Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer po Nycer here, Nicky, Hello here I am.
Speaker 1: It's Nicki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Tuesday.
Speaker 1: Does anyone listen to our show at more than the speed? No,
Speaker 1: I don't know your parts. Yeah. Maybe they go and
Speaker 1: take talking down somehow. That would take a lot of editing.
Speaker 1: You could do point five so that it sounds like
Speaker 1: but you on point five would be, hey, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Is Nicky Glazer? We're going to be here? I would
Speaker 1: sound like I was doing a commentating a horse race. Um,
Speaker 1: an auction and a horse race at the same Were
Speaker 1: you always a speed talker? No, you would have to
Speaker 1: ask my parents, who didn't really listen to me. So, um,
Speaker 1: I think we'll never know. No, Um they did, I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was always because your dad speaks slow. My dad
Speaker 1: does speaks slow. Um. What I was as a kid
Speaker 1: was always being told not by teachers because I was
Speaker 1: very like at school, never talked and like was just
Speaker 1: didn't want to be seen. But at home or a
Speaker 1: restaurants with my family, especially in my adolescence, like it
Speaker 1: was always nick and it would be and it was
Speaker 1: never like I was yelling like fuck you bit it
Speaker 1: was always like, I got this thing today and it
Speaker 1: was so like I was excited, and then it was
Speaker 1: just it just really depletes the air in your sales
Speaker 1: when someone you're telling a story that you're excited about
Speaker 1: and then people go and then you just go, Okay,
Speaker 1: never mind, I got a partner, apply that's matter, and
Speaker 1: then you do the whole thing. I like, because it's
Speaker 1: embarrassing how loud, because other people are staring and I
Speaker 1: wasn't aware of people like other people. Maybe how loud
Speaker 1: I was. I probably needed it my ears cleaned out.
Speaker 1: They're like, why don't you just tell us a story
Speaker 1: at home? You had to wait for an audience at Bennigan's.
Speaker 1: I mean every time we walk our dog in the subdivision,
Speaker 1: because I just get excited about something gets too loud. Um,
Speaker 1: do you know that your Trifecta meals are still downstairs?
Speaker 1: Those are done. I'm going to throw them away today.
Speaker 1: I waited too long. Well, can I take them? I'll
Speaker 1: give them to my mom. She will totally eat those.
Speaker 1: They're still good. She just ate your Trifecta meals that
Speaker 1: you gave her a while back. She's like she was
Speaker 1: texting me from the river. And she's like, we're down
Speaker 1: at the river, can I have Andrew's trifecta meals getting
Speaker 1: next tided? So like she just freezes them and eats
Speaker 1: them and that fine. Look, it's fine. They've been sitting
Speaker 1: without Like, no, you open that thing, they'll they'll still
Speaker 1: have refrigeration in those ice packs. But I always benefit
Speaker 1: from boys and people who don't know butter just airing
Speaker 1: on the side of like Chris brings stuff over to
Speaker 1: my house and is I don't get rewarded from that
Speaker 1: because he brings over like eggs and he'll leave them
Speaker 1: two days and he'll be like, oh, no, they're bad now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, they're not. It's an exaggeration. But
Speaker 1: like at like I just don't believe in unless something
Speaker 1: smells bad and taste bad. Yeah you're a dumpster driver,
Speaker 1: Yeah totally. But now I'm going to get free trigefactor
Speaker 1: feels for my mom because who's head there just a discount.
Speaker 1: My dad will have to carry them and maybe break
Speaker 1: it back because those are heavy. But he was riding
Speaker 1: his bike in thirty degree weathers man, that's crazy. Listen,
Speaker 1: the gang never sleeps if he if he doesn't do
Speaker 1: that what's he gonna He's gonna wake up with to
Speaker 1: a fucking talking ship? Yeah, all those old men talking ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he rode his bike yesterday. I went running yesterday at
Speaker 1: like what time was that? I saw you? Seven thirty
Speaker 1: because it gets so I love summer how dark it
Speaker 1: gets so late. We were in Idaho, it got dark
Speaker 1: at nine forty the sunset and nine forty. That's exciting.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I want night time to come. I love it
Speaker 1: so much because I'm always pushing runs till the last second,
Speaker 1: and I can't run at night. So I just love
Speaker 1: when it's like I checked my clock and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's six o'clock, i gotta go for a run or
Speaker 1: I'm not going to exercise today. And then it's like, wait,
Speaker 1: the sun says at eight forty, I have another two hours.
Speaker 1: We saw you right before your run yesterday. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: didn't go well. It's just like it's so hot out
Speaker 1: that in my body already felt like bags of soup,
Speaker 1: just like I was too depressed to like have energy.
Speaker 1: Sometimes your body just like my my body was fine.
Speaker 1: My mind was just like so I did two and
Speaker 1: a half miles, but then I'd stopped just there was
Speaker 1: no There was no like I'm exhausted, There was no
Speaker 1: like should I stop? Should I not? It was just
Speaker 1: like shutting down MS stop. And then I pulled up
Speaker 1: my Lime Scooter app and I found a Lime scooter
Speaker 1: and I scooed my way out of the park than
Speaker 1: the other two would have miles. Yeah, we walked to
Speaker 1: get that ice cream down the street. It's really good
Speaker 1: ice cream. It's like insanely good. Jenny's that the name
Speaker 1: of im. I can walk into the same place you
Speaker 1: always say, the Italian restaurant, the Mexican place. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: ice cream shop. I believe it's Jenny's. Yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1: It's it's like you know, across the country. Oh it is.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought it was like a St. Louis thing. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think it is. But it's across from Mission
Speaker 1: Talk if you want to go to it in the
Speaker 1: central Western another. Yeah, I mean not feel refreshing in
Speaker 1: the heat. It like cream. It did for like two
Speaker 1: minutes and then it melts and then it's like warm cream.
Speaker 1: Oh God, my stomach is twirling the houses, the streets
Speaker 1: by Jenny's. It's fucking insane. I just want to say, though, like,
Speaker 1: let's say I didn't know you, I just knew of you.
Speaker 1: I wish that I would have seen a celebrity in
Speaker 1: a park riding a Lime scooter because I feel like
Speaker 1: whenever I lived in New York and I would see
Speaker 1: like celebs on the street, they would just be like
Speaker 1: on Broadway to a show and like, yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 1: never see them doing anything except walking, you know, with
Speaker 1: like a hand that wasn't There was no part of
Speaker 1: me that was like, am I going to get recognized?
Speaker 1: But it um I did. Look, you know what I
Speaker 1: wanted to. I wanted people to go that that's like
Speaker 1: because I was so depressed. My face was. I was
Speaker 1: riding a scooter at top speed, like like looking at
Speaker 1: the sidewalk like despondently like and then I had to
Speaker 1: snap out of it because I kept seeing cars and
Speaker 1: I was like, they're probably pointing and laughing at this
Speaker 1: depressed person on a scooter. But I didn't think of
Speaker 1: getting recognized on that. I don't. I never get recognized
Speaker 1: literally ever, not literally ever, but like it just doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen, so weird. I like that, though I
Speaker 1: don't want to be it's a we were talking about it.
Speaker 1: There's a perfect level of fame where you everywhere you go,
Speaker 1: you don't think someone's going to know who you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it feels when you do get recognized, it
Speaker 1: feels pretty good. But it's not like I can't imagine
Speaker 1: chasing that feeling of like but still no. I mean,
Speaker 1: as in high school, the idea of like someday people
Speaker 1: being like is that was number one goal. I don't
Speaker 1: know why so much. I used to do it at
Speaker 1: my gate. We used we came up. We heard about
Speaker 1: this thing. Kirsten's sisters to Kristen's sister's boyfriend, Brian, Brian Glass.
Speaker 1: He was so cool, but he told us about a
Speaker 1: thing they did where they were on springbreak or something
Speaker 1: and he and his friends, one of them wore sunglasses
Speaker 1: and like was mysterious at a place and then the
Speaker 1: rest of the friends went up was like can I
Speaker 1: get a picture with you? Can I get your autograph?
Speaker 1: And then everyone just started doing it because they thought
Speaker 1: this person was famous. Like it didn't matter who it was.
Speaker 1: They were just like who is that And they're like
Speaker 1: it's Brian Glass and they're like, I mean it was
Speaker 1: before Google nine, and I just remember being like, that
Speaker 1: is the coolest idea. I want to do it so bad,
Speaker 1: and so I never asked anyone to do it for me,
Speaker 1: but I used to. I remember go to the airport
Speaker 1: with my family and I used to just try to
Speaker 1: look famous and like sit off by myself so that
Speaker 1: maybe someone thought I was famous. So lame, but that
Speaker 1: is a fun little part to do. People do it
Speaker 1: too before they're famous, like in the rap Game or whatever,
Speaker 1: where you act as if they rent like, you know,
Speaker 1: Lamborghini for one day and they drive down Miami Collins
Speaker 1: Avenue and they have all their friends like and like
Speaker 1: they get like five girls and and it's like, well,
Speaker 1: before they're someone, they do they act as if Yeah,
Speaker 1: acting as if does work. Um, it'd be weird. I
Speaker 1: mean what would we do to act as if we're
Speaker 1: just huge glasses? And I mean just it's just so
Speaker 1: funny to think about any other things. I get recognized
Speaker 1: dogs sometimes because of because first you wear you you peacock.
Speaker 1: That's what you do as a celebrity. You don't actually
Speaker 1: try to blend in. You wear something ridiculous so people
Speaker 1: look at you and then go, wait, that's Bill Murray. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you blend in during the day, that's your thing. Like
Speaker 1: you are very incognito when you run, and I ridiculous,
Speaker 1: Like I wear like bright hats and like I dress
Speaker 1: like I don't want to get recognized, but I end
Speaker 1: up wearing things to go for walks with the dog,
Speaker 1: like purple you know, uh crocs with a green shirt
Speaker 1: and a pink hat and a big pink like bilarrow
Speaker 1: sack to put my not a blair but like, um,
Speaker 1: what are those things called to put maryan? And so
Speaker 1: I have a dog hanging on a pink sack over
Speaker 1: my shoulder. I wear like colorful things that people kind
Speaker 1: of go, I guess they go. And my hair looks scraggly.
Speaker 1: I look like an old crazy woman. I look like
Speaker 1: the woman that used to be in comics and that
Speaker 1: was sometimes in birthday cards. It's like I'm a Hayndred
Speaker 1: and this is what I think. I don't know who
Speaker 1: that is, but that's who I feel like. I look
Speaker 1: like like I have a grandma's aisle because I just
Speaker 1: don't putting together outfits is exhausting. And I just saw
Speaker 1: this clip from this show called I think it's called
Speaker 1: Like Friend Zone with um Paul Shear and oh god,
Speaker 1: now I'm blanking on Jason's man man Zukas and Rob
Speaker 1: Hubill and I think some other people. But Jason Manzucas
Speaker 1: was talking about He's like, I don't wear that's kind
Speaker 1: of a good Jason man Zucas. I don't wear anything
Speaker 1: except a white, uh you know, button up shirt, white
Speaker 1: Oxford shirt, and like the same pants every single day.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing. Maybe I'll throw a vest on
Speaker 1: it or a jacket if I have a premiere. But
Speaker 1: and then they started rifling through pictures of him, and
Speaker 1: it's like the same thing every time. And he said
Speaker 1: that there was some quote by God. Who was it? Oh, no,
Speaker 1: I think it was a monks he went. Oh. He
Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is gonna sound pretentious, but I
Speaker 1: just I was doing some retreat with a bunch of
Speaker 1: monks and wherever India or something. And he was like
Speaker 1: they they said that, like, you know, to be closer
Speaker 1: to God, eliminate choices from your life, and you know,
Speaker 1: whatever God is or whatever, like yourself, like the choices
Speaker 1: do just like muddy the water that could be clear
Speaker 1: of our like understanding of ourselves and like just every
Speaker 1: day is a million choices, like think about it. Like
Speaker 1: for me, Starbucks is not a choice. It is plugged
Speaker 1: into my phone. It's what I want every day, no
Speaker 1: matter what what My food is literally not a choice anymore,
Speaker 1: it's just what I want every day. Wearing things, that's
Speaker 1: a choice. I'm overwhelmed with clothes, and I do like
Speaker 1: picking up clothes from my show because it can be
Speaker 1: random and fun and I can wear short, like sexy,
Speaker 1: like slutty things. I can wear like ridiculous stuff that's
Speaker 1: fun and truly. Like before I go to a show,
Speaker 1: I just I bring too humongous suitcases for three days
Speaker 1: of shows with different and I don't give it any
Speaker 1: thought of like what I'm gonna pair with what. I
Speaker 1: just throw pieces and then it's fun for me to
Speaker 1: go okay, and then I even refine it from there.
Speaker 1: So when I go to the show, I picked one
Speaker 1: suitcase and I throw in a bunch of stuff from
Speaker 1: my two suitcases, and then when I get to the show,
Speaker 1: is like a game where I'm like, you gotta put
Speaker 1: together two outfits out of this crap, and it's like
Speaker 1: a fun game show, I think, and uh, I enjoyed that,
Speaker 1: but on a day to day when you when we
Speaker 1: have social media, and is still important because it's our
Speaker 1: job and part of our job. When you wear an outfit,
Speaker 1: the next week, you're wearing the same outfit. It's gonna
Speaker 1: look exactly like the same before, even if it's a
Speaker 1: different stage. So you're not bringing new content. There's that
Speaker 1: idea of like, oh I need to look different in
Speaker 1: this new uh, this new photo on Instagram because if not,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna look the same. You know, part of
Speaker 1: me just wants to wear the same black shirt and
Speaker 1: jeans everything I did this whole weekend. I think I
Speaker 1: wear the same thing all weekend. There's something about guys
Speaker 1: wearing the same thing over and over that almost is
Speaker 1: as much of attention getter as women wearing different things.
Speaker 1: Agree No, Like remember when Mark Norman used to have
Speaker 1: a he wore the same thing every time. I missed
Speaker 1: that Mark Norman, There's something very there's something quirky about it.
Speaker 1: There was something that that was his thing, that he
Speaker 1: were the same thing. Now I think Jason Manzucas, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't you wouldn't know that he wears the same thing.
Speaker 1: He's doing it not to stand out, but I think
Speaker 1: there's something that makes it you stand out if you
Speaker 1: wear the same thing and you never have to think
Speaker 1: about it. Well, George Carlin, did I mean Carlin just
Speaker 1: wore a black T shirt? Black T shirt? What about
Speaker 1: the ponytail? Though George Carlin always had a ponytail? Is
Speaker 1: that I don't even think of it. I don't even
Speaker 1: think about his pony That's how manly. And I did
Speaker 1: an interview with The New York Times about that. I
Speaker 1: was like, I remember picking up my dad's books of
Speaker 1: George Carlin and just being like, who is this old
Speaker 1: man with a ponytail? Like to me as a kid,
Speaker 1: he was the old man with a ponytail. And then
Speaker 1: growing up you go, oh, I don't even see it,
Speaker 1: but it is it was a thing to be like,
Speaker 1: to maintain some coolness. Well, I think the other thing
Speaker 1: when we go George Carlin wear the same thing every
Speaker 1: time we saw him on his special wearing that now? Yes,
Speaker 1: now every time he performed in Tacoma, Washington, was he
Speaker 1: wearing not wear the same thing every time? If you
Speaker 1: watch the documentary, he was he had cool clothes like
Speaker 1: up and but like his last few he'd like he
Speaker 1: found the thing I felt like, And then Louis wore
Speaker 1: a black T shirt and jeans, and like there's been
Speaker 1: a couple of other community Steve jobs always were the
Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, he's a great comic. I feel like
Speaker 1: he's pretty funny, but he's funnier now. Um, but I
Speaker 1: do think, like in my head sometimes if I'm wearing
Speaker 1: the same thing every day and I see you know this,
Speaker 1: I go to the same bagel shop or whatever, They're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, God, he's a dirty motherfucker wearing the
Speaker 1: same thing. I know, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: But then you have to buy a lot of the
Speaker 1: same thing or wash it a lot, and people don't
Speaker 1: know you just buy a lot of the same thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I always do with I have a pair
Speaker 1: of jeans from that and I've let you some of
Speaker 1: those jeans, know, because I bought like so many pairs
Speaker 1: of them. Remember those they're from the Gap. I bought
Speaker 1: like nine pairs of these jeans because I was like,
Speaker 1: they are perfect. I still have like three of them. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're there, but I don't fit in them either. I
Speaker 1: bought all different sizes and I don't fit in any
Speaker 1: of them. But um. Yeah, when you find something good,
Speaker 1: get a bunch of it. Because twelve buck mats and
Speaker 1: black T shirt. Yes, yes, this one has a pocket,
Speaker 1: one doesn't have a pocket, one is this way, one
Speaker 1: is curved. But that that kind of stuff does stress
Speaker 1: me out. I'm so overwhelmed with my Like I'm getting
Speaker 1: women to come, you know, organize my place for me
Speaker 1: and get me closets and stuff. But they're coming in July,
Speaker 1: I think, and um, but the idea of getting them,
Speaker 1: getting ready for them to come is a whole other issue.
Speaker 1: Like I don't I have so much stuff. I want
Speaker 1: to do an estate sale where I have just people
Speaker 1: come by and just take stuff. I leave out everything
Speaker 1: I don't want anymore and they just come and take it.
Speaker 1: And that way I know it's not going in a dumpster,
Speaker 1: or you can take it and throw it at a dumpster.
Speaker 1: Just don't tell me about it. Is there any party?
Speaker 1: It does like I'm spending a lot of money. I
Speaker 1: don't need to prep for them to come. That's their job. Well,
Speaker 1: I do feel that way, but I have they don't
Speaker 1: know where to put everything like I want. I thought
Speaker 1: you were giving them the reins. I thought I'm going to.
Speaker 1: But what I'm gonna do is put different things in piles,
Speaker 1: like this all goes in this room. There's a pile
Speaker 1: in this room. But then there's stuff like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like but you're telling them how to organize. They know
Speaker 1: how to organize. I know, but maybe just don't think
Speaker 1: I want in my bedroom some things I wanted the
Speaker 1: guests back, you know, and who knows if I'm gonna
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to have an assistant come and
Speaker 1: unpack me every week so I don't have to think
Speaker 1: about it. So then I don't know what I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do with all my time. It's interesting because it's like
Speaker 1: you're spending a lot of energy and thought on organizing
Speaker 1: something that you could be It's like when I used
Speaker 1: to cheat in college, and I would spend so much
Speaker 1: time figuring out who I would cheat off, of becoming
Speaker 1: friends with someone to cheat off of an all this
Speaker 1: I could just organize instead of spreading about organizing. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you couldn't do it, it's supposed
Speaker 1: to put it. It's not that this thing, it's once
Speaker 1: it's done, then I have an assistant and who she'll
Speaker 1: know every place and then I will get into town,
Speaker 1: roll my suitcases in and not she'll do my laundry.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I know this sounds like very elitist
Speaker 1: and like, but it is. I will have someone to
Speaker 1: do everything for me, hopefully, And I mean, once you
Speaker 1: get it going, will be a well oiled machine, hopefully.
Speaker 1: Do you use uh, fabric softener like shoppening sheets? Yes?
Speaker 1: Do you know those? You leave a residue in your
Speaker 1: clothes and that's why they all look dingy. So you're
Speaker 1: not supposed to use those. You're supposed to put in
Speaker 1: white vinegar, white vinegar. Yea, yeah, don't use red wine vinegar.
Speaker 1: I can see this going another way. Hey, look, we
Speaker 1: gotta go to break what if it's red clothe Some
Speaker 1: say that I'm in the blood or in the crypt.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a rap. Uh, it sounds like a rap. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're back, clean clothed without harshchemic goals. To clean your
Speaker 1: clothes with vinegar, put a half cup of distilled white
Speaker 1: vinegar and your washing machines machines detergent compartment. You don't
Speaker 1: need to add other detergents. What what you oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So so build up can result in blue or white
Speaker 1: streaks appearing on your clothing. It can also turn your
Speaker 1: white clothing yellow and cause dark clothing to fade. Vinegar
Speaker 1: can loosen so build up and prevent it from clinging
Speaker 1: to your clothes. Oh man, I'm doing this. This might
Speaker 1: be the my thing. Like I always think all my
Speaker 1: clothes have there's something dirty about me because everyone cloth vinegar.
Speaker 1: But I feel like it will wash it out. I
Speaker 1: feel like that would be an issue they would address
Speaker 1: on here if that was a thing. As mentioned before,
Speaker 1: vinegar won't leave any smell on your clothes. But you
Speaker 1: can add a few drops of essential oils if you
Speaker 1: want your clothing to be fragrant. Okay, you can replace
Speaker 1: fabric softener with vinegar. It can soften fabrics, so you
Speaker 1: do everything with vinegar. Yeah, I just want my Um,
Speaker 1: I just want my clothing. Did not be like have that? Like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I put on a pair of shorts yesterday, like sweatpant shorts,
Speaker 1: and they are like they're faded. You know that that
Speaker 1: black faded that happens to sweatpants. Um. And then I
Speaker 1: had to get something out of my pocket and I
Speaker 1: went in the pocket and I pulled out the pocket.
Speaker 1: So it's like you know out and the pocket is
Speaker 1: this perfect black color, same fabric as the outside that
Speaker 1: has been protected from whatever the funk is going on
Speaker 1: on the outside, and you just you see the potential
Speaker 1: of your clothes, And I was like, why can't that
Speaker 1: just stay that? I know, I'm trying to think. I don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not one, but handwashing helps at times,
Speaker 1: depending on if it's delicate fab But I feel like
Speaker 1: putting in as much whenever you whenever you put in
Speaker 1: you know, not not put in as much. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm one to talk, but I would you know,
Speaker 1: you're pushing it in to like get all the and
Speaker 1: you're putting the colors and maybe the white all in,
Speaker 1: so it's definitely gonna work. Throw it on cold, and
Speaker 1: then you leave it in there and it builds up mold.
Speaker 1: That's the other thing. Like that's what I've done before
Speaker 1: with a D d S. Like I'll leave, I'll just
Speaker 1: forget that. I even never put the clothes in, and
Speaker 1: then three days later I've I can't eat the trifector meal. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: save again. Yeah, yeah, this is your summer look or
Speaker 1: what's what summer look? Yeah? Like smooth, smooth, smooth and mustache,
Speaker 1: keeping the mustache because last time you've shaved, I feel
Speaker 1: like you left some stubble. No, yeah, this is completely smooth.
Speaker 1: It's so really good, Like I haven't done that in
Speaker 1: a long time. And there's something to the process a
Speaker 1: guy shaving their face, which like it does I don't know.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel clean, it makes you feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm here to present myself like I feel. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's just a nice step. It's meditative to do it.
Speaker 1: How long does it take you? Not that long? But
Speaker 1: I remember, you know when you're a kid, you want
Speaker 1: pubic hair as a boy, and you want to be
Speaker 1: able to shave. You wouldn't be able to shave. You
Speaker 1: want to be able to shave. Got it? Because it
Speaker 1: just in my face now I do it probably once
Speaker 1: a week right now, it's coming in. I felt it
Speaker 1: the other day, like I can feel stubble around my chin.
Speaker 1: But I in the shower will scrub my face with
Speaker 1: like conditioner when I'm bored because I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: take a longer or I'm trying to let the conditioners
Speaker 1: set it on my hair or something, and I'm bored,
Speaker 1: and I just with my razor that I use on
Speaker 1: my legs. That Harry's the kind that boys get. I
Speaker 1: do my chin up to my cheek um and sometimes
Speaker 1: I almost get a sideburn where I'm like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: getting little too. Because I don't use a mirror. I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of in there. I do. I got what
Speaker 1: I've got, and I shave everything and it makeup goes
Speaker 1: on so smooth, and it's kind of fun because right
Speaker 1: now it's grown back. I think I shaved it on Saturday,
Speaker 1: so I can feel a little like little like prickles,
Speaker 1: not prickles, but just little It just feels like sandpaper almost,
Speaker 1: And then I'm gonna get to shaven and it's gonna
Speaker 1: be fresh. Like that's the fun part about shaving your
Speaker 1: legs or anything. It's like you get a fresh feeling
Speaker 1: whenever you want it to do to shave it. And
Speaker 1: there's something about leaving where you have a nice balance
Speaker 1: of fresh and then a little rugged. Now is there
Speaker 1: fear that it will come back thicker? Because that's a
Speaker 1: that's a why is that a wives tale? That's an
Speaker 1: old girlfriend's tale. I shaved my nips, I shaved my legs.
Speaker 1: I shave like my leg hair doesn't come back thicker
Speaker 1: my The hair on the mole on my ass does
Speaker 1: come back with a vengeance. But that's always had like
Speaker 1: a long hair. Why do moles sprout like hairs that
Speaker 1: are like so annoying? Pocahon, Yeah, there's something in there
Speaker 1: that it's just it's black. I'm like, no hair on
Speaker 1: my body is this color? Um? I do like shavings
Speaker 1: that's never developed, or your chin hairs, you know you
Speaker 1: get those long ones. I mean it's a thing, but yeah,
Speaker 1: shaving your face. I just never did that as a woman.
Speaker 1: Now it's like they call it German planing. I do that.
Speaker 1: I going to off? I know, isn't that? Do you
Speaker 1: go somewhere to do it? Right? Yeah? What they? How
Speaker 1: do they do it differently? So? I mean I have
Speaker 1: my eyes closed, but it's basically like the same wand
Speaker 1: that you might use to like shape your eyebrows. They
Speaker 1: just yes, it kind of scrapes off the dead skin too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's great, And that's how I feel about your full Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's something that you tell yourself that it's like Dermo
Speaker 1: plane verse. I'm just grabbing a guy's razor, like it
Speaker 1: feels more feminine. Yeah, I mean I think that's why
Speaker 1: they use that instead, or they use microblading instead of
Speaker 1: tattoo eyebrows. Yeah, you know, like there's always like feminine ways,
Speaker 1: but I think it is. It is a way to
Speaker 1: scrape off the dead skin cells along with the hair
Speaker 1: on your face, because, yeah, you don't realize you have
Speaker 1: a bunch of fuzz on your face and you're making
Speaker 1: and when you're wearing makeup and powder, it just sits
Speaker 1: on top of that and it adds a layer to
Speaker 1: your face that would be probably ten pounds. If you
Speaker 1: put on ten pounds, you know, like your face would
Speaker 1: expand that miniscule of hair amount. Not that it's bad
Speaker 1: to look like you gave ten bounds, but I'm just
Speaker 1: saying it just adds bulk to your face that you
Speaker 1: don't need. Brandon Dermott playing my eyebrows, which was nice
Speaker 1: and shave yeah around. Yeah, worried that she's going to
Speaker 1: go too far, but yeah, you just take off the extras,
Speaker 1: nothing of the Yeah does she pluck it all? Just
Speaker 1: a mental Yeah, Yeah, it's good to do. Who does
Speaker 1: your eyebrows? No one, I don't do my eyebrows anymore.
Speaker 1: I used to do them religiously. Um, I just got
Speaker 1: eyebrow tint stuff, but I got the wrong color, so
Speaker 1: I tried to do that. Yeah, used to tint them up, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to. Always tinting is great because it looks
Speaker 1: bad the first day you look like Charlie Chaplin, but
Speaker 1: the rest of it is great. But my my eyebrows
Speaker 1: are so blond and they like have but I think
Speaker 1: they match your hair. Yeah, but I don't want them to.
Speaker 1: I want them to be darker. It's for whatever reasons,
Speaker 1: you know, is eyebrows are darker than her hair. See,
Speaker 1: it just looks better eyebrows to me. Since what's the cara? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like no one really talked about eyebrows on women. That's
Speaker 1: like thick eyebrows came back, Yes they did. Was it
Speaker 1: ever a thing before? Like why did they get so
Speaker 1: thin for a while? I know it's the's we just
Speaker 1: went crazy because I think we were just like thin.
Speaker 1: We have to be thin everywhere everywhere, Like bushy eyebrows
Speaker 1: was the more masculine, I guess, and we're like little
Speaker 1: petite eyebrows. I don't know why that was such a
Speaker 1: good look and that we actually all thought it looked good,
Speaker 1: like we It wasn't like it didn't look good and
Speaker 1: we just didn't know it did look good to us.
Speaker 1: That's the weird thing about fashion trends or like attraction,
Speaker 1: Like the things you think are hot. It's not like
Speaker 1: you were blind to it in the nineties, or that
Speaker 1: that that outfit that you're looking at a picture of
Speaker 1: that throwback, You're like, what the fund is it wearing?
Speaker 1: No one thought that was weird. We all agreed it
Speaker 1: was cool. It is interesting that it takes all it
Speaker 1: takes is one insanely attractive person to lean into doing
Speaker 1: something different, for people to go that would be attractive
Speaker 1: on me, like this much stash, Like a lot of
Speaker 1: people out of mustache, the Beetles all grew mustache. So
Speaker 1: my dad, out of must like mustaches, ran wild long hair.
Speaker 1: Was the Beatles. They came yeah, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I look like him. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's like, not you're
Speaker 1: you're him. But have you ever started something that you
Speaker 1: didn't take from someone else, because that's a hard thing
Speaker 1: to do. I have not. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: had the confidence to be like, I'm gonna do this
Speaker 1: weird thing that no one else is doing. No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't think of one time I've been completely a
Speaker 1: regular Swift shirts as a thirty seven year old. I'm
Speaker 1: thirty eight now. But like wearing consistent pink Little Girl
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift shirts is as a thing that I did
Speaker 1: not get from anyone that I was like, this is
Speaker 1: not cool, but it's just what I want, or trying
Speaker 1: to think of anything else. Um nose piercing. When I
Speaker 1: got it, no one else was. It wasn't like I
Speaker 1: got that idea from someone. I was just really like,
Speaker 1: I just think that's the place to get it where
Speaker 1: it won't scar um. I got this pierce for a
Speaker 1: little while the top of ear. But did someone else
Speaker 1: have that? No, not that I saw. Just we all
Speaker 1: went somewhere there in the summer, and I was like,
Speaker 1: anyone else in your group getting up there? No. They
Speaker 1: were like that's so dumb. No, I think someone else
Speaker 1: got there. Someone else got an eyebrow. Yeah, didn't you
Speaker 1: get an eyebrow? Chris got an eyebrow on what Yes,
Speaker 1: as a joke, an eyebrow, and that is the most
Speaker 1: scarring place. He was just like do it. I don't know.
Speaker 1: He was just going to show up in his like
Speaker 1: his mom, I don't know, and he went full piercing. Yes,
Speaker 1: I did not expect Chris to do that. I like that,
Speaker 1: that's insane. I know. I didn't expect it either. I
Speaker 1: was like, who's where's that guy? Where's that guy taking risk?
Speaker 1: Where's he when's an eyebrow piercing going to show up?
Speaker 1: My dad did not love that earring. He was like,
Speaker 1: I remember I started. I don't know. I was feeling
Speaker 1: sick coming back. I was as a counselor at camp
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, your ears infected. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you sure. I think you might just be saying
Speaker 1: that for me to take the earring now, and then
Speaker 1: it was it probably was. He's probably right, My god,
Speaker 1: those are infections. I mean I did. I got my
Speaker 1: ears pierced twenty something and or no in my thirties
Speaker 1: and it got infected so bad even though I washed it,
Speaker 1: and like, it's that's the only reason I won't get
Speaker 1: piercings now. It's like I don't want to deal with
Speaker 1: the infection and like cleaning it and how much it
Speaker 1: hurts when it gets infected and inflamed, and like, oh
Speaker 1: it sucks. It is interesting like taking chances, uh fashion wise, piercinges,
Speaker 1: dyeing your hair, Like when you get to a certain
Speaker 1: age where you're like, no, this is just the age
Speaker 1: where you're just this person, and then you get a
Speaker 1: little bit older around like sixty, and then you start
Speaker 1: dyeing your hair pink and get like people take yes
Speaker 1: because they're out, maybe they're living on because they're doing
Speaker 1: what they want. At that point, what is Luigi barking at?
Speaker 1: No one's there? It would be amazing if there was
Speaker 1: a guy there with with a machete. Can we just
Speaker 1: get murdered on camera? Can what could be there? There's
Speaker 1: someone probably getting going in. Hey, I want to hear
Speaker 1: ye come on come back, you know, come on, nice
Speaker 1: d nice guy speaking of Yeah, Foy Island is back,
Speaker 1: baby perfect Strangers to Fight Island two is back. U
Speaker 1: check out my instagram to see the story of like
Speaker 1: you can meet the cast and see all the new
Speaker 1: cast members and uh see a little pro clip. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna put one up later today that it involves me.
Speaker 1: That is not very flattering, but I'm gonna put it
Speaker 1: up anyway because it's all they gave me. And let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. But it's Tuesday. You know what
Speaker 1: that means, folks, It is Tuesday. I hope you're having
Speaker 1: all the swells out there apparently connection. Um yeah. They
Speaker 1: gave me a clip of the show and I'm just
Speaker 1: like they they cut out me saying god damn, which
Speaker 1: makes the timing of the jokes so much funnier because
Speaker 1: I say, you know the girls are gonna judge you
Speaker 1: as you walk across this. You know, you know the
Speaker 1: girls are gonna judge you solely based on your looks,
Speaker 1: so you can see how it feels for once and
Speaker 1: you're goddamn lives And they cut out goddamn. So it
Speaker 1: just goes so the girls are gonna watch you walk
Speaker 1: and judge you by your looks. Um, so you can
Speaker 1: see what it feels like for once. I do Lives.
Speaker 1: It just like comes out and it's just like makes
Speaker 1: me look the joke was it builds up to me
Speaker 1: being crazy. I go from a host like the girls
Speaker 1: are gonna judge you goddamn is part of the progression
Speaker 1: of the joke. It's a part of the joke. People
Speaker 1: cut around my jokes all the time and I can't
Speaker 1: stand it, like it makes me look insane, like I
Speaker 1: feel right now because I watched this clip and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to clip. I don't want to post
Speaker 1: this now if you weren't gonna use me saying God
Speaker 1: damn because the show is so precious that we can't
Speaker 1: offend the religious right of saying God damn. What are
Speaker 1: you gonna go to hell? You're probably gonna go hell
Speaker 1: because you invented a show called f Boy Island and
Speaker 1: you put it on your fucking platforms. Maybe that will
Speaker 1: get you in hell. No, we're you saying god having
Speaker 1: the host say goddamn, so they take out goddamn. So
Speaker 1: I just look, it takes away the joke. People don't
Speaker 1: understand jokes. I was watching on Instagram yesterday and there
Speaker 1: was a great joke made by um Julio Garatti, and
Speaker 1: it was such a good joke. It's a great joke,
Speaker 1: but guess what, The punchline was given away in the
Speaker 1: caption before he said it, and so it took away
Speaker 1: from the funniness of it. They do this all the time. People,
Speaker 1: You're not funny, so leave editing. Editors. Shout out to editors,
Speaker 1: you need to be funnier. You need to not put
Speaker 1: don't take out things. But this wasn't an editor's fault.
Speaker 1: This was HBO going we can't have her say goddamn
Speaker 1: in a in a clipse, and this is kind. I
Speaker 1: can only imagine what they thought of the promos we did.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, well that I just I just saw
Speaker 1: a lot of this happen on my E show. I
Speaker 1: see it happened all the time. Unless it's my stand
Speaker 1: up special where I get to control what gets taken out,
Speaker 1: they will suck. You can never judge me based on
Speaker 1: how I'm being being funny on a show that I
Speaker 1: didn't at it. Please don't, because I promise you I
Speaker 1: was funnier than it ended up. Because there's so many
Speaker 1: things on Welcome Home, Nickick cleanser question mark. Then I'm like,
Speaker 1: what does this even mean? We're doing a call back
Speaker 1: to something that you didn't even do the setup for,
Speaker 1: so we look insane. Do not understand? You can't put
Speaker 1: a ham drip slash call back to a joke that
Speaker 1: you didn't allow the audience to see the setup of
Speaker 1: a callback. The only way it can exist is that
Speaker 1: if it has its first part two, you can't do
Speaker 1: the end without the beginning. What are you doing? So
Speaker 1: it just makes us look fucking insane. It happens over
Speaker 1: and over and I don't know how to control it.
Speaker 1: You know what it is, the control more callbacks. No
Speaker 1: more callbacks in any reality team. Next time we do
Speaker 1: the show, I'm not doing callbacks. I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's not the editor's fault. It's not ease fault. It's
Speaker 1: not the show runner's fault. It's no one's fault. They
Speaker 1: just don't have enough. It's time's fault. It's advertiser's fault
Speaker 1: because they don't have enough time to include the setup,
Speaker 1: and the callback is easier. It's easier to cut around
Speaker 1: the set up than the callback. Oftentimes, when callbacks are
Speaker 1: just put in and then not setups, it's a it's
Speaker 1: a lazy choice, but it's true because these people are
Speaker 1: being paid enough probably to go, okay, well we need
Speaker 1: to cut out two seconds of this. Oh well that
Speaker 1: little joke at the beginning. Well okay, now that you
Speaker 1: cut that little joke at the beginning, the end part
Speaker 1: where I say, and you know, his shoes weren on,
Speaker 1: it makes no I look like an insane person. It
Speaker 1: makes me look insane so much more than I am.
Speaker 1: And I'm insane when you take out God damn, listen
Speaker 1: to this. Can I just plan it for you? How
Speaker 1: insane I sound? This is? This is the clip, and
Speaker 1: you keep giving me jobs. But like, come on, guys,
Speaker 1: let's let's all work together to not to not take
Speaker 1: out funny stuff like know what you are good about,
Speaker 1: knowing comedy and knowing when things need to be. Like
Speaker 1: all the clips that we do from the show, I've
Speaker 1: never once been like, oh, she could have like she didn't.
Speaker 1: They didn't cut this right. I know you don't do
Speaker 1: the cutting yourself, but you tell them what to make. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, but that's because I I listened to you,
Speaker 1: and I taken the information and I understand what it
Speaker 1: is that you like. For example, yeah, no, no please,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that. I got to see you
Speaker 1: guys this weekend, and we were hanging out in the
Speaker 1: green room and it was maybe like five minutes before
Speaker 1: the show start, like ten minutes before the show started,
Speaker 1: and you and Andrew and Anya You're like, okay, let's
Speaker 1: come up with like Phoenix specific jokes. I just my
Speaker 1: mind was blown and out quickly. You didn't everything was
Speaker 1: so funny and like so relatable, especially like me being
Speaker 1: from this area now and like understanding how much like
Speaker 1: that joke is going to hit. I was so thoroughly impressed.
Speaker 1: I just want to say it was definitely a highlight
Speaker 1: for me. That that is something that I would like
Speaker 1: to put on in the reality show if we do
Speaker 1: it again. Of like those, I've been doing those. When
Speaker 1: I go to a town, I just look up interesting
Speaker 1: facts and I literally do it ten minutes before showtime.
Speaker 1: We should tell him somewhere many fucking good ones that
Speaker 1: it was the most fun. It's the most fun thing
Speaker 1: for me to do on the road, and yeah, we
Speaker 1: had some good what did we say? Um my my
Speaker 1: favorite one where oh yeah, there was like and forget
Speaker 1: what I would spell, but in Phoenix, if you cut
Speaker 1: down a cactus, you get twenty five years of prison
Speaker 1: in prison, up to twenty years in prison. This protected
Speaker 1: cactus called a swarow. And No was the one who
Speaker 1: told about it, and she was like, but it's pronounced
Speaker 1: sarrow because it's spelled different right differently, It's like s
Speaker 1: and you a r oh yeah, And she was like, no,
Speaker 1: it's sawarro, And so I wrote don suarrow and I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I'll just say that I remember that
Speaker 1: by by. That's um that's how I That's what I
Speaker 1: sound like when I have a penis in my mouth
Speaker 1: and I go for fuarro and that's and I loved that.
Speaker 1: Um uh. And then we came up with like if
Speaker 1: you chop down that cactus and you get twenty five
Speaker 1: years in prison, like people just sharing like what they're
Speaker 1: in for, Like, dude, what are you in for? He's great,
Speaker 1: and you're like, what about you? He's like murder and
Speaker 1: you're he's They're like what about you? And you're like
Speaker 1: I just had to have a cactus man? And then
Speaker 1: Andrew added, you should have seen what it was wearing
Speaker 1: ozo is onthing like how sharp it went like it
Speaker 1: was holding a sharp No, I don't know, I forget
Speaker 1: what something was sharp. There was something with doesn't always
Speaker 1: looked like you're saying, put your hands off surrounding didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything, mad, I didn't do anything. They're
Speaker 1: so defensive they are. And what were you up to
Speaker 1: cactus with your sunglasses on doing a boogie woogie? Oh wait,
Speaker 1: that's the one you buy the Walgreens That would be
Speaker 1: like they're the skunk. They're the skunk of trees. No,
Speaker 1: not skunk. Fuck, what's the porcupine of trees? Are the porcupine?
Speaker 1: That's kind of suck to like always have that on
Speaker 1: your back. I think I think they shoot him out,
Speaker 1: so like they they're not always. Yeah, it's like the stingray.
Speaker 1: Like you think if you touch a stingray, it's like
Speaker 1: going to stab you just from being touched. But it
Speaker 1: has to like shoot it out. Oh. I just got
Speaker 1: a memory of a catfish. This kid, Jason Ultra, stepped
Speaker 1: on and it went right through his foot. Oh God,
Speaker 1: that's Florida, and they're going to judge you solely based
Speaker 1: on your looks, just so you can see how it
Speaker 1: feels for once in your life. Oh yeah, that's bad,
Speaker 1: once in your goddamn lives. Goddamn you need it. Felt
Speaker 1: like maybe because you're angry, it hits. It hits more
Speaker 1: that it's not there because of the ramp you just
Speaker 1: went on. But I also do feel like you. I
Speaker 1: don't even want to post it because it makes people
Speaker 1: are gonna go this host sucks and it's like the
Speaker 1: joke you need. I know that seems so inconsequential that
Speaker 1: God damn. But it allows the ramp. It's funny to
Speaker 1: see someone go from like I'm a host to like
Speaker 1: losing their mind. But if it happens in one word,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense if you see the progression exactly, yes,
Speaker 1: and that's it looks a little turrets anyway, but it
Speaker 1: needs that God damn. But it's just like I'm just
Speaker 1: just don't even put the joke in then put something
Speaker 1: else in. I just can't. I can't deal with it. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's why I can't watch anything I do. It's
Speaker 1: because it just ends up in the hands of people
Speaker 1: that are just trying to do their job and and
Speaker 1: follow network instructions of like, we need to cut this down,
Speaker 1: this is too much. That's gonna offend this for people.
Speaker 1: But the word goddamn, which I know they cut not
Speaker 1: for time because promos don't need a time limit. They
Speaker 1: cut it be because of the Christian right. Um, that
Speaker 1: is so stupid and hypocritical. You're doing a show called
Speaker 1: f Boy Island. I think you can put it should
Speaker 1: have said damn, that would have been different, all right,
Speaker 1: let's continue. That would be what if they yeah, what
Speaker 1: if they put in a different voice in there? It
Speaker 1: would have been fine if they would have had me go, hey,
Speaker 1: can you just put in like God, good darn Like
Speaker 1: if I would have said something like I could have
Speaker 1: done a voice over for it. I don't know how
Speaker 1: much just they just make choices because guess what, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not going to affect viewership. It's just gonna affect
Speaker 1: people if they want to see me on that show again,
Speaker 1: which I wouldn't. And then the promo for the f
Speaker 1: boy I'm not in it at all, great too, Thanks
Speaker 1: HBO Max, Max, the guy that looked at my vagina yesterday.
Speaker 1: Call you have to be out of context. Do listen
Speaker 1: to yesterday's episode yeah, as the clip yeah, and then
Speaker 1: set up the clip about that's so funny. I'm like
Speaker 1: scared now that HBO is gonna give me a job
Speaker 1: because I insulted them. But um, if you don't give
Speaker 1: me a job because I'm mad about that, then that's
Speaker 1: on you, stupid. If anything will probably give you more work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I negged them hardy. I want to get one news
Speaker 1: story in yes, okay, say goodbye to Internet Explore. Microsoft
Speaker 1: back to retire the web browser tomorrow, twenty seven years
Speaker 1: after its first launched back. Isn't that what we know?
Speaker 1: We have Safari the Internet explored with the EU with
Speaker 1: a little rocket coming out of it. So here's here's
Speaker 1: some reminders of ready uh the the Billboard year end
Speaker 1: hot one singles coming in at number one, any guesses,
Speaker 1: Hoodie and the Blowfish, Um, I only want to be
Speaker 1: with you and crow so Santa Mon a couple of
Speaker 1: fard Where was I? It was high school sophomore year,
Speaker 1: No way for freshman year, ver Verve, It's Gangsters Paradise
Speaker 1: by Coolio the year, and then Waterfalls and Creep coming
Speaker 1: at number two and three. So TLC had a very
Speaker 1: good year. Clueless was released, Oh my god, it was
Speaker 1: the best, most iconic movies, so iconic, and the show
Speaker 1: sparked a sexy, preppy trend of shortened tartan skirts, fitted blazers,
Speaker 1: collared shirts, argyle and over the knee socks and her
Speaker 1: little pens with like little uh things on the end
Speaker 1: and saying as if and I'm still baked? What you
Speaker 1: remember that scene? You always referenced that scene, I ever
Speaker 1: remember it. It's always my favorite. What is it that
Speaker 1: Almo's ruined my high I'm still baked? There at the
Speaker 1: party and Fason comes in and wait, who says I'm
Speaker 1: still baked? She does. I don't know who she is,
Speaker 1: the main girl. They come in, they get in a
Speaker 1: horrible fight that almost ruined my boss, and she knows
Speaker 1: I'm still big. Why is I'm still baked funny? I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just a funny like line to me.
Speaker 1: But is it funny now or was it funny as
Speaker 1: a kid, Because there's nothing there's so many other lines
Speaker 1: and that are funny. I'm still baked after someone says
Speaker 1: I almost lose my bus. That's being like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: not hungry anymore. I'm still hungry, Like what's funny about that?
Speaker 1: Just so no, I know, it's just so cheesy. It's
Speaker 1: like it's it reminds me of like when I, uh,
Speaker 1: like my friends opened up a liquor cabinet and I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, Jim beams over there, and they like
Speaker 1: that line they like destroyed me for because it's just
Speaker 1: such a It's just it's like a kind of yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: that makes sense of just trying over there, like pointing
Speaker 1: out one liquor, like the one about we were good
Speaker 1: at pointing out like that you know that that that
Speaker 1: shot from the sunny D commercial where it's inside the refrigerator.
Speaker 1: That's the shot I want to see if you and
Speaker 1: your friends going through the liquor cabinet and then like
Speaker 1: kind of sorting through and they're like, oh, we got
Speaker 1: this over here, and you go Jim Beams over there,
Speaker 1: and then they all stop and just turn around and
Speaker 1: look at you in the corner going Jim Beams over there.
Speaker 1: Exactly what happened, dude. It was very embarrassing. And yeah,
Speaker 1: and I watched that sunny D commercial last night because
Speaker 1: it was on Reddit on like the nostalgia thing and
Speaker 1: the one where they're like great like purple stuff soda,
Speaker 1: Oh sunny D And it's in the back and they
Speaker 1: are teenage boys that are genuinely like in their thirties
Speaker 1: in this commercial and they get so then they're all
Speaker 1: out by the pool drinking the sunny D and one
Speaker 1: of them finishes it and they almost attack this kid
Speaker 1: like he's going to be like, I'm really worried about
Speaker 1: this kid's safety. How how mad they are, and then
Speaker 1: the mom pops out of nowhere and goes, I got
Speaker 1: some more, and they're like, oh, you came in right
Speaker 1: into the cut mrs before they were going to beat
Speaker 1: this kid. I mean, it is so funny, how angry.
Speaker 1: I literally was watching it being like why would they
Speaker 1: have this? This looks violent because all the kids are
Speaker 1: like getting ready and they're adult men being teenagers. I
Speaker 1: gotta show it to you. It's so funny. Pull up that, like,
Speaker 1: for your own sake, whatever, you remember that Sunny d
Speaker 1: Ad if you if you remember what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: it is so much more violent than what was the
Speaker 1: other thing. Your mom's got not che d, your mom's
Speaker 1: got stove top that blew up. Don't remember that? Really? No?
Speaker 1: I remember remember that. Just mom's always coming in and
Speaker 1: like camburger. No, I don't know. Maybe I'm alone here,
Speaker 1: but I remember stove toping. I but that is one.
Speaker 1: I mean that was such a trope in nineties, like
Speaker 1: the mom comes in and and she saved the day,
Speaker 1: and she's like I'm a good mom, and everyone's like,
Speaker 1: yeah you are. Yeah. I want to find the Sunny
Speaker 1: Dad because I want you to watch it and have
Speaker 1: a reaction video Sunny d commercial. In the meantime, Tommy
Speaker 1: Boy also came out. God I watched that the other day,
Speaker 1: and it was so freaking I can't even stand there.
Speaker 1: When he goes, I'm not baked anymore. Oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 1: so just watch this part. Andrew just pressed play. This
Speaker 1: is when the boys finish it and they started attacking.
Speaker 1: Here one boy finishes it. Problem. Don't they look like
Speaker 1: they're about to like disembowel him. I mean, it was
Speaker 1: so quick. I thought it was going to be go back,
Speaker 1: go back. Wait, wait, they look like they're about to
Speaker 1: hurt him. I was worried for if I was a
Speaker 1: director of that commercial, I'd say, hey, can we tone
Speaker 1: down the attack, I'd a bit up. He's going to
Speaker 1: get bullied to death for finishing the Sunny D. Do
Speaker 1: you remember Sunny D? How disgusting it was. It hurts
Speaker 1: a taste like gasoline, and it was like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like the after tap. It was bad. It was bad.
Speaker 1: It's like if if O J committed more murder. Oh no,
Speaker 1: oh my guitar teacher is here. That's who was here? Fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh fuck I forgot No, this was twenty minutes ago.
Speaker 1: Oh fuck, um I was doing my podcast. Oh Luisi,
Speaker 1: you were right. Luisi was right a lot. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I will pay you double for this one. I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Oh not writing things down to my schedule.
Speaker 1: I just can't do this anymore. If you were a
Speaker 1: guitar teacher and you showed up to a lesson they
Speaker 1: weren't there, would it be good too if they paid
Speaker 1: you double, Yeah, I'd like that makes up for it, right, yes,
Speaker 1: and then some on the person. He also doesn't have
Speaker 1: to hear you play. I mean it's great, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good thing too, but just lugging over his guitar
Speaker 1: and like spending time. If I was dog walking and
Speaker 1: someone didn't answer and I waited five minutes and then
Speaker 1: they paid me double, and then I go do whatever
Speaker 1: the funk I want. It's not like he's out there
Speaker 1: being like, oh oh no, you know, he's just living
Speaker 1: his life. Well he did hear me go, oh no,
Speaker 1: one's here, Luigi. You fucking like he hed me mock
Speaker 1: my oh yeah, yeah, do you have a machete? And
Speaker 1: the guys like I don't have a reason we couldn't
Speaker 1: hear him through the doorbell. He was because we have
Speaker 1: headphones on and so I couldn't hear maybe a real
Speaker 1: sound that was happening out in the hallway. God him,
Speaker 1: such should have summed, he should have strump. Let's get
Speaker 1: up to an amp next time. Do we have one
Speaker 1: more story? I have a very funny story that I
Speaker 1: saw that I was telling Andrew with International News is
Speaker 1: take it away. So did you see the elephant story
Speaker 1: recently that it's all over? Oh my god, it's so sad.
Speaker 1: So this elephant trampled a woman to death, then went
Speaker 1: to her funeral and trampled her again. I mean that
Speaker 1: is it is so sad because I read about this,
Speaker 1: and I was reading about how this woman was just filling,
Speaker 1: like going to the fucking ravine to fill to get water,
Speaker 1: to get drinking water. And this happens a lot of
Speaker 1: times in India where the elephants. They're like constantly in
Speaker 1: fear of elephants like trampling them. So this woman who
Speaker 1: was just trying to get drinking water, which were like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, this water tastes bad, it's not smart,
Speaker 1: complaining about sunny d they loved. This woman gets trampled
Speaker 1: to death. She does nothing, and then this elephant crashes
Speaker 1: her funeral, pulls her out of the funeral higher whatever
Speaker 1: it is, and then proceeds to trample her again, Like,
Speaker 1: I mean, what were there? What was the beef? Like?
Speaker 1: Not that I ever saw Godzilla, but I feel like
Speaker 1: maybe it's something like that where the monster or whatever
Speaker 1: falls in love with the woman. Oh did you ever
Speaker 1: do you remember that story with the tigers at the
Speaker 1: zoo the guys mocked them where and found them like
Speaker 1: two miles away. Elephants never forget. I mean honestly, they don't.
Speaker 1: But there must have been something about that woman either
Speaker 1: there's something some maybe it was some like beef they
Speaker 1: had in a past life or something, or you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that she was blamed for it.
Speaker 1: Yeah she finished the sunny day in the past life's honestly,
Speaker 1: what they are about to do to that pay so sad.
Speaker 1: It made me so sad to read it. At first,
Speaker 1: it was just like whoa, this is crazy. But then
Speaker 1: I just kind of thought about all the people just
Speaker 1: to get water, to get drinking water, to get bathing water,
Speaker 1: they have to be scared that maybe a fucking hippo
Speaker 1: or an elephant might trample them to death. Can you
Speaker 1: fucking imagine? Like it just made me like so sad.
Speaker 1: At first, I was like, oh, this bitch probably hurt
Speaker 1: this elephant, was you know, a circus tamer or something like.
Speaker 1: I wanted the story to be vengeance from like getting abused,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't. It was just this poor woman trying
Speaker 1: to get water. So it was a bummer up. Hippos.
Speaker 1: Everyone with hippos are the most dangerous animals because people
Speaker 1: underestimate their speed underwater. Especially watch a hippo run underwater.
Speaker 1: It is so fast it's wild. I just saw a
Speaker 1: hippo take on like three lines and I was like,
Speaker 1: who are these guys there? And their teeth are hilarious.
Speaker 1: They look like rocks in there. They never you think
Speaker 1: they're just going to stay in one place and just
Speaker 1: like lunched forward and just makes me feel like I
Speaker 1: could lose a few more teeth and be fine. Yeah
Speaker 1: they're cool. Hip Yeah, thinks hippos. Okay, let's uh and
Speaker 1: thinks hippop the the contract I side yesterday that Max
Speaker 1: can't talk about me, but I can talk all about Max.
Speaker 1: How did look in those pants? Let's take a quick
Speaker 1: break and come back with why do I say? He
Speaker 1: said him, Nick, I am here heading up now, I'm
Speaker 1: outside your door. I knocked a bunch of times, heard
Speaker 1: voices and a dog barking. Not sure if we're on today,
Speaker 1: let me know either way? Things? What was I just
Speaker 1: going to say? He's like, oh, she's practicing. Oh so okay,
Speaker 1: we're back, let's do Why do I care? Why do
Speaker 1: I care? Wait? Did you just say that? My guldar
Speaker 1: teacher thought I was practicing because your dog park guitar sparking. Yes,
Speaker 1: listen to me, listen. It took me a second. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like, well, how about but more murder? You missed that?
Speaker 1: Joe mur described so funny. It's like, oh, but you're
Speaker 1: a guitar teacher ruined, it's so funny. All right? So wait,
Speaker 1: so wait, so did you wait? Wait? Why do I wait?
Speaker 1: Why do we care? Okay, so gentle, So I don't
Speaker 1: even know why I said that? Why do it? Eric Dane,
Speaker 1: who plays a closeted gay character on Euphoria and was
Speaker 1: also known as mc steamy from Grey's Anatomy, tells Andy
Speaker 1: Cohen that his d m s are filled with dick
Speaker 1: picks and dirty messages from guys despite being straight, and
Speaker 1: that he has a hard time finding dates because he's
Speaker 1: not an app guy. Oh, Eric Dane, let's take a
Speaker 1: look at what he looks. I mean, he's hand and
Speaker 1: he is he a dad on the show? Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: a he's a gay dad who's an alcoholic who has
Speaker 1: sex with teenagers. And he tells Andy, I get lots
Speaker 1: of dick pics. No, so then him and then yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what he wore to the premiere of Euphoria. That's
Speaker 1: not the best photo of him, No, it isn't. He
Speaker 1: looks like he's um at a costume event, like where
Speaker 1: someone magnetic. It looks like Ricky Martin, like a magnet
Speaker 1: mustache needs to go to rehab. Um. Okay, so okay,
Speaker 1: So he used to be married of Rebecca Gayhard. They
Speaker 1: had a threesome that they filmed. I remember that that
Speaker 1: was so hot. Him and two girls, two two girls,
Speaker 1: him and his wife and a girl. Okay, go on, No,
Speaker 1: u's are all right? So he told Andy, he's like,
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of ugly penises. I've seen a
Speaker 1: lot of pretty ones. And then he says, I feel
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't ever meet women because look,
Speaker 1: I'm not a dating app guy, and I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of the where the majority of meeting happens on
Speaker 1: these dating apps, the various Rayahs, Tinders, whatever he goes.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm from the nineties, man, I'm more of a like, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you a kind of person? Yeah, you gotta
Speaker 1: get over that Eric Dane. Like it's app time now,
Speaker 1: Like you're ordering food on apps and maybe you're not.
Speaker 1: You're ordering your your clothing and your girl. It's where
Speaker 1: it's happening. You just got to give into the apps,
Speaker 1: like of him, a try get on Riot that guy.
Speaker 1: I will clean up on Ryan. I mean that guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure in between thirty dicks there's great tits. Like
Speaker 1: I'm sure he's also getting hit on the ship. Granted
Speaker 1: its fans, but yeah, that's I don't know, it's that's
Speaker 1: that's tough. I mean, I just think that people that go,
Speaker 1: I'm not a nap guy. I'm just tired of hearing
Speaker 1: that because it's like, you gotta evolve with the times,
Speaker 1: like things are different now. You can't. It's creepier to
Speaker 1: go up to a woman at a grocery store and
Speaker 1: just go, hey, you're like cereal too, Like that's just
Speaker 1: not gonna yeah pick in real life cereal killer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's weird. Yeah, just giving a polaroid of a dick
Speaker 1: pick passing it to a woman in line the whole food,
Speaker 1: yeahs are just look at Yeah, but I didn't. I
Speaker 1: rarely unblur something. You know, Everything that gets sent to
Speaker 1: me is blurred, and I rarely like spend the time
Speaker 1: because you have to like click it and then click
Speaker 1: again and then approve it. And it's like, I don't
Speaker 1: think any like unless it's a bestie who's like, hey,
Speaker 1: I thought, like I thought I saw this and thought
Speaker 1: of you. And it's like, and now guys are gonna
Speaker 1: send me that I saw this and thought of your pesty,
Speaker 1: Like that's gonna be the way. But um, I can
Speaker 1: just because like if it's a girl's account, it's not
Speaker 1: going to be a dick in a wheelchair. And I
Speaker 1: don't mind dicks. Honestly. I think it's so hilarious that
Speaker 1: someone would do that and think that that might work
Speaker 1: for me or something like no woman just craves a
Speaker 1: random dick. It's such a weird thing that men are.
Speaker 1: Just that's where you go that man is um completely
Speaker 1: self centered and has no ability to have empathy, because
Speaker 1: if he had any idea how women think. He would
Speaker 1: know that we don't think like you do. He's thinking
Speaker 1: like he's thinking women think the same way. If a
Speaker 1: woman sent me a picture of her pussy, I would
Speaker 1: love it. So let me do this and she'll love it.
Speaker 1: That's a guy who doesn't know what consider that other
Speaker 1: people might have different desires. It's a bad sign. It's
Speaker 1: pretty funny when it's like, so I'm either gonna write
Speaker 1: like what you up to or send my dick. I
Speaker 1: it's one or the other. What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: I mean there's like, I'm not an ap guy, I'm
Speaker 1: not an a but I'm Last night Chris came over
Speaker 1: and we were just like, yeah, the one with the
Speaker 1: cool eyebrow ring from years ago. Um, he stills a scar,
Speaker 1: not gonna get no big deal. Well, people think we're
Speaker 1: engaged because of the reality show. People really did not
Speaker 1: see that. They thought that when he got down on
Speaker 1: one name gave me a ring for some reason. Again,
Speaker 1: I didn't watch the finale. I watched it last night.
Speaker 1: Is there any is it confusing? Did they try to
Speaker 1: purposely make it look like we're getting engaged? I mean,
Speaker 1: he got on a knee and gave you a ring,
Speaker 1: but was there context like what the ring was about?
Speaker 1: Did he pull out like a fake ring? Because the
Speaker 1: ring that wasn't really discussed exactly. I saw the clip
Speaker 1: and I go, they tried to they didn't get the
Speaker 1: context of the ring, which is I believe it was
Speaker 1: a joke and we definitely were like, let's do a
Speaker 1: fake ring and no, it looked like you're holding like
Speaker 1: it looked gold. Yes, So I don't remember what it
Speaker 1: was specifically. I think I took it off my finger
Speaker 1: and was like, give it to me. It felt very
Speaker 1: much like a proposal that wasn't and it was like
Speaker 1: at the last second, go, which is all, that's a
Speaker 1: fucking prank, like that like on a girl that you've
Speaker 1: been dating for But no, no, you knew. But I'm saying,
Speaker 1: as a viewer watching it, like it it didn't come
Speaker 1: off like I knew yes and no, but not like
Speaker 1: it was a very clear crich context. I will never
Speaker 1: ever judge someone from a reality show ever again, because
Speaker 1: my mom is like Nikki getting all these calls about
Speaker 1: you and Chris. My friends have all these opinions and
Speaker 1: I go, they're based off of a show that does
Speaker 1: not show the truth. Like it's it's based off of
Speaker 1: little moments with no context. A lot of times. It
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's not entertaining. It doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: didn't see every moment was actually a real moment. But
Speaker 1: I don't need your unsolicited advice about my relationship based
Speaker 1: on two minutes of it you saw on a show.
Speaker 1: It's like getting unsolicited dick picks. And you're a reality show,
Speaker 1: Like that's a scripted show. People think my reality show
Speaker 1: like your reality So that guy was getting dick pigs
Speaker 1: from a scripted show because people think he's gay. People
Speaker 1: really think this is your life you're getting But it's
Speaker 1: just I just realized that so many times I form
Speaker 1: opinions about people from twenty two minutes of their live
Speaker 1: that I see, and I really do have strong opinions
Speaker 1: about you should pick him, you shouldn't pick up bachelor ate,
Speaker 1: or like oh, Page, why are you dating this guy
Speaker 1: at this summer house? Like I know? And the thing
Speaker 1: is you don't know. And it was so funny to
Speaker 1: hear my mom and tell me like all of her friends,
Speaker 1: and she was giving me advice like it was like
Speaker 1: real advice, Like, well, my friend Susan says you and Chris,
Speaker 1: I don't think it should work. And I go, are
Speaker 1: you presenting this to me? Like I should consider her
Speaker 1: advice based on what she saw of my life, Like
Speaker 1: I would never in a million years let this woman
Speaker 1: dictate any kind of it was just and she goes, well,
Speaker 1: three of my friends think you should stay together, and
Speaker 1: three think you should And I go, I don't need
Speaker 1: to hear any of this. This is your focus group.
Speaker 1: And my mom literally said that, and then she wrote me.
Speaker 1: She goes, I had three calls thinking you got in age,
Speaker 1: and I'm like that I knew that they made it
Speaker 1: look like that because they needed to make it look
Speaker 1: like something. But no, it was a fake proposal that
Speaker 1: I was in on it. I knew about it. Um,
Speaker 1: so yeah, what was I going to say about Max? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so last night when he came over, it was really
Speaker 1: fun because, um we were like, you know, just just
Speaker 1: can noodling on the couch, just kissing, and I was like,
Speaker 1: another man saw my vagina today. I just need to
Speaker 1: be honest with you about that. He kind of got
Speaker 1: like what and I was like, his name is Max,
Speaker 1: and for a student teacher is a bad student. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he works for ups, but it's also a bed. I
Speaker 1: could have given all the details and be like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck. So wait, so you said he was the
Speaker 1: third year medstate, which actually sounds like odd eligible bachelor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Max definitely saw I've done, and
Speaker 1: he was like, what do you mean. I was like,
Speaker 1: I thought it was a girl when I proved it.
Speaker 1: And then Max came in and I couldn't like not
Speaker 1: have like send him away, and he was like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't make me feel any I was like, sorry,
Speaker 1: if that like killed the vibe, He goes, no, I
Speaker 1: just didn't do anything to the vibe. Like he was
Speaker 1: like he was unaffected by it, but it was I
Speaker 1: was just trying to be funny. He did think it
Speaker 1: was funny, though. Okay, let's go to writing. It would
Speaker 1: be funny if you're like and I let Max because
Speaker 1: he was so hot. Yeah, but then I let him
Speaker 1: stay because we just had a vibe. Alright, alrighty, let's
Speaker 1: get to it. Okay. So this was from the subreddit weird.
Speaker 1: It says my husband, she's thirty six, he's forty one,
Speaker 1: has some disturbing request for after he's passed away. This
Speaker 1: one is really bizarre and I'm sorry ahead of time.
Speaker 1: My husband of twelve years has sub medical problems. Recently,
Speaker 1: the topic about end of life plans came up and
Speaker 1: I asked if he wanted to be buried. He didn't
Speaker 1: want that, nor did he want to be cremated. My
Speaker 1: husband wants me to have his skull taken from his box,
Speaker 1: his skull taken from his body and cleaned. Then he
Speaker 1: wants the skull put on a man a piece in
Speaker 1: the living room. The rest of his body he wants
Speaker 1: sent to one of those places that makes the gems
Speaker 1: out of bodies. I didn't know those places exist and
Speaker 1: made into two blue diamonds. He then wants those gems
Speaker 1: to be put in the eye sockets of the skull
Speaker 1: to look like eyes. Then he can quote watch the
Speaker 1: family home and be quote be passed down through the generations.
Speaker 1: I love it. That's so thoughtful. I like it. It's
Speaker 1: a little bit creepy, but I totally believe in. I
Speaker 1: would love to have my skull be passed through instead
Speaker 1: of some urn with my ashes and be like, this
Speaker 1: is Grandma's skull. That is so cool. Yeah, I can
Speaker 1: see that. I can see you having a nice skull
Speaker 1: on the wall. We put animals on it, We put
Speaker 1: everything on the wall. I want to get a marian.
Speaker 1: Why don't we stuff you and throw you on the wall.
Speaker 1: I'll put you in my living room if you do
Speaker 1: my skull. Would you take my skull? I want your
Speaker 1: whole face. I want to stuff it already looked stuffed
Speaker 1: because what if it It would look like me in
Speaker 1: the morning. I know it because you know, my head
Speaker 1: would be in a are in a formale him and
Speaker 1: it will be kind of puffy like I just woke up.
Speaker 1: It would have like an imprint of the eyemask I
Speaker 1: was wearing. Okay, this is that's Oh my god, my
Speaker 1: gut teachers here, Okay, no, no, no, but I was
Speaker 1: just interrupting a good joke. Again, Ham drip, double double,
Speaker 1: ham drip. Okay. So this is from ask men. And
Speaker 1: the question is if you could change one thing about
Speaker 1: your penis, what would it be? And I thought, oh,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be size. Someone said it's a rex status
Speaker 1: would be a percent under my conscious control. Remove the
Speaker 1: scars and the coarse bar corresponding scar tissue. Um that
Speaker 1: makes ten speed vibration. Someone said, that's a good one.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be able to shoot out a laser
Speaker 1: capable of cutting steel. It should be controllable and not
Speaker 1: like Syde Collops from The X Men. No ball hair?
Speaker 1: Why so many? I have not seen this much before. Edit.
Speaker 1: Holy fucking hell, this is like double hours. I don't
Speaker 1: know what that said. Okay, so someone said no ball hair.
Speaker 1: I mean someone said, I'm fifty one. I wish it
Speaker 1: worked like I did when I was fourteen? Yeah, what
Speaker 1: would you change about your You would add like a
Speaker 1: half an inch, you said, I mean, if we're gaining,
Speaker 1: add whatever we want, add whatever you want. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm not going to make my dick be able
Speaker 1: to fly. That'd be pretty cool, though frequent like, uh,
Speaker 1: let him? Do you know sometimes it's annoying to have
Speaker 1: a dick all the time removable removable? Yeah? I always
Speaker 1: kind of wan. I used to be. Can I take
Speaker 1: the skull of your dick? I'll just yeah, I'll take
Speaker 1: one of the Oh my god, any if I kept
Speaker 1: what if you really did pass down your penis informal
Speaker 1: Bee Hyde, I would hope you'd keep it. I would
Speaker 1: not want that what I did used to want when
Speaker 1: I used to be kind of like more of an
Speaker 1: adventurous horror and not even adventurous hor You know how
Speaker 1: girls do molds of their boyfriend's penises make a toy
Speaker 1: of it. I wanted a stuffed animal of my boyfriend's
Speaker 1: penis because I just wanted to take it on the
Speaker 1: road and like cuddle with it and like have it
Speaker 1: look the same. I think there's some there's something to
Speaker 1: be There's an industry for that, you know what. I
Speaker 1: think could be a great industry. You make it a train,
Speaker 1: but you don't say it's his dick. I'd love a train. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good tar No, but no, but like make don't make
Speaker 1: it so obvious it's a dick, but you know it's
Speaker 1: as dick. Yeah, you know what I mean. Okay, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to be the same color and like, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to have like a smiley face. All right, Okay.
Speaker 1: So this is from white people Twitter, and it's just
Speaker 1: a tweet from a girl named Meg Monroe, and it says,
Speaker 1: imagine if a woman had to orgasm in order to
Speaker 1: get pregnant by a man, there would be like eleven
Speaker 1: people in the world. Wait, wait, woman had a woman
Speaker 1: just to say that there would be eleven people, it's
Speaker 1: such a funny. No, it really made me um l
Speaker 1: o l. And then this is from No Stupid Questions.
Speaker 1: It's also was reposted in the subreddit Suspiciously Specific, which
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite subreds. Final thought. So she said,
Speaker 1: they say can come accumulate in the sink drain. Let's
Speaker 1: say hypothetically someone in our household came into the sink
Speaker 1: every day for the past two months. Would the come
Speaker 1: gather up in the bottom somewhere. Let's also say hypothetically
Speaker 1: some workers were to perform maintenance on the sink, would
Speaker 1: they suspect anything? I just love it keep going? Is
Speaker 1: it love hypothetical? When it's about you? And I think
Speaker 1: it would. It would definitely clog up, you think. So, Yeah,
Speaker 1: have you ever coming a jacuzzi? A guy coming in jacuzzi?
Speaker 1: It doesn't go anywhere. It just turns into like, no,
Speaker 1: like you came into jacuzzi? Who hasn't, I think most
Speaker 1: of our listeners or a bathtub, Well, I've never. I
Speaker 1: don't have come like men. Yeah, well I've come in
Speaker 1: a bathtub and it just it just coagulated island. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it turns into those like dinosaur things. Okay, here's a
Speaker 1: funny response. People on Reddit are so fucking funny, like
Speaker 1: usually the top response. That's Daniel Burson from the Alabama
Speaker 1: Boys episode. He's a huge bestie now and he's getting
Speaker 1: into Reddit because of my obsession with Reddit, and he
Speaker 1: was like, do I need to just do it? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, it's it's the funniest people commenting on
Speaker 1: the funniest stuff, because all the top comments are like
Speaker 1: the funniest ones. And someone said it's better to come
Speaker 1: in the sink than to sink in the come. Okay,
Speaker 1: so um, And today I am obsessed with Jeff Goldbloom
Speaker 1: right now, obsessed love him so much. Never really was
Speaker 1: like a huge fan. Taylor from the podcast last week
Speaker 1: or yeah, um for two weeks, the Taylor of the Thief,
Speaker 1: the Hobo Thief. She was always in love with Jeff Goldboom,
Speaker 1: like in love with him in high school and I
Speaker 1: never understood it. But he is on Conan uh Conan
Speaker 1: O'Brien needs a Friend podcast last week and it is
Speaker 1: such a he is so endearing, he's so lovely and
Speaker 1: so this is a tweet from Chris Kelly, who was
Speaker 1: actually on our show. No uh um, you up. He
Speaker 1: was promoting, Um, what's the show where that that little
Speaker 1: boy becomes a star and his his two siblings are
Speaker 1: like less famous and it's on I think it's on
Speaker 1: Hbox now. Boys. Two people from S and L wrote
Speaker 1: this show about in Molly Shannon plays the boy's mom
Speaker 1: and his name is Chase Dreams. On the show, Oh,
Speaker 1: the other two, it's called the Other two, the other
Speaker 1: two because it's the other two siblings. So anyway, this
Speaker 1: is Chris Kelly. This is his Twitter. This is from him,
Speaker 1: and this is from the subreddit made me smile, and
Speaker 1: it says someone once introduced Jeff gold Bloom to me
Speaker 1: at a party by saying, this is Chris Kelly, and
Speaker 1: he exclaimed, oh, my God. Of course I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1: He knew who I was. Then he proceeded to say,
Speaker 1: my god, of course to every person that he was
Speaker 1: introduced to. I love Jeff Goldbloom. That made me happy
Speaker 1: because Jeff isn't one of these Hollywood people being like
Speaker 1: nice to see you, which, if you don't know in Hollywood,
Speaker 1: New York or in show business, it is a well
Speaker 1: known thing that instead of saying nice to meet you,
Speaker 1: you say nice to see you, because it affords you
Speaker 1: you the ability that maybe you've met this person before
Speaker 1: and you can get away saying nice to see you.
Speaker 1: And so when someone says nice to see you, it
Speaker 1: usually means I don't know who you are, and I
Speaker 1: may have met you before, but I'm too scared to
Speaker 1: say I always say nice to meet you, and because
Speaker 1: I don't. And I did this to Larry David. I
Speaker 1: said nice to meet you once, even though we've met before,
Speaker 1: and he goes, we've met before, and I was humiliated
Speaker 1: because I was like, I assumed you wouldn't remember, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do the nice to see you
Speaker 1: think to make you feel weird. I also did this
Speaker 1: to Nic Offerman. I said nice to meet you, and
Speaker 1: he was like, I did your show once, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't expect you to remember me. I
Speaker 1: don't know what it's not like you could say, I
Speaker 1: think Jeff Goldwum doesn't go that route, and he just goes,
Speaker 1: my God, of course, And that's not insincere, you know,
Speaker 1: it's not insincere. He's just saying my God of course, sarcastic. No,
Speaker 1: if you listen to him on coming a love bug,
Speaker 1: my God. Of course it does sound like Serelena, my
Speaker 1: good friend. Um, and then I saved a okay, and
Speaker 1: then I guess that's that's all we have for today. Um,
Speaker 1: where did bed bugs live before bed bugs were invented?
Speaker 1: Someone just obviously wrote a funny joke they weren't invented.
Speaker 1: It's called no Stupid Questions, where they said, apparently they
Speaker 1: fed on bats and birds before humans, but they predate
Speaker 1: bats by thirty million years, so there must have been
Speaker 1: another mysterious host who went extinct or something that leads
Speaker 1: me to a joke I made in Phoenix. When I
Speaker 1: was about to go on stage in Phoenix, I looked
Speaker 1: up some interesting facts and one of them was that
Speaker 1: Phoenix UM was founded on a wait wait I funk.
Speaker 1: I wrote it down. What Phoenix is A is a
Speaker 1: dry archaic uh, shallow bed of like in infertile ground
Speaker 1: or something. And I was like, oh, like the way
Speaker 1: it was described, it sounded exactly like my Uterus. And
Speaker 1: I said something like that's what I heard in my
Speaker 1: pap smear. I gotta laugh. Then I said, Phoenix is
Speaker 1: a hundred and eighty billion years old the ground that
Speaker 1: we are on. I think that's when um Alice Cooper
Speaker 1: moved here. That was a joke that Noah gave because
Speaker 1: Alice Cooper is someone who is famous that lives in
Speaker 1: Phoenix and he wasn't born there, but I had to
Speaker 1: make a joke about him living there because everyone he
Speaker 1: lives there. I didn't know that. I would have not
Speaker 1: known that in my interesting facts that I looked up,
Speaker 1: it wasn't in there. But the Noah backstage was like,
Speaker 1: I think Alice Cooper lives here. She didn't even say think.
Speaker 1: She's just that Alice Cooper lives here and he's musted
Speaker 1: a lot of money and blah bah blah. And I
Speaker 1: looked it up and it was true. So I made
Speaker 1: a joke and it was good. Bed Bugs, bugs come on,
Speaker 1: bed bugs. They call him the house thugs. I've never
Speaker 1: met one because I'm no slug. I'm always moving fast.
Speaker 1: My dick gets attached, but it never is. Wait a second,
Speaker 1: you've never met one. Do you remember the time that
Speaker 1: you called me? It was the scaredest I know? But
Speaker 1: this the best season. Need to hear how adorable Andrew
Speaker 1: thought he got bed bugs and give it. Gave it
Speaker 1: to me because he was staying at my place this
Speaker 1: is in her allude to the RAF A little scary.
Speaker 1: I'm just going underneath. Is it still going? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm wrapping so Andrew. So one time, Andrew, No, we
Speaker 1: had a bed bug my my, My roommate Jen had
Speaker 1: a bed bug scare. We got a dog. He came in.
Speaker 1: He said there were no bed bugs here. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if this was that was legit. Then we
Speaker 1: got another mascot. So I was scared. But my room
Speaker 1: was far away from her, so I was very nervous.
Speaker 1: I was watching your dogs for maybe like the second
Speaker 1: time I've ever met, and we were new friends, but
Speaker 1: we were already like close, and he called me up
Speaker 1: like man, so scared. I mean, Andrew gets scared to
Speaker 1: ask me if he can leave early from a venue
Speaker 1: to go back to the hotel. Like there's you can
Speaker 1: tell there's been like a lot of thought before he
Speaker 1: like gets the courage to be like, um, so uh,
Speaker 1: based on this all, He's like presenting a five paragraph
Speaker 1: essay of like can I just leave? And I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: you could go. But Andrew gets scared of me because
Speaker 1: I'm a scary person and you love a hang and
Speaker 1: I love a hang and he's taking that from me
Speaker 1: and we know that so luckily no was there to
Speaker 1: fill in. But do that that's why I was able
Speaker 1: to leave. Well, okay, it wasn't why you were able
Speaker 1: to leave. I would have let you leave anyway, but um,
Speaker 1: you're right, that was nice to consider. But he was
Speaker 1: so scared to tell me, and he called me and
Speaker 1: was like I thought you were going to say I
Speaker 1: fucked your dog or like I well that was the
Speaker 1: third one. Ye, yeah, this was just the second week.
Speaker 1: But you were just getting me ready. But you told
Speaker 1: me about the bed bugs. Um. And sometimes it's weird.
Speaker 1: Nikki Glazer can overreact about having the word goddamn taken
Speaker 1: out of a trailer, but sometimes I get my phone
Speaker 1: stolen out of my hand or someone tells me I
Speaker 1: might have bed bugs and my reaction is like like negative,
Speaker 1: Like it's almost like I'm in a meditative state and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, okay, it's like bed bugs said bed bugs?
Speaker 1: Yeah I thought because people in New York I thought
Speaker 1: you said dad bugs bunny and it was like one
Speaker 1: of those bugs bunnies with an to to it on
Speaker 1: a T shirt. Yeah, like you know, when like people,
Speaker 1: how did you get COVID. Who gave you COVID? That's
Speaker 1: what bed bugs was before COVID in New York City.
Speaker 1: You know what, for some reason, I think that these
Speaker 1: things that are catastrophic to other people, getting your phone
Speaker 1: stone out of your hand by a twelve year old
Speaker 1: sprinting away, or getting bed bugs or getting COVID, I
Speaker 1: already know so much of like the guilt that or
Speaker 1: the like all the stuff that's gonna it's I only
Speaker 1: get sideswiped by things that are unexpected. And I think
Speaker 1: the things that are expected and talked about, and especially
Speaker 1: the ones that carry so much guilt for no reason,
Speaker 1: like you didn't want bed bugs. No one wants to
Speaker 1: get COVID. No one wants to give COVID to someone
Speaker 1: like I just want to immediately take that away from
Speaker 1: them because I you know, I had I had a
Speaker 1: guy once that I was dating look through my phone
Speaker 1: when I was not there because he didn't trust me
Speaker 1: about something. And I when I caught him, I was,
Speaker 1: I caught him, and I was like my first thought
Speaker 1: and I hope that people do this sometimes and I
Speaker 1: need to do a better job of it was if
Speaker 1: I did this and got caught how would I want
Speaker 1: that person to treat me because this person didn't is
Speaker 1: not a bad person. They were feeling insecure. They didn't
Speaker 1: want to look through my phone. No one wants to
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, we were like they were like dating
Speaker 1: and they were just not trusting me. And they were
Speaker 1: someone that you know, I would have never thought would
Speaker 1: look through my phone ever in a million years, Like
Speaker 1: really I was. I had left my phone to go,
Speaker 1: uh do something at like on a table that they
Speaker 1: were at, and then I came back and there was
Speaker 1: a text message up to a conversation between me and
Speaker 1: a guy that I knew. This guy suspected me of
Speaker 1: hooking up with and the truth was that guy I
Speaker 1: hadn't talked to him in like a year, and so
Speaker 1: what he And then somehow this phone went off. But
Speaker 1: whenever I walked, my alarm went off. That's what happened.
Speaker 1: He was shot shutting off my alarm. And so it was.
Speaker 1: And I remember being my walk being like I wonder
Speaker 1: if this person would ever go through my phone because
Speaker 1: I left it and then I got back and I
Speaker 1: saw it and I confronted him when I go, hey,
Speaker 1: I have not talked to this person in a year,
Speaker 1: and the text message was up, did you go through
Speaker 1: my phone? And he immediately admitted to it, and he
Speaker 1: was so guilty, so embarrassed, and which I knew I
Speaker 1: would be too if I got caught. And I'm absolutely
Speaker 1: capable of doing something like this in a moment where
Speaker 1: I'm feeling insecure or whatever, and I just I remember
Speaker 1: he had to go do some like go to work
Speaker 1: and do something like that was going to take a
Speaker 1: lot of focus, and he was stressed out that I
Speaker 1: was going to break up with him or whatever, and
Speaker 1: that that I hadn't decided yet based on what would
Speaker 1: it would be. But I remember saying to him, nothing
Speaker 1: you're gonna think about it work today will change the
Speaker 1: result of what happened. I I don't don't worry about this.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be okay, which is true, whether we wake
Speaker 1: up or not, We're gonna be okay. We're gonna get
Speaker 1: through this. I am not I want to talk about
Speaker 1: it later. I'm not mad at you. I'm a little disappointed,
Speaker 1: but I understand why this happened. Please go to work
Speaker 1: and do not be don't let this go. Because he
Speaker 1: was worried about something at work that day and I'm like, please,
Speaker 1: don't let this affect your audition because of this, like
Speaker 1: put it into that, you know. And I just remember
Speaker 1: feeling really good about that because I was like, hopefully
Speaker 1: someone will bestow this on me when I do something
Speaker 1: like check someone's phone, you know, something that I get
Speaker 1: caught doing that is so embarrassing because even though I
Speaker 1: have never gone through someone's phone without them knowing, I'm
Speaker 1: definitely capable of it. I just know that. I think
Speaker 1: we're all capable of Your alarm went off. That's probably
Speaker 1: that dragged into the phone. That's why he was shutting
Speaker 1: it off. And then he was like, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: not but it's not like I was asking for it,
Speaker 1: because my alarm went off, like he shouldn't have done it. Well,
Speaker 1: my alarm was I'm cheating on you. I'm cheating on
Speaker 1: you looking the phone, I'm cheating on you. Some maybe
Speaker 1: I was asking for That's a great Robin song. All Right,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. Thank you so much for letting us
Speaker 1: go late. Uh noah, I love you so much. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening to the show. Uh, don't be cut and Chi,
Speaker 1: I was going to try to do something about the
Speaker 1: guitar teacher man I owe him. That guy's a singer.
Speaker 1: H