Speaker 1: Personally Mogan Foldsman.
Speaker 2: If you're a listener of the Bobby Bone Show, then
Speaker 2: you're gonna know my guest this week. Her name is
Speaker 2: Hillary and she used to be on The Bobby Bone
Speaker 2: Show with me. But if you're not a listener, that's
Speaker 2: totally cool because she's also one of my really good
Speaker 2: friends and we're already get totally caught up on life.
Speaker 2: It will be girl chat if you will. We're going
Speaker 2: to talk changing careers, her finding her boyfriend, who is
Speaker 2: her first one ever, and they're talking about marriage and
Speaker 2: of course we have to get into some mental health
Speaker 2: stuff too. So without brother Ado, please meet one of
Speaker 2: my good friends. MS Hillary. Are you ready?
Speaker 1: Hillary, I'm excited.
Speaker 2: I'm excited to get a talk with you auto microphone.
Speaker 2: Not that I haven't talked to you in a long time,
Speaker 2: but this is our first official talk on a microphone
Speaker 2: since you left the show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been almost three years. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: that today. I was like, this is the first time
Speaker 1: I've been behind a microphone in almost three years. And
Speaker 1: the last time i was was probably the last best
Speaker 1: Bits episode I recorded with you. Yeah, probably the last time.
Speaker 2: It definitely would have been. Yeah, especially like a conversation
Speaker 2: between you and I. Yes, yeah, wow, A lot of
Speaker 2: life has happened since then. I know you want to
Speaker 2: like give it a catch up. Okay, well this whole
Speaker 2: thing is catching up. You want to share, like, Okay,
Speaker 2: you left the show?
Speaker 1: What happened?
Speaker 2: What'd you do? What? Like life events? What went down?
Speaker 1: Yes, no drama or anything. I think people were probably like,
Speaker 1: why did you leave? Like did something happen? But nothing happened.
Speaker 1: I feel like it was kind of a I was
Speaker 1: turning thirty and I had my entire twenties, I'd been
Speaker 1: in RADI almost ten years had been radio, and I
Speaker 1: just had really thought I really want to try something
Speaker 1: new going into my thirties, and I just kind of
Speaker 1: had that I don't know, like a pool. There was
Speaker 1: just something telling me like, go try something, go do something.
Speaker 1: And so it was a very scary decision because radio.
Speaker 2: Is my comfort.
Speaker 1: That's all I know is radio. So I ended up, yeah,
Speaker 1: leaving and found a job at a record label. I'm
Speaker 1: a project manager now. And yeah, it's that was I
Speaker 1: think April will be three years ago, which is crazy.
Speaker 2: And how do you feel in this new job? Like
Speaker 2: are you happy? You're still in the industry.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm happy I'm still in the industry. I do
Speaker 1: miss radio, Like there will be times where I'll see
Speaker 1: stuff on socials I'm like, dang, I do miss the
Speaker 1: show and I miss everyone there. Obviously we still talk
Speaker 1: all the time, so it's like nothing's changed between me
Speaker 1: and you. But yeah, I do miss radio. There's so
Speaker 1: many times where I'll see videos, not even just the show,
Speaker 1: but other radio people, my friends in radio, and I
Speaker 1: see them doing stuff. I'm like, dang, I miss it
Speaker 1: so much. So yeah, I do miss radio.
Speaker 2: Do you think there's a world in which you go
Speaker 2: back for the right situation.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm keeping my options opened, like if the right opportunity.
Speaker 1: I feel that way about anything, even if it was
Speaker 1: something non music industry related. Honestly, anything I have learned
Speaker 1: just to keep my options open, and who knows what
Speaker 1: could happen.
Speaker 2: Do you think like getting out of the music industry entirely, though,
Speaker 2: would make you sad because you do really love music.
Speaker 1: I think so, yeah, it would make me sad. I've
Speaker 1: thought about it before. I'm like, Okay, what if I
Speaker 1: tried something completely different, because I do want to just
Speaker 1: try new things, And that was the part of me
Speaker 1: leaving was just to try something new and learn something
Speaker 1: about myself and grow my skills in other areas. So
Speaker 1: I think if it was the right opportunity and it
Speaker 1: was something I think I would enjoy, then I would.
Speaker 1: I can't see myself going and being like accountant or anything,
Speaker 1: or you know, going back to school to be a lawyer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: absolutely not. I'm not going back to school. That's a
Speaker 1: for sure not happening. But yeah, I think it would
Speaker 1: have to be something marketing, fun, something in that realm.
Speaker 2: What about always in Nashville? I know, yes, as long
Speaker 2: as I've known you, you've missed Florida, which is your
Speaker 2: home state.
Speaker 1: Yes, I am from Florida. I do miss Florida, but
Speaker 1: I love Nashville so much that I can't see myself leaving.
Speaker 1: I'm working on getting my family here.
Speaker 2: That's getting them to move here.
Speaker 1: Where where we're at right now is I don't want
Speaker 1: to leave, so you need to come up here? And
Speaker 1: how are we working on that?
Speaker 2: How's it going?
Speaker 1: You know? I they were just here and they came
Speaker 1: to visit, so I take them to you know, pretty places,
Speaker 1: like isn't it so nice being out?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: There's mountains right there in trees, not that they don't
Speaker 1: have trees in Florida, but it's just it's a different
Speaker 1: everything different. It's a different vibe here in Tennessee. And
Speaker 1: I think my family would like it here. I keep
Speaker 1: I just keep telling them, you're gonna love it here.
Speaker 1: It's great. It's very calm and peaceful. I'm happy and
Speaker 1: I'm here, so you should come and you're here. That's
Speaker 1: all the Yeah, and they need that's the only reason,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I have tried on multiple friends and family to get
Speaker 2: them to move to Nashville, and I have been unsuccessful
Speaker 2: on every single one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard. Me and you are both trying, I know,
Speaker 1: and it hasn't worked. No, Okay, but not just career wise.
Speaker 1: So a lot has changed just in your life in general.
Speaker 1: You've had a boyfriend for a long time. Yes, When
Speaker 1: is it into February early March? Will be two years,
Speaker 1: which is so crazy.
Speaker 2: Okay. Do you want to share how you guys met,
Speaker 2: because that's as wild.
Speaker 1: Yes, we did meet at work. We set three seats
Speaker 1: down for each other. We worked together for an entire
Speaker 1: year before we started dating. We started hanging out more
Speaker 1: and to see. What happened was he invited me to church.
Speaker 1: I had been talking to him at work and I
Speaker 1: just mentioned I didn't really know he went to church,
Speaker 1: and I said that I was looking for a church home,
Speaker 1: and he said, why don't you come to my church?
Speaker 1: So I ended up going the first service I went to.
Speaker 1: It was like a special anniversary that they were having,
Speaker 1: and it was at the rhymen and Carrie Underwood showed up.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, well, this was a great first church
Speaker 1: service to go to. So but then I ended up
Speaker 1: going to like the actual services and really loved it.
Speaker 2: So I started going here at them show up some more.
Speaker 2: Just the one time she she.
Speaker 1: Goes to church there?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, and she.
Speaker 1: Recently saying there a few months ago, and I've been
Speaker 1: seeing it on social media. It's so interesting to see
Speaker 1: your church just like on news sites and stuff. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is interesting. But yeah, it's the same church she goes.
Speaker 2: Too, which is kind of kids Matt in Away, because
Speaker 2: you love Carrie Underwood.
Speaker 1: Love Carrie Underwood.
Speaker 2: She might be one of your top three.
Speaker 1: Yes, she is definitely in my top three?
Speaker 2: Is she your top one? Though? I've like Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: It's between her and Taylor Swift. Probably such a hard one,
Speaker 1: but probably Taylor. If you go look at my whatever
Speaker 1: you call it wrapped or whatever, that is, Taylor's my top. Well.
Speaker 2: You also haven't had any carry Underwood parties. You've only
Speaker 2: had Kaylu and Taylor Switch parties. Not just one, but
Speaker 2: a few.
Speaker 1: Oh a few. Yeah, get excited about these album releases
Speaker 1: you do. Yeah, now that in my job, I have
Speaker 1: to plan actual album release parties. So I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm so into doing them for work that in my
Speaker 1: own personal life, I'm like, I don't need another another
Speaker 1: party to plan.
Speaker 2: So when you did the first album release party where
Speaker 2: you like, oh, I can do this, I've I've been
Speaker 2: doing these personally forever, and then you're like, oh this
Speaker 2: it becomes when it's part of your job where this
Speaker 2: isn't fun anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, this was fun whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: when you're doing it personally. But then you're just like,
Speaker 1: I can't do this, I can't plan it, I can't
Speaker 1: plan anything else. Yeah, I put all my focus into
Speaker 1: planning my my work parties.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, So back to the boyfriend's situation, because when
Speaker 2: you were on the show, you were single and you
Speaker 2: had shared the hardships of dating. Yes, much like me.
Speaker 2: Which is funny that you when you left the show
Speaker 2: and you got a new job and you met this
Speaker 2: boyfriend in the new job. Have you ever thought about that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually have. It feels like such a god
Speaker 1: thing of Okay, maybe this is why I left because
Speaker 1: if I wouldn't have left, we would have never met
Speaker 1: each other. And I do feel like he's the one.
Speaker 1: I do think we're gonna get married. We've talked about it,
Speaker 1: We've been ring shopping, We've done all the things. So
Speaker 1: definitely feel that way about him. And it's crazy that
Speaker 1: if I would have stayed, I would have never met him.
Speaker 1: There's just we wouldn't have crossed paths. So definitely the
Speaker 1: kindest guy ever.
Speaker 2: Genuinely, I don't think I've met a more kind human being.
Speaker 2: He's just always smiling, always happy, always willing to help.
Speaker 1: Yes, he is. Like he is the happiest person I
Speaker 1: have ever met in my life and the kindest I know.
Speaker 1: He would do anything for anyone. And he's so sweet
Speaker 1: about my friend too, Like he always asks about y'all
Speaker 1: and like random stuff. Yes, he watches y'all. Stories like
Speaker 1: your things, very supportive, but he'll always ask randomly. We'll
Speaker 1: just be sitting there, how's Morgan. HIL's been doing? Like
Speaker 1: she's good, same.
Speaker 2: Same, same updates.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's doing good. But yeah, he always asks about
Speaker 1: y'all and wants to know what's going on with y'all.
Speaker 1: And just having somebody who actually cares not just about me,
Speaker 1: but my friends and my family. Is that just I
Speaker 1: don't know. That says so much to me about somebody's character.
Speaker 2: I know, and everybody collectively is super happy for you
Speaker 2: because they got to follow a piece of your story
Speaker 2: and now you're in this gray relationship. So that's exciting. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I knew about the ring shopping and stuff, But
Speaker 2: is there more to that that I don't know about yet?
Speaker 1: No, because I don't think there's anything I know, Like, like,
Speaker 1: I think something's coming. God, I don't think I've really
Speaker 1: said that out loud, but I think something's Okay, he'll
Speaker 1: get a text.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure it won't be coming at some point.
Speaker 1: I better get a text, Oh fatime to see the Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you're getting a FaceTime not a text.
Speaker 2: I mean, if it's here, I better also be there.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you have a feeling it may not.
Speaker 1: Be I think. I think maybe over the holidays.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have my feeling he's going to do it
Speaker 2: around your family because your family is so important to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to be near his family and my family,
Speaker 1: so there will be two opportunities.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if I know him and I know you,
Speaker 2: I think he will do it around your family. And
Speaker 2: maybe he like flies out his family to be there too.
Speaker 2: But I just imagine he's going to do it around
Speaker 2: your family.
Speaker 1: I think so too. Me and you're on the same
Speaker 1: way of length. Like I, I'm even nervous to say
Speaker 1: this because if he knows that I have a suspicion,
Speaker 1: he may change his plans.
Speaker 2: But you don't have to say it if you like,
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: It may happen. I need to make sure my nails
Speaker 1: aren't painted right now, but I'm going to make sure
Speaker 1: I'm going home tonight to paint my nails, and they're
Speaker 1: gonna be painted just for the foreseeable future, because you
Speaker 1: never know when it could happen.
Speaker 2: This is true, So you can't have a plane nail
Speaker 2: for the next month at least.
Speaker 1: I'm like hiding them right now because I'm embarrassed now.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we need to go paint nails. I picked
Speaker 1: out the color last night. I was like, this looks
Speaker 1: like a nice color if I were to get engaged,
Speaker 1: this is the color I want to be wearing.
Speaker 2: What is the kind of ring you want that you've
Speaker 2: been telling him that you want?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's picked out, Like I know, I've always kind
Speaker 1: of known what I wanted. I really want an oval,
Speaker 1: an oval ring with are they called? What are they called?
Speaker 1: I can't think of the Oh, Marquee. It's a Marquee
Speaker 1: diamond like on its side as the band. It's like
Speaker 1: the band would be like Marquee diamonds and then an
Speaker 1: oval in the middle. But I told him silver gold.
Speaker 1: I said, this is what I like. But if you
Speaker 1: feel inspired by something else or there's you know, you
Speaker 1: do you you know what I want, just go with
Speaker 1: it and do whatever. I'll be happy with anything.
Speaker 2: I don't care. Okay, but will you actually be happy
Speaker 2: with anything because you've had this one picked out for
Speaker 2: so long?
Speaker 1: I would? I know I say that hesitantly, but I
Speaker 1: would because I mean I honestly, at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, I just want to marry him. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: he is the type of person he's not gonna he's
Speaker 1: not gonna stray like he If.
Speaker 2: He does, it'll be similar or something better. I feel like, yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: And maybe that's why you're not as nervous to say, like,
Speaker 2: do what you want?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he has my guidance I made. So It's
Speaker 1: funny is I made a note section in my phone
Speaker 1: of what I liked, and it has all the details
Speaker 1: and everything, and I sent it, I think it was
Speaker 1: to my mom. And one day me and him were talking.
Speaker 1: This is before me and him actually went ring shopping.
Speaker 1: I had an idea of what I wanted and I
Speaker 1: had sent it to my mom and I was talking
Speaker 1: to him and he said, I know nothing about rings.
Speaker 1: What do you even want? I said, Oh, I have
Speaker 1: a whole note section. I shared it with my mom.
Speaker 1: He goes, why wouldn't you share it with me? I'm
Speaker 1: the person who's picking it out, Like, I think, I
Speaker 1: need to.
Speaker 2: Know you know what you want. So I went to
Speaker 2: her and said, of saying anything to.
Speaker 1: You, that's what I thought was gonna happen. I said,
Speaker 1: I thought you had went to my mom, not to me.
Speaker 1: I don't know I've never done this before, so I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm supposed.
Speaker 2: To do different. Some guys go to the friends, sometimes
Speaker 2: the guys out of the family. Sometimes they tell nobody,
Speaker 2: sometimes they ask the woman. It's like it depends on
Speaker 2: the partner that you have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, what are you supposed to do in these situations?
Speaker 1: There's no rule book.
Speaker 2: Have you always been because this is what's so funny
Speaker 2: about me at this point in my life. But I
Speaker 2: feel like you've stayed consistent in this. Like I had
Speaker 2: a Pinterest board growing up of everything I wanted at
Speaker 2: my wedding, the house that I wanted, and the different
Speaker 2: clothes I wanted to wear as I got older, Like
Speaker 2: all these different boards of inspiration of ways that I
Speaker 2: had panned for like one of my life to turn out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, none of it.
Speaker 2: I don't think I stayed consistent. I don't think of that.
Speaker 1: I actually have the same for myself.
Speaker 2: Okay, but you were more consistent than I am in that.
Speaker 2: I feel like you've kind of always had this feeling
Speaker 2: of like this is what I want. So have your
Speaker 2: things matched up with your Pinterest boards?
Speaker 1: Yes? And no. I feel like I've definitely changed. So
Speaker 1: I also think I need to mention too. This is
Speaker 1: my first boyfriend, like I never had a boyfriend before him,
Speaker 1: and we started eating when I was thirty. So I
Speaker 1: think as I started getting later in my twenties, I
Speaker 1: thought I may actually never get married and I need
Speaker 1: to accept this. So I think in my mind I
Speaker 1: was starting to accept that the dreams I had for myself,
Speaker 1: like the house, the wedding, everything may not happen. So
Speaker 1: things have kind of changed since then. But I do
Speaker 1: think what I would want now is very different than
Speaker 1: what I would have wanted in my twenties. I think
Speaker 1: as I've gotten to be an adult, I realized how
Speaker 1: expensive things are.
Speaker 2: A weddingess usual.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've ever googled what is
Speaker 1: the average cost of a wedding in Tennessee, But it's
Speaker 1: quite a lot.
Speaker 2: I would imagine somewhere in the fifty thousand range. It's
Speaker 2: not higher.
Speaker 1: It's probably like a higher thirties forties, okay, which I
Speaker 1: am just I am not about I that is a
Speaker 1: down payment on a house.
Speaker 2: It's also a down payment on a car. It's actually
Speaker 2: might be a whole vehicle.
Speaker 1: It's a whole vehicle. Would you rather have a car
Speaker 1: or wedding. That's one day. This has been a whole
Speaker 1: conversation me and him have had about weddings and things
Speaker 1: like that. It's turned into a whole thing of obviously
Speaker 1: I want something nice, you know, where my friends are
Speaker 1: gonna be in family, but I can't stomach paying that
Speaker 1: price and it yeah, it's just not I Also it's
Speaker 1: opened up another whole nother conversation. I have thought about
Speaker 1: this so much. Why is it always like automatically assumed
Speaker 1: the bride's family is supposed to pay for a wedding.
Speaker 2: Like it's the old school traditions I think rooted in
Speaker 2: the fact that the husband spends the rest of his
Speaker 2: life providing and taking care.
Speaker 1: Of Yes, I googled it is that what it is?
Speaker 2: That is? He's my best.
Speaker 1: Guess that is so old fashioned. I'm so sorry, But
Speaker 1: there's there are women out there who make him more
Speaker 1: than a man. Now. Yeah, and it'e I'm about to
Speaker 1: open up a can of worms. People a gonna be
Speaker 1: mad at me, but no.
Speaker 2: But I mean you you still have people who what
Speaker 2: the traditional and I think that's great if that's what
Speaker 2: you want. And I think you have a lot of
Speaker 2: people who don't. So it is interesting that, like one
Speaker 2: of the most old school traditional things is something that
Speaker 2: we don't ever like talk about. We just assume it's
Speaker 2: still going to happen, even though everything else has changed.
Speaker 1: I've never heard anybody talk about this before, and it
Speaker 1: really baffles me that nobody talks about this. And I
Speaker 1: got talked to my parents and I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: ask you for forty thousand dollars to pay for a
Speaker 1: wedding for me. I just can't imagine. Y'all have been
Speaker 1: so gracious my entire life, and I just can't. I
Speaker 1: can't do that. And you come from a you're like
Speaker 1: my family, three girls in my family, four in your family,
Speaker 1: your dad and girls, your dad and my dad right
Speaker 1: now are probably applauding us, like yes, yes, why are
Speaker 1: recent honest on me? But I just don't understand, Like
Speaker 1: why is it why why is it still automatically assumed
Speaker 1: that a bride's family is paying for a wedding.
Speaker 2: You know what's funny is like my parents are towards
Speaker 2: the point of thinking of retirement and where that's at
Speaker 2: in their lives and when they're gonna do it and whatever,
Speaker 2: and one of their conversations is like, well Morgan isn't
Speaker 2: married yet, and they're like, well, we need to make
Speaker 2: sure we have like this. And I overheard this conversation.
Speaker 2: I was like, stop right there. I do not care
Speaker 2: what your plans are for retirement. Do whatever you guys
Speaker 2: want to do, but you are not basing this off
Speaker 2: of pain for a wedding for me. Yes, like you have.
Speaker 2: Guys have done so wonderful providing for me my entire life.
Speaker 2: And I appreciate that you guys want to do that
Speaker 2: and if you want to do certain things around that gray,
Speaker 2: but you're not paying for an entire wedding. Also, I'm
Speaker 2: probably going to get married on a mountain somewhere and
Speaker 2: you won't have to worry about it.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love that. That sounds like my
Speaker 1: dream wedding too. I feel the same way, like you've
Speaker 1: provided so much for me, and my mom's like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're gonna want to, you know, pay some of it,
Speaker 1: and I said, but I can't let you pay for
Speaker 1: all of it. You know, I'm an adult making money.
Speaker 1: I just feel like, you know, it's a couple we
Speaker 1: can we can pay for. It's our wedding. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel the same way.
Speaker 2: How does uh Tyler, which is your boyfriend. Yeah, you've
Speaker 2: posted about it.
Speaker 1: I can say, yeah, we're good, We're not super fine.
Speaker 1: You can call him out.
Speaker 2: How does he feel in that conversation.
Speaker 1: He I think at first, because he's never thought about
Speaker 1: it either, nobody's thought about it, because again it's automatically
Speaker 1: assumed that a bride's family just pays for it. So
Speaker 1: he's never thought about it. Yeah, and once I explained it,
Speaker 1: he was like, oh okay, and he gets it. And
Speaker 1: he also understands It's funny because when we first had
Speaker 1: this conversation, he was, I want to have a huge wedding.
Speaker 1: We're inviting everybody, even the mailman, Like, we're inviting everyone, Like,
Speaker 1: I want everybody there.
Speaker 2: This's a big deal.
Speaker 1: And once we really talked about it financially, of this
Speaker 1: is a lot of money. Do you want to buy
Speaker 1: a house? We have future we need a plan for Yeah,
Speaker 1: we might need a SkELL Is back. So he absolutely
Speaker 1: gets it now and he's on board. And I like
Speaker 1: you to mention your parents wanting to retire. I want
Speaker 1: my parents to retire. I don't want them to have
Speaker 1: to spend more money on me. They've already you know,
Speaker 1: so kind, they paid for my college, They've paid for
Speaker 1: so much in my life that they don't need to
Speaker 1: pay this.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I don't think you and I are alone
Speaker 2: in that feeling. I think a lot of yeah, especially
Speaker 2: as we get older, because I do think this is
Speaker 2: also changing with the shift of getting married older. I
Speaker 2: think when you get married younger, you don't have the money,
Speaker 2: you don't have the funds, you haven't been working in
Speaker 2: a career long right to have this idea of what
Speaker 2: how money moves and forms and how it transpires and
Speaker 2: wasting thirty thousand dollars on a wedding.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: But the older you get, you're like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: maybe not, or I don't want to do this, and
Speaker 2: you just have different views and perspectives. Yep, And still
Speaker 2: some I also think is all so when families want
Speaker 2: to if there's families out there who they are like, no,
Speaker 2: this is we want to do this.
Speaker 1: Part of it cool, sure, business, but just.
Speaker 2: Even the idea of a big wedding in general. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't think I want to.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want a big wedding. I'm like
Speaker 1: I've even debated which I want them, but like bridesmaids
Speaker 1: and stuff, because I don't want y'all to have to
Speaker 1: pay for anything either. So I'm very much I'm very
Speaker 1: money conscious, and I've even thought of I've seen people
Speaker 1: doing airbnb weddings, which is a little cheaper as well.
Speaker 2: Where you get married, stay there all the things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the whole family can come stay, and I
Speaker 1: want it to be I'm not a big party person,
Speaker 1: Like I don't dance, I don't do any of that,
Speaker 1: you know me, And I I want it to be
Speaker 1: like an experience, like if we could all go stay
Speaker 1: in a cabin somewhere for a couple of days and
Speaker 1: like make it fun and make it like kind of
Speaker 1: like a vacation. Yeah, an experience of some sort. So
Speaker 1: that's kind of where my head is, which I need
Speaker 1: a ring before I can actually play anything. That's okay,
Speaker 1: But this is how my brain works. I just like
Speaker 1: I spiral, I think of everything.
Speaker 2: But this is the variation of pinterest board now right
Speaker 2: where you're actually picturing what is possible in what you
Speaker 2: think is the actual reality of life. Yes, you know,
Speaker 2: not just that. Oh, these are the dream goals and
Speaker 2: you're picking things that are the things that I would
Speaker 2: pin on my pinders board were probably twenty thousand dollars,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like exact crazy things that
Speaker 2: I would put.
Speaker 1: Had no idea what you were doing.
Speaker 2: No, even though I go back and look at them
Speaker 2: and I'm like, what was that?
Speaker 1: Even? What was I thinking I had? I don't know
Speaker 1: if you had to do this in home med class,
Speaker 1: but we had to do a whole Like do you
Speaker 1: know what home meck is? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Ours, I think ours was called homeck too. Okay, that
Speaker 2: was but that was like our food sewing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you do all like the the things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you learned how to cook and like we sewed
Speaker 1: pillowcases and things like that.
Speaker 2: I made a quilt in that class. Oh that's cool.
Speaker 1: We did not do that. We just did the whole pillowcases,
Speaker 1: just a little one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was not anything fancy.
Speaker 2: That might have been the advanced run. I think I
Speaker 2: might have continued in the advance. But what's crazy is
Speaker 2: I don't have any of those skills.
Speaker 1: Oh, I have none of them. Like it's very pitiful.
Speaker 1: I didn't learn much in HOMEGG. It was not when
Speaker 1: it happened, I don't even know if I did. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think I did.
Speaker 2: Did you have to carry around the baby? No, you
Speaker 2: know we did.
Speaker 1: We had to carry on eggs like we had. We
Speaker 1: had like you go buy a carton of eggs and
Speaker 1: you had to carry them around like in a little basket,
Speaker 1: the whole carton. No, like you could pick how many
Speaker 1: you wanted, like if you wanted two kids, there were
Speaker 1: your kids got it?
Speaker 2: And I remem where they were just were like little
Speaker 2: white bere eggs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were just like, oh I put a face
Speaker 1: on them, so like you made them look like you know,
Speaker 1: you may have a face.
Speaker 2: It is a literal, like little literal because they are
Speaker 2: an egg.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you would be graded on if you came
Speaker 1: back and they had a crack or a scratch or anything.
Speaker 1: You were graded on that, which kind of honestly is
Speaker 1: a little smart because if you you know, if there's
Speaker 1: a crack in your egg, then clearly you did not
Speaker 1: do a great job. So we were all walking around
Speaker 1: with our little baskets like don't come near us, don't
Speaker 1: crack our little eggs, and we'd have to put them
Speaker 1: on our desks.
Speaker 2: How long did you have to care for the eggs.
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't even remember. It was probably a few weeks.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's insane though, because listen, I get it, like
Speaker 2: kids are fragile. Yeah, but eggs, eggs like crack out
Speaker 2: a touch. I know you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I know that's what we were in charge of.
Speaker 2: Though. Oh that's funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think mine survived. If I remember, you also
Speaker 3: naturally have motherly instincts. That's always been a part of you.
Speaker 3: Like even in our friendship, you just have natural mother instincts.
Speaker 1: I think so too. I like, I just care, like
Speaker 1: I'm the one who I like to check in on everybody,
Speaker 1: make sure everybody's doing okay.
Speaker 2: Oh, and you're totally gonna be a helicopter mom.
Speaker 1: Oh you think so? Oh that scares me.
Speaker 2: You know why, because you already like you already like
Speaker 2: to watch us, like where we're going, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: there you are, So.
Speaker 1: You're totally gonna be doing that time my friend.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know, I admitted.
Speaker 1: I admitted to everyone that because I follow, we all
Speaker 1: follow each other. I'm like, there will be just some
Speaker 1: nights and like this gonnake sounds so creepy, but I'll
Speaker 1: just be laying in bed, Like, I just want to
Speaker 1: make sure everybody's okay, and so I check my little
Speaker 1: app I'm like, okay, Morgan's at her house, Doty's at hers,
Speaker 1: Gillian's here, Morgan's other, Morgan's my neighbor, so I know
Speaker 1: she's like right next door to me. So I just
Speaker 1: like to make sure everybody's in their house and everybody's safe.
Speaker 1: I don't do that often, it's just occasionally if I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about y'all, I like to make sure you're good.
Speaker 2: You do and it's a great quality trait. But you're
Speaker 2: totally gonna be doing that with your kids.
Speaker 1: I hope I'm a cool mom. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be a helicopter mom.
Speaker 2: I think you'll also be a cool mom, but you
Speaker 2: will be a helicopter mom. I think that's just part
Speaker 2: of your care. Yeah, you know, I care because Karen
Speaker 2: can also come off as overbearing to a teenage kid,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, So like it will be
Speaker 2: out of loving care. But you will totally be doing that,
Speaker 2: and probably more so than you do for us. You'll
Speaker 2: be checking them like.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's going to be yes. I actually can see
Speaker 1: myself being person I think I'm just trying not to
Speaker 1: admit it, but I absolutely will probably be that person
Speaker 1: that mom, you.
Speaker 2: Are also a little FBI investigator and can find any
Speaker 2: and everything on the internet, which means your kids want
Speaker 2: people to hide anything from me.
Speaker 1: No oh no, no, you will not hide anything from me.
Speaker 1: Like you think you know tricks and secrets and how
Speaker 1: to get away with something. Nope, I'll catch you.
Speaker 2: You know. And I wanted to talk about to the
Speaker 2: I'm scared. Well, no, it's it's kind of back to
Speaker 2: what we were talking about. But what has that experience
Speaker 2: been because we went on multiple different roads here, But
Speaker 2: you had mentioned how Tyler is your first boyfriend and
Speaker 2: now like potentially going to be your fiance. But what's
Speaker 2: that been like for you? He's your first boyfriend and
Speaker 2: you weren't dating before that. Is there like any part
Speaker 2: of you that thinks about that and that kind of situation?
Speaker 1: Yes, I yes, I have thought about it. First of all,
Speaker 1: when I was never you know, part of the reasons
Speaker 1: I haven't dated was I feel like if I liked
Speaker 1: a guy, they wouldn't like me back. So it wasn't
Speaker 1: like a choice. Part of it was, but part of
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It was just people just didn't like me.
Speaker 1: So I always saw something was wrong with me.
Speaker 2: Okay, I liked.
Speaker 1: You, well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: There were I'm ninety nine point nine percent sure even
Speaker 2: though I have only known you my adult life that
Speaker 2: there were people that liked you. You just probably didn't feel
Speaker 2: that back.
Speaker 1: So they never pursued it or they didn't tell me.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's possible too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you maybe beautiful.
Speaker 2: So I can guarantee that there were people that liked you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe they just didn't tell me. Okay, so maybe
Speaker 1: there have been missed opportunities, which is fine because I'm
Speaker 1: happy where I'm at. Yeah, but yeah, no, I've always
Speaker 1: felt like, okay, something's wrong with me. If I'm not
Speaker 1: nobody likes me, nobody wants to be in a relationship with me.
Speaker 1: Something's wrong with me. And I'd have strangers on the
Speaker 1: internet tell me something was wrong with me too, So
Speaker 1: that didn't help. Yeah, they definitely let me go. They're like,
Speaker 1: something's wrong with you, Like, are you you know? Normal?
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I'm fine, You're perfectly normal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just not finding someone.
Speaker 2: The timeline was just different.
Speaker 1: My timeline was different, and it was definitely worth the
Speaker 1: way of waiting for waiting to find him like he is,
Speaker 1: like you said, just to a gem of a human. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's precious.
Speaker 2: Well do you feel like, do you still have those
Speaker 2: feelings now or did once you met him? Did that
Speaker 2: all kind of quiet itself?
Speaker 1: It? Did? It quieted itself? I mean I I you
Speaker 1: know me, I struggle with self confidence issues and things
Speaker 1: like that. So that stuff has remained, but the whole
Speaker 1: it was like it was different. It was I do
Speaker 1: feel like I'm worthy enough and you know, good enough
Speaker 1: for someone, and so I feel very secure in that.
Speaker 1: But within myself, I definitely still have, you know, the
Speaker 1: doubts and self confidence issues, all those things.
Speaker 2: You want to talk about that a little bit because
Speaker 2: mental health is part of this podcast, yes, and we
Speaker 2: talk about those things a lot. So where do you
Speaker 2: feel like you're at kind of right now in your
Speaker 2: life with your I guess you can say self love journey.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you're on a better path or
Speaker 2: do you feel like you're kind of stagnant? Where are
Speaker 2: you right now?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a good place now. I
Speaker 1: think a couple a couple of years ago, i'd had
Speaker 1: not I was not in the best place, which was
Speaker 1: right around the time. It was right before I started
Speaker 1: dating Tyler. But I'll never forget. We were at a dinner,
Speaker 1: you know exactly. I know you're gonna remember what it was.
Speaker 1: It was a Valentine's Day. It was Valentine's Day dinner.
Speaker 1: And at the point at that time, I was still
Speaker 1: single and I just turned thirty, and I just was
Speaker 1: having so many self doubt issues. And I've dealt with
Speaker 1: that my entire life ever, Like, honestly, ever since I
Speaker 1: was an elementary school I've dealt with self confidence issues
Speaker 1: and I didn't know it at the time. As I've
Speaker 1: gotten older, I've learned a lot about anxiety and things
Speaker 1: like that, and I know that's you know, what I
Speaker 1: was dealing with. But yeah, a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: I remember I was just in not a great place.
Speaker 1: I didn't like myself. I've always struggled with weight and
Speaker 1: you know how I view myself body, my body issues, Yeah,
Speaker 1: body image issues. It's a great way put that. So
Speaker 1: at that time, I was really dealing with a lot
Speaker 1: of those issues. And I've definitely always struggled with body
Speaker 1: image issues and that's always probably been one of my
Speaker 1: main things that I've struggled when it comes to myself
Speaker 1: and self confidence issues. And yeah, a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: I just I was dealing with with those things, and
Speaker 1: I feel like I can talk about like I feel
Speaker 1: like it's kind of probably like trigger warning type stuff
Speaker 1: for some people, but I definitely do feel like I
Speaker 1: had like eating disorder type stuff. I mean, I would
Speaker 1: there were times that I would make myself throw up
Speaker 1: or I wouldn't eat, like I would starve myself. And
Speaker 1: I kind of had dealt with that a little bit
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, and I was doing fine, and
Speaker 1: then for some reason, a couple of years ago, I
Speaker 1: just was having some issues and just not loving myself.
Speaker 1: I was turning thirty and I was not at all
Speaker 1: where I thought i'd be in my life. And I
Speaker 1: think that had a lot to do with it. Was
Speaker 1: turning thirty and realizing I'm not married, I don't own
Speaker 1: a house, they don't have kids. I'm not at all
Speaker 1: where I thought I would be in life. And I
Speaker 1: was also making career changes, so everything all at once.
Speaker 1: Everything was changing at once, and I was not feeling
Speaker 1: good about myself. And so a couple of years ago, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just was not, and I was in a very
Speaker 1: dark place and just not feeling good about myself. And
Speaker 1: we were out that dinner and I don't remember what
Speaker 1: was said, something said and I just started bawling my
Speaker 1: eyes out at the dinner, and we got up and
Speaker 1: went into your jeep, and you and Jodi were there,
Speaker 1: and y'all said, we're not leaving until you tell us
Speaker 1: what's going on. And I remember I was just crying
Speaker 1: so hard I couldn't barely speak, and I was just
Speaker 1: so embarrassed because I never I do need to say,
Speaker 1: i'd never really admitted to anybody that I did all
Speaker 1: of that stuff. And because I was embarrassed and nobody
Speaker 1: knew that that had ever happened, that I was doing,
Speaker 1: you know, making myself sick, not eating things like that,
Speaker 1: nobody knew. And I finally was able to open up
Speaker 1: to y'all about that. And I will never forget that
Speaker 1: night of just sitting there for I don't even know
Speaker 1: how long, just crying and just I don't think many
Speaker 1: words were said. It was just y'all being there and
Speaker 1: being able to cry to y'all and admit, this is
Speaker 1: what's going on in my life. And I have these
Speaker 1: bad habits again like I had them before and I
Speaker 1: got past it, but it's happening again, and I feel
Speaker 1: alone and I feel stuck, and I feel like what
Speaker 1: do I do? So I remember being able to talk
Speaker 1: to y'all about that that night.
Speaker 2: I feel like that was a turning point for you
Speaker 2: because I had known you a couple of years before that.
Speaker 2: We had been friends for a couple of years at
Speaker 2: that point, and I had seen a little bit of
Speaker 2: the decline in your mental health just as you were
Speaker 2: making the changes with your career and things were just
Speaker 2: shifting in your life and it was hard, just as
Speaker 2: life changes are, and things happened. But I was watching
Speaker 2: it happen and it was one of those things where
Speaker 2: and I had said this to you on multiple times,
Speaker 2: I was like, hell, we got to go to therapy,
Speaker 2: come on, we have to do this, and you just
Speaker 2: would kind of look at me like yeah, I know,
Speaker 2: I know, and I just kind of sat there waiting.
Speaker 2: It was a tough position as a friend because all
Speaker 2: I wanted to do was help you, But at the
Speaker 2: same time, I knew I couldn't help you until you
Speaker 2: wanted to help yourself, you know. I could just keep saying, hey,
Speaker 2: let's do this, or hey, you know, I'm here, but
Speaker 2: it didn't matter, right, because all you can do is
Speaker 2: just physically be there and wait until the timing is
Speaker 2: right for that person to make that decision. And I've
Speaker 2: you know, people have been there for me at that
Speaker 2: point in my life, and I knew that was the
Speaker 2: position that I needed to do for you at that time.
Speaker 2: So when that did finally happen, I don't know if
Speaker 2: you felt like a whole weight off your shoulders, but
Speaker 2: I felt this concern that I had for you finally
Speaker 2: go away, and it was like you had reached the
Speaker 2: point where you were like, I need help and I
Speaker 2: don't know what else to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt that I felt, just even admitting to y'all,
Speaker 1: a weight lifted off my shoulders and it was I
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm so bad with all, you know, just
Speaker 1: talking about problems like I'm a peacemaker. I'm a nine
Speaker 1: on the enneagram. I'm very much a peacemaker, and I
Speaker 1: don't like to talk about problems with myself or if
Speaker 1: I have a problem with somebody. I'm just not good
Speaker 1: about talking about things. I sweep it under the rug.
Speaker 1: Don't want to talk about it, don't want to be
Speaker 1: a burden. And I think I had just gotten to
Speaker 1: a point where I was so low that I needed
Speaker 1: to say something and I just like had hit my
Speaker 1: breaking point. And I did end up going to therapy
Speaker 1: and it helped so much. I was on anxiety medications
Speaker 1: and that helped. Yeah. I just I knew I needed
Speaker 1: to get my life, you know, back, and I needed
Speaker 1: to be happy with myself. I also started going to
Speaker 1: church again. That was about the time when I started
Speaker 1: when I you know, started eating Tyler and I credit y'all,
Speaker 1: and I credit him with, you know, the healing I
Speaker 1: guess that I had from that. I started going to
Speaker 1: church with him and I needed that. That was first
Speaker 1: of all, the main thing I needed. And then going
Speaker 1: you know, talking to somebody about how I was feeling.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like I I call like a
Speaker 1: silent struggle. I was silently struggling for so long and
Speaker 1: didn't want to admit anything. And so when I finally did,
Speaker 1: there were just people people were able to tell me
Speaker 1: how I can kind of help myself, like what I
Speaker 1: can do and you know, it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1: And I just had kind of silently dealt with it
Speaker 1: for so long that it really was a huge weight
Speaker 1: lifted off my shoulders.
Speaker 2: So you know, you are that the personality type of
Speaker 2: who you are as one hundred percent of peacemaker, definitely,
Speaker 2: but more so than that. It's funny I called this
Speaker 2: out at the beginning of our friendship because we are
Speaker 2: vastly different in our personalities. But it's more so because
Speaker 2: I wear my heart on my sleeve, You're gonna hear
Speaker 2: everything that's going on in my life. It's going to
Speaker 2: be out there. I suck it lyning, So it's just
Speaker 2: it's like word vomit all the time, and you're much
Speaker 2: more reserved. So we would have a few dinners, especially
Speaker 2: at the beginning of our friendship, where I'm like, I
Speaker 2: still don't know anything about Hillary, and I feel like
Speaker 2: she doesn't want to tell me anything because you just
Speaker 2: you kept it all in. You have the person that, oh,
Speaker 2: it's okay, like I and you didn't want to, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to push because I
Speaker 2: don't want her to be uncomfortable. So I need to
Speaker 2: know things about it if we're gonna have a friendship,
Speaker 2: you know, and you did as time went on, you
Speaker 2: would open up more, but it was still still part
Speaker 2: of you. Like I really had to push on you
Speaker 2: when I needed to know if you were okay. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I had to be like, no, I know you're not,
Speaker 2: so tell me, and it's this is a safe space
Speaker 2: and get it out right now. And I'm glad though
Speaker 2: that you've evolved in who you are, that you've at
Speaker 2: least learned that you are allowed to say things and
Speaker 2: not feel shame or like repercussions for that type you
Speaker 2: had before. Yeah, yeah, like afraid of what was going
Speaker 2: to be on the other side of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt like people would I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: not that I felt people would judge me, but again,
Speaker 1: like I felt, I never want to be a problem.
Speaker 1: I never want to be a burden for people, and
Speaker 1: I felt like I was. And I know that's terrible
Speaker 1: to say, because I know y'all don't feel that way,
Speaker 1: but that's just how I felt. And I didn't want
Speaker 1: people to feel like they had to take their time
Speaker 1: and their energy to worry about me, And so I
Speaker 1: kind of would just pretend like everything was okay, well.
Speaker 2: And correct me if I'm wrong. But you had had
Speaker 2: previous people in your life who had made you feel
Speaker 2: that way. Yes, so there was reason for you to
Speaker 2: believe that this was going to be everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it did.
Speaker 2: So why would you trust new people? Why would you
Speaker 2: make friends when the only history you've known is these
Speaker 2: horrible experiences? Of course, that's who you were for a
Speaker 2: long time. And it hurts my heart that it took
Speaker 2: so long for you to finally be like it almost
Speaker 2: took you cracking to be able to finally be like, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: these people aren't leaving. Yeah, and that was how much
Speaker 2: hurt and pain and trauma those people inflicted on you
Speaker 2: for then you to have years of that finally kind
Speaker 2: of melt away and say, Okay, I have to do
Speaker 2: this because otherwise I don't know what the other option is. Yeah,
Speaker 2: have you ever thought about that? And like that way?
Speaker 1: I really haven't. This is like the first time I'm
Speaker 1: really kind of thinking of it this way and kind
Speaker 1: of going along with that. I'm thinking back to I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm this just goes to show how I
Speaker 1: feel so healed in a much better place. I forget
Speaker 1: about some of those things that I've gone through, And
Speaker 1: because I didn't have the best friendships before, I'm at y'all,
Speaker 1: and that definitely didn't help things. And I'd never really
Speaker 1: felt like I had a great group of friends who
Speaker 1: were there through everything and we're going to be there
Speaker 1: through everything until I met y'all. And we just have
Speaker 1: such a good core group of friends here. And that
Speaker 1: may be why I felt that way, because I just didn't,
Speaker 1: you know, I had my family, like me and my
Speaker 1: mom are best friends, and I tell her every I
Speaker 1: didn't tell her any of this when I was dealing
Speaker 1: with it at the time, but in associated with shame
Speaker 1: and the embarrassment, I didn't I didn't want her to
Speaker 1: know like I was thinking these things and that I
Speaker 1: would literally look in the mirror and think, I don't
Speaker 1: like anything about myself and I am so unhappy. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to eat today because I don't like how
Speaker 1: I look. And I didn't want her to know that
Speaker 1: she already already worries about me enough like moving away
Speaker 1: from home, I don't need to worry her even more.
Speaker 1: So That's kind of where my mind was at. And
Speaker 1: so I think I just that was probably the person
Speaker 1: I could open up to about stuff was and I
Speaker 1: just bottled it all in and I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to talk about it, and so I just kind
Speaker 1: of kind of hit it. But I think I've dealt
Speaker 1: with this through or ever since middle school and high school.
Speaker 1: I've dealt with things like this, So.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you certainly haven't had an easier road and the
Speaker 2: conversations we've had, And that was one of the things
Speaker 2: you and I connected with heavily on when we first
Speaker 2: became friends, was the bullying and the mean girls and
Speaker 2: am I ever going to have friends? And what does
Speaker 2: that look like? And yeah, it's really hard, and you
Speaker 2: are right, I remember very little at this point. I've
Speaker 2: blocked a lot out.
Speaker 1: I've blocked a lot out.
Speaker 2: I had on my teacher, who was the one who
Speaker 2: i'd like hide in her class.
Speaker 1: That Yes, that was so sweet. I love that you
Speaker 1: had her on.
Speaker 2: It was so good. But she would recall things and
Speaker 2: I was like, dang, I don't remember that. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: it was like I my body. Once I let go
Speaker 2: of it and healed from it, I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I put that And like even her and I just
Speaker 2: talking after, she's like, we're gonna you really went through
Speaker 2: some horrible things. And she would recall these situations and
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, I forgot that. That was pretty bad.
Speaker 1: It's like when you're healed, you just it's kind of
Speaker 1: like you forget. You just feel a piece and so
Speaker 1: you're not worrying about those things anymore and they're.
Speaker 2: Not trigger anymore. So that's why I think, yeah, they're
Speaker 2: still pieces of those that are right, Like, that's what
Speaker 2: you're experiencing when this moment happened and you had this
Speaker 2: trigger of like, oh gosh, I'm about to do this
Speaker 2: and I don't know what the reaction is gonna be.
Speaker 1: This is this is interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you've grown even from that because now
Speaker 2: that's not a trigger. Right now, you open up to
Speaker 2: us all the time.
Speaker 1: I tell y'all everything. Y'all were like, that's probably a
Speaker 1: little too much. No, yeah, I know I can tell y'all,
Speaker 1: tell y'all anything. Have I ever told you? I don't
Speaker 1: have shared this. I think this is why a lot
Speaker 1: of my body issues started about this one teacher we
Speaker 1: had in high school. It was well middle school, high school.
Speaker 1: So I've always ever since I was young. I remember
Speaker 1: I was always the girl who like had boobs, Like
Speaker 1: I was just I was curvy, even when I was
Speaker 1: like middle school and I always thought that was a
Speaker 1: negative thing because all my friends were like stick figures
Speaker 1: and looked like models, and I was like, oh, why
Speaker 1: don't I look like that? And so curves are great,
Speaker 1: by the way, they are beautiful. I've embraced them now.
Speaker 1: But I went to a private school and there was
Speaker 1: this one lady there still remember his day picturing her
Speaker 1: right now. I always felt that I was a target
Speaker 1: because I had big boobs, like I couldn't I couldn't
Speaker 1: wear tank tops and stuff because I woud get in trouble,
Speaker 1: like cammis and stuff underneath, like we had to wear
Speaker 1: collar shirts, and so all my friends would wear, you know,
Speaker 1: cammis and tank tops under theirs. I wasn't allowed to
Speaker 1: do that because if any little cleavage showed, I would
Speaker 1: get in trouble. So this is from eighth grade to
Speaker 1: senior in high school that I'm being told constantly, pull
Speaker 1: your shirt up, button your shirt up. You can't look
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Some time in a girl's life where she's taken everything.
Speaker 1: She's taking, and so I've always thought like my body
Speaker 1: is something I should be ashamed of. And I think
Speaker 1: that's where a lot of this started. And I'll never
Speaker 1: forget my senior year of high school, we were going
Speaker 1: to prom and we had to get our dresses approved
Speaker 1: before prom, and I'd gotten mine approved by a teacher.
Speaker 1: This specific lady did not see my dress beforehand, so
Speaker 1: she hadn't approved it. So when I walked into prom,
Speaker 1: she sees me, I've really walked in and she immediately
Speaker 1: comes up to me. She goes, what are you wearing?
Speaker 1: And I was like, excuse me, and she said, did
Speaker 1: you get your dress approved? And I said, yeah, I did,
Speaker 1: and you know so and so approved it, and she said,
Speaker 1: I would have never approved this dress. I cannot believe
Speaker 1: you're wearing that. When I tell you it was like
Speaker 1: a little sweetheart like neckline. I even had even added straps,
Speaker 1: like it was so modest. Anybody knows my mother, No,
Speaker 1: she's not gonna let me walk out of the house
Speaker 1: of my boobs hanging out, like that's just not gonna happen,
Speaker 1: and come from a very you know, modest family. And
Speaker 1: I cried. I went in the bathroom and she because
Speaker 1: she even said, you know, I won't make you leave
Speaker 1: if you can cover up, And I was like, you're
Speaker 1: gonna make me leave because of this? And I see
Speaker 1: another girl over here who like, she's her dress is
Speaker 1: a little bit lower than mine, and you're not saying
Speaker 1: anything to her, And I just I had been made
Speaker 1: to believe, like my entire middle school high school years,
Speaker 1: that the way my body was was wrong. And then
Speaker 1: I needed to cover up, and oh my mother was
Speaker 1: not happy that, but it was just crazy and so
Speaker 1: I was so just like I mean, I was shaking,
Speaker 1: I was crying. And the teacher who had approved my dress,
Speaker 1: her name was mths Hall. I feel I can give
Speaker 1: her shout out because she's amazing. And she found me
Speaker 1: in the bathroom and she's like, what's going on? And
Speaker 1: I told her and she was so unhappy, and she
Speaker 1: was like, you are beautiful. Your dress is beautiful. I
Speaker 1: want you to go out there and have a good
Speaker 1: time and ignore this. You are beautiful. And it was
Speaker 1: just so sweet, sweet to have her, in that moment
Speaker 1: be able to say that to me. But I think
Speaker 1: that's where a lot of my issues began, was, you know,
Speaker 1: constantly being told that the way you look and what
Speaker 1: you have is wrong.
Speaker 2: Well rightfully so because I was a teacher, that was
Speaker 2: somebody in a position of power who made you feel
Speaker 2: inadequate in a very vulnerable moment, and so taken aback
Speaker 2: when you had done all of the right steps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like this is someone.
Speaker 2: Who targeted you, for sure in a way, and that
Speaker 2: hurts my heart for you. And I think it's a
Speaker 2: testament to you said, her name is Missus Hall. Yes,
Speaker 2: And and teachers like mine, Missus Manning, who do step
Speaker 2: in when the other ones fail. Yeah, and they show
Speaker 2: up and they they make you feel warm and welcome
Speaker 2: and loved for who you are. But it's also scary.
Speaker 2: It's a scary thing that there's people out there in
Speaker 2: the world, especially in the very formative years of kids' lives,
Speaker 2: who can set the course, Yeah, in the wrong direction.
Speaker 2: Like even though you had this other teacher who came
Speaker 2: in and said, do not listen to this, your beautiful, amazing,
Speaker 2: that's still planted a seed in your head and it
Speaker 2: stayed there and it never went away.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I will never forget how that made me feel.
Speaker 1: And I still, you know, to this day, feel that way.
Speaker 1: When I'm wearing things, I'm like, oh, got to make
Speaker 1: sure I'm all covered up, or you know, got to
Speaker 1: make sure I'm looking okay, because it's just so ingrained
Speaker 1: in my brain. Ye, and I hate you know, it's
Speaker 1: so sad, But I think that's where a lot of
Speaker 1: my body issues began. Was from that and somebody commenting
Speaker 1: on it, and you know, telling me the way I
Speaker 1: looked wasn't wasn't right?
Speaker 2: You know. I remember there was a time when you
Speaker 2: were trying on dresses for something.
Speaker 1: We were in your room. Oh was it CMA Awards
Speaker 1: or was it for like, oh, I can't remember what
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 2: It might have been CMA Awards, okay, but you were
Speaker 2: showing me different dress options, and I remember this being
Speaker 2: a conversation where you're like, well, my boobs. I was like,
Speaker 2: who cares? They look amazing, And I was sitting there
Speaker 2: trying to like hype you up in every direction looked fabulous,
Speaker 2: but this was a very and you're like, I can't.
Speaker 2: I don't think you ended up wearing that dress ident it.
Speaker 1: For that reason, I got something else that was like
Speaker 1: straight across. Because it's just in my brain, because it's
Speaker 1: not even that I think it's wrong, it's how now
Speaker 1: I see myself and I see, oh, that's not good
Speaker 1: or that doesn't look good, or oh you know, I'm fat,
Speaker 1: or you know that it honestly just turned into that.
Speaker 1: It made me just hate every single piece of my body.
Speaker 2: You know what, I hope on your wedding day you
Speaker 2: wear a sweetheart neckline dress.
Speaker 1: You know. I've thought about that, and I think that
Speaker 1: it's going to it. I hope it doesn't, but I
Speaker 1: think it may affect how I shop for dresses and stuff.
Speaker 1: I thought about my wedding day and what I'm gonna wear, and.
Speaker 2: I will be there to shop with you for dresses,
Speaker 2: and I am not gonna let you not pick out
Speaker 2: the dress.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna be like you're wearing this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's something.
Speaker 2: It's crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm about to be thirty two, and it's something that
Speaker 1: still affects me to this day. I think of those
Speaker 1: moments and think of, you know, the other times people
Speaker 1: have commented on my body and you know, said things
Speaker 1: about it. I just think about that.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm sure there's other women out there listening to
Speaker 2: and who feel similar. So like, if you could go
Speaker 2: back and tell yourself something in that moment, what would
Speaker 2: you have wanted to hear? I besides the fact that
Speaker 2: they should have happened, right, Sure, that's coming up.
Speaker 1: This should have happened. Honestly, I would just look at
Speaker 1: myself and I would tell myself, you're beautiful. I know
Speaker 1: that sounds so cheesy, but I would because I didn't
Speaker 1: think I was, and I I would just tell myself,
Speaker 1: you're going to be okay, You're going to like look
Speaker 1: where I'm at now. At the time, I wanted to
Speaker 1: move to Nashville, I wanted to have this job, I
Speaker 1: wanted to do all these things, and I was able
Speaker 1: to go do it. So I would just tell myself,
Speaker 1: you're beautiful and you're going to be okay. Just keep going.
Speaker 2: Oh well, that's why I always end everything out of advice,
Speaker 2: and that was really pretty advised. So I feel like
Speaker 2: that's where we shouldn't know. Thank you, even though I
Speaker 2: want to talk to you forever and we have more
Speaker 2: to catch up. I guess you'll just have to come
Speaker 2: back for a part too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would love to. I love doing stuff like this.
Speaker 1: I've missed it so much, so I will I will come.
Speaker 1: I'll come talk to you off mics, but also on
Speaker 1: mics anytime.
Speaker 2: Yes, do another. Is there anything else you wanted to
Speaker 2: bring up before we leave?
Speaker 1: I think we've covered a lot I think I'm good.
Speaker 1: I do want to say I'm very happy for you
Speaker 1: and where you're at in life, Like I do want
Speaker 1: to say that, like you are just killing it and
Speaker 1: amazing and and I'm not just saying that because you're,
Speaker 1: you know, one of my best friends, but I mean,
Speaker 1: just over our friendship, the growth I have seen in
Speaker 1: you is just incredible. We sat here and talked about
Speaker 1: me this whole time, but you, like, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just been amazing.
Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna cry. This was you. You were my guests,
Speaker 2: we were talking about you. I do feel like I'm
Speaker 2: in a I feel like I am in a you know,
Speaker 2: where they say you have to shed old layers and
Speaker 2: old experiences to enter a new season.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think this was almost a year of a lot
Speaker 2: of shedding. Yeah, and next year is about to be
Speaker 2: a crazy year. Yeah, is what it feels like, even
Speaker 2: though this year was crazy and I like it this
Speaker 2: year and it's wild, but.
Speaker 1: It is absolutely crazy. But you survived and you did it,
Speaker 1: and I feel you've grown so much and have learned
Speaker 1: very hard lessons but you're still standing and you're doing amazing,
Speaker 1: and I just I it's like happy Morgan his here
Speaker 1: and back and like my beautiful, bright, positive friend and
Speaker 1: I just I love that.
Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you. You've been a great friend to
Speaker 2: me for the entire time that I've known you. So
Speaker 2: I'm just glad that you're so happy and in a
Speaker 2: very happy phase of your life and you have gotten
Speaker 2: to see how amazing you are as you've grown.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely feel it, So I appreciate it, appreciate
Speaker 1: you and your friendship.
Speaker 2: And our little love fast needs in because I'm Gona
Speaker 2: kryaka fine By. I hope you all enjoyed the girl
Speaker 2: chat this week with Hillary and myself was really fun
Speaker 2: getting to catch up with her. I really like having
Speaker 2: the girl chats on the microphone for you guys all
Speaker 2: to hear. If you want to follow her on Instagram
Speaker 2: at Hillary dot Borden b O r d in. With
Speaker 2: the holidays coming up, I still plan to put out
Speaker 2: some new podcast episodes, so make sure you subscribe so
Speaker 2: you don't miss them, because one of them might be
Speaker 2: coming to you from your TBD. I hope it works
Speaker 2: out how I have planned in my brain, and it
Speaker 2: may not, but we're gonna try, all right, friends, thanks
Speaker 2: for being here. I'll talk to you guys next week,
Speaker 2: Love you bye,