WEBVTT - The Guilt 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.840 Third Squad is a documentary podcast about war. All episodes 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:08.239 contain strong language and graphic descriptions of violence that may 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:23.040 not be suitable for all listeners. M I don't break 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:25.680 down crying very often. It's not like I'm a tough 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:28.319 guy or anything. It just doesn't really happen, even in 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:31.600 the privacy of my own home, until one day it 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:34.640 does in the driver's seat of a rental car and 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:38.080 the departures lane at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:56.200 I'm Elliott Woods. This is Third Squad Episode three, The Guilt. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:08.199 It's the first Saturday of March. Third Squad producer Tommy 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:11.959 Andres and I have miles to cover between San Diego 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:15.679 and our next stop, Houston, Texas, where we're gonna visit 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:19.480 Manny Mendoza, that hard working kid from the Texas border 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:22.840 town who joined the Marines because of nine eleven. We 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:25.440 turn away from the Pacific Ocean and soon we're cutting 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:29.480 across the desert within sight of the Mexican border, West 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:44.319 Texas town of Mexicans we got. We hit El Paso 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:47.760 just after dark. We wolfed down some Mexican food, and 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:49.960 then we're back on I tent heading deep into the 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.800 heart of Texas. We're making great time, but we're not 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.919 supposed to be this far along yet. There was another 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:58.320 Third Squad veteran in the San Diego area who we 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.480 were hoping to meet up with. Third Squad's Navy corman, 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:05.280 Matthew for It, who the guys called Doc. Here. He 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:07.640 is telling me about his job back at patrol based 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.400 fires in two thousand eleven. Yeah, I'm pretty much supposed 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.880 to think of an actual doctor out here, but it 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:14.760 is a lot more than that, because I'm also handling 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:18.280 like not just the major emergencies, but minor emergencies as well, 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:21.240 like when these guys get like sick with colds or 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.160 when they get like a sucking like rash they know 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:25.720 any thing about, or whether you know, I'm the one 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.400 person they turned to. It wasn't hard to find for 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.680 its contact information when I started tracking down Third Squad 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:36.360 last winter, but my calls and text went unanswered for months, 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:39.120 and it's been pretty disappointing to think I might not 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:41.799 get to talk to him. Because none of the Third 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:44.840 Squad veterans had a more intimate perspective on the physical 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:48.120 destruction caused by I. E. D. S Or a more 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:52.200 crushing burden of responsibility in the immediate moments after an explosion. 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.280 But there's another reason I want to talk to for it. 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:59.240 Something big happened to him after I left Sangin, and 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:04.400 I've never heard a story firsthand. I just about given 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:07.040 up on for it when somewhere in West Texas, my 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.040 phone rings and I see his name on the caller. 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:14.960 I d We turn on the recorder. Yeah, I figured 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:17.120 I got your name. I got your name saved in 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:21.359 my phone. How are you doing? Man? All right? What's 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:27.440 what's new? What's going on? Under? You're gonna be in Yes, 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.360 before it cuts right to the chase, he says he's 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.200 going to be in Houston while we're there, and he'll 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:34.920 actually be staying with Mendoza, the same guy we're on 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:37.960 our way to see. He says he got my messages 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:40.200 and he's willing to talk, which is a huge relief, 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.200 But he says he doesn't have much time, so we 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:44.840 make a plan to meet up as soon as we 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:47.320 get into town. All right, well, cool, thanks for calling. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:57.600 Bye bye. We drive into the early hours of the morning, 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:59.960 catch a few hours asleep at an off ramp hotel 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.240 an oil country, and we hit Houston the following afternoon. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:06.840 In a stroke of luck, we find a last minute 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:10.680 airbnb just up the road from Mendoza's apartment. It turns 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.080 out to be a strange place, like it was decked 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.680 out by someone on a bad Honky tonk acid trip. 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:21.240 The walls are painted Fanta orange and decorated with no name, 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:24.599 forty five and cheap cowboy hats, and the only light 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:26.640 in the room comes from a single bulb and a 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:31.120 dingy ceiling fan. To make matters worse, every surface in 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.320 the place is rock hard, right up to the glass 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:36.440 coffee table, which means the acoustics are going to be terrible. 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:40.159 But to quote the late Donald Rumsfeld, you go into 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.480 an interview about war with the airbnb you have not 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:50.600 the one you want. We barely have time to settle 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:54.560 in before Mendoza's pick up pulls into the driveway. Howie, partners, 0:04:55.400 --> 0:05:04.600 how's it going? All right? Yeah? Alright, yeah, I haven't 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:08.280 seen these guys in ten years. Mendoza looks more or 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:10.640 less the same, with a shock of gray hair and 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:13.840 a bit more roundness to his cheeks, but for it 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:17.120 looks totally different in the portrait I took of him 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.799 and sang in back in two thousand eleven. He's clean 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.719 shaven and has a strong tan line from his sunglasses 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:25.680 and helmet. His head is buzzed and his cheeks are 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:28.680 all hollowed out. But the guy standing before me now 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.599 has wavy red hair slicked back and hanging down to 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:35.440 his shoulders. He's got a full beard and black rimmed glasses. 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:39.880 He's wearing Doc Martin's with jeans and a black T 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:42.320 shirt stretched over his belly with the logo of a 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:46.960 metal band called Three Teeth. For It has apparently left 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.720 the high and tight military culture in the dust. We're 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.960 gonna catch up with Mendoza later. He hops in his 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.680 truck and takes off for work, and we step inside 0:05:56.720 --> 0:06:03.360 with for It. Oh yeah, this place is kind of weird. 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:10.039 We looked for the closest Airbnb two okay where Mendoza lives, 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:15.680 and it's a little Yeah, it's a little strange. Somebody 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.880 really likes to decorate before it's got a flight back 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.440 to San Diego in the morning. We only have a 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.480 couple of hours and we have a lot to talk about, 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.560 so we grab a couple of shiner box from the 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:29.120 fridge and jump right into it. It's really great that 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:30.960 we were able to get in touch, and I'm really 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:33.559 glad that you're here. I was starting to think maybe 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.840 we weren't going to get to talk to you, So 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.080 thanks for agreeing to do it. I really appreciate it. 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.719 And it's important to say right up front that I 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:44.599 know a lot of this stuff was not easy to 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:46.920 talk about then and it's not easy to talk about now, 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:51.719 and it's pretty accurate. I'm interested to know what you 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:55.520 were feeling when you saw my messages and when you 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.040 you heard that I wanted to talk to you, and 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.200 why that made you nervous. And I'm not trying to 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:02.039 put you on the spot, but just what did that 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:04.120 conjure up for you or what were you feeling? You know? 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:06.040 I mean, I think it just brought back a lot 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.720 of bad memories from that time. So I kind of like, 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:11.560 I mean, you know, and really, like I said, I'm 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.320 not really good you know, these kinds of things and 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.560 these kinds of interviews and such, So I guess like 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:21.080 I got nervous. If you will, I can see four. 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:26.040 It's anxious. He's literally recoiling from the microphone. But back 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:28.239 in sang In he was one of the most open 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.400 of the whole bunch in his interview from two thousand 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.720 eleven has stuck with me more than most over the 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.600 last decade, especially his vivid descriptions of treating casualties during 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.720 the June curse. I remember you saying that after this 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:45.200 string of I e d S in June, that you 0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.520 were justifiably, let's just say that all of your senses 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:52.480 were firing on all cylinders at all times. It accurate. Yeah, 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:54.880 I guess I'm just trying to understand like the daily 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:58.360 level of fear and anxiety and what that felt like, Like, 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:01.480 what did it feel like to live with at every day? 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:04.920 I guess so to as sent kind of aged me 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:07.600 a bit and kind of definitely I know, stress as 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.760 a lot has a big impact on your physical health. 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:12.720 We have a lot of guys who started to losing 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:16.320 their hair, started turning gray earlier, like dudes who are 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:20.920 in they're like not even past, started to get like 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:25.320 bald spots and gray hair. Everyone was worried about getting 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.720 blown up before it carried an extra load. He knew 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:32.559 that whenever an I e d went off, the casualties 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.080 lives would be in his hands, and he would have 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:37.840 a matter of minutes at most to stop the bleeding, 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.320 very large amount of pressure. As soon as you go out, 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.839 you never know, you know, is this day going to 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:50.440 be the day when something happens. And I'm the one 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.760 thing that's going to determine whether or not someone's going 0:08:52.800 --> 0:09:01.640 to be able to go home again or whatnot. Back 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:03.679 when I met Ford and sang and he was just 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:05.760 trying to get through the days one at a time, 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.319 hoping like hell, there wouldn't be any more I E 0:09:08.440 --> 0:09:11.800 d s, but always preparing himself for the next one. 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.760 He was impossibly far from the West Chicago suburbs where 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:20.440 he grew up. For it wasn't a gung ho teenage 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:24.080 recruit like some of the third Squad guys. In high school, 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:27.840 he got teased because of his weight two seventy pounds 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.480 at just five ft eleven inches tall. His size was 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:33.640 a big problem for him when he first started thinking 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.439 about joining the military. He told me about it when 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:38.920 I interviewed him at Peepee Fires in two thousand eleven, 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.120 Like I really tried wanted to join then about two 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.720 years ago. Um I had the weight though, because I 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.520 had traveled with my weight, like I was a little 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:49.439 bit like overweight, so i'd like worked out for a 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.880 little while and that I was able to join along 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.080 with this weight for it. Struggled in high school with 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.840 the learning disability called disc graphia that made it hard 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.840 for him to write clearly. He up bullied and had 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:04.160 a hard time making friends. In his own words, he 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:07.840 was a loner. He spent his free time playing computer 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:11.959 games and listening to metal and goth music. After graduation, 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.520 he took a crack at community college, but he dropped 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.720 out and got a couple of jobs working back room 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:20.560 stock at big box stores. He was twenty three and 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.880 still living with his parents when he started worrying that 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.280 his life was going nowhere, so he called a Navy recruiter. 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:29.240 At first, he thought it would be cool to be 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:32.599 a Master at Arms, basically the Navy's version of a 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.640 police officer. But by the time he cut enough weight 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:38.559 to ship to boot camp, that job wasn't available anymore, 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:41.320 and so they d me off the whole list of 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.640 different jobs, and they had told me about Corman. Asked 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:46.160 what Corman was Corman? Basically they said he do two thinks. 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.920 You neither a work in hospital or you go with 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.800 the Marines pretty much as a field medic. So I said, okay, 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:57.560 I'll take that. When for it, finally signed his enlistment papers. 0:10:57.600 --> 0:10:59.959 He became the third generation in his family to join 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:03.320 the Navy before its. Parents were proud of him, but 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.400 it was a time of war and they worried about 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:08.160 his decision to become what's known as a greenside Corman, 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:12.120 one who serves with the Marines. Before it had made 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:14.640 up his mind, he went off to boot camp in 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:18.040 Hospital Corman School, close to home at Great Lakes Naval 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:21.360 Station north of Chicago, where he did pretty well. Back 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:23.320 when I was in high school, I was always good 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.760 at science and biology, and I used to be and 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:28.400 I used to being the boy Scouts, and I knew, 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:30.120 you know, already new a little bit about first aid 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.800 and ship. So that's why why when I got to 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:35.760 course school, it was pretty easy. There will be no 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:43.920 easy days after court school for its next stop was 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:47.719 Field Medical Training Battalion or fm TB at Camp Pendleton's, 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.559 where he learned how to treat casualties and the mayhem 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:54.400 of ground combat. Then he completed a grueling live tissue 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.319 course where he and his fellow trainees had to treat 0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:00.439 live pigs and goats with real life threatening in reasons 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:05.040 simulated battles, the blood was real and live tissue training, 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:08.560 and four it took it seriously. He knew that he 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.480 was going to get fast tracked to Afghanistan, where the 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:15.200 life and death scenarios would not be simulations and where 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:19.520 the blood would be Marines. Pretty much like every day 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:23.120 on n FMTV, all we heard was just basically three five, 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:25.599 this and three you know, all the like. It was 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.239 like every day seemed like three five was taking casualties, 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:32.160 especially Corman. It seemed like they're losing Corman left and right. 0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:35.400 When I got here, of the company that we replaced, 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:40.559 only like two of the original Corman remained. Everybody else 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.840 had either have been like blown up or shot or something. 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:47.040 So yeah, when I got here, I was paranoida as 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:53.559 hell for its paranoia was entirely reasonable. In two thousand eleven, 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.520 Sangin was one of the most dangerous places on the planet. 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:01.440 Three five, the battalion that for its unit replay, had 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.560 twenty five marines killed and a hundred and eighty four 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:07.160 wounded during their seven months tour. That's almost one in 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:11.800 every five Third Squad hit the ground that April, and 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.640 for a couple of months things were quiet, but the 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.520 grace period expired and on June twelve, two thousand eleven, 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:20.960 for its training would be put to the test in 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.720 the most serious way. We're going up to uh third 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:29.560 platoon was to resupply them. And I was like in 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:32.040 the back of which all when we first heard the explosion, 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:44.839 I saw this big as huge, sixty ft mushroom cloud 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:46.400 just shoved in the air, and I was just like 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.439 the first thing I did, I just spread it towards 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.280 the front of the patrol and as soon as I 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.839 crossed the bridge, that's when the second I e d 0:13:54.920 --> 0:14:06.319 went up and that's what I got hit. When I 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.120 got blown up, like I lost my hearing for a 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:12.000 couple of seconds. I just stumbled. I kind of felt 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.040 straight to my knees. I ain't black out, but I 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:17.880 just cost sat there confused for a couple of seconds 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.720 to wanting what the hell was going on. And then 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:24.280 when the dust cleared, they died. The dude who was 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:27.040 in from the lance corporatellot, I just saw his entire 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:31.120 face was just covered in blood. First thing I did, 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:33.000 I just looked down to make sure I was still okay, 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:34.720 and make sure I still had my legs and arms, 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:38.200 and then I just went straight to McDaniels. He's talking 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:43.440 about Joshua McDaniels, Third Squads combat Engineer. When I got 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.800 to him, he had been pretty much like his legs 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.520 were gone almost at least the flesh round his legs 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:52.760 were gone, almost up to his waist, but pretty much 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:57.280 like I would say, six yes, six inches below his 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.360 hip was like where had stopped, and everything else below 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:12.200 that was just bone. The blast had shot straight up 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:15.040 into him, and like I said, his genitals had been well, 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.400 they were intact, had been pushed up into his abdomen, 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.640 and everything else around his perineum and on the other 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:26.240 side of his thighs were just torn up. It was 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:28.600 it looked like seed. It was pretty much just searried 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:43.800 raw flesh. First off, I tried getting the tourniquets on him. Um, 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:46.440 like I said, his the flesh around his leg was 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.480 pretty much gone, almost the point where it was like 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:50.520 it was hard to get a turning in on. I 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.160 go why I had like even like the metal, I 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:54.920 had a little bit difficulty just trying to get on 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:59.560 because it was like slipping off his leg almost so, 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.480 and I like, I applied like three TURNI kits on 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:07.920 his right leg and one metal one his left leg, 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:09.640 which had a little bit more flesh on it than 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:13.440 the other one, and then that began stuffing both his 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:15.800 wounds love as much gauze and combat cause that I 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.120 had just trying to get the bleeding stopped by tricking 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.720 an ivy start on him, but his veins were just 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.080 too blown out. He had lost too much blood, and 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.360 he was starting to go into unconsciousness and starting to 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.640 lose a pulse. What I did was, I like, I 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:34.240 grabbed an EpiPen and just injected with them. If you 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:35.840 give someone an emty pens at them with a drill 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:37.640 and it gets their pulse right back up and the 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.120 blood pressure backup. So that's what I did, and after 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:42.200 that I was able to actually get when pulse sign 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:55.520 him and then we got him on the brig So 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.280 what's going through your head when you're when you're doing 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:04.680 all that stuff? I was just basically like pretty much 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:06.880 just pretty much like it, just constantly saying to myself, 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.199 fuck my life over and over again. I just got 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.560 blown off myself. After that, I saw it was a 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:15.320 little bit panicky as well, but I just like just 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.280 win there and just like you know do I thought 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:22.080 was right to try to save them. McDaniels was beyond saving, 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.040 and the I E. D That killed him was only 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.119 the first of several that day. By the time the 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:32.080 dust settled, sixteen other men had been wounded, including for It. 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:36.840 Three of them lost limbs. For its ear drums got 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.640 blown out on June twelve, and he suffered a traumatic 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:41.960 brain injury that made him want to puke every time 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:46.320 he moved for days. The nausea eventually subsided, but he 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:50.119 couldn't stop obsessing over the details of that day. After 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:52.200 the incident, I was kind of like going through the 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:53.919 mine to myself, maybe I should have done this. May 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.920 ship done that. I told the core any other corner 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.639 around me would happen. They said, hey, you did you 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:01.119 know you'd do what you could do. You did the 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:02.720 best of you can. There's not a whole lot you 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:05.360 could have done for him for it. Had a new 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:10.720 appreciation for his training and a new awareness of its limits. See, like, 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:13.440 the problem with like course school is that like evil 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:15.680 with your patient assessment and you're like, okay, what you 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:17.200 do with again? Showing what if you do if you 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:19.320 got ampy tee and you know you you explain the 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.600 steps and blah blah. But it's not like you get 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:24.080 these clean cut wounds that are like, okay, I packed 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:26.040 you up, your guys. Now you get these wounds that 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:28.760 like you look at your like, holy sh it, how 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.720 am I going to fix that? For it learned with 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.920 McDaniels that there are some wounds that can't be fixed. 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.680 He also learned that his bonds with the Marines went 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:43.959 way beyond professional obligation. When you care for someone and 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:46.199 you tend to like work a little harder to like 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:49.320 for them, it's not just like some random person now, 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:51.560 it's it's like as someone you know. So when you 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:53.679 actually care about your go put them a little more 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:56.440 initiative into treating them, make sure they come back home 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:00.200 safe and alive, and if like something does happen to them, 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:02.679 you just feel like devastable when it does, it like 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.840 hits you really harder a lot more than it was 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:10.119 like some random stranger like a hospital or something, because 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.040 this is someone you'd like, because it's people like I've 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:14.720 I've spent time with, I like I like talked to 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:17.400 like chill with I consotly see on a regular basis. 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.919 Third Squad had become a second family to for it, 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:25.920 but his real family was back in the Chicago suburbs, 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:28.320 so far from Sangon they may as well have been 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:32.520 on another planet like our first mascasts happened. I did 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:34.840 get a chance to talk to my folks, but I 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:36.840 ain't tell them completely what happened because I didn't want 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:38.440 to scare the crap out of them. At least I 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:41.080 wanted to, like, I wanted to wait till we get 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.800 back and then tell him everything that happened. But then 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:48.280 they got an email from Templeton's wife explaining what happened 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.439 with McDonel's and O'Brien and there, and then I got 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:53.520 next time I took called them after that They're like, hey, 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.320 what's going on? And then I told him what was happening. 0:19:57.000 --> 0:19:58.959 So now now everybody's pretty much scared out of their 0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:05.520 minds sitting in the safety of the Houston suburbs together 0:20:05.600 --> 0:20:08.240 all these years later. I want to know what sticks 0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:12.160 with for it most from the deployment, I would say 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:17.480 for me, it would definitely be working on on McDaniels 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:21.160 and then afterwards being extremely shook up by the whole 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.960 thing and finding out that he passed away on the 0:20:23.960 --> 0:20:28.280 bird and everything. The you know smell of like iron 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:32.600 from the blood and everything, and ah, that would be 0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:34.560 probably one of the things that bothers me the most. 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:38.120 I would say that still kind of haunts me. There's 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.680 another clip from two thousand eleven that I've been thinking 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.320 about a lot ever since for it walked in the door. Actually, 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:46.600 I've been thinking about it a lot longer than that. 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:50.240 Tommy cues it up for us, people telling me, I 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:52.760 get get me. It doesn't really really hit you till 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:54.240 you get back to the state and you actually see 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:57.119 their families and ship and you see the guys walking 0:20:57.119 --> 0:21:02.199 around with like prosthetics. So it's something. But I have 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:04.880 to probably deal with playing it back. But I mean 0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:06.680 I just try to, like, I just try to move on. 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:13.119 That was weird hearing me say that benching prosthetics, I'd 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:17.400 end up with a prosthetic. That was a bit odd. 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:23.000 Here save it. The thing that everyone in third squad 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:28.440 was worried about happened to Ford. He stepped on an 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:59.119 I E. D. We'll be back after the break. So 0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:01.640 just so I'm clear, what day was this again? What 0:22:01.840 --> 0:22:06.720 was the date on AUGUSTA? Do you remember what you 0:22:06.760 --> 0:22:10.239 guys were going out to do. I remember we were 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:14.520 going out to a farm. We found something suspicious by 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:18.840 some dudes house, some dudes farm, and we came back, 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:22.399 waited for e O D two to arrive, and then 0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:26.760 we went back out there. That's Explosive Ordinance disposal, basically, 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:30.359 the bomb squad. We had just crossed one of the 0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:36.640 canals and I remember taking a few steps forward and 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:38.880 I just the first thing I saw was this kind 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:42.040 of giant dust cloud kind of pop up in front 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:49.720 of me, and that's when you heard the boom. My 0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:54.359 first thoughts were, all right, this is it. I'm gone. 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.320 I guess I fell to the ground owned I was 0:23:01.440 --> 0:23:05.240 dazed for a bit. I know, I wasn't unconscious. I 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:09.080 was just dazed and a little confused for a moment. 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:13.399 Then dust kind of settled down and kind of like 0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:19.240 just sat there for a couple of seconds. But I 0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:22.199 kind of came to and I kind of first thing 0:23:22.240 --> 0:23:24.280 I did was just I just kind of patted myself 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:27.919 down and and I'll be honest, yeah, the first thing 0:23:27.920 --> 0:23:30.400 I packed down with my dick because that's a lot 0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:32.160 what's That's what a lot of guys do pretty much 0:23:32.400 --> 0:23:39.080 in all honesty, and I was like, okay, I'm somewhat okay, 0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:41.720 I'm good. I'm still alive and I'm still here. And 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:43.439 that's when I felt the pain in my foot and 0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:48.320 I realized that part of my foot was missing. My 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:52.239 guys came rushing forward. They started treating me kind of 0:23:52.520 --> 0:23:54.879 like pointed out some things what to do, what not 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:57.160 to do, like to leave the boot on, because that's 0:23:57.200 --> 0:23:59.320 kind of what's going to be holding my foot together. 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:03.120 All the Marines had basic medical training, but for it 0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:06.280