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Speaker 1: Hi guys, Welcome back to this week's Teddy te pod. Um.

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Speaker 1: We are going to be digging into the truth about

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Speaker 1: relationships after baby. I have on TV host, celebrity relationship

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Speaker 1: expert and national best selling author of bad Advice dr

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Speaker 1: V to help me. She's gonna be joining us in

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Speaker 1: a minute, because let's be honest, it's been a minute

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Speaker 1: since I am post baby. My kids are now five

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Speaker 1: and seven, and then my stepdaughters eleven, and now that

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Speaker 1: I'm like in the final countdown. I love when I

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Speaker 1: said that, the final countdown, like the final countdown of

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Speaker 1: having this baby, like reality starting to set in, like

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Speaker 1: everything is about to shift. I mean even yesterday when

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Speaker 1: I was in the car with my husband, he was like, hey, babe,

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Speaker 1: we should look into like where we're gonna go for

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Speaker 1: spring break with the kids and blah blah blah. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, where we're gonna go for spring break. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have a six week old. We're not going anywhere,

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Speaker 1: Like we're gonna be home. Um, you're welcome to do

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Speaker 1: a day trip, but like, there's not many vacations we're

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Speaker 1: gonna go on in the first six weeks. So I

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Speaker 1: think we've both gotten to that place where we've forgotten

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Speaker 1: how much everything is about to change. I mean, not

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Speaker 1: to mention like sexy time is a little different when

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Speaker 1: you're thirty seven weeks pregnant than how it is when

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Speaker 1: you're not pregnant, or how it's going to be when

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Speaker 1: the doctor gives you permission to have sex after baby.

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Speaker 1: So it's just like those constant things that you forget about.

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Speaker 1: And I mean, I also had such different experiences with

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Speaker 1: both of my kids. Um, after Slate, I had postpartum

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Speaker 1: anxiety and it was just so brutal and uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: Edwin didn't even really realize what was going on until

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Speaker 1: he saw a Google search on the computer. And then

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Speaker 1: with Cruise because he was in the nick. You know,

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Speaker 1: I remember being sent home from the hospital and crews

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Speaker 1: having to stay, and then me pretty much just camping

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Speaker 1: out in the nick. You So, both postpartum experiences were

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Speaker 1: completely different for me. Um, this pregnancy has been completely

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Speaker 1: different from me. So, I you know, I want to

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Speaker 1: go in having as much knowledge as I can. I

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Speaker 1: also have so many listener questions that I want to

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Speaker 1: get through. But I mean, truthfully, I have questions for myself,

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Speaker 1: you know, I want to be able to learn from

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Speaker 1: things that I may have done wrong last time, or

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Speaker 1: you know, give myself empathy for things that you know,

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Speaker 1: are a little bit of grace for things that like

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Speaker 1: I gave myself a hard time about that. Truthfully, you know,

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Speaker 1: your body has just gone through a lot, and we

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Speaker 1: we sometimes forget that. So when we come back after

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Speaker 1: the break, I'm gonna have dr V help me. We're

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Speaker 1: going to get through your questions. Also, we're just post

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, so we can talk a little bit about

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Speaker 1: that as well. So, um, be right back, all right,

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Speaker 1: So we are back with dr V. And you know,

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Speaker 1: whether I watch it or not, I guess we should

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Speaker 1: get into Valentine's Day since, um, you know it just happened.

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Speaker 1: How is yours? Um Mine was great, slightly uneventful, you

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Speaker 1: know what. That's how my Valentine. I mean, I think

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Speaker 1: after like twenty years together, you kind of get each

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Speaker 1: other's groove. Either you love each day each other every

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Speaker 1: day or you don't. That's why I feel we do

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Speaker 1: like a five o'clock dinner with the kids and then

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Speaker 1: we go on a date another day. No, but like

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Speaker 1: the kids want to celebrate Valentine's Day just as much

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Speaker 1: as we do. And do you want to celebrate Valentine's Day? No, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I guess no. I don't really want to say. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go somewhere and have a set menu

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Speaker 1: and have to sit there for hours. But it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know everything we know. I don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: to you for five hours. No, I get it. No,

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Speaker 1: So we go at five o'clock with the kids. We like,

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Speaker 1: have you know their favorite food? And that's kind of

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Speaker 1: it um for us, and then we do a date

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Speaker 1: another day. For me, it's not like that huge deal.

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Speaker 1: I do like to poke at my husband though, because

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Speaker 1: he's like behind on a couple of gifts. Wait how many? Oh,

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Speaker 1: so he's now clapped, So he's behind on Christmas, Christmas,

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Speaker 1: now Valentine's Day. And his plan is he was actually

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Speaker 1: talking with Kyle, we were at dinner the other night,

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Speaker 1: and he goes, here's the plan, Kyle. I'm going all

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Speaker 1: in for the push present. I want to be Christmas

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. And I'm like, you realize that if you

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Speaker 1: don't deliver on this push present, I don't even care

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Speaker 1: about presents. But it's the idea that you talked about it.

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Speaker 1: Now it's in my head like he's spoken into existence,

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Speaker 1: and now it's got to come. Now, it's got to

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Speaker 1: come to good thinking about it. And I'm already going

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Speaker 1: to be a mental case right after having the baby,

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Speaker 1: emotional all the things. So I just like teased him.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, all right, we'll see, we'll see, buddy. Like,

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Speaker 1: but he's one of those people that like doesn't like

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Speaker 1: to buy traditional gifts at like a certain time. He

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Speaker 1: likes just surprised with like a big trip or something

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Speaker 1: you always really wanted, you know. So I always know

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Speaker 1: that about it, so I don't get my feelings, but

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Speaker 1: I like to tease him NonStop about it. My husband

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Speaker 1: is very much a gift giver and I'm very much

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Speaker 1: a gift receiver. So this relationship works out very well.

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Speaker 1: We we actually did the love Languages. Um. We took

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Speaker 1: that like quiz or whatever, and um, I was surprised

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Speaker 1: by mine. I thought I was like I liked like

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Speaker 1: human touch or whatever, and it was I wanted, um affirmation, yeah,

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Speaker 1: affirmation yea. And I was like really and his was

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Speaker 1: acts of service. I was like, no freaking shock there.

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Speaker 1: But my tacts of service too. Yeah, thank god because

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Speaker 1: my husband, my husband's is not, which is great because

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Speaker 1: I'm doing acts of service. I told my house. Is

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Speaker 1: it like a blow job or like, what are our

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Speaker 1: acts of Wait a bit before we before we begin,

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Speaker 1: what are the rules to this show? We can talk

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Speaker 1: anything great. So it depends on what acts of service

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Speaker 1: is to your husband? Well, is it pretty much? It's

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Speaker 1: pretty much pretending he is also one of my children.

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Speaker 1: Here's breakfast, here's coffee, here's this, and you know what,

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Speaker 1: That's how I was for a long time in our

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Speaker 1: mary and then and when I changed my life and

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Speaker 1: started changing, you know, all in came about. And now

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Speaker 1: I have like over fifty people that work with me

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Speaker 1: and like it's just you know, constant business. Like you're like,

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Speaker 1: Mike has your breakfast? No, I like jo, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want you to start looking at me like we're

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Speaker 1: roommates with benefits, because this is too much. I can't

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Speaker 1: you get up at a different time as the kid,

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Speaker 1: like this is craziness. But we the reason I of

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Speaker 1: my husband, as we can laugh at each other, like

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Speaker 1: without it, we would be. If you have a sense

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Speaker 1: of humor, you can get through anything. And everything if

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Speaker 1: you can laugh about it and that is the truth.

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Speaker 1: Um so. But Valentine's Day used to be something that

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Speaker 1: I poked a lot of fun at um. But now

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Speaker 1: I just kind of feel like why not. What's what's

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Speaker 1: the harm in having a day set aside not just

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Speaker 1: to tell romantic love, but the people that you love

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Speaker 1: that you love them. Like, what a wonderful thing that

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Speaker 1: a day is set aside just to do that. But

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Speaker 1: the problem is it's not set aside just to do

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Speaker 1: that when you can make it whatever you want. When

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Speaker 1: you have little kids, there's crafts, there's this, you have

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Speaker 1: to show up to school, there's three different time do

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Speaker 1: you think do you think I participate? And what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about I don't. Okay, Well, I'm just saying that

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Speaker 1: it's no longer about that because it's so commercialized. There's

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Speaker 1: so many things, and not only like I we got

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Speaker 1: the email like a couple of days before Thanksgiving, like

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Speaker 1: just to reminder parents there's no sweets or foods allowed,

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Speaker 1: but be creative with your kids. Valentine's Days. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: go kick rocks. I don't want to. It's another day

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Speaker 1: for you to work and I'm sitting there with Mike

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Speaker 1: Sons five. He's got enough like timing to like write

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Speaker 1: c r us and then it's like homework for you.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm sitting there crafting these ladybugs and he's like,

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Speaker 1: the boys are going to like those. Mom. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, whatever, you know what. That's how I

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Speaker 1: feel about Valentine's Day. I didn't get a present and

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Speaker 1: I made a bunch of bugs. Well, my hope is

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Speaker 1: that the push present really comes through. You know what.

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Speaker 1: I'll let you know. I'll be one of those annoying

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Speaker 1: people that post it and I'll be like loving this

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Speaker 1: than um, but a lot of my you should get

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Speaker 1: more than a gift. I mean, think about that. You're

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Speaker 1: squeezing a watermelon through your nostrils. You know you deserve

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Speaker 1: a gift and more. Well, I you know the gift

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Speaker 1: I give is every night about like one too three

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Speaker 1: four am, as I cannot get out of bed anymore,

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Speaker 1: and I make this noise. My husband's do you need help?

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Speaker 1: That's like his favorite line, Like really, what You're going

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Speaker 1: to get out of bed and help me out of

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Speaker 1: bed right now? I'm like, okay, but that is like

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Speaker 1: a lot of what our listeners have been asked me

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Speaker 1: about like how do you keep things spicy after a baby,

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Speaker 1: or how do you bring back the intimacy? And you

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Speaker 1: know what, I can really understand because truthfully, right now,

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Speaker 1: sex for us is honestly like, I'm like, you got

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Speaker 1: a job to do, and you're gonna come in and

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Speaker 1: do it because this is going to make the delivery

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Speaker 1: better and the only way we can kind of get

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Speaker 1: through because there's nothing sexy about this whole situation. So

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Speaker 1: I just want to say that I think that is

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Speaker 1: a social injustice, and I think that women who are

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Speaker 1: pregnant are incredibly sex Oh. I wasn't saying I'm not sexy, Okay, En,

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Speaker 1: she's see, I'm saying the idea of while you're trying

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Speaker 1: to have sex when you're pregnant, you can't sit up,

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Speaker 1: you can't move or for a purpose. Okay. The doctor's like, okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: you gotta start right now. Yeah. The doctor like it's

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Speaker 1: gonna like we go in for my like thirty seven,

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Speaker 1: you know, thirty six and a half week check up,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, just make sure you know, the more

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Speaker 1: you're having sex, the better the delivery is the issue

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Speaker 1: isn't necessarily that we're not loving sex or that we're

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Speaker 1: not having it, or that I'm not feeling good in

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Speaker 1: my own skin. It's that at this point, it's a job.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm like, come on, buddy, we got work to do.

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Speaker 1: We need to have an easy delivery. And in order

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Speaker 1: for us to kind of get through it, like I am,

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Speaker 1: there's one angle that works. There's one position, and it's

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Speaker 1: you know, it's it's not the world's best experience all

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Speaker 1: of the time when you are thirty seven weeks pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Um So I think a lot of people, you know,

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Speaker 1: the same way I will, will have that kind of

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Speaker 1: weird transition period it after you know, after you have

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Speaker 1: a baby, then you wait a certain amount of time

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Speaker 1: and a doctor's like six weeks or whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you're just supposed to

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Speaker 1: come back and all of a sudden, your intimacy is

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Speaker 1: alive again and here you go. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: think that a lot of us have a lot of

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Speaker 1: questions like how how do we do it all? Because

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Speaker 1: it's impossible to do it all? And um, I know

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Speaker 1: we have to take a little break, but then can

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Speaker 1: we fully dig into it once we get back, Let's

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Speaker 1: do it. Let's do it. All right, we're back and

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Speaker 1: now I'm just I'm gonna start grilling with listeners questions.

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Speaker 1: Let's do it. Okay, So this first one is from

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Speaker 1: somebody who does not have a baby yet. But how

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Speaker 1: would you say babies challenge a marriage? Oh okay. Well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, if it's your first child, you were

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Speaker 1: once working in a diet. You are now working in

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Speaker 1: a triad. So it changes your entire dynamic completely, and

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Speaker 1: you have to be prepared for that. Um. In so

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Speaker 1: many ways, your communication becomes transactional. You have to really

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Speaker 1: fight against that to make sure that your communication remains relational.

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Speaker 1: So what do I mean by transactional? The baby's throwing up,

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Speaker 1: Get me a bottle, get me a bit, and we're

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Speaker 1: all good. Okay, I got it. So that's like a

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Speaker 1: transactional communication and it's nothing relational. Um. So your sex

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Speaker 1: life will change because your body now has changed. So

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Speaker 1: the things that you may have once liked you may

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Speaker 1: not like anymore because your body is now different. Um.

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Speaker 1: And everybody takes their own time. I really just want

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Speaker 1: to say this for all our female listeners. You take

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Speaker 1: your own time. With your body and what it means

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Speaker 1: to feel good again being intimate and being physical with

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Speaker 1: your partner. They say six weeks. You know a lot

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Speaker 1: of times the men in our lives like, okay, it's

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Speaker 1: six weeks. What is it's coming up? I'm ready for

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Speaker 1: my dinner and you may not be ready, and he's

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Speaker 1: going to have to be okay with that because you

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Speaker 1: just squeezed a watermelon through your nosha, And how do

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Speaker 1: you have I mean, this is truthfully where I struggled

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Speaker 1: because with my with my first I had postpartum anxiety

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Speaker 1: really bad, and you know, kind of morphed into a

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Speaker 1: little bit of depression, and I remember not my husband

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Speaker 1: would leave for work and I would cry. I was

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Speaker 1: just so sad that I was he was gone, and

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Speaker 1: I just felt all of these like overwhelming feelings of

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Speaker 1: not knowing why I felt this way. I remember thinking

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Speaker 1: I'm going to have you know, I have my beautiful

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Speaker 1: baby daughter, and now my life will be better than ever.

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Speaker 1: And I remember having this overwhelming feel feeling of like sadness.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't have it with my son, but with

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Speaker 1: my daughter I did. And so I don't want to

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Speaker 1: discredit that that happened to me, and I had no

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Speaker 1: idea how to talk to my husband about I remember

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Speaker 1: he would come home and I would try to put

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Speaker 1: on a brave face and pretend that like everything was fine.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't until months later that he was like

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Speaker 1: on our computer and he's like, why are you googling

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Speaker 1: postpartum depression? And I remember being feeling almost embarrassed, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, when you leave, I don't know why,

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Speaker 1: I'm like crying and I'm sad. And then I start

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Speaker 1: over trying to schedule things that don't need to be scheduled,

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Speaker 1: Like I was so particular about her sleep schedule and

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Speaker 1: her bottle, her you know, my breastfeeding and the pumping

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Speaker 1: and the blah blah blah. And that was on the

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Speaker 1: first one. That was on the second one, the second one.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know if that was because it was

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Speaker 1: my second one or because when my second one was born,

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Speaker 1: he was um immediately he wasn't breathing and he immediately

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Speaker 1: went into the nick you and they just start they

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Speaker 1: discharged me, and I would just have to like, for

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Speaker 1: you know, over a week, I was going into the

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Speaker 1: hospital and just trying to camp out as much as

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Speaker 1: I was allowed to and the nick you and I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that like popped me out of it

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Speaker 1: and like, I have no idea, but I didn't have

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Speaker 1: it with CRUs. But very pregnancy is different every and

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Speaker 1: and the baby blues are real though even if you're

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Speaker 1: not postpartum, the baby blues are real. And you and

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Speaker 1: I share the same experience, and I'm sure a lot

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Speaker 1: of women too. I remember that time. I have a

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Speaker 1: thirteen year old, eleven year old and a four year

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Speaker 1: old um and I remember with my thirteen year old

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Speaker 1: when my husband would leave, I would feel this great

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Speaker 1: sense of I want to say, desperation um, And I

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Speaker 1: believe that that is anthropological. You know, we've we've we've

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Speaker 1: built into humans who need each other, who need protection,

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Speaker 1: who need one another, So that feeling is very real

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Speaker 1: and very natural and it's within our DNA to feel this,

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact.

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Speaker 1: You know you're working right, you know you're working properly,

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Speaker 1: You're you're human, and all those chemicals, particularly with the

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Speaker 1: baby blues, the estrogen just drop so quickly, so and

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Speaker 1: for me, I'll never forget the day where I looked

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Speaker 1: over at my husband, and I said, when I look

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Speaker 1: at you, I just want to punch your and you know,

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Speaker 1: he was so sweet and so loving. And you bring

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Speaker 1: up a very good point that it is a great

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Speaker 1: time to really invest in the depth of intimacy within

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Speaker 1: your relationship. So how do you do that without I

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Speaker 1: know it sounds crazy, but sometimes with my husband, and

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Speaker 1: I've seen it happened with my friends. Sometimes if I

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Speaker 1: lead with like a negative, then he wants to try

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Speaker 1: to fix it versus which like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be fixed, like I want to sometimes just share how

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling. You just want to be heard. So how

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Speaker 1: do you how can you do that? How can you

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Speaker 1: find that that way to communicate where you're trying to

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Speaker 1: share how you're feeling but also like say what you

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Speaker 1: need kind of all in one and you you just

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Speaker 1: said it right there so many times like you you're

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Speaker 1: you're allowed to say, I don't need you to fix this,

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Speaker 1: I just need you to acknowledge my feelings. Um and

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Speaker 1: men are built to be fixers. So as soon as

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Speaker 1: we open up our mouths, oh my god, how do

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Speaker 1: how do I make this go away? How do I

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Speaker 1: fix this? What do I need to do? And I

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Speaker 1: empathize with that feeling, you know, I I I empathize

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Speaker 1: with that because at the core of my soul and

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Speaker 1: I'm hearing too. For you. You're a people pleaser, right

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Speaker 1: You want to make people happy, and there's nothing wrong

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Speaker 1: with that, But what ends up happening is your needs

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Speaker 1: get put on the back burner. So after you have

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Speaker 1: a baby, it's a great time to really empower yourself

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Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, what are my needs? Because I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you most women don't know what they are. They

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Speaker 1: have them, but they don't know what they are. So

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Speaker 1: it's about really asking yourself, what what do I need

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Speaker 1: in this moment right now and write them down because

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Speaker 1: you're postpartum and you're going to forget that. I'm taking

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Speaker 1: us right now. I'm like, what are my needs? Question mark?

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Speaker 1: You know. And it's different this time also because I'm

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Speaker 1: going right back into work. There's no break like it's

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Speaker 1: you know, pretty constant. And I know I have like

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Speaker 1: I have about three or four weeks where it can

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Speaker 1: be um, just myself and the baby and you know,

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Speaker 1: our family, and I remember little things I've noticed. I like,

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Speaker 1: I saw somebody I follow on social media and she

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Speaker 1: posted a photo of herself and her husband and the baby,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, every morning we lay in bed together

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Speaker 1: four hours and it's got amazing. And I texted it

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Speaker 1: to my husband and I wrote, is this gonna be

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Speaker 1: us this time? And it was like, because neither of

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Speaker 1: us are sit still type of people. And but in

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Speaker 1: my mind looking at her Instagram, I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, that's Instagram. That would be so nice. I

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Speaker 1: would love that. I would I would hate that, but

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Speaker 1: then I know I would be an anxious mess going

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Speaker 1: create like what needs to be done? Everything would go

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Speaker 1: everybe four hours of you just ruminating on everything you

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Speaker 1: need to do goes. I'm willing to do that, Teddy,

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Speaker 1: but I know you and you're not going to be

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Speaker 1: that way, so and you know, I just want to

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Speaker 1: An overarching theme of pregnancy is that, you know, oftentimes

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Speaker 1: we discuss this between women and um and we really

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Speaker 1: do live in a very sexist society to where still

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Speaker 1: in women are in charge of the household, the kids,

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Speaker 1: and I think once we're able to have a feeling

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Speaker 1: of support and that we're in this together and that

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Speaker 1: it's both parents that you have just had a child

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Speaker 1: to man with a dick. Um. I think that once

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Speaker 1: we're able to sort of create our own environment of

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Speaker 1: support and that it isn't you and that baby against

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Speaker 1: the world. And when your husband leaves your crying, it's

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Speaker 1: that the two of you are together parents, you both

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Speaker 1: have just had a baby, and so oftentimes, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: one of my biggest pet peeves I love to make

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Speaker 1: fun of. Um. You know, my husband is is babysitting

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Speaker 1: while I'm out, you know, and you're like, yeah, he's

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Speaker 1: being a father, that's what dad's do. Or he changes

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Speaker 1: the diaper and all the women are like, yeah, good dad,

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Speaker 1: you're sot up. You're like, I changed a thousands, Like

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Speaker 1: come on now, I know. It's kind of like a

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Speaker 1: running joke UM in our house about it. He's like,

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Speaker 1: my husband's like, I'm thinking I'm gonna do two nights

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Speaker 1: a week this time. I'm like, yeah, I'm so sure.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you what I said to my husband.

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Speaker 1: I said, let me tell you something. I'm doing all

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Speaker 1: the work now. But when that baby pops out, it's

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Speaker 1: all you. You were getting up in the middle of

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Speaker 1: the night. You're I'm I was the most well rested

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Speaker 1: new mother you ever have seen, because I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you you go, and you know what, he

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00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: was happy to do that because that was his time

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Speaker 1: with his sons. He loved that. You know what, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to give that a try, Like, seriously, you are

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Speaker 1: doing all of this work, like there has to be uh,

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Speaker 1: there has to be some uh, there has to be

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Speaker 1: some spread out of emotional labor because I think in

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Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, I want my husband to kind

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Speaker 1: of pick up the slack a little bit with the

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Speaker 1: other kids because I know I am not going to

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Speaker 1: be you know, like how I am operating the way

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Speaker 1: I am right now. So it's like I would, and

393
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Speaker 1: do you do that best? Do you do newborn best?

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. Every time my husband does

395
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 1: newborn best, I'm like, you kind of got exactly, here's

396
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Speaker 1: the baby, and I'm gonna take the other kids out

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Speaker 1: out because we can talk together, like I don't do

398
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: well with with people who don't talk, and that's newborn's Like, honestly,

399
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Speaker 1: I am. I am the best teenage mother ever. You know,

400
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 1: my husband's sweet spot is newborn to about ten. Figuring

401
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: out for people, it's figuring out what your strong suit

402
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 1: is and focusing on that, so like, if you're better

403
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,360
Speaker 1: with the older kids, you focus on them and let

404
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 1: your other significant other really do some of the the

405
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: labor at the beginning. Um. Something else that it's been

406
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: coming up a lot is people are asking what if

407
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Speaker 1: you don't feel like being touched or even being affectionate,

408
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 1: let alone having a sex, what do I do? And Um,

409
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Speaker 1: I remember feeling like that at times, But then I

410
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Speaker 1: also remember like the complete opposite, like tenfolds like a

411
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Speaker 1: crazy person. So it's like mania, It's no, It's true.

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Speaker 1: That happened to me on my second child, where I

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Speaker 1: remember I was driving and I just saw something that

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Speaker 1: resembled a man on a bike, and I'm like, yes,

415
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Speaker 1: this is it, this is amazing, And I remember being

416
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Speaker 1: filled with that sense of drive of like wow, where

417
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Speaker 1: has this been all my life? But on my first son,

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Speaker 1: I remember feeling I just and I think a lot

419
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Speaker 1: of women go through this where I struggled a little

420
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Speaker 1: bit with being a mother and then feeling sexual Like

421
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Speaker 1: I struggled a little bit with that. I remember being like,

422
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Speaker 1: oh my god, like my son is in the other room,

423
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Speaker 1: my husband wants to have sex with me. And then

424
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: on top of that, it's like everyone wants something from

425
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Speaker 1: your body. Like I remember with a two year old.

426
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 1: You know, um, I had ledger in one arm, my

427
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: son wanting something else from me, my husband wanting to me,

428
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,880
Speaker 1: and my people just need to leave my body alone.

429
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 1: I remember and all the different directions, and I think,

430
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 1: you know, somebody else is even saying, like, what if

431
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: even six months later you're still not in the mood

432
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 1: for sex. I think the biggest thing for me after

433
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: having a baby, and you know, I'll keep you guys

434
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: posted as I go through it again, is I need

435
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: to start feeling good. So whatever it is that I

436
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: find that makes me feel good, if I'm taking action

437
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: on doing that, then everything else that cloud starts to lift,

438
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 1: Like I'll want to have sex or be intimate or

439
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: go on that date or do those things. But if

440
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: there is something that I it's like nagging at me.

441
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: Like for me, it was like it was in regards

442
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 1: to food and exercise when I am eating a tons

443
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 1: of junk food and not taking care of myself and

444
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 1: essentially like feeding my emotions. I don't feel good after

445
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,959
Speaker 1: and I remember doing that and then you know, I

446
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 1: was justifying, oh, this is because I'm breastfeeding, it's for

447
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: the baby. Uh No, going to McDonald's and getting an

448
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: egg and cheese biscuit and a cinnamon roll and a

449
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 1: coke is not for the baby. Like that's what I

450
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: was doing. I'm not kidding. It was like next it

451
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 1: was a situation. I mean, I love your compartmentalization and

452
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,160
Speaker 1: your level of denial is fast. Convinced myself of that.

453
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: But then what would happen is I wasn't feeling good

454
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: in my own skin, so I wasn't wanting so even

455
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: once it wasn't about a medical situation in regards to

456
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: the doctor, was I wasn't taking care of myself for

457
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 1: what I needed. Well. I also just want to point

458
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: out on a biology, on a biological level, if you

459
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:46,680
Speaker 1: were having UM decreases or surges and estrogen or U

460
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: twoestosterone or any number of hormones within our bodies UM,

461
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: it can affect our skin and how we feel in

462
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: our clothes and how we feel with touch. So that's

463
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: very real. So I just want to point that out

464
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: that that's that could be a true How do you

465
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: how do you know if that's actually happening. Well, the

466
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: idea of hormonal balance is really theoretical. That being said,

467
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: you can go to your g y N. You can

468
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: see how high your estrogen is, you can see how

469
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: low your distosterone is. You can get a pannel of

470
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,679
Speaker 1: all of those. Um and after pregnancy, they're more likely

471
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 1: to be willing to, you know, give you that panel.

472
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: So just be aware of that that that could be

473
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 1: very very real. Um And I remember in my second pregnancy,

474
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: I think I couldn't wear uh certain feelings of sweaters.

475
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: They just weren't so it harmonal imbalance. My stomach is

476
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 1: so itchy and like if a sweater like I can't

477
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: wear cash anything like I needed it to be like cottony. Yeah. No,

478
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: I feel you, and I also feel you on doing

479
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 1: what's best for you. Look, I I gained. I can't

480
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this because you're gonna flip out,

481
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: But I gained a hundred and twenty five pounds on

482
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: both children. And I say to myself, like, I'm secretly

483
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: a fat girl trying to get out because I don't

484
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: have one stretch mark. So I just am this person

485
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: that has the ability to expand and then decrease. So

486
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: but on both children, I was waiting for my doctor

487
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: to be like. I even said, I'm like you please

488
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: tell me to stop eating. Please, somebody tell me to

489
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 1: stop eating. I remember I would go to marmalade and

490
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: they would cut me a piece. As I got bigger,

491
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,439
Speaker 1: their pieces of cake got bigger. They were working with

492
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 1: they were working with me. They were good friends. And

493
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: I remember I literally was like maybe I was like

494
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 1: thirty eight weeks pregnant. I was about where you are,

495
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: and they cut the cake in half and they just

496
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: gave it to me, and I ate the whole damn

497
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 1: thing and I felt great. Men to me. Yeah, I know.

498
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: I think each pregnancy I gained over eighty pounds with

499
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: both the others, and this one I've gained forties, you know,

500
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: so far. Um See, I don't even know how you're

501
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: doing that in a week. But it's because this time

502
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: I really went into it. Well. The other pregnancies, I

503
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: was on bed rest and I had all these complications.

504
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: And this one I've been able to be active, and truthfully,

505
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: I haven't been you know, you know, I have a

506
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: whole health and wellness program all in. I haven't been

507
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: all in and you know we can't, you can't be um.

508
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: But I have been active I've been able to stay

509
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 1: consistently active and like I'm not pulling into McDonald Yeah.

510
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: I walked to all different restaurants. It was amazing. And

511
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: I remember I turned to my Okay, so my husband

512
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: says to me, would you like to have a piece

513
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 1: of chocolate cake? And I looked at him, like chocolate cake? What?

514
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: He's like, Yeah, you ate that every day. I just

515
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: was wanting to know if you wanted to continue that.

516
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 1: The thought of that, like right after I had the baby,

517
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: like the thought of doing that. I was like, oh

518
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: my god. And I turned to him and I said,

519
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: please tell me that that boy is ninety pounds. It's

520
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: like he's nine pounds. He's big, but he's not with

521
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: the extra zero. And I was like, oh my god,

522
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: what did I do? Yeah, you just get into mind

523
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: frames and you kind of go for it. Um, And

524
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: somebody's asking, do the same issues come up for gay

525
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: couples in terms of communication being transactional, in terms of

526
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: the new dynamic? Um, all of that is all true. Um,

527
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: are they dealing with the biological issues? I think once

528
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: you're a parent, your biology shifts from a sense of

529
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: save myself first too, I have to save this child,

530
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: so they are dealing with biological changes as well, not

531
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: harmonially like women would go through. I mean, we just

532
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: had a child, um, But yes, gay couples do go

533
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: through the same things that every couple would go through

534
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: because your life completely changed completely and you're really not ready.

535
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: You think you know what it is, but like, I

536
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: think the biggest like wake up call to me was I,

537
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, can no longer just leave the

538
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 1: house because I want to? And I think that was

539
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: a big shock to myself. You know, I had always

540
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 1: gone to work every day, I had you know, a

541
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: million things to do, plans, blah blah, and now every

542
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: single part of my day needed to be scheduled and

543
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: that was something that I was like, what, um, I

544
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: still feel that way. What I mean, I do too,

545
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,959
Speaker 1: I've just gotten more used to it. I'm like, this

546
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: is my life. Okay, it's Monday morning. I Am going

547
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: to wake up at five am workouts so then I

548
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 1: can feed my kids breakfast, take them to school, and

549
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: get to the podcast on time. Like it's it's different

550
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: than just I'm gonna set my alarm, wake up and

551
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: show up to work. That no longer happens are, Hey,

552
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: you want to go out tonight. Nope, you're gonna need

553
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: to find a babysitter. I'm one of five and I'm

554
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: one of the oldest, so I grew up taking care

555
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: of kids, so I have this built in obligatory alarm.

556
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: So for me, that wasn't much of a of a

557
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: big deal. I understand a personal obligation, I guess I'm

558
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: trying to say so I understood that, But I really

559
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: do empathize with people. Your life changes, your life is

560
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: no longer your own. So if yourself, if you're a

561
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: selfish person, please know that about yourself, and don't have

562
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 1: kids because you'll be miserable. And then if you for

563
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: for our male listeners, if you see that your wife

564
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: has baby blues, maybe she's not talking about it, or

565
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: maybe she doesn't even know what's going on. How can

566
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: you help her without making her feel worse? Asking questions

567
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: is always a great way. And and and men love

568
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: to man splain in general, and they're not really there.

569
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: I don't want to make an over generalization, but the

570
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: bottom line is you need to be more curious about

571
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: your partner's experience. You know, how are you feeling today?

572
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: What is it like to be you today? How can

573
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: I help you today? What is it that you need?

574
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: Do you even know your needs? So be curious about

575
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: your partner's experience. Essentially, you have to seem like you care. Well.

576
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: I think many men do care. I th they just

577
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: don't know how to show it. For first of all,

578
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: I I want to just say that men. I My

579
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: heart goes out to men because they grow up in

580
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: a society where they are not allowed to express how

581
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: they feel um and so they don't grow up being

582
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: curious about other people's experiences because they're not don't know,

583
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: they're were built to talk about other people's experience other

584
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: than their own. So there is a level of a

585
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: teachable moment that perhaps women have to share with their husbands.

586
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: But you just had a baby, and one of the

587
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: equality of life measures of your life will be who

588
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: you married, who your partner will be. So I tell

589
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: all of your listeners, choose very wisely, because of your

590
00:32:54,680 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: happiness or your unhappiness will come from your partner. Choose easlee.

591
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: And you get to see that in pregnancy well, and

592
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,479
Speaker 1: that we've got to take a little break and then

593
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: we'll come back and we'll dig into more of these questions.

594
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 1: It's so good, all right, I'm just going to start

595
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 1: with a controversial question. Um, somebody's asking and you can

596
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: tell she is at her wits end because she asked

597
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,719
Speaker 1: it like six different times on my Instagram, you know,

598
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: like I kept seeing like you, you need to get

599
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: that out there. My husband isn't properly bonding with my newborn?

600
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: What do I do? It's making me fall out of

601
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: love with him? Well, what does properly bonding look like

602
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: to her? I don't know, but I think bonding is

603
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: different for everyone. If he's ignoring the newborn, well then

604
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 1: of course you're seeing a side of someone that maybe

605
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 1: you don't want to see. Um, But bonding is different

606
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 1: for everyone. So, for example, for my husband, bonding with

607
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: his boys was feeding them every night, getting up with them,

608
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: feeding them, talking to them. But if I was hurt

609
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,479
Speaker 1: and I heard you just say that, I immediately within

610
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 1: look at my husband and be like, hey, why aren't

611
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: you up every night feeding our baby? And she could

612
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: ask that question and she would be right to do.

613
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 1: So why is it her responsibility? Why is it female responsibility?

614
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 1: She would be absolutely right in asking her husband, why

615
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: aren't you getting up. Why am I getting up? Look

616
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 1: the protect His answer is, I have to get up

617
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: and go to work tomorrow. Well, I mean we all

618
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Whether

619
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 1: you're a mother, whether you're a stay at home mother,

620
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: or whether you're working, We're all getting up the next

621
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 1: day to work. God willing, We're all getting up the

622
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: next day to work. The issue here is that women

623
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: are understanding in a marriage that the jig is up.

624
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: Marriage is an institution made by men for men. Men

625
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,799
Speaker 1: benefit period. Women get nothing out of this transaction, and

626
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: every quality of life measure, men's quality of life goes up.

627
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: So what is that mean? That means they get a

628
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 1: raise once they're married. That means that means they have

629
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 1: sex more than their single counterparts. That means they live longer.

630
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: For every quality of life measure for women, when you

631
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: get married, your quality of your life goes down. And

632
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: that is a scientific fact. So this idea about marriage,

633
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 1: it's an institution may buy men for men. Your husband

634
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 1: benefits and you don't. So you have to figure out

635
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 1: a way to benefit to make marriage benefit you. So

636
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: what this woman is now seeing is that maybe her

637
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: marriage doesn't even benefit her but now she's not even

638
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 1: getting proper childcare or someone who's in it with her,

639
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: proper support. So in that so you've got to ask yourself,

640
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: is this the partner for me? Now? I just want

641
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 1: to say, right after you have a baby, you might

642
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: have a feeling like that, you might be looking at

643
00:35:54,080 --> 00:36:01,959
Speaker 1: this through horrible glasses. So and so, just you gotta

644
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: ask yourself. Like I said, I would look at my

645
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,320
Speaker 1: husband and be like, I want to punch your basin

646
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: every time I see you. And he was a beautiful

647
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: support to me and has always been. So we have

648
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 1: to ask ourselves to the questions like, maybe there's something

649
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: inside of me. Maybe I'm not bonding in a way

650
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: that I want to bond and I'm putting it on

651
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: and I'm projecting this onto you know what I mean.

652
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: And what does bonding mean for her for her her partner.

653
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm curious about what this all means. So I understand, uh,

654
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: the actual concrete question, but I just have more questions. Right,

655
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 1: what about when money becomes a stressor so oftentimes you

656
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: know the husband will go back to work the um

657
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, the woman is still working, but she's

658
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 1: on maternity leave or whatever it may be they want

659
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 1: to have a date night, they want to create that intimacy.

660
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: But then all of a sudden, you're having to pay

661
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: a babysit or twenty dollars an hour so that you

662
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: can do something. And then all of a sudden becomes

663
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:02,799
Speaker 1: this fight that like, is our night out worth a

664
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,280
Speaker 1: d eighty dollars for childcare and food, you know, whatever

665
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 1: it may be, And then it becomes about you end

666
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,879
Speaker 1: up having a terrible day because you've already had fight

667
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: leading up to it. Well, what you're describing, the deeper

668
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 1: meaning and all of that is that you're mourning your

669
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 1: old selves. You're in a bit of a trauma. You're

670
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: mourning your old spontaneous self, your mourning the life that

671
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 1: you once had. Really isn't about the money, really isn't

672
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 1: about the babysitter. It's how you feel together. And you're

673
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: both in mourning, and that's okay. It's not like that's

674
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: a bad thing. But to be able to recognize that

675
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 1: life has changed and it won't ever be the same

676
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: again is a good Uh. Keeping it one hundred with

677
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 1: yourself and keeping it one hundred with your partner and

678
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 1: then finding new ways to create spontaneous uh positions to

679
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 1: create spontaneous um because it's really about the spot tenaity.

680
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: You could have date night all day long and it

681
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: won't matter pst all planned and scheduled. It's really about

682
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: getting in touch and keeping our creative selves because spontaneity

683
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: is tapping into our childhoods. So however that money is,

684
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: if money is tight, there are ways to create spontaneity

685
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: in your life. There are ways to great intimate moments

686
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,959
Speaker 1: because if you collect those intimate moments like uh, like

687
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: what is that called? We call them um marble jar moments? Right,

688
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: I give you a marvel. I'll give you a marvel.

689
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: I'll give you a marvel. Intimacy is the very same way.

690
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: So if we continue to have those intimate connections, those

691
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: disconnections won't be so significant. Right now, that makes sense?

692
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: And I mean I think, uh, for me, what shifted

693
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 1: was us talking about what we really enjoyed on a

694
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: date because what would happen and most of the times

695
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: when we weren't really enjoying our date night was because

696
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 1: we were tired. At eight o'clock night, we were exhausted,

697
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 1: So I would get that babysitter and at night, and

698
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: then it was like we were both struggling, and then

699
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: we weren't getting this night that we're hoping for. So

700
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,760
Speaker 1: we started shifting it and we said, let's do Saturday

701
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: morning dates. And it was a total day drinking is

702
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: and then you're such a good parent afterwards, like you're

703
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: on You're putting their kids to bed, you have two

704
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: approall spreads, an amazing brunch, and you have a little

705
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: day sex, and then you're like at one o'clock you

706
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: are on for to be the best parent of the year,

707
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 1: you know. But Choosuly that was a huge shift for us.

708
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: We would, you know, do Friday nights or whatever it was.

709
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: And I just remember I would come to Friday night

710
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: and I almost get anxiety and I'd be like, oh

711
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: my god, I have to one try to look good,

712
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: to try to act like I'm having fun. Three try

713
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: and it's just too late. I'm tired. Yea, yeah, Well

714
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: I always tell couples, you know, with this whole date

715
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,439
Speaker 1: night thing, um have sex befo four. You go out

716
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: because you're gonna be full, Like you're over forty now

717
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: you're gonna be full. You ate some cheese, you don't,

718
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 1: you know, just you're you're gonna want to go to bed,

719
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 1: so have sex before you go out at night. That's

720
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: a really good tip. And we're more morning sex people anyway,

721
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 1: So I get it. I get it. Um. And then

722
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: speaking of sex, somebody is saying my husband no longer,

723
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 1: or I don't want my husband to go down on

724
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 1: me anymore because I feel like my body has changed

725
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: down there. If somebody's feeling like that, well, we're vaginal phobic.

726
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 1: We know exactly what the penis does. We know that

727
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: it comes, we know that appeas we know that it

728
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: gets hard, we know that it creates babies. We we

729
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: talk about the dick all day long, but we're scared.

730
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: We're scared to talk about vaginas. I know women who

731
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:59,439
Speaker 1: have never looked at their own vagina. I can't see

732
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 1: mine now. So because of this, we're vaginal phobic. We

733
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,800
Speaker 1: live in a vaginal phobic society. And so this idea

734
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: that she doesn't want her husband to go down on her,

735
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: I completely understand because everything around her is sending her

736
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: that message too. That's just not her and it's gonna

737
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: take her husband to really help her through that. We

738
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 1: help each other, you know, we we we want to

739
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: believe that we live in the society of like, you know,

740
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: every man for himself and you have to love yourself

741
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: and it's about how you feel about you. But guess

742
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 1: what people can help you feel love for yourself. People

743
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,800
Speaker 1: can help you feel that you're vagina is the most

744
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 1: beautiful thing to ever exist in the world. And if

745
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: you're not getting that from your husband, do you say, like, hey,

746
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 1: I'm feeling insecure about this, is there a way you

747
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: can support me? Or how how do you phrase it?

748
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 1: Because I know if you know I was feeling that way,

749
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: I would feel nervous to bring that topic up. So

750
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: how do you bring it up in a way that

751
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: you're going to get the result that you want. In

752
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,360
Speaker 1: situations that have to do with sex, it's always better

753
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 1: to be very straightforward. I'm I'm insecure about what my

754
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: vagina looks like. You need to tell me how beautiful is.

755
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,359
Speaker 1: Just just lay it out there and then you're gonna

756
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: put your head down there for thirty five minutes and

757
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:28,760
Speaker 1: we're got so funny, okay, So that those are good tips,

758
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:33,280
Speaker 1: And then what about different parenting styles than creating issues

759
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: with it? Because now it's all intertwined. Okay, So my

760
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 1: hope is that before you have a child, that you

761
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 1: really understand the parenting style of your partner. And how

762
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 1: can you understand the parenting style of your partner. You

763
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: can see how they love you, and once you realize

764
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 1: how they're loving you is how they're probably going to

765
00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 1: love their kids. So I just want to point that

766
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 1: out there, that you have some information already about what

767
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: your partner will But sometimes kids come and our partners

768
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,800
Speaker 1: surprise us that they're not the parent that we thought

769
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 1: that they would be. And by the way, with every kid,

770
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 1: that parenting style may shift. So for example, when the

771
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: kids were younger, I was the the authority in our house.

772
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 1: Now that the kids are teenagers, he's more the authority.

773
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, you need to be the bad guy because

774
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 1: I don't like this. You're gonna be there. Well, I've

775
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: even noticed a difference between our you know, my stepdaughter

776
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 1: and my daughter and then my son. My husband is

777
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: way more strict with my son than he is with

778
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: the girls. And I'm like, what, Like, the girls can

779
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:50,439
Speaker 1: do no wrong. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, or ask

780
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 1: your mom. You're chocolate for him, and Cruise will do

781
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 1: one little thing, Like he'll be like Mama, up up

782
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: and he's like, you're a big boy, cruise. I'm like,

783
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 1: why are you? Yes? I mean while I'm like, okay, baby,

784
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 1: believe me. But I just want to say too. I

785
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: really cannot stand when I hear women say, um, you

786
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,760
Speaker 1: know he's not a good husband or a good partner,

787
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:20,240
Speaker 1: but he's a great dad. No, No, it's all together.

788
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 1: The foundation of being a great dad is being a

789
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 1: great partner. Because your kids see it. Yes, they know, yes,

790
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: Like I'm not saying that. Edwin and I have never

791
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: gotten in a fight in our life, but our kids

792
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: have never seen a scream at each other, Like there's

793
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: never been like they have like they have never witnessed it.

794
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: We were guests of somebody's house one day and the

795
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: couple got into a fight in another room, and I

796
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 1: remember my kids looking at me and just going what

797
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: is happening? Like it was not just like an argument

798
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 1: like hey, we're late, get in the car, you know whatever.

799
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 1: It was like a real kind of drag out and

800
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 1: they had like fear in their eyes, like what is

801
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 1: Can you explain to me? Why are they talking to

802
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 1: each other like that? You know, it's just so next level.

803
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:08,240
Speaker 1: And I truly think that like if you can figure

804
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 1: out ways to communicate with your partner that that you

805
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: feel comfortable for your kids to see, then like they're

806
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: gonna feel safer. That's true. And I just want to

807
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: point up, but point up, point out um that you

808
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: know you're not always going to get the communication ten

809
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 1: Like you're gonna have some squabbles. You may argue in

810
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: front of your kids, but here's the reality. But if

811
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: you if you're if you do argue in front of

812
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 1: your kids, make sure that they see the resolution and

813
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: they see love. So they need to see that because

814
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: you're going to argue, Let's not pretend like, let's not

815
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 1: pretend that you're not you're not going to argue in

816
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 1: front of your husband, or that you're not going to

817
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 1: have because you could have these little snide remarks which

818
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: are even worse than out you know what I mean,

819
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 1: Like at least they're seeing it's calling each other what

820
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: they think and how they feel. And you know, every

821
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: household has our own way of dealing with conference. It's

822
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 1: there the idea of that however you're going to argue,

823
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: however you're going to fight. Kids need to see resolution.

824
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,359
Speaker 1: They need to see what it looks like. What they

825
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: need to see what an argument really looks like, and

826
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: what it looks like to make good on that argument,

827
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: what the conflict resolution looks like. So if you do

828
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: have an argument or like, for I guess like if

829
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 1: you're not having drag outs, or maybe maybe I can

830
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: nag from time to time. Um, it's that they see

831
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: you apologize or that they see that you're then being

832
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: loving afterwards. Well it's you know what you could you

833
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 1: could say. Let's say, I mean, are you I don't

834
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 1: see you being an egg? But do you see yourself

835
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,919
Speaker 1: as one? I can I get a little naggy um

836
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: In regards to timing, I really don't like um tardiness.

837
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: And my husband is consistently late. Um, So I mean

838
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: that's these are just the facts of our household. So

839
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: it has to because like I, I like, I have

840
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: a thing that works for me, So I don't consistently

841
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,279
Speaker 1: nag where I just like we get in the car

842
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,760
Speaker 1: and we'll just we're there, We're all is a family

843
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,879
Speaker 1: sitting in the car, and then when he comes out,

844
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 1: I just don't say anything and then we laugh, or

845
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 1: it becomes something like that because when I realized, with

846
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: ten years under my belt, that when I am consistently

847
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: like get in the car, we have ten minutes, we

848
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: have whatever that then we're like at each other in

849
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 1: the car. Soon I just sit in the car. But also,

850
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: this is gonna sound bad. I fib I tell him

851
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes earlier than we ever need to be in

852
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: I put it. I put it in the calendar, like

853
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: bold face, like put it in the calendar as a

854
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: calendar invite, what time do we need to be here?

855
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 1: Fifteen meanwhile. Then we get there and they're like, oh,

856
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 1: you're five minutes early, And he's like, why do you

857
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 1: do that? And I'm like, you know what, that's not fibbing.

858
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 1: You gotta do what you gotta do. Believe it. I mean,

859
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 1: now I've been doing this for five years. You would

860
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 1: think he'd be like, I bet she's lying about what

861
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: time our flight leaves. But he still manages to make

862
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 1: his way. But I think that, you know, the long

863
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: and short of all of this is is like it's communication.

864
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 1: We're not perfect, We're all going to make mistakes. But

865
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: when it comes to intimacy, sex, everything shifting, it's like

866
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,280
Speaker 1: you have to open up and share with your partner

867
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 1: what you need, even even in the nagging. I mean, look,

868
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 1: kids will see that, they'll see, but they're probably focused

869
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: more on your husband's response. They'll probably if he's ignoring that,

870
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like there has to make

871
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: you have to make sure that the communication is interrelational

872
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 1: in front of your kids. My husband, I mean, my

873
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 1: son always goes when my husband does get in the car,

874
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 1: he goes, were trying to look handsome, Dad, were trying

875
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 1: to look hands and we're doing your hair? What are

876
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: you doing? Like every little crowm of detail And I

877
00:48:56,719 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 1: always think it's so cute. Well, he's really asking why

878
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: we are we waiting? Like what he's asking what you

879
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: can't do? Which is interesting right, Like he's doing it.

880
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 1: So you have to make sure that when you're having

881
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:12,359
Speaker 1: conversations with your partner that those conversations are kept one

882
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: hundred and Look, you can say a lot of mean

883
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 1: things to each other. Now I'm not talking about verbal abuse,

884
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 1: and I'm not talking about emotional violence. I'm talking about

885
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: the average run of the mail argument or tip for

886
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 1: tad that you're going to get with your your your

887
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 1: your husband or significant other. What's important is that kids

888
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 1: see the communication number one is happening, that keep people

889
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: are keeping it, keeping it one hundred and that there's

890
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 1: a resolution to that argument. So that's what's most important

891
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 1: that they see the resolution. So al right, So in closing,

892
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 1: we have to keep it. I like that saying. I'm like,

893
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: I want to steal it a little bit. We're keeping

894
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 1: it a hundred and as if you're about to have

895
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 1: a baby, if you're in the same situation as me,

896
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: let's do a little homework before next week. We're going

897
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly

898
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:10,359
Speaker 1: of pregnancy and childbirth. Um, what are our needs? Like,

899
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,439
Speaker 1: I need to do that, Like, I want to write

900
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 1: down what my actual needs are because as you said that,

901
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: did you see my face that like totally went blank.

902
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I have I don't know, I know.

903
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 1: And by the way, you don't need to be pregnant

904
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: to do that, because I'm asking myself, God, what do

905
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 1: I need today? What are my needs? So it's okay

906
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: to ask yourself that question on the regular basis. All right,

907
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 1: So that's what we're gonna do it. We're gonna keep

908
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,760
Speaker 1: it a hundred and we're gonna do that for next week. UM,

909
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. And if you

910
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 1: guys want more information on dr V, where can they

911
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: find you? Uh? Instagram you can find me a doctor,

912
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 1: d O C t O R Underscore V Underscore And

913
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 1: for Twitter you can find me at dr V Underscore

914
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: V Underscore tweet perfect. Thank you guys, see you next by.

915
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, subscribe to radio or wherever you listen

916
00:50:59,360 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: to podcasts