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Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in

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Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

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Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands

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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals

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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo cheriots to keep

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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,

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Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of

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Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe told son, son, told wife,

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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.

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Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to

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Speaker 1: give wisdom. Thousands. They said you would come, Dropping Dropping

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Speaker 1: gim Welcome back, all right, another episode of the Dropping

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Speaker 1: Gym's podcast. As always, I'm your host, Ebie Brown, and

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Speaker 1: as always, thank you for carving out this little moment

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Speaker 1: in time not just to spend with me, but to

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Speaker 1: spend with your self. Showing up for you. That is

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Speaker 1: what I feel, uh I get to do for myself

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Speaker 1: when I do this show, and that's what I think

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Speaker 1: that we get to do with one another collectively. So

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Speaker 1: today's show, I'm going to be speaking to a concept

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Speaker 1: that was really something I've resonated with deeply when I

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Speaker 1: started my spiritual journey and something that really gave me

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Speaker 1: hope in digging deeper, you know, a big, big thing

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Speaker 1: that I faced when I really deeped over into my

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Speaker 1: spiritual journey. And I know a lot of you guys

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Speaker 1: are familiar with my backstory. Originally I was working in entertainment.

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Speaker 1: I lived a completely different life, and so when I

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Speaker 1: first started my journey, I always felt pulled into directions.

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Speaker 1: I felt like I had to choose whether I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be in the streets, not really right, but living

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Speaker 1: a life that was a little more rooted in you know,

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Speaker 1: societal pleasures and an ego, or forging my path in

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Speaker 1: the spiritual world, which at that time I thought I

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Speaker 1: was either choosing partying or the Himalayas to meditate. And

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Speaker 1: so I always felt a little bit at odds with

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Speaker 1: how to find a way to take up space authentically

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Speaker 1: as the newer version of who I had become. So

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Speaker 1: the concept of duality was one that I really connected

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Speaker 1: with in the spiritual sense when I began my journey.

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Speaker 1: And you know, duality is really rooted in a condition

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Speaker 1: of being dual. It's an instance of opposition or contrast

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Speaker 1: between two concepts or two aspects of something, a dualism.

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Speaker 1: And so when I was really deepening my journey, especially

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Speaker 1: in my meditation practice and reading a lot of the

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Speaker 1: Sacred Text, you know, something that was spoken about quite

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Speaker 1: often is spirituality does not mean one has to disappear

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Speaker 1: for the rest of their life and only live in

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Speaker 1: one specific kind of way. It means that you can

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Speaker 1: continue on the path of your life, but there is

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Speaker 1: now a veil lifted and a new opportunity to deepen

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Speaker 1: your connection to yourself and deepen your service to others.

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Speaker 1: And so that was something that really gave me a

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Speaker 1: lot of inspiration as I was figuring out how I'd

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Speaker 1: be taking myself, this new version of me on a

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Speaker 1: test drive, and how I would allow that to show

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Speaker 1: up in the world through my work. You know, a

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Speaker 1: lot of a lot of us when we enter into

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Speaker 1: a deeper space of healing, one of the first things

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Speaker 1: we think sometimes is, well, I gotta give up my

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Speaker 1: whole other life. You know, I gotta quit my job.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go live in the mountains. I'm gonna disappear.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna cut everybody off. Or this means that I

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Speaker 1: have to be, you know, a hundred percent vegan, and

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Speaker 1: I have to be fully versed in you know, all

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Speaker 1: of all of the holistic offerings that are available to me.

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Speaker 1: And I have to wear you know, clothes made of

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Speaker 1: Hampton smell like nac chomba, and you know, we think

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Speaker 1: that we can only be one thing. And something that

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Speaker 1: I've really loved about my journey, especially the last couple

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Speaker 1: of years, is I'm all the things. You know. I'm

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Speaker 1: someone that is deeply, deeply committed to the work of

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Speaker 1: self and the work of being of service to others

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Speaker 1: on their journeys to healing. I'm also fully about that metaphysical,

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Speaker 1: esoteric ritual life U And you know, I love a

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Speaker 1: good key key too, and I love you know, some luxury.

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Speaker 1: I love living it up. I love, you know, many

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Speaker 1: of the things that Earth has to offer. But I

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Speaker 1: can be all the things. And I really love that

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Speaker 1: this moment in time, especially and especially for women, is

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Speaker 1: a time that we can realize, Look, we are all

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Speaker 1: multidimensional beings and we're all multi hyphen it. We do

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Speaker 1: not have to fit in anyone's box or in anyone's

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Speaker 1: limited perception or definition of who we are and who

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Speaker 1: we can be. And so that concept of dualism is

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Speaker 1: something that I'm really proud to showcase to people. I

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Speaker 1: like to be multiple things at once. You know, that's

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Speaker 1: saying like, get you one that can do both. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I can do all the things you know,

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Speaker 1: and we all can't. There there's facets to each of

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Speaker 1: us that probably the majority of people don't know about.

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Speaker 1: And so as you listen to the show today with

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Speaker 1: my guests that I will be introducing shortly, I really

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Speaker 1: want to invite you to start really observing yourself in

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Speaker 1: the way of who am I now? Who am I becoming?

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Speaker 1: How can I express the fullness of who I am?

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Speaker 1: How can I allow myself to be vast? You know,

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Speaker 1: in front of people, you don't have to compartmentalize yourself.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to be one way in public or

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Speaker 1: with your family and then another way privately. How can

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Speaker 1: you now integrate all the dimensions of who you are

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Speaker 1: so that you can have the joy of being your

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Speaker 1: full self in each moment, and other people can have

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Speaker 1: the joy and inspiration of seeing you be your full

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Speaker 1: self in each moment. So today's show, my guest is

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Speaker 1: none other than the renowned, multitalented, multi hyphen it incredible

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Speaker 1: woman Melanie Fiona and I know a lot of us

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Speaker 1: have seen her gorgeous, gorgeous photos on social media lately, huge, huge,

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Speaker 1: congrats just got married. The pictures are so beautiful. She

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Speaker 1: of course, is an acclaimed, very successful, award winning singer.

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Speaker 1: She is a mom, she is a creator, she has

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Speaker 1: so many things, and she is also a spiritual teacher

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Speaker 1: and a spiritual healer, and so we are going to

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Speaker 1: today dig into all of those facets of her beautiful being.

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Speaker 1: So today's show, you know, Melanie and I and we'll

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Speaker 1: kind of dive into our story in just a bit.

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Speaker 1: But I was really drawn to some of the similarities,

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Speaker 1: um that she and I share on this spiritual path

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Speaker 1: and some of the ways that our beliefs really click

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Speaker 1: with one another, but also how we're still able to

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Speaker 1: show up fully in the world in other dimensions without

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Speaker 1: further ado, Welcome to the show, Melanie, Melanie, thank you

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Speaker 1: for joining. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: to finally be sitting down here with you because I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's been a long time coming. I mean

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Speaker 1: so long coming, pandemic, all the things getting in the

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Speaker 1: way of our fun. Um. We originally so we originally

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Speaker 1: met like face to face, heart to heart last year.

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Speaker 1: But obviously I'm a fan of your work. I have

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Speaker 1: seen you in the world so beautifully for years. We

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Speaker 1: have mutual friends. But last year, before the pandemic, it

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Speaker 1: sounds like, um, I'm talking about like back in my day,

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Speaker 1: Like it seems so long ago ago. But we were

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Speaker 1: in person, and we were at this really beautiful event

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Speaker 1: in the mountains of Tapanga, in this gorgeous like tree

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Speaker 1: house kind of near Malibu that overlooked just all this

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Speaker 1: wooded area, very viby. It was this event that Cassie

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Speaker 1: was throwing while she was pregnant with her first child,

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Speaker 1: and it was like a beautiful day for moms. And

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Speaker 1: so I went there with my girlfriend Joanna Simpkin, who

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Speaker 1: has been on the show before, and so many beautiful

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Speaker 1: ladies were in the building. We meditated, we prayed, we

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Speaker 1: even laid hands on. Cassie did some you know, beautiful

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Speaker 1: airs together as moms. We ate and then it was

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Speaker 1: so funny because I feel like you and I instantly

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Speaker 1: understood that we spoke the same language. So we like

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Speaker 1: our antennas were out and we're like, oh, yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: into the same stuff. You know, all about that world, um,

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Speaker 1: and so we kind of like had a chance to

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Speaker 1: really dive in there and um, and we were going

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Speaker 1: to go on a play date. We're neighbors. We found

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Speaker 1: out we lived so close to each other. We were

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Speaker 1: going to do our play date, and then the safer

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Speaker 1: at home order came out. I know, I know it was.

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Speaker 1: It was actually like we had connected and I want

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Speaker 1: to say, like we were talking about pumpkin patches, yes,

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Speaker 1: and the pumpkin patch. What ended up happening was then

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Speaker 1: there was the fires, and then we couldn't go outside

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Speaker 1: because the air quality was so trash, and then pandemic,

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Speaker 1: and then it was like, now our kids are teenagers

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Speaker 1: and we're yeah, I know, and now here we are virtually,

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Speaker 1: but he looked, by any means here we are. We're

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Speaker 1: still here. That to the most beautiful part is we're

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Speaker 1: still here. It's so true. I was thinking of that

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Speaker 1: recently too, like it's just you know, outside of like

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Speaker 1: our frustrations for the world and for life, it's actually

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Speaker 1: really beautiful how adaptive we all are, Like we have

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Speaker 1: all really been, you know, we don't give ourselves enough credit.

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Speaker 1: We've all really been showing up in the best way

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Speaker 1: possible and adapting on the fly. Right. It's like at first,

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Speaker 1: once you get through the depression of not seeing humans,

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Speaker 1: then you're like, well we have zoom. I mean, we're blessed.

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Speaker 1: There's other ways to connect. Yes, yes, And I think

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Speaker 1: that to them the greatest thing that I think, the

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Speaker 1: separation from distraction and demand and reaction of like a

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Speaker 1: very social life or like lots of happenings in the

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Speaker 1: outside world. It really has given us a great chance

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Speaker 1: to examine and redefine perspective. And that for me has

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Speaker 1: been the most important thing, is just really recognizing how

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Speaker 1: I view things my life, what I was prioritizing, how

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Speaker 1: I was spending my time, what I was doing with

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Speaker 1: my life, versus now I feel like it's at two

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Speaker 1: and it's like, what do you want to do on

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Speaker 1: this side of your life? Because as we've seen, life

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Speaker 1: can change overnight, and that can be amazing, Like that

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Speaker 1: can be like anything is possible, but also anything is

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Speaker 1: possible like pandemic. So it is the deepest uncertainty. So

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Speaker 1: let's sit there for a minute. How how have you

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Speaker 1: been personally transforming this year? What has been coming up

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Speaker 1: and shedding for you? So I will say this, there

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Speaker 1: has been many things that I feel like I have

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Speaker 1: been working towards to get to this point of this

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Speaker 1: year as far as like personally professionally what I have

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Speaker 1: kind of been going through. UM, And I feel like

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Speaker 1: everything kind of came to a head this year for me,

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Speaker 1: and the stillness of it all really allowed for me

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Speaker 1: to focus on well being because I know it's easy

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Speaker 1: to lose yourself in the process of uncertainty, and so

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Speaker 1: a lot of things were up in the air for me,

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Speaker 1: and I just feel like a lot of things finally

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Speaker 1: landed and now I'm starting to feel settled. UM. I

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Speaker 1: had some things professionally that were unresolved, those finally got resolved.

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Speaker 1: We're moving to a new home. UM. We shifted and

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Speaker 1: I put my more energy into my family and my

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Speaker 1: son as far as like the home and how I

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Speaker 1: want his upbringing to be during this time and in

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Speaker 1: the world moving forward. Now we're home schooling, and really

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Speaker 1: I feel like as a family unit, as a person,

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Speaker 1: I feel so much more whole. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm I've inched to this, like, oh, whatever level you

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Speaker 1: thought you were at, You're about to go to the

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Speaker 1: next level. And so that came with finding discipline and

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Speaker 1: motivation when discipline wasn't there vice versa, you know, finding

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Speaker 1: the finding having the discipline when the motivation wasn't there

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Speaker 1: to do the things that I know I needed to

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Speaker 1: do to make myself a better my their woman, human artist, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, partner. And it really gave me time and

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Speaker 1: space to start prioritizing, I think what was really important

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Speaker 1: to me and the things that I was kind of neglecting.

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Speaker 1: So health became a priority. I changed my diet completely.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm leading a much healthier lifestyle as far as

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Speaker 1: what I ingested, what I in take, and that goes

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Speaker 1: for everything that goes for social media, that goes for

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Speaker 1: a media, that goes for entertainment, that goes for like

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Speaker 1: I said, foods. So I feel like what's happened is

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Speaker 1: I've kind of gone to another level of a holistic

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Speaker 1: approach to my life. And I'm just very very grateful

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Speaker 1: for that, because I feel like I feel more solid

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Speaker 1: now and I feel like moving forward, I'm stronger. And

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Speaker 1: that's that was my goal. That was my mantra for

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Speaker 1: the last four months of this year was finished stronger

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Speaker 1: than you started. And so I will say that my

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty is finishing personally stronger than it started. And

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Speaker 1: I'm very, very grateful for that, very grateful. God. I

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Speaker 1: love that so much. And I think you know, and

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Speaker 1: that's something that we speak to quite a bit on

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Speaker 1: this show. It's like, if you'll let it, and I

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Speaker 1: know that's challenging, especially depending on how you're weathering the storm,

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Speaker 1: but if you let it, there are so many gifts

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Speaker 1: to be found in this moment, so many, so many,

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Speaker 1: And the perspective again I come back to, is everything,

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Speaker 1: because I mean there there are so many challenges again

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Speaker 1: in life in general, much less in the middle of

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Speaker 1: a pandemic. But truly, I think even if you could

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Speaker 1: really look back even prior to this, and I learned

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Speaker 1: this from a friend of mine actually, who is a

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Speaker 1: he's a two time cancer survivor, and he his outlook

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Speaker 1: on life in the face of death. This is pre

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Speaker 1: pandemic has been a massive inspiration to me because his

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Speaker 1: outlook and his perspective on life has just is what's

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Speaker 1: kept him alive. And so when I think about that,

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Speaker 1: I think about the fact that challenges will always find us,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes they are magnified because there's things that are

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Speaker 1: out of our control. What I love about the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: as terrifying as it is, is that we have been

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Speaker 1: given the opportunity to recognize how not in control we are,

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Speaker 1: because you know, we as simple humans, think that we're

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Speaker 1: just in the driver's seat just like that. They say

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Speaker 1: you can't do this, you can't do that, And now,

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Speaker 1: who are you as a person, and what have you?

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Speaker 1: What have you? What have you gotten in control of?

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Speaker 1: And if now, if the things that you thought you

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Speaker 1: were in control of aren't happening, and you haven't gotten

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Speaker 1: control of your personal well being and perspective on life,

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Speaker 1: it will seem extremely, extremely difficult. And that's not to

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Speaker 1: take away from the physical things that happened. People have

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Speaker 1: lost jobs, incomes, homes, you know, and so lives you know.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that the perspective of life and

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Speaker 1: your well being as a person has to be paramount,

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Speaker 1: because it's not when those physical things happen and life

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Speaker 1: happens you you you, If you are not within self

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Speaker 1: to be able to stay grounded, stay grateful, stay focused,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be very difficult to see your way

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Speaker 1: out of it, you know. And I think that that's

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Speaker 1: the hardest part we have as human beings. It's a

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Speaker 1: very difficult thing to to unlearn, you know, a hundred

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Speaker 1: a hundred percent. And you know, the thing that has

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Speaker 1: been interesting about like really really sitting so deeply inside

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Speaker 1: of this state of surrender and relinquishing control. It's actually

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Speaker 1: been fascinating to observe because you know, I think, and

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Speaker 1: again this is if you let it. So I always

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Speaker 1: encourage keep your heart open. It doesn't have to make sense,

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Speaker 1: but try to stay open to these thoughts. You know. Um,

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Speaker 1: not only have we realized, I mean just so so

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Speaker 1: truly that we control nothing, Um, we've also, at least

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Speaker 1: for me, I've realized that even the things I want

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Speaker 1: to be in control of have shifted, you know, Like

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Speaker 1: there used to be this tight reins of control. Even

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Speaker 1: when I thought in previous moments, having been on this journey,

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Speaker 1: I thought I was fully surrendered. Right then this moment

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Speaker 1: came along and I think you know, if you're if

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Speaker 1: you haven't been on the path yet, it's such a

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Speaker 1: beautiful time for awakening. But if you have been on

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Speaker 1: the path, it has been a shadowy yet phenomenal time

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Speaker 1: to be in mastery, like to really embody every tool

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Speaker 1: you've picked up along the journey, to really sit inside

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Speaker 1: of the deepest layers possible of the lessons we've had

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Speaker 1: in life. You know, like there's so many opportunities to

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Speaker 1: be triggered, but the truth is where the triggers lie.

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Speaker 1: So when things are coming up in the pandemic, because

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Speaker 1: you're inside of your head, because you're really like, oh

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Speaker 1: I don't don't I can't make my own decisions, I

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Speaker 1: don't control it. You know, you're also able to see, okay,

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Speaker 1: so why is that so hard for me? That self

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Speaker 1: inquirer You're able to say why why is this giving

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Speaker 1: me this reaction? And then you kind of walk that

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Speaker 1: trail backwards and it's like, oh, there there might still

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Speaker 1: be something that needs a little love from this experience

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Speaker 1: or a deeper healing here. And so it's been it's

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Speaker 1: been really beautiful um experiencing and observing the role that

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Speaker 1: control plays and and the things that we didn't even

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Speaker 1: realize we were trying to control that show themselves. No,

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Speaker 1: it is, it's it's really amazing. And you know, back

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Speaker 1: to what you're saying, Like, for me, the place that

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Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to be at is that the awakening

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Speaker 1: journey that I first experienced in two thousand and twelve,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like once you understand that, you can

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Speaker 1: definitively point out when it is in your life. Two

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Speaker 1: thousand and twelve for me was that year, and and

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Speaker 1: I feel like I was able to really put what

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Speaker 1: I learned into practice this year and in these last

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Speaker 1: few years, and that's been like, really, it's been really

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Speaker 1: good from a soul perspective because I just feel that

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, like I feel my evolution and

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Speaker 1: I feel like what I'm grateful for is the is

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Speaker 1: the ability, like you said, to surrender. That has been

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Speaker 1: like my favorite words since childbirth, like surrender, because when

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Speaker 1: you go with the flow, you find that you're not

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Speaker 1: spending your energy fighting, but you're finding your way through

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Speaker 1: your writing. You're writing, you're going and so that's why

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Speaker 1: I just feel like even though certain things didn't turn out,

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Speaker 1: maybe the way I wanted them to this year. I'm

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Speaker 1: so grateful for how they turned out because I know

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Speaker 1: it's the path of least resistance. I know it's the

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Speaker 1: natural progression of how life was was written for me

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Speaker 1: this year, So you know, I just I just find

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Speaker 1: peace in that. I find peace and not romanticizing about

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Speaker 1: what could have been or should have been or what was.

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Speaker 1: I'm really just really grateful for what is and whatever

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Speaker 1: that is, knowing that my health and my safety are intact,

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Speaker 1: like I have that and I have another day here

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Speaker 1: on this planet. So it's like, yes, Okay, they're still

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Speaker 1: there's still hope there, and there's still more room to

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Speaker 1: be grateful, you know, and and yes, of course, like

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Speaker 1: I my I empathize so much for the people out

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Speaker 1: there who might not necessarily have those tools as yet,

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Speaker 1: and maybe like being pushed this year has pushed them

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Speaker 1: into that. But I'm also so excited for those people

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Speaker 1: because I feel like that's the that's the beauty, Like

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Speaker 1: that's where that's where, like I think the sweet spot

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Speaker 1: of life comes from is when it gets so challenging

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Speaker 1: that you literally feel yourself growing into something more than

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Speaker 1: you were before on any levels. So so so beautifully said.

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Speaker 1: And there, you know, and I think for for those

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Speaker 1: listening that are really identifying with this being that really

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Speaker 1: scary dark knight of the soul, that that moment where

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Speaker 1: you're just like, I don't have any tools, how do

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Speaker 1: I do this? Well, one you do. You came to

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Speaker 1: Earth with them. It's just about remembering them and activating them. Um.

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Speaker 1: But too, there will be another side of this, you know.

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Speaker 1: I think we get so stuck in this idea of

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Speaker 1: the work being hard or painful that we don't recognize

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Speaker 1: you're already in pain without the work, but when you

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Speaker 1: do the work, you're on the other side of it.

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Speaker 1: When you do the work, that will be an end too,

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Speaker 1: the pain, versus just sitting in it from here on out,

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Speaker 1: you know. Correct? And if and if for anyone out

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Speaker 1: there who's listening that might think, you know, um, that

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Speaker 1: feels foreign. If you are the type of person that

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Speaker 1: feels like you need to be in control, imagine how

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Speaker 1: wonderful it feels to be in control of doing amazing

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Speaker 1: work that's amazing for you. So rather than rather than

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Speaker 1: sitting in it, like you said, the way that you

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Speaker 1: do take back your control is to invest in that

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Speaker 1: self work for yourself. If that's all you can do,

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Speaker 1: then that's beautiful. Like if you don't have any control

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Speaker 1: over anything that's going on outside of your body, then

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Speaker 1: the thing that the one thing that you do have

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Speaker 1: control over is yourself. And so you know, that's a

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Speaker 1: great way to still feel somewhat in control. You know,

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Speaker 1: I always say out to people like you might not

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Speaker 1: be able to control anything else, but you have control overselves.

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Speaker 1: You do. Yeah, so so so so so beautiful, and

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Speaker 1: there's nothing more important you could be doing with your life.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's what we really need to savor on,

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Speaker 1: especially in the day and age where so much as comparative,

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Speaker 1: so much is you know, procured in such a way

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Speaker 1: that it will create a certain perception on Instagram where

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Speaker 1: everything is about I'm living my purpose or I'm an

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Speaker 1: expert at this, or I'm making this much money. You know,

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Speaker 1: everything is so performative, and so I think it's just

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Speaker 1: it's so important to really know there is nothing more

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Speaker 1: important that you could be doing with your life other

396
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Speaker 1: than loving yourself and working on yourself. From that space,

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Speaker 1: everything else radiates outward one thousand percent. I can't even

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Speaker 1: tell you how true, Like how much. I would love

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Speaker 1: to like co sign that like on a thousand percent

400
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Speaker 1: to anyone who's listening to because it's it is so true,

401
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: like you cannot give what you don't have. And so

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00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 1: whatever role that you play in life, whether that's defined

403
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Speaker 1: by whatever it is, whether it's your job or your

404
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: role in your family or a parents or a sibling

405
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: or daughter, friend, sister, lover or whatever it is outside

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Speaker 1: of that, if you have not created yourself as a

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Speaker 1: whole person and how you feel and how you feel

408
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Speaker 1: loved for yourself, and how you are providing for yourself,

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Speaker 1: and how much time and attention you give and love

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Speaker 1: to yourself, then it's going to be very hard to

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Speaker 1: give that to other people without feeling depleted or exhausted. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know it's it really does start. It really does

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Speaker 1: start with self. It does. It does. And you know,

414
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Speaker 1: working on self is not selfish and selfish it's a

415
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: bad rap, but meaning selfish in a positive way. It's

416
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Speaker 1: not a bad thing, no, And and it's such it's

417
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Speaker 1: the biggest conspiracy ever, it's the biggest conspiracy in history

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Speaker 1: that women were ever led to believe that they had

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Speaker 1: to deny themselves their own care and their own joy. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that we had to be martyrs for everyone else. It

421
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Speaker 1: is the biggest hoax in history. It is the very

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00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,479
Speaker 1: first example of gas lighting that has ever been I

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00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: co signed this as well. Yeah, I mean I use

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Speaker 1: that for every mother I ever speak to that like

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Speaker 1: needs encouragement. I'm just like, you cannot give what you

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Speaker 1: don't have. Don't throw yourself, Like if you're not checking

427
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 1: for you, who's checking for you when you're taking care

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Speaker 1: of everyone else? Like, it just can't be that, moms,

429
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: that's like my my rule. Take me back to two

430
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 1: thousand and twelve. Let's talk about your awakening. In two

431
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 1: thousand and twelve, you were very much still entrenched in

432
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 1: the like the deepest part of the industry and two

433
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: and from the inception of your career and through that

434
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: moment of awakening, it was really like some of the

435
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,439
Speaker 1: really special times in the industry, Like Ego was at

436
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: an old time high the video shoots right the Champagne

437
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: like it was just such such an extraordinary um and

438
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: lashy time of life. And then having an awakening in

439
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: the soul set the stage for me. What did that look, feel, taste, sound,

440
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 1: what what was that like? It was it was profound

441
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: that That's what I will say. It was profound because

442
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: it was so screaming at me. It was so screaming

443
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: at me. And I just want to start off by

444
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,479
Speaker 1: saying that person like my personal self, who I am

445
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: and who I have been throughout my life has just

446
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,479
Speaker 1: really never been about the fanfare. Like I don't like

447
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm I'm from Toronto, I'm the child of immigrants. I've

448
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: lived a very humble existence. I've never really cared so

449
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: much for the flash and the glitz and the glam

450
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: and all of it, you know. And so I feel like, truthfully,

451
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: in retrospect, when I look back on it, I always

452
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: feel like my purpose as a vocalist was never to

453
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: be about the music industry more than it was about music.

454
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: And so I often can recognize times before my awakening

455
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: how I felt so conflicted but never knew what that was,

456
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: you know, I never knew why I was so resistant

457
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: or never knew why I didn't find my voice yet

458
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: to stand up for myself and say no to certain things,

459
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 1: or not participate or not be influenced or not, you know,

460
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: like all these things. And so I feel like when

461
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: two thousand twelve, came around. I had I had just

462
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 1: broken up with the longest relationship, most serious relationship of

463
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: my life, that I thought was going to be the

464
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: future of my life. UM. I walked away from a

465
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 1: very big ego of that relationship, UM, of that partner

466
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 1: and what we were to each other, what we what,

467
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: what our egos did for one another, which was wonderful

468
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: until it was terrible, And you know, it combusted and

469
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: burned and went down in all of the flames. And

470
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: that was the first part. That was the first thing

471
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: that happened. UM. And then I remember remember feeling the

472
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 1: most heartbroken ever in my life, and then having to

473
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 1: release an album amidst that, and then having to show

474
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: up and be be a human being with all this

475
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: hurt and uncertainty and transition. I had moved from l

476
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: A to New York, like my whole life had just

477
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: uprooted and changed. And I'm putting out my second project.

478
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: It's music videos, It's Grammys. I want two Grammys that year, UM,

479
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: in the in February. And so it was such a

480
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: weird juxtaposition very high professional success and then very low

481
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: self value as a person. You know, I was shattered

482
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: inside and and none of it was making me feel better,

483
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: and uh and that sounds like I knew, like one

484
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 1: of the biggest ways that I think awakening to reveal themselves.

485
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: It's like hold on. Society told me if I have this, this, this,

486
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: that I would be happy, I would be successful, I

487
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: would have reached. And then you're like, okay, so I

488
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: have all of this and you're making a list, and

489
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: I'm like, yep, got that, got that cool? Cool? Okay,

490
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 1: international acclaim. Why do I feel empty? Who lied to me?

491
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: Who lied? And I like, and then I and then

492
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: I believe the lie and then so then you get apart.

493
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: You get down on yourself, like how did I get here?

494
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 1: And I specifically remember I will. I can tell you this,

495
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 1: like it's vividly, I can still see myself. I'm on

496
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: this trampoline in the ocean in St. Lucia, Okay. I

497
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 1: am down there on Mother's Day weekend opening for Diana

498
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: Ross and Tony Braxton at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival. St.

499
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: Lucia is one of my favorite places in the whole world.

500
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of paradise on a trampoline in

501
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 1: the ocean, heartbrokenly devastated with Grammy's back in my apartment

502
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 1: in New York, and I'm just like, Okay, God, I'm

503
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 1: tired of. I said, I'm tired of. I literally said

504
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: this out loud. All of my band, my my mom

505
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: even came down, and they were all at the hotel.

506
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: I went out on the ocean by myself and I

507
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: had to have a talk with God, and I said, God,

508
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening in my life right now.

509
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: The way that I feel is the most uncomfortable I've

510
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: ever felt. Please just make it stop. Please. I don't

511
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: want to feel like this anymore. I'm ready to learn

512
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're willing to teach me. I

513
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: just don't want to feel this sad and this down

514
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 1: and this lost anymore. And then it got worse. Let's

515
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: talk about that. Then, I try to stress, it is

516
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 1: not puppies and rainbows like. The work is the shadows.

517
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: The work is the investigation. So you identified, you called

518
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: out to God. Yes, And then how did it get worse?

519
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: God took my voice away from me. God challenged the

520
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: exact same vessel that I have made money off of,

521
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: that I have impacted people with that I was my

522
00:29:55,680 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: whole identity and my whole livelihood. And it he attacked

523
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: my voice. He he sent the awakening to my gift

524
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: and my throat chakra was completely blocked. I couldn't. I

525
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 1: started having trouble singing. I couldn't. I was very hoarse

526
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: all the time. I you know, I sing big, huge ballads.

527
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: My my power is my is my specialty, and my

528
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: voice and that was gone. After thirty minutes, I couldn't

529
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: sing anymore. And I was going through a series of

530
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: tests with different you know, vocal specialists and doctors, and

531
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: they were all dumbfounded. They were like, your voice is

532
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: in perfect condition. We do not see a scar, a nodule,

533
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: springing tear. We don't know what to tell you. And

534
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: it was one doctor, one doctor, and he was the

535
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: last doctor I saw. He was in Toronto. He said

536
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: to me, he said, but what kind of year have

537
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: you had? And I said, and and by the way,

538
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: as soon as he said this to me, I immediately

539
00:30:55,640 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: started crying. Somebody asked me, how are you? And that

540
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: opened me up completely because no one had asked, and

541
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: I didn't even ask myself. I wasn't even able to

542
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: identify it. And when he said, what kind of a

543
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: year have you had? And it was like a therapy session.

544
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: It was just like black Well, I broke up and

545
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 1: this happened to da da da da da and all

546
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: these things boobah boo bah, highs and lows and and

547
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 1: and I also will say this. My album, the second

548
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: album that I put out that March, is called The

549
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 1: m F Life. And at that time, my entire energy

550
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: of m F, aside from being my initials, was the magnificent, fantastic,

551
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: motherfucking life. And that was like what either MF Life

552
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: stood for because I was acknowledging the highs and the lows,

553
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: and the highs and the lows, and that's where that

554
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: energy I had manifested for myself in my life. And

555
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: so once he asked me, I was like, oh ship,

556
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: I am living exactly what I manifested. And I was like,

557
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: oh God. And at this time, these this language of

558
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: manifestation and stuff wasn't really coming not at all. Well,

559
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:05,479
Speaker 1: it wasn't even it wasn't out what, it wasn't out right,

560
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 1: but but that but I was recognizing that there was

561
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: parallel between what I was talking about, thinking about saying

562
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: being being immersed by and how that was affecting me.

563
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,239
Speaker 1: And so that was the moment that I realized, UM,

564
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: that I needed to change my UM. I needed to

565
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: I needed to acknowledge the power that I had within

566
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: myself two design and reflect the life that I want

567
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: for themselves. And that was the first time. And so

568
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: my doctor that I was seeing in New York, an

569
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 1: amazing doctor. I will say his name over and over

570
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: again because I love him so much. His name is

571
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: doctor Ronald Primus. And he was seeing me. He was

572
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: my general practition practitioner. And when I told him I

573
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: had seen all these doctors, these specialistity had sent me to,

574
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,959
Speaker 1: he said, well, how do you feel about Eastern medicine?

575
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: He's like, I know I practice Western, but how do

576
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: you feel about Eastern? And I said, doctor, at this point,

577
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: I will, I will try anything. And um He's like,

578
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: I want to send you for a reiki and I

579
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: want to send you for acupuncture. And he was like,

580
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: and I want you to I want you to start

581
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: thinking about what that is. And I was like okay,

582
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: And I remember I got off the phone with him.

583
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: I sat in my apartment in Brooklyn and the sky

584
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: opened up and it poured rain I turned off the

585
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 1: TV and I sat and I watched the rain, and

586
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: I knew that that was my that was in This

587
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: was the cleansing, this was what my full wake up

588
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 1: call was. And now every decision that I needed to

589
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: make had to be from a mindful, awakened place. And

590
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: so I went for reiki acupuncture and I went for three.

591
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 1: I went for I wanted to say it was like

592
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: three sessions of each. And I went on tour with

593
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: Mary J. Blige and D'Angelo for six weeks after and

594
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: had no problems with my Wow. I love that you're

595
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: I love that you're sharing that. I was just actually

596
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: having this conversation. UM. I have a community collective called

597
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 1: Karma Gang, and we have like by weekly chats and

598
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: and so in this last one that we did, UM,

599
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: I'm a Ricky practitioner, and I had someone who does

600
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: karuna raiky on the show and we ended up in

601
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: this conversation. And I think this is so aligned with

602
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think it's so important for people

603
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: to know when you are on any type of quest

604
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: or journey or any type of evolving of self, don't

605
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 1: think you have to just do one thing right, like

606
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: don't think it's just while I have a therapist or

607
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 1: while I meditate. You know, I found that the way

608
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: to not just have the totality of your healing, but

609
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:51,800
Speaker 1: to stand in a space of embodied mastery, you have

610
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 1: to approach your body from a somatic experiencing perspective. So

611
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: getting that energy work done as you're processing, you know,

612
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: do a reiky session after you go to therapy so

613
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: that thematically you are dissolving the trauma in the cells

614
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: of your being. You know, we need all of it.

615
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: We need to be integrated mind, body, and soul to

616
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: actually be liberated beings, to be free. Yes, yes, And

617
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: I will say that, you know, for anyone who might

618
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: be listening that that has skepticism or doesn't know what

619
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 1: they're right, what they're right, tools might be exploration is

620
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: the greatest thing. And so you know, I was, I

621
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: was at a place where I was like, I felt

622
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: rock bottom. I felt like I had I didn't know

623
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 1: which way to turn. And so when somebody pointed me

624
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 1: in a direction, somebody that I trusted and I and

625
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: I could feel the the the connection between what he

626
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: was saying and what I was experiencing, I was like

627
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: I have to pursue this. And when I had my

628
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,320
Speaker 1: first Reiky session with my with her name is Angelie.

629
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 1: She's amazing in New York. Um. And I had my

630
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: first Reiky session with Angelie, I cried, I sobbed, I coughed.

631
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 1: I mean, she literally was moving the energy that brought

632
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: me coughing. Like I I'm telling you, like anyone who

633
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: thinks like trust me, when when it's there for you,

634
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: it will find you. And I was laying on that

635
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 1: table waiting to waiting to be skeptical. I was waiting

636
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 1: to be like, all right, here we go, let's try it,

637
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 1: let's see what it is. And there was no question

638
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: that what was being what was being given to me

639
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: in that moment, and what was being taken off of me,

640
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 1: what was being healed from me was was one past

641
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 1: life trauma, deep emotional trauma, energetic trauma and energetic weights

642
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: and contracts that I didn't even know where in me,

643
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:55,320
Speaker 1: and I was I couldn't control my body's response. It

644
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: was and I remember feeling that stress too, of being

645
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: like stop crying and then like I couldn't stop crying,

646
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: and it was like okay, well stop coughing. Well I

647
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: couldn't stop coughing. And and then I had to surrender

648
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 1: and let my body and let my spirit and let

649
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: my ancestors come into that room and be like, girl,

650
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 1: let us hold you up right now. And um. And

651
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 1: that's and that's what I knew, and and and he

652
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 1: changed my life. And from then it was like any

653
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: time there was a blockage, any time there was an obstacle,

654
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: anytime there was fog or I didn't have clarity, it's

655
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: I knew where to go. I knew what practices I

656
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: needed to go and go back to. And so that's

657
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: what kept me alive. Y you know, yes, And it's

658
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: like once you learn those tools, and it doesn't just

659
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: the way that I experienced is this, it's like you

660
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 1: get you get tools, right, you you filling up the

661
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: toolbox with all different kind of things, so you know

662
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: that you're equipped. You know that, Okay, today is a

663
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 1: tough day, so let me scan what do I know

664
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: to work my process. But outside of that, it's also

665
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 1: like when you do all of the deep work that

666
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: you've just described, you build for yourself such a vibrant

667
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: inner life, Like it's truly like you have a galaxy

668
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,399
Speaker 1: resting inside of your chest, so that even if all

669
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: you can do is close your eyes, it feels like

670
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 1: that's enough because of what the ability you have created

671
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: for you to connect deeply inside of your own body

672
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: and your own self. Hold that thought, we are coming

673
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: right back. How do you start integrating the work right?

674
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:03,320
Speaker 1: Because it's like you are still amidst ego. You're an entertainer,

675
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: you're a celebrity. You are still face to face with

676
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: everyone's projections and everyone's ego. But now you have this

677
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 1: inner mystery, you have this pool of consciousness that you're

678
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:20,920
Speaker 1: cultivating inside of yourself. How does that feel? Well, the

679
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: first thing that started happening is I started to say no.

680
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: I started to say no to many things. And I remember,

681
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:35,320
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I started saying happy, healthy creative, Happy,

682
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: healthy creative, happy, healthy creative. And those were my boxes.

683
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: And if anything presented itself in that time from that

684
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: point on after that tour, it had to check those boxes,

685
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 1: either all three or one of them. And that was like,

686
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: that was my baseline. Those were the three priorities of

687
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: my life. And so how did that process fail? Though? Like,

688
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,320
Speaker 1: because that's that's the thing. It sounds simple, but learning

689
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: how to adv kate for yourself and say no for

690
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 1: most people is the most terrifying part of the journey. Terrifying, terrifying. Um,

691
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,359
Speaker 1: you know what it was. It was just like, first

692
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: of all, I was very blessed to have a team

693
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: of people around me at the time that honored that

694
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: journey that I was on, and they did not They

695
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: respected very much when I said, hey, I I can't,

696
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: I can't do this. And even if they talk about

697
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 1: me behind my back, they never did it to my face.

698
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: You know. They totally were like, Okay, she said no,

699
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: you know, and now we have to go tell the

700
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: partner or the brand or the label. But she said

701
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: he And it's like, I'm not doing this to make

702
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 1: it difficult on you. I'm doing it so that it's

703
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 1: not difficult on me because I am not a whole

704
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: None of this runs. Hold on, let's say that again

705
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,399
Speaker 1: because I feel like that needs to be written down

706
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,400
Speaker 1: by people listening. That is a mantra for really learning

707
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: how to own your power. Can you say that piece

708
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: one more time. I am not doing this to make

709
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 1: it difficult on you. I am doing this so that

710
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: it is not difficult on me. See that shift like,

711
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 1: listen to that shift. Everyone that that is what a

712
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: perception shift in motion looks and feels like. And when

713
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 1: we're able to kind of add more languaging to our

714
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: depth of understanding of ourselves, it's easier for us to

715
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: honor our own boundaries. Yes, it all comes from intention

716
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 1: and the intention to do no harm. If you have

717
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 1: that at the forefront of anything that you've set an

718
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 1: intention for for yourself, then you can move forward confidently

719
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 1: and peacefully because you know your intention is to do

720
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 1: no harm and that means to yourself and others. And

721
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,880
Speaker 1: so that is like first thing that started happening. And

722
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: then it was amazing because what happened was I literally

723
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: was turning down big paying opportunities because they weren't aligned

724
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: with who I was becoming at that time. And I

725
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 1: remember like in the industry, it's like you don't say

726
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: no to money. When that bag is on the table,

727
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: you get that bag and you go get it and

728
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 1: you do. And I was just like, all money is

729
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: not good money to me. Right now, that's I will

730
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:18,600
Speaker 1: be okay, Like I don't want to do this very volatile,

731
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: hi high stress, very low frequency reality television and affiliate

732
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. I don't want to

733
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 1: be associated with this energy and this community of entertainment.

734
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 1: And I had turned down certain things that were I

735
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 1: just knew would not would pay me well, but just

736
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't be good for me. I wasn't gonna be happy,

737
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: It wasn't gonna feel like happy with myself at the

738
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 1: end of the day when I went to sleep, and

739
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: that was always my thing. It was like I'd say

740
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: this to everybody, it's at the end of the day

741
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: you have when you lay down at night, it's just you,

742
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 1: and you have to be able to sleep well. Nobody

743
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: else is going to be there to pat you to

744
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: sleep like, not your managers, not your label, is not

745
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 1: your boss, is not your coworkers, It's you. So you

746
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: have to be able to sleep well at night. And

747
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 1: and so I didn't want to be up all night

748
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: stressed out about a decision that I knew it wasn't

749
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: I made, that wasn't necessarily right for me. So I

750
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 1: started to say no. And then opportunity started finding me

751
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: in all the ways that I wanted it to. So

752
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 1: right after that happened, I actually at the height of

753
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: like my album being at the height of it was

754
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 1: and like I had just done a really amazing performance

755
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: on VT Awards and it was great. Everything froze at

756
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 1: my label and my whole project was frozen. And now

757
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 1: I was faced with the opportunity to either stay at

758
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: a major label or go independent, and I chose to

759
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:47,280
Speaker 1: go independent. And that was another phase where I stepped away.

760
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 1: And then I did a brand deal with Nike to

761
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: check to my healthy box where I ran a half

762
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,839
Speaker 1: marathon and I pushed myself harder than I ever did.

763
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: I did collaborations with brig brands like Pepsi and and

764
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: all these things that just came after I had said

765
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to be an independent artist, and all these

766
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: opportunities came, and all these really great, amazing things started

767
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 1: happening that fed my happy, healthy, creative boxes, and I

768
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 1: started to see the power and and the reward, Like,

769
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 1: let's be clear, everybody loves to be incentivized, right Like

770
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 1: people love to see results for themselves. And so my

771
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,720
Speaker 1: results started showing up in the ways that we're checking

772
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,720
Speaker 1: all the wellness boxes for me as as a person.

773
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: And then I started to realize that I wanted to

774
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 1: explore other ways to be creative and then I wanted

775
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 1: to start making my album with producers that I, you know,

776
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 1: had loved and admired for so long, in a very

777
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: free space where I wasn't at the demand and the

778
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: forefront of entertainment anymore. And that allowed me to shift

779
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 1: into then what then became the next phase of my life,

780
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 1: which was motherhood. And that was a whole another level

781
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: of awakening. And so you know, I, you know so

782
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 1: exactly right that I trust me, I'm still awakened. I'm

783
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: still trying to wake up every day. It's so you know,

784
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 1: so so I really feel like that's that's what really

785
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 1: shifted everything for me, That that very dark knight of

786
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 1: the soul, that feeling of rock bottom, that feeling of

787
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 1: desperation and not and my and literally everything that I

788
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 1: had put so much value into my identity, my public persona,

789
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 1: my voice, my popularity, my this, my relevant that, the critics,

790
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: the co signs and everything, and the power came from

791
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 1: me turning around and saying, you don't need any of that.

792
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: You actually don't feel good trying to chase after that,

793
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: So why not just redefine how you want your life

794
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: to look? Why don't you redefine how you want your career?

795
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: What do you want to do with your purpose and

796
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: your gifting? And I always go back to this, it's

797
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 1: like self coined thing that I that I've said and

798
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: I and I owe it to my four year old

799
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: self because she came up with it. When I was

800
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: four years old, I said I wanted to be a

801
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 1: singing nurse. And I have it written in books and

802
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: my parents would tell me and we'd always laugh about

803
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: this throughout my whole life, Like who gave this four

804
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:18,759
Speaker 1: year old the confidence to say I want to be

805
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 1: a singing nurse? And I knew it. I knew that.

806
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: I my four year old self knew that, even if

807
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: my year old self didn't know that. You know, and um,

808
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: but she knew it deep down. She just wasn't. She wasn't.

809
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 1: She wasn't living in that mindful of responsibility, of of

810
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: honoring that that purpose that's there. And so I remember too,

811
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 1: even when I first started doing like one of my

812
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,359
Speaker 1: very first promo run this is before the Awakening, I'll

813
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: never forget. Um. I did a song called It Kills Me,

814
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 1: which was a number one record, Thank you. It earned

815
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: me my first Grammy nomination, was an number one record

816
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: for nine weeks and it was literally like the highest

817
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: introduction like of success I had had as a new artist.

818
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,359
Speaker 1: And I remember going on a on a promo run.

819
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,879
Speaker 1: And promo run for those who are not industry based

820
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: means you don't make any money, so um, you just

821
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: have to do one million interviews, be exhausted as hell,

822
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 1: go from city to city. Yeah yeah, and then and

823
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: look your best and smile and have right. So but

824
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 1: at that time, I was because I was so excited

825
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,800
Speaker 1: right to be like embarking on the beginning of my journey.

826
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 1: And I remember I went to Spellman College and I

827
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 1: did like a little meet and greet, and this girl

828
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,399
Speaker 1: came running up to me. She's like, oh my god,

829
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: you're here. You're here. She's like, please don't leave. I

830
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: have to go get my roommate. She's like, just please, please, please,

831
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 1: just wait, please don't leave before I bring her back.

832
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go and get her right now. She loves you,

833
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 1: she has to meet you. And so I was like,

834
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I have a fan,

835
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:54,359
Speaker 1: like wow, a really big fan. And and the girl

836
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 1: came and I will never forget her, beautiful brown skinned girl,

837
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 1: she was wearing pearls. She she was just beautiful, just beautiful,

838
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: very gentle spirit. And she came and she hugged me

839
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 1: and she started crying. And I was like, oh my god,

840
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: what do I do with this? Like what I've never

841
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: had anybody cry meeting me? Like is this weird? What

842
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: am I supposed to do? And she looked at me

843
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 1: and she was like, I just want to thank you

844
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 1: so much. And I was like, oh, okay, I want

845
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: to thank you because you're supporting my music. And she

846
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 1: was like, no, I have to thank you. She was like,

847
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: I didn't know your music. My roommate put me onto

848
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: your music. And then she's like, and then I fell

849
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: in love with your music. And then I fell in

850
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: love with all of your interviews and watching you and

851
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: listening to you. And she was like, and I started

852
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 1: to see that if someone as beautiful and talented, as

853
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 1: strong as you could go through something difficult and get

854
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: out of bed, than I could too. And I immediately

855
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 1: that that was like the first thing that gave me

856
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 1: awareness that this was bigger than music, and this is

857
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 1: that was like you you are affecting people, you are

858
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,240
Speaker 1: healing people, you are helping people. And so be mindful

859
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: of that as you move forward in how you approach music.

860
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 1: And then the awakening happened, and then now I feel

861
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: like I am fully living in the singing nurse purpose

862
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:21,760
Speaker 1: as far as using my voice to share in every

863
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 1: way I possibly can to bring healing. So if that

864
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: is through music, if that is through podcasts, if that

865
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 1: is through wellness, summits and being and speaking, that's been

866
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 1: through also through motherhood for me and bringing healing to

867
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 1: other moms and creating community and dialogue in the process

868
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: of that. And so that is actually what has become

869
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:48,399
Speaker 1: my my evolved self, from my awakened self to now,

870
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 1: and that has been the higher version of myself, is

871
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 1: to allow myself to be all that I am, not

872
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,440
Speaker 1: just one version of who I thought that I needed

873
00:49:56,480 --> 00:50:03,839
Speaker 1: to be. So beautifully profoundly said, you know how, if

874
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: you have any any advice you can give, or any

875
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 1: any share of experience you can give for someone listening

876
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 1: who it's living a powerful life or is embedded in

877
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 1: a career but feels a deep yearning a spiritual calling

878
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: to be more. You know, now you're in mastery of self.

879
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: But in those moments and in those years of trying

880
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: to make internal and outward sense of embodying these two

881
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: very different things. Like I know, I when I worked

882
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:41,320
Speaker 1: in radio for years, it was like my spirituality was

883
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: the core of who I actually was and what I

884
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: wanted to spend one hundred percent of my time when

885
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: I was not at work doing. But then I would

886
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 1: have to show up at work, and I'd have to

887
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 1: talk about things I didn't care about, like celebrity gossip

888
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: or who was doing this or what? You know, what

889
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: what song encouraging people to you know, kill each other

890
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 1: due to rugs and whatever? Like. It was starting to

891
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: eat at the core of my being until I finally

892
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: just had to really switch lanes. Um and so, but

893
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 1: I do believe that you don't have to give up

894
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: your entire life to honor your calling. So what was

895
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: that piece of it like? And and how can people

896
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 1: build their confidence into showing up in both roles? I

897
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:25,280
Speaker 1: think that it comes back to and it's so interesting

898
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 1: because I am so fascinated by you as well because

899
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 1: it is a very it is a very similar journey.

900
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 1: It is it is a very similar journey. And in

901
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 1: the fact that like understanding what the entertainment business is,

902
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 1: it thrives off of these very like slacious like gossiping

903
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 1: judgment project. Yes, you know, commentary and and and opinion

904
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,399
Speaker 1: and judgments and gossip, and I just it always felt

905
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: yucky to me. I never wanted to be in gossip.

906
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 1: I never cared to be in the tabloids like I

907
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: never cared. I kept a very private life. And and

908
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: I feel, like, you know, to your point of what

909
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 1: you're saying is that, like I think, deep down inside,

910
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: I knew that that wasn't a part of me that

911
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: was actually going to be what would keep me in music,

912
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 1: what keeps me in music and in the way that

913
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: I am now. And I'm happy to say that even

914
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 1: the journey that I've had to go through in the

915
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:24,359
Speaker 1: last few years of even emancipating myself further to UM

916
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 1: to literally come back to being a completely free an

917
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:33,879
Speaker 1: independent artists, which I'm so grateful for it this time, um,

918
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 1: you know, because that was also a challenge of being

919
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: stuck in some situations UM that I couldn't freely express

920
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: my my my music. I could freely express the musical

921
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:46,879
Speaker 1: works that I was creating in the last few years,

922
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 1: and that was very difficult, and that the music business

923
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 1: is not explored enough, like like the grander public gets

924
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 1: a certain view of it, like when you remember like

925
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:00,080
Speaker 1: princes speaking out or as of recently, Kanye B on

926
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 1: a tirade on social but the oppression of the music industry,

927
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: like it is the colonialization of the music industry, the

928
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 1: way people are profiteering off of young talent of color,

929
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 1: It is just insane. It is. It is criminal, yeah,

930
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 1: and it and it is. It is some of the

931
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: most low frequency, uh business deals I have ever seen

932
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 1: in entertainment and in music specifically. And I hate when

933
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,959
Speaker 1: people are like, why didn't you read the contract? Why?

934
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: Like this is what I get and yes, keep your

935
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,959
Speaker 1: keep your legal acumen up. However, why would you make

936
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 1: ever a contract like that that I would have had

937
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: to say, Oh no, you're being a predator, Like where

938
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 1: where is the responsibility on the business or on the

939
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,439
Speaker 1: people that are working for this talent to actually show

940
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 1: up in integrity, you know. So it's like everyone wants

941
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 1: to see as well, you should have read it, got

942
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:05,239
Speaker 1: you ha ha, And it's like, okay, understands the way

943
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 1: it's done. Yeah, yeah, well this is the way it's

944
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 1: always been done. Well why aren't why yeah, well, why

945
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: why has it been done that way? You know, honestly,

946
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: and it started right because it started being done that

947
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 1: way when you know, certain certain people were profiting on

948
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 1: black music, and so you wanted to keep them just completely,

949
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 1: you know, under your thumb, you wanted to give them

950
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: just enough to get a flashy car or you know,

951
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: and and not actually be able to create for your family. Yeah, yeah,

952
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 1: you know, and and and that is one of the

953
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: most heartbreaking things. And I know we could do a

954
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: two hours. It's just that, like you know, the the

955
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:50,959
Speaker 1: the the the bait and switch that they do, which

956
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 1: is like find somebody who comes from an unfortunate, under

957
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:58,759
Speaker 1: under underserved circumstance and say that, like you know, a

958
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 1: bird in the hand is worth two the bush. So

959
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 1: just take what we're giving you now, but don't think

960
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: about your legacy later on. You know, Um, well we'll

961
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 1: throw this bag at you now, you know, so that

962
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: you can help you and everybody from your neighborhood. But

963
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: you know, you'll never own your rights when you're seventy

964
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: five and you don't have a job, Like it's crazy

965
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: to me, it's crazy. And again we can go round

966
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 1: rounds about that, but in going through that process, it

967
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: forced me to have to ask myself, is that all

968
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 1: you are? Is that all you are? Are you just

969
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 1: dependent on only being of a singer? And I knew

970
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: that wasn't the truth. I knew that that wasn't the case.

971
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 1: And I knew that through allowing my voice to expand

972
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 1: in ways that no one did have an ink eight

973
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,720
Speaker 1: mark on, that I could start to find greater purpose

974
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,759
Speaker 1: for myself and really start to expand. And so now

975
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 1: that I am on the other side of my emancipation,

976
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 1: I feel so free to just explore every color, every shade,

977
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: every angle, every gift that I have within me, free

978
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 1: of judgment, free of expectation or this previous ego that

979
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 1: was formerly saying well this is who you need, because

980
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 1: you know, I have to read the stuff online where

981
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 1: people are just like, well, Melaniy Fiota win and had

982
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 1: a baby and then she, you know, she she just

983
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,279
Speaker 1: quit music, And it's like, man, y'all want to sit

984
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: here and comment on my life. You have no idea

985
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: what's been going on in my life. You have no

986
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 1: idea the alopecia spots I had to go through through

987
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 1: stress and my hair falling out because somebody told me

988
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: that I couldn't put out the album that I had

989
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: spent three years while pregnant making, Like what are you

990
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,359
Speaker 1: talking about? And you want to just pin me into

991
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 1: a corner and say I just washed up because I

992
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:51,239
Speaker 1: became a mom, Like I mean, can I just say

993
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 1: I am so happy that the conversation for mothers has

994
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:59,840
Speaker 1: been pushed so far forward just in the last couple

995
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 1: of years, because the fact that that would ever be

996
00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:06,279
Speaker 1: a criticism of you, and now it's like something that's celebrated, right,

997
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 1: Like now, Cardi B was pregnant, you know, in all

998
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 1: her videos and it was like wow, like she's doing it,

999
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: like you can be a mom and have a destiny.

1000
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 1: But then then before that, it's like, you know, you

1001
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 1: have Lauren Hill crucified for getting pregnant. You have people

1002
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 1: unable to you know, it's like, well, guess guess you're

1003
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 1: retired at at twenty two now forever and yes, it's yes,

1004
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 1: you're washed up now. And I'm like, I remember when

1005
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,880
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. I was nine, I was nine months pregnant,

1006
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 1: and I happened to go to the Grove, which is

1007
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 1: out here in l A and one of my bosses

1008
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 1: happened to be there and we saw each other, and

1009
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,440
Speaker 1: I was so excited to see him. I was like, hey,

1010
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 1: one of my old bosses in radio, and I was like, oh,

1011
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 1: it's so good to see you. And he's like, wow,

1012
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 1: look at your stomach. I found out he went back

1013
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: to the radio station in a meeting, in a meeting

1014
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:53,920
Speaker 1: of people, some people that I had hired previously, that

1015
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 1: I had mentored my peers, and began to tell everyone

1016
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 1: how sorry he felt for me because I was pregnant

1017
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 1: and I had no idea what I was doing with

1018
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 1: my life. Mind you, at the time, I had a

1019
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: thriving small business. I left on my terms, I had

1020
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 1: products in Nordstrom stores, I had written a book. But

1021
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: to him for his limited view not just of life

1022
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: and the entertainment industry, but his limited view of what

1023
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 1: a woman could be or could have, it was, oh,

1024
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: now my life is a waste. And I'm quote unquote

1025
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 1: just a mom whatever the hell that wants. But it's

1026
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: just like agating another three hour specifically, like I just

1027
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 1: I can't even begin, I mean to scratch the surface

1028
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 1: of like what it's been, and like again to your point,

1029
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 1: like I've got so much. So what I realized too,

1030
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 1: is that what I have been through is like a

1031
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: course in itself, what I've gone through as a mother,

1032
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 1: as a woman, as an artist, you know. And I

1033
00:58:56,720 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 1: want to talk about the ego really quickly because something

1034
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: that I learned through therapy, something that I learned through therapy,

1035
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 1: which um my therapist was really wonderful when she put

1036
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: this in, because I was remember, I was feeling so

1037
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: stuck and so so lost, and and and and after

1038
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:12,919
Speaker 1: right after having a baby, and then now my career

1039
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,360
Speaker 1: is in this state of paralysis, and I'm like, what

1040
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 1: what's happening? And she said to me, she said, I

1041
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:22,320
Speaker 1: don't want you to lose the healthy ego. And I said,

1042
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 1: I said, the healthy ego. She's like, I want you

1043
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:29,640
Speaker 1: to remember that it's okay to feel good. She's like,

1044
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 1: I want you to remember that it's okay that like

1045
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 1: people loved your music or love your music or clap

1046
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 1: for you when you're on stage. And so the fact

1047
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 1: that that's not there for you right now, it is heartbreaking.

1048
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 1: And that doesn't make you a bad person, because you

1049
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:48,959
Speaker 1: miss the feeling of celebrating your gifts publicly with other people,

1050
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: you know, it's the place in which you do it from.

1051
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:53,800
Speaker 1: And so that's the thing. I was feeling so depleted.

1052
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 1: I'm at home taking care of a baby. I'm not

1053
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 1: out on the on the road feeling this this thing

1054
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 1: that I used to feel, which was singing, which made

1055
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 1: me feel so expanded and happy. I wasn't even doing

1056
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: that anymore, and so I was losing myself. I was.

1057
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: And and that's what she was saying. She was like,

1058
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 1: so if you want to sing, sing, she's like, sing,

1059
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: like sing for yourself, sing, but you have to pour

1060
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 1: into yourself. She's like, you know, take care of yourself,

1061
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: these types of things. And so that really reminded me that,

1062
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 1: like the ego of entertainment is dangerous when you allow

1063
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 1: it to be dangerous, it doesn't have to be dangerous

1064
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 1: if you are whole within self and can literally not

1065
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:40,000
Speaker 1: get not let it run your life, you know, not

1066
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 1: let it run your life. Because I think that back

1067
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,440
Speaker 1: to what you're talking about in like social media and

1068
01:00:44,520 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 1: like how we compare and like this likes and this

1069
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: thing and this dada dadada, Like I'm happy if a

1070
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 1: hundred people like it. I don't feel sad if a

1071
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 1: million people didn't like it. My happy ego is, yeah,

1072
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: I made a difference in a hundred people's lives, Like, Yes,

1073
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 1: that's so great, you know. And so I want to

1074
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,479
Speaker 1: say that to anybody who is in the creative field

1075
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,440
Speaker 1: of whatever it is, like, let's start taking the expectation

1076
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:12,720
Speaker 1: off and the comparison off of what you're supposed to

1077
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:14,520
Speaker 1: be and who you're supposed to be like and what

1078
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 1: it's supposed to amount to or cost or value, like,

1079
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 1: determine your valuation for yourself. Determine what that looks like

1080
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:26,480
Speaker 1: for yourself. And so for me, I am so grateful

1081
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: to be at a space where my audience has expanded

1082
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 1: not just through music but through wellness, but through motherhood.

1083
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 1: And I'm able to now create change and impact change

1084
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 1: in a positive way on those three pillars for myself.

1085
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 1: And it's not just dependent on If music was suffering

1086
01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 1: that I was, I was worthless, you know, if people

1087
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,439
Speaker 1: weren't buying my records, then I don't have anything left,

1088
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: you know. Um, Looking at my son be a happy, whole,

1089
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 1: healthy human being growing in this world makes me feel happy,

1090
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 1: makes me feel you know, knowing that I even I

1091
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,919
Speaker 1: pour into him and he's going to go pour into

1092
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:07,479
Speaker 1: the world as a light in this world that makes

1093
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 1: me feel happy and whole and so too. Ever, who

1094
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:13,240
Speaker 1: that asshole was, that was your free peneous boss. And

1095
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 1: I know that's not the greatest high high frequency level,

1096
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:17,440
Speaker 1: but I'm a little ratchet when it comes to the

1097
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,400
Speaker 1: secting people who talk shit about women. It's just is like, no,

1098
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 1: like your your your projection of happiness for you is

1099
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 1: not my definition, you know, and so and so once

1100
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:34,480
Speaker 1: I feel like you can understand that, like happiness and

1101
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: that whole and success of whatever that is for you

1102
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 1: is like when you can accept that for yourself, then

1103
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: like and know that one who don't have to be validated,

1104
01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: like you don't mean you don't have to call it

1105
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,640
Speaker 1: valid for it to be what is important to me.

1106
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 1: You don't have to think about me and what I'm

1107
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 1: doing at all. No, No, it's it's a it's a

1108
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: a friend of mine. A long time ago. I remember

1109
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 1: when I was very very first coming up in the

1110
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 1: music industry from Toronto, and um I remember like seeing

1111
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:08,800
Speaker 1: all like some people around me who were like progressing

1112
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:11,160
Speaker 1: forward and doing things and I was I was working

1113
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: in this like like I was in like a girl

1114
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 1: group when I was a teenager and um, the girl

1115
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,560
Speaker 1: group had disbanded, and like I was now pursuing my

1116
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: solo career, and I just started seeing other people do things,

1117
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:21,920
Speaker 1: and I remember feeling like, well, so and so is

1118
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,240
Speaker 1: doing this, and so and so is doing this. And

1119
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:24,920
Speaker 1: he said to me, He's like, the more time you

1120
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 1: spend looking at what so and so is doing is

1121
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 1: the less time you're spending looking at what you can

1122
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 1: be doing for your And I never forgot that. And

1123
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 1: this is the this is the struggle of the world

1124
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 1: we live in now, because everyone, what everyone is doing,

1125
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 1: is on display, what everyone is doing, is at the

1126
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 1: tip of your fingertips, what everyone is doing. And I

1127
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:48,720
Speaker 1: just feel like you are the only person who is

1128
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 1: responsibility for managing how deeply you allow yourself to be

1129
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:57,640
Speaker 1: affected by external factors and people and validation. And so

1130
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 1: that's the work. And so I find my taking lots

1131
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:03,280
Speaker 1: of breaks from social media these days because I know

1132
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:07,320
Speaker 1: in this like transformative time of my life where now,

1133
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:09,600
Speaker 1: like I said at the beginning of this podcast, like

1134
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 1: all the balls were up in the air and now

1135
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:15,760
Speaker 1: I feel like they've all landed now and now I'm

1136
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 1: sitting here looking at my life and now I want

1137
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 1: to just be in this for myself, and I don't

1138
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:24,920
Speaker 1: want to think about doing what other people are doing,

1139
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 1: and so I take the time off. I take him like, Okay,

1140
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not outside in the world because it's

1141
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:32,280
Speaker 1: a pandemic, you know what. I'm gonna shut my phone

1142
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 1: out today and not be on social media today because

1143
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 1: today I just want to be in the vision of

1144
01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 1: what I want to see in my house right now,

1145
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 1: Like how do I want to create my new space,

1146
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 1: how do I want to create my my my design

1147
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,200
Speaker 1: and artistic board for the music and the artistic works

1148
01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:51,720
Speaker 1: that I'm now putting into works like I don't want

1149
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 1: to be influenced by anything in the outside. So I

1150
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: go within and I stay quiet, and I just focus

1151
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 1: on me. And when I focus on me feel happy.

1152
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 1: When I focus on my house, I feel happy. When

1153
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,240
Speaker 1: I focus on my family, I feel happy. And so

1154
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:09,920
Speaker 1: that's what I'm preserving these days. That's what I've been

1155
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:12,920
Speaker 1: focusing on at the end of this year, to be

1156
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: stronger going into and to what I consider, like I said,

1157
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 1: Act two for me, how I want my life to

1158
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 1: look moving forward versus how it's looked beyond in the past,

1159
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: and that's my that's my shift of perspective. That's like,

1160
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:34,640
Speaker 1: that's that's that's my that's my story. What a life,

1161
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:40,320
Speaker 1: what a masterpiece? Thank you, thank you. It's all beautiful,

1162
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 1: like the healing journey is. It can be so beautiful

1163
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 1: if you allow it, really, if you seek the joy

1164
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 1: and seek the seek the beauty in it. I really do.

1165
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:53,920
Speaker 1: I tell people this all the time, and I sometimes

1166
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 1: do one on ones, like you know, my fans will

1167
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:58,320
Speaker 1: do like a one on one and I always do.

1168
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:01,200
Speaker 1: I tell them I'm almost just like everything is temporary.

1169
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 1: Everything is temporary. But if you take it one breath

1170
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,280
Speaker 1: at a time, just like one moment at a time,

1171
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 1: one moment at a time, you can literally get through

1172
01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:13,240
Speaker 1: anything if you just focus on the present moment. You know,

1173
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:16,600
Speaker 1: how would people anyone listening that would like to do

1174
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,520
Speaker 1: something like that with you, How can they connect with

1175
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:22,600
Speaker 1: your work? How can they connect with your healing um.

1176
01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:26,120
Speaker 1: It's interesting because so initially, well you can find me

1177
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:29,200
Speaker 1: on social media at Melani Fiona that's every every on

1178
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:32,400
Speaker 1: every handle um. But I'm actually in the process of

1179
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:37,040
Speaker 1: creating that kind of like one on one um process

1180
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:38,880
Speaker 1: for my fans, Like right now, people could connect to me,

1181
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:42,040
Speaker 1: like I'm on this app called Cameo, which like you, yeah,

1182
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:44,040
Speaker 1: you do shout outs and you do like you know,

1183
01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 1: happy birthdays and really quick things. Um, but you know,

1184
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 1: I that's like a quick like shout out thing if

1185
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:51,919
Speaker 1: you if you want to do that. And some people

1186
01:06:51,960 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 1: ask for pep talks and some people share their situations

1187
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,200
Speaker 1: and I'll give them like a quick good motivational word

1188
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 1: on there. So that's one way you can find me.

1189
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 1: But for twenty twenty one, I am really I'm really

1190
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 1: looking forward to. I'm really looking forward much like you, Debbie,

1191
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:11,320
Speaker 1: and you've really been in inspiration. It's been wonderful to

1192
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: watch your journey as well, because I've seen since we

1193
01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:18,000
Speaker 1: first connected recently, you know, after Cassie's event, how your

1194
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,280
Speaker 1: life has expanded and the roles that you've taken on,

1195
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 1: and how you've expanded your community and your voice and

1196
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:27,720
Speaker 1: your purpose and so you know, in that regard of course,

1197
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:32,480
Speaker 1: and in that regard um, really knowing that like your

1198
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 1: community is there, like it's important for us to really

1199
01:07:36,640 --> 01:07:41,560
Speaker 1: recognize honing in on community and really creating the community

1200
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:44,120
Speaker 1: and not just allowing social media to be the driver

1201
01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 1: of your community. You know, I want to make sure

1202
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:49,440
Speaker 1: that the people who support me and are with me

1203
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 1: on my journey, who follow me, really have access to

1204
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,440
Speaker 1: what it is that I'm creating, not not what I'm

1205
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:58,680
Speaker 1: putting up on Instagram, you know, not those like quick

1206
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 1: tivot tis real meaningful stuff. And so I feel like

1207
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:06,840
Speaker 1: towards as I approach one, that's like the journey in

1208
01:08:06,920 --> 01:08:10,880
Speaker 1: which I am building is less social media, more one

1209
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 1: on one community. And that's how you sustain a life,

1210
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:18,000
Speaker 1: Like that's how you build community. And if we go

1211
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:20,479
Speaker 1: back to our ancestors, this was tribes, this was families.

1212
01:08:20,520 --> 01:08:23,120
Speaker 1: This is what we did, you know, and and social

1213
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:25,479
Speaker 1: media is beautiful for what social media is, but it's

1214
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:29,960
Speaker 1: not ours, and it doesn't have to be. It doesn't.

1215
01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:33,479
Speaker 1: It doesn't, it really doesn't. And and I go back

1216
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 1: to urge anyone listening that like, your community is as

1217
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 1: as is as rich as you design it to be,

1218
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:47,120
Speaker 1: whether that's a thousand people or a million people, A

1219
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 1: thousand true people in your life, a hundred true people

1220
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:52,679
Speaker 1: in your life can enrich your life in a way

1221
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:55,559
Speaker 1: that is so much more meaningful than a million fair

1222
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:59,880
Speaker 1: weather people. And so I I really encourage any any

1223
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:03,560
Speaker 1: people in your life, fine people by you know, but

1224
01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:06,360
Speaker 1: like I say this, there's this book called the Thousand

1225
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:09,040
Speaker 1: True Fans. So if anyone who's listening is like small

1226
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:12,720
Speaker 1: business or you know, artist or like somebody who's really trying,

1227
01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:14,840
Speaker 1: you know, has a small following what they consider small

1228
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:17,280
Speaker 1: and social media numbers whatever the hell that is, um,

1229
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 1: you know, if you invest into those thousand people and

1230
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 1: they invest back into you, that is a very sustainable,

1231
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:27,720
Speaker 1: successful life. Like and so there's a book called a

1232
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:29,599
Speaker 1: Thousand True Fans, which I keep meeting. In fact, I'm

1233
01:09:29,640 --> 01:09:31,400
Speaker 1: going to order it today because I keep and I

1234
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,280
Speaker 1: understand the concept of it, but I want to read

1235
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:35,800
Speaker 1: it because I really want to be able to keep

1236
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,880
Speaker 1: that in mind for myself, you know, from going from

1237
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:43,840
Speaker 1: a huge stage to a quiet stage of like transformative

1238
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:49,599
Speaker 1: redefining myself, you know, pivoting, pivoting my perspective time now

1239
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 1: emerging into this new phase of my life. I always

1240
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 1: want to remember that the quality over the quantity I do.

1241
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 1: And and so I encourage anybody out there. I've heard

1242
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:01,040
Speaker 1: wonderful things about this book. Please read this book, um,

1243
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:03,280
Speaker 1: and it will really give you a wonderful perspective of

1244
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:06,680
Speaker 1: how you can sustain a wonderful life and make a

1245
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:10,320
Speaker 1: living off of a thousand true fans. So um, I

1246
01:10:10,479 --> 01:10:12,960
Speaker 1: love that. So yeah, that's my last gift to like

1247
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,040
Speaker 1: any of the artists and fellow creatives and you know,

1248
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:19,360
Speaker 1: singer songwriters out here, independent artists just like you are.

1249
01:10:19,560 --> 01:10:23,920
Speaker 1: You are the bag. Yes, you are the gift. Yes,

1250
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,679
Speaker 1: I love that you are the bag. Don't let anybody

1251
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:29,080
Speaker 1: hold that bag in front of you and tell you

1252
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 1: that it's worth more than you. It's it's not well.

1253
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:37,439
Speaker 1: You are sending us off with a bang. Alanie, thank

1254
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:40,120
Speaker 1: you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you for

1255
01:10:40,200 --> 01:10:42,559
Speaker 1: dropping all these gems. Thank you for coming on the show,

1256
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:45,719
Speaker 1: sharing your heart, sharing your gifts, sharing all of your wisdom.

1257
01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:55,240
Speaker 1: Hey find me on social Let's connect at Debbie Brown.

1258
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:58,519
Speaker 1: That's Twitter and Instagram, or go to my website Debbie

1259
01:10:58,640 --> 01:11:01,679
Speaker 1: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show

1260
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:07,559
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, please please please don't forget to rate, review,

1261
01:11:08,240 --> 01:11:12,759
Speaker 1: and subscribe and send this episode to a friend. Dropping

1262
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 1: Jams is the production of I Heart Radio and Black

1263
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:19,200
Speaker 1: Effect Network. It's produced by Triple and me Debbie Brown.

1264
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:22,160
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My Heart radio, visit the I

1265
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:25,960
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to

1266
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:26,920
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.