1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,279 Speaker 1: How do I male forty tell my kids female twelve, fifteen, 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: seventeen that my infidelity is the reason for the divorce? 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: This is okop home with Crazy Stories on Earth. I'm 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: Sam John Sophia. How does OP? How this terrible news? 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 2: Those are the kids and says my infidelity is the 6 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 2: reason for the divorce. 7 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 3: I feel like and. 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: Here's the video? Oh God? 9 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 3: All right? 10 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: So this original post happened December twenty, twenty twenty three, 11 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so not that long ago, not too long ago. I'm 12 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 1: here for genuine advice, looking especially for advice from people 13 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,879 Speaker 1: who have been the child in the situation. I know 14 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 1: I screwed up. I don't need anyone to tell me again. 15 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 1: Two years ago, my ex wife, female forty, found out 16 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,480 Speaker 1: I had been cheating with my current girlfriend, female twenty nine, 17 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,200 Speaker 1: and immediately divorced me. We had a very civil split 18 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: and both agreed not to tell our girls about what 19 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: led to it. A year ago, my girlfriend and I 20 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: started renting walking distance from my ex wife. This has 21 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: muddled our fifty to fifty custody agreement. As my girls 22 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: sometimes come over while on their mom's week and sometimes 23 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,040 Speaker 1: go to their moms on my week. They basically come 24 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: and go as they please from both homes, but generally 25 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: sleep at the custodial parents' house. So they have that 26 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 1: split fifty hifty custody. But it's not like you can 27 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: only stay with me during this time period. They wanted 28 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: to be cordial. My girlfriend has recently taken issue with this. 29 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: She doesn't like do they come over without asking? And 30 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: that we get no kid free time. 31 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,639 Speaker 3: She's got a deal with it, he's a parent. 32 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,399 Speaker 4: If you can't handle the heat, don't date a married man. 33 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,840 Speaker 1: If you break it, you buy it, you know, and 34 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 1: you buy all the pieces that come with it, including 35 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: the kids. 36 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,839 Speaker 2: If you mess up the bend, you get to sleep 37 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 2: in it. 38 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: She asked me to enforce a boundary with the girls 39 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 1: that they cannot come over on their mom's weeks unless 40 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: we explicitly invite them. Ew just get rid of those kids. 41 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: Imagine going to the kids. Hey, hey, I told her, Okay, 42 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: I try to talk to the kids and make sure 43 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 1: they know they're not welcome. WHOA just kidding? 44 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 3: Absolutely that, Yeah, thank you. 45 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: I pay one p of her living expenses, and I'm 46 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: not going to make my girls feel unwelcome in a 47 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: house I pay for She then made a comment that 48 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: maybe they wouldn't want to come over anymore if they 49 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,959 Speaker 1: knew what I had done and with who there's a 50 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: lot more Hi mighty quick, is this a red flag? 51 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 2: Yeah? Catch, give me my red flag? 52 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 1: So are you that's a green flag? 53 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 3: Wait? 54 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,079 Speaker 2: Wait wait, red flag? 55 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 3: Live red fag. 56 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 4: Because again, if you're going to sheat or have an 57 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 4: affair with, like a guy who has kids, and you 58 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 4: gotta deal with the fact that he has kids, like 59 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 4: or in any relationship, if the person has kids, you 60 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,639 Speaker 4: have to accept them. They don't have to be your 61 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 4: you don't have to accept them as your own kids, 62 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 4: but you still have to like realize that they come 63 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 4: before you. 64 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: John, Right, what is the reason for your red flag? 65 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 2: Can't I have your cake and eat it too? Another matter? Yeah, 66 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 2: it's like kind of a classic thing of like, oh, hey, 67 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 2: I got to steal you away, but I just want 68 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 2: you to myself and like give me exactly what I want. 69 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: It's like we can't. Yeah. Also, like why is Opie 70 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 1: still with this person? 71 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 2: Yeah? 72 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: I mean obviously the values of op probably a little compromise. Yeah, 73 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,399 Speaker 1: if you're cheating on your wife, but if someone's trying 74 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: to get between you and your kids. Threatening. Yeah that 75 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: was a threat. Yeah that was a threat. Your threat 76 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: was I am going to tell your kids unless you 77 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: limit your relationship, Unless you limit the relationship with them. 78 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: One simple question that must be answered. 79 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 3: How big is the dad's shoe size? Wait? What? Why 80 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 3: is that relevant? 81 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: Why is that relevant? Riley? 82 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 3: Cuz if she's willing to go through all this and 83 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 3: he's got to be. 84 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: Packing, he's rich to that. 85 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 3: Wait? What is she going through? 86 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 2: She's like you asked, why is he still in the relationship? 87 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: Probably because he's rich. 88 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: And why did you tell the relations. 89 00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 2: Who she has a small foot signe or size? 90 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: In the chat? Time for them to know the truth. 91 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: I can't have this threat hanging over me. Why are 92 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: you with her? Why are you with. 93 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 3: Get out of here? She's blackmailing. 94 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: How can I do this? What do I say? Do 95 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: I involve with their party? Should their mom be there? 96 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: I just don't know how to admit I blew up 97 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: all our lives for nothing. Has anyone gone through this 98 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: with their father and came out with an intact relationship? 99 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: And edit? Just breaking up with my girlfriend is not 100 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: the solution to this. I'm afraid she will tell them 101 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: out of spite whether we are together or not. 102 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 3: I think you have to tell comments regardless, but as you. 103 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: Break up first, Yes, because if he breaks up first, 104 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: then she immediately tells. 105 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 3: I think, tell the kids then break up there. 106 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you run the risk of her controlling the narrative, 107 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,040 Speaker 2: because how is she going to make sure he is 108 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 2: going to tell. He has to tell first and break up, 109 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 2: but how does he tell? 110 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 4: I think literally, just like I cheated on your mom, 111 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 4: this woman with this woman, I realized that she is 112 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 4: a witch. No, I've realized that I'm in mistake and yeah, 113 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:01,920 Speaker 4: something like that. 114 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: And never cheat on your partners. 115 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, don't do that. 116 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: But let's get into their Roman comment. So Candid Swordfish 117 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: five to two two says, she sounds like she doesn't 118 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: understand you had a family before you hooked up with 119 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: her and what being a parent entails. She sounds selfish. 120 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,559 Speaker 1: Her threatening to tell your girls that is awful and malicious. Also, 121 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: she sounds very I don't know, like immature crazy. Yeah, 122 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: she's also twenty nine too, so she's like on the 123 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: younger side, but that's old enough to know. Oh yeah, 124 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: right and wrong. The pain she would cause them is unnecessary. 125 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: My ex husband cheated on me a lots, and to 126 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: this day, my adult children do not know that. They 127 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: don't need to know that their dad may have hurt 128 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: me and broke up our family, but I already process 129 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: the pain from the cheating. They don't need to go 130 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: through it themselves. 131 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 3: Wait, woo woo woo, wooh oh, this is a comment. 132 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: It is a comment. Yes, yes, ask yourself if you 133 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: really like someone that would be willing to hurt your 134 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: kids so she can have her way. Planning date nights 135 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: and keeping those plans would have been an easy thing 136 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: to ask for. When you have kids, privacy is really 137 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: not super existent. You can still prioritize time with her 138 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 1: without creating a shit storm with your kid. She doesn't 139 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: sound mature enough to properly have a conversation about making 140 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: some time for you guys to have dates and spend 141 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: time together without asking you to enforce the kids staying 142 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: with their mom on her time. Unfortunately, not to mention 143 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,479 Speaker 1: you both hooked up when you were married. Originally, not 144 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: only did you step out, she was okay being the 145 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,479 Speaker 1: side check That says something about her character, which is 146 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: kind of what we said before. Yes, life isn't a 147 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 1: competition to see if you will pick her first. First, 148 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: it was your wife she was competing with. Now she 149 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 1: has an issue with your kids, and OPI does respond, 150 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: but I totally what a great breakdown, Yeah, Opie says. 151 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: The problem is that during the first six months of 152 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,720 Speaker 1: our affair, before my ex found out, I was a 153 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: shitty father. I would go on business trips all the time, 154 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: and it was basically an absent father. I think she 155 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 1: expected I would be a weekend dad rather than want 156 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: fifty to fifty custody. And it was a shock to 157 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: her to spend much less time with me than before 158 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: our affair was discovered. So like, basically like the girlfriend 159 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: is like, wait, I thought you were just gonna hang 160 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 1: out with your kids like a little bit. We were 161 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,840 Speaker 1: always gonna hang out with them, because when we were 162 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: hooking up, you barely saw them at all. 163 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 3: Yikes. 164 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: So I will be breaking up with her for a 165 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: multitude of reasons, but her understanding of our family dynamic 166 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: I me never being around has contributed to this, as 167 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: her expectations were based on a version of a father 168 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: I didn't want to continue being. And we got some 169 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 1: more relevant comments already and a juicy update. Hello. Junebug says, 170 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: even when you tell your girls you should still break 171 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: up with your girlfriend. She sounds like a monster and 172 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 1: threats prove she's a shitty person. Why isn't she contributing 173 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: to Bill's that's good? Another good question, Another great question. 174 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: I will be breaking up with her regardless she's not 175 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: contributing to bills, because it's always been that way. I'm 176 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 1: not stupid. A hot twenty six year old doesn't hook 177 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: up with a balding old guy nearing forties for his 178 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: personality who this has always been a transactional relationship. But 179 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 1: I stayed because I felt like at least I lost 180 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: my family for something. People have said, well, at least 181 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: they're still together, slash, they were meant to be, et cetera, 182 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: which makes it seem less bad. Somehow, I'm aware this 183 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: is stupid. That is so sad. Oh god, damn. Jay 184 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: Edward says, probably need to know why you cheated before 185 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: we can come to a solid answer. Dead bedroom, out 186 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: of love, sexually incompatible op response. I don't think it matters, 187 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: but none of the above. I have been with my 188 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: ex wife since we were thirteen, damn, and our relationship 189 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: was generally great, even almost twenty five years later. In 190 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: therapy the past year, I realized that my problem that 191 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: she has always been better than me at everything growing 192 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: up and into adulthood. Better at sports, got better grades, 193 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: I guess like in middle school and high school, got 194 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 1: into a better school, better scholarship, better job, better parent, etctera. 195 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: At the time, she was also frustrated with me because 196 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 1: I refused to leave my workplace for a job that 197 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: paid significantly more. She never made me feel inferior, but 198 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 1: I myself felt that I wasn't enough for her. My fault, 199 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: not hers. When I met my girlfriend, I felt superior 200 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,439 Speaker 1: to her because I had more money and was more 201 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 1: educated slash intelligent, and had more materialistic things. And it 202 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: was an intoxicating feeling. Even though I knew she was 203 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: attracted to my money. In my value system, I was 204 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: still superior and had the upper hand, so to speak. 205 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,439 Speaker 1: I felt like a big man. It's pathetic, and I'm 206 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 1: trying to unlearn the way I think about people's work. 207 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 1: Secondary to that, she's not more attractive than my ex 208 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: wife physically, but I had only been with two people, 209 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: and the second one was a one night stand when 210 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 1: we broke up briefly at twenty one. She was very 211 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: interested in me slash persistent and decently attractive, and that 212 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,439 Speaker 1: coupled with my ego, led to this affair. Not an excuse, 213 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: it's something that could have been prevented by communications slash therapy. 214 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: I was a different person a few years back. And 215 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: there is an update at the act day of January first, 216 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, the time for New Year's resolutions. Happy Birthday, Ice, 217 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: New Year, newe Happy Birthday. Who I Spice? 218 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 2: Proley knows a lot of facts about ice Spice. 219 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 1: What do you think of that advice so far? 220 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 4: Oh? 221 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 2: Man, Like, it's just kind of just a little wild 222 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 2: to hear him, like break it down. But I think 223 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 2: he is right. 224 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: He's self aware. 225 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 3: He's so self aware. 226 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, Like he really kind of took the blame and 227 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 4: like owned up to it. 228 00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: Yeah. 229 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 3: I think honestly, you could show his kids this Reddit post. 230 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, not even just send a link done or 231 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:05,839 Speaker 1: read it? 232 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. 233 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 4: Ah. 234 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: Man. 235 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 2: So the one thing we're not one hundred clear on 236 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 2: is what progress he's made. He does seem very self 237 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: aware of one hundred percent give him that, But like, 238 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 2: only now is he leaving this woman. 239 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, the fact that he's right, that's true. Yeah, two years. 240 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: He's been with her for two years after the split. 241 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 2: We see they met at twenty six and I think 242 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 2: she is almost almost three, So I'm like cool, But dang, buddy, 243 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 2: you're actually yeah, where's the action? 244 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 1: Where's the conspiracy theory? What do you think is going 245 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: to happen? Is he going to tell his girls for 246 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: this New Year's resolution? Is he going to break up 247 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: with a girlfriend? What is going to change? What is 248 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: your theory? 249 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 2: I think that he is going to tell the girls 250 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 2: and that you know what, I'm going to go bigger, 251 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 2: go home. Yeah, yes, gets back together with the X parent. 252 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 3: I honestly don't want. 253 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: That to happen for the ex. 254 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,959 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because like great that he's you know, figuring 255 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 4: himself out. 256 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 3: That's too little, too. 257 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 2: Late, and she probably went through such a grieving period. 258 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: I gave him a. 259 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 2: Pretty dang sweetheart deal, pretty good. 260 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 3: Deal, fifty to fifties custody didn't. 261 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 2: Tell the children? 262 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: Did that to me? 263 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 2: Is the biggest thing is like, yo, you get to 264 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 2: stay like golden dawn in their eyes and. 265 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: Went fifty to fifty. Yeah, and win fifty custody. 266 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 4: I don't think they're good together, but I think I 267 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 4: think he is growing. 268 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,719 Speaker 1: He is growing. I don't know. I kind of like 269 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: the fairy tale ending, even though he doesn't deserve it. 270 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 2: I'm going all the way. 271 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 3: You're just saying it to say it. 272 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:32,960 Speaker 2: I'm saying it to say it. 273 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: But let's see what is actually said and go back 274 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: to reality. So this is January. First, I took everyone's 275 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,839 Speaker 1: advice and involved my ex wife in the situation. Safe 276 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: to say, she was pissed off at my poor choice 277 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,680 Speaker 1: in partners and having to deal with this BS. But 278 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 1: we got together with the girls at ex wife's house 279 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: and told them many of you suspected the girls already knew. 280 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 4: Yeah that makes sense, Like why else would your parents 281 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 4: break up so abruptly? 282 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, I mean because they say like, oh 283 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,079 Speaker 1: I just weren't right fit or whatever. 284 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,320 Speaker 2: Also, the girls are twelve, fifteen, and seventeen. 285 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 4: I feel like that's old enough to be like, Oh, 286 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 4: they're like dad, we need Dad's in a business trip again. 287 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, where isy? Well, you guys, we'll be wrong incorrect. 288 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: Apparently they thought we broke up because of my job 289 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: and my refusal to accept a new one. We did 290 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: not lie to them during the divorce and tell them 291 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: an untrue reason. We just told them that the relationship 292 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 1: issues are private and we would be willing to have 293 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: a discussion when they were all adults. So thankfully, there 294 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,319 Speaker 1: is no trust lost in my ex wife, which some 295 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,559 Speaker 1: of you were concerned about. All the girls were incredibly 296 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 1: upset natural, Yeah, how would you react. 297 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 3: I'd be very upset. 298 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: I'd be pretty upset. 299 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 2: I'd too, especially like fifteen seventeen. 300 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, they were being cordial with my girlfriend because their 301 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: mom encouraged them to be civil, but apparently hated her. 302 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,679 Speaker 1: They couldn't believe I would give up my wife for her, 303 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: our family and their stability, which is fair. They were 304 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: refusing to see me. Now, my ex and I are 305 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: going to get them into some therapy and I'm hopeful 306 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 1: that over time and we can rebuild a relationship, rough 307 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 1: but deserved. 308 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you needed to do it. 309 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: And this is growth. This is what growth looks like. 310 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: These are the growth. These are the pains of your 311 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: actions catching up to you, but like a good way, 312 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,439 Speaker 1: you know and coming clean, Like this is what has. 313 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 4: To happen, and I think it'll take your kids like 314 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 4: some time to reckon with it. 315 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 1: My oldest is furious and has sent me some scathing 316 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: messages and then blocked me. So I'm really concerned about 317 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: her and I I miss some of her huge life 318 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: events due to my affair, and I think that will 319 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: be hard for her to forgive. As for the girlfriend, 320 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: we're getting married, Okay, I've figure you guys out. She 321 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: is gone, plain and simple. She has her next partner 322 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 1: lined up and is moving to be with him roster 323 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: immediately immediately. I can't say I've heard about that, which 324 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 1: shows me how little I cared for her. I just 325 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 1: feel relieved. A bunch of you suggested getting back with 326 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: my ex wife, which is what John wanted his tailor. 327 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 2: I didn't say that's what I wanted. 328 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 1: What I John said he absolutely did nothing wrong and 329 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: wanted op to get back here. Unfortunately, that topic is 330 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: reached when the fair was discovered and she was Slash 331 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: is one hundred percent uninterested. She takes her job as 332 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: a mom very seriously, and in her mind, the girls 333 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: would eventually know and it would be setting a bad 334 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: example for them to take back a cheater, even independently 335 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: of that cheating has always been a deal breaker for her. 336 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. 337 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 2: I didn't even cross my mind for the example set 338 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 2: for the girls. Yeah, the MoMA sounds great, Saint. Yeah, Angel, 339 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 2: I feel bad. 340 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: As she was planning on moving her partner in and 341 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: now she feels like she has to delay it until 342 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: the girls are in a better place if she's been 343 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: dating someone. She's really angry with me, especially for that 344 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: reason and her anger. She's also let at slip that 345 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: her and her partner are planning on marrying in the 346 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 1: next few years and having another child. She's never shared 347 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 1: anything personal with me in the past, allowing me to 348 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: meet her partner before the girls did so that was 349 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: a shock to me. I'm trying to process that information. 350 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: That hurts me more than my girlfriend cheating and leaving, 351 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: which tells me I have a lot more work to 352 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: do in getting over her. There is a permanence in 353 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: her mirroring that I am not prepared for. It's like 354 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: it really the door is completely closing. That's hard. It's 355 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: been a sobering experience for me. Thank you to everyone 356 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: who legitimately gave me advice. It was very helpful. If 357 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: I could in turn offer some advice, don't cheat on 358 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: your partner. What really, Wait, that's some great advice. Wow, 359 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: the grass is greener where you water it. And if 360 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: I had taken the time, effort, energy I gave my 361 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: affair partner and invested it in myself and my wife, 362 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: I would be incredibly happy right now. And as a 363 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: side note to all the men messaging commenting congratulating me 364 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: for getting a younger woman, that shit doesn't matter. I've 365 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: never looked at my ex wife and thought she was 366 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: old or unattractive, and she was better in bed than 367 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: my ex girlfriend. This had nothing to do with getting 368 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 1: a younger woman, sa I was trading my wife in. 369 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: It had to do with a self destructive ego that 370 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: has led to the most important people in my life 371 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: hating me. All that ship is irrelevant. Don't get caught 372 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 1: up in it. 373 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 2: It ends if there's a cautionary tale, if i've Wow, 374 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 2: the self awareness is great? 375 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 4: Yeah? 376 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 3: Great? 377 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: I mean, hey, hopefully he finds love again and is 378 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: a better person because. 379 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 4: But no, I think this was a learning experience for him, 380 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,479 Speaker 4: and I'm glad he learned something. 381 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 1: You cannot You cannot say man didn't learn Yeah, man learned, Yes, 382 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: a little too late, but he learned a little too late, 383 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: but you know, it's never too late. 384 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 2: I mean, well, gentlemen, a little little, but you know what, 385 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 2: it actually isn't too late for maybe hitting this next 386 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 2: story that, oh goodness, gracious, so nice.