1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I am Emily Aries 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,639 Speaker 1: and I am Bridget Tudds and this is stuff Mob 3 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: never told you. And as you can tell, we are 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 1: not your beloved Kristen and Caroline, whom we adore. We 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,319 Speaker 1: are your new hosts here with how Stuff works. And 6 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 1: we couldn't be more excited to be here today, could we, Bridget, 7 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: We're so pumped. If you could see our faces, you 8 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 1: would see big smiles. I'm really happy, longtime listener, and 9 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 1: I had the pleasure of speaking with many of you 10 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 1: and your earbuds on the show last year, with canc 11 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: talking about boss stop, talking about burnout, and now I 12 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: could not be more thrilled to carry the torch forward 13 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: right and continue connecting and hopefully informing a lot of 14 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: us on all the modern ways and which being a 15 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: woman is complicated. It is complicated, body stuff, work stuff, 16 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: fashion stuff, activism stuff, all the stuff, all the politics. 17 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: I think now more than ever, it's important that a 18 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: show like this persists to borrow a term, and I 19 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: know that I wouldn't. I'm so honored to have you 20 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 1: Bridget in this with me. I could not imagine doing 21 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: this with anyone else. You're too kind. You're too kind, 22 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: and Bridget, we go way back. We go way back, 23 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: like lawn chairs way back. I could not be more 24 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: thrilled to be here. I guess my background is really 25 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: in activism. That's sort of how we know each other. Um, 26 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: I am an activist and longtime organizer. I live here 27 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: in beautiful Washington, d C. Land of Go Go music 28 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: and half smokes and politicians. Um yeah, I'm just your 29 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: average activist, writer, content creator, gall about town and like you, Bridget, 30 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: I started off in politics. I started off with organizing 31 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: for America on the Obama campaign, working as a digital 32 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 1: strategist for a bunch of Senate campaigns. Before starting bossed 33 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: up my company to help women navigate career transition. So 34 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 1: it's so exciting to to bring together the professional development, 35 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: the political activism and and and that's really the conversations 36 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: we want to have here, and we want to continue 37 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: that legacy of stuff. Mo. I've never told you, and 38 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: I think it's important to say up front, we are 39 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: not here to replace Kristen and Caroline. That would be 40 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: an impossible task. Obviously, it's intimidating to to be clear, 41 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: to be honest, it's a little intimidating. We're excited. We 42 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: know that we bring a lot um to this topic, 43 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: but uh, we do so humbly. Right, we're sort of 44 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: picking up that conversation because we think it's a really 45 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: important conversation to have right now. And and on that note, 46 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,079 Speaker 1: I think today's topic is relevant, right because it's about 47 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: forging relationships with women. You ad Meyer right, starting friendships 48 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: as a grown up, as a grown woman after college, 49 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: which frankly is a little challenging. It's so hard, you know. 50 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: I think that women who can conquer all these other 51 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 1: things in life, whether it's professional successes or educational successes, 52 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 1: you could have a million degrees and still kind of 53 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: freeze up at a party and feel really awkward when 54 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: you're sending that initial like can we be friends? Let's 55 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:30,959 Speaker 1: hang out? Text? Yeah? And I've sent those right, We've 56 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,639 Speaker 1: done that. And it's different than networking. I want to 57 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: get that out of the way right away. But in 58 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: some ways there are more clear rules of engagement around networking. 59 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: We're talking about that incredible woman you meet in kickboxing 60 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: class and you send a text message and say, you 61 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: know what, we should hang out, like we should be 62 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: friends because we just had this great conversation and then 63 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: five years go by and you're pitching them in a 64 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 1: professional setting. It sounds like a specific This Taylor Taylor 65 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 1: from the United States of Women. She's like, Emily, you know, 66 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: we met five years ago and kicked backs in class 67 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh man, we never got that drink, 68 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: We never made That happens, never too late. So I 69 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: think today's topic is really unpacking the challenges of being 70 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: a grown woman and making friends with the women you admire, 71 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: like having a lady crush as they call it sometimes, 72 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 1: and how to how to turn that into a real friendship. Yeah. 73 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: I think it's something that I've certainly struggled with in 74 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: my life, and I think it's interesting and that as women, 75 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: we can be these dynamic professional ladies. We can have 76 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: this incredible sort of career success and have a lot 77 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: of ease navigating those professional spaces, but these social spaces 78 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,719 Speaker 1: can also be kind of terrifying and awkward and hard 79 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 1: to navigate. So we're gonna get into it talk about 80 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: some ways that we can do that right. And I 81 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: think what's great is that there is a lot of 82 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: research on this, and the first article that really stood 83 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 1: up to me, was in the New York Times. It 84 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: wasn't gender specific, which I found interesting. The examples differed 85 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: between men and women. But that New York Times piece 86 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: on why It's hard Making Friends after thirty, which ran 87 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: a few years ago, but they keep republishing it because 88 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: it was so popular, and I think it really struck 89 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,679 Speaker 1: a chord. It certainly struck a chord with me about 90 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: the difference in if you think about it, those tight 91 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: bonds that you forged in as a you know, in 92 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: your childhood as a kid, and then as a college 93 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: student when you're forced at the close proximity with a 94 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: bunch of strangers and you you sort of rallied together 95 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: and build those foundational friendships, those are way harder to 96 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: establish in life after college or if you never went 97 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: to college, right. My brother skipped that whole part, went 98 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: through the military straight out of high school, and he 99 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: never got those foundational friendships in college. Granted, I think 100 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: his shipmates in the Navy sort of substituted in that regard, 101 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: but I don't know. I find that still today, and 102 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: I think a lot of us beyond our college years 103 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: have the same core friends totally. And I think um 104 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: what's so interesting about that article is that, like, basically, 105 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 1: if you're someone who does not make friends easily as 106 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 1: an adult, you found it to be challenging, You're not alone. 107 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: It's something that has been proven by science that like 108 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: it is a documented thing that it's harder to make 109 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: those kind of friendships after um, you hit your thirties. 110 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,599 Speaker 1: And so in this article, they were saying that, like, 111 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, by the time you you reach your thirties, 112 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: you've gone through a couple of big life milestones, and 113 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 1: that those milestones really show you sort of what's important 114 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 1: in your life, right, And so as you get older, 115 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: you're much more likely to have those kinds of bonds 116 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: with family close family members, because you might be thinking, like, oh, 117 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: I'd rather hang out with my kids or my parents, 118 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: or my brother or sister than like go to that 119 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: cocktail party of a friend of a friend that I 120 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: kind of know. You know, so um, totally documented by 121 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: by the resource. Your partner say, we're both unmarried, so 122 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 1: both unmarried with them, but we're in committed long term related, 123 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: we're in relations. But I think it does change that 124 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: that your bar gets a little higher. And that's that's 125 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,920 Speaker 1: where I found this to actually be uplifting news. Right. 126 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 1: It can feel a little depressing to say it's hard 127 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: to make friends after college. But the reason behind it, 128 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: they say, is that, you know, quote here, self discovery 129 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: gives way to self knowledge. So you become pickier about 130 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: whom you surround yourself, which I think is a game thing. 131 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: I actually like that because again, it's like, as you 132 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: get older you have less time. You kind of realize 133 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: you have less time to like waste. Right when I 134 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: was in my twenties, I would if someone was having 135 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: a party, I was gonna be there, right, if someone 136 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: was having an event, I was gonna be there. Now 137 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, do I really want to slept all 138 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: the way out to Brooklyn? You know all of that, Like, 139 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: I'm much more likely to be a lot choosier about 140 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,239 Speaker 1: how I spend my time so far is much higher exactly. Yeah. 141 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: And I think once you've done that, you've done the 142 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: happy hour circuit, especially in this town, especially there is 143 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: an endless array of happy hours town. Yeah, you get 144 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: a little pick here about who you you spend your 145 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: time with. And I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing. 146 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: Where I do think it it points to our our 147 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: element of personal agency, right, Like you have power in this, 148 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: you have about who you spend your time with. We 149 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: should include those women who we want to be friends 150 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: with on that way exactly, so you don't feel like 151 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 1: you have to necessarily make friends with everybody that you meet. 152 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: But like that special person that you know, can't stop 153 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: looking at her Instagram feed because she seems so cool, 154 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: and you're like, wouldn't it be great if we were friends? 155 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,199 Speaker 1: So I like that, Yeah, like being chooesy in general, right, 156 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: but also not being afraid. And I think those those qualities, 157 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: those prerequisites for friendship which make friendship easier or make 158 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: friends making easier at younger times in our lives are 159 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: things like the proximity factor, like actually being not having 160 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: to slept your way across town to hang out with 161 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: someone new. Like my friend Bar is very geographical. Definitely, ye, 162 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,959 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to do a bunch of complicated metro 163 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 1: transfer metro transfer required, Like that's kind of a deal breaker, definitely, 164 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: you know. I think once you know which neighborhood they 165 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: live in, you're like, oh, we could definitely hang out 166 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: quickly and easily, and therefore our friendship potential is already higher. 167 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: I know, but isn't it true? But there is research 168 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 1: that says the right that ability to run into someone 169 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 1: without having to pre plan it. There's that element of 170 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: spontaneous interaction, right the neighbor who you might happen to 171 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 1: see walking into her apartment when you walk into your apartment, 172 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: like that ability to cross over each other, run into 173 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:42,719 Speaker 1: each other without necessarily planning it beforehand. And and that's 174 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 1: where a lot of my friends in d C were 175 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: established after sports leagues that I joined because I'm a 176 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: nerd Uh. You know, the afterwork sports game was over volleyball, 177 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: kickball or whatever. Maybe you want to go grab a drink, 178 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: you want to grab a meal like that, spontaneous plan 179 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:03,520 Speaker 1: that's where relationship can can really come to fruciation, definitely. 180 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: I mean, I have found that so many of my 181 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: lasting friendships are just based on like we just keep 182 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: bumping into each other, and it's like I can't help 183 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 1: but feel like you're in my like universe here in 184 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: my like you know landscape. I see you all the time. 185 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: I keep bumping into you at the bar like all that. 186 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,079 Speaker 1: And so you know, how many times have you been 187 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: at brunch and then you you see a friend and 188 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: you're like, I'll join us, like that kind of vibe. 189 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: And I think those opportunities and that element of spontaneity 190 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: gets less and less likely to happen in our lives 191 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,560 Speaker 1: after after college, when we're working men and women. And 192 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: I think, you know, I'm the biggest gcal abuser. I'm 193 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: the one who always needs to There's there's a h 194 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 1: a funny sort of conflict here in that. I think 195 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: the way in which I stay in touch with a 196 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: lot of my friends requires being mindful of planning and 197 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: making time for people and making plans of people and 198 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: not fleaking of our plans. Oh, we all do that 199 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: a lot. I am a fear a calendar abuser. I'm 200 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,199 Speaker 1: a flake abuser, right Like I'm that person who doesn't 201 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: leave their house really and so I'm always like, oh, why, 202 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: like everyone's hanging out without me, But then it's like, oh, 203 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: you'd have to leave your house for that to happen. 204 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: Sound And I think there's a John Mulaney stand up 205 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: bit that he does about there is nothing that feels 206 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 1: better than canceled planned heaven. It's guaranteed to make you 207 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 1: feel good. Nothing I'm going to get out of this, 208 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,960 Speaker 1: or when someone else cancel, when you're about to text somebody, 209 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm flaking, and then they text you they're flaking. 210 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: It's like the stars have a line. It's like nothing better, 211 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: Like you read my mind. But I don't have to 212 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: be the flaker. I know. So we're talking about why 213 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: it's hard to make friends, and we're like, oh, the 214 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: relief of not listen to our advice about how to 215 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: make friends from from too seemingly very anti sential people, 216 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: which couldn't really be farther from that it's not people. 217 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: But I think that also points to this rising element 218 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,199 Speaker 1: of isolation. And what's interesting is as our society is 219 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: getting more hyper connected online, as we have more Facebook 220 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 1: friends and Instagram followers and exchanging information digitally, rates of 221 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: isolation and loneliness are like skyrocketing, especially amongst young folks 222 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 1: and especially amongst those of us who are most likely 223 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: to be connected digitally. And that is troubling and because 224 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 1: friendship matters. But you know, a bridget before we dive 225 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: into that, let's take a quick break and hear a 226 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. Okay, we're back. Friendship matters. So 227 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: you might be thinking, um, you know, okay, so I 228 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 1: don't have a lot of friends, big deal. I have 229 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: a happy you know, I have a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whatever, 230 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: I have a happy work life. But here's why you 231 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: should care. So they've actually done studies that show that 232 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: loneliness is actually a real problem in terms of your health. 233 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: And so that might sound strange, but it's actually true. 234 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: And so science is actually proven that friend bonds, not 235 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 1: family bonds, actually helped to increase the longevity of your life, 236 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: and that chronic loneliness has this such a big impact 237 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: on our physical well being that it actually is the 238 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:16,760 Speaker 1: same mortality risk as like smoking. So mortality risks about that, 239 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: like not having friendships can be bad for your totally 240 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: and that for your life. Everybody shortens your life, shorten 241 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: your life crazy, and so you know, everybody needs time alone, 242 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: and like not to say that if you're a loner, 243 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: you're going to die, right, It's something that you know 244 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: to keep in mind. And so and I think it 245 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: also puts a strain on your partnership or in your 246 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: family dynamic if you don't have we all need those 247 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: friendships beyond the single or or very limited number of 248 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: close bonds that you might have. And it makes sense, right, 249 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: it has a lot to do, I think with stress 250 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: and with overall mental wellness and mental well being. There's 251 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: this really fascinating study that U. C. L A. Did 252 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:59,319 Speaker 1: on the friendship among women in particular, and what they 253 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 1: found was mind blowing. First of all, I learned that 254 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 1: something around nine of stress research in this country has 255 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: been done exclusively based off of male participants, which was 256 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 1: a total Like what the heck moment for me? I 257 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 1: was like, that can't be good. We know that when 258 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: you study all men when it comes to heart attack symptoms, 259 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: we don't get symptoms that are going to help women 260 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: identify heart attack risks. So, thinking about all the time 261 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 1: and effort I put into figuring out how to reduce 262 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: stress for people and how to prevent burnout for women, 263 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: there's just not enough research. And because as we all know, 264 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: women be stressing, right, we have a lot like making 265 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: less money is very stressful and also doing you know, 266 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: twice the amount of housework, and even in the most 267 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: woke of households is still stressful. So what they found 268 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: doing this research on women about female friendships is that 269 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: in addition to that fight or flight instinct that that 270 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: is exhibited traditionally in times of stress, right, that experience 271 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: of cortisol, right, fight or flight, getting your brain in 272 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: caveman mode. Um. What they found among women is that 273 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: it seems that there's this hormone oxytocin released as a 274 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: part of the stress response. And you might know oxytocin 275 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: from what gets released after sex. Right, Because oxytocin creates 276 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: intimate bonds, it makes you want to love somebody, and fascinatingly, 277 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: the research and this is from Dr Klein, says that 278 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: it buffers the fight or flight response and instead encourages 279 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: the stressed out women to quote tend to the children 280 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: and gather with other women. Instead, it actually encourages female 281 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: to female friendships. And they think, you know that the 282 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: theory is way back to our cave men and cave 283 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: woman days when men were in fight or flight mode, 284 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 1: women were like, let's not forget about the baby, let's 285 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: team together. And I think that points to the other 286 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: research out there on how women are collaborative leaders are 287 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: a small d democratic in their response to challenges. And 288 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: it just totally aligned to me that friendships are good 289 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: for your health and also stressful times make you want 290 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: to reach out and connect with other female friends you 291 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: might have in your world. Like that totally resonated with 292 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: my experience when I'm feeling stressed out and maybe my 293 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: partner has already done what he can you know what 294 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: I mean, I've already expressed my stress to him. It's 295 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: my chance to text whomever, like my girlfriends, even if 296 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: they live halfway across the country, and say, can you 297 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: talk to me about this? I'm like, I'm reaching out 298 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 1: or trying to when I'm when I'm when I'm actually 299 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: dealing with my stress, I should say, um, yeah, I 300 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: mean this that that research that you pulled just resonates 301 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: so profoundly with me. I think back to a time 302 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 1: in my life and I was very stressed out, but 303 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: like living very like like a very lonely existence of 304 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 1: I just moved to San Francisco and I didn't know anybody, 305 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: and I was working on a very stressful campaign, and 306 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: I would go through days just having these like you 307 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,919 Speaker 1: know these like um very uh still did really like 308 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 1: interactions with like Barista's and like you know whoever, like 309 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 1: just people in my day, and those are the only 310 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: real kind of like social interactions I had, and I 311 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: just craved like having conversations with my girlfriends, Like I 312 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: would sit in coffee shops and over hear girls have 313 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 1: brunch laughing and sort of get a little secondhand laughter 314 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: from there, you know, lean into their tables, listen, and 315 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,160 Speaker 1: I do. I think that as we as we find 316 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: ourselves in stressful situations, are pull is toward those female connections. 317 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 1: And I know that when I first graduated from college, 318 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,360 Speaker 1: I thought to myself, I have an important job to do. 319 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: I'm so busy trying to prove myself worthy of this 320 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: chance that someone gave me to step into these big 321 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,120 Speaker 1: shoes and be a state director at a really young 322 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: age and run around the state of Rhode Island for 323 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: two and a half years, you know, doing the best 324 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: I could at work. That I totally discounted the importance 325 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 1: of my friends. And I'll be the first to admit 326 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: it was it bad for me, yes, but it was 327 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: also it was not nice. It was not nice to 328 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: my friends. And you know, granted they used to be 329 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 1: one cafeteria away in college, but now I was isolated. 330 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 1: It didn't help that I was in a really toxic 331 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: relationship romantic relationship at the time. But what confounded all 332 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: of those challenges and frankly led me to burn out 333 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: is the fact that I had not kept those relationships alive. 334 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: And there is there's I think there's an element to 335 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: this which is saying it's hard to do that, and 336 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 1: there's also a reality saying to which I would like 337 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: to say, you have the power to make your friendships 338 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 1: a priority. And I think for women, especially friendships with 339 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: other women is are important, you know, like those that's 340 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: not something to be um to think like I did. 341 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: I may you know, learn from my mistake please on 342 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 1: this which is, oh, my job is too important. I 343 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 1: don't have the time for the luxury that is friends. 344 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 1: Friends are not a luxury, right, Like we need friendships, 345 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 1: we need relationships. And you don't want to have that 346 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: day where you're trying to move and you put up 347 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: that Facebook post of like, who's going to help me move? 348 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: And I got nobody? Right, like, which we've all There's 349 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 1: this amazing article in the Seattle Times that I also 350 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: came across in this that says, for women, friendships not 351 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: only rules, it protects, it buffers the hardships of life's transitions. 352 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,440 Speaker 1: Lowers blood pressure, boost immunity, and promotes healing. It might 353 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: help explain why women on average have lower rates of 354 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,439 Speaker 1: heart disease and longer life expectancies than men. Right, So, 355 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: like it's it's pulling from the same research you found 356 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 1: on the health benefits and the mortality rates associated with 357 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: you know, either having a lot of tight female friendships 358 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 1: or not. But you know, all the research is pointing 359 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: to how it's important for women, especially to have other 360 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,400 Speaker 1: women friends. And you're talking to I'm I'm coming at 361 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: this from the perspective of a tomboy. Like my whole 362 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: childhood was me my best friend Christine, and then we 363 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: would play football on the street with all the boys, 364 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 1: right we were. I was one of the girls that 365 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: was very much a tomboy, and so for me, female 366 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,919 Speaker 1: friendship was intimidating. As an adult woman, I think it 367 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 1: can be. Yeah, I mean, I think, why do you 368 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: think that is? I mean, I I was not really 369 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 1: that much of a tomboy growing up, but I do 370 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: think the idea of making friends with other women can 371 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 1: be intimidating. And I think we also have this like 372 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: weird stereotype, but I don't think it's true culture where 373 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, women, there's so much, there's such there's 374 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: a dramatic like, oh they're gonna catite, like you know, 375 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,560 Speaker 1: women are always tearing each other down and the queen beam. 376 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 1: It has been disproven right at work, but that was 377 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,360 Speaker 1: it was really confined to the workplace. That research, I think, 378 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 1: which came out of n y U a couple of 379 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: years ago. Um I found this great study um that 380 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 1: for for disclaimer, first of all, it was actually funded 381 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: by Diet Coke, so yeah, studying it was called girl 382 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: Talk the New Rules of Female Friendship and Communication, so 383 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: you know, they were trying to become the next Coke 384 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,639 Speaker 1: within name on it type campaign like how do we 385 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 1: get more women to drink that? While they studied women 386 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,639 Speaker 1: and put them all on focus groups and ask them 387 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: a million questions about their female friendships. And the other 388 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 1: disclaiming here is this was exclusively done in the UK, 389 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: so I don't know if they're across cultural communication differences 390 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: between gal pals across the pond here. But what they 391 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: found was that there was a distinctive theme emerging how 392 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: a lot of women want to be seen as quote 393 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: one of the lads, as opposed to being a girly girl, 394 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: as one participant put it, Indeed, many of the women 395 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: reinforced the stereotype of the other woman, like I'm not 396 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 1: them as being U and then there's a word here 397 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: I can't even say, but not so nice. It's not 398 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,640 Speaker 1: it's not quite bossy. It's a little more hardcore. It's 399 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: another b aware exactly, and backstabbing, which was kind of 400 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 1: funny because they were very candid, like we're being about 401 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 1: it being a little of women being a little wary 402 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 1: of other women. And I think that friendship, um bar, 403 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,800 Speaker 1: that threshold of friendship when you are a grown woman 404 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 1: right as an adult gets high. There is, without a doubt, 405 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: not an audition period, I want to say, but there 406 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: is a prospecting period when you make unique a new woman, 407 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: you make a connection, you you admire this person. There's 408 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 1: a couple of I think friend dates before you know 409 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: for sure. It's like like a first date, just as awkward, 410 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,879 Speaker 1: but it's with a friend. Yeah, I think, yeah, I 411 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: think that the research from Coke Uh it resonates with me. 412 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: I think I think I definitely went through a phase 413 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,400 Speaker 1: where I badly wanted to be seen as like one 414 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: of the guys even though I wasn't and I would 415 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: pretend to be interested in things that like I had 416 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: no real interesting I'd be like, oh, I love football 417 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 1: and I'll never forget um. It was like the season 418 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 1: finale of the Real World, which I used to love, 419 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 1: and I didn't watch that. I watched like a football 420 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 1: game instead to impress the dude. Not well, you didn't 421 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 1: want to be the girl who asked to switch the channel, 422 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: even though we both know that was would have been 423 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 1: a more important thing to watch. Was. I have anxiety 424 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:15,240 Speaker 1: around not always relating to what the overwhelming majority of 425 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: women are talking about because I'm not into the Bachelor, 426 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm not into and I've 427 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: used an attempt to fake it till I make it 428 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: and it didn't work. It was it was a face 429 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: pal moment. But I think what is important at least 430 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: in my experience, and maybe we should sort of this 431 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: is a good time to start talking about solutions to 432 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: the awkward nows. But what I found is not having 433 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,479 Speaker 1: that anxiety about I hope they like me and I 434 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 1: hope I like them, but instead being like as authentic 435 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: to who you are as you can be and seeing 436 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: who's into that and seeing if you're into their authentic 437 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: self and if you're not, like, that's okay. Yeah, And 438 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 1: I think it goes back to the research we were 439 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,200 Speaker 1: just we were opening the show with where we it's 440 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: not all negative, Like it is good to be choosy, right, 441 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 1: Like you don't have to like this other person. She 442 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 1: doesn't have to like you, right, Like, just be your 443 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: authentic self, right if you digs it, yeah, put it 444 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 1: out there if it CLIs. It's tricky though, because I 445 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,959 Speaker 1: think I want girlfriends, you know, so when I have 446 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 1: someone who I'm like, I think we could be real 447 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 1: friends here you kind of get your expectation that you 448 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,080 Speaker 1: get your hopes up. But um, the other the other 449 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: piece of interesting tidbit that came up in some of 450 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: the research here was a lot of and this is 451 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,359 Speaker 1: from the diet Coke study, a lot of women said 452 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,719 Speaker 1: they have compartmentalized friends. They're friends to do the workout 453 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: classes with, they have friends to go hiking with, their friends, 454 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 1: work friends, happy, our friends, French friends. And that was like, yeah, 455 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,919 Speaker 1: totally my life and I'm okay with that. And you know, 456 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: my sports friends are not the people I would want 457 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,640 Speaker 1: to go out with, but my going out to dance 458 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 1: on a Saturday night friends might not be the people 459 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: I want to you know, call up when I'm having 460 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 1: a crisis. So like having different friends for different reasons 461 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 1: sounds a little cynical in terms of like being almost 462 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: a little transaction, which maybe it's a d C thing, 463 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,280 Speaker 1: but I found that to resonate and and but none 464 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: of them can match what I have from my best 465 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 1: friend from growing up and my best friend from college. 466 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: You know, it's a different level, um, just that of curiosity. 467 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: Did this study also conclude with like nothing bonds girlfriends 468 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: like a good diet Coke? Nothing, ladies, I know a 469 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 1: lot of women who would agree with that. I am 470 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 1: not a soda fan, really, I'm not. I'm not a 471 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,399 Speaker 1: diet soda fan especially, but I know a lot of 472 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: people who are, Like, do not get in between me 473 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 1: and my diet Coke. Just to be clear, Diet Coke 474 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,119 Speaker 1: is not sponsors with podcast. But if they want to 475 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: call us, no, that's funny. Okay, is it all bad, 476 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: Bridget It's not all bad. It sounds bad. We just 477 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: told you that your lack of friends was going to 478 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 1: kill you, But it's not all that so let's let's 479 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: talk about some solutions that we've also found in our 480 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 1: lives and in the research. But first, let's take a 481 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 1: quick break. I think that would be a good time 482 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:18,400 Speaker 1: and hear a word from our sponsors, and we're back, 483 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,160 Speaker 1: and it is not all bad news. It is hopefully 484 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: not a surprise to you that making female friends as 485 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: a grown up can be a little awkward. But I 486 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: think that pickiness that you were talking about just before 487 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,120 Speaker 1: the break is also known as mindfulness. It's also known 488 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: as being uh thoughtful and pensive about how you want 489 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 1: to spin it is. It's such a positive versus a 490 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 1: negative frame for the same exact topic. But I have 491 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 1: learned over the years that the number one way to 492 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,000 Speaker 1: make my life happier, to make myself happier, is to 493 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: actually cut off toxic people and to stop spending time 494 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,200 Speaker 1: doing things that I want to do or spending time 495 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,240 Speaker 1: with people I don't want to spend time with who 496 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 1: makes me feel bad, and not having to justify that right, 497 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 1: not having to explain myself, but just really knowing that 498 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: I can spend time how I want to spend time 499 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,400 Speaker 1: with whom I want to spend time totally, and I mean, 500 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: like you were saying before, I mean, as you get older, 501 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 1: you can realize life is so short. I think back 502 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 1: to my twenties and I think about, like all the 503 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: jerks I spent time with, all the people that, like 504 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: I did, I felt obligated to spend my time like 505 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,919 Speaker 1: I never do that now, right, And I think that 506 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: obligation goes back to all the stuff that women deal 507 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,480 Speaker 1: with about trying to be nice and wanting to be 508 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: nice and are we going to be that B word 509 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 1: if we you know, cut someone out or if we 510 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: choose to you know, not oblige when we feel obligated. 511 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 1: And I heard a quote once. I spent a lot 512 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,199 Speaker 1: of time thinking about the word boss and bossy and 513 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: boss up. And someone said to me, like, you are 514 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:03,200 Speaker 1: the CEO of your life, high fire and promote accordingly, right, 515 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: like take ownership over um, you know, being receptive to friendship, 516 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,360 Speaker 1: but you can be picky about who you bring into 517 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 1: your inner circle and those boundaries, setting those boundaries and 518 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: and really choosing carefully whom you trust. That's just part 519 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,920 Speaker 1: of being a grown up, right, That's part of learning. 520 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: And it took me getting burned a lot to figure 521 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: that out in romantic relationships and friendships in which you realize, 522 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,479 Speaker 1: oh my god, this person is a textbook narcissist. I 523 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 1: can't spend time with her anymore, Like she actually doesn't 524 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,720 Speaker 1: even notice what I'm not there because I'm calling out 525 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: sick and doesn't care to follow up with me. You know, 526 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: I think there are certain times when I spent time 527 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: with people whom I admire professionally and then turn out 528 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: to not be a friendship material. Harsh. It's hard. You 529 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: have to and don't feel bad about it, and don't 530 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: apologize for it. It's not it's has to be done. Yeah. 531 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: It makes a huge impact on your mood, on your 532 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 1: levels of happiness, and invest in relationships that do make 533 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: you feel good. So that was my big learning after 534 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: burning out professionally and not really being there for my 535 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: friends and not you know, being close with my friends 536 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: for years, and I lost some friends over those two 537 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: years because I wasn't taking friendship seriously. I didn't think 538 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: friendship mattered, and that was my bad. That was a bad, 539 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: bad learning on my part. But after that I realized, like, 540 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 1: even if my best girlfriend from college lives uh, you know, 541 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 1: million miles away, lives up in Boston. We are going 542 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 1: to have a regular phone call. We are going to 543 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: have a regular hangout. And for our college buddies, what 544 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: she organized and which I love, is a monthly Google hangout, 545 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: Like we all have it on our calendars and we've 546 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,520 Speaker 1: kept in touch. We don't always make every single one. 547 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: Life happens, but there's about five of us. We get 548 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: on a Google hangout once a month. And you know, 549 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 1: one of our friends, two of our friends from college 550 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,920 Speaker 1: got married and then they had a baby, and now 551 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,719 Speaker 1: we're like watching their baby grow up on Google hang 552 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,600 Speaker 1: that and I think, yeah, I mean not to be 553 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: too sort of like not to be so sad about it, 554 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: but I have a group of close friends. We were 555 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: very close in high school, and you know, we've all moved, 556 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: we have different job things, people have gotten married, had kids, YadA, YadA, YadA. 557 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: We don't see each other as much as we should. 558 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 1: And we had a death and our friend group and 559 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: we were all very sad. We all came together for 560 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: this funeral. But really what was so upsetting was that 561 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: like it took that, it took, you know, something really 562 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 1: sad happening to get us all in the same room 563 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: for the first time in many years. And I remember 564 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: when we left, we were like, let's not have it 565 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: be another five years and then we're back again for 566 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: something sad because someone's in the hospital, something bad has happened. 567 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: Let's have the next time we see each other be 568 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: something that we've planned and it's going to be fun 569 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: and happy, not like this intense feeling of dread and 570 00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:01,160 Speaker 1: obligation and guilt. Um, So definitely make time for those 571 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,720 Speaker 1: friendships and it makes you realize just touch short life, Candyce, 572 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 1: and there's something you can do about it. Right, Take 573 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,440 Speaker 1: your power back, take your power over your schedule back 574 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,719 Speaker 1: to me. That's what it always comes down to. It's like, Okay, 575 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,880 Speaker 1: you tell me you care about these people. Where in 576 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,400 Speaker 1: your calendar, where and how you spend time? Do you? 577 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 1: Does it align with that? Like there's that cognitive dissonance 578 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 1: between what I say I care about or who I 579 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,640 Speaker 1: say I care about? Like that old quote, Um, what 580 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 1: is it like? Tell me how you spend your time 581 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: and I'll tell you what you care about. Right. If 582 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: you spend your time all working, you care about work, 583 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: and that's it, and that is socially acceptable, socially encouraged. 584 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,600 Speaker 1: I would say, especially here in the US. And that's 585 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: what I talked about when I was a guest on 586 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 1: this podcast a year ago, is that martyrdom mindset the 587 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,640 Speaker 1: idea that I have to sacrifice my happiness to be 588 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,680 Speaker 1: a good employee, or to be a good boss, or 589 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:54,400 Speaker 1: to be a good whatever professional, when in reality, having 590 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 1: friends is key to a happy, healthy life, is key 591 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: to your longevity, right, and that means making the time 592 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: and committing to it as though you would commit to 593 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: any professional exactly right, exactly. Um. So I have a 594 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: little tidbits. I thought it was really cute. I found 595 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,959 Speaker 1: it in Bustle, an article about how we can make 596 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: friends the adults, um, and it has this I thought 597 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,040 Speaker 1: if this was adorable. It's this idea of like a 598 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 1: friend blind date or a friend fix up. So basically 599 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:26,400 Speaker 1: you ask your your amazing friends, like who in your 600 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: life do I need to be meeting? Who in your 601 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 1: life do you think like I shouldn't be living without 602 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: knowing this person, right, and then fix me up with them. 603 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 1: So it may sound awkward, but if you think of 604 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: it the same way that you think of a romantic date, right, 605 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,240 Speaker 1: where it's like we're just going on a little little 606 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 1: fix up endorsement of a friend exactly exactly, and again, 607 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 1: like your friend networks have this, think of them as 608 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: this like vast, untapped resource of really cool women that 609 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 1: you can be friends with. And I've actually done that 610 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 1: via Facebook. Whenever I travel to a new city because 611 00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,200 Speaker 1: my life is heavily on the road and where I'm 612 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,480 Speaker 1: hosting events or when i'm you know, getting me in 613 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: town for speaking engagement. Anyway, I shout out on my 614 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: Facebook all, hey ladies, or hey everyone, who should I 615 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,840 Speaker 1: definitely be meeting with while I'm in New York this trip, 616 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,680 Speaker 1: like what women do you think I must know? And 617 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: that has yielded some amazing responses. But the interesting thing 618 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,720 Speaker 1: about it, and I think it's worth mentioning here, is 619 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: that it's not enough to have a phone call or 620 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 1: have an email exchange. It's about the in person definitely, 621 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: And we know this from we're organizing. It's about the 622 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 1: one in one meeting and making it okay to like 623 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: share a little bit about what you care about, what 624 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,479 Speaker 1: you're working on, and how we can be supportive of 625 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,480 Speaker 1: one another in a really tangible way. That that's sort 626 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: of organizing principle behind relationship building has been very applicable 627 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 1: to me in my friend world, the same same thing 628 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: because again, like you can post on Facebook, you can email, 629 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,520 Speaker 1: but you really want that face to face, one on one, 630 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,800 Speaker 1: you know, connection. And I think I think we should 631 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,680 Speaker 1: before we wrap shout out to our introverts out there, 632 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 1: shoutout introvert because I get a lot of energy from 633 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,560 Speaker 1: being around people I love. I'm a total extrovert. Um, 634 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 1: I do renew I don't actually I don't know what 635 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: I am because I get renewal from being alone and isolation. 636 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: I think that's important for everybody, but I think for 637 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: introvert introverts, especially the idea of like going out for 638 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,839 Speaker 1: coffee with someone you admire as a friend date is 639 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: so intimidating, right, anxiety provoking in some ways. And that's 640 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,879 Speaker 1: where I think the bottom line about all of this 641 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 1: comes down to. It can be awkward, but don't let 642 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 1: that awkwardness or the fear of the awkwardness prevent you 643 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: from reaching out, because they might be so thrilled to 644 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 1: hear from you, totally um, and I can speak to that. 645 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 1: So I'm someone who is a pretty anxious person. I've 646 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 1: dealt with anxiety my whole life. And I actually did 647 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 1: some research for the show that says that if you 648 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: are someone who deals with anxiety, it can trick you 649 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 1: into thinking that the people that you hang out with 650 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: are enjoying your company and your time less. And so 651 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 1: if you're someone who's anxious, if you're someone who's an introvert, 652 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: just know that, like your body and your mind is 653 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: going might try to convince you that you're not this 654 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: super compelling fun person to be around, right, but it's 655 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,719 Speaker 1: not true, and you just really have to have to 656 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,720 Speaker 1: play through it. Right. It's like the impostor syndrome at work, 657 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 1: but at happy and again, I mean we're not saying that, like, 658 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,360 Speaker 1: if you're an introvert who likes to be alone, you 659 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,960 Speaker 1: know you're horrible, not at all, fight the opposite. Everyone 660 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,320 Speaker 1: needs alone time and alone time is very important, but 661 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,839 Speaker 1: we need our friends too. Yeah, I love it. The more, 662 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:34,399 Speaker 1: you know, like the stars going across the screen there, Well, 663 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,840 Speaker 1: I feel better already. I feel like sometimes as a 664 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: workaholic and someone who's very obsessed with my career and 665 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:46,320 Speaker 1: doesn't really make apologies for that, that it is reinforcing 666 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,400 Speaker 1: to feel validated around spending time with friends and like 667 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,440 Speaker 1: just getting that reminder that you not only deserve a 668 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: kick ass career, but you also deserve a happy, healthy 669 00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 1: life and that you know, if it takes sending a 670 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,440 Speaker 1: text or sending an email thread or sending a gcal 671 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:07,040 Speaker 1: invite to make time to spend with your friends, and 672 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,720 Speaker 1: you are worth it. And you are worthy of that too. 673 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: You are worthy. Yeah, And so I'm hoping that you 674 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,080 Speaker 1: listening right now and Bridge and I can hang out, 675 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,960 Speaker 1: you know, like, can we be friends? Can we be friends? Like? 676 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,200 Speaker 1: Is that awkward? We know it is, But I think 677 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:31,600 Speaker 1: this is the beginning of establishing relationships that really matter. 678 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:35,720 Speaker 1: I know that sminty listeners care about the same issues 679 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: that you and I care about Britain, and that I 680 00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,799 Speaker 1: hope that this is just the beginning of a lot 681 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 1: of incredible conversations and a two way conversation that establishes 682 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:51,200 Speaker 1: real rapport, real relationships, Like we want to hang except 683 00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:55,600 Speaker 1: our calendar invite. And so with that, Bridget, I think 684 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 1: I think it's time for us to sign off really 685 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,800 Speaker 1: and our first our first podcast here for stuff I 686 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,200 Speaker 1: never told you. I think you're r and so we 687 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,000 Speaker 1: want to know what we should talk about next, right, 688 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 1: We know that it's and there are a million new 689 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 1: angles to cover, the challenges that benefits, the perks, the pleasures, 690 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:24,319 Speaker 1: the chaos of being a woman in there's a lot. 691 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: So we we've got some ideas and we're very excited 692 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: to share them with you. But this is about this 693 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: minty listener. This is about what issues are you facing 694 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: right now? What uh, what's coming up in the workplace 695 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,840 Speaker 1: for you? What are your goals for seen? What what 696 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,319 Speaker 1: kind of activism are you, you know, taking on this year? 697 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,480 Speaker 1: How can we be of support to you? And we 698 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: know that there is such a history on this podcast, 699 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: there's such an incredible array of shows, of content, of 700 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,200 Speaker 1: of of incredible topics that have been covered, and we 701 00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,399 Speaker 1: want to know what we can do to bring even 702 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,760 Speaker 1: more great stuff your way, So give us a shout 703 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,560 Speaker 1: out on Twitter. You can reach Bridget and I on 704 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 1: Twitter at Mom's Stuff Podcast and shoot us an email 705 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:29,279 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff at how Stuff works dot com.