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Speaker 1: This is Cowboy Sam and this is Yeh John And we've.

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Speaker 2: Last showed in some amazing stories for y'all the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime podcasts. But before that we got a wrangle, a

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Speaker 2: quick little two minute out break from those bucking sponsors.

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Speaker 2: We bucking love so much they paid us the bucks

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Speaker 2: to help this show stay alive.

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Speaker 1: I betrayed my best friend by sleeping with her deceased son.

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Speaker 1: What I'm guessing before he was deceased, hopefully I twenty

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Speaker 1: nine female. I am having mixed emotions in this whole situation.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a trader, like I betrayed my best

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Speaker 1: friend slash boss forty five female for sleeping with her

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Speaker 1: son twenty two male. At the same time, I really

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Speaker 1: cared about him and I loved him. I wanted a

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Speaker 1: family with him, and we were seeing each other for

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Speaker 1: about nine months officially already. I've known her for a

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Speaker 1: little over two years and she's helped me get on

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Speaker 1: my feet. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Lonely

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Speaker 1: w And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay Sorry time separated it

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Speaker 1: And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give

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Speaker 1: good advice goof. But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 1: We only know what we would do in this situation.

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Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 1: comments below. I work for her business and I now

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Speaker 1: manage all the employees. I started off living in my

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Speaker 1: car and she gave me a place to stay while

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Speaker 1: I made some money to find an apartment. After that,

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Speaker 1: she started giving me more work and even started giving

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Speaker 1: me some work at her home. She trusts me completely,

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Speaker 1: and I guess I broke that trust by seeing her

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Speaker 1: son without her permission. I have mixed feelings because I

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Speaker 1: did things the wrong way, but at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I treated her son like a king, and I know

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Speaker 1: that he was happy with me before he left. She

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Speaker 1: has no idea about our relationship that we had, and

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Speaker 1: we were going to tell her, but life took a

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Speaker 1: bad turn. I know he left before his time because

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Speaker 1: he had many great things coming, and I now have

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Speaker 1: to raise our child with him absent.

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Speaker 2: WHOA, you have a child and she has no dude,

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Speaker 2: why didn't you tell her like ages ago. It's not

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Speaker 2: like this was like a one night stand. You guys

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Speaker 2: were officially dating and you didn't tell his mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild, that is wild. Tell her now, why

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Speaker 1: is this such a big deal. When is the right

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Speaker 1: time for me to go to tell her to the

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Speaker 1: truth and that she's going to be a grandmother.

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Speaker 2: Like as soon as possible. Should have done it months ago. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but certainly now. Yeah, tell her that. You know, she's

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Speaker 2: probably devastated that she's lost her son, of course, And

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Speaker 2: yeah it mightbe she'll be upset that you kept it

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Speaker 2: a secret for so long, but you know, at least

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Speaker 2: she gets the joy of knowing that she has a

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Speaker 2: little piece of her son.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, tell her as soon as possible.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I love her and I don't want

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Speaker 1: this to hurt her more. And edits I forgot to

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Speaker 1: clear things up. She knows that I'm pregnant, she just

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Speaker 1: doesn't know who the follower is.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: These are these comments aren't really super helpful. If I

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Speaker 1: could trade my life for his, I would. I'm only

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Speaker 1: willing to live on for my baby now, but I

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Speaker 1: have nothing else for me. Edit number two. I talked

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Speaker 1: with her last night after we had dinner. I apologized

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Speaker 1: for hiding it from her. Okay, good, yes, and I

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Speaker 1: told her that I didn't want any money or anything

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Speaker 1: from her. I just wanted her to be able to

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Speaker 1: enjoy her time with their grandchild. I was honest with

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Speaker 1: her on how our relationship started and how much I

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Speaker 1: loved her son. She had her doubts about it and

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Speaker 1: told me that she knew something was up between us two,

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Speaker 1: but she didn't say anything because she wasn't sure and

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to make assumptions. She was very upset

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Speaker 1: at first and told me that I should have never

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Speaker 1: hid things from her, and that she would have accepted

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Speaker 1: us together if she knew that my intentions were clean

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Speaker 1: and I wouldn't hurt her son. I showed her pictures

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Speaker 1: of us together, places we went, our messages, and she

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Speaker 1: broke down crying. She looked very upset, and I genuinely

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Speaker 1: thought that she was going to hit me, because it

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Speaker 1: looks like she was about to slap me. She asked

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Speaker 1: me to leave and give her some space. I left home,

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Speaker 1: and she called me at midnight and asked if I

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Speaker 1: could come back and spend some time with her. We

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Speaker 1: finished talking and I offered her to take a DNA

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Speaker 1: test so that she could see that it's her grandchild.

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Speaker 1: She believed me on what I said, but she told

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Speaker 1: me that I should have never hid things from her

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Speaker 1: because now she regrets not being able to support us.

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Speaker 1: Since the beginning, she kept asking to hold my stomach

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Speaker 1: and feel her grandchild, and she told me that she

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Speaker 1: would be for the baby. I told her that I

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Speaker 1: would leave work and leave her alone if she didn't

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Speaker 1: want to see me anymore, but she told me no,

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Speaker 1: to stay and keep on moving forward how we were before.

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Speaker 1: I apologized a dozen times, and she told me that

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Speaker 1: she was happy that she still at least has a

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Speaker 1: part of her son in me. She's been very emotional

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Speaker 1: and she's just been wanting to feel her grandchild, and

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Speaker 1: she has been nice to me. I just assured her

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Speaker 1: that I treated her son with respect and I was

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Speaker 1: very loving with him. Hopefully she is still accepting of

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Speaker 1: the whole situation in the long run. And there are

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Speaker 1: some comments, but do you have any comments before we

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Speaker 1: move on?

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Speaker 2: None that I haven't already said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with everything. I think. I think things

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Speaker 1: will be fine in the line.

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Speaker 2: I think so.

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Speaker 1: She seems to you know, be upset, but coming around

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Speaker 1: to it, Yeah, NYC storyteller says, I'm sorry for your loss.

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Speaker 1: And for hers and for your child, who will grow

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Speaker 1: up without its father. Your son was old enough to

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Speaker 1: make his own life choices without his mom's permission. However,

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Speaker 1: it is kind of messy to secretly date your boss's child.

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Speaker 1: I would tell her that you lied to her about

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Speaker 1: not knowing who the baby's father was because you were

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Speaker 1: scared about her reaction and you need to apologize for that.

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Speaker 1: Tell her that you would be glad to give her

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Speaker 1: some space and time to process, and that you're hoping

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Speaker 1: that she will eventually be excited to be a grandmother,

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Speaker 1: even though it's a lot to process right now.

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Speaker 2: It seems like she was doing this.

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Speaker 1: It's like she's already pretty excited. Yeah, so that's good.

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Speaker 1: It's just whatever says. Wow, this is a heck of

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Speaker 1: a situation, and I'm sorry for your loss. Honestly, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure what the root problem was for her. She

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Speaker 1: clearly respected and cared for both her child and you,

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Speaker 1: and logically, I would think that she would be relieved

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Speaker 1: and happy to have a grandchild from her recently lost son.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know all the details here. You might

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Speaker 1: as well let her know now, assuming that you're far

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Speaker 1: enough along in the pregnancy to communicate that ideally the

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Speaker 1: two of you can work as a team, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure that that's what her son would have wanted. Hope,

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Speaker 1: he responds, I hope she's happy about it. I love

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Speaker 1: her and I loved her son so much. If she

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Speaker 1: would have approved, I think I would have married him eventually.

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Speaker 1: It's been tough, but I at least know that I'll

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Speaker 1: have a reminder of him. And yeah, I am more

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Speaker 1: than halfway along the pregnancy. I just have been holding

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Speaker 1: his mother off on knowing that he's the father. Excited

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Speaker 1: for my pregnancy and she knows that, but she doesn't

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Speaker 1: know that it's his baby. And I'm assuming these comments

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Speaker 1: are before that last edit. Yah we got it's just whatever,

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Speaker 1: also says do you know why she didn't want the

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Speaker 1: two of you together? Outside of her resistance, this seems

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Speaker 1: like a good situation. Initially, Opie says she didn't actually

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Speaker 1: say that ever, I just thought that he was off

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Speaker 1: limits since I'm her best friend and that's her son.

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Speaker 1: That Commentariret still says, Oh my gosh, that's even better.

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Speaker 1: You might be in a situation where an awful scenario

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Speaker 1: can be given a silver lining by just using some

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Speaker 1: direct communication, and I believe we're getting that. I think,

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Speaker 1: so we do have an update. Woo eight months later.

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Speaker 2: Oh, baby, baby out, Baby's here, Baby's here.

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Speaker 1: I know it's been a while, and I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to give some closure. I probably won't use this account again,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just trying to get through the hundreds of

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Speaker 1: messages that I got. It was really hard at first.

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Speaker 1: I didn't really get a chance to grieve for him,

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Speaker 1: and I still miss him. I had my baby, but

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Speaker 1: it wasn't easy and there were some complications and I

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Speaker 1: almost lost him. Oh so scary after everything. Now my

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Speaker 1: baby is healthy and he resembles his father so much.

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Speaker 1: He honestly doesn't look like me much compared to his dad.

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Speaker 1: Along the way of all this, my friend had her

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Speaker 1: times where she would randomly go off on me and

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Speaker 1: be upset. But I get why, and I forgave her

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Speaker 1: After that, she has been nothing but supportive. She was

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Speaker 1: there for me when my son was born, and she

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Speaker 1: cried so much the first few days. And there is

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Speaker 1: a little bit more to the story. But this is great. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is great.

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Speaker 2: It's exactly what I wanted. I wanted you to tell

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Speaker 2: the truth immediately and you did.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like she maybe had some lash outs,

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Speaker 1: but that lost her son within the year.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, you know his child is at the

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Speaker 2: time when she told her the child was what a

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Speaker 2: couple months along, more than halfway she said, okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: So the point is, yeah, son hasn't been had to gone.

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Speaker 2: He had to have passed away, yeah, within the year, right,

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Speaker 2: within like a few months. Yeah, So that's like pretty

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Speaker 2: pretty devastating. Yeah, and she's already going through that loss

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Speaker 2: and then finding out, you know, friend lie, Yeah, if

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Speaker 2: I have a grandchild that I didn't know about, right,

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Speaker 2: a lot of mixed emotions.

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Speaker 1: It's all gonna take a lot of time to process. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But there is a little bit more to the story.

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Speaker 1: She has been offering for me to live with her

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Speaker 1: since she wants the baby close to her, but I

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Speaker 1: have declined to show her that I really am not

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Speaker 1: just after her money. She always wants the baby, and honestly,

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Speaker 1: she is such a help at work because she's always

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Speaker 1: holding him or has him in her office with her

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Speaker 1: while I'm working, and I don't need to find a

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Speaker 1: babysitter to trust. She spoils him and buys any baby

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Speaker 1: supplies that I need, and I am so grateful. I

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Speaker 1: just really miss her son. I can't ever sleep at

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Speaker 1: night knowing that he won't ever get to meet the

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Speaker 1: little baby that he and I made together. I just

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Speaker 1: want to cry every time I think about him, and

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Speaker 1: it's hard seeing how much my son resembles him. How

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Speaker 1: can I thank her for being so wonderful to me

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Speaker 1: and her grandchild. I love her so much, and I

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Speaker 1: still feel for the way things happen between us, and

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Speaker 1: there are some comments. A law prestigious twenty seven to

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Speaker 1: eighty nine says, just go up to her and say

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Speaker 1: thank you. Hope says, I thank her every day, but

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's enough. That's what she says, says,

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Speaker 1: it is. You're good. You don't need to go overboard

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Speaker 1: because she's not doing it out of obligation. She's coming

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Speaker 1: from a place of love, love for you, for the

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Speaker 1: baby and also her son. If this situation calls for anything,

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Speaker 1: a thinking of you gift or gesture would be appropriate.

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Speaker 1: For example, thought you'd like coffee or smoothie or a cupcake,

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Speaker 1: so I got you one as well, And just show

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Speaker 1: up for her as best you can. But it sounds

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Speaker 1: like you're already doing that. It takes a village. You know,

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Speaker 1: you're very lucky to have one another. I wish you

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Speaker 1: love in your time of healing. Yeah, I think those

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Speaker 1: are some good ideas. I mean, what would you say

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Speaker 1: to OPI for what she could do?

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Speaker 2: I mean they're already friends. I think it's just like

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Speaker 2: I think OP set like, oh it's not enough. I

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Speaker 2: think her every day, and it's like it might not

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Speaker 2: feel enough to you. But just letting her know that

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Speaker 2: you appreciate her and showing that gratitude and stuff and

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Speaker 2: getting through this together because you're both in it exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, you can continue to say thank you,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like, really the biggest thing you could

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Speaker 1: do is just spend time with her. Just keep letting

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Speaker 1: her see the baby. You can you know, maybe I

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Speaker 1: don't know, help clean around her house or something like that,

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Speaker 1: some sort of of service or little gifts like that.

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Speaker 1: One commenter said, But yeah, I think you're you're good.

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Speaker 1: She'll understand.

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Speaker 2: My best friend confessed to me right before I got engaged.

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Speaker 1: This is bad timing. Girl.

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Speaker 2: I twenty eight female, have been friends with Ed twenty

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Speaker 2: six male for eleven years. He is the closest thing

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Speaker 2: I feel I've had to a soulmate. See edit too.

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Speaker 2: We can read each other's minds, love all the same things,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. We attempted to date once a year into

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Speaker 2: our friendship. You're reading in it's like once a year.

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Speaker 2: I was like today, he really tried, but we just

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Speaker 2: wanted different things and Ed was questioning his identity. Sucked

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Speaker 2: at first, but we managed to move past it into

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Speaker 2: a great friendship. We've both been in multiple dedicated relationships

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Speaker 2: since then. By the way, this comes from trauma or

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Speaker 2: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash okay story to Tim subret it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Sophia and I'm Angie, and we're here to give

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Speaker 2: good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 2: We only know what we do, So let us know

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Speaker 2: what you'd do in the comments. Isn't it funny the

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Speaker 2: drama that happens only a day or so after a

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Speaker 2: therapy appointment. I have been dating Steve twenty nine mail

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Speaker 2: for a year and a half. I have never felt

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Speaker 2: so appreciated and safe in any other relationship. Steve and

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Speaker 2: I are actually going to Greece in a week. It

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Speaker 2: was accidentally spoiled to me a few months ago that

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Speaker 2: he's planning to propose to me. His grandpa got confused

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Speaker 2: and thought it had already happened, congratulating me early. Oops.

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Speaker 2: Maybe we shouldn't have told grandpa if he has memory troubles.

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Speaker 2: I love imagining and planning a future and family with him.

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Speaker 2: Steve and Ed aren't super close friends, but get along

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Speaker 2: really well. I sometimes feel like the third wheel when

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Speaker 2: they play games or build legos together. Steve knows of

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Speaker 2: the history of my friendship with Ed. He confidently tells

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Speaker 2: me he doesn't feel threatened at all by Ed, nor

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Speaker 2: has he gotten bad vibes from him. So Over the weekend,

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Speaker 2: I went to pick up Ed for a mutual bachelorette party.

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Speaker 2: While waiting for him, his mom came up to me

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Speaker 2: and said, you need to get back together with Ed now.

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Speaker 2: His mom is struggled with Ed's journey with identity. These

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Speaker 2: comments weren't foreign, but it had been a very long

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Speaker 2: time since she'd said an We thought she finally caught

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Speaker 2: a clue. As we're driving, I voiced my annoyance at

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Speaker 2: the disrespect Ed is clearly annoyed too fast.

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Speaker 1: Forward to this morning, Ed.

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Speaker 2: Invites me to coffee, not unusual for a Sunday. It

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Speaker 2: is there he says something along these lines to me.

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Speaker 2: The reason Mom brought that up is because I've been

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Speaker 2: struggling with the news you're getting engaged. I wasn't gonna

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Speaker 2: say anything, but I'm now scared I'll regret it if

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Speaker 2: I don't. I'm in love with you, I have been

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Speaker 2: the last few years, but I also want to make

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Speaker 2: it clear that I know life is in a movie.

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Speaker 2: I'm not telling you this so you'll leave Steve. I'm

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Speaker 2: telling you because I feel guilty. I like Steve and

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Speaker 2: can tell you love him. I can tell he's good

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Speaker 2: for you better than I ever could be. Most days,

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Speaker 2: I accept that loving you as my best friend is

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Speaker 2: what's healthiest for you. But sometimes I feel like a

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Speaker 2: snake and hate myself for it. I want you to

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Speaker 2: talk to Steve about this. Please don't hide this from him.

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Speaker 2: I'd be more than happy to talk about it too.

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Speaker 2: I acknowledge the feelings may be louder right now because

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Speaker 2: I'm lonely and you're the safest constant in my life.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to lose you as my best friend.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to steal you from Steve or lose

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Speaker 2: him as a But I also don't want to feel

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Speaker 2: like SCM anymore and feel I need to be honest.

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Speaker 2: I promise it's not the only reason we're friends. I

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Speaker 2: would never just keep you around as a backup love interest. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Wow honestly Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Really good? I agree, really good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, ten out of ten confession, I completely agree.

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Speaker 2: He's being very honest.

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Speaker 1: Seems like he's not really holding anything bad.

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Speaker 2: He's like, I had to tell you, yeah, just to

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Speaker 2: get it over with. I don't want to change anything here. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think you guys just need to be aware of

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Speaker 1: it and I'll get over it. Maybe maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That was really good. Yeah, good job, ed, Good job Ed.

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Speaker 2: You nailed that. I also really really appreciate the last

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Speaker 2: thing of this is not why we're friends. Yes, because

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Speaker 2: that is important.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times when you have like a guy

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Speaker 2: confessing to a girl, it's like, oh, you've never actually

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Speaker 2: seen me as your friend. I was always just a

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Speaker 2: love interests exactly like you're trying to get there. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but this is it's clear he's like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: I care about you very deeply as a friend. It's

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Speaker 2: just also I'm a little bit of love with you.

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Speaker 2: I do plan to talk to Steve, and knowing him,

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Speaker 2: he'll just be like, oh okay and go about his day,

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Speaker 2: trusting both me and Ed's words. Steve sounds great.

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Speaker 1: We got a couple of good guys, yeah, a.

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Speaker 2: Couple of emotionally mature men out here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But I feel so much dread. Now what am I

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Speaker 2: supposed to do? Cut head off and lose my best

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Speaker 2: friend forever, not Mary Steve, to save my best friend's feelings,

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Speaker 2: risk it and see how things turn out. I feel

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Speaker 2: terrible because I technically forced this confession out of him

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Speaker 2: by telling him what his mom said. Has anyone had

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Speaker 2: a similar dynamic where everything turned out? Okay? What is

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Speaker 2: something I should consider? What would you do?

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Speaker 1: Comments?

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Speaker 2: Comment one, I'll be honest, I don't like your friends. Well,

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00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 2: comment looks like he is more afraid of your engagement

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Speaker 2: than actually wants to be with you. If he's known

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Speaker 2: for a couple of years while you're dating your current

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Speaker 2: boyfriend a year and a half and he didn't do

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Speaker 2: anything to act on those feelings, added pressure from his

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Speaker 2: parents and suddenly you're the one who got away, not

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Speaker 2: the one he stirred along for years. By choosing to

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Speaker 2: end your limitic relationship but still keeping your soulmate non

355
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,720
Speaker 2: st and dumping all that rumbling on you before engagement

356
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Speaker 2: is really low blow. Now it's your problem and somehow

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Speaker 2: your responsibility. This is not friendship, this is codependency, and

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00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,800
Speaker 2: it's one of your genuine questions is to not marry

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Speaker 2: someone who is supposed to be your life partner just

360
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Speaker 2: because your friend isn't happy. You already prioritized him over

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Speaker 2: your boyfriend, and it mean you are not ready to

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Speaker 2: marry him. So I also don't think Ed has been

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Speaker 2: leading me on this whole time. I also clarified to

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Speaker 2: another individual that I believe soulmates are made, not destined,

365
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,960
Speaker 2: my own self worth issues aside. Prior to this, I

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Speaker 2: was feeling very positive about Steve being a romantic soulmate

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Speaker 2: rather than a twinning one. I feel for Ed, but

368
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,480
Speaker 2: now I just feel I'm not meant to be with anyone.

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Speaker 2: I feel like trash PLI says, Look, I don't know

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00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 2: your situation beyond what you wrote there, and I'm not

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Speaker 2: a qualified professional, but from what I can see, a

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00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,960
Speaker 2: lot of your self esteem issues may be related to

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Speaker 2: your so called best friend. You had strong enough feelings

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Speaker 2: for him to date him almost right away from the

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Speaker 2: start and called him your soulmate. But he, on the

376
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 2: other hand, his feelings towards you weren't as strong as

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Speaker 2: your and he decided to end your relationship. It wasn't

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00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,080
Speaker 2: a mutual decision. It was him looking for the greener

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00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,120
Speaker 2: pastures and you adapting to his decision by creating that

380
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,240
Speaker 2: soulmate friendship illusion when you are clearly not over him

381
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,280
Speaker 2: but decided to take whatever you can give to you.

382
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 2: It's not an equal dynamic, and obviously part of you

383
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,840
Speaker 2: is feeling not good enough for him to be his

384
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Speaker 2: romantic partner. Now you have a choice. You can choose

385
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,160
Speaker 2: to sort out your own feelings. I strongly recommend to

386
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,600
Speaker 2: book an appointment with a professional therapist for that and

387
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 2: decide what you actually want, or you keep living in

388
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 2: limbo and play by his rules. He still didn't offer

389
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 2: you any commitment or real relationship, just I'm lonely, and

390
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,440
Speaker 2: now it's kind of your problem because he doesn't want

391
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Speaker 2: a relationship. He is said he doesn't want you and

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Speaker 2: steve to break.

393
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Speaker 1: Up come to you're stupid.

394
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Speaker 2: It's not like he wants to actually date you. He

395
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,440
Speaker 2: just wants you to be on his side whenever he

396
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 2: feels like and be grateful for any chance of attention. Ope,

397
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 2: he says, thank you for your thought out and kind response.

398
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Speaker 2: Was that kind?

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Speaker 1: Ah, that's such a good response, just like thanks for

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Speaker 1: your input, Thank you so much.

401
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 2: So. Ed and I have been friends longer than we

402
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 2: dated by a long shot. I met him when I

403
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 2: was fifteen. I didn't think he was my romantic soulmate

404
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,480
Speaker 2: back then, but as our friendship withstood the test of

405
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 2: time and the breakup, he grew to be more and

406
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 2: more of a soulmate. We've been together way longer than

407
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 2: we ever dated. But trust me, all death continued to

408
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,240
Speaker 2: talk up to my therapist about my self worth. And

409
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 2: now this comment too says you lost me when you

410
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 2: asked rhetorically, if you're supposed to not marry your boyfriend

411
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 2: to spare your friend's feelings, If that's even a consideration,

412
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,399
Speaker 2: I don't think marrying him is a good idea. Reply

413
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 2: She lost me when she described the friend as the

414
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 2: closest thing to a soulmate and the fiance is safe.

415
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 2: Edit one Okay. To be fair, you guys can't hear

416
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,760
Speaker 2: the tone in my head when reading all this. The

417
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:40,160
Speaker 2: leave Steve part is rhetorical. I don't want to leave Steve.

418
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,120
Speaker 2: This isn't a matter of who should I choose. There

419
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,439
Speaker 2: is no romantic choosing. I want to marry Steve, but

420
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 2: I also don't want to hurt my friend. And that's

421
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,879
Speaker 2: what I'm trying to get across. That was clear to me.

422
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,440
Speaker 1: Oh pie, Yeah, I was incredibly clear to me. I

423
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 1: don't know what these comments are on.

424
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,000
Speaker 2: And I want to hurt my best friend. I don't

425
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,639
Speaker 2: want to lose the man I want a future with.

426
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,679
Speaker 2: I'm scared, I want hope. I'm wanting to your sympathy

427
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 2: or advice because I'm panicking. I don't handle loss well,

428
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,600
Speaker 2: and I'm already constantly dealing with self worth issues. This

429
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,639
Speaker 2: makes me feel like I'm not only a bad friend,

430
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,560
Speaker 2: but also a bad partner for not just guiltlessly wanting

431
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 2: to cut ed off atit too. I believe soulmates are made,

432
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 2: not destined. Besides all of my self worth issues, before

433
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 2: this happened, I was feeling very confident that Steve would

434
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 2: be my romantic soulmate. Ed feeling more like a twining

435
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 2: soulmate due to how long we've been around. I have

436
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,879
Speaker 2: a lot of relationship anxiety, which leaves me scared to

437
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 2: label Steve as my romantic soulmate until we're years down

438
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,800
Speaker 2: the road. But I was feeling positive about it prior

439
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,919
Speaker 2: to the self agate that flared up from all this.

440
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,640
Speaker 2: But since Ed has been there through almost half my life,

441
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,679
Speaker 2: through lots of good and mad, he feels like a

442
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,360
Speaker 2: platonic soulmate. And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

443
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 2: I'm sick of the notion that just because like whether

444
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,639
Speaker 2: or not your male female or something you know, opposite sex, friends,

445
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,639
Speaker 2: friends can be your soulmate. I did talk to Steve

446
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 2: when he got home. He was as gentle as I

447
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 2: thought he'd be. He expressed a lot of faith in Ed,

448
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 2: knowing how lonely he'd been and how much he's been

449
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 2: struggling with his own loneliness and identity. He knows the

450
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 2: amount of emotion that can go into one safe person

451
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,600
Speaker 2: and how confusing that can be. We talked about boundaries,

452
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,879
Speaker 2: all of which were reasonable and most already in place.

453
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 2: He does plan to talk to Ed just to be

454
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: that source of support and to talk about trust. I

455
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 2: was honest with Steve about my anxieties towards the engagement

456
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 2: and how guilty I feel for not easily being able

457
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 2: to conclude cutting Ed off.

458
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:24,920
Speaker 1: He was very.

459
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 2: Reassuring that it would be okay. Due to how long

460
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 2: Ed had been my bff. You didn't expect it to

461
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 2: be easy, nor did he expect me to cut ed off.

462
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,720
Speaker 2: He shared that he has faith in both me and

463
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 2: Ed and believes I will come to him if things

464
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 2: get uncomfortable and we'll go from there. I want to

465
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 2: reassure you all that I do plan to go over

466
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 2: this in therapy to discuss things further. A lot of

467
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,920
Speaker 2: self hatred and anxieties bubbling up because of this. Thank

468
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,440
Speaker 2: you to those who gave kind words and thought it responses,

469
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story. But I

470
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 2: think that you are doing okay, Opie, and don't listen

471
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 2: to all of those commenters who are coming up with

472
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,680
Speaker 2: their own thoughts and feelings based off you know, probably

473
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 2: there experiences or.

474
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: Two shows that they've watched. Yeah, it seems like they're

475
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: just creating problems that don't actually exist exactly.

476
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,199
Speaker 2: You know your friend and you know Steve Best, so

477
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 2: I think that you are the best person to analysts.

478
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 1: My best friend is planning to become a monk, but

479
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 1: confessed that he likes me.

480
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 2: That probably won't go ever well.

481
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 1: My friend twenty male and I twenty females. Entire friendship

482
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 1: is honestly very strange. Since the first day that we met,

483
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,360
Speaker 1: our church friends have been shipping us. By the way,

484
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 1: this comes from a username, and if you want to

485
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,

486
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,280
Speaker 1: storytime separated it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're

487
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 1: here to give good advice. Gooofully, but we don't have

488
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: all the answers. We only would say what we would

489
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: do in this situation. But what would you do? Let

490
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: us know in the comments. Right after liturgy, I found

491
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 1: my friends with this new guy. We spoke a bit

492
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 1: and that was that. Our friends decided to hang out

493
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 1: after church and we joined them. The thing is they

494
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,160
Speaker 1: are very loud in public and just overly energetic, while

495
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: me and the new guy are very reserved. Whenever our

496
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 1: friends were acting out, we gave each other a look

497
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: of discomfort because it was pretty embarrassing for us since

498
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 1: they were bothering people that wanted silence. From that day,

499
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: they have been saying that we would look like a

500
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 1: cute couple and such, but we kept our distance because

501
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: it was just too awkward. Around the end of the day,

502
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: we spoke a bit more and found out that we

503
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: went to the same school. It was very strange since

504
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: we were in the same year and never noticed each other.

505
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 1: When I got home, I got a text from the

506
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,440
Speaker 1: new guy, and at the same time, my friend twenty

507
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 1: two male said that he gave my number to my

508
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 1: boyfriend mockingly. I highly struggle with avoidant attachment and have

509
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 1: been really careful with everything since I found out that

510
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 1: the new guy asked for my number. Since day one,

511
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 1: he made it clear that his goal was to become

512
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 1: a monk. I wanted nothing to do with the relationship

513
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: or even being accused of it. Wait to be clear,

514
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 1: new guy wants to be a monk. Yes, okay. I

515
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,920
Speaker 1: wanted nothing to do with the relationship or even being

516
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: accused of it. Even knowing that he wanted to be

517
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: a monk, I had no desire to become friends with him.

518
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 1: He often texted me and I barely replied, though I

519
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: did not take it personally since he texts everyone so much.

520
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: He would ask if I was joining church events, show

521
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 1: me a chance, and so on all church related things,

522
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: and I knew my friends got the texts too. One

523
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: day I saw him at school and he noticed me too.

524
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: I went up to him out of politeness and greeted him.

525
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: He told me that he got promoted at his church.

526
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: We go to different churches, and he invited me. He

527
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 1: invited his classmates and our church friends too. This all

528
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 1: happened a while back, so I'm a bit fuzzy on

529
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 1: the timeline. But there is an important part. I once

530
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,640
Speaker 1: mentioned that I really liked the red and white bracelets

531
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 1: that my friends had and wanted one too. I totally

532
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: forgot about it. The day of the event came, I

533
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,439
Speaker 1: went to his church but had to leave early. On

534
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 1: the day I saw him at school. I got him

535
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: at present an icon and a Mother Mary statue. Unknowingly,

536
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 1: he got me something too, a Mother Mary icon and

537
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,199
Speaker 1: the bracelet I mentioned. I was very surprised because it

538
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 1: was his special day. When I got home, I called

539
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: my cousin twenty two mail and asked what he got.

540
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: It turned out that I was the only one that

541
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: got something from him. I felt special, but also confused.

542
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: Our contact was still limited after that day. We spoke

543
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: only to ask when we would see each other in

544
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,679
Speaker 1: school or church. After graduation, we randomly became super close.

545
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 1: We started texting a lot, hanging out often, and realized

546
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 1: that we had a lot in common. We immediately became

547
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 1: best friends, texting for hours a day or seeing each

548
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 1: other whenever we could, even if it was just for

549
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: thirty minutes. Everyone noticed us getting close our friends, families, churches,

550
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 1: and before we knew it, everyone thought that we were

551
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: either secretly together or hoping that we would end up together.

552
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: He has always wanted to become a monk, which was

553
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: perfect for me because I have no desire to marry anyone.

554
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 1: I used to think about maybe becoming a nun or

555
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: some kind of celibate theologian. My avoidant attachment makes relationships

556
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: very difficult to me. I hate having friends. Somehow, I

557
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: can only stand him interesting, and the thought of being

558
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: in a relationship makes me panic. Wait, she doesn't like friends,

559
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: I guess not, even though she's got them.

560
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 2: It seems like I hate my friends.

561
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also have an intense desire for perfection. It

562
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 1: gets in the way of forming close bonds because the

563
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: thought of someone seeing me as flawed makes me sick

564
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: to my stomach. A relationship where someone sees the worst

565
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,360
Speaker 1: of me is a big no. Me and the guy

566
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 1: often get mistaken as a couple. We are always clinging

567
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 1: to each other, playing around, sharing drinks and food, hugging,

568
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: et cetera. Girl, girl, we were just like always going

569
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: on dates and kissing. Everyone sees us as a relationship.

570
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 2: Though I hate everyone butt him. Yeah, he literally said,

571
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: I don't like anyone butt him.

572
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: You're sharing drinks and food, girl, You're hugging, playing around.

573
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: I really think the only reason that she's so reticent

574
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 2: to even get even think about a relationship with.

575
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 1: This guy is because she has so much self confidence

576
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: that she is girls. She's like so close to figure

577
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: out you're straight.

578
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 2: Go get that. Yeah.

579
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 1: This week has been a bit odd. On Saturday, we

580
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: went to a church in another city because the bishop

581
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: would be there. After the event, we played in the

582
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: park next to the church with the kids, doing little

583
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: parkour and games. There was a sliding pole thing. I

584
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 1: went on it and he filmed me. Then he got

585
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: on it and I filmed him. That evening he told

586
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 1: me that he felt conflicted. He really wants to become

587
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 1: a monk, but he keeps thinking about how everyone ships us.

588
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 1: He even ad that he thinks that he would fit

589
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: really well with me, but brushes it away. I did

590
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: not really know how to reply, so I just listened.

591
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: On Sunday, he sent me the video where I was

592
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: playing on the playground. I told him that he had

593
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 1: already sent it, and he confessed that he knew, but

594
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: he kept watching it because he found it cute. Days

595
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: of past and here is some inside info. Me and

596
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: him always shook hands when saying goodbye. Interesting On Tuesday, I'm.

597
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm sorry, you're going You're going hey bye bye bye.

598
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: You can't even see it. We just shook hands.

599
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're you're hugging each other normally and sharing

600
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: food and drinks and playing around and stuff, but you're like, okay, bye, okoydbye,

601
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: good day, good day to you, stay to you.

602
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 2: So a little bit of a tipsy.

603
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: On Tuesday at church, I hugged my friends who are

604
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: guys goodbye because they were leaving for the monastery for

605
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 1: a few days. When I got home, the new guy

606
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 1: said that he felt jealous that I hugged them, but

607
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: always shook his hand. I found it odd because I'm

608
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: not usually jealous over friends. It is hard for me

609
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,199
Speaker 1: to understand the situation because I'm extremely distant. I do

610
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 1: not really enjoy having friends, so I do not know

611
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: what the boundaries are or what is considered normal. Today Wednesday,

612
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: he again told me about his conflicting thoughts. We have

613
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: this thing where we say the exact same thing. It

614
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: happened five times in fifteen minutes.

615
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: God, you guys are really in love with each other.

616
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 1: It's so obvious.

617
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: I think you guys need some insight infote from us. Yeah,

618
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: I think new slash.

619
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys are perfect for each other.

620
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 2: You're perfect for each other, and you're the only people

621
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 2: that like, Oh my goodness.

622
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, it happened five times in fifteen minutes.

623
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: That's crazy. I mentioned how odd it is, and he said, yeah,

624
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: I'm conflicted about something, then explained that he keeps thinking

625
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: about what our friends said the first day we met.

626
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: Maybe God does not want him to become a month.

627
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 2: That's so funny, God, I don't I saw you on

628
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 2: that poll, and I don't think God wants me to

629
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 2: become a month. I think that was a sign from God.

630
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: That was a sign from God.

631
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't stop watching this video. I think that's

632
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: just what God is putting on my heart right now,

633
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: feeling things.

634
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 2: When I watched this video, and I don't think God

635
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: watch it.

636
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: I think that's I think that's God that I'm feeling.

637
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: But he thinks it is just a distracting thought since

638
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: we are just church friends. He ended his text with,

639
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: But on the other hand, I don't know.

640
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 2: What I know is that you guys are in love

641
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: with each other. Yes, I'm sorry. Everyone else in the

642
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 2: whole freaking school can see it. Yes, everyone everyone but you, baby.

643
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 2: You guys are live.

644
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 1: You're You're definitely and it's so like, it's so funny

645
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: but sweet and enduring. How Like He's just like, yeah,

646
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 1: I'm just so conflicted. I mean, everyone says that we

647
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 1: should be together.

648
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 2: I just can't stop thinking about that.

649
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 1: I mean, we shouldn't, right right. I told him to

650
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: speak to his priest, which I will be doing too.

651
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 1: He asked if his priest was free this Sunday, and

652
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: I have an appointment with my priest this Saturday. Honestly,

653
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: my obsession with perfection really gets in the wave relationships.

654
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: So I'm definitely going to ask advice on that from

655
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 1: my priest and perhaps even secret therapist. Yes, that bad.

656
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: I feel like it's that bad. This is great that

657
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: you're reaching for out who. I really need some outside

658
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 1: perspective on this, since the only people I talked to

659
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 1: know him. For some extra notes, Yes, we're strict Christians,

660
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 1: but not the way that America makes it seem. We

661
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 1: believe in things like therapy. Hugging the opposite gender is

662
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 1: also very common, and we don't consider every little thing

663
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 1: a sin. Orthodox Christianity is not what modern Christianity has become.

664
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: And there are some comments coming. Number one says God forbid.

665
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,719
Speaker 1: Religious people admit that they are human and let themselves

666
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 1: be happy. Opie says, God forbid. Religious people have a

667
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: different goal in life that'll make them happy. What's wrong

668
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: with our goals being religious?

669
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with that.

670
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: I Yeah, I think these religious goals are totally fine.

671
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: I mean, if you want it to be a monk,

672
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: go for it. If you want to be a nun,

673
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: go for it.

674
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: Sure, from everything I read in this story, that is

675
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 2: not the case. Yeah, exactly.

676
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: I think they're so close to figuring this out, and

677
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: you know, possibly right because of their strict religious upbringing.

678
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sure that's where her seek for perfection

679
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: comes from, in her pressure for that.

680
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 2: So hopefully talking to the priest will help. I'm sure

681
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be hope hoping that the priest is like,

682
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 2: you guys are in love.

683
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it's it's chilled you guys. You're not a

684
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: nun or a monk yet. Yeah, you're good. You haven't

685
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: done that yet. So it's so cute because this stuff

686
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: feels like such little high school like, oh, I don't

687
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: know how friends are supposed to act to each other.

688
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,719
Speaker 1: I don't know, like you know, this kind of stuff,

689
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: which obviously, I mean, I'm sure I dealt with stuff

690
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: like that recently out of high school too, But I mean,

691
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,239
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm assuming with their upbringing that maybe they

692
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: just haven't been able to think about this stuff yet.

693
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 1: And it's just so sweet seeing this happen. I hope

694
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 1: you guys end up together. I hope. So that's the enditing, No, yeah,

695
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: that's the end of the story, But I really hope

696
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 1: we get an updated.

697
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 2: Figure it out. I think they're gonna figure it out. Yeah,

698
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 2: because I don't want to check for close.

699
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: They're so they're so close. They just seem to need

700
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: like approval from other people.

701
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: Yes, they just need someone else to be like God's chill.

702
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: Like you're good, guys, you're good, You're good, You're good.

703
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam.

704
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

705
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

706
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: My mother in law called me selfish because I refuse

707
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 2: to pump my milk for her.

708
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: There's a lot of ways that could be interpreted.

709
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 2: So I am a first time mom and this whole

710
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,479
Speaker 2: experience has been very overwhelming for me. My wonderful baby

711
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 2: just hit three months and is efficiently no longer a newborn.

712
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 2: I have been lucky enough that I have a good supply,

713
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 2: so my baby girl is exclusively breastfed, except for any

714
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 2: excess that we use when my husband does her night feeds.

715
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from username and if you

716
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 2: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

717
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: slash Okay, storytime severed it. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie,

718
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, But we

719
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers we only know what we'd do,

720
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do. In the comments,

721
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 2: I have made it very clear to most of our

722
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 2: friends and family that I don't want anyone but me

723
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 2: or my husband feeding her. My mother in law has

724
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 2: been slightly annoyed, bordering on judgmental, about this, but has

725
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 2: mostly kept her mouth shut. We have never had any

726
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,479
Speaker 2: issues in the past, so I just chalked it up

727
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 2: to her wanting to bond with the baby. I might

728
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 2: allow it when she's older, but for now I'm not

729
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 2: comfortable with anyone else doing it. So we were over

730
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 2: at my sister in law's house for a son's birthday,

731
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 2: and while all the cousins and husbands played outside, me

732
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 2: and all the ladies sat inside, playing past the baby.

733
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: She ends up in my mother in law's arms and

734
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 2: began to make a fuss and make her hungry cry.

735
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 2: I stood up and went to take her before she

736
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 2: pulled her back and told me to go make a bottle.

737
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 2: I told her now that I would go to the

738
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 2: guest room and feed her. My sister in law stood

739
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,479
Speaker 2: too and said she had some formula and would make

740
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 2: it for me. I refused again and quickly took my baby,

741
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: saying she's never had formula and I don't want her

742
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 2: to be sick. My mother in law sighs and rolls

743
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 2: her eyes and asks, why don't you just pump some

744
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 2: so I can feed my baby?

745
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, your baby. We had so many stories were

746
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: mother in law's, Yeah, their grandchildren there, baby.

747
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 2: You already had a baby.

748
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I already had a baby. If they're this young too,

749
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: they'll be hungry in like another couple hours. Literally just wait.

750
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 2: I must have been visibly horrified because one of my

751
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 2: other sister in law stood and tried to guide me

752
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 2: away by my shoulder. I took her to the other

753
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 2: room to feed her and sat in there with her

754
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: the rest of the party. The sister in law whose

755
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 2: party it was, came to find me.

756
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 1: I almost hit her.

757
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: When she said, don't you think it's a little selfish

758
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 2: You won't let mom feed the baby. You could have

759
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 2: just pumped a couple ounces for her. I said, I

760
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 2: will never pump anything for anyone, because I'm not a cow,

761
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 2: and she said, my baby. She declared I was being

762
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 2: witchy and walked away. My husband doesn't know this is

763
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 2: all happening, but on the ride home, his mother and

764
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 2: two of the other wives texted me to tell me

765
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 2: it was unfair to hog my baby and to make

766
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: it so she couldn't bond with anyone else, And then

767
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 2: I should have just pumped before I came so I

768
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 2: didn't have to hide her away. Oh my god, they neednt.

769
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: Have calmed out.

770
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 2: Literally, they are going crazy over your baby.

771
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should have pumped before you came to avoid

772
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: this whole mess. How did how would she know that

773
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: this would be a mess?

774
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

775
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: Yite.

776
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 2: My mother in law specifically said that I was being

777
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 2: so selfish with her only granddaughter and it wasn't fair

778
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 2: to her that she couldn't even feed her baby. I

779
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 2: just texted back that it wasn't her baby and put

780
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 2: my phone on do not disturb. I know I should

781
00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: tell my husband, but I don't want to add more

782
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: st as he and his mother are still trying to

783
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 2: heal their relationship from when they had a big fight

784
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 2: a couple of years ago. I don't want to cause drama,

785
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 2: but I'm starting to feel very guilty, especially since I'm

786
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 2: still getting tons of texts about how cruel I'm being.

787
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: Am I the a hole for refusing to pump for

788
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 2: my mother in law. I'm all a bit of context.

789
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 2: My little sister choked while being fed by our great aunt.

790
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,959
Speaker 2: She hadn't been holding her properly, and my sister had

791
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 2: to be rushed to the hospital. I was very young,

792
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 2: but the memory is still very fresh in my mind,

793
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 2: even when my husband is feeding our baby. I never

794
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 2: want my baby to be unsafe while being fed, and

795
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 2: I worry about other people feeding her because of this.

796
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: And there are some comments, but do you have any thoughts.

797
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,959
Speaker 1: I think everyone needs to calm down. They need to

798
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: calm down. Yeah, I mean, like obviously being a mom

799
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: I'm apparently is very stressful. You know, I would believe

800
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: that I don't have the experience myself, but it would

801
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 1: make sense that if she's a new mom, like, just

802
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: let her do.

803
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 2: Her thing, guys, let her feed her baby the way

804
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 2: she wants to feed her baby. Stop demanding the baby. Yeah,

805
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 2: because you don't have that's not your right. It's a

806
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 2: pretty that you were being gifted by opeas.

807
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: And people saying that she's.

808
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 2: Cruel or richly blond, that is.

809
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,839
Speaker 1: Like an immediate like, Okay, you totally cross the line.

810
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 2: You don't get to see the baby at all.

811
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you've made it so much worse now.

812
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 2: Comment one. Not telling your husband just allows mother in

813
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 2: law to slant the event to her advantage. Keeping secrets

814
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 2: from your husband, even for his own good, is bad precedent.

815
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 2: Not the ahole op. He says, I'm definitely sitting them

816
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 2: down when he gets home from work. I hate to

817
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 2: make their relationship worse, but this whole thing is making

818
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 2: me realize she probably shouldn't have a ton of access

819
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 2: to me or baby. Reply says, you're doing the right

820
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 2: thing by exclusively breastfeeding, and it turns out babies can

821
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 2: bond with people who do not feed them. Babies bond

822
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 2: to their siblings, and those siblings don't breastfeed them or

823
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 2: bottle feed them. They can bond to extended family members

824
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 2: who do not bottle or breastfeed them. If mother in

825
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 2: law wants to spend time with this baby and bond,

826
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 2: that can be okay. She does not need to feed

827
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 2: this baby to bond. Not the ahole comment too. What

828
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 2: the actual f nobody ever fed my baby's bottles just

829
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 2: because they wanted to. Ridiculous. My only daughter, my youngest

830
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 2: of three, is the only one who has given birth

831
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 2: four times and breastfed them all. I don't think I

832
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 2: gave any of them a bottle ever. They are now seventeen, eleven,

833
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 2: four and two. What is going on with these grandmothers

834
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: these days? Stop demanding or you may not get to

835
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 2: see the grandchildren at all. They're not your child. They'll

836
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 2: bond with you when you start reading books to them

837
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 2: or helping them put a puzzle together or get them

838
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 2: a snack.

839
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,280
Speaker 1: When they're a little older. You can make.

840
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 2: Fairy gardens with them, or teach them to sew embroider

841
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 2: or knit or all of them. Yeah, you can bake

842
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 2: cookies with them. My two year old likes to help

843
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,399
Speaker 2: with laundry and put the wet clothes in the dryer.

844
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 2: It's pretty hilarious. Actually, she's so proud of herself when

845
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 2: she gets to slam the dryer shut. Anyways, stop feeling

846
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,879
Speaker 2: guilty and keep drinking a lot of water, which helps

847
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 2: with your milk supply. Sounds like you don't need my

848
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 2: advice in that department, though. Good luck and enjoy the baby.

849
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,240
Speaker 2: And there is an update any thoughts.

850
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, those seem like solid guns.

851
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 2: I agree.

852
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's other ways you can bond.

853
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 2: M and they need to figure that out.

854
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

855
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 2: So, after everyone's suggestions, I decided I was going to

856
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 2: talk to my husband when he got home from work.

857
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 2: I put baby down to sleep before initially posting, and

858
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: I posted because of all the messages from mother in

859
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 2: law and sister in laws. Apparently his oldest brother's wife

860
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 2: had called him today at work and told them what

861
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 2: my mother in law had said and what the other

862
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 2: wives had said. When I left the room, we sat

863
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 2: at the kitchen table and I had him read the

864
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 2: messages from start to finish. He was upset with me

865
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 2: at first from keeping it from him, then hugged me

866
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 2: and said he hated that I had to go through

867
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 2: this alone. He went upstairs to call his mother. He

868
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 2: told me after about ten minutes on the phone that

869
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 2: until baby is a year, mother in law will have

870
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 2: minimal contact, as well as his sister not being allowed

871
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 2: around the baby either. He told me to block both

872
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: their numbers for the time being, and so I did.

873
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,320
Speaker 2: There's a little bit left. Any final comments, Great job, husband, Yeah,

874
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 2: I'm glad that your husband is on your side. Yeah,

875
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 2: that's great to hear. Yeah, he's taking care of you

876
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 2: except those boundaries.

877
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

878
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 2: He also told me that their fight two years ago

879
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 2: was over his mother trying to get him back with

880
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 2: his ex right after he proposed to me, and that's

881
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 2: why they stopped talking for the rest of them. Yikes,

882
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 2: he said. He told his mother that if she pushes

883
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 2: for more next time we give her an opportunity, that

884
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,919
Speaker 2: it would be her last chance at a granddaughter. And well,

885
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,240
Speaker 2: just pushing. This is all progressed so quickly, and everyone

886
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: was right about talking to my husband. I wish I

887
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 2: had gone right to him when it happened, but I

888
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 2: was so worried to put more strain. Thank you for

889
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 2: all the advice. Common one says, kudos to your sister

890
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 2: in law that called your husband, and major kudos to

891
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 2: your husband. Just worry about taking care of yourself and

892
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 2: little one and let your husband handle the rest. Oh,

893
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 2: he says, I just want to save her as much

894
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 2: as I can while she's still so little. I love

895
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 2: my husband for all that he does, and I couldn't

896
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 2: love that sister in law more if I tried. He

897
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 2: is definitely getting a gift basket too, says kudos to

898
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 2: your husband. Love to hear of a reddit husband that

899
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 2: stands up for his wife and baby. Also, if your

900
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 2: anxiety regarding your baby's safety does start increasing, or you

901
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: feel surges of any irrational fears, Please don't be scared

902
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 2: to talk to your doctor. With my firstborn, my PbD

903
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 2: manifested as anxiety and I burnt myself out very quickly.

904
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 2: I would even force either my husband or I to

905
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 2: stay awake all night watching him breathe. Plus my husband,

906
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 2: but he did it for me because it was the

907
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 2: only way I would go to sleep. And that is

908
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,319
Speaker 2: the end of that story. Folks. Wow, yeah, but yeah,

909
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,320
Speaker 2: I think you guys are on the same page about

910
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 2: how to you know, take care of your baby, and

911
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 2: that's all that you need. Right My brother in law

912
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 2: wants to hijack my daughter's birthday party to announce his

913
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 2: coming baby.

914
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,760
Speaker 1: Get your own party.

915
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 2: My brother in law, thirty mail, has lived with my

916
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,800
Speaker 2: husband and I on and off for close to eight years.

917
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,439
Speaker 2: Even when my husband and I had kids, he lived

918
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 2: with us. It's a long time. Last year he got

919
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 2: serious about finding a serious relationship. I was happy for

920
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 2: him when he found someone in November. He moved into

921
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 2: her house in December. By the way, this comes from

922
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:44,760
Speaker 2: Hattie Runner and if you want to sbmit your own stories.

923
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,879
Speaker 2: Go to the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm

924
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: Sophia and I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

925
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

926
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you do

927
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 2: in the comment. In April, they found out brother in

928
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 2: law's girlfriend is pregnant.

929
00:38:58,719 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: She's due in January.

930
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 2: He told her family right away and left it up

931
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 2: to brother in law to tell his He chose to

932
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 2: be a coward and say nothing. Well, tomorrow, my daughter

933
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 2: is turning two, and brother in law has decided that

934
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 2: is when I'll tell everyone, mostly because when they show up,

935
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 2: his girlfriend is very obviously pregnant. I'm kind of livid.

936
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 2: Father in law is known to fly off the handle

937
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 2: for things. Our son ate a goldfish cracker off our

938
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 2: floor and father in law had a fit about how

939
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 2: disgusting that was, made a scene and stormed out of it.

940
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: Never heard of the five second rule, truly, that kids

941
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: are hearty creatures.

942
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got to build up those immune systems exactly.

943
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 2: We'll be fine. He's also told my husband that he

944
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:41,359
Speaker 2: needs to watch himself because apparently I'm not the right

945
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 2: kind of woman would you mean? But that back to

946
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 2: the party. I don't want this announcement to happen because

947
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 2: if father in law flies off the handle, my daughter's

948
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 2: party is ruined. Even if he doesn't, it's suddenly going

949
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 2: to be a pregnancy gender reveal, and no one is

950
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 2: going to remember why they're actually there. I know my

951
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 2: daughter won't remember it, but I will. Husband thinks it's

952
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 2: not a big deal and he's excited. I've tried to

953
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 2: communicate my anxiety about it, but he says his dad

954
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 2: will be fine. I told him the only way this

955
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 2: is happening is if his brother goes to their parents'

956
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 2: house well before the party and tells them, Otherwise I'll

957
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,879
Speaker 2: be kicking people out. He scoffed, but said, Okay, now,

958
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 2: I'm just really conflicted. Am I the a hole? When?

959
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 2: What do you think? I don't really think so.

960
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: No, I feel like this is a worry that's completely valid.

961
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, if he had all this time to tell the

962
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: family that you know, his or his girlfriend is pregnant

963
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: and he didn't, I feel like maybe you could do

964
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: it earlier before the party.

965
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: Right, I mean how much When does the party come up?

966
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? Which time do we have to plan a brunch. Yeah,

967
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 2: you can have a little mimosas and talk about well, well,

968
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 2: not all the orange juicy girlfriend, but there are some

969
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 2: relevant commons. Commoner says, not the a hole. If brother

970
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 2: in law is going to be too cowardish to say something,

971
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 2: you could always beat them to the old one too

972
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 2: and spill the beans for him. Would it be a

973
00:40:59,480 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 2: weiener move?

974
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 1: Yeah?

975
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 2: But also they shouldn't be co opting your kid's birthday

976
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 2: to announce a pregnancy. Oh P says I've been trying

977
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 2: so hard not to drop hints to the in laws.

978
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 2: My husband and I have known since April. Brother in

979
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 2: law just hasn't told their parents. And comment two says,

980
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:16,840
Speaker 2: don't invite your father in law if he's that delicate,

981
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,360
Speaker 2: and tell your brother in law he isn't invited unless

982
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 2: he tells everyone before the party. Oh P, he says.

983
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,040
Speaker 2: I pondered these options. I'm also worried for the girlfriend's feelings.

984
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 2: I don't know her too well, and I'm sure brother

985
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: in law has told her how father in law was

986
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 2: growing up. But it's one thing to hear stories about

987
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 2: it versus being the target of his rage filled rants.

988
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 2: I've experienced quite a few. Another commoner says, I'm wondering

989
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 2: if brother in law moved in with girlfriend and is

990
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: helping pay any of the expenses. Sounds like he's always

991
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 2: been a mooch and girlfriend needs to know that it's

992
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 2: his game plan moving forward. Sounds like a real loser

993
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 2: to me. Did he help with rant or anything when

994
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,240
Speaker 2: he lived with you and your husband?

995
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: Did he work?

996
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 2: Oh? P says when he moved in with her, he

997
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 2: had been out of a job company went under for

998
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 2: a few months. He got a grown up job just

999
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 2: before they found out she was pregnant While he was

1000
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 2: out of work living with her. Girlfriend expected the house

1001
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 2: to be clean and that he do the cooking. He

1002
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,760
Speaker 2: made a comment about how he felt like a nineteen

1003
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 2: fifties housewife. Well, you don't have a job, so you

1004
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:08,879
Speaker 2: gotta do something.

1005
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 1: God of what you are.

1006
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 2: Also, doesn't seem like you're paying rent right, so you

1007
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 2: gotta earn your keep. Bud Commoner says, not the ahle. Honestly,

1008
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 2: your husband is the biggest a hole for not having

1009
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 2: your back. I would take the birthday girl and yourself

1010
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 2: and go celebrate her somewhere else on your own. Since

1011
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: father in law already doesn't like you, husband isn't supporting

1012
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 2: you or respecting your boundaries and home together, and his

1013
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 2: little brother wants to hijack his niece's own birthday because

1014
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 2: he's a coward. Just go enjoy that day with her

1015
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 2: and let the bomb explode on its own. If husband

1016
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,280
Speaker 2: doesn't like that, he should have had your back, Hope.

1017
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 2: He at least has your side when his family is

1018
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 2: nasty to you, Hope. He says, he does usually have

1019
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 2: my back. His dad is the only one with a

1020
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 2: problem with me. When I was talking to him about

1021
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 2: why he thought it was a good idea, he said,

1022
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 2: because we had such a great experience telling his parents

1023
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: about our pregnancies. He wanted to be there for his

1024
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 2: brother in that moment. I had to remind him. At

1025
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 2: the time of our first pregnancy, we'd been married two

1026
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 2: years and together for nine where brother in law met,

1027
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 2: moved in with, and got pregnant in five months. More

1028
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 2: on Ope's husband's relationship with his brother, Opie says, my

1029
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 2: husband has the mentality that he needs to look out

1030
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 2: for his brother. He's the oldest and it shows. So

1031
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 2: when his brother gets in a pickle, we take him

1032
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 2: in However, this time, when brother in law said he

1033
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 2: was moving out, I made it extremely clear that if

1034
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 2: this relationship goes south, he is not coming back here.

1035
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 2: He's thirty and needs to start acting like it. My

1036
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 2: husband agreed with us. Commra says, why is this going

1037
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: to cause father in law to be upset? OHP says,

1038
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 2: father in law is old fashioned, even after being with

1039
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 2: my husband for nine years. When our first was born,

1040
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 2: father in law told my husband to protect himself just

1041
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 2: in case. So I can't imagine what'll have to say

1042
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: about a woman that's been around less than a year,

1043
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 2: not married, and pregnant. That's why I'm concerned for the

1044
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 2: girlfriend's feelings, especially because she was pushing brother in law

1045
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 2: to tell everyone at twelve weeks. To be clear, no

1046
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 2: one else in the family is judgmental like this, just

1047
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 2: father in law and there is an update. Yeah, I

1048
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 2: feel like you gotta either, you know, tell your father

1049
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 2: in law not to come, or force your brother in

1050
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,800
Speaker 2: law to say something before the party.

1051
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, can we talk to the brother in law.

1052
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's have a conversation with him and say, hey,

1053
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 2: we really don't we really would not like you to

1054
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: do the reveal at our daughter's birthday party.

1055
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's do that. Let's do that at you know,

1056
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: earlier time. Right. See, I feel like, see what he

1057
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 1: thinks about it. I don't think they've mentioned actually talking

1058
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: to her now.

1059
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 2: It seems like they're just kind of talking amongst themselves

1060
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 2: and assuming things. Yeah, updates. Well, if anyone smelled smoke today,

1061
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 2: it was probably the dumpster fire that was my daughter's party.

1062
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 2: Oh no, No. Firstly, father in law actually seemed to

1063
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 2: take the news pretty well. I guess that wasn't part

1064
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 2: of the fire.

1065
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 1: Okay.

1066
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 2: Surprisingly, mother in law is more angry that he waited

1067
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 2: so long to tell them. No scene was made, However,

1068
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 2: every conversation from that point forward was all about the

1069
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 2: baby and pregnancy and how girlfriend told her parents. Is

1070
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,839
Speaker 2: there a name yet, et cetera. Mother in law made

1071
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 2: a comment about how my husband and I can now

1072
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:02,800
Speaker 2: give brother in law and girlfriend all the baby stuff

1073
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 2: we're not using anymore. As an added bonus, brother in

1074
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 2: law also decided to use this opportunity to tell everyone

1075
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 2: him and his girlfriend are engaged away. They're planning a

1076
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 2: big move stop.

1077
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 1: Oh wow, too.

1078
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 2: Many things to relocate closer to her family and I

1079
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 2: guess us before she's due. So on top of the

1080
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 2: baby questions, there was also conversations about wedding planning and

1081
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 2: house hunting. There is a little bit left to this story. Yeah,

1082
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 2: that's disappointing.

1083
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, disappointing. I feel like they could have easily. It

1084
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 1: makes sense that people would talk about that. Sure, if

1085
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 1: they hear about it, it's something to celebrate. But I

1086
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: feel like that that's a lot more than we thought

1087
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 1: it was gonna be. So can we not just have

1088
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: like a little lunch or dinner or something. Literally could

1089
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: have done that any other time you've had your own party.

1090
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 2: As another edition, my sister and her daughter came. Except

1091
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 2: my niece has an active staff infection and has been

1092
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 2: on antibiotics for twenty four hours, but this wasn't mentioned

1093
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 2: to us until the party was almost over. It was

1094
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 2: assumed to not be a big deal because all open

1095
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,760
Speaker 2: wounds were covered and she'd had twenty four hours of antibiotics.

1096
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 2: My husband was furious and pulled me to the side

1097
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 2: to say some not nice things about it. After that,

1098
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 2: I shut down. I isolated myself by putting together my

1099
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 2: daughter's new toys. Everyone left pretty early and everyone was

1100
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: feeling tense. I'm feeling upset and defeated, and now I

1101
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 2: have to monitor my three younger kids for signs of

1102
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 2: a staff infection and try to sanitize my house. I

1103
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: think I'm done having parties for a while, and that

1104
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 2: is the end of that story. Probably need some sort

1105
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 2: of counseling with your husband, Yeah, I think so too,

1106
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 2: because you guys aren't on the same page.

1107
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, not on the same page, and he seemed to not.

1108
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 1: You know, he doesn't have to share your same feelings,

1109
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: but it feels like maybe he was overlooking how strongly

1110
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 1: you felt about this. Yes, and that is you know,

1111
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: something to talk about pot.

1112
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 2: And then immediately gets on you for your like family

1113
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 2: making one mistake.

1114
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. My mother in law felt entitled over

1115
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: my child, so I had to set firm boundaries. Now

1116
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: your child. My husband and I have been together for

1117
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 1: ten years, married for five We are expecting our first

1118
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 1: child at the end of August.

1119
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 2: Congratulations.

1120
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: Since the beginning of our relationship, just now, mother in

1121
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 1: law has never liked me, but tolerated me. She's local,

1122
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 1: so we visit with her pretty often. By the way,

1123
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: this comes from Affectionate Guard five five zero, and if

1124
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1125
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: r slash Okay storytime separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,

1126
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: and we are here to give good advices goofully, but

1127
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: that does not mean we have all the answers. So

1128
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 1: if you would do anything that we don't say so,

1129
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 1: we would guess what our best move would be in

1130
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: these stories. But if you would do anything differently let

1131
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: us know in the comments. The first few times I

1132
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: met her, I accidentally referred to her as ma'am. I'm

1133
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: originally from the South, where it's typically seen as polite

1134
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 1: to referred elders as ma'am and sir. Her response was

1135
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: visceral and had me feeling like I had said something

1136
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: terribly offensive. She said, ew, did you just call me ma'am?

1137
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1138
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 1: Please don't ever do that ever again. I hate that.

1139
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 1: There were many other stances of unpleasantness in the beginning,

1140
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 1: for instance, asking personal questions about me and my social

1141
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: political beliefs and my career goals, but then openly criticizing

1142
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: my answers in front of the entire room. She acts

1143
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 1: as if her opinions are objective truths. It's exhausting because

1144
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: even when I try my absolute best to keep quiet,

1145
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: she manages to either criticize something or be generally condescending

1146
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 1: in a passive aggressive way. And if I'm not her target,

1147
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 1: my husband will be. And if it isn't him, she'll

1148
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 1: complain about someone else. Needless to say, I'm always riddled

1149
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 1: with anxiety during our visits with her. This has never

1150
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 1: changed or improved in the entire ten years of our relationship.

1151
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: Mother in law's weird comments include she often says things

1152
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: that I personally find reprehensible, like if I could go

1153
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,919
Speaker 1: back in time and never have had kids, I would

1154
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 1: do it in a heartbeat for the sake of boosting

1155
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: my career. You're gonna say that around your children?

1156
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:50,760
Speaker 2: That's ouch.

1157
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: That's crazy, mom. Do you regret me? That's a full

1158
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: grown adult now. Huh hikes. She lets my husband and

1159
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 1: me know intimate details about his sister's waxing habits and

1160
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 1: lingerie preferences for no reason at all. Stop that she

1161
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 1: openly has all of her children on a list of

1162
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,760
Speaker 1: most liked to least liked. But even though she says

1163
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: what we feel are wildly inappropriate things, we don't push back.

1164
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 1: For the sake of keeping peace and avoiding conflict. She

1165
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 1: has never liked any of the women her sons have

1166
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: dated in the past. She often fantasizes to us about

1167
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 1: both of my brother in law's getting divorces, even though

1168
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 1: they have happy, thriving marriages. I'm sure she feels the

1169
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 1: same about my marriage as well. So our current issue.

1170
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: Now that we're expecting our first child soon, my anxiety

1171
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 1: about interacting with mother in law has tripled. She has

1172
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 1: already overstepped throughout my pregnancy by critiquing my parental choices

1173
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 1: about my birth plan, future schooling ideals, and things like that.

1174
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 1: She even openly said that she absolutely hated the name

1175
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,760
Speaker 1: ideas that we initially had for the baby. She hijacks

1176
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 1: the entire baby shower planning process that my mom had

1177
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 1: been setting up after knowing that my mom was planning

1178
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 1: it for me. She even tried to change the ocation

1179
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: theme and music playlist that I had picked for the shower.

1180
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 1: She told me that I had better be ready for

1181
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: her unsolicited parenting advice, and she has it in her

1182
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: head that she will be at our home whenever she

1183
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 1: feels like it once we're out from the hospital.

1184
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 2: And now The problem here is no longer your mother

1185
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 2: in law, It is your husband. Yeah, what's he doing?

1186
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 2: What's he doing? We gotta start. We gotta go to

1187
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 2: a husband say, hey, I really don't want your mom

1188
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 2: giving me unsolicited parenting advice and showing up at our house.

1189
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: Yeah all the time. Right, you should figure out how

1190
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: to deal with your mom. Yeah, it's it's gonna be

1191
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 1: a stressful time and she's not gonna help at all.

1192
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: She doesn't intend to help me around the house or anything.

1193
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: She doesn't clean in general. She just wants to hold

1194
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,280
Speaker 1: my baby and bond with her. I told my husband

1195
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: that it gives me massive anxiety as a hormonal first

1196
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: time mom, and that I'd like a peaceful postpartum healing

1197
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: slash bonding process with our baby without mother in law

1198
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: looming over my shoulder and criticizing me every day. I

1199
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: also have my mom nearby that I can call for

1200
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 1: help should I need it during this warulnerable time. He

1201
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 1: was one hundred percent on the same page and decided

1202
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 1: that we'll let her. Note that after our baby is born,

1203
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: we will call her for help and visits, but otherwise

1204
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: we'd prefer for her to give us space. Reminder that

1205
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: we've been peaceful and non confrontational all the way up

1206
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 1: to this point, managing to keep a somewhat stable relationship

1207
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 1: with her by staying neutral about everything for ten years.

1208
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: So we told her. Her reaction was intense, like a

1209
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 1: defiant child. She literally told us that she will not

1210
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: be staying away from our home when her grandbaby is born.

1211
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: So my husband told her that she is not entitled

1212
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,479
Speaker 1: to our son or to our personal space. She's shut

1213
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 1: down completely, ending the conversation right there and left the room.

1214
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 1: So we went back to our home. I called my

1215
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: mom to talk about it, and she said that if

1216
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: mother in law wants to be a part of her

1217
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: grandchild's life, she'll have to learn that she can't be

1218
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 1: overstepping our boundaries and treating us with disrespect. The problem

1219
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 1: is mother in law is a notorious grudge holder and

1220
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 1: a power tripper. Anyone who's stripped away her control of

1221
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 1: a situation is quote literally evil in her opinion. In conclusion,

1222
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: I wish there were a way to repair this for

1223
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: the sake of my husband's relationship with his mom and

1224
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,840
Speaker 1: our baby's future relationship with her grandma. But I also

1225
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 1: know that we didn't say anything unreasonable. My husband pointed

1226
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 1: out that if she can't act like an adult and

1227
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: respect us, she doesn't think that he can even trust

1228
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 1: her to be around our child. We've been more than

1229
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 1: gracious to her, but I just know that she's going

1230
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: to spin this as me being the reason that her

1231
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: son stood up to her. So anyway, can anyone relate

1232
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: and there is an update. I personally can't relate because

1233
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 1: I'm not married or have a child, neither of those things. Yeah,

1234
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: but I mean sucks, and I can be there. Sure

1235
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 1: does and does suck. Yeah, that you know, I feel

1236
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 1: like it's the kind of thing like if she does

1237
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: think that that you are the reason that her son

1238
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: stood up to her, it's like, I mean cares.

1239
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, she already doesn't like you exactly, what great loss

1240
00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 2: is it?

1241
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 1: Yeah? And if you were like whatever, he should stand

1242
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 1: up for you. Yeah, So that just sucks. Hopefully she

1243
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,239
Speaker 1: respect your boundaries and you don't have to like get

1244
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 1: a restraining order or anything.

1245
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,280
Speaker 2: Hopefully we do have an update.

1246
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,359
Speaker 1: My husband and I have still not spoken to mother

1247
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,959
Speaker 1: in law since the incident happened where she shut down

1248
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 1: when we established basic boundaries, but we've discussed everything in

1249
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 1: more detail with each other and have decided to not

1250
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 1: bring it up to mother in law again. We won't

1251
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 1: be treating her like a child and asking her politely

1252
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:20,439
Speaker 1: if she heard our requests. My husband plans to take

1253
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 1: many of your wonderful pieces of advice, and we'll be

1254
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,480
Speaker 1: enforcing the boundaries that we've already set with her. If

1255
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 1: she wants to act like nothing happened and still come

1256
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 1: over uninvited when the baby is born, my husband will

1257
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 1: reinforce our boundaries and remind her that she needs to

1258
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,479
Speaker 1: make sure it's a good day for us to host

1259
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 1: visitors before turning her away. My mom has already been

1260
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:41,760
Speaker 1: so helpful by surprising my husband and me with freezer meals,

1261
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 1: fridge essentials, and homemade lasagna. Recently. Mother in law, however,

1262
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 1: wants to use dinners as a sort of transaction to

1263
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 1: manipulate us into letting her spend time with our baby.

1264
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: She has literally said this, that's crazy. She's like, hey, guy,

1265
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 1: I want to like manipulate you with this.

1266
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 2: I'd love to manipulate you.

1267
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 1: That's that all right, wild. I know it isn't fair

1268
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: to compare, but it's kind of hard not to when

1269
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 1: these women are so night and day from each other.

1270
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: So yesterday my husband had a chance to catch up

1271
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 1: with his father in law on the phone. My in

1272
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 1: laws are divorced. He confided in father in law so

1273
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: that he was truly surprised that his mom reacted to

1274
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 1: the way that she did. Father in law was super

1275
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 1: apologetic on her behalf to the both of us, and

1276
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 1: so that he really thought that she would have matured

1277
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: a bit after all these years. Then he dropped a

1278
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: bombshell on us.

1279
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 2: Uh.

1280
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 1: Oh, My husband asked if his mom ever put up

1281
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 1: with father in law's mother coming by whenever she felt

1282
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 1: like it to see them as babies. Not only did

1283
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 1: father in law say no, and that mother in law

1284
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:36,839
Speaker 1: banned his mom from coming over whatsoever, but also that

1285
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,280
Speaker 1: mother in law demanded that father in law stop visiting

1286
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 1: his mother when she was severely sick a few years

1287
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 1: after they all had their kids.

1288
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 2: And that's when you go, hey, mom in law, I

1289
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:51,359
Speaker 2: would be following your lead and a husband cannot see

1290
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 2: you anymore. Right, you think that's such a great idea.

1291
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: I'm just taking a note out of your book.

1292
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,880
Speaker 2: I think that's brilliant. I think you're so smart. Oh

1293
00:54:57,840 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 2: my gosh, I will be doing that.

1294
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 1: He was only seeing his mother a few times a week.

1295
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 1: She gave him an ultimatum, to which father in law

1296
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: apologized and started prioritizing mother in law with what little

1297
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 1: time he had outside of work. His mom ended up

1298
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: passing away about a week later, and he didn't get

1299
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 1: to say goodbye to her. Not only did mother in

1300
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,359
Speaker 1: law not go visit her own sake mother in law

1301
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: with the kids to support her husband, but she robbed

1302
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 1: him of the chance for closure, all because she demanded

1303
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 1: his attention at the worst possible time. I must add

1304
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: that prior to this event and afterwards, she had never

1305
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 1: been demanding of his time or affection. There are so

1306
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 1: many old videotapes that we have of them as a

1307
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,359
Speaker 1: married couple, and in every single one, mother in law

1308
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 1: looks annoyed by all of father in law's attempts to

1309
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:43,840
Speaker 1: be affectionate. She never needed his attention until he was

1310
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: giving it to his mother. With all these events in

1311
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,600
Speaker 1: my anxiety, recently I had to go to the hospital

1312
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 1: for an NST. No baby wasn't moving and my blood

1313
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 1: pressure has been elevated. Thankfully, everything is okay, that's good,

1314
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:58,400
Speaker 1: But at this point, if I go back to the

1315
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:01,279
Speaker 1: hospital for any new symptoms. They may just induce me.

1316
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 1: So baby could potentially arrive at any point now. And

1317
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:06,359
Speaker 1: I'm really curious to see what'll happen when we're back

1318
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 1: home from the hospital. I think mother in law will

1319
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 1: tread lightly. My husband fears that she may just ignore

1320
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,959
Speaker 1: our boundaries. We shall see, and I will update again

1321
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 1: when we know more. Oh wow, good luck.

1322
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:20,240
Speaker 2: With your mother in law. Good luck, dude.

1323
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 1: That is terrible. I'm very sorry that that's caused complications

1324
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 1: in your friends.

1325
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:26,320
Speaker 2: I mean, all that stress.

1326
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:30,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, good for baby, absolutely not. So hopefully that will

1327
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: be you know, honestly, hopefully you go even lower contacts

1328
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:37,839
Speaker 1: after all that. Yes, possibly even no contact because you

1329
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: have to protect your peace and that's baby to do it. Yeah,

1330
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 1: but that is the end of that story.

1331
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 2: Hey, John Ogi, hoist here. We're gonna get back to

1332
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:45,880
Speaker 2: this episode.

1333
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: But a quick three minute break of ads from a

1334
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 1: sponsor's keeping the show alive.

1335
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 2: I ended a ten year friendship because she couldn't even

1336
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 2: text me happy birthday.

1337
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: And now I had a sad birthday thanks to you.

1338
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 2: I twenty six al have been friends with a girl

1339
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,839
Speaker 2: on six Females since freshman year of high school. She's

1340
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,760
Speaker 2: always been very introverted, the I'm not really a people

1341
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 2: pleaser type. I was introverted too, and we liked a

1342
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:10,440
Speaker 2: lot of the same things, so we hit it off

1343
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 2: pretty quickly. She would go quiet sometimes, but I had

1344
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,479
Speaker 2: other friends and didn't mind too much that she would

1345
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 2: ghost and disappear, although it was annoying. By the way,

1346
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 2: this comes from Round Loss eight eight zero, and you

1347
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 2: can submit your own stories on the r slash Okay

1348
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 2: storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and Op says.

1349
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 2: Fast forward ten years and most of our friend group

1350
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 2: fizzled out or moved away, but we stayed close. I

1351
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,480
Speaker 2: moved to another state after graduating, while she stayed in

1352
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 2: our hometown even from a distance. I made a big

1353
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 2: effort to keep our friendship going, staying in touch, checking

1354
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 2: in on her life, inviting her on trips, listening to

1355
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,919
Speaker 2: her vent, and trying to keep her updated on my life.

1356
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 2: But honestly, it was always me making the effort. I

1357
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 2: always texted first. I always sent a gift on her birthday,

1358
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 2: at least a birthday card, if nothing else. I gave

1359
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 2: her space to talk about her issues even when I

1360
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 2: had my own and what did she give back? Nothing

1361
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 2: close to that. She ignored me when I needed to talk.

1362
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 2: If we started a conversation about her and I dare

1363
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 2: to bring up something troubling me, that conversation would soon end.

1364
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 2: All I got for my birthday after I left was

1365
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 2: a happy Birthday text, not even a birthday card. While

1366
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 2: we lived in the same state, she would actually be

1367
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 2: a good gift giver. She never asked how I was doing,

1368
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 2: even when I was clearly struggling. If I don't text,

1369
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 2: we don't talk. When I called her out, all she

1370
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 2: could say was she was sorry and that I truly

1371
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 2: meant a lot to her, but that she's depressed and

1372
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 2: trying her best, and that she's just a girl.

1373
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, a valid, valid excuse.

1374
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 2: She's just a girl. The thing is girl. I'm depressed too.

1375
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 2: My mental health has been in the gutter for years.

1376
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:42,479
Speaker 2: Moving out of state to my first city and doing

1377
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 2: my first corporate job after breaking up with one of

1378
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 2: my oldest friends, losing my grandmother, and dealing with the

1379
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 2: VID wasn't exactly a cake walk, But I still made

1380
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 2: time to treat people with decency, especially someone I considered

1381
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 2: a best friend. I have other friends dealing with really

1382
00:58:56,680 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 2: heavy stuff, substance, regularly use, clinical depressed, and time spent

1383
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 2: in mental institutions after self harm attempts. Yet they always

1384
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 2: managed to reach out and check on me when they could,

1385
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 2: even with their own issues. Thinking back, even when I

1386
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 2: was home, it was always like this, always about her,

1387
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 2: never about what I may want or need. Even inviting

1388
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 2: her places was basically begging. All while she's complaining about

1389
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 2: not being able to make friends and being the therapist

1390
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 2: friend with her army buddies, a role she's never played

1391
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 2: for me.

1392
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 1: Deep down, I knew all this, but I stuck around

1393
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 1: because I cared about her. Real quick pause.

1394
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 2: If you've got friends who are just not putting in

1395
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 2: the same effort that you're putting in, then sometimes those

1396
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 2: friendships are meant to be long term. Yeah, And sometimes

1397
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:42,160
Speaker 2: they come back around, they reach out, you realize, oh,

1398
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 2: hey we can rekindle this, right, But for the time being,

1399
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:47,960
Speaker 2: if you're not seeing the effort that you're putting in

1400
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 2: being reciprocated, then it's just stop trying, you know, stop

1401
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 2: trying to push it totally.

1402
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't need to be a thing of like, ah,

1403
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,240
Speaker 1: you need to put it in more effort. You could

1404
00:59:57,280 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 1: just be like, Okay, I guess it's just not the

1405
00:59:59,360 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 1: time right now.

1406
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be like, oh well, i'm

1407
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 2: depressed too, I'm able to do this. It's like, you

1408
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 2: know what you might be able to she's not for

1409
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 2: whatever reasons, right, so you know, don't put in that

1410
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 2: effort that you're not seeing. In December, I went back

1411
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 2: home for the holidays and brought.

1412
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: Her a gift.

1413
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 2: She said we should hang out, and I agreed. I

1414
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 2: texted her the day after Christmas to see if she

1415
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 2: wanted to make plans. I didn't mention anything specific. I

1416
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 2: was down for anything, even just sitting in the car talking.

1417
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 2: She didn't respond. She's probably busy with the holidays, I

1418
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 2: told myself. So I waited two days and messaged her again.

1419
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 2: She brought me this excuse of not being on her

1420
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 2: phone for the last two days sure, and that her

1421
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 2: family was coming home that day and she was on

1422
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 2: a tight budget.

1423
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:37,800
Speaker 1: No problem.

1424
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 2: I called it a range. After a day, I'm thinking, well,

1425
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 2: I'm gonna leave soon and I haven't seen her in

1426
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:44,520
Speaker 2: two years, So I let her know i'd be leaving

1427
01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:46,920
Speaker 2: soon and if she had any time, I'd make it work.

1428
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 2: Around the same time, I saw she posted a note

1429
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 2: on Instagram making fun of women who are okay with

1430
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,920
Speaker 2: open relationships. This isn't the first time I've seen her

1431
01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 2: make a posts like this. We haven't talked in a while,

1432
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 2: so in an attempt to start a conversation with one

1433
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 2: of my oldest friends, I asked her what's wrong, using

1434
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 2: her note as an icebreaker. I remembered her once mentioning

1435
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 2: she'd be into having a two guys, so I jokingly

1436
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:10,800
Speaker 2: messaged her, you wouldn't be this against it if the

1437
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 2: roles were reversed. I don't know if that was the

1438
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 2: best move. Yeah, could be honest. Feels like you guys

1439
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 2: haven't been friends in a minute, feels like a little

1440
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 2: feels a little too familiar.

1441
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

1442
01:01:23,600 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 2: And she responded saying that women are the real prize,

1443
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:27,720
Speaker 2: go to any dating app. Blah blah blah. I don't

1444
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 2: really care about this. In my opinion, people do what

1445
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 2: they want. But I wanted to talk to her, so

1446
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:34,240
Speaker 2: I teased her about having double standards and that we

1447
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 2: men navid harder and dating and she shouldn't be so

1448
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,320
Speaker 2: pressed about now. Please keep in mind, I have no

1449
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:42,760
Speaker 2: idea what prompted her original note. She hadn't provided me

1450
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 2: with any context, and I'm just trying to have a conversation. Well,

1451
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 2: this girl blows up saying that she hasn't posted about

1452
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 2: this before. She definitely has, and then I'm projecting because

1453
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 2: I made this about myself. I clearly hit her nerve,

1454
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 2: so I backed off to stop the argument. I explained

1455
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 2: that I wasn't projecting and that I was just trying

1456
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 2: to make a conversation. Apologized and said I was probably

1457
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 2: confusing her posting with something someone else posted, but I

1458
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 2: definitely Wasn't you mentioned the woman who kored thing a

1459
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 2: few times.

1460
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 1: Nevertheless, this is a.

1461
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 2: Stupid thing to argue about, so I took the l

1462
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:15,800
Speaker 2: He didn't respond to this to my text about making plans.

1463
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 2: She then responded saying that she doesn't feel like doing

1464
01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:19,920
Speaker 2: anything crazy and that she's on a tight budget, so

1465
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 2: she doesn't know what I want to do with her.

1466
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 2: This honestly rubbed me the wrong way because it's such

1467
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:27,000
Speaker 2: a dry, low effort response. She knows full well I'm

1468
01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 2: the one with the car and that I'll pick her up.

1469
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:30,800
Speaker 2: She knows I would treat if I had to. Plus

1470
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 2: I left it open so money wouldn't necessarily need to

1471
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:35,960
Speaker 2: be involved. We could have just hung out in the

1472
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,919
Speaker 2: car or the park near her house. She clearly can't

1473
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,920
Speaker 2: be bothered to spend time with her friend, who she

1474
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 2: cares a lot about but hasn't seen in two years.

1475
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 2: I blew up and told her all that. She didn't

1476
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 2: even respond again, like, this is just not a person

1477
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 2: who you know wants to be friends at least, yeah,

1478
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 2: close friends with you anymore.

1479
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just can't. Yeah, you just can't keep

1480
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 1: pushing that, right, because yeah, it's like, you know, you

1481
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 1: can try to look at these things and you know,

1482
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 1: make excuses or trying to figure out why it's sometimes

1483
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 1: like the answer is just like yeah, they just didn't

1484
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 1: want to hang out with you, or they just sometimes

1485
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 1: that's it. Yeah, that's it. And that sucks that you

1486
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:14,520
Speaker 1: don't want to think that. That's why you don't think

1487
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 1: of that as the first option. But if you were

1488
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 1: looking at it like objectively like we are, that's how

1489
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: you would see it.

1490
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 2: Because sometimes it's not like, oh, they're going through a

1491
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:25,760
Speaker 2: really tough time and you need to like keep pushing

1492
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:28,400
Speaker 2: through to be there for them, and sometimes it's literally

1493
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 2: just you guys have grown apart. Yeah, and one person

1494
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 2: you is latching on to this friend who's like walking.

1495
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 1: Away from you. Sucks. But I'm sorry.

1496
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 2: I recognize it was the holidays and we both had

1497
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 2: personal stuff going on, which contributed to the heightened tensions.

1498
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 2: Maybe I overreacted a bit, but at this point I

1499
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 2: was tired. I was tired of always being the one

1500
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 2: to reach out, of always de escalating. She's a grown

1501
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,240
Speaker 2: woman and I'm not her father. If she wants to

1502
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 2: keep being friends, she would reach out, so I didn't

1503
01:03:54,720 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 2: say or do anything. If she reached out, I would

1504
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 2: apologize and forgive her, and we'd keep going as if

1505
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 2: nothing hap spoiler she didn't.

1506
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, you just gotta take that sign for what

1507
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 1: it is.

1508
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. Instead, for the next few months, she

1509
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 2: posted vague captions on her stories, like Hey, I know

1510
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:14,520
Speaker 2: I haven't been the best of all of you, but

1511
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 2: know that you all matter. I am such a cutie patuti.

1512
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 2: How could anyone do me wrong or resist me? The

1513
01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,640
Speaker 2: reason I'm good at being petty is because I'm forgetful.

1514
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:25,000
Speaker 2: She reshared a post saying I hate instant connections because

1515
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 2: we've finna be toxic, but caption it this but as friends,

1516
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 2: no idea If those were meant for me. I honestly

1517
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 2: don't know, but I ignored them once I did go

1518
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:34,880
Speaker 2: to the gym and poked fun at girls who say

1519
01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:37,040
Speaker 2: look at my hair while just showing their butt by

1520
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 2: parroting that type of post. She later posted a selfie

1521
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 2: at the gym with the small text on the side

1522
01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:45,600
Speaker 2: saying Lolfu yah yu, you know who you are. So

1523
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 2: I believe that one was meant for me. I ignored

1524
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 2: it too. At this point, we've been in radio silence

1525
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 2: for almost half the year. I visited home to celebrate

1526
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:55,720
Speaker 2: my birthday and she knew I did, Yet she made

1527
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:58,640
Speaker 2: no attempt to contact me or even bothered saying happy

1528
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 2: birthday in a text. Ever forgotten her birthday or left

1529
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,120
Speaker 2: her with at least a text or birthday guard. But

1530
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 2: again I made excuses and told myself she's probably gone

1531
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:10,320
Speaker 2: through something. She'll reach out eventually. I'm an idiot.

1532
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:10,720
Speaker 1: I know.

1533
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 2: A few days past and I'm attending comic Con with

1534
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 2: another friend. She's there in full costume with a giant

1535
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:19,400
Speaker 2: mace prop and a group of people. She sees me

1536
01:05:19,800 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 2: I see her, we ignore each other. After a decade

1537
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:25,640
Speaker 2: of friendship and half a year of radio silence, everything

1538
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 2: is reduced to acting like strangers. That just sucks, dude,

1539
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:32,360
Speaker 2: Yeah it sucks. It always sucks. But yeah, I mean

1540
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 2: you're saying it's a year and a half, but it's

1541
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 2: more like, you know, three years.

1542
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:38,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just kind of going downhill. Yeah. Yeah, Because

1543
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 1: it's always the kind of thing of like if your

1544
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 1: if friends start to kind of feel the thing of like, oh,

1545
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:45,760
Speaker 1: like I feel like they're not caring about me, I'm

1546
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:48,600
Speaker 1: gonna like test them with the you know, if they

1547
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 1: don't respond. I never really like that, but yeah, like

1548
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:54,280
Speaker 1: if you want to talk to them, then do it.

1549
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 1: But it does seem like he didn't do that, like

1550
01:05:56,880 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 1: oh he was trying to talk and then after a

1551
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,960
Speaker 1: while it was like okay, now let me see Yeah,

1552
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 1: and then you got your answer.

1553
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:06,640
Speaker 2: I've I've had really close friends who have just kind

1554
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 2: of like slowly eatered out. Yeah, And I have nothing

1555
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 2: against them. I'm just like, yeah, I'm I'm less close

1556
01:06:12,560 --> 01:06:15,120
Speaker 2: to you now. We have different things going on. Sometimes

1557
01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 2: it's distance. Sometimes you know, it's just life.

1558
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 1: Right.

1559
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 2: It seems like it's a little bit distance for you too.

1560
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:22,880
Speaker 2: You just kind of have to move on to the

1561
01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 2: people who I mean. I talked to my friend about

1562
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:27,440
Speaker 2: this as well. Mm hmmm, because they talk to me

1563
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,320
Speaker 2: a lot about, like, you know, trying to find people

1564
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:32,000
Speaker 2: who actually make the effort and stuff, and how a

1565
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:34,439
Speaker 2: lot of the friends like don't do that, and yeah,

1566
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 2: you just really it's trial and error. You have to

1567
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 2: find people that want to be there for you, right.

1568
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 2: She had the time to get tickets, to get a

1569
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:45,280
Speaker 2: group of people together she doesn't even particularly like, by

1570
01:06:45,280 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 2: the way, and to make a full costume with a

1571
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:50,280
Speaker 2: giant mace prop while depressed and feeling bad because she

1572
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 2: hasn't been the best but we all matter. But she

1573
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 2: couldn't write me a happy Birthday text, send me a

1574
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 2: birthday card in the last three years, or even a

1575
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:59,960
Speaker 2: gift through Amazon. She couldn't even spare thirty minutes of

1576
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:02,440
Speaker 2: to see a friend she hasn't seen.

1577
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:03,480
Speaker 1: Two years yet.

1578
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 2: With me, she never had the energy to leave the house.

1579
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 2: So when I arrived home that weekend, I decided to

1580
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 2: cut my losses and take her off all my social

1581
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:13,920
Speaker 2: media and just officially end the friendship on my end.

1582
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,600
Speaker 2: I don't mean to trivialize mental health struggles. But to me,

1583
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:19,480
Speaker 2: depression is a reason, yes, but not an excuse to

1584
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 2: treat people like crap? Did I of react? Did I

1585
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 2: blow a situation out of proportion? Was I U the

1586
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 2: fair too needy? I just need real, honest thoughts. I

1587
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 2: think you just going through a friend breakup that's been

1588
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 2: going on for a couple of years, and you just

1589
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 2: have to realize there's not really much you can do. Yeah.

1590
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:35,720
Speaker 1: I don't think you're overreacting at all. I mean you're

1591
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:38,280
Speaker 1: not really doing anything. You're really just kind of like

1592
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:41,920
Speaker 1: noticing the situation now, and like, you know, you know

1593
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 1: that you didn't mean that Instagram story to be a

1594
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 1: petty thing against her specifically. Yeah, you know, so the

1595
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:50,120
Speaker 1: fact that she took it that way is annoying. You

1596
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:53,200
Speaker 1: never want to communicate through posts? Yeah?

1597
01:07:53,240 --> 01:07:53,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's not.

1598
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:58,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. I'm not someone you really like,

1599
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,880
Speaker 1: want to have, or at least it's not like the

1600
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 1: best connectionists stick around, so agree. Hopefully she can grow

1601
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:07,840
Speaker 1: out of that and then eventually we'll miss you and

1602
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:08,720
Speaker 1: come back to you m M.

1603
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 2: But for now, find the friends that care about you exactly,

1604
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:13,440
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story,