Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 1: Scrub a dub dub in the tub tub time.
Speaker 3: We have a Dear Bonia episode, Dear Bonya.
Speaker 4: A dear Bonya filled with those seeking advice.
Speaker 1: People without wait want do we have people with.
Speaker 2: Kids that don't invite anonymous?
Speaker 1: Yeah? We about the other law issues, weddings is a
Speaker 1: rough age, preach a men's sister.
Speaker 2: And there's more.
Speaker 5: There's more.
Speaker 2: Those are just some of the tops.
Speaker 4: So I feel like, should we just jump right in
Speaker 4: because we do have a lot of a lot of
Speaker 4: Dear Bonia's or did you have something to start the
Speaker 4: episode with?
Speaker 1: No? My advice? I think I'm feeling particularly emotional today,
Speaker 1: so my advice might be a little emotionally charged, which
Speaker 1: might be good, might be bad. We'll see.
Speaker 4: Is emotionally charged like like uh cry emotional or angry emotional?
Speaker 1: It's a little bit of both.
Speaker 2: Interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I tried to go to uh great yoga class,
Speaker 1: great one. I was so excited about it, looking forward
Speaker 1: to it since yesterday. Since I signed up, I'm two
Speaker 1: minutes late to my class right now, yeah today, I'm
Speaker 1: two minutes late. Oh oh okay, and all the doors
Speaker 1: are locked. Doors are locked, can't get in. Call the
Speaker 1: front desk, no one's there. Sends you to Denver their headquarters.
Speaker 1: So I just missed my class because I was two
Speaker 1: minutes late. I was so irritated too a place to open, Yes,
Speaker 1: but they apparently locked the doors once the instructor goes
Speaker 1: into the class as so that no strangers can just
Speaker 1: be like roaming around in the studio. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: they got to have somebody at the front desk gives
Speaker 1: you a five minute grace period. I'm sorry a few
Speaker 1: minutes late. You could see me on the videos outside
Speaker 1: of sor being like hello, like knocking.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Normally, if I was not emotional like I was Zack
Speaker 1: i am today, I would be like whatever, I'll go
Speaker 1: on a walk or something. But I was fired up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, here's the thing.
Speaker 4: I understand that when there's a specific time and people,
Speaker 4: you know, people are going somewhere, But I do think
Speaker 4: LA specifically, there's so much congestion and traffic here that's.
Speaker 2: Arming Parting three.
Speaker 4: I know, but I'm saying five minutes over, even if
Speaker 4: they start with the stretch before you get there right,
Speaker 4: which I know people are gonna be like, no, like
Speaker 4: you should plan accordingly and get there early enough to
Speaker 4: be on time.
Speaker 2: But and I do, Yeah, but some things are not
Speaker 2: your day.
Speaker 1: And build my coffee all over the table, so sweaped
Speaker 1: it and I was cleaning it and I knew I
Speaker 1: was gonna be late. Oh yeah, I'm like wound up today.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, a little nervous.
Speaker 1: Red lightleyread lightly.
Speaker 4: Fred Lightley Easton, do you want to be our dear
Speaker 4: Bonia reader today?
Speaker 6: It would be an honor to be the reader today.
Speaker 6: I can read and I'm excited to show that off today.
Speaker 6: This is from anonymous Hi, Mark Easton, Becca and Tanya.
Speaker 6: I'm struggling. I have had a core group of three
Speaker 6: friends since I was in fourth grade. I'm thirty four now.
Speaker 6: We've all taken different paths in life, but we still
Speaker 6: make time for each other once a week for bar trivia.
Speaker 6: My struggle is that I feel jealous that my friends
Speaker 6: with children hang out all the time and naturally include
Speaker 6: each other in plans. I've gone to soccer games, birthday parties,
Speaker 6: et cetera. But I still don't get the immediate invite.
Speaker 6: I know that this is just a natural course of life,
Speaker 6: and my partner and I are happily child free, but
Speaker 6: it still doesn't take away the sting when I get
Speaker 6: a pity invite because the event was talked about around me.
Speaker 6: How do I let this go and not let it
Speaker 6: affect me as much as it is. I love my
Speaker 6: friends and I know they're not being malicious, but my
Speaker 6: feelings are still always hurt.
Speaker 7: Thanks everyone.
Speaker 6: I'm currently catching up on old episodes and I just
Speaker 6: listened to Goals about twenty twenty. The whole time I
Speaker 6: was like, Oh, guys, you have no idea what's about
Speaker 6: to come.
Speaker 8: To that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is so hard because I I kind of
Speaker 5: feel like I'm about to enter into this base of life.
Speaker 5: So I think Anonymous, give me about a year and
Speaker 5: I will joining. Yeah, we're joining you on nearbar trivia nights,
Speaker 5: let me go anywhere. I think that there is just
Speaker 5: an ease of making plans when you're in the same
Speaker 5: phase of life with people, like when you have kids.
Speaker 5: I think it's just this natural thing to want to
Speaker 5: have each other, for the kids to do their thing,
Speaker 5: and for the moms to kind of have a break
Speaker 5: from being alone.
Speaker 2: With the kids.
Speaker 4: And I think you're totally valid for it to hurt
Speaker 4: your feelings because it's a it's a shift in your
Speaker 4: dynamic when you all you all at one point were
Speaker 4: single and doing whatever you wanted to do, and then
Speaker 4: you probably moved to where you all had partners, but
Speaker 4: you still had the freedom to like meet up and
Speaker 4: do whatever you do. But when you have kids, there
Speaker 4: is like this shift. I think that happens big time.
Speaker 4: And I think that you show up for your friends.
Speaker 4: I think you be the friend that you are to them.
Speaker 4: And I also think that this is a time where
Speaker 4: maybe you find people who are in the same same
Speaker 4: season of life as you, so that you're creating friendships
Speaker 4: where you're feeling seen and validated by people who are
Speaker 4: aligned with where you're at as well.
Speaker 2: And I think you.
Speaker 9: Can do both of those because I because I don't
Speaker 9: think when all of your friends are hanging out having
Speaker 9: mom time that they're they're probably like, she doesn't want
Speaker 9: to come hang out with the kids, the screaming babies
Speaker 9: or whatnot.
Speaker 2: You know, That's what I think.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of dealing with this, Like
Speaker 6: we we had a group, big group of friends we'd
Speaker 6: always go see the Marvel movies on Opening night. And
Speaker 6: then they've all had kids, and you know, they can't
Speaker 6: go see movies all the time anymore. But I still
Speaker 6: invite them all every single time, and they always almost
Speaker 6: always say no, but sometimes they don't. But I still
Speaker 6: want to be like, hey, just because you you know,
Speaker 6: just because like you your schedules and it is open,
Speaker 6: that doesn't mean I still don't want to hang out
Speaker 6: with you.
Speaker 8: Yeah, Also they invite you to things, Yeah, they do,
Speaker 8: but I don't I personally, I don't take it personally
Speaker 8: when like I find out that there was like some
Speaker 8: soccer game, I didn't get invited some kids soccer game, because.
Speaker 1: Like, I don't really I feel like she should raise
Speaker 1: the issue that like, because I think sometimes what people
Speaker 1: do is they think you don't want to come or
Speaker 1: be there because you have kids. Because I feel like
Speaker 1: when my life went from super single to stepmama two kids,
Speaker 1: it was pretty jarring because it was like I had
Speaker 1: all the time in the world and then when now
Speaker 1: I have two kids that I have fifty percent of
Speaker 1: the time, and I feel like when we have the kids,
Speaker 1: we do one sort of thing, and when we don't
Speaker 1: have the kids, we do another sort of thing because
Speaker 1: I never thought that, like my friends would want to
Speaker 1: also hang out with the kids all, so you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like your mind just goes there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so maybe your friends aren't including you because I think
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't want to. So I think you should say, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I still want to come, even though I don't have kids.
Speaker 1: I'd love to, Like I want to come, and I
Speaker 1: want to be invited, and I'm sure they'll invite you,
Speaker 1: and then you just like take it from there, because
Speaker 1: I think that's what happened, is like I think I've
Speaker 1: really like segregated, like, oh, we have the kids this weekend,
Speaker 1: we can't do this and we can't do that, Whereas
Speaker 1: like now I'm like, no, okay, we can get a
Speaker 1: sitter for them, Like it's okay. You know, it's also
Speaker 1: okay if Robbie stays home and I go out that
Speaker 1: type of stuff. So maybe they're just not inviting you
Speaker 1: because I feel like you don't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think there's that, And I also just
Speaker 4: think it's a different I mean, maybe they maybe there's
Speaker 4: a feeling of you know, what do we talk like
Speaker 4: I think when you have kids. Everything revolves around kids, yes,
Speaker 4: So I think when you bring someone in who doesn't
Speaker 4: have kids, it kind of probably feels awkward about like that.
Speaker 1: All the time. But I'm with my friends that have
Speaker 1: like little kids, it's always like do we keep progression?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I have no idea what any of
Speaker 1: this stuff is.
Speaker 2: And they're all going through that.
Speaker 4: So they they like need each other and have each other,
Speaker 4: and they're probably like probably what Tanya said, like they
Speaker 4: don't want to burden you.
Speaker 2: They want to feel like you have to show up
Speaker 2: and be around the kids. If you're that's not what
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 4: And also they may just be like, what do we like,
Speaker 4: We're all we think about and talk about are the kids,
Speaker 4: and like, she's gonna be so bored.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that, because I too, I
Speaker 1: feel like that person. When I'm around people that have
Speaker 1: small kids. It's like they're always talking about that and
Speaker 1: I'm a part of the conversation. It's like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about sleep regression, do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And I'm like, I want to be very
Speaker 1: mindful when I have god willing a baby to not
Speaker 1: be that person.
Speaker 3: Do you know?
Speaker 1: What I mean, like, I don't want to just come
Speaker 1: to you and just be like, oh my gosh, my
Speaker 1: baby's Like.
Speaker 4: It's gonna happen though, which is so normal because it's
Speaker 4: just like you're that's you're eating, sleeping, and breathing this
Speaker 4: new child, you know, Like that's just I think where
Speaker 4: you're at at that time in your life.
Speaker 1: Am I going to be that person?
Speaker 2: I think everything?
Speaker 1: Am I going to be that person? Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I think every single person who before they had
Speaker 4: a baby, they're like, I don't want to be that
Speaker 4: person that only time. I just think it's so natural
Speaker 4: that that's what happens, not in a bad way. And
Speaker 4: I'll be so happy to hear about the sleep progression
Speaker 4: and what can I do to help? And then I also,
Speaker 4: I do think it's gonna I'm really gonna lean on
Speaker 4: other people during those times because I don't think y'all,
Speaker 4: my friends who are having children are gonna have the
Speaker 4: capacity that they once had for at least a certain
Speaker 4: amount of time, you know, So Anonymous check back with
Speaker 4: me here in about a year and.
Speaker 2: Will shit chat.
Speaker 4: But I also, like I said, I think if you
Speaker 4: want to say something to them, like hey, I'd love
Speaker 4: to be a part. I love hearing about your kids'
Speaker 4: lives and what's going on. I just I love you guys,
Speaker 4: and I want to hang out with you, whatever that
Speaker 4: looks like.
Speaker 2: But I also.
Speaker 4: Think it's okay to find people who are in the
Speaker 4: same season of life as you.
Speaker 1: But don't like replace them with these new season friends.
Speaker 1: Let's just make that very clear. I don't want to
Speaker 1: replace no friends with these new on childless friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no replacing, just supplementing. Yes, sure, I want to
Speaker 3: make that clear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 6: We have another anonymous email a different person. I assume Becka,
Speaker 6: Tanya Mark and Easton. I have been a scribber since
Speaker 6: day one and I love your podcast. My husband and
Speaker 6: I have been married for ten years and together for
Speaker 6: thirteen years. My husband is forty three and I'm forty one. Recently,
Speaker 6: my husband has a stroke and was in the hospital
Speaker 6: for fifteen days. I stayed every day and night with him.
Speaker 6: He's doing much better now. He's an only child. His
Speaker 6: parents were very helpful during this time. Our daughter stayed
Speaker 6: with them and took care of our dogs because they
Speaker 6: weren't able. He has now been home for three weeks.
Speaker 6: His mother is inserting her opinions daily regarding his progress
Speaker 6: and decisions that we've made regarding his care and recovery.
Speaker 6: She doesn't agree with all our decisions. I recently had
Speaker 6: my cup full of her and the opinions and confronted
Speaker 6: her about it. I told her that we appreciate the help,
Speaker 6: we couldn't have done.
Speaker 7: It without them.
Speaker 6: However, we no longer need any assistance and I have
Speaker 6: his karen needs handled. I've been a nurse for over
Speaker 6: twenty years and his mother's also a nurse. She proceeded
Speaker 6: to tell me when I confronted her that she feels
Speaker 6: like she has to interfere because she doesn't feel like
Speaker 6: I'm doing enough and I don't act like I care
Speaker 6: to keep the peace. I did not say anything further
Speaker 6: to her and just ended our conversation. I'm livid and
Speaker 6: very hurt, as is my husband, but I don't want
Speaker 6: to push further because his parents are not in the
Speaker 6: best health and my husband now has his medical issue
Speaker 6: and does not need any added stress. Please help. I'm
Speaker 6: not at all sure how to handle this. My mother
Speaker 6: in law has always been difficult to get along with,
Speaker 6: and I feel like she never liked me. H.
Speaker 7: It's tough.
Speaker 2: It's so hard.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy that your husband is doing well. And
Speaker 4: on the mend, I think that this is one of
Speaker 4: those things where you show up for your husband. You
Speaker 4: be the best wife, best nurse, best mom you can
Speaker 4: be during this time, and don't I think this is
Speaker 4: a very sensitive time because it's your husband, it's the
Speaker 4: person that you love, the father of your child. But
Speaker 4: it's also her son, her only son, so she's probably
Speaker 4: had a lot of high stress and like worry about
Speaker 4: his health and having to making sure that he's cared
Speaker 4: for as that's her only child, probably been her focus
Speaker 4: her whole life. It's probably very hard for her like
Speaker 4: let go of that control to someone else when he's
Speaker 4: going through something like this medically. I also think that
Speaker 4: you can't control how she acts, what she says, what
Speaker 4: she does. And I think you you've said what you
Speaker 4: needed to say, You've said what you need to say.
Speaker 4: You keep showing up for your husband, be the be
Speaker 4: the wife that you are, and let her be and
Speaker 4: do what she's going to do.
Speaker 1: I was just listening my algorithm. My algorithm on reals
Speaker 1: is like giving me these like marriage videos one on
Speaker 1: one or whatever, and I found this to be very
Speaker 1: interesting because I never thought of it this way. But
Speaker 1: they say, when you get married, that becomes your family,
Speaker 1: and you're I don't want to say your old family,
Speaker 1: but the family that you came from, that becomes your
Speaker 1: extended family. And I never looked at it that way,
Speaker 1: like I've never thought of it like that is you,
Speaker 1: that's now, that's your family, that's your first family, and
Speaker 1: then everybody else is your extended family, right, And it
Speaker 1: really hit me because I feel like I have never
Speaker 1: birthed a child, so I don't know what that love
Speaker 1: is like for your child. I have a dog that
Speaker 1: I love and say a lot, so I imagine it's a
Speaker 1: hundred times at which I feel like is an insane amount. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I imagine that your mother in law is just
Speaker 1: feeling that way because she's seeing, you know, a stroke
Speaker 1: is very scary, seeing her son in a very scary,
Speaker 1: vulnerable situation. So she might be like talking out of
Speaker 1: emotion and having these emotions. It's not right that she's
Speaker 1: letting the bat on you, but she also needs to
Speaker 1: take a step back and know that like you are
Speaker 1: his family, you are his caretaker now, not as a caretaker,
Speaker 1: but like you and him make the decisions, not her,
Speaker 1: And I think that you need to have that conversation
Speaker 1: in a very loving way, not in like a bitchy way,
Speaker 1: not in like a get out the way, but in
Speaker 1: a you know, this is my this is my husband,
Speaker 1: this is my family. If I want to do and
Speaker 1: I will do everything to take the best care of him,
Speaker 1: I need you to like let us lead this and
Speaker 1: if you want to help and you want to support,
Speaker 1: you can, but please ask us what we need and
Speaker 1: not just interject and like give your opinion, because this
Speaker 1: is hard enough. We don't want to add stress onto
Speaker 1: his plate.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I think you just have to have that conversation.
Speaker 4: I agree, And I think there's a way of being
Speaker 4: like we're so which it sounds like it sounds like
Speaker 4: she did say like we couldn't have done it without you,
Speaker 4: were so grateful, But I think it's really I think
Speaker 4: she wants to feel needed as especially as a nurse
Speaker 4: and being like a.
Speaker 1: Part of the tasks. He loves masaball soup. Can you
Speaker 1: make he loves?
Speaker 4: I'm saying like, yeah, do it in a way where
Speaker 4: you can still make her feel like she can contribute
Speaker 4: and help but also just be like, you know, we're
Speaker 4: making the decisions together, he and I and we love
Speaker 4: you and we're so grateful for you. But you know
Speaker 4: we're we're doing this the way that's best for us.
Speaker 1: But you know what's interesting the very last sentence, she said,
Speaker 1: I feel like she has never liked me. That says
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 4: That's total, I mean totally. They've been together, I think
Speaker 4: married for thirteen years or together a lot. But I
Speaker 4: think that that's why you you don't have to like
Speaker 4: overdo it. But I think we're the things that you
Speaker 4: know that she can contribute that's not going to like
Speaker 4: over step her boundary for you. I love he loves
Speaker 4: your famous soup, he loves this meal, Like would you
Speaker 4: mind or like could you take our daughter for a
Speaker 4: few days, like over the weekend. Just things that she
Speaker 4: can contribute where you don't feel like she's overstepping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she can still feel a part.
Speaker 7: That's I mean, you guys said, I think that's great advice.
Speaker 1: It's like my mother in law, my future mother in law,
Speaker 1: she's like, loves rob obviously, she loves she has two sons.
Speaker 1: She like is obsessed with them, and she would want
Speaker 1: to do anything for them. So like I could see this,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I could see her just
Speaker 1: like wanting to help, and I could actually see myself
Speaker 1: having that conversation with her and asking, you know, like
Speaker 1: she she's very good about like she she I think
Speaker 1: her love language is like food. So I think if
Speaker 1: I gave her a task, like it'd be really helpful
Speaker 1: if you could like make us dinner tonight tomorrow or
Speaker 1: you know whatever. Like I think she would really like
Speaker 1: thrive on that.
Speaker 2: I think that's good.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Whenever people are like what can I do to help?
Speaker 7: What can't do?
Speaker 3: It?
Speaker 6: Like, it is helpful if it's like a specific thing,
Speaker 6: especially with someone like that, just tell them what you need.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right.
Speaker 6: This one's from Melissa Wedding X. We're gotting in too
Speaker 6: the World of wedding X. This is a question for Tanya,
Speaker 6: now that the wedding is getting close. What are some
Speaker 6: of your wedding X or things you absolutely wouldn't do
Speaker 6: at your wedding. I'm also planning a twenty twenty five wedding.
Speaker 6: Congratulations and a few of mine are vendors not posting
Speaker 6: a price range for their services on their website. I
Speaker 6: don't want to waste your time, and I want you
Speaker 6: to waste mine giving your friends and family a bunch
Speaker 6: of junks. This is Bridesmaids Sister mob. Oh controversial opinion.
Speaker 6: I get the ick with grooms wearing a boot and
Speaker 6: ear that's hanging flopping around on their jacket, So my
Speaker 6: groom will not be wearing one.
Speaker 7: Becky and East I thought we were X.
Speaker 6: I was like, oh no, what did I do to Melissa,
Speaker 6: Becky and easton any thoughts on these things? Can't wait
Speaker 6: to see a the pictures and hear about your big day,
Speaker 6: Love you all.
Speaker 1: You know what's so funny is like, I guess I
Speaker 1: wouldn't consider them as X. I'm just like doing what
Speaker 1: I want, do you know what I mean? The Floris
Speaker 1: asked us about bootoneers and I was like, no, I
Speaker 1: don't want that, Yeah, but I didn't. I never thought
Speaker 1: it was like an ick.
Speaker 2: You know why didn't you want it?
Speaker 1: I don't want anything living on him.
Speaker 7: I don't want It's an interesting way to put it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't need like a living thing like
Speaker 1: on his Less is more.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know, okay? Anything else are you doing? Like
Speaker 2: the garter toss and stuff.
Speaker 1: We're not going to do the garter toss. We are
Speaker 1: gonna do the okay toss maybe Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know what about are y'all doing uh like
Speaker 4: daughter father dance all that stuff?
Speaker 2: Okay? Yeah, are you like doing something blue?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, I told you that I'm setting you up to.
Speaker 1: Something blue. Was actually really sweet. Probably made it for
Speaker 1: me and it's.
Speaker 3: Just like it's really really sweet. It's very very creative. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you'll share that later, I guess.
Speaker 1: But I don't have something borrowed or something old.
Speaker 2: Maybe does your mom have any jewelry something you could wear?
Speaker 2: My jewelry is spoken for an anklet in the Engli.
Speaker 1: She says, yeah, I don't know. I feel and then
Speaker 1: like also with the vendors we got, you know, because
Speaker 1: we're doing a destination wedding, we just reach out to
Speaker 1: our hotel and are using all the people that they
Speaker 1: use for their events, Like we literally didn't like, I
Speaker 1: didn't look at any other rental company. I'm using the
Speaker 1: one they recommended. I didn't look at any other music company.
Speaker 1: I'm using the ones they recommended. Uh, I'm like bride Chilla.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're more chill than anticipated really.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm like I am and then I'm not
Speaker 1: because I'm like constantly stressed.
Speaker 9: M m.
Speaker 1: But I feel like I've been pretty chill, yeah considering.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 6: It's crazy about the vendor thing. And I think we've
Speaker 6: talked about this, but like I was looking at venues
Speaker 6: to do the East Awards live and more about that later,
Speaker 6: but I would I was getting quotes for like event
Speaker 6: spaces in Los Angeles and astronomical, but I noticed that,
Speaker 6: like I called a place where a friend of ours
Speaker 6: got married, and I was like, oh, that that'd be
Speaker 6: cool to do the show there. And it was the
Speaker 6: same amount of time, the same like like a Saturday night,
Speaker 6: and for me to do my stupid award show would
Speaker 6: be it was half the cost that they paid for
Speaker 6: if you say wedding, that they just jacked the price
Speaker 6: up like crazy. So my hacker went out there getting married.
Speaker 6: Anytime your booking these things to say we're throwing an event,
Speaker 6: don't say wedding. I feel like that just inflates the
Speaker 6: price by such a significant margin.
Speaker 7: It's so crazy.
Speaker 1: That is good to know. The two things that that
Speaker 1: I'm still very stressed about it. We don't have a videographer.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, I know. Should we Yes, I'm.
Speaker 2: Very stressed about that one. Okay.
Speaker 1: And we don't have a photo booth. I like totally
Speaker 1: forgot about that because I feel like I've been seeing
Speaker 1: them very much lately as of late. Photo booths. Do
Speaker 1: we like them? Do I need one?
Speaker 2: I mean people love a photo booth?
Speaker 4: Do? I feel like people love going and taking photos?
Speaker 4: But I don't think it's like something to stress over.
Speaker 4: Like I think if you're able to find one, or
Speaker 4: your or your wedding planner can find one fun and
Speaker 4: it's like a reasonable price. If it's crazy and astronomical
Speaker 4: and like difficult, I want it stress over.
Speaker 1: Like wouldn't you rather like my professional photographer take like
Speaker 1: bomb photos.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't get this for a while, so
Speaker 2: it's fun.
Speaker 4: To like, you know right away. Yeah, but again I
Speaker 4: don't unless you find something that you love.
Speaker 2: I want to stressed about that.
Speaker 1: And then we like decided against a cake, like a
Speaker 1: wedding cake, because again cakes like six thousand dollars and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh wow, for what I could make this
Speaker 1: in my backyard, please do that?
Speaker 3: Do it?
Speaker 1: So then because the desserts that we are serving are
Speaker 1: like when I tell you this chocolate, uh, I don't
Speaker 1: even know what it is. It's like basically chocolate ganache,
Speaker 1: like hazelnut dessert. It's the most incredible thing that I've
Speaker 1: put in my mouth in my life. Is it's better
Speaker 1: than that gluten free pizza and the gluten free bonza
Speaker 1: that I was telling you about is so good. Anyways,
Speaker 1: we decided on these like two desserts, so we're like, well,
Speaker 1: deserve these diserts because they're actually delicious. But now I'm
Speaker 1: regretting it that, like we're not gonna have a photo
Speaker 1: to like cut our cake? Do I need that? I
Speaker 1: think I need that.
Speaker 2: You get a small one at least to cut it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, I like, you don't need like a four
Speaker 2: tier cake.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even a four I think it was like
Speaker 1: a two tier six thousand dollars maybe three something like
Speaker 1: those up there.
Speaker 2: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe they can bring one from the States.
Speaker 4: No, maybe they can't say it's not Maybe they can
Speaker 4: say it's not for a wedding.
Speaker 1: Are you flying out with us?
Speaker 4: Me?
Speaker 1: Robbie, Oh wow, it's gonna be not gonna need to
Speaker 1: wear a GoPro for that, because between my wedding dress,
Speaker 1: my dog.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and Becca and Robbie, I think I'm gonna be
Speaker 4: in charge of one or the other.
Speaker 1: Probably the dress, Yeah, definitely the dress.
Speaker 6: We have to go to a break. But I just
Speaker 6: want to stand up for botaneers really quick. I had
Speaker 6: a boot near at my wedding and I demanded the
Speaker 6: biggest and more stornate boutaneer the florist has ever done.
Speaker 7: Wow, And that thing was a monster, and I loved it.
Speaker 1: You had a living thing on you.
Speaker 7: A large living thing.
Speaker 6: It was basically another bouquet just on my jacket, and
Speaker 6: I thought it was so cool.
Speaker 7: I loved it. But that was twenty seventeen. It was
Speaker 7: a different time, different times, different world out there.
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty five is minimalist? Minimal Is that.
Speaker 2: It you're leaving? We're going on break with that.
Speaker 3: That quote minimal twenty five is they're the minimalist bride,
Speaker 3: the minimalist bride.
Speaker 9: Bro.
Speaker 2: All right, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Nothing minimalist about the.
Speaker 2: All right, we are back.
Speaker 7: Well, here's another one from Haley. Thank you.
Speaker 6: Slash twenty five is a rough age. That's what uh,
Speaker 6: that's why we've summarized this. Hi, Beckatania Markinisten, your recent
Speaker 6: episode No Lufa, No Sponge made me feel so seen.
Speaker 6: While I am most definitely a Tanya, I started following
Speaker 6: beck after watching her journey on Ben's season, and I've
Speaker 6: been faithfully listening to scrubbing in since day one.
Speaker 7: Wow, Wow, thank you.
Speaker 6: I'm a twenty five year old teacher who's three years
Speaker 6: into her career, living on her own, has many friends,
Speaker 6: and just finished her master's degree. I'm successful in so
Speaker 6: many ways, but I struggle with not feeling established and
Speaker 6: being as far along in life as I thought I
Speaker 6: would be at this point. I like Beckan Tanya. I'm
Speaker 6: a Christian, and I thought I would be for sure
Speaker 6: married with a kid or two at this point.
Speaker 7: I have been in seven weddings.
Speaker 6: Over the last two and a half years, and I
Speaker 6: feel like everyone's life is moving forward, but mine, like
Speaker 6: you'll express, twenty five, is tough. Nearly all my friends
Speaker 6: have husbands or kids, and sometimes I feel like there's
Speaker 6: something wrong with me. When Tony broke down the podcast
Speaker 6: and started crying about how she would go to bridal
Speaker 6: events and baby showers and feel sad after, I felt
Speaker 6: less alone in my thinking. It's also been beyond encouraging
Speaker 6: to watch Tanya and Becka's journeys in their relationships. I
Speaker 6: know that when I find my red Star, he'll be
Speaker 6: worth the wait. The four of you have made me
Speaker 6: laugh and cry more times than I can count, and
Speaker 6: I appreciate you putting out fantastic episodes one to two
Speaker 6: a week.
Speaker 7: Thank you for all that you do.
Speaker 4: Okay, Haley, First, I just have to say three. You're
Speaker 4: twenty five years old and you're already three years into
Speaker 4: a career. That is yeah, great, like so impressive to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, you have established.
Speaker 4: Something that you want to do and love doing, and
Speaker 4: you have been doing it for three years literally since
Speaker 4: you got out of college.
Speaker 2: That's impressive. So give yourself some credit.
Speaker 4: Second of all, I am so happy that my whole life,
Speaker 4: I thought I would be married by twenty five. I
Speaker 4: just knew like I would have. I thought i'd have
Speaker 4: two kids a married by twenty five. I am so
Speaker 4: happy that I did not get married at twenty five
Speaker 4: and have two kids because I'm so happy that my
Speaker 4: life went in the direction that it did, and I
Speaker 4: could have never thought that it would go in that direction.
Speaker 4: And I remember thinking like watching people, especially from my
Speaker 4: hometown and like high school, getting married and having kids,
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, no, like I'm out here
Speaker 4: in California, am I doing something wrong. Christian culture specifically
Speaker 4: is very much like get married, have kids young, and
Speaker 4: I am so happy that that wasn't my path. So
Speaker 4: I just want to say, You're not behind in anything
Speaker 4: you're doing. It's so fun to get to celebrate people
Speaker 4: and like go to these weddings and be there for
Speaker 4: your friends and get to see like, oh, I'm I
Speaker 4: can't wait for my turn. But I also don't want
Speaker 4: you to feel like you have to rush it because
Speaker 4: you're not behind at all in this.
Speaker 1: So I'm with you. I'm with you on this, But
Speaker 1: I also I feel for you, Hailey, because I feel
Speaker 1: like I remember going to all these weddings that I
Speaker 1: went to when I was single, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: when is it going to be my turn? You know,
Speaker 1: Like again, I didn't take away from the weddings like
Speaker 1: I loved it and I had so much fun. I
Speaker 1: was like I wasn't down or like crying at the weddings,
Speaker 1: Like I had a good time and I would rage,
Speaker 1: but like every single. One was just like another reminder,
Speaker 1: another reminder, another, And like I was single from twenty
Speaker 1: five to thirty two. It's a whole seven years of
Speaker 1: doing that, so times whatever, double Hailey, it's a long time.
Speaker 1: What because she's saying three years. For the last like
Speaker 1: three years she's been going all these weddings and I've
Speaker 1: been single in my car and like it does. I
Speaker 1: feel like every single time I would watch people hit
Speaker 1: that milestone, I was just like, one's it going to
Speaker 1: be my turn? And I feel like you can't see
Speaker 1: it now, Haley, But for my situation, I feel like
Speaker 1: everything happened for me when it was supposed to. Because
Speaker 1: now that I'm like planning a wedding and I'm like
Speaker 1: talking about babies and stuff, I could not imagine doing
Speaker 1: this in my career at twenty five twenty six. My
Speaker 1: career was my life at twenty five twenty six, Like
Speaker 1: I would spend twelve thirteen hours at work, like I
Speaker 1: was just work, work, work, and I think I was.
Speaker 1: I think I was that for a reason, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I that was my time to focus on work.
Speaker 1: And when I found Robbie, it was at the perfect
Speaker 1: time for me. So I don't know what this is
Speaker 1: for you, Hailey, but I do believe that, like you
Speaker 1: will find your partner when you're supposed to. It's not
Speaker 1: going to make the journey any less heartbreaking at times,
Speaker 1: because I know that I would feel that a lot.
Speaker 1: But it is going to come at the right time
Speaker 1: for you for whatever reason that is. Maybe it's not
Speaker 1: career focused, maybe it's something else, but like you'll see
Speaker 1: it in hindsight, So just know that because it is
Speaker 1: such a desire of your heart, I do feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, he will fulfill that for you, but not
Speaker 1: on your timeline.
Speaker 4: I also, this is so interesting because I do think
Speaker 4: hindsight is so it's such an interesting thing that we
Speaker 4: get in life.
Speaker 2: Because Haley and I were talking about the.
Speaker 4: Other day, how you know when you were young and
Speaker 4: you would have dinner and it was so simple. You
Speaker 4: were outside riding your bike and your mom would call
Speaker 4: you in like yeah, it was these moments of like
Speaker 4: childhood and innocence, and everyone would be like, don't waste
Speaker 4: it because like you're gonna be older one day and
Speaker 4: you'll and and you'll miss these days.
Speaker 2: And you're like, I just want to be a grown up.
Speaker 2: I just want to do.
Speaker 4: This, like you're we're always ready to get to the
Speaker 4: next step, but hindsight, looking back, you always have a
Speaker 4: different perspective on it. So you're gonna get to a
Speaker 4: point when you have this that the desire of your
Speaker 4: heart of finding your person is gonna be amazing. And
Speaker 4: then you'll look back on your time being twenty five
Speaker 4: and being a teacher and being at these weddings and
Speaker 4: being like.
Speaker 2: Oh, that was fun too.
Speaker 4: You know, I had this and I had that, and
Speaker 4: it's I think that's just life. Like you can look
Speaker 4: back and see that you were focused on your career
Speaker 4: and you wouldn't have been able to be the partner
Speaker 4: that you are today.
Speaker 1: I was talking to this friend of mine who was
Speaker 1: at thirty eight went to go get her eggs frozen
Speaker 1: because she wanted to be a mom. They told her
Speaker 1: that she did not have any eggs to freeze, so
Speaker 1: at that moment she was like had to kind of
Speaker 1: come to terms with the fact that she was not
Speaker 1: going to be mom, and it was like heartbreaking. She
Speaker 1: got pregnant at thirty nine naturally, no anything else, and
Speaker 1: she's like it's just a testament too, Like she always
Speaker 1: like wanted to be a mom, you know, like she
Speaker 1: knew that she had that, like that was like always
Speaker 1: a dream of hers. And so I don't really know
Speaker 1: why I shared that. How did it come back around?
Speaker 1: If it's meant what's meant for you will be for you?
Speaker 1: Is that where I was going with that?
Speaker 7: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I can't know.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're on your nobody.
Speaker 1: Can reel me back into the wyro. Why did I
Speaker 1: bring that up?
Speaker 10: Well, it's just because like she had let go, she
Speaker 10: was she was attached to the possiblity. She was a
Speaker 10: she was open to they're getting further from the possibility,
Speaker 10: not attached what's the thing?
Speaker 1: Open to the possibility and attached the outcome.
Speaker 4: And so she had said, you know what what's meant
Speaker 4: to be is gonna happen to me. She held on
Speaker 4: to hope, and then she ended up getting pregnant. Naturally,
Speaker 4: That's where I was going. Thank you for landing the plane.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: And all that to say, Haley, life is going to
Speaker 2: be wonderful.
Speaker 1: If I had a baby when I was twenty five.
Speaker 1: I was still a baby at twenty five, Like I
Speaker 1: could not imagine raising a child at twenty five. Me personally.
Speaker 4: But the thing is like you would have done it,
Speaker 4: you know, I just haven't got mad. And there's so
Speaker 4: many people who get married younger and they love it
Speaker 4: and they love having kids. It's just like everyone's different.
Speaker 4: And I think the thing, Hayley, is that you're there's
Speaker 4: gonna be ups, there's gonna be downs, there's gonna be
Speaker 4: good dates, there's gonna be bad dates. There's gonna be heartbreak,
Speaker 4: and there's gonna be love, and you're gonna get to
Speaker 4: experience all of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought, Robbie, I like you. I'm so lucky
Speaker 1: you met me in my thirties, because in my twenties
Speaker 1: I was not this amazing, not nearly as patient.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't have been the right girl for Robbie at twenty.
Speaker 1: Five, no no, no, no no. But now me now
Speaker 1: the perfect girl for Robles, A plus wife.
Speaker 6: The perspective is so funny because like I remember when
Speaker 6: I was nineteen, I worked at a Van's shoe store
Speaker 6: and there was a guy who worked in the soccer
Speaker 6: room and he was twenty five. I remember I was like, oh, man,
Speaker 6: Nathan's twenty five. Damn, Like he's working here that his
Speaker 6: life is Oh I remember thinking, like, his.
Speaker 7: Life is over.
Speaker 6: I never want to be like when I'm twenty five,
Speaker 6: I gotta be doing this, this and this, and then
Speaker 6: looking back on like twenty five is nothing.
Speaker 7: You're like you are a child.
Speaker 1: But why is it twenty five? Is that year where
Speaker 1: everyone thinks that everything needs to be done by twenty five? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, when did that become the number?
Speaker 2: Let's look at that number.
Speaker 1: It's like our quarter of.
Speaker 7: A sus.
Speaker 1: Well, I still would have been late to that.
Speaker 4: But.
Speaker 7: Let's go to forty five, forty five.
Speaker 2: Ninety five?
Speaker 1: Yes, pushing it back.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Uh, here's an update. People ask for updates all the time.
Speaker 6: We have one. This is really exciting. Last week, V
Speaker 6: asked us for help with her breakup. She was with
Speaker 6: her boyfriend for three years. He was the love of
Speaker 6: her life. She had helped him get sober, but he
Speaker 6: had broken up with her three times prior to this,
Speaker 6: and even as mom said her son had stuff to
Speaker 6: figure out and to not wait for him, V wrote
Speaker 6: in again with an update. Thank you so much for
Speaker 6: answering my question on the pod. Yesterday was my twenty
Speaker 6: ninth birthday, and I've been coping with a few weeks
Speaker 6: from hell trying to overcome this breakup.
Speaker 7: Wanted to share an update that I did speak to
Speaker 7: my ex.
Speaker 6: We had a closure talk where he answered all the
Speaker 6: questions I had about our relationship. It sounds like he
Speaker 6: doesn't understand the concept of once the honeymoon phase ends,
Speaker 6: you must develop a new kind of love for your person,
Speaker 6: and he fell out of love with me, which is
Speaker 6: a pattern he has now repeated in his other relationships
Speaker 6: he's had as well. While we ended on an amicable note,
Speaker 6: we're going into no contact now and working on ourselves individually.
Speaker 6: I feel like I'll always think of him as a
Speaker 6: core part of my life, as I loved him like
Speaker 6: I've loved nobody ever before. But I'm working on myself
Speaker 6: to be the best version I can be, and trying
Speaker 6: to prove to myself what I am worth to ensure
Speaker 6: I don't have to suffer heartache like this again. I
Speaker 6: trust life's path to lead me in the right direction,
Speaker 6: whether it's with someone who treats me like the absolute best,
Speaker 6: or whether it's with new and improved versions of ourselves.
Speaker 6: Thank you, guys for all your advice and for all
Speaker 6: the joy bring into my life. Becca You're such an
Speaker 6: authentic human being and I love how much you own
Speaker 6: who you are and I just want nothing more than
Speaker 6: to be best friends with you.
Speaker 7: Tanya.
Speaker 6: You remind me so much of myself and are just
Speaker 6: so genuinely kind hearted. And I'm so happy for you
Speaker 6: and Robbie and can't wait to watch you both rive
Speaker 6: in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 7: Cheers to you all and thanks again.
Speaker 1: So we love but amazing.
Speaker 2: We're so proud of me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's such a huge step to take for yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, to like make that decision so hard, but like
Speaker 4: so impressive to choose yourself.
Speaker 2: Yes, not many people do.
Speaker 1: No, they don't.
Speaker 2: So I hope you feel very proud of yourself. We're
Speaker 2: rooting for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we love you. V Keep us posted to you.
Speaker 1: Keep dating yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Coming the updates of coming.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: After every day to drop an email in that inbox.
Speaker 6: We want up to the minute updates. We have one
Speaker 6: more here before we say goodbye. This is from Happy
Speaker 6: Thank you for helping me. Hi, Tanya, Mark Easton, and Becca.
Speaker 6: I'm a mom of three from Florida, currently living in Utah.
Speaker 6: I've been listening to your podcast since the very first
Speaker 6: episode and absolutely adult door all four of you. Proud
Speaker 6: time you taught yea happy to rise up. I just
Speaker 6: want to let you know how much you've helped me
Speaker 6: this last year. I was diagnosed with stage four coin
Speaker 6: cancer in October twenty twenty three and had to stop
Speaker 6: listening to all the murder mystery podcasts or any other
Speaker 6: slightly negative, downer podcasts I used to listen to and
Speaker 6: only stick with my upbeat, happy podcast, Yours and The
Speaker 6: Toast because it can't be left to my own thoughts
Speaker 6: due to current life circumstances. I've even gone back and
Speaker 6: started re listening to scribing In since the first episode
Speaker 6: or tany joined in. I'm currently on episode thirty five. Yesterday,
Speaker 6: I was given slightly bad news about my condition and
Speaker 6: I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was spiraling while I
Speaker 6: was laying there, so I put on your podcast, listening
Speaker 6: to at three am to distract and uplift me while
Speaker 6: trying to fall asleep and shaking with the giggles over
Speaker 6: something time you said, thank you for aunnowingly helping me
Speaker 6: during such a difficult time in my life, and can
Speaker 6: you please plan a live podcast meetup so I can
Speaker 6: meet my favorite podcasters celebrities.
Speaker 7: You're my Jen Aniston's Brad Pitts.
Speaker 1: Wow, that is happy happy. We are so sorry.
Speaker 2: We are rooting for you.
Speaker 4: I hope that your next checkup that you get great
Speaker 4: news and that things are turned around and that you
Speaker 4: start feeling better and only moving forward here is health
Speaker 4: and wellness.
Speaker 1: And I do feel like the direction you're going in,
Speaker 1: like the fact that you stop listening to the murder
Speaker 1: mysteries and the things that make you like anxious or
Speaker 1: worry or like any of that stuff, is so important
Speaker 1: because I think from what I have heard, when you
Speaker 1: are dealing with cancer, keeping your mind in a very positive,
Speaker 1: happy spirited place is like very very important. So I
Speaker 1: think that's also really good that you're doing that, and
Speaker 1: we are praying for you. We are praying for health
Speaker 1: and happiness. And the fact that you took the time
Speaker 1: to send this email is so sweet and so nice,
Speaker 1: and honestly, it's something that I feel like Beck and
Speaker 1: I've talked about a lot since we've been doing this
Speaker 1: podcast for so long, that we really want this podcast
Speaker 1: just to be light and fun and funny and like
Speaker 1: a place for people just to kind of escape and
Speaker 1: have a good time, not like we're trying to be
Speaker 1: like Oprah. No, maybe at one point we wanted to
Speaker 1: lean in that direction.
Speaker 6: Nah yah, we beat her for the people's choice toward it.
Speaker 2: Yeah that year, we have our own thing going on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I do I love like the shaking with
Speaker 4: giggles at something Tanya said.
Speaker 2: Who who knows what that could be?
Speaker 4: You know. But I hope that you feel surrounded, I loved,
Speaker 4: and I hope when you listen to this podcast it's
Speaker 4: an escape from everything going on for all of you.
Speaker 4: I hope that you listen to this podcast and it's
Speaker 4: a safe space for you to go to disconnect and be.
Speaker 2: Just absolutely baffled.
Speaker 4: Or by what Tanya's saying or encouraged or just to
Speaker 4: escape and have a laugh. And we love y'all so much,
Speaker 4: and that's why we do the podcast. Truly, This is
Speaker 4: why we do the podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like really, that email means so much. Happy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, We're so grateful to be part of your routine,
Speaker 6: and especially when you're looking for something positive. I just
Speaker 6: think a special place to be in people's lives for that,
Speaker 6: I'm so I'm so grateful.
Speaker 4: Out of all the podcasts, how lucky are we to
Speaker 4: be a part of Happy Today and so many of
Speaker 4: our scrubber's daily lives.
Speaker 2: We love y'all so much.
Speaker 1: We love you so much, and.
Speaker 4: We will be back next week for more of this
Speaker 4: and more of that, this and that.
Speaker 1: Do you think I'm going to be different as a wife?
Speaker 2: Stay tuned for the next