WEBVTT - "I CATFISHED SOMEONE"

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Oh my god, am I on?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes you are.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your name, Naudia? It's not my real name, but you.

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<v Speaker 2>Know, I'm gonna give you some advice if you're going

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<v Speaker 2>by a if you're going by a fake name, let

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<v Speaker 2>everyone think it's your real name. It's the point of

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<v Speaker 2>the fake name to clarify that it's not your real name.

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<v Speaker 2>It it ruins your progriface.

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't want to lie.

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<v Speaker 3>To you, you know what.

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<v Speaker 2>I respect the intention with which you you did that.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. I'm glad.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh, what's what's going on?

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to apologize. If I sound bad, it's

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm a little under the liver right now. My

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<v Speaker 1>voice doesn't normally sound like this, but I'm just so

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<v Speaker 1>psyched that I'm on here. The reason I wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to you, as I'm sure you know, is because

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<v Speaker 1>I catfished somebody that I worked with over a year ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and I broke his heart as the catfish. And now

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<v Speaker 1>we're like best friends and he still doesn't know that

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<v Speaker 1>I did this.

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<v Speaker 3>Mmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so uh, how do you first start to catfish

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<v Speaker 2>this guy?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so it started when he first started working with me.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know anything about him. But one day he

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<v Speaker 1>said something that came across as like really like homophobic,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, yikes, you know, like you know,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't just say that shit around people openly. And

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<v Speaker 1>then I found out from one of the other people

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<v Speaker 1>that I work with that apparently he told a girl

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<v Speaker 1>that he wanted to stuff her donut when he was

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<v Speaker 1>trying to get laid, I guess, and so we thought, yeah, natural,

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<v Speaker 1>just you know, regular weird things. So I knew that

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<v Speaker 1>this guy had tender because I joined Tinder around this

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<v Speaker 1>time that year, and I had seen him while I

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<v Speaker 1>was swiping on Tender. So we got the idea to

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<v Speaker 1>make a Tender profile that was like geared specifically towards

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<v Speaker 1>this guy. Like the profile it was so specific. It

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<v Speaker 1>was like I love short guys, I love guys that

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<v Speaker 1>can cook, just like very generic things that just happened

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<v Speaker 1>to apply to him. And within like a few minutes

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<v Speaker 1>of us swiping on him, we matched and we started

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<v Speaker 1>talking to him as a fake profile, and we never

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<v Speaker 1>had any like in depth conversations with him, at least

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<v Speaker 1>from our angle. Most of it was just us like

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<v Speaker 1>saying the weirdest shit and like trying to get like

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<v Speaker 1>some kind of like reaction or suspicion out of him,

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<v Speaker 1>and like, I think we told him that our grandma

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<v Speaker 1>was like addicted to cocaine and that she was hiding

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<v Speaker 1>coke in the the flower pantry.

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<v Speaker 2>So did you did you?

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<v Speaker 3>Ever?

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<v Speaker 2>How long? How long did you talk to this guy

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<v Speaker 2>as the fake profile?

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<v Speaker 1>We talked to him for two months and it ended

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<v Speaker 1>because he started to get saucy one night and we

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to see like just how far we could, like

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<v Speaker 1>what kind of crazy stuff we could say to like

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<v Speaker 1>scare him away. Like we told him to open his

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<v Speaker 1>bitch hole for mommy at one point, and that still

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<v Speaker 1>didn't scare him away, and he started asking for live pictures,

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<v Speaker 1>so we like panicked and we left him undelivered for

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<v Speaker 1>like two days, and then a few days later he

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<v Speaker 1>like just finally ended.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So so you say that he was heartbroken, What

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<v Speaker 2>did he say to you, either that you found out

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<v Speaker 2>about in real life or that the uh you found

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<v Speaker 2>out through the fake profile.

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<v Speaker 1>He blocked the fake profile after we the The thing

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<v Speaker 1>we did to I guess really make him go away

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<v Speaker 1>was we've had some like random dude on her Snapchat

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<v Speaker 1>story and called him a sexy cowboy and he finally

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<v Speaker 1>just blocked her, I guess, and then when he came

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<v Speaker 1>back to work, he seemed really upset. And that was

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<v Speaker 1>when I first was like, oh, like this like actually

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<v Speaker 1>affected this guy. And I remember one of my other

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<v Speaker 1>coworkers asked him what was wrong, and he was like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I might want to talk about it later. And that

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<v Speaker 1>was when I started feeling bad for it, like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>beyond just like oh, this is a silly thing I'm doing.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you said you started to feel bad for

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<v Speaker 2>I feel bad about doing this. What what did those

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<v Speaker 2>feelings look like?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, especially started once I actually like got to know him.

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<v Speaker 1>It started around the beginning of this year, Like my

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<v Speaker 1>work started throwing these little parties after work where we

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<v Speaker 1>all drink and we'd have like a good time. And

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<v Speaker 1>that was when I started like actually talking to this dude,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, oh, he's actually kind of like

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<v Speaker 1>cool and sweet, and he eventually like joined my friend

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<v Speaker 1>group over time, and now like we're really close, and

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<v Speaker 1>like over time, I've just been feeling like worse and

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<v Speaker 1>worse about it because it's like he doesn't know about

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<v Speaker 1>this horrible thing I did. But I know it, and

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<v Speaker 1>if I tell him, it's like he's never gonna talk

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<v Speaker 1>to me again. And it's like, as much as I

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<v Speaker 1>want to tell him, it's like I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>it would be worth it, if that makes sense, But

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<v Speaker 1>I also feel like genuinely guilty about it. But it's

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<v Speaker 1>just a matter of like if it would be worth to,

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<v Speaker 1>like how much things would change if I were to

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<v Speaker 1>like tell him, m.

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<v Speaker 2>A, is this for you? Has this experience like changed

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<v Speaker 2>your perspective on people in any way or giving you

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<v Speaker 2>a lesson of any kind?

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<v Speaker 1>I think so, Yeah, it's kind of taught me that,

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm not always right about people from the get go,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like that's definitely one thing I've learned, because

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<v Speaker 1>like at the time, I just thought this guy was

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<v Speaker 1>like some weird, little homophobic troll, but he's actually like

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<v Speaker 1>chill with like me and my friend group and everything.

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<v Speaker 1>So now it's just like, oh, like, you know, if

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<v Speaker 1>I knew what I knew now, I wouldn't have done it.

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't know how much I can blame myself

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<v Speaker 1>for doing it with what I knew at the time.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, Okay, you said you did this with a friend.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I did this with two of the people I

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<v Speaker 1>was living with at the time. One of them denies

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<v Speaker 1>any and all involvement in it to this day, but

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<v Speaker 1>was definitely involved.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Uh, do they know this guy personally at all?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he has been hanging out with like all of us,

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<v Speaker 1>Like we hang out at those people's house like regularly.

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<v Speaker 1>Other people I did it with.

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<v Speaker 2>So, so, what are their thoughts and feelings about the situation.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm with one of those people right now. Actually I'm not.

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<v Speaker 4>Don't worry.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna put you on the spot.

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<v Speaker 2>But does she I mean, I'm down to hear from

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<v Speaker 2>her perspective if she wants to tell us?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to talk to?

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<v Speaker 4>What am I supposed to say?

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<v Speaker 3>Hello?

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<v Speaker 2>Hi? Hi? What's your name?

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<v Speaker 4>Hi? My name is Meredith.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, Meredith. How are you doing?

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<v Speaker 4>I am doing amazing? I can't believe I'm talking to you.

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<v Speaker 3>So.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh, Meredith, you heard your friend tell this story that

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<v Speaker 2>you were involved with, and you've heard her feelings about it.

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<v Speaker 3>Hm, what.

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<v Speaker 2>Are your feelings about it?

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<v Speaker 4>I have no regrets. I would do it all over again.

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<v Speaker 2>Interesting, Why do you feel like you would do it

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<v Speaker 2>all over again?

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<v Speaker 4>I it was just a wonderful experience, and it's it

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<v Speaker 4>brought us closer together than me and this other person here.

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<v Speaker 4>And even though the person who was affected by it

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<v Speaker 4>is still experiencing the effects, I think it was worth

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<v Speaker 4>it because he deserved it. It also it also it

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<v Speaker 4>also changed him for the better, because before he was

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<v Speaker 4>he's a little homophobic grimlin and then like now he's

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<v Speaker 4>more open and like, I feel like we did that

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<v Speaker 4>as the catfish.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you think your feelings about this are so

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<v Speaker 2>different from your friends?

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<v Speaker 4>Can I tell the truth here? You can let me

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<v Speaker 4>tell the truth here?

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<v Speaker 3>Please?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, go ahead, Okay, I had to get permission first.

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<v Speaker 4>This Naughtia here eventually fell in love with the person

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<v Speaker 4>that we catfish. I wouldn't say love selling light.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, okay, but I mean I mean, look to me,

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<v Speaker 2>these two retrospectives on this situation.

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<v Speaker 3>Are not.

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<v Speaker 2>Like like to me, even the not now that Nadia

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<v Speaker 2>did have like a deeper personal relationship with this guy

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<v Speaker 2>feels irrelevant to me in terms of how she now

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<v Speaker 2>views the situation as a whole because she took a

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<v Speaker 2>lesson from it of you know, not going you know,

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<v Speaker 2>not feeling as though you know a person based off

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<v Speaker 2>of very little information, which is a general broad lesson

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<v Speaker 2>that has nothing to do really with her having any

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<v Speaker 2>sort of deep personal relationship with the guy. And I'm wondering,

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<v Speaker 2>you know that from just an objective level. Does does

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<v Speaker 2>that not resonate with you as an idea, these ideas

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<v Speaker 2>that she's talking about as to why she feels guilty

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<v Speaker 2>about it?

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<v Speaker 4>No, because for me, I got to know him a

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<v Speaker 4>little more as just as did Nadia, but I did

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<v Speaker 4>not eventually like him.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, do you feel as though you can do wrong

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<v Speaker 2>onto people if you feel like you're justified in doing it?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>What makes you feel like that?

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<v Speaker 1>You can't see it? But Meredith is shrugging right now.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm asking you genuine question. It's not like a

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<v Speaker 2>gotcha moment or anything.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to know, still shrugging. So I guess I'll

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<v Speaker 1>speak my piece here. Okay, sure, because I've been having

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<v Speaker 1>talked about this recently, Because one of the reasons I've

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<v Speaker 1>been wanting to talk to you about this so bad

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<v Speaker 1>is because one of my other close friends recently just

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like confronted me and basically told me that

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<v Speaker 1>they think I'm like this like mean spirited person who

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<v Speaker 1>just like enjoys doing these things to people, and this

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<v Speaker 1>was like the most prominent example, and you.

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<v Speaker 2>The angel on your shoulder, don't you Apparently yeah, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>so tell me more.

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<v Speaker 3>They just.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, sorry, you're good. But they they like kind of

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<v Speaker 1>cited this as like proof that I'm like just generally

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<v Speaker 1>like not a good person because I can do these

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<v Speaker 1>things to people. But it's like, again, like I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think they fully understand that, Like, you know, this isn't

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<v Speaker 1>something I just did for like no reason. I wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm just going to rip this dude's hard out

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<v Speaker 1>of his chest, even if that's what we ended up

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<v Speaker 1>doing it. At the time, it wasn't from a place

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<v Speaker 1>of like genuine malice to an innocent person. It was

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<v Speaker 1>just like, oh, this guy is like has a really

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<v Speaker 1>shitty worldview. Let's let's mess with them a little. But

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<v Speaker 1>now it's turned into like this whole thing where I'm

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<v Speaker 1>questioning my own morality.

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<v Speaker 2>Well even that, I mean even I mean, that's that's

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<v Speaker 2>I guess when I'm asking Meredith. And again again I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not you know, inflecting any kind of like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>personal view on it, but I I want to understand

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<v Speaker 2>deeper like why, I mean, do you I mean, do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel as though if you feel like you're justified,

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<v Speaker 2>uh to to do something to someone that you should

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<v Speaker 2>do it?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that to both of us or just Meredith?

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<v Speaker 5>Sorry?

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<v Speaker 2>Well I asked it to Meredith and she she doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>have an answer, which is which is fine, But I'm

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<v Speaker 2>curious what yours is.

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<v Speaker 1>That is a good question. That's That's definitely another thing

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<v Speaker 1>I've been struggling with because at the time, like another

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<v Speaker 1>element of it was like it just felt like a

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<v Speaker 1>funny thing to do, like I guess, not something necessarily

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<v Speaker 1>that I should do, but that like you know, like, oh,

0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.200
<v Speaker 1>I'll get a kick out of seeing what like this

0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:25.120
<v Speaker 1>weird little man says to his like fake tender soulmates.

0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's funny that you guys are friends. I mean,

0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:38.600
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like you have gained a new perspective out

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:43.880
<v Speaker 2>of this situation. And yeah, I don't know. Hopefully that

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:48.160
<v Speaker 2>perspective is helpful to you and you believe in it

0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:52.560
<v Speaker 2>and that it guides you towards doing the things in

0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:57.760
<v Speaker 2>the future that you you are proud of. I guess.

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you think we should tell him? Yet?

0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:03.880
<v Speaker 2>I cannot answer that question.

0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate that.

0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:11.200
<v Speaker 2>Let me ask you that I can. I ask you

0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:12.080
<v Speaker 2>a question before we.

0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.280
<v Speaker 1>Go, Yes, ask me a question.

0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Do you think you should tell him?

0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:23.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess I'm gonna go right back at you

0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.360
<v Speaker 1>with the I don't have an answer to that because

0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.920
<v Speaker 1>on a moral standpoint, I think I should, But on

0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:34.800
<v Speaker 1>a standpoint of like basic self preservation and not wanting

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:39.760
<v Speaker 1>to dig up old wounds, I also don't think I

0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.680
<v Speaker 1>should because I think telling him would ultimately harm both

0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:44.760
<v Speaker 1>me and him more than it would, like help me

0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.240
<v Speaker 1>relieve myself with this burden. If that makes sense.

0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that does make sense. It does make sense. I

0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:56.520
<v Speaker 2>don't know. I'm not the fucking moral police, and I

0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.200
<v Speaker 2>don't even think, thank you. I don't. Well, nobody fucking

0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:01.560
<v Speaker 2>acts morally all I don't fucking act morally all the time.

0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:06.840
<v Speaker 2>I gotta sit here and tell you two. So, I mean,

0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:10.360
<v Speaker 2>do whatever feels right. I suppose that was a stupid

0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:11.720
<v Speaker 2>thing to say. I could have just said nothing, but

0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.000
<v Speaker 2>I said do what ever feels right, which doesn't make

0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.760
<v Speaker 2>any sense. God damn it, do what ever feels right?

0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:17.080
<v Speaker 3>Now? Do you?

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:18.320
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say to the

0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:19.520
<v Speaker 2>people of the computer before we go.

0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:23.760
<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to say I was totally like stoked

0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:26.440
<v Speaker 1>that you took my call. I'm sure everyone says that,

0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:28.360
<v Speaker 1>but it just made my night, Like you have no

0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.800
<v Speaker 1>idea how long I've wanted to talk to you. Everyone,

0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:34.440
<v Speaker 1>don't catfish weird little guys that you work with. They

0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:36.280
<v Speaker 1>might turn out to be kind of cool.

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:39.920
<v Speaker 2>Meredith. Any is Meredith still there? Does she have any

0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:41.000
<v Speaker 2>final words before we go?

0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Fuck bitches, get money?

0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Thank yes for calling?

0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 4>Thank you?

0:16:55.920 --> 0:17:01.120
<v Speaker 2>That that poses an interesting question. Should you fuck with

0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:06.640
<v Speaker 2>people if you feel like they deserve it? And as

0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:12.520
<v Speaker 2>somebody who has fucked with people in my life before

0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.080
<v Speaker 2>because I felt like they deserved it, I don't know

0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:19.760
<v Speaker 2>the answer to that question. I mean, at this point

0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.600
<v Speaker 2>in my life, I feel like the answer is no.

0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.800
<v Speaker 2>But I don't know. Some person who knows about like

0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:30.720
<v Speaker 2>history and fucking science and psychology or something could sit

0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.280
<v Speaker 2>down and have some good argument as to why you

0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:36.080
<v Speaker 2>should be able to do things if you feel justified

0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:41.200
<v Speaker 2>in doing it. But I guess my thing is I don't.

0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:43.840
<v Speaker 2>And again, in the when I was in a fucking

0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.240
<v Speaker 2>in high school, I probably fucked with a lot of

0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.280
<v Speaker 2>people just because I felt like, you know, they deserved it.

0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:53.040
<v Speaker 2>I should be able to fuck with them. But to me,

0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.560
<v Speaker 2>that feels childish. That's why I did it when I

0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:04.720
<v Speaker 2>was a child, because what I don't I guess where

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.680
<v Speaker 2>I stand now in my life. I don't feel comfortable

0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:16.239
<v Speaker 2>designating myself as like the universe's moral arbiter. Like I

0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:20.560
<v Speaker 2>get to decide who has done wrong, and then I

0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:26.800
<v Speaker 2>get to decide that they deserve something or don't deserve something.

0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:32.760
<v Speaker 2>That's just not a power I feel comfortable wielding, and

0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:37.600
<v Speaker 2>so I don't. I don't know if it's a power

0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:44.240
<v Speaker 2>that any one mortal shall wield. That's why I'm not

0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:49.400
<v Speaker 2>a fucking this is I'm not Christian, but I do

0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:54.960
<v Speaker 2>believe in the weird hippie sense that only God can judge.

0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:58.880
<v Speaker 2>And so if I decide to judge, does that make

0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:03.600
<v Speaker 2>me am I declaring myself as a god? Isn't that

0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 2>insane to declare yourself as a god? All right, let's

0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:11.960
<v Speaker 2>take another call.

0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:20.879
<v Speaker 3>Hello, Hi, Hi, I'm Noko, Noko.

0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:21.560
<v Speaker 2>How are you doing?

0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm live and kicking, and that's not it?

0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:29.840
<v Speaker 2>Noko? How can I how can I get you today?

0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:31.320
<v Speaker 2>What's going on with you in the universe?

0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:36.359
<v Speaker 3>Well? I have a shut in. I've been a shut

0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:43.600
<v Speaker 3>in for years, a year at least, and I was

0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:46.479
<v Speaker 3>going fine because I was doing remote work. That they

0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:50.160
<v Speaker 3>cut my remote hours from five days a week to two.

0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:55.119
<v Speaker 3>And then my significant others she's not too I'm happy

0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:57.520
<v Speaker 3>about not being able to go outside with me. So

0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:04.240
<v Speaker 3>it's just my shudden ness is just starting to get

0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:05.160
<v Speaker 3>in the way of my life.

0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:12.879
<v Speaker 2>So tell me where the shutting ness originated from.

0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:20.960
<v Speaker 3>I wish I knew there's on and off for my

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:25.480
<v Speaker 3>entire adult life, but and then as a teenager, I

0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:27.960
<v Speaker 3>was always stuck in the house.

0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:35.600
<v Speaker 2>So so is this is this like a gloraphobia?

0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:41.119
<v Speaker 3>That's what the what the term I used before I

0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:43.840
<v Speaker 3>started seeing a doctor and then she told me, no,

0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:48.080
<v Speaker 3>it's not a gloraphobia. And then we haven't come to

0:20:48.160 --> 0:20:55.200
<v Speaker 3>a diagnosis yet after six months of sessions. But it's

0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:56.960
<v Speaker 3>not a gorphobia, apparently.

0:20:57.400 --> 0:20:59.240
<v Speaker 2>Tell me more about what the doctor is telling you.

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:02.479
<v Speaker 2>Why what what information have they given you as to

0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:04.359
<v Speaker 2>what might be going on with.

0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:12.159
<v Speaker 3>You outside of the normal depression. And they're claiming PTSD

0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 3>but I don't even know what could even be PTSD

0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:23.200
<v Speaker 3>in my life. But yeah, I don't know why and

0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:26.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm not too concerned why if it wasn't. Honestly, I'd

0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.840
<v Speaker 3>be okay with never leaving the house. If I could

0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:32.919
<v Speaker 3>just work, people would let me work, you know.

0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:39.879
<v Speaker 2>So you would be okay with never leaving the house

0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 2>if it didn't affect your work. So you have no

0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:47.640
<v Speaker 2>this is not a thing that you even desire to overcome.

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:55.119
<v Speaker 3>Not particularly, And I'd rather set my life around not

0:21:55.320 --> 0:21:58.600
<v Speaker 3>leaving than leaving.

0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:02.480
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's not necessary. And if you don't have it,

0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:04.439
<v Speaker 2>that's cool. And if you don't even want to tell me,

0:22:04.480 --> 0:22:11.120
<v Speaker 2>that's cool. But do you have a explanation of some kind? Again,

0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:15.399
<v Speaker 2>you don't even need to, But do you have an

0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:19.080
<v Speaker 2>explanation of some kind as to why you have no

0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:20.760
<v Speaker 2>desire to overcome this?

0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:29.720
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I don't have an explicit reason. It's just

0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:34.760
<v Speaker 3>I'd rather be comfortable than uncomfortable. I guess I'd rather

0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:39.159
<v Speaker 3>not deal with the anxieties that come with dealing with

0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:44.879
<v Speaker 3>the public and people and strangers and all that. Sure,

0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:49.439
<v Speaker 3>But I guess that's about all the reason that I

0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:50.359
<v Speaker 3>have got, you know.

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:54.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I you know, look, I think that's legitimately. I

0:22:54.560 --> 0:22:59.200
<v Speaker 2>think you're you know, as a free human on the earth.

0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:03.760
<v Speaker 2>You are entitled and compelled to live your life in

0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:08.919
<v Speaker 2>whatever way you choose, but you're finding it difficult to

0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:13.080
<v Speaker 2>work in these constraints.

0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:18.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, i've before. See I started working remote in twenty twenty.

0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:22.280
<v Speaker 3>Well what it it's twenty twenty two now, so it

0:23:22.320 --> 0:23:25.680
<v Speaker 3>would have been twenty twenty one. I started working remote

0:23:25.720 --> 0:23:30.840
<v Speaker 3>for the first time. But before then, i'd be able

0:23:30.840 --> 0:23:33.520
<v Speaker 3>to work for I don't know, like three months or so,

0:23:34.520 --> 0:23:38.120
<v Speaker 3>and then just stop going in, just no call, no show,

0:23:38.200 --> 0:23:42.600
<v Speaker 3>and never never come back or talk to them again.

0:23:44.680 --> 0:23:47.280
<v Speaker 3>And then I started working remote, and then I actually

0:23:47.359 --> 0:23:53.960
<v Speaker 3>started working for it's really started working for the state.

0:23:54.520 --> 0:23:59.679
<v Speaker 3>And apparently you can't get fired from the state. So

0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:02.600
<v Speaker 3>when I just stopped going in and talking to everybody,

0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:06.240
<v Speaker 3>instead of just firing me, they actually reached out and said, hey,

0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:08.879
<v Speaker 3>we can provide you with a doctor. Just go to

0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:13.679
<v Speaker 3>this doctor, be remote and keep doing your work. And

0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:16.840
<v Speaker 3>then a couple of weeks ago they said, well the

0:24:17.000 --> 0:24:19.160
<v Speaker 3>remote time's over. You need to start going back into

0:24:19.160 --> 0:24:24.880
<v Speaker 3>the office. And at that point I told my doctor, hey,

0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:27.600
<v Speaker 3>I can't do this, and she said, well, you can

0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:31.920
<v Speaker 3>take fml not fuck my life, but family medical leave,

0:24:33.040 --> 0:24:35.439
<v Speaker 3>which is cool. Which means I won't get fired, but

0:24:35.480 --> 0:24:37.840
<v Speaker 3>it also means I'm not getting paid three days a week.

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:46.280
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I'm a single father and you know, just

0:24:47.000 --> 0:24:48.760
<v Speaker 3>trying to make it on my own, which is not

0:24:49.080 --> 0:24:54.440
<v Speaker 3>easy paying rent on a single income.

0:24:55.240 --> 0:24:59.159
<v Speaker 2>Have you looked into any alternative work that you might

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:03.199
<v Speaker 2>be able to do from home, just.

0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:06.000
<v Speaker 3>Just just some remote stuff. I've tried to look at

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:10.520
<v Speaker 3>a couple of different things, and I've even been told

0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:13.480
<v Speaker 3>that I qualify to go on disability and get those

0:25:13.600 --> 0:25:18.760
<v Speaker 3>neat bucks. But it's just it's much to do, you know.

0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:26.600
<v Speaker 3>The doctor's prescribed of all things ken of me, and

0:25:27.000 --> 0:25:28.800
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how I feel about that.

0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:35.520
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to ask you this year, your father, Yeah,

0:25:35.560 --> 0:25:42.440
<v Speaker 2>how has what's been going on with you affected that

0:25:42.680 --> 0:25:46.560
<v Speaker 2>aspect of your life?

0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:53.679
<v Speaker 3>Oh? My kid's twelve now and they're more interested in

0:25:53.760 --> 0:25:57.720
<v Speaker 3>staying in and playing games anyway, which I so it's

0:25:57.760 --> 0:26:01.240
<v Speaker 3>really just a guilt thing. Having know, I'd like to

0:26:01.440 --> 0:26:05.280
<v Speaker 3>take them out and go and do things, but it's

0:26:05.320 --> 0:26:07.840
<v Speaker 3>already hard enough for me. And when they say, oh,

0:26:07.920 --> 0:26:15.480
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to do anything anyway. Yeah, so it's

0:26:15.640 --> 0:26:20.880
<v Speaker 3>it's affecting my guilt a lot. I feel like I'm

0:26:20.880 --> 0:26:23.320
<v Speaker 3>not doing I'm setting a bad example, you know.

0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:31.240
<v Speaker 2>Mm Hm, does that guilt compel you to change anything?

0:26:38.440 --> 0:26:41.760
<v Speaker 3>That guilt has kept me from commit becoming an hero

0:26:42.480 --> 0:26:50.639
<v Speaker 3>a couple of times, but and it's kept me from

0:26:50.720 --> 0:26:56.399
<v Speaker 3>running away out of the state and going and living

0:26:56.400 --> 0:27:03.080
<v Speaker 3>in the woods. But uh, and I guess it's what's

0:27:03.160 --> 0:27:05.359
<v Speaker 3>keeping me going to see a doctor. I mean, I

0:27:05.400 --> 0:27:07.880
<v Speaker 3>could just say do what I've always done and say

0:27:07.920 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 3>screw it. I'm just gonna like just quit my job

0:27:13.320 --> 0:27:18.320
<v Speaker 3>and screw this mental health thing. It's not working, you know,

0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:25.960
<v Speaker 3>for six months and nothing's changed. But like, h, they're

0:27:26.080 --> 0:27:32.440
<v Speaker 3>keeping being going. I guess you don't really like I do.

0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:41.120
<v Speaker 3>I do, and especially now, ah, because they're getting older

0:27:41.800 --> 0:27:47.919
<v Speaker 3>and this is the time when they're really learning life,

0:27:48.119 --> 0:27:54.080
<v Speaker 3>you know. And uh, I really like teaching her about

0:27:54.119 --> 0:28:00.560
<v Speaker 3>these things, but it's hard not to be give her

0:28:00.600 --> 0:28:04.720
<v Speaker 3>a bleak outlook on things too. HM.

0:28:06.280 --> 0:28:14.879
<v Speaker 2>Do you have in your mind an outlook a vision

0:28:15.880 --> 0:28:23.240
<v Speaker 2>of philosophy of any kind for her that you would

0:28:23.359 --> 0:28:27.159
<v Speaker 2>like to see her adopt or open up to, just

0:28:27.160 --> 0:28:31.040
<v Speaker 2>about life, even if it's different from your personal one.

0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:38.600
<v Speaker 3>I really wish I could say, Yeah, it's a lot

0:28:38.600 --> 0:28:42.160
<v Speaker 3>of times, you know, and like hard things happen. H

0:28:44.040 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't know what to say, and I end up

0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:53.880
<v Speaker 3>just sitting next to her, you know, because if I

0:28:53.920 --> 0:28:57.239
<v Speaker 3>were to say what's on my mind, then it's just

0:28:57.320 --> 0:29:06.840
<v Speaker 3>incredibly bleak and it's best not to give my view

0:29:07.040 --> 0:29:07.840
<v Speaker 3>of my world view.

0:29:08.600 --> 0:29:11.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah that makes sense, Yeah, it does, it does.

0:29:14.200 --> 0:29:14.640
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm.

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:20.120
<v Speaker 2>No, col it sounds like it sounds like you are

0:29:20.200 --> 0:29:25.640
<v Speaker 2>dealing with a lot, and it's good to hear.

0:29:27.320 --> 0:29:28.040
<v Speaker 3>That you.

0:29:30.200 --> 0:29:33.360
<v Speaker 2>Are still doing the best you can in spite of that.

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:37.280
<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm saying. It sounds to me like

0:29:37.400 --> 0:29:39.880
<v Speaker 2>you're doing the best to be the best father that

0:29:39.920 --> 0:29:45.120
<v Speaker 2>you can within the constraints of your mental health issues.

0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:56.520
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I don't know what else to do, you know.

0:29:57.000 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 3>It's yeah, it's a by day thing for me right now,

0:30:02.480 --> 0:30:02.960
<v Speaker 3>and it's.

0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:07.640
<v Speaker 2>Just you know, but I mean just to just to

0:30:07.880 --> 0:30:10.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean, look at the ways from what you've told

0:30:10.200 --> 0:30:12.600
<v Speaker 2>me on the phone in which you're trying like going

0:30:12.600 --> 0:30:14.680
<v Speaker 2>to the doctor like you. I mean, you said this yourself.

0:30:14.720 --> 0:30:17.480
<v Speaker 2>I just want to point it out, you know, you totally.

0:30:18.400 --> 0:30:20.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like I told you earlier, I was like,

0:30:20.280 --> 0:30:22.880
<v Speaker 2>you are free as a human being to live life.

0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:25.720
<v Speaker 2>However you want. You don't have to make any attempt

0:30:25.840 --> 0:30:28.880
<v Speaker 2>to change how you're currently living. But you're going to

0:30:28.880 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 2>the doctor. You don't have to go to You're a

0:30:31.720 --> 0:30:33.000
<v Speaker 2>grown man. You don't have to go to the doctor

0:30:33.080 --> 0:30:35.080
<v Speaker 2>ran too. But you're doing it. But you're doing it

0:30:35.720 --> 0:30:40.040
<v Speaker 2>because you want to try, because you want to be

0:30:40.800 --> 0:30:44.280
<v Speaker 2>a better father. I think that's an admirable thing to do,

0:30:44.920 --> 0:30:49.080
<v Speaker 2>to try to help yourself so that you can be

0:30:49.120 --> 0:30:51.120
<v Speaker 2>a better father. I just wanted to say.

0:30:51.040 --> 0:31:00.600
<v Speaker 3>That, Yeah, yeah, and I and that's ultimately I want

0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:03.200
<v Speaker 3>to I want to be a better father. I want

0:31:03.200 --> 0:31:06.560
<v Speaker 3>to be a better significant other, I want to be

0:31:06.600 --> 0:31:10.520
<v Speaker 3>a better son, and I want to be a better employee. Mhm.

0:31:11.800 --> 0:31:15.120
<v Speaker 3>But something, why can't they just see it my way?

0:31:15.200 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 3>You know?

0:31:18.000 --> 0:31:20.440
<v Speaker 2>So you're going what kind of what kind of doctor

0:31:20.560 --> 0:31:24.160
<v Speaker 2>are you? Do you also speak with a I don't know.

0:31:24.240 --> 0:31:27.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what the types of doctors are for

0:31:27.320 --> 0:31:31.040
<v Speaker 2>what you're going to a therapy? Okay, So what has

0:31:31.080 --> 0:31:33.920
<v Speaker 2>your psychotherapist told you anything else that's been helpful to you?

0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:42.520
<v Speaker 3>Honestly? I mean she comes from like I love acid,

0:31:43.040 --> 0:31:45.080
<v Speaker 3>I love lsky. I take it maybe like once or

0:31:45.080 --> 0:31:49.160
<v Speaker 3>twice a year and and I really lucked out because

0:31:49.160 --> 0:31:52.800
<v Speaker 3>she doesn't condemn me for my LD and my cannabis

0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:56.040
<v Speaker 3>use and all this other stuff. She doesn't say, oh,

0:31:56.040 --> 0:31:58.960
<v Speaker 3>well that's your problem. You got to stop that, you know.

0:31:59.440 --> 0:32:01.400
<v Speaker 3>But no, she she listens to me, which has been

0:32:01.440 --> 0:32:04.640
<v Speaker 3>really good. It's all. That's it, you know what I mean,

0:32:04.720 --> 0:32:07.680
<v Speaker 3>It's just, yeah, that sucks. I wish you could do

0:32:07.880 --> 0:32:12.040
<v Speaker 3>I wish you could have things better, try thinking different,

0:32:12.320 --> 0:32:13.920
<v Speaker 3>you know, I don't know.

0:32:18.160 --> 0:32:20.560
<v Speaker 2>Did she get what's the most helpful thing you think

0:32:20.560 --> 0:32:23.040
<v Speaker 2>she's told you? Or that you're just that you've gotten

0:32:23.080 --> 0:32:24.520
<v Speaker 2>out of that experience.

0:32:27.760 --> 0:32:29.880
<v Speaker 3>Someone to talk to every every week.

0:32:30.640 --> 0:32:30.959
<v Speaker 2>M hm.

0:32:31.640 --> 0:32:37.400
<v Speaker 3>That's that's really I mean, that's that's been helpful, and

0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:45.040
<v Speaker 3>it's been helpful and like remembering things I have, my

0:32:45.160 --> 0:32:49.720
<v Speaker 3>memory is just gone. But she she does she said

0:32:49.760 --> 0:32:54.440
<v Speaker 3>that that's a sentiment of PTSD apparently, but she just

0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:58.520
<v Speaker 3>is just gone. And so she's kind of like unearthed

0:32:58.560 --> 0:33:01.760
<v Speaker 3>a couple of things. There's just been like two or

0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:06.320
<v Speaker 3>three sessions that it's just you know, a typical therapy

0:33:06.360 --> 0:33:07.840
<v Speaker 3>session when you're out, when you're done with it and

0:33:07.920 --> 0:33:10.200
<v Speaker 3>you're just bawling at the end of it or whatever,

0:33:10.880 --> 0:33:14.080
<v Speaker 3>and so there's been a couple of those. I guess

0:33:14.120 --> 0:33:20.920
<v Speaker 3>that's that's I guess that's progress. I guess that counts

0:33:20.920 --> 0:33:21.920
<v Speaker 3>as progress.

0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:28.800
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So like in defining progress, can I ask you this,

0:33:28.880 --> 0:33:31.080
<v Speaker 2>and you know, look, tell me the truth of however

0:33:31.120 --> 0:33:35.520
<v Speaker 2>you feel. But day to day or I guess week

0:33:35.560 --> 0:33:43.720
<v Speaker 2>to week as time goes on, are you noticing, even

0:33:43.800 --> 0:33:51.880
<v Speaker 2>if it's microscopic, are you noticing any kind of trajectory

0:33:53.440 --> 0:34:01.240
<v Speaker 2>upwards or downwards in dealing with this problem?

0:34:01.360 --> 0:34:04.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, i'd say neither. It just seems I just feel

0:34:04.040 --> 0:34:09.280
<v Speaker 3>the same. It's like it comes in ebbs and flows,

0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:13.200
<v Speaker 3>you know, where I get really really bad for a

0:34:13.200 --> 0:34:16.760
<v Speaker 3>little while. Then I kind of like plateau at an

0:34:16.800 --> 0:34:21.360
<v Speaker 3>okay level. And I've been all that plateau for a while,

0:34:23.040 --> 0:34:26.520
<v Speaker 3>so but I'm just waiting for the time when it

0:34:26.560 --> 0:34:33.360
<v Speaker 3>dips down again. Yeah, And it's good to know that

0:34:33.440 --> 0:34:36.520
<v Speaker 3>she's there and she's doing a pro bono, right. I

0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:40.080
<v Speaker 3>have insurance through my job and she's not even taking

0:34:40.080 --> 0:34:42.799
<v Speaker 3>the money, so she'll be there even if I did

0:34:42.880 --> 0:34:50.680
<v Speaker 3>leave my job, which is a relief to say the least.

0:34:52.719 --> 0:34:54.600
<v Speaker 3>And also knowing that she's not going to call the

0:34:54.640 --> 0:34:57.520
<v Speaker 3>cops if I say something suicidal and get me in

0:34:57.600 --> 0:35:03.720
<v Speaker 3>more debt.

0:35:04.719 --> 0:35:08.200
<v Speaker 2>You know, I feel like I'm not obviously I think

0:35:08.239 --> 0:35:11.000
<v Speaker 2>we all know I'm obviously not a real therapist, you know,

0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:13.880
<v Speaker 2>I think one of my big takeaways, I don't know

0:35:13.880 --> 0:35:16.320
<v Speaker 2>if your real therapist has but I said this already.

0:35:16.320 --> 0:35:18.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if your real therapist has brought this

0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:22.439
<v Speaker 2>up or if this is something that you believe about

0:35:22.440 --> 0:35:24.800
<v Speaker 2>yourself because you told me about like all this guilt

0:35:25.640 --> 0:35:32.640
<v Speaker 2>that you have, and if it does any help to

0:35:32.719 --> 0:35:37.640
<v Speaker 2>alleviate the guilt, and I might not, I don't know,

0:35:38.360 --> 0:35:44.120
<v Speaker 2>but I do hope that you recognize, at least from

0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:48.399
<v Speaker 2>my perspective, it sounds as though you are you are

0:35:49.080 --> 0:35:53.719
<v Speaker 2>doing the best you can to help yourself, to be

0:35:53.800 --> 0:35:56.000
<v Speaker 2>a good father, to be a better significant other, to

0:35:56.040 --> 0:36:03.600
<v Speaker 2>be a good son by just showing up every week

0:36:04.080 --> 0:36:07.720
<v Speaker 2>to work on it. Just you're trying, and you're trying

0:36:07.760 --> 0:36:15.640
<v Speaker 2>the best you can within your constraints, and I hope

0:36:15.840 --> 0:36:23.520
<v Speaker 2>that you're not feeling guilty about that not being good enough,

0:36:23.640 --> 0:36:28.479
<v Speaker 2>because it's it's a lot. Let's I'll say it again.

0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:30.400
<v Speaker 2>We both we both said it where you were like,

0:36:30.800 --> 0:36:32.319
<v Speaker 2>I don't have to fucking go to the dock I

0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:34.680
<v Speaker 2>don't have to work on this. You don't, You really don't.

0:36:34.800 --> 0:36:36.840
<v Speaker 2>You really don't have to. You could if you wanted to,

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:43.759
<v Speaker 2>be like, fuck everything, I'm gonna not even work on

0:36:43.880 --> 0:36:46.680
<v Speaker 2>this issue because I'm too afraid to or I don't

0:36:46.680 --> 0:36:48.200
<v Speaker 2>feel like it. But you are. You're showing up to

0:36:48.239 --> 0:36:52.600
<v Speaker 2>therapy every week. You're even you know what, You're even

0:36:52.680 --> 0:36:56.080
<v Speaker 2>not noticing progress right away, but you're still showing up

0:36:57.000 --> 0:37:01.240
<v Speaker 2>because you so badly want to be a good father,

0:37:01.360 --> 0:37:05.680
<v Speaker 2>to be all those things. And I hope you recognize

0:37:06.680 --> 0:37:10.960
<v Speaker 2>that that's a big deal and that's not nothing, and

0:37:11.680 --> 0:37:13.680
<v Speaker 2>I hope you feel good about that, and I hope

0:37:13.719 --> 0:37:18.360
<v Speaker 2>that that alleviates the guilt because you're dealing with a

0:37:18.400 --> 0:37:24.800
<v Speaker 2>tough issue, but your role, you're standing beneath the boulder

0:37:25.440 --> 0:37:30.600
<v Speaker 2>every day, pushing on it. You're not letting it roll

0:37:30.640 --> 0:37:31.439
<v Speaker 2>back down the hill.

0:37:32.480 --> 0:37:32.680
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:37:34.160 --> 0:37:38.120
<v Speaker 2>You're pushing on the boulder. You're not giving up. And

0:37:38.160 --> 0:37:40.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know how long it's gonna take. And I'm

0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:43.960
<v Speaker 2>not a real therapist, and I can't sit here and

0:37:44.040 --> 0:37:47.080
<v Speaker 2>tell you whether or not things are going to give.

0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:49.400
<v Speaker 2>I can't sit here and tell you about the trajectory

0:37:49.440 --> 0:37:54.879
<v Speaker 2>because I don't know, but I hope you feel good

0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:57.000
<v Speaker 2>about that, and I hope that you continue to show

0:37:57.080 --> 0:38:00.799
<v Speaker 2>up every day and work on this, and I hope

0:38:00.840 --> 0:38:05.560
<v Speaker 2>that as you do, you stop feeling so guilty because

0:38:05.960 --> 0:38:12.160
<v Speaker 2>you really are doing the best you can, and I think,

0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:13.560
<v Speaker 2>I think that makes you a good father.

0:38:16.800 --> 0:38:23.200
<v Speaker 3>I appreciate those words. I do. I do. It is

0:38:23.440 --> 0:38:24.120
<v Speaker 3>the best I can.

0:38:24.239 --> 0:38:29.040
<v Speaker 2>Is enough, Noko, Is there anything else you want to

0:38:29.080 --> 0:38:32.880
<v Speaker 2>say to the people of the computer or any aspect

0:38:33.120 --> 0:38:39.240
<v Speaker 2>of this that you feel like we didn't talk about

0:38:39.239 --> 0:38:42.320
<v Speaker 2>that that you would want to talk about.

0:38:43.640 --> 0:38:44.880
<v Speaker 3>No, glad you talked to me.

0:38:44.960 --> 0:38:47.960
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Yeah, thanks for sharing this stuff. It's you know,

0:38:48.160 --> 0:38:51.000
<v Speaker 2>I know, it's it's a lot, and I appreciate you

0:38:51.040 --> 0:38:54.080
<v Speaker 2>sharing it because you never know who's listening to this,

0:38:54.160 --> 0:38:58.160
<v Speaker 2>and perhaps somebody else is in you know, some form

0:38:58.200 --> 0:39:02.080
<v Speaker 2>of a similar circumstance and has helped you, uh sharing,

0:39:02.239 --> 0:39:03.279
<v Speaker 2>So thanks for doing that.

0:39:05.040 --> 0:39:09.600
<v Speaker 3>Thanks thanksking laugh, take care, nokop my mind?

0:39:11.640 --> 0:39:16.520
<v Speaker 2>How sorry that is inappropriate to make silly noises after

0:39:17.080 --> 0:39:20.600
<v Speaker 2>that call. It just was my own personal version of

0:39:21.080 --> 0:39:28.080
<v Speaker 2>Catharsis after dealing with a heavy topic, I shiit. My

0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:30.799
<v Speaker 2>post call thoughts are just me reiterating all the things

0:39:30.800 --> 0:39:36.520
<v Speaker 2>that I've said, do but fuck it, why not? Yes,

0:39:36.640 --> 0:39:42.160
<v Speaker 2>I think it's uh. They're like, we have limited capacities,

0:39:43.480 --> 0:39:50.200
<v Speaker 2>limited energy, and limited time and limited health, and I

0:39:50.239 --> 0:39:55.959
<v Speaker 2>think it's it's important to just fucking focus on doing

0:39:55.960 --> 0:40:00.440
<v Speaker 2>what you can with what you have. And that's uh

0:40:00.480 --> 0:40:04.520
<v Speaker 2>what Noko is doing, man. And I hope he feels

0:40:05.160 --> 0:40:11.560
<v Speaker 2>empowered by that. And I hope that the empower I

0:40:11.560 --> 0:40:13.400
<v Speaker 2>hope he feels empowered by that, and I hope the

0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:18.200
<v Speaker 2>empowerment he feels overcomes beats out the guilt and motivates

0:40:18.280 --> 0:40:20.640
<v Speaker 2>him to keep showing up. I wasn't gonna say it

0:40:20.680 --> 0:40:23.160
<v Speaker 2>to him because I don't like to promise that. I

0:40:23.160 --> 0:40:25.279
<v Speaker 2>don't like to say it gets better because it's I

0:40:25.840 --> 0:40:30.000
<v Speaker 2>don't know, but I have an inkling of a feeling.

0:40:30.080 --> 0:40:32.600
<v Speaker 2>Maybe it's a naive feeling, but an inkling of a

0:40:32.640 --> 0:40:40.640
<v Speaker 2>feeling that if he shows up continuously to work on

0:40:40.719 --> 0:40:44.719
<v Speaker 2>the problem, I don't know how long, and I might

0:40:44.760 --> 0:40:48.640
<v Speaker 2>not even I fucking might not be right, but I

0:40:48.680 --> 0:40:54.600
<v Speaker 2>would think after some period of time that it would

0:40:55.040 --> 0:40:59.719
<v Speaker 2>get better. And I cannot tell the future, but I

0:40:59.719 --> 0:41:03.399
<v Speaker 2>hope that it does. And I appreciate you for calling

0:41:03.440 --> 0:41:07.560
<v Speaker 2>Noko Hello, Hi is this Greg?

0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:09.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:12.520
<v Speaker 2>It is. Uh what's life like, Greg?

0:41:15.080 --> 0:41:16.440
<v Speaker 6>Life's busy?

0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:22.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was? It busy with school.

0:41:22.200 --> 0:41:25.840
<v Speaker 6>I'm finishing my degree finally after a million and a

0:41:25.880 --> 0:41:27.600
<v Speaker 6>half years.

0:41:28.000 --> 0:41:29.200
<v Speaker 2>What are you getting? The degree in.

0:41:32.160 --> 0:41:33.400
<v Speaker 6>Art and graphic design?

0:41:34.480 --> 0:41:34.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:41:35.160 --> 0:41:37.239
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, nothing, fancy.

0:41:37.960 --> 0:41:43.080
<v Speaker 2>Greg, What is it that you wanted to talk about today?

0:41:43.239 --> 0:41:48.600
<v Speaker 6>So, as I'm sure you saw, I used to think

0:41:48.800 --> 0:41:52.560
<v Speaker 6>that my life was like the Truman Show, but I

0:41:52.560 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 6>didn't know the Truman Show existed, if that makes any sense.

0:41:56.280 --> 0:42:01.120
<v Speaker 6>Like I used to think that everything in my life

0:42:01.200 --> 0:42:05.840
<v Speaker 6>was like meant. I mean, I guess it's meant to happen,

0:42:05.920 --> 0:42:09.400
<v Speaker 6>but like people were watching me through cameras and like

0:42:09.960 --> 0:42:12.120
<v Speaker 6>monitoring my moves and like does that make sense?

0:42:13.920 --> 0:42:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So you thought that you were being watched and

0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:18.399
<v Speaker 2>this was before you even knew that the Truman Show

0:42:18.440 --> 0:42:18.799
<v Speaker 2>was a thing.

0:42:20.239 --> 0:42:20.439
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:20.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:42:20.840 --> 0:42:24.160
<v Speaker 6>So then like once I finally told people like hey, guys,

0:42:24.160 --> 0:42:28.080
<v Speaker 6>like I think, like I think I'm crazy, and they're like, no,

0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:30.080
<v Speaker 6>that's just the Truman Show And I was like no, no, no,

0:42:30.680 --> 0:42:36.919
<v Speaker 6>like genuinely I think I'm crazy. What is Truman Show?

0:42:37.680 --> 0:42:39.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, How did you feel when you found out

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:42.560
<v Speaker 2>that this was a thing? That was actually fictionalized.

0:42:44.800 --> 0:42:48.800
<v Speaker 6>I kind of felt stupid. I was like, well, I

0:42:49.120 --> 0:42:53.280
<v Speaker 6>feel like I don't know that I'm just crazy.

0:42:56.000 --> 0:42:57.719
<v Speaker 2>Is this something that you still feel or is this

0:42:57.719 --> 0:42:58.839
<v Speaker 2>the fear that you've gotten over?

0:43:01.320 --> 0:43:05.080
<v Speaker 6>For the most part, I've gotten over it. Like living

0:43:05.120 --> 0:43:08.960
<v Speaker 6>as like a being watched every move like cameras and

0:43:08.960 --> 0:43:11.439
<v Speaker 6>like people on queue type thing like okay, go now

0:43:11.440 --> 0:43:15.120
<v Speaker 6>she's doing this type thing. I've gotten over that. But

0:43:15.239 --> 0:43:20.279
<v Speaker 6>like I'm obviously mentally unstable undiagnosed.

0:43:23.280 --> 0:43:28.840
<v Speaker 2>For how long were you feeling like you were being watched?

0:43:31.560 --> 0:43:34.160
<v Speaker 6>I mean it was like the majority of like my

0:43:34.239 --> 0:43:38.680
<v Speaker 6>high school years. Like I have a very vivid memory

0:43:38.680 --> 0:43:43.320
<v Speaker 6>of like being in like the back hallways of school

0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:45.920
<v Speaker 6>and I'm like thinking, Okay, once I turn this corner,

0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:48.759
<v Speaker 6>they're gonna tell the people on the other side of

0:43:48.760 --> 0:43:50.840
<v Speaker 6>that wall, like Okay, she's coming around the corner, like

0:43:50.920 --> 0:43:54.239
<v Speaker 6>go you know what I mean, Like everybody was kind

0:43:54.239 --> 0:43:55.200
<v Speaker 6>of on a queue around me.

0:43:57.000 --> 0:44:02.160
<v Speaker 2>So how did this feeling like you're being watched effect

0:44:02.400 --> 0:44:04.120
<v Speaker 2>kind of the way that you lived your life?

0:44:07.239 --> 0:44:09.520
<v Speaker 6>I feel like I was. I was very impulsive and

0:44:09.560 --> 0:44:11.560
<v Speaker 6>I tried to like do things. I'm like, this is

0:44:11.600 --> 0:44:14.480
<v Speaker 6>gonna throw them off today, like this is gonna this

0:44:14.600 --> 0:44:16.040
<v Speaker 6>is gonna you know, throw them off, and they're not

0:44:16.080 --> 0:44:17.680
<v Speaker 6>gonna know how to react to this. And I like

0:44:17.719 --> 0:44:22.840
<v Speaker 6>try to catch people off guard like they were instructed. Okay, Greg,

0:44:22.880 --> 0:44:25.040
<v Speaker 6>here is gonna react this way, so then you're gonna

0:44:25.040 --> 0:44:27.080
<v Speaker 6>react like this. So then I would try to do

0:44:27.120 --> 0:44:31.680
<v Speaker 6>something crazy out of the ordinary to see if they're like, oh, okay,

0:44:31.760 --> 0:44:34.480
<v Speaker 6>we didn't we weren't prepared for you to react like this,

0:44:34.680 --> 0:44:38.600
<v Speaker 6>like our head honcho, doesn't you know to tell us

0:44:38.920 --> 0:44:39.839
<v Speaker 6>what to do after this?

0:44:40.520 --> 0:44:42.680
<v Speaker 2>So you would do things out of your routine and

0:44:42.719 --> 0:44:46.279
<v Speaker 2>to try to trip up the camera crew?

0:44:47.880 --> 0:44:48.120
<v Speaker 1>Yes?

0:44:49.520 --> 0:44:54.120
<v Speaker 2>Interesting? Uh did did? Did you ever do like things

0:44:54.120 --> 0:44:57.919
<v Speaker 2>that were just irrational because you were trying to trip

0:44:58.000 --> 0:44:58.719
<v Speaker 2>up the camera crew?

0:45:02.520 --> 0:45:05.080
<v Speaker 6>I mean kind of not really. I mean it was

0:45:05.080 --> 0:45:07.160
<v Speaker 6>like kind of just like stupid little things where like

0:45:07.680 --> 0:45:11.400
<v Speaker 6>I would try to like read people's like their body

0:45:11.480 --> 0:45:15.600
<v Speaker 6>language in a sense, seeing if like I could catch

0:45:15.640 --> 0:45:18.320
<v Speaker 6>them off and notice that they're being weird and like

0:45:18.360 --> 0:45:21.000
<v Speaker 6>they're kind of on like a script and if I'm

0:45:21.000 --> 0:45:24.239
<v Speaker 6>not like not following this said script.

0:45:26.760 --> 0:45:30.920
<v Speaker 2>What is it that made you realize that you're not

0:45:31.000 --> 0:45:35.760
<v Speaker 2>being watched? Was it the realization that a movie about

0:45:35.760 --> 0:45:36.520
<v Speaker 2>this existed.

0:45:39.239 --> 0:45:42.399
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, that, and like you know, I tell people, I'm like, oh,

0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:44.279
<v Speaker 6>you know, kind of a joke. I'm like, hey, I

0:45:44.360 --> 0:45:47.279
<v Speaker 6>think my life was like the simulation, like scripted, and

0:45:47.360 --> 0:45:49.200
<v Speaker 6>you all were put in my life, like you were

0:45:49.280 --> 0:45:52.160
<v Speaker 6>hired to do this. And they're like okay, like they

0:45:52.239 --> 0:45:54.640
<v Speaker 6>kind of not really guilty because they made me feel

0:45:54.640 --> 0:45:56.759
<v Speaker 6>stupid about it. So I'm like, ah, I'm just an

0:45:56.760 --> 0:45:58.719
<v Speaker 6>idiot for thinking this, like it's weird for me to

0:45:58.719 --> 0:46:01.120
<v Speaker 6>think this. And then of course when I heard about

0:46:01.120 --> 0:46:03.400
<v Speaker 6>the Truman Show, I was like, oh, that's how I

0:46:03.440 --> 0:46:08.320
<v Speaker 6>feel felt not really anymore, but right.

0:46:08.200 --> 0:46:10.080
<v Speaker 2>You're saying you say that for the most you said,

0:46:10.120 --> 0:46:12.799
<v Speaker 2>for the most part, you don't feel like this, And

0:46:12.840 --> 0:46:16.280
<v Speaker 2>I feel like you wouldn't have said that if some

0:46:18.000 --> 0:46:23.319
<v Speaker 2>hint of a little something was lingering. What is it

0:46:23.880 --> 0:46:27.879
<v Speaker 2>that is preventing you from saying I am completely over this.

0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:33.400
<v Speaker 6>I guess it's like I don't know, I'm like not

0:46:33.560 --> 0:46:37.960
<v Speaker 6>a spiritual person whatsoever, but I still think like it's

0:46:38.040 --> 0:46:40.040
<v Speaker 6>like so cliche, but like everything kind of happens for

0:46:40.080 --> 0:46:43.719
<v Speaker 6>a reason, and like in the sense of like you know,

0:46:44.120 --> 0:46:47.480
<v Speaker 6>if it's going to happen. It's going to happen, so

0:46:47.560 --> 0:46:49.359
<v Speaker 6>not in like the sense that like there's a camera crew,

0:46:49.400 --> 0:46:51.920
<v Speaker 6>but like I can't really control what's going on. I

0:46:52.160 --> 0:46:57.520
<v Speaker 6>don't know what's going on around me. But yeah, if

0:46:57.560 --> 0:47:00.560
<v Speaker 6>that makes sense, I feel like I'm not making sense here.

0:47:01.200 --> 0:47:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Well okay, So I mean, is it the idea that

0:47:04.160 --> 0:47:07.880
<v Speaker 2>life is sort of deterministic and that all of your

0:47:07.920 --> 0:47:11.319
<v Speaker 2>actions have been pre planned in a sense you're just

0:47:11.360 --> 0:47:12.080
<v Speaker 2>following out?

0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:12.640
<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

0:47:12.719 --> 0:47:13.879
<v Speaker 6>Yeah for the most part.

0:47:13.960 --> 0:47:14.440
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:47:15.360 --> 0:47:17.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Do you feel as though you have free will?

0:47:17.719 --> 0:47:18.040
<v Speaker 3>Greg?

0:47:21.680 --> 0:47:23.600
<v Speaker 6>For the most part, Yeah, I kind of just feel

0:47:23.600 --> 0:47:25.239
<v Speaker 6>like I go through the emotions every day and I

0:47:25.239 --> 0:47:26.879
<v Speaker 6>feel like, I don't know.

0:47:27.760 --> 0:47:28.200
<v Speaker 5>I don't know.

0:47:28.320 --> 0:47:31.120
<v Speaker 6>It's it's a weird part of my brain that I try.

0:47:31.160 --> 0:47:32.799
<v Speaker 6>I'm like, I try not to look too much into

0:47:32.840 --> 0:47:36.080
<v Speaker 6>it because I don't know. And I think that's what

0:47:36.400 --> 0:47:37.800
<v Speaker 6>makes me spiral, is because.

0:47:37.560 --> 0:47:37.960
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:47:41.640 --> 0:47:44.040
<v Speaker 2>Have you talked to a real therapist about this stuff?

0:47:46.000 --> 0:47:48.120
<v Speaker 6>No, I'm too scared.

0:47:48.480 --> 0:47:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Why are you scared?

0:47:51.400 --> 0:47:55.279
<v Speaker 6>I'm scared they're gonna tell me I'm crazy, which I

0:47:55.360 --> 0:47:55.879
<v Speaker 6>probably am.

0:47:55.960 --> 0:48:03.480
<v Speaker 2>But why knowing you're afraid of being told that you're

0:48:03.520 --> 0:48:07.960
<v Speaker 2>crazy or of living in a reality in which you

0:48:08.239 --> 0:48:12.920
<v Speaker 2>actually are some kind of a you know whatever, you

0:48:13.040 --> 0:48:15.000
<v Speaker 2>have some sort of mental illness you don't want to

0:48:15.000 --> 0:48:26.359
<v Speaker 2>face that. If that's the case, yeah, tell me more

0:48:26.360 --> 0:48:27.400
<v Speaker 2>about why you're afraid of that.

0:48:31.520 --> 0:48:34.120
<v Speaker 6>I guess I don't know. I'm like in a place

0:48:34.160 --> 0:48:37.400
<v Speaker 6>in my life where I'm like cool with what's going on.

0:48:37.480 --> 0:48:42.760
<v Speaker 6>I'm like finally okay with waking up and being alive.

0:48:42.960 --> 0:48:46.160
<v Speaker 6>So I feel like I'm scared that if I put

0:48:46.200 --> 0:48:48.239
<v Speaker 6>something new in my life, Like I'm I've been doing

0:48:48.239 --> 0:48:50.400
<v Speaker 6>the same thing kind of for the past ever since,

0:48:51.000 --> 0:48:53.960
<v Speaker 6>so I don't know, five years ago or so, So

0:48:54.000 --> 0:48:58.000
<v Speaker 6>I feel like if I throw something new into my life,

0:48:58.040 --> 0:49:02.000
<v Speaker 6>it like makes me crumble because I'm not your new

0:49:02.040 --> 0:49:02.680
<v Speaker 6>things happening.

0:49:02.760 --> 0:49:05.120
<v Speaker 2>If that makes yeah, no, it actually makes a lot

0:49:05.160 --> 0:49:07.359
<v Speaker 2>of your your I mean, it sounds like it took

0:49:07.400 --> 0:49:10.319
<v Speaker 2>you a while to get to a point that you're

0:49:10.320 --> 0:49:13.880
<v Speaker 2>feeling good about and now you're here and you're feeling

0:49:13.920 --> 0:49:18.160
<v Speaker 2>good and uh, you've reached this like state of equilibrium

0:49:18.600 --> 0:49:26.479
<v Speaker 2>and you don't want to fuck with it because it's fragile, right, well,

0:49:28.560 --> 0:49:31.440
<v Speaker 2>does any part of you? And I don't know, I'm

0:49:31.520 --> 0:49:35.680
<v Speaker 2>not gonna it's really not my place to argue with

0:49:36.040 --> 0:49:39.960
<v Speaker 2>that mode of operation. It's really not can I ask

0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:41.279
<v Speaker 2>you look, let me ask you this, then, let me

0:49:41.280 --> 0:49:43.239
<v Speaker 2>ask you this. What do you feel like it is

0:49:44.320 --> 0:49:49.239
<v Speaker 2>right now that is giving your life a state of

0:49:50.160 --> 0:49:56.480
<v Speaker 2>peaceful equilibrium?

0:49:56.560 --> 0:49:59.640
<v Speaker 6>I guess I don't know. Like I finally am, like

0:49:59.680 --> 0:50:03.400
<v Speaker 6>I said earlier, finishing up school, which was something I

0:50:03.440 --> 0:50:07.279
<v Speaker 6>never really got into the groove of. But like now

0:50:07.320 --> 0:50:10.000
<v Speaker 6>I'm like excited to go to school. I'm excited to

0:50:10.920 --> 0:50:12.759
<v Speaker 6>be doing something that I enjoyed, And for a long

0:50:12.760 --> 0:50:16.080
<v Speaker 6>time I didn't know what I enjoyed. So like finding

0:50:16.160 --> 0:50:18.840
<v Speaker 6>things that I'm like genuinely good at and like genuinely

0:50:18.960 --> 0:50:25.400
<v Speaker 6>enjoy doing is really like a good thing for me.

0:50:26.840 --> 0:50:27.239
<v Speaker 3>M hm.

0:50:29.040 --> 0:50:32.680
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. Well, I'm glad to hear that. It sounds

0:50:32.680 --> 0:50:35.760
<v Speaker 2>like there's been an upward trajectory for you, that life

0:50:35.800 --> 0:50:36.600
<v Speaker 2>is getting better.

0:50:39.239 --> 0:50:42.000
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, slowly. Okay, here's the thing. This call was like

0:50:42.000 --> 0:50:44.279
<v Speaker 6>supposed to be kind of goofy, funny, but I'm like

0:50:44.320 --> 0:50:47.440
<v Speaker 6>pacing around my room.

0:50:46.320 --> 0:50:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Nervous, pacing around your room, nervous that you're on the phone,

0:50:51.200 --> 0:50:55.960
<v Speaker 2>kind of can I ask you this, what what do

0:50:56.000 --> 0:51:00.480
<v Speaker 2>you what do you desire for the future? Even though

0:51:00.520 --> 0:51:03.800
<v Speaker 2>you think it's uh, you know, you're just following and

0:51:03.840 --> 0:51:06.440
<v Speaker 2>it started planned out for me, right right. Yeah, But

0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:09.759
<v Speaker 2>so let's say you have free will, what would you

0:51:09.800 --> 0:51:14.359
<v Speaker 2>be doing, Greg, I don't know.

0:51:14.480 --> 0:51:16.160
<v Speaker 6>I just I just want to be happy. I want

0:51:16.160 --> 0:51:21.920
<v Speaker 6>to be with my friends and people I love, doing

0:51:21.960 --> 0:51:24.640
<v Speaker 6>something I love, you know, waking up, going to a job,

0:51:24.760 --> 0:51:29.839
<v Speaker 6>or doing whatever that I like to do. Yeah, every day,

0:51:29.880 --> 0:51:32.640
<v Speaker 6>I just try to find like a happiness if that

0:51:32.800 --> 0:51:35.080
<v Speaker 6>like sounds so emio. But I just try to be

0:51:35.120 --> 0:51:39.000
<v Speaker 6>happy because I feel like that. I mean, I don't

0:51:39.000 --> 0:51:41.240
<v Speaker 6>really care what's going on around as long as I'm happy.

0:51:43.000 --> 0:51:46.239
<v Speaker 2>I think that's very legitimate. Let me ask you this,

0:51:47.320 --> 0:51:52.640
<v Speaker 2>how close is your reality to that? Right now? In

0:51:52.680 --> 0:51:53.480
<v Speaker 2>this very moment?

0:51:56.640 --> 0:51:57.760
<v Speaker 6>Uh, what do you mean exactly?

0:51:59.320 --> 0:52:02.600
<v Speaker 2>You described to me being at a job that you like,

0:52:02.840 --> 0:52:05.000
<v Speaker 2>being with friends that you like. Oh, sure, you're happy

0:52:05.080 --> 0:52:09.400
<v Speaker 2>right now. You described to me a version of reality. Well,

0:52:09.440 --> 0:52:13.000
<v Speaker 2>how how close is your reality to what you just described?

0:52:14.520 --> 0:52:18.880
<v Speaker 6>Sure? I mean, it's it's getting there. I recently moved

0:52:19.560 --> 0:52:23.279
<v Speaker 6>away from my family actually, but the school I'm going

0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:25.640
<v Speaker 6>to is close to my family, so I see my

0:52:25.719 --> 0:52:28.000
<v Speaker 6>family during the week, but then on the weekends, I'm

0:52:28.680 --> 0:52:31.640
<v Speaker 6>at like my house that's you know, about an hour

0:52:31.719 --> 0:52:34.680
<v Speaker 6>or so away, so I don't see my family as much.

0:52:34.719 --> 0:52:36.759
<v Speaker 6>But you know, I talk to him all the time

0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:38.920
<v Speaker 6>and call him on the phone face time and whatever.

0:52:39.600 --> 0:52:41.680
<v Speaker 6>And then for job stuff. I don't really have a

0:52:41.719 --> 0:52:44.879
<v Speaker 6>job right now. I'm trying to just finish school. So

0:52:44.880 --> 0:52:47.680
<v Speaker 6>that's the other thing I was I mean, I'm feeling

0:52:47.719 --> 0:52:51.799
<v Speaker 6>good about since I'm finishing my degree, I'm feeling good

0:52:51.800 --> 0:52:54.320
<v Speaker 6>about jobs. Trying not to think too much about.

0:52:54.160 --> 0:52:59.799
<v Speaker 2>It though, Greg, is there any other aspect of any

0:52:59.840 --> 0:53:02.400
<v Speaker 2>of the or anything in particular that you want to

0:53:02.440 --> 0:53:04.319
<v Speaker 2>say to the people of the computer before we go?

0:53:07.880 --> 0:53:08.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't.

0:53:08.480 --> 0:53:12.439
<v Speaker 6>I don't think so. I love your podcast. I'm sure

0:53:12.440 --> 0:53:15.160
<v Speaker 6>everybody says it. I love your podcast, love listening to it.

0:53:15.360 --> 0:53:16.360
<v Speaker 2>Thanks all the time.

0:53:19.400 --> 0:53:22.080
<v Speaker 6>But yeah, I think that's all I got.

0:53:22.840 --> 0:53:24.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, thanks for being a part of it. Thanks for

0:53:24.840 --> 0:53:28.439
<v Speaker 2>I mean, is there are you still pacing around your room?

0:53:30.239 --> 0:53:31.040
<v Speaker 6>Yeah?

0:53:32.520 --> 0:53:34.120
<v Speaker 2>You did it, but I have to.

0:53:34.680 --> 0:53:36.399
<v Speaker 6>I'm a mover. I'm a mover to think.

0:53:36.640 --> 0:53:39.279
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's funny because you're being perceived right now, which

0:53:39.320 --> 0:53:41.640
<v Speaker 2>seems as though it has been a fear of yours

0:53:42.239 --> 0:53:47.720
<v Speaker 2>being perceived and yet you're you're handling, At least from

0:53:47.800 --> 0:53:55.040
<v Speaker 2>where I sit, You're you're being perceived you're handling it.

0:53:55.080 --> 0:54:02.239
<v Speaker 6>Well, yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying. Yeah, I know it's

0:54:02.320 --> 0:54:07.000
<v Speaker 6>so cringey and cliche, but yeah, listening to your pod podcast,

0:54:07.320 --> 0:54:10.440
<v Speaker 6>it's great because it's like a just a normal gek

0:54:10.920 --> 0:54:16.160
<v Speaker 6>So it's not really someone with a an opinion that

0:54:16.320 --> 0:54:17.560
<v Speaker 6>is based off of you know.

0:54:19.680 --> 0:54:21.280
<v Speaker 3>What am I trying to say?

0:54:21.640 --> 0:54:26.920
<v Speaker 2>You're gidding? Did you watch the movie?

0:54:29.719 --> 0:54:29.879
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:54:30.000 --> 0:54:32.200
<v Speaker 6>No, no, I avoided it.

0:54:36.560 --> 0:54:39.120
<v Speaker 2>Would it would if the main character of the movie

0:54:39.920 --> 0:54:43.360
<v Speaker 2>was wearing a gecko costume, not the main character, the

0:54:43.400 --> 0:54:46.480
<v Speaker 2>guy who's orchestrating the thing. Would that make it better?

0:54:48.360 --> 0:54:50.560
<v Speaker 6>Uh?

0:54:50.640 --> 0:54:51.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:54:53.520 --> 0:54:56.480
<v Speaker 6>Maybe I feel like it would be kind of funny,

0:54:56.480 --> 0:54:58.640
<v Speaker 6>but it'd be kind of scary.

0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:02.560
<v Speaker 2>It be kind of scary. Thank you for calling Greg.

0:55:03.560 --> 0:55:05.400
<v Speaker 6>Okay, yeah, I'll let you go. Bye.

0:55:06.160 --> 0:55:11.399
<v Speaker 2>Right, Let's figure out what's going on with Michael while

0:55:12.680 --> 0:55:17.480
<v Speaker 2>Hey Michael, Oh Hello, what's that man?

0:55:19.680 --> 0:55:19.960
<v Speaker 1>Uh?

0:55:20.120 --> 0:55:20.560
<v Speaker 5>Is this all?

0:55:20.680 --> 0:55:20.920
<v Speaker 3>Or? No?

0:55:22.040 --> 0:55:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:55:22.239 --> 0:55:23.279
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Who is this?

0:55:24.160 --> 0:55:25.520
<v Speaker 5>Oh? Michael?

0:55:27.040 --> 0:55:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Michael? It says here that it says here that you

0:55:30.160 --> 0:55:32.960
<v Speaker 2>just tried crossing a river and your foot slipped and

0:55:33.000 --> 0:55:34.359
<v Speaker 2>now you're stuck on a rock?

0:55:36.600 --> 0:55:40.160
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, okay, So, oh my gosh, it's just crazy. I

0:55:40.160 --> 0:55:41.200
<v Speaker 5>didn't think I talked to him.

0:55:41.920 --> 0:55:44.160
<v Speaker 2>What do you hold on? Okay? Yeah, no, go ahead,

0:55:44.200 --> 0:55:45.320
<v Speaker 2>go ahead, I'll let you talk.

0:55:45.880 --> 0:55:48.439
<v Speaker 5>Okay, okay, I'll just I'll just go through it quick.

0:55:49.000 --> 0:55:50.960
<v Speaker 5>So I'm just at like a state park sometimes I

0:55:51.000 --> 0:55:55.440
<v Speaker 5>just go hiking by myself out here, and there was

0:55:55.480 --> 0:55:57.719
<v Speaker 5>a river and like on the other side, like there's

0:55:57.760 --> 0:56:00.360
<v Speaker 5>a big like dirt cliff from the river, you know,

0:56:00.680 --> 0:56:03.920
<v Speaker 5>taking the dirt away obviously, So I'm like trying to

0:56:03.920 --> 0:56:06.160
<v Speaker 5>cross it because I want to go up there. And

0:56:06.360 --> 0:56:08.480
<v Speaker 5>there's like a lot of rocks scattered, but not many,

0:56:08.880 --> 0:56:11.880
<v Speaker 5>so I'm like hopping across them, you know, and my

0:56:12.000 --> 0:56:15.799
<v Speaker 5>foot slips and it gets like soaked. So I just

0:56:15.840 --> 0:56:22.040
<v Speaker 5>like take my shoes and talked off because like I mean,

0:56:22.080 --> 0:56:24.400
<v Speaker 5>my foot sweat, I might as well just try it.

0:56:26.520 --> 0:56:29.440
<v Speaker 5>And then basically just after that, I uh, just up

0:56:29.480 --> 0:56:32.919
<v Speaker 5>there for a while. Yeah, And that's when I tried

0:56:32.960 --> 0:56:33.319
<v Speaker 5>calling in.

0:56:34.000 --> 0:56:36.120
<v Speaker 2>So, so, are you currently stuck on a rock? What

0:56:36.120 --> 0:56:38.880
<v Speaker 2>does that mean? Like, is your foot stuck somewhere? Is

0:56:38.920 --> 0:56:40.279
<v Speaker 2>your what what do you mean by you're.

0:56:40.200 --> 0:56:42.960
<v Speaker 5>Stuck it's more like I just have nowhere to go.

0:56:43.200 --> 0:56:46.439
<v Speaker 5>Like the rocks around me are like more than five

0:56:46.480 --> 0:56:50.000
<v Speaker 5>feet away, and it's just like I can't they're not

0:56:50.040 --> 0:56:51.759
<v Speaker 5>They're too far to jump. So it's like I'm just

0:56:51.800 --> 0:56:53.160
<v Speaker 5>gonna have to get in at some point.

0:56:54.600 --> 0:56:56.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so you're not like stuck, You're just gonna have

0:56:56.600 --> 0:56:57.120
<v Speaker 2>to get wet.

0:56:59.080 --> 0:57:01.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, basically, But it's like freezing cool because I'm in

0:57:02.120 --> 0:57:05.120
<v Speaker 5>you know, North America, northern.

0:57:04.960 --> 0:57:06.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I thought were I thought we were in some

0:57:07.080 --> 0:57:09.400
<v Speaker 2>kind of a one hundred and twenty seven hours situation.

0:57:11.560 --> 0:57:16.760
<v Speaker 5>No, no, no, it's gonna get really cold.

0:57:17.400 --> 0:57:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:57:17.640 --> 0:57:19.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean you've been on hold by the way for

0:57:19.320 --> 0:57:22.480
<v Speaker 2>forty five minutes, so have you just how long have

0:57:22.520 --> 0:57:23.280
<v Speaker 2>you been on this rock?

0:57:23.360 --> 0:57:26.560
<v Speaker 5>For about an hour?

0:57:28.600 --> 0:57:30.880
<v Speaker 2>You have surprisingly good cell service in the middle of

0:57:30.920 --> 0:57:31.880
<v Speaker 2>the woods.

0:57:33.160 --> 0:57:35.919
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I think at and T is just the it's

0:57:36.000 --> 0:57:36.320
<v Speaker 5>just the.

0:57:37.200 --> 0:57:41.160
<v Speaker 2>It's are you Are you really on a rock right now?

0:57:43.120 --> 0:57:43.320
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:57:44.800 --> 0:57:45.680
<v Speaker 2>Are you serious?

0:57:46.960 --> 0:57:50.040
<v Speaker 5>I'm serious? I just I don't know. I don't really

0:57:50.040 --> 0:57:52.240
<v Speaker 5>have anywhere to be. I plan my whole day around this,

0:57:53.720 --> 0:57:55.320
<v Speaker 5>so it's like I was just gonna come out here

0:57:55.440 --> 0:57:58.480
<v Speaker 5>until like nighttime, and it's just I don't really have

0:57:58.560 --> 0:58:00.360
<v Speaker 5>anywhere to go, So I just been listening into the

0:58:00.400 --> 0:58:01.000
<v Speaker 5>call music.

0:58:04.160 --> 0:58:06.040
<v Speaker 2>Do you do this a lot where you just kind

0:58:06.040 --> 0:58:09.440
<v Speaker 2>of go hiking by yourself and spend the whole day outside?

0:58:11.320 --> 0:58:12.560
<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

0:58:13.040 --> 0:58:18.280
<v Speaker 2>Do you learn things about it? Much? But I'm various epiphanies.

0:58:19.680 --> 0:58:21.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like.

0:58:22.680 --> 0:58:25.600
<v Speaker 5>I mean, just really recently, I was just like, I

0:58:25.680 --> 0:58:28.000
<v Speaker 5>just did not think this through, Like, even if I

0:58:28.040 --> 0:58:30.520
<v Speaker 5>did get across, how was I supposed to get back?

0:58:31.960 --> 0:58:33.560
<v Speaker 5>And so I was like, well, should you always think

0:58:33.600 --> 0:58:35.840
<v Speaker 5>about should you always think like five steps ahead? Or

0:58:35.880 --> 0:58:38.000
<v Speaker 5>should you just do it? And I think you just

0:58:38.040 --> 0:58:40.200
<v Speaker 5>need to bet that balance, you know, sometimes you gotta

0:58:40.240 --> 0:58:42.160
<v Speaker 5>think ahead and sometimes you just gotta go for it.

0:58:43.520 --> 0:58:44.040
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmmm.

0:58:44.240 --> 0:58:45.680
<v Speaker 2>I like that. That's a good life analogy.

0:58:45.840 --> 0:58:48.520
<v Speaker 5>I know. Yeah, I know for a fact, once I

0:58:48.560 --> 0:58:50.360
<v Speaker 5>get up to that, once I get across and I

0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:53.360
<v Speaker 5>go up there, it's just gonna I'm gonna have no regrets,

0:58:53.360 --> 0:58:59.160
<v Speaker 5>you know, seeing to the prairie on the other side.

0:59:00.720 --> 0:59:02.760
<v Speaker 2>What are you looking at right now? Can you describe

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:03.480
<v Speaker 2>the scene.

0:59:05.560 --> 0:59:06.600
<v Speaker 5>Just up and down the river?

0:59:07.840 --> 0:59:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

0:59:09.760 --> 0:59:12.040
<v Speaker 5>A lot, there's I mean, there's a lot of rocks

0:59:12.080 --> 0:59:16.000
<v Speaker 5>across it, but just really far as like distance as

0:59:16.040 --> 0:59:20.080
<v Speaker 5>far actually just like this. The part that I was

0:59:20.800 --> 0:59:24.280
<v Speaker 5>on to get to this rock, there was a lot

0:59:24.320 --> 0:59:27.440
<v Speaker 5>of little rocks get kind of like start where the

0:59:27.520 --> 0:59:32.320
<v Speaker 5>river was just barely below the the river bed, you

0:59:32.360 --> 0:59:35.120
<v Speaker 5>know what I mean, kind of there's a little bit

0:59:35.120 --> 0:59:39.120
<v Speaker 5>of land and there's a lot of birds on it

0:59:39.200 --> 0:59:42.000
<v Speaker 5>right now, a lot of robins. Pretty cool. I've just

0:59:42.040 --> 0:59:43.520
<v Speaker 5>been watching them.

0:59:43.920 --> 0:59:45.960
<v Speaker 2>What do you hope to do with your life? Michael?

0:59:49.120 --> 0:59:53.120
<v Speaker 5>Basically this, I mean, I'm in college right now, because

0:59:53.160 --> 0:59:56.760
<v Speaker 5>I mean it's still like you still live in a society.

0:59:56.800 --> 0:59:59.480
<v Speaker 5>You need money and stuff, so you need like a degree.

1:00:00.200 --> 1:00:02.200
<v Speaker 5>But I mean, this is really what I live for

1:00:02.480 --> 1:00:07.720
<v Speaker 5>is just not thinking at all. I've mostly just been

1:00:07.720 --> 1:00:08.919
<v Speaker 5>writing a lot of stuff down.

1:00:10.440 --> 1:00:13.120
<v Speaker 2>Have you been Have you been writing down, like like

1:00:13.200 --> 1:00:14.960
<v Speaker 2>your thoughts and feelings?

1:00:16.040 --> 1:00:17.120
<v Speaker 5>Oh yeah, yeah?

1:00:17.200 --> 1:00:19.240
<v Speaker 2>What can I hear the most recently wrote down?

1:00:21.760 --> 1:00:24.200
<v Speaker 5>Okay, so m hm.

1:00:26.280 --> 1:00:26.720
<v Speaker 3>M hmm.

1:00:27.120 --> 1:00:31.000
<v Speaker 5>I'm getting looking at my notebook. Usually just go to spots.

1:00:31.000 --> 1:00:32.800
<v Speaker 5>I'm trying to become a better writer, so I just

1:00:32.880 --> 1:00:39.720
<v Speaker 5>try and describe places as best as I can. Mm hmmm,

1:00:41.560 --> 1:00:47.760
<v Speaker 5>Oh hold on, alright, just I can't.

1:00:53.000 --> 1:00:55.720
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm is your is your notebook? Wet?

1:00:58.560 --> 1:00:58.760
<v Speaker 1>No?

1:00:59.000 --> 1:01:02.240
<v Speaker 5>I did keep my back pack off the ground thankfully.

1:01:01.920 --> 1:01:04.120
<v Speaker 3>Okay, I'm fine.

1:01:05.120 --> 1:01:06.120
<v Speaker 2>Do you get it? You find it?

1:01:09.320 --> 1:01:16.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, A lot of the recent stuff is about school.

1:01:17.200 --> 1:01:18.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, what what what about school?

1:01:21.960 --> 1:01:24.720
<v Speaker 5>Just like an English class. I've just been talking to

1:01:24.720 --> 1:01:27.240
<v Speaker 5>a professor. So I was just trying, like, I mean,

1:01:27.440 --> 1:01:29.000
<v Speaker 5>just like stuff I gotta do, and like what I'm

1:01:29.000 --> 1:01:32.960
<v Speaker 5>gonna do for homework. Basically, you said you.

1:01:32.880 --> 1:01:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Sound like you got a chill life going on, Michael.

1:01:36.760 --> 1:01:39.160
<v Speaker 5>I mean compared to like everyone else that calls in.

1:01:39.240 --> 1:01:41.480
<v Speaker 5>I mean, I've listened to like your stuff for a

1:01:41.520 --> 1:01:45.280
<v Speaker 5>year now. I'm yeah, I probably have the most stable

1:01:45.320 --> 1:01:46.280
<v Speaker 5>life out of everyone.

1:01:47.160 --> 1:01:47.200
<v Speaker 3>You.

1:01:47.680 --> 1:01:50.640
<v Speaker 2>You're throwing your hat in the ring as the most

1:01:50.680 --> 1:01:54.200
<v Speaker 2>stable person that has ever called in your you are

1:01:54.280 --> 1:01:56.360
<v Speaker 2>in the on a rock right now, in the middle

1:01:56.360 --> 1:01:58.680
<v Speaker 2>of the woods.

1:01:58.920 --> 1:02:02.760
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, but mentally, I'm the most stable person that's ever

1:02:02.840 --> 1:02:09.080
<v Speaker 5>called in here. What makes you say that, Well, just

1:02:09.120 --> 1:02:12.080
<v Speaker 5>because like everyone in here, everyone that calls in usually

1:02:12.160 --> 1:02:14.800
<v Speaker 5>has a bunch of life problems stuff. I really don't

1:02:14.800 --> 1:02:17.760
<v Speaker 5>have any problems other than right now. But I wouldn't

1:02:17.760 --> 1:02:19.560
<v Speaker 5>see this as a problem. I'd see it as more

1:02:19.560 --> 1:02:20.440
<v Speaker 5>of an opportunity.

1:02:22.440 --> 1:02:24.400
<v Speaker 2>So you're saying that the advice that you would give

1:02:24.440 --> 1:02:27.360
<v Speaker 2>to every single person who's called into the show is

1:02:27.480 --> 1:02:29.880
<v Speaker 2>to go find a rock to lay on in the

1:02:29.880 --> 1:02:32.880
<v Speaker 2>middle of the woods.

1:02:33.200 --> 1:02:37.080
<v Speaker 5>I'm not the best advocate. I've never had any mental

1:02:37.680 --> 1:02:40.240
<v Speaker 5>health issues, so it's like I don't really have sympathy

1:02:40.280 --> 1:02:42.960
<v Speaker 5>for people with I can't really feel a sympathy for

1:02:43.080 --> 1:02:47.960
<v Speaker 5>people with that. Yeah, it's a bit of an issue, but.

1:02:50.200 --> 1:02:53.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, it's not necessarily about mental health issues. It's just

1:02:53.280 --> 1:02:58.840
<v Speaker 2>about life, walking around and looking at stuff and thinking things.

1:03:00.400 --> 1:03:02.440
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I mean I just try to not think as

1:03:02.520 --> 1:03:03.400
<v Speaker 5>much as possible.

1:03:06.240 --> 1:03:08.600
<v Speaker 2>Well, Michael, I feel like we can all learn a

1:03:08.640 --> 1:03:13.120
<v Speaker 2>lot from you. Thank you. Is there anything else you

1:03:13.160 --> 1:03:14.600
<v Speaker 2>want to say to the people of the computer before

1:03:14.640 --> 1:03:14.800
<v Speaker 2>we go?

1:03:17.960 --> 1:03:20.040
<v Speaker 5>Well I did. I didn't want to say, like, you're

1:03:20.320 --> 1:03:22.680
<v Speaker 5>like jingle for the end of the Spotify is like

1:03:22.840 --> 1:03:26.280
<v Speaker 5>so good, it's so catchy. Oh thank you you like

1:03:26.360 --> 1:03:28.240
<v Speaker 5>did you make that?

1:03:28.240 --> 1:03:33.960
<v Speaker 2>That was made by crmony? Okay, anything you want to

1:03:33.960 --> 1:03:35.160
<v Speaker 2>say about have you ever thought of.

1:03:35.160 --> 1:03:41.480
<v Speaker 5>Like having like oh, I'm just gonna probably take a

1:03:41.560 --> 1:03:46.320
<v Speaker 5>nap out here later, so right to shut down?

1:03:46.360 --> 1:03:51.760
<v Speaker 2>So no, no, Well, thank you very much for calling

1:03:51.760 --> 1:03:54.480
<v Speaker 2>and sharing with us your secrets to a good life, Michael.

1:03:56.160 --> 1:03:57.680
<v Speaker 5>No problem, I'll have to the share.

1:03:58.480 --> 1:03:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Take care brother.

1:04:00.480 --> 1:04:01.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

1:04:01.080 --> 1:04:04.000
<v Speaker 2>But you know, maybe he is the most mentally stable

1:04:04.040 --> 1:04:07.640
<v Speaker 2>person that's ever called in. Maybe he's right, although I

1:04:07.640 --> 1:04:10.280
<v Speaker 2>feel like the most mentally stable person that's ever called

1:04:10.280 --> 1:04:14.200
<v Speaker 2>in wouldn't declare themselves to be that, So it's a

1:04:14.200 --> 1:04:18.120
<v Speaker 2>bit of a catch. Twenty two. I'm gonna go find

1:04:18.120 --> 1:04:18.960
<v Speaker 2>a rock to lay on.

1:04:19.760 --> 1:04:23.240
<v Speaker 3>The cat goes on the line, taking your phone calls

1:04:23.320 --> 1:04:23.880
<v Speaker 3>every night.

1:04:24.240 --> 1:04:27.360
<v Speaker 2>There Bek goes to his eye. He's teaching you aloud

1:04:27.400 --> 1:04:29.960
<v Speaker 2>in the mid of your life, but he's not really

1:04:30.200 --> 1:04:30.960
<v Speaker 2>an expert.