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Speaker 1: Okop. Welcome to OKOP. I'm Samuel Lonner and I'm John

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Speaker 1: Fry husband thirty two male and his friends have a

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Speaker 1: nickname for me thirty five female and their group chat,

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Speaker 1: and he won't tell me what it means. Uh oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: not good. This happened to me a couple days ago.

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Speaker 1: My phone died right as I was texting my mom

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Speaker 1: about something rather important, so my husband let me use his.

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Speaker 1: As I was typing, a banner popped up with a

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Speaker 1: text from one of his friends to their group chat

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Speaker 1: saying to the effect of, Hey, husband, do you and

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Speaker 1: ST still want to Halloween plan we talked about? So

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Speaker 1: of course, I'm like, Who's ST? Those are not my initial?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Oh god oh. I briefly looked at the chat. A

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Speaker 1: few messages up, I was at least able to confirm

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Speaker 1: ST was me. Okay, in the context of my husband

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Speaker 1: mentioning a specific thing i'd done that day. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: ST is no abbreviation of my name or any name

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Speaker 1: I would go by. None of our friends calls me

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Speaker 1: by anything other than my real name, so I was confused.

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Speaker 1: I showed him the chat and asked what it stood for.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, he looks suddenly really flustered. He grabbed his

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Speaker 1: phone back and said, uh, it's nothing, just the nickname. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: Well what's it stand for? He literally couldn't tell me.

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Speaker 1: That's not good, not good, not get at all. He

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Speaker 1: just kept saying, Oh, worry about it, worry about it,

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Speaker 1: worry about it. Well, is there some reason I would

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Speaker 1: need to worry? I would be worrying if you just

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Speaker 1: explained what it meant.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was a little put off by this, to find

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Speaker 1: out all his friends are calling me something I don't

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Speaker 1: even know about. I told him, even if it's some

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Speaker 1: dumb joke, at least tell me, because clamming up makes

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Speaker 1: it look kind of weird. Yeah, which it kind of does.

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Speaker 2: It does, like you if you just shut down, get

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Speaker 2: all nervous. It's like if you're like, oh, it's no

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Speaker 2: big deal, like yeah, that's okay, but like, oh, it's

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Speaker 2: no big deal, Like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, he's clamming it up. He's hiding something. And

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Speaker 1: this is what she says, because clamming up just makes

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Speaker 1: it look kind of weird. He still refused to tell me.

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Speaker 1: This entire back and forth was maybe a minute or two.

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Speaker 1: Then he suddenly goes, Okay, fine, it got me. It

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Speaker 1: stands for super terrific sh answer. You're lying and she

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Speaker 1: knows it. Look, I can't tell if I'm being crazy,

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Speaker 1: but I just don't fully buy that, and you shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: No way you should buy that. He's not telling you something.

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Speaker 1: If that's all it was, why not say so the

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Speaker 1: first time I asked? I asked like three or four

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Speaker 1: times for him to tell me what it stood for?

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Speaker 1: Why keep avoiding it? On the other hand, I know

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Speaker 1: this makes me look really high strung and paranoid person

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Speaker 1: to be suspicious when it could be easily what he

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Speaker 1: actually said. I don't know. I don't want to accuse

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Speaker 1: him of lying with no proof and over something so stupid,

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Speaker 1: which I understand is just like.

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Speaker 2: It's hard, yeah, because like it is, it is a

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Speaker 2: small thing. But then it's like, I think it's the

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Speaker 2: way he reacts.

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Speaker 1: Right, yeah, a small I think it's an innocent question,

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Speaker 1: like it's like, oh, like, you know, what does as

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Speaker 1: T stand for? And then to clamor up like that

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Speaker 1: that that's where the mistake is. I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: a mistake for her to ask the question, but his

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Speaker 1: reaction warrants a little bit more investigation, because like, why

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Speaker 1: would he lie to you about that? This is still

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Speaker 1: bugging me a little. I just want to know if

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Speaker 1: I'm being insane to have an inkling of doubt about

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Speaker 1: it standing for super terrific, which definitely v doubt. Do

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Speaker 1: you think he was telling the truth? Would it be

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Speaker 1: ridiculous to bring it up again at this point? You know?

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Speaker 1: I actually had a very I think we might have

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Speaker 1: talked about this in a previous episode, but I had

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Speaker 1: a very similar ler. I had a very similar thing

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Speaker 1: happen with an X. Oh really yeah, Like so one

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Speaker 1: of my exes a while back. What it was kind

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Speaker 1: of a compulsive liar to start that way, remember, and

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Speaker 1: she like I had mentioned that she should buy some dress,

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Speaker 1: some like from from Los Angeles apparel and and she

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Speaker 1: initially was like, yeah, I'll buy it. I'm like, oh cool, right,

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Speaker 1: and she like said she bought it, right, And then

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Speaker 1: I asked her about her I asked her about the

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Speaker 1: dress again, and she started getting super claims like yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh I bought it, but I I like the shipping

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Speaker 1: was taking too long, and like my computer got hacked,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, see, like the question that I don't

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Speaker 1: really care about the answer the question, yeah, except if

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Speaker 1: it's obviously a lie. Yeah, right, And that was obviously

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Speaker 1: a lie, and so like why are you lying about this?

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Speaker 1: And if you're lying about that.

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Speaker 2: What what else?

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Speaker 1: What else? Right? You know? Like see that it calls

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Speaker 1: into question a lot. If you lie about one thing,

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Speaker 1: what else are you lying about? Yeah? And so I

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Speaker 1: don't think, like, obviously this nickname stuff is inconsequential, but

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Speaker 1: the fact that he's lying to her is not in consequence.

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Speaker 2: I would actually say that it's potentially inconsequential, but like

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Speaker 2: what if it lands for I don't know, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: something super super sloppy testicles, like I don't know, like

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Speaker 2: there could be some sort of very negative thing that

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Speaker 2: it stands for. And so that I'm like, okay, Like

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Speaker 2: I see her point where it's potentially harmless but potentially not.

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Speaker 1: Well, luckily for us, there is an update. Oh no update.

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Speaker 1: Husband thirty two male and his friends have a nickname

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Speaker 1: for me thirty five female in their group chat, and

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Speaker 1: he won't tell me what it means. Posted this last week, Well,

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Speaker 1: not a happy ending. Ended up getting a text from

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Speaker 1: one of my husband's female friends in his group chat

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Speaker 1: the day after I posted here. Turned out that right

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Speaker 1: after I asked him about the nickname, he told all

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Speaker 1: of them I'd seen it and to stop calling me that.

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Speaker 1: She sent me a screenshot of his message, which reads, verbatim, wole,

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Speaker 1: oh shit me just saw that. I'm so screwed. Ha

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Speaker 1: ha ha ha. But seriously, don't send that anymore. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna end up in the doghouse. Tears of laughter, eboji.

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Speaker 2: Taking this very seriously. It was like, hey, you know what, guys, like,

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Speaker 2: we shouldn't have done this, Like, let's we got we

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Speaker 2: got a job as nickname? Like I care about her? No, No,

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Speaker 2: He's like, all right, whoa get in trouble?

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Speaker 1: But well, all right, but like he's kind of saying like, hey,

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Speaker 1: we like I'm gonna get in trouble, let's stop using it, right,

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Speaker 1: But then his friend's reaction is to send her that.

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Speaker 2: Text also also also.

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Speaker 1: Right, like like, let's bob on this guy. Why all right?

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Speaker 1: The female friend who reached out is a new addition

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Speaker 1: to the group as of a couple of months ago,

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Speaker 1: friend of the girl one of his friend friend of

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Speaker 1: the girl of one of his guy friends is dating.

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Speaker 1: I met her a couple of times when group outings

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Speaker 1: and liked her, she told me she was uncomfortable once

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Speaker 1: she caught on that st was me and they were

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Speaker 1: using it behind my back, which actually, like now now

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Speaker 1: now I take it back, I think that's actually a

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Speaker 1: standing things she did, yeah, fad yeah, yeah. Then when

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Speaker 1: she was told what it stood for after my husband's message,

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Speaker 1: she thought to contact me in case I didn't know

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Speaker 1: about it. And I'm extremely grateful for this now, the

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Speaker 1: part that everyone wanted to know a lot of you

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Speaker 1: thought it was sugar tits HAA. I really wish that

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Speaker 1: would have been cute and funny. Yeah, Nope, not my luck.

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Speaker 1: It stands for sausage tits. Yeah, that's what my husband

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Speaker 1: and his gaggle of mental twelve year olds refer to

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Speaker 1: me as. I don't even know how or why it started.

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Speaker 1: I cannot fathom the thought that my husband could describe

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Speaker 1: my boobs in detail to all of his friends, and

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Speaker 1: then they thought it sounded hilarious enough to make a

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Speaker 1: nickname out of it. I literally don't even know what

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Speaker 1: to feel. I have never been more humiliated in my

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Speaker 1: life than I am now. I don't know what to

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Speaker 1: do about him. He apologized, but because it's just a

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Speaker 1: joke to him, he doesn't seem to get or care

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Speaker 1: how I feel. He apologized sincerely and promised he'd never

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Speaker 1: call me that again or let any of his friends

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Speaker 1: call me that. But why did he do it in

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Speaker 1: the first place. It's not a complimentary nickname that you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't foresee a person not liking, right, Isn't it obviously

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Speaker 1: mean spirited? Or am I crazy to assume?

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Speaker 2: So?

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Speaker 1: Is there some way I'm just not able to see

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Speaker 1: where it's not actually as bad as I feel. Anyway?

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Speaker 1: That's about it. I don't know what to do. We're

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Speaker 1: sleeping in separate rooms because I can't bear to be

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Speaker 1: near him or have him see me. I never want

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Speaker 1: him to see me naked again. I'm trying to figure

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Speaker 1: out if my need for space is temporary or permanent.

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Speaker 1: If it's permanent, then I'll be pursuing divorce. I just

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Speaker 1: thought so highly of him. I never could have imagined

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Speaker 1: he'd view me like this behind his back. It's like

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Speaker 1: if he gained weight and I encourage all of my

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Speaker 1: friends to start calling him fat ass or beer belly

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Speaker 1: behind his back. What other possible reason is there to

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Speaker 1: do that besides contempt said this, but he insists it

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Speaker 1: doesn't have any deeper meaning and it's just bad humor,

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Speaker 1: and it's just bad humor. Whatever. Time to put the

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Speaker 1: kiddos to bed while he's typing away at his phone

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Speaker 1: on the other side of the room. See, the issue

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Speaker 1: I'm realizing is now there will always be a fear

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Speaker 1: in my mind. He's saying nasty things about me to

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Speaker 1: who knows who? Right, So that's the update, Sausage Tits

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Speaker 1: signing out.

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Speaker 2: I mean the trust has been broken. And also she

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Speaker 2: tried to make like an analogy of like, you know,

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Speaker 2: if he gained weight or whatever. To me, it's like, uh,

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Speaker 2: you know Gonzo from the Muppets. No, so he's just

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Speaker 2: like character from the Muppets and he has this like

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Speaker 2: weird like almost like soft carrot tiny nose. Like if

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Speaker 2: they started calling him Gonzo Dick behind his back then

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Speaker 2: like that would hurt, right.

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Speaker 1: I think it would hurt. But I'm not sure it's divorce.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's divorce worre Like calling someone

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Speaker 1: a maybe not the nicest nickname to a group of

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Speaker 1: friends is definitely not a nice thing to do. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it should stop and there should be a conversation

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Speaker 1: about it. But my understanding is it's just like dumb

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Speaker 1: twelve year old humor. And if you have kids and

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Speaker 1: you're divorcing over someone calling you sausage tits, like I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's I don't know if the punishment

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Speaker 1: fits the crime. It's not like he cheated on you

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Speaker 1: or I'm like lying about something serious. He just made

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Speaker 1: a dumb joke and then lied about you know, the

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Speaker 1: dumb joke. But like, I think it's just a dumb joke, right.

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Speaker 2: I think probably the issue here with her personally, which

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Speaker 2: there might have been some like sensing of it before,

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Speaker 2: is like this like breaking of trust. And I think

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Speaker 2: probably like what she was saying when he's typing, I

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Speaker 2: never know if he's saying something about me or not.

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Speaker 2: It's that like constant fear and you know, maybe she

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Speaker 2: has body positivity issues, like who knows, But like.

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Speaker 1: Do you think she's extrapolating to far thing?

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Speaker 2: I think she I don't know that divorce is a

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Speaker 2: good I don't know that it necessarily calls for a divorce,

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Speaker 2: but I think it's like they need to go to

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Speaker 2: couple's therapy and like figure out is there like some

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Speaker 2: layer of trust that's like basically always been broken like that.

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Speaker 2: If that is true, then that is you know, possible.

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Speaker 2: And also I got the sense that his apology wasn't

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Speaker 2: really serious.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think he I don't think he one.

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Speaker 1: I don't think he realizes how serious she's taking it. No, No,

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Speaker 1: I think he's just thinking, like, this is just a

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Speaker 1: dumb joke. Yeah, and she's taking it very seriously. And

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Speaker 1: I think she's extrapolating it to mean a lot more

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Speaker 1: than he thinks it does. Yeah, And I think that's

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Speaker 1: like the main the main difference here is like she's

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Speaker 1: subscribing it to mean I can never trust it again,

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Speaker 1: and he's thinking, I just made a bad joke.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, Like they need to get on the same page.

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Speaker 2: And if trust truly has been broken, then I think

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Speaker 2: exploring divorce would be you know, but I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know if trust really has in that scenario. I don't

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Speaker 1: think trust really like it's been broken to an extent

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Speaker 1: a little bit.

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Speaker 2: But like I think it's it's not the joke, it's

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Speaker 2: his reaction to the joke that makes me suspicious. I

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Speaker 2: don't I'm obviously I don't know.

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Speaker 1: You know, But that being said, I did break up

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Speaker 1: with that ex girlfriend because of of that dress her. Yeah, yeah, right, Like.

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Speaker 2: That's a little bit different because she was more obviously

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Speaker 2: compulsive liar.

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Speaker 1: Well, but but the thing is, it was a pattern

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Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, it wasn't like it was it was,

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Speaker 1: like I think, if this is an isolated incident, not

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Speaker 1: divorce worthy, right, But if it is a pattern, and

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Speaker 1: like you know, he's staying at the office super late

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Speaker 1: and he has some strange perfume on his neck and

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Speaker 1: he's lying about other things, then maybe that's when you

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Speaker 1: weren't divorced. But at this point, I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. If it's just an isolated incident,

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Speaker 1: it's it's a bad joke. Hopefully he learns from it

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Speaker 1: and they can move on. But however, if someone's consistently

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Speaker 1: lying to you in this way, that's when you reevaluate

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Speaker 1: the relationships.

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Speaker 2: They need to have another conversation to get on it.

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Speaker 2: Because again, like you said, like I don't think the

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Speaker 2: guy understands, so he needs to like get to the

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Speaker 2: point of understanding and then maybe but yeah, divorce is

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Speaker 2: a bit a bit extreme.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think like, I don't know. If you

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Speaker 1: ever have a relationship where your partner is lying consistently,

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Speaker 1: that's a relationship you want to exit. But if it's

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Speaker 1: I think you know, everyone's human. You make slip ups

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Speaker 1: every once in a while. I'd like to say this

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Speaker 1: is a slip up, or at least as far as

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Speaker 1: we know, and slip ups you can forgive, but you

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Speaker 1: have to have conversations about them, Like you don't like, like,

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Speaker 1: it's good that she's actually having these conversations. You want

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Speaker 1: to have conversations with your friends and your relationships about

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Speaker 1: the things that bother you, because then it will fester

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Speaker 1: and then it'll just you know, it'll be bad for

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Speaker 1: both parties. So it's good that it's being addressed. But uh,

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Speaker 1: it's the different action is taken whether it is a

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Speaker 1: isolated incident or a pattern of behavior. So just make

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Speaker 1: sure it's not a compulsive lying pattern of behavior.

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Speaker 2: You forget to go, Well, there we have it for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say Life Advice, Part two, Life Advice