1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: What's up? What's up this list Service? I'm Angelille, I'm 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: j Maguire, I'm Lauria, I'm Jasmine Brand. And they them 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: tamases with us. We always have lat them on the 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: breakfast Club and we have more serious conversations. But you're 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: on list Service. We want to have more robotic conversations 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of things. I feel like we 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: can learn about our own bodies and have some fun 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,320 Speaker 1: with it. And I know it's a quarantine time and everything, 9 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: so I feel like there's a lot of things in 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: this book that we can relate to this time. Also. Now, 11 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: one thing I want to talk about, and we're gonna 12 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: start off with this, right, ladies, is arousal and understanding 13 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:43,520 Speaker 1: your arousal and what turns you on. So we're gonna 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: go around the room and talk about understanding our own 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: arousal and the things that turn us on. And don't 16 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: be shot. Who's first, you later? Yeah? All right? So 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: I think about arousal, is um something weird for me? 18 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: It's not just like the moment of intimacy. It's like 19 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: for me for a place starts a freaking day before, 20 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: like I want the house clean, I wanted to smell good. 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: I want candles. I wanted to feel like um, the beginning, 22 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: like when we're first dating, you know what I mean, 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: Like the intimacy has to also feel fresh, because, um, 24 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,759 Speaker 1: what keeps us with our partners and keeps us excited 25 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 1: is when there's desire, right, And so desire cannot be 26 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 1: fed by monotony, right, So trying to do something new, 27 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: you know, like creating a little date moment, even in quarantine, 28 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: create a little date night that's been nice for us, um, 29 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 1: like ordering out and then like putting a movie in 30 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: a different room than where we sleep at and trying 31 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: to create a moment there. But I think also, you know, 32 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: for those of us who are quarantine and we're by ourselves, 33 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: you know, like we have to find that intimacy and 34 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: exploration within ourselves and like what turns us on by 35 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: ourselves because by by the time we get back out 36 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: side again and we're able to connect with people, it'll 37 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: be on and popping. It will also understand new aspects 38 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: of of ourselves and like what turns us on and 39 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,399 Speaker 1: like in what ways. And so this is a great 40 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: time to like get your toy orders up, like check 41 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: out different products that are on UM online. I found 42 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: I recently found some new products that I actually like 43 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 1: that UM, I think are really great to bring into 44 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: the bedroom. And UM the one so this product this 45 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: line called Dame. Have you guys heard Dame? I have it? Okay, 46 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,080 Speaker 1: So Dame. It's like it's a it's a product line 47 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: by women, UM and it's intimacy products. They're like ergonomically 48 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,959 Speaker 1: designed and m and they have all different types of toys. 49 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: They're like amazing, So I like them. UM. So they 50 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: have this one called kip k I P And it's 51 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: like a little lipstick by Rater. It's awesome and it's 52 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 1: like it's it's like comes in UM like little soft 53 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: purple kind of color, like a pale purple, super cute. 54 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: Fits in like any bag. It comes with a USB charger, 55 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: so if you can't plug in, you can plug into 56 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: your computer, Like if you're on the go, ain't never 57 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: want to go, but if when you get on the 58 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: go again, it'll be useful if you're traveling. UM. I 59 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: like that idea A real freak. If you charging your 60 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 1: vibrator from your computer, that right a right doing your 61 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: morning show? You could be doing your morning show right 62 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 1: UM and then I like this. There's a line that 63 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,359 Speaker 1: I love also called Fhoria. Do you guys know for 64 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: your wellness? I don't think we're doing good anything. Fooria. 65 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: So they make a cb D um. They have two 66 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: products that like. One is a cb D product called Awaken, 67 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: and it is basically like um It's has cinnamon, it 68 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 1: has cava cava, it has coconut, It smells good, it 69 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: tastes like chocolate, and basically it's a lubricant, but it's 70 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: also just an arousal um oil essentially, and so you 71 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: spray it on and you it kind of warms you 72 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: up and actually creates this feeling of pulsation. So even 73 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: before you even before you even get turned on, it's 74 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: already working. And then it tastes freaking good and it's 75 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: like natural. So I love it has CBD. So I 76 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: love Ready. You ain't gotta get ready is what you 77 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: basically said, stay ready exactly. I feel like some people 78 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 1: are scared of loup, like when it comes to like 79 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: talking about lube. I know I'm one person that like, 80 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: I don't really deal with lub. But now if you 81 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: say that, that makes it seem a little bit more 82 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: appealing like the centament. It still scares me a little 83 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: bit though, because what about That's what scares me about 84 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: lub too. I get scared about use infection, infection. Here's 85 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: here's my thing about luke. I don't. I also am 86 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,599 Speaker 1: anti lude because what I believe is if you're turned on, 87 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: you make your own secretions, right, like you don't need 88 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: anything to to get you wet, like if you're if 89 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: you're if you're aroused, you're gonna make your own secretions, 90 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: which is gonna lubricate you. So you won't need that 91 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: unless you know you're doing other things where you don't 92 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,359 Speaker 1: make sucretions right so um, but gradually you'll you'll have enough. 93 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: And the only times that you don't is like right 94 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 1: after having a baby and imperimidopause. But any other time 95 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: you shouldn't really need lube less you're um, you know, 96 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 1: and sometimes if you know, depending how your cycle flows. 97 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 1: But for the most part, we should be able to 98 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: make own secretions. So you're right to instinctively not use 99 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: that because you don't need in your except when I 100 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: think louve, but I think you know it's the only 101 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: time you would need it. Use um silicone, right right, Okay, 102 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: And so that's what I think when I think a 103 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: loube this, that's the only reason exactly a booty girl 104 00:05:52,120 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 1: that's scary. Lady, y'all didn't answer what churns y'all on though, 105 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: Like when we talk about arousal, what are some things 106 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: that you know that we should that you know arouse 107 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: you already? For me personally, it starts in the mind, Yeah, 108 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: like mind, then body, you think about different things or 109 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: what's going through your mind where you're enjoying your partner 110 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,599 Speaker 1: in you know, a mental way, and then by the 111 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: physical starts. I feel like I smoked while we're not 112 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: smoke weed, but I feel like we kind of already 113 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: gives you like a little tingly feeling sometimes when you're 114 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: high and you're just like I gonna that doesn't happen 115 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: to nobody even mean, okay, no, I'm if you smoke 116 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: same same right, not all the time, but sometimes it 117 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: would just be like a little thing that's like anyway, 118 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: sometimes alcohol does the same thing. Alcohol, Yes, absolutely, that's terrible, 119 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: but like I'll be careful, what do you mean, don't 120 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: want to mistake arousing for inebriation. Now, I mean, I 121 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: feel like even if you put like a little drinking 122 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: you you could like it's called like online it. Yeah, 123 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: it's a it's a nice assist and help you to 124 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 1: do things that like normally you'd be like I could 125 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: be a little drink in order for me to be 126 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,239 Speaker 1: able to yeah you well out a little more. Yeah, 127 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: I loves like I'm like a big like I like 128 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: not to the point where you're blocked out, obviously, but 129 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: like something that like I responsibly knew, like, Okay, let's 130 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: get junk and have sex. Like that's just like my man, right, 131 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: you already have an agreement, was sober having entanglement and 132 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: it's something that happened and just like let's just make 133 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: it clear we already blackout. No, it's okay to get 134 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: junk together. Though, Like obviously like touch and certain things 135 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: are gonna arouse you like me on my spot is 136 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: my neck at some certain point, not if you like 137 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: drool all over and the ship like you're not a 138 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: little sexy looking whatever whatever like that is definitely an 139 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: arousal spot for me. But like I know, if I 140 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: if we want to get it in for the night, 141 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 1: to me, I'll be like, all right, let's get a 142 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: couple of drinks in us and and then you just 143 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: go crazy crazy, big in sexy looking and like weird 144 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 1: looking that's comfortable dripping with it's not it's not ever. 145 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 1: I mean it's other places, but like the neck and 146 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: all that too much of line is not Like I 147 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: lie when I first started dating a guy and tell 148 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: him that I don't like to kiss because and that's 149 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 1: not true. But I'm gonna tell you what why. It's 150 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: a disclaimer because I felt like if he can't kiss, 151 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: I don't want him to kiss me a lot, you 152 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: know what I mean. So like I try to make 153 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 1: it clear from the beginning, like I'm not I'm not 154 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: thinking kissing, but I am. It's just somebody had a kiss. Well, 155 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 1: this is like I had a guy that couldn't kids, 156 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: and it was just like when I tell y'all, like 157 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: he would be licking all over my face and it 158 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 1: was just like it was ever show on Sex in 159 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 1: the City when Charlotte was there in the bad Kiss 160 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: here and he's like, yes, this was how this guy was, 161 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: and I actually, through her. I never thought something like 162 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 1: that could happen because I'm like, okay, you're grown, you 163 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: should not have a kiss like no, this is mother 164 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: and it was like too much, mouth open, or if 165 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 1: somebody tries to kiss you in the morning before they 166 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: brush your teeth and you can move. Lorio, you said 167 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: you do like kissing, but you lie and say that 168 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: you don't. But I really kind of don't like kissing. 169 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I'm just not. I don't know, I'm 170 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: not really into it that much. I've never with any 171 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 1: guy I've been with. I like a little bit, but 172 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: I don't like tongue. Don't tongue me down, don't not 173 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,959 Speaker 1: make it out. I don't I don't want to make 174 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: out a little like I like kissing, but I just 175 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: don't like a bad kissing. Yeah, I know what. No 176 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: one enjoys that somebody that's just like too much or 177 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 1: just like not enough. Like it has to be, you know, 178 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: you have to be in sync with just right. That 179 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: was a chemistry thing, and you could like being love 180 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: with somebody but not like kissing them. Um. I think 181 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: you can go through stages like that, like I feel like, 182 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 1: um for me, I can think about the people who remember, 183 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: we're amazing kissers and I enjoy kissing them, but I 184 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: do remember being you know, at certain points and there's 185 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,079 Speaker 1: somebody who's like okay, and I'm not like that's something 186 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to with them, right, So it's almost 187 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,199 Speaker 1: like if they're great at other things, you kind of like, yeah, 188 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: let's not do that as much, or you get into 189 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: a routine where you don't kiss them and as much 190 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: a certain it's like okay, cool, like that was nice, 191 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 1: Let's move on, and so you move to the next thing. 192 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: But I feel like, yeah, you could you you know, 193 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: like if you think about it, right, like if you're 194 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 1: when you get into moods even with your partner whereast 195 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: like you're not you know, vibing sometimes like you go 196 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: some days without like really kissing, like kissing kissing. It 197 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 1: might just be a little bit, and you're like, you 198 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: don't realize how much it's more like touch for me, 199 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: that's really four in and and so I could be 200 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: like we could caught onto all these things and maybe 201 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: it kiss a little bit and intimacy is full on, 202 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: and we might have kissed a little bit, you know 203 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: what I mean. So I think it just depends. But 204 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: I mean I can never just be like never ever 205 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 1: kiss you again kind of thing. What if you text 206 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: somebody for the first time and they didn't kiss you 207 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 1: at all, would that be be here? I would be 208 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: I would be offended. Yeah, I would think you're like again, 209 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: I don't I need to tell you that. You don't 210 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,439 Speaker 1: tell me that with your actual I would be offended, 211 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 1: like I would. I mean, you don't have to slow 212 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: me down. But I feel like sometimes kissing shows that 213 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 1: you like like them and it's kind of I would 214 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: kill like, No, I'm joking, but he might have just 215 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: been handed doggie style and get to kiss you kiss 216 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: me first. Let's let's give me a little peck, a 217 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:48,839 Speaker 1: little something something, and you get me doggie salad. That 218 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: is back for to like, if you don't start all 219 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 1: the first time, eye to eye, and then we could 220 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 1: turn around and get the doggie and all that stuff. 221 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: But if somebody just turned you around automatically, they think 222 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,720 Speaker 1: you're ugly as fun or they don't like you. But 223 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: what about Angela because she made a face. I'm just saying, 224 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: but you know, I might turn around on my own 225 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 1: because that's how I wanted. I didn't, so I'm saying, 226 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,439 Speaker 1: for let's start off right there. I'm just like, you're dick, 227 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: and I'm getting my knees turning your ugly ass around. 228 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: That's how I would fel if I was a man. 229 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: So if he didn't kiss you, and you did all that, 230 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: you will be okay. Well, um, I was. I'm probably 231 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: gonna make him give me head first, and I'm gonna 232 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: kiss him because i want to taste myself, and then 233 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give him head and then I'm gonna turn around. 234 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: So that's probably how it's gonna happen. So there's gonna 235 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 1: be a kiss, but it is quarantine time, so they 236 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: can I'm gonna ask you. In your book, you talked 237 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: about stop dating for a distraction. You know, sometimes we 238 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: just date somebody because it's a distraction from whatever else, 239 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: Like maybe you're trying to forget someone else, like a 240 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: rebound thing, or maybe you just are lonely and want 241 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: someone to talk to. But it isn't really a cool 242 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: time if you're single and any boy yourself. We've been quarantined, Mark, 243 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: So can you expand on that a little bit? Like 244 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: for people who are in a relationship, are even dating 245 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 1: anyone right now? That's tough. You know, what is what 246 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: dating advice to that? Yeah, it's amazing because you know, 247 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,439 Speaker 1: obviously I wrote this when we are not in quarantine 248 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: and and so, but I think that dating yourself is important, right, 249 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: like falling in love with yourself, getting to know yourself, 250 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: spending time with yourself. And I think what this time 251 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: has offered us is an opportunity to like go inward, 252 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: figure out, like what is it that I love about myself? 253 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: What are the things that I'm working actively towards improving? 254 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: But also and this goes like I think on a 255 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: personal growth tip, but then also like I'm an intimacy vibe, 256 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: like what are the things that I've settled for in relationships? 257 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: What am I not? What's on m my stop doing list? Right, 258 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: like what's on the what's on like the next level? 259 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: When I do go out in the world, we can't 260 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: go back outside. What am I gonna be looking for 261 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: in a partner? And there's a lot of ways to 262 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: still date and to do a lot of things, um 263 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: where you can still kind of um hold onto a 264 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: sense of uh comfort, a sense of safety as well 265 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: as recreation and not being distraction but actually be looking 266 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:14,719 Speaker 1: for somebody you white mind you might want to bow 267 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: up with. And I think if you're also intentional about 268 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: where you are in your life. Right, So if you 269 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: know you're not really ready for a relationship and you 270 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 1: just want to love Butler, then like d be true 271 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: to that and then go on the platforms for that, right, 272 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: like don't be the ones like for Christian dating. If 273 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: you know you just want somebody to come over and 274 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: put it down, then go on that will come over 275 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: and put it down later without just saying if you 276 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: ain't trying to bow them up, then you know what 277 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm saying, Maybe closet be positive, but go to the 278 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: go to the platform for that, right. So I feel 279 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: like you can be UM. And everybody's finding their way 280 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: and using this technology in a very unique way. People 281 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: are doing their little zoom dates, they're doing um, They're 282 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 1: finding all kinds of ways that you use the technology 283 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 1: to be intimate. UM. So I think that the distraction 284 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: piece is something I still would say is important, especially 285 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 1: in the time of quarantine, because we still can make 286 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,880 Speaker 1: shitty decisions, like you know, and and feel bad about 287 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: ourselves about like people that we let in, and so 288 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: as working on ourselves, I think it's important without how 289 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: you want to be intimate, how you want to engage 290 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: with people and step out different, you know, step out differently, 291 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: especially when it's time to go back outside. She is different, right, 292 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: Like everybody's gonna be moving different, looking for different things. 293 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: And we're heading into the fall and it's about to 294 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 1: be winter again, so you trying to out. You could 295 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 1: come over up, but you feel about the people that 296 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,320 Speaker 1: are like, um, kind of like settling because they did 297 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: get stuck with the person Darren quarantine and they're like fun, 298 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 1: I don't want to be alone. So I'm just real, Yeah, 299 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: I always summer though, so you might have the courage 300 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: to to like, you know, get out of that um, 301 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: you know, because it's now a different season and we 302 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: can go outside a little bit. Some people are in 303 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: stage three and stage four where they're at, so there 304 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: is a the mayor wants us to be back in 305 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: stage one, but the governor really makes the rules. But 306 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: the governor Atlanta, they made it mandatory for Matt but yeah, 307 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: so Atlanta is like busting it open why and g 308 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: G is toon, I'm not going g G has been 309 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: out the funk side, y'all, and I'm not gonna know. 310 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: And then I'll be looking like where is she at 311 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: the Magic City, like six times, I want your man 312 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: on hand, Like I'm on, I don't give a funk Island. 313 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm not what you call I gotta get. I want 314 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 1: to imagine they get some food you take out. But 315 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: you know what diction thing? Have y'all ever dated as 316 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: a distraction? Because I do feel like sometimes it is 317 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: something that has works for me. I've dated. Um, I 318 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: don't know if the word is the correct word is distraction, 319 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: but I've definitely dated because I was bored and I 320 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: had nothing better to do and I was trying to 321 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 1: kill times. So I guess I have. And that's quite 322 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,680 Speaker 1: a lot. So, but who are these guys? Are they 323 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: like somebody you would date normally or is it like 324 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 1: somebody like whatever he was around? Whoever's around that that 325 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: isn't awful? That makes sense? Who's not like it? Could 326 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 1: be a really good guy, but I wouldn't. I'm really 327 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 1: not into them, but I'm like, Okay, I don't have 328 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: anything better to do. He's harmless. I would like to 329 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: he really likes me, but you know, like so that 330 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: whoever is the around and that does not work for me, 331 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: Like I'll be like I don't like him there's no way, 332 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: like I can't convince myself to like learn to like 333 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 1: someone or no, no, to entertain anyone either, Like if 334 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,400 Speaker 1: I don't really like them all that, it's so hard 335 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 1: for me to entertain even if they're just like funny 336 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: or cool to be around. I mean, they end up 337 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: getting tired of me because all I do is just 338 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 1: if I give them the run around. And it's like 339 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 1: there's people that I've done that for years, Like I'll 340 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,400 Speaker 1: be like, all right, I'll go to dinner with you, 341 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: and then I won't show up for years and they'll 342 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: keep asking like damn, like to the n D fiance. 343 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 1: I mean, why that's the opposite of that, because I'm 344 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: not done. Yeah, I'm not gonna go. Are you coming me? 345 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: But yeah, So, I mean I feel like it has, 346 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: you know, been beneficial for me at certain points in 347 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 1: my life where I really needed that distraction not be 348 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 1: focused on the person you just got done with. You know, 349 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: I saw a lot of people are saying that about 350 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: Jada and August but a distraction, Yeah, like because Harry 351 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 1: Will were going through it and they had a breakup, 352 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: and you know, with distraction and rebound the same thing 353 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 1: then I mean yeah, because if you're basically dating somebody 354 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: that keeps you away from doing your own personal work 355 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: to move on, then yeah, it's a distraction, right, And 356 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: so yeah, like I can. I don't need you as 357 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 1: like this partner or like this person to show up 358 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: in my life to keep me off course from doing 359 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: the emotional work I need to do to be available 360 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,120 Speaker 1: to the right person. I'm just kiking out because you're 361 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,919 Speaker 1: here and like you said, oh, thanks for like taking 362 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: me to pick up my sister at the air for 363 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: thanks for helping. Like I'm using chores for me, you 364 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. You're just here doing chores. You're 365 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 1: making me feel good. But also I'm not. If I'm 366 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: not feeling good about myself, then I'm not ready to 367 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: actually go out into the world to give who I 368 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 1: really want to be with and show up and actually 369 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: be able to be available when I see them or 370 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: even keep them when they show up. Right. So the 371 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 1: distraction is it is helpful, it feels good, but it 372 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 1: does keep us from doing the work. And so you know, 373 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 1: that person sometimes end up being us way too long, 374 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: and I feel good and we feel guilty, so we 375 00:19:51,680 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: stay and he's so nice. Yeah, us, you would how 376 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: he gets something out of it too, He get out 377 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: of it. But we're gonna be broken hearted because you 378 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: really don't like him. You just using him. It's just 379 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 1: like somebody that's there. That's how I don't like to 380 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: do that. I feel like I'm gonna get my carment. 381 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: I've done it before, but I felt like you might 382 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 1: not do it on purpose, like you might just be 383 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: doing it like and not thinking like I'm using him 384 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: as you know, because I do think I think what 385 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: people are done with relationships or they have had breakups. 386 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: I don't think people take the time to be by themselves, right, 387 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: I think we use other people and not even intentional 388 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: when you think about it, I feel like nobody is 389 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,640 Speaker 1: really single because I feel like everyone is getting over 390 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 1: somebody or there if someone I was coming to picture 391 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 1: to the dump of the person. I feel like everyone 392 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,880 Speaker 1: has somebody kind of lingreen, So none of us really 393 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,640 Speaker 1: taking time to be single. Always got somebody in the cut, right, 394 00:20:53,760 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 1: like always that and I think again stressed is that 395 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: dick in a glass case? Right right? I also want 396 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,160 Speaker 1: to talk about some other things in the book. When 397 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: you find yourself making a connection, you have to acknowledge that, right, 398 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: because sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of things. 399 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: Have you ever really liked somebody but just felt like 400 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 1: it wasn't a good idea, so you try to talk 401 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,919 Speaker 1: yourself out of it, even though you feel like that 402 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,119 Speaker 1: parison is amazing, great, all of this your life, but 403 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,119 Speaker 1: I don't like him, like I don't want to Definitely, 404 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: I feel like, Okay, So when we have types, right, 405 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: like I know, I know what what it is I like, 406 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 1: and I know that what I mean. Yeah, but if 407 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,920 Speaker 1: you gets you in trouble, right, you have people who 408 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 1: you're like, you're gonna be a problem. I know you're 409 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: gonna be a problem in my life, already know it. 410 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: And so it's like, if I want to continue that 411 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 1: path forward, then I choose that. And so what I 412 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: what I started to do in relationships was like, Okay, 413 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna choose the opposite of what I 414 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,440 Speaker 1: would actually choose. And us I already know the patterns 415 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: that I have around intimacy, around abandonment, around you know, 416 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 1: like my own little personal things that I know are 417 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: gonna like click through be like oh check check check, 418 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: You're gonna hurt me in three weeks great, like all 419 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,119 Speaker 1: these things I was seeing I was able to to 420 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 1: see in a partner and I would pick that and 421 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: they would actually do those things, and it was like 422 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,239 Speaker 1: a self fulfilling prophecy. And I was like, why am 423 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: I doing this to myself? Like? Why am I wearing 424 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 1: myself out like this? So I started to when I 425 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 1: would go out with people, I was like, Okay, I'm 426 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: gonna use certain measures for um, what I would consider 427 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: safety for me, what makes me feel good in relationship, 428 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,199 Speaker 1: and start to reconfigure how I'm going about this. So 429 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,160 Speaker 1: one of the things that I would do, like right 430 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 1: away that I would like cut somebody off, is like, 431 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: if you say you're gonna call at six o'clock six 432 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,160 Speaker 1: oh one if my phone didn't ring, I'm just gonna 433 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: because it means, for for real, you're just not gonna 434 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,639 Speaker 1: be reliable. And I would say that people and I'm like, 435 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 1: he really doesn't. If he doesn't do that, then he 436 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: really isn't reliable. And he's gonna show me that continuously, 437 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna get you used to it. I'm gonna 438 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 1: get willed down. I'm gonna have really poor, um poor 439 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: standards for myself, because I'd be like, my grandmother died 440 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 1: this morning. Sorry I'm late. Right, if you liked them 441 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: a lot, you would just be like fuck it. It 442 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: would be like you know, little but it would be 443 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,400 Speaker 1: not just like um that, but that's an example, right. 444 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: But it's like little things that give me a sense 445 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: like I might still be your friend, but I'm not 446 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 1: like we're not going this way because I see little 447 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: things like all right, he didn't do what he said 448 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: he was gonna do. Okay when I first at it, 449 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: that the guy that I ended up staying with, when 450 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,200 Speaker 1: he like it was like he called when he said 451 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 1: he did everything he said, and he was actually unbinding 452 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 1: these patterns that I had around relationships, and it was 453 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: going to total opposite direction and it was like, wait, 454 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:50,119 Speaker 1: this is actually how I'm supposed to feel, right, which 455 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: I think was healing. And so for me, I had 456 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,159 Speaker 1: to try to like stay away from like what I 457 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,719 Speaker 1: was usually patterned to go around, which was more dramatic 458 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: and more you know what I'm saying. Like it was 459 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: it was exciting and all this, but it was also dramatic. 460 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 1: It was also me on the phone my girlfriends and 461 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: like having these tribunals about like what does it mean 462 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 1: that he says this? And you know you should not 463 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: have to feel like you're trying to figure out how 464 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,480 Speaker 1: so if somebody they're they're into you, it's very clear, 465 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 1: I know. You know, sometimes we get so used to 466 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 1: the dysfunction we think that's what a relationship is supposed 467 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 1: to be. It gives you a rush a lot of 468 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 1: times too. And that's a word M that'sul to Both 469 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,880 Speaker 1: things are t because sometimes it's a chase, like it's 470 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 1: the it's the thrill of the challenge that you like 471 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:37,120 Speaker 1: the challenge, and then sometimes it's just what you're used to, 472 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,959 Speaker 1: toxic behavior and you're just like, well this is normal 473 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 1: and right M. Yeah, and we're not actually meant to 474 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 1: chase right like, and this is not like about about 475 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: um the minenity so much, just it's about it is, 476 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: but it's also about dominant energy, right, and our energy 477 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: is actually what keeps the universe together, So we can't 478 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,959 Speaker 1: be out here chasing behind stuff. You look at every 479 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 1: look at flowers, right, they attract the pollinators like, they 480 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 1: attract the energy that they need to actually continue to propagate. 481 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: They don't chase behind being the flowers. The flowers. You're 482 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:17,200 Speaker 1: the flowers. So we just laying the cut in the cut, 483 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,879 Speaker 1: and you don't and you you you create a vacuum 484 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 1: for the energy to come to you for the people 485 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: who you whoever, they will orbit up in your life. 486 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: But this idea that we're gonna be out here chasing behind, 487 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,520 Speaker 1: chase behind nobody, and I goes for everything that goes 488 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 1: for a career, that goes like everything, because when you're 489 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: in your power, you don't have to chase nothing because 490 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: you know it's putting on its way and you've created 491 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 1: the vacuum for it to arrive. And if you think 492 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 1: about even the vagina, the volva is like the the gatekeeper, 493 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: the door, and the vagina is a vacuum. It draws 494 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: energy in. So we have this physical function, but we 495 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 1: also have, like externally around us energetically, this this energy 496 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: that we're already living into. And so when we do 497 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: this stuff that's not aligned with who we are, it's 498 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,479 Speaker 1: it's really confusing, but it's also destructive because then we're 499 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 1: trying to figure out, well, why is it this person 500 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,120 Speaker 1: doesn't want me, why they not call me back? It's 501 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 1: like because you are not allowing them to do what 502 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: they should be doing, which is showing up for you, 503 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: Like if you if you show if the flowers are 504 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 1: out chasing the bees, like the bees are confused by that, 505 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,679 Speaker 1: right Like nothing first of all doesn't happen right in nature. 506 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: But so we're like doing things that are outside of 507 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:29,880 Speaker 1: a natural order in terms of um intimacy, right like, 508 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: we don't need to be chasing behind nobody. We need 509 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 1: to mind our business, do what we do to cultivate ourselves. 510 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,520 Speaker 1: Are sweeper and bring it and let it show up. 511 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: Let it come because out of your head. Gg what 512 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 1: you gotta say. I'm agreeing that's the truth. Let it 513 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,199 Speaker 1: you know what you like, Let it grow. Don't be 514 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: out here chasing and trying to fag I mean that chasing. 515 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: I feel like your your your book, and like the 516 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 1: things that you're saying would be really helpful, like much 517 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,880 Speaker 1: sooner as opposed to the age that we all are now. 518 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: I feel like we may not even listen if we 519 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 1: were younger if we heard this kind of advice. But 520 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 1: I think it helps put things in perspective. But you know, 521 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 1: if I if I knew some of this kind of 522 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,200 Speaker 1: stuff and I had access to it, and I had 523 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 1: conversations maybe with my mom or my aunts or something 524 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,959 Speaker 1: like I may you know, it's not going to register 525 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: until you get older sometimes, but it could be a 526 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: helpful tool. You know, I gotta make our mistakes sometimes, 527 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,920 Speaker 1: you got somebody just gotta we learn on your own. Yeah, 528 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: we do have to make those mistakes because I made them. 529 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:28,919 Speaker 1: I think it. I think it helps you to also 530 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,480 Speaker 1: know like what you do want when you experience what 531 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,160 Speaker 1: you don't write, and so I think you do need 532 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,400 Speaker 1: both and um, and it also helps you to gain 533 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,880 Speaker 1: your own wisdom, right because if you never went through 534 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 1: hardship or you know, if every relationship was was amazing, 535 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,119 Speaker 1: that would be great too. But I think, like what 536 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,159 Speaker 1: how how we get um character building is through the 537 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: challenges and through the bunky life lessons. Yeah. So it's 538 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 1: it's good that you wherever you are on the journey, 539 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 1: wherever you get the information that you need is is perfect, 540 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,639 Speaker 1: right because who you are now at this incarnation, in 541 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 1: this moment is exactly where you need to be and 542 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: what you know and what you can share with others 543 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,199 Speaker 1: and in this moment, And because I think about the 544 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 1: fact that like we didn't have freaking social media, Like 545 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: my son doesn't realize we didn't have these tools. We 546 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,639 Speaker 1: were downloading stuff. It was writing ship by hands. We 547 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,960 Speaker 1: have we have a blessing of having technology and access 548 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: and information that we can also help the next generation with. 549 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,400 Speaker 1: With our leadership and the fact that we're cool, younger 550 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,479 Speaker 1: people might listen to us like we might not have 551 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: listened to you know, our aunts and our mom's back. Then, 552 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: what do you think about monogamy and relationships, because a 553 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: lot of people always bring that up, basically saying like 554 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 1: monogamy is not natural for men and things like that. 555 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: Do you what do you think about statements like that, Well, 556 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: it's not natural for women either, So I think let's 557 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: tell you that though they don't say that, right, it's 558 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 1: actually it's actually more true that we are designed to 559 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 1: actually seek variety and sexual partners. And it's been framed 560 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,200 Speaker 1: that men need that, but it's actually, Um, there's science 561 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 1: that shows that we have the biological need. There's a 562 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 1: great book called Untrue by Dr Wednesday Martin, and she 563 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: goes through this journey of looking in the Animal Kingdom 564 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: and she's amazing. You would love her, um, But she 565 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: talks about like how yeah, like there's been all of 566 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 1: this information that's untrue about what we think about female 567 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 1: sexuality and that it's and it's also couched through this 568 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 1: mail lens right through male pleasure. If you think about, 569 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: like how we even talk about our body parts. So 570 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: we'll talk about the vagina, which is a Latin word 571 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: which means sheath, like a sheath to a sword, like 572 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: a container for a sword. Like that's not empowering, right, 573 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: So that continure for to hold a sword is what 574 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: we're calling like our innermost sanctum or calling like the 575 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,080 Speaker 1: I mean life, creation, creation matrix. Right, we're calling that 576 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 1: a sheath. And it's also the center of male pleasure 577 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,640 Speaker 1: because we don't have a lot of nerve endings, thankfully, 578 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 1: because if you're having a baby, that she would hurt. Right, 579 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 1: So we have a lot of nerve endings in our regina, 580 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 1: but we have a ton of them and the clitterest 581 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,800 Speaker 1: which is an incredible rectile body, which pound for pound, 582 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 1: we have the same amount of rectile tissue that men have, 583 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,320 Speaker 1: but ours is internal. So we have this incredible system 584 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: for arousal, for pleasure, for orgasm, for intimacy, and so 585 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: for us we just have to figure out how to 586 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 1: turn that on. But but the focus is on the vagina, 587 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: which is for male pleasure. Right. Never do people talk 588 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 1: about the volva. And people will talk about the clitterest 589 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: as just like one spot, right, like one for pleasure, 590 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: and not understand that we have that the clitterest is 591 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 1: actually shaped like a wishbone. Right, there's a clitteral crown 592 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: the legs and around those are vestibular bulbs which create 593 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: decresitions that you can get wet through intimacy. Then we 594 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: have skiing glands which are pari regial glands, which also 595 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,600 Speaker 1: helped to create female ejaculate. We have also um the 596 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: paranneal sponge and the your retinal spraunge which helped to 597 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 1: create the sensation of cushion so that when there's penetration, 598 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: you wrap those muscles around whatever it's penetrating inside of 599 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 1: you and it creates a sense of comfort. That's how 600 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 1: if you know you're aroused, ship feels good. Period. It 601 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: feels good, you're wet, and you can do it on 602 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 1: your own. You don't need nobody to come in and 603 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:33,520 Speaker 1: do all this and spreading up because ship, you don't 604 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: need that when you are aroused, right, and if and 605 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,479 Speaker 1: if it's happening right, then it feels good. And if 606 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 1: it's not happening right, you stop it because we have 607 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 1: to stop training people to think that we're gonna lay 608 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: there and be a sheath bard while they are instimate, right, 609 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: So we're not. We're not gonna allow that anymore. So 610 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 1: if you're laying there thinking about your taxes and you're 611 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 1: not engaging the intimate, that act of intimacy, and you're 612 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: engaging the sex or whatever is going on, then see 613 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: your way out. And and if this partner is not 614 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: you know, good for you, then also figure out like 615 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 1: how to get out of that. But that's why the 616 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: idea of monogamy. We it's so interesting with how we 617 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 1: think about of the female species of like mammals, right, 618 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: because for us we had to you know, ancestral y. 619 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 1: But also when you think about like greater apes, right, 620 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: what they had to do to survive. They actually had 621 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: to be intimate with multiple of the male apes because 622 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,600 Speaker 1: they had to they had to not make it clear 623 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:44,040 Speaker 1: whose baby it belonged to for protection because if if 624 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,840 Speaker 1: it was so, if a male came in and decided 625 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: they were gonna take over the tribe. Right, if a 626 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: male came in, he would want to kill off all 627 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 1: the babies that didn't belong to him, so that then 628 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 1: the mothers would have to go back into estris and 629 00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: then they would they would be fertile again, and then 630 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 1: he which he would basically fire the next um, the 631 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: next generation of babies. But if he didn't know if 632 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: they were his, those babies were survived. So with a 633 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 1: survival mechanism to be you know, to spread you know 634 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: around and be with other people, or not other people, 635 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: but other apes, other male apes, especially other dominant male apes, 636 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: so that you could be protected. They would look out 637 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: for you. Right. We had to do the write this 638 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: argument down. Yeah, I mean go out there and give 639 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,959 Speaker 1: everybody a plussy if you want to, it's okay. Last thing, 640 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you about orgasms, right, and so 641 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,240 Speaker 1: you know we talked about orgasms and a lot there's 642 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: women who can't have a well not that they can't, 643 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: but they've never had one. And then there's times that like, 644 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,000 Speaker 1: I know there's one way that I can orgasm, so 645 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,120 Speaker 1: I'd like to make sure I do that every single time, 646 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 1: and then I feel bad because I don't want to 647 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 1: not have variety of different things, but I just know 648 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: this is what I need to have, what works. Yeah, 649 00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: this is what works for me. Yeah you know, Yes, 650 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 1: I want to talk about orgasms and like, for women 651 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: out there who haven't have the pleasure having orgasm, what 652 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 1: would you have to say to them? First of all, 653 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,280 Speaker 1: I just want to like just a moment of silence 654 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: for those who haven't, because it's like this, like life 655 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,719 Speaker 1: is sustained through pleasure, Like like this is I mean 656 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: it is in every living breathing thing there is. Uh, 657 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: it's it's everything is mating, right, everything is in relationship 658 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,280 Speaker 1: in this universe, and so everything is about sex. Everything 659 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:35,399 Speaker 1: is about like this this dynamic. Right. And so when 660 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,239 Speaker 1: I hear that people haven't experienced like the pinnacle of 661 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: what's possible through our bodies and spiritually, um, it's sad 662 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:48,759 Speaker 1: because it's basically like not ever connecting with God. Can 663 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,080 Speaker 1: you imagine? Because like orgasm is when you actually connect 664 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,040 Speaker 1: with God. It's like you old hands with God through pleasure. 665 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,960 Speaker 1: You know, it's like that, Yeah, right, because what do 666 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:05,359 Speaker 1: you say when you're you're coming? It's so and so 667 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 1: the same thing, right, So it's like so it's so 668 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: deep for us and and it's actually our birthright to 669 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,399 Speaker 1: feel pleasure. And so I feel really like usually what 670 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 1: it is is because we're taught to not connect with 671 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 1: our bodies, right, everything turns us away from our bodies. 672 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,399 Speaker 1: The only thing we talk about is how to please men, right, 673 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,759 Speaker 1: Like that's what we learned, is like, oh, learn how 674 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: to do this. He likes it, like that, how to 675 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,839 Speaker 1: do this, ten ways to do this, and where it's 676 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,319 Speaker 1: like like there's all these things like, but there's never 677 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,960 Speaker 1: anything about nobody's teaching them by the way of how 678 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: to navigate our bodies, right, nobody thank you, right, and 679 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,920 Speaker 1: nobody tells them how intricate our system is. Nobody tells them. 680 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: So so since there's not this work happening, people are 681 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,200 Speaker 1: waiting for their partner to show up with this information 682 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:55,960 Speaker 1: that they do not have. And then so you're waiting 683 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 1: and hoping that they can do things that they cannot do. 684 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 1: And so the best thing that we can do is 685 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,920 Speaker 1: learn to play our own instrument. Like if you think 686 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 1: about um like a band, right, Like if I showed 687 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:07,960 Speaker 1: up to a band and I showed up with a 688 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,839 Speaker 1: guitar that I have not practiced, right, and I start 689 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 1: to play, it's not gonna sound like music, right, But 690 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: if I have this guitar and I've been practicing and 691 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: learning and getting used to this instrument of mine, and 692 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: then I show up and we're playing together, it's gonna 693 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,759 Speaker 1: sound like. It's gonna sound beautiful, it's gonna sound like 694 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: a duet, it's gonna sound amazing. We're gonna figure out 695 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 1: how to improvise together. Because you know your instrument, I 696 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,840 Speaker 1: know mine. So when I show up to a moment 697 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 1: of intimacy, it's like if I haven't been able to 698 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: achieve that part of that's my responsibility to take right. 699 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 1: I can't blame a partner, I can't blame society. At 700 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:48,160 Speaker 1: a certain point, I have to actually look at my hand, Okay, 701 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,440 Speaker 1: use my hand, feel inside of my body, come to 702 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:56,880 Speaker 1: know the intricate landscape of my intern like my intricate 703 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,279 Speaker 1: internal landscape. I need to come to know that. And 704 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,200 Speaker 1: I have to do that so that when I am 705 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,160 Speaker 1: in relationship with someone else, I know what pleases me. 706 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,480 Speaker 1: And um, some people have trauma, right, so we can 707 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: we can be honest about some of the things that 708 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:15,240 Speaker 1: keep people from from intimacy. You know, past sexual transgressions, UM, 709 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,760 Speaker 1: you know, especially people who had childhood sexual abuse, UM, 710 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,160 Speaker 1: you know, sexual trauma rate. Things like that can make 711 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,719 Speaker 1: it really hard for people to be intimate and and 712 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: actually allow themselves to relax in them for orgasm. Because 713 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,680 Speaker 1: what we do know is orgasm is also connected to 714 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,560 Speaker 1: deep relaxation and it's only possible if we feel safe. Right, 715 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,960 Speaker 1: So if I don't feel safe, I can't really get arouse, 716 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,920 Speaker 1: I can't really be intimate with you in a way 717 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:45,239 Speaker 1: where I completely surrender, right. Safety is critical. So if 718 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,360 Speaker 1: you have had transgressions sexually, then it's not as easy 719 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,040 Speaker 1: for you to feel safe to then ascend into the 720 00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,920 Speaker 1: sensations of you know, of of what happens you know 721 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,319 Speaker 1: chemically for an orgasm. So that is that is one 722 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,400 Speaker 1: thing that I would say, you know, it's to to 723 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,319 Speaker 1: connect with someone around that healing is really powerful and 724 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,799 Speaker 1: that can be you know, like um, a spiritual advisor. 725 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 1: It could be like a pelvic floor specialist. It could 726 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: be a therapist, but find a licensed person or someone 727 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 1: who is doing this intimacy type of work. An intimacy 728 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,399 Speaker 1: coach could be gray. A sex therapist could be great. 729 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,520 Speaker 1: Like all these people can be helpful and you asking 730 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 1: these questions of yourself and and coming to the truth 731 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 1: of what it is. But the other part is unshaming, 732 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: you know, like many of us grew up in like 733 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:34,200 Speaker 1: religious traditions where you're like, no, you do like like 734 00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,239 Speaker 1: for people pretend sex doesn't happen, and so you over 735 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 1: here learning stuff on the go, googling or seeing stuff 736 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,760 Speaker 1: just by a chance, and then watching porn or whatever 737 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,279 Speaker 1: it is, which is like so not real and then 738 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,160 Speaker 1: trying to figure it out as you go. We don't 739 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:52,319 Speaker 1: have this tradition of teaching people and like intergenerational. That's 740 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 1: why this podcast and like this space is so important 741 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 1: because for people to hear and talk about sex in 742 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,840 Speaker 1: a way that is like not judgmental, that is that 743 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:05,080 Speaker 1: is not threatening, that is joyous, and that also is 744 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,240 Speaker 1: about like your power, you know, like having your power 745 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: in the in the process is so important. Like young 746 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,680 Speaker 1: people need to hear this so that they can feel 747 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,799 Speaker 1: agency in their bodies and know what's possible. Because, by 748 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,680 Speaker 1: the way, there's not a lot of places where these 749 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:21,120 Speaker 1: types of discussions are happening where people feel safe to listen. 750 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,799 Speaker 1: That verty it's not a taboo. I will agree, I 751 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 1: wish that. I do wish that there was a show 752 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,640 Speaker 1: that was like this when I was younger, because I 753 00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,600 Speaker 1: do feel like I had older sisters. I still do so, 754 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,040 Speaker 1: but I got older sisters, but I feel like they 755 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,680 Speaker 1: had to talk and they had all that stuff. But 756 00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 1: when it came to me, it was like, well, you 757 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: should just know because your sisters. No, but that's not 758 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,320 Speaker 1: really the case. Yeah, I'm still let to teach you. 759 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,080 Speaker 1: We will teach you ten ways a second dick, but 760 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,040 Speaker 1: we also teach you ten ways to eat a pussy, 761 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,720 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And on the way to 762 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,320 Speaker 1: the guys that are a lot from this show to 763 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,520 Speaker 1: which is important. All of that is important, I think, 764 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: like yeah, but for us to understand the power of 765 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 1: it and what it offers us in terms of health benefits, 766 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:10,359 Speaker 1: it is stress reduction. Um it is a pathway to fertility. 767 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,960 Speaker 1: Healthy orgasm is basically a training ground for fertility. Um 768 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:19,200 Speaker 1: It is also very important for establishing intimacy and connection 769 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,640 Speaker 1: because so many hormones are secreted, including oxotosin, which is 770 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: a hormone for um pleasure, but it's also bonding. Its 771 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:30,799 Speaker 1: facilitates finding and connection. Well, we appreciate you so much. Later, 772 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: and we got to keep on making sure that we're 773 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,000 Speaker 1: taken with you. You know how much I love talking 774 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,320 Speaker 1: to you, and make sure you'll get on your glow. 775 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,320 Speaker 1: It was out hardcover was here, but now the paperback 776 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,000 Speaker 1: is available to yeah, so make sure you pick that up. 777 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,920 Speaker 1: And I it's been really helpful for me and I 778 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:47,239 Speaker 1: think especially I know this was written way before COVID nineteen, 779 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,160 Speaker 1: but I think this will be helpful for a lot 780 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,279 Speaker 1: of people during this time also. And I'm gonna call 781 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,359 Speaker 1: you offline because I need some help with something. And 782 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,279 Speaker 1: I think can teaching a lot of men how to 783 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:06,160 Speaker 1: get pink walls, yeah walls, and let them tell them 784 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,719 Speaker 1: where they can find you online. Yeah. So I'm just 785 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 1: on Instagram, glow Bathing, g l o W and may 786 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,239 Speaker 1: v e n um at Mama Glow and then Mama 787 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,680 Speaker 1: glow dot com. She's also a doula. I know we 788 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,920 Speaker 1: didn't even talk about that, but I always feel like 789 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: we always have you on the Breakfast Club. But she 790 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,360 Speaker 1: is a doula as well, and I know that's super 791 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,320 Speaker 1: important work. She's worked with a lot of help to 792 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:31,080 Speaker 1: bring a lot of babies into this world. So I 793 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 1: appreciate I'm scar This gave me my girlfriend does that 794 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 1: I needed because you know, if you hang out with 795 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:38,839 Speaker 1: our friends, this is amazing. Thank you all so much 796 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:43,040 Speaker 1: for having me appreciate. Thank you, thank you. I News