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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two case story Time podcast hosts, and we have some

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Speaker 1: ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want

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Speaker 1: to hear the wisdom from two old heads that know

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Speaker 1: more than they know what to do with, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors

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Speaker 1: for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My husband wanted to divorce me because I got a tattoo,

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Speaker 2: Go get another one. I fifty female, got my first

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Speaker 2: and only tattoo a week and a half ago and

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Speaker 2: my husband, fifty mail, is furious. He says, if I

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Speaker 2: don't get it removed immediately, he is done with me.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Wacky Camp, But if

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Speaker 2: you want to spend your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash okay storytime Subpreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 3: what we'd do, so let us know what you would

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Speaker 3: do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: Some background. We've been together for twenty seven years, married

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Speaker 2: for twenty four and have two children in their twenties.

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Speaker 2: My mother passed away three years ago in the home

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Speaker 2: shared with my parents. We bought the house together half

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Speaker 2: and a half so that I could take care of them,

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Speaker 2: but the house is in my name, which is relevant. Later,

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Speaker 2: a few years before my mother passed away, she was

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Speaker 2: hospitalized with brain surgery. I basically lived at the hospital

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Speaker 2: with her during that time, witnessing more suffering than I

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Speaker 2: can describe. During that time, I was pretty much on

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Speaker 2: my own. I was my mom's advocate in the hospital,

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Speaker 2: the one who explained everything to the rest of the family,

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Speaker 2: and a conduit and translator to my mom's family abroad,

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Speaker 2: and I was still doing my work from the window

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Speaker 2: seat of my mom's room. My husband did not visit

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Speaker 2: me there, not to bring me food or company or comfort.

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Speaker 2: When I was finally home and could release the grief

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Speaker 2: and horror I'd been feeling all that time, my husband

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Speaker 2: was shocked and actually cried with me. He said he

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Speaker 2: never wanted to hear cries like those from me again.

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Speaker 2: I let him know later on how much I had

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Speaker 2: wanted his support during that time and how I felt

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Speaker 2: pretty abandoned. He said he would do better. Two years later,

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Speaker 2: my dad was the one undergoing a brutal surgery at

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Speaker 2: eighty four, with physical and mental complications afterwards, and it

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Speaker 2: was the same story. I was again on my own

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Speaker 2: when my mother did pass away the following year. My

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Speaker 2: husband cried with me and volunteered to call the funeral

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Speaker 2: home for me. But two days later, when I said

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Speaker 2: I was sad, he asked, why.

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Speaker 4: Huh, what are you about that.

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Speaker 2: Let's take a wild guess. It's taking a wild guess, wyop,

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Speaker 2: he could.

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Speaker 4: Be sad you got this one, buddy.

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Speaker 2: Confused, I reminded him my mom had just passed, he said,

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Speaker 2: but it wasn't your fault. I honestly still don't know

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Speaker 2: what that had to do with anything. Since that time,

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Speaker 2: he seems to think I'm not still affected by the

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Speaker 2: loss of my mother, largely because I just carry on

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Speaker 2: and don't give in to the grief I'm carrying, according

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Speaker 2: to him, like a human is supposed to do.

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Speaker 5: So.

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Speaker 2: Back to the present, I've been talking for a couple

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Speaker 2: of years about getting a tattoo of my mom's writing

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Speaker 2: from a letter she wrote me when I was a teenager.

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Speaker 2: It's a few loving words in her language, and I

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Speaker 2: loved the idea of having those engraved on me, like

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Speaker 2: a sort of talisman. In the last few years. My

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Speaker 2: daughter and I had also talked about getting matching tattoos

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Speaker 2: with each other, but I had delayed. My daughter actually

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Speaker 2: has a tattoo of part of my mom's message to me.

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Speaker 2: My husband has heard us talk about these things. I

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Speaker 2: guess he thought I wouldn't follow through. When I made

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Speaker 2: the appointment, he said, no, not to do it. He said,

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Speaker 2: in what sounded like a joking tone, to me, that's

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Speaker 2: my skin. No, it's not. No, is my skin, So

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Speaker 2: my body is my skin. You're not taking it. That

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Speaker 2: sounds like something a serial unaliver would say.

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Speaker 5: Second thing that sounds like one. Yeah, say the first

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Speaker 5: one being well, you didn't do it? Why do you

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Speaker 5: feel bad that? She's so?

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Speaker 2: True? But he followed up saying that tattoos are gross.

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Speaker 2: This was a surprise since his sister's, his daughter, and

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Speaker 2: his son all of several and he's talked about getting

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Speaker 2: them in the past. Hypocrite. He just wants to control you.

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Speaker 4: He talked about having them before.

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Speaker 2: Too, pretty insane. I didn't really take it seriously. The

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Speaker 2: day before my appointment he told me to cancel it.

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Speaker 2: I explained that this meant a lot to me, since

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Speaker 2: it was the anniversary of her passing, and I was

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Speaker 2: missing her. The morning of. He had tears in his

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Speaker 2: eyes and said, this is gonna mess me up. I

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Speaker 2: don't like tattoos. But then he went on to say

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Speaker 2: that my mom didn't really deserve to be honored this way,

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Speaker 2: and made a couple of unkind comments about her. So

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Speaker 2: I'll admit I basically stopped listening. So I had it done,

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Speaker 2: and I think it's beautiful. In what I hoped would

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Speaker 2: be a compromise, I didn't put it where I'd originally planned.

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Speaker 2: I put it on my upper inside arm, where it

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Speaker 2: would be more discreet. Looking at her words reminds me

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Speaker 2: that someone did love me totally, unconditionally, and it helps

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Speaker 2: when I'm missing her or feeling down like I have

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Speaker 2: been this week because my husband quit talking to me

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Speaker 2: or anyone else in the house. Wow, twenty seven years

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Speaker 2: of marriage.

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Speaker 4: Over a tribute tattoo.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. He locks himself in his room all day and night.

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Speaker 2: We sleep separately because of snoring. Moved his things to

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Speaker 2: another bathroom and his clothes to that closet instead of

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Speaker 2: our shared closet. He emerges only to go to work

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Speaker 2: or to make his own food. After we've all gone

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Speaker 2: to bed. Right before his voluntary solitary confinement, he told

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Speaker 2: me we were done, that he could never be attracted

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Speaker 2: to me again. What a like, You're insane, You're crazy.

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Speaker 2: She got some words on the inside of her arm,

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Speaker 2: and you can't be attracted.

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Speaker 5: To her again, and all your kids have them, and

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Speaker 5: you debated getting one.

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Speaker 2: You literally have never loved her if that's the case,

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Speaker 2: And that he would move out if I gave him

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Speaker 2: half the value of the house. Only half the value

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Speaker 2: is ours since the other half is really my dad's.

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Speaker 2: So basically he wants to take my half of our half.

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Speaker 2: I know he says it to be mean, and it works,

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Speaker 2: and I'm not proud of some of the things I

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Speaker 2: said to him in response. So I've been miserable this

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Speaker 2: whole time, and what was a special thing for me

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Speaker 2: and my mom has been overshadowed by this. Further, our

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Speaker 2: wedding anniversary passed without acknowledgment. Of course, theodnight, he emerged

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Speaker 2: to tell me I didn't need to cry, there's nothing

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Speaker 2: to cry about that. All I have to do is

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Speaker 2: to get it removed immediately. I know what we can

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Speaker 2: remove immediately. Dude, dude, you suck.

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Speaker 4: I hate, like, genuinely have no words for him. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: this guy is insane.

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Speaker 2: Twenty seven years of marriage.

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Speaker 5: They talked about this for a while up his daughter

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Speaker 5: was going to get matching ones with the wife.

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Speaker 4: He never wants expressive views. Even if he did, they're

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Speaker 4: not valid.

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Speaker 5: It's her opinion, like it's her body's to get them.

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Speaker 5: Saying it's my skin is wild old insane.

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Speaker 2: One, and I can't do that well it's healing. And two, seriously,

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Speaker 2: I have to burn it off with a laser to

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Speaker 2: save my marriage. Once again, I've been told I'll never

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Speaker 2: be attracted to him with it, that he's the one

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Speaker 2: who had to look at it, that he hates tattoos

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Speaker 2: on women. Again, this is a new development, and I'm

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Speaker 2: basically awful because he begged me not to do it.

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Speaker 2: But I begged him for years to stop drinking because

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Speaker 2: it was hurting our family, and stop some other things,

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Speaker 2: and those were apparently not important. And it's not the

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Speaker 2: same according to him, A tattoo on my inner arm

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Speaker 2: is not what he married. And I knew he was

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Speaker 2: a heavy drinker from the start. I didn't. It took

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Speaker 2: years to understand that. I think we need to divorce

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Speaker 2: pretty pretty imminently, because it seems like you are so.

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Speaker 2: You also have obviously other problems in your marriage already.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, some of that sounds like it could be heavy.

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Speaker 2: I told him, even if I wanted to take it off,

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Speaker 2: it would be a long time before I could, since

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Speaker 2: it hasn't even healed yet, and he noted I'd be

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Speaker 2: unattractive to him the whole time. I suggested seeing how

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Speaker 2: he feels over time while it's healing, and suggested he

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Speaker 2: schedule us for counseling. We do actually need this. He

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Speaker 2: made it clear he will never change his mind and

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Speaker 2: that the odds are he's not going to make an

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Speaker 2: effort to make us a counseling appointment. I guess I

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Speaker 2: feel I was really his person, someone he loved for real.

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Speaker 2: He wouldn't be ready to throw me away over a small,

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Speaker 2: simple tattoo, and he'd tried to understand my feelings. He

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Speaker 2: insists he has loved me deeply, and that I'm the

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Speaker 2: one drawing the line in the sand and throwing him away.

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Speaker 2: He said he'd posted this on Reddit. Everyone thought I

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Speaker 2: was awful, then laughed a little and said, no, you

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Speaker 2: didn't post I said, Okay, let's post it. He thinks

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Speaker 2: i'd represent it all wrong to make myself look good,

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Speaker 2: but I don't think I have. At least he or

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Speaker 2: I could spell out my feelings and not have them dismissed.

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Speaker 2: Am I really the bad partner here? I am interested

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Speaker 2: because obviously this is biased because you wrote it, and

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Speaker 2: it's biased towards you know, your own opinions. So if

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Speaker 2: he knows about this, I'm interested. I want to like,

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Speaker 2: he should post his side of the story if he

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Speaker 2: thinks that people would take a side.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to know what he could possibly have

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Speaker 5: to say that he thinks that people.

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Speaker 4: Will be like, oh my god, Yeah he was.

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Speaker 2: He was totally right. He's like, you don't you guys

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Speaker 2: don't understand. You don't understand. I don't want her to

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Speaker 2: have a tattoo because I think she'll look ugly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that wouldn't help your point.

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Speaker 2: Dude comments, Wow, you buried the lead here. Your husband

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Speaker 2: offered you basically zero support during your mom's illness and

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Speaker 2: passing and your dad's surgery, and then didn't understand why

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Speaker 2: you were grieving for a normal length of time. What

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Speaker 2: the if the only thing surprising about such a self

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Speaker 2: centered loser wanting to divorce you over a tattoo is

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Speaker 2: that you didn't beat him to the bunch. Please find

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Speaker 2: some self respect and divorce him for giving you such

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Speaker 2: a stupid ultimatum and for all the other ways he

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Speaker 2: hasn't been there for you. You deserve so much better

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Speaker 2: than to be basically alone and unsupported by the man

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Speaker 2: who's supposed to be there for you, for better or

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Speaker 2: for worse. And a reply says agreed. And this type

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Speaker 2: of loser man that doesn't really want a divorce. He

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Speaker 2: wants to stay and be mean and harmful to her,

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Speaker 2: and he manipulates her with these empty threats. He thinks

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Speaker 2: she'll never grow a spine and leave. I bet he's

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Speaker 2: overweight and a gross too, being that he's a long

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Speaker 2: time heavy drinker. And I bet she's way better looking

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Speaker 2: than him. Since she isn't, he probably hasn't aged well

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Speaker 2: and hates himself. Comment two says, girl, I didn't even

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Speaker 2: get to the tattoo part because I was hung up

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Speaker 2: on why you didn't dump him when he utterly abandoned

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Speaker 2: you in your darkest times. He is no loss and

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Speaker 2: that's the end of that story. My God, that's it,

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Speaker 2: dang man. Wow. Yeah, divorce him Adora like as soon

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Speaker 2: as possible because he doesn't support you. He's being controlling

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Speaker 2: and those are huge red flags and definitely gonna get worse.

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Speaker 2: And it seems like that has been a problem for

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Speaker 2: a long time.

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Speaker 5: Divorce him and the day that it's signed, get a tattoo.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, to commemorate and get another tattoo.

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Speaker 5: We haven't been intimate in years, and now I think he's.

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Speaker 4: Cheating on me.

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Speaker 2: Dump them.

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Speaker 5: I'm female and have a normal libido. My husband is

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Speaker 5: male and has no libido, or so I thought. We've

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Speaker 5: been married for over twenty years and our bedroom has

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Speaker 5: been passed away for about the last five. My world

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Speaker 5: kind of got rocked today. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 5: from deleted and if you want us to make your

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Speaker 5: own stories.

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Speaker 4: Go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

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Speaker 5: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 5: what we do, so let us know what you would

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Speaker 5: do in the comments.

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Speaker 4: My car is in the shop, so I was the

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Speaker 4: bus driver today.

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Speaker 5: Using my husband's car to take the kids to school

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Speaker 5: and drop him off at work. He's very fastidious about

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Speaker 5: his car, so I cleaned out the back seat to

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Speaker 5: make sure the kids hadn't left a mess back there

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Speaker 5: when I saw something under the passenger seat. It's been

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Speaker 5: a long time since I needed them, but I knew

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Speaker 5: what it was immediately. A Trojan leaner wrapper bonus information.

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Speaker 5: My husband got a vasectomy years ago. I dropped it

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Speaker 5: like it burned my hand and sat down on the

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Speaker 5: driveway for about half an hour.

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Speaker 2: That's so brutal.

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Speaker 5: I honestly thought I was going to faint if I

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Speaker 5: stood up. I kept thinking about what I would have

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Speaker 5: done if one of the kids had grabbed it. Oh

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Speaker 5: stupid fear. They wouldn't have known what it is, or

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Speaker 5: if he had been around when I found it. He's

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Speaker 5: home now, the kids are going to bed soon, and

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Speaker 5: I can't decide what to do. Most of me is

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Speaker 5: furious at the cheating. It has to be cheating, right,

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Speaker 5: and for all of the anguish and rejection I've endured

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Speaker 5: night after night after night while he apparently is sleeping

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Speaker 5: with someone else. He travels occasionally for work, and he

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00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:14,920
Speaker 5: has myriad outside hobbies and interests that would give him

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Speaker 5: ample opportunity to cheat.

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Speaker 4: I feel like such a fool.

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Speaker 5: I'm home cleaning and caring for the kids and pining

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Speaker 5: for him, starving for spicy sleep, and he's out doing what.

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Speaker 5: I'm afraid that if I say anything to him, he'll

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Speaker 5: have a reasonable answer for why it's there. I'm giving

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Speaker 5: some real consideration to getting into his accounts and maybe

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Speaker 5: even following him to prove what I don't really know,

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Speaker 5: because finding that one little thing has already made me

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Speaker 5: reevaluate every emotion and thought I've had about our relationship

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Speaker 5: for the last few years. To be sure, I'm no angel,

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Speaker 5: I'm a hypocrite. I've lusted after others and have done

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Speaker 5: things I'm ashamed of during my marriage.

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Speaker 3: Like what but I rusting and physically cheating are two

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Speaker 3: different things.

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Speaker 5: But I always felt justified because he wasn't sleeping with me.

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Speaker 5: I just feel so sick and mad and exhausted. I

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Speaker 5: wish I hadn't found it. I'm not sure what I'm

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Speaker 5: going to do here, and I absolutely welcome any advice

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Speaker 5: from anyone with insight.

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Speaker 3: We have an update, Oh man, I mean, I really

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Speaker 3: I'd love to know what you did to me.

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Speaker 4: It sounds like she cheated.

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Speaker 5: She's like, it's fine because he wasn't giving me spicy sleep.

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Speaker 4: But now that he's cheating, I'm mad about it. And

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Speaker 4: it's like, girl, what.

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Speaker 2: I'm wondering if if she's like kind of overthinking what

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Speaker 2: like things that she did to be like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: like you know, like I'm not an angel either, because

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Speaker 2: either of my kind of two thoughts are either she

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Speaker 2: did cheat, which in that case it's like, okay, you're

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Speaker 2: a hypocrite, or the second one is that she like

296
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Speaker 2: had a crush on someone is eating.

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Speaker 5: The line that throws me off is but I've always

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Speaker 5: felt justified because he.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't sleeping with me. Yeah, I doesn't not great.

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Speaker 4: Really, you worry me with that one.

301
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Speaker 5: To the surprise of exactly no one, my ll husband

302
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Speaker 5: is probably cheating on me. I haven't confronted him yet,

303
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,719
Speaker 5: but I imagine I will soon. I don't have a

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Speaker 5: smoking pupew, but I don't really need one at this point.

305
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:28,040
Speaker 5: After all, circumstantial evidence is evidence, right. Here's how and

306
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,080
Speaker 5: what I found out. I started to really pay attention

307
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,000
Speaker 5: to his text and phone usage and noticed that he

308
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 5: would text someone right before he plugged his phone. In

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00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 5: at night to go to bed, and he always sent

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Speaker 5: a few texts first thing in the morning.

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Speaker 4: I asked, and he told me it.

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Speaker 2: Was just work.

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Speaker 5: As I thought about it, I kind of convinced myself

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Speaker 5: that whomever he was texting at those times must be

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Speaker 5: the person he wanted the Wiener wrapper for. So when

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Speaker 5: the opportunity arose, I cracked open his phone.

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Speaker 4: Funny side note.

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Speaker 5: The password to his iPhone is our anniversary. I watched

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Speaker 5: him send those texts for about a week before I

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Speaker 5: violated his privacy and looked. When I finally snooped, though

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Speaker 5: there were no texts sent out or received at those times,

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Speaker 5: it took me a few minutes to realize that he

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00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,360
Speaker 5: was sending and receiving messages that he was then deleting.

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Speaker 5: He has lots and lots of other text messages saved

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Speaker 5: going back a year or so.

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Speaker 4: Giant red flag. Sorry, this is kind of choppy.

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Speaker 5: I don't really feel like writing, but y'all have been

328
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,080
Speaker 5: so nice and I want to share. So then I

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00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 5: started watching his location on the Find Friends app, which

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00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,600
Speaker 5: we all have on our phones in case we lose them.

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Speaker 5: I watched obsessively for a few weeks, but never saw

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Speaker 5: him go anywhere out of the ordinary. Here's what finally happened.

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Speaker 5: We have a routine in the evening where I go

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Speaker 5: to our small neighborhood Jim after the kids are tucked in,

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Speaker 5: and then when I get home, he goes that way.

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Speaker 5: One of us is always here. There's really no need

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00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 5: for that anymore, since one of ours is now old

338
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:02,120
Speaker 5: enough to babysit in drive, but we're just still in

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00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,040
Speaker 5: that habit. One night, I got back from the gym

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00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,920
Speaker 5: and he left, and I just got to wondering if

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00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:11,000
Speaker 5: he could be flirting with someone up there. Yes, I

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00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 5: realized that sounds creepy and obsessive, so without telling him

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00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 5: I was coming, I drove over.

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Speaker 4: His car was there, but he was nowhere to be found.

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Speaker 5: The gym is tiny and it was empty. I checked

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00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,400
Speaker 5: and his phone was still showing he was there. There's

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00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,240
Speaker 5: a yogurt shop across the street, and I thought he

348
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,520
Speaker 5: might have just gone over there, and his phone just

349
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,080
Speaker 5: looked like it was still at the gym. I drove

350
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 5: over and looked, but he was nowhere to be found.

351
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 5: I decided to sit and wait and watch his car.

352
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 5: I felt like a creep and a stalker. And I

353
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 5: was already feeling disgusted with myself for checking up on him.

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00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 5: That was my mindset when I saw a car pull

355
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,080
Speaker 5: up next to his I saw him hop out and

356
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,240
Speaker 5: wave and get in his car and drive away. Although

357
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 5: I was too far away to see who was driving

358
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,840
Speaker 5: the car, I definitely recognize it as the car of

359
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 5: someone we know.

360
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 4: Well, No, she's the wife of one of my coworkers.

361
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 2: Oh yikes. Yeah, So clearly what's happening here is that

362
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,399
Speaker 2: he drives the car to the gitgem, leaves his phone

363
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,080
Speaker 2: in the car, and then she picks him up.

364
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Speaker 5: We have a lot of social contact with them, and

365
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 5: have even been on family vacations and gone.

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Speaker 2: To the other Well you know why they're you know,

367
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 2: got so close. Then she's a friend of mine. Devastating.

368
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,919
Speaker 5: No, because I know you're wondering, I'll admit that she

369
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 5: is very, very cute. She's also about ten years younger

370
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:43,000
Speaker 5: than us. No, if he is sleeping with her, her husband,

371
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,400
Speaker 5: whom I adore, is going to be crush. I love

372
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Speaker 5: him dearly, not that way, which complicates the whole situation

373
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 5: so much. As he drove away, his phone showed up

374
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,639
Speaker 5: that it was moving, so it sure looks like he

375
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 5: purposely left.

376
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Speaker 4: His phone in the car so.

377
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,639
Speaker 5: That I would he was at the gym. Oh I

378
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,160
Speaker 5: asked him that night how the gym was. He said

379
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 5: it was crowded and had some story about not being

380
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,160
Speaker 5: able to get on the machine he wanted, just another lie,

381
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 5: that place was a ghost town. He had ample opportunity

382
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 5: to tell me that he and Sandy ran into each other,

383
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 5: that she needed help with something, or whenever the story

384
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 5: could be, but he didn't. Just another lie. So that's

385
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,360
Speaker 5: where I am today. I still haven't said anything. I'm

386
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 5: just trying to figure out what the future is going

387
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,520
Speaker 5: to look like for me and my kids. I don't

388
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 5: think he'll be part of that future, not so much

389
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 5: for the cheating, which I can understand, but for the

390
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 5: thousands of rejections and apparently.

391
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,159
Speaker 4: Lies over the years.

392
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Speaker 5: Have you ever been hurt so badly that you just

393
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,399
Speaker 5: feel hollow? That's where I am now, just empty and

394
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 5: charred and emotionless. A few more things worth mentioning. After

395
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,240
Speaker 5: my last post, the one where I described my anguish

396
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,199
Speaker 5: at finding a Wiener wrapper in my husband's car, I

397
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 5: got a handful of messages from guys wanting to have

398
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 5: spicy sleep with me, really really. The messages ranged from

399
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 5: pathetic to hilariously pathetic, but none of them led to

400
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 5: spicy sleep with me. Also consider this, men, I'm obviously

401
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,399
Speaker 5: pretty undesirable and broken. If the man who married me

402
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 5: and who has previously done all kinds of fun kinky

403
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 5: stuff with me, and who sleeps next to me every

404
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,360
Speaker 5: night won't touch me, you can probably do better, and.

405
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,159
Speaker 4: You should try.

406
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 5: Also, I got some hateful messages that tell me I

407
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,000
Speaker 5: got what I deserved because I admitted that I have

408
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,679
Speaker 5: done things during my marriage that I'm not proud of.

409
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 5: What I was talking about was cyber spicy sleep with

410
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 5: men and women, and never the same person more than once.

411
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 5: I've never had anything close to an emotional or physical

412
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 5: affair with anyone. H I haven't been with anyone physically

413
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 5: beside my husband for over two decades, and I only

414
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 5: sought out cyber spy sleep partners after several years of

415
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,400
Speaker 5: no spicy sleep with him.

416
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 4: Is that cheating?

417
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 5: Yes, yes probably, But in my admittedly gradually changing hierarchy

418
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 5: of sins, my sins seem smaller. Many of you thought

419
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,560
Speaker 5: I shouldn't snoop on him, and many of you thought

420
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,199
Speaker 5: I should. I only decided to check his phone for

421
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 5: text because I had a specific suspicion about them. I

422
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 5: feel like I can justify that. I really can't justify

423
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 5: following up on his location by his phone. However, I'm

424
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 5: not sorry that I did so. I violated his trust

425
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 5: to find out that he is very probably violating mine.

426
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 5: There are definitely no winners here.

427
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 2: That's it. That's the end of that story. Okay, Wow,

428
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 2: dang man.

429
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 4: I don't even know what advice you want.

430
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, tell your husband, I've been cheating on you, and

431
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,120
Speaker 5: apparently you've been cheating on me.

432
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,880
Speaker 4: Should we just go our separate ways now?

433
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 2: Peace out?

434
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 4: Bye?

435
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 5: To keep living in this marriage that you seem miserable

436
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 5: in and that apparently.

437
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 2: And you're mad. That's Hulleen miserable.

438
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 4: That's what I meant, that Op's miserable.

439
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, but they're both miserable in it. My ex

440
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 2: cheated on me. Now she can't accept that I got engaged.

441
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 4: I think she really has a choice in that.

442
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 2: My ex and I met in our mid twenties through

443
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 2: a mutual friend at a barbecue. She seemed almost too

444
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 2: good to be true, incredibly beautiful, but shy and introverted.

445
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,919
Speaker 2: We took her time getting to know each other before

446
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 2: things became serious. When we got engaged a year later,

447
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 2: I bought us a house with inheritance from my late uncle.

448
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Crushed Survivor one two three,

449
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

450
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 2: to the ours slash Okay storytime Separate. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,

451
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we

452
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

453
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 2: so let us know what you guys would do in

454
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 2: the comments. Things were going great, and I suggested we

455
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 2: plant a peachtree to signify new beginnings, which she loved.

456
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 2: We were married not long after and it was amazing.

457
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: We had normal ups and downs, but she always made

458
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 2: it a point to never go to bed upset with

459
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: each other. Later, I was promoted, which meant more pay

460
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 2: but also more travel. I noticed she had been getting

461
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,959
Speaker 2: down more and wasn't being as intimate. She kept her

462
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 2: phone close and stopped addressing things that upset her. I

463
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 2: tried to talk to her, but she assured me she

464
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 2: was fine and this was just a phase. Having no

465
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 2: reason not to trust her. I let it go. She

466
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 2: would sometimes stay overnight at her sister's place for girl time.

467
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 2: The day I got that phone call was when she

468
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 2: was supposed to be with her sister again. When I

469
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 2: got home, I found out the devastating truth from her sister.

470
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,239
Speaker 2: My wife had been having an affair. Her ex had

471
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 2: contacted her five months ago, doing some redemption thing where

472
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: he apologizes to people he's wrong to clear his karma.

473
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 2: They began talking, then he convinced her to meet for

474
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 2: coffee to show he was a changed man, and it

475
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 2: developed into an emotional affair. My wife approached her sister

476
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 2: for advice, who told her to take things slow and

477
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 2: get it out of her system, which led to a

478
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 2: physical affair three months later. My sister in law even

479
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,479
Speaker 2: offered to cover for my wife. She was in tears,

480
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 2: apologizing and saying she never thought it would go this far. Liar,

481
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: I was numb. When I confronted my wife, she broke

482
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: down and admitted everything. I spent the following months in

483
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 2: zombie mode. There was individual counseling for her and marriage

484
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 2: counseling for us. At our family's urging in counseling, she

485
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 2: was forthcoming about how it happened, and now she hated

486
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 2: herself for causing me pain. She mentioned how guilty she

487
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 2: felt and now she tried to end it but was

488
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 2: too weak. She said, only after learning she was pregnant

489
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: did she realize any further contact was toxic. When she

490
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 2: went to end things, he became angry and vindictive, but

491
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 2: thankfully nothing more serious happened. She became withdrawn and struggled

492
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 2: with guilt and shame. And after our son was born,

493
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 2: we got a paternity test and he was mine. But

494
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: the more time I spent with her, the more I

495
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 2: realized I didn't hate my wife. I loathed her. I

496
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 2: couldn't see the woman I married, but instead saw his

497
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 2: leftovers each time I looked at her. I decided to

498
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 2: leave because I was afraid i'd do something I regret.

499
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: She begged me not to and made the ridiculous offer

500
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 2: of giving me a haul pass and letting me slap

501
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: her if I wanted. I knew I had to get out.

502
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 2: She was generous during the divorce, moved back with her

503
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 2: parents and signed a well thought out co parenting plan,

504
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 2: And three years later I met my now fiance by

505
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 2: chance in a bookstore. We were discussing Egyptian mythology when

506
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 2: this beautiful woman approached to correct my pronunciation of Egyptian

507
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 2: gods and cities. I was impressed by her understanding and

508
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 2: the fact that she's Egyptian herself. We exchanged numbers and

509
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 2: eventually started dating. When I proposed to her in front

510
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 2: of the peach tree, I planted years ago, Okay, that's.

511
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 4: Pachatic with your wife, your ex wife.

512
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 2: She ran into the house and came out with the

513
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 2: ring as well. She was planning to propose herself because

514
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 2: she was madly in love with me. Ah, it all

515
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 2: worked out. My son told his mother what happened because

516
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 2: he was present. My ex showed up that night in

517
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 2: the rain, yelling about how could I do this? How

518
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 2: could I propose in front of our tree, and that

519
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 2: this isn't the end of us. I'm completely exhausted. I

520
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 2: cannot go no contact because she's the mother of my child,

521
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 2: but she's basically pestering me and my fiance. How do

522
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,920
Speaker 2: I convince her to move on without getting a restraining

523
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 2: order at It's something that still bothers me is how

524
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 2: she went back to someone from her past who had

525
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: caused her so much pain. It's hard for me to

526
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 2: understand why she would give him a chance to hurt

527
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: her again. At a two, when my fiance presented me

528
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 2: with the ring she was going to use to propose,

529
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: it had an a graving to my pharaoh. I love

530
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 2: this woman. And there are some comments that's this is. Yeah,

531
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 2: just just ignore her, block her everywhere you can't. I mean,

532
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 2: I guess you can't block her because you got a kid.

533
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 4: That's why you don't want the restraining order too.

534
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 5: Yeah, probably isn't there like a level be lower restraining order.

535
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 4: I know you're probably saying.

536
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: You don't want to get that either, But yeah, I

537
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: think like this comment. I'm gonna read this coment because

538
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: it seems good. Kama want, says Gray Rock. Strategy, don't

539
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 2: communicate about anything other than the sun. Don't get sucked

540
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 2: into another discussion. It's not your place to convince her

541
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: of anything. I think that's probably the best strategy.

542
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 5: I think the issue is she showed up at the house,

543
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 5: and yeah, prevent that.

544
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 2: At that point you just have to be like, don't

545
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 2: even answer the door. Comment to says, hey man, congrats

546
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,199
Speaker 2: on the engagement. That took a different turn at the

547
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 2: end there. My only advice is to not talk about

548
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 2: your fiance to your ex and put up a non

549
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 2: emotional front every time you see her OPI says, thank you, friend,

550
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 2: and yes, I try by all means to not mention

551
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 2: my fiance to my ex, even when she asks about her.

552
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 2: At first, my ex was under the impression that I

553
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 2: was trying to get even or something, and actually said

554
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 2: she would wait until I came to my senses. But

555
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 2: the engagement caused her to completely freak out and show

556
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,160
Speaker 2: it at my home in the night, in the pouring rain.

557
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: Her mother has even told me that she hardly speaks

558
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 2: about anything other than the life we had and how

559
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 2: losing me has ripped her soul apart.

560
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 4: She shouldn't have cheated.

561
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 2: You shouldn't have cheated, then, that's a pretty easy solution

562
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: to that. That is the consequence of her actions. It

563
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 2: is what it is. Now. She has to live with

564
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 2: a regret for the rest of her life. No amount

565
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 2: of therapy will fix that. And there is an update, folks.

566
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 5: The great common advice like, yeah, this was she's the

567
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 5: one that cheated. She had an affair that she wanted

568
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 5: to go through with, ruined it herself.

569
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's like, yeah, I think the gray Rock method

570
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 2: is probably the best thing to do. Maybe get her

571
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 2: parents involved so they can kind of get a handle

572
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 2: on her. But uh yeah, just keep trying to keep

573
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 2: your distance as much as you can. My son absolutely

574
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 2: loves the outdoors, so I offered my backyard for his birthday,

575
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 2: since we couldn't go to our usual spots due to

576
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: the ongoing situation. He also requested that my ex sleep over.

577
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 2: He wanted to imitate a scene from one of his

578
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 2: adventure shows where both parents sit on either side of

579
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 2: the child roasting marshmallows around a campfire. I had no

580
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: intention of denying my son's birthday wishes, but I couldn't

581
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 2: have my ex sleep in the same tent as me

582
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: and my son. That would be disrespectful to my fiance,

583
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 2: and even though she said she understood, it was clear

584
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 2: she wasn't okay with it. My ex took advantage of this,

585
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 2: saying how much she was looking forward to spending the

586
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: night with her two men and buying excessive camping equipment.

587
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 2: She was trying to rub it in my fiance's face.

588
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 2: I had to tell her to stop several times, and

589
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 2: she only relented when I threatened to invite her sister.

590
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 2: Since our divorce, my ex has had a burning hatred

591
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 2: for her sister. She acknowledges her role in destroying our marriage,

592
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 2: but blames her sister for encouraging the affair. Wow, that's great. Yeah,

593
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 2: you're really throwing the blame off yourself there. It's gotten

594
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 2: so bad that she refuses to let her sisters spend

595
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: significant time with our son, which caused my ex sister

596
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 2: in law severe depression. A redditor suggested I purchase a

597
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 2: multi room tent so my fiance could be included. I

598
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 2: immediately went out to get one. My ex wasn't happy

599
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: about it, but was glad to be under the same

600
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: roof as me. During the birthday celebration, my son was

601
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: on cloud nine. You ran around pretending to be an

602
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 2: explorer discovering new land. When evening came, I made the

603
00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 2: fire and my ex provided marshmallows. He excitedly sat between

604
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 2: us roasting his marshmallow. What I didn't expect was that

605
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 2: after we took pictures and made smores, he handed my

606
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 2: fiance stick in marshmallow and sat next to her to

607
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 2: make his seconds more. It's a mystery how something this

608
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 2: pure could come from the mess that was my relationship

609
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 2: with my ex. Any final thoughts.

610
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 5: That Sun is probably adorable and really just like he's

611
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 5: out here sating, he's like handing some to the fiance too.

612
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 2: Do you want to me? Now here you go?

613
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 5: He's yeah, that's really sweet and I'm glad he got

614
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 5: the wholesome birthday that he wanted despite.

615
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 2: The craziness drama that's going on with his parents.

616
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 4: You guys are at least doing doing the kid co

617
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 4: parenting right.

618
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 2: My ex asked for a moment of my time. We

619
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: stepped into the kitchen and she apologized for her behavior

620
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: the day I proposed, but not for her actions afterwards.

621
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: She told me she still sees me as her husband

622
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 2: in her mind, so the thought of me giving my

623
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: heart to another terrifighter. She said she never wanted to

624
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 2: cause me pain and would give anything to undo her mistakes.

625
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 2: She mentioned how happen she was when the paternity test

626
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 2: showed I was the father, because she thought it was

627
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 2: a new beginning and that our son was proof of

628
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,719
Speaker 2: our love. I thanked her for sharing, but told her

629
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: I was happy with where I was in life and

630
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 2: hope she would find someone to make her happy as well.

631
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: She said she meant what she told me on our

632
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 2: divorce day, and we'll wait for me. I left the

633
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 2: kitchen exhausted because nothing I said got through to her.

634
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 2: We called it a night with my fiance and I

635
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 2: sleeping in one room with a tent and my ex

636
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 2: with my son in another. All in all, a good

637
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 2: birthday for my son, but not a good night for me.

638
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,719
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story.

639
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 5: Hi, well, I mean, yeah, that still doesn't sound great,

640
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 5: but maybe slightly on the better paths.

641
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, hopefully, hope.

642
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 5: I'm not like that wasn't great, but she didn't try anything.

643
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's something, But that is the

644
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:50,959
Speaker 3: end of the story.

645
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

646
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

647
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 2: My fiance had my deceased brother tattooed, and now I

648
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 2: can even look at her.

649
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 3: I really need an explanation for this one.

650
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 2: Okay, So for context, my older brother, thirty male while

651
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 2: I'm twenty nine male, passed away three years ago in

652
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 2: a motorcycle accident. This messed me up severely and it

653
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 2: still does. He was my best friend and we had

654
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 2: that whole inseparable since we knew each other type of bond.

655
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 2: Even if he was older, he was never the stereotypical

656
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,239
Speaker 2: older brother bully sort and I loved him for that.

657
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Ottica Michael, and if

658
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

659
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 2: r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie,

660
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 2: and I'm Keon.

661
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 6: I'm actually here man.

662
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't

663
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

664
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the comments.

665
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 2: And Opie says, anyway, my fiance, who I'll call Bella,

666
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 2: is twenty eight female. She med him only a few times,

667
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 2: but always said she admired our bond since she had

668
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 2: no real siblings of her own, only step but they

669
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: aren't close. A few weeks ago, Bella surprised me with

670
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 2: the tattoo she got in memory of my brother. It's

671
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 2: a pretty big, realistic grayscale tattoo of his face with

672
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: a little snoopy icon beside it on her upper arm,

673
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 2: with his nickname we used and his birth and passing

674
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 2: dates underneath. That not snoopy is a lot.

675
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 3: That is a lot.

676
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 2: That's a lot. Yeah, when I saw this, I was stunned.

677
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 2: She said she did it as a tribute to him

678
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 2: and to support me because she knows how much I

679
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 2: still struggle with grief. I honestly didn't know what to

680
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 2: say at first, but the more I sat with it,

681
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 2: the more it bothered me. I told her as gently

682
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 2: as I could that I appreciated the gesture but found

683
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 2: the tattoo really uncomfortable. It's unsettling to see his face

684
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: on my fiance's body. It feels like too much, especially

685
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 2: since they barely knew each other. She got upset and

686
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 2: said I was being weird about a nice gesture and

687
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 2: making her regret doing something beautiful in her work. Now

688
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 2: she's distant, and my mom thinks I should just be

689
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 2: thankful someone loved my brother enough to memorialize him.

690
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 3: But first off, I didn't ask her to do this,

691
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 3: and also she doesn't love the brother usn't that she

692
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 3: doesn't know?

693
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: Now, Well, now I'm stuck with a fiance that won't

694
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 2: even talk to me properly, and my brother is perfectly

695
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: black and gray eyes staring at me when I'm laying

696
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 2: beside her, and honestly, I don't even want to think

697
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 2: about how horrifying having spicy sleet would be with that

698
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 2: on her arm? Am I being unreasonable a holish? Is

699
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 2: it my right to ask her to get it covered

700
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: up or removed? I guess I'm adding some additional details

701
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 2: because I don't know how to respond individually. My fiance

702
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 2: and I both have tattoos, and many of them. I

703
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 2: have smaller ones, she has bigger ones. To my knowledge,

704
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 2: neither of us are mentally ill in any capacity, and

705
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 2: we aren't on medication. I can't believe I have to

706
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 2: write this, but here we are. Ever since my reaction,

707
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 2: she has been wearing longer sleeve shirts in the daytime

708
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: at work. She has too anyway, but she's also doing

709
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 2: it at home. It's only during time that I really

710
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 2: see it, with her wearing tanks, and it physically hurts

711
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 2: consensus not the ale. Commoners are asking if she could

712
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 2: show signs of being bipolar, if she takes any medication

713
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 2: that could mess with her decision making, and NOP says

714
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 2: for info, Yes, me and her both have tattoos and

715
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 2: plenty of them, and we're both the sort that likes

716
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 2: to have tattoos linked to good memories or experiences, like

717
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 2: my latest tattoo five or so months ago, of my

718
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 2: childhood dog. Though I'd like to be clear I got

719
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 2: a paw print with her name under it, a paw print,

720
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 2: not a whole portrait of her. My fiances similar ones

721
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 2: that are larger in scale, So her forearm tattoo with

722
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:44,479
Speaker 2: my brother's face isn't half odd esthetically, it's just it's

723
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,959
Speaker 2: my effing brother. Also, to my knowledge, she's been doing

724
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,240
Speaker 2: fine and has only been bitter for a few weeks

725
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 2: by my reaction, and SI, that's my mistake for not

726
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: knowing anatomical terms. Just so it's clear. It's on the

727
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 2: upper part of her arm, which I thought was the forearm,

728
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: because it's the arm attached to the rest of the body,

729
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 2: so the first one forearm, like foremost. I don't know,

730
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 2: that's my mistake. Forearm is here, yep, it is the

731
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 2: upper arm. Though also in case this comes up, I

732
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 2: know the anatomical terms for my legs and torso because

733
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 2: I have tattoos there, slightly clueless on the arms though,

734
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,399
Speaker 2: so sorry, but thanks for bringing it up. I will

735
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: probably ask for her to remove it completely, though I'm

736
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: guessing it'll be a hard conversation and she'll expect me

737
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 2: to pay for it, which I don't necessarily mind, but

738
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 2: it sucks anyway. I was initially going to suggest to

739
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: cover up, but I read some comments saying it'd be difficult.

740
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out once we

741
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 2: speak about it. Ear me out. Maybe, just maybe your

742
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: brother has been in your spotlight for a long time,

743
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 2: says one commoner, and she wants to be but doesn't

744
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 2: know how to, so she goes out of her way

745
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: to impress you, but unfortunately in an inappropriate way. Maybe

746
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 2: something along these lines. Moto Dude cat Dad says, hey, man,

747
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 2: have been my thoughts exactly, though I'm ashamed to say it. Oh,

748
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,879
Speaker 2: I think this is Opee responding. I admittedly have been

749
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 2: in over my head with grief ever since everything happened,

750
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 2: and I feel like she did this to support me,

751
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 2: but missed the mark in how she went about it.

752
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 2: I don't feel like her actions were mentally ill or

753
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 2: ill natured, because I know her and I know she

754
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to hurt me intentionally, so this just might

755
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:25,919
Speaker 2: be it. Another person says she's gonna have the whole

756
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 2: family tattooed on her back. Bro won't be able to

757
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 2: do it doggy ever again. Oh god lol.

758
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 3: Laughed at this a little too loudly, says Opee. And

759
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 3: there is an update.

760
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 6: That's what I was asking, Where is this touch?

761
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? Right, I was like, yo, yo yo yo, her arm,

762
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 2: it's on her arm?

763
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 3: Uly thoughts though, so many, yeah, so many thoughts, because

764
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 3: if he was okay with it, that would be a

765
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: very nice thing to do. And it does suck from

766
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 3: her perspective that like, she spent so much money on this,

767
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 3: jack can't tell shood on her body, But also like

768
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 3: that's her mistake to do that. Should have asked, Yeah,

769
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 3: if you're gonna get a tattoo for another person, you

770
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 3: want to either know them better or ask Yeah.

771
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 2: First. It's kind of like tattooing your partner's name on

772
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 2: your body and then not taking them beforehand. Yeah, going

773
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 2: and being like, hey, I tattooed my name on my

774
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 2: body or your name on my body.

775
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'd be like like, show my devotion, don't

776
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 3: do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. Yeah,

777
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 3: that's just it's just never a good idea to get

778
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 3: tattoos for other people in general.

779
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 2: But especially without talking first.

780
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I it sucks that she now has to

781
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 3: deal with this and feels like she regrets something. Yeah

782
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 3: in her eyes that she saw beautiful.

783
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 5: But.

784
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 2: Again that's a that's a risk.

785
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 3: You were taken updates after breakfast this morning at around

786
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 3: half seven.

787
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,399
Speaker 2: It's ten thirty four as I write this. By the way,

788
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 2: I sat down already was sitting down after eating but yes,

789
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 2: whatever with my fiance and spoke about the tattoo again.

790
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 2: I basically echoed all the comments I've received, which by

791
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,919
Speaker 2: the way, I'm so grateful for for the most part,

792
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 2: because some of them were crazy. Anyway, I told her

793
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 2: again that the tattoo made me very uncomfortable and wasn't

794
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 2: the leap she needed to take to comfort or support

795
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 2: me on my journey with grief, as I still had

796
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 2: a firm belief that she didn't do this in a

797
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 2: malicious manner. She was quiet initially and then asked if

798
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 2: she could explain herself, and I said I was willing

799
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 2: to listen a summariz She said she simply got the

800
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 2: tattoo because she thought it would symbolize the extent you

801
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 2: would go to love me and support me and said,

802
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 2: in that way, I had both people I loved so

803
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 2: much in the same place. For words not mine. H

804
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: She did say she was sorry and that she wouldn't

805
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 2: have done it if she knew that I wouldn't have

806
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 2: liked it. I asked her why she hadn't spoken to

807
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 2: me about it prior, and she said it wouldn't have

808
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 2: been a surprise then, which is what she wanted it

809
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: to be. And maybe before we make anybody modifications, we

810
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: just talk to the person. Yeah.

811
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 3: I think that's simply too big of a risk. You

812
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: can't make something permanent a surprise.

813
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 2: No, you just don't do it. It's like buying, you know.

814
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 2: It's like when in those commercials or whatever, when like

815
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 2: a dad buys a car, yeah, or the like the

816
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 2: husband buys a car for the wife without talking and

817
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:22,479
Speaker 2: they're like, we can afford this right with the big

818
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 2: bo yeah yeah, and he's.

819
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 6: Like, I bought you a car and she's like, we

820
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:26,479
Speaker 6: already have a car.

821
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

822
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 3: Yeah. Also, never do permanent things or anything drastic to

823
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 3: show someone how devoted you are.

824
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 2: That's not we don't want that. She also said, And

825
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 2: I'm remembering this fresh and internally cringing as I write this.

826
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,720
Speaker 2: Sollowell that the tattoo was meant to be a symbol

827
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: of a new beginning because we're going to get married

828
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,280
Speaker 2: in a couple of months, and she wanted to turn

829
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 2: over old leaves, she calling your brother an old leaf,

830
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 2: like you just need to move on from him now,

831
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 2: and this way you can because he'll be on my

832
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 2: boy right or did you guys have like fights or

833
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 2: something before?

834
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 3: And she was like, see, this will make up for

835
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 3: everything because I'm so devoted to you.

836
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: I'm still stuck on what she meant, so I'd appreciate

837
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 2: any word sleuths helping me in this. To wrap it up,

838
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: I said, I didn't want to end our relationship over

839
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 2: with this, and I really wanted to move on from it,

840
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 2: but that she needed to either cover it up or

841
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 2: laser it off, and she was, to say the least,

842
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 2: not very happy about it. Said a cover up would

843
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 2: be complicated and would take too long, said laser might

844
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 2: be painful and look scary from the videos. Also said

845
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 2: she likes how the tattoo looks along with her other ones,

846
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 2: and asked if I'd be okay with her just covering

847
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 2: it up, either with clothes or foundation.

848
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 6: No, I just want people to ask her. You know, hey,

849
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 6: who who is that?

850
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 5: Oh?

851
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 2: Your brother?

852
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 7: No, No, it's my it's my it's my fiance's brother.

853
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 6: I really don't even know.

854
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 2: No, I didn't really don't really know him that well. Yeah, y,

855
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 2: I was as firm as I could be. Mind you,

856
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 2: this is the woman I've loved for five years straight,

857
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 2: so admittedly I'm soft, but I reiterated that I wanted

858
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 2: it gone, either by a cover up or laser. She

859
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 2: was quiet then, and that's honestly where the conversation ended.

860
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 2: She already left for work at ten, and I'm going

861
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 2: to start my own work now as I work remotely

862
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 2: from home, after I finish this. Anyways, I hope this

863
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 2: works out, and I would appreciate any advice. I did

864
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 2: read a comment that's shame me for taking this to

865
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 2: Reddit instead of speaking with her first, So I will

866
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 2: prioritize our communication first, but we'll hopefully keep this updated.

867
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 2: Thanks for all the help for now, and there is

868
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:39,479
Speaker 2: an update two days later.

869
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 6: Oh wow, why are we shaming? Ope?

870
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 2: Any thoughts?

871
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel I feel like that's kind of what

872
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 3: reddit is for. Shambel are here to sort out their

873
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 3: thoughts before they communicate to others sometimes, which I think

874
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 3: that's fair.

875
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, we're like, yeah, I get a secondary opinion, Yeah,

876
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 7: exactly exactly from a neutral internet.

877
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 2: Yeah.

878
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 6: Usually No, I.

879
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 2: Think I think stand your ground.

880
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: I think it's entirely reasonable of you to say, hey,

881
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 3: I want to cover up or lasered off. Yeah, and

882
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 3: if she says, oh, that's expensive, long, that's gonna hurt,

883
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: then you say, well, next time, let's not make any

884
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 3: big body modifications or anything big that's permanent without you

885
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 3: know that that's for me without asking me. Yeah, yeah exactly.

886
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe be patient. I guess if you can

887
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,759
Speaker 3: with that, like she's if she's covering it up for

888
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,400
Speaker 3: now with like shirts and stuff, Yeah that's cool. But

889
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 3: uh yeah, I feel like I don't know, I get

890
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 3: the anger and frustration with it, but maybe maybe try

891
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,280
Speaker 3: to not say it in an angry way. I wonder,

892
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 3: I wonder what difference that would make.

893
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 2: Update two, it's final, I'd broken up with her.

894
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 3: It made no difference. I guess, Well, that's it. I

895
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 3: don't even know why I'm.

896
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 2: Writing this other than to get some closure on this

897
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,359
Speaker 2: situation and maybe some support. Wow, I've read so many

898
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 2: comments this morning, and while it didn't go the way

899
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 2: I or anyone anticipated, I've taken my decision, though I'm

900
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 2: struggling to accept it myself. Last night, when Bella came

901
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 2: home from work, I made sure to make dinner and

902
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 2: asked if we could talk after dinner in the back garden.

903
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 2: She said that was okay, but that she needed time

904
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 2: to shower and unwind before dinner, so she'd be a

905
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 2: bit late, but that I could start eating. I agreed,

906
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 2: and she went upstairs while I ate the dinner I'd

907
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 2: made with the TV on in the back. She came

908
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 2: down about an hour later while I was winding things

909
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 2: up and washing the dishes from earlier, and I'd offered

910
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,279
Speaker 2: to get her a hotplate, and she agreed, saying she'd

911
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 2: eat it on the couch in our living room rather

912
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 2: than the kitchen, where we have a dining table, also

913
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 2: where I eat. I said that was fine, and I

914
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:49,840
Speaker 2: brought it over to her, and as I gave it

915
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 2: to her, while she was sitting her hand out to

916
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 2: take it, I somehow managed to drop it and the

917
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 2: hot spag bull went all over. Oh no. I immediately

918
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 2: apologized profusely and went to grab her some water and

919
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 2: tissues and towels, but she just started screaming at me.

920
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 2: I don't want to make myself sound like a victim

921
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 2: in this, so I want to be careful with how

922
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 2: I write this. But yes, she started saying that I

923
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: did it on purpose, and that I was punishing her

924
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 2: for our conversation that morning and with the tattoo in general.

925
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 2: I immediately defended myself and as I brought over a damp

926
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 2: towel and some tissues and said I knew I had

927
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: a steady grip on the plate, so there was no

928
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 2: way I'd done that on purpose, also saying that I

929
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 2: always spoke respectfully and calmly to hear about the tattoo situation,

930
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 2: and that I'd never escalate things like this. Things beyond

931
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 2: are a blur. But we had a big fight, and

932
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 2: she broke many, and I mean many of our glasses

933
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 2: and plates. Oh wow, even trying to pull off a

934
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 2: cabinet door in our kitchen that was already not in

935
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 2: good condition. What whoa that? Okay, well that's a huge

936
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 2: red flag and you need to go. Yeah. By the

937
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 2: end of it, I said, I couldn't be with the anymore,

938
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 2: and that this was the last straw and left for

939
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: my parents' house. Any final thoughts, Wow, wow.

940
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 6: If someone here, Yeah.

941
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can drop the ball man. Oh my gosh.

942
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:14,399
Speaker 2: Wow.

943
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 3: I was thinking at first, like when he first said yeah,

944
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 3: I broke up with her, I was like, see, this

945
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,760
Speaker 3: is why we don't do things that are like yeah

946
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 3: for other people, because you don't know what's gonna happen,

947
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 3: and things sure do happen.

948
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,439
Speaker 2: But it wasn't even that it was it was that

949
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 2: she took well, she first took his words of being like, hey,

950
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 2: I'm little uncomfortable by this, Yeah, what do you mind

951
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 2: doing and instead made this like he hates me, he's

952
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 2: attacking me, and.

953
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 3: Then everything that he did after that was gonna be

954
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,479
Speaker 3: another a further attack. Yeah, and then she responded by

955
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 3: breaking things and ripping doors terrifying, terrifying. It is so

956
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 3: not someone that you want to be around. That's not

957
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 3: one that you are safe around. So this is kind

958
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 3: of like, Okay, well you get to deal with the

959
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 3: consequences of having my brother on your arm.

960
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you have to explain that to your future partners.

961
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: And why you have your ex's brother on arm and

962
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 3: explain why I'm an ex now and totally screw yourself over.

963
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 2: Good luck, yike. But to finish, uh, Opie says, I

964
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,839
Speaker 2: haven't returned and I haven't picked up any of her

965
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: calls or messages, and I'm honestly afraid of what she'll

966
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 2: do to my belongings if she so easily broke so

967
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 2: much of the crap we brought together. I'm still at

968
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 2: my parents' house and I haven't told them either, but

969
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 2: I think this is it. This may be the last update,

970
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 2: because I don't know if I can focus on this,

971
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 2: but I have everything else I need to resolve. I

972
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 2: have spoken to my family about it, and they asked

973
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 2: me to try to have a final conversation to remedy this,

974
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 2: and I rejected it. We'll be bringing my things back

975
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 2: either tonight or tomorrow, depending on when she gets back

976
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,879
Speaker 2: from work, and we'll bring a friend with me. I'm

977
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 2: more at peace with my decision now, So thank you

978
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,760
Speaker 2: for all the help. And that's the end of that story.

979
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, good luck. Ope that is you're out

980
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 3: of that relationship.

981
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: I suppose.

982
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so wild. Dang, dang, oh my gosh, wow, boy,

983
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 3: I accidentally snooped on my fiance saying that she's still not.

984
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 2: Over her ex. Well she can get back together with

985
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 2: them and uh and then.

986
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 3: Trigger warning there's a physical altercation mentioned in here, so beware.

987
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 3: My fiance female thirty one and I Mail thirty three,

988
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 3: got engaged in October last year, and I've been in

989
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 3: a relationship for five years. Everything has been great and

990
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 3: I can honestly say that I've never met anyone who

991
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 3: comes close to her. She's absolutely been the love of

992
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 3: my life. By the way, this comes from throwaway love

993
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 3: of life. And if you want to submit your own stories,

994
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay story times. Separddit and

995
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 3: I'm Angie.

996
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 6: I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon.

997
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofully, But we

998
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We probably haven't been in

999
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 3: these situations, but if you have, let us know what

1000
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 3: you either would do or have done in the comments.

1001
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 3: So Oh p says I've known her most of my

1002
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 3: life as we grew up on the same street just

1003
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 3: around the corner from each other. Her mom and dad

1004
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 3: still stay in the same house, and I still live

1005
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 3: in the house that I grew up in, which my

1006
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 3: mom left to me when she passed away in twenty fourteen.

1007
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,800
Speaker 3: We don't officially live together yet, but for all intents

1008
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 3: and purposes, she lives here. She's still very close to

1009
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 3: her parents, though, and still has her bedroom there, so

1010
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 3: she'll occasionally spend the night at their place, but she's.

1011
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 2: Almost always here.

1012
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 3: So this morning I decided to walk to the shops

1013
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 3: to buy some things. About halfway down, I realized I

1014
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 3: had forgotten my face mask. Masks have been mandatory here

1015
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 3: in the shop since the tenth of July, so I

1016
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 3: had to walk back. When I walked in to grab

1017
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,800
Speaker 3: the mask from the kitchen table, I heard her speaking

1018
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 3: loudly on the phone in the living room. She said, yeah,

1019
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 3: but David will always be the love of my life.

1020
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 3: And David is her ex boyfriend.

1021
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 2: Ah uh, oh, that doesn't sound good. This sounds like

1022
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 2: the simmer turn pretty Oh. Yeah, sounds like we got

1023
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 2: a little Conrad Jeremiah. So she was good on you.

1024
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 2: She's about to marry Jeremiah, but the love of her

1025
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:10,280
Speaker 2: life is Comrade.

1026
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 3: Oh no, I don't know much about him, but I

1027
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 3: know they were together for two years, and it ended

1028
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,760
Speaker 3: about a year before we started dating.

1029
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 2: He dumped her.

1030
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 3: I grabbed my mask and walked back out, But when

1031
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 3: I got to the shops, I.

1032
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: Felt so weird.

1033
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 3: I had to sit down because my mind was going

1034
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 3: in a thousand different directions. When I got back home,

1035
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 3: I immediately told her that I felt sick and sent

1036
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:33,359
Speaker 3: her background to her parents' house because I didn't want

1037
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,839
Speaker 3: her around. While I was ill, I laid in bed

1038
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,879
Speaker 3: wondering what to do. I know she didn't do anything wrong.

1039
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 3: It's not like she cheated or intentionally tried to hurt me.

1040
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 3: But what's heard can't be unheard. She said, the person

1041
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 3: that she's agreed to Mary isn't a patch on an

1042
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 3: ex that she hasn't been with in the six years.

1043
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 3: The fact she said he will always be the love

1044
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 3: of her life makes it feel like her heart's already

1045
00:49:57,040 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 3: been taken. What happens if he comes back into her life?

1046
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 3: You can't turn down the love of your life when

1047
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:06,360
Speaker 3: they come calling. I'd be dumped quicker than yesterday's leftovers.

1048
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 2: So how do I navigate this?

1049
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 3: Do I tell her I overheard her and the relationship

1050
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,959
Speaker 3: with the vague it's not you it's me, so allow

1051
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:16,919
Speaker 3: my pride and pretend I didn't hear it. Everything has

1052
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 3: been great, but I don't want to be someone's second choice,

1053
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,320
Speaker 3: especially when her ex is still the one on her mind,

1054
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 3: the one she would obviously.

1055
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 2: Be with if she could. I thought about just saying.

1056
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:29,439
Speaker 3: It's not working anymore. Meanwhile, she was texting me about

1057
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 3: coming around to spoil me, because I was the sickie

1058
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 3: f that Oh, do have an update?

1059
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 2: Bold your horses, can't your horses. Your mind's running faster

1060
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 2: than the horses that you need to hold. Um, you

1061
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 2: need to do, don't. I don't understand the Should I

1062
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 2: shuck up my pride or whatever and forget about it?

1063
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 3: Like that's not that would be the opposite. That would

1064
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 3: be like a pride move. You need to talk to

1065
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 3: your fiance about it.

1066
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 2: I think absolutely I overheard this. Huh what did you

1067
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 2: mean by that?

1068
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1069
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, don't make yourself the victim? Like yeah, I

1070
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 7: mean not, don't make yourself like the reason why you

1071
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 7: should break up.

1072
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 6: Like you have nothing to do with this. Everything was great,

1073
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,680
Speaker 6: so yeah.

1074
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go talk to her figure out what she meant. Yeah,

1075
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 2: maybe like by I don't know, like not saying that

1076
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 2: it is, but maybe by some you know, weird thing,

1077
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 2: like you like the miscommunication trope of only hearing one

1078
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 2: part of the sentence and you just misheard something, misunderstood

1079
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 2: something and not saying that you did. But that is

1080
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 2: a possibility, or maybe the other possibility is that is

1081
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 2: what she meant. And then you talk it out and

1082
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 2: you say, hey, like, are you still in love with

1083
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 2: your ex, because maybe we should slow down on the

1084
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: marriage if you're not over your ex. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah,

1085
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:52,600
Speaker 2: But none of that can happen without a conversation, for sure.

1086
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 2: But we do have an update.

1087
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 3: After posting and receiving advice on Reddit on Thursday, I

1088
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 3: planned to tell her to come back round that night

1089
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 3: so we could talk, but I decided on Friday morning instead.

1090
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 3: I needed time to clear my head. She still thought

1091
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 3: I was sick, so it gave me a chance to prepare.

1092
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 3: She came around Friday morning about eight am, and I

1093
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 3: think she could see right away that something was wrong,

1094
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 3: because I looked stony faced, and you could cut the

1095
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: atmosphere with a knife. I told her I wasn't sick,

1096
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 3: and that when I went back to the house for

1097
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 3: my mask, I heard her talking about David. Her face

1098
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 3: went completely pale and she started welding up. I stopped

1099
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 3: talking and just stared at her. She ran into the toilet,

1100
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:36,240
Speaker 3: locked the door, and started hysterically crying, Oh and bad sign,

1101
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,879
Speaker 3: bad sign. Yeah, alarm bells were going off in my head.

1102
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 3: Her reaction made me think that she didn't know what

1103
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 3: part I heard, meaning she must have said worse.

1104
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,720
Speaker 2: That's kind of what I now. I'm wondering if she cheated.

1105
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 2: I'm wondering that as well.

1106
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 3: I knocked on the door and told her if she

1107
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 3: had any aspirations of saving this relationship, she had better

1108
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 3: tell me everything right now. After about thirty minutes, she

1109
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:01,960
Speaker 3: finally came came out, dabbing her face with a tissue.

1110
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 3: She admitted David got back in touch four to five

1111
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,839
Speaker 3: months ago, and she had been sleeping with him once

1112
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 3: or twice a week since.

1113
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 2: Yep, cheating, Yeah, which you know you wouldn't have known

1114
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 2: if you hadn't confronted her. And now you know for

1115
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 2: sure though, you should not go through with this marriage.

1116
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 3: So I guess it was a little bit of a

1117
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 3: miscommunication in the sense that you just didn't hear how

1118
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 3: bad it was.

1119
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 2: So much worse than you thought of. Isn't that great

1120
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 2: worst case scenario?

1121
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 3: I realized the snippet I overheard was likely her friend

1122
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 3: helping her choose between him and me. When I heard this,

1123
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,440
Speaker 3: I lost it. I threw her out, grabbed handfuls of

1124
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 3: her stuff, put them in bin bags, and tossed them

1125
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 3: into the front garden. Then I drenched them with the

1126
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 3: garden hose. I'm not proud of that. It was petty,

1127
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 3: and in hindsight, I shouldn't have done it. She ran home,

1128
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 3: and a minute later her dad came rampaging around screaming.

1129
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 3: We ended up rolling about in the muddy garden fighting.

1130
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1131
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 3: Who By nine in the morning, no less police fans

1132
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 3: showed up and half the street came out because of

1133
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 3: the chaos. Afterwards, I blocked her on everything and went

1134
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 3: to my friend's place, where we spent the weekend drinking.

1135
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 3: When I came back on Monday, I noticed that she

1136
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,160
Speaker 3: had been back in the house, made the bed, stun

1137
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,359
Speaker 3: the washing, and even ironed. I have no idea why.

1138
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,320
Speaker 3: As I was writing this, she tried to get in again.

1139
00:54:21,719 --> 00:54:23,799
Speaker 3: I haven't been able to change the locks yet, so

1140
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 3: I put the door chains on from upstairs. I heard

1141
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,279
Speaker 3: her trying to get in and the chain's clanging. She

1142
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 3: also slipped a note under the door.

1143
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: I didn't read it.

1144
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 3: I'm too hurt, hungry, and hungover to deal with what

1145
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 3: she has to say. And we do have a second update.

1146
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 3: But oh my gosh, dude, oh.

1147
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:45,160
Speaker 2: My god, her marriage is over. You weren't even married yet.

1148
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 2: Were they engaged?

1149
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 3: They were engaged fiance Okay, Yeah, it's just got so

1150
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:51,880
Speaker 3: much worse.

1151
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:52,960
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

1152
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 3: I wonder what she told the dad to make him

1153
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 3: so mad. Probably that Op was leaving her for no reason. Yeah,

1154
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 3: just like oh, he just me, Yeah, I.

1155
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 2: Have nowhere else to go. Yeah, and then I was

1156
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 2: like my little girl. Yeah. And then it's like rolling

1157
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 2: in the mud and he's like, she's Jesus me. Yeah.

1158
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that is so wild intense. But we

1159
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:17,240
Speaker 3: do have a second update. So things have gotten worse.

1160
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:17,720
Speaker 2: Yeay.

1161
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:22,720
Speaker 3: Hey. As many of you advised, I emailed her father,

1162
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,439
Speaker 3: explaining my side of the story and apologizing for going

1163
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 3: public and embarrassing his daughter. I told him I acted instinctively.

1164
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 3: I didn't apologize for fighting him because he came at me.

1165
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, he told me to.

1166
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 3: F off and accused me of biting his ear for

1167
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 3: some reason.

1168
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 6: Ah, good old Mike Tyson, So that's what.

1169
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 3: Was stuck in my teeth. I'm joking, of course, if

1170
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 3: you didn't laugh. About a week ago I found my

1171
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:50,280
Speaker 3: car keyed all the way down one side. Then last Sunday,

1172
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 3: while walking to me to friend, the local gossip called

1173
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 3: me a disgrace. When I asked why, she said it

1174
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 3: was for quote, beating up.

1175
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: My ex fiance. What and then you say, I'm sorry,

1176
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? That did not happen.

1177
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 3: Let's be clear, I've never laid a finger on her

1178
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 3: in my life. Either she, her dad, or someone else

1179
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 3: is spreading this lie and me tossing her stuff out

1180
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,760
Speaker 3: and hosing it down made it believable. I haven't spoken

1181
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 3: to her, and she hasn't contacted me either. They're all

1182
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 3: on the same page. Now I'm the bad guy. I've

1183
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 3: started the process of putting my house up for sale.

1184
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,360
Speaker 3: I can't live here anymore. I wish my mom was

1185
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 3: still here. She'd know how to make this better. And

1186
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 3: we do have a second update or a third update.

1187
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 3: But yeah, wow, you if you if the gossip wants to,

1188
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 3: and you gotta leave.

1189
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:42,919
Speaker 2: Gotta tell you, small town with these small minded people.

1190
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 3: Find somewhere no one knows your name.

1191
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we do have a third update. Do you

1192
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 2: have any final comments before we move on? I mean

1193
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:50,959
Speaker 2: it's pretty cut and dry.

1194
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, my goodness, let's get into it.

1195
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: Let's cut.

1196
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 3: I'm still in my house, but I'll be renting it

1197
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,359
Speaker 3: out instead of selling. I can't give up something that

1198
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 3: was my mom's and has been in the family for generations.

1199
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:03,400
Speaker 3: Oh that's right, I forgot the house was left to

1200
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 3: him by his mom. Oh, honestly, that's so sad man.

1201
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 6: I would try so hard to clear my name.

1202
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. Probably if it was like a you know, in

1203
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 2: the house for generations, I'd be like, yeah, he yee

1204
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 2: ya yee. I laid no hand on that woman. She

1205
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 2: cheated on me.

1206
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, David, ask him what's going on.

1207
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's bring David into them. I mean, if she's

1208
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 2: slandering you and saying that you her.

1209
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's honestly important, because I'll suit. Yeah. I

1210
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 3: spoke to her father again. I understand why the family

1211
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 3: circled the wagons, but the way they threw me under

1212
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 3: the bus was brutal to them. My name and reputation

1213
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,640
Speaker 3: were just collateral damage. I've known them my whole life,

1214
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 3: and this is what I get. I feel like I

1215
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 3: was in the middle of a crab storm, but I've

1216
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 3: got an umbrella and a road map now. I even

1217
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 3: posted my side on social media. Whether that was right

1218
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 3: is to meate, but I'd already discreetly shared it through

1219
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 3: close friends, so I felt it was time. Her side

1220
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 3: is still united against me, but I hope neutral people

1221
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 3: can see the truth. My close pals have been incredible.

1222
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:15,160
Speaker 3: Shall we get into it. Let's dive run in update numberfore.

1223
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 3: It's been over a year now and I've since moved

1224
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 3: out and I'm renting my house to an older couple.

1225
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 3: I thought i'd give an update. I'm doing great now

1226
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 3: and even have a girlfriend. Yo, wish me luck. What

1227
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 3: did I learn? Crap hit the fan fast, but I

1228
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 3: stood strong for the first time in ages. I'm looking

1229
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 3: forward to the future. We only get one life, right,

1230
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:37,920
Speaker 3: I have spending it with someone who would treat me

1231
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,360
Speaker 3: like trash, and that is exactly right?

1232
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 2: Got you pee? Things are looking up for you, there are,

1233
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:44,400
Speaker 2: and none of.

1234
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 3: That would have happened yep if you hadn't Yeah, right,

1235
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 3: So you did all that you could. I mean, I

1236
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:54,439
Speaker 3: think it's perfectly rational to want to, you know, throw

1237
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 3: someone out of your house, obviously, like in a no way.

1238
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:01,439
Speaker 3: I'm sure that's assumed. Uh, and and react. At least

1239
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 3: you didn't like set her stuff on fire.

1240
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 2: I mean, at least you didn't do that. You just

1241
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 2: got it wet. That's all. That's all. Ain't no crime,

1242
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 2: John here og host.

1243
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:12,439
Speaker 6: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1244
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 6: three minute break from as from our sponsors.

1245
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 2: My fiance lied to me years ago and now it's

1246
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 2: haunting our relationship.

1247
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 3: No, maybe you just need to ghost her then.

1248
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 2: Ooh, trader warning bullying. I thirty three male, am engaged

1249
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 2: to my beautiful fiance Rachel thirty three female, who is

1250
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 2: my school sweetheart. We haven't set a date, but we

1251
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 2: hope to get married next year and she wants the

1252
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 2: wedding to be big. She is a consultant cardiologist doctor

1253
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 2: and I am a boxing coach. By the way, this

1254
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 2: comes from deleted and if you want to submit your

1255
00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:47,960
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime, separate it.

1256
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Angie.

1257
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 6: And I'm Keon and We're here to.

1258
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 2: Give good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

1259
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 2: We only know what we do, so let us know

1260
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments and op says.

1261
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 2: We were not always close. I was friends with a

1262
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 2: girl called Beth, who I knew since we were toddlers.

1263
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 2: I had a huge crush on her but was happy

1264
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 2: to stay friends, but Rachel made her life a living

1265
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 2: heck throughout school. I hated her during this time and

1266
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 2: always protected Beth against her and her friends. Rachel already

1267
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 2: had a crush on me at the time and asked

1268
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 2: me out a few times, but I didn't like her

1269
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,600
Speaker 2: and was not interested. Beth was very insecure due to

1270
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 2: being bullied by Rachel, and because of how Rachel felt

1271
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 2: about me. It destroyed our friendship. This was when we

1272
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 2: were sixteen and had finished year eleven, but we stayed

1273
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 2: on at school to do A levels. Rachel and I

1274
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 2: were in the same math's class for a levels, and

1275
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 2: while I didn't like her, she was top of the class,

1276
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 2: so the teacher got her to help other people out,

1277
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 2: including me. During these classes, I got to know Rachel

1278
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 2: and it seemed like she changed a lot from how

1279
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 2: she was in the early years. She didn't pick on

1280
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 2: anyone and was really nice. I eventually agreed to go

1281
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 2: out with her, and we connected really quickly for pretty soon,

1282
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 2: and we've been together ever since. Wait, I'm sorry. So

1283
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 2: she was a bully. Okay, Okay, So OPI had another

1284
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 2: friend we had a crush on.

1285
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 3: Rachel bullied that girl until Opie fell in love with Rachel.

1286
01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 3: All right, So when people say bullying works, it means

1287
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:19,360
Speaker 3: it works to get the one you love.

1288
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 2: Apparently, last week I went for a drink with an

1289
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 2: old friend of mine from school called Adam. He worked

1290
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 2: in Dubai and I haven't seen him since we left.

1291
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 2: When I found out he was back for a few weeks,

1292
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 2: I messaged him and we went for anodult soda. He

1293
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 2: was surprised to see me engaged to Rachel, given the

1294
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 2: history with me her and Beth. But I tried to

1295
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:41,240
Speaker 2: say that she changed and wasn't that person. When I

1296
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 2: said yes, Adam said that Rachel and her girlfriends continued

1297
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 2: to target Beth and were actually even worse during the

1298
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 2: a level years. Apparently, it was sort of an open

1299
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,919
Speaker 2: secret that Rachel convinced a lot of people to keep

1300
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 2: quiet from me. I wasn't willing to take his words

1301
01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 2: at face value, and I asked Rachel about it when

1302
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 2: I got home. She outright stated that she continued to

1303
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 2: bully Beth when we were together, but asked why it mattered.

1304
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 3: This just it was so long ago, it was under

1305
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 3: the bridge. What do you mean what I just bullied her?

1306
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 2: It's no big deal. Yes, I was just a bully.

1307
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,280
Speaker 2: I asked if it bothered her at all, and she

1308
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:23,480
Speaker 2: said no. I pointed out that she lied to me

1309
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 2: in order to make me go out with her, but

1310
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 2: she said that we've been together for fifteen years and

1311
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 2: this shouldn't bother me now since it brought us together.

1312
01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 2: Because after spending a few days thinking, I told Rachel

1313
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 2: that I wanted to put the engagement and wedding planning

1314
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:40,360
Speaker 2: on hold, not because I want to break up with her,

1315
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 2: but because we need to spend time working through what

1316
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 2: I just found out and possibly even make amends with Beth.

1317
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:50,360
Speaker 2: This made Rachel cry, and she demanded to know why

1318
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 2: Beth is affecting our engagement. I'm not sure I've done

1319
01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 2: the right thing. I love Rachel, but what happened was

1320
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 2: years ago when we were kids. Not like she cheated

1321
01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:02,840
Speaker 2: on me or anything like that. Should I let bygones

1322
01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:05,240
Speaker 2: be bygones? Or is it best to hold the engagement

1323
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 2: off for the moment? And there are some comments, but

1324
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 2: what do you think, op, I mean, Angie, I am ok,

1325
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 2: this is me.

1326
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 3: I think it says a lot about who she is

1327
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 3: as a person. Yeah, so, I feel like it's it's yeah,

1328
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 3: cheating is bad, but cheating doesn't have to be the

1329
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:28,000
Speaker 3: only reason that you like change your image on someone,

1330
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 3: you know. So I think if she is not remorseful

1331
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:34,320
Speaker 3: about this, like I feel like it could be forgiven.

1332
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 3: If she was like, yeah, I did that and I

1333
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 3: feel so bad about it. That was not the right

1334
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,320
Speaker 3: way to do it, but I am glad that it worked,

1335
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 3: but again, not the right way to do it, That

1336
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 3: maybe could be forgiven. But she's clearly just like, well, yeah,

1337
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 3: I mean I'd put it again.

1338
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, She's like it happened, I got what I wanted. Yeah,

1339
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 2: I don't care. Aren't you happy now? Yeah? Yeah?

1340
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:58,960
Speaker 3: So I think, uh yeah, just trust your INSTI heroky yeah.

1341
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:02,439
Speaker 2: Common. No one says did she really change or did

1342
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:06,000
Speaker 2: she finally get what she wanted? Is she cruel to

1343
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 2: people now? And as she been since. The answers to

1344
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 2: that tell you what your next move should be. Reply.

1345
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 2: Even if she isn't actively cruel to others, she still

1346
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 2: lacks remorse that in and of itself should be a concern. Reply.

1347
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,240
Speaker 2: That's a fair point, but that could be from embarrassment.

1348
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:24,920
Speaker 2: I did my fair amount of dumb things as a teenager,

1349
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 2: nothing cruel like this, but still dumb. Reply. That's as maybe,

1350
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 2: but it's still incredibly disconcerting as a response. I'm not

1351
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 2: advocating dumping her over this. I just think a step

1352
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 2: back and careful consideration of what's going on here, along

1353
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 2: with counseling, would be prudent at this time. And there

1354
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 2: is an update, let's jump in do it. Wednesday evening,

1355
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 2: Rachel and I sat down to talk about things. I

1356
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 2: put forward that we both need to make amends with Beth,

1357
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 2: Rachel for what she did to her, and me for

1358
01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,360
Speaker 2: ending my friendship with her when she needed me the most.

1359
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 2: Rachel refused straight away. She said the stuff that went

1360
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 2: on between her and Beth was just get stuff and

1361
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:07,000
Speaker 2: things all girls do.

1362
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 6: No, hey girls, I got two girls right here.

1363
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:14,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't do that. No. No, she said that

1364
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 2: if Beth couldn't take a joke, then that wasn't her problem.

1365
01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 2: She asked if I expected her to apologize to everyone

1366
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:22,600
Speaker 2: her and a girl's had problems with. I then asked

1367
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 2: if she's still acting this way at work, and she

1368
01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:27,439
Speaker 2: pointed out that as a high up doctor, she at

1369
01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:30,800
Speaker 2: times needs to lay down the law to those working

1370
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 2: under her. Sounds like she's still a bully. He then

1371
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 2: proceeded to get at me and asked if I expected

1372
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 2: her to apologize to them too. I asked if Rachel

1373
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 2: had had he regrets at all about how she treated Beth,

1374
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 2: and she said it was just a bit of fun.

1375
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:45,640
Speaker 2: There was nothing to regret. Fun.

1376
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:49,520
Speaker 3: God, but we're using the word bullying here, so I

1377
01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 3: don't think that's fun.

1378
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 5: No.

1379
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:54,600
Speaker 2: I asked if she regretted lying to me, and she

1380
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 2: answered saying that if I'd known what she was doing,

1381
01:05:57,880 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 2: I'd never have agreed to go out with her. You

1382
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:03,400
Speaker 2: want me to pogize for starting this relationship. I was

1383
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,760
Speaker 2: shocked and confused. I love Rachel the bits, I truly do,

1384
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 2: but I feel like I'm suddenly living with a completely

1385
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:13,320
Speaker 2: different person. My Rachel is bubbly, funny and passionate about

1386
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 2: her career. She isn't someone who sees nothing wrong with

1387
01:06:16,480 --> 01:06:18,760
Speaker 2: the fact that she's made someone's life a living heck.

1388
01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:21,960
Speaker 2: I said, we need time to work through this, possibly

1389
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 2: through therapy, and should put the engagement on the back

1390
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:27,040
Speaker 2: seat for the moment. We're also trying for a baby,

1391
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:29,200
Speaker 2: and I said that we should maybe hold off until

1392
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:32,080
Speaker 2: we're in a better place. Rachel started to cry, and

1393
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 2: I went out to give her some space. Rachel rarely

1394
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 2: drinks due to her work, and I'm not a big

1395
01:06:36,920 --> 01:06:39,200
Speaker 2: drinker either, but we do have some booze in the

1396
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,480
Speaker 2: house for gatherings and things like that. When I got back,

1397
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 2: I found Rachel absolutely wasted, because she really drinks, so

1398
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:50,160
Speaker 2: she goes crazy when she's wasted. This time around, it

1399
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 2: seems like she turned back into her school self.

1400
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:55,040
Speaker 3: She started saying I should be grateful that she told

1401
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,600
Speaker 3: the lies she did, because otherwise I'd have ended up

1402
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 3: with ugly Beth. She then started screaming at me that

1403
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 3: how could you let that CU and T get between us? Oh,

1404
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:11,200
Speaker 3: and then broke down sobbing and hugging me. Wow, yikes,

1405
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 3: what did she ever do to you?

1406
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:18,480
Speaker 2: Wo? Why are you calling her that? Why are you still.

1407
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 3: Bullying her all of these years later. Yeah, this is

1408
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 3: not a bit of fun. No fun for no one,

1409
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:25,040
Speaker 3: no one, but for you.

1410
01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 2: I guess. Rachel was so wasted she barely knew what

1411
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:30,760
Speaker 2: she was doing. I helped her onto the sofa, where

1412
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 2: she passed out fairly soon, and she slept there until

1413
01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:37,680
Speaker 2: Thursday morning. She was extremely hungover and would never risk

1414
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:40,920
Speaker 2: her career by going into work with booze in her system,

1415
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:43,560
Speaker 2: so she called them sick. I went to work and

1416
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,560
Speaker 2: when I got home, she was still on the sofa

1417
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:50,480
Speaker 2: and was sobbing quietly. After Rachel's wasted behavior, therapy is

1418
01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:53,360
Speaker 2: definitely the way forward. I'm looking into it right now,

1419
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:57,120
Speaker 2: and Rachel is reluctantly agreed, though she's insisted she doesn't

1420
01:07:57,160 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 2: need it. Girl girl. I think apologizing to Beth is

1421
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:06,320
Speaker 2: a bit of a stretch at this point, but maybe

1422
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:09,480
Speaker 2: something for the future. And there is a second update.

1423
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:15,320
Speaker 2: But wow, she is not who you thought she was, clearly.

1424
01:08:16,240 --> 01:08:21,760
Speaker 3: Oh that is Yeah, this is a big realization that

1425
01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 3: we're having on this this woman here ooh and yep, yep,

1426
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:32,400
Speaker 3: I think pausing that engagement, pausing baby making yep, yeah, yep.

1427
01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 2: Update two, So we've started therapy and it's going well.

1428
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 2: We both opened up about a lot of things and

1429
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:41,679
Speaker 2: gotten to talk a lot about the bullying towards Beth

1430
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:44,320
Speaker 2: that went on behind my back while we were dating.

1431
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:47,599
Speaker 2: Rachel has tearfully admitted some of the things she did,

1432
01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:52,200
Speaker 2: and some of them were absolutely disgusting. She has, however,

1433
01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:55,559
Speaker 2: apologized for the very first time and admitted she was wrong.

1434
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 2: Our therapist also suggested that if possible, we should seek

1435
01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:03,640
Speaker 2: out and apologize, but only if we feel comfortable doing so,

1436
01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:06,920
Speaker 2: and if we feel Beth would appreciate it. Rachel has

1437
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:09,599
Speaker 2: refused so far, but I decided to look her up

1438
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:12,519
Speaker 2: on social media. Beth is now married with two kids

1439
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:15,640
Speaker 2: and manages a nursery. She looks really happy and I

1440
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:18,720
Speaker 2: was delighted for her. I decided to message her on

1441
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 2: Facebook and get it all out. I told her that

1442
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:23,960
Speaker 2: I genuinely did not know that Rachel continued to treat

1443
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:26,240
Speaker 2: her badly after we stop being friends and I started

1444
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:29,559
Speaker 2: dating Rachel. Had I known, I would never have agreed

1445
01:09:29,600 --> 01:09:32,120
Speaker 2: to go out with her. Beth responded saying that with

1446
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 2: her family and work, she has no time to deal

1447
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:35,960
Speaker 2: with what I have to say, and then she's moved

1448
01:09:35,960 --> 01:09:39,200
Speaker 2: past all that now. She also said that even if

1449
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:42,000
Speaker 2: she at the time, she has absolutely no intention of

1450
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 2: listening to anything I have to say so long as

1451
01:09:45,240 --> 01:09:48,960
Speaker 2: I remained involved with Rachel. Oh wow, she blocked me

1452
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 2: from messaging her before I could respond, which totally fare

1453
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:55,759
Speaker 2: on that's part. Yeah, honestly, I mean, like, yeah, to

1454
01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:57,800
Speaker 2: ope even said some of the things that Rachel did

1455
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:01,040
Speaker 2: were discussing like Beth is probably yeah. I mean, we

1456
01:10:01,040 --> 01:10:03,479
Speaker 2: don't even know all that she did. We just know

1457
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:04,479
Speaker 2: that she bullied her.

1458
01:10:04,560 --> 01:10:06,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if she is still to this day, like

1459
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 3: calling her the sea word and saying that she's ugly

1460
01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:13,000
Speaker 3: and stuff and having this reaction, Yeah, it was probably

1461
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:17,000
Speaker 3: very bad. It's nice of you to apologize. Yeah, that's

1462
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,120
Speaker 3: I think the right thing to do, even if you

1463
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:23,120
Speaker 3: know it wasn't didn't have like, you know, an accepting response,

1464
01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:24,040
Speaker 3: But I think that's okay.

1465
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:26,400
Speaker 2: At least you did that as you did it. Yeah,

1466
01:10:26,479 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 2: obviously this was a fairly disappointing turn of events, but

1467
01:10:29,439 --> 01:10:33,000
Speaker 2: Rachel wasn't surprised at all when I told her this. Well,

1468
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:36,040
Speaker 2: I completely understand Best's position. I should state that it

1469
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 2: was not my fault. My friendship with her ended when

1470
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:42,479
Speaker 2: Rachel and her friends used to torment her, and then

1471
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,280
Speaker 2: Rachel used to try to flirt with me off and

1472
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 2: at the very same time it took a toll on

1473
01:10:46,160 --> 01:10:47,200
Speaker 2: Beth's mental health.

1474
01:10:47,439 --> 01:10:50,719
Speaker 3: Get out of there, ye, get in there, maybe demand

1475
01:10:50,760 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 3: and like to know what exactly happened, Like what did

1476
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:54,360
Speaker 3: you do?

1477
01:10:54,479 --> 01:10:55,479
Speaker 2: What was the worst fit?

1478
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 3: Why is just for my own curiosity? Why is Beth

1479
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:02,320
Speaker 3: having the strong reaction Like I already am not very

1480
01:11:02,320 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 3: happy about what's happened, absolutely, but I just I really

1481
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:08,160
Speaker 3: want to know. Maybe you can say, like, even if

1482
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:10,800
Speaker 3: it's not true, maybe you can say, like, you know,

1483
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:15,040
Speaker 3: I will only consider I mean, maybe this isn't the best,

1484
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:17,760
Speaker 3: but you an option is to say, like, I will

1485
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:20,519
Speaker 3: only consider getting back together if you are honestly about

1486
01:11:20,520 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 3: what you did to her. M But then like, don't

1487
01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 3: actually have an intention of that.

1488
01:11:24,479 --> 01:11:25,960
Speaker 2: Just to get that out of her, I think, well,

1489
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:30,120
Speaker 2: I mean it's fine, you can say I'll consider it, yeah, yeah,

1490
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:33,680
Speaker 2: right yeah, and then you considered not doing it? Is

1491
01:11:33,720 --> 01:11:38,880
Speaker 2: that yep OPI continues. She became very insecure and paranoid

1492
01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:41,679
Speaker 2: and started accusing me of secretly being friends with Rachel

1493
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:45,360
Speaker 2: and secretly giving her info to use against Beth. This

1494
01:11:45,479 --> 01:11:47,599
Speaker 2: wasn't true at all, but she started accusing me more

1495
01:11:47,640 --> 01:11:49,320
Speaker 2: and more, to the point that all we ever did

1496
01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:52,200
Speaker 2: was argue, and finally got to the point that I

1497
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:54,680
Speaker 2: decided to end our friendship due to the lack of

1498
01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:57,320
Speaker 2: trust and now hurt, I felt for my best friend

1499
01:11:57,320 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 2: to accuse me of betraying or like that. I didn't

1500
01:11:59,880 --> 01:12:03,120
Speaker 2: start going out with Rachel until quite a while after that. Well,

1501
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:05,639
Speaker 2: it's a shame my attempt to apologize didn't work out.

1502
01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:08,200
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, I value my relationship

1503
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:10,160
Speaker 2: with a woman I love more than reconnecting with a

1504
01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:12,639
Speaker 2: friend from years ago who is living her own life.

1505
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:15,880
Speaker 2: What I'm focused on now is fixing our relationships so

1506
01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:18,200
Speaker 2: we can get back on track and work towards the

1507
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:21,519
Speaker 2: life we've always dreamed of. Therapy will continue, but any

1508
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:26,400
Speaker 2: other helpful hints to ease us along day, I don't know, man,

1509
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:28,160
Speaker 2: because I don't know how you would look at this

1510
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:28,840
Speaker 2: person the same.

1511
01:12:29,080 --> 01:12:31,880
Speaker 3: This will take a lot of thinking and a lot

1512
01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 3: of reflecting on it.

1513
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:35,760
Speaker 2: Sure will. Good luck