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Speaker 1: Hey everyone.

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Speaker 2: Hi you guys. It's Jackie Goldschneider and Jenfestler.

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Speaker 3: And we are two Jersey Jays. And I love today's topic,

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Speaker 3: so do I.

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Speaker 2: And it's really relevant.

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Speaker 1: Timely because we're going to talk about female friendships in

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Speaker 1: middle age. And it's something that's so important to me

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Speaker 1: because I rely on my female friend.

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Speaker 3: I feel like you get.

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Speaker 1: Something out of your friendships at this age that you

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Speaker 1: can't find from your relationship with your husband, or your

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Speaker 1: children or your parents.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I think that's true. I think you know we're

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Speaker 2: we are different ages. I hate to admit not that far,

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Speaker 2: not well, but I mean I think friendships for me,

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Speaker 2: that the importance of friendship has changed, you know, since

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Speaker 2: I was my daughter's age, even high school, right, It

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Speaker 2: like it takes on a different I think friendships female

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Speaker 2: wants to take on a little bit of a different

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Speaker 2: meaning as you go through the different stages in life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, And I think that you and I are

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Speaker 1: in a very different situation then maybe like other people,

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Speaker 1: because we not only have our real life friendships, but

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Speaker 1: we have this show world of friendships. And we will

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Speaker 1: not go into any specifics, of course you don't need to,

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Speaker 1: but the dynamics of friendship in our work life is

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Speaker 1: so different.

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Speaker 2: It is very different. It's very complicated, it's.

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Speaker 1: It's sad, it's it's sad. It can be great, but

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Speaker 1: it's also it's so public.

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Speaker 2: Correct, that's the Yeah, that's the big difference. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: think that you know, we're going to get more into it.

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Speaker 2: But my friend Marcia always says, friendships are shared experiences,

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Speaker 2: Like you get close to people that you there's they're

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Speaker 2: more than that, right, But a lot of times when

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Speaker 2: you make new friends, it's because you guys are sharing something.

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Speaker 2: So in our case, we share this crazy journey that

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Speaker 2: we're on with housewives and you know, the other women

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Speaker 2: on the cast that we've become friends with with or

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Speaker 2: maybe you're not friends with anymore. But it's so much

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Speaker 2: about shared experience. But when it then it crosses the

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Speaker 2: line right into like mutual respect, love, sharing more than

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Speaker 2: just this crazy experience, but also your lives. But the

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Speaker 2: show kind of, you know, it pushes it pushed us

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Speaker 2: all together. At least this has been my experience, and

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Speaker 2: so you're forced to kind of, you know, get to

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Speaker 2: a deep level with these women that maybe you didn't

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Speaker 2: know before. So it's like these friendships that happen very quickly,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes they also end very quickly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, it's difficult when you're on a

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Speaker 1: TV show together the fights often you kind of have

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Speaker 1: to go into detail about what's driving you apart, and

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Speaker 1: then a fight just turns so like big and toxic

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Speaker 1: before you even know it. And then you have all

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Speaker 1: of social media weighing in, which doesn't happen in real life.

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Speaker 1: You have people choosing sides and people saying that you're

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Speaker 1: the worst or you're the best, and it's it's makes

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Speaker 1: it really difficult to maintain a strong friendship now, not

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Speaker 1: our show, but I have seen friendships on The Housewives

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Speaker 1: that I thought were so strong, I mean.

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Speaker 3: Fall apart so badly of course, that I don't.

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Speaker 1: You know, I used to think that my housewife friendships

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Speaker 1: were so important. But I'm I feel much closer to

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Speaker 1: my real life friends, of course, just because I've seen

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Speaker 1: too many friendships fall apart so easily over very little things.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I feel and I think you do too,

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Speaker 2: but I feel very bonded to women on this cast.

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Speaker 2: Not in the best way always, but because my oh

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Speaker 2: friendships outside of the show not only can they not

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Speaker 2: really understand being in it, but they don't want to

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Speaker 2: and I don't want to burden them with talking about

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Speaker 2: the show all the time. And you know, it's like.

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Speaker 1: Well, we're also trauma bonded.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you know, right right right, we are.

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Speaker 1: I mean there's something very specific and small about our world,

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Speaker 1: and so it's no surprise that we have we share

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Speaker 1: that bond, but and that we like to talk to

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Speaker 1: each other about it. What's the problem, though, is when

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Speaker 1: the relationship doesn't go beyond that. Like I've had some

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Speaker 1: relationships on this show. I've had some that have transcended

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Speaker 1: and have become very real to me, and I do

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Speaker 1: love those relationships. But I'm talking about the ones that

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Speaker 1: were just based on the show. And I think in

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Speaker 1: housewife World I've seen over the years, I mean, even

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Speaker 1: before I was on it, I used to watch it.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people that leave the show they don't

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Speaker 3: end up staying close with the people from the show.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so listen, I don't know if you guys know

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Speaker 2: this actually should probably mention it, but when Jackie and

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Speaker 2: I started the show, we we're really committed to not

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Speaker 2: discussing the ins and outs of the Housewives, and I

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Speaker 2: think partially because there are so many podcasts that already

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Speaker 2: do that, but also because we, you know, want to

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Speaker 2: talk about the parts of our lives that are relevant

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Speaker 2: and have nothing to do with it, like the fact

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Speaker 2: that we're both at this point where we are quote

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Speaker 2: unquote middle aged, and so this is something that becomes,

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Speaker 2: i don't know, more important less important as you get older. Friendships,

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Speaker 2: I think we probably have a lot in common. We're

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Speaker 2: going to talk about our feelings about our female friends.

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Speaker 2: And also there are some differences.

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Speaker 1: So back when I was a journalist, which I still

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Speaker 1: consider myself a journalist, but I used to write a

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Speaker 1: column on motherhood for the newspaper every Saturday, and it

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Speaker 1: was basically about being a young mom, a new mom,

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Speaker 1: And something I had noticed is that a lot of

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Speaker 1: new moms were having trouble making friends in their new

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Speaker 1: suburban environment or even in like city, like it's hard

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Speaker 1: to make friends. And you know, I looked back at

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Speaker 1: that when I was thinking about what we would talk

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Speaker 1: about today, and I feel like it's a lot easier

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Speaker 1: to make friends when you're a new mom.

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Speaker 3: Because you have those.

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Speaker 1: You have those classes, you have those Mommy and me

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Speaker 1: and the baby classes, and everyone is in the same boat,

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Speaker 1: and you just naturally become friends with the parents of

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Speaker 1: your children's friends. You know.

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Speaker 2: It's also trauma bonding, like you mentioned, right, it's like

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Speaker 2: the fear that goes along with being a new parent, right, But.

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Speaker 1: There's also that built in community. Yeah, that when you're

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Speaker 1: middle aged and your kids are grown and you find

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Speaker 1: yourself with a lot more time alone, it's it's almost like, well,

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Speaker 1: where would I even begin to meet somebody?

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Speaker 2: I find that the friends that I have my closest

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Speaker 2: friends in terms of like living here in Jersey, and

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Speaker 2: are the friends that I made when my son was little,

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Speaker 2: as opposed to my daughter who's only two years older,

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Speaker 2: and I made friends with you know, her friend's parents,

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Speaker 2: but different. I made this like very I was very

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Speaker 2: lucky to meet this group of women when you know,

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Speaker 2: my son was I don't know, we're at mommy and me,

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Speaker 2: so whatever, two three years old, and it stuck. So

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes with friendships you make through the kids

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Speaker 2: doesn't always stick because when the kids get older, maybe

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Speaker 2: you don't have as much in common. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you've found that, you know I have, I certainly

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Speaker 2: have those old friendships too that just didn't make it

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Speaker 2: through for whatever reason. But uh yeah, that's that is

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Speaker 2: probably the easiest way I've ever made friends besides maybe

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Speaker 2: high school.

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Speaker 1: Right, So, but it makes you wonder. So you and

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Speaker 1: I are both very lucky. Like I know that you

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Speaker 1: have a lot of friends. I don't have quite as many,

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Speaker 1: but I have about like six in my town that

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Speaker 1: I consider super super close.

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Speaker 2: Friends, which needs more than that, right So I don't

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Speaker 2: need more than that right now, I have more than.

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Speaker 1: My sorority sisters are still some of my best friends.

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Speaker 1: And like, I have a lot of kids, and I

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Speaker 1: have a great husband, so and I have my show friends.

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Speaker 3: So I'm like, I'm good, you know, But I know

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Speaker 3: a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: Who struggle, especially if you move, like a lot of

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Speaker 1: people downsize they move to a new area, you know.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk about not only how you

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Speaker 1: can make new friends as a middle aged woman, but

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Speaker 1: also why it's important, why it's important to have friends

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Speaker 1: in your life at this age, what they can offer

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Speaker 1: that's different, yeah than your other relationships.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I do think, as I mentioned a minute ago,

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Speaker 2: that the priorities are different in terms of friendships. I

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Speaker 2: think that it shifts from like, yeah, you just had

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Speaker 2: babies and you need somebody to call to say, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, you know he's not eating or she's I couldn't,

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Speaker 2: she's swallowed up whatever it is, right, it's like a

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Speaker 2: lot of that. You're so it's such a you're in

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Speaker 2: this whole new world, and so you bond so easily

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Speaker 2: over that experience, and then that passes, and then all

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Speaker 2: of a sudden you have teenagers and you could also

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Speaker 2: bond of course, you know, over that. And then not

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Speaker 2: for you, but for me, the kids leave. So it

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Speaker 2: is did you lose a lot of friends when your

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Speaker 2: kids left? No? I think at that point I was

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Speaker 2: friends with people that where it wasn't just based on

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Speaker 2: the kids. I mean in high school. The kids now

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Speaker 2: are driving and you know, they're barely talking to you anyway,

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Speaker 2: so you have there's not as much to bond over,

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Speaker 2: and it becomes about also, I think, reinventing yourself a

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Speaker 2: little bit like Okay, so who am I now that

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Speaker 2: I'm not this you know mother? And I'm obviously you're

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Speaker 2: always a mother, But when the kids stop needing you

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Speaker 2: so much, right, what does that look like? So? Now

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Speaker 2: what does my life look like and it doesn't necessarily

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Speaker 2: include these women or these men who you relied so

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Speaker 2: completely on when the kids were younger to you know,

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Speaker 2: just validate you.

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Speaker 1: And right, did you find that some of those women

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Speaker 1: you didn't have anything in common with once you're kids

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Speaker 1: were out of the picture.

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Speaker 2: Yes? I did still women that I you know, like

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Speaker 2: and care about, but we just didn't share as much

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Speaker 2: and have as much to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Right, So yeah, I mean middle age is you know,

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Speaker 1: it just creeps up on you and one day you

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Speaker 1: find yourself looking in the mirror and you're like, wow,

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Speaker 1: those lines just don't stop coming as much as you

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Speaker 1: try to fight them, and you see.

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Speaker 3: The grays and you feel your age.

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Speaker 1: I remember one time I was with a friend in

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Speaker 1: a car and we saw this woman and she was

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Speaker 1: a counselor at a camp where it was when my

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Speaker 1: kids were younger, and I said, I can't tell if

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Speaker 1: she's old or young. She was one of those people

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Speaker 1: that could have been like thirty or could have been

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Speaker 1: like sixty. And my friend said, she's old. Look at

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Speaker 1: her knees. And I never forgot that because sometimes I'll

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Speaker 1: look at my knees and I'll be like I'm not

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Speaker 1: fooling anyone because no matter how much botox I get,

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Speaker 1: other parts of me will give it away.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I mean, if we're going to go there, my

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Speaker 2: knees are not the knees of a fifty six soon

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Speaker 2: to be fifty six year old, but there the knees

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Speaker 2: of been ninety five Jackie. I am not this is yes,

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Speaker 2: this is not me just being so. I don't know

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Speaker 2: what kind of weight gain, weight loss pull at no

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Speaker 2: exercise path I've been on, but these knees of mine.

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Speaker 2: And I had a surgery that was like for my leg,

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Speaker 2: didn't you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, how'd that go?

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Speaker 1: I know we're getting a little off. Somber Jen had

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Speaker 1: a surgery. She never liked to show her her leg.

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Speaker 2: I still don't because the surgery that I had was

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Speaker 2: sort of like a body lift and it only lifts

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Speaker 2: like mid thigh up, so I would say, and the

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Speaker 2: doctor told me that. So it really was like, now

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Speaker 2: I still don't want to wear shorts. What's the difference.

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Speaker 2: My knees are hanging to my ankles? You know, it

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Speaker 2: is what it is, but that you can also bomb.

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Speaker 2: I feel like you bond sometimes with women. So what I'm.

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Speaker 1: Saying is like. The point is that, like you suddenly

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Speaker 1: wake up and you're like, I am not young anymore,

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Speaker 1: and like the things that used to bond you to

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Speaker 1: other young moms are gone, and slowly every day they disappeared.

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Speaker 1: There's another kid leaving for college, someone else, doesn't you

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Speaker 1: feel you know, we've talked about this before about the

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Speaker 1: invisibility of middle aged women and how you know you're

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Speaker 1: not considered traditionally like sexy anymore, and that part of

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Speaker 1: you is gone. Your children are grown, so the motherhood

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Speaker 1: part of you. You know, you're always a mom, but

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Speaker 1: that's gone. That being needed is gone. You know, you've

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Speaker 1: really settled into your marriage and like a lot of

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Speaker 1: what made you feel useful as a younger woman is gone.

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Speaker 1: And it's not gone, it just changes very drastically. And

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Speaker 1: I think again with shared experience. That's why female friendship

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Speaker 1: at this age for me, is so important, because you

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Speaker 1: don't just have to hold those feelings inside. You can

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Speaker 1: be with other people who are going through them at

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Speaker 1: the same time.

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Speaker 2: I one hundred percent agree. I will tell you that

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Speaker 2: at yes, at your age, I felt exactly the same way,

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Speaker 2: and at almost fifty six. There are times though where

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Speaker 2: I really don't want new friends. I don't want more friends.

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Speaker 2: I don't I find that people in general get on

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Speaker 2: my nerves. So I mean it's like to make a

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Speaker 2: new friends and bring you know, I'm a little more

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Speaker 2: closed off, and I if I talk to my mom,

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Speaker 2: who is eighty two, she'll say, like, I hate people.

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Speaker 2: I love dogs, and that's it. But I have these

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Speaker 2: relationships and I can't imagine my life without them. Do

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Speaker 2: I want more? I don't know. I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 2: pretty good like and I don't have that.

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Speaker 3: I used to have so.

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Speaker 2: Many friends, and you almost like what I felt like

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Speaker 2: when I was younger. I gathered friends, you know, like

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Speaker 2: in high school, you just you want to be popular.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know. It's embarrassing to admit that that

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Speaker 2: would still have been going on for me as I

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Speaker 2: got older. But so many people, right, so many friends,

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Speaker 2: so many parties. I just don't want that. I just

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Speaker 2: want meaningful friendships now, and I want them to be

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Speaker 2: real and I want to be able to share real

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Speaker 2: experiences and you know, the difficulties of my life and

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Speaker 2: not paint this picture of how my life is perfect.

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Speaker 2: And let's talk about how your life is perfect.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's funny that you say that about

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Speaker 1: high school because one of the tips that the therapist

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Speaker 1: back then, who I interviewed for this for the article,

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Speaker 1: one of the tips that she gave me is not

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Speaker 1: to carry old wounds with you into new relationships. And

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Speaker 1: it struck me because I had a very very hard

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Speaker 1: time in high school. And I write about this a

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Speaker 1: lot in my book, but I moved when during my

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Speaker 1: freshman year of high school, and I have a brother.

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Speaker 1: He's disabled. He was held back a year. He's a

285
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Speaker 1: year older than me, so we came in the same age.

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Speaker 1: Everyone assumed we were twins and I was overweight. It

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Speaker 1: was a brand new school. Everyone already had their friends,

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Speaker 1: and I was. I mean, I just had the hardest,

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Speaker 1: hardest time. And not only was I completely ignored, but

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Speaker 1: people were very vicious to my brother, and I just

291
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Speaker 1: was not only like an outcast, but I was also

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Speaker 1: like busting up everyone's good time every time they wanted

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Speaker 1: to make my brother do something stupid. It was just

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Speaker 1: a shit show beginning to end, and I couldn't wait

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Speaker 1: to get out of there. But I carried those wounds

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Speaker 1: with me for a long time, and I have absolutely

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Speaker 1: no problem admitting that I had, that I've struggled with

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Speaker 1: mental issues and that a lot of therapy has gotten

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Speaker 1: me through tons of them. But I have no shame

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Speaker 1: in admitting any of this. So if any of you

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Speaker 1: want to come after me, feel free. It doesn't bother me.

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Speaker 2: I don't think anyone's coming out to you.

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Speaker 1: But the issue was that I carried that with me

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Speaker 1: and when I got to when I moved from the

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Speaker 1: city into the suburbs, my default was to assume that

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Speaker 1: everybody already had people they liked and no one needed

307
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Speaker 1: me to be their friend, and that if they were

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Speaker 1: being nice to me, it was because they just were

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Speaker 1: being nice, and that nobody was really interested. And it

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Speaker 1: held me back, you know, And until I could let

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Speaker 1: go of all of that, I really wasn't able to

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Speaker 1: fully immerse myself in friendships that felt even an equal.

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Speaker 1: It's only been the last really like the last few years,

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Speaker 1: that I've come out of that and really been like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm so valuable to these relationships and like they love

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Speaker 1: me as much as I love them. It always felt

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Speaker 1: one sided to me. So I think it's really important.

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Speaker 1: I think that that holds not whether you're a new

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Speaker 1: mom or whether you're a middle aged woman. You cannot

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Speaker 1: carry your past into your present because it will hold

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Speaker 1: you back.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I also had a difficult childhood, and

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Speaker 2: I think that I made friends I owas was the

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Speaker 2: good time girl, right. I was also overweight until I

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Speaker 2: was I don't know, in my late twenties. I was

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Speaker 2: very heavy and ill up and down whatever. And I

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Speaker 2: never had a boyfriend, which is, you know, which I

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Speaker 2: wanted so desperately. But I always had friends around me,

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Speaker 2: and I was always like the funny one and the

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Speaker 2: crazy one. And I think that was probably partially because

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Speaker 2: I just needed validation so badly outside of what was

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Speaker 2: happening at home. And I also went to a performing

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Speaker 2: arts high school, so a lot of that traditional you know,

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Speaker 2: the peer pressures and the jocks versus the nerds. Like

335
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Speaker 2: we were all nerds. We were all like theater nerds,

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Speaker 2: music nerds, dancing nerds. So it was way easier. So

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Speaker 2: I actually have my three very best friends from high school.

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Speaker 2: We meet once a year because I went it was

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Speaker 2: in Texas, so I'm actually going to see the next month.

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Speaker 1: We do it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great. But so I think that like I've

342
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,960
Speaker 2: always been somebody that had an easy time meeting people

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Speaker 2: and making friendships, but they weren't. They haven't always been

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Speaker 2: as satisfying. Sometimes I make I get, you know, there's

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Speaker 2: a difference between like gathering people and calling them friends

346
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Speaker 2: and actually have having real connections, which is what I

347
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Speaker 2: want now, that's all I want. I don't need to have,

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Speaker 2: you know, go to a million different birthday parties and

349
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Speaker 2: you know that sort of childish attitude of wanting to

350
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Speaker 2: have so many I just need, especially now, not as many.

351
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Speaker 2: And the ones that really make me laugh, the ones

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Speaker 2: that I feel like I can be real with that

353
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Speaker 2: don't judge me, And the ones that are truly about love.

354
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Speaker 2: I love you, you love me. We want the best

355
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Speaker 2: for each other.

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Speaker 1: Right. So, something that I've noticed is that the my

357
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Speaker 1: stronger friendships are the ones that don't rely on being

358
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Speaker 1: couple friends. Because when you rely on being couple friends,

359
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Speaker 1: I have to wait for Evan to want to make plans.

360
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Speaker 1: So Evan is not nearly as social as I am,

361
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Speaker 1: right right, I love being with my friends. Yeah, I

362
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Speaker 1: love going to dinners and going out. And he's very

363
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Speaker 1: very content, I mean understandably, he's got three teenage boys

364
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Speaker 1: who love to be around him, and that's his built

365
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 1: in friend group. So he's got a few of his

366
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Speaker 1: own friends. But I find that when we need to

367
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Speaker 1: go to like dinner together in order for me to

368
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Speaker 1: be with a woman, he it's more difficult because I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm relying on him and my conversations have to include him, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, and I adore events obviously obviously, but.

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Speaker 1: You know, then I have to wait for him to

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Speaker 1: find a date when he can make a plan.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, Jeff's friends are primarily completely because they're

374
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Speaker 2: the men that I are involved with, the women that

375
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Speaker 2: I'm friends with, right, So he's I.

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Speaker 1: Mean, so his friends are your friend's husbands.

377
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Speaker 2: Yes, Well, let me just say this. So he has

378
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Speaker 2: a whole life in terms of like his work and

379
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 2: those circles that he's in, and I choose to know

380
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Speaker 2: nothing about it because I find his whole whatever he's

381
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 2: doing for a living is just bores me to no end. So, like,

382
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Speaker 2: but I know that he has like this network of people,

383
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Speaker 2: and he works in this you know, big office, and

384
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Speaker 2: he has so he does have colleagues, and he does

385
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 2: have friends from work. He certainly does, but not people

386
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Speaker 2: that we see on a regular right, or that he's

387
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Speaker 2: like not going out to bars with right. So, so

388
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Speaker 2: the friends that we socialize with, he's made friends with

389
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 2: the husband's you know, through me. So, but it's not Yeah,

390
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 2: it's not always like Jeff doesn't always sync up with

391
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Speaker 2: the guy like I am syncing up with the girl.

392
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Speaker 2: It's not always like that. It's like a little it's

393
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Speaker 2: not the same dynamic. Right. It's me and whatever friend

394
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Speaker 2: I have being alone together. It's a different thing.

395
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Speaker 3: Right, let me ask you.

396
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Speaker 1: So there are times when I will text with a

397
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Speaker 1: friend and even a very close friend, and we try

398
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Speaker 1: to see each other, and it just you know, my

399
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: kids are still very needy. None of them drive you

400
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 1: yet they're all you know. I'm still living like sort of,

401
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: I'm like caught between young mom life and older mom life.

402
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: Ye.

403
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Speaker 1: And I'm still so busy, and I find it really

404
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Speaker 1: hard to get together with my friends. And I wonder

405
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Speaker 1: when when my kids do leave and I do have

406
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Speaker 1: all that time, am I gonna want to be with

407
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 1: friends all the time? Or do you find yourself just

408
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:25,920
Speaker 1: cherishing alone time?

409
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Speaker 2: Uh? I always like being alone. I just always have.

410
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 2: I I It's funny because people say, like when the

411
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 2: kids leave, they become so bored. I have this one friend,

412
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Speaker 2: Bonnie in particular, who's always like calling me, I'm bored.

413
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Speaker 1: What are you doing.

414
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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I'm not buny, I know, right, So

415
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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I'm not bored actually, and I'm alone

416
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Speaker 2: and I don't want to hang out with you.

417
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Speaker 3: Oh that's something.

418
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Speaker 2: It has been really great also about when you get older,

419
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Speaker 2: like I have friends, will you know you want to

420
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Speaker 2: do this? And I go nope, And I don't even

421
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,719
Speaker 2: have to give an excuse. I just don't want to No,

422
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 2: I don't want to go. I don't want to meet you.

423
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Speaker 3: Get it better at that.

424
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Speaker 1: I'm not bad, I'm not saying.

425
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Speaker 3: And it's something.

426
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 2: It's not an insult to whomever. It's just I don't

427
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: want to go out and hang out and chit chat

428
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 2: right now. I want to be alone. But wait, what

429
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: was the question you?

430
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Speaker 1: Like, like, do you find yourself now that you have

431
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: more time where you're less tied to doing things for

432
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: other people? Do you find yourself wanting to do things

433
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: for yourself or do you find yourself wanting to spend

434
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: that time with friends?

435
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 2: Depends on the day. I mean, I again, because of

436
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 2: also what we what we do our work. I think

437
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 2: it's we're on a lot of the time, right, So

438
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 2: I like the decompressed time, and I do again, I

439
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 2: feel very blessed to have these really close, wonderful friendships.

440
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: But I don't need to be in a constant you know,

441
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 2: let's go to lunch, let's get together. It happens naturally.

442
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 2: When it happens, it's great. But I'm not you know, No,

443
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 2: I can be in my house doing my thing, you

444
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: know a lot.

445
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you find that your your relationships with your

446
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: children have become more friend or do you And of

447
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 1: course I kill I call my kids my best friends,

448
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: but obviously I'm not going to talk to them like

449
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: I do my best friends.

450
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 2: Right.

451
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: Do you find that your relationship takes on more of

452
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 1: a friend type of relationship or are you still just mom?

453
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 2: I mean that's a whole other episode, right, But I've

454
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 2: I would tell you they're never really, it's not the same.

455
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 2: It's not the same as having a friend. It's just

456
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 2: I'm it's you. No, Yes, of course they're like friends

457
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 2: now that they're older and we can like enjoy the

458
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 2: same things and you know, enjoy the same shows and

459
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 2: hang out, but there's always going to be that like

460
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 2: she's my annoying and mom and like I'm always like

461
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 2: watching and thinking my head is spinning with if they

462
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,640
Speaker 2: did this, what does that mean? If she unhappy? Now?

463
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 2: Is that what? Like, it's always going to be. Yeah,

464
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 2: that's attachment to them that is not as free, right.

465
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 2: And Plus with with actual friends, you could badmouth your kids,

466
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 2: so which is nice, you'll do that to their face.

467
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: So one of the things, so I did some some

468
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: research for this because I felt like, of course we're

469
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: going to talk about how to make new friends in

470
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 1: middle age. I got to give some tips, right, So

471
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: when you're a new mom, they'd say, go join the

472
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: mommy and me classes, and you know, it's sort of

473
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 1: like dating, and it still is when you're in middle age.

474
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 1: It's like you don't have those natural mommy and me classes.

475
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: One of the tips was to make a new hobby

476
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 1: and find a class that revolves around that hobby.

477
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 2: People always give that advice to people that are looking

478
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 2: for that are that are dating, right, like meet someone

479
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 2: at a pottery class. That never worked for me, probably

480
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 2: because I don't I don't really have them any hobbies,

481
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 2: per se anyway or things that I'm so I was

482
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 2: never like, yeah, I want to go learn to cook

483
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: or I want to go to a sidebar.

484
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 3: What what happened to your guitar lessons? Are you still

485
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 3: doing that?

486
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 1: Well?

487
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 2: I wrote a song recently, No you did it, Yes

488
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 2: I did. But when I talk about piano accompaniment, yes,

489
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 2: we'll talk about it after Yes, that's that's also for

490
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 2: another day. Amazing, thank you.

491
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 1: So this is the thing, so it said, like find

492
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 1: an art class or a yoga class or something. It

493
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: is hard in middle age and I'm starting to feel

494
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: this when like you're like, I want to It sounds good.

495
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 3: In theory, but everything is a little more exhausting.

496
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 1: Well okay, so now yes, right, So, like even thinking

497
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: about what kind of class you'd want to be in,

498
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: finding the class, signing up for the class, actually going

499
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 1: to the class, and sticking with the class are it

500
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 1: feels sometimes like a lot.

501
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I have more time to do that kind

502
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,679
Speaker 2: of thing, and I don't but than you do. But

503
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 2: I think it's also a matter of like you're in

504
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 2: a class and it's almost it probably feels like because

505
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 2: again I don't do a lot of classes per se,

506
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 2: but it's almost like you're trying to pick someone up.

507
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: I mean, there's so much that goes along with that, right,

508
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 2: Like do I ask her for her number? Is she

509
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 2: going to think I'm weird? I don't want to come

510
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 2: on too strong all of that, so, but I will

511
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 2: say I have felt like that, but now that I'm older,

512
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 2: I don't anymore. I find that I I don't care

513
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 2: like I bond with people way more easily.

514
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: Now.

515
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 3: You're very good.

516
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: You're a natural bonder, like you naturally make people feel

517
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: drawn to you. Well, is what I see.

518
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 2: Okay, So I've thought a lot about that because I do.

519
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,440
Speaker 2: People do say that to me, and I think it's

520
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: because I'm to a fault. My mother would tell you,

521
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 2: but I'm an open book and I will tell you

522
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 2: what's really going on with me very easily. I sometimes

523
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 2: regret doing it right if you do that with the

524
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 2: wrong people. But when you open yourself up and you're

525
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 2: willing to talk about your crap and your struggles and

526
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 2: all the ways in which you know you're not perfect

527
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: and you I have found my whole life that other

528
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 2: people will do the same.

529
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: Right.

530
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,479
Speaker 2: So if I'm going to be open with you and

531
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 2: tell you the reality of me. It always seems to

532
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 2: come back to me right, and that just starts you

533
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 2: start to bond with people over that, like not I'm

534
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: not I don't. I probably have, but I try not

535
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: to have any pretense about me, like this is here

536
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: who I am. I'm also very self deprecating and this

537
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 2: is what's going on with me. I'm not saying I

538
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 2: can only bond with people over you know, difficulties and tragedies.

539
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,719
Speaker 2: But I think that when you're really like honest and open,

540
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 2: it's way easier to meet people.

541
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 1: Back to what you said about like being awkward and

542
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,959
Speaker 1: asking for Yeah, so that was another thing. It's like

543
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: you have to and it's not as awkward as you think,

544
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 1: because if you and I are in this situation where

545
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 1: we're like finding it difficult to well, you know, you

546
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: have all your friends, but like in general, I think

547
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: a lot of middle aged women find themselves a little

548
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: bit lonely. And I don't think that there's anything wrong

549
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: with asking another woman if.

550
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 3: They maybe want to get lunch one hundred percent.

551
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 2: I mean I could not agree with that more. The

552
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 2: thing is, and I always I used to say this

553
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 2: when I was a when I was a matchmaker, like

554
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 2: there's not you don't there's not that much at stake,

555
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 2: Like all you can do is get rejected. It doesn't

556
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 2: who cares. Like it's a numbers game, right, And if

557
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: you don't click with one woman and you go to

558
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 2: lunch and it's just hideous and it's so boring, you

559
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: move on. I mean, if you're trying to make friends,

560
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 2: don't get you can't get too deep about it, right,

561
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 2: and it's all like everything else. I feel like it

562
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 2: takes a certain amount Yes, you have to like it

563
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: takes a certain amount of energy. Hi. You know, some think, oh, yeah,

564
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 2: by the way, you know, we should get together. I

565
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 2: would love to like have whatever it is. That's kind

566
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 2: of hard to do, but then you get more practice.

567
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: I've exchanged numbers and said let's get together with many

568
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: people over the past few years, and I've probably reached

569
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: out to about two percent of them. I don't know,

570
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: There's just something in me. Sometimes I just don't feel

571
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: like it would really be that creative a fit. Other

572
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: times I just don't want to bother, you know, But

573
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: how do you feel? I'm curious because some of those

574
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: women have had been very different in age than me.

575
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: And I wonder sometimes what's your take on being friends

576
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: with somebody who's a lot younger than you.

577
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, it has besides the show, and I mean,

578
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 2: you know what I'm talking about, it doesn't happen that often,

579
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: you know, I don't. I think most of my and

580
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 2: you and I are not far apart in age, right,

581
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 2: So that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about like, no, I'm.

582
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: Talking about like I'm in my I'm turning forty eight

583
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: in two months, and I'm thinking of like people in

584
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: their early thirties.

585
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 2: I just that just hasn't been my path. So, I

586
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: mean I have relationships with like, for instance, some of

587
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 2: the women who I have, who I've worked with through

588
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 2: the show, whether they are, for instance, a makeup person. Okay,

589
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 2: so the woman who does my makeup, who is just

590
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: beyond my grace. It's like the most beautiful, the most

591
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 2: beautiful in face I know. But she's also we just

592
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: clicked and why old she? I mean she has just

593
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 2: had a baby, so thirty something. I mean, it's a

594
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,959
Speaker 2: big differences. It's twenty you know, I'm fifty six. So

595
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:25,719
Speaker 2: but we were together so much, you know, and working

596
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: together and I just fell madly in love. And you know,

597
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 2: we still don't we're not going out as couples, but

598
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 2: I have this real love for her and this we

599
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 2: have this banter and it's just it's so great.

600
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 3: When you see each other or do you talk on

601
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 3: the phone.

602
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: We talk, I mean, not as much. She's obviously very

603
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: busy now that she's makeup artists to the stars, but

604
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: like you know, it's just this special bond that we

605
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 2: have where I feel like I could tell her anything,

606
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 2: and so that doesn't happen that often, I think with

607
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 2: you know, although you know what, I'm gonna give it

608
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 2: one more caveat. I've met a lot of the guys

609
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 2: that I know. They're now a lot of the gay

610
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 2: guys that I have become friends with that I've worked

611
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:11,239
Speaker 2: with because of the show, and I become they're they're younger, right,

612
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 2: you two. You know this, and yeah, because they work

613
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 2: at NBC and they were up and coming. Yes, but

614
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 2: they're also I made a lot of younger friends, a

615
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 2: lot of these, a lot of gay guys, and like

616
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 2: really close friendships where I'm talking to them all the time.

617
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 2: So you know what, I change it all. I I

618
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,719
Speaker 2: let me go back, I do have friends, they're younger,

619
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: not as many women as men for whatever reason.

620
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that, but so yeah, so it is

621
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: okay to ask someone for their phone number and then

622
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 1: to reach out. And to that point, I feel like

623
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: with the friends that you already have.

624
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 3: Those friendships.

625
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: And I've known this from personal experience. Yeah, there's always

626
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: those memes about like you're my friend no matter how

627
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: much time has passed between us talking. We can act

628
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: like it's you know, like no time has passed in theory, great,

629
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 1: but you really have.

630
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 2: To nurture your friendships if you want them to stay strong.

631
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 2: I have lost friends over not nurturing friendships. I think

632
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 2: that you're right, but I also think like I have

633
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: my two best college friends who I'm actually going to

634
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 2: see in September, and I don't talk to them every day.

635
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 2: I don't talk to them every month, but when we're together,

636
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 2: it's like we just exactly like where we left off.

637
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: For whatever reason, it just I'll tell them anything. I

638
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 2: just it's not a every day you know, we're not

639
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 2: going through the same things. Ones in California, ones in

640
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 2: Philly and different lives, you know, so it's not we

641
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 2: don't nurture those as much as maybe we should or

642
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 2: I wish we could. But I have had friendships that

643
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 2: have faded because, yeah, I wasn't putting the energy into them, right.

644
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: I think maybe the friendships that date back further have

645
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: a little more leeway.

646
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe not talk is off egg, right, I have

647
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: the same.

648
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 1: I try to see my college friends pretty often, but

649
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: I think more of the friendships of my town. Yeah,

650
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: if you let them getty, if them straight away from you,

651
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: they Maybe that's true. Maybe because the friendships you make

652
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: when you're a little younger, you're sharing something that you're

653
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: never going to go through again, high school, college, you know.

654
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I hope that my daughter has has those.

655
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: She's made some really amazing friendships in college, and she

656
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: had some wonderful friends in high school. But it's such

657
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: a difficult time right when you're young and you're struggling,

658
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: you don't know who you are, and there's so much nonsense.

659
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: But I think you're very lucky if you carry friendships,

660
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: specifically from high school and really into adulthood.

661
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 2: I don't think it always happens. I hope that my

662
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 2: daughter has and will can as a random question anything.

663
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: Do you find that friends who have different political leanings

664
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: than you, without going into any specifics, do you find

665
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: yourself less drawn to being their friend?

666
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 2: So I lost one of my best friends also who's

667
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 2: also a family member, but like best friends, like my person,

668
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 2: one of the people that we stopped speaking for like

669
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 2: a year and a half over politics. It sucked and

670
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 2: it's such a hard time right now. It is so hard.

671
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 2: So I will tell you that it's happened to me.

672
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 2: Thank god we got back and we have very strict

673
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 2: boundaries now and now we're, you know, closer than ever.

674
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 2: We will not discuss politics, although mine are changing these days.

675
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,240
Speaker 3: A lot of people are yes.

676
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 2: So and now when I meet people, I don't, I

677
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 2: don't think I bond maybe what do you think? You know?

678
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: I went out to dinner with five girlfriends maybe like

679
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, and it turned to politics, and

680
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: three of us were on one side and two were

681
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: on the other. And it actually got a.

682
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 2: Little bit he did I know, It really.

683
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: Did, and it got uncomfortable, It got a little heated.

684
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: We were all trying to convince each other that they were.

685
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 3: Wrong, and so sad. That's just the way it work.

686
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: We stopped, we stopped talking about it because it just

687
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:16,240
Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't productive. Yeah. Yeah, the world sucks right now.

688
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 2: You think it's really it's just a scary place to be.

689
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 1: It is, especially you know, I know Jews are very

690
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,320
Speaker 1: small part of the population, but it's scary as a

691
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: Jewish person.

692
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 2: Well, I will tell you that. You know, I've now

693
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 2: been to a lot of fundraisers events and I've found

694
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:38,720
Speaker 2: myself making friends because of that common.

695
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's another common job, yes.

696
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,720
Speaker 2: Right, that kind of trauma bonding and like new friends,

697
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 2: people that are doing things in support of Israel and

698
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 2: that I'm connecting to and starting to become friends with,

699
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:51,320
Speaker 2: which is nice.

700
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's one thing. It's like whether you're famous,

701
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: so you're not famous, you're wealthy, poor, no matter what.

702
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: If you're like a Jewish person right now, a Jewish

703
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 1: woman with children that you worry about all these things,

704
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 1: you have that shared connection. It doesn't matter where you

705
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: are in life. It's like, yeah, but we're both sharing

706
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: this and the pain that like people are going through

707
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: and all the anti Semitism in the country right now.

708
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: And you know, I even had to change my last

709
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: name on my Uber account and like, no, not saying

710
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 1: anything about Uber, but like, I'm not going to get

711
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 1: in a car with a random person with the last

712
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: named Gultchenader on their screen and not know, because there's

713
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 1: just so much hate out there right now, you know,

714
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: and the fact that I have to do that in

715
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four it's horrific.

716
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. I tell my son to put a

717
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 2: star of David inside his shirt when he's walking in

718
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 2: certain areas, and it's just which is all wrong anyway?

719
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 1: Anyway, So here's another really interesting one. So this article

720
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: gave another tip.

721
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,879
Speaker 3: To maybe reach out to people who you.

722
00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:00,720
Speaker 1: Were once friends with, and that one really me thinking,

723
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: because I have many people in my life who I

724
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: was once friends with. I don't have I mean, aside

725
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 1: from on TV, I really don't have any friendships that

726
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: have fallen apart because of a big old fight. They really,

727
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: I really don't. My sister is the one contentious, like

728
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: non existent relationship in my life, and other than that,

729
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: friendships have mostly just faded. Yeah.

730
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 2: I would say that that's mainly true for me. One

731
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 2: friendship in particular that was I was so close to

732
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,319
Speaker 2: this woman for so many, many, many many years and

733
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 2: I think that we got to a point where we

734
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 2: just weren't making each other happy, we weren't bringing each

735
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 2: other joy, like, we were just at different ends of

736
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 2: whatever spectrum, and it just stopped working. And it was

737
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 2: years and years and years of friendship. And I'll always

738
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 2: wish her well and I'll always have love in my

739
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 2: heart for her and her family, but it just wasn't working,

740
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 2: you know. And I don't know how to exactly describe that,

741
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 2: but I think we mutually we both view out that also. Yeah,

742
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 2: I think we both just knew it, and we knew

743
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,719
Speaker 2: that we were maybe happier unfortunately without each other than

744
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: we were, you know together.

745
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: Well you know, so, but that tip got me thinking, like,

746
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: there are certain people in my life that I do

747
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: sort of miss, you know, but then there's others that

748
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: we we sort of drifted because it wasn't right anymore.

749
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: But the idea of that that you can get something

750
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: back that you sort of miss, it got me thinking

751
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: about like whether or not that's a good idea, you know.

752
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,439
Speaker 1: So what the tip said was to think about, first

753
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 1: of all, why the friendship faded, right, just go and

754
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: reach out, you know, So if it faded because you

755
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 1: guys were just two different people that didn't enjoy each

756
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 1: other anymore. Then, like, maybe that's one that you leave alone.

757
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 1: But I think that this could be a really beautiful thing.

758
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 1: I think it could be a great way to bring

759
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,439
Speaker 1: a relationship back into your life that you miss. Right,

760
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: So it's said to think about whether that relationship would

761
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: enhance your life at this stage, and then maybe send

762
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,280
Speaker 1: a simple message like hey, you popped into my head,

763
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: was thinking of you. How are you right? And you

764
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: can you know, you know see the vibe you get

765
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 1: back and you sort of feed off of that, you know.

766
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 2: I think so much about this as you're talking, is

767
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 2: just about courage, right, It's about like the same thing

768
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 2: I guess with you know, meeting someone romantically. It's like

769
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: you have to get past the fear of rejection. It's okay,

770
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 2: like you may get rejected. And so what I think

771
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 2: it's easier.

772
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: With friends than with relationship because, you know, relationship you're

773
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 1: looking for the one. You know, a friend could be

774
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: one of many. Yeah, you know, there's a lot less

775
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: pressure for that person to be absolutely perfect for you, right,

776
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,879
Speaker 1: they just have to be somebody who enhances your life.

777
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 1: That's what I want at this age. I want relationships

778
00:39:55,280 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: that are fun, that are mutual, and that enhanced my life. Yeah,

779
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know. I let every day I'm

780
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: less and less inclined to have anything toxic in my life.

781
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: And I know, obviously you shouldn't want toxic in your life,

782
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: but sometimes the toxic ones are the most exciting. Yeah, right,

783
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: and I just don't find myself drawn to that.

784
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 3: Well how about this?

785
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 2: How about you know at certain ages, Like now, it's

786
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: funny because we just had a wedding this past weekend.

787
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 2: So one of my friend's kids got married. Beautiful wedding,

788
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 2: by the way, shout out to Joe Weinstein, but anyway,

789
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 2: and her gorgeous daughter Carly. But anyway, how weird was it?

790
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: So we're at this amazing wedding, and there are so

791
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 2: many quote unquote kids there, right, these two that got married,

792
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: they have a ton of friends, and so the place

793
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 2: is packed with I guess late twenty somethings, thirty somethings,

794
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 2: and then we're the adult table. So now I'm with

795
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 2: my friends at this adult table, and I can't believe

796
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 2: I'm saying this, but like, we don't want to be

797
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 2: as close to the band, like because and also like

798
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 2: then there's so they have this after party, right and

799
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 2: going in we're all like, oh my god, yes, and

800
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 2: we're gonna stay for the after party and we're gonna

801
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 2: get you know, fucked up, and we're gonna by about

802
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, eleven thirty. I think all of us

803
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 2: were like, Okay, the cake is cut, love you, most

804
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 2: beautiful event ever got to go. So but the things

805
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 2: that we enjoy now doing.

806
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 3: Together, they're different. They're different. It is, it's very different.

807
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, even I mean, it's so cliche, right,

808
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 2: but like the whole early bird special thing. I love

809
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 2: an early bird.

810
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 1: Say I don't like to eat early.

811
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not there yet.

812
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 3: Well it's not only that that's left over from my

813
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 3: eating disorder too.

814
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: I had a lot of like rules, and some of

815
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: them revolved around timing.

816
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 3: It's a whole other episode.

817
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: But I'm very uncomfortable eating dinner too early.

818
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,399
Speaker 3: Really, Yeah, I have this fear. This is delving into

819
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 3: a whole another thing.

820
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 1: But like I have this fear sometimes then I'm gonna

821
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 1: eat my full dinner and then before I go to sleep,

822
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,439
Speaker 1: I'm still going to be hungry, and then I'm gonna

823
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,439
Speaker 1: have to eat too much.

824
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 2: I get it.

825
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,879
Speaker 1: It's all just shit in my head.

826
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 3: Of course, when I go out to dinner early.

827
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: I managed just fine.

828
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, but.

829
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: I always prefer to eat more like towards the later part.

830
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 2: You know. I see also, like so many of the women,

831
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 2: especially on the show, and they are bonded also because

832
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 2: they love to go out. And I don't think it's

833
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,879
Speaker 2: just because their housewives. They really enjoy just going out,

834
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 2: still going to I don't know, clubs or restaurants that

835
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 2: are hot and in that and yeah, I'm getting to

836
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: that stage now where I'd rather hang out and at home.

837
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 2: Like so I'm gonna have I'm gonna meet my friends

838
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 2: in Maryland, my three best friends from high school, and

839
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 2: maybe we'll go out one night, but the rest of

840
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 2: it's going to be getting up in the morning. My

841
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 2: friend is this unbelievable house on the water. It's gorgeous,

842
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 2: and drinking coffee and making breakfast, and maybe we'll go out.

843
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 2: We'll shop for a little while and then come back

844
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 2: and like get right back into sweats and you know,

845
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 2: start to wine at four o'clock.

846
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 3: And I'll tell you a funny story. Yeah, this is

847
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 3: sort of us topic.

848
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: So I used to go every before COVID, me and

849
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: my friends from college. There was four of us. We

850
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: used to do a few overnights every year, and one

851
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: of them was always around the time of my birthday.

852
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 1: We used to go and do a night in the city.

853
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: And I loved to go out like late, like dancing,

854
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: having fun, so we would always book a really fun

855
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: restaurant go out really late. But anyway, when I got

856
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 1: on the show and I was introduced to the whole

857
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: world of like all these beauty hacks and everything right,

858
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: and I had like, so I got my hair done,

859
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: which I never used to do. I really was very

860
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: simple before this show. And then so I think like

861
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: the second the second year is on the show. I

862
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 1: got my hair done. We went into the city and

863
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: we went out, and then we all got back to

864
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 1: the room and it was like three in the morning.

865
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: We were all sitting on the bed talking and just

866
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: naturally I started unclipping some of the hair and my

867
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: friends their faces just dropped and I was like, what's wrong,

868
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 1: And they were like, what's going on right now?

869
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 3: What are you taking out of your head? Like it

870
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: was like so bizarre to that.

871
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 1: It was really funny. I always think of that moment.

872
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: But anyway, Yeah, I see, like when I'm with friends

873
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: now and I'm out and one of them is like,

874
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,919
Speaker 1: I'm really tired, I want to go home. Sometimes I'm like, yes,

875
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: thank you God. Yeah.

876
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 2: I mean, it just changes changes what you're interested in,

877
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 2: you know, it's just thinking. I'm I feel like I

878
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 2: always feel like this when we're doing the pop but

879
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 2: like I'm just always my thoughts start coming and I

880
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 2: don't know if they're actually I'm sorry, they're not coming

881
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 2: in an organized fashion. But so, you know, having like

882
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: a younger friend or friend that's a lot older, I think.

883
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 2: So there's that, right, Your pace is different as you

884
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: get older. You know, when you're younger, even in my

885
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 2: thirties and forties, I wanted to still like it was

886
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,879
Speaker 2: Thursday night and all the women in my town were

887
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 2: going out and hanging out and having birthdays and up

888
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 2: until whenever. And I don't have the stamina for that anymore.

889
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 2: But I think also a lot of it has been about,

890
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 2: you know, the stuff that was you were scared of

891
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,839
Speaker 2: when you were younger, or that was bothering you, or

892
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 2: whether it was your kids, you know, going through what

893
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 2: they were going through and not getting invited to another

894
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,839
Speaker 2: kid's birthday. That stuff has become irrelevant. But now it's

895
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 2: more about like the stuff that's going on with your

896
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: older kids and being able to relate to that to

897
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 2: a certain extent. So you know, I don't know like

898
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 2: moving both of my kids. Now my daughter's about to

899
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 2: move into New York City, but like what is that?

900
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 2: Like that letting go and I'm nervous about it, and

901
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 2: you know, where did your daughter find an apartment? And

902
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 2: who's And then it's about, you know, the job, and

903
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 2: my kid is loving his job or hating her job,

904
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 2: and what how about how did your kid deal with that?

905
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 2: So it's there's there are different things that you're actually

906
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 2: that are your priorities and that you're focused on, not

907
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 2: just with your kids, right, but there's it's harder to

908
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 2: talk to someone who's who's much younger, Yeah, who's the

909
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 2: same phase of life?

910
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 1: Are most of your friends part of a friend group?

911
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: Because I find there's a lot of strife over the

912
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: friend group.

913
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 3: So when I was younger, I used to have that

914
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 3: not as much.

915
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: When I moved to my town, I felt like everyone

916
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 1: was part of a group and now and rightfully so,

917
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: a lot of people in my town were grouped up.

918
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 1: And now the women that are my age, that's been

919
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 1: replaced by the younger women who have come in.

920
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,240
Speaker 2: And there happens.

921
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: But the groups that were around when when I was

922
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: in my early thirties, those groups have largely there's still

923
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: relationships intact in there and people are still the great groups.

924
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:35,479
Speaker 1: The host completely dismantled. Absolutely, everyone's friends are one hundred

925
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: and many different people. Yeah, and that's sort of been

926
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 1: a relief to me because my my five six close

927
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 1: friends that I've alluded to, most of them are not

928
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 1: friends with each other in that way. So I've never

929
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: really had that group mentality. Was in a sorority in college,

930
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: but other than that, I've never had like the group experience.

931
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: You know.

932
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 3: There was so much pressure.

933
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 2: Again, like I don't know, third and forties in terms

934
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 2: of like birthdays, right, So if it was somebody's birthday,

935
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 2: it was and someone didn't get invited, it was so childish, right,

936
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,360
Speaker 2: But there were so many hurt feelings and thoughts about

937
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 2: who to invite and what that meant. And it just

938
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 2: seems so now. It was so it was so juvenile.

939
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 2: So who anyone who's listening, who is not? You know,

940
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 2: who goes, who's way younger than we are. Just that

941
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 2: gets better. But so that felt really important, like the groups,

942
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 2: like you know what groups you were in and what

943
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 2: you were getting invited to and what Now it all

944
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 2: means a whole lot of nothing. And if I had

945
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 2: only known then what I know now.

946
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: I find that the group thing is almost dangerous because

947
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 1: if two people have a rift, it spills out onto.

948
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 2: Everybody, you know, I mean, welcome to the housewives in

949
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 2: New Jersey. I mean, well, yeah, housewives in general. And

950
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:50,800
Speaker 2: speaking of housewives, we're not going to talk about our show.

951
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 2: But like I just wonder if, like, what do you

952
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,400
Speaker 2: think do you think that like if New Jersey ended,

953
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 2: would not even New Jersey.

954
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 1: But like, when someone leaves a show, I see, it

955
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to me like they stay close with the

956
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 1: rest of the people on their cast.

957
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, I don't know most of

958
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 2: these women. But what I would assume that if you

959
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:20,479
Speaker 2: were bonded mainly because you were on the same show

960
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 2: and going through the same experiences, that goes away. What

961
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 2: do you have left?

962
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: Right?

963
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 2: So and I think that's probably Yeah, I think that's

964
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 2: probably true in most cases because that's what you know,

965
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 2: that is the priority, right, And I don't feel that

966
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 2: way with the cast. I've obviously not I don't mean this,

967
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 2: I don't mean the whole cast. But you and I

968
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:40,919
Speaker 2: have shared a lot more than what is what's going

969
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 2: on on the show. It's not where our.

970
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: Friendship has transcended, right, That is not happened for the

971
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:53,320
Speaker 1: large part with this show. For me, it's usually based

972
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: on like the shared experience of the show. But I

973
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,319
Speaker 1: have a few relationships that have transcended that.

974
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, I think I feel like, you know,

975
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 2: that's when so something happens for instance, for instance Aiden,

976
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 2: so my son, yes listening and Jackie's son just had

977
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 2: a second surgery a sports injury.

978
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 3: One year and it's it's been very very hard for me.

979
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, so talking about me, I mean,

980
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 2: but as a mom watching your child suffer for the

981
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 2: second time, right in a one year period, to have

982
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 2: to go through not only a horrific surgery, but a

983
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 2: really bad recovery where they're taken away from like all

984
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 2: the social things that they were doing in the.

985
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 1: Sports things they were doing.

986
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 3: It's been really difficult to watch as them.

987
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 2: All and being able for like you and I just

988
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 2: to talk about it, and you're sharing with me, like

989
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 2: what's real in your life and your struggles in the

990
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 2: summer has not been your favorite summer. You've had a

991
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:49,520
Speaker 2: lot of stuff going on, and like, so now we're

992
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:53,359
Speaker 2: talking about stuff that's not just oh you in a circumstance. Yeah,

993
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 2: but I do have that with other cast members. But

994
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know if that's the norm or not.

995
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 2: I mean this, listen, we're not gonna again, We're not.

996
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,439
Speaker 2: We're trying not to talk too much about the show,

997
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 2: but it takes over your life in this way that

998
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 2: it feels like, you know, it's so it's it becomes

999
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 2: like everything. So yes, you become very bonded to everyone

1000
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 2: on the show, and then if the show goes away,

1001
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 2: what are you left with? You know, in my mind,

1002
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 2: you and I have were.

1003
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about us.

1004
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know so, but that's probably you know,

1005
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 2: that probably translates so when none of the words, when

1006
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,359
Speaker 2: little the Little Kid stage is over, if that's all

1007
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 2: you shared, yeah, there's not much left, you know, it's.

1008
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: Just thinking of like past housewives and like you know,

1009
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 1: you see them reconnect like a one off on Instagram,

1010
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: but like really they're estranged from like most of the people,

1011
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,240
Speaker 1: Like look at Bethany, right, or look at like Lisa

1012
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 1: vander Pum. Yeah, you look at all the old OC housewives.

1013
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:49,359
Speaker 3: I mean that was the thing.

1014
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 2: That's also the thing is I don't like I look

1015
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 2: at a vicky and tamer thing, right, and it seemed

1016
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:58,359
Speaker 2: like they were just they had way so past. Yes,

1017
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 2: the housewives world, right, they were like sisters. But listen,

1018
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 2: I mean it could happen. I guess it could happen

1019
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 2: to anyone, but the fact that they're not anymore.

1020
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,280
Speaker 1: Right, I guess anyone could fall apart.

1021
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 2: I feel like we haven't given a lot of tips,

1022
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 2: and I don't know. I just want to say I

1023
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 2: feel sort of qualified because I do have an easy

1024
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 2: time making friends. I feel sort of qualified to give

1025
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 2: some advice. And I touched on it a little while ago.

1026
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:36,280
Speaker 2: But like you have to be brave, yes, and you have.

1027
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,439
Speaker 1: To and on on that note, like brave, we mean

1028
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,800
Speaker 1: like don't be embarrassed to ask someone for their number

1029
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 1: and to reach out and suggest lunch, right, absolutely, and

1030
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 1: approach it. It's not that deep, right, Like, let's say

1031
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 1: that I meet you, I think that we're connecting. You

1032
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,360
Speaker 1: don't I reach out, You make up an excuse next,

1033
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 1: as opposed to taking it in and personalizing on it.

1034
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 1: And that's where it reminds me of maybe dating, right,

1035
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: like what's wrong with me? You're going to click with

1036
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 1: people you click with, and you're not going to with

1037
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: the people that you don't. Period, end of story. But

1038
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 1: also my suggestion would be to be open and honest

1039
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: in terms of like what's going on with your life.

1040
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 1: I've never I don't. I've never bonded with anybody over like,

1041
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:27,319
Speaker 1: oh yes, had my kids are this old?

1042
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're so great. Everybody you don't.

1043
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 2: Have to have. I'm not saying in order to be

1044
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 2: my friend, you have to be going through horrible things,

1045
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 2: but like as opposed to oh yeah, my husband, oh

1046
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 2: my god, yes, we're so great, and my kids and

1047
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:40,839
Speaker 2: they are so great, and I just bought a new

1048
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 2: house and it's so great and my like actually, you know,

1049
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,479
Speaker 2: opening up and talking about some things and being real

1050
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 2: with someone. At least my experience has been that when

1051
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 2: I've done that, it comes back to me and you

1052
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 2: know you bond in this way that you wouldn't if

1053
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 2: you're just putting on a show.

1054
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 3: Do you feel like that a hundred percent?

1055
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1056
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 2: You know, it's not always into It's not always easy

1057
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 2: to do because you don't know how much to reveal

1058
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 2: to a new friend. But I find that I connect

1059
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 2: with people because I'm not afraid to like open myself up.

1060
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1061
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that and like and also, like you said,

1062
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:16,879
Speaker 3: it's not so deep.

1063
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 1: I mean I had lunch with a friend who we

1064
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: actually followed through on the.

1065
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 3: Hey, you want to have lunch one day.

1066
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: We weren't close, we had lunch and it was lovely,

1067
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 1: But I don't think any of us felt like it

1068
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,879
Speaker 1: was something that we needed to do again anytime soon.

1069
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,799
Speaker 1: We really liked each other, but not there just was

1070
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: missing that like really deep connection. We were hugh where

1071
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 1: we were like we need to keep talking. I have

1072
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 1: so much more to say, right, you know, But it

1073
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 1: wasn't a waste, Like I really liked her and we

1074
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 1: had a nice time, So be brave. What about like

1075
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 1: signing up for new classes and hobbies?

1076
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 2: I just I said, I haven't done. I can't recommend

1077
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 2: that because I just don't do it. I like, I

1078
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 2: haven't really done. I'm trying to think if I've ever

1079
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,040
Speaker 2: met any one. I mean, besides, like the kids, it's

1080
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 2: always the beginning. It was always the kids, right, or

1081
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 2: it was you know, college or high school. It was

1082
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 2: just circumstance.

1083
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 1: I don't well, I don't do yoga, but my friends

1084
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 1: who have started yoga classes, pilates classes.

1085
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 2: They seem to have met a lot of people. Actually,

1086
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 2: you know something that is very true. I have a

1087
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 2: dear friend who's a yoga instructor, and I have a

1088
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 2: dear friend who's a pilates instructor, and they are so

1089
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: much of their world has become and they become they

1090
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 2: all become friends with each other, and they're going out

1091
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 2: to happy hours or to you know, yeah whatever it is,

1092
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 2: and going to different events. So, yes, you're right, even.

1093
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:32,760
Speaker 1: Though definitely I've never been consistent. Yeah pickable, Yeah, pattable.

1094
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 3: But again, just like I guess it.

1095
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:35,800
Speaker 2: Like anything else in life, it's just attitude.

1096
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, yeah, and uh, I love to

1097
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: see anywhere. Tips, let's see, get offline, go outside, get

1098
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 1: people in real life. Don't just be online. You know,

1099
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 1: sometimes my friends will ask me. They'll see a famous

1100
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:52,360
Speaker 1: person and be like, are you friends with them? And

1101
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: like once in a while, I'll have an online relationship

1102
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: with them and I'm like, yeah, I'm friends with them.

1103
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: And then I'm like I throw that word around really easily,

1104
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 1: where like I don't know the name of this person's

1105
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: like dog, right, I don't know anything about them, right,

1106
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,720
Speaker 1: I'm calling them my friend. And I think the online

1107
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: world makes you think that you have relationships that are

1108
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 1: close that are definitely not close. And I just I

1109
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: think it's really dangerous when you start replacing real friendships

1110
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: with just online interactions.

1111
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:21,800
Speaker 2: I agree with that. Yeah, and I think that boils

1112
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 2: over right, like like the online thing. That's again that's

1113
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: a whole other thing episode. But you know, we haven't

1114
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 2: even we haven't really touched on how it feels to

1115
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 2: lose a friend. And again I keep saying this, maybe

1116
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 2: for another episode, but like that morning period, how that feels,

1117
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 2: How you know that affects because I see what's happened

1118
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 2: to me, but friends of mine who have stopped being friends,

1119
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 2: and how it preoccupies them both. Let's say if I'm

1120
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 2: friends with them both and it's all they really can

1121
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 2: talk about and it becomes all consuming and really just

1122
00:55:55,640 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: this this very difficult loss, right, different than I guess

1123
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 2: a romantic partner, but very painful.

1124
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 3: Nonetheless, Yeah, so it's hard.

1125
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:11,839
Speaker 1: It's hard to lose a friend, and I mean it's

1126
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,879
Speaker 1: it's even more difficult when it happens on a show

1127
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: because there are there's so many forces and there's so

1128
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 1: many other voices weighing in, weighing in on everything, and

1129
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:25,839
Speaker 1: it's like it's not easy to just reconcile because number one,

1130
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: if you're going to reconcile, like your producers want you

1131
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,799
Speaker 1: to save it for the cameras, but also like there's

1132
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,799
Speaker 1: a lot of other factors like if you go to

1133
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 1: become friends with this person again, like are other people

1134
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: going to have a problem with it? And what's going

1135
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 1: to happen with that? And are you going to be

1136
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: fighting with other people about it. So it's it's so

1137
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 1: weeded and so difficult. I don't even think about it.

1138
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 2: At this point in my life. What I want is

1139
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 2: people around me that I spend time with, who I truly, honestly,

1140
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:58,839
Speaker 2: earnestly love who I know, love me, who I can

1141
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 2: be myself with without feeling judged and The truth is,

1142
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 2: I don't think it's it's those are the kind of relationships,

1143
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 2: right that you want to nurture. And you can make

1144
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:12,280
Speaker 2: a lot of friends, but maybe the trick is to

1145
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 2: figure out which of those are meaningful and that you

1146
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 2: want to really hold on to. You know, I think

1147
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 2: I've spent a lot of time, you know, being quote

1148
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 2: unquote friends with people that we really didn't have that

1149
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 2: much in common and you know, didn't have that much

1150
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:28,440
Speaker 2: to say to each other.

1151
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 1: So narrow down your circle, I think, to people who

1152
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:35,920
Speaker 1: really are meaningful to you. But also there's nothing wrong

1153
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 1: in middle age with expanding.

1154
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 2: Them yeah yeah, just yeah, yeah yeah, and being open,

1155
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 2: not being afraid. We are so good at this, Jack,

1156
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know why we don't have a

1157
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 2: doctor title. This is not the Jersey Jays. We are

1158
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 2: doctor John doctor right, the doctor. Technically I have a doctor.

1159
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 2: It's yours doctor. I mean I have a doctor as well.

1160
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 2: But anyway, are you a therapy You said, what?

1161
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,760
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I have a doctor. You have a doctorate.

1162
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 2: I know I don't have a doctorate.

1163
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 1: I thought you said.

1164
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:03,919
Speaker 2: I thought you were said like your.

1165
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 3: Therapist, I have a door, said I have a doctor.

1166
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 3: Start a doctor right exactly.

1167
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 2: No, I do not have a doctorate.

1168
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 3: Definitely have a doctor. Yes, well I love this, I do,

1169
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 3: really do.

1170
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 2: I do too, and I would want to make a

1171
00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 2: new friend whoever's listening, Like we don't get as much.

1172
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:26,440
Speaker 2: I want more, like not just feedback, but ideas or

1173
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 2: I didn't like when you said this, or we liked

1174
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 2: when you said or this really resonated with me. You know,

1175
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,959
Speaker 2: if you guys want to d m us at any point.

1176
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 2: We both have our own personal instagrams. And then the

1177
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:40,919
Speaker 2: Jersey Jays when we talked about family estrangements, you did.

1178
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:44,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a lot people really could relate to that,

1179
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 1: which almost made me sad. But yeah, definitely let us

1180
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 1: and also like what you if there's stuff that you

1181
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 1: want us to talk about or that you think would

1182
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: be an interesting topic.

1183
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 3: I age a is hard, guys.

1184
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 1: I mean like even looking at myself in the zoom

1185
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 1: right now, like I know, notice the things that are

1186
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,720
Speaker 1: making me older. No, I still feel beautiful, I do,

1187
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 1: but I.

1188
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:06,920
Speaker 2: Need to think I'm doing I'm doing well. You look

1189
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 2: for my age, but I don't always feel I certainly

1190
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 2: don't always feel beautiful, but.

1191
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: I do notice my age all the time. Yeah, it's

1192
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: on your mind. And what age, middle age is loaded,

1193
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: it's different.

1194
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 2: It's hard, I said, whould I say this too recently?

1195
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 2: It also like things that happened, like a wedding, for instance,

1196
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 2: and being the grown ups at the wedding. It's something

1197
00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 2: about just your mortality, you know, kind of becomes very obvious.

1198
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 2: And in this now I'm gonna I don't want to

1199
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 2: get morbid, but I want this part of my life

1200
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 2: to be as happy and as you know, filled with friendship,

1201
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 2: real friendship and love as I can make it. Because

1202
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,760
Speaker 2: guess what I'm gonna be. And now it's just going

1203
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 2: to get morbid. But it's you know, the clock is

1204
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 2: a ticken.

1205
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, and it does like people.

1206
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: You know, it's true you we don't have forever. And

1207
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 1: I think that's something else you realize at this age

1208
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 1: is you know your time isn't forever and you have

1209
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: to make the most of it. Anyway, before we get

1210
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: to philosophical that's it. Go make a new friend today.

1211
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 1: And and you know you and I were late stage friends.

1212
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 1: We only met a few years ago, and it's been

1213
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 1: one of the biggest gifts. So I love you. I

1214
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:22,400
Speaker 1: love you all.

1215
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 3: Right, guys, love you all too. Happy until next time.

1216
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,680
Speaker 1: Today is Monday, Monday, Happy Monday.

1217
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 3: Okay, well it's not Monday when they're listening, so fair enough.

1218
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 2: Happy week, Happy great week, by you guys.

1219
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: Bye,