Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship.
Speaker 1: I spent time in a relationship with a married man.
Speaker 1: I had to learn the skills and tools required to
Speaker 1: make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot,
Speaker 1: a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Beloved
Speaker 1: by Now, you know that if you come to me
Speaker 1: with an issue, I am going to tell you some
Speaker 1: things you probably don't want to hear. And for today's topic,
Speaker 1: I've got something to say to most, if not every
Speaker 1: woman out there, Grow some lady balls. It's a topic
Speaker 1: I love to discuss and one I want to educate
Speaker 1: women about. And as we get into our conversation today,
Speaker 1: you'll see what I mean. Growing lady balls is all
Speaker 1: about choosing you and my first caller and I get
Speaker 1: to the heart of exactly what that means. Good afternoon, beloved,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the R Spot, where we talk about all
Speaker 1: things relationships. So how can I support you? What is
Speaker 1: your issue, problem, challenge, dilemma today?
Speaker 2: Wow, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. The reason that I am
Speaker 2: calling in today is because I'm going through a breakup
Speaker 2: right now. Okay, I was a long distance relationship for
Speaker 2: two years. And so this relationship began right after a
Speaker 2: divorce and my partner was never married, no children. I
Speaker 2: have three children, and we were long distance, like I said,
Speaker 2: for two years, and then in the last two months,
Speaker 2: my partner moved closer to close the distance, and I thought,
Speaker 2: you know, this was going to bring us closer. So
Speaker 2: I just got a call on last week. There wasn't
Speaker 2: really an argument that was out of the norm or anything.
Speaker 2: There was a disagreement, and then we went five days
Speaker 2: without talking. No one called, and that was very unusual
Speaker 2: because usually my partner will call and just leave voice
Speaker 2: messages and you know, send me emails and things like
Speaker 2: that in the event that there is a time that
Speaker 2: I shut down and don't communicate. This time, none of
Speaker 2: that happened, and I got a call, and you know,
Speaker 2: I was told during that time we weren't speaking. I
Speaker 2: went out, I had a couple of drinks and I
Speaker 2: kissed someone else, and I don't think we can fix this.
Speaker 2: Since then, you've talked maybe once or twice. There's been
Speaker 2: a lot of confusing conversation. I'm being told I do
Speaker 2: want to repair. I'm not sure I know how to repair.
Speaker 2: Then I'm also being told I'm not sure that I
Speaker 2: want to repair? Or how do I know that you
Speaker 2: know this is right? I thought everything was wonderful. I
Speaker 2: thought everything was great. So I'm just I don't have
Speaker 2: a lot of answers, and I'm really torn. I feel broken.
Speaker 2: I felt numb about this, and I just feel.
Speaker 3: Like I've truly lost my best friend.
Speaker 2: Okay, And when I saw that this opportunity came up
Speaker 2: to speak with you, I jumped on it because who's
Speaker 2: better to speak with?
Speaker 4: Nah?
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm the one. Are you sure
Speaker 1: you want to speak to me? Because I'm going right
Speaker 1: in for the jugular here?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, tell me what.
Speaker 1: Is it that you really want to know? Let's get
Speaker 1: clear about that first.
Speaker 2: Should I wait?
Speaker 3: How do I move forward? Like?
Speaker 2: Is there a chance maybe that we reconcile, we repair?
Speaker 2: Does heartbreak ever feel better? Is it pain going to ever?
Speaker 3: Stop? But I can pull up?
Speaker 1: Hold up? Hold up, hold up, Hold up, My sister woman,
Speaker 1: you were in a long distance relationship for two years?
Speaker 1: How many times did y'all see each other in that
Speaker 1: two years? How often monthly? So you've seen them twenty
Speaker 1: four times for how long? Each visit.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it would be like a week, sometimes maybe a
Speaker 2: few days. But this person seemed very invested in me.
Speaker 2: I mean treated me like gold. I had no complaints.
Speaker 2: I didn't have to to open a door, I didn't
Speaker 2: have to carry any bags anywhere. I didn't have to
Speaker 2: pay for any meals ever. Whatever I needed support, they
Speaker 2: were there anytime we traveled. I didn't have much responsibility
Speaker 2: at all. So this person seemed to be very genuine
Speaker 2: and very giving.
Speaker 1: And what if he let me ask you this, were
Speaker 1: you raised in the church? Yes, okay, have you ever
Speaker 1: heard and I will send the comforter? Have you heard
Speaker 1: that scripture?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What if he was just a comforter? What if he's
Speaker 1: not forever and ever?
Speaker 3: I met?
Speaker 1: You said long distance relationship right after a divorce?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: What if he was your comforter? Beloved? I don't know
Speaker 1: why as women we think everyone has to be the one.
Speaker 1: What if he was the one for them?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: What if? Could you just be grateful you didn't have
Speaker 1: to open the door. Can you be grateful? He paid,
Speaker 1: he invested in you. Can you be grateful he took
Speaker 1: you out to dinner? Can you be grateful? Was the
Speaker 1: sex good?
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Could you be grateful? You know how many people got
Speaker 1: divorced eight years ago and it ain't had no nookie since then.
Speaker 1: They are dying from lack of nookie. Could you just
Speaker 1: be grateful to him, to your creator, to the universe,
Speaker 1: to life, and now you know what you're looking for
Speaker 1: in the next one. Why do we as women think
Speaker 1: that everyone is the one? Because if he was the one,
Speaker 1: he would know and he wouldn't be kissing somebody else.
Speaker 1: And if they kissed, I don't know if that's where
Speaker 1: it ended, right, What if that season is just over?
Speaker 1: What do you need to do to have peace? How
Speaker 1: do you choose you now? As opposed to worrying about him?
Speaker 1: It was good and I'm grateful, he was great, and
Speaker 1: I'm grateful, But I'm just not going to allow myself
Speaker 1: to be torn up by somebody who don't know surely
Speaker 1: clearly right now, that this is what they want. When
Speaker 1: he figures it out, maybe he'll come back, maybe maybe not,
Speaker 1: who knows, could be. But how do you choose you
Speaker 1: in the meantime?
Speaker 2: Right, I gotta figure it out?
Speaker 1: No, you don't. You just have to make a choice.
Speaker 1: I did that one time. I had that situation. I mean,
Speaker 1: this brother was off the chain, gorgeous, okay, sweet, calm,
Speaker 1: spiritually grounded, focused, dedicated, and he had made a commitment
Speaker 1: in his mind to himself that until he finished his
Speaker 1: doctorate we were in graduate school together, that he wasn't
Speaker 1: going to be in in a relationship. And so then
Speaker 1: I showed up. Oops, you know, and we had a
Speaker 1: great time together. We had it study together and went together. Well,
Speaker 1: it was just wonderful. And he was tormented. Tormented. You know,
Speaker 1: this is not what I want. I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is what God wants for me. I made a
Speaker 1: commitment I can't do a relationship in school and boot
Speaker 1: bah the And normally my process would have been to
Speaker 1: try to convince him of how wonderful and marvelous I was.
Speaker 1: But I grew some lady. I had grown some lady balls.
Speaker 1: You know what lady balls are. I'll tell you how
Speaker 1: I grew lady balls. After the break, welcome back. My
Speaker 1: caller is learning how to stand up for herself, and
Speaker 1: right before the break, I was going to share with
Speaker 1: her how I did it. I had grown some lady,
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what, if he don't want
Speaker 1: to be with me, something must be wrong with him,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna let him go. So you know what
Speaker 1: I told him one day when he was covetching and
Speaker 1: moaning and groaning about I don't know if this is
Speaker 1: what I want to do. And well, we done done everything,
Speaker 1: we done eight together, slept together, shared money together, and
Speaker 1: you still don't know. Okay, I'll tell you what. And
Speaker 1: I looked him in his face. I said, you know,
Speaker 1: I really enjoy being with you. This has been wonderful.
Speaker 1: This has been marvelous. But you know what, you figure
Speaker 1: out what you want to do, and when you figure
Speaker 1: that out, let me know. In the meantime, I'm out
Speaker 1: because I had to choose me. And you know what
Speaker 1: I found out about three weeks after I did that.
Speaker 1: You want to know, don't you?
Speaker 4: I do?
Speaker 1: That he was living with another woman.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I said. Wow, So I just dodged
Speaker 1: that bullet. Yes, what if you're dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: You got to dust off your lady balls. Your lady
Speaker 1: balls are dusty. Don't think that because you had a divorce.
Speaker 1: Oh God, here we go again. I'm losing another one.
Speaker 1: I'm losing another relationship. Forget that. He doesn't know if
Speaker 1: he wants to be with you. You can't convince him.
Speaker 1: Let him go. If it's yours, it'll come back, all right. Now,
Speaker 1: tell me what you hear me saying. You don't have
Speaker 1: to repeat my words, but I want to know what
Speaker 1: your inner conversation is about what you just heard.
Speaker 2: What I just heard was that some things are just
Speaker 2: out of my control. And as opposed to just hanging
Speaker 2: around and just waiting around, I have to pick up
Speaker 2: the pieces of me and move forward. And what meant
Speaker 2: for me, it's for me and it will come to me.
Speaker 1: Well, I just want to clean that up a little bit.
Speaker 1: What pieces? Why are you in pieces? You pretty old
Speaker 1: to me? You had two years of good sex, good fun,
Speaker 1: nice man. Why are you in pieces?
Speaker 2: And it's just as heartbroken it it's sudden. I didn't
Speaker 2: expect it. It's just so opposite of what's been going on.
Speaker 1: Is what if you're dodging a bullet? What if you're
Speaker 1: dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3: Caught you off?
Speaker 1: God, control freak, You didn't know? Okay, fine, what if
Speaker 1: you're dodging a bullet? How come you're not saying thank
Speaker 1: you God, yeah, thank you for sending this comforter. It
Speaker 1: was fun, it was great. Is there another one coming
Speaker 1: anytime soon?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: I want you to repeat this with me, and I
Speaker 1: want you to make this your mantra. You know what
Speaker 1: a mantra is. A mantra is a word or saying
Speaker 1: that you repeat over and over and over to shift
Speaker 1: in your consciousness. Okay, okay, if he's mine, repeat that.
Speaker 1: If he's mine, he'll be here, he'll be here if he's.
Speaker 2: Not, If he's not, bye bye.
Speaker 1: And then you dust off your lady balls, and you
Speaker 1: practice trust and you practice faith, and you choose you.
Speaker 1: I hear you saying your heartbroke, and I hear your
Speaker 1: saying you'll miss him and all of this. So what
Speaker 1: do you need to do to choose you and bring
Speaker 1: peace to you right now? What do you need to do?
Speaker 1: You need to buy some chocolate? Do you need to
Speaker 1: go shopping? Do you need to take some life spats?
Speaker 1: I got some nice bath stuff you can take.
Speaker 2: If you want to, Yes, you do.
Speaker 1: What do you need to do to choose you right now?
Speaker 1: As opposed to giving him your time, your energy, your parts,
Speaker 1: and your pieces. They do that to us all the time. No,
Speaker 1: you don't want me, you don't know if you want me.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let myself want you by dust off
Speaker 1: your la balls or grow him or put some hair
Speaker 1: on them, or whatever you need to do. Just choose you.
Speaker 1: And it's hard. I'm not being heartless. I know it's hard.
Speaker 1: But you were long distance. You didn't see him every day.
Speaker 1: You saw him once a month.
Speaker 3: So you know what.
Speaker 1: You can still talk to him. Write it in your journal.
Speaker 1: You can still talk to him. Have the conversation out loud.
Speaker 1: Put a chair in front of you, make believe he's
Speaker 1: sitting in the chair, and talk to that chair. You
Speaker 1: can still talk to him. But when he calls, don't
Speaker 1: answer till he says you're the one I want and
Speaker 1: I'm coming home. You don't say that bye. See I'm
Speaker 1: a little older, so it's easy for me to be hard.
Speaker 1: I don't have time. I'm closer to the grade than
Speaker 1: I am to the nursery.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing. You know, you're not in this
Speaker 1: by yourself. Hundreds of thousands of us are in it
Speaker 1: with you. So we want you to be successful one
Speaker 1: way or the other. Either he makes up his mind
Speaker 1: and chooses you.
Speaker 4: Yay.
Speaker 1: Or he makes up his mind and doesn't and you
Speaker 1: be okay, choose you. Now what you're gonna do. You're
Speaker 1: gonna call me in six weeks and let me know
Speaker 1: what happened. Absolutely okay, go buy some chocolate.
Speaker 2: You so.
Speaker 1: Okay, my love, Bye bye long distance relationships. I ain't
Speaker 1: messing with that. She needs some lady balls. I wish
Speaker 1: I could teach women about ladyballs. Ladyballs is that cut
Speaker 1: off switch. It's that place in us that is just
Speaker 1: not going to accommodate, tolerate, entertain any foolishment. Ladyballs are
Speaker 1: that part of us that makes our spine and our
Speaker 1: chest broad and our feet firm. When we say I'm
Speaker 1: choosing me, I get that you're confused. I guess that
Speaker 1: you're lost. I guess that you're working through your stuff.
Speaker 1: But if you want to be with me, I'm choosing me.
Speaker 1: This is what you gotta do. I have a heart
Speaker 1: on for me. Okay, Now I can share it with you,
Speaker 1: but I can't make it okay for you. You've got
Speaker 1: to know. You've got to know, because so very often
Speaker 1: as women, we think we know he's the one, and
Speaker 1: he can take years to try to figure out if
Speaker 1: I'm the one. Like I said, I'm closer to the
Speaker 1: grade than I am to the nursery. My lady balls
Speaker 1: are long and hairy. I'm clear. We can't waste no time,
Speaker 1: and you got two years, You've got time in, you've
Speaker 1: got investment in, and I know we don't want to
Speaker 1: let that go. I know we don't want to let
Speaker 1: that go. But you've got to strengthen your lady balls.
Speaker 1: You gotta get that estrogen, progesterin whatever flowing through them
Speaker 1: so that you don't waste time choosing someone else's confusion
Speaker 1: over your clarity. Because here's the truth. If it's for you,
Speaker 1: it's for you. And yes, the other person may be
Speaker 1: entitled to moments of a fear or unclarity or unsurety,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna mess around with that too long
Speaker 1: because if you're not sure now, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be three, four or five years into this and you
Speaker 1: could become unclear again. Get clear, and it will work
Speaker 1: through everything else to honor our commitment to be. But
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna try to convince you. Uh uh no,
Speaker 1: I got a hard on for me, all right. That's
Speaker 1: what lady balls means. Have a herd on for you,
Speaker 1: choose you, take care of you, and give up this
Speaker 1: thought that everyone has to be one. He may be
Speaker 1: the one for now, but if he's not lining up,
Speaker 1: or him or her, whoever you're with, I don't have
Speaker 1: any preference. I'm saying in terms of partnership, relationship, intimate
Speaker 1: love shit. If they can line up and if they're wondering,
Speaker 1: you wander away. If I could teach ladies about their
Speaker 1: lady balls, chocolate helps.
Speaker 5: Grow chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate milkshake, and bubble baths, that's
Speaker 5: how you grow your lady balls.
Speaker 1: My next scholar is a woman who feels she has
Speaker 1: too much masculine energy. She's really going to enjoy what
Speaker 1: I have to say about that. Hello, Hello, good afternoon, beloved.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the R spot and how can I support
Speaker 1: you this afternoon?
Speaker 4: So I need support in I'm getting out of a marriage. Basically,
Speaker 4: it's something out of my marriage about a little over
Speaker 4: a year now. And I was the one that made
Speaker 4: that decision because I needed a lot of healing. I
Speaker 4: was like broken in so many places. So I made
Speaker 4: the conscious decision to get her my marriage because of
Speaker 4: that and the issues that I'm having is I have
Speaker 4: a lot of masculine energy because I was raised by
Speaker 4: my dad and by my male cousin, and I was
Speaker 4: around like my uncles and just a lot of men,
Speaker 4: and even the women that I was around, they were
Speaker 4: like really bold and courageous and you know, didn't play.
Speaker 4: So I want to learn how to tone that down
Speaker 4: and be more feminine so I can attract the ideal man.
Speaker 1: Woo oky dopey. I love when people call me with
Speaker 1: their own self diagnosis. It's so exciting. Okay, let me
Speaker 1: ask you a question. What do you mean when you
Speaker 1: say masculine energy? What does that mean?
Speaker 4: It means I will just be honest. I was very
Speaker 4: controlling because I didn't want to be controlled. So if
Speaker 4: my ex husband said anything to me like I was
Speaker 4: on him. I didn't play the radio, you know, and
Speaker 4: I feel like I maybe embarrassed him. Now he did
Speaker 4: like come back at me, so he didn't let me
Speaker 4: allow me to control him. But at the same time
Speaker 4: me doing that, I was always in a tack mode
Speaker 4: and I didn't like that part of myself. But I
Speaker 4: didn't really see that while I was in my marriage.
Speaker 4: But once I got out of my marriage and now
Speaker 4: that I'm single, I'm like, oh my god, I had
Speaker 4: some serious issues.
Speaker 1: So you consider control as a masculine.
Speaker 3: Thing, yes, I do.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: And what's the distinction that you make between control and fear?
Speaker 3: I haven't really thought about it like that.
Speaker 1: Very often people try to control their environment, control how
Speaker 1: they are treated, control what's going on when they're afraid,
Speaker 1: and they're afraid because they don't feel safe.
Speaker 4: Yes, that is exactly right, because, like I said, because I.
Speaker 3: Was raised by my dad.
Speaker 4: My dad was like the mean person, right, like you
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, like the street, always fussing, always
Speaker 4: on my sister in ours case, whereas with my cousin.
Speaker 3: My cousin was.
Speaker 4: More of be loving mail. I mean, he always made
Speaker 4: us feel love and faith. He spent a lot of
Speaker 4: time my cousin and a lot of time.
Speaker 3: With my dad. So with that being said, like I say.
Speaker 4: Being around my dad and being around him just being
Speaker 4: so verbally abusive, I was like, Okay, I'm not going
Speaker 4: to allow a man to treat me this way, you know.
Speaker 4: And of course this was all unconscious. I didn't mean
Speaker 4: to be so hard, but because I grew up that way,
Speaker 4: it was just like I was just always in a
Speaker 4: tack mode, always like got to have the last word.
Speaker 4: And again, when I was younger, I didn't see this
Speaker 4: as a problem.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, this is just who I am.
Speaker 4: But once I started to kill and do the work,
Speaker 4: as you always say, I'm able to look at myself
Speaker 4: and look at that past self, and I'm like, you
Speaker 4: know what, I don't like the way I did things.
Speaker 4: I don't like the way I treated people. Not that
Speaker 4: I'm a mean person or bad person, but I know
Speaker 4: I had some habits and some bad ways, and I
Speaker 4: don't want to go into my future self with those weights.
Speaker 1: So I heard you say this, not going to allow
Speaker 1: a man to treat me that way? Which way is that?
Speaker 4: That way was, like I said, my dad was very controlling, very.
Speaker 3: Manipuliti, And I hope I don't start crying.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, I want you to stop right there,
Speaker 1: because when the masculine energy feels aggressive, or when the
Speaker 1: masculine energy feels vulnerable, it'll do one or two things.
Speaker 1: It will retreat or it will attack. When the feminine
Speaker 1: energy feels vulnerable, it will surrender, and it will weep.
Speaker 1: You said, I want to learn more about my feminine energy.
Speaker 1: But then you said, I hope I don't cry? Why not?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Feminine is water.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I'm so glad you told me, and I
Speaker 4: am very emotional. Mister Onla, I have cried more in
Speaker 4: the last two years that I've cried in my life.
Speaker 1: Well, you said you want to set in, you want
Speaker 1: to get into your feminine energy.
Speaker 4: Exactly, exactly, So that's what I've been doing.
Speaker 1: Right, So we'll get into how to separate your energies
Speaker 1: when we come back. Welcome back to the R Spot.
Speaker 1: In an episode about growing lady Balls, we definitely need
Speaker 1: to cover the difference between masculine and feminine energy. Mail
Speaker 1: is fire and air, woman is water and earth. Masculine
Speaker 1: energy is head, thought, thinking, intellect. Feminine energy is heart, emotion, feeling.
Speaker 1: And what I hear you saying to me, you want
Speaker 1: to get out of your head and your thinking and
Speaker 1: into your heart and feeling so that you could be
Speaker 1: less aggressive and more passive. But you're afraid to do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I could be.
Speaker 4: Wrong, You're absolutely right, and based on what you just said,
Speaker 4: I know I'm all over the place.
Speaker 3: No you're not.
Speaker 1: You're not all over the place. You in your head, Okay,
Speaker 1: protecting yourself from the controlling, manipulative, abusive energy that you
Speaker 1: experienced from your father, the man that has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with masculine energy. He was a man who expressed
Speaker 1: his masth sculinity through control, manipulation, and abuse. But true
Speaker 1: masculine energy is thought and intellect, oh wow, and creation.
Speaker 1: True feminine energy it's heart and feeling and vulnerability and
Speaker 1: the word we all hate passive or submissive. And you said,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to allow a man to treat me
Speaker 1: that way. I'm not going to allow man to be
Speaker 1: abusive to me. I'm not going to allow man to
Speaker 1: be manipulative. I'm not gonna allow man to control me.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna allow a man to do that because
Speaker 1: it's not safe. Listen to me, Okay, can you hear me?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Man, okay? And I want you to answer this question
Speaker 1: with the first thing that comes to your mind. Doesn't
Speaker 1: have to make sense. Who broke your heart my dad?
Speaker 1: Did your dad break your heart by the way he
Speaker 1: was or did your mom break your heart by not
Speaker 1: being there to protect you from your dad?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Which one happened first? Couldn't have happened first, because if
Speaker 1: your mom had been there, dad would have never been
Speaker 1: all over you considered the possibility that your mom broke
Speaker 1: your heart. Yeah, and your heart is still broken, which
Speaker 1: means it's tender and it's guarded. So if you really,
Speaker 1: really really want to move into the feminine energy, you've
Speaker 1: got to take the chain, the wall, the bricks, the
Speaker 1: daggers off your heart and know that you are safe
Speaker 1: to feel. I'm not just talking about crying, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about feeling. You gotta get safe, right, and the way
Speaker 1: to get safe is to heal that broken heart. Doesn't
Speaker 1: matter why she left. The fact is the heart wasn't
Speaker 1: there to balance the energy of the head, or the
Speaker 1: feminine wasn't there to balance the energy of the masculine,
Speaker 1: because the feminine is the heart. So you don't have
Speaker 1: an issue with with masculine energy. You have a heart condition.
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm so glad that you let me know, because
Speaker 3: I'm like, just all over safe.
Speaker 2: Oh you're not.
Speaker 1: You're in your head, you're not all open place, and
Speaker 1: you're trying so hard what not to be. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna let a man treat me this way. So I
Speaker 1: have to be this and listen this and this and this.
Speaker 1: You're trying so hard not to be something until you
Speaker 1: aren't being what you want to be, which is feminine, soft,
Speaker 1: open hearted, present in your feelings.
Speaker 3: Oh that's what I want to be.
Speaker 1: So you got to heal up that broken heart. Stop
Speaker 1: looking at your dad. He was just a man. He
Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily masculine energy. Although that's how masculine energy when
Speaker 1: it's imbalanced. Right right, sounds like he had you and
Speaker 1: your sister. Your mom was gone. We don't know what
Speaker 1: that felt like for him. Maybe his heart was closed,
Speaker 1: Maybe he was angry, Maybe he was hurt, Maybe he
Speaker 1: was disappointed. Maybe he didn't know how to give you
Speaker 1: his heart. Maybe he gave your heart his heart to
Speaker 1: your mom and she left with it, or she broke
Speaker 1: his heart and he just passed it on.
Speaker 4: Who knows.
Speaker 1: We can make it up any way. We want it
Speaker 1: to be right. But what I hear you saying is
Speaker 1: you want to be more in your heart. So hmm,
Speaker 1: so much is coming to mind now. I'm all over
Speaker 1: the place forgiveness. Oh yes, I have been.
Speaker 3: Working with that, mister young But.
Speaker 1: Who are you forgiving? What are you forgiving?
Speaker 4: I'm forgiving, like I said, my dad or anybody else
Speaker 4: that I feel there had hurt me, including my ex husband,
Speaker 4: and I'm forgiving myself asking others to forgive me. And
Speaker 4: I didn't realize, though, that forgiveness was such a hard,
Speaker 4: complicated process.
Speaker 3: I always thought it.
Speaker 4: Was simple, as I say the prayer, I forgive them,
Speaker 4: I wish them the best, I wish them well.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm good.
Speaker 4: And now that I'm on this killing journey, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: it's it's so much deeper than that, and I didn't
Speaker 4: realize it before.
Speaker 3: I have some more work to do.
Speaker 1: Well. I want to encourage you to go back and
Speaker 1: do your forgiveness on your mom. Forget her story, Forget
Speaker 1: what they told you, Forget what you think, forget what
Speaker 1: you made up. Go back and do some forgiveness work
Speaker 1: on your mom, and then do some forgiveness work with God. Okay,
Speaker 1: forgiving God for whatever you think God is responsible for.
Speaker 1: If he's responsible for your mom, if leaving, if he's
Speaker 1: responsible for your dad being abusive, controlling, manipulative, if he's
Speaker 1: responsible for every little thing that happened to you when
Speaker 1: you were six, twelve, thirteen, fifteen, sixteen, whatever, forgive your mom,
Speaker 1: forgive God, then go to your dad, and then go
Speaker 1: to yourself, and the deepest way to do it is
Speaker 1: really to forgive the thought, forgive the feeling, forgive the belief,
Speaker 1: forgive the judgment. But the forgiveness work. If you want
Speaker 1: to take another look at my book on forgiveness, because
Speaker 1: that is the work. It's a forty day process. Okay,
Speaker 1: So think of it this way, beloved again. Masculine energy
Speaker 1: is head thought, intellect, it's creation. Feminine energy is heart feeling.
Speaker 1: It's a surrender and energy of surrender and energy of passivity,
Speaker 1: not weakness, but passivity, receptivity, receptivity, let me say, receptivity,
Speaker 1: whereas masculine energy is a more aggressive energy. So you
Speaker 1: want to move out of the aggression into the receptivity, okay,
Speaker 1: And you want to know that it's safe to feel
Speaker 1: and forgiveness, and then when you finish with forgiveness, you
Speaker 1: can work on trust.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, thank you for your call, beloved. Give me a
Speaker 1: call in about six weeks and let me know where
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 3: Okay, I surely will.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much, miss young Okay, my love, bye bye,
Speaker 4: all right, bye bye.
Speaker 3: I'm glacious.
Speaker 1: So many of us think that the one right now
Speaker 1: has to be the one forever in fact, as women,
Speaker 1: we sometimes try to fit the square man peg into
Speaker 1: the round hole in our heart, even when we know
Speaker 1: it's not a good match. A good match has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with masculine or feminine energy. It's not about
Speaker 1: how much you invest in a relationship or how much
Speaker 1: time you spend together. It doesn't even have anything to
Speaker 1: do with how much you love each other. A good match,
Speaker 1: a solid relationship has to grow from the mutual respect
Speaker 1: between the people involved, which means that sometimes you must
Speaker 1: stand up for yourself. You must grow some lady balls
Speaker 1: and choose you, especially when you are not feeling respected beloved.
Speaker 1: Choose you, vote for you, make that change, and then
Speaker 1: go and get yourself some chocolate and have a bubble bath.
Speaker 1: A'miyama and I thank you for tuning in. If you
Speaker 1: have questions or insights about this or any other relationship
Speaker 1: topic and you would like us to explore it here
Speaker 1: on the R Spot, you can call me live at
Speaker 1: seven seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight.
Speaker 1: Now be sure to follow me on social media for
Speaker 1: all of the calling times. In the meantime, stay in
Speaker 1: peace and not pieces. The R Spot is a production
Speaker 1: of Shondaland Audio in partnership with Iheartraate Radio. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.