Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us.
Speaker 2: Time and a termino and gay. We want to send
Speaker 2: you off in style.
Speaker 1: We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need do you ride?
Speaker 3: Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
Speaker 3: to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 3: This is a new experience. The sun is in the
Speaker 3: center of the sky above us. Yep, there is moderate
Speaker 3: amounts of traffic. We are midday recording and it feels.
Speaker 1: Great and it feels so fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it feels like this is an actual job. This
Speaker 3: is during business hours, not some after school hobby.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And these maple trees are turning yellow and red and gold,
Speaker 2: which is my favorite.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is the street that has fall on.
Speaker 2: This is this one autumnal street in all of Los
Speaker 2: Angeles County, so.
Speaker 3: Many streets, most being autumnal, but this is the only
Speaker 3: one that has true autonomy.
Speaker 2: If you hear a street boasting about all its acorns
Speaker 2: and all its cornucopia, you better call that. You better
Speaker 2: confront that street because this is the only one vine lend.
Speaker 1: There has to.
Speaker 3: Be a situation. And maybe you know the history of
Speaker 3: the cornucopia, which, as we know, is a coiled cone,
Speaker 3: woven cone bursting with gorge and baby pumpkins. It's a
Speaker 3: centerpiece as we know now. But in the wild there
Speaker 3: used to be and you can take over from here
Speaker 3: care great.
Speaker 2: It used to be a hat that pilgrims wove for
Speaker 2: themselves when they were out of felt. When the felt
Speaker 2: dried up, they would go weave themselves.
Speaker 1: A birch stick hat.
Speaker 2: Get if they could wear it all autumn with out
Speaker 2: getting big slippers in their forehead that got infected, they
Speaker 2: would win a bunch of gorge.
Speaker 3: Right, and then wear the hat ceremoniously when greeting visitors
Speaker 3: while holding scissors behind their back, because oh, Pilgrims wear
Speaker 3: sneaky bunch.
Speaker 2: Are you thinking of the Pilgrim Thanksgiving horror movie where
Speaker 2: the pilgrim goes around killing people?
Speaker 3: I don't know what is there one?
Speaker 1: I think there is?
Speaker 3: Where are we right? Now writing it. That's our first meeting.
Speaker 1: Look at Blossom's sister over there. I can't stand it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, see that's what Blossom used to be shaped like. Yes,
Speaker 3: skinny and I noticed today Ben hitting the gym.
Speaker 2: She is like bulky in the front like I think
Speaker 2: you said it, like she looks like an Australian shepherd
Speaker 2: or a what did you say?
Speaker 1: Some sort of like a like.
Speaker 3: A if shaved and died gray a blue healer, yes
Speaker 3: orso right.
Speaker 2: Instead of just skinny long kind of funny bug lady.
Speaker 3: I had a different opinion of blue heelers when I
Speaker 3: was young because they bark loud, and you know, I
Speaker 3: have a lot of shell shock from non Oh yeah right,
Speaker 3: and I used to be so timid. Also, they will
Speaker 3: go to their instincts when in a group of nipping
Speaker 3: at your ankles to hurt you. It is amazing. My
Speaker 3: buddy Ross had a bachelor party which was just us
Speaker 3: in a field with tense shooting BB guns at beer
Speaker 3: cans and it was very fun. But when we were
Speaker 3: walking around as a group, the dog would just surround
Speaker 3: us and nip at our shoes, not enough to hurt,
Speaker 3: but a couple times it would like Nick, I mean,
Speaker 3: that's my achilles. That's a protected area.
Speaker 2: It makes me though, want to say, hey, did you
Speaker 2: think about the fact that if you guys were out
Speaker 2: camping in the middle of a field, that dog might
Speaker 2: have known that there was like a mountain lion fifty
Speaker 2: feet away.
Speaker 3: I only appreciate it now that dog was concerned for us,
Speaker 3: wanted us to stay in a group.
Speaker 1: Play together on task. Yeah, and it's a born.
Speaker 3: Behavior. That's amazing to me.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the they're so cool.
Speaker 2: We went They used to have like the sheep dog
Speaker 2: trials in Santa Ruz or like glenn Allen, which is
Speaker 2: kind of north of Petaluma, and we went there one
Speaker 2: time and it's just you. The people would bring their
Speaker 2: champion sheep dogs.
Speaker 3: It's kind of like a dog show.
Speaker 2: Then uh no, it's them out in the field literally
Speaker 2: rounding up sheep, sheep, sheep over and over again.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, oh competitively.
Speaker 2: Sheep sheep sheep, And then you get to watch them
Speaker 2: do it, and then there's judges somewhere who can tell
Speaker 2: the difference between one doing it and a different one
Speaker 2: doing it.
Speaker 3: Seems like while watching something like that with multiple sheep,
Speaker 3: you would get drowsy.
Speaker 1: With sheep sheep sheep. Oh yeah, because you're kind of counting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you forgetting that new one.
Speaker 1: Really laying out the joke is really good. I wonder
Speaker 1: if those dogs ever get drowsy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder if sheep dogs or fall asleep at
Speaker 3: work with all that counting.
Speaker 1: There it is, there it is.
Speaker 3: And then lower my eye, my eyeglasses.
Speaker 2: Your spectacles, the front row. Yeah, and then you say,
Speaker 2: buy my book.
Speaker 3: The amount of writing I've done on this show, it's
Speaker 3: been great.
Speaker 1: It's kind of what it's for.
Speaker 3: We talk it out and yeah, Blossom seems like she
Speaker 3: could work out in the field.
Speaker 1: I think she could. She's very good.
Speaker 2: She comes when I whistle, which makes me very proud
Speaker 2: of her. Although I just bragged about her doing that
Speaker 2: yesterday and then this morning she didn't do it, where
Speaker 2: I was like, this is not what we agreed upon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the Hugs are bad with contracts.
Speaker 2: They don't they don't respect it. Really bad with NDAs.
Speaker 3: Do you not remember inking your paw on the dotted line?
Speaker 1: You sold your soul, lady, Now play the fiddle, do
Speaker 1: it with your big upper body.
Speaker 2: I like that she kind of looks like it's the
Speaker 2: shape of what would it be like, kind of like
Speaker 2: it's liony.
Speaker 1: It's a little lion.
Speaker 3: Oh, big upfront, little in the back. Yeah, I was
Speaker 3: thinking nineteen twenties bicycle.
Speaker 1: Oh that's big in front, little in the back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, little in the middle. But she's got much back.
Speaker 1: How dare you?
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I cannot lie though I like it. I've
Speaker 3: been really, really, more than ever in conjunction with me
Speaker 3: realizing how many lost, hungry, wayward coyotes have been marching
Speaker 3: up and down my street, I at the same time
Speaker 3: really want a cat, and I I'm realizing I almost
Speaker 3: consider it abusive to force a cat to be inside
Speaker 3: all the time.
Speaker 1: No, if they don't know the difference, they're fine, I suppose,
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I have had outdoor cats, neighborhood cats that
Speaker 3: became my cat. Yeah, that were, like, you know what,
Speaker 3: I'm staying indoors from now on. I've had enough of outdoors.
Speaker 2: I also think it's different for whatever area. Like. Growing
Speaker 2: up in the country, all of our cats were outdoor cats.
Speaker 2: I witnessed some terrible things done to our cats by
Speaker 2: wild animals.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of part of it. It's really horrible.
Speaker 2: But if you're in the city and it's like straight
Speaker 2: up coyotes on your street, then you can't let your
Speaker 2: cats out.
Speaker 3: I know. I used to just resk bect to cat's
Speaker 3: claws and ability to just climb a tree like I've seen.
Speaker 3: I've only had experience with cats that are so agile.
Speaker 3: I dare a dog to try and catch any of
Speaker 3: the cats that have been in my life.
Speaker 2: But and then all the coyotes in LA just turned
Speaker 2: their head real fast and they're like, uh yeah, They're like,
Speaker 2: oh you darrows.
Speaker 3: Okay that this coyote the other night was literally stalking
Speaker 3: me and I would stop and try and look intimidating,
Speaker 3: and he'd just keep walking towards me.
Speaker 1: They have no they're not afraid shame, they have no fear.
Speaker 2: They don't they have no shame, and don't they know
Speaker 2: their sinners, zero manners.
Speaker 3: And they know that under the eyes of God, they
Speaker 3: are they are Their marriages aren't recognized. There are sinners,
Speaker 3: true and true.
Speaker 2: Their marriages are not you the ones that came up
Speaker 2: onto my porch which that stopped put patio, I mean,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, that was fucking crazy because they did the
Speaker 2: same thing where they were kind of it felt like
Speaker 2: they had a look on their face like, hey be cool,
Speaker 2: it's us, and it's like you're here to eat my pets.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, not having a fence in your back yard
Speaker 3: is like inviting a vampire in or well, let's not
Speaker 3: get dramatic.
Speaker 1: Well you need to make offensive garlic totside the packer,
Speaker 1: build that fenceive.
Speaker 3: Garlic that I've got a chance that at a rally,
Speaker 3: I yeah, I feel like though on the way to
Speaker 3: your house today, I saw a guy with one of
Speaker 3: those because they have cat backpacks with like just a
Speaker 3: little domed like astronaut window, and that's not enough. I've
Speaker 3: seen cats like kind of panicked with their face pressed
Speaker 3: against that. But and it's cute and a conversation piece whatever.
Speaker 3: And I'm not afraid to look like whatever. I'm not
Speaker 3: going to be a guy with a parrot on his
Speaker 3: shoulder or juggling with a snake and a renaissance fair.
Speaker 1: Of course not.
Speaker 3: But I will go around with a cat in a backpack.
Speaker 3: And this guy had one that was the entire backpack
Speaker 3: was domed glass, and the cat was just chilling in
Speaker 3: there with a blanket looking around, could actually lay down
Speaker 3: and the look not have to stand and put their face.
Speaker 1: On the on the bubble on the patch door.
Speaker 2: You when you say it was glass, do you actually
Speaker 2: mean it was glass?
Speaker 3: I think just a high density domed plast that got you.
Speaker 3: And honestly, that's why I'm bringing this all up. That
Speaker 3: backpack kind of made me think maybe I could pull
Speaker 3: this off, like if I was diligent about taking my
Speaker 3: cat on exerciseless walks.
Speaker 2: I mean, can you wear a backpack? That's the question
Speaker 2: you always have to ask yourself. And can you wear
Speaker 2: a front pack? Can you wear a pack that makes
Speaker 2: it look like you have a baby but it is
Speaker 2: not a baby? When this culture and the patriarchy that's
Speaker 2: embedded in this culture already makes men feel like they're
Speaker 2: not so to be uh, you know, soft and maternal
Speaker 2: like that you're not allowed to be. Are you ready
Speaker 2: to be that?
Speaker 3: Talking about my plight?
Speaker 2: Finally, I mean we have to put it on the
Speaker 2: table now that Trump's America is coming back in full force.
Speaker 2: We have to centerment again. But you're not only going
Speaker 2: to be exposing and vulnerable to that part of you
Speaker 2: in Trump's America, but Also, it's a cat, so people
Speaker 2: are going to think you're super fucking weird.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's weird. I've always been. I mean i've
Speaker 3: I've snapped at you when I see you leaning, dog
Speaker 3: leaning more dog laning, and I'm sorry for that. I've
Speaker 3: been in defense of cats for so many years, and
Speaker 3: now I'm questioning things because now this love of dogs
Speaker 3: has kind of overshadowed the cats. My cat foundation, my
Speaker 3: cat foundation, it's being shaded by this. This this umbrella
Speaker 3: of dog love and the rays of sun blocking are
Speaker 3: the opinions of other men, always, always, Who is this character?
Speaker 1: It's pretty great. It's like the Mark Twain of dismantling patriarchy. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's your new one man show.
Speaker 3: That is my new Val Kilmer touring stage play. I
Speaker 3: think I took for granted. Although I don't miss the
Speaker 3: west side and the yards I had. It's weird to
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: When you say yards, is that a started or just
Speaker 2: the front and back?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Like the houses I lived in when I am the
Speaker 3: real long Beers.
Speaker 1: Sorry, there's three choices.
Speaker 3: Sorry, what's all that again?
Speaker 4: Front?
Speaker 2: Right, front, back side distance sideyard, yep, distance, It's.
Speaker 3: Funny I've gone from living in houses with full on
Speaker 3: back and sideyards and open front yards with cars. But
Speaker 3: I realized my cat, sid was afraid of cars immediately,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, Okay, that's all I have to worry about.
Speaker 3: And occasionally I'd see the cat in the yard hanging
Speaker 3: out with friendly possums, which I thought possums were like
Speaker 3: raccoons and they had human hands and they would attack them.
Speaker 3: But no shared food with possums. Turns out, possums if
Speaker 3: you squint and make your vision blurry, are cute. Yes,
Speaker 3: if you really focus on them and they're wearing glasses,
Speaker 3: they're giant rats, or the tails are.
Speaker 2: They're kind of like half rat half people, which is disturbing.
Speaker 2: And their eyes are super buggy, right, yes, but they
Speaker 2: mean well, and so then you get sad and you
Speaker 2: feel like a bad perry. Right.
Speaker 3: Their eyes are tiny blackberries protruding out.
Speaker 2: Protruding like that weird rubber squishy doll from the eighties
Speaker 2: where you would squeeze it for stress.
Speaker 1: And then the eyes would pop out. Yes, that's corossoms
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 3: And then they came along with the one that's the
Speaker 3: pig pooping, which that only caused stress. Yeah, But and
Speaker 3: now I live in a you know, I'm more in
Speaker 3: the city environment, and that means coyotes. No one told
Speaker 3: me that I wasn't listening to the early Red Hot
Speaker 3: Chili Peppers songs about refuse. They aren't the on the
Speaker 3: West Side, is what I'm saying, And that's I would
Speaker 3: have a cat if I still lived over there, is
Speaker 3: what I'm realizing. And that I've lived in better houses.
Speaker 3: I've progressively gotten into smaller, less impressive yards, which is fine.
Speaker 1: It is fine because.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm living alone. It's my bachelor pad.
Speaker 2: Also, that is the way of America right now, where
Speaker 2: the night, the fat of the land we all lived
Speaker 2: off of in the nineties is gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And everyone lives in a small apartment or has
Speaker 2: a roommate or is getting by in some sort of
Speaker 2: way because that's how it is.
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe it is because of that.
Speaker 2: I mean, when I lived in San Francisco in the
Speaker 2: upper Hate, not the lower het, which is more questionable,
Speaker 2: the upper hat, which is near the fancy areas. I've
Speaker 2: paid three hundred and fifty dollars a month rent in
Speaker 2: a Victorian home with.
Speaker 1: My two friends it was fucking Nutso.
Speaker 3: Wow, I've always wanted to live in any home in
Speaker 3: San Francisco. That was my I wanted to live there
Speaker 3: so bad, just because it is the quintessential skateboarding town. Like,
Speaker 3: if you want to become a skateboarder, especially in the nineties,
Speaker 3: you moved to San Francis and skate at the Embarcadero. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and show your stuff and someone sponsors you. That's kind
Speaker 3: of what The Embarcadero, which is very close to the punchline, Yeah,
Speaker 3: was like where you would get discovered. It seemed. Now
Speaker 3: that was my Montana brain.
Speaker 2: There's also well, there's obviously lots of streets because there's
Speaker 2: like in my cousins where my aunt and uncle used
Speaker 2: to live, my San Francisco cousins, which is West Portal
Speaker 2: and kind of the area around that. There's lots of
Speaker 2: streets that have a crazy in the in skateboarding world,
Speaker 2: the grade is insane. Yeah, but it's not unheard of
Speaker 2: in on city streets or whatever. There's a couple similar
Speaker 2: here in LA but not very many. But in La
Speaker 2: I mean sorry, but in San Francisco. Yeah, if you
Speaker 2: lived in a neighborhood that your neighborhood probably had four
Speaker 2: amazing like bombing style Hill Street that you could use.
Speaker 3: I love that. You know that it's called hill bombing. Well,
Speaker 3: you surprised me all of the.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know, it's my interest and I'm just being
Speaker 2: a creep auditing in the corner, but.
Speaker 3: You only reveal it in snippets, and each time it
Speaker 3: catches me off guard get ready, and I'm I'm not
Speaker 3: a big hill bomber. It scares me. But I just
Speaker 3: know Hate Street because in Montana all of the boards
Speaker 3: I ordered from the back of a magazine, lick a stamp,
Speaker 3: write a check of my mother's illegally and order from
Speaker 3: skates on Hate That was yeah, yeah, and it it
Speaker 3: just that street. If I were to have, you know,
Speaker 3: had a little more money and gone to the art institute,
Speaker 3: that was always my goal early artist institute in San Francisco.
Speaker 3: Live on Hate Street because it's the only street I
Speaker 3: know of. And but you know, I don't have any
Speaker 3: regrets about not doing that, because well, yeah, I've soon
Speaker 3: learned even from visiting the Embarcadero, watching pros, seeing their
Speaker 3: ability to just get several inches higher than me, just
Speaker 3: born ability like a blue healer I'm like, wait, I
Speaker 3: don't have that pro pop m hm, I have. I
Speaker 3: try hard and I've learned to SKay through six month
Speaker 3: winters level of pop.
Speaker 1: So it's a different thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is a passion and a hobby that I'll
Speaker 3: take into my fifties. Little did I know.
Speaker 1: But anyway, let it surprise you. I look at Jack Skellington.
Speaker 3: Oh remember back early a couple of seasons ago, I
Speaker 3: thought his name was Jack the Skeleton.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, God, I was embarrassing those days. Look, all
Speaker 1: of us have to learn somehow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have learned. And I really slept on night
Speaker 3: Ember before Christmas for so many years, and which is
Speaker 3: surprising to me. I love stop motion animation. I love
Speaker 3: uh yeah, I love skeleton. I love drawing skulls, bones
Speaker 3: and bones. As you know from all the back tattoos
Speaker 3: I haven't revealed.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's it's really a great story. And I
Speaker 1: like this the one you just told.
Speaker 3: Yes, what I'm telling right now, I haven't even reached
Speaker 3: the ending. I just want to interrupt it, this story
Speaker 3: by letting you know it's.
Speaker 1: Great, great, perfect and.
Speaker 3: Have known, and then I show the ending is my
Speaker 3: Jack Skellington back tattoo.
Speaker 1: This just turn around, hunt your back and reveal.
Speaker 2: Have you ever seen the guy a picture that went
Speaker 2: very viral and it was a guy that had the
Speaker 2: name Brenda written on his back in like every possible
Speaker 2: font in size.
Speaker 3: Wow? No.
Speaker 2: And there's also a mister cool as Ice and he
Speaker 2: had like it said, mister cool as ice. And then
Speaker 2: he had skeletons and bones and melting ice.
Speaker 1: Wow like it.
Speaker 3: I have to Yeah, is this on the bad tattoos
Speaker 3: or are the good tattoos?
Speaker 2: I mean, you know it's to taste obviously, right, depending
Speaker 2: on if you like Brenda and if you like ice?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah, yeah, I guess if you can't choose a font.
Speaker 3: It's like someone said, hey, here are some mockups of
Speaker 3: that tattoo you wanted me to design and illustrator. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like, great, I'll take all twelve grade.
Speaker 1: I want them.
Speaker 3: No, no, you're supposed to take one now, No, I
Speaker 3: want to cover my whole back and it might as
Speaker 3: well be Brenda. I know we've only been dating for three.
Speaker 1: Weeks, but I get a good Yeah, I'm sure it'll
Speaker 1: be fine.
Speaker 3: There was always that one of my favorite Norman Rockwell,
Speaker 3: which is your favorite painter when you're a little kid
Speaker 3: in your lifes photo realism that vaguely touches on sixties Americana.
Speaker 3: But there was like a sailor that was getting all
Speaker 3: these he had like different girlfriends.
Speaker 1: On his arm and they were getting crossed out.
Speaker 3: Yeap, And well, I'm just realizing that guy was probably
Speaker 3: an abusive.
Speaker 1: Asshole, or he just had a lot of STDs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't know. I don't know. I'm starting to
Speaker 3: worry about those ladies that were getting crossed out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly how crossed out are these ladies?
Speaker 4: Sir?
Speaker 3: It was just that's the thing. It was a single line, so.
Speaker 1: You could still read Yeah that's petty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's just like people are going to know still
Speaker 3: that you were with me and it didn't work out.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well that's that's on you, sir.
Speaker 3: That's what I would sky. I'm on you.
Speaker 1: As Brenda.
Speaker 2: I would have been like, listen, get my name out
Speaker 2: out of your mouth and off your skin.
Speaker 3: Get my name out of your goddamn mouth. Slap. I'll
Speaker 3: never forget where I was when the slap heard round
Speaker 3: the world at the Oscars, I was, Yeah, I was
Speaker 3: in line. I was in line at at to see
Speaker 3: Built to Spill in Boise, Idaho, and I looked at
Speaker 3: my phone and I thought it was a skit or something,
Speaker 3: but I could tell it was a real The sound
Speaker 3: was off because I was in public. I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: have this sound on. And there's these these older ladies,
Speaker 3: this couple behind me, and I was like, does this
Speaker 3: look real to you? And they were like, holy shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And we had a discussion and then these kids and
Speaker 3: I really not to gloat or boast, but I really
Speaker 3: pulled people together, do you think so? Yeah? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: was showing it to people that have a discussion. We
Speaker 3: sat cross legged on the sidewalk. It's a really long line.
Speaker 1: Gross.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think I actually saw that happen real time,
Speaker 2: which is so unlikely because I almost never watched the
Speaker 2: Oscars or any award shows.
Speaker 1: They stressed me out and.
Speaker 2: I saw it and I literally was just like, you
Speaker 2: have fucking got to be kidding me, Like what is
Speaker 2: going on?
Speaker 3: Because he did a gij and joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it none of it tracked.
Speaker 2: It was, But there's also a very good chance that
Speaker 2: I watched it just after on Twitter or something.
Speaker 1: But I'm yeah, I feel like I.
Speaker 2: Witnessed it because I was like, we've just slipped into
Speaker 2: the worst timeline or whatever people say, We're just like
Speaker 2: the dumbest timeline where it's like, you've got to be
Speaker 2: kidding me.
Speaker 1: This is so goofy.
Speaker 2: And also, why didn't Chris Rock He just stood there
Speaker 2: like he wants to him to slap them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of funny.
Speaker 3: It's weird, and I'm not usually a victim blame me person,
Speaker 3: but when I first saw it, it was like, I said,
Speaker 3: why did he riff that kind of why? Why? Reference?
Speaker 1: That's your bald lady reference.
Speaker 3: I mean, he might as well have said Janet O'Connor
Speaker 3: or something like. I didn't like the joke. And then
Speaker 3: that stood out to me more than the slap, because
Speaker 3: I guess in my mind, public violence is normal.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then over a few days I was like, wait
Speaker 3: a minute, he handled it very well and calmly, and
Speaker 3: and uh, well why am I friend will Will Will
Speaker 3: Smith is? See I can't I kept I got his
Speaker 3: name out in my mouth.
Speaker 1: Can about him again?
Speaker 3: Yeah? What's his name?
Speaker 4: Will?
Speaker 3: I Will Willy Lily?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: I realized how insane it was.
Speaker 1: Later so crazy?
Speaker 2: Well, we everybody needed a process, because I don't think
Speaker 2: public slapping has happened in quite some time.
Speaker 3: No, it was very to be for it to be
Speaker 3: open handed, like it's a duel. He might as well
Speaker 3: have taken off a white glove.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or he did it, but he also was like
Speaker 2: yelling a weird thing where it's just like I don't know.
Speaker 1: The whole thing was just so fucking odd.
Speaker 3: Right, And we're used to seeing sketches. I would I
Speaker 3: really thought it was like a poorly executed sketch, Yes
Speaker 3: that I saw.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a boring sketch two hundred feet. I always
Speaker 1: do that. I always stopped before we're there. That's my
Speaker 1: guarantee to you listeners.
Speaker 3: Oh, I like this frontage and the wind chimes. I'm
Speaker 3: very excited for our guess.
Speaker 1: I am too. I'm a fan, an admirer, but not
Speaker 1: get a friend. Same. But the track record of this show,
Speaker 1: you know, we will all be friends. It stands for itself.
Speaker 1: It stands for itself.
Speaker 3: We've we've made no enemies on this podcast, and that's
Speaker 3: something I hope stays.
Speaker 1: Is that true? I mean, I I wonder if I'd
Speaker 1: love the enemies.
Speaker 3: Let's let's say their names.
Speaker 2: Or like, if you were on this podcast and you
Speaker 2: really left with a bad taste, please write to us
Speaker 2: at Chris Fairbanks at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess I will receive those.
Speaker 3: Sure. Oh and I like the next door patio. I
Speaker 3: like a open patio with a roof with like uh
Speaker 3: fans and everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 3: I just I don't like that. The only way to
Speaker 3: describe that, in my experience is a plantation style home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, can we quit saying that? What about a style? Also?
Speaker 2: Well, how about palazzo style? And then that's more kind
Speaker 2: of Italian. I don't know if it's even accurate, but
Speaker 2: you can use it.
Speaker 3: Yes, how about Yes, let's act at least like we've
Speaker 3: traveled the globe. Yes, palazzo. It's more of a palazzo style,
Speaker 3: and people are like palazzo. Oh, I'm sorry, you're domesticated.
Speaker 3: I meant plantation for you.
Speaker 2: Oh, but I'm above you're intrinsically racist and insist upon
Speaker 2: using that terminology.
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, it is a bad, bad, casually said thing,
Speaker 5: much like when on the news you hear a reporter
Speaker 5: describe the assailant was wearing a wife beatter t shirt.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like whoa, that's still what we're calling an
Speaker 3: underwear tank top. I know underwear tank top doesn't roll
Speaker 3: off the tongue and people will go what huh.
Speaker 1: But also don't you don't have to describe the outfits.
Speaker 3: We did it again. We were in the wrong house,
Speaker 3: do you do? You know? Today's asked clubs and colleges
Speaker 3: across the country put your ears together for Sabrina. Julie,
Speaker 3: thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4: Everybody, it's incredible to be in this car.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I've been excited all morning.
Speaker 1: Yay, good us too.
Speaker 3: Yes, we're just talking about how excited we are, how much.
Speaker 2: We admire you, how sorry, how sorry we were that
Speaker 2: we couldn't get it together on election dates we record.
Speaker 4: You couldn't get it together because I'm that god damn
Speaker 4: day that we have had before. We've done it before
Speaker 4: in twenty sixteen, and it's like, it doesn't nothing changes.
Speaker 4: You still have to just sit shiva. You gotta just
Speaker 4: lay down. Yes, let it all wash over you. And
Speaker 4: now look at us. Now I see people that look
Speaker 4: like Donald Trump driving. I'm like, this is hilarious. Now
Speaker 4: I've got now, I've got the dissonance.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how soon after that decision was made by I
Speaker 3: guess us, were you talking about returning to Canada?
Speaker 4: Oh? Immediately, immediately, And my parents get so horny. I'm
Speaker 4: from Canada. Yeah, I'm from Toronto. And my mom has
Speaker 4: been like the sky is falling for years, basically since
Speaker 4: the first time Trump was elected. She's been like, well,
Speaker 4: let's get all your paperwork together and let's make sure
Speaker 4: that everything's ready, like like to be in in the
Speaker 4: full Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, which I know. I'm probably the
Speaker 4: first to draw that.
Speaker 1: Comparison brand news.
Speaker 4: Let everybody let that sink in.
Speaker 6: It feels a lot like that, guys, And but it
Speaker 6: is the the fucked up thing is that it like
Speaker 6: it does take really bad shit happening for me to
Speaker 6: do the paperwork and the like.
Speaker 4: Then it's like it really is like the cauldron is
Speaker 4: boiling on your butt and you I went to the
Speaker 4: court house the very next day after he was elected.
Speaker 4: I went to the courthouse. I need to change my
Speaker 4: elder son's last name. There's a bunch of paperwork I
Speaker 4: need to do before they can become citizens. Step one.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: I when we had our first kid. We have a
Speaker 4: six year old and we have an eight month old
Speaker 4: first kid. This is a podcast where someone just talks
Speaker 4: and talks and talks and just you're like, I haven't
Speaker 4: asked you a question before. Here's what I got to
Speaker 4: do with the courthouse.
Speaker 1: Yah, yeah, we love it.
Speaker 4: Okay. Well, so when my first son was born, I
Speaker 4: was like, well this is biologically Like I met a
Speaker 4: surfer in Mexico. I said, I volunteer you as tribute.
Speaker 4: I put the sperm in Shaanna. I was like, I'm
Speaker 4: the executive producer, and so he should have my last
Speaker 4: name and as Shawna. I remember being like in pomp
Speaker 4: Springs naked with a bunch of gay friends and and
Speaker 4: all these like gay men sort of being like why
Speaker 4: is it your last name? And I'm like, shut up.
Speaker 1: You shut up.
Speaker 4: We don't need to reinvent the wheel here. It's my
Speaker 4: last name because I've got broad shoulders and I organized
Speaker 4: this whole thing. Yeah, carry all the heavy luggage when
Speaker 4: we go to the airport. You just shut up.
Speaker 3: Always should be shoulder based, yes, always shoulder based.
Speaker 4: So then I started thinking about it. You know, Shauna
Speaker 4: gets cut open, this baby comes out, this baby is
Speaker 4: our baby, and I'm like, it is kind of fucked up.
Speaker 4: But I just was like, it's my last name. Why
Speaker 4: is it my last name? And so then we started
Speaker 4: thinking about combining our last name. Shawna's last name is
Speaker 4: McCann minus julius, so we're like, all right, mcclee and
Speaker 4: so for the second baby, we just put that on
Speaker 4: the birth certificate. You could put anything on the birth certificate,
Speaker 4: by the way. That's like a yes. You could be
Speaker 4: like potato, Potato, potato, and they're like, sure, sign right here.
Speaker 1: I love that baby.
Speaker 4: Yes, by the way, my baby looks like a little
Speaker 4: John Candy tribute character. So you should be called potato
Speaker 4: Potato Potato. No, no, I don't know. Oh yes, but I
Speaker 4: need to change Wolfe's last name. So that's what I
Speaker 4: need to do, and then they can become Canadian citizens,
Speaker 4: and then we can, you know, if we wanted to
Speaker 4: run away in protest. But you know what, if this
Speaker 4: land mass is on fire, Canada is just a fanny
Speaker 4: pack attached to it.
Speaker 1: Also, did you hear this?
Speaker 2: For some reason made me feel a lot better in
Speaker 2: my kind of full dissociation after those that's what I did.
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't record like a comedy thing today.
Speaker 2: But I'll be able to do it in three days,
Speaker 2: because that's usually my system of push it all down.
Speaker 4: Yes, a three day push down. Yeah, it's like those
Speaker 4: like robotic trash compactors.
Speaker 1: Yes, and exactly.
Speaker 2: And as it starts to swell back up because there's
Speaker 2: too many milk cartons in there, the fucking Chief of
Speaker 2: Police LAPD came out and made a statement that they
Speaker 2: will not be aiding the Trump administration in rounding anybody
Speaker 2: up in the Los Angeles area. And I was like,
Speaker 2: that is the most powerful thing that the biggest villain
Speaker 2: who could be talking came out and was like, guess
Speaker 2: what you thought you hated us, We're on We're actually
Speaker 2: going to be on your side.
Speaker 4: And now it explains Karen why you're wearing a blue Lives.
Speaker 3: Matter right right?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I see the back now that is so
Speaker 4: cool and ultimately, you know, like I also, we were
Speaker 4: in Europe this summer and I was like, we spent
Speaker 4: some time in Barcelona and we're like, what a life? Like,
Speaker 4: why why are we so tethered to these spots like
Speaker 4: I've lived. I grew up in Toronto, I in my
Speaker 4: early twenties moved to New York. I left for la.
Speaker 4: Whenever you go to any place that you've ever lived,
Speaker 4: you get the question of like, but but you miss
Speaker 4: it here though, right, And it's like they're all they're
Speaker 4: all my girlfriends, yes that I've married, they're my ex wives,
Speaker 4: they're my wives, they're my I'm I'm so I hate polyamory,
Speaker 4: just I just want to make it clear that wh
Speaker 4: I am like the Westboro Baptist Church about polyamory. Like
Speaker 4: when it comes to being gay, I'm like, you don't
Speaker 4: have to be it to get it, but when it
Speaker 4: comes to polyamory, and like, get out of my.
Speaker 3: Giant.
Speaker 4: But when it comes to locations, I'm a polywally ding
Speaker 4: dong and I know that's what they like to be called. Wow,
Speaker 4: I know I'm in trouble, but that's okay. Trump can
Speaker 4: be president. I can just go wild on polywally ding
Speaker 4: dong and that's what I have poly friends, So don't
Speaker 4: worry anyways, I am Polly for locations. So we're in
Speaker 4: Spain and we're like, why do we just live here
Speaker 4: for a bit? And then of course Trump gets elected
Speaker 4: and we're like Barcelona.
Speaker 2: Yes, although they're going through all that stuff with like
Speaker 2: the people protesting again, No, we.
Speaker 4: Did not experience it. However, we went trick or treating
Speaker 4: with one of Wolfe's friends is Pedro, and Pedro's mom
Speaker 4: is from Spain, and we're sort of talking about this
Speaker 4: option if Trump wins, do we go to Spain? And
Speaker 4: she looks at us like we're idiots. So she goes,
Speaker 4: you know what's happening with it? And I'm like what
Speaker 4: And She's like it's very racist and very homophobic, and
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, I guess there's something nice about not
Speaker 4: understanding the language. Yes, people could be like look dykes,
Speaker 4: and I'll be like, I love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a little slightly different from Spanish, so I
Speaker 3: didn't quite check that up.
Speaker 4: Yes, it sounds like Spanish, but it's got that yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also, those people are so gorgeous, Like every person we
Speaker 2: went to Barcelona, the food everything I ate was the
Speaker 2: best thing I'd ever eaten. And every person I looked
Speaker 2: at I was like, why are you the most gorgeous
Speaker 2: person I've ever looked at?
Speaker 4: See, this is azing. You're tapping into something. If Trump
Speaker 4: supporters were gorgeous and spoke in a way where we
Speaker 4: completely didn't understand what they're saying, I'm all in, right,
Speaker 4: I'm all in for Texas.
Speaker 2: Make it easy for me, please, But no, instead, it's
Speaker 2: this grating accent of weirdness and those big weird like
Speaker 2: Mormon girl curls where it's like I don't want to
Speaker 2: look at this.
Speaker 4: No, but I did have an uber driver on Friday night.
Speaker 4: I did get quite drunk at a crazy de Valet
Speaker 4: party sing Lily Sing, YouTube phenom business person. I was
Speaker 4: in a movie with her. She throws this party. I
Speaker 4: thought it was going to be at her house. I
Speaker 4: brought a bottle of wine, thinking I'm going to someone's house.
Speaker 4: It was like a wedding.
Speaker 3: Oh, it was.
Speaker 4: Huge, and Shauna and I just went bananas. We had
Speaker 4: so much fun.
Speaker 2: Sorry, is that Indian New Year?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: It's it's an Indian celebration of light, and so that
Speaker 4: was nice. It was like the friday after the election.
Speaker 4: And she was like, you know, the focus here is
Speaker 4: just have fun, don't focus on the problems. And I
Speaker 4: was like, I'm focusing on the open bar. And then
Speaker 4: she was like pouring shots and mouths and Shauna and
Speaker 4: I just got We just enjoyed ourselves. And in the
Speaker 4: uber drive home, the guy was like yeah for Trump.
Speaker 3: Oh well, and.
Speaker 4: I mean it's happening, you know, you guys. But in
Speaker 4: that state where I was wasted, I really was like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, right to do. Yeah, Like the time I
Speaker 3: got rear ended and hugged the guy. It's like I'm traumatized.
Speaker 1: But also you don't.
Speaker 2: I think that's so brilliant because you do not want
Speaker 2: to give them what they want, which is this fight,
Speaker 2: which is this what are you doing like all that focus,
Speaker 2: attention and passion instead you're like, sure, dude, sure you.
Speaker 4: Know something that I do think about because my mother
Speaker 4: is Swiss and she raised me so she would always
Speaker 4: say cuppa and it means like chin up. And what
Speaker 4: I'm learning with therapy and marrying a woman that likes
Speaker 4: crystals is like sometimes sometimes no chinned down for a
Speaker 4: fucking second. Accord that when it's like sometimes chinned down
Speaker 4: but also sometimes chin up. Yeah, And in chin up mentality,
Speaker 4: I'm like I moved to New York like almost twenty
Speaker 4: years ago, and all I had was these commercial auditions
Speaker 4: where like the biggest tip I was getting from like
Speaker 4: acting coaches and fake managers was like try to look
Speaker 4: more like just a regular girl, like oy just fit
Speaker 4: your body into this contour that doesn't like My first
Speaker 4: audition was so sad. It was like the breakdown was
Speaker 4: like legs of a Venus model must wear short short
Speaker 4: shorts to show up those long legs, and I famously
Speaker 4: have short legs. Like I almost think, like we know,
Speaker 4: Rosio Donald used to have that like stool that popped
Speaker 4: up for like short legged people. Do you guys remember
Speaker 4: no what like she had? You remember?
Speaker 3: Tommy?
Speaker 4: Can you do you remember the show? You don't remember
Speaker 4: the Rosio Donald show?
Speaker 3: I do?
Speaker 1: I remember launch and not the detail?
Speaker 4: Well, then I hate that I've done this detour to us.
Speaker 4: I love it. But she got to knock out a
Speaker 4: little a little stool for people with short legs, and
Speaker 4: I wouldn't need that stool. But anyway, I.
Speaker 1: Delusionally were they mad? What would if.
Speaker 4: It's me, I'm like, this is comfortable. I'm finally touching
Speaker 4: the floor, you know, so a footstool, a footstool would
Speaker 4: knock out into the like to like yeah, to give
Speaker 4: the little short legged person a little wow?
Speaker 3: What if what if you were a guest that never
Speaker 3: considered their legs short until that moment.
Speaker 4: I look as someone with short legs. You fucking know. Yeah,
Speaker 4: no one's surprising.
Speaker 1: I know. I say, yeah, yeah, it's us.
Speaker 4: And we know. Honestly, I wouldn't I wouldn't be mad
Speaker 4: if there was an Apple box this in the sea, right.
Speaker 3: We got a quarter boxes, we got full box.
Speaker 4: And I'll take the full please.
Speaker 1: Wait, So you go to this audition with the shortest
Speaker 1: legs wear.
Speaker 4: I wear my girlfriend's clothes. I put on some esper
Speaker 4: drills to extend the legs. I'm like, I'm like wearing
Speaker 4: like a tube top. I'm like a different gender than
Speaker 4: I've ever expressed, even in my high school days when
Speaker 4: I was trying. And I'm like catching my reflection on
Speaker 4: on like dirty windows and I'm like, who the fuck
Speaker 4: is this? And I like get to Midtown and the
Speaker 4: elevator said, and I climb up the stairs with the
Speaker 4: fucking espiritrils. I'm like just a sweaty mess. And I
Speaker 4: get up there to the casting agent and she goes,
Speaker 4: who are you. I'm like, great questions. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: Sabrina Jalie and she goes, no, y'are not, No, you're not.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah? I
Speaker 4: know I am Sabrina Jalise and I have an audition here.
Speaker 4: She's like, no, you don't. I'm like no, look and
Speaker 4: I pull up my email and she's like, oh god,
Speaker 4: oh god, where did you come from? And I'm like
Speaker 4: it's okay, I'll leave Bushwick. I'll just head back to
Speaker 4: like no, no, no, you stay here. I want you
Speaker 4: here for this, and she calls my agent and she goes, yeah,
Speaker 4: there's a problem. I asked for Sabrina Jails, the model
Speaker 4: from Brazil, and you sent me Sabrina Jalise, the comic
Speaker 4: from Bushwick.
Speaker 3: Oh that's great.
Speaker 1: She made you stay for it.
Speaker 4: She made me stay for it, and I'm just I
Speaker 4: think about but that was like, that's how desperately I
Speaker 4: wanted an opportunity, Like I knew what was I thinking
Speaker 4: that I was gonna like put these clothes on and
Speaker 4: immediately be like castable. That's so funny, you know model,
Speaker 4: It's like, but tho, that's but it spoke to how
Speaker 4: desperate I was to have some sort of shot at
Speaker 4: booking anything twenty years ago.
Speaker 3: Were you even twenty years old at that point?
Speaker 4: I was twenty yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: But also they used to phrase it the thing that
Speaker 2: drove me crazy when I did that very briefly. They
Speaker 2: would always phrase it they want you to come and
Speaker 2: read for. They want you to come and read for.
Speaker 1: So you didn't.
Speaker 2: It was a your delusion was not by yourself.
Speaker 1: It's like they wanted you, they wanted me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they wanted to be by name.
Speaker 3: I like that. That casting director was like, sit here,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna yell at your agent with you.
Speaker 4: But the cop fo The like chin up of this moment,
Speaker 4: I think is that we can't forget that. It's a
Speaker 4: completely different landscape now now it's this is this is
Speaker 4: like in terms of I mean, the industry right now
Speaker 4: is garbage and we're going through it. It's a slump moment,
Speaker 4: but it still is a place where my best shot
Speaker 4: at selling something, creating something, breaking a story through is
Speaker 4: by being me yes. And there is a market for it,
Speaker 4: and there is a word. This is a world that
Speaker 4: sees the value in real stories, no matter what gay
Speaker 4: stray b all that stuff like that exists. Yes, and
Speaker 4: that's what I think. The Democrats were campaigning so hard
Speaker 4: just on that, and now we've realized, okay, well no,
Speaker 4: there's so many people that are upset about the price
Speaker 4: of eggs, and that's a validating And there's some people
Speaker 4: that are, you know, that healthcare thing. They like a
Speaker 4: little bit campaigned too hard into the magic of that
Speaker 4: feeling and forgot some of the like brass tacks Middle America.
Speaker 2: Yea, remember when she came out when she was talking
Speaker 2: about when I get into office, I'm going to immediately
Speaker 2: make it illegal for them to price gouge the way
Speaker 2: they've done at grocery stores.
Speaker 1: I only that once, and.
Speaker 2: It's like, you should have said that at the beginning
Speaker 2: of every fucking dumb interview you did everywhere.
Speaker 1: You went, because that's what people care about it.
Speaker 4: And I like shudder at even the words she because
Speaker 4: we know this is Coca Cola and pepsi. We know,
Speaker 4: and I think there's like there is a virtue to
Speaker 4: pepsi one and pepsi said, we're all toxic here, and
Speaker 4: it's like, I think, well, let's get someone for Coca Cola.
Speaker 4: That's like, I love that. That's my brand loyalty that
Speaker 4: I'm like my Democrats is Coca Cola and Coca is good.
Speaker 3: I think everyone would agree with that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's like, let's get some also, we don't need.
Speaker 4: This doesn't need to be I get it that we
Speaker 4: want a female president. It doesn't have to be. Now,
Speaker 4: guess what we tried it in very recent history. Yeah,
Speaker 4: with a candidate that should have held up and if
Speaker 4: she was a man, she would have and it didn't happen.
Speaker 4: And as women, we have experienced that so many times
Speaker 4: in our life that there's a part of us that
Speaker 4: of course our heartbreaks. But then didn't every woman also
Speaker 4: kind of know yes, And didn't every man in a
Speaker 4: deeper way even kind of know hell yes.
Speaker 2: Well also, I think there's a lot of men who
Speaker 2: would like to tell themselves and other women that, of
Speaker 2: course they're on that side, of course, but deep down
Speaker 2: they're just not believers. No matter what they did at
Speaker 2: the polls, they just actually don't in their life believe
Speaker 2: that when women are talking to them they should listen
Speaker 2: the same as when men are talking to.
Speaker 4: Just repeat that. Because my shoulders got in the way,
Speaker 4: I'm kidding.
Speaker 1: My ears were blocked by the width of my shoulder.
Speaker 3: And being the man in the car, I didn't I
Speaker 3: just had a high pitched ring in my ear and
Speaker 3: drown everything out. I can't even control it.
Speaker 4: I mean, it really It really is like it's like
Speaker 4: two different universal planes. Yes, on one, we are like
Speaker 4: these ayahuasca souls like that, like see each other and understand,
Speaker 4: and it's like why are we so hung up on
Speaker 4: these things? And then on the other, it's like there's
Speaker 4: a bunch of billionaires paying us to.
Speaker 2: Sword fied yeah, and single shooter video games telling twelve
Speaker 2: year old boy is it's the girl's fault that you
Speaker 2: are ABC or D, which is just like, Okay, we
Speaker 2: have to fix that at.
Speaker 4: Some point, yeah, we do, but you want to know
Speaker 4: how it got fixed. Yesterday, hell my sweet son Wolfy
Speaker 4: asked for some decks, like some DJ decks for Christmas
Speaker 4: two years ago. Audition for Talent Show last year, got
Speaker 4: in became Talent Show became every transition this year, did
Speaker 4: not even have to audition. He is just the DJ
Speaker 4: at the talent footage, the DJing like he's d recurrent show,
Speaker 4: but he knows how to use the software he is.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I woke up this morning and I was
Speaker 4: and I was aware that I needed to cover it,
Speaker 4: but I'm like, I'm start struck. Yes, oh so cool.
Speaker 3: Did you know anything about that or did he just
Speaker 3: learn on that.
Speaker 2: Question is, do you think it's the surfers DNA that's
Speaker 2: really behind it?
Speaker 4: Dude, the surfers DNA. This is the brilliant thing about
Speaker 4: the surfers DNA. The surfer lets the waves come to him. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that was like the moment that I knew I was
Speaker 4: gonna ask for a sperm. I already knew. And then
Speaker 4: he had a tattoo of a wolf in his back,
Speaker 4: and we knew that we were gonna name the baby wolves.
Speaker 4: The giz is mine, Yeah to the line read of
Speaker 4: the jig is up, So so I got up. He's like,
Speaker 4: you know, a surf lesson is a lot of just
Speaker 4: like staring into each other's eyes, wondering when someone's gonna
Speaker 4: ask for jizz. It's just like he's standing there aiming
Speaker 4: my board, waiting for the right wave, and then we
Speaker 4: get the wave takes off. I kind of like lose
Speaker 4: control and swerve into someone else's lesson, and when I'm
Speaker 4: getting my surfboard, the coach from that lesson is like,
Speaker 4: if you are digging a lesson with me, that would
Speaker 4: never happen. Oh, And I was like, I'm just like
Speaker 4: a dumb bitch that watches Bravo and I like swim
Speaker 4: back to him and I'm like, oh my god, you
Speaker 4: would not believe what they just said about you and me?
Speaker 4: And can you believe? And his reaction so stoic, so confident,
Speaker 4: just he literally was like, oh that's funny. Not again, yeah,
Speaker 4: not like that's a long string of yarn on this yeah,
Speaker 4: just like, yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: It's like just like washes right over him. And I'm like,
Speaker 4: I can't wait to executive produce your baby.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: And how soon after the lesson? Did you?
Speaker 2: I took a second lesson two days later, and they
Speaker 2: we're like, I have a proposition for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was like, now that we're here, yes, Oh. I
Speaker 4: just was like I've never asked anyone this before, but
Speaker 4: I you know, by this time, Shawna had met him
Speaker 4: and had like a gut feeling she's again crystals, you know, and.
Speaker 1: What can you remember his like actual answer.
Speaker 4: He kind of took a beat, like he obviously was
Speaker 4: not expecting it. And then he was like what I
Speaker 4: said was we think you're super cool and we just
Speaker 4: you know, wondering if you were interested in helping us
Speaker 4: make a family. And he said, I don't know, how
Speaker 4: that works. But that sounds interesting. You guys are a
Speaker 4: beautiful couple, and if I can help you, then that
Speaker 4: sounds well because you know what's also I never get
Speaker 4: into this detail, but what happened after was he met
Speaker 4: us that night and I was wearing these boxers and
Speaker 4: I was sitting on these stairs leading up to our
Speaker 4: hotel and these stairs are like facing the main kind
Speaker 4: of shopping drag and we're sitting and he's kind of
Speaker 4: sitting a few stairs below me, and we're talking and
Speaker 4: I see this guy kind of like iing me on
Speaker 4: the like sitting on a bench, and I'm like, gross, whatever,
Speaker 4: and I get back in and later on I realized
Speaker 4: there is a gash in my boxers. That is literally
Speaker 4: I hate that I use the word gash, but it
Speaker 4: is simply exposing the nitty gritty of my true pussy.
Speaker 4: So in terms of like what he thought was happening,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I also him, like days later, I'm like,
Speaker 4: did you notice. He's like, yeah, I thought it was
Speaker 4: a little weird.
Speaker 7: That's so funny, that's so embarrassing, so embarrassing.
Speaker 2: That actually happened to me once at the Hollywood YMCA,
Speaker 2: I was I went there with my friend. We both
Speaker 2: were like on the treadmill for forty five minutes, and
Speaker 2: then she was doing one other thing and so I
Speaker 2: just sat down with my back against the wall and
Speaker 2: was just kind of like waiting for her. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I had I think I was sitting criss cross apple sauce. Yes,
Speaker 2: And this old man came up and asked for a
Speaker 2: ride home, and I was like, no, what do you know,
Speaker 2: what are you talking about?
Speaker 3: And that old man came rolling home. No other option,
Speaker 3: this young man.
Speaker 2: But then when I finally got home to take a shower,
Speaker 2: I took my leggings off and it was completely split.
Speaker 1: Oh no, from the front to the back.
Speaker 2: So I think maybe he was like, there's a possibility
Speaker 2: she could be trying to do some sort of silence.
Speaker 4: For do you want me to be your donor?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: This is so strange. Have I talked about my Mine
Speaker 3: was at the y w c A in San Francisco
Speaker 3: with a high school youth group.
Speaker 4: And why the W stands for women?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Are you doing there with your pussy head?
Speaker 3: It was I, I know, business boxer based and Christian Association. Everyone, Yes,
Speaker 3: this is Hollywood baby, all that. Everyone was doing chin
Speaker 3: ups late at night and I came out in my underwear.
Speaker 3: These are all friends of mine, but it was mostly
Speaker 3: girls that were doing chin ups. Jill Rasmussen could do
Speaker 3: like fifteen chin ups. She was she played for the
Speaker 3: Montana Grizzlies.
Speaker 4: Oh, she also was my first wife. And I'm not
Speaker 4: talking about it.
Speaker 3: Hey's I loved her. I loved her. I still my memories.
Speaker 3: But she could do more chin ups than me. I
Speaker 3: still was trying, and I had boxers in. The flat
Speaker 3: was open, and my tiny undeveloped penis was sticking out
Speaker 3: of the flat.
Speaker 4: Okay, so I'm literally picturing this as present day, like
Speaker 4: I'm like picturing this as like a year ago. I mean,
Speaker 4: you described your tiny undeveloped I said, Chris, No, that's.
Speaker 3: The thing about the story. It's ever green. But they
Speaker 3: didn't say anything. They just were like laughing because these
Speaker 3: were people that cared.
Speaker 4: About me, and I just want to it was close
Speaker 4: your eyes right now, listener. If you're picturing Chris with
Speaker 4: a tiny green penis right now, you are correct.
Speaker 3: If you are correct, out of the shorts with the
Speaker 3: tiniest I'm good in the garden green thumb penis.
Speaker 1: But it's deciduous.
Speaker 4: So and that was when they said no more boys
Speaker 4: at the.
Speaker 1: That's the capitalized that w please.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so traumatizing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything, all of life.
Speaker 3: And I don't know why if we were even allowed there.
Speaker 3: There was just mats on the floor and we all slept.
Speaker 4: The guys, life is about not just how you handle
Speaker 4: it when you're a pussy's covered. Are you going to
Speaker 4: handle a gash.
Speaker 2: You recover when you're gashing it up at a public
Speaker 2: uh event?
Speaker 1: Space? My god?
Speaker 3: And the terrible thing is it was a factory made
Speaker 3: hole in the short. This was meant to happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they have the silly little flaps so you could
Speaker 4: pee so easily.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a prank on me by the Van
Speaker 1: Heusen company.
Speaker 4: Welcome to silly little flaps in a little girl's boxer
Speaker 4: so I can I would not actually work, I guess.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hilarious. The men's underwear. I've always had this
Speaker 3: very hard to access opening up front that no one
Speaker 3: has ever used.
Speaker 1: Interesting, you pulled the waistline down.
Speaker 3: That's the fastest easy. Yes, you don't do the weird
Speaker 3: origami ceremony.
Speaker 4: I didn't know, did you know? This Karen is not used.
Speaker 3: No, that's just why I just started to share it.
Speaker 3: You tried to change the subject and I appreciate it.
Speaker 4: No, no, you you were like, I have some I'm.
Speaker 1: More to talk about underwear design.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, yeah, there's a yeah, it doesn't work.
Speaker 4: You should design. You should have merch that is pulled down,
Speaker 4: like there's arrows on the waistband and and you it
Speaker 4: says pulled down, and then it'll be like you invented
Speaker 4: this way. That is that real way?
Speaker 1: Well, you know they do.
Speaker 2: That with like certain kinds of spanks and those if
Speaker 2: you worn those like oh, this Harris Walls sign just
Speaker 2: sitting there, my friend reminds.
Speaker 3: Me of the big bag of balloons above the stage
Speaker 3: at the West Side Comedy Theater day after so Ull.
Speaker 2: The undropped balloons undropped thank you.
Speaker 1: Well, I was just gonna say the spanks.
Speaker 2: There is that version of it in spanks which feels
Speaker 2: very inv for like the twenty tens, like I'd never
Speaker 2: seen it before, and then recent spanks that I put
Speaker 2: on where it's kind of like there's either a split
Speaker 2: or a little thing that you can snap back. Oh,
Speaker 2: you're talking about the ogami the orgami of women's shit,
Speaker 2: which is, in my opinion, a lot harder to get around,
Speaker 2: especially when you're.
Speaker 4: Like, all, well, I used to spank it up, that's
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. Twenty years ago, I was spanking.
Speaker 3: So yeah, there's a there's an opening on that that's convoluted.
Speaker 2: No, it's actually I guess what I'm trying to say
Speaker 2: is they finally innovated it for women where it works
Speaker 2: and it's there, but I had not seen it up
Speaker 2: until that point that I that I.
Speaker 4: Saw it, then I'm picturing it going both layers through
Speaker 4: and having women's pants that you can kind of flap
Speaker 4: open the underwear and then flap open the pants too. Oh,
Speaker 4: and it's they're called fuck it. They're like fuck it
Speaker 4: and it's not even And the weird thing is that
Speaker 4: men are not even using it. But it's like you
Speaker 4: have to get through that to then pull down your
Speaker 4: pants again and then be like, now we're at now
Speaker 4: we're at Mecca.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 3: Well, it's funny because I haven't done much global travel,
Speaker 3: but I have noticed in Europe there are grown men
Speaker 3: that just go all the way I'm in fifth grade
Speaker 3: pants to the ankles.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just ass out.
Speaker 3: I've stayed topless people on the news.
Speaker 4: You know, how do you feel about peeing in our
Speaker 4: backyards front yards?
Speaker 3: I will, of course pee anywhere except a golf course
Speaker 3: because I followed the rules.
Speaker 4: Wow, I will pee anywhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I mean, more impressive.
Speaker 2: I don't think I can really, but it's more like
Speaker 2: a shy Catholic. And one time my sister's friend and
Speaker 2: I pulled a prank on my sister where we waited
Speaker 2: until she she had to pee really bad, so we
Speaker 2: had to pull off the freeway and we're on this
Speaker 2: weird side street, like off the one on one in
Speaker 2: like Saucelito.
Speaker 1: Or something, and she was like, I'm gonna be in
Speaker 1: my pants.
Speaker 2: I have it, and so in her mind, we had
Speaker 2: pulled off to this like secret dark road and then
Speaker 2: I just waited until she got in front of the car,
Speaker 2: and then I just turned the lights on, so she
Speaker 2: was already like king in front of the car and
Speaker 2: we couldn't stop laughing, and she got so fucking mad.
Speaker 2: So I do think about that where I'm like I
Speaker 2: have some peeing karma waiting wanting.
Speaker 4: To solve it right now, we should pull over somewhere
Speaker 4: and get you to pee just right here. That could
Speaker 4: be your ayahuasca for the day.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that just clears out all the stress.
Speaker 4: Cut to Karen's arrested.
Speaker 1: There are so many gross things.
Speaker 3: While vomiting and crying because I haven't done ayahuasca.
Speaker 4: Yet, but I've done like ayahuasca adjacent experiences in Alsa
Speaker 4: gooda oh with a couple that love to be a little.
Speaker 3: Strange polleys.
Speaker 4: I mean, it wasn't outside of that. It was a
Speaker 4: little bit like I mean, I hope the ayahuasca gods
Speaker 4: don't get mad at me for saying this, But there
Speaker 4: was you know, every single place where there is power,
Speaker 4: there is a man that wants.
Speaker 1: To touch your tits about it, oh no.
Speaker 4: And so there was a little bit of that vibe
Speaker 4: without getting into too much detail, there was a little
Speaker 4: bit of like a I in the divine masculine, and
Speaker 4: I'll be here to heal you, like.
Speaker 3: I don't think, oh no, like a bickram yoga creep.
Speaker 4: Yes, no, but I got but I loved not but
Speaker 4: I loved the getting that medicine in me. I really
Speaker 4: loved that feeling.
Speaker 3: I've been wanting to do it and looking forward to it,
Speaker 3: but I'm worried about what if I will conjure dark guidance.
Speaker 4: I think I think you might, but I think it
Speaker 4: might be good. Yeah, go to the go to the
Speaker 4: darkness with light.
Speaker 2: Did you when you did it, did you feel like
Speaker 2: that thing where you thought it was lasting for days
Speaker 2: or years or whatever when and then when you come
Speaker 2: out it was like eight hours or something.
Speaker 1: That's something that freaks me about it.
Speaker 4: No, I didn't feel that. It was very much like
Speaker 4: you know. The good thing about the setup was like
Speaker 4: it was kind of like a mini adventure, you know,
Speaker 4: not the version where you go to Peru and you
Speaker 4: get a fast and there's like a very legitimate way
Speaker 4: of doing ayahuasca. I didn't do that. I did like
Speaker 4: a mini dose kind of thing where we get there,
Speaker 4: we all talk about our intentions and what we'd like
Speaker 4: to get out of it, and then everyone gets dosed
Speaker 4: and then you lay down on a mat basically, and
Speaker 4: that's where most of the work is, where you're just
Speaker 4: laying down and this tree root is kind of taking
Speaker 4: you to places in your mind and your life. And
Speaker 4: I did find it to be like just super healing.
Speaker 4: I like I'm like very like daughter of immigrants mentality
Speaker 4: on things and my core self Like when Karen you're
Speaker 4: saying like daughter of a Catholic, it's like there's things
Speaker 4: in you that you're like, I know this is programmed
Speaker 4: in me. Yes, I don't love it. I'd love to
Speaker 4: be free of it. But it's also like my reaction
Speaker 4: at home base.
Speaker 2: Yeah, almost like trying to get free of it sometimes
Speaker 2: makes it worse than me where then I'm like, then
Speaker 2: there's like we're saying the shame piece of it where
Speaker 2: it's like why am I this way? And I didn't
Speaker 2: do this, and it's like I'm not doing the actual work.
Speaker 2: I'm just complaining that I have to do the work. Yes,
Speaker 2: the cycles that are infuriating, And.
Speaker 4: What's nice about this experience is there is just this
Speaker 4: feeling that is like it's okay, everything is okay, it's
Speaker 4: all okay, Like when I so one big thing that
Speaker 4: I felt from it. And Shauna has said this that
Speaker 4: after I did these experiences that I had more presence
Speaker 4: with her and I showed up in a more you
Speaker 4: know I really I've said it many times now in
Speaker 4: this podcast where I go my wife, she's crystals and
Speaker 4: there's a way, especially as comics, where we're like we
Speaker 4: cartoonify things and we make these characters out of people.
Speaker 4: But the truth is my wife is magic, and that's
Speaker 4: part of the reason why we have the every and
Speaker 4: why we have this family is like, who would go
Speaker 4: for this idea of like I took a surf lesson
Speaker 4: with this guy who has a tattoo of the name.
Speaker 4: It's like you kind of have to buy into magic
Speaker 4: to make magic happen. Yeah, And I kind of saw
Speaker 4: all of that part of her ethos as like a
Speaker 4: huge feature and like thing that I should be appreciative
Speaker 4: of in my life rather than this thing of like
Speaker 4: how much money are we spending on rocks?
Speaker 2: Or how can I make fun of this and lessen
Speaker 2: it so it doesn't scare me?
Speaker 4: So yes, and it also doesn't have to mean I
Speaker 4: think that this was the fear truly that I had,
Speaker 4: was like, well, I'm gonna lose my edge. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna be funny. Then if I'm not complaining, you know,
Speaker 4: it's like, but no, I still make fun of her.
Speaker 4: There's still it's there's a place where she goes where
Speaker 4: it is like now she's in a corner where I
Speaker 4: don't see it or whatever, that we're still we still
Speaker 4: are who we are, but that I in a real way,
Speaker 4: like in my home based self, I feel very appreciative
Speaker 4: of what she brings to my life, and I am
Speaker 4: more I'm more into like leaning into that and knowing
Speaker 4: that that doesn't I don't lose anything. I just gain
Speaker 4: from seeing that as like this kind of incredible part
Speaker 4: of my life now that I have her and she
Speaker 4: sees and she wants to talk to the moon, and
Speaker 4: it's like we don't, you know, we don't go to church,
Speaker 4: and it's like this is actually a really great place
Speaker 4: to frame a lot of these like the positive virtues
Speaker 4: of religion, which are like these reminders of the way
Speaker 4: to be and be connected to the universe. It's like,
Speaker 4: I love I love that. I'd much rather talk about
Speaker 4: the seasons and talk about you know, the planet than
Speaker 4: you know, putting some man that's gonna molest my kids
Speaker 4: on a pedestal. Right, well you go hugging, but he
Speaker 4: knows everything.
Speaker 3: That was beautiful beautiful, Yeah, said a lot of beautiful
Speaker 3: things all in a row.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: But also that like I feel like I just got
Speaker 2: a little uh I was.
Speaker 1: Gonna say, ashwagonda, what's the word I got in ayahuasca
Speaker 1: like a secondhand Iowa, Oh, I just ship myself. Oh
Speaker 1: did you Yeah?
Speaker 3: Did you do it with your wife?
Speaker 4: I didn't do it with my wife. My wife went
Speaker 4: separately and had a harder time there and with and
Speaker 4: I think that that's where the like the experience of
Speaker 4: the male, the masculine, all of that stuff kind of
Speaker 4: played it in a way where it was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: this isn't actually cold was gray.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And then one other thing, though, while you're shitting I
Speaker 4: don't want to make the ship twas was like I
Speaker 4: feel is that when I so my mom'ss my dad
Speaker 4: is Pakistani, and when and I grew up with this
Speaker 4: huge Muslim family and when I came out it was
Speaker 4: after Shauna and I'd been married gotten married and I
Speaker 4: was twenty seven, and they the way they reacted was horrible.
Speaker 4: Oh no, it was like a big Bollywood movie. And
Speaker 4: I was the lesson of like, you know, none of
Speaker 4: these other cousins better think they can do this shit.
Speaker 3: And everyone's all over the place in North America.
Speaker 4: But my dad is the eldest of eight kids, and
Speaker 4: it was heartbreaking for them. It was heartbreaking for us
Speaker 4: in this huge way that it was sweet how we
Speaker 4: pulled together. And my dad was like, well, if you're
Speaker 4: not talking to her, then you're not talking to me.
Speaker 4: And it was just hugely dramatic. But in this experience
Speaker 4: of the Ayahuasca, I really saw that moment in my
Speaker 4: life for what it was, which was that was always
Speaker 4: going to happen. There was no world in which I
Speaker 4: was going to come out and say I'm gay. And
Speaker 4: these people that have had arranged marriages eat all food
Speaker 4: that while you know, the every single aspect of their
Speaker 4: life is towing this line to get into what their
Speaker 4: version of heaven is. They're playing a whole other board game.
Speaker 4: I basically flipped it over and said, well, that's my identity.
Speaker 4: I flip over your bit board game and that I
Speaker 4: just had so much love for them, and I was like,
Speaker 4: this is you know, that was hard. It was hard
Speaker 4: for them too, that that was hard for them, and
Speaker 4: it's hard and we continue, you know, like on the
Speaker 4: other side of that now that was thirteen years ago.
Speaker 4: It's like I have relationships with some of them, I
Speaker 4: have close relationships with others. I have less of a
Speaker 4: relationship with others, and it's like that was always it
Speaker 4: all shook out to exactly what it would have been gayst.
Speaker 1: How about your immediate your parents.
Speaker 4: My parents are great. Yeah, they had the normal, regular
Speaker 4: sort of like surely this is a phase, you know,
Speaker 4: just like what you would experience. I was born in
Speaker 4: nineteen eighty five, so it's like it's all part of
Speaker 4: the timeline. Even though they were the original lesbians, Like
Speaker 4: when they got married, you better believe both of their
Speaker 4: families were like, it's disgusting, we don't want to see Yeah,
Speaker 4: this brown man, this white.
Speaker 3: Lady, and Canada does that play. Because my experience, although
Speaker 3: I was coming from being a comic in Texas, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was surprised. Even Calgary with the texts of Canada,
Speaker 3: was very diverse, and I saw a lot of like
Speaker 3: like Muslim clothed people, like wearing jeehads and everything. I
Speaker 3: was like, literally nine eleven, you know what I know?
Speaker 4: Hit job?
Speaker 3: No. I could sense the wavering in my voice.
Speaker 4: You got to keep it.
Speaker 1: What's the it's a h job.
Speaker 4: These bomb vests gorgeous, Yeah, killing Asians.
Speaker 3: I saw so many people cartoonishly wearing a vest of
Speaker 3: dynamite that I'm like, we're.
Speaker 4: Diversey this this America.
Speaker 3: Don't you feel like Canada has?
Speaker 4: Of course, but does It's like all on these timelines,
Speaker 4: and like the timeline of when they fell in love
Speaker 4: in the seventies, it was not sure they were all
Speaker 4: living there. I think it was exactly the kind of
Speaker 4: gay club where two gays would meet in the metaphor. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but it doesn't mean that people were going around holding
Speaker 4: hands and kissing in that way. And they and my
Speaker 4: dad's family, my dad eldest of eight again, it's like
Speaker 4: everything is family and everything is an example, and you know,
Speaker 4: you go ahead and marry this white woman and then
Speaker 4: we're going to lose control of these other seven kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Hy job also also the idea of that incredible long
Speaker 2: timeline where the lesson of it's never the last chapter.
Speaker 2: When something big and horrifying happens in your personal life,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I'm never talking to that person again,
Speaker 2: or they're never going to talk to me again, or
Speaker 2: whatever's happening in the moment, and then it keeps on
Speaker 2: playing out because it just is never like that. It's
Speaker 2: like whether whether or not you stop talking them for
Speaker 2: the moment and then you they come back seven years
Speaker 2: later and cry and say I'm so sorry I did
Speaker 2: that you or some other version of it. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: it's always there's always something else exactly to drop.
Speaker 1: Did your parents so hard to go.
Speaker 4: When you're like panicking over the thing?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Were your parents dealing with Were they fighting about it
Speaker 3: and between the two of them?
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, I think it was one of those things
Speaker 4: where it's like you get attacked and you come closer. Oh,
Speaker 4: like they were like and I think there's a lot
Speaker 4: of ways in which my mom and really like bent
Speaker 4: outside of her center and leaned forward to welcome. They
Speaker 4: basically helped all of them immigrate to North America. So
Speaker 4: I grew up living with a lot of these family members.
Speaker 4: Oh so she did a lot. And so when that happened,
Speaker 4: it was also I think a positive release for her
Speaker 4: where she could say, you know, that's that was a
Speaker 4: correction that needed to happen. I actually don't need to
Speaker 4: fly to every single wedding. I actually don't need to
Speaker 4: be what like for truly for what and I And
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be this angry thing like I'm
Speaker 4: not not showing up to things because I'm angry. This
Speaker 4: is the way my life works, and I I'm from
Speaker 4: a generation and a play I'm in a place in
Speaker 4: my life. The way my life works is that chosen
Speaker 4: family is is a huge part of my family. And
Speaker 4: that's like that was a correction that gay or straight
Speaker 4: straight was always going to happen, But the impetus was
Speaker 4: this sort of fallout from coming out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to, it's natural to whittle down and
Speaker 3: have a core group.
Speaker 4: Well, now you guys are part of my core group,
Speaker 4: are we? I hope so I do too.
Speaker 3: Even after my comment, I think it.
Speaker 4: Was so humanizing to have shared about the fact that
Speaker 4: your penis is green, tiny, and that you have all
Speaker 4: this time thought had jobs were jahabs and I just
Speaker 4: you can't get more vulnerable what happened.
Speaker 3: It just came out weird.
Speaker 4: But can I also say we don't now that we're
Speaker 4: talking about I ahoska. Everybody doesn't have to know what
Speaker 4: every fucking word is, right, and it doesn't make you
Speaker 4: bad for not It's like those are there's so many
Speaker 4: things to know, and it's I think it's like that's again,
Speaker 4: to go back to the politics of it. We should
Speaker 4: not put so much pressure on all of us to
Speaker 4: get every single thing right? Am I going to get
Speaker 4: messages from polyamorous people that are angry at the way
Speaker 4: that I feel about it? Sure they're not fucking my wife,
Speaker 4: I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 1: So please stay away.
Speaker 4: But you know, follow me? Yeah? Do you give us
Speaker 4: all a follow? I do want to plug something? Okay,
Speaker 4: it's my Instagram account. That's where I plug everything. My
Speaker 4: Instagram account. I'm going to be on this cartoon that
Speaker 4: big mouth people are making called Mating Season. I play
Speaker 4: a lonely horny fox and I am consulting on it. Oh,
Speaker 4: we go in sometimes.
Speaker 3: That's great, that's real nice. Also, I want to watch
Speaker 3: this farming.
Speaker 4: Farming for Love?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Is that a Canadian?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: You plug my Canadian REALC show?
Speaker 3: Oh help me?
Speaker 4: Farmers Find Love?
Speaker 1: I just look, I love it.
Speaker 3: When I first saw that Farmers Ownly was an app,
Speaker 3: I was like, that is the best specific genre.
Speaker 4: You know, farmers. You say the word farmer and you
Speaker 4: picture these like I literally thought I was going to
Speaker 4: be walking into just a stable full of men with
Speaker 4: straw on their masks. Of course, it's like we've come
Speaker 4: so far as to like expect Chris to know the
Speaker 4: difference between jahat and then you say farmer and we're like,
Speaker 4: all right, let's get into it with these fellas. But
Speaker 4: these are like really hot, cool people. There's a gay farmer.
Speaker 4: In the first season, there was a South Asian girl farmer.
Speaker 4: It's like, there's lots of different people that are on
Speaker 4: the farm and they are out in zip codes that
Speaker 4: don't have the apps, you know, yeah, yeah, and I'm
Speaker 4: bringing them some cuties.
Speaker 3: I love it. I love it. I want I want
Speaker 3: to watch that.
Speaker 1: I did too.
Speaker 2: I start asking questions, but I'll just watch it and
Speaker 2: answer my own questions.
Speaker 4: Watch it answer your own questions.
Speaker 2: I just like, I grew up in a very rural
Speaker 2: area myself, and the thing I really like about farmers
Speaker 2: is that they're secretly rich and I think it's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2: They could buy you and sell you anywhere you went,
Speaker 2: and they are just have like dirty lead jeans on
Speaker 2: and are kind of like quiet and I that's my
Speaker 2: face sex.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I know how to grow a plant from seed to
Speaker 4: you know, to feeding to feeding, seating to feeding.
Speaker 1: You can use that for next season.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Yeah, you're going to see it
Speaker 4: all over my Instagram. Just pictures of me with seating
Speaker 4: to feeding, from seating to feeding.
Speaker 1: I've done it again, from seating to feeding.
Speaker 3: Screena thank you for saying a series of thoughtful, beautiful
Speaker 3: things all in a row.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I do it again all over again. And
Speaker 4: I am sad to get out. I'm sure I'm not
Speaker 4: the first person to say it all sad to get out.
Speaker 3: When I first saw you did stand up, we were
Speaker 3: doing like the Kibbitts Room and part of Canters, and
Speaker 3: you were so hilarious and I liked you right away,
Speaker 3: and the audience did too, and you turn the show
Speaker 3: around and then I had fun on stage.
Speaker 4: Yay.
Speaker 3: And I've been a fan of your stand up. I
Speaker 3: wish i'd see you more out on the circuit. I
Speaker 3: know it's kind of disbanded. Our circuit circuit is disbanded.
Speaker 3: But also I just do a little more picky, choosy. Sure,
Speaker 3: I'm sure we're all in our own sort of relationship
Speaker 3: with like what is stand.
Speaker 4: Up to me? Yeah? Yeah, I do these other things
Speaker 4: like what energy do I have for my first child?
Speaker 4: And the energy that I have for my first child.
Speaker 4: I go out, I'd say like three or four times
Speaker 4: a month and try and have fun, yeah, and not
Speaker 4: put pressure on myself to be doing more because I
Speaker 4: like it, especially these days it's dark. Put on the fireplace.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm a golden Bachelorrett Blanket, Yeah, ayahuasca all the
Speaker 7: every next I've got to make room for all the
Speaker 7: drugs you're doing.
Speaker 4: Thank you for saying that, Chris.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're you're the best.
Speaker 4: Care I want to know that I saw you when
Speaker 4: I was in Toronto before, like when I was just
Speaker 4: maybe a year before I started doing stand up, and
Speaker 4: it was so incredible and inspiring and really, yeah, you
Speaker 4: were opening.
Speaker 1: For when Ellenda Jennet.
Speaker 4: That's right, well that show whatever happened to that one.
Speaker 1: That Gal Sabrina.
Speaker 2: I think you may have witnessed me at the literal
Speaker 2: zenith of my stand up career because that show, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll never forget it. First of all, right, yes, and
Speaker 2: the it was the place where it looked like those
Speaker 2: things went up. It looked like an old fashioned opera
Speaker 2: house where those like things go up all the way
Speaker 2: where you're like, what the fuck is this? And SARS
Speaker 2: has had just come out no way, So there was
Speaker 2: a bunch of people canceling and we didn't cancel because
Speaker 2: we had like twenty nine shows and thirty days that
Speaker 2: we had to do before.
Speaker 1: The talk shows.
Speaker 2: And uh so she was like, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: cancel until somebody tells me I have to. And so
Speaker 2: the audience was really stoked that even that the.
Speaker 1: Show was going on.
Speaker 2: Yes, and then because of I don't know, because I'd
Speaker 2: already had twenty five shows under my belt and this
Speaker 2: and that and this and that, it was like the
Speaker 2: greatest set I've ever had.
Speaker 4: It was filmed. It's like, what that would be amazing
Speaker 4: if like that would be That's like what I think
Speaker 4: like the next special should be is just like we
Speaker 4: make it accessible to film in a gorgeous way. You're
Speaker 4: on a tour like that, you do the last five,
Speaker 4: it's just like it's it's no, there's not the pressure.
Speaker 4: It's just like, yes, you just happened to be somewhere
Speaker 4: and it was the magic and it was caught, but
Speaker 4: I caught it. I filmed it with my eyes.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you how much that.
Speaker 4: And then one of my first it's probably like a
Speaker 4: year before I started stand up, and one of my
Speaker 4: first jokes and this is before I knew I was gay.
Speaker 4: Was about walking around holding my mom's hand at the
Speaker 4: Ellen Degenerous her show and and like the punchline is
Speaker 4: like people were like, who are these lesbians? And I'm
Speaker 4: like and all of the layers of that because my
Speaker 4: mom's white doesn't look like me, and it was like,
Speaker 4: but then me not knowing that I was gay, it was.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, you knew a little.
Speaker 4: Oh I always knew a little, but not enough.
Speaker 3: And because you were at that show and inspired to
Speaker 3: do stand up, Karen helped write that shoke.
Speaker 4: I you did.
Speaker 1: Am a part of all of this. This is my
Speaker 1: high on the mat.
Speaker 4: We're all.
Speaker 3: I've never heard you tell a story where you're saying
Speaker 3: you did great. What Karen is always like I was
Speaker 3: never good at stand up?
Speaker 4: Well, no, she was fantastic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, spent thank you so much. It's been a real lately.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing you're talking about where it's like,
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what stand up means to me anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I
Speaker 2: don't have that real loud voice that's making me write
Speaker 2: stuff down, so I kind of get up on stage
Speaker 2: and go, this is wasting all of our time. And
Speaker 2: I have that kind of like I think it's just
Speaker 2: a soured by hard jobs that I've had in the meanwhile,
Speaker 2: where it's like I think I really flourished as a
Speaker 2: stand up comedian because I was a wonderful alcoholic. I
Speaker 2: love joking, joky fun times all the time, ye like,
Speaker 2: and that lifestyle. I embodied that lifestyle of like sets
Speaker 2: every night, I'll make front of you at dinner, fuck you,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like it never stopped, and
Speaker 2: I thought it was the best. And then of course
Speaker 2: I had to stop drinking, and then everything got kind
Speaker 2: of real, and then I had to get a job,
Speaker 2: and then everything got more real, and then I was like,
Speaker 2: maybe I shouldn't just be insulting people because it popped
Speaker 2: into my head.
Speaker 1: Maybe I should be a little nicer, Maybe I should
Speaker 1: be this and that.
Speaker 2: Maybe this is all a coping mechanism, and you know,
Speaker 2: then you kind of I think it's just I'm so
Speaker 2: sorry to say this.
Speaker 1: It's growing up, So.
Speaker 4: Yeah it is. But it is like, first of all,
Speaker 4: it's such a delusional thing to be like it's my
Speaker 4: turn to tap for twenty minutes. It is like that's insane.
Speaker 4: I think all of this is kind of a scam,
Speaker 4: like what did we do here? I got in this car,
Speaker 4: we talk and and people so many people are gonna
Speaker 4: listen to it. It's all just like part of running
Speaker 4: a scam. And I mean I think everybody, I truly
Speaker 4: do think every comic that's been in it for a
Speaker 4: long time, unless you're someone who is one of those,
Speaker 4: like you know, like I do three shows a night
Speaker 4: in New York and then I'm on the road. I think,
Speaker 4: I mean, I would say those people probably have an
Speaker 4: equally challenging relationship to stand up. It's all so challenging.
Speaker 4: It's such an intense identity. It's so the definition of
Speaker 4: the identity is like old and dusty and feels like
Speaker 4: kind of similar to like you know, you hear about
Speaker 4: the way Lauren Michaels ran or writing writer's room, and
Speaker 4: then you think about the rooms that you really enjoy
Speaker 4: being in. It's like there's many ways to cut the pie,
Speaker 4: and it's like the most rigid pie cutting ways are
Speaker 4: are the way we judge ourselves against is in terms
Speaker 4: of like are we a stand up or not? And
Speaker 4: I just feel like, yeah, of course, if you know,
Speaker 4: if you know the feeling of crushing on stage. You
Speaker 4: are a comic. It does. It's it's like any sport
Speaker 4: that you play. It's like hard to like step out
Speaker 4: and then get back in and be like, oh, I
Speaker 4: know how it felt when I was just tighter and
Speaker 4: all that stuff. But everybody in here is a stand
Speaker 4: up comic, except I do have to say I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: but Audio you're not. I always have to drag a
Speaker 4: polly person. I love it.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Guys, call me whenever you need to be give me read.
Speaker 2: You are the greatest Sabrina. This is gonna be a
Speaker 2: fun one, but I am so happy. I'm so happy
Speaker 2: to have met you.
Speaker 4: Come on and have me back and yay, you know,
Speaker 4: come on, come on after that. I'm doing Largo December tenth.
Speaker 4: I'm doing Union Hall December nineteenth and Tomedy Bar December
Speaker 4: twenty second. And guess what, I know this will already
Speaker 4: have aired, and I know you're gonna have to go
Speaker 4: it up. But if you would it kill you to
Speaker 4: plug me now and then ones that are coming up.
Speaker 3: You just showed so much podcast experience knowing to plug,
Speaker 3: knowing that it probably won't.
Speaker 4: Don't you just drop that in one of your juicy
Speaker 4: little podcasts that are coming out, yes, before then.
Speaker 1: Well in a different one, yeah, randomly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just ask someone to do an impression of Sabran
Speaker 4: and Julie's promoting. Okay, guys, you know when it's.
Speaker 1: Time, you're the greatest.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're the greatest.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: By what a trip episode. I'm like, it happens all
Speaker 3: the time where I'm like, if a guest is saying
Speaker 3: so many impressive things like that, and I'm like, I
Speaker 3: get self conscious about the ability of my own brain.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's a good episode. Yeah, I get quiet and
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, this is a person that's more thoughtful
Speaker 3: than me, at least right now.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the short term versus long term where it's
Speaker 2: like she could do the hard short term jokes.
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm here for me too.
Speaker 2: But then the discussion, being able to have a real
Speaker 2: discussion is the point of this fucking is what we're doing,
Speaker 2: and she clearly gets it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in that way.
Speaker 3: You've just listened to a good episode.
Speaker 2: Oh we're still doing I forgot we didn't say ride
Speaker 2: b yan aar.
Speaker 1: Now let's continue to discuss and now more thoughts.
Speaker 3: This has been an exactly Right Production.
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.
Speaker 3: Mixed by Edson Choy.
Speaker 1: Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.
Speaker 3: Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 1: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 2: podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.
Speaker 3: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Oh, You're welcome.