WEBVTT - Don't just get OLD, age with JOY!

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Thank

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<v Speaker 1>you everyone for joining us today. We're talking about aging

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<v Speaker 1>with joy author doctor Carrie Burnit is here because apparently

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<v Speaker 1>everything we've been told about aging is wrong. What do

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<v Speaker 1>you mean by that?

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<v Speaker 2>Help? Do we need help? Yes? Oh, we need help,

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<v Speaker 2>all of us. We all need help, and we're all

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<v Speaker 2>going to get to the bottom of it today. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>I love this. Well, welcome to our new studio. We're

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<v Speaker 1>you know, smoothing out some kinks. Thank you for very beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so glad to be here. I'm so glad you came.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad you came. Your book joy Span, The

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<v Speaker 1>Art and Science of Thriving, in Life's Second Act, introduces

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<v Speaker 1>these concepts lifespan, health span, and joy span. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think we all kind of know what lifespane is. That's

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<v Speaker 1>the length of our life, how many years we're here.

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<v Speaker 1>Health Span is about how healthy we are, right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, in the nineteen eighties we added health span, so

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<v Speaker 2>that is, you know, the number of years we enjoy

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<v Speaker 2>relatively good physical and cognitive health. So we want, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>to maximize our health span. Yes, great, great direction. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>And now joy Span, the problem was I was having

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people I worked with who lived a

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<v Speaker 2>long time. They were quite old, they were in darn

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<v Speaker 2>good physical and cognitive health, lucky them, but they were miserable.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh so a long life that you don't like living

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<v Speaker 2>is not the goal. So we realized that the conversation

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<v Speaker 2>on quality of our lives has been absent or nearly absent,

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<v Speaker 2>and so in line with what you have been teaching

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<v Speaker 2>and living and writing about about the fact that we

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<v Speaker 2>play a role in what our long lives look like.

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<v Speaker 2>Isn't rock and science, and yet it's really changing lives?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh definitely. I mean, I can just see how this

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<v Speaker 1>would help my mom, even who's you know, in her

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<v Speaker 1>mid eighties. And I see what you mean, like I

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<v Speaker 1>see the different spans for sure, And I noticed that

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<v Speaker 1>joy span is lacking.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, and we think about what is joy? You know,

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<v Speaker 2>we use it a lot, but the question is is

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<v Speaker 2>it happy? Happy, smiley all the time?

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<v Speaker 1>I hope not.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, no, no, this grows. That's toxic positivity. Yes. So joy,

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<v Speaker 2>as defined by the American Psychological Association is well being,

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<v Speaker 2>life satisfaction, connection, and those things aren't too big of

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<v Speaker 2>a goal to have in later years, and so the

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<v Speaker 2>thought that some people are simply lucky, like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you see an older person who is you know, has

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<v Speaker 2>a twinkle in her eye at age ninety five, and

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<v Speaker 2>you think, oh, lucky, must be nice. Good genes, Yes, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>but we found that genes is less than twenty five

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<v Speaker 2>percent in predicting how we're going to age.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I love this.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so it's turning it to us to think, oh gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>what is that other seventy five percent? And what should

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<v Speaker 2>I at what age should I start doing this kind

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<v Speaker 2>of stuff to create the long life that I would

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<v Speaker 2>actually like to lively like to live.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, you talk about all those things, that concept of

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<v Speaker 1>emotional and emotional well being and personal wellbeing like being

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<v Speaker 1>so important. Yes, as we get older, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>that's I'm wondering. What was the moment you knew you

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<v Speaker 1>had to write this book?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>I love that question, author to author. So it is true,

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<v Speaker 2>you get so you like this is it is in me?

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<v Speaker 2>And it started actually with suffering. A book about joy

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<v Speaker 2>started because of suffering, And that is I taught for

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<v Speaker 2>almost twenty years in geriatric medicine at a university UCI

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<v Speaker 2>in Irvine and All of my work was in elder abuse, neglect,

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<v Speaker 2>and financial exploitation. So it was suffering day after day

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<v Speaker 2>after day. And it wasn't it's an all socioeconomic status.

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<v Speaker 2>It's in all kinds of it's like within families, it's

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<v Speaker 2>within strangers. It was I was just thinking, Oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>the world is so dark, and here I'm crying every

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<v Speaker 2>day on my way home to go pay got my

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<v Speaker 2>kids at preschool, and then to get and it's really

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<v Speaker 2>important work and billions are lost to this exploitation. And

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<v Speaker 2>I probably would have done it forever because it was

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<v Speaker 2>needed and important work. But the thing is, it was

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<v Speaker 2>like imagine a skateboard ramp. So my colleagues and I

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<v Speaker 2>were down at the bottom of the skateboard ramp after

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<v Speaker 2>people would eat it on their skateboard of life, and

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<v Speaker 2>they were awful, horrible situations, and we would try as

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<v Speaker 2>best we could to put band aids on those situations.

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<v Speaker 2>But what we were learning from the literature is that

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<v Speaker 2>we actually have the information that we need to get

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<v Speaker 2>up to the top of the skateboard ramp and equip

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<v Speaker 2>people so that they don't take these horrible tumbles. In

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<v Speaker 2>terms of ending up alone or ending up because of

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<v Speaker 2>increased vulnerability, taken advantage of by people you know or

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<v Speaker 2>people you don't know. And so sort of at that moment,

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<v Speaker 2>which happened to be on an airplane, that I thought,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, what if I could learn about the positive

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<v Speaker 2>side of all of this, so that maybe we could

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<v Speaker 2>fortify people ourselves so that we can end up not

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<v Speaker 2>in the suffering world that I lived in.

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<v Speaker 1>That's beautiful. It's like it's like the preemptive. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>you know, being proactive. Yes, it is before you wipe

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<v Speaker 1>out on that skateboard. Yes, you can do things, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>to improve your joy span.

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<v Speaker 2>And growing older is hard. So it's the reason that

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<v Speaker 2>it's more important is because like, that's the one thing

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<v Speaker 2>I can guarantee, is that every life will have really

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<v Speaker 2>hard things. We have in our fifties already, and it

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<v Speaker 2>continues more so in terms of like using loved ones.

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<v Speaker 2>It keeps going, yes, sadly, yes, yes. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>my greatest gift I've been given is that I've had

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<v Speaker 2>this front row seat to the aging journeys of thousands

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<v Speaker 2>of people. So I've gotten to just keep watching and

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<v Speaker 2>learning from people who are ahead of us. And you

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<v Speaker 2>do you see gosh diagnoses that you never expected losing

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<v Speaker 2>partners and best friends, even children and grandchildren. Life is

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<v Speaker 2>a lot. So what I don't in any way promise

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<v Speaker 2>is that you won't have hard stuff. In fact, not

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<v Speaker 2>to be downer girl, but I kind of guarantee that

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<v Speaker 2>you will have hard stuff. That we all will.

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<v Speaker 1>That's realistic.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And at the same time, I do know that

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<v Speaker 2>joy anyway is possible when we think about joy as

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<v Speaker 2>well being, and so an analogy that we're also talking

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<v Speaker 2>about our bodies, which is good and fine, and we

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<v Speaker 2>know physical strength. Are we lifting weights? Are we doing

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<v Speaker 2>some cardiovascular things? Are we doing some balance training? Are

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<v Speaker 2>we doing some flexibility? We know it, we do it,

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<v Speaker 2>we don't do it, you know. But the same is

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<v Speaker 2>true with internal strength. There are factors that contribute to

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<v Speaker 2>enabling us to build our interior strength for the journey.

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<v Speaker 2>And the great news is what helps you between the

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<v Speaker 2>ages of twenty three and twenty four are also the

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<v Speaker 2>things that help between ninety three and ninety four. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's never too early to get started on your joy span.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's also never too late.

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<v Speaker 1>That is very promising. What do you mean, It's the

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<v Speaker 1>same as twenties and then later in life.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So the way that the research groups, it groups into

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<v Speaker 2>different practices that we can be doing. And when I

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<v Speaker 2>first got into the literature, there are tens of thousands

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<v Speaker 2>of studies on psychological well being and longevity, and I

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<v Speaker 2>felt so overwhelmed. It was like, oh, no, how can

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<v Speaker 2>I do ten thousand things? There's generosity, there's a resilience,

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<v Speaker 2>there's I'm host it's exhausting, exhausting, and so happily after

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<v Speaker 2>spending a lot of time there. They do group into

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<v Speaker 2>four areas and these are really practical. They are really

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<v Speaker 2>proven approaches that if we in the same way that

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<v Speaker 2>we think am I doing some strength training? In the

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<v Speaker 2>same way we can think am I doing some of

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<v Speaker 2>these four areas? And they're all verbs because they all

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<v Speaker 2>take work. So each of them that we're going to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about today, it's like, you know, you don't see

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<v Speaker 2>a really fit person and just go, oh, you're just

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<v Speaker 2>pure lucky. No, they've been doing little things every day

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<v Speaker 2>to get there. Same thing with our internal strength for

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<v Speaker 2>the journey. We're going to know what they are after this,

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<v Speaker 2>and we're going to put in a little bit of

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<v Speaker 2>time every day into these areas that are going to

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<v Speaker 2>fortify us for this journey.

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<v Speaker 1>You're talking about internal fitness being just as important as

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<v Speaker 1>physical fitness.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Love that that makes it so easy to understand. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's just taking care of our emotional wellbeing, Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>our thoughts.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yeah, Okay. It's so powerful and it's at work

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<v Speaker 2>that you and so many people are already doing. And

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<v Speaker 2>so that's good news. I think for your listeners to think, oh, good,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm doing that. So you know what I'm saying, I

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<v Speaker 2>hope is not all new because we've been doing these things,

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<v Speaker 2>but maybe it's a little bit of a vocabulary to think,

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<v Speaker 2>am I doing all the things?

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<v Speaker 1>I can't wait to jump into the things?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, the thing.

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<v Speaker 1>But first I want to ask you about a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of women my age talk about isolation. You know, when

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<v Speaker 1>life is changing, the kids are out of the house,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe they've lost a spouse or how to divorce, and

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<v Speaker 1>the feeling of being needed has gone away. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>you know, when when you're needed, it gives you a

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<v Speaker 1>certain like zest for life, like you've got to keep

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<v Speaker 1>keep this person healthy, You've got to take care of

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<v Speaker 1>this person and provide for that person. But what I

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<v Speaker 1>talk about in my book, and what everyone is really

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<v Speaker 1>really the conversation is really starting to trickle everywhere is

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<v Speaker 1>the importance of choosing oneself through all of it. And

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<v Speaker 1>when I talk about that, when I first did that

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<v Speaker 1>actually ill a little bit like am I being too

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<v Speaker 1>self centered? Is this? Should I feel guilty about this feeling?

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't think that that has happened for me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I think that I've grown into knowing and

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<v Speaker 1>understanding the importance of choosing yourself. And that is all

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<v Speaker 1>that you talk about in this book. So so aligned,

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<v Speaker 1>you have.

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<v Speaker 2>So aligned, so aligned, so meant to be that we

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<v Speaker 2>had this time.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I think one of the best ways to stay

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<v Speaker 1>young at heart in mind is to have community, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and have connection and have those opportunities. We just opened

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<v Speaker 1>and I choose me hotline, so our listeners are going

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<v Speaker 1>to be able to call in ask questions. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so excited because I think we have a caller today

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<v Speaker 1>that is going to be right up your alley.

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<v Speaker 2>I would love to do that. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's listen to her question business Menda. I was calling

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<v Speaker 3>with a question as I think about my next face

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<v Speaker 3>of life about lifelong learning and what kind of options

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<v Speaker 3>do you think are out there. Is it just a

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<v Speaker 3>matter of signing up to college classes and maybe going

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<v Speaker 3>to school with a bunch of kids who are fractioned

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<v Speaker 3>my age, or are there programs that are designed especially

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<v Speaker 3>for somebody who's trying to figure out maybe a second

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<v Speaker 3>career or just wanting to find places to learn more

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<v Speaker 3>about things that are interesting. So any tips on that

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<v Speaker 3>would be really very helpful. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>See Okay, what tips you have for Linda?

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<v Speaker 2>What a great question, So thank you, Linda. It is

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<v Speaker 2>a great time to be growing older because every single

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<v Speaker 2>day in the United States, twelve thousand more of us

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<v Speaker 2>are celebrating our sixty fifth birthday, so it's like thousand more,

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<v Speaker 2>so every single day, more and more older people. And

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<v Speaker 2>because of that, we are coming up with solutions about

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<v Speaker 2>lifelong development, which is so critical. And it's so good

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<v Speaker 2>Linda that you are recognizing that it is continued growth

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<v Speaker 2>and continued learning, and so many universities now have programs

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<v Speaker 2>geared at leaders in the second half of their lives,

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<v Speaker 2>so that your classmates are people fifty and better, people

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<v Speaker 2>who have enjoyed different paths and now are maybe wanting

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<v Speaker 2>to either lean into that path in a different way

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<v Speaker 2>or something completely different. So it is one of those

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<v Speaker 2>that when you make the decision that you want to

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.360
<v Speaker 2>keep learning and growing, I would start out on the

0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:52.680
<v Speaker 2>computer and your mind will be blown of all of

0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 2>that is out there. But sometimes we've been and understandably

0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:00.280
<v Speaker 2>a little afraid to put ourselves out there. Is the

0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:05.480
<v Speaker 2>old system had been just well, education is younger people,

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:07.680
<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to join a class and They're all

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.520
<v Speaker 2>going to be twenty one and I'm going to be

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.600
<v Speaker 2>sixty one. Yes, it is. It wants to be right,

0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:19.200
<v Speaker 2>and so there are there solutions in person at universities,

0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:23.400
<v Speaker 2>online at universities, and then through a lot of quite

0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:28.400
<v Speaker 2>innovative organizations, some that are intergenerational which are pretty fun.

0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:32.600
<v Speaker 2>And basically when you think how to get started, it

0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:37.240
<v Speaker 2>really just starts with curiosity, like asking yourself what am

0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.520
<v Speaker 2>I a little bit curious about? And a lot of

0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:45.400
<v Speaker 2>times you go I don't know nothing, and then you go, okay, Carrie,

0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.760
<v Speaker 2>what no, really, what did you always want to do?

0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:51.119
<v Speaker 1>Exactly accomplished or even try.

0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:52.920
<v Speaker 2>And there's things that like you can try it and

0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.240
<v Speaker 2>you don't you have to be with it forever. But

0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.040
<v Speaker 2>I have friends recently in their seventies, eighties, nineties and

0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 2>one hundreds, improv and bitcoin and programming and gardening and

0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:08.240
<v Speaker 2>every possible thing that you can think of. There are

0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 2>things out there online and in person, and the benefit

0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.000
<v Speaker 2>is not only good for your brain, not only good

0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.320
<v Speaker 2>to lean into something that's a little uncomfortable, which is huge,

0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.160
<v Speaker 2>but also you're going to find other people who are

0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:23.720
<v Speaker 2>a little bit curious about that as well. And then

0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:29.200
<v Speaker 2>it's social connection. So it's a great question that Linda asked,

0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:32.920
<v Speaker 2>and it is something that we will be pleasantly surprised

0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:36.160
<v Speaker 2>by what is there, even in small towns. So I

0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:40.440
<v Speaker 2>have a patient who is living in quite a small town,

0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.160
<v Speaker 2>and she was wanting to make sure that she is

0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:47.520
<v Speaker 2>continuing to grow and lean into her eighty year old

0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:52.040
<v Speaker 2>curious self. And what she found was that she was

0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.400
<v Speaker 2>the one to kind of put it out there in

0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:59.960
<v Speaker 2>her church group. I am interested actually in interior decorated

0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.680
<v Speaker 2>I haven't ever put any time into it because I've

0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.720
<v Speaker 2>been so busy, but she found she then started a

0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:10.720
<v Speaker 2>group of other humans interested in that same kind of thing.

0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:15.560
<v Speaker 2>And what they're doing, I mean, is absolutely mind blowing.

0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I've oh, you sat on this hidden talent for eighty years.

0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:29.439
<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, imagine what if when I'm eighty I

0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:32.160
<v Speaker 1>start to play the piano. That would be a dream

0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:33.640
<v Speaker 1>all my life I've said.

0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:34.960
<v Speaker 2>I want to learn how to play the I would

0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:39.280
<v Speaker 2>not be surprised. And you're likely to have twenty years

0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.720
<v Speaker 2>to do it, because more and more of us are

0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:44.840
<v Speaker 2>living to age one hundred. Really, and so when you

0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.560
<v Speaker 2>kind of program it like that, like twenty years, I

0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.639
<v Speaker 2>think I could get pretty okay at it. And this

0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.280
<v Speaker 2>beginner like being a beginner and something is one of

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.240
<v Speaker 2>the very best things you can do for your brain,

0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:00.920
<v Speaker 2>not for your ego, but for your brain. Being a

0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.560
<v Speaker 2>little bit bad at things is terrific.

0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:06.720
<v Speaker 1>Yes, because you have nowhere to go but up. Exactly

0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.400
<v Speaker 1>you said, we're living to one hundred. I just need

0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 1>to go back to that for a second, because I've heard,

0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, even my husband, even he says I don't

0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.080
<v Speaker 1>want to live to be one hundred. Yes, And I

0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:20.920
<v Speaker 1>think that he has the connotation in his mind that

0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:24.800
<v Speaker 1>living to be a hundred is painful and full of suffering,

0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:27.359
<v Speaker 1>and why would he want that?

0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:30.760
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I hear it a lot, a lot my own

0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:37.080
<v Speaker 2>husband too. The thing about how long we live. None

0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:40.359
<v Speaker 2>of us know it, like today could easily be our

0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.119
<v Speaker 2>last day, or it could be one hundred. And I

0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.639
<v Speaker 2>have a patient now who's one hundred and fourteen. What

0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:46.159
<v Speaker 2>I know?

0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Wait what you flew my mind?

0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:50.800
<v Speaker 2>I know after age one hundred, she had fourteen more years.

0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:56.639
<v Speaker 2>I mean continuing, how is she? She is really really lovely.

0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.679
<v Speaker 2>She is an absolutely lovely woman and she I was

0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:02.800
<v Speaker 2>with her three days ago. She had her hair pulled

0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:06.600
<v Speaker 2>back with a beautiful like red flower in it, and

0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:11.040
<v Speaker 2>she's really had gotten into scrapbooking and was showing me

0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:17.200
<v Speaker 2>staggeringly cool pictures that she's gathered over the years. And

0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:17.879
<v Speaker 2>she's great.

0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:18.600
<v Speaker 3>She is.

0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:22.400
<v Speaker 2>You know, are there challenges? Yes, her vision is a challenge,

0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:26.119
<v Speaker 2>hearing is a challenge. A lot of things hurt. And

0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:30.840
<v Speaker 2>also she is a role model of what we can

0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 2>look forward to. Because we're creating this new longevity, we

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.200
<v Speaker 2>don't have role models, and so we have to sort

0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:41.560
<v Speaker 2>of become the role models. And I think that's really

0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:48.000
<v Speaker 2>the first step is recognizing that what we have been

0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:53.000
<v Speaker 2>consuming since the minute we were born is a narrative

0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:58.960
<v Speaker 2>that aging is all decline, and it's a really lucrative messaging.

0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:04.720
<v Speaker 2>So the anti aging community makes billions of dollars.

0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:07.439
<v Speaker 1>And doesn't the society seem to be just like I

0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:10.960
<v Speaker 1>would think that living longer or having purpose later in

0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:14.000
<v Speaker 1>life is a hard cell because everyone is just obsessed

0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:14.880
<v Speaker 1>with youth.

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:18.920
<v Speaker 2>Right, yes, and that's what so lucky is that enough

0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:21.720
<v Speaker 2>of us, it's going to be a critical mass of

0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:25.640
<v Speaker 2>us saying wait a second, I am saying that this

0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:30.920
<v Speaker 2>decline aging mindset, which spells out damn, which is so great,

0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:35.440
<v Speaker 2>the damn mindset, that damn mind, that damn mindset that

0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:39.280
<v Speaker 2>is that like we each have, like I'm convinced that

0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:45.000
<v Speaker 2>we all carry what I call internalized agism. And of

0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:48.480
<v Speaker 2>course it makes sense because of all the messaging and

0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:50.640
<v Speaker 2>since we were little. In fact, you think about witches

0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:53.760
<v Speaker 2>like when you were little, there said Hanseling. Gretel went

0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.640
<v Speaker 2>out and then the old woman was going to eat them,

0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:01.160
<v Speaker 2>right like we start real super young, saying it's all downhill.

0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:05.560
<v Speaker 2>And that's part of my mission is letting people know

0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:09.960
<v Speaker 2>that in addition to things that do decline, there are

0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:13.760
<v Speaker 2>things that get better as you get older, but they've

0:21:13.800 --> 0:21:17.040
<v Speaker 2>got no airtime because they're not lucrative. And they are

0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:19.919
<v Speaker 2>things that you've pointed out in your book, like not

0:21:20.119 --> 0:21:22.879
<v Speaker 2>caring as much what other people think of us really

0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:24.080
<v Speaker 2>so liberating.

0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:24.800
<v Speaker 3>Yes.

0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:27.800
<v Speaker 2>And then one that is so great that sometimes people

0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 2>don't realize is that we have the potential for greater

0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:36.320
<v Speaker 2>problem solving. And the reason for this is one the

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:40.720
<v Speaker 2>neurological integration of our left and right hemisphere in our brain,

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 2>in our brain, coupled with how many problems that we

0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 2>have solved in our life or watched other people solve.

0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:50.399
<v Speaker 2>And so the example that I love to give is

0:21:50.440 --> 0:21:53.120
<v Speaker 2>a story, and is this friend of mine who has

0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:57.080
<v Speaker 2>passed away, Gene Cohen, but he taught at Harvard and

0:21:57.400 --> 0:22:00.280
<v Speaker 2>every Wednesday he would go and pick his pain parents

0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:02.720
<v Speaker 2>up at the train station and then he would put

0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:05.920
<v Speaker 2>they would get in his car, drive to his place,

0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:08.480
<v Speaker 2>they'd eat dinner together, and he would drive them home.

0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:13.160
<v Speaker 2>So it's one day, just dumping snow. His ninety year

0:22:13.160 --> 0:22:18.240
<v Speaker 2>old parents get up on the platform and they have walkers,

0:22:18.600 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 2>they didn't have cell phones, and they're just waiting for

0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:24.719
<v Speaker 2>their dumb Harvard son to come pick them up, and

0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:27.720
<v Speaker 2>he was late, so they're just standing there out there,

0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:32.600
<v Speaker 2>they with the problem solving look over and they see

0:22:32.600 --> 0:22:35.960
<v Speaker 2>a pizza place, So they carefully walk to the pizza

0:22:36.000 --> 0:22:38.879
<v Speaker 2>place and they say, you know, we'd like to order

0:22:39.480 --> 0:22:43.520
<v Speaker 2>a couple of pizzas to be delivered to our son's house.

0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:46.800
<v Speaker 2>And when you deliver those pizzas, we'd like to ride

0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:50.640
<v Speaker 2>along in the car with them. So he gets home,

0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:54.320
<v Speaker 2>his parents in their nineties are there safely at his

0:22:54.400 --> 0:22:59.440
<v Speaker 2>place with dinner. And that's the kind of problem solving.

0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:03.840
<v Speaker 2>It's not technology based. It is the fact that we've

0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:07.119
<v Speaker 2>been on this earth. And if you recognize, like I

0:23:07.280 --> 0:23:10.760
<v Speaker 2>have good problem solving skills and I'm gonna they're even

0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:13.720
<v Speaker 2>gonna get better, We're going to lean into that. And

0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:16.879
<v Speaker 2>a society that leans into what gets better as you

0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:19.760
<v Speaker 2>get older is going to be a society that can

0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:23.600
<v Speaker 2>overcome all of these challenges that we have right now.

0:23:23.680 --> 0:23:28.040
<v Speaker 2>So we need what older you has to offer.

0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I fully agree, like I feel, you know, wiser

0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:35.679
<v Speaker 1>as I've gotten older. I've learned so many things, you know,

0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:37.920
<v Speaker 1>and I know everybody feels that way. And it's such

0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:43.200
<v Speaker 1>a beautiful feeling when you can actually accept that about yourself,

0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:46.439
<v Speaker 1>because I think so often we say, oh, you know,

0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:49.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm just me, and I don't I don't have any

0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:53.000
<v Speaker 1>wisdom to share, but that's not true exactly exactly.

0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:56.520
<v Speaker 2>And you know other things that can get better is

0:23:56.800 --> 0:24:00.359
<v Speaker 2>our humility, and a lot can get done when people

0:24:00.440 --> 0:24:04.720
<v Speaker 2>aren't so you know, thinking that it's all about them,

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:11.160
<v Speaker 2>Also our humor, also our spirituality, our appreciation of music

0:24:11.880 --> 0:24:16.160
<v Speaker 2>and art and nature, also our ability to recognize who

0:24:16.240 --> 0:24:19.920
<v Speaker 2>our people are. You know how sweet these connections can be.

0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:24.080
<v Speaker 2>So by leaning into those things that get better when

0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:27.040
<v Speaker 2>you get older is what helps you let go of

0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:31.400
<v Speaker 2>the inaccurate, lucrative narrative that it's all downhill.

0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.840
<v Speaker 1>There is so much more to learn about doctor Burnight's book,

0:24:36.160 --> 0:24:39.639
<v Speaker 1>joy Span. Our conversation will continue later this week, so

0:24:39.840 --> 0:24:41.120
<v Speaker 1>please join us