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Speaker 1: Hey guys, It shigarratt Ebenez aka The Professional Homegirl, and

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Speaker 1: before we dive into this week's episode, let's take care

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Speaker 1: of a few quick housekeeping items. Be sure to follow

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Speaker 1: me at the Professional Homegirl on Instagram TikTok, and don't

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Speaker 1: forget to subscribe to my YouTube page. Also, don't forget

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Speaker 1: to follow at the PHG podcast on Instagram so that

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Speaker 1: we can kick key about all of the episodes. And

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Speaker 1: if you are enjoying our conversations on the show, show

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Speaker 1: some love by leaving a five star review on Apple Podcast.

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Speaker 1: Remember hold me down, don't hold me up. Okay. In

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Speaker 1: case this week's episode brings up any discomfort or triggers,

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Speaker 1: always remember to prioritize your well being and mental health first.

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Speaker 1: I love y'all deep and until next time, every one. Later,

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Speaker 1: in part two of this week's episode, my guest returns

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Speaker 1: to share the grip and tell of her discovery as

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Speaker 1: the family's long held secret. She dive into how this

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Speaker 1: revelation deeply affected her mental well being and discussed how

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Speaker 1: she channeled her own experience to support and uplift others

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Speaker 1: who are facing similar challenges. Let's dive right in, so

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Speaker 1: Wesa when did you find out that you and your

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Speaker 1: mom with sisters? Because your mom didn't tell you.

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Speaker 2: Well if she told me, but I told you well.

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Speaker 2: And probably when I was eight or nine years old,

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Speaker 2: my aunts were babysitting me, per their usual. If I

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Speaker 2: wasn't babysitting my siblings, one of my aunts, who weren't

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Speaker 2: much older than me, were babysitting us. And I had

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Speaker 2: a friend who had just moved here from Chicago and

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Speaker 2: she hadn't been here that long, and we were playing

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Speaker 2: like little kids, and I'm pretty sure I probably made

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Speaker 2: her mad and she looked at me with her that's

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Speaker 2: why you and yo mama got the same dad you

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Speaker 2: know attitude. And I'm like, oh, what how did she know?

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm sitting there dumk thon it going, what

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Speaker 2: does she just say? Hey? I'm pretty sure after she

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Speaker 2: burded it out, she was processing what she had just said,

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Speaker 2: because I'm sure she was soreing the secrecy because I'm

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Speaker 2: processing it, trying to understand what did she just say

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Speaker 2: to me? And what does that mean? And she finally said, girl,

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Speaker 2: I'm just playing, I'm just playing.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So I started asking again, like who is my dad?

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Speaker 2: Who was my dad, you know, jealous of my brother

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Speaker 2: because he had a relationship with his dad, and nobody

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Speaker 2: would ever tell me who my dad was, and it

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Speaker 2: made me more hyper vigilant about that question.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: But after so many shut the hell ups and going

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Speaker 2: about your businesses and going before I smacked you, when

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Speaker 2: your big lips says, you know, you just kind of

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Speaker 2: stop asking again. Right?

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Speaker 1: But did you have a relationship with your grandfather before

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Speaker 1: you knew that he was your father?

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Speaker 2: The crazy thing is is I have memories of us traveling,

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Speaker 2: and this is what I can't understand either, Like, he's

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Speaker 2: raped you twice, You've had two children by him. Why

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Speaker 2: are you taking us to Saint Louis to live with

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Speaker 2: this man?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 2: Because I remember living with them when I was around

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Speaker 2: three or four years old. And the reason why I

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Speaker 2: remember it so well is because his wife would always

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Speaker 2: call me that girl. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I saw your documentary. How you mentioned that she was

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Speaker 1: always like disgusted by you?

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Speaker 2: Yes? And I couldn't. I'm a little girl, I'm a toddler, right,

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Speaker 2: how are you disgusted? Why won't you ever call me

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Speaker 2: by my name?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 2: And So when my mother did explain what she was

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Speaker 2: explaining to me the situation. It's like my mind just

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Speaker 2: took me elsewhere and the puzzle pieces just started falling

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Speaker 2: into place. Visually she's talking, but I'm in my head

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Speaker 2: and I'm seeing puzzle pieces fall into place. You know,

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Speaker 2: memories in the past are starting to make more sense now.

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Speaker 2: And when I came up on that one, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: she knew. Wow, she always called me that girl. She

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Speaker 2: was just h angered and annoyed by my very frush.

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Speaker 1: She knew you gotta be a different type of woman

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Speaker 1: to be with a pedophile.

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Speaker 2: And this is the crazy part is she wasn't just

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Speaker 2: with a pedophile. This man is raping his daughter. This

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Speaker 2: man has a son that is my brother's age by

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Speaker 2: his own niece who was my mother's age, and he

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Speaker 2: had a mistress. Wow. So you know that you're married

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Speaker 2: to a cheating pedophile who keep having kids on you

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Speaker 2: by his niece, by his daughters, by this white woman.

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Speaker 2: You know. Wow. There are four of us within a

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Speaker 2: year year and a half of one another that I

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Speaker 2: know of.

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Speaker 1: And do they have kids?

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Speaker 2: My brother uncle, he has kids?

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Speaker 1: No, somebow. Did your grandfather and his wife have kids?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, they had two kids.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yep, yep. My sister aunt was born a plegic, and

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Speaker 2: I would always sleep in her bed with her, and

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Speaker 2: it was always that girl in your bed again? Why

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Speaker 2: am I that girl?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just crazy. Yeah, they had two kids together.

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Speaker 1: And did y'all get a blood test just to confirm

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Speaker 1: that he was your father?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Because and I feel like the only reason why

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Speaker 2: she ever told me ninety nine percent sure, the only

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Speaker 2: reason why it ever came up to a point where

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Speaker 2: she was ready to tell me was because she had

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Speaker 2: no choice but to tell me. And she had no

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Speaker 2: choice but to tell me because I was like twelve

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Speaker 2: thirteen years old, I'm smart enough to ask why am

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Speaker 2: I taking his blood test? Right? You know? But a

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Speaker 2: blood test my paternity had to be established in order

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Speaker 2: for her to collect disability benefits off of him because

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Speaker 2: he was sick and as his minor dependent, she wanted

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Speaker 2: to get that check.

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Speaker 1: Wow. You know, Can I be honest with you? When

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Speaker 1: I was preparing for this conversation, it was definitely very

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Speaker 1: difficult for me because I feel like as a child

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Speaker 1: of abuse, survivor child abuse and just knowing so many

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Speaker 1: people like I just really hate that we had to

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Speaker 1: endure so much to get to this part of our journey.

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Speaker 1: As I was just doing research on people who are

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Speaker 1: born out in sexual relationships, and you know, one of

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Speaker 1: the things that came up was just like, how a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have like health issues. And I was

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Speaker 1: looking at this really popular white family that's on YouTube.

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Speaker 1: IM pretty sure at people know about it, but everybody

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Speaker 1: was breathing with everybody, so they have visible issues. And

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Speaker 1: when I look at you, you're a beautiful black woman.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like that is a misconception. Do you

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Speaker 1: feel like that or do you have you seen other

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Speaker 1: people who have relationships and have children within their immediate bloodline.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, I have cousins and you can tell that

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Speaker 2: they're off. Unfortunately. Yes, yes, it is just the way

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Speaker 2: that it happens. It's no rhyme or reason how it happens.

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Speaker 2: Because you would think that because my genetic makeup is

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Speaker 2: closer to even theirs, with being fathered by you know,

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Speaker 2: my uncle is my father. My mother's brother raped her,

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Speaker 2: and here I am. Even that genetic connection doesn't seem

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Speaker 2: like it would be as close as my genetic connection

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Speaker 2: or my brother's genetic connection to our mother and our father.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, it's just no rhyme or reason.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Nothing. I can only attest it to the grace of God,

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Speaker 2: by the grace of God, by the grace of God.

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Speaker 1: Wow, God bless you, because man, that's I mean. To

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Speaker 1: be born here without even having a say so, and

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Speaker 1: then to be born in a certain way because of

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Speaker 1: people's decisions or a person's decision, that that's that's heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: And you also mentioned which I can totally understand why

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Speaker 1: you even thought about this, was you want to take

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Speaker 1: your own life.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yourself. It's like, especially when I started to have

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Speaker 2: the suicidal ideations. Obviously, I know now that it was

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Speaker 2: the enemy's attempt to take me out before I could

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Speaker 2: become who I am today and who I'm still becoming.

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Speaker 2: But right what manifested was and I wrote a book.

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Speaker 2: Abbath Mabrie was the character that I concoct it when

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Speaker 2: I was a little girl. She was one of the

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Speaker 2: characters that I can cocted when I was a little girl,

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Speaker 2: and I would do what I called sleep scaping, and

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Speaker 2: I would go to sleep just imagining that my life

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Speaker 2: was completely opposite. It was what I craved, what I

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Speaker 2: yearned for, and my father would finally figure out that

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Speaker 2: I was his, because there's no way that he knew

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Speaker 2: that I was out there, and when he figured it out,

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Speaker 2: he would come and rescue me, YadA, YadA, YadA, and

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Speaker 2: I would do that as a way of escape. That

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Speaker 2: kept me going, you know, longing for this father to

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Speaker 2: come and rescue me. But obviously finding out the truth

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Speaker 2: killed that. If that was my only way out, and

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Speaker 2: I no longer have that way out because while I

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Speaker 2: know who my father is, the man is a pedophile.

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Speaker 2: I don't want anything to do with him. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 2: no point in my life. I don't want to be here.

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Speaker 2: This is just I've never known anything but trauma. I'm

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Speaker 2: just gonna kill myself. I'm just gonna end it all.

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Speaker 2: And from that first attempt on God has just been

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Speaker 2: like no, don't no, not gonna allow it. I just

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Speaker 2: need you to trust me. I'm not gonna allow it.

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Speaker 2: But it has been a spirit that I have had

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Speaker 2: to deal with even into my adulthood. And I'll be transparent.

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Speaker 2: The last experience and the final experience was only three

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Speaker 2: years ago, you know, And it's just because my mother,

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Speaker 2: who I don't have a relationship with, I forgave her

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Speaker 2: when I was sixteen. I've never rescinded that forgiveness, never have,

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Speaker 2: never will, never disrespected her, never been retaliatory to her

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Speaker 2: with the way that she comes at me. But how

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Speaker 2: many times can you reach out to a child that

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Speaker 2: you bore to say, I hate you, you're the spawn

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Speaker 2: of Satan, which I aborted you, YadA, YadA YadA. Even

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Speaker 2: at forty forty one years old, I still long for

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Speaker 2: a healthy relationship with my mother. Yeah, and when out

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Speaker 2: of the blue you find ways, because you don't even

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Speaker 2: have direct contact with me, we don't need even we

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Speaker 2: don't kick it like that. It's always toxic, So I'll

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Speaker 2: cut you off. But when the enemy finds ways, especially

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Speaker 2: when I'm vulnerable the height of the pandemic, I'm at home,

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Speaker 2: I'm alone, still fresh off of my daughter and I separating,

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Speaker 2: and then I get hit out of the blue with

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Speaker 2: a I hate you. I wish you would have been

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Speaker 2: I wish i'd have never had you're the spawn of Satan, YadA, YadA, YadA.

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Speaker 2: It was just traumatic to me, and I remember sitting

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Speaker 2: in here just crying my eyes out, going, God, I'm

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Speaker 2: tired because my life cannot be told. And not even

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Speaker 2: five six of us citings. I've dealt with so much

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Speaker 2: personally and professionally that it's just one battle after another,

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Speaker 2: one battle after another. And even though I was in

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Speaker 2: relationship with God, I'm just like, I can't do this

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Speaker 2: no more. I don't know how much more. The wound

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Speaker 2: from my baby is still so fresh. Even though I

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Speaker 2: get you, and I understand you, and I receive what

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Speaker 2: you said to me, this still is a very real emotion.

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Speaker 2: And this is still traumatic for me because this has

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Speaker 2: been my life for eighteen years and now it's just

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Speaker 2: been ripped away. And the one thing that you've lived

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Speaker 2: for gets ripped from you the way that it got

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Speaker 2: ripped from me. I don't care to lift for anybody else, right,

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Speaker 2: I don't care that you know somebody else needs me.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of sitting in my house with tears rolling

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Speaker 2: down my face. But on the phone, minister into somebody. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: on Facebook Messenger, minister into somebody. I'm pouring and pooring

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Speaker 2: and pooring, but I'm pulling from an empty vessel.

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Speaker 1: To you, exactly right.

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Speaker 2: It's like nobody is pouring into me. I'm just people

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Speaker 2: only come to me when they need something. That my

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Speaker 2: aunt who was born the day after. I was, y'all

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Speaker 2: having a birthday party for her on my birthday and

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Speaker 2: I find out about it on Facebook days later. Are

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Speaker 2: y'all serious? So it's just I was just over it.

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Speaker 2: And I remember looking at a bottle of Tayler Naw

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Speaker 2: and I sat and I literally just stared at it,

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Speaker 2: and I'm contemplating all the ways that I would have

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Speaker 2: to prepare to end my life and making sure that

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Speaker 2: aftermath is not as traumatic, because Who're gonna take care

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Speaker 2: of this? And who gonna take care of that? And

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Speaker 2: what do I need to write up for this person?

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Speaker 2: Then we're ready to put stuff, and I'm going through

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Speaker 2: the whole process and the plan in my head while

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Speaker 2: looking at this bottle of tidna know, And what stopped

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Speaker 2: me from actually going forward with it was realizing it's

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Speaker 2: gonna cause more of a mess. Yeah, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to be more of a burden, especially at the height

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Speaker 2: of the pandemic. That was initially my reasoning from pulling back.

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Speaker 2: And once I pull it back, I just began to

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Speaker 2: ball because I was really that close. Yeah, I am

246
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Speaker 2: in my forties and she still adversely affects me. I

247
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Speaker 2: can't get back to this place again because I was

248
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Speaker 2: really close with nobody here to stop me, nobody here

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Speaker 2: to distract me, because everybody is held up in their

250
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Speaker 2: homes because of COVID. This was too close, This call

251
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Speaker 2: was too close. And I remember God didn't say a

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Speaker 2: word to me during that experience. I mean, I went

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Speaker 2: through it so like, even though I know he was

254
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Speaker 2: there with me, he didn't say a word because he

255
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Speaker 2: was like, Nope, you got to get through this. You

256
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Speaker 2: have to defeat this on your own because I've equipped you,

257
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Speaker 2: I've gotten you to this point. I've shown you time

258
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Speaker 2: and time again that I have purpose for you. I

259
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Speaker 2: can't keep intervening. When are you going to deal with

260
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Speaker 2: this issue? One and put it down? And after realizing

261
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,199
Speaker 2: he ain't said a word, and realizing the different ways

262
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Speaker 2: I had allowed the enemy to manipulate me yet again,

263
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Speaker 2: I made it a point to go, you know what,

264
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Speaker 2: I'm done. I'm done with giving the enemy this kind

265
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Speaker 2: of power over me. He's going to keep on coming

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Speaker 2: back and he knows that he still has some kind

267
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Speaker 2: of behold on me. So no, I'm done. I'm over it.

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Speaker 2: And that was the last time. But to say that

269
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Speaker 2: it was three years ago. It seems like it was

270
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Speaker 2: yesterday time wise, because spiritually I should know better, Spiritually

271
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Speaker 2: I should be further. But it's just a testament of

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Speaker 2: the fact that this walk is daily, the triggers are daily,

273
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Speaker 2: and learning how to maneuver through this stuff. There is

274
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Speaker 2: no now I'm healed. Now, I'm healed. Now I'm healed.

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Speaker 1: You gonna always be healing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and it has to be intentional.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, facts, Oh man. I just think it's like when

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Speaker 1: just listening to your story and I think about the

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Speaker 1: things that I endure, and I always remind myself, like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, God is always with me, And I

281
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Speaker 1: know He's always with me, especially during enough trying times

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Speaker 1: because he's quiet. Yes, And when he's quiet, that's when

283
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Speaker 1: I get scared because I'm like, all right, I gotta

284
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Speaker 1: make that choice. Yes, it's clearly you don't want to

285
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Speaker 1: say nothing.

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Speaker 2: Yes. You know they always say when a black woman

287
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Speaker 2: get quiet, I'm better be careful. Yeah. But God is

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Speaker 2: the same way. It's like when he get quiet, he

289
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 2: looking at me like, yeah, facts, you know, yeah, I

290
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Speaker 2: don't like you when he get quiet.

291
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I want you to talk like you've been chatting

292
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Speaker 1: all this time.

293
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,280
Speaker 2: Yes, crack a joke, do something. But you got too

294
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Speaker 2: serious on me. You get quiet with them, You don't

295
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Speaker 2: get quiet on me.

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Speaker 1: Right right, we talk? Yes, Now, fast forward to your story.

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Speaker 1: You've decided to tell your two white teachers everything in

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Speaker 1: a letter. What made you do that?

299
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Speaker 2: I they that was like my last resort. And this

300
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Speaker 2: is the thing is it's ironic because the enemy tried

301
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Speaker 2: to plant a seed on the way down there, Like,

302
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Speaker 2: why would this man look to be out of the

303
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Speaker 2: blue and say white folks in Mississippi my ny on business?

304
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Speaker 2: You ain't got nobody to tell? And why would you

305
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: point out? Why would you point out white people? You know,

306
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Speaker 2: why wouldn't you just say people? You know? He tried

307
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,120
Speaker 2: to plan on the seat then, and because of who

308
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Speaker 2: he was and who his family was, black people knew

309
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:11,680
Speaker 2: who he was. Black people were terrified of him. I

310
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 2: remember the principle for days, repeatedly asking me, what's your

311
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Speaker 2: daddy do for a living? What's your daddy do for

312
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Speaker 2: a living? That ain't my daddy. And I don't know

313
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Speaker 2: what he do for a living, you know, I knew,

314
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Speaker 2: but and I finally told him, I'm like, look that man,

315
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Speaker 2: keep asking what you do for a living. You need

316
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Speaker 2: to talk to him because he getting on my nerves.

317
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Speaker 2: And he said, tell him, I'm a hit man, child,

318
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Speaker 2: And so I did just say that. He asked me again,

319
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Speaker 2: I'm trying to figure out what your daddy do for

320
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Speaker 2: a living. Y'all got money that ain't my daddy, and

321
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Speaker 2: he a hit man. Never asked me anything else. If

322
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Speaker 2: he knew what I knew, of course not, and what

323
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Speaker 2: he didn't, I didn't realize it. But yeah, he wasn't kidding,

324
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Speaker 2: you know. That's what he did for a living. But

325
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,760
Speaker 2: the black people down there were terrified of him. So

326
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Speaker 2: I would not have felt comfortable talking to any of

327
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Speaker 2: the black teachers because I already knew that they were

328
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Speaker 2: terrified of him. I already knew the reputation. They just

329
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Speaker 2: they didn't They didn't bother us. They didn't bother when

330
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Speaker 2: when I was down there, and even now my god

331
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Speaker 2: daughter told me they still do it. They were whipped

332
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Speaker 2: us with paddles. Yeah, I used to they they wouldn't

333
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Speaker 2: touch me. They were just call liken. Uh, just call

334
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Speaker 2: them folks from the North. Just called. You know. We

335
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 2: ain't messing with that, just called, you know. So when

336
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 2: I decided to say something. It was because I absolutely

337
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 2: had to, and I thank God that I had miss

338
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Speaker 2: Burnsyz's class first thing in the morning, because I tell you,

339
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,800
Speaker 2: my body was literally just I knew that I couldn't

340
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,479
Speaker 2: take it anymore. And I remember saying to God, if

341
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Speaker 2: I go back in that house, I'm gonna kill them

342
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:49,159
Speaker 2: or they gonna kill me, because my emotion have moved

343
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Speaker 2: outside of the pain, and I was at this eerily

344
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:57,880
Speaker 2: calm level of anger. It's like when you're angry, you're

345
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 2: so emotional because you're still in the situation. I had

346
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,720
Speaker 2: moved past that. I was resolved in the fact that

347
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,360
Speaker 2: I'm not taking another beating. I'm gonna do X one.

348
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 2: I saw we're at gun with I'm gonna do X

349
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 2: Y and Z. But I was still in so much

350
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,440
Speaker 2: pain and I could not really sit like I needed

351
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 2: to be able to sit. And I finally said, I

352
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,640
Speaker 2: don't know how to verbalize this out loud to her.

353
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna write a letter and whatever comes comes,

354
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Speaker 2: because I can't do this and I'm not gonna lie

355
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,760
Speaker 2: the CPS this time, because I had lied to CPS

356
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,680
Speaker 2: in Michigan out of fear. I said, I'm not gonna

357
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 2: lie this time. I'm just gonna write it all out.

358
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Speaker 2: And if I write it all out, I can't take

359
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 2: it back because it's written. And I left the letter

360
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 2: with her, and one thing led to another and I

361
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 2: ended up in foster care that day.

362
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Speaker 1: Wow, And how did your interactions with caseworkers impact your

363
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 1: overall experience within the foster care system? Because I feel

364
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Speaker 1: like everybody who I know that was in foster care,

365
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 1: they didn't have a good experience, like, not one single

366
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Speaker 1: single person.

367
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Speaker 2: My foster care experience was a double edged sword. My

368
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 2: foster care experience definitely came with turmoil, but nothing compared

369
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 2: to what other foster youth were enduring. But my foster

370
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 2: care experience was also the anti climactic moment in my

371
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 2: life where God propelled me and began to propel me

372
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Speaker 2: into purpose and to using my voice. Because sitting in

373
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Speaker 2: those meetings with other foster youth as I was selected

374
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Speaker 2: to be a part of the SUN team and I'm

375
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:36,360
Speaker 2: listening to their stories, I'm going, WHOA, my story ain't

376
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 2: that bad? After all? WHOA? Okay, yike, you know, I'm

377
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 2: feeling humble and I'm feeling bad that I even complained

378
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 2: you know, I've gone through pure hell, but my hell

379
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,480
Speaker 2: can't touch their hell. And part of their hell was

380
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 2: the foster care system and what they had endured in

381
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 2: the system at the hands of predators, professionals, and foster

382
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,679
Speaker 2: families and you know whoever else they're attached to. So

383
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 2: it just became a point to where I'm like, my

384
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 2: foster hair experience was traumatic, but it also propelled me

385
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 2: into my purpose and I had some experiences that I

386
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 2: don't wish on any kid. And it's why, probably five

387
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 2: or six years ago, I was so hurt because a

388
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 2: lot of my foster hair experience, because I became a

389
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 2: mother and focused on my daughter, I pushed a lot

390
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 2: of it down because I felt like I did what

391
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 2: I could do when I was in the system. It

392
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 2: helped affect permanent change while I was there, But once

393
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 2: I'm out of it, I got emancipated at eighteen. Once

394
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 2: I was emancipated, I was just done. I did not

395
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,919
Speaker 2: the disconnect. I did not realize that the stuff that

396
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,880
Speaker 2: I was still dealing with, especially the trash back epidemic,

397
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 2: was still an issue. It wasn't until about five, five

398
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,880
Speaker 2: or six years ago that I realized that's still an issue.

399
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 2: These kids are still carrying around trash backs. These still

400
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 2: these kids are still being treated like there's some the earth,

401
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 2: and my nonprofit ended up coming from it, you know.

402
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 2: So it's like my foster care experience. Yes, it was

403
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 2: definitely traumatic, but I have heard much, much worse, to

404
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 2: the point where I don't even like to equate it

405
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 2: with just pure drama, even though there were moments where

406
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 2: I can never forget, Like my first foster mother passed

407
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 2: away a couple of weeks ago. Oh wow, And when

408
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 2: her nephew, who was my classmate, reached out to me,

409
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 2: I sat for a minute, and I'm like, I want

410
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 2: to feel bad for him, and I've forgiven this woman,

411
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 2: But what am I supposed to do with this emotion?

412
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 2: What am I supposed to do with this information? Right? Okay?

413
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 2: Ultimately I decided to push my feelings aside, push my

414
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 2: experience aside, and she just deal with the fact that

415
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,400
Speaker 2: my classmate just lost his end, and so I dealt

416
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 2: with it from that perspective. You know. Obviously he's reaching

417
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 2: out to me, you know, he's hurting. So I sent

418
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 2: him a message back basically, I'm praying for you. YadA YadA, YadA, YadA, YadA.

419
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: But then I ended up calling my best friend, my

420
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: best friend since we were twelve, and I said, I

421
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 2: just got this message and I don't know what to

422
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 2: do with this, and you know, we kind of talked

423
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 2: for a minute. But after the conversations ended, I thought, Okay,

424
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 2: I cannot have truly forgiven her if I'm still battling

425
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: with this and if I don't know how to feel

426
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 2: about her passing away, I'm gonna have to sit with

427
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 2: this for a couple of days to figure out what

428
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 2: I need to do and how I need to deal

429
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 2: with this. And she's gone now, so it's not going

430
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 2: to her to have a conversation with her. Now. I

431
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 2: have to accept the fact that yes, she did what

432
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 2: she did to me, and yes it was hurtful, but

433
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 2: she didn't beat me. You know, she didn't. You know

434
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 2: she did. She wasn't verbally abusive, she wasn't physically abusive

435
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 2: to me. But what she did was so profound allth

436
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 2: it was years ago that it had apulted me toward

437
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 2: my nonprofit because I never want to see another foster

438
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 2: kid traveling a foster care system with a dog on

439
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 2: black trash back right.

440
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: Wow, So how do you think the role of caseworkers

441
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 1: could be improved to better serve the needs of foster children,

442
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 1: Because I feel like the caseworkers are a very intricate problem.

443
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 2: They are the equation and to their defense, the issue,

444
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:30,159
Speaker 2: the root of the issue is the politics. You have

445
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 2: people writing laws, you have people dictating processes and procedures

446
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 2: that don't have a direct interaction with the children that

447
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 2: these policies and procedures are servicing, protecting failing to protect.

448
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 2: Because I know firsthand that these caseworkers on a regular

449
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 2: basis things they don't want to do, like taking a

450
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 2: child back into a home when you know what's about

451
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 2: to happen to them, especially a little girl. Yeah, not

452
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 2: because you want to, but because policy dictates it and

453
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 2: you have no other choice. Honestly, I would quit before

454
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,719
Speaker 2: I would be the person that takes a child back

455
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 2: into the hands of monsters. Right, And the costle worker

456
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 2: for the speak of now team did just that. You know,

457
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 2: she was a social worker at one point and she quits,

458
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: She's like, I can't do this anymore. And instead of

459
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: being a social worker, she became our advocate. You know,

460
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 2: she became a volunteer for our team because she wanted

461
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 2: to help us and not hurt us. Right, So, system wise,

462
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 2: there definitely needs to be more oversight, more transparency. Those

463
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 2: who are in a position, especially lawmakers, to affect policy, policies, procedures, etc. Etc.

464
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 2: They need to listen to the ones who are at

465
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 2: the bottom, the ones who are in direct fire. Talk

466
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 2: to the foster youth, Talk to the first line workers,

467
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 2: which would be those social workers. But when you put

468
00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: them in positions to where they're so burnout emotionally, yeah,

469
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: that they have to emotionally detach themselves from a situation

470
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 2: which causes children to be put in situations where they're

471
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 2: going to be potentially harmed. Again, it's hard to blame

472
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 2: them per se. It's hard to get math. The social

473
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: worker now now it's hard for me to get back

474
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 2: then it wasn't, But now it's hard for me to

475
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 2: blame her for being so stressed out that she put

476
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: me in the first foster home that would take me

477
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 2: so she could just get home, even though it was

478
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 2: a foster home that should have never been a foster home,

479
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 2: right you know. And the quandary there is is if

480
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 2: we take this foster home out of the rotation. That's

481
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: more foster children that need placement that won't get it.

482
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

483
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 2: So it's just this repetitive cycle, and it becomes easy

484
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 2: to blame the social workers, but at the end of

485
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 2: the day, it's those two are above their heads that

486
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 2: are ultimately responsible for what gets trickled down. Yeah, but

487
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. Yeah, there

488
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 2: isn't an amount of money in the world that would

489
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 2: give me to be a social worker.

490
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. Same, because that's that's a hard job.

491
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 2: You have to have the grace of God to walk

492
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 2: in that position and to do it in a way

493
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: that glorifies Him, which means you are literally protecting and

494
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 2: serving and doing your best. If you don't have the

495
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 2: grace of God to walk in that position and you

496
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 2: walk into it, right, mercy me. It's not something that

497
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 2: you do for a paycheck, That's the truth.

498
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because they definitely are underpaid, Oh my gosh,

499
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: which is also another reason why they tap out.

500
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: Yes, they are teachers and social workers are by far

501
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 2: in this country treated horribly and expect people expect the

502
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: most from them, right. I mean I had a full

503
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 2: surfle moment because obviously my daughter was my world and

504
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 2: I literally changed my life or to based it around her.

505
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 2: And she had a severe food allergy and she had

506
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 2: severe asthma for a part of her childhood, so I

507
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 2: had no desire to trust her with anybody. Nobody was

508
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 2: going to take care of my baby like I was.

509
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: So I became a school secretary. School secretaries are at

510
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 2: school when the kids are at school, they at home

511
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 2: when and not. That was perfect for me. I was

512
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: working in the middle school and I resonated a lot

513
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: with the young girls, and I could see these babies

514
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 2: are in need and they're not having their needs met,

515
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 2: their emotional needs meant. So I started a mentoring group

516
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: for them. And in the midst of me started the

517
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 2: mentoring group in order to reach them. They didn't know

518
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 2: that they can trust you, yeah, And part of that

519
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 2: was me telling them my story, being transparent with them

520
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: so they could see missus was just like us. You know,

521
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 2: she's not up here and we're not down there. She's

522
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 2: an adult, but mister kids us. Yeah. Because of that,

523
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 2: they took that information back to a Michigan transplant, a

524
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 2: young girl who was here because their mother was in

525
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 2: the military, and they said they knew what I didn't know,

526
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: and they basically told her you need to go talk

527
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: and mis got your back. That baby came to me.

528
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 2: And I tell people I now understand what and missus

529
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 2: all and what they felt when they took me and

530
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 2: when they were looking at my body. When I tell

531
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 2: you this baby was beat the same way, this baby

532
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 2: was beat the same way. Wow, it was true mathtic.

533
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 2: And because of that experience, and because of several experiences

534
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: I've had in the school system, people have no idea

535
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 2: what I tell parents all the time. And you don't

536
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 2: sit in that class that school for a week, if

537
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 2: you don't watch what goes on in those classrooms for

538
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 2: a week and in those hallways, don't you dare put

539
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 2: your mouth on a teacher. Yeah, because what they are

540
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 2: forced to deal with it's not easy. It's not it's

541
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 2: not you know. I wrote a book about my five

542
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 2: years in the LANCETI School district here because people on

543
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 2: the outside will not believe what I saw for five years. Yeah,

544
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: in America insight our schools.

545
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I can only imagine what's going on in

546
00:28:58,920 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: other countries.

547
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 2: You have to read it. I tell people, I can't

548
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 2: explain it. You have to read it to understand. And

549
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: because parents, especially when they're not active, they only get

550
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 2: see things from their perspective. They want to come into

551
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 2: these schools cussing, fussing, yelling, acting of food, doing all

552
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: this stuff. And teachers have to wear too many hats.

553
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 2: They are forced to tolerate more stuff than they ought

554
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: to be forced to tolerate. And social workers are no different. Right,

555
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: So those two professionals, you couldn't pay me all the

556
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: money in the world to go into them. There's a

557
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 2: special grace for those people, and I don't have that grace.

558
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 2: That's not me. I know what my land is and

559
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 2: I'm happy to stay in it.

560
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: Right me too, because I now. I know you mentioned

561
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: earlier that you do not have a relationship with your mom,

562
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: but has she ever apologized to you.

563
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 2: She apologized to me when I was probably that's what

564
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: spearheaded the vision that God walked me through, because when

565
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 2: I was fifteen ish, when I entered foster care, she

566
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 2: was still get my checks, the disability checks. And so

567
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: after a couple of years she came around, apologized, told

568
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 2: me that you know, she was sorry, YadA YadA, and

569
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 2: she wanted to have a relationship for me, and I

570
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 2: took the money, I took the gifts. I took the

571
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 2: car that she brought me while I was in foster care.

572
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 2: The state of Mississippi made me give it back to

573
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 2: her after a month or two. But for the month

574
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: or two that I had the car, I had the car.

575
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 2: I was happy. But in my mind, I'm like, I'm

576
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 2: still not forgiving her right, you know, no, not gonna happen.

577
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: Only because of the grace of God that I finally

578
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 2: forgave her, and our relationship just it just it never

579
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 2: took off.

580
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: And how is she now? Do you think she ever

581
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: found peace?

582
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 2: No? She Oh, she definitely has not found peace. My

583
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 2: mother is tormented those she is and she is entertaining

584
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 2: a legion of demons because our relationship has always been spotty.

585
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 2: There are family members of mind, especially the cousins, who

586
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: had more knowledge of her than I did, and I

587
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 2: separated myself from her, especially because she's always When we

588
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 2: moved to Mississippi when I was like twelve, she stayed

589
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 2: down there. She's never coming back form Mississippi. My three

590
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: sisters were raised down there. They don't know Michigan, they

591
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 2: know Mississippi. But every now and then I would try

592
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: to have a relationship with her, and I remember my

593
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 2: daughter was it was only because of money. I sued

594
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 2: the Lansing Police Department with my daughter was probably two

595
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: or three years old. I was an employee and all

596
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 2: the black employees ended up suing the police department. I

597
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 2: ended up winning a massive settlement. It wasn't it wasn't

598
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 2: that massive because she blew through it. But money was involved.

599
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 2: So she was loving on me. Then. Oh she I

600
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 2: was the best thing since life bread. I spent years

601
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 2: paying all of her bills while she went to school

602
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 2: to get her degrees, taking care of my sisters from Michigan.

603
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 2: She called me one day as I was losing my house,

604
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 2: didn't have money and it may to take care of

605
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,479
Speaker 2: my own child. Asked me for money for something and

606
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: I couldn't give it to her. And when I say

607
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 2: that flipped, that switch flipped. That switch flipped. She hated me.

608
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 2: We was just in Disney World, right, I need to

609
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 2: put you through. You got two or three degrees on me. Wow. Wait,

610
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: And I don't know how long. And so from that

611
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 2: point till my daughter was probably six ' seven ish,

612
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 2: we didn't talk, and she something happened. It's always something that,

613
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 2: something dire that happens in the family that brings us back.

614
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 2: And something that happened, and she came back, and me

615
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 2: being me, I've already forgiven you. You want to come back, yes,

616
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 2: let's talk. And so I took my daughter down there

617
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 2: for Christmas this particular year, and we were going to

618
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 2: be down there for two weeks. And at this time,

619
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 2: those Bible MP three's had become popular, and I bought

620
00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 2: her a Bible MP three for Christmas, and she went

621
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 2: to sleep that night with the Bible m P three on.

622
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 2: And I know now that it was nothing, but God

623
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 2: woke me up out of us a hard sleep. And

624
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 2: I laid there for a minute, like God, why are

625
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 2: you waking me up? And he wouldn't say anything, and

626
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 2: he finally said, so.

627
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: I'm listening like I'm about to hear something, right.

628
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 2: I get up and I go to her bedroom door

629
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 2: and I'm listening like demons, demons. I can't deal with this,

630
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 2: this sounds crazy. I'm going back to bed. I got

631
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 2: in that bed myself to go back to sleep. A

632
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: couple of hours later, God woke me up again. He

633
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: was like, you need to hear this. Still, I'm freaked

634
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 2: out what it sound like? You know, it sounded horrorable.

635
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:19,439
Speaker 2: I mean it freaked me. I was terrified. The next day,

636
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 2: I'm looking at her like, right, I don't know how

637
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 2: to receive you. And she finally said, what's from with you?

638
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: I said, are you okay? Yeah? Like, no, you're not.

639
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 2: I said, we're into the Bible. Emp. Three. I bought

640
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 2: you you're not wrong. Did you go to sleep with

641
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: that on your head? Yeah? I said, okay, cause I

642
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 2: woke up twice last night, not once, but twice, and

643
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 2: I heard the same thing. It sound like you had

644
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:51,879
Speaker 2: demons in you talking. Probably did. Wow, you admit it.

645
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 2: I thought my best friends that you gotta come get me,

646
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 2: my baby, I cannot stay here. And my sisters were

647
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 2: looking at me like we told you we Oh, I

648
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 2: get it now. I'm in Michigan, y'all young, so I'm

649
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 2: thinking that y'all just talking out the side of y'all next.

650
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,439
Speaker 2: So yeah, from that point, that was my last time

651
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 2: spending time with her. I heard it. I didn't know

652
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 2: really what to take of it because I knew what

653
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 2: I was hearing. God made sure I heard it, but

654
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: I didn't understand that. I just knew that. It terrified me. Wow.

655
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 2: And so from that point on it became an issue

656
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 2: with me and my cousins because their mother ended up

657
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 2: down there with my mom, and my mom would always

658
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,400
Speaker 2: say she out there talking to them demons. It was

659
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 2: always a thing with her. She talking to them demons.

660
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 2: She talking to them demons. And they was like, no,

661
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 2: that's your mom. My mom had lived with this. One

662
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 2: of my cousins and my cousin would say, no, that's her.

663
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 2: Something is wrong with your mom. And I didn't really

664
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,399
Speaker 2: I knew what I experienced once, but the fact that

665
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 2: and I never talked about it. I don't know how

666
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: to talk about it. But when they started saying stuff,

667
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 2: I'm like, maybe she is got some issues. But through

668
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 2: the course of the years, she got worse, and she

669
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 2: got worse, and she got worse. She had a couple

670
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:05,240
Speaker 2: of strokes, and after her strokes, it just went into overdrive.

671
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: It's like that legion just took her over because the

672
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: stuff that she does is just insane. I mean, people

673
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 2: down there know her and they like that woman crazy,

674
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 2: and it's just it's unfortunate because my baby sister, who

675
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,959
Speaker 2: was younger than my god daughter actually has gotten caught

676
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 2: up in it, and they say that she's got my

677
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 2: baby sister under that spell. And so no, the answer,

678
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 2: the answer to the question is no, she has not

679
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 2: been able to cold. My mother is so intertwined. Those

680
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 2: demons have her so mess stuff that it's not even funny.

681
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 2: It's really sad. And my prayer is that she will

682
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 2: before she leaves this earth, receive her healing and her

683
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 2: restoration and she will at least have a day, a week,

684
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 2: a month or something of peace because at her core,

685
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: she is a beautiful woman. I have seen her in

686
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 2: her moments where she is absolutely amazing, and she's what

687
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 2: I crave, and it's what kept me longing for that

688
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:05,320
Speaker 2: relationship because.

689
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: I've seen it because.

690
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 2: Of who she can be. So it hurts me that

691
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 2: her drama has her so evolved that she can't fight

692
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: her way out of it. Right, you know, I don't

693
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 2: hate her. I feel sorry for her because the vision

694
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: that God walked me through that I can't get out

695
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 2: of my head. I struggled with it and I've gotten

696
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 2: better with it, but it didn't even happen to me.

697
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 2: I was just forced to be privy to it from

698
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 2: the outside looking in, so that I would forgive her,

699
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:38,720
Speaker 2: But I can't imagine what she deals with every single.

700
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: Day, because it's one thing to see it, but to experience.

701
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 2: It thirteen years old. Wow, God bless her thirteen and

702
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 2: then again at fourteen. You know, it's just an ab

703
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 2: the abuse that she dealt with, That little girl that

704
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 2: is locked in this and that body of that grown

705
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 2: adult woman is just trapped and it's just being for

706
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 2: somebody to protect her, somebody to love her, somebody to

707
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 2: care for her, you know, and it just has not

708
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:11,240
Speaker 2: happened for her. It's why I don't understand. I understand

709
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 2: it to a degree, but I don't. And I just

710
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: when people say I'll never forgive, I never forgive. But

711
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: you do realize that your mother, your father, or whoever,

712
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,399
Speaker 2: they didn't want to do what they did. It may

713
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 2: have seemed like a conscious choice, but it actually wasn't.

714
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: You're talking about trauma, begetting trauma, begetting trauma. They weren't protected, right,

715
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 2: you know, instead of being mad at the individual, get

716
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 2: mad at the devil. We don't fight against flesh and blood,

717
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 2: We fight against principalities and rulers of darkness. Yeah, deal

718
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 2: with the principality of that thing. Deal with it, added

719
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 2: spiritual group. That's what you ought to be mad about.

720
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 2: You ought to be mad to devil. Keep playing with

721
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,919
Speaker 2: your bloodline, be mad about that.

722
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:53,760
Speaker 1: Right.

723
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 2: But it's easy for us to be so emotional that

724
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 2: we because we see people. It's easy for us to

725
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 2: equate the pain and suffering with the people that we

726
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 2: see when that's just a trick of the enemy.

727
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and spiritual warfare is real.

728
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 2: Oh, I tell people, even though you won't acknowledge it, Honey,

729
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 2: you are spiritual warfare. And that's where the enemy got

730
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 2: you because you won't even acknowledge it. Yeah, that's why

731
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm so free, because I have learned to call that

732
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 2: stuff out, call it what it is. Stop making it

733
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 2: my identity. I don't even like it when alcoholics or

734
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 2: drug addicts. Oh I'm an addict or I'm an alcoholic. No,

735
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 2: you're not. You deal with spirits and you deal with principalities.

736
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 2: But God don't call you that. If God don't call

737
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 2: you that, stop calling yourself that. Don't let nobody call

738
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 2: you something that God don't call you. Stop coming into

739
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 2: covenant with that spirit, because that's what you're doing. Every

740
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 2: time you say this, I'm that you're coming into covenant

741
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 2: with that, and you're owning it, and you're giving it

742
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 2: permission to continue to torments you.

743
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:56,879
Speaker 1: Right, Wow, I'm not doing it. So have you ever

744
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 1: had a conversation with your father?

745
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 2: No? He died when I was in foster care, I

746
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 2: think fifteen sixteen years old. They told me that he

747
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:05,720
Speaker 2: died of cancer.

748
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 1: Wow. So have your mom and him ever had had

749
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 1: a conversation.

750
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 2: I was told that when obviously we knew that he

751
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 2: was sick before I went into foster care. He had

752
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 2: cancer and it was just a downward spiral from there.

753
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 2: He had still been lying to his wife even after

754
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 2: the blood test. Why are you lying to stuff the

755
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,439
Speaker 2: blood test? Well, I didn't do that. That's not my child.

756
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: I think that was just her. She just didn't want

757
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,399
Speaker 1: to was she just didn't want to admit to her

758
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: because it's black and white at this point.

759
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 2: Yep. But God, God would not allow him to take

760
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 2: his last breath. That man suffered in his last days,

761
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 2: and he finally I was told that, he finally said,

762
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 2: I mean, and she was refusing to go, refusing to go,

763
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 2: refusing to go, and finally was like he not gonna

764
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 2: go unless you come. You gotta come, And she went

765
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 2: and he apologized to her. You know, he admitted finally

766
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: in front of his wife that he did what he did,

767
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 2: and he apologized to her. And he was dead not

768
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 2: too long after that. Wow, God would not let him

769
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 2: go until and not. You know, and because that did happen.

770
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 2: I often I have wondered over the years, why wasn't

771
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 2: that her release? Because I would I would think that

772
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 2: would have been the release that she needed to set

773
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 2: her free. But it wasn't. She she just never recovered.

774
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 1: Wow. What is some advice you can give to those

775
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: who might be facing similar revelations about their family history.

776
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 2: The main thing that I would to tell people is

777
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 2: to be okay with not being okay. First and foremost,

778
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 2: we are all human. Our emotions are natural. But in

779
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 2: feeling the feelings that come with the truth that we

780
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,760
Speaker 2: are hit with, whatever that truth may be, the goal

781
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 2: is not to not feel, because that's where we go wrong.

782
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 2: The goal is to feel the emotions, but learn how

783
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 2: to process them properly and deal with them properly as

784
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 2: they come. Be okay with having days where you don't

785
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 2: want to deal with nobody be okay with having days

786
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 2: where all you want to do is talk. However those

787
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 2: emotions hit you feel them, but always be mindful of

788
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 2: the fact that you have to remain in control over

789
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 2: those emotions. You have to remain control of the triggers

790
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 2: and how they manifest. And ultimately, regardless of what has

791
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 2: happened around you and to you, your responsibility for healing

792
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 2: is within you. And healing and forgiveness go hand in hand.

793
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 2: You can't truly heal unless you are really ready to forgive,

794
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,720
Speaker 2: because you stay bound to the trauma. If you refuse

795
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:52,800
Speaker 2: to forgive, it doesn't matter what the issue is. Forgiveness

796
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 2: is for you. And it sounds cliche, but I would

797
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 2: not be where I am today had I not forgiven

798
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 2: my mother when I was sixteen. That moment in my

799
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 2: life was so vital and so crucial for me to

800
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,479
Speaker 2: get at that moment so that I could be where

801
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 2: I am today. And in God's infinite wisdom, because he

802
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: knows his daughter, he knew the only way this child

803
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 2: is going to be usable to me in twenty five

804
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 2: thirty years is if I walk her through this, for

805
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 2: her to see this as much as she possibly can,

806
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 2: so that she never gets back to this grace in

807
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 2: the space because unforgiveness and bitterness sets root in you.

808
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 2: God can't use you, right, So healing. I know that

809
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 2: in the black community it's not something that we talk about.

810
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 2: But after salvation and after healing and after deliverance began,

811
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 2: because deliverance is vital, therapy is needed. Yeah, we have

812
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 2: to get out of the mindset of I'm not telling

813
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 2: them white folks my business. Guess what, it's a world

814
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 2: full of black therapists now too. Yeah.

815
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:53,760
Speaker 1: My therapists help me have a lot.

816
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 2: Especially Christian therapists. Acknowledge everything that you are going through,

817
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 2: feel the feelings, but create a plan at the same

818
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 2: time to deal with them so that you can be

819
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 2: effective in going forth and living your life. And at

820
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 2: the loot of it all. What God basically said to

821
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 2: me a couple of years ago, and this has stayed

822
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 2: with me, and it was just profound when he said it,

823
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: and it made things so much clear to me. People

824
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 2: focus on the time and between the dash, which is

825
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 2: your birthday and your death date. He said, I don't

826
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 2: want people to focus so much on the time and

827
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 2: the dash. I want people to focus on their conception

828
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:41,800
Speaker 2: and their manifestation. He said, conception is where their life begins,

829
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:47,280
Speaker 2: is in the wound. Manifestation is when you finally become

830
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 2: who I've called you to be, right, he said, But

831
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 2: people are living their lives so distracted by life and

832
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 2: all that gets thrown at them that they fail to manifest.

833
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 2: And he said, everything that you go through in this

834
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,800
Speaker 2: natural body and then this natural life, even the good stuff,

835
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: it is a distraction to keep you from manifesting. So

836
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 2: for people dealing with trauma, and it's easy for me

837
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 2: to say it because I'm on the other side of it,

838
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 2: I get that it's easy for me to say it.

839
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: But I'm promised this. This is so true. It is

840
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 2: all a distraction. Yeah, it is all a distraction. And

841
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 2: I have been telling myself that since God gave me

842
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 2: that revelation. My mindset now was it's a distraction. You're

843
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 2: a distraction. That's a distraction. What are you trying to

844
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 2: keep me from? You know, even when something hurts, your distraction,

845
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 2: your distraction.

846
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 1: So my cousin tells me that all the time, Like

847
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,359
Speaker 1: when I be going through it, he was like, yo,

848
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,359
Speaker 1: I see what God is doing with your life. That's

849
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 1: a distraction. Stay focused, And I'm like, yeah, yes, she's

850
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: like stay focused.

851
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 2: Sitting up with tears in my eyes, going through feeling

852
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 2: the emotion that I'm feeling in a moment, but still

853
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,359
Speaker 2: telling myself you know this is a distract, distraction, right,

854
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 2: you know this is a distraction. Right. You got about

855
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 2: another twenty minutes to feel liss then you got to

856
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 2: get up and keep on going. Facts. Wow, but not

857
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 2: allowing the feelings and the emotions to give me permission

858
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 2: to staying on forgiveness, because that's a trick of the enemy.

859
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Oh man, this has been such an amazing conversation.

860
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: I am just so thankful that we were able to connect.

861
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful that I've found you. I know your

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00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: story is gonna resonate with somebody and it's gonna definitely

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00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 1: give them exactly what they need to keep going. So

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00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: I appreciate you so much. Like I just feel like

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00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 1: we talked about a lot of different things. Yeah, I

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00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: enjoyed this, But I am definitely gonna keep you in

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00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: my prayers. I'm gonna keep your mother in my prayers

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00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: because God bless. I'm gonna keep your brother and my

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00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,800
Speaker 1: prayers because you know. I know a lot of times

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00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 1: we people can be very judgemental, but that spiritual warfare

871
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:47,959
Speaker 1: is real.

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00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 2: Yes, it is.

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00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: As is I'm definitely gonna keep your failure in my

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00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 1: in my prayers and to listeners. If you have any questions,

875
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 1: comments and concerns, please make sure to email me and

876
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 1: hello at the PSG podcast dot don't forget to connect

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00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 1: with me on social media at the Professional Homegirl on

878
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: Instagram TikTok, and subscribe to my YouTube channel at the

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00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,760
Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl. And if you want to key key about

880
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 1: this week's episode, please make sure to follow me at

881
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 1: the PHG podcast on Instagram as well. Be sure to

882
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: check out my new project title They All the One

883
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,879
Speaker 1: where I write short stories based on true events from

884
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 1: my love life. You can check that out at www

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00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: dot t h e y A l L t h

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00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 1: e o n e dot com. And until next time, everyone, Later,

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00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: you're not gonna say.

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00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,359
Speaker 2: Bye bye everyone.

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00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl podcast is a production of the Black

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00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

891
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

892
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,479
Speaker 1: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show

893
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at

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00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: the PhD Podcast