 253 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 4: their God given destiny. And Victoria and I, of course 254 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 4: we would love to have our children fallow in our 255 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,560 Speaker 4: footsteps and carry on the ministry in some way, but 256 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 4: I know that I can't call them, only God can. 257 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 5: So I stay open. 258 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 4: I found a lot of times what we want for 259 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 4: our children is so much less than what God wants. 260 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 4: And in the natural, I hope Jonathan and Alexandra minister 261 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 4: like me, but I realize they can minister through movies, 262 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 4: they can minister through music and song, they can minister 263 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 4: by treating people that are set. We've got to stay open, 264 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 4: don't be a controller. Just trust your children into God's hands. 265 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 4: He's got an individual plan for each one of them. 266 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 5: And I would encourage as well. Parents. 267 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 4: Don't be overly concerned if your children, you're a young person, 268 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 4: you're teenager. They're not as spiritual as you think they should. 269 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 5: Be right now. 270 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 4: Hell, my children they don't know enough scriptures, they don't 271 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,319 Speaker 4: pay attention in church all the time, and I've always 272 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 4: got to write them. Joel, Well, it's good to encourage 273 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 4: your children, but keep that in balance and always remember 274 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 4: how you were when you were their age. 275 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 5: You probably weren't that much different. 276 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 4: I know when I was growing up, I sat on 277 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:02,160 Speaker 4: the front row of our church beside my little sister April, 278 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 4: and the whole service we played Tic tac toe. And 279 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 4: look at me today. God's made me the pastor. There 280 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 4: is hope for your children. Who knows what God can 281 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 4: do for them. Growing up, I love to play practical jokes, 282 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 4: and I was always doing something to somebody in church, 283 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 4: you know, teasing my sister Lisa, or making a funny 284 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 4: face at my sister April. But the problem was my 285 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 4: mother had eyes in the back of her head, and 286 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 4: we'd all be there on the very front row of 287 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 4: the church, four or five of us kids, and my 288 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 4: mother would have her hands up in the air and 289 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 4: her eyes closed, and I would make sure that she 290 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 4: wasn't watching, and at just the right time, i'd reach 291 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 4: over and do something to Lisa, and sure enough, my mother, 292 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 4: without missing a beat, she would bring this hen down. 293 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 4: She would grab my arm right here and pinch the 294 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 4: fire out of me, and then just so calmly, she'd 295 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 4: put that arm back up in the air. 296 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 5: She'd still have that smile on her face. I used 297 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 5: to think, how in the world does she do that? 298 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 5: How did she see me of it? 299 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 4: Finally, thank god, one day I got out from under 300 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 4: that control, and today I'm free. But don't let people 301 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 4: control you, and don't be a controller. One thing we 302 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 4: have to realize is the more we try to make 303 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 4: somebody do something, the more we try to control them. 304 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 4: Most of the time, the more they don't want to 305 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 4: do it. When I was in my early twenties, I 306 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 4: was playing baseball four or five nights a week. We'd 307 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 4: have a tournament almost every weekend. And of course I 308 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 4: was single. I didn't have a lot of family obligations. 309 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 4: But my friend was married and he had a newborn child, 310 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 4: and his wife just couldn't stand him playing that much. 311 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 4: I mean, he was always gone. She talked to me 312 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 4: about it, and I agreed with her it was too much. 313 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 4: But the funny thing was she tried and tried to 314 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 4: get him to change. 315 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 5: She nagged him, she threatened him. 316 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 4: She sat around the house and saw she tried everything, 317 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 4: and it seemed like the more she did that, the 318 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 4: more determined he was to keep playing. 319 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 5: And I found that's human nature. 320 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,359 Speaker 4: When we nag and complain, when we try to control 321 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 4: and force somebody to do something, many times it just 322 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 4: builds resentment and we end up with the exact opposite results. 323 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 4: I believe a better approach would be to go to 324 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 4: them and just say, honey, I know you enjoy playing 325 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 4: ball and I want you to be happy, but I'd 326 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 4: love for you to spend more time at the home, 327 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 4: and then just turn it over to God and say, God, 328 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 4: I know I can't change him, only you can. I'm 329 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 4: not gonna live my life frustrated. I'm not gonna go around. 330 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 5: Having a pity party treating him bad. God. 331 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 4: I'm just giving him to you. That's all you can do. 332 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 4: You cannot force people to change. What I'm saying today 333 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 4: is control usually only makes things worse. I've seen ladies 334 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 4: that are trying to get their husbands to come to church. 335 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 4: They're constantly nagging the man, harping on them. They make 336 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 4: sure they got the Bible open on the breakfast table every. 337 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 5: Morning, got all these subtle hints happening, trying to him 338 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 5: to come. 339 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 4: But really, I believe a better thing to do is 340 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 4: to just love the man, leave him up to God. 341 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 4: Quit preaching to him every minute, quit quoting every scripture 342 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 4: to him, and just be fun to be around. Make 343 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 4: him want what you have. See, you cannot pressure people 344 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 4: into changing. Control drives people away. Many times you'll get 345 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 4: just the opposite results. Sometimes we try to control people 346 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 4: out of selfish reasons. 347 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 5: I know this. 348 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 4: Couple and the man really loves to play golf, But 349 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 4: this lady, for nearly ten years, tried to get him 350 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 4: to change. She would throw fits and have pity parties 351 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 4: and pressure him, but he never would. And at some 352 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 4: point you have to realize, maybe God put the desire 353 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 4: in him. Maybe that's what he does to relax and 354 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 4: keep his life in balance. And if you want to 355 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,440 Speaker 4: spend more time with him instead of trying to control 356 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 4: him and make him change, why don't you adapt? 357 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 5: Why don't you adjust? 358 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 4: That's what this lady did. She took up playing golf off. 359 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 4: She told me Joel. I nagged and complained him for 360 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 4: ten years, and one day it dawned on me that 361 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 4: he was not going to change. 362 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 5: So I changed. 363 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 4: I decided I couldn't beat him, so I was going 364 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 4: to join him. Now I play golf and we play 365 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,719 Speaker 4: all the time together. 366 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,400 Speaker 5: If that doesn't work. 367 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 4: For you, then find you some friends or find some 368 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 4: way to enjoy that free time. 369 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 5: But it's a miserable way to live trying to control everybody. Well, 370 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 5: I've got to. 371 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 4: Control my children and make sure they come to my 372 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,960 Speaker 4: house for Christmas this year. If I don't start now, 373 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 4: they may go to their in laws. I'm gonna let 374 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 4: them know I'm expecting them. I'm preparing a big meal now. 375 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 4: Learn to take the pressure off of people. If your 376 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,879 Speaker 4: child is married, most likely they have two obligations on 377 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 4: every holiday. And I'm all for getting together and for family, 378 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,439 Speaker 4: but really, what does it matter in the big scope 379 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,400 Speaker 4: of things if they can't come to your house on 380 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,720 Speaker 4: one particular day. Thank God that they're alive and they're 381 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 4: healthy and they can. 382 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 5: Come to see you three hundred and sixty four other days. 383 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,959 Speaker 4: We make a big deal out of things that are 384 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:05,400 Speaker 4: not a big deal, and don't use that guilt trip. Well, 385 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 4: you know what I did for you growing up. I 386 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 4: bought you your first car, I sent you to college. 387 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 4: I baby since your children every time you ask no, 388 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 4: let them be free and recognize if they can't come, 389 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 4: it's not because they love you any less, it's just logistics. 390 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 5: And do you know if you pressure them. 391 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 4: And make them feel guilty and they end up coming, 392 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 4: please understand that it is not strengthening that relationship. You're 393 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 4: driving a wedge between it. It would be better for 394 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,359 Speaker 4: them to come every other year and do it because 395 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:38,240 Speaker 4: they're happy, because they want to, then to come every 396 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 4: year because you have forced them and manipulated them. I 397 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 4: know in our family, we used to buy everybody Christmas 398 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 4: gifts during the Christmas season. We didn't want anybody's feelings 399 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 4: to get hurt. Got to a point where we're buying 400 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 4: for about twenty five different people, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Man, 401 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 4: I love my family, but I don't love them that 402 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 4: much at least I'm honest with you. 403 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,400 Speaker 5: But you know, we found that everybody in. 404 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 4: The family was feeling the exact same way. It was 405 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 4: taking all of our time and energy, and one day 406 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 4: we said, hey, let's just draw names and buy a 407 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 4: gift for one child. 408 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 5: And if for some reason we can't all get together 409 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 5: for the holidays, no big deal. Let's take the pressure off. Now. 410 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 4: I'm asking you today to set some people free. Quit 411 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 4: trying to control your husband and make him do what 412 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 4: you want. Quit trying to control your family and make 413 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 4: them be at every holiday, Quit trying to control your friends. 414 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,399 Speaker 4: Quit putting your demands on everybody, Quit making them do 415 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 4: things out of obligation. I want you to go out 416 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 4: of here today freer than you've ever been before. And 417 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 4: I know this can be a sensitive area, but be 418 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 4: careful about somebody that always has a word for you. 419 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 5: Do you know people can. 420 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 4: Even use the scriptures to try to control you. They 421 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,680 Speaker 4: can use spiritual things to try to pressure you into 422 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 4: doing what they want. 423 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 5: Well, I've got a word for you. You're supposed to do 424 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 5: this and that, and I. 425 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 4: Know that can be good, But number one, you need 426 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 4: to make sure that you really know that person. Don't 427 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 4: just let anybody give you instruction. The scripture says to 428 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 4: know those that. 429 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,679 Speaker 5: Labor among you. You need to ask yourself, who is 430 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 5: this person, what is his background, where does he go 431 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 5: to church? What kind of fruit does he have in 432 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 5: his life? Do a little research. 433 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 4: I see too many people being led astray all because 434 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 4: somebody over spiritualizes something I don't know. Maybe they mean well, 435 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,120 Speaker 4: but that can very easily get into being a controlling, 436 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 4: manipulating spirit. Hey, you say, Joel, they're so nice and 437 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 4: kind and they know all the scriptures. Yeah, but the 438 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 4: Bible talks about being aware of wolves in sheep's clothing, 439 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 4: And if somebody's gonna lead you away, they're not going 440 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 4: to come in looking like a wolf. They're gonna look 441 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,959 Speaker 4: like the nicest, kindest person in the world. And usually 442 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,199 Speaker 4: people like that. The word they have for you is 443 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 4: God told me you're supposed to help me. You're supposed 444 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 4: to give me your page check this month. Man, I 445 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,719 Speaker 4: saw your face in a dream. God told me you're 446 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 4: going to pay my rent. Now you need to tell 447 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 4: them if God wants me to pay your rent, he 448 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,679 Speaker 4: can tell me we're on speaking terms. I had a 449 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 4: lady who tell me not too long ago, and she 450 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,880 Speaker 4: was very, very sincere, but she said, Joe, this man 451 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,000 Speaker 4: came to me and he said, God told him that 452 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 4: I was supposed to leave my marriage. 453 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 5: And go off in a relationship with him. What do 454 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 5: you think? And I said, well, just put it this way. 455 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,199 Speaker 4: If you look up the word flaky in the dictionary, 456 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 4: you'll see his picture right next to That's as far 457 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 4: off as you can get. Because number one, God will 458 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,880 Speaker 4: never ask you to do something this outside his word. 459 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,159 Speaker 4: And if somebody is speaking into your life, most of 460 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 4: the time it should confirm what you already know. 461 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 5: There should be a peace and a rest about it. 462 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 5: I'm not saying it won't challenge you. Maybe it'll even 463 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,400 Speaker 5: convict you, but down in here you'll feel a peace 464 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,400 Speaker 5: about it. My father told one time a man came 465 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,760 Speaker 5: to him and said, Pastor's a man gave me a 466 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,199 Speaker 5: word that I'm supposed to go to Africa. What do 467 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 5: you think that? He said, I don't know. 468 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,160 Speaker 4: But if you do go, be sure you take him 469 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:13,359 Speaker 4: with you so you'll know when to come back. My 470 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 4: point is you can hear from God for yourself. You 471 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 4: don't need somebody always telling you what to do and 472 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 4: what not to do. Get out from under all those 473 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 4: controlling influences. If somebody is speaking into your life, you 474 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 4: know again that can be good, but it should confirm 475 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 4: you should feel a peace about it. If it's something 476 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 4: off the wall, you need to just smile and let 477 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 4: it go. In one ear and out the other ear. 478 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,359 Speaker 4: Recognize a controller and recognize if you're being controlled. A 479 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,199 Speaker 4: lot of times people that try to control you are 480 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 4: people that feel like you owe them something. 481 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:48,679 Speaker 5: Maybe they helped you. 482 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 4: Get a position at their company, and now in their minds, 483 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 4: you owe them. They expect you to do everything they want, 484 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,640 Speaker 4: go to lunch every time they invite you, run errands 485 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 4: for you. 486 00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 5: Now that's being controlled. 487 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 4: Or maybe somebody helped you out of a difficult place 488 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 4: in life, and now their attitude is you wouldn't be 489 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,879 Speaker 4: here if it wasn't for me. You better give me 490 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,720 Speaker 4: what I want. You better give me some attention, or 491 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 4: even with the spouse. Hey, I bought you that new car. 492 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,679 Speaker 4: I've got you in my will. You better live up 493 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 4: to my expectations. Don't fall into that trap. You are 494 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,920 Speaker 4: where you are by the grace of God. And yes, 495 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,520 Speaker 4: people may have helped you, but God doesn't want you 496 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 4: to live your life trying to pay somebody back. 497 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 5: That's being controlled. 498 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 4: He wants you to be free now, of course, be 499 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 4: good to people, be grateful, but don't live your life 500 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 4: just doing everything out of guilt and obligation. Well, I'm 501 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 4: gonna take you out of my will if you don't 502 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 4: go to this college, if you don't go into this career. Now, 503 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 4: I say this respectfully, but you don't need that money. 504 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 4: You follow what God has put in your heart and 505 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 4: you'll have everything that you need. Or you better live 506 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 4: with me. I rescued you out of that pit. You 507 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 4: better give me what I want. Think about where you 508 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,360 Speaker 4: be now, that's a controlling spirit. God does not want 509 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 4: you to live like that. And some of you right 510 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 4: now you're in a relationship that's not going anywhere. You 511 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,679 Speaker 4: know in your heart of hearts it's not right. But 512 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 4: that other person is so controlling. He wants you to 513 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 4: keep living with him. But you know he's never gonna 514 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 4: marry you. All he's concerned about is what you can 515 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,919 Speaker 4: do for him. That's a controller, that's a user. You've 516 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,440 Speaker 4: got to get free from that. God has so much 517 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 4: better in store for you. You say, Joel, if I leave, 518 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 4: you know I may not make it on my own. 519 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 4: I may not ever meet anybody else. Now, if you'll 520 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 4: take that step of faith. God will honor that decision. 521 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,640 Speaker 4: He'll not only make a way for you, but he'll 522 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,400 Speaker 4: bring somebody into your life that really loves you, somebody 523 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,439 Speaker 4: that will treat you the way that you should be 524 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 4: treated with honor and respect, and not somebody that's. 525 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 5: Just gonna use you for what they want. 526 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 4: Now, I know it's difficult, but you've got to stand 527 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 4: up to a controller. 528 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 5: If not, you'll go year after year in that same mess. 529 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 4: Unfortunately, it will not get better, it will continue to 530 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,959 Speaker 4: get worse. What a shame to come to the end 531 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 4: of your life. You have to think, Man, I never 532 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 4: did what I wanted. I just lived to please people. 533 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 5: I did everything out of guilt and obligation. I was 534 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 5: always being controlled. 535 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 4: No, make the necessary changes, recognize what's happening. And if 536 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,919 Speaker 4: you're the controller in one of those relationships, let me 537 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 4: challenge you. You're not going to be blessed doing that. 538 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 4: You're not only hurting that other person, but you're hurting 539 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 4: yourself because when you push them down, you're pushing God down. 540 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 4: God made that other person. You need to quit using them, 541 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 4: Quit being so selfish and having to have your way 542 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 4: all the time. Quit dominating every decision. Instead of just 543 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 4: living for yourself, why don't you start living to please 544 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 4: that other person. 545 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 5: Why don't you. 546 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,760 Speaker 4: Get up every morning and think about what you can 547 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 4: do for them and how you can make their life better. Friends, 548 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 4: it's never too late to change. And you may have 549 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 4: gone year after year developing bad habits, but thank god, 550 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 4: you can develop some good habits, and today can be 551 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 4: a new beginning. Today can be a turning point. Why 552 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 4: don't you do yourself a favor and. 553 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 5: Set some people free. 554 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 4: When you do that, you will experience a new sense 555 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 4: of freedom. The apostle Paul said there first Corinthians nine nineteen. 556 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 4: Although I am free in every way from anyone's control, 557 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,400 Speaker 4: I have made myself to be a servant to all, 558 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 4: he was saying, Because I'm free, I can be a 559 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 4: blessing wherever I go. That's what will happen to each 560 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,520 Speaker 4: one of us. When we're really free, we can serve others. 561 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 4: When we're really free, we can be a blessing. And 562 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 4: when we're really free, we can live our lives happy. 563 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 4: So I challenge you again, quit trying to run the universe, 564 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 4: Quit trying to control everybody and everything. 565 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 5: Take the pressure off yourself. 566 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 4: And take the pressure off those other people trying to 567 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 4: control you. You need to stand up to it. Do 568 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 4: it in love, but learn to set some boundaries. 569 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 5: If you'll do you a part and not be a 570 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 5: controller and not allow others to control you. I know this, 571 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 5: You're gonna rise higher, You're gonna be happier, You're gonna 572 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 5: experience that abundant life that God has in store. Do 573 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:22,399 Speaker 5: you receive it today? I know that you do. We 574 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 5: never like to closure broadcast without. 575 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,520 Speaker 4: Giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the lord of 576 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,240 Speaker 4: your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, 577 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 4: I'll repent of my sins. Come into my heart. 578 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 5: I make you my Lord and savior. 579 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 4: Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you 580 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 4: got born again. Get in a good Bible based church. 581 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 4: Keep God first place. 582 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 5: He's going to take your places that you've never dreamed of. 583 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 5: Thank you for listening to the joelus Deine podcast. 584 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 6: Help us continue to share the message of hope with 585 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 6: those all over the world. 586 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 5: Visit joelus Dein dot com give hope to give a 587 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 5: gift today. Thanks so much for listening to today's message. 588 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 4: I hope you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest 589 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,040 Speaker 4: podcast to keep you inspired all through the week. 590 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 5: We're praying for you. 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