Speaker 1: Welcome to Creature Future production of I Heart Radio. I'm
Speaker 1: your host of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology
Speaker 1: and evolutionary biology, and today on the Crab Show, Crabs,
Speaker 1: What the crab or crabs up to? Our crabs building
Speaker 1: a crab society? What kinds of crabstructions are the crabs
Speaker 1: crabbing up? Crab this, crab or this? And more? As
Speaker 1: we answer the age old crustacean I mean question, should
Speaker 1: we all be crabs? Joining me today is one of
Speaker 1: my favorite comedians, Twitter video artist and crab appreciator, Kylie
Speaker 1: Bragman Boca. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to talk about crabs. Yes, I am so excited to
Speaker 1: have you. You your tweets and your videos are amazing.
Speaker 1: And the reason I have you on today to talk
Speaker 1: about crabs is you have tweeted about crabs favorite roably. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've I've I've sent I've fired off some pro crab tweets.
Speaker 1: You can go on the record and say that, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, I had a feeling you were pro crab,
Speaker 1: but I'm glad that we could just like clear the
Speaker 1: air between us and Yeah, it's important to say it.
Speaker 1: It's a yeah, we're pro crab, damn it. And you
Speaker 1: actually have a tweet that shows some really interesting crab
Speaker 1: behavior of a sand bubbler crab. So it's a little
Speaker 1: little key toiny crab in the sand, digging, dig in
Speaker 1: a hole and it looks like you tweeted, cannot believe
Speaker 1: my guy built himself a hot tub in fifteen seconds flat.
Speaker 1: Uh and it. I mean this crab, Kylie, this crab,
Speaker 1: he's a precious little guy. He's a precious little guy.
Speaker 1: And more than that, he's an architect. I mean, because
Speaker 1: I feel like I've seen sand crabs before, like I
Speaker 1: just like I don't know, like the Santa Monica Beach,
Speaker 1: like the way they dig directly into the ground. But
Speaker 1: this guy amateur like a wori gig, like he's like
Speaker 1: building himself like it almost looks like a little iglue. Yeah. Actually, Kylie,
Speaker 1: that's what they're called by biologists. Really, you didn't even
Speaker 1: go to biology school and you knew what they were called.
Speaker 1: So I'm a doctor. I'm your doctor, I guess, doctor,
Speaker 1: Kylie Brickman. I have to say, now, yeah, you gotta
Speaker 1: re record the intro with that. Yeah, I mean like
Speaker 1: there are people who like got their pH d s
Speaker 1: and evolutionary biology, but it turns out, guys, you just
Speaker 1: got lapped by Kylie Bragman. Sorry, you gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: just you gotta be on it, guys, catch up biologists. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yes, they do build a little like hot tub
Speaker 1: dome out of sand. So they start out it looks
Speaker 1: like a cool little hot tub, but then they keep
Speaker 1: going until it's this full on dome that ensconces them.
Speaker 1: And they are teeny, twiny little guys. We we love
Speaker 1: to we love to talk about a tiny guy on
Speaker 1: this show. Um, they're about or tiny girls feel like
Speaker 1: guys not to gender it, but that is a crab
Speaker 1: sexist I'll have you know. That's for another episode. That's yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to go into crab sexism now. Well
Speaker 1: but yeah, so they are about point four inches wide
Speaker 1: or one centimeter and their sand colored because they live
Speaker 1: in sand, and sand is basically their whole deal. It's
Speaker 1: you know, that's that's their thing is sand. They really
Speaker 1: have made that their brand. I mean that's very clear.
Speaker 1: But just from this twenty second video, I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is a guy who knows about sand. I didn't realize
Speaker 1: they were one centimeter though. Ye tiny, I mean I
Speaker 1: was imagining like a couple inches of guy, But like
Speaker 1: that is a tiny tiny crab, not even an inch
Speaker 1: of guy. Uh yeah, no, they are very small, but
Speaker 1: with their small size they accomplish great things, such as
Speaker 1: including building that little iglu. They are found on tropical
Speaker 1: beaches all around the Indo Pacific Ocean, and they love
Speaker 1: wet sand. They love it, They eat it, live in it.
Speaker 1: Who doesn't love it? So they actually will eat sand.
Speaker 1: And when I say eat sand, they're not actually like
Speaker 1: shoving claw fulls of sand and just like eating the
Speaker 1: actual sand. But they filter out tiny particles of organic
Speaker 1: matter in the sand and eat that. So they like
Speaker 1: to filter through the sand. But they don't like getting
Speaker 1: buffeted around by the high tide. So what's just a
Speaker 1: little guy to do. You gott to create a burrow
Speaker 1: in the sand to hide when the tag comes in.
Speaker 1: So he's making himself like a little restaurant, like a
Speaker 1: little dining room. Yeah like, but it's a combination restaurant,
Speaker 1: dining room and bunker like bomb shelter. You know, he's
Speaker 1: a doomsday prepper. He is a doomsday prepper. To be fair,
Speaker 1: Doomsday does come every day, multiple times with the high tide.
Speaker 1: But yes, it could happen to us too, you know,
Speaker 1: alien high tides could happen, and so if we learned
Speaker 1: from these crabs, maybe we would be less skeptical of
Speaker 1: doomsday preppers. It could. No, there's a lot to learn there.
Speaker 1: I just think it's fascinating how many animals live like
Speaker 1: right on the high tide because it's constantly changing and
Speaker 1: it looks so dangerous. I'm like, how did life start
Speaker 1: in the ocean? That looks like the scariest place to live. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was terrified of the ocean when I was a
Speaker 1: kid because I remember I was playing on the sand
Speaker 1: building sand castle, which was really just kind of a
Speaker 1: pile of sand. It wasn't It didn't have like turrets
Speaker 1: or any kind of like no, like you know, flying
Speaker 1: buttresses or anything. It's like a pile. But you know, anyways,
Speaker 1: I was building my sandpile and then a wave come
Speaker 1: comes in and just completely rex me and my kingdom,
Speaker 1: and it was traumatizing. Damn, everything you built, everything you
Speaker 1: worked for gone in a second. I am Ozzy mandious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your kingdom gone. I definitely have like wave trauma where
Speaker 1: I don't like I go in like water. I go
Speaker 1: in the water where it's like small waves but big waves.
Speaker 1: I used to try and like body surf as a
Speaker 1: ten year old, and I just got saltwater in my
Speaker 1: nose too many times. And now I'm like, I stay away. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing quite like just standing in the ocean, minding
Speaker 1: your own business and then getting punched by water, absolutely
Speaker 1: pummeled as like a child decked in the face. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the ocean reminding us like I'm not for you, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you belong on land, you do not belong in me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: hey did you adapt? Did you adapt for the water?
Speaker 1: No eat can get up a sandwich made out of Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're all our school bullies. Yeah yeah. I got bullied
Speaker 1: by the ocean a lot when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a traumatizing thing. But that's why I
Speaker 1: feel like these these little sandbub are crabs, are heroes
Speaker 1: because they're they're these just little toyinies, little teeny toynies,
Speaker 1: and then the ocean is like, well, I'm gonna shove
Speaker 1: you in a locker, and it's like ha ha, not
Speaker 1: so fast. I've created an igloo out of sand, and
Speaker 1: now I'm in here and you can't get me. And
Speaker 1: in this little igloo, they've actually trapped a bubble of air.
Speaker 1: So they're totally fine. You know, they can breathe. They're fine,
Speaker 1: they're cool. They're just like chilling out in their little
Speaker 1: igloo while the tide is doing its stupid thing, and
Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, sure, do whatever you want, tied. I'm
Speaker 1: in here and I'm fine. I have a house. I'm
Speaker 1: a self sufficient guy. I'm a homeowner, all right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's paying a mortgage on that thing, Like, yeah, how
Speaker 1: many times does he make that in a day? Yeah? Yeah, exactly. Uh.
Speaker 1: And so, actually, in terms of breathing, even though crabs
Speaker 1: are aquatic or in this case, semi aquatic, they have
Speaker 1: gills that can breathe underwater, but they also have their
Speaker 1: gills can breathe in air as long as the gills
Speaker 1: are moist. You want to have moist gills. Always with
Speaker 1: the moist gills, right, yeah, as we know. But since
Speaker 1: sand bubblers spend so much time in the open air,
Speaker 1: they have also developed gas windows on their legs, which
Speaker 1: are membranous discs that researchers think is for gas exchange,
Speaker 1: so they might breathe with their legs. Maybe, whoa, that
Speaker 1: is innovation. Yeah, really, like we're not taking advantage of
Speaker 1: our legs. Our legs could be doing more. I know,
Speaker 1: I know. It's like, okay, so you can walk, all right,
Speaker 1: So you're one trick pony. You're saying legs, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you got one thing. What else you got? You gotta
Speaker 1: keep it, keep it fresh. I can't even smell with
Speaker 1: my feet. What is that? What do you mean? Like? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, there were not more evolved than these guys,
Speaker 1: Like I don't think we are. I think it's just different.
Speaker 1: I guess if they like skip leg day, then they
Speaker 1: could die, which you know, yeah, that's a little tough's
Speaker 1: I can't keep up with that. So, like you guessed correctly, Kylie,
Speaker 1: the protective domed burrow is uh called an igloo and
Speaker 1: they just chill out in there, perfectly safe, breathing, perfectly
Speaker 1: happy while the tide is going on creating a mass
Speaker 1: of everything. Um. But not only are they pros at
Speaker 1: rapid burrow construction multiple times a day because they have
Speaker 1: to rebuild the burrow after each tide cycle, they are
Speaker 1: also experts at making balls. So remember when I said
Speaker 1: they eat sand, I mean you probably do, because yes,
Speaker 1: that happened, um like a minute ago. Yeah yeah, well
Speaker 1: I think I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. They eat sand,
Speaker 1: but not really like the silica part of the sand.
Speaker 1: They eat the organic matter in the sand. So in
Speaker 1: order to like suck out all the good parts of
Speaker 1: the sand, and they have to filter through it, and
Speaker 1: the they do it unlike other crabs that just like
Speaker 1: pick up some sand and kind of filtered out and
Speaker 1: like spit it out. They put keep putting sand in
Speaker 1: their mouth parts and use water stored in their guilt
Speaker 1: chambers and turns it into this little vortex inside their mouths,
Speaker 1: and they wash the sand but in this circular motion,
Speaker 1: and they create a big ball of sand in their
Speaker 1: mouth and using the water to like flush all of
Speaker 1: the edible organic bits out of it until they have
Speaker 1: this clean ball of sand that they spit out. So
Speaker 1: the ball is like the waste. The ball is like
Speaker 1: what what they don't want to eat? Right exactly? The
Speaker 1: ball is the reject bits. And they have already sucked
Speaker 1: out all the juices from the sand, all the nutritious
Speaker 1: juice nutritious juices. Yummy, umy, sand yummy. If you've ever
Speaker 1: sucked on some sand, you know, you get go to
Speaker 1: the beach and sucking on sand. My favorite thing to
Speaker 1: do the New Diet. It's called sand. But like with
Speaker 1: an umla over the a and you just s sand.
Speaker 1: It's just a couple of handfuls of sand a day,
Speaker 1: and then you can work out so much better. You're
Speaker 1: so much more efficient. It's really good for being regular,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Just suck on some sand.
Speaker 1: Suck on that for being normal. It's for being regular, um,
Speaker 1: you know in the stomach sense, and regular normal as
Speaker 1: a person as well. These balls, I will say they
Speaker 1: also they are very cute. They look like boba, Yeah
Speaker 1: they do. They're very perfectly spherical balls like they make.
Speaker 1: They're just the perfect little size, and they're all kind
Speaker 1: of a uniform size because they keep making this ball
Speaker 1: and sucking out the juices of the sand until the
Speaker 1: ball is just too big for them to look over
Speaker 1: because they don't want to like have the ball so
Speaker 1: big that it impedes their eyesights so they can't watch
Speaker 1: out for predators. So just about the size of like
Speaker 1: a little marble, they spit it out and start sucking
Speaker 1: through so new sand. I'm looking at this gyp. It
Speaker 1: looks like they're doing it really fast. I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's a sped up, but it looks like it's instant.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's sped up that fast. It might
Speaker 1: be a little bit, but I think it's pretty quick
Speaker 1: because they don't. It just looks like they're going through
Speaker 1: like a ball shaped chamber. Like they're not like like
Speaker 1: completely just like molding it, like like you're on some
Speaker 1: sort of like a ceramic pot spinny thing. Like it's
Speaker 1: like it's not right, Yeah, it's not. It's not like
Speaker 1: a ghost where there's like one crab behind it and
Speaker 1: the music swells and they're like creating a ball together. No,
Speaker 1: it's just like they put it in the mouth there there.
Speaker 1: They like take their little pincers and go get like
Speaker 1: little bits of sand in the mouth. Again, the water
Speaker 1: in that they're using to flush all the yummies out
Speaker 1: of the sand is like creating this vortex in their
Speaker 1: mouth and it's like spinning around and then they just
Speaker 1: chuck out a ball. They're like little ball making machines.
Speaker 1: They're so cute. It's adorable, they could create like a
Speaker 1: little marble factory. They could labor. Yeah, hey, look, if
Speaker 1: we have an exploited animal labor enough, here's a new
Speaker 1: way to do it. I'm just always thinking about capitalism,
Speaker 1: thinking about it. The reason I teach people about animals
Speaker 1: to appreciate the beauty and intriguing nature of the animal
Speaker 1: kingdom is so we can monetize it. Yeah, because if
Speaker 1: if these crabs aren't making me money, why are they
Speaker 1: doing this weird thing? Work crab or not sadder? Right?
Speaker 1: Work crabber work crab or not sadder. That's a good one.
Speaker 1: That's I'm very good at. I'm a word smith. Anyways, Um,
Speaker 1: these are called pseudo fecal pellets. Pseudo fecal pellets the
Speaker 1: marbles are yeah, because they're waste, but they don't come
Speaker 1: out of there, but so they're not They don't passed
Speaker 1: through like it's it's kind of an instantaneous right, It's
Speaker 1: like it's feces, but instead of going through their whole
Speaker 1: digestive system, it just goes through the mouth. So they're
Speaker 1: called pseudal fecal pellets, which I feel like scientists just
Speaker 1: love to make everything cute and fun. Sound really really gross. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they're just making a little ball. It's like sitting
Speaker 1: out the pit of an olive. Yeah, you mean a
Speaker 1: sudi fecal all of a pseudo fecal alive reject all
Speaker 1: of detric detri detritus de tried us. Yeah, I like
Speaker 1: to come the mouth turds, you know, just pop out
Speaker 1: a mouth. There you go, popping out a mouth turd
Speaker 1: at a fancy restaurant. Waiter, excuse me, waiter, please take
Speaker 1: away this bowl of mouth turds from the all. Bring
Speaker 1: me a bowl from my mouth turds please. Uh. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But because they go through so much pieces of sand,
Speaker 1: they actually create these huge patterns, relatively big compared to
Speaker 1: the Tony crab of just a hunch of balls, hundreds
Speaker 1: of balls, because they're just like, you know, make a ball,
Speaker 1: suck out the juices, move on to the next spot.
Speaker 1: It can create these like spiral patterns that the crabs.
Speaker 1: They look like crop circles almost. Yeah, Like it looks
Speaker 1: like like tiny aliens just came on the beach and
Speaker 1: made a crop circle out of sand balls. This is
Speaker 1: so fascinating. They're just like their tiny little garbonzo beans
Speaker 1: like in the shapes of creepy little rings. Yeah, that's nuts.
Speaker 1: So are they just doing this in a circle, Like
Speaker 1: they're just making all these balls and then like spinning
Speaker 1: around like it looks like they're it's very methodical. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's probably just kind of like radially going
Speaker 1: further and further from the the inception point of like,
Speaker 1: because they can also like dig deep and start pulling
Speaker 1: up uh sand from like these feeding trenches. But if
Speaker 1: the quality of the sand is good enough on the
Speaker 1: surface where it's nutrient rich, they will come out of
Speaker 1: their little hidy hole, a little dome that they make,
Speaker 1: and just start processing sand when the tide is low,
Speaker 1: and they probably just like they start closest to their little,
Speaker 1: uh temporary burrow and then just start making more and
Speaker 1: more sand. Sometimes they like will uh come at like
Speaker 1: start digging deep in the sand and excavate out balls
Speaker 1: and chuck balls out of the hole. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's this inadvertent. All right, Well, I guess I
Speaker 1: gotta move two steps to the right and make more
Speaker 1: sandballs and suck on them. Yeah. Yeah, you just gotta
Speaker 1: you just gotta blow through the whole whole sand patch.
Speaker 1: You gotta make your way around the town. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: like you gotta paint the town red with your juicy sandballs.
Speaker 1: You gotta. That's what I say. That's what I say
Speaker 1: before a night out. Yeah, that's what I say too.
Speaker 1: I think everyone does, so we're not. I think everyone does.
Speaker 1: The big trope it is they put it on bachelorette
Speaker 1: party merch. Yeah, but I just love that. Like, if
Speaker 1: you saw this on the beach, you would think like
Speaker 1: aliens or art textbook aliens. That looks very textbook alien instant.
Speaker 1: I'm like, either some one demented kid did this or
Speaker 1: a bunch of aliens. Possible. Possible. Yeah, I mean kids do.
Speaker 1: Like you give kids wet sand and they do go bananas. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do. Remember when I was a kid, my friend
Speaker 1: had some membership to this like private special beach, very
Speaker 1: fancy it was. I don't know where it was. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's somewhere near Huntington Beach or something,
Speaker 1: but it had this like like this nice sand and
Speaker 1: the waves weren't like as intense, and we would make
Speaker 1: ourselves like a human size hot tub like we would.
Speaker 1: The objective of the day was to dig out enough
Speaker 1: space for all of us to sit in and then
Speaker 1: the waves would eventually come in and like fill the
Speaker 1: tub and eventually it would like bring in more and
Speaker 1: more sand. But I relate to this, yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I I remember doing stuff like that. You just
Speaker 1: dig in the sand and then like your swimsuit gets
Speaker 1: completely full with like sand, so it makes it look
Speaker 1: like you took a dump in your swimsuit. Remember that
Speaker 1: you'd like be in the in the sand hot tub
Speaker 1: because I grew up in San Diego, so I was
Speaker 1: your in this life. I'm a mariner essentially. Um. But
Speaker 1: the worst part is like you'd stand up from the
Speaker 1: sand pit, the the salty, watery sandpit, and then it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I'm full of sand? Now, how could this have happened? Possibly?
Speaker 1: And this? Yeah, I hate going into the ocean and
Speaker 1: then just turning your swimsuit over and then just like
Speaker 1: feeling all the sand coming out. It's it's traumatizing. Which
Speaker 1: I feel like these crabs know how to organize sand
Speaker 1: really well, and so we could hire them to help
Speaker 1: organize the sand for us. Right, It's like, hey, like
Speaker 1: I get sand everywhere, and then I come home and
Speaker 1: sand it's everywhere. It just gets everywhere, but then they're
Speaker 1: really good at organizing all the sand into little balls. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If the sand was in all these like knee little balls,
Speaker 1: that wouldn't be happening. We wouldn't we wouldn't have this problem.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately every time the tide comes in it ruins
Speaker 1: their their sandball artwork that they do. Uh So that's
Speaker 1: a shame. Yeah, I feel like the moral of this
Speaker 1: episode is the tides are mean and bullies. It's just like,
Speaker 1: I mean, in a way, it's sort of beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: like this ethereal like or maybe ephemeral is the word.
Speaker 1: I'm looking for. Nothing lasts forever. They're uh like, you
Speaker 1: can make an art, make art and then it will
Speaker 1: just disappear, and you can try and make a name
Speaker 1: for yourself with the tide will wash you away too,
Speaker 1: And maybe that's sad, but maybe it's kind of freeing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, my feeling though, is we should maybe blow
Speaker 1: up the moon and stop having tides. Like that's a
Speaker 1: really nice sack, could be fun, just like one giant lake. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like your sentiment of like, oh everything is temporary, it's cool,
Speaker 1: but hey, guess what, the moon could also be temporary.
Speaker 1: We could stop having these goddamn tides. Yeah, you're on
Speaker 1: a you're on a mission. You're gonna get rid of
Speaker 1: that guy. Yeah, I'm on team Crab here, I'm on
Speaker 1: I'm on team sand Bubbler Crab Crab versus Moon. It's
Speaker 1: time And they've been feuding for centuries, just like King
Speaker 1: Kong and Godzilla ancient feud, and it's time we do
Speaker 1: something about it. It's time we pick a side. What
Speaker 1: I'm saying is that, you know, there's not enough room
Speaker 1: for both crab and Moon, and personally I side with Crab.
Speaker 1: I like crab. We gotta stand with our fellow carbon
Speaker 1: based life form, you know, like what is the Moon
Speaker 1: done for me lately? Yeah, And as we've talked about
Speaker 1: on the show before, Carsonization is the routine habit of
Speaker 1: evolution of continually evolving crabs over and over again, separately,
Speaker 1: which just keeps on happening. Which means, so crabs are
Speaker 1: coming from different points on the tree essentially essentially, I
Speaker 1: mean like it's it's all coming from crustaceans or you know,
Speaker 1: like so specific node on the tree, but crustaceans keep
Speaker 1: independently evolving into crab form over and over again. Even spiders,
Speaker 1: which are not crustaceans but they are arthropods, do sometimes
Speaker 1: kind of turn into crab form, as do other Arthur
Speaker 1: pod other insects. Did spiders come from crab? Where did
Speaker 1: spiders come from? That's my big question in this episode
Speaker 1: about crabs is where does spiders come from? Spiders don't
Speaker 1: come from crabs, But spiders and crab do share a
Speaker 1: common ancestor because they're both arthur pods. But spider and
Speaker 1: crab diverged quite a while ago, so they're not very
Speaker 1: close relatives. But there are things called spider crabs, which
Speaker 1: we will talk about later. Um, but they aren't called
Speaker 1: that because they're spiders. They're called that because of their long,
Speaker 1: sexy legs. So they just have a spider vibe. They
Speaker 1: got a daddy logs they gotta they got a daddy
Speaker 1: long legs fibe. Right now, I can't. Twitter has ruined me.
Speaker 1: Now I can't say daddy long legs without anyways. Um, well,
Speaker 1: that's a good point at which I think we could
Speaker 1: take a commercial break for me to rinse my brain
Speaker 1: out with soap. Wait, I don't know the daddy long
Speaker 1: legs reference. No, there's no reference. It's just like it's
Speaker 1: everyone's like, like daddy, whatever, daddy? Ye, daddy? What did
Speaker 1: I miss? What disgusting daddy did I miss? I'm keeping
Speaker 1: this in welcome back. No, Kylie thought I was referencing something,
Speaker 1: and no, it turns out I'm just All you have
Speaker 1: to do is say like daddy or anything like even
Speaker 1: tangentially suggestive of something father. Father. It's a funny word,
Speaker 1: you know, Daddy's hilarious. It is. I love daddy. It
Speaker 1: is funny. Used to be like you daddy, who calls
Speaker 1: it daddy? But now I's like anything like a shirt
Speaker 1: with the word daddy his technical it's it's such. It's so,
Speaker 1: it's so trashy and good. It's like and I just
Speaker 1: love the overuse of it. Like someone sees a hamburger
Speaker 1: and they're like, mm, feed me sandwich, daddy, and it's like, yeah, okay, great,
Speaker 1: let's I feel like non men are reclaiming the word
Speaker 1: daddy from the like I feel like it used to be.
Speaker 1: This is chance, I'm sorry, brief, non crab, tangent. I
Speaker 1: feel like men were like, daddy is our word. You
Speaker 1: say it because we're in control, we're daddy. But now
Speaker 1: everyone else is like, no, weird Daddy. Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think you understand. Weird Daddy. We're daddy, and mommy we're daddy.
Speaker 1: Where mommy, we're daddy. We are all one. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think how to tie this back into crabs. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about crab daddy's. Fiddler crabs are pretty cool, right
Speaker 1: because they got them big old, big old fiddle on them.
Speaker 1: Just they have a fiddle on them. They have these
Speaker 1: like sharp clean lines too, very sleek. Yeah. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: built like a car, like a Maserati. I'm gonna pretend
Speaker 1: I know about cars. I'm just gonna say some car
Speaker 1: names right now. Corvette, that's one of them. Uh, Chevy Vault,
Speaker 1: um sports car. Ford Fiesta. They're built like a Ford Fiesta. Um,
Speaker 1: so you know they have They're called fiddler crabs because
Speaker 1: one of their claws. And this only applies to the
Speaker 1: crab daddy's I'm afraid to say another problem with crab feminism.
Speaker 1: But the male crabs have a huge claw and one
Speaker 1: little tiny claw. So they have this big, single, meaty,
Speaker 1: chunky claw, the daddy of all claws. And I guess
Speaker 1: because their claws so big. People when they were naming
Speaker 1: animals back in the day, like hundreds of years ago.
Speaker 1: They're like, that's a fiddle because we have fiddles, because
Speaker 1: we're old, and right now it's fiddles. It's not like
Speaker 1: uh um, I'm trying to think of what the modern
Speaker 1: equivalent with. Yeah, it's an iPod touch right right. If
Speaker 1: we had discovered this crab nowadays, we would have called
Speaker 1: it an iPod crab. Isn't it sad? Isn't it sad?
Speaker 1: What this world has come to. We've replaced that that
Speaker 1: we can't name things. It's sad that everything's been named. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we gotta go deeper and smaller. Like you get you
Speaker 1: can start getting small, you start finding really cool things
Speaker 1: because it's like, man, we just looked over them the
Speaker 1: last time we were looking, So I bet we could
Speaker 1: find a new I bet you the next time we
Speaker 1: discover a new species of crab, I'm going to get
Speaker 1: in touch with you and you get to name it.
Speaker 1: I would love to do that. I would love to
Speaker 1: do that for the scientific community. I want to be
Speaker 1: like some sort of biologists that runs around naming things,
Speaker 1: like on the naming committee, and Pete will come to
Speaker 1: me and they're like, I found this weird slug, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, cool, that's a bedtime slug. Next, and then
Speaker 1: it just becomes like a whole, a whole life force.
Speaker 1: Give me a good give me a good new species
Speaker 1: of crab name go okay um uh window silk crab.
Speaker 1: It's like a very pensive small Yeah. I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's really good. That's actually legitimately really good. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's sort of like introverted tumbler cup of tea type crab. Well,
Speaker 1: speaking of introverted tumbler cup of tea type of crab,
Speaker 1: I think fiddler crabs, at least certain fiddler crabs are
Speaker 1: shyer than other fiddler crabs. And there's an academic paper
Speaker 1: that actually refers to shy crabs. So we'll we'll get
Speaker 1: into that in a little boot that's freshes. Yes, So
Speaker 1: fiddler crabs, it's not just one species. There are over
Speaker 1: a hundred species of fiddler crabs, all varying in appearance
Speaker 1: and behavior. So, just to reiterate, the female fiddler crabs
Speaker 1: have two normal size small claws, and males have one
Speaker 1: little clawn, one big honk and claw. Uh so it's
Speaker 1: big honk and claw. Like maybe it's just the specific picture,
Speaker 1: but it looks like he's got like a really firm handshake,
Speaker 1: like he's shaken out with his big honker and um
Speaker 1: it feels like a power play. Yeah, it is absolutely.
Speaker 1: In fact, they do really firm handshakes with each other
Speaker 1: to try to compete for mates with their big honk
Speaker 1: and claw, just like humans. Do you know how like
Speaker 1: two men meet and they're just like, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try to squeeze the blood out of your hand
Speaker 1: and somehow they'll make me a better uh person working
Speaker 1: at this office building. Yeah, let's see who's the alpha
Speaker 1: of this insurance company exactly. I mean, like really again,
Speaker 1: evolution loves a crab and we're like, oh, we're humans
Speaker 1: were nothing like crabs. But come on, like, you go
Speaker 1: to any insurance company, any all state, like find people
Speaker 1: doing crab stuff, like firm handshakes. You find a guy
Speaker 1: with one giant arm that uses to shake with shaking
Speaker 1: hand that's a shaken hand, and the best numbers, he
Speaker 1: has the best sales. Everyone worships him because he's in charge, right, God,
Speaker 1: he'd be king of the Fiddler crabs with his big
Speaker 1: old shaken hand. Yeah, they love Muddy and sandy beaches,
Speaker 1: both crabs and people at insurance companies. They live in
Speaker 1: mangroves as well, and even salt marshes on coastal regions
Speaker 1: around the world, and they come in a variety of fun,
Speaker 1: fruity flavors. There's the lemon Fiddlers of Fiji, who are
Speaker 1: lemon flavored and yellow, bright yellow. There's the watermelon Fiddler
Speaker 1: of the Western Pacific who comes in watermelon colors. This
Speaker 1: guy looks like a watermelon. Yeah. I want to pop
Speaker 1: him in my mouth and like gusher's chew on them,
Speaker 1: But I know that would be a bad time. It
Speaker 1: just wouldn't be the type of gush you want, the
Speaker 1: wrong type of gush, you know. Yeah. Unfortunately, they come
Speaker 1: in grape flavor. There's a purple one. Who's I assume
Speaker 1: grape flavored. I'm I'm going to assume that these don't
Speaker 1: just taste like crab meat, and they actually taste like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's gatorade rules that tastes purple. I can tell. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love how like grape flavor is just purple flavor
Speaker 1: because it doesn't taste like grape gap flavor. It doesn't.
Speaker 1: It tastes nothing like grape. That was always my big
Speaker 1: gripe with grape was like ripe with grape. It was
Speaker 1: my big grape gripe. It was I'm like, this doesn't
Speaker 1: taste like a grape because I love a grape, but
Speaker 1: I hate welch. Is what's going on here? Right? Because
Speaker 1: it's purple flavored. It's not grape flavored. That's just purple.
Speaker 1: And it's like you either have to be pro purple
Speaker 1: flavored or pro grape flavored. Like I don't think I
Speaker 1: think you gotta pick fence sitters. Anyways, I'm I'm whatever,
Speaker 1: whatever flavor this crab is, that's the side I'm going
Speaker 1: to take. Uh. And then there's a red bull flavor
Speaker 1: crab who's bright blue, bright red, looks like a red
Speaker 1: bull can This guy is in a mosh pit, like
Speaker 1: he's giving me a scary energy. Yeah, he's got like
Speaker 1: one of those uh, one of those like necklaces remember
Speaker 1: what we had in the nineties. Yeah. Yeah, because he's
Speaker 1: a crab. And that makes sense too because he's on
Speaker 1: the beach. Yeah, he'd find a little shark tooth. We've
Speaker 1: a little rope for himself. Yeah, he's got a hacky
Speaker 1: sack and he's not good at it, but boy don't
Speaker 1: he still have that hacky sack. He's aggressive about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no, he's always going anyways. I actually
Speaker 1: think this one might be a female because both of
Speaker 1: its claws are the same. But still just you can
Speaker 1: meet a girl in a smash pitch. She's that of course. Yeah. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I've watched a mosh pit. I haven't gone in it,
Speaker 1: but you know observed, no, no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: get I'm five too, I'd get like absolutely right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I uh. I just don't like sweat, you know, which
Speaker 1: is funny because I sweat a lot, but regardless to
Speaker 1: be in those places because it's always just at eye
Speaker 1: level with like, right, boy, armpit and it just isn't
Speaker 1: like a good time. You're just breathing in like the
Speaker 1: worst part. You kind of slap into something and it
Speaker 1: makes a wet slapping noise and it's like, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the arm pit against my face. I don't want that anyways.
Speaker 1: Another reason that for us to become more crab because like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure their arm pits are better than ours. Crabs
Speaker 1: don't go to raves, Yeah, crabs don't. Well that's not
Speaker 1: necessarily true, but why they got them big claws to
Speaker 1: be hot and sexy and, like we discussed earlier, to
Speaker 1: have aggressive handshakes and win in the battle of the handshakes.
Speaker 1: So the big claw isn't really good for anything other
Speaker 1: than looking nice and meaty and sexy. The little claw
Speaker 1: does all the work for feeding. I think that's also
Speaker 1: another reason why they're called fiddler crabs, is like they
Speaker 1: have the big claw and they got the little claws,
Speaker 1: so the little claws like going, and so they're like, oh, yes, indeed,
Speaker 1: this looks like a fiddler. I'm quite smart. My name
Speaker 1: is Quincy feather Bottom, and I'm naming the crab because
Speaker 1: I found the seven, isn't it. I'm covered in rickets
Speaker 1: and this year crab looks like he's got a little fiddle.
Speaker 1: Not cute anyway. So I'm thirty five, so I'm retiring.
Speaker 1: Time to die. I'm really roasting people in the six hundreds. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they've got their high horse for far too long. Good. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So they communicate to each other through claw gesters, you know,
Speaker 1: just like New Yorker's am I right, just like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm walking here, That's what they're doing. I'm walking here.
Speaker 1: They're always going, hey, I'm walking here. That's all their
Speaker 1: scientific paper on that say hey I'm here. The hey
Speaker 1: I'm walking here phenomenon A study an intergenerational study of crabshages. Yeah,
Speaker 1: published in Crabs Monthly bi monthly. Anyways, So if a
Speaker 1: male wants to mate with a female, he will wave
Speaker 1: his big meaty claw at her and engage in ritual
Speaker 1: combat with other males where they test their cloth strength
Speaker 1: and growth against each other. I have given you a
Speaker 1: video of the fight. Doesn't really have a good soundtrack,
Speaker 1: so you can listen to it with oh here we go. Okay,
Speaker 1: listen to it without the sound Crab fight? Is this
Speaker 1: a famous video? Have I maybe seen this? No? I
Speaker 1: don't think it is. It's only got twenty seven views.
Speaker 1: But okay, this is not the This is not the
Speaker 1: fight I thought it was. I think I'm thinking of
Speaker 1: a hermit crab fight. Okay, okay, I see it. They're
Speaker 1: like in hands yeah, dont the Star Star Trek Star
Speaker 1: Wars fight music, you know, gret sense and but it's
Speaker 1: like a real, real firm handshake. It looks like they're
Speaker 1: not even looking at each other there now, they're just
Speaker 1: doing mirror exercises there just moving them at the same time.
Speaker 1: I don't know what this is really proving, uh, Like
Speaker 1: what are they proving to each other right now? I mean,
Speaker 1: you know who got the biggest claw, the biggest, baddest claw. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know who's best. I guess they can't like eyeball it.
Speaker 1: It's kind of how they move it to which I do. Actually,
Speaker 1: actually they do sometimes eyeball it. In fact, like some
Speaker 1: crabs have a strategy of having a bigger claw, but
Speaker 1: it's more useless. But the if the claw is big enough,
Speaker 1: it might just intimidate another crab visually, and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't want to mess with that big claw. But
Speaker 1: it turns out it's not very good claw. It's kind
Speaker 1: of a crummy father Like I'm just not even good.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get wrecked. Yeah. Actually, so the claus like,
Speaker 1: if they lose a claw, they will regenerate a new
Speaker 1: claw as they moll which is normal for for crabs
Speaker 1: and other crustaceans. But in some species, if the male
Speaker 1: loses a big claw, uh, the other claw then starts
Speaker 1: to grow bigger and bigger, so that other claw becomes
Speaker 1: the big claw and the old big claw just regrows
Speaker 1: into a small claw. So you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: that's weird. Wow, that's nuts that they could just they're like, nope,
Speaker 1: Like it would be like if we lost an arm
Speaker 1: and then we wanted to make it a leg. It
Speaker 1: would just no, it would be the other way around.
Speaker 1: Well I don't like it'd be like you cut off
Speaker 1: an arm and your other arm gets huge, but then
Speaker 1: you grow another normal sized arm. Yeah, then you would. Okay,
Speaker 1: so okay, so their big arm gets cut off, their
Speaker 1: tiny arm grows into a big army, and then what
Speaker 1: happens to the other arm, the one that's into a
Speaker 1: tiny arm, So they just switch. They just switch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like if someone kind of I have to have
Speaker 1: a big arm at all times. Yeah, it's like if
Speaker 1: fascinating if you're like right handed or left handed and
Speaker 1: then someone cut off your dominant hands, so then you
Speaker 1: became a dominant hand in the other hand, but then
Speaker 1: your other hand and grew into it the other hand.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I made it more confusing anyways, No, I
Speaker 1: think I get it. I think okay, big claw get
Speaker 1: fall off, grow into small claw, but small claw grow
Speaker 1: into big claw. Yeah. There we go to three. Also,
Speaker 1: you may sometimes see a fiddler crab rip off its
Speaker 1: own claw. Don't worry that normal, it's okay. It's usually
Speaker 1: if their claw gets injured, they will self amputate, or
Speaker 1: if they're feeling threatened, they will self amputate and throw
Speaker 1: the claw at the predator. Either way, it's like if
Speaker 1: they don't yeah, yeah, they're just like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: need this claw anymore, Like it's dead weight, it's too injured.
Speaker 1: So they just rip it off, throw it and grow
Speaker 1: new one, and it's fine. That's crazy, okay. So they
Speaker 1: throw it at predators, like is this other crabs or
Speaker 1: is this like a bigger like species that it isn't
Speaker 1: their own? They'll just chuck it. Usually it's a different species.
Speaker 1: It could be like a I suppose if there's a
Speaker 1: crab that wants to eat them. But usually the self
Speaker 1: amputation and throwing out a predator is to give the
Speaker 1: predators something to snack on while they run away. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, hey, here you go. It's not
Speaker 1: like here's a scary thing, because I feel like that
Speaker 1: wouldn't be that scary. Yeah, no, it's not. It's not
Speaker 1: to scare them it's like, oh, you want to eat me, Well,
Speaker 1: here's an order derve see you. Uh, if you take
Speaker 1: my wallet, don't kill me, right right? Except your wallet
Speaker 1: is is your arm? Yeah. I feel like if you
Speaker 1: were getting mugged and you like held your wallet in
Speaker 1: your hand and you're like, okay, take my whole army,
Speaker 1: you start like trying to chop off your own arm
Speaker 1: to give them, I feel like they would just leave
Speaker 1: you alone. Yeah, they'd be like, Okay, they probably don't
Speaker 1: have a lot in their wallet because they're acting really
Speaker 1: really weird, right right, So whatever they have in there,
Speaker 1: I don't want to see. Whatever they have in there,
Speaker 1: it's not good. It's probably fingers. Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: that's all right. Yeah. Just you have a nice day, ma'am.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so you know Claus Shenanigans with claws. The
Speaker 1: reason I'm actually talking about Fiddler crabs isn't because of
Speaker 1: their big giant claws. It's because they build chimbleys. They
Speaker 1: built chimneys. Oh my god, Fiddler on the Roof Yeah,
Speaker 1: with a chimney. Wow, that's fascinating. What are okay are
Speaker 1: these these are the chimneys right here? They're like little tubes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: little tubes. What is the purpose of it? You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes they just want to do a little fireplace and
Speaker 1: you know, no, that's not just hanging out. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: hanging out in the living room with their little crab
Speaker 1: cup of coffee and in a good crab book for
Speaker 1: a long day of avoiding tides. Yeah, like like reading
Speaker 1: cribe and crab prejudice, Crab crab pride and crab prejudice,
Speaker 1: crab pride and crab prejudice of crab wrath yeah, crabs
Speaker 1: of crab crab Yeah, thank you. Yes, crab prey love
Speaker 1: is a good one. It's about self care. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's about self crab dulization. Anyways, crabs do chimneys.
Speaker 1: They make a chimney, uh, and what it is. So
Speaker 1: it's interesting because not all fiddler crabs make chimneys. Even
Speaker 1: within a single species of fiddler crabs, only some uh
Speaker 1: specimens will make these chimneys. It tends to be females. Um.
Speaker 1: But males will sometimes make these chimneys. And basically they
Speaker 1: build them. They have their their burrow that they hide
Speaker 1: in for safety, uh, and then they build this chimney
Speaker 1: up from usually their burrows just a hole and then
Speaker 1: they build a chimney up from that hole. Uh and
Speaker 1: then they pop out like olll Gov. You wan't me
Speaker 1: to sweep of chimney, you know from Harry Remember remember
Speaker 1: Harry Potter, when Harry Potter the chimneys. Yeah, I remember
Speaker 1: Harry Poppins and the Sorcerer's chim chimbley sweep with Harry
Speaker 1: popper Off. That was so sad when Doubledore had to
Speaker 1: watch all those kids. Yeah, and Dumbledore flies in on
Speaker 1: his umbrella. He is like the you know, like we're
Speaker 1: gonna make you fight Wizard Hitler. That was a good movie,
Speaker 1: right right, yeah, yeah, the whole Nazi allegory. There's so
Speaker 1: much going on there. Yeah yeah, yeah, good good movie.
Speaker 1: Dick Van Dyke classic, classic, class a great role for him.
Speaker 1: Harry Potter was a wonderful role for Dick van dye.
Speaker 1: It was it was he was so good at it.
Speaker 1: All the capers he did, all cutting the capers, dancing
Speaker 1: with the penguins with his magic wand that's what really
Speaker 1: got about the ground. I mean, that's what made me
Speaker 1: realize who Dick Van Dyke was. So I'm on the map. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, so a bunch of Dick van Dyke little
Speaker 1: crabs in their little chimneys. Uh, and they apparently sometimes
Speaker 1: the chimneys are really well constructed, like this, neat little too.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just a pile of dirt, pile of sand.
Speaker 1: Didn't do you that? Some of these guys are not
Speaker 1: very good. I don't want to be rude to them,
Speaker 1: but not tough love. I don't know if they're that
Speaker 1: good at it. Give it to them straight there they suck. Actually,
Speaker 1: I just like I have a lot of notes personally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: some of these just don't look like chimneys. That's the note.
Speaker 1: Some of them looks looks just like a pile of sand. Guys,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Come on, what are you doing here?
Speaker 1: Just take some classes, build just skills up, and you know,
Speaker 1: come back to me when you're ready. Maybe are Yeah,
Speaker 1: take a step back and look at what you've done,
Speaker 1: and it's like, does this look like a chimney to you?
Speaker 1: Doesn't look like a chimney to me? You might have
Speaker 1: to do something to me when you're ready. Okay, come
Speaker 1: back to me when you're ready to get out of
Speaker 1: my Keep doing it, though, but keep doing it, but
Speaker 1: keep at it keeping in the little let's keep in
Speaker 1: touch because I think there's something here. Let's just keep talking.
Speaker 1: You have my email, Let's keep the dialogue open. Uh,
Speaker 1: don't be a stranger. But yeah, no, but no, but no,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no. So the
Speaker 1: reason they build these chimneys is partially a mystery. Recent
Speaker 1: research suggests that it's maybe to confuse predators and aggressive
Speaker 1: con specifics. That means just a con specific means someone
Speaker 1: else in your own species, Like, uh, you're you're con
Speaker 1: specific to me. Um, uh yeah, and I'm a con
Speaker 1: specific to you. You know, con specifics here. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like a calmrade of yeah, yeah exactly. But sometimes,
Speaker 1: you know, you saw these crabs like doing thegressive handshake,
Speaker 1: and if some like if a bill from accounting is
Speaker 1: like like handshake with me, it's like please, no, just
Speaker 1: how about I go down my chimney. Don't thank you.
Speaker 1: We don't need to shake hands. We don't need to
Speaker 1: bring handshaking back. No, No, that was a good thing
Speaker 1: that we lost. You know. There's like like there's a
Speaker 1: lot of like go back to normal after the pandemic,
Speaker 1: but there are some things that I think we can
Speaker 1: keep like no handshakes, although it is coming back a
Speaker 1: little bit. I had to shake a couple of hands recently,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know you, we could have just
Speaker 1: not done it, Like this is the way for us
Speaker 1: to have met without doing it. This is a critical
Speaker 1: time in the reintroduction of people to other people, which
Speaker 1: is that we could maybe stop that from happening. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we have an opportunity to change, and I just don't
Speaker 1: know if we'll take it. Yeah. Also I have bad hands. Uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you call it. It's just bad hands,
Speaker 1: where like my hand is the wrong, wrong level of moisture,
Speaker 1: wrong temperature, it's bad hands. And so I don't want
Speaker 1: to dry hands. Yeah. Well my hands are like dry
Speaker 1: on the top and then wet on the bottom, and
Speaker 1: they aren't the right level of heat because sometimes they're cold,
Speaker 1: but sometimes they're too hot. And so I don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to have to touch my hands. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: want to deal with it. And also like I have
Speaker 1: really small hands and people comment on it a lot
Speaker 1: and they'll god, baby hand and I'm like, I wish
Speaker 1: I hadn't shown you are you little tidy baby baby?
Speaker 1: We can't have a business meeting because you're just a
Speaker 1: little baby. How do you hold onto a glass of milk? At?
Speaker 1: Oh baby, that's you a glass of water, but clearly
Speaker 1: you couldn't hold one because you're a little baby. Or
Speaker 1: you want to sign this contract, you want me to
Speaker 1: get you a smaller pin for your baby hands? Yeah, here,
Speaker 1: take some crayons. Oh man, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That
Speaker 1: is super awkward. Like, well, I know it's it's um
Speaker 1: a constant struggle, but U and I can tell it
Speaker 1: looks like it uh no, but but no, I that
Speaker 1: is like, don't your hand looks normal? I think I
Speaker 1: just have I think it looks normal on zoom because
Speaker 1: I think my face is just kind of small too,
Speaker 1: so like in proportion. But like if I shook hands
Speaker 1: with like an adult man, they're like people will grab
Speaker 1: my hands and be like that's a small hand. Okay,
Speaker 1: I mean that's a little bit like you know, like
Speaker 1: it's maybe maybe this guy has big hands. Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: your hands are just like abnormally large. Have you thought
Speaker 1: about that? Yeah, no one ever thinks about that. No
Speaker 1: one ever self reflects. You know, you know what, maybe
Speaker 1: my hands could be a little bit smaller. Maybe it
Speaker 1: would be a little bit considerate of me, shave them
Speaker 1: down a little bit, maybe keep your hands a little smaller,
Speaker 1: like like, oh, pancake hands, you know. Uh yeah, no, don't,
Speaker 1: don't like don't. That's that's the key thing. Like a
Speaker 1: handshake generally means you're just meeting someone, and so I
Speaker 1: think like commenting, oh, you have little baby hands is
Speaker 1: maybe something you shouldn't do when you're just meeting someone.
Speaker 1: I'm not an expert on politeness or making friends, so
Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but I guess it is usually
Speaker 1: people I know well or like people I somewhat know,
Speaker 1: where there's some situation, like there will be some situation
Speaker 1: in which we have to hold it our hands or
Speaker 1: hands the center. And then they'll say, well, you're a professional.
Speaker 1: Every time you see your friends, you shake hands with them. Yes,
Speaker 1: I say hello, very lovely to see you. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy to be working with you. And then we sign
Speaker 1: a bunch of Crown tracts and then we you know,
Speaker 1: we hang out. We watched glasses of milk. Yeah, uh yeah,
Speaker 1: don't don't talk about people's hand sizes. Um, but if
Speaker 1: you're a crab, like they're constantly talking about their class sizes.
Speaker 1: That's the whole world again. Just like if your friend
Speaker 1: says like, oh, your hands are small, but like that's
Speaker 1: a very crab thing to say. That's a very crab behavior,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, that's crab behavior. It's not people behavior.
Speaker 1: We're being You're you're using crab voices. Let's use human
Speaker 1: voices now, um so uh yeah, yeah. It turns out
Speaker 1: that the crabs who decide to build chimneys are shy
Speaker 1: all babies. Researchers literally in their paper documenting chimney construction,
Speaker 1: were like, these appear to be shy crabs because they
Speaker 1: spend more time in their burrows. They are more skittish
Speaker 1: around other crabs, and they just are introverted shy crabs.
Speaker 1: They just and they make their chimneys. So people are
Speaker 1: other crabs, I guess in their crabmunity. Uh just don't
Speaker 1: like pop in their holes as much, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Just like they're just like, wow, they're just
Speaker 1: shy little guys. They just don't want to come to
Speaker 1: the party. And that's okay, Yeah, just little little shy
Speaker 1: crabs just spending all their all time in their crab burrows,
Speaker 1: spend all their time on crab chat rooms, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: just a I am age age crab type location right
Speaker 1: right right, number of legs, class eyes, number of legs,
Speaker 1: class eyes. Just really talking on straight with strangers all
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah yeah, uh yeah, no, I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: just like like I don't know, I can't get over
Speaker 1: the fact that scientists were like studying these crabs in
Speaker 1: a serious capacity. It is like, yeah, this is a
Speaker 1: shy crab. You know. We were going to talk about
Speaker 1: you know, they're they're they're anatomy and their biological functions,
Speaker 1: but we couldn't get over the fact that they're just
Speaker 1: so shy. They're just so shy. We like went up
Speaker 1: to them with a tiny microphone and we were like, hey,
Speaker 1: why do you build these chimneys? And they're just like no,
Speaker 1: I thank you. I don't biggle, And none of them
Speaker 1: would breathe their slam poetry. They're too shy about it. Now,
Speaker 1: they're too shy, beautiful singing voices, and no one is
Speaker 1: going to know they're just wearing a ponytail and putting
Speaker 1: on glasses. It's time to take them off, you know.
Speaker 1: And if a crab, can you imagine if a crab
Speaker 1: like took off their glasses and like tossed their well,
Speaker 1: they don't have hair, but I guess they're antenna in
Speaker 1: the hair. Like that transformation. Beautiful and suddenly she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Suddenly she's arrived, and it's like you thought she was
Speaker 1: shy building her little sad on chimney, staying out of
Speaker 1: the limelight. But now she's arrived and she's actually she's
Speaker 1: Crab Prom queen. She's the hottest crab at Crab Prom. Now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful thing. It's beautiful. And there's a diagram
Speaker 1: diagram of crabs building these chimneys if you want it, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I thought maybe you'd want a diagram
Speaker 1: of a crab building a chimney, just so you know,
Speaker 1: I want to see the process. Yeah, I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: this my screen saver. Thank you, that's good. I'm honored. Um,
Speaker 1: I just I do love this diagram. I'll include it
Speaker 1: in our our document that I share with all of
Speaker 1: you listeners of the images that we discussed in the show.
Speaker 1: You can find that in the footnotes as always, But
Speaker 1: this diagram is um step one or sorry, step a
Speaker 1: no no no wait, Step one A crab digging into
Speaker 1: depositing mud. Crab comes out a hole. Step one B.
Speaker 1: Crab has a ball of sand in clause step two
Speaker 1: Part A dragging and stacking mud. Step two Part B.
Speaker 1: He's starting a crab chimney. Step three part A. It's
Speaker 1: a bigger crab chimney. Step three part B, even bigger
Speaker 1: crab chimney. Like that's what the diagram is. These steps
Speaker 1: were divided very strangely. Yeah, it's kind of like a
Speaker 1: how to draw thing where it's like we're like, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: start how to draw rabbit. Start with an oval. Now
Speaker 1: do a circle. Uh, rabbit traumatic shaving. It's a rabbit
Speaker 1: right right, cross hatch, cross hatch. Now it's bunny. That's
Speaker 1: kind of what's going on here. It's like, it's a hole,
Speaker 1: there's a ball. Now suddenly it's a chimney. You know,
Speaker 1: very useful diagram. I like it. I liked it because
Speaker 1: I wanted to build one of my own. And so
Speaker 1: now I have the tools. Now you have the tools.
Speaker 1: You know what, information is the best tool, better than pincers.
Speaker 1: It's true, it's true. Now I can just beat them
Speaker 1: at their own game, because you know what I have.
Speaker 1: I have a shovel. Yeah, no, we better. We better
Speaker 1: because if we don't start catching up to crabs, were
Speaker 1: in trouble and we will talk about that when we
Speaker 1: get back, because spider crabs are building pyramids underwater and
Speaker 1: we might be doomed. No, So, Kylie, do you not
Speaker 1: like spiders? Oh, I'm okay with spiders. Okay, good, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm kind of pro spider. Honestly. That's really good
Speaker 1: to hear because so far you've been pro crab, which
Speaker 1: I again appreciate. I'm I'm pro things with a lot
Speaker 1: of legs, except for like centipedes and millipedes. I don't
Speaker 1: really subscribe to that, But um, crabs and spiders I'm
Speaker 1: okay with. I don't like kill a spider when I
Speaker 1: see one, Yeah, kind of just let it be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I you know, I like spiders in the house because
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, I don't like getting bugs in my food.
Speaker 1: And you don't eat my food. You eat the bugs
Speaker 1: that eat my food. Yeah, we're eating different foods. There's
Speaker 1: no reason. I truly like, I don't even put it
Speaker 1: in a paper cup and take it outside. I just
Speaker 1: let it stay. I do that if they're like in
Speaker 1: a high traffic area because I don't want to step
Speaker 1: on a spider. But if they're just my chilling out
Speaker 1: in a corner, it's like, hey man, look I'm eating
Speaker 1: cereal and you're eating flies. This is perfect. Yeah, as
Speaker 1: long as you don't want any of my cereal. I
Speaker 1: was we grew up. I grew up like next to
Speaker 1: a hiking trail, and so we had tarantulas, like we
Speaker 1: get like one or two a year on the porch,
Speaker 1: and they were very scary and they would charge at you. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just for a hug, though, like, come on, bring
Speaker 1: it in, come here, I just want to bite you
Speaker 1: a little bit. Um. So that was deeply scary. Um.
Speaker 1: But every other spider, I'm like, you know what, it's fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I feel you Like. I actually did have
Speaker 1: a brief fear of spiders when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: because there was like a honking big spider in my
Speaker 1: bed one time, just like pulled down the covers, is
Speaker 1: like right next to me on my pillowing, like hey there,
Speaker 1: just for me out. So I kept checking my bed, Yeah,
Speaker 1: kept kept checking my bed for spiders. But then after college,
Speaker 1: when I learned more about spiders, I was like you
Speaker 1: know what. I'm into. These into these folks. I like them,
Speaker 1: got over my fear of spiders. I also held like
Speaker 1: someone's pet tarantula, which is a lot better than just
Speaker 1: honestly from afar. Honestly though, like when something's a pet,
Speaker 1: I have a much different reaction to it than just
Speaker 1: seeing it out in situ or uh, you know, what's
Speaker 1: the cinematic term, like in in cinema? Very tay. I
Speaker 1: don't know what is it? When you see something in
Speaker 1: real life? Do you just call it seeing it in
Speaker 1: real life? I've forgotten. Sorry, that's a traditional cinema term
Speaker 1: for it? Is I? I r L? Okay, thank you, No,
Speaker 1: I've forgotten, Like, how do you refer to real life?
Speaker 1: It's not something I've been dealing with lately. We're not
Speaker 1: leaving living it anymore now, we're not. It's just not
Speaker 1: something I've had to think about. So when I see
Speaker 1: like a snake, I r L. It's like I'm startled
Speaker 1: in a little frightened. If I see a mouse, I
Speaker 1: r L. Like, especially in my home, I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: oh that's not good. I don't like that. And the
Speaker 1: same thing with tarantula. I see a tarantula, you know,
Speaker 1: just like sitting on the end of the street and like,
Speaker 1: what the what are you doing, buddy? I don't like
Speaker 1: this just staring at me. But like, if someone's got
Speaker 1: a pet rat, or a pet snake or or a
Speaker 1: pet tarantula, I'm like, all right, you uh, you've already
Speaker 1: built up a rapport with at least one humans. So
Speaker 1: I kind of like, you know, yeah, do pet tarantulas
Speaker 1: like their owners? Like? Do they they just don't bite them? Well,
Speaker 1: I have never owned a tarantula, and far be it
Speaker 1: from me to say that tarantulas don't love their owners,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure we have a lot of listeners who
Speaker 1: have tarantulism. Kylie, between you and me, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think tarrangelas are capable of love. WHOA, be careful.
Speaker 1: You are messing with the tarantula owner demographic and they
Speaker 1: are scary they've got a tar angela. I think tarantula's
Speaker 1: can feel the emotion of neutrality, and for a tarantula,
Speaker 1: that's love. Yeah, I think like love in the animal
Speaker 1: kingdom sometimes is you won't kill me, so I will
Speaker 1: be cool about this. Yeah, it's neutrality. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: think tarantulas can be neutral towards their owners, which is
Speaker 1: a huge compliment from the tarantula community. Yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: speaking of tarantula's, a kind of underwater tarantula is a
Speaker 1: giant spider crab which looks like a crab but with
Speaker 1: big old tarantula legs, And honestly, I think it's a cutie.
Speaker 1: But I could understand if someone didn't like it. You're
Speaker 1: wrong not to like it. But you know, it's just
Speaker 1: because it's got spider legs doesn't mean it's not cute.
Speaker 1: Because it's got that little crab face with the little
Speaker 1: rostrum that looks like a pointy nose, and it's just
Speaker 1: it's cute. It's keute to me. Yeah, it looks on
Speaker 1: to me. It looks like a like a baby duck
Speaker 1: with a bunch of like tiki torch legs. Like for
Speaker 1: some something about the face it's got like a maybe
Speaker 1: this is just a trick of the eye in this photo,
Speaker 1: but it almost looks like it has a beak. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the rostrum. It's a it's just sort of an
Speaker 1: protrusion of like the front of the face. It's not
Speaker 1: actually a nose, but it kind of looks like a
Speaker 1: pointy nose. I do like that. Crabs have sometimes look
Speaker 1: like they have that pointy little nose. Not so much
Speaker 1: seeing the baby. Okay, if I squint, if you really like,
Speaker 1: if you you know what, I'm looking closer at it
Speaker 1: and it does not look like that at all, I
Speaker 1: would like to reverse my opinion. I want to take
Speaker 1: that back. Yeah, but if I squint almost enough that
Speaker 1: I'm closing my eyes, maybe, Yeah, if I go like that,
Speaker 1: I also see a little bit of sea turtle potentially
Speaker 1: sea turtle face. Yeah. What, I'm really trying to make
Speaker 1: this guy cute, and I just don't know if he is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to me, it just looks like crab face. But listen,
Speaker 1: that's not the reason we're talking about these We're talking
Speaker 1: about them because they make pyramids of themselves, giant spider
Speaker 1: crab pyramids they have. Wow, that's just a pile of crabs.
Speaker 1: It's just a pile of crabs. So before we explain
Speaker 1: the pile of crabs, let's talk about the crabs themselves,
Speaker 1: the individuals that make up this crab pyramid. The giant
Speaker 1: spider crab is found around the waters of South Australia,
Speaker 1: They're a big red crab with sexy long legs and
Speaker 1: a nice big carapast. Uh. They're total width including legs
Speaker 1: is fifteen inches or forty cimeters, so that's a little
Speaker 1: over a foot. But their carapists, their main body is
Speaker 1: only about six inches or sixteen centimeters, so you know
Speaker 1: they're honky chunky. They're chunky, big honker crab like crab.
Speaker 1: Long crab is huge, middable. It's not the biggest crab.
Speaker 1: That's the Japanese spider crab, who is quite thick. Anyways, Um,
Speaker 1: these ones aren't the biggest crab, but they are quite big. Uh.
Speaker 1: And of course sometimes they form giant underwater pyramids. Uh.
Speaker 1: Do you want to see a video of a crab pyramid?
Speaker 1: You do? Absolutely absolutely, Let me pull it up. You
Speaker 1: don't have to listen to the whatever audio is on it.
Speaker 1: I think it's just water noises. Actually, oh well, I
Speaker 1: need the water no noises to understand where I am.
Speaker 1: To fully perceive a crab, you need to feel underwater, yeah,
Speaker 1: because otherwise I'm like, what is this blue stuff they're
Speaker 1: swimming in? I don't understand it's a crab. Okay, so
Speaker 1: this is we're talking about mosh pits earlier. This is
Speaker 1: a mosh pit. This is a mosh pit. Yeah, that's why.
Speaker 1: Earlier you're like, well, I don't think crabs go to raves,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, just you. But yeah, what
Speaker 1: is the goal of this? What is the goal of
Speaker 1: the raid? Yeah, that's a good question and one other
Speaker 1: people have asked, because when when you see a big
Speaker 1: pile of crabs, I guess you can't just like leave
Speaker 1: well enough alone. Although check out that these crab faces. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I will answer your question, but I do
Speaker 1: the crab faces because the rostrum looks like a pointy nose,
Speaker 1: and it looks like they're kind of frowning, and so
Speaker 1: it looks like they just are really grumpily not washing,
Speaker 1: which I do love. Yeah, they look like weird zombies
Speaker 1: who are just under some weird sort of crab spell. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the reason is scrillics. I mean, it's got a
Speaker 1: good beat. And when you've dropped the beat, like you
Speaker 1: you're and you're in a group and everyone's reacting to
Speaker 1: the beacon dropped, is you know, I mean, it's electric. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a transcendent. So the reason they make the crab tower.
Speaker 1: They're not trying to form a crab ultron. What's is
Speaker 1: ultron made out of a lot of robots? I guess
Speaker 1: I don't really know what. I don't know robot lore. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a blind spot I have. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: trying to form like a mega crab out of like
Speaker 1: many crabs. Well, the best guess that biologists have is
Speaker 1: that it is protect them all as they simultaneously get
Speaker 1: naked a k. A. When a crab gets naked, that
Speaker 1: is called malting. Wow, So they're all like creating like
Speaker 1: this big dressing room for each other. Exactly. When crabs
Speaker 1: and other arthropods who have exoskeletons grow, they're hard. Carapists
Speaker 1: can't grow with them. The armor of it, the fact
Speaker 1: it's so tough has a downside, which is it's not stretchy.
Speaker 1: So as they get bigger, the carapists can't get bigger either,
Speaker 1: so they have to molt. They have to break out
Speaker 1: of their old shell, revealing a fresh new shell. But
Speaker 1: like I said, when the shell is developing and growing
Speaker 1: with them, it actually has to start out being soft.
Speaker 1: Otherwise obviously you can't you can't expand it. You can't grow,
Speaker 1: so under that hard shell grows a soft new shell,
Speaker 1: and once they break out of their old shell, that
Speaker 1: new shell starts out soft and slowly hardens over time.
Speaker 1: For these crabs, it takes about an hour for the
Speaker 1: shell to reach maximum hardness, and during that hour they
Speaker 1: are extremely vulnerable to predation because they are soft, juicy
Speaker 1: little treats. Yeah that sounds pretty yummy, sounds like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like you know, melt in your mouth crab. Uh.
Speaker 1: So they are easy pickens for predators when they're naked.
Speaker 1: So their solution is pyramid of crabs. More crabs, the
Speaker 1: better you know, it makes it more intimidating, much more pinchy,
Speaker 1: like pinches per square inch increases quite a bit. Uh.
Speaker 1: And even if a predator decides to snack on one
Speaker 1: of them's statistics is on their side, like you're just water, like,
Speaker 1: it probably won't be me, right end of like fighting
Speaker 1: to be in the middle, Like I can't totally tell,
Speaker 1: Like you don't want to be an outside crab. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a really good question. I haven't seen any research
Speaker 1: on that whether that's true. I think it's relatively hard
Speaker 1: to actually study these because they only last about two hours,
Speaker 1: and they only happen during this molting season. But I
Speaker 1: think that's a really smart observation because I would bet
Speaker 1: that's not only what they're trying to do, but that's
Speaker 1: the reason that they form that crab pile is this
Speaker 1: instinct to hide under one another. So like, if you
Speaker 1: have a bunch of crabs all trying to hide under
Speaker 1: one another, they'll all congregate in a big pile being
Speaker 1: on top of each other, so everybody just piles on.
Speaker 1: It's very interesting because like who decides who's like, okay, guys,
Speaker 1: time to start the crab pyramid. Let's go right right.
Speaker 1: It's well, I mean it's the crab with the clipboard obviously. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the crab stage manager. Yeah right, okay, okay, quiet quiet,
Speaker 1: I still hear whispering. I still here, r braces places everybody,
Speaker 1: crab pit. It's where I put the tape down. So
Speaker 1: some observers who have watched these crab pyramids say they
Speaker 1: have even seen crabs like take pieces of sponge sea
Speaker 1: sponge to try to like cover their nakedness. Like, oh,
Speaker 1: they're shy too, Yeah, they're so shy. I mean all
Speaker 1: of the crabs we've talked about are just a little shy,
Speaker 1: little shy babies. Um or these aren't big shy babies
Speaker 1: over babies, big big honk and shy babies secure and
Speaker 1: I think we all relate to that. It is a
Speaker 1: little burlesque though, like the crab just with a couple
Speaker 1: of things of like sea sponge, just trying to cover
Speaker 1: their nakedness, like like they're like, you see my ankles.
Speaker 1: You shan't see my little rostrum, will you know? No,
Speaker 1: my astar, my rostrum is not for your eyes from mine.
Speaker 1: H I saw you trying to take a peek of
Speaker 1: my gifts. No no, don't you never see it? You
Speaker 1: never see it? No, no, no, the secret. I'm a
Speaker 1: little coquettish. Uh yeah. So these, like I said, the pyramids,
Speaker 1: are pretty pretty brief. I mean, you know, it's like
Speaker 1: it's like we talked about with these sand bubbler crabs.
Speaker 1: They create this art, it's performance art, and in their
Speaker 1: case like but then it only last a couple of
Speaker 1: hours because they live in the moment. God damn it,
Speaker 1: everything washes away. And that's the ocean. Like we have
Speaker 1: all these things on land that can stay for a while,
Speaker 1: but the ocean is like, no, time isn't real here,
Speaker 1: like you just this is going to happen in the
Speaker 1: moment and that's gonna be gone. Yeah, Time makes fools
Speaker 1: of us all, even crabs. It's true. It's true. We
Speaker 1: can't we can't defeat time. We can't defeat the time God. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's ultimately what this podcast is a about. Why
Speaker 1: how we cannot kill the time God. And I keep
Speaker 1: trying to It's just not happening. Boy. If I tried,
Speaker 1: Boy do I keep trying to kill the time God?
Speaker 1: And every time it's like back to the drawing board.
Speaker 1: Couldn't kill time today. Tried a big catapult, didn't work.
Speaker 1: Tried a bunch of poison, tried a bunch of mine tricks, no,
Speaker 1: not calling for any of it. Tried a big mouse
Speaker 1: trap with some watches his bait. That didn't work, right,
Speaker 1: I got a really big businessman mouse though. That's why
Speaker 1: I could see potential there. I could see potential for
Speaker 1: like a sort of business thing where we cheat him
Speaker 1: out of all of his money and then with time
Speaker 1: is money and he just time is money. So if
Speaker 1: we got rid of money, we would get rid of time. Okay,
Speaker 1: so now we just have to kill capitalism. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is what I've been time, this is what I
Speaker 1: have been saying. Yeah, yeah, we got it, we cracked it. Well.
Speaker 1: I like to answer listener emails occasionally on the show,
Speaker 1: and I got one, uh, and I wanted to dress
Speaker 1: it and I wanted to read it to you, because well,
Speaker 1: it's not about crabs um which, guys. I went into
Speaker 1: my email inbox for listener questions and I searched for
Speaker 1: Crab and I got a couple, but I had already
Speaker 1: answered those, and I haven't gotten new crab emails, and
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what to do about it.
Speaker 1: I just don't. I mean, it's not that I'm angry.
Speaker 1: I think it's that I'm disappointed, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: you would think that that the people would care more. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, like, you know, I get it, like crabs
Speaker 1: aren't Crabs aren't the popular girl at school, you know,
Speaker 1: but it's like shy, but someone's got to say about
Speaker 1: the shy girls out there. They can surprise you, you know.
Speaker 1: It's like the shyest girl all in high school. Now
Speaker 1: now she's like on Instagram, like because she took off
Speaker 1: her ponytail right exactly, just ripped it right off her skull,
Speaker 1: ripped it right off. Yeah, she doesn't need haircut. This
Speaker 1: bloody chunk of scalp coming off with it, and all
Speaker 1: the boys in the room we're like, whoa, who is
Speaker 1: she part? She just ripped part of her scalp off?
Speaker 1: That's why I'm asking who she is dat her? I'm
Speaker 1: wondering what's going on? Well, he should we call medical professional? Wow,
Speaker 1: I've never noticed you before, but now that you're well,
Speaker 1: you win, I noticed you. Well. This email is about ferrets,
Speaker 1: and it starts Dear Katie Golden. I've been a fan
Speaker 1: since near the beginning of your podcast. I enjoy everything
Speaker 1: about your podcast, from how the information is presented to
Speaker 1: the humor that you and your guests have. Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. One thing that I'm surprised that you
Speaker 1: haven't had an episode covering is ferrets. I'm not just
Speaker 1: suggesting this because I am biased for having multiple ferrets.
Speaker 1: Well we'll see about that, although that is part of it,
Speaker 1: won't you admit it? Uh? Ferrets have been instrumental to
Speaker 1: so many aspects of human culture and scientific developments. The
Speaker 1: Yearly flu vaccine is tested using laboratory ferrets, and most
Speaker 1: importantly right now, ferrets were used in the development of
Speaker 1: the COVID nineteen vaccines. They have saved so many lives
Speaker 1: at the cost of their own. You know, that's a
Speaker 1: that's a really good point. Like when when we have
Speaker 1: our vaccines, like if we could spare a moment to
Speaker 1: think about the animals that we've used in testing to
Speaker 1: be able to stay alive, it's uh, you know, like,
Speaker 1: thank you ferrets, fret. I don't think they volunteered. That's
Speaker 1: the awkward thing. I don't think they volunteered to be
Speaker 1: medical heroes. But again, it couldn't hurt to thank them. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's oh man, oh man, we needs I'm sorry ferrets
Speaker 1: were really sorry ferrets. Sorry ferrets. Uh. Which makes me
Speaker 1: even more mad when people are like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: want to get the vaccine, like you know, it's a
Speaker 1: it's scary, or like I don't know, it'll make me
Speaker 1: a robot. It's like, dude, the ferrets did not test
Speaker 1: the vaccine for you to be so coy about the vaccine,
Speaker 1: all right, yeah, for you to think that you know
Speaker 1: more about the vacccene you think you know more about
Speaker 1: vaccines than ferrets. Nice try, buddy, nice trying. Well, some
Speaker 1: people know just as much about ferrets because they think
Speaker 1: there's five g in them and that they're gonna make
Speaker 1: you not pregnant. Yeah, I mean a ferret is long,
Speaker 1: so they could fit a hole in antenna in there.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, no, no, no, let's let's move on. Uh
Speaker 1: well the Yeah, the ferrets are GPS tracks. Ferrets are GPS. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I've long suspected. Uh no, everyone, get a vaccine. God,
Speaker 1: dang it, get your vaccine. Do it. I just said it.
Speaker 1: Just bite the bullet. Let's just do it. Let's be
Speaker 1: done with all this. I got all my vaccines, and
Speaker 1: I feel great, and in fact, I feel stronger than
Speaker 1: ever because I got all of the vaccines. Yeah, everyone,
Speaker 1: advisor Johnson and Johnson. Yeah to the UK. Got astrid zedeka. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I got the spotnick one from Russia. That's
Speaker 1: pretty good. Uh, just a I had. I told them
Speaker 1: to like mix it all up in one cocktail and
Speaker 1: one big syringe and get that in me. So you know,
Speaker 1: I just got absolutely blasted for a day. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: couldn't couldn't leave my bed. Yeah, but no, in all seriousness,
Speaker 1: if you're hesitant, don't be. The vaccine is very safe
Speaker 1: and uh much much better than getting covid. Uh So
Speaker 1: get one. I know you. Probably everyone who listens to
Speaker 1: in a podcast about animal biology probably is very interested
Speaker 1: in the vaccine. Uh if you can get it? Um
Speaker 1: all right? Uh so, Vanessa continues to write. During this pandemic,
Speaker 1: I have worried more about the health and safety of
Speaker 1: my ferrets than myself. They are susceptible to many human viruses,
Speaker 1: but have been useful in finding treatments and vaccines. In
Speaker 1: a historical context, my favorite bit of ferret knowledge is
Speaker 1: that Elizabeth the First had ferrets and loved them so
Speaker 1: much that she had them in portraits of herself. Leonardo
Speaker 1: da Vinci's painting Lady with Ermine is also thought to
Speaker 1: be a white ferret and not a proper ermine. Scandal.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that I mean that must have the
Speaker 1: people the right like, that's not an er mine, that's
Speaker 1: not a proper mine. That's a white ferret. Get it out,
Speaker 1: Get it out of my office. If they did. Indeed,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth the First, famous for her Royal Offices office, so
Speaker 1: many computers, printers, and when she was annoyed with a courtesan,
Speaker 1: she would order them out of her office. I do
Speaker 1: remember that from history. Yeah, it was nice when they
Speaker 1: stopped doing beheadings and they started to saying, get out
Speaker 1: of my office. Right, what is this invention? Well, your highness,
Speaker 1: it's an office. So I was thinking, instead of killing people,
Speaker 1: you could simply order them out of it. I see
Speaker 1: what an innovation. I love that more of a power play. Yes,
Speaker 1: I can give them a phone handshake. Where the renaissance
Speaker 1: really is a rebirth. Vanessa continues to write that she
Speaker 1: is passionate about ferrets. They are affectionate, playful, social, and misunderstood,
Speaker 1: and she writes, I would love to hear your thoughts
Speaker 1: and jokes about these ridiculous little creatures that want nothing
Speaker 1: more than to play, hide things, and to be friends
Speaker 1: with everyone. I've included some photos of my ferrets, sincerely, Vanessa. Indeed,
Speaker 1: she has included photos of her ferrets, Kylie. I shared
Speaker 1: them with she has. Indeed, I see them. They're just
Speaker 1: they're like in a little ferret pile, kind of like
Speaker 1: our crab here amid over there. It kind of reminds
Speaker 1: me of like sometimes if you like hold, um, hold
Speaker 1: a bunch of pina pasta, which I do commonly. Just
Speaker 1: hold the pasta and like the pasta is kind of
Speaker 1: slipping out through your fingers, you know, and like one
Speaker 1: pasta is trying to get away from you, and it's
Speaker 1: really hard to hold them all. That's how I imagine
Speaker 1: the pile of ferrets would feel in your feel like
Speaker 1: you try and scoop up these parrot ferrets and they
Speaker 1: just sort of like slip through their your fingers. They
Speaker 1: look like little little like ferret tail key chains. Is
Speaker 1: that a real thing? Uh? Maybe? Yeah? I feel like
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm thinking of. No, No, I
Speaker 1: think you're right, Like there's all sorts of weird things
Speaker 1: that we've done where it's like, because I remember there
Speaker 1: were the rabbit's foot key chains, and there was also
Speaker 1: like some little tail. Oh, I know what I'm thinking of.
Speaker 1: It's something completely different. It's like those cat toys that
Speaker 1: are like felt worms. They Oh thank god, I thought,
Speaker 1: I thought, like very visceral. And I'm like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: definitely don't have one of those. I wanted, though. You're
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, I got some taxidermy ferret tales. Don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. Don't taxidor what if I came out
Speaker 1: as like a big taxidermist, you just like pop onto
Speaker 1: record this and it was just like moose antlers all
Speaker 1: around me. I mean, I don't hate taxidermy when it's
Speaker 1: roadkill because it's like, hey, you know what, They're not
Speaker 1: using those bodies anymore and you didn't kill them for it,
Speaker 1: so if you want to do that. In fact, when
Speaker 1: I first moved to l A, I was considering moving
Speaker 1: in with a roommate and then I found out that
Speaker 1: she was a taxidermist, and I thought that was interesting.
Speaker 1: She's like, I only taxidermy roadkill are already dead animals.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, that's fascinating. She's like yeah, And I
Speaker 1: was like super into maybe being roommates with her. But
Speaker 1: then it turned out she does all the taxidermy in
Speaker 1: the apartment. Yeah, which huff I mean at that point, yeah, studio,
Speaker 1: she's got to get a studio, yeah, because she is like, you,
Speaker 1: you'll need to be comfortable with road kill sometimes on
Speaker 1: the table and or in the fridge, and like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, this is really a ME problem and not
Speaker 1: a U problem. But I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: road kill in the fridge. And that's probably my own biases,
Speaker 1: you know, right right. I wonder if she ever got
Speaker 1: anyone to fill that Craigslist listing, because that's a tough sell.
Speaker 1: I will say she did. H. I continued having the
Speaker 1: phone call with her long after I knew I wasn't
Speaker 1: going to rent, because I just needed to. I needed
Speaker 1: to hear more of her. I asked her if she
Speaker 1: ever like taxidermy pets, and she's like, oh, no, no,
Speaker 1: that that's too strange. I think just I would just
Speaker 1: do like an ear, oh, an ear or tail. H yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's like yeah, yeah, of course, I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: just a near er tail so that And she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I could like have it in my pocket and
Speaker 1: just like pet it. Sometimes it's like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I feel, that's worse. That feels worse it you know what, whatever,
Speaker 1: get whatever, whatever, whatever passed, as long as you don't
Speaker 1: kill anything to get right. Yeah, love live. Yeah. Some people,
Speaker 1: you know, look at different strokes for different folks. Some
Speaker 1: people like to stroke a dog ear. Uh. Some people
Speaker 1: like to play volleyball, Some people like to paint. Some
Speaker 1: people like to hold a little dead dog ear in
Speaker 1: their pockets. Yeah, yeah, I can't. I can't judge because
Speaker 1: I'm bad at painting, but maybe i'd be better at
Speaker 1: having dead dog. Yeah, you never know. I'm not good
Speaker 1: at things, right, right, Sometimes it's it's not what you want,
Speaker 1: it's what's mind to judge. And taxidermy can be a
Speaker 1: really cool art. Uh, Like it's I know that often
Speaker 1: like taxidermy, think about like the kind of like bad
Speaker 1: taxidermy where it's like someone took a squirrel and put
Speaker 1: deer antlers on it and googly eyes. But if you
Speaker 1: look at like some of the professional taxidermy where they're
Speaker 1: actually recreating scenes of nature for like museums and stuff,
Speaker 1: it's mind blowing. It's completely mind blowing. Wow. Wait, how
Speaker 1: did we start talking about taxidermy? I don't. I invent
Speaker 1: did something in my mind called a ferret key chain, right, right,
Speaker 1: and then we started talking about taxidermy. Um, But originally
Speaker 1: we're talking about ferrets because these ferrets are just look
Speaker 1: like little buttered noodles that would fall right out of
Speaker 1: your arms and pile is so cute. Because my brain
Speaker 1: can't really calculate how many ferrets there are, right, I
Speaker 1: can't where but I really can't tell I don't know
Speaker 1: where one ends in one begins, right, And I don't
Speaker 1: know too much about ferret biology. I don't think they
Speaker 1: can have two heads, right, Like, it's not like they
Speaker 1: start out with my head. Yeah, I think one of
Speaker 1: the ends. But certainly there couldn't be two butts. That
Speaker 1: would be quite a ferret though, right, just a tube
Speaker 1: with two butts. But I don't two but ferret. It's
Speaker 1: like the opposite of a cat dog, where you just
Speaker 1: get you just get the tails. You don't get in
Speaker 1: the cat dog extended universe. There's got to be a
Speaker 1: just like dog butt attached to a cat but right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that doesn't get to talk. And they wouldn't make the
Speaker 1: movie about them because people a recrimination because these people
Speaker 1: are are small minded. Yeah, people need to open their
Speaker 1: minds to things like two butts on a tube or
Speaker 1: dog ears dead dog ears. Um, anyways, I think uh,
Speaker 1: I think that's a good note to end on. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's it's perfect. It's poetry, pure poetry, your poetry. Well, Kylie,
Speaker 1: did I answer all the questions you've ever had about crabs? I? Um,
Speaker 1: I know so much about crabs now I feel like
Speaker 1: I got such a good education. I'm going to go
Speaker 1: downstairs and tell my roommates everything I've learned. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be spouting crab facts all dark day. So
Speaker 1: thank you so much for that. Please pass it on,
Speaker 1: pay it forward, pay the crabs forward, until everyone forward. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just want to, like I want to kind of
Speaker 1: speed run this whole are inevitable evolution into becoming crabs,
Speaker 1: Like we gotta start now. We got like you know,
Speaker 1: global warming, world's gonna be an ocean. If we could
Speaker 1: start now, I could see us becoming crabs in like
Speaker 1: a couple of thousand years. Yeah, we just it's not
Speaker 1: it won't be that hard. We just need to get
Speaker 1: our arms and legs just like a little bit like harder,
Speaker 1: a little bit a bonier, and then just developed two
Speaker 1: more limbs and that should take too long. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're missing one more pair of limbs. But hey,
Speaker 1: I think, uh, and we'll get there. We'll get there.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, it's step by step by step by
Speaker 1: step and uh, and then we suck on some sand
Speaker 1: and then we're there. Then we're already there, you know there,
Speaker 1: and then we're there and then we were enjoining the crabs.
Speaker 1: That came before us. Yeah, exactly, maybe they'll welcome us.
Speaker 1: And that's when wild world peace. When we're all crabs,
Speaker 1: it's world peace. Uh. Anyways, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining me, Kylie. Do you have anything to plug? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I um, well, you can follow me on all platforms
Speaker 1: at Dead Eye Brakeman. And then I have a podcast
Speaker 1: coming out called Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists.
Speaker 1: It is an improvised Hollywood roundtable podcast like all those
Speaker 1: you know, Vanity Fair, like all the supporting actors get
Speaker 1: together and gab um. So it's it's it's like that.
Speaker 1: It's very character it's a lot of fun. Um. I
Speaker 1: host that with Patrick McDonald, are Angela Garitada and Jeremy
Speaker 1: cohane and it will be available I think two weeks
Speaker 1: from now, so sometime in June. Just follow me all up.
Speaker 1: Now we'll be now, we'll be the future. Now we'll
Speaker 1: be next week. So now we'll be the future. We're
Speaker 1: doing this from the past. Who Just follow me and
Speaker 1: I'll keep you updated, keep updated with that. Check it out.
Speaker 1: Kylie is hilarious, so I'm very excited for her her
Speaker 1: new podcast, So definitely check that out and she's got
Speaker 1: amazing videos on Twitter. They are hilarious and you can
Speaker 1: find us on the internet at Creature Feature Pod on
Speaker 1: Instagram at Creature feet Pod on Twitter. That's f e
Speaker 1: A T f e E T is something very different.
Speaker 1: You can send me your ferrets or other things. Really,
Speaker 1: any questions you have to Creature feature pot at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. And I sometimes I'm slow to respond because
Speaker 1: you guys send me your pet pictures and I don't
Speaker 1: think you realize how like, if I see a pet picture,
Speaker 1: I'm just staring at it for hours and trying to
Speaker 1: touch the screen because I don't know how images work,
Speaker 1: and I think I'm petting the animal. So yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you for sending me all your emails, and uh again,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to the show. If you're enjoying
Speaker 1: it and you do a writing or review. I read
Speaker 1: all of the reviews and I love them. They warm
Speaker 1: my heart and also they warm the heart of the algorithm.
Speaker 1: All hail the algorithm. We've got to please the algorithm.
Speaker 1: All Hail indeed, all hail the algorithm. We love you, algorithm.
Speaker 1: Um and thanks to the Space Classics for their super
Speaker 1: awesome song x Alumina. Creature features a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcast like the one you just heard,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or Hey
Speaker 1: guess what? Where? Have you listen to your favorite shows
Speaker 1: even if it's in a sand Bubbler, Crabs, Igloo, I
Speaker 1: Don't Judge. The next Wednesday