Speaker 1: Our stress response is only meant to be for fight
Speaker 1: or flight. Not all take constantly Welcome to the one
Speaker 1: you feed throughout time. Great thinkers have recognized the importance
Speaker 1: of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in, garbage out,
Speaker 1: or you are what you think ring true, and yet
Speaker 1: for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us.
Speaker 1: We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We
Speaker 1: see what we don't have instead of what we do.
Speaker 1: We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit.
Speaker 1: But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It
Speaker 1: takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life
Speaker 1: worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep
Speaker 1: themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their
Speaker 1: good wolf Y, thanks for joining us. Our guest on
Speaker 1: this episode is Emma Seppola, Science director at Stanford University's
Speaker 1: Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. She is
Speaker 1: also the author of The Happiness Track. Emma as co
Speaker 1: director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project, she consults
Speaker 1: with fortune leaders and employees on building a positive organization
Speaker 1: and teaches at the Yale School of Management's executive education program.
Speaker 1: She graduated from Yale, Columbia and Stanford. If you value
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Speaker 1: these interviews and ideas. We really need your help to
Speaker 1: make the show sustainable and long lasting. Again, that's one
Speaker 1: you Feed dot net slash Support. Thank you in advance
Speaker 1: for your help. And here's the interview with Emma Sepola. Hi, Emma,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Thanks, I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to have you on. You've written a new
Speaker 1: book called The Happiness Track, and we'll talk about that shortly,
Speaker 1: but I'd like to start like we usually do, with
Speaker 1: the parable. There's a grandfather who's talking with his grandson.
Speaker 1: He says, in life, there are two wolves inside of
Speaker 1: us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf,
Speaker 1: which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and
Speaker 1: the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like
Speaker 1: greed and hatred and fear. And the grandson stops and
Speaker 1: he thinks about it for a second, and he looks
Speaker 1: up at his grandfather and he he says, well, grandfather, which
Speaker 1: one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed.
Speaker 1: So I'd like to start off by asking you what
Speaker 1: that parable means to you in your life and in
Speaker 1: the work that you do. I definitely agree that the
Speaker 1: one you feed is stronger in the sense that the
Speaker 1: people you surround yourself with, the values of the people
Speaker 1: around you, the values you've learned, and also the attention
Speaker 1: you put towards fostering traits like compassion kindness in yourself.
Speaker 1: At the same time, I also think that we're naturally
Speaker 1: kind and compassionate. That's our natural instinct. It's just that
Speaker 1: it gets overshadowed. Sometimes. It's not just about cultivating those
Speaker 1: qualities because you see them naturally in children, and we
Speaker 1: know that from research. We see that children naturally act
Speaker 1: altruistically and that adults do to Actually, when you don't
Speaker 1: give them a lot of time to think, they are
Speaker 1: more likely to do the kind act, the fair act.
Speaker 1: So I just think certain things do push us towards
Speaker 1: acting according to the more negative wolf, and that those
Speaker 1: things are things like stress. I think when we're under
Speaker 1: a lot of stress, we don't necessarily have the ban
Speaker 1: with within ourselves or to act according to our best self.
Speaker 1: Sometimes people act in a way that's quoe evil because
Speaker 1: they're a little ignorant of all of the facts of
Speaker 1: they have a skewed vision perhaps, But I think that
Speaker 1: at our core were good, and I think the research
Speaker 1: also points to that when we look at it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: nothing like some stress to to bring out those, uh,
Speaker 1: those more challenging behaviors. I think it's easy to be
Speaker 1: good when things are going good. It's when things get
Speaker 1: challenging that it becomes harder. Yes, And that's where activities
Speaker 1: like meditation or activities that really foster calmness and contemplation
Speaker 1: and while being within you like even taking walks in
Speaker 1: nature and taking time to unplug and slow down, they
Speaker 1: can really help to reset your nervous systems so that
Speaker 1: you act according to your best self, that natural tendency
Speaker 1: we all have. Your book is called The Happiness Track,
Speaker 1: and the subtitle is how to Apply the Science of
Speaker 1: Happiness to Accelerate your success. So you're not writing this
Speaker 1: just from here's how to be happy perspective, but also
Speaker 1: from a perspective of in order to be successful, it's
Speaker 1: your helps to be happy. Can you talk about that
Speaker 1: connection for a minute. We'll start with the story of
Speaker 1: one of the Stanford undergraduates that participated in a class
Speaker 1: on the Signs of Happiness that my colleague and I
Speaker 1: founded a number of years ago. And the student said
Speaker 1: she had to drop out of the class. And when
Speaker 1: my fellow colleague instructor asked well, why, the student said,
Speaker 1: because it goes against everything I've ever learned. My parents
Speaker 1: told me I have to be very successful, and when
Speaker 1: I asked them how to be very successful, they said,
Speaker 1: you have to work very, very hard. And when I
Speaker 1: asked them, how do I know when I'm working hard enough?
Speaker 1: They said when you're suffering. And can seem like a
Speaker 1: shocking story, but really it's it's something that is all
Speaker 1: around us. Um that theory is there. We have a
Speaker 1: sense that no pain, no gain. If you don't work
Speaker 1: yourself into the ground, you're just not going to compete
Speaker 1: as well. You're not going to you come out first,
Speaker 1: You're not going to do better than others. Etcetera. But
Speaker 1: if you look at the data, if you look at
Speaker 1: the research, we have it all wrong. This is a
Speaker 1: false theory. And that's why we're seeing burnout across industries.
Speaker 1: We're seeing that seventy of the American workforce is disengaged
Speaker 1: at work. We're seeing that of doctors visits are attributed
Speaker 1: to stress. There's something going on. There's a pain point
Speaker 1: that we all feel that we've all seen, if not
Speaker 1: in ourselves, then in people around us. That this theory
Speaker 1: of success, the idea that in order to be successful
Speaker 1: you have to postpone or sacrifice your happiness, is simply false.
Speaker 1: It's not working. At least you can see it's not working.
Speaker 1: And so when I looked at the data, I saw
Speaker 1: again and again that if you actually do things to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself and the people around you, you
Speaker 1: actually are more creative, more productive, You're more focused, more charismatic,
Speaker 1: and more successful in the long run, more innovative in
Speaker 1: your thinking, more influential. The list goes on. So was
Speaker 1: from seeing this pain point in the people around me,
Speaker 1: very successful environments like Silicon Valley, Yale University, Manhattan, different
Speaker 1: places where I worked, and so I wrote this book
Speaker 1: because I saw this pain point and I wanted to
Speaker 1: show people the data that there's another way, and it's
Speaker 1: a better way and you're not going to burn out
Speaker 1: and you're going to do better. Yeah, you talk about
Speaker 1: six major false theories that are behind our current notions
Speaker 1: of success. So the things that we think are important
Speaker 1: to be successful. You're saying that a lot of these
Speaker 1: things aren't true. Um, maybe we could talk about what
Speaker 1: a couple of those are. Well. One of them, I
Speaker 1: think an obvious one is the idea that you can't
Speaker 1: have success without stress. Um, people just buy into that.
Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because you see fuel ourselves with stress.
Speaker 1: We overschedule ourselves, we wait till the last minute to
Speaker 1: get things done. We fuel up with caffeine, our energy drinks.
Speaker 1: We have bought into this idea that the only way
Speaker 1: we can be productive is thanks to adrenaline coursing through
Speaker 1: our veins. And then we wonder why we're so exhausted
Speaker 1: by two pm, why we fall on the couch when
Speaker 1: we get home after work while we don't have energy,
Speaker 1: why we have sleep problems, And it's because we're constantly
Speaker 1: tapping into the spider flight system. And you know, it's
Speaker 1: nothing new, this idea that stress is bad for you,
Speaker 1: but we have still bought into the fact that we
Speaker 1: need it. Somehow, we've become kind of addicted to adrenaline.
Speaker 1: But the problem is that's why we're burning out. That's
Speaker 1: why we're seeing such hype burnout levels. If you look
Speaker 1: in the animal world, we're only supposed to feel stressed
Speaker 1: a few minutes our life. Those are the words of
Speaker 1: a psychologist at Stanford wrote a book called the y
Speaker 1: Zebras Don't get Ulcers. But the idea is that our
Speaker 1: stress response is only meant to be for fight or flight,
Speaker 1: not all day constantly. And so when we constantly fuel
Speaker 1: ourselves up like that, we are burning through all of
Speaker 1: our systems, were burning through our immune system, We're burning
Speaker 1: through so many things in our body. We're using up
Speaker 1: so much energy, and then we wonder why we don't
Speaker 1: have energy, and then we just keep fueling up. The
Speaker 1: problem comes is that when we're constantly in this high
Speaker 1: adrenaline mode, we're also not able to focus. We lose
Speaker 1: our ability to make good decisions, our emotional intelligence. Drops
Speaker 1: were not able to communicate as easily with other people,
Speaker 1: were not able to take a broader perspective when it's needed,
Speaker 1: and our immune system is compromised. We've all experienced this
Speaker 1: and there's plenty of data on that too, so we
Speaker 1: really need to rethink this idea. But if you actually
Speaker 1: take time to do things like meditation or whatever it
Speaker 1: is that calms you down, and if you actually make
Speaker 1: time for that in your life, you'll see that your
Speaker 1: attention is broader, your memory improves, you're able to connect
Speaker 1: better with other people. You're actually more powerful. If you
Speaker 1: think about who's more powerful when they arrive at a
Speaker 1: negotiation table, for example, the person who's super anxious a
Speaker 1: negotiation table or job interview or first date, you name it,
Speaker 1: the person who's really anxious and really wants the job
Speaker 1: or the negotiation outcome, whatever it is. Or the other
Speaker 1: person who has really the calm, who was really centered,
Speaker 1: who could just walk away and be just fine. Clearly
Speaker 1: it's the calm one, and yet calmness has somehow it's
Speaker 1: not a quote sexy feeling. We were always talking about
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to see you. We don't sam so
Speaker 1: calm to see you. So in the United States in particular,
Speaker 1: we value high intensity, high intensity stress, high intensity excitement,
Speaker 1: So we know that also from data. When we think
Speaker 1: of happiness, we think of high intensity emotions like excitement
Speaker 1: and thrill and um, that's all fine and good, but
Speaker 1: what we're buying into is the life of high intensity
Speaker 1: all the time. And then we're wondering why we're exhausted.
Speaker 1: We also wondering why there's such high anxiety levels when
Speaker 1: we're constantly doing it to ourselves in some ways. And
Speaker 1: that's why things like meditation um, yoga UM, spending more
Speaker 1: time in nature, unplugging in the evenings, unplugging on the weekends,
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to have a little technology detox when you
Speaker 1: don't absolutely need to be on your various instruments of communications.
Speaker 1: So that's just one of the theories. Another theory is
Speaker 1: this idea that we have to be so focused on
Speaker 1: our niche all the time, so focused on our field.
Speaker 1: I need to be number one in my field. I
Speaker 1: need to know everything in order to be innovative, in
Speaker 1: order to be creative. So the number one attribute that
Speaker 1: CEOs look for in the incoming workforce is creativity above
Speaker 1: everything else, above integrity above work, ethic everything. And it
Speaker 1: makes sense if you think about it, because creativity and
Speaker 1: innovative thinking is so needed in any field that you're
Speaker 1: in to excel um and to get ahead. And so
Speaker 1: the mistake that we make is that we are constantly
Speaker 1: so focused on our fields, so focused on learning, and
Speaker 1: we are always thinking about the next thing on our
Speaker 1: to do list. But as a consequence, we actually prevent
Speaker 1: ourselves from getting into a creative mindset. So if you
Speaker 1: look at the data, our brain is most likely to
Speaker 1: come up with a breakthrough solution when we're idle, when
Speaker 1: we're in the shower or in that moment right before sleep,
Speaker 1: or when we're maybe in the car just zonning out
Speaker 1: listening to music. And there's a reason for that. When
Speaker 1: we're in an idle situation, our brain is actually an
Speaker 1: active problem solving mode. So you'll probably notice that you'll
Speaker 1: find a solution to something you've been pondering on forever
Speaker 1: in a moment you least expected. The idea is that
Speaker 1: you need to take time off, you need to take
Speaker 1: time to be idle, and if you think about it,
Speaker 1: you could go all day long, never ever accessing that
Speaker 1: creative mindset, because people roll over in bed and check
Speaker 1: their email, and then if you wait in line, people
Speaker 1: are checking their emails. All those moments when you used
Speaker 1: to wait for the bus and just space out our
Speaker 1: daydream are spent on our devices. And then when we're
Speaker 1: at work, we're constantly focused and learning and so forth,
Speaker 1: which is great. But creativity actually needs you to take
Speaker 1: that time off. So you know, even if it's in
Speaker 1: the name of productivity, take some time off, which we
Speaker 1: also know is so good for your engagement when you
Speaker 1: get back to work. We know from research that when
Speaker 1: you take time off of work, when you're in the evenings,
Speaker 1: on the weekends and so forth, you come back much
Speaker 1: more engaged, You come back much more energized. So it's
Speaker 1: a great way to manage your energy too. And something
Speaker 1: again we've forgotten. Hey everybody, it's Eric here and I
Speaker 1: want to talk about our Patreon donation campaign. Thank you
Speaker 1: to those of you who have donated so far. It
Speaker 1: means an awful lot. You'd be amazed at how happy
Speaker 1: it makes me every time I see one come in
Speaker 1: via email. So if you want to give me a
Speaker 1: big smile, that's a great way to do it. When
Speaker 1: you feed dot net slash support. Our goal was ten
Speaker 1: last week and we didn't quite meet it, so I'd
Speaker 1: like to try and do it again this week. If
Speaker 1: I could get ten of you to contribute, it would
Speaker 1: mean a lot. One of my favorite bookstores is City
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Speaker 1: any amount that you make right now would be helpful.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, And back to the interview you talk
Speaker 1: in the book a lot about managing your energy, so
Speaker 1: not managing your time, but managing your energy. Chair a
Speaker 1: little bit more about what that means, and then maybe
Speaker 1: talk some about how we can manage our energy better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so one of the ways, you know, what I just
Speaker 1: discuss is that slowing down that adrenaline rush or curving
Speaker 1: it in some way. You know, it's fine to have
Speaker 1: a coffee, or if you're the kind of person who
Speaker 1: likes to be last minute to get things done because
Speaker 1: that motivates you, that's fine. But just watch how much
Speaker 1: are you fueling your life with adrenaline, because that's burning
Speaker 1: through your battery at high speed. One thing that you
Speaker 1: might want to do, and that also brings out the
Speaker 1: greatest creativities to alternate high and low intensity tasks in
Speaker 1: your day. For example, if you have a presentation to
Speaker 1: prepare that's high intensity, focused, concentrated work, do that for
Speaker 1: the first hour at work, But the second hour, do
Speaker 1: the things that allow you to mind wander, to be
Speaker 1: less focused and less intensely focused. Clean out your desk,
Speaker 1: m enter data, something less intense, and then you can
Speaker 1: go back to an intense activity. So kind of sandwiching
Speaker 1: high and low intensity activities like that can not only
Speaker 1: help you restore your energy, manage your energy, but also
Speaker 1: will help you be more creative because in those tasks
Speaker 1: that demand less focus, you're able to mind wander, which
Speaker 1: actually leads to those creative moments. And research shows that
Speaker 1: when you go back to your high intensity activity, let's
Speaker 1: say you go back to that presentation and keep refining it,
Speaker 1: you're going to be more focused. So that's one way.
Speaker 1: The other way, obviously, like I said earlier, is managing
Speaker 1: that how much adrenaline, how much caffeine, how much speed
Speaker 1: you live with in your life. And finally, meditation is huge.
Speaker 1: I mean, at this point, everybody meditates. At this point,
Speaker 1: everybody has heard of it. At least. It's so simple,
Speaker 1: and yet it's so powerful. We live at a time
Speaker 1: and age when we're taking in more information than ever before.
Speaker 1: So a two thousand nine studies show that we take
Speaker 1: in thirty five thousand gigabytes of information every week, which
Speaker 1: is enough to crash computer in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: That was thready five US information a day. But that
Speaker 1: was in two thousand nine. The iPhone had barely come out.
Speaker 1: I don't even want to know what it is at
Speaker 1: this point. But we are in a deluge of information,
Speaker 1: and and then we're wondering why our thoughts are racing,
Speaker 1: why we're feeling stressed, why we're feeling overwhelmed. We've come
Speaker 1: to a point where we absolutely have to unplug in
Speaker 1: order to create some balance. Our ancestors, even our grandparents,
Speaker 1: even our parents, did not consume this much information, and
Speaker 1: we haven't yet found a balance. It's happened so fast.
Speaker 1: So I think that's why a lot of people are
Speaker 1: finding this kind of revolutionary act of sitting and doing nothing,
Speaker 1: which is so revolutionary in our culture where we are
Speaker 1: such doings just for a few minutes, is actually balancing
Speaker 1: us out. And there's so much research at this point
Speaker 1: showing the very, very many, many benefits. You also talk
Speaker 1: about resilience, and you talk about how animals and children
Speaker 1: have a lot of natural resilience, and yet as adults
Speaker 1: we don't show that in the same way. Can you
Speaker 1: tell me a little bit were about that. Well, we
Speaker 1: can see in children and in animals when they get
Speaker 1: upset or when they get stressed, they're over it in
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes. As soon as the stressors gone,
Speaker 1: they've moved on and they're doing just fine. And you'll
Speaker 1: notice that kids had a lot of energy, and the
Speaker 1: animals go right back to being very peaceful after they've
Speaker 1: been at the vet or they've been chased in, you know,
Speaker 1: in the wild. And the reason for that is that
Speaker 1: after being in fight or flight mode, our body immediately
Speaker 1: goes back to a parasympathetic mode. From sympathetic the parasympathetic,
Speaker 1: which means from fight or flight to rest and digest
Speaker 1: to that mode in which the body can repair itself,
Speaker 1: restore all of the resources it's lost during the fight
Speaker 1: or flight moment so that it can be strong and
Speaker 1: resilient in the face of another stressor. And that's why
Speaker 1: it's so important for us to make that time in
Speaker 1: our life when we can go into that parasympathetic calming state,
Speaker 1: which again in our culture we don't value, but it's
Speaker 1: so essential to manage our energy that way, and so
Speaker 1: that that's really critical and a very import Wortin way
Speaker 1: that you can do that is actually through your breath,
Speaker 1: and that sounds so simplistic, but it's not at all.
Speaker 1: It is so powerful. I've done research with some of
Speaker 1: the most stressed individuals in our society, which your veterans
Speaker 1: returning from combat with trauma. Their nervous system has sometimes
Speaker 1: been turned into fight or flight mode and somehow hasn't
Speaker 1: been able to shut off again. It seems like that's
Speaker 1: what trauma can sometimes do to someone. They have trouble sleeping,
Speaker 1: They're always anxious, um, they're extremely jumpy in very normal,
Speaker 1: non dangerous situations. They can't function normally. Their cognitive skills
Speaker 1: decline because their body is so taxed, their mind is
Speaker 1: so taxed from whatever experience it was that led to
Speaker 1: the trauma, and that doesn't allow them to live in
Speaker 1: the present moment and to move on with their lives.
Speaker 1: In one week of doing some breathing exercises with them
Speaker 1: through a nonprofit called Project Welcome Home Troops and learning
Speaker 1: a yoga based breathing exercise called Sudarcian Crea Yoga sky Breathing,
Speaker 1: they were able to come back to themselves. They were
Speaker 1: able to sleep, began, their anxiety normalized, and they've moved
Speaker 1: on with their lives. I've been invited to officiate their weddings,
Speaker 1: They've have relationships, jobs, they've finished school. It's amazing they've
Speaker 1: just moved on. And how is it that something so
Speaker 1: simple as the breath can reset our nervous system. If
Speaker 1: it can do it for them, it can do it
Speaker 1: for any of us. It is so powerful. So we
Speaker 1: know that from experience and but also um we know
Speaker 1: that from research that when we have different emotions, are
Speaker 1: breathing changes. For example, anxiety is short and shallow, anger
Speaker 1: short and shallow, sobbing, laughing, those are all examples of
Speaker 1: how emotions are tied to breathing. You come home, your
Speaker 1: exhaust it has been a long day. You sloped down
Speaker 1: on the sofa, and you sigh. Our breath changes with
Speaker 1: our feelings. The most interesting part is is that when
Speaker 1: you change your breath, you can change your feelings. And
Speaker 1: there's really interesting research study that shows that too, So
Speaker 1: just with your breath you can change the state of
Speaker 1: your mind. And this is very powerful because think about it,
Speaker 1: when we're having a strong emotion, it's really really hard
Speaker 1: to control our emotions with our thoughts. Yet that's what
Speaker 1: people are always telling us. They're like, oh, calm down
Speaker 1: when you're feeling not calm? I mean, is that helpful
Speaker 1: when people say that, or when we try to say
Speaker 1: that to ourselves, like oh, don't freak out or or
Speaker 1: when we're trying to go to sleep and we're saying
Speaker 1: go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, it
Speaker 1: doesn't work. And we know from research to that what
Speaker 1: you resist persists in the mind. But with breathing, you
Speaker 1: can change how you feel. That's to me revolutionary because
Speaker 1: when you have peace of mind, when you have presence
Speaker 1: of mind, you have everything. Um, So do you want
Speaker 1: me to share a story with you about how powerful
Speaker 1: breathing is? Sure? And then maybe you could share a
Speaker 1: little bit about how to do some of this breathing,
Speaker 1: like what people could do now an exercise they can
Speaker 1: use and I'm always interested in, like how long do
Speaker 1: you need to do the breathing exercise for? And so
Speaker 1: maybe you can just share some of that also. Sure,
Speaker 1: so I'll share the story of a friend of ours
Speaker 1: who was an officer in the Marine Corps and he
Speaker 1: was in charge of the last vehicle on a convoy
Speaker 1: going across Afghanistan, and every other vehicle passed safely. Um,
Speaker 1: but his unfortunately hit an i e D and improvised
Speaker 1: explosive device. In that moment, there's a huge explosion and
Speaker 1: when he looked down, his legs were mostly severed below
Speaker 1: the knee, and at that moment of shock, he remembered
Speaker 1: a breathing exercise, and it was a breathing exercise he
Speaker 1: learned about in a book for officers for very difficult moments,
Speaker 1: and that breathing and exercise involved breathing in for account
Speaker 1: of four, holding for account of four, breathing out for
Speaker 1: account of four, and then holding for account of four.
Speaker 1: And thanks to the presence of mind that he had
Speaker 1: from that breathing, he was able to do his duty,
Speaker 1: which was first to check on his men, second to
Speaker 1: give orders to call for help. And third he looked
Speaker 1: down at his legs, he tourniqueted them himself. He propped
Speaker 1: them up. And only then when everything was set and
Speaker 1: down with everything was taken care of, and did he
Speaker 1: fall unconscious and um And later he was told had
Speaker 1: he not done that, he would have either bled to
Speaker 1: death or fallen into a coma. That story, I think
Speaker 1: is such a powerful reminder to all of us that
Speaker 1: the breath is so incredibly important when it comes to
Speaker 1: presence of mind. It could even save a life. So
Speaker 1: I wanted to share that with you. And why is
Speaker 1: it that breathing is so powerful? Well, we know that
Speaker 1: when we inhale, our heart rate increases, and when we expel,
Speaker 1: our heart rate decreases. We know that our breath and
Speaker 1: our emotions are tightly linked, So just lengthening your exhales
Speaker 1: can also really start to slow things down for you.
Speaker 1: So you're in a meeting, you're driving, you're feeling anxious,
Speaker 1: you're feeling angry, you're tired, whatever it is, you can
Speaker 1: actually change how you feel through your breath. Lengthening your
Speaker 1: exhales is going to calm down your heart rate. The
Speaker 1: sky breathing that veterans learned UM that really helped them
Speaker 1: get over the trauma is UM. It takes a few
Speaker 1: days to learn, takes about three or four days to learn.
Speaker 1: So UM that is it's a twenty minute practice itself
Speaker 1: is very very powerful UM. And that that's something that
Speaker 1: people can learn UM. If they're better as they can
Speaker 1: learn it through Project Welcome Home Troops, and if they're
Speaker 1: just regular community members, they can learn it through an
Speaker 1: organization called Art of Living. You described the four seconds
Speaker 1: in hold, four seconds, four seconds out, hold four seconds.
Speaker 1: I've heard all kinds of variations on that seven seconds,
Speaker 1: and obviously you can just do it any moment, but
Speaker 1: do you find that doing it for a set amount
Speaker 1: of time leads to benefits. Do you have any sort
Speaker 1: of like regular practice of it in the same way
Speaker 1: that people have like a meditation practice. Yes, I personally
Speaker 1: do this guy breathing every single day. It's a twenty
Speaker 1: minute practice if you want to learn like a shorter one.
Speaker 1: This is funny because it's one I described in my book,
Speaker 1: and I never realized that my a book agent really
Speaker 1: took that chapter to heart and he started practicing this
Speaker 1: breathing that I'm about to describe. And he's kind of
Speaker 1: a type a New Yorker, and he was saying, oh, am,
Speaker 1: I've been doing that breathing from chapter two, and I'm
Speaker 1: feeling really good and I'm breathing at first I started
Speaker 1: with five minutes. Now I'm being ten, I'm being fifteen,
Speaker 1: and he's really feeling a different So that was really
Speaker 1: funny and great news too. So you know that's was
Speaker 1: a very simple breathing technique where I just said breathe
Speaker 1: in for account of four, breathe out for account of eight.
Speaker 1: So you're you're basically breathing out for twice as long
Speaker 1: as you're breathing in, and just doing that for a
Speaker 1: couple of minutes to start your day would be terrific.
Speaker 1: But really it's something you can do at any point.
Speaker 1: I mean, I like to meditate or do breathing exercise
Speaker 1: any time during the day when I'm feeling my energy
Speaker 1: dip a little bit, and I find it's such a
Speaker 1: healthier way to restore my energy and my peace of
Speaker 1: mind and my concentration and focus than any other substitute
Speaker 1: um such as the substance of sorts, which again leads
Speaker 1: to crashes. I really think of the analogy of plugging
Speaker 1: in my phone to fill up my battery. There no
Speaker 1: side effects, but you do feel much better. You're more focused,
Speaker 1: You're just more on top of your game. You talk
Speaker 1: about another false theory of success and you say that
Speaker 1: it's you know, look out for number one. You know
Speaker 1: that we should look out primarily for ourselves. And then
Speaker 1: you go on to talk about a skill that you
Speaker 1: can develop that helps you to be happier and more successful.
Speaker 1: This show compassion to others. What is the value of
Speaker 1: compassion in becoming more successful? I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people listen to show go Well, it's obvious with the
Speaker 1: value of compassion is, but outside of that, in more
Speaker 1: of a driving a successful career type way. Where does
Speaker 1: that play in. Well, we have this false view that
Speaker 1: in order to be successful you have to look out
Speaker 1: for number one and elbow people out of the way.
Speaker 1: But if you look at the data again and again,
Speaker 1: it's those people who are kind, those people who support others,
Speaker 1: those people who have good, positive relationships with other, people
Speaker 1: who uplift others. Those are the people that get promoted.
Speaker 1: Those are the people that you want as colleagues. Those
Speaker 1: are the people you offer a job to. And so
Speaker 1: I'm not saying to be a doormat, no way, You've
Speaker 1: got to have skill. But the idea is that if
Speaker 1: you are a kinder, more supportive, more giving person, you
Speaker 1: are the kind of person that everyone else wants to
Speaker 1: support as well, that everyone else wants on their team,
Speaker 1: that everyone else wants as a manager, as an employee,
Speaker 1: and so forth. It makes sense when you think about it,
Speaker 1: But the data is showing that too. And so this
Speaker 1: is a really old paradigm, the lookout for number one,
Speaker 1: and it really needs to move on because when you
Speaker 1: are a kinder, more compassionate person, you actually benefit tremendously
Speaker 1: your happiness increases, your physical health increases, and you even
Speaker 1: live longer. There's so much data to show that people
Speaker 1: who are kinder, who have very altruistic traits, actually are
Speaker 1: healthier and live longer, are happier, and live lives filled
Speaker 1: with meaning and purpose, which is so fulfilling in a
Speaker 1: in a very deep way that other forms of happiness
Speaker 1: or joy may not bring. Do you think that as
Speaker 1: our culture is changing, that this idea of being more
Speaker 1: compassionate and kind at work is more effective than maybe
Speaker 1: it would have been thirty or fifty years ago. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: there's a trend towards this. So workplaces are bringing mindfulness in.
Speaker 1: But the next trend is compassion, and we're seeing that
Speaker 1: there's a lot of interest in compassion trainings, and managers
Speaker 1: are starting to understand that their employees are going to
Speaker 1: be more loyal to them. And there's research on that
Speaker 1: employees prefer to work for a boss where they're happy
Speaker 1: and where they have good positive relationships, then another workplace
Speaker 1: where they get paid more. So we're always thinking, let's
Speaker 1: entice our employees with more material works, but more than anything,
Speaker 1: people want to be happy at their workplace. And that
Speaker 1: makes sense if you think of the number of hours
Speaker 1: they spend there, They spend most of their week there.
Speaker 1: What are some compassion practices that people are being trained in.
Speaker 1: I recommend Loving Kindness Meditation as a place to start. Um.
Speaker 1: I have a YouTube Loving Kindness Meditation up from the
Speaker 1: research study that we did. I just put it up
Speaker 1: because people kept asking about the practice that we researched
Speaker 1: and seems to be quite popular. I also have a
Speaker 1: downloadable one off my website. People prefer to have it
Speaker 1: on their iPhone and that's at no charge. And we'll
Speaker 1: have a link to both those things in the show
Speaker 1: notes at when you feed dot net slash Emma, so
Speaker 1: people can link right to those things, as well as
Speaker 1: your Twitter and other accounts. Well, I think compassion is
Speaker 1: a great place to wrap up the conversation. Thanks so much,
Speaker 1: Emma for taking the time to come on. Thank you
Speaker 1: for the work that you do, and it's been nice
Speaker 1: talking with you. Eric. It's my pleasure. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for focusing on these positive aspects of human behavior
Speaker 1: and the human heart, and it's just so important for
Speaker 1: us to remember that and to focus on that. Excellent. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, take care of you too, Bye bye. If
Speaker 1: what you just heard was helpful to you. Please consider
Speaker 1: making a donation to the One You Feed podcast. Head
Speaker 1: over to one you Feed dot Net Slash Support. You
Speaker 1: can learn more about Emma Seppola and this podcast at
Speaker 1: One you Feed, dot Net Slash Emma