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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Manning and Samantha and welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: I never told your protection of I heart radios how

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Speaker 1: stuff work. So today we're talking about money, money, which

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Speaker 1: we've actually talked about quite a bit um. It is

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Speaker 1: a huge It's hard to overstate how important money is

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Speaker 1: to everything everything, and when we're talking about women and

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Speaker 1: feminism and equality, money is huge. There's so many issues

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Speaker 1: you could think about, the pay gap, the investing gap,

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Speaker 1: the paint tax. And then today I learned there's a

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Speaker 1: gender pay gap in allowances. Boys make more money in

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Speaker 1: their allowances. Girls do twice the work for less pay,

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Speaker 1: and boys are likelier to get an allowance. I almost

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Speaker 1: flipped my dang desk. This was so mad. That's not okay. No,

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Speaker 1: it's not okay. And the more I thought about it,

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Speaker 1: the more I really can't. Paigned hard for an allowance

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Speaker 1: in my family because I, as the listeners know, I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to save a bunch of money. I had

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Speaker 1: a big concern about I don't know, not having any

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Speaker 1: money and not being able forward a place to live.

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Speaker 1: So I pushed really hard for it. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff I ended up getting paid for I was

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Speaker 1: doing anyway, Oh yeah, we didn't get allow so we

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Speaker 1: were just told you get food. Well I only got

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Speaker 1: it for a couple of weeks and then they took

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Speaker 1: it back from me. Um. But it's it was just

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Speaker 1: kind of the outrage of it because my brothers. I

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Speaker 1: was doing stuff and not getting paid for it, but

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Speaker 1: my brothers would get paid if they would do the

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Speaker 1: same thing. It's right. Um. Women are also more likely

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Speaker 1: to be impoverished when they retire. And then we've talked

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Speaker 1: about all kinds of things that impact women's finances more

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Speaker 1: than men's, like UM, caring for elderly or sickly parents, UM,

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Speaker 1: child care. In general, divorce impacts women's finances more than men's.

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Speaker 1: One study found that a woman's household income drops by

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Speaker 1: after a divorce and after being widowed, compared to around

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Speaker 1: two for men. And then another study i I found

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Speaker 1: said that in the United States, compared with the average

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Speaker 1: single dude, the average single ladies network is three times smaller.

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Speaker 1: That's significant and all of this is a huge part

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Speaker 1: of the conversation when we're talking about feminism, because yeah,

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Speaker 1: it just impacts everything. It impacts your your ability to

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Speaker 1: move freely in the world, start a company, whatever it

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Speaker 1: might be. Um, so we thought we would bring in

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Speaker 1: an expert today. UM, I believe as you hear this,

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Speaker 1: it is the new year, the new decades. Happy new year, yes,

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Speaker 1: so what better time than to talk about money? Right,

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Speaker 1: hopefully it's less of a you know, stress sorry dumpster

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Speaker 1: here o, Happy new year. Wow. We really don't have

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Speaker 1: high hopes for joining in. I do have high house

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Speaker 1: because twenty nineteen was so horrible. Okay, yeah, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: it won't be as much of a dumpster fires here

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Speaker 1: is hoping. But to start out the year and hopefully

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Speaker 1: better year, we have an expert to talk about finances.

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Speaker 1: So let's go ahead and get into our interview. So

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Speaker 1: my name is Caroline Snider. I'm a financial coach and

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Speaker 1: I work primarily with entrepreneurs and freelancers. Um, but really

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Speaker 1: it was kind of a wide range of people. I

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Speaker 1: say that I'm a financial coach for feminists, and the

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Speaker 1: reason I say that is mostly to make sure that

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Speaker 1: certain people don't reach up to me and ask for

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Speaker 1: help who I don't want to work with. It has

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Speaker 1: been a very good tactic. Um. And unlike a kind

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Speaker 1: of traditional financial advisor, I don't do any asset management

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Speaker 1: so not controlling anybody's money. Um and people only work

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Speaker 1: with me for a limited period of time. So I

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Speaker 1: work with people to help them gain the skills, knowledge,

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Speaker 1: and competence they need to reach their specific financial goals.

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Speaker 1: And that could be something that takes three months of

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Speaker 1: working together or six months or nine months, but whatever

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Speaker 1: that time period is, it's based on those goals. And

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Speaker 1: when we're done, we're done. And what led you to

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Speaker 1: this career? Yeah, so very round about. I really hated money, finance,

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Speaker 1: mass business, kind of the whole shebang for most of

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Speaker 1: my life. UM So. I started out my career as

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Speaker 1: a social studies high school teacher. And while teaching, I had,

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Speaker 1: i'll say, the opportunity because I think of it is

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Speaker 1: that now, but I didn't at the time, um, to

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Speaker 1: teach financial literacy to teenagers. And at the time, I

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Speaker 1: was very much in credit card debt um terrified to

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Speaker 1: look at my bank accounts, would cry a lot when

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Speaker 1: it came to jack time every year because I was

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Speaker 1: just so confused and overwhelmed. UM. So not exactly like

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Speaker 1: poster child for who should be teaching anybody else anything

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Speaker 1: about money? But through that experience I realized one that

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Speaker 1: it's not as hard as I thought it was, um

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Speaker 1: and too if I'm looking at it from a perspective

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Speaker 1: of an educator. Then all of a sudden, a lot

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Speaker 1: of things started falling into place. Um and when I

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Speaker 1: had been looking at it in the past as uh,

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Speaker 1: just kind of like a cut and dry this is

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Speaker 1: what you're supposed to do or not supposed to do,

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Speaker 1: and this is how math works. Those things weren't falling

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Speaker 1: into place for me. It doesn't make sense, there was

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Speaker 1: no connection or had worked. So after teaching financial literacy

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Speaker 1: for a little while, I ended up deciding to leave

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Speaker 1: the classroom, go back to grad school get my m

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Speaker 1: b A. And then I worked in traditional financial advising

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Speaker 1: so A management and UM benefits consulting for a while

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Speaker 1: before starting my own coaching business. And I think about

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Speaker 1: coaching now, is this incredible marriage between education or I'm

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Speaker 1: very much still a teacher and helping people gain the

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Speaker 1: knowledge they need in this kind of taboo area of

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Speaker 1: the world, which is money. Um and I love taboos,

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Speaker 1: so do we. I know that's one reason I was

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Speaker 1: very excited to be here today. Yes, and we're excited

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Speaker 1: to have you. We found when we were researching this

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Speaker 1: before we got started. We found one survey that UH

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Speaker 1: found that six women would rather talk about dying than

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Speaker 1: talk about money. Why do you think that is? Why

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Speaker 1: do you think we're so nervous when it comes to

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Speaker 1: talking about money? Totally? Well, so, I think there's a

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Speaker 1: couple of things that are happening all one one we

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Speaker 1: are very much taught to not talk about it. So UM.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I work on with clients a

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Speaker 1: lot is is there money narratives, their own personal money narratives,

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Speaker 1: like why you think the way you think about money,

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Speaker 1: and then how do we modify those to make them

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Speaker 1: be more healthy and helpful for you in this part

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Speaker 1: of your life. And one of my own personal money narratives,

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Speaker 1: UM came from just being shut down a ton as

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Speaker 1: a kid anytime I asked questions about money. So there's

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Speaker 1: one very specific memory of asking my dad how much

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Speaker 1: she made and he yelled at me UM, And like

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Speaker 1: that was a moment where I was like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: is a completely off topic conversation, even amongst family, even

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Speaker 1: amongst like loved ones and people who it's okay to

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Speaker 1: talk about other things and ask questions about UM. And

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Speaker 1: that's really common, Like that experience that I had is

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Speaker 1: not special in any way, So we societally and often

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Speaker 1: in our um families are taught to not talk about it.

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Speaker 1: That's that's part of it. We are not taught any

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Speaker 1: basic knowledge in schools. So as of I think it

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Speaker 1: was two thousand eighteen, might be two thousands seventeen, but

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure she was an eighteen. There are only

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Speaker 1: seventeen states that require finance hill literacy as part of

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Speaker 1: the court um and actually I was teaching it in

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Speaker 1: Louisiana and they got rid of that wall I was

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Speaker 1: teaching the State of Louisiana removed that as part of

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Speaker 1: the curriculum UM and seventeen is the highest has ever been.

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Speaker 1: So if you're currently in school in one of those states,

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Speaker 1: you might be getting a little bit of the knowledge,

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Speaker 1: but there's no way for us to know, like, what

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Speaker 1: does that actually look like? Is it someone like me

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Speaker 1: who's in a bunch of credit card debt and doesn't

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Speaker 1: know what's going on teaching you financial literacy, because that's

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Speaker 1: not going to be as good as someone who actually

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Speaker 1: knows what they're doing. UM, And we don't know how

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Speaker 1: long it is, right, it might be like a week long,

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Speaker 1: and you might be learning how to write a check,

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Speaker 1: which is not terribly helpful information. So humans just naturally

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Speaker 1: are uncomfortable talking about things that we don't feel that

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Speaker 1: we're good at, especially when we're told simultaneously that it's

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Speaker 1: something that you should just be implicitly no because you're

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Speaker 1: an adult, so you know, I think about like hashtag

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Speaker 1: adulting um. Money is part of what we're just expected

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Speaker 1: to be good at and maneuvering in society. We're expected

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Speaker 1: to know how to handle it, even though we're given

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Speaker 1: no resources and told to not ask questions about it.

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Speaker 1: So it makes sense that we don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about it. It's scary and we feel dune, when in

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Speaker 1: fact it's okay, like if third makes no sense for

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Speaker 1: us to have known this stuff before you ask questions. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and I feel I'm actually really fortunate because I've I've

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Speaker 1: grown up with friends who were very open about money, UM,

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Speaker 1: and I'm learning now that that was I was very

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Speaker 1: lucky um and it's pretty rare, but I do think

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Speaker 1: they're What I've experienced is either I'm afraid I'll get

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Speaker 1: judgment for making too little or too much, So that's

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Speaker 1: something i've had to face totally well, and if you

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Speaker 1: think about a workplace environment, so there are often rules

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Speaker 1: put in place by management and HR that says that

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Speaker 1: you cannot talk about how much you make with your colleagues.

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Speaker 1: So there's this institutional systems in place to keep us

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Speaker 1: from talking about it. Um, So then you have no idea, right,

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, am I killing it? And I not

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Speaker 1: able to handle my money well and I make so

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Speaker 1: much more than the other people around me, or am

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Speaker 1: I not making what they're making? And like you just

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Speaker 1: don't know and you're not allowed to ask, which is bonker. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it is ridiculous. So this might be a total long

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Speaker 1: shot if you if you don't have this information readily available,

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Speaker 1: then don't worry about it. But I was wondering if

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Speaker 1: you would give as a brief, very simple history of

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Speaker 1: women in finance and then sort of an overview of

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Speaker 1: where we are today. Yeah. Um, I won't have like

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Speaker 1: perfect dates for you, Okay, I did, um, although I

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Speaker 1: will say that I'm currently writing a book on this

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Speaker 1: will be perfect dates at um if I ever finished it.

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Speaker 1: Writing a book is a lot of process. I had

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Speaker 1: this like a moment a couple of years ago. I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I can just like knock that out

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Speaker 1: in like six months, completely completely insane. UM. So this

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Speaker 1: is actually true pretty much globally. There are exceptions to

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Speaker 1: this rule, but most societies are controlled by the men

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Speaker 1: in our lives, right, and that has been true historically.

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Speaker 1: So women have been systematically help um put in a

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Speaker 1: place where they're not able to gain power. And one

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Speaker 1: of the ways they're not able to gain power is

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Speaker 1: that they're not able to own property or um wheeled

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Speaker 1: money on their own right. And like that has just

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Speaker 1: been true for hundreds and hundreds of years. Uh. In

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Speaker 1: the United States, it wasn't until the seventies, and I

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Speaker 1: want to say at seventy eight, but I could be

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Speaker 1: wrong on that year that women were allowed to get

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Speaker 1: credit cards on their own. So until then they were not.

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Speaker 1: We were not able to get loan basically um to

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Speaker 1: then have money to do whatever we want to do

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Speaker 1: with it without having either a husband, father, brother co

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Speaker 1: signing onto that process. So if you think about that,

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Speaker 1: like that is not that long ago. That would be

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Speaker 1: my mother who would have had that experience. UM. And

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Speaker 1: if you're trying to make big changes in your life,

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Speaker 1: often you need access to capital, right, Like, if you

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Speaker 1: want to start a business, if you want to change careers,

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Speaker 1: if you want to move, most people don't have savings

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Speaker 1: set aside to be able to do that easily on

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Speaker 1: their own. Um. And most people don't have kind of

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Speaker 1: family money or outside help to be able to do

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Speaker 1: that easily on their own. Obviously their exceptions to both

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Speaker 1: of those things. Um. And that's where credit becomes really powerful.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying like credit card debt is a great thing,

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Speaker 1: but being having access to credit gives you the ability

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Speaker 1: to make changes in your life and that really didn't

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Speaker 1: happen until the late seventies for women in this country. UM.

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Speaker 1: At this point, the statistics are still pretty depressing. So

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Speaker 1: only percent. I'm just going to come throw out on

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Speaker 1: a couple of ones that I know off the top

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Speaker 1: of my head that make me angry, so you can

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Speaker 1: be angry with me. Only women's founders speak funding speak

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Speaker 1: outside funding, and of that only I think it's like

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Speaker 1: thirty actually received funding um, which ends up meaning that

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Speaker 1: women founders get about two of DC venture capital funding total.

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Speaker 1: So like that is a crazy tiny amount of the

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Speaker 1: tie that women today are able to access. And again,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, Accessing that money is not the end all

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Speaker 1: be all, but accessing that money means that you're able

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Speaker 1: to grow in a way that without that money you're

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Speaker 1: obviously not allowed to grow. UM. In the US, the

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Speaker 1: ownership of wealth has changed pretty radically. So it was

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Speaker 1: just a couple of years ago, I think it was

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Speaker 1: seen or eighteen when women now are control more than

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Speaker 1: half of the wealth in this country, which is exciting, UM.

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Speaker 1: But worldwide that's really different. So it's like seventy trillion

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Speaker 1: dollars of wealth something around that that women control versus

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Speaker 1: like a hundred and fifty trillions that men control. UM.

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Speaker 1: So clearly, while the US is about fifty fifty, that's

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Speaker 1: not true in other parts of the world, and in

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Speaker 1: some places it's almost nothing that women control. UM. And

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Speaker 1: I don't even think that like fifty fifty in the

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Speaker 1: US is it's just like a bare minimum, right. It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: there's also more women than men, so we should control

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Speaker 1: more of the wealth the men can control the men control,

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Speaker 1: Like just that's the mass that should be happening. UM.

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Speaker 1: And just because we're controlling more of the wealth doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that we're using that wealth UM to really further

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Speaker 1: causes that are important to women and impact women on

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Speaker 1: a day to day basis. Yeah, I also want to

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Speaker 1: ask a question other sad statistics. Well, I'm about asking

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Speaker 1: those sad questions. So here we go. Okay, if you

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Speaker 1: don't have the answer, that's fine to it. But I

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Speaker 1: know one of the things that is slowly being talked

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Speaker 1: about a little more and more as would talk about

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Speaker 1: UM when it comes to domestic violence and abuse in situations, Oftentimes,

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Speaker 1: finances is one of the main reasons that women remain

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Speaker 1: with their partners or UM those who are in partnerships

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Speaker 1: because of that, and there's this control. UM. Can you

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Speaker 1: talk a little bit about what you've seen with changes

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Speaker 1: that need to be made, even like the conversation of

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Speaker 1: what we need to have in realizing this is a

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Speaker 1: form of abuse. Yeah, I actually think that's a really

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Speaker 1: good link back to what I was saying about access

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Speaker 1: to credit UM, so in abusive partnerships, even if technically

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Speaker 1: you were allowed as a woman to get a credit

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Speaker 1: card on your own, it doesn't mean that you will

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Speaker 1: be able to do that UM or have a big

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Speaker 1: account on your own that isn't linked to your husband. UM.

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Speaker 1: The one one thing I think about in the abs.

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Speaker 1: This is a little tangentile, and I'll come back to

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Speaker 1: what your actual question was. But if you have um

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Speaker 1: like spending power on a credit card that's in somebody

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Speaker 1: else's name. So let's say like I had a credit

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Speaker 1: card and I add my husband to that credit card,

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Speaker 1: I can see everything that he buys if he logs,

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Speaker 1: he has to log on it with my log in

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Speaker 1: to see anything, like it doesn't go on too his

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Speaker 1: log in, even if it's through a bank that we

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Speaker 1: both have UM. And So if you're in an abusive

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Speaker 1: relationship and the way you have access to money is

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Speaker 1: all linked to your partner, then that person is going

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Speaker 1: to be able to see and control everything that you

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Speaker 1: do with finances UM and you won't be able to

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Speaker 1: see it separately. So like you can't see what they're doing,

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Speaker 1: they can see what you're doing. So that puts anyone

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Speaker 1: in that situation at a disadvantage because now we're talking

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Speaker 1: about it can't be done electronically because the partner is

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Speaker 1: controlling all of the money UM. So you have to

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Speaker 1: be able to kind of stock away actual cash to

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Speaker 1: be able to leave that relationship in a way that

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Speaker 1: feels safe, right, like money is power, money is safety. UM.

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Speaker 1: So you have to have money to be able to

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Speaker 1: get out of that or have access to other people

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Speaker 1: who have money who are going to be able to

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Speaker 1: help you and protect you. Um. And in this current society, like,

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Speaker 1: do either of you ever have cash on you? I mean,

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Speaker 1: like I like I have a a financial coach. I

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Speaker 1: live in l A, which actually in a place where

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Speaker 1: like cash is kind of helpful because parking is stupid

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Speaker 1: and you have to valet regularly, which is very annoying. Um.

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Speaker 1: I could go on a ten minutes rants about that,

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Speaker 1: but like I don't ever have cash. Like when I

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Speaker 1: have cash, it's because I split a check with someone

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Speaker 1: and they randomly had cash and I decided to pay

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Speaker 1: for and they paid me back in cash. UM. So

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Speaker 1: actual cash is hard to get and so it becomes

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Speaker 1: really important that people are able to have their own

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Speaker 1: independent control of their money. UM. I think your question

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Speaker 1: is like what do we do about those that? Right,

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Speaker 1: it's just kind of like what you see and the

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Speaker 1: changes that we can be making where we can focus

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Speaker 1: on and trying to bring awareness to that as being

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Speaker 1: a type of abuse. Yeah, so I think it starts.

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Speaker 1: There's kind of two things that I have in my

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Speaker 1: head going simultaneously based on that question. So one is like,

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Speaker 1: how do we prepare women to be able to control

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Speaker 1: their own money and use money to get out of

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Speaker 1: situations that are abusive? Um? And that starts at an

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Speaker 1: early age, That starts in family homes, having conversations, that

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Speaker 1: starts in schools. And I'm a huge proponent every single

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Speaker 1: person needs to learn financial literacy in schools. And it

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Speaker 1: cannot just be learning how to write a check because

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Speaker 1: that is not helpful. UM. So that's part of the

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Speaker 1: piece of the puzzles, like we have to be empowered

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Speaker 1: from the young age to be able to use money

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Speaker 1: in a way that lets us get out of situations

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Speaker 1: um the we don't want to and should not be

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Speaker 1: in the other piece of the puzzle is actually having

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00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 1: the conversations that we're having right now and recognizing that

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Speaker 1: as a form of abuse. So knowing that this is

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Speaker 1: part of the problem is important because it's not actually

340
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Speaker 1: a conversation that we have a lot of the time,

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Speaker 1: like how often have I heard this and just like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know you're being abused, Like then they should get

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Speaker 1: out of it. And that is just really simplifying a

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Speaker 1: very complicated problem. Um. And not only is there an

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Speaker 1: emotional aspect of that that makes it really hard to

346
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Speaker 1: get out of an abusive relationship, but there's actually legit logistics.

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Speaker 1: So I'm not an expert in this area, and I'm

348
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Speaker 1: not going to pretend to be an expert in this area,

349
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Speaker 1: but legislatively, there needs to be ways to make sure

350
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Speaker 1: that women who are leaving abusive relationships have access to

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Speaker 1: money to be able to stay out of those that relationship.

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Speaker 1: Because I don't know the statistics off the top of

353
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Speaker 1: my head, but I know that many times when women leaves,

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Speaker 1: they end up back in the same situation again, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of times that's because they don't have access

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Speaker 1: to the money that can help them stay out of

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Speaker 1: bad relationships. And you add like kids in there, and

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Speaker 1: things get real, real complicated. Yes, absolutely, And that's something

359
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Speaker 1: I've seen on maybe a not as high stakes scale,

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Speaker 1: I guess, but I as I've gotten older, a lot

361
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Speaker 1: of my friends, UM, their moms have stayed in relationships

362
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Speaker 1: they wanted to leave because in this in this relationship,

363
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Speaker 1: these relationships and thinking of the father, the dad, UM

364
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Speaker 1: had control of all the money and they felt there

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Speaker 1: was no way for them to leave. And as you say,

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Speaker 1: in the seventies that's when our parents generation, my parents generation,

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Speaker 1: my mom could get a credit card, could get loan.

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Speaker 1: So it's like heartbreaking well and thinking this, my parents

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Speaker 1: situation was not abusive and they are you know, a

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Speaker 1: good team together. However, when it comes down to it,

371
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Speaker 1: my mother was very young when they got married, got

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Speaker 1: pregnant very young, and so she I don't think she

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Speaker 1: ever had a full time job ever, um. And part

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Speaker 1: of that is because she also wanted to stay home

375
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Speaker 1: with children. But that means she also had no experience

376
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Speaker 1: to get money. And but she with all of that.

377
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Speaker 1: My dad was a great provider at all of that.

378
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Speaker 1: But he was definitely that very much stereotype of head

379
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Speaker 1: of the household. He maintains all of this, He brings

380
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Speaker 1: in all the money and you just figure out how

381
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Speaker 1: to maintain the home. Um. And so if something had

382
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Speaker 1: gone wrong, my mother would have been in a lot

383
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Speaker 1: of a lot of situations, like a big situation of

384
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Speaker 1: what do I do? Because of course, as you have

385
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,399
Speaker 1: said earlier, mania times they also have the young ones

386
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Speaker 1: or children that they have to take care of, and

387
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: they are responsible for and a lot of that, especially

388
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Speaker 1: if it is a an emergency situation, they have to

389
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 1: leave all those different things and they're not going to

390
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 1: get money immediately from the partner to support the kids.

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Speaker 1: That's one more way of controlling that situation if that

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Speaker 1: is the case. And again, like I said, my parents

393
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Speaker 1: were not in a situation, thank goodness. But the fact

394
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: of the matter is it would have been a giant

395
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Speaker 1: nightmare and a cycle as we see all the time

396
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Speaker 1: for her to come back because she could not do

397
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 1: it on her own. And I think that's a big

398
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: conversation that we you know, we've all talked about. But

399
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: well now we've both women in the industry or um,

400
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 1: those of us in the industry that have seen it

401
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: or have looked at it, know that this is one

402
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 1: of the biggest problematic issues that's not being addressed as

403
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 1: an underlying issue and as like a way of controlling

404
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,439
Speaker 1: the situation. UM. So it's the Violence Against Women Act,

405
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: which I should have already known, UM, which was slowly

406
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: dismantled during this administration. And because they are starting to

407
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: talk about are about, oh, you know, it's just a

408
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: family issue, we don't need to control that whatever. But

409
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: it was there to protect things like this in order

410
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 1: to be able to call this abuse because oftentimes it's

411
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: just seen as a problem, a financial problem, and it's

412
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 1: individual and not as a group or a setting or

413
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 1: a family setting. And it protected those who are victims.

414
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 1: And now it's kind of been dismissed and is kind

415
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 1: of going back to well, it's his money, it's their money,

416
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: so you really can't ask for it if you were

417
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: the one that left, which is a whole big contention

418
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: of so how do we prevent this? Now that at

419
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: one point it was acknowledged that this is an abusive

420
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 1: power and and uh in a manipulation that is abusive

421
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 1: to this person and violating their their rights. Now it's

422
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,960
Speaker 1: kind of gone back away, and it's kind of that

423
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: conversation of Okay, how do we fix this, how do

424
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 1: we look at this, how do we have this larger

425
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: conversation about why things like this is important? Yeah, well,

426
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 1: and I think this is a very important conversation to

427
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: have from um with any partnership when you're dealing with money.

428
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: So I have a couple of clients all the time

429
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: who are trying to figure out, like, do we combine everything,

430
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 1: do we keep things separate? Do we keep something separate?

431
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 1: We combine like in this way or in this way,

432
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: and it gets really complicated. And the truth of matter

433
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 1: is often the easiest thing is just to combine everything,

434
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: but that is not always the right move and it's

435
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 1: not always the wrong move either to be totally transparent,

436
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,679
Speaker 1: Like everything for my husband and I is combined. I'm

437
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: also a financial coach and definitely the one dealing with

438
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: the finances regularly in our family, and like that's what

439
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: works best for us, um, but it doesn't work best

440
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: for everybody. And I think if you've either experienced manipulation

441
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 1: or abuse them in some way, UM, or you just

442
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: want to make sure you're really maintaining your autonomy and

443
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 1: that you're not sure how to protect yourself. Making sure

444
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: that some of your finances are separate is a way

445
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: to do that, UM and the way each person should

446
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: do that. It's gonna look a little different, right so

447
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 1: along that, what would you say are some things to

448
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: consider when you're coming into a partnership, whether it's marriage,

449
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: or whether it's living together, whether it's buying a house together.

450
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: What are some advice or some things that you would

451
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: say to look out for or pay attention to in

452
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: the process of making a decision to whether or not

453
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: you're going to combine or keep it separate, or how

454
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: to even do it. Yeah. Yeah, so step one is

455
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 1: really having a conversation about what is happening for real.

456
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: So a lot of many use like romantic couples in general,

457
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 1: A lot of romantic couples. I wish I had a

458
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: statistic on this. There's probably some terrible not accurate like buzzfeeds,

459
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: but um, a lot of compoles. Just anecdotally, I will say, like,

460
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: I don't know what each other's financial reality looks like.

461
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: So maybe they know how much each other makes, maybe

462
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: they don't, um, but often people don't know how much

463
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: debt we're in, Like, don't know what credit score you have,

464
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 1: don't know if there's you know, retirement savings, other investments,

465
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: family money, like all of those things need to be

466
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: talked about so that you are coming into the relationship

467
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: or the next phase of that relationship in a really

468
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: transparent and trustful way. Um. You know, like getting married

469
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: and then finding out that your partner has a hundred

470
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: thousand dollars of credit card debt. That's pretty rough. You

471
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: want to know that first. I'm not saying you don't

472
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: marry the person necessarily, but having that knowledge is really

473
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: important to be able to go into the next phase. UM.

474
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: So that's step one. Step two is doing some really

475
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: personal thinking and reflecting. I am a big proponent of

476
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 1: journaling when it comes to this kind of money. Work

477
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: on what's going to make you feel best? So is

478
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: combining everything going to make you feel good? Like why

479
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 1: or why not? Is keeping something separate going to make

480
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 1: you feel best? Like? What are those things then going

481
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: to be? Do you want to keep everything separate? Um?

482
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: And then just be aware that there's if it's the

483
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: legal partnership. So if you get married, um, even if

484
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: you have everything exept like that's what feels best to you,

485
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: kudos to you if that's what it is. Um, Legally,

486
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: it may not be able to stay that way. So

487
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: uh um. In many states we have what's called community property,

488
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: and uh. Community property means that whatever I own, my

489
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: partner owns, and vice versa. Fifty fifty um. So even

490
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: if you keep things really separately, just like fy I,

491
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: you may not actually be separate. It might still be

492
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: fifty fifty um. And that's when you know for some people,

493
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: like prenuptials makes sense, or having a will that's really

494
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: clear with separate money makes sense, whatever that needs to

495
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: be for you. But doing the reflecting on your own

496
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 1: before having that conversation with your partner is really important,

497
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: so that you can walk into the conversation with your

498
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 1: partner knowing like what your lines are, so saying like

499
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: maybe if I want to at minimum have a separate

500
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: checking account that I'm a to keep that has nothing

501
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: to do with you, and I put money into every

502
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 1: single time I get paid, or maybe that's like where

503
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: my money comes when I get paid, and then I

504
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: put money into a joint account. From there, we have

505
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: some more of our discussion around money, but first we

506
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: have a quick break for a word from our sponsor,

507
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: and we're back. Thank you sponsor. Let's get back into it.

508
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: I did find a lot of studies showing that couples

509
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: who have regular conversations about finances are happier. And I

510
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 1: also learned about financial infidelity, which I knew was a thing,

511
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 1: but I didn't know the term. This is secrecy or

512
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: dishonesty about money, basically lying or hiding something. It could

513
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: be debt or you're sifing off money, lying about how

514
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 1: much you make, paying for a secret family, having a

515
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 1: secret credit card. That would be an infidelity. But it's

516
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: that over multiple multiple of the respondents in the in

517
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: the married couples of this survey, admitted to lying or

518
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 1: hiding something about money. I thought was pretty shocked. Is

519
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: hiding the same thing as like not telling? I think

520
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: that was lying about it, well, hiding. I mean maybe

521
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: maybe you're you're just not up front about how much

522
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: you make, and you let them believe you make a

523
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: lot less then than you do. It doesn't have to

524
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 1: be outright lying. I think hiding implies that your manipulating. Yeah. Yeah,

525
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: But I think that word shame is really important because

526
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: we're that comes from someplace, right. So um. I regularly

527
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: have clients where like, I'm ashamed in to tell my

528
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: partner how much I spent on x um in whatever

529
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 1: that X is. It's often like a category of spending

530
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: that for some reason they feel really guilty about. Uh.

531
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: So often I just clothing and personal care come up

532
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: a lot in those kind of guilty areas, And I

533
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 1: think often those things that we feel shame around are

534
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: the things that we've been taught our fellow lists or

535
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:33,399
Speaker 1: like bad to send money on my personal belief And

536
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: I think this is what we would make everyone so

537
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: much happier in life, is that we just like get

538
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: rid of all of the guilt around all of this,

539
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: all the reasons like this category is bad or not

540
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: bad and instead of what do you actually want? What

541
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: are your values? What's most important to you? If getting

542
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: a weekly massage is what brings you just boodles of joy,

543
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 1: that is a good I stopped myself from swearing there,

544
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: then why is that a bad thing? You're weekly massage?

545
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 1: That's cool as long as you can afford it and

546
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: aren't going into debt because of your weekly massaged and

547
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:19,959
Speaker 1: like that's great and it's not. Yeah, yeah, that's really

548
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: funny because it brings me back to so on one

549
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: of my credit cards my mom still has, she's like

550
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: the power person in it, so she can see what

551
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: you do. Yes, And I've tried to change it, and

552
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: of course it's never worked, but I didn't know she

553
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: was still getting like this to change it. She does, yeah,

554
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: and she's still getting the statement. And randomly she asked me, so,

555
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: why do you order so much food at three? Oh? No, Mom,

556
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 1: I'm a city girl living a city life. You can

557
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,919
Speaker 1: see the exact time too. She just doesn't just get

558
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: the statement, wow, that's the whole level. I'm pretty sure

559
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 1: when you order food after a certain time, it's marketed

560
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 1: in a specific way. So late night order, well, that's

561
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: a shame fact right there. Let me order what I

562
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 1: want to that's right, that's right. So a good point

563
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: that it's not always romantic partners' yes, familial as well.

564
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 1: I definitely had a moment when of reckoning when I

565
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: learned she had for years been able to see what

566
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: I was buying, a mechanic of oh no, oh no,

567
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: that's pretty funny. You know. One of the things that

568
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 1: I've recently seen a lot more of, or I think

569
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: the conversation is coming out a lot more of um,

570
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: is literally having businesses shame people in order to manipulate

571
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: what people are being paid and act as if you're

572
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: getting way more than others. So don't you dare tell,

573
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 1: because you're going to make yourself look bad. And then

574
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: when you start really having competition, you realize you're all

575
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,240
Speaker 1: making the same. They just don't want you to ask.

576
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: Sure and more, I feel like for women, especially it's like,

577
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,240
Speaker 1: especially a woman who is maybe climbing the ladder slowly

578
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: being really shamed too. Well, you know you're you're getting

579
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 1: this much. Not everybody's getting that. Why do you think

580
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: it's such a big part of Well, First of all,

581
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: I think that carries into our own shame factor in

582
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: working talking with what that coworkers not want to say

583
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: out loud just in case we're going to shame them

584
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: or make them feel bad, which I like to make

585
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:26,839
Speaker 1: people feel guilty. And I'm like, I'm a social work.

586
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: I make nothing, buy me stuff. But that's a whole

587
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 1: different level. That's just a whole other level of shame

588
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: from me. But what do you think that is the

589
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: reasoning and why do you how do you think that

590
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 1: may affect or does it affect women more than others?

591
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: I think it totally affects women more. Um, I'm just

592
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 1: going to speak without any research or data to back

593
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: myself up right now that I'm right. I think that

594
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: narrative of being told like don't tell you're doing so

595
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: much better than other people and you don't want people

596
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: to feel bad, do you. Um, it's hooper manipulative and

597
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 1: the people who are doing that know what they're doing, right,

598
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 1: Like they know what other people are getting paid, and

599
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: they know what you're getting paid, and they're doing that

600
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 1: to cover their own boots and to kind of protect

601
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 1: the narrative that that company is UM it has for

602
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: its UM what like employee welfare or culture right like

603
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 1: whatever that narrative is the reason why there's that manipulation

604
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: going is to protect the company and not to protect

605
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: you as a person. UM. Women. The reason why I say,

606
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 1: like I'm confident that this impacts women more than men

607
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: is that women are societally, at least in the US, UM,

608
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 1: in most places, are taught that it's really important and

609
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 1: our roles to make sure that other people around us

610
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: feel happy and secure and safe. UM. You know we

611
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: talked about like people pleasers. We're not just like born

612
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 1: people pleasers. Were taught how to be people pleasers from

613
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: a really young age. UM. And that's done systematically in

614
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: schools and by your parents, so UM and other adults

615
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: in our lives. So when it happens from a company perspective,

616
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: like the company has kind of being like parental and

617
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: that situation telling woman child in this situation like don't

618
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: rock the boats and people listen unfortunately. Um. And there's

619
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 1: a real fear of reprisal too, because if the company

620
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: has an actual, um kind of like rule in place

621
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: where you're not allowed to talk about it, and then

622
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: you do talk about it, there could be repercussion for you,

623
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: and that's scary. Yeah. Yeah, we did an episode on

624
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: paid transparency a while back and it calls quite the

625
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 1: kerfuffle and they let it go up. But it was

626
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: one of the few times where they've actually intervened in

627
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: an episode topic that I did. Yeah, um, yeah, they

628
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: it was a very subtle intervention, but I knew it

629
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: was happening. One thing I was wondering if through through

630
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 1: your work, if you've witnessed differences in how men and

631
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: women handle money are maybe just how they're expected to

632
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: handle money, or or just stereotypes that really impact women

633
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: when it comes to money. Totally, So transparency, I worked

634
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: with very few men so I worked with are usually

635
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: usually in a heterosexual couple, and I'm working with the couple,

636
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: and in those situations, never has been the man who

637
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:10,280
Speaker 1: has thought me out, and it's always been the woman. Um.

638
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: So you know, since from a professional standpoint, I'm not

639
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: doing a whole lot of comparing because I'm mostly just

640
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:22,959
Speaker 1: one group. Um, so you know, just keep that in mind.

641
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 1: But the expectations that we put on women I see

642
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 1: all of the time. So there's kind of two that

643
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: I think come out the most frequently. One is like

644
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: you're bad at money, um, and you're supposed to be

645
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 1: bad at money because you're a woman. And the other

646
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: thing is like you as a woman, and this is

647
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: especially true with women who have long term romantic partnerships um,

648
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 1: and even more true if you have children. Women are

649
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 1: supposed to be in control all of the house along

650
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,840
Speaker 1: with everything else. And so therefore, like if the money

651
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: and the family is not going well for whatever reason,

652
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: then that's your fault. So those two narratives together make

653
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: no sense, right, Like you should be controlling the household

654
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: and doing a really good job of it, and so

655
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: therefore you should somehow be very good at money. Simultaneously,

656
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: you're a woman, so you're bad at money. Um, that's

657
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,760
Speaker 1: the mind. Like I do not know how you're supposed

658
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:34,240
Speaker 1: to maneuver between those two narratives, um, and do that well,

659
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 1: and neither of them are healthy. So the way it

660
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: often comes out with those folks that I work for

661
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 1: or work for. I mean, I guess they do work for,

662
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 1: but work with. I don't think of it as work for.

663
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: Weird slip, I should think about that. Um. The folks

664
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 1: that I work with is that they're coming into the

665
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: conversation saying, like, I know that I need help, and

666
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: I know that this isn't working well, and I know

667
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff that I don't know, and

668
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: that's why I need you financial coach to work with

669
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: me collaboratively to get us to where I need to be. Um. However,

670
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 1: I also have always thought I'm bad at this, so

671
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 1: don't entirely believe that I'm ever going to be actually

672
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: good at it. And that is heartbreaking and something that

673
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 1: I completely understand because I felt that way for a

674
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 1: long time. It took a lot of school and education

675
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: and personal work and honestly a lot of therapy for

676
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: me to go to the point where I actually trusted

677
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,800
Speaker 1: that I was good with money. Um, even after years

678
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: of being good with money, and I still like to

679
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: be totally honest, like I still on my low days,

680
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: like I have a doubt where I'm like, maybe I'm

681
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: terrible at this, and like what am I talking about?

682
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 1: This is not true. Um, but those doubt they're really

683
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:07,760
Speaker 1: really ingrained, and it means that people often don't trust

684
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 1: what they're doing even when they're sure that it's the

685
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: right thing. So for example, like, um, you're working at

686
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: getting out of debt and you're following a plan for

687
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: how you're getting out of debt, Um, there's still maybe fear.

688
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 1: They're like, I'm not doing it right, or I couldn't

689
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 1: possibly keep up with this, or something's going to go

690
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: wrong and I'm going to mess it up. Uh, And

691
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 1: that narrative. I just don't think men get that in

692
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 1: the same way, like I don't think men are taught

693
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 1: as young boys to feel that way the way women are. Um. Yeah, yeah.

694
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: It reminds me of the my school. In elementary school,

695
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 1: we got to play and I was immediately cast this

696
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: the shopoholic and all of the little girls in the

697
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 1: play we're shopoholics who couldn't control their What a weird play.

698
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 1: It was weird. It was a local place Schoolholics elementary.

699
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 1: I had a lot of I was gonna say, it

700
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 1: wasn't just like Hey, I wrote a play and it

701
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: is by a fifteen year old girl or a fifteen

702
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 1: year old boy who says, mom, is this way or something?

703
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: Actually like the third role I ever had behind tree

704
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: number two, shopholic number one. So I proved up like

705
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: what I don't need? You didn't wait? Wait? Wait? Is

706
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: this just like your neighborhood girls got together? Yes, and

707
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 1: we decided we would all be shotolics. You did it

708
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: after the video of the board, Dave, didn't you mall madness? Madness? Oh?

709
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: I forgot about mall mad Look I'm that old I was.

710
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: It was a new thing and I was like, what

711
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 1: credit card? Oh my god, you know, Okay, that's just

712
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: me cool. I don't know about that. Fine, this is okay,

713
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 1: So you're yes. I was just saying that that that

714
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: kind of stereotype you're spending it on, like you were

715
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 1: saying frivolous things and you can't control you're spending. You

716
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: were bad. See. I grew up in a whole different

717
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 1: stereotype because my mother was the coupon queen and budgeted

718
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: not no other I will say. She was kind of

719
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: in charge and making sure all things were handled in

720
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 1: our house. Um. She may not have been the breadwinner,

721
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,919
Speaker 1: but she absolutely knew what was needed each month, had

722
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: those ready to go um, But yeah, I know she was.

723
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: Everything was either store brand, the off brand Laura Laura

724
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: was or and if it was ever a name brand,

725
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: it's because she had a coupon every time, every time.

726
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: And yeah, so for me asked what women did what

727
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 1: clip coupons? Which I did. I helped my mother do this,

728
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: by the way, and I had this satisfaction of cutting

729
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 1: it perfectly on the little dash dashes for it was um.

730
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: But I never use coupons myself, except for like Kroger

731
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 1: I have on my car does that you can up

732
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: that you can upload and I don't have to do

733
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: anything else for it. But my mother had a whole

734
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: system and that's a big thing today, Like I feel

735
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: like that you see a lot of women that's a

736
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: women thing coupon and that's what I've seen when you

737
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 1: totally do you now, I know you just said you

738
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: don't do the coupons, Like do you now feel pressure

739
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 1: to No? I feel weird about it to me, Like

740
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: I'm like no, i' because when you're correct, I was

741
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: one that didn't get a conversation of why it's important

742
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: to budget and what that looks like. It just it's

743
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 1: just that's how it was, and for me, I felt

744
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,280
Speaker 1: like I missed out, which is completely privileged conversation Asian.

745
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:02,439
Speaker 1: Um that I've missed out on a lot of things

746
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 1: because we were always cutting corners and trying to save

747
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 1: as much as possible. And again this has to everything

748
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 1: to do with the fact that my mom and dad

749
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: got made very young, had three children, and then had

750
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: foster kids, and then had me adopted me. So I

751
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: had a large family to provide for with one person

752
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: having the main job and neither one of them having

753
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 1: anything more than a g D or a high school diploma.

754
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: So very very that kind of level. So for me

755
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: growing up, I felt a little bitter that I didn't

756
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:35,280
Speaker 1: have the piano lessons or like the extracurricular activities or

757
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: I definitely wore the hand me downs, a lot of

758
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: hand me downs, um. And yeah, I didn't take the

759
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,479
Speaker 1: school lunch. I didn't take back lunch to school because

760
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: that was a privilege to you know, buying these cute

761
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 1: little snack packs, you know, that wasn't a thing. So

762
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: growing up after the fact, I kind of felt a

763
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: little RESTful. Yes, yeah, that was that was the privilege

764
00:48:56,320 --> 00:49:01,359
Speaker 1: to me. You know, the juice boxes I didn't have those. Yeah.

765
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 1: I remember being in the grocery store went with my

766
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: mom and like really wanting legibles, which disgusting, but my

767
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: mom was just like like absolutely not, Like you're going

768
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 1: to have your PBNJ that you have every single day

769
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: from kindergarten. Ye. Yeah, I know. I definitely got the

770
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,879
Speaker 1: dollar fifty money, yes, still on fifty to go buy

771
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,760
Speaker 1: my lunch, and I would save that. Sometimes I wouldn't

772
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: need lunch and just save it. In the week, I'd

773
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 1: buy a diet soda and something. At the end. I

774
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:34,840
Speaker 1: was so tricky, But yeah, that's definitely something that I

775
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 1: kind of grew up because I saw that, and I

776
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,800
Speaker 1: saw that as and again at comes into shame factor

777
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: of having to do all of that, which was brilliant

778
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: on my parents part um. For me, it was like

779
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 1: a shameful thing. Ye yeah, and able to provide as

780
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 1: much as they did for us, and definitely healthy. I

781
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 1: was definitely healthy, good um. But coming back like later,

782
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 1: felt that shame and saw that as being a lower

783
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,399
Speaker 1: class way of living, poor people living, I guess, and

784
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: I felt like I shouldn't do that. And that's still

785
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 1: of course. Part of part of that is also I'm

786
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 1: very lax and lazy when it comes to coupon ing,

787
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna go for whatever's easiest at that

788
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: point time. Don't get me wrong, I love a good deal.

789
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: I love good deal, but at the same time, I

790
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,320
Speaker 1: don't seek it out like my mother. I absolutely would

791
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,320
Speaker 1: And yeah, I had everything to do with a shameful

792
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 1: need for me to prove that I'm okay, I can

793
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 1: do these things, I can afford this. Yeah, yeah, I

794
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 1: guess that kind of is a good segue into Um.

795
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: One of the questions we wanted to ask, which is

796
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: a huge thing for this show and for feminism, is intersectionality.

797
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: And you've talked about how privilege and background and family

798
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 1: dynamics and all sorts of things influence our relationships with money.

799
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: Is that something you can expound on. Yeah, so I

800
00:50:55,239 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 1: talked about this a lot. Um. The more financially privileged

801
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: you are, the less people you often feel like you

802
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: need to understand money, Um, just because you just have it.

803
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:18,320
Speaker 1: It's just like appears right, um, And I think exactly

804
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 1: what you were just talking about, Like the when you

805
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 1: aren't coming from a place of privilege, it feels important

806
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,239
Speaker 1: to understand it. But then there's this added we talked

807
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 1: about Shane, which I think is important part of it.

808
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: But there's also this added like expectation that you're going

809
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:38,279
Speaker 1: to be able to do all of the things with

810
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 1: a very limited income, which is impossible, right, Like, we

811
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: live in a society that's very capitalist and very materialistic. Um.

812
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 1: I feel like, particularly I used to live in I

813
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 1: lived in New Orleans for about fifteen years and then

814
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: moved l a couple of years ago. I'm like, Wow,

815
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 1: the way people decide to spend money here is different.

816
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 1: In New Orleans. It's all about like alcohol and costumes. Yeah,

817
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: in the l A. Um, it's just a lot of everything,

818
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: to be totally honest. So I feel like I just

819
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 1: totally derailed my own thought process in saying that. But

820
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: privilege is inevitably part of a conversation about money, and

821
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 1: if we pretend like it's not, then we're not doing

822
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 1: ourselves or the topic of money or the topic of

823
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: privilege justice. Um, if you come from privilege, understanding that

824
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 1: not everyone just has these things that happened, UM, is

825
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 1: really important and powerful to be able to talk about.

826
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: So I talked about this pretty regularly. I'm very privileged UM,

827
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:02,440
Speaker 1: I don't have school debt. My parents paid for my school,

828
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 1: my high school, not my high school. I went to

829
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: public school, but the college and grad school. UM. I'm

830
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 1: a white woman, I'm straight. I have education that has

831
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 1: been able to get me to where I am today.

832
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:23,720
Speaker 1: I don't have any family help like i've My business

833
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 1: has been me bootstrapping my business to make it what

834
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: it is. Um. But the fact that I don't have

835
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 1: student loans means that I was able to take a

836
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 1: risk of starting a business and that I knew it

837
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 1: would be okay, right and very And the reason I

838
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 1: knew would be okay because I just didn't have all

839
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:47,359
Speaker 1: of those extra costs of having students debts. Um. I'd

840
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 1: also already gotten out of credit cards that by the

841
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 1: time I started my own business. But that is a

842
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: privilege that I have. In recognizing my own privilege is

843
00:53:57,719 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 1: really important for me to be able to do the

844
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: job as a financial coach, but also to be a

845
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 1: feminist and live in the world. UM. So recognizing our

846
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 1: own privilege, and then if you're not coming from a

847
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 1: place of privilege, to be able to get to a

848
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 1: place of privilege financially is going to take more but

849
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 1: it is so crucially important if we're going to get

850
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: anywhere in the world. Right Like, the whole idea of

851
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:32,760
Speaker 1: feminism is that there's equality, and right now there's not equality.

852
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:37,240
Speaker 1: And the reason I think that there is not equality

853
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:43,280
Speaker 1: is amongst people is that not everyone has access to power.

854
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: And the reason why not everyone has access to power

855
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 1: is because not everyone has access to money. And the

856
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 1: way we get access to money is through education and

857
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: knowledge and then strategic action. UM. And I think that

858
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 1: is one thing that is sore missing in the conversation

859
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 1: right now. We talk a lot about like legislative change,

860
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 1: we talk a lot about vernacular, we talk a lot

861
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: about um like actual equality with the law, but we

862
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: don't talk in within society and how we interact with

863
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 1: each other. But we don't talk about money. And the

864
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: truth of the matter is that you need money to

865
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,880
Speaker 1: get anywhere. I mean, like to think about how our

866
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: current administration has gotten where it has gotten, right Like,

867
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 1: the reason why Trump was elected is because of money

868
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: and his fame around money. Um. Even then ignore it. Yeah,

869
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: he's bad at it, like if you building, and which

870
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:56,880
Speaker 1: is also why the whole tax returns and all of that.

871
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 1: His papers as not us, but people are asking to

872
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 1: And that's such a huge fight because again, I mean,

873
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 1: not only is there, it's not what he it's not

874
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 1: what he's pouting himself to be right, for sure, but

875
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: can we talk to talk about the fact that there

876
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 1: are people who So I was just reading an article

877
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 1: yesterday in which Uh, an NFL star who won a

878
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 1: Super Bowl, was trying to invest his money, which he

879
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 1: has money, but actually a bank stopped him just because

880
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,280
Speaker 1: he was a big black man, essentially uh and saying

881
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: assuming that he can't he couldn't keep up with what

882
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: they were requirements were for in specific type of investment,

883
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 1: and they actually said that to him, and not only that,

884
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: not and it was more of a context of saying

885
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: that because the man he was talking to, I think

886
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: was a black employee and he was just trying to

887
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: be honest. He's like, hey, yeah, these people are racists.

888
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 1: We're you know, we as a company are not going

889
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:00,879
Speaker 1: to trust people of colors, specifically black people. And I'm

890
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,359
Speaker 1: just talking about, um, this being a black athlete who

891
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,240
Speaker 1: could afford it. You think about women women of color

892
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 1: who are working their butts all trying to provide for

893
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 1: whatever being told, even though you're trying, is still not enough,

894
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: and we don't trust you based on this color of

895
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 1: your of your skin, and because of the inherent racism

896
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 1: that will always remain seemingly um and hopefully that will

897
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 1: change one day, but can you talk a little about that.

898
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I don't know if you have

899
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 1: any experience or having conversations with people of what that

900
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 1: looks like and having the understanding of this is a thing,

901
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 1: this is an actual thing, and we need to acknowledge

902
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 1: this bias because it prevents people from living. As you said, yeah, no,

903
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 1: it's absolutely I mean, it's just the fact that, like

904
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 1: we could an anecdote after anecdote after anecdote, that is

905
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 1: happened daily, um, in all parts of this country. And

906
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 1: that is why I'm a big opponent of supporting the

907
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 1: businesses that support you. Right, So going to women owned businesses,

908
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 1: going to businesses owned by people of color, and making

909
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: sure that those are the places that you patron um.

910
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: That's are words that you patrona Yeah, okay, cool English,

911
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 1: the English language. Yeah, it's tough. So making sure that

912
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 1: this is what I call voting with your wallets, so

913
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 1: as you are gaining knowledge around money and control of

914
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 1: money and therefore having more money to be able to

915
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 1: use more wisely and more strategically, that we're furthering the

916
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:55,960
Speaker 1: cause of equality by making sure that the money is

917
00:58:56,000 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: not just going back into the hands of the oppressors. Right. So, like,

918
00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 1: I don't know what bank that was, but that's NFL

919
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 1: player went to, but that bank should not be gone to,

920
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: like they don't deserve his money. There are other institutions

921
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 1: who will be able to provide the same services and

922
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 1: do it in a way that doesn't involve racism. UM.

923
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 1: And sometimes those institutions are smaller, they're often more local.

924
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:31,880
Speaker 1: Sometimes they're not able to do quite as much as

925
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: the big I'm specifically thinking like the big banks of

926
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 1: the world. UM. But if we want progress to be made,

927
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 1: the only way those smaller organizations and companies are going

928
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:48,440
Speaker 1: to be able to get to the size where they're

929
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: doing everything that you want them to do is by

930
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: you investing in them as UM a customer and as

931
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 1: a client. And that's unfortunately, I think it's sacrifice that

932
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 1: we all collectively need to make. UM. Those we keep

933
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 1: putting money into the hands of the people who are

934
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 1: making sure that they keep the money away from everybody else. Then,

935
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 1: I mean, what what do we expect to happen? They're

936
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 1: gonna keep doing what they've always been doing, right, They've

937
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 1: really figured it out, right, So just out of I mean,

938
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 1: and again you may not be able to answer those

939
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: because it is a very specific question, um for a

940
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 1: black woman or a woman of color or um. And

941
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 1: I'll say this is and I specify black women because

942
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 1: we know obviously that there is a hierarchy and there's

943
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,160
Speaker 1: a level of racism within people of color as well,

944
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 1: and so that's automatically something that we need to acknowledge

945
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,200
Speaker 1: and move on. There is there as a level within

946
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 1: that community, and some are more ostracized than others. And

947
01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 1: I think black women are some of the most um

948
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: for secuted, essentially most discriminated again right, Um, So for

949
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 1: a woman who who is of who is black, who's

950
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 1: trying to create a bit or go for a loan

951
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 1: for a business, what would your advice to them be

952
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 1: and how to how to search for the best option

953
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 1: and trying to propel their business. So looking at um

954
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 1: financial institutions where you already have a relationship, and this

955
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 1: is true, I would say for black women and also,

956
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 1: just like people in general, this is good advice. So

957
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 1: if you're seeking alone, um, starting with financial institutions, so

958
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 1: you already have a good standing with So that may

959
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 1: be a bank that you've been with for a really

960
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 1: long time, it might be a credit union, whatever that places,

961
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 1: but that being your starting point um. Because even though

962
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:01,680
Speaker 1: there's a rubric, right, so every financial institution that is

963
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:04,440
Speaker 1: giving a loan uses some sort of rubric. They're not

964
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:06,400
Speaker 1: going to tell you what it is, but they're gonna say,

965
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:09,080
Speaker 1: like a dude, does this person meet all these requirements?

966
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: There's also a person who's actually doing that, and there's

967
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: gonna be biased that whether or not they know they're

968
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 1: bringing that bias to the table, they are bringing that

969
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 1: to the table um and we all do that all

970
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: of the time every day. So going into place where

971
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 1: you already have a relationship gives you a leg up

972
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 1: on being able to secure that loan. Um that step one.

973
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 1: If that place, for whatever reason, is not a good bit,

974
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 1: and it might just not be a good bit, not

975
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 1: because of who you are, but because they don't offer

976
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 1: what you're looking for. Then looking for things where you

977
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 1: are able to access capital, maybe in potentially in a

978
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 1: less like UM traditional way. And this is very annoying

979
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 1: to say this because this should not be the case.

980
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 1: But if you really feel like you've been you've looked,

981
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: you've tried to get loans, you've been denied UM, then

982
01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:13,479
Speaker 1: going with the last traditional route. So like Kiva dot

983
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 1: Org is an organization that does small business loans. They

984
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:23,800
Speaker 1: started out doing UM like micro lending in other countries,

985
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:27,240
Speaker 1: but now they do small business loans in the US.

986
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:30,439
Speaker 1: They would be a good one to be looking at UM.

987
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 1: There is like a crowdsource funding aspect to them, which

988
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,680
Speaker 1: can be a reason to not do it UM, but

989
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 1: looking at those less traditional sources to get a loan

990
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 1: so that you're able to use the capital that you

991
01:03:45,320 --> 01:03:49,760
Speaker 1: should be able to get UM. And just to kind

992
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:54,920
Speaker 1: of like plug financial coaches in general, and I guess

993
01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:59,280
Speaker 1: myself specifically to having an expert in your corner can

994
01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 1: make the world all the difference because often there are

995
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 1: some things that you can do financially before speaking out

996
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:09,720
Speaker 1: alone to make it much more likely that you're going

997
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 1: to get approved to that loan. And I don't really

998
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,400
Speaker 1: have like a blanket this is what you should do.

999
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:21,400
Speaker 1: It really depends on each individual person's financial reality UM

1000
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,920
Speaker 1: in situation, but there's often things you can do ahead

1001
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:29,120
Speaker 1: of time to make it work in your favor, be

1002
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:32,400
Speaker 1: more likely to look in your favor. And we have

1003
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 1: even more to say about finances, but first we have

1004
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:53,439
Speaker 1: one more quick break for word from responsor and we're back.

1005
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:58,440
Speaker 1: Thank you, sponsor. I was wondering since you've since you've started,

1006
01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:02,320
Speaker 1: as we we close up this decade, the most expensive

1007
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 1: times of the year and we're entering a new decade,

1008
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 1: are there any trends that you've observed or are things

1009
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 1: that you've witnessed. I thought you were gonna ask her

1010
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 1: if she had any investment investing put all my money

1011
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:27,480
Speaker 1: in Disney. I am not answering that one. Then we

1012
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 1: all got arrested. Yeah, like that's a great way to

1013
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 1: get in trouble. Yeah, they're so just to end, like,

1014
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 1: if we're ending the decade in a positive note, I

1015
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,840
Speaker 1: would feel like there's several things that are happening that

1016
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:47,080
Speaker 1: I am really exciting. It's exciting I'm really excited about

1017
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:54,960
Speaker 1: So there UM is a general push for companies that

1018
01:05:55,200 --> 01:06:00,120
Speaker 1: we interact with that we are customers of to be

1019
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:03,960
Speaker 1: UM supporting the values that we want them to support

1020
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 1: and that makes me really happy. So the fact that

1021
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 1: there are more companies who part of their mission is

1022
01:06:12,760 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 1: to do good in whatever way they want to do

1023
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 1: good in UM says a lot of good things to

1024
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 1: me about like where our economy is going, and the

1025
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:29,760
Speaker 1: fact that customers and the public are using the power

1026
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:34,800
Speaker 1: of their own purses UM to push the economy in

1027
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 1: a direction that we feel better about UM. So that

1028
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 1: makes me really happy, and I think that will continue

1029
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 1: to be the case. UM. I think that the several

1030
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:57,160
Speaker 1: just like social movements of the decade have helped us

1031
01:06:57,200 --> 01:07:00,200
Speaker 1: collectively talk about things that were uncomfortable talking about out

1032
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:05,000
Speaker 1: so like me too, has helped us talk about um A,

1033
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:09,600
Speaker 1: discrimination and sex and abuse in ways that collectively as

1034
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:12,720
Speaker 1: a society we've not ever been comfortable talking about before,

1035
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 1: and people are still uncomfortable with it. But like we're

1036
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:18,320
Speaker 1: moving the needle, and the more of those things are happening,

1037
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,240
Speaker 1: the more I see people are getting more and more

1038
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:24,480
Speaker 1: comfortable talking about money too. And it's not just blanket

1039
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:27,160
Speaker 1: across the board that everyone's comfortable about it yet, and

1040
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 1: I don't expect that to happen in the next decade either,

1041
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 1: But as we realize that conversations are key to moving

1042
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 1: the needle forward in any way. I think that's happening

1043
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 1: with money too, and that gives me a lot of

1044
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:50,480
Speaker 1: hope for the future. Um yeah, those two things are

1045
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:54,560
Speaker 1: the things that hold onto his hope and really like

1046
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:58,160
Speaker 1: the more. We haven't talked about this too much today,

1047
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 1: but we've talked a lot about like what we want collectively,

1048
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,520
Speaker 1: where we want the world to be going, and like

1049
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:11,120
Speaker 1: moving towards the place of the quality um Ideally, today

1050
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,520
Speaker 1: I feel like moving towards the place like so well,

1051
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:20,680
Speaker 1: but actually getting action. Um there. It starts with each individual.

1052
01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 1: So you as an individual understanding your money and being

1053
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:30,840
Speaker 1: able to reach your financial goals on your own, and

1054
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:35,200
Speaker 1: then that just snowballs. Like I think about, like as

1055
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 1: an individual, you're now competent and knowledgeable and what you

1056
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 1: want to do with money. You're then able to impact

1057
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:44,240
Speaker 1: the people around you by sharing that story and helping

1058
01:08:44,280 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 1: them get to where they want to go. And that

1059
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:50,519
Speaker 1: snowball effect is really real, and I think that is

1060
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:54,280
Speaker 1: what's going to tip the scales towards women not only

1061
01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 1: controlling over half of the wealth in this country, but

1062
01:08:57,720 --> 01:09:03,639
Speaker 1: also being able to control the power um, and large

1063
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:07,400
Speaker 1: institutions and the government and companies, and that's what's going

1064
01:09:07,479 --> 01:09:16,639
Speaker 1: to push equality in a much more quick and real way. Yeah,

1065
01:09:16,680 --> 01:09:20,000
Speaker 1: so I do have some resources. So one, anybody who

1066
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:25,080
Speaker 1: listens to the podcasts and wants to do financial coaching

1067
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:28,320
Speaker 1: with me gets ten percent off of a series of

1068
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:30,920
Speaker 1: financial coaching and that series is based on your goal.

1069
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:34,719
Speaker 1: So the number of that lead you together. So that's

1070
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:39,880
Speaker 1: step one. Thank you, m Yeah, so that it makes

1071
01:09:39,920 --> 01:09:44,479
Speaker 1: it a little more affordable, okay, esen And to you,

1072
01:09:44,600 --> 01:09:47,840
Speaker 1: why is the promo code for ten percent off? So

1073
01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:53,520
Speaker 1: that's that's definitely. UM. The other there's a couple of things.

1074
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:57,160
Speaker 1: If you are looking for something that is one free

1075
01:09:57,240 --> 01:10:00,599
Speaker 1: and self guided, I highly recommend what I call money

1076
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:05,320
Speaker 1: dates and money dates. Are you sitting inside time by yourself,

1077
01:10:05,360 --> 01:10:08,960
Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes is good? You can do more, that's great.

1078
01:10:09,560 --> 01:10:14,720
Speaker 1: But in this money date, going through your recent transactions,

1079
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:17,160
Speaker 1: making sure there's no fraud or something that looks wrong,

1080
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:23,320
Speaker 1: because that it is real. UM and sorry, I've been

1081
01:10:23,400 --> 01:10:28,040
Speaker 1: trying to be very good about yeah yeah, better than

1082
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:34,519
Speaker 1: I do. Okay, thank you great. UM. So that's step one.

1083
01:10:34,800 --> 01:10:38,240
Speaker 1: And then checking in on your financial goals. So first

1084
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,280
Speaker 1: creating those goals where do you want to go, creating

1085
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:43,280
Speaker 1: plans for how to get there, and if you need

1086
01:10:43,520 --> 01:10:46,439
Speaker 1: help figuring that out. I have some articles on my

1087
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:51,000
Speaker 1: UM the Verity Advising blog, Security Advising dot Com that's

1088
01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:55,599
Speaker 1: D E R d I Advising dot Com UM so

1089
01:10:55,840 --> 01:11:00,559
Speaker 1: money dates totally free, self guided, but they really help

1090
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 1: just getting you comfortable with dealing with money. So like

1091
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,519
Speaker 1: setting aside a time once a week, once every other

1092
01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:12,760
Speaker 1: week to just look at the account, it does help. UM.

1093
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:14,639
Speaker 1: And then there's a couple of books that I love.

1094
01:11:14,760 --> 01:11:17,840
Speaker 1: So The Soul of Money by lend Twist is one

1095
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:21,000
Speaker 1: that I think I like end up reading every year.

1096
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 1: I just like keep coming back to it UM. Another

1097
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:27,840
Speaker 1: one that I've recently been really into is The Behavior

1098
01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:32,559
Speaker 1: Gap by Carl Richards. And then a couple of websites

1099
01:11:32,680 --> 01:11:35,519
Speaker 1: blogs that I love. So The New York Times has

1100
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 1: your Money section. Sometimes it's like actual actionable like things

1101
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:42,280
Speaker 1: that you can do it will help, and sometimes it's

1102
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:44,840
Speaker 1: more just like personal finance stuff in general. And I

1103
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:48,439
Speaker 1: love that UM. Financial Best Life is a good blog,

1104
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:52,680
Speaker 1: so it is making sense of sense UM. And then

1105
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:56,880
Speaker 1: a two podcasts I like, UH Bad with Money with

1106
01:11:57,000 --> 01:12:00,519
Speaker 1: Gabby done and afford anything or both too good month

1107
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:05,120
Speaker 1: and just to plug myself for future months since Financial

1108
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:09,160
Speaker 1: Feminists podcast that I'm hosting is coming out the spring

1109
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:13,479
Speaker 1: and it'll be all about money, all free stuff. Oh cool,

1110
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:21,640
Speaker 1: is not all bleak, It's not all bleak. And I'm

1111
01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:26,160
Speaker 1: I'm personally like not a big resolutions person, but I

1112
01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:31,160
Speaker 1: love that other people are like, I'm just what I

1113
01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 1: do with resolutions poorly. Maybe I'll do a better job

1114
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:39,400
Speaker 1: for resolutions that I don't, Yeah, be better resolutions. So

1115
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:41,360
Speaker 1: it's like I always come up with something that I

1116
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,040
Speaker 1: don't actually know enough about. So I'll be like, I

1117
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 1: want to take pilates and I'm going to do that

1118
01:12:47,240 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 1: every week, but like, I've never taking a piloties class

1119
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:52,679
Speaker 1: in my life. What if I ate the pilates class

1120
01:12:53,160 --> 01:12:55,280
Speaker 1: and then it doesn't work and then I'm a failure.

1121
01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:58,160
Speaker 1: So that's how I often do resolutions. It's bad, don't

1122
01:12:58,160 --> 01:13:04,200
Speaker 1: do that. But I love this time of year because

1123
01:13:04,520 --> 01:13:07,960
Speaker 1: I think it helps people feel more comfortable being like, Okay,

1124
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:11,559
Speaker 1: for real, I don't want my relationship with money to

1125
01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:15,120
Speaker 1: be so poopy, and there are things that I can do,

1126
01:13:15,240 --> 01:13:18,280
Speaker 1: so whether it's getting a financial coach or getting a

1127
01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:22,640
Speaker 1: financial advisor, or taking a course, or reading more podcasts

1128
01:13:22,880 --> 01:13:25,320
Speaker 1: or doing money, doing something on like whatever that is.

1129
01:13:25,439 --> 01:13:30,400
Speaker 1: It's kind of a beautiful time. People feel comfortable making

1130
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:34,240
Speaker 1: changes and that makes me happy again. I'm just gonna

1131
01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: try to be positive because I end up on a

1132
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:45,280
Speaker 1: hopeful upbeat note. Um, is there anywhere the listeners can

1133
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:50,600
Speaker 1: find you? Yes, so you can find. My website is

1134
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:54,680
Speaker 1: Verity Advising dot com. That's again the E R D

1135
01:13:54,840 --> 01:14:00,320
Speaker 1: I um fun fact, Verity my granddad's middle name. He

1136
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:12,559
Speaker 1: hated it, but he's dead, so so I misspelled it

1137
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:15,920
Speaker 1: to make it you know something. I was like, you

1138
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:21,200
Speaker 1: can't be like totally mad website, and he and my

1139
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:28,479
Speaker 1: brother named his son after that. There you go, that's great.

1140
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:33,000
Speaker 1: I love that. I love a good uh work the

1141
01:14:33,120 --> 01:14:36,760
Speaker 1: name ordering him, but yet it did and I don't know,

1142
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:42,880
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, it's all good like backhanded honors like yeah,

1143
01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:48,240
Speaker 1: um yeah. So that's the website. I'm on Instagram at

1144
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:53,559
Speaker 1: Verity Daily and my email address, which you can find

1145
01:14:53,640 --> 01:14:57,439
Speaker 1: on my website or my Instagram is Caroline at Verity

1146
01:14:57,479 --> 01:15:00,960
Speaker 1: Advising dot com. And I love chat about money. So

1147
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:05,160
Speaker 1: even if you're like, I just have questions, please read

1148
01:15:05,160 --> 01:15:09,080
Speaker 1: out to me DM me email me. Um. I'm always

1149
01:15:09,120 --> 01:15:13,599
Speaker 1: happy to talk, much to my own detriment. Probably that's

1150
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:20,759
Speaker 1: good for podcasting though, so podcasting casting there you go. Yeah, yeah,

1151
01:15:21,640 --> 01:15:27,240
Speaker 1: not great for like getting the things done, unless that's

1152
01:15:27,280 --> 01:15:31,720
Speaker 1: podcast There you go. Oh, so true. I'm see I'm

1153
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:35,559
Speaker 1: helping myself and moving land. That's right. I'm just sending

1154
01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:41,920
Speaker 1: myself up for success. Yes, there we go. Lessons learned

1155
01:15:43,640 --> 01:15:50,599
Speaker 1: right now. Yes, and that is promo code Sminty and um. Yeah,

1156
01:15:50,720 --> 01:15:55,760
Speaker 1: keep an ear out for Caroline's podcast, and thank you

1157
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:59,639
Speaker 1: so much for joining us. Thank you so much, Thank

1158
01:15:59,680 --> 01:16:04,320
Speaker 1: you much for having me. This has been lovely. This

1159
01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:06,719
Speaker 1: brings us to the end of our interview with Caroline.

1160
01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:09,360
Speaker 1: It was a delight It was very delightful. Yes, yes,

1161
01:16:10,760 --> 01:16:15,160
Speaker 1: I I'm feeling a little better. I'm thinking of the

1162
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:21,160
Speaker 1: ways to, you know, better deal with money's feeling so ashamed. Yeah,

1163
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,320
Speaker 1: I think that is a big, big piece of it.

1164
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:29,880
Speaker 1: My three am deliveries I'll reconsider, you know, you enjoy that.

1165
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:33,240
Speaker 1: I'll look at them in a different light. Perhaps, don't

1166
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:35,680
Speaker 1: let your mom worry about it. It's fine, I have

1167
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:39,280
Speaker 1: to say. My mom's defense. She was more tickled by

1168
01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:42,479
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Hey, at least you're eating food. I mean,

1169
01:16:42,560 --> 01:16:45,360
Speaker 1: that's the I've said before. One of my biggest city

1170
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:49,479
Speaker 1: girl spoil is that I can order food whenever, and

1171
01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:53,200
Speaker 1: when I go home to my small town, I always forget.

1172
01:16:53,320 --> 01:16:56,920
Speaker 1: Not only can you not order food whenever, you can't

1173
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:00,240
Speaker 1: order it hardly ever, nothing delivered to where we are.

1174
01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:05,959
Speaker 1: So perhaps she was just so shocked that, you know, Atlanta,

1175
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:09,120
Speaker 1: you can get all kinds of things at three. First

1176
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:13,000
Speaker 1: of all, yes, I know, I know, but we would

1177
01:17:13,040 --> 01:17:16,280
Speaker 1: love to hear from from you listeners. If you would

1178
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:18,439
Speaker 1: like to email as you can or email is Stuff

1179
01:17:18,479 --> 01:17:21,080
Speaker 1: Media mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com. You can

1180
01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:23,120
Speaker 1: find us on Instagram at stuff on Ever Told You,

1181
01:17:23,520 --> 01:17:26,839
Speaker 1: or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always

1182
01:17:26,880 --> 01:17:30,840
Speaker 1: to our super producer Andrew Howard. Thanks thanks to you

1183
01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:33,479
Speaker 1: for listening. Stuff I'm Never Told You was a protection

1184
01:17:33,479 --> 01:17:36,040
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radios. How Stuff Works for more podcast

1185
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:37,880
Speaker 1: on my Heart Radio. You can listen to the iHeart

1186
01:17:37,960 --> 01:17:40,880
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listened to your

1187
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:41,519
Speaker 1: favorite shows