1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:13,440
Speaker 1: M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

2
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,880
Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

3
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,560
Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

4
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,919
Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

5
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,720
Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

6
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,800
Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

7
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,920
Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

8
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,640
Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

9
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,240
Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

10
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,440
Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

11
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,680
Speaker 1: much for joining me for session of the Therapy for

12
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 1: Black Girl's podcast. Today, I want to dig into a

13
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,920
Speaker 1: topic that's been coming up in a few of my

14
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,600
Speaker 1: conversations online, and that's a fear of rejection. You know

15
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. Your anxiety is so great about

16
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,400
Speaker 1: not getting the thing or the opportunity that you don't

17
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,319
Speaker 1: even go after it in the first place. So I

18
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,320
Speaker 1: wanted to spend some time today unpacking this a little

19
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 1: to see if it will help you to do a

20
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,280
Speaker 1: little digging on your own. But before we happ into

21
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,440
Speaker 1: this conversation, let's hear a quick word from our sponsor

22
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:39,440
Speaker 1: introducing the all new and totally reimagined Ford Explore. It's

23
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,680
Speaker 1: built for modern exploration, whether venturing across country or simply

24
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:48,040
Speaker 1: across town, over various terrains or through rough weather, it's

25
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:52,880
Speaker 1: all good. The Ford Explore is specifically designed for comfort, confidence,

26
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,240
Speaker 1: and a whole lot of style. Ready to explore more

27
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:02,480
Speaker 1: Explore the greatest ex floration vehicle of all time, built

28
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:07,120
Speaker 1: forward proud. In a few conversations I've had recently, people

29
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,280
Speaker 1: have expressed concerns around either seeking out certain opportunities or

30
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,280
Speaker 1: putting themselves out there in terms of dating, And when

31
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,600
Speaker 1: I ask a few questions, it appears that they're holding

32
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,720
Speaker 1: back because they're afraid they'll be rejected. Now, of course

33
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,960
Speaker 1: this is understandable, right, I mean, nobody wants to stand

34
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,919
Speaker 1: in line to be rejected. But I think it's also

35
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,360
Speaker 1: important to consider what we might be depriving ourselves of

36
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,160
Speaker 1: and the world of by not putting ourselves out there

37
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,639
Speaker 1: in certain situations. So, if this is something that's popping

38
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,560
Speaker 1: up in your life, here are five questions I want

39
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:47,399
Speaker 1: you to consider. Number one, what are you afraid will

40
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:52,000
Speaker 1: happen if you don't get this thing. For example, let's

41
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,360
Speaker 1: say you're considering applying for a promotion at your current workplace.

42
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,359
Speaker 1: What do you think will happen if you aren't selected

43
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:02,240
Speaker 1: for the promotion? Will you lose your current job? Well

44
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,480
Speaker 1: people think less of you? Will you be embarrassed? What

45
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,720
Speaker 1: is it that you're so afraid will happen? Sometimes thinking

46
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,160
Speaker 1: about this and sitting with the answers can give you

47
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,160
Speaker 1: some clarity about how you might be able to move forward.

48
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,720
Speaker 1: Question number two, Have you created an identity that is

49
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 1: centered around rejection? You will always picked last for the

50
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,040
Speaker 1: teams in grade school, you didn't get into your first

51
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,919
Speaker 1: choice for college, and the person you thought would be

52
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:37,320
Speaker 1: your person forever broke up with you. Sometimes, when things

53
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,360
Speaker 1: happen repeatedly in our lives, we begin to overidentify with

54
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,440
Speaker 1: the circumstance and fold that into who we are. But

55
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,600
Speaker 1: your rejections are the things that haven't worked out for

56
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,800
Speaker 1: you aren't who you are. They're simply what has happened

57
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,200
Speaker 1: in your life. And in the same vein, we are

58
00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,120
Speaker 1: also not defined by our winds and our accomplishments. Our

59
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,840
Speaker 1: worth is not determined by these things. They are merely

60
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:09,720
Speaker 1: the things that happen in our lives? Question number three,

61
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 1: are you afraid of what will have to change if

62
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:18,240
Speaker 1: you actually aren't rejected? Sometimes our fear of rejection isn't

63
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,880
Speaker 1: rooted in feeling afraid that we won't get this thing

64
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,960
Speaker 1: that we want. Sometimes it's rooted in being afraid of

65
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,200
Speaker 1: what happens if we do get it. Will we get

66
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,799
Speaker 1: support from the people in our circle? Will we actually

67
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,680
Speaker 1: be able to perform in this new setting? How will

68
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,080
Speaker 1: we need to change to really welcome this new opportunity

69
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:43,480
Speaker 1: into our life. Sometimes even when we say we want

70
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,040
Speaker 1: something different, we're not quite ready to make the adjustments

71
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:51,080
Speaker 1: that come with this something different, and sometimes that shows

72
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:55,560
Speaker 1: up looking like a fear of rejection. Question number four

73
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 1: is this something you really want? So the job looks

74
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,680
Speaker 1: great on paper, it comes with a substantial raise, a

75
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,960
Speaker 1: corner office, and a fancy title, but it also comes

76
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,640
Speaker 1: with longer work hours, more stress, and being responsible for

77
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:18,760
Speaker 1: a team. So this hesitation you're experiencing and submitting your application,

78
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,640
Speaker 1: is it really a fear of rejection you're dealing with

79
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,120
Speaker 1: or is this your intuition gently nudging you to pay

80
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,240
Speaker 1: attention to your truest desires. Your desire to have more

81
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,120
Speaker 1: time to work on your creative writing, or to have

82
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,120
Speaker 1: a flexible schedule so you can travel more. Sometimes what

83
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,320
Speaker 1: looks like a fear of rejection is really an indication

84
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 1: that this may not be the best move for you.

85
00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:49,719
Speaker 1: In question number five, do you trust yourself? Do you

86
00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,400
Speaker 1: trust that if you go for this thing and you

87
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:57,240
Speaker 1: aren't rejected, that you and your environment can write the occasion?

88
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,279
Speaker 1: And do you trust that if you are rejected you

89
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:06,480
Speaker 1: have the resilience, support, and resources to feel the feelings

90
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,320
Speaker 1: of not getting this opportunity, but then rebound and figure

91
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 1: out your next step. The truth for all of us

92
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,840
Speaker 1: is that we won't always come out on top. There

93
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,880
Speaker 1: will be some things we desperately want that we don't get,

94
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,600
Speaker 1: and a very important life skill to develop is figuring

95
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,799
Speaker 1: out how to process this part of our story without

96
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:32,080
Speaker 1: it becoming the entirety of our story. So you let

97
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 1: me know if any of these questions resonate with you.

98
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,800
Speaker 1: Is the fear of rejection currently showing up in your

99
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,520
Speaker 1: life and stopping you from taking a step you'd really

100
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,479
Speaker 1: like to take. Be sure to share with us on

101
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,919
Speaker 1: social media using the hashtag tb G in session and

102
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,760
Speaker 1: let us know how we can help you to take

103
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,960
Speaker 1: that first step, and please be sure to share this

104
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,640
Speaker 1: episode with the people in your circles. Remember that if

105
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,520
Speaker 1: you're searching for a therapist in your area, be sure

106
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,680
Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black

107
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,240
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to

108
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 1: continue digging into this topic and meet some other sisters

109
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,000
Speaker 1: in your area, come on over and join us in

110
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,880
Speaker 1: the Yellow Couch Collective, where we take a deeper dive

111
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,440
Speaker 1: into the topics from the podcast and just about everything else.

112
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,400
Speaker 1: You can join us at Therapy for Black Girls dot

113
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,160
Speaker 1: com slash y c C And don't forget to check

114
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,520
Speaker 1: out our online store where you can grab a copy

115
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:32,440
Speaker 1: of our guided affirmation track, break up Journal, or your

116
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,080
Speaker 1: favorite Therapy for Black Girls T shirt, sweatshirt or mug.

117
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 1: You can grab your goodies at Therapy for Black Girls

118
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:43,120
Speaker 1: dot com slash shop. Thank you all so much for

119
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,040
Speaker 1: joining me again this week. I look forward to continue

120
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,800
Speaker 1: in this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.

121
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: Didn't just would