WEBVTT - Episode 261: Dick in Glass Case (Feat. Latham Thomas) 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:04.880 What's up? What's up this list Service? I'm Angelille, I'm 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:09.039 j Maguire, I'm Lauria, I'm Jasmine Brand. And they them 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:13.640 tamases with us. We always have lat them on the 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.360 breakfast Club and we have more serious conversations. But you're 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.400 on list Service. We want to have more robotic conversations 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:21.720 because there's a lot of things. I feel like we 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:24.200 can learn about our own bodies and have some fun 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.320 with it. And I know it's a quarantine time and everything, 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:29.720 so I feel like there's a lot of things in 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:33.000 this book that we can relate to this time. Also. Now, 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:35.120 one thing I want to talk about, and we're gonna 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:39.440 start off with this, right, ladies, is arousal and understanding 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:43.520 your arousal and what turns you on. So we're gonna 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:46.440 go around the room and talk about understanding our own 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:48.880 arousal and the things that turn us on. And don't 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:54.880 be shot. Who's first, you later? Yeah? All right? So 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:59.840 I think about arousal, is um something weird for me? 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:02.760 It's not just like the moment of intimacy. It's like 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:04.600 for me for a place starts a freaking day before, 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:07.880 like I want the house clean, I wanted to smell good. 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:13.039 I want candles. I wanted to feel like um, the beginning, 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:14.880 like when we're first dating, you know what I mean, 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:19.720 Like the intimacy has to also feel fresh, because, um, 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:22.759 what keeps us with our partners and keeps us excited 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:26.600 is when there's desire, right, And so desire cannot be 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:30.760 fed by monotony, right, So trying to do something new, 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:35.320 you know, like creating a little date moment, even in quarantine, 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.600 create a little date night that's been nice for us, um, 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.039 like ordering out and then like putting a movie in 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:44.520 a different room than where we sleep at and trying 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:48.040 to create a moment there. But I think also, you know, 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:51.360 for those of us who are quarantine and we're by ourselves, 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:53.960 you know, like we have to find that intimacy and 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.640 exploration within ourselves and like what turns us on by 0:01:57.640 --> 0:01:59.960 ourselves because by by the time we get back out 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.760 side again and we're able to connect with people, it'll 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:06.360 be on and popping. It will also understand new aspects 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.440 of of ourselves and like what turns us on and 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:11.399 like in what ways. And so this is a great 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.160 time to like get your toy orders up, like check 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:18.200 out different products that are on UM online. I found 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:20.560 I recently found some new products that I actually like 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.240 that UM, I think are really great to bring into 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:30.760 the bedroom. And UM the one so this product this 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:34.880 line called Dame. Have you guys heard Dame? I have it? Okay, 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:38.080 So Dame. It's like it's a it's a product line 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:43.359 by women, UM and it's intimacy products. They're like ergonomically 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:46.959 designed and m and they have all different types of toys. 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:51.040 They're like amazing, So I like them. UM. So they 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:54.000 have this one called kip k I P And it's 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:56.880 like a little lipstick by Rater. It's awesome and it's 0:02:56.919 --> 0:02:59.960 like it's it's like comes in UM like little soft 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:03.200 purple kind of color, like a pale purple, super cute. 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.320 Fits in like any bag. It comes with a USB charger, 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:08.880 so if you can't plug in, you can plug into 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:11.640 your computer, Like if you're on the go, ain't never 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:13.280 want to go, but if when you get on the 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.280 go again, it'll be useful if you're traveling. UM. I 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:19.680 like that idea A real freak. If you charging your 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:23.919 vibrator from your computer, that right a right doing your 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:29.160 morning show? You could be doing your morning show right 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.200 UM and then I like this. There's a line that 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:34.359 I love also called Fhoria. Do you guys know for 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:39.800 your wellness? I don't think we're doing good anything. Fooria. 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:43.520 So they make a cb D um. They have two 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.640 products that like. One is a cb D product called Awaken, 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:51.800 and it is basically like um It's has cinnamon, it 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.960 has cava cava, it has coconut, It smells good, it 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.560 tastes like chocolate, and basically it's a lubricant, but it's 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:04.200 also just an arousal um oil essentially, and so you 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:08.520 spray it on and you it kind of warms you 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:12.800 up and actually creates this feeling of pulsation. So even 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:15.720 before you even before you even get turned on, it's 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.760 already working. And then it tastes freaking good and it's 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:23.640 like natural. So I love it has CBD. So I 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:28.760 love Ready. You ain't gotta get ready is what you 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:32.520 basically said, stay ready exactly. I feel like some people 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:34.599 are scared of loup, like when it comes to like 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.240 talking about lube. I know I'm one person that like, 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:40.279 I don't really deal with lub. But now if you 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.440 say that, that makes it seem a little bit more 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.640 appealing like the centament. It still scares me a little 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:49.440 bit though, because what about That's what scares me about 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:53.000 lub too. I get scared about use infection, infection. Here's 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.640 here's my thing about luke. I don't. I also am 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:58.599 anti lude because what I believe is if you're turned on, 0:04:58.760 --> 0:05:00.960 you make your own secretions, right, like you don't need 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:04.240 anything to to get you wet, like if you're if 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.000 you're if you're aroused, you're gonna make your own secretions, 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.440 which is gonna lubricate you. So you won't need that 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.160 unless you know you're doing other things where you don't 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:16.359 make sucretions right so um, but gradually you'll you'll have enough. 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:18.680 And the only times that you don't is like right 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:21.800 after having a baby and imperimidopause. But any other time 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.880 you shouldn't really need lube less you're um, you know, 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.719 and sometimes if you know, depending how your cycle flows. 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:29.920 But for the most part, we should be able to 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.960 make own secretions. So you're right to instinctively not use 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:36.800 that because you don't need in your except when I 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.400 think louve, but I think you know it's the only 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:45.400 time you would need it. Use um silicone, right right, Okay, 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:47.040 And so that's what I think when I think a 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:50.840 loube this, that's the only reason exactly a booty girl 0:05:52.120 --> 0:06:02.040 that's scary. Lady, y'all didn't answer what churns y'all on though, 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:04.480 Like when we talk about arousal, what are some things 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.480 that you know that we should that you know arouse 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:10.920 you already? For me personally, it starts in the mind, Yeah, 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:14.320 like mind, then body, you think about different things or 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:16.520 what's going through your mind where you're enjoying your partner 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:19.599 in you know, a mental way, and then by the 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:22.640 physical starts. I feel like I smoked while we're not 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.120 smoke weed, but I feel like we kind of already 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:28.200 gives you like a little tingly feeling sometimes when you're 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:31.440 high and you're just like I gonna that doesn't happen 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.440 to nobody even mean, okay, no, I'm if you smoke 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.279 same same right, not all the time, but sometimes it 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.440 would just be like a little thing that's like anyway, 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:46.720 sometimes alcohol does the same thing. Alcohol, Yes, absolutely, that's terrible, 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:51.279 but like I'll be careful, what do you mean, don't 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:55.560 want to mistake arousing for inebriation. Now, I mean, I 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.200 feel like even if you put like a little drinking 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:02.880 you you could like it's called like online it. Yeah, 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:06.240 it's a it's a nice assist and help you to 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.039 do things that like normally you'd be like I could 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:09.279 be a little drink in order for me to be 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:13.239 able to yeah you well out a little more. Yeah, 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:17.480 I loves like I'm like a big like I like 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:20.520 not to the point where you're blocked out, obviously, but 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:24.120 like something that like I responsibly knew, like, Okay, let's 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:29.440 get junk and have sex. Like that's just like my man, right, 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:34.960 you already have an agreement, was sober having entanglement and 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:38.200 it's something that happened and just like let's just make 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:45.360 it clear we already blackout. No, it's okay to get 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:49.040 junk together. Though, Like obviously like touch and certain things 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:51.760 are gonna arouse you like me on my spot is 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:54.800 my neck at some certain point, not if you like 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.280 drool all over and the ship like you're not a 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.160 little sexy looking whatever whatever like that is definitely an 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:04.720 arousal spot for me. But like I know, if I 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.440 if we want to get it in for the night, 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:08.520 to me, I'll be like, all right, let's get a 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:10.560 couple of drinks in us and and then you just 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:15.040 go crazy crazy, big in sexy looking and like weird 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:23.200 looking that's comfortable dripping with it's not it's not ever. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:25.480 I mean it's other places, but like the neck and 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.320 all that too much of line is not Like I 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.640 lie when I first started dating a guy and tell 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:34.400 him that I don't like to kiss because and that's 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:36.800 not true. But I'm gonna tell you what why. It's 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:40.480 a disclaimer because I felt like if he can't kiss, 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.280 I don't want him to kiss me a lot, you 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:44.199 know what I mean. So like I try to make 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.760 it clear from the beginning, like I'm not I'm not 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:50.600 thinking kissing, but I am. It's just somebody had a kiss. Well, 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:53.200 this is like I had a guy that couldn't kids, 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:56.840 and it was just like when I tell y'all, like 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.600 he would be licking all over my face and it 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.720 was just like it was ever show on Sex in 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:04.840 the City when Charlotte was there in the bad Kiss 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:07.920 here and he's like, yes, this was how this guy was, 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.800 and I actually, through her. I never thought something like 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.960 that could happen because I'm like, okay, you're grown, you 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.000 should not have a kiss like no, this is mother 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:20.679 and it was like too much, mouth open, or if 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.440 somebody tries to kiss you in the morning before they 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.880 brush your teeth and you can move. Lorio, you said 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:27.880 you do like kissing, but you lie and say that 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:29.760 you don't. But I really kind of don't like kissing. 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:32.800 I'm like, yeah, I'm just not. I don't know, I'm 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:35.920 not really into it that much. I've never with any 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:37.600 guy I've been with. I like a little bit, but 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:41.040 I don't like tongue. Don't tongue me down, don't not 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:42.959 make it out. I don't I don't want to make 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:47.120 out a little like I like kissing, but I just 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.000 don't like a bad kissing. Yeah, I know what. No 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:52.800 one enjoys that somebody that's just like too much or 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.440 just like not enough. Like it has to be, you know, 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.120 you have to be in sync with just right. That 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:02.600 was a chemistry thing, and you could like being love 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:06.880 with somebody but not like kissing them. Um. I think 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.880 you can go through stages like that, like I feel like, 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:13.559 um for me, I can think about the people who remember, 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:16.480 we're amazing kissers and I enjoy kissing them, but I 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:20.920 do remember being you know, at certain points and there's 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:24.079 somebody who's like okay, and I'm not like that's something 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.120 I'm looking forward to with them, right, So it's almost 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:29.199 like if they're great at other things, you kind of like, yeah, 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:30.800 let's not do that as much, or you get into 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.000 a routine where you don't kiss them and as much 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.760 a certain it's like okay, cool, like that was nice, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.240 Let's move on, and so you move to the next thing. 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.840 But I feel like, yeah, you could you you know, 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:42.880 like if you think about it, right, like if you're 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.920 when you get into moods even with your partner whereast 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:51.360 like you're not you know, vibing sometimes like you go 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.640 some days without like really kissing, like kissing kissing. It 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:56.080 might just be a little bit, and you're like, you 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.040 don't realize how much it's more like touch for me, 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.080 that's really four in and and so I could be 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:03.760 like we could caught onto all these things and maybe 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.360 it kiss a little bit and intimacy is full on, 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:07.880 and we might have kissed a little bit, you know 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.080 what I mean. So I think it just depends. But 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.040 I mean I can never just be like never ever 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.560 kiss you again kind of thing. What if you text 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.480 somebody for the first time and they didn't kiss you 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:18.840 at all, would that be be here? I would be 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:22.160 I would be offended. Yeah, I would think you're like again, 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.840 I don't I need to tell you that. You don't 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.439 tell me that with your actual I would be offended, 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.199 like I would. I mean, you don't have to slow 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.840 me down. But I feel like sometimes kissing shows that 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.760 you like like them and it's kind of I would 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:40.120 kill like, No, I'm joking, but he might have just 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:43.040 been handed doggie style and get to kiss you kiss 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.640 me first. Let's let's give me a little peck, a 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:48.839 little something something, and you get me doggie salad. That 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.160 is back for to like, if you don't start all 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:55.240 the first time, eye to eye, and then we could 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.480 turn around and get the doggie and all that stuff. 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:00.360 But if somebody just turned you around automatically, they think 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.720 you're ugly as fun or they don't like you. But 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:08.240 what about Angela because she made a face. I'm just saying, 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:10.600 but you know, I might turn around on my own 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:14.800 because that's how I wanted. I didn't, so I'm saying, 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:16.439 for let's start off right there. I'm just like, you're dick, 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:19.640 and I'm getting my knees turning your ugly ass around. 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.400 That's how I would fel if I was a man. 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.720 So if he didn't kiss you, and you did all that, 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:29.680 you will be okay. Well, um, I was. I'm probably 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:31.840 gonna make him give me head first, and I'm gonna 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:34.280 kiss him because i want to taste myself, and then 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:36.840 I'm gonna give him head and then I'm gonna turn around. 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.640 So that's probably how it's gonna happen. So there's gonna 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:43.480 be a kiss, but it is quarantine time, so they 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:45.360 can I'm gonna ask you. In your book, you talked 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.200 about stop dating for a distraction. You know, sometimes we 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:52.440 just date somebody because it's a distraction from whatever else, 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.079 Like maybe you're trying to forget someone else, like a 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:57.280 rebound thing, or maybe you just are lonely and want 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.280 someone to talk to. But it isn't really a cool 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:04.240 time if you're single and any boy yourself. We've been quarantined, Mark, 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:06.880 So can you expand on that a little bit? Like 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:09.600 for people who are in a relationship, are even dating 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:12.480 anyone right now? That's tough. You know, what is what 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.240 dating advice to that? Yeah, it's amazing because you know, 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.439 obviously I wrote this when we are not in quarantine 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:23.040 and and so, but I think that dating yourself is important, right, 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.280 like falling in love with yourself, getting to know yourself, 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.480 spending time with yourself. And I think what this time 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:32.120 has offered us is an opportunity to like go inward, 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.480 figure out, like what is it that I love about myself? 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:37.880 What are the things that I'm working actively towards improving? 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:39.880 But also and this goes like I think on a 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.240 personal growth tip, but then also like I'm an intimacy vibe, 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:45.679 like what are the things that I've settled for in relationships? 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.200 What am I not? What's on m my stop doing list? Right, 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.360 like what's on the what's on like the next level? 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:53.960 When I do go out in the world, we can't 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:55.920 go back outside. What am I gonna be looking for 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:57.800 in a partner? And there's a lot of ways to 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.520 still date and to do a lot of things, um 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:04.320 where you can still kind of um hold onto a 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:08.120 sense of uh comfort, a sense of safety as well 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:12.640 as recreation and not being distraction but actually be looking 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.719 for somebody you white mind you might want to bow 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.760 up with. And I think if you're also intentional about 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:19.400 where you are in your life. Right, So if you 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.720 know you're not really ready for a relationship and you 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.520 just want to love Butler, then like d be true 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:27.320 to that and then go on the platforms for that, right, 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.920 like don't be the ones like for Christian dating. If 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:31.960 you know you just want somebody to come over and 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.240 put it down, then go on that will come over 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.640 and put it down later without just saying if you 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:39.480 ain't trying to bow them up, then you know what 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:44.120 I'm saying, Maybe closet be positive, but go to the 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:46.360 go to the platform for that, right. So I feel 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.040 like you can be UM. And everybody's finding their way 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:52.920 and using this technology in a very unique way. People 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:56.360 are doing their little zoom dates, they're doing um, They're 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:58.640 finding all kinds of ways that you use the technology 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.600 to be intimate. UM. So I think that the distraction 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:07.080 piece is something I still would say is important, especially 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:08.800 in the time of quarantine, because we still can make 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.880 shitty decisions, like you know, and and feel bad about 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.600 ourselves about like people that we let in, and so 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:18.600 as working on ourselves, I think it's important without how 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.640 you want to be intimate, how you want to engage 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:24.040 with people and step out different, you know, step out differently, 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.840 especially when it's time to go back outside. She is different, right, 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.800 Like everybody's gonna be moving different, looking for different things. 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:31.840 And we're heading into the fall and it's about to 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:35.040 be winter again, so you trying to out. You could 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:40.160 come over up, but you feel about the people that 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:43.320 are like, um, kind of like settling because they did 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:45.960 get stuck with the person Darren quarantine and they're like fun, 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:50.240 I don't want to be alone. So I'm just real, Yeah, 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.400 I always summer though, so you might have the courage 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:57.480 to to like, you know, get out of that um, 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.680 you know, because it's now a different season and we 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:02.040 can go outside a little bit. Some people are in 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.400 stage three and stage four where they're at, so there 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:11.560 is a the mayor wants us to be back in 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:16.040 stage one, but the governor really makes the rules. But 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:20.720 the governor Atlanta, they made it mandatory for Matt but yeah, 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:24.440 so Atlanta is like busting it open why and g 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:29.840 G is toon, I'm not going g G has been 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.440 out the funk side, y'all, and I'm not gonna know. 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.840 And then I'll be looking like where is she at 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.680 the Magic City, like six times, I want your man 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.920 on hand, Like I'm on, I don't give a funk Island. 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:46.960 I'm not what you call I gotta get. I want 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:51.920 to imagine they get some food you take out. But 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:55.280 you know what diction thing? Have y'all ever dated as 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:59.200 a distraction? Because I do feel like sometimes it is 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:01.760 something that has works for me. I've dated. Um, I 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.320 don't know if the word is the correct word is distraction, 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:06.480 but I've definitely dated because I was bored and I 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:08.200 had nothing better to do and I was trying to 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.160 kill times. So I guess I have. And that's quite 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.680 a lot. So, but who are these guys? Are they 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.560 like somebody you would date normally or is it like 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:21.359 somebody like whatever he was around? Whoever's around that that 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:23.600 isn't awful? That makes sense? Who's not like it? Could 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:25.359 be a really good guy, but I wouldn't. I'm really 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.960 not into them, but I'm like, Okay, I don't have 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:31.000 anything better to do. He's harmless. I would like to 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:34.600 he really likes me, but you know, like so that 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:39.080 whoever is the around and that does not work for me, 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.520 Like I'll be like I don't like him there's no way, 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.119 like I can't convince myself to like learn to like 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:49.200 someone or no, no, to entertain anyone either, Like if 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:51.400 I don't really like them all that, it's so hard 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:56.119 for me to entertain even if they're just like funny 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.119 or cool to be around. I mean, they end up 0:17:58.119 --> 0:17:59.879 getting tired of me because all I do is just 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:01.720 if I give them the run around. And it's like 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:04.960 there's people that I've done that for years, Like I'll 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.400 be like, all right, I'll go to dinner with you, 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:09.320 and then I won't show up for years and they'll 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.600 keep asking like damn, like to the n D fiance. 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:16.640 I mean, why that's the opposite of that, because I'm 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:20.399 not done. Yeah, I'm not gonna go. Are you coming me? 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:23.680 But yeah, So, I mean I feel like it has, 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:26.280 you know, been beneficial for me at certain points in 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:30.679 my life where I really needed that distraction not be 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:34.040 focused on the person you just got done with. You know, 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:35.960 I saw a lot of people are saying that about 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:41.800 Jada and August but a distraction, Yeah, like because Harry 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:43.720 Will were going through it and they had a breakup, 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:47.320 and you know, with distraction and rebound the same thing 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:54.120 then I mean yeah, because if you're basically dating somebody 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.960 that keeps you away from doing your own personal work 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.639 to move on, then yeah, it's a distraction, right, And 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.560 so yeah, like I can. I don't need you as 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.280 like this partner or like this person to show up 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:09.000 in my life to keep me off course from doing 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:11.560 the emotional work I need to do to be available 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:14.120 to the right person. I'm just kiking out because you're 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.919 here and like you said, oh, thanks for like taking 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:19.320 me to pick up my sister at the air for 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:24.720 thanks for helping. Like I'm using chores for me, you 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:26.800 know what I'm saying. You're just here doing chores. You're 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.400 making me feel good. But also I'm not. If I'm 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:32.040 not feeling good about myself, then I'm not ready to 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:33.600 actually go out into the world to give who I 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:35.399 really want to be with and show up and actually 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:37.359 be able to be available when I see them or 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:39.439 even keep them when they show up. Right. So the 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:43.720 distraction is it is helpful, it feels good, but it 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:45.919 does keep us from doing the work. And so you know, 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:48.440 that person sometimes end up being us way too long, 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:51.600 and I feel good and we feel guilty, so we 0:19:51.680 --> 0:20:01.520 stay and he's so nice. Yeah, us, you would how 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.280 he gets something out of it too, He get out 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:10.159 of it. But we're gonna be broken hearted because you 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:13.040 really don't like him. You just using him. It's just 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:15.399 like somebody that's there. That's how I don't like to 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:16.960 do that. I feel like I'm gonna get my carment. 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:20.240 I've done it before, but I felt like you might 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:22.359 not do it on purpose, like you might just be 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:25.520 doing it like and not thinking like I'm using him 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:28.000 as you know, because I do think I think what 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.119 people are done with relationships or they have had breakups. 0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:34.560 I don't think people take the time to be by themselves, right, 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:37.280 I think we use other people and not even intentional 0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:39.440 when you think about it, I feel like nobody is 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:41.640 really single because I feel like everyone is getting over 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:43.880 somebody or there if someone I was coming to picture 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:45.800 to the dump of the person. I feel like everyone 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.880 has somebody kind of lingreen, So none of us really 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:52.640 taking time to be single. Always got somebody in the cut, right, 0:20:53.760 --> 0:21:00.280 like always that and I think again stressed is that 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:07.000 dick in a glass case? Right right? I also want 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:10.160 to talk about some other things in the book. When 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:14.280 you find yourself making a connection, you have to acknowledge that, right, 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:16.520 because sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of things. 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.040 Have you ever really liked somebody but just felt like 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:21.400 it wasn't a good idea, so you try to talk 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:23.919