1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever. And iHeartRadio podcast 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,400 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison Lauren z mcomedy from the home office in Austin, Texas, 3 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: And today we're talking about divorce. Don't worry, it's not ours, 4 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: but could divorce be positive? Could it be a positive experience? 5 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, I did not know the phrase 6 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: that I'm going to say to you right now, divorce coach. 7 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: I had not heard of a divorce coach. Didn't know 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: what it was. I was reading an article and saw 9 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: the headlines, as many of us have. Former Bachelor lums 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,919 Speaker 1: Brian Abassolo and Rachel Lindsay are going through a divorce. 11 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: Apparently it's pretty toxic, and Brian has urged us to 12 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: use a divorce coach. He's using one. He's been very 13 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: open about this, and I found it intriguing because Elsie, honestly, 14 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 1: I didn't know when I came to you and you said. 15 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 2: No, I had never heard of a divorce coach. 16 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 3: So we just wanted to explore what this is, and, 17 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 3: like we said, just kind of sought in passing headlines. 18 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 3: But as two divorce as we were curious did we 19 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 3: make a mistake? 20 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: Should not have the product of divorce. Yeah, you and 21 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: I have both been through them. 22 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 2: So we have used a divorce coach. 23 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 3: So we got in touch with Tara Eisenhardt and she 24 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 3: sounds like one of the best of the best. She 25 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 3: has been a divorce coach for well over a decade. 26 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 3: She studied divorce coaching. She is known as a pioneer 27 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 3: in the field. She is trained in mediation, Advanced mediation, 28 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 3: Family mediation. She's completed training in conflict coaching, collaborative law, 29 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 3: nonviolent communication, active parenting, and dissolving conflict from within, and 30 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 3: in twenty nineteen achieved the status of CDs Certified Divorce 31 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 3: Specialist through the National Association of Divorce Professionals. So we 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 3: are so excited to welcome this expert in divorce coaching 33 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 3: and to learn about what this is. We are going 34 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 3: to get into how much it costs, what exactly a 35 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 3: divorce coach does, and with one whether or not you 36 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 3: need one. 37 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: She is a six degree black belt in divorce. 38 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 2: Please welcome Tara Eisenhard. 39 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: And Tara joins us. Now, first of all, thank you 40 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: for joining us. It's good to have you on the show. 41 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 4: Thank you, happy to be here. 42 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: As Lord and I were just talking about in the intro. 43 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: Until the recent headlines, we hadn't heard of a divorce coach, 44 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: which is ironic because my parents are divorced. Lauren and 45 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: I have both been through a divorce, and I think, man, 46 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: did we miss something? Like we should have found this 47 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: on a good gues I feel like this might have 48 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: been a daily and a lot of dollars short. But Tara, 49 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: let's start off by what is a divorce coach and 50 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 1: why do we need one? 51 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 4: All right, so there are I want to start by 52 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 4: saying there are different kinds of divorce coaches with different backgrounds, 53 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 4: that we work differently. So the way that I work, 54 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 4: I like to tell people I'm here for the human 55 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 4: side of the process. I believe divorce is a human 56 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 4: process with a legal document attached to it. And so 57 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:02,239 Speaker 4: while people are working on gaining legal document, they're dealing 58 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 4: with changing relationships. They're dealing with the need for self 59 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 4: care and setting boundaries and having difficult conversations. And That's 60 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,119 Speaker 4: what I'm there for. And I'm a coach, not a therapist. 61 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 4: So that's also a really important distinction. Coaching is a 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 4: directional process, whereas therapy goes deep I don't unpack emotional baggage. 63 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 4: I don't make diagnoses or anything like that. I don't 64 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 4: deal with childhood trauma. My work is very much focused 65 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 4: on where are you right now? What are the challenges 66 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 4: you're dealing with. How can we help you to move 67 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 4: forward by taking some next steps or shifting mindset. 68 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: Not as much looking backwards as much as let's move forward, 69 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: and how can we do so in a healthy, positive 70 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: way exactly. I find it interesting that you made this 71 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: choice to this is your calling and became your passion, 72 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: because obviously it's something you went through your parents and 73 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: you got divorce. You've been broken up with and you've 74 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: broken up with people. But it's funny that you decided, Okay, 75 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to go into this, I'm going to study divorce. 76 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: What was that light bulb moment where you're like that, 77 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: I want to now figure this out. 78 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 4: Yeah. So when my parents got divorced back in the 79 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 4: previous millennium, it started off. I told you, they didn't 80 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 4: give me all the information upfront. I didn't know how 81 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 4: things were going to go. It was really scary. It 82 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 4: was nerve wracking. But ultimately what I learned from that 83 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 4: process is that it was a benefit to my family, 84 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 4: and my parents' relationship improved as a result of their divorce, 85 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 4: and so my life improved, My family got better, and 86 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 4: I grew up from there on thinking that divorce was 87 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,239 Speaker 4: a solution to a problem. And then I got married, 88 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 4: and when I got divorced, we realized that it was 89 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 4: the solution to the problem that our marriage was and 90 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 4: I was really happy about that, but nobody was happy 91 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 4: for me. And that was the first time I realized 92 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 4: how toxic, yeah, how toxic our culture is around divorce. 93 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 4: Everybody was angry for me. They were sad for me. 94 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 4: They were telling me that I need to, you know, 95 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 4: take them to the cleaners, whatever. And I didn't feel 96 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 4: that way. So I started looking why does divorce make 97 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 4: people crazy? What is going on? Why do we look 98 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 4: at it this way? And I read every book that 99 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 4: I could find, and I listened to the experts that 100 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 4: I could find, and eventually I started a blog because 101 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 4: my friends and family got sick of listening to me 102 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 4: talk about divorce all the time. Years after I got divorced, 103 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 4: and then I just kind of it went from there. 104 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 4: Once I joined Twitter, that was when I found a 105 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 4: divorce coach, and I thought, oh my gosh, that's it. 106 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,599 Speaker 4: That's exactly what I want to. 107 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 2: Do, Tara. 108 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 3: My first instinct would it be a maybe top level 109 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 3: service level, but would it be a faiish analogy to say, 110 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 3: you're almost like a midwife helping someone through labor, Like 111 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 3: you're not the doctor, but you're a midwife. 112 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 4: Yes. Actually, another thing that I like to say is 113 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 4: that divorce is a birth. So yes, absolutely midwife. 114 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,359 Speaker 2: Oh love that a birth, a rebirth. 115 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 3: I was reading through your bi and one thing I 116 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 3: absolutely loved that you said in your bio. And I'll 117 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 3: just read a few quotes from here because they're all great, 118 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 3: but you say of yourself, she has been cheated, she 119 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 3: has been left, she has left, she has been broken, 120 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 3: and put herself back together. And what I love here 121 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 3: is that you say that you refuse to view divorce 122 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 3: as a problem. You prefer instead to see it as 123 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 3: a solution. And that's something that Chris and I say 124 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 3: a lot, Like we recently did a Q and A 125 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,440 Speaker 3: on the podcast and someone asked us, how do you 126 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 3: know when it's time to get divorced? And as we 127 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 3: were answering that, like one of the things I said was. 128 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 3: I think it's really hard because I think overall people 129 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 3: view divorce as this failure, is this very negative thing, 130 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,359 Speaker 3: and I think, you know, for me, I thought, look, 131 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 3: I had my marriage, I tried at it, I learned 132 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 3: a lot from it. Mistakes were made, but ultimately it 133 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 3: was better and more positive to move forward separately. And 134 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 3: so do you find that that's an issue people like 135 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 3: that you have to talk through people with or is 136 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 3: that part of your job to help them reframe divorce. 137 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 4: Yes, that's a really big one for people. As a culture, 138 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 4: we tend to prize marriage and despise divorce, and so 139 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 4: people going through divorce they think they're a bad person 140 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 4: or a bad parent, they think that they're a bad partner, 141 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 4: and none of that is true. I really believe that, 142 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 4: you know, people change all the time. I'm not the 143 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 4: same person I was six minutes ago, let alone six 144 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 4: months ago, let alone six years ago. And relationships change too, 145 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 4: And that's okay, it's normal, it's healthy. Sometimes a marriage 146 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 4: runs its course and it's simply complete, and it's time 147 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 4: to move on and find something new, starting a new 148 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 4: chapter in a new way of relating. 149 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: I said in the same conversation, It's how I felt 150 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: in my divorce is when I could no longer affect change. 151 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: I couldn't bring happiness to my spouse, I couldn't bring 152 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: happiness to my own life. I couldn't affect that change. 153 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: Neither could she. So we amicably decided to move on. 154 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: And Laura and I are both proponents of a positive 155 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: you know, look, it can't always be amicable. We wish 156 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: it could. It can't, but you know, at least a 157 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: positive divorce, and that's what I like that you put 158 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: a positive spin on it. You are not the let's 159 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: get them screw them, It is trying to it sounds 160 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: like work within the parameters of what we got and 161 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 1: make the best of it. 162 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 3: What are some of the things that you typically find 163 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 3: yourself advising people on, like overall the most common issues 164 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 3: that you see and how you kind of help people 165 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 3: reframe and better the situation that they're in as they're 166 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 3: working through a divorce. 167 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 4: Well, shame is a really big one, so we talked 168 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,560 Speaker 4: about that a little bit. I talk a lot about 169 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 4: reframing this so that they can feel good about themselves, 170 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 4: so that they can feel good about their relationship, and 171 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 4: so that they can also help their children to feel 172 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 4: good too. This is a really big one that comes 173 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 4: up because a lot of times people don't necessarily think 174 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 4: about They think about the kids, but they don't think 175 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 4: about the kids in terms of children need to feel 176 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 4: good about where they came from, and they need to 177 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 4: know that their parents are good people, that they love them, 178 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 4: that they support them. And so I talk about that 179 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 4: as well, and how can we position that it's not 180 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 4: just for you, but also for the whole family, the 181 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 4: story of how this family is moving forward. And on 182 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 4: that note, I also talk to people a lot about 183 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 4: how to talk to their kids about the divorce, how 184 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 4: to talk to other people about their divorce, and how 185 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 4: to take care of themselves throughout that process. And when 186 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 4: I talk about self care, I say that it's about 187 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 4: three main things. Self care is about respecting yourself, protecting yourself, 188 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 4: and investing in yourself. And so I dive into each 189 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 4: of those components with people as they're navigating this process, 190 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 4: whether that means that they need to eat better food, 191 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,839 Speaker 4: they need to set better boundaries, or they need to 192 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 4: look at their goals for the future. 193 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: Can we back up and kind of dive into the 194 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: kid thing. I'm very interested in that because as I 195 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 1: was going through my divorce, I had young kids, and 196 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: I know that people listening right now are going through 197 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: that similar situation. What are some keys that we can 198 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: take way? What are some things you could help us 199 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: with about communicating with our kids as we go through divorce. 200 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 4: So it's really important that you consider the age and 201 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 4: stage of children. Kids who are younger have a the 202 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 4: You know, their cognitive function isn't there at adulthood yet, 203 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 4: and so they tend to be very self centered view 204 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 4: the world. According to them, these are where you want 205 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 4: to focus on. It's not your fault. There's nothing that 206 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 4: you did wrong, you couldn't have behaved better to keep 207 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 4: your parents together. That kind of message is really important 208 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 4: for younger children as they get older. They want to 209 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 4: know how does this impact me? What's going to happen next? 210 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 4: And really that's important at any stage. But it's not 211 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 4: your fault. Isn't quite so important for teenagers as it 212 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 4: is for younger kids, but everybody wants to know what 213 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 4: does this mean, What does this mean for me? What 214 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 4: does this mean for my family? What can I expect next? 215 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 4: And when is it going to happen? And so when 216 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,679 Speaker 4: I coach people on talking to their children. I coach 217 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 4: them around that as well. Don't tell them we're going 218 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 4: to get divorced at some point in the future and 219 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 4: we don't know. Kids get really anxious. They want to 220 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 4: know what is happening. And that happened to me with 221 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 4: my parents too. They had the big discussion. I overheard 222 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 4: the fight. They said to me, yeah, we're probably going 223 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 4: to get divorced. We don't know, but we'll let you know. 224 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 4: And in the meantime, I came up with all kinds 225 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 4: of scenarios in my head. I determined what their divorce 226 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,079 Speaker 4: needed to be. And when they told me what was happening, 227 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,439 Speaker 4: and it wasn't what I had anticipated, it was very upsetting. 228 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,840 Speaker 4: So it's really important to just be there for kids. 229 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 4: Let them know that you know, we're still your parents, 230 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 4: we're still a family, We're going to work through this together, 231 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 4: and this is exactly what you can expect moving forward. 232 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 4: I also tell people to have ongoing family meetings with 233 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:49,680 Speaker 4: their kids too. 234 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 3: Kids need boundaries and facts and clarity versus well if 235 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,079 Speaker 3: and when and with yeah God, and like. 236 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,959 Speaker 1: You said, as soon as my kids realize they're okay, oh, 237 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: I can still go to my own school. I'm still 238 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: going to soccer practice, I'm still going to have a 239 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: sleepover at Timmy's. Christmas still exists, Like okay, I'm okay, 240 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 1: because their world still exists. So it was just reassuring 241 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,679 Speaker 1: them of those things was really helpful. 242 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 2: Absolutely one thing. 243 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 3: I because I didn't have kids, by the way, But 244 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 3: as you're just saying that, honey about like their soccer 245 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,719 Speaker 3: practice and all that, is it important once when the 246 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 3: divorce is happening, to keep things as similar as they 247 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 3: were before, or is there do you advise on any 248 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,079 Speaker 3: level like, Okay, this is kind of your new life now, 249 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 3: and here's what's maybe exciting about your new life. 250 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 2: You tell me what's the right way to handle that? 251 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 4: Well, a little bit of both. And I always tell 252 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 4: people that you can listen to all of the experts. 253 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 4: You can listen to the podcast, you can read all 254 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 4: the books. Nobody knows your family better than you. So 255 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 4: when I'm coaching parents, I always remind them of that 256 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 4: to bring their own expertise into this conversation. They know 257 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 4: their kids, they know what their kids' boundaries are, they 258 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 4: know what their kids' anxieties are, and as they're navigating 259 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 4: the space. It's very important for them to consider that 260 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 4: in the ways that they're talking to their children. So 261 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 4: some kids might be really excited about a new beginning 262 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 4: and they want to move to a new house, and 263 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 4: they want to decorate a new bedroom, and they want 264 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 4: to go to a new school and meet new friends. 265 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 4: And I can't imagine that, but I think there's some 266 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 4: kids out there that might feel that way. And in 267 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 4: that case, yeah, go ahead, hype it up and say, yeah, 268 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 4: there's going to be all of these new changes and 269 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 4: it's really exciting. And some kids will just turn it 270 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 4: into a ball of anxiety about any of those things. 271 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 4: And so for that case, it's really important to maintain routines, 272 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 4: maintain structure, look at the things that are staying constant 273 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 4: and steady, and still position those new changes as something 274 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 4: that is an opportunity as opposed to something more negative. 275 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 4: I like to, you know, encourage people to use words 276 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 4: like curious instead of nervous, really curious to see how 277 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 4: this is going to play out, what this is going 278 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 4: to look like, and you know, just be interested and 279 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 4: curious throughout the process. 280 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 3: I saw someone say recently that the biggest they it 281 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 3: was a doctor, and she was saying that she thinks 282 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 3: the biggest barrier people have to happiness is an inability 283 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 3: to change, like an inability to be flexible, because life 284 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 3: will change and it will keep coming at you. So 285 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 3: I love that. I want to get back a little 286 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 3: bit to the divorce coach. What is it? And like 287 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 3: Chris and I said, we were just as we saw 288 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 3: this in some headlines recently. We were both so blown 289 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 3: away that we didn't know divorce coaches existed. 290 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 2: When do you. 291 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 3: Typically come into the picture, Like do you find that 292 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 3: you are advising people on whether to get divorced or not? 293 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 3: Or are you typically called when the decision has already 294 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 3: been made? How much do you advise on should you 295 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 3: get divorced versus Okay, you're getting divorced, let me help 296 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 3: you from here, all right? 297 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 4: So I never tell people whether or not they should 298 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 4: get divorced. That is not right. Once again, that is 299 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 4: not my area of expertise. People know their marriage better 300 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 4: than I ever could. But I do come into the 301 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 4: process at all stages of the process, and typically when 302 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 4: I'm working with people in the very beginning, something that 303 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 4: I do recommend to them if they don't know, if 304 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 4: they're on the fence, you know, should I stay or 305 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 4: should I go? There's some resources out there. There are 306 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 4: discernment counselors who are specifically trained in helping couples have 307 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 4: that conversation and make that decision. There's a lot of 308 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 4: fact finding that people can do within themselves, within their marriage. 309 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 4: I always tell people's self awareness is the root of 310 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 4: your personal power. So when you know yourself, you know 311 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 4: your goals, your values, your feelings, your needs, you're able 312 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 4: to take the action that's going to help you to 313 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 4: get better, whether that means that you're staying and you're 314 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 4: having tough conversations or you know that it's time to go. 315 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,239 Speaker 4: I also come in when people have made the decision 316 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 4: and they don't know what kind of process they want, 317 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 4: So I talk to people about the different processes. What is, 318 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 4: you know, mediation versus having separate attorneys versus sitting at 319 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 4: the kitchen table and doing it yourself. What are the 320 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 4: pros and cons of these kinds of things, What are 321 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 4: their appetites for these different processes and things like that. 322 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 4: And of course when they're in the thick of it 323 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 4: co parenting, talking to other people helping their kids through this. 324 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 4: Those are the big discussion items at that time, and 325 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 4: then also afterwards, because you know, you never stop being divorced, 326 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 4: and if you have children, you'll never stop being co parents. 327 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 4: So there's issues that linger long after. The ink is. 328 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: Driving a degree very much so. And you know, look, 329 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: if you can, if it's somewhat amicable and you can 330 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: make it through mediation, that's wonderful. It's a very nice 331 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: way to go through it. But things usually and things 332 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: always end because it's not good. You know, no one 333 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: says this marriage was too good. Let's get a divorce. 334 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: We're too happy. So let's deal with toxicity and someone 335 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 1: going through a really bad divorce. Because I know people 336 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: listening right now are either in that or have been 337 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: through that. That I'm sure is altogether different style of 338 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 1: coaching and different advice that you might have for people. 339 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 4: Absolutely, if the situation is more toxic, it becomes all 340 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 4: about the boundaries. And I do a lot of coaching 341 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 4: with people where I try to help them understand that 342 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: ideally their boundaries would lead to changed behavior from the 343 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 4: other person. But it's sort of like when you're up 344 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 4: against a fire breathing dragon and you have a shield. 345 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 4: The dragon's not going to stop breathing fire. That's just 346 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 4: what they do. So having good boundaries and knowing that 347 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 4: the boundaries are helping you even if they're not necessarily 348 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 4: impacting the other person, that mindset is incredibly powerful. 349 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: You've mentioned boundaries a couple of times. Can you give 350 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,680 Speaker 1: us kind of specific examples of what that means in 351 00:17:59,400 --> 00:17:59,919 Speaker 1: our lives? 352 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, boundaries mean different things in different situations. But a 353 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 4: lot of times when I'm talking about boundaries with xes, 354 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 4: I'm talking to people about what mode of communication is 355 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 4: most appropriated for them. Sometimes people can have a conversation 356 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 4: in public. Sometimes they can talk on the phone. Sometimes 357 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 4: they need to do everything in writing. Sometimes they need 358 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 4: to use a co parenting app. Sometimes it needs to 359 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 4: go through their lawyers. In conversations with people, it's important 360 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 4: to have boundaries to know that when things go off 361 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 4: the rails that you either need to bring it back 362 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 4: on track and follow that agenda, because every conversation when 363 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 4: you're dealing with an X, you need to have an agenda. 364 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,400 Speaker 4: What is the purpose of this conversation, because otherwise you're 365 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 4: going to end up five years ago when somebody burned 366 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,199 Speaker 4: the turkey at Thanksgiving and that doesn't help anybody. So 367 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 4: you've got to have good boundaries for that too, when 368 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 4: you're in those moments, bringing things back to where they 369 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 4: need to be, or even exiting those conversations if they 370 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 4: become unproductive. 371 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 2: So true, I was just thinking that before you started talking. 372 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 3: The first thing I thought was communication, because we have 373 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 3: so many methods through which we can communicate now, and 374 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 3: I can't even imagine what it's like to go through 375 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 3: a toxic breakup today because how hard must it be 376 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,679 Speaker 3: to not pick up the phone and fire off the 377 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 3: texts and the calls and stalk them on Instagram and 378 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 3: all these things. 379 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 1: Well, and it's also top you know, when you have kids. 380 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, you know, if there's no kids involved, 381 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: the break can be a little better because you could 382 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 1: just not reply. 383 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,399 Speaker 3: But well it's cleaner, you can end. Yeah, at some point. 384 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 3: But Tara, how long have you been doing the divorce 385 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 3: coach thing? 386 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 4: Oh goodness? I started. Actually I did my divorce coach 387 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 4: training in twenty ten, okay, so about fourteen years. 388 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 3: So I was curious and that that is actually around 389 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 3: like when social media started. I was just curious, having 390 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 3: been someone who's you know, divorced, yourself and now doing 391 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 3: this a long time. 392 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,240 Speaker 2: How have you seen the rise of social media? 393 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 3: Because we're really sort of talking as a society now 394 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 3: about you know, we're a little over ten years into 395 00:19:55,760 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 3: living with social media. How much it's affected divorces happening 396 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 3: or the way divorces go down, just different trends, Like, 397 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 3: have you noticed or seen changes in what kind of 398 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 3: difference it makes. I'm almost curious if people are getting 399 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 3: divorced more because social media exists, and maybe it makes 400 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 3: it easier to cheat or for problems to happen. 401 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 2: I don't know, what do you think? What are you seeing? 402 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 4: Well, social media absolutely makes it easier for people to 403 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 4: cheat and for problems to happen. That's just kind of 404 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 4: a given. We're much more connected the way that we 405 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 4: interact with people, whether that is you know, our old 406 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 4: high school sweethearts that we're connecting with on social media, 407 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 4: or classmates from around the world that we're now in 408 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 4: an online classroom with. It's changed the way that we 409 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 4: meet with people. It's changed the way that we talk 410 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 4: to people and the way that we relate. So there's 411 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 4: definitely a new complication that's thrown in with that. Another 412 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 4: thing that I'm seeing with social media. On the good 413 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 4: side is that it has given people access to new 414 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 4: resources and new kinds of just people professionals that they 415 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:01,919 Speaker 4: might not have otherwise I thought of. So divorce coaching 416 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 4: is a big one. Mediation is another one that I'm 417 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,919 Speaker 4: seeing more and more people know that they're looking for 418 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 4: a mediator, and they're looking for a mediator because they 419 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 4: know what it is, not that somebody said that it's 420 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 4: a way to save money. So there's a lot of 421 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 4: learning opportunity about divorce that is coming from social media. However, 422 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 4: there's also a lot of really bad advice out there. 423 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 4: And I always tell people you can find a lot 424 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 4: of great support groups online, but you need to remember 425 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 4: that those people are not your attorney and they do 426 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,200 Speaker 4: not know your situation. 427 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 3: I'm so interested also in how much the divorce coach 428 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 3: process you mentioned earlier. You know, they're not your attorney, 429 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,400 Speaker 3: but you kind of maybe work with people who are 430 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 3: currently employing attorneys. I'm sure how much do you work, 431 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 3: Like do you speak to the attorney at all? Do 432 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 3: you just advise the person who's getting divorced? Do you 433 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 3: talk through some of the like say they're really mad 434 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 3: because the X ones you know, I don't know the 435 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,960 Speaker 3: house in North Carolina are something. How much do you 436 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 3: weigh in on those fights that are happening and some 437 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 3: of the arguments that are coming up through the legal process. 438 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 4: So as a private coach, I do not get in 439 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 4: any case. I do not touch the legal process with 440 00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 4: a ten foot poll. I don't always tell people I 441 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 4: don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to 442 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,880 Speaker 4: those things, don't listen to me. So as far as 443 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,360 Speaker 4: what they're asking for, what they think that they want 444 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 4: to fight for, what their strategy might be, I don't 445 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 4: coach on that. What I do coach them on is 446 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 4: themselves their self awareness again going back to that self 447 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 4: awareness is the root of your personal power. So we 448 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 4: look at things like if they're thinking that they want 449 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 4: to get the house, then we look at things like, okay, well, 450 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 4: what's your budget and are you planning to stay in 451 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,679 Speaker 4: this area? What are your goals for the future, what 452 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 4: kind of resources do you have, what's your tolerance for 453 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 4: cleaning a house that big and mowing that lawn and 454 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 4: those kinds of things. So I'm helping them to look 455 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,880 Speaker 4: at those kinds of aspects of their process and themselves 456 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 4: so that they can make the decisions that are the 457 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 4: most aligned with them. Now, I do have a job 458 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 4: actually with a family law firm, and that's pretty awesome 459 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 4: because I'm the on staff client coach and I do 460 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 4: get to talk to the attorneys, so I understand a 461 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 4: little bit more about the legal process of my people 462 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 4: that I'm coaching. However, I still don't get involved in 463 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 4: that strategy. 464 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 3: I found that after I got divorce. There's a little 465 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 3: bit of judgment people have if they think you're starting 466 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 3: to date again too soon, And I wondered if you've 467 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 3: seen that, and also like, do you keep working with 468 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 3: people once the divorce is final on how they move 469 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 3: forward from there maybe dating again. 470 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 4: I do work with them on moving forward after the 471 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 4: divorce's final. I am not a dating coach again. 472 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 2: Not my wheelhouse, Sarah, you are so good at setting boundaries. 473 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 1: That actually is my wheel house. That one is my wheelhouse. 474 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 4: It is. But there are people out there who are 475 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 4: really great dating coaches who can help people set up 476 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 4: their profile and get the best picture in all of 477 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 4: them those things, and so part of my work with 478 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 4: people after divorce might be to say, hey, go find 479 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 4: one of these coaches if you're looking to get into 480 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 4: the dating pool and be serious about it. As far 481 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,880 Speaker 4: as when people start to date after divorce, it really 482 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 4: is just a matter of personal opinion and personal readiness. 483 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,120 Speaker 4: I always tell people that you want to make sure 484 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 4: that you're healed first. There's a great phrase out there 485 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,400 Speaker 4: that floats around the internet, a great quote that says, 486 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 4: you know, if you don't heal what hurt you, you're 487 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,160 Speaker 4: gonna bleed on people who didn't cut you. And that 488 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 4: happens a lot when we see people who are just 489 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 4: looking to fill the void that the divorce has left, 490 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 4: and so they're out there just trying to be with 491 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 4: somebody else. And another thing that I like to tell 492 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 4: people is that the relationship you have with yourself is 493 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 4: the one that is going to last for the rest 494 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 4: of your life. So it is much more important that 495 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 4: you invest in that relationship. Get comfortable with yourself, learn 496 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 4: to live with yourself, learn to live alone with yourself health, 497 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 4: and feel whole before you start to look for another person, 498 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 4: because another person can't complete. 499 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: You, especially when you know when people have gotten married 500 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: at such a young age. I did that, and you 501 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,400 Speaker 1: don't even know who you are as an adult because 502 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:14,959 Speaker 1: you've never been alone and so you don't know if 503 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 1: you're independent, if you are dependent, and so being comfortable 504 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 1: with yourself and living and it's so much healthy for 505 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 1: your kids too, Like to dive into that, make sure 506 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,200 Speaker 1: everybody's good, and then then you can move on feeling 507 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: really good about who you are and where you are. 508 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:30,199 Speaker 2: It is. 509 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 1: That's great advice. Like I remember feeling guilty Tara about 510 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 1: like when I was, you know, thinking about dating of like, Okay, 511 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: what if I'm seen out in public being you know, 512 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 1: somewhat of a public figure. You know, what does that represent? 513 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: How does that? And it was funny how how guilty 514 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,400 Speaker 1: I felt about moving on? 515 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 4: Well what other people think of you as none of 516 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 4: your business. 517 00:25:52,240 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: Where were you when I needed you twelve years ago? 518 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 3: I want to bring to you a quote, and I 519 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 3: know that you said, I'm interested in what you think 520 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 3: of this because I know you'd mentioned that you don't 521 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 3: necessarily help people decide that they're going to get a 522 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 3: divorce or you don't do that at all. But part 523 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,199 Speaker 3: of the reason that we wanted to talk to you 524 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,640 Speaker 3: was there's an alum from Chris's show from The Bachelor 525 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 3: Bachelorette World who had said he used a divorce coach, 526 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 3: and he said, quote, if you are thinking of separating, 527 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 3: find a divorce coach so you don't make a decision 528 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 3: by reaction but through clarity. 529 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 2: What would you say to that? 530 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, and you don't necessarily need a divorce coach. 531 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 4: Obviously there's a lot of us out there and we're 532 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 4: happy to help. But the important thing is to have 533 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,200 Speaker 4: that clarity within yourself and that you're not making need 534 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 4: your emotional reactions, because if you're doing that, then you're 535 00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,120 Speaker 4: just you're not really responding to anything and thinking through. 536 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 4: I have all good divorce principles thing where I say that, 537 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 4: you know, geez for goals, the first O is for options, 538 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,479 Speaker 4: or I'm sorry, the first O is for observation without judgment. 539 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,640 Speaker 4: Then you need to look at your options and keep 540 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 4: your dignity intact. And it's really important to look at 541 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 4: those options to be able to think through things and say, Okay, 542 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 4: which one of my options is going to get me 543 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 4: closer to my goals? Not just that person hurt me. 544 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 4: I want to hurt them back. Look how hard I 545 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:27,400 Speaker 4: can hit? 546 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 1: And that really that surmises most divorces in our philosophy 547 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 1: of like try not to get hit and try to 548 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,439 Speaker 1: hit them hard and make them pay for whatever you have, 549 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 1: you know made up in your mind, and so having 550 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: that mindset is huge, or having someone in your life 551 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 1: that can help you get to that mindset. It's so important. 552 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,479 Speaker 2: What pains me a lot. 553 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,399 Speaker 3: And we have several couples we know who have gotten 554 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 3: divorced or who are even in the process of getting divorced. 555 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 3: It pains me to see. And I'm not saying divorce 556 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 3: attorneys aren't important. You need them for many reasons, but 557 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,959 Speaker 3: a lot of money get spent in the process of 558 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:10,200 Speaker 3: getting divorced. Can a divorce coach help you in any 559 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 3: on some level in terms of alleviating some of that? 560 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 2: What do you think? 561 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,439 Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely so. A lot of times. One of the 562 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 4: things that happens that drives legal fees is that people 563 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,919 Speaker 4: see divorce as a war, and they you know, they 564 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 4: draw their their battle lines, they collect their allies, they 565 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:35,919 Speaker 4: hire their general to strategize their battle, and that's their attorney, 566 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 4: and then they go to that person with everything and 567 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 4: they say, here's what's happening now, what should I do? 568 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 4: Where sometimes people are just lonely and they want to 569 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 4: talk to their attorney and they know that this person 570 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,960 Speaker 4: is on my side. This person I know without a 571 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 4: doubt this person is on my side because I'm paying 572 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 4: and so I want to tell them everything, and I 573 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,440 Speaker 4: feel like we have a really good rapport. And so 574 00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,959 Speaker 4: those kinds of things can happen where people are just 575 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 4: telling their attorney everything. They're giving their attorney information that 576 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 4: doesn't really have to do with the legal process. They're 577 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 4: just complaining about things that the attorney can't do anything about. 578 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 4: And so one of the things that I work with 579 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 4: people on is choosing and using their team players wisely. 580 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 4: To remember that your lawyer is not your therapist, Your 581 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 4: best friend is not your attorney, That random person on 582 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 4: the internet is not your financial advisor. Make sure that 583 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 4: you're working with the right people who are understanding and 584 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 4: aligned with your goals, and that you're using them to 585 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,080 Speaker 4: the best of their ability and that will make the 586 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 4: best use of your money. 587 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 1: That's huge. 588 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, as I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking, gosh, 589 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 3: divorce is such a big thing, right. It's even if 590 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 3: we're not viewing it negatively, it's still monumental. It's one 591 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,600 Speaker 3: of the most defining experiences that people will potentially go 592 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 3: through in their life, just like marriage. So it certainly 593 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 3: makes sense to choose your team wisely and have the 594 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 3: best people on your side. And on that note, I 595 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 3: don't know how much you want to answer, but well, how. 596 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,400 Speaker 2: Much does a divorce coach cost? 597 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 4: It depends. The answer is always it depends. So the 598 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,600 Speaker 4: way that I work, I have a regular hourly rate. 599 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 4: I charge one hundred dollars an hour for people who 600 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 4: just want to have a call and go over whatever 601 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 4: the hot button issue is. Sometimes people want to talk 602 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 4: to me once a week. Sometimes I talk to them 603 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,479 Speaker 4: once in the beginning, and then I hear from them 604 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 4: three months later and they're like, hey, all this crap 605 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 4: happened and I want to unpack it and you know, 606 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 4: decide what to do. So I have a lot of 607 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 4: people who just work with me. AM very good about 608 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 4: just meeting people where they are whatever they need, let's 609 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 4: just dive in, let's talk about the challenges, and let's 610 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,720 Speaker 4: find a way through it. I also have online courses 611 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,480 Speaker 4: that have different price points. There's different coaches out there 612 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 4: that will do a lot of larger coaching packages. So 613 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 4: they will do you know, a six month program for 614 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 4: instance with people, and those can you know, cost a 615 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 4: few thousand dollars. If people want to book, you know, 616 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 4: a bunch of sessions with me, then we can negotiate 617 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 4: a lower price for a bundle. But there's just different 618 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 4: ways that people work and everybody's a little bit different. 619 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 4: That goes right back to choose and use your team 620 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 4: players wisely. So figure out how you want to work 621 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 4: with somebody, figure out what they do as far as 622 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 4: how they offer to help. Some divorce coaches do have 623 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 4: a legal background, so they can help on the strategy side. 624 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 4: All just depends. 625 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think one thing I've learned a what 626 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,280 Speaker 1: a divorce coach is, and that very useful when you're 627 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: in the middle of that tempest and it feels like 628 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: the waves are crashing on top of you. It is 629 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: so much easier said than done to hey, think clearly, 630 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,720 Speaker 1: you know, and so to have somebody who can think 631 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 1: clearly with you and to walk you through those steps 632 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: because you know, you mentioned something very simple of it's 633 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: so easy to get into a divorce and say, screen 634 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 1: you I want the house, and it's nice to have 635 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 1: somebody who's like do you want the house? Like, really 636 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:46,040 Speaker 1: do you want? 637 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 2: When you said, do you think about do you want 638 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:49,600 Speaker 2: to clean a house? That big? 639 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 3: I thought, Oh my gosh, these are no one thinks 640 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 3: of the logistics. 641 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,480 Speaker 1: They just want the house to spre you. I want 642 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:55,960 Speaker 1: it because I don't want you to help. 643 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like they think I want the house. They 644 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 3: don't think, well, what about actually owning that house? And 645 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 3: I think another big thing is just oftentimes when people 646 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 3: are going through divorce, it's the first time you've ever 647 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 3: done this right, and just like anything else, like with parenting, 648 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 3: we take parenting classes and it makes sense that going 649 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,840 Speaker 3: on your first time going through something, it would really 650 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 3: help to have an expert helping you along the way. 651 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 1: Tara, thank you so much for joining us for shedding 652 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 1: such a bright light on divorce coaches. 653 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 3: Yes, and if people want to get in touch with you, Tara, 654 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 3: how can they? 655 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 2: What's the best way? 656 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 4: The best way to get in touch with me is 657 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,120 Speaker 4: through my website. It's Tara eisenheart dot com. I'm also 658 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 4: on LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on x although I 659 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 4: don't really post there too much, but I'm there, and 660 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 4: I'm on Instagram and TikTok. 661 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 1: Thank you all right, sounds good. I have a great day. 662 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 4: Thank you you too. Bye. 663 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: So helpful like that, that is, It's funny you and 664 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: I both were, so I'll. 665 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 3: Be honest, I think I was a little skeptical of 666 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,400 Speaker 3: it at first. Here's why sometimes I get a little skeptical. 667 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 3: Like you know how like everybody knows someone who became 668 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 3: a life coach. 669 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 4: Right. 670 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 3: I know she's not a therapist, and she was clear 671 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 3: about that, but it's a specific type of therapy. 672 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,719 Speaker 2: And I think that's why I like it. It's not 673 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:13,560 Speaker 2: just life coach. 674 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 3: It's I'm getting you through this specific process that has 675 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,120 Speaker 3: a whole set of hurdles to overcome. 676 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 1: And as somebody you know, because it divorce is nothing 677 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 1: if not emotional, because it's dealing with your emotions, and 678 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 1: so you are very emotional, very volatile. And that's on 679 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,200 Speaker 1: a you know, a positive good divorce, you know, much 680 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 1: less a very toxic, bad one. So to have somebody 681 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 1: that could just say stop, I'm in your corner, but 682 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: let's talk about this and walk you through this, and 683 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 1: or things are going badly to hey, you need to 684 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: work on setting up these boundaries. And I'm going to 685 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 1: help you and and to know that this person wants 686 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 1: what's best for you at the end is a wonderful thing. 687 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,600 Speaker 1: So yeah, I you know, we started this by saying, 688 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: you know, Brian Avisola is the one that introduced us 689 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,520 Speaker 1: to the term divorce coach, and I have to say, Brian, 690 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: You're onto something. This is a very good idea. 691 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 3: Tara is available at Tara Eisenhard dot com and her 692 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 3: last name is E I S E N H A 693 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 3: r D dot com. 694 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 2: Thank you again to Tara and everybody. We will talk 695 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:16,760 Speaker 2: to you next time. 696 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: Because divorce can be positive and we have a lot 697 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on 698 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 1: Instagram at the most Dramatic pod ever and make sure 699 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,800 Speaker 1: to write us a review and leave us five stars. 700 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,359 Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next time.