Speaker 1: Flying down with Jane Kramer Mia and I'm her radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Happy New Year, Whoop, whoop? Who trying not to let
Speaker 1: you float alone? Come on, girl, I'm so excited about
Speaker 1: this episode. It's a new year, new US, new moms
Speaker 1: um and I wanted to bring on some of my
Speaker 1: favorite moms um in this episode because I mean, mom's
Speaker 1: just rule life, you know. So I got my girl
Speaker 1: Catherine Woodard Witten Studio hosting today, What's Up, Sean Johnson,
Speaker 1: be Sewn Johnson, What's up? Gold medalist Shawn Johnson and
Speaker 1: my girl Christen Breast. I really wish I didn't follow
Speaker 1: gold medal and I was like, should have changed the
Speaker 1: order there, But that's fine. Uh not a gold medalist,
Speaker 1: Christen Breast? How do your gold medal? Mom? There you go? Oh?
Speaker 1: You know seven. I'm not sure how true it is.
Speaker 1: You feel uncomfortable when people say gold medalist? Yeah? Why
Speaker 1: you worked so hard for it? You shouldn't really break
Speaker 1: out in a sweat. Why it feels like a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure to live up to? What do you mean
Speaker 1: you lived to it? Like? When I was speaking of pressure,
Speaker 1: what about that gold medal? I mean, I don't know
Speaker 1: where do you keep it because when I went over
Speaker 1: to your house, I was like secretly searching for it
Speaker 1: to try it on. It was like your great is this? Um?
Speaker 1: I keep it in a safe actually, and it's safe
Speaker 1: so you can't see it. I mean I don't really
Speaker 1: need to see it. Late ninety vacuum with it on,
Speaker 1: or there many times where you're like yeah around the
Speaker 1: house naked brown chicken. No, So like it's safe in
Speaker 1: your house. I'm gonna find it. How about you come
Speaker 1: over and I'll get it on for you. I've never
Speaker 1: held a gold medal. I'll bring it over. Imagine that,
Speaker 1: like you earned that. I mean, you've worked so hard
Speaker 1: for that. I just can't for our country, Seawan Johnson,
Speaker 1: I'd love America wedding. I'm getting really hot. You're basically
Speaker 1: an American five layers on right now. I know I
Speaker 1: have a lot of clothes on. What would you want
Speaker 1: to try to win an Olympic medal for Krista zero
Speaker 1: talent so I don't know, I don't qualify for anything,
Speaker 1: but like I ran across country because I'm not coordinated,
Speaker 1: so I was like I could and I definitely knew
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be first, so I wasn't like I had
Speaker 1: to like figure out where the track was or the
Speaker 1: trail was. I just was like, cool, I'll definitely just
Speaker 1: follow this group of girls and jog it out for
Speaker 1: a while. But like, okay, let's let's do this since
Speaker 1: we're all moms. It's the mom Olympics. What would you
Speaker 1: win the gold medal in pack and play up and down? Katherine,
Speaker 1: don't give me that glare. She's like, that's hard. I
Speaker 1: am the packing play up and down champion. Didn't really
Speaker 1: I've actually said there should be mom Olympics, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I would dominate it. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to put a pack and play because there's something the
Speaker 1: thing that you pull always confuses me. So that's where
Speaker 1: I message, But I still forget it every time. That's well,
Speaker 1: I just really traualed with those babies so many times
Speaker 1: that it was like there was times where you just
Speaker 1: had to what would you fail at in the Olympics?
Speaker 1: Everything else? I think any of us would be gold
Speaker 1: medalists or a solid bronze at one handed life? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure, hold the baby do everything with one hand.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I feel like I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like all of our husbands that are really like they're well,
Speaker 1: I mean yours is on the road a lot. That's
Speaker 1: the only thing. It was like, are helpful? No, I
Speaker 1: just your husband Kristen is married to Um Preston from
Speaker 1: Low Cash and he's on the road a lot. So
Speaker 1: I apologize for that comment. No, I didn't know where
Speaker 1: you're going with that. And we said all of our husbands,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, they're just they're they're they're good. They're
Speaker 1: great dads, that's the thing they are. Preston's actually, he
Speaker 1: really is an awesome dad. He's just not home a lot,
Speaker 1: but he's did That's where Yeah, that's where you go
Speaker 1: with that, And I get that, and I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: I love you. It's amazing. He's an amazing dad. Yeah. Okay,
Speaker 1: so okay, what would you get your I know, i'd
Speaker 1: like your fifth metal from six, six or seventh. Um,
Speaker 1: I wish that would be great. I don't have that many. Okay,
Speaker 1: what would you win the Olympics? I'm still figuring it out. Um,
Speaker 1: you're like I figured out the like the wrap thing,
Speaker 1: which no, the like to wear a baby? I don't know.
Speaker 1: YouTube there was like an action Well, I mean it's
Speaker 1: kind of over now jayss like everyone's in her house,
Speaker 1: So that doesn't mean who's wearing too. I'm not lying.
Speaker 1: I went to a movie the other day in which
Speaker 1: a woman, um, you don't remember I think, I said maybe,
Speaker 1: but it was actually some sort of event. I don't
Speaker 1: remember where. I just let her tell that baby just
Speaker 1: came out. That baby just came out, and none of
Speaker 1: us knew where we were. But I saw a woman
Speaker 1: wearing a child and the front carry the little kid
Speaker 1: had to have been seven years old. Stop like it was.
Speaker 1: This boy was tiptoeing. The kid was wearing jeans, like
Speaker 1: real jeans, not baby jeans, and I she was as
Speaker 1: tall as the mom. It was disturbing. It wasn't one
Speaker 1: of the raps or was it one of the because
Speaker 1: I can get the what are those things called? The
Speaker 1: yea are easy because it's a click on the top
Speaker 1: of click on the back. I mean, this kid had
Speaker 1: been fafty found, so it wasn't. It was a heavy
Speaker 1: duty one. But that's crazy on the front, wearing on
Speaker 1: the front. It was too much. I actually got one
Speaker 1: of those. Foe looked like I did the organic rap.
Speaker 1: You know how you're doing the all one piece rap. Right.
Speaker 1: See that's what's so because it was so like it
Speaker 1: just looks so cool and back She's just like she
Speaker 1: wears it so few, it's so heavy and like a door.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I tried so hard and it just I
Speaker 1: mean because like the ergo babies are too long, like
Speaker 1: my ways to my face. So when he carries you exactly, yeah, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: And then what would you I mean, you're still learning? What? What? What?
Speaker 1: No sounds failing? What are we what are you struggling with?
Speaker 1: I would actually the only person that can feed our
Speaker 1: child for some reason is my husband. Well, I mean
Speaker 1: that sounds weird because but go ahead and clarify, I'm
Speaker 1: following stress feeding our child. Um no, um, she just
Speaker 1: for some reason gets really fussy when I feed her
Speaker 1: with a bottle. And because she wants your addition, she
Speaker 1: can smell the boob because you're pumping, so she can
Speaker 1: smell that you have the note, So she only wants
Speaker 1: your boob. That makes sense, But the man can say
Speaker 1: saying that from a formal mom, But that's what I've heard.
Speaker 1: She's getting breast milk in a bottle, but she wants
Speaker 1: it from you everywhere trillion nipples and I'm leaking all
Speaker 1: over her as I'm feeding her with a bottle, and
Speaker 1: it's a hot mess. Gold medal, Gold medal. I was
Speaker 1: really good at putting babies on a schedule. It was
Speaker 1: really really good at that. It would be maybe a bronze,
Speaker 1: but I'm talking gold baby. Let's go for the Sean
Speaker 1: John that. It was really good at formula. It was
Speaker 1: really good to give it my baby's formula. Not breastfeeding.
Speaker 1: I love that that You're just I loved it, and
Speaker 1: I think because of you, I didn't feel bad in
Speaker 1: the fitting that I can help you. He did. I
Speaker 1: did for a while, but I had a lot of
Speaker 1: guilt around that sadness. Actually, I hate that for I tried.
Speaker 1: I hate that for people. I just want them to
Speaker 1: just let it go. So guilt you for it. I
Speaker 1: know it's ridiculous. I tried breastfeeding and I couldn't. And
Speaker 1: to me, well, here's the thing, like when you say
Speaker 1: you couldn't, because I remember saying I couldn't either, and
Speaker 1: they're like, there's these people, these they can come over
Speaker 1: and help you, and it's just like no, I had her,
Speaker 1: I had everything. I did it all and I just
Speaker 1: I couldn't pretty. Some people just don't want to or
Speaker 1: can't just revolve around that all the time. Some people
Speaker 1: got to go to work and can't pump every There's
Speaker 1: so many reasons, so the thought, why do you care?
Speaker 1: Like I remember when Jason was I want to get
Speaker 1: back to your metals. But it's a really good topic.
Speaker 1: I remember when jas Because I didn't, I tried breastfeeding
Speaker 1: with Jolia, and honestly, I'm gonna be really honest, here's
Speaker 1: my mom truth. I didn't want a breastfeed. I had
Speaker 1: no desire. I didn't I wasn't breastfeed, you know. I
Speaker 1: I just for some reason, I didn't feel like I
Speaker 1: had to have that connection with the baby. I'm personally
Speaker 1: I like my nipples being touched. I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't want someone sucking on him. I just sorry.
Speaker 1: There's a guy here and he's like, cong sorry tim
Speaker 1: um No. But I just I personally didn't want to,
Speaker 1: but it was really important to Mike, So I said, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try. And you know, my milk didn't come in,
Speaker 1: and then they wanted me to supplement, and then they
Speaker 1: wanted me to pump, and it was so stressful, and
Speaker 1: I was just like crying and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, my baby lost even more weight than she
Speaker 1: should have. And then my milk eventually came in, but
Speaker 1: we already made decision to formula feed, and I just
Speaker 1: remember getting just like so much shame and so much hate. Luckily,
Speaker 1: Catherine was just like, oh no, She's like when I
Speaker 1: have Ramsay, I'm walking in with my formula into the hospital.
Speaker 1: And so that's what I did with Jason, and I'll
Speaker 1: never forget he got sick. He got rs V when
Speaker 1: he was just like a couple of weeks old, and
Speaker 1: everyone was just like, breast his best, this is how
Speaker 1: he's not gonna get sick. And I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're right, Like I'm if my kid ends up getting worse,
Speaker 1: it's because of me because I didn't breast feed. And
Speaker 1: so I had two of my girlfriends come over and
Speaker 1: they're trying to because my boobs still had the milk
Speaker 1: in them and that they were just so engorged and
Speaker 1: just gross. So they had the pump on me and
Speaker 1: I literally have my friend Ashley and Julie massaging my
Speaker 1: breast to try to get milk out. And I'm just bawling.
Speaker 1: And then we're trying to like get Ja's to like
Speaker 1: connect to my nipple, and you know, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to do it because I never breastfeed, so I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't know how to latch it and
Speaker 1: how to do all these things. And I'm just like
Speaker 1: bawling and they're trying to help me, and Mike walks
Speaker 1: in the room is like, why are you doing this
Speaker 1: to yourself? And I was like, because I have to,
Speaker 1: because everyone says that he's gonna get worse if I
Speaker 1: don't breastfeed. And he's like, you called the nurse and
Speaker 1: they said it doesn't matter. They're going to be healthy
Speaker 1: one way or the other, whether you give them formula
Speaker 1: or or the breast milk. It's it's just like but
Speaker 1: then this other person says, no, they're not because breast
Speaker 1: It is just I just can't listen to its talking,
Speaker 1: like honestly, so many opinions, and it's like in my life,
Speaker 1: like I had a husband who did two shows the
Speaker 1: year our daughter was born, Like I didn't. I needed
Speaker 1: everyone fed and just doing the best they could. I
Speaker 1: didn't and need the extra pressure of and I tried
Speaker 1: for seven weeks to feed her, and I could not
Speaker 1: do it. I mean, I had the milk Ninja. They
Speaker 1: call her in Nashville and air quotes the milk Ninja.
Speaker 1: She came, she gave me the cookie, she gave me
Speaker 1: the tea. I did all the things. I recruited some
Speaker 1: woman I didn't even know, who's so sweet songwriter, who
Speaker 1: my husband knew. I mean, I was just grabbing any
Speaker 1: resource and it just wasn't working for us. And I
Speaker 1: had so much guilt around it that I think that
Speaker 1: added to the postpartum depression. So I think that does
Speaker 1: a lot. I think that is one of the biggest
Speaker 1: contributing factors uh trouble breastfeed, the guilt around it and
Speaker 1: postpartum or breastfeeding and not getting any sleep. I will
Speaker 1: say that's a lot to people that do breastfeed successfully
Speaker 1: but get up a lot at night and they're the
Speaker 1: only ones feeding them, so the husbands are not helping,
Speaker 1: You're not getting any sleep. I think that contributes. And
Speaker 1: then my guilt was similar, but again completely different. I
Speaker 1: had milk, I was like overproducing again, bathing my child
Speaker 1: and restam another gold medal, but she wouldn't latch and
Speaker 1: that's why I had people coming in lactation specialists saying, oh,
Speaker 1: she needs surgery, she needs this, and for like lip
Speaker 1: tied and all this crap. And I was like, she's
Speaker 1: not tongue tied, she's not lip tied. I've had specialists
Speaker 1: look like she's fine, and again they're massaging your boobs
Speaker 1: and you're being I mean, you feel just I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just a very it's a lot, yeah, not modest experience.
Speaker 1: And she's also not human being, so I mean at
Speaker 1: some point you're like, okay, I do have feelings. And
Speaker 1: I remember sitting in you know, the rocking chair, and
Speaker 1: I'm bawling and she's bawling and she's hungry and she's
Speaker 1: not eating and she's not latching, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: give her the freaking bottle. And then people guilty about
Speaker 1: the bottle and I'm like, are you kidding me? I
Speaker 1: can't I do that now at the hospital. So like
Speaker 1: with my last one, my milk comes in really fast.
Speaker 1: You know, I only pumped with one of them, really,
Speaker 1: but my milk had come in. She was latching, so
Speaker 1: I thought she was getting she was starving. She was
Speaker 1: like not getting any she had lost so much weight.
Speaker 1: I asked him to bring me a pump because I
Speaker 1: was ngorged in the hospital, and of course they didn't
Speaker 1: want to bring me a pump. I forced them to
Speaker 1: bring me a pump. When they brought me a pump,
Speaker 1: I pump for twenty minutes and nothing would come out
Speaker 1: of my boobs and I was in gorge and exactly
Speaker 1: and everyone looked at me like that and they go interesting.
Speaker 1: I was like, great, while my baby screaming, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: so do we want to do anything about this? Clearly
Speaker 1: she hasn't been eating for the last three days. I
Speaker 1: think setting out of my boobs. Had a non mom
Speaker 1: nurse in the hospital when I had legend the last
Speaker 1: baby for anybody that's new, and she's a non mom nurse,
Speaker 1: and she guilted me. Oh. I was like, I wanted
Speaker 1: to pump. I wanted formula, and like, we need to feed.
Speaker 1: I was just going to release a little bit and
Speaker 1: then but then when nothing came out, yeah, but I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, great, I brought sports brawls. I'm good
Speaker 1: to go. I did this with my first baby. I
Speaker 1: didn't even like give me sports brawls to bring me
Speaker 1: formula She's like, no, let's keep keep trying. What do
Speaker 1: you want to get some milk out of here? You know?
Speaker 1: And so finally I just yelled at him. But I
Speaker 1: don't like how hospitals are so like making everybody feel
Speaker 1: so guilty these days. I don't like it at all.
Speaker 1: Well that and like what you said about because I
Speaker 1: know you had really bad postpartum. Did you have postprim depression?
Speaker 1: I mean I think I think everyone does, like the
Speaker 1: first couple of weeks everything, Yeah, yeah, but it's just
Speaker 1: it is the comments and stuff, and I mean, I know, Sehn,
Speaker 1: you've had kind of you can't even say. You don't
Speaker 1: have to be so careful of things you say because
Speaker 1: it's like you can't even say we want a healthy
Speaker 1: baby because when people attacked then it's just it's so great.
Speaker 1: You literally cannot say anything without people attacking you. And
Speaker 1: it's like breast bottle formula. I mean I walked in,
Speaker 1: I remember we walked into to meet your beautiful baby,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, hey, you should get a
Speaker 1: baby breeze. That formulas great, like not stress. He made
Speaker 1: me feel really good because like, okay, but yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: there's just so much guilty on every single decision you
Speaker 1: ever make as a mom. And I'm sure we're going
Speaker 1: to get some comments, you know, on this, and you
Speaker 1: know it's not it's not even like it's just we
Speaker 1: all just do our own thing and support and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that didn't work for you, but you're doing
Speaker 1: the best that you can. I mean, literally, you have
Speaker 1: four moms in a room that are just all they
Speaker 1: want is is to raise a healthy, good baby the
Speaker 1: best they can, like mentally, physically. It's like that should
Speaker 1: always be enough to me. Absolutely, I agree. Let's take
Speaker 1: a break. I forgot you didn't say what you did
Speaker 1: worse with mom the word the gold medal. We're there again.
Speaker 1: So my gold medal was just on a schedule, schedule
Speaker 1: and breastfeeding, which got us off on the total team. Sorry, well,
Speaker 1: well you can look at that either as a gold
Speaker 1: medal or failing formula all the formula. I yell, I
Speaker 1: can yell? Are you yellow? I am a yeller? I
Speaker 1: can I can lose my well, which is good because
Speaker 1: we're gonna be talking to Carla later. She wrote a
Speaker 1: book How a Lot, How to Not Lose your with
Speaker 1: your kids, which, okay, there's that, but Also, I think
Speaker 1: there's something and I always kind of want to do
Speaker 1: a segment on this on the show. Just a true mom,
Speaker 1: like a mom truth or a mom what's the thing
Speaker 1: called like when you um come and help me out
Speaker 1: here where it's like would say like fail, no, like
Speaker 1: a mom's secret or it's like I really wanted to confession,
Speaker 1: like a mom confessions confession, but it's like it's so bad,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean that? Like, but other mom
Speaker 1: would relate to Does anyone have a mom confession? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we'll well, we'll just we'll meet you there. Let
Speaker 1: us be vulnerable to meet you there. All the women,
Speaker 1: all the mom haters out there, they're they're gonna come
Speaker 1: Confortunately someone gave birth to them. Okay, I'll start with
Speaker 1: like a simple one. Okay, okay, so I pump for
Speaker 1: every single feeding. Are you gonna do formula? Um? I started? Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I good, good for you. Formula so that you go
Speaker 1: battlists can make us feel like, actually have some formula
Speaker 1: samples in our bag right now to give you she
Speaker 1: actually does. Um. So I have supplemented with formula and
Speaker 1: I plan on some point, but since I am producing
Speaker 1: at the moment. I'm just kind of like whatever. I
Speaker 1: had to pump on the plane for the first time
Speaker 1: the other day, so that was a humbling experience. Um
Speaker 1: so that made me not want to pump anymore. Well,
Speaker 1: when you're ready to drop, but some cold cabbage on
Speaker 1: your boobs works, like just don yeah, I know, that's
Speaker 1: that's what killed me. Cold cabbage in a tight sports
Speaker 1: p will lock those bad boys up. Um okay, So
Speaker 1: I'll start with the tame one. I mean, this could
Speaker 1: be team or not. I don't know, but they like
Speaker 1: people guilt you into like you gotta wash everything, you
Speaker 1: gotta do it in whatever whatever. Um, I can't tell
Speaker 1: you the last time I've cleaned pump hearts. It's that bad. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let anybody feel bad, you see me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, absolutely not. I mean that's terrible. That's
Speaker 1: my first one. That's good. Have you like rented out
Speaker 1: with water? Janna's judging wondered what that to? Have you
Speaker 1: have you thought about it? I'm just the voice for
Speaker 1: the listeners, So I'm just gonna like I'm just doing Yes,
Speaker 1: I use it. I rented out with really hot water.
Speaker 1: Then she's not okay, what's the bad one? I come on, Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: we got to come up with that mouse. Okay, Kristen, Yeah,
Speaker 1: mind some more recent and so embarrassing. I don't share it.
Speaker 1: I don't even get to poop by myself. So you guys,
Speaker 1: this is such mom like we have toddlers. This is
Speaker 1: so embarrassing. I can't believe this is the most recent
Speaker 1: one I can think of, because I feel like the
Speaker 1: baby days I was since such a fog. Anyways, the
Speaker 1: other day, everyone kept coming into the bathroom and my
Speaker 1: husband's on the road, and I was just like, I
Speaker 1: just got the bathroom in peace. So I made them
Speaker 1: all go outside. I only have too, but it feels
Speaker 1: like there's fifty when they're all engaging. So I made
Speaker 1: them go to the outside the back. I like push
Speaker 1: them out of the half bath and shut the door
Speaker 1: and I locked it, which just really threw them both
Speaker 1: for like it's very abandoned. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to even enjoy being in here
Speaker 1: by myself if you're both crying outside of the door.
Speaker 1: And I felt like it was a hostage situation. So
Speaker 1: I turned to Peekaboo Barn on my cell phone and
Speaker 1: I triple keyed it, you know, to put it under
Speaker 1: child lock, and I slid it under the door like
Speaker 1: it you know, you like triple click to get it
Speaker 1: on like guided access, so they can't get into any
Speaker 1: part of your phone other than what a is open. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's actually an iPhone thing. It's not like an extra
Speaker 1: app or anything. Guided access is what it's called interesting
Speaker 1: and you can do it on any app you're in
Speaker 1: you just like I think it's the side key. You
Speaker 1: just triple click it and it puts you in. You
Speaker 1: have to have a passco to get out of it anyway,
Speaker 1: so I triple not seem like a fail. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: I slid it under like it was a hostage negotiation,
Speaker 1: and I heard, okay, I need you, I need you,
Speaker 1: I need because I'm not saying this is just my
Speaker 1: screen time here with even so that I could just okay, well,
Speaker 1: I just admitted to giving my child bacteria filled milk.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get. Give me
Speaker 1: time time, Christie. If you don't want to do that,
Speaker 1: do you like a mom confession where it's like, sometimes
Speaker 1: I wish that my child would be beep beep. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have you guys. I have them. I did a
Speaker 1: lot of days alone, like Jannah knows, I didn't. We
Speaker 1: don't have like a nanny. We didn't have a night
Speaker 1: nurse at all with the first one. I had a
Speaker 1: night nurse for sixteen nights with the second one. So
Speaker 1: there's certainly some dark times. I just need to dig
Speaker 1: for a minute. I just it was a moment I
Speaker 1: wasn't proud of when I slid the ransom under the
Speaker 1: doors so that I could poop alone in peace. Catherine,
Speaker 1: I know I have. I just got to think about it,
Speaker 1: not even like something that's happened, like just like sometimes
Speaker 1: I wish or sometimes I think my daughter is annoying,
Speaker 1: or sometimes I missed the days where I used to
Speaker 1: sit in my apartment and date myself and watch two
Speaker 1: movies back to back and order pad tie and open
Speaker 1: a bottle of wine at the very beginning of the
Speaker 1: first movie and order pad tied before the second one. Kristen,
Speaker 1: do miss it? I miss alone time? Oh? Yeah? Alone
Speaker 1: time for sure. I mean not in like I mean
Speaker 1: not in a way where I'm like I wish this
Speaker 1: would all go away, But I definitely and then I
Speaker 1: feel guilty because I missed those days. Sure well here
Speaker 1: and that's the problem too, because for everything that and
Speaker 1: you know you've gone through we'll shoot you guys. Both
Speaker 1: Catherine didn't gone through a miscarriage, have you? So? Okay?
Speaker 1: So Sean and Krison have both gone through miscarriages, as
Speaker 1: I have as well. But we can't say that because
Speaker 1: then people say, but you should be so grateful, like
Speaker 1: you have a kid. So that's another thing where it's
Speaker 1: like it's very hard to but I feel so we're
Speaker 1: entitled to that. Like, yes, I too would like to
Speaker 1: poop alone and not have Jay's pounding on the door
Speaker 1: and Julie asking me questions. Absolutely, I would love to
Speaker 1: lay about all day and watch a walk to you know,
Speaker 1: walk to remember, and a walk in the clouds and
Speaker 1: anything else with the walk to do whatever I want
Speaker 1: and whatever. Yeah, but you also then if you say that,
Speaker 1: then you get crapped for that. Yeah. Well, if you're
Speaker 1: in the arena, you gotta play big. If you're in
Speaker 1: the arena, they tear you down. Do anything, keV. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I have stuff, Sean, just say it that
Speaker 1: I have so many there has to be come on,
Speaker 1: I mean, what are you feeding my newborn bacteria filled milk?
Speaker 1: So it's pretty bad, all right, well that I need
Speaker 1: my kids like lucky charms. Isn't your milk like the
Speaker 1: cleanest thing, more leaning than that? Yeah, but I guess
Speaker 1: I'm just I wouldn't worry. I love our two side conversations.
Speaker 1: Y'all are talking about the milk being you know, clean,
Speaker 1: But then Katherine's like, I need my kids lucky charm.
Speaker 1: You never feed your kids that, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I could fettle more lenient. Yeah, Like we go in
Speaker 1: the beach trip and it's like, oh, we got lucky
Speaker 1: charms for exciting like playing. I'm like, my kids get
Speaker 1: it all the time, but fine, totally respect, you know whatever.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what marshmallows. I was like, oh, dear God,
Speaker 1: here hoss avocados coming right? You know? I was like,
Speaker 1: who wants blueberries and scrambled eggs? I know, no, but
Speaker 1: I am getting I am getting way better with that
Speaker 1: because just the other day, Julie asked for cereal all
Speaker 1: the time for dinner, and all the time I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. And finally, in the past couple of nights,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, fine, what do you want which one? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Good for you. Yeah, we had a lot of rules.
Speaker 1: I felt like growing up with that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and so I think that's why I don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of I'm not a huge agreed. There's a happy medium.
Speaker 1: We're just good at balancing. I will let them have junk,
Speaker 1: but they will have fruit with every meal. Listen, dinner,
Speaker 1: they'll have a fruit vegetable. But I'll let you know.
Speaker 1: I don't care if clean. But then also love orders
Speaker 1: talk about with me on DoorDash. So see, I'm all
Speaker 1: about some balance. Yeah, you need it. She says, I
Speaker 1: need a taco without the salad, so she's even taking
Speaker 1: off anything green that comes with taco. About. Yeah. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing though that I dip do with Jolie is
Speaker 1: I have to She has to make a happy play
Speaker 1: in order to get a snack, so happy plate means
Speaker 1: she has to finish her meal, her dinner before she
Speaker 1: can get chocolate or a cookie. I usually do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, there are times I will break the rule,
Speaker 1: but in general, yes, I can't go completely rogue. Guys
Speaker 1: are looking to us for some sort of guidance. You can't,
Speaker 1: I mean, but then like your kids get older and
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm not going to tell them they can't
Speaker 1: go get a snack like I go to school now,
Speaker 1: you know. And it's like so it changes as they
Speaker 1: get older a little bit too. Well. It's funny because
Speaker 1: that year I was just at Katherine's, her daughter's what
Speaker 1: how old is she? Eight? Hate year old? Party, and
Speaker 1: they were sprite there and Julie's wants and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: Julie can't have it, and she's like, you know, starts
Speaker 1: her litt temper. I was like, you're not fine. You've
Speaker 1: never tried it before I try it, so I feel
Speaker 1: like she hated it, but she usually the case that's good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, my kids, with all of us,
Speaker 1: actually we think we want something and then we have
Speaker 1: it and we're like, my kids didn't have soft drinks
Speaker 1: to relate, I mean, minus like my in law is
Speaker 1: giving it to him when I don't know. But now
Speaker 1: occasionally I'll let them have like a dr pepper or coke. Conession,
Speaker 1: I'm like the cleanest human on the planet. This is
Speaker 1: a good confession. Sparked by your soda talk pop. If
Speaker 1: you're in the North, I am clean, clean, like gluten
Speaker 1: raw like I don't eat meat, the kids don't eat meat.
Speaker 1: Pressing is a redneck, so he eats meat when he's
Speaker 1: not at home. But when I was growing love Bug
Speaker 1: in my belly, I had a fountain soda a day.
Speaker 1: I could not get enough. I couldn't get enough of it,
Speaker 1: and Pressing kept saying, you're feeding our baby rat poison sugar.
Speaker 1: And I was like, lay off me at like the
Speaker 1: sonic time. So there's one. I mean, like she honestly
Speaker 1: her blood type could be a positive and diet PEPSI.
Speaker 1: I drank a coke slurpee every single day with Jay's
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna seven eleven. Your confession suck. I
Speaker 1: always drink it, trying so hard. The dark days I forget,
Speaker 1: but that days. Oh before we take a break because
Speaker 1: actually we probably talked to her next because I think
Speaker 1: we're on the right track here. How did I lose
Speaker 1: your with your kids? Um? We're gonna have carlin Naumberg
Speaker 1: on the phone with us next. Okay, I'm really excited
Speaker 1: about this because obviously I have my girls here, but
Speaker 1: we are getting get on the phone with Carla um
Speaker 1: In her book, I'll never forget. It came to me.
Speaker 1: I think it was like in UM some like gift
Speaker 1: box or whatever, but it was how did not lose
Speaker 1: your with your kids? And I was like, I love
Speaker 1: this title so much. So we have around the phone
Speaker 1: right now, Carla, I'm glad to be here. UM, thank
Speaker 1: you for just being honest, because I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of times people are like, they don't we lose our?
Speaker 1: But how do you not lose your? That's the thing. Oh,
Speaker 1: we all lose our. I still lose my. I just
Speaker 1: do it less than I used to, and when it
Speaker 1: still happens, I can recover a lot more quickly than
Speaker 1: I did before. But let's be clear, we're all losing it, right,
Speaker 1: But like, what's the first step in taking that to
Speaker 1: not like is it to take a breath as it
Speaker 1: to walk away? I need to read it because I
Speaker 1: still have it's sitting on my sitting on my side table,
Speaker 1: and it's just it's almost like I just have to
Speaker 1: keep looking at it to be like, okay, breathe, But
Speaker 1: what like I'm gonna open it. I promise I will,
Speaker 1: But what's the first step in that? I think the
Speaker 1: first step is to understand what's causing our ship loss right.
Speaker 1: And we may think it's because our kids are being
Speaker 1: obnoxious or unreasonable or unpredictable, and well, that's true. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I would argue it's that because we parents get triggered.
Speaker 1: Something happens in our life, whether it's something about a
Speaker 1: mortgage payment or a flat tire or bad news from
Speaker 1: the principle or whatever it is, and our buttons, and
Speaker 1: we all have the buttons, get big and bright and
Speaker 1: super sensitive when we are triggered. And then our kids
Speaker 1: come along and as any parent who is spanking big man,
Speaker 1: so the kid will tell you. Kids see a button
Speaker 1: and they want to push it. So when we parents
Speaker 1: are triggered, we've got these super pushable buttons, and our
Speaker 1: kids are like, I'm going for it. I'm spicking my
Speaker 1: finger out, I'm pushing that button, because that's what you do.
Speaker 1: And so the first step up is to start to
Speaker 1: notice when we parents are triggered and know how to
Speaker 1: take care of ourselves so that when our kids behave
Speaker 1: in problematic, annoying, and predictable whatever ways, our buttons aren't pushed.
Speaker 1: We can be cool and stay calm and roll with it.
Speaker 1: Because any parenting book that tells you that the secret
Speaker 1: to not losing your is to get your kids to
Speaker 1: behave well all the time. Well, I don't know. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's ever going to happen. If I
Speaker 1: had the secret to that, I don't know, I'd be
Speaker 1: hanging out with Oprah my private Islanderson. Why are you
Speaker 1: shaking your head? Because no kid is going to behave
Speaker 1: well all the time. I mean that's likely appropriate. No,
Speaker 1: I don't actually want them to, because then I'll feel
Speaker 1: like they're better than me. Who's raising who? I mean?
Speaker 1: If they lose there and I lose my, then at
Speaker 1: least we're all being human. Make you feel better about yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're all losing it together. That's right. My four year
Speaker 1: old already kind of acts like she should be a parent.
Speaker 1: So if she was like always well put together and
Speaker 1: in a tiny business suit and life, I think I
Speaker 1: would probably feel like there's no need for me and
Speaker 1: I could just roll out. Is that a thing, though?
Speaker 1: Is it is that important to not have the kid
Speaker 1: be the parent in that situation? Absolutely? Look, kids need
Speaker 1: to be kids, and when kids become parents, they don't
Speaker 1: They don't get a chance to have fun and make
Speaker 1: mistakes and feel their feelings and do all those things.
Speaker 1: So absolutely, I mean, letting our kids be kids is
Speaker 1: one of the greatest gifts we can give them. And
Speaker 1: I frequently say to my older daughter who wants to
Speaker 1: be the parents, She's like, I think she's ready, she's
Speaker 1: eleven years old. I say to her, Hey, I got this.
Speaker 1: I'm the parent. I'll take care of this for you. Now.
Speaker 1: She doesn't always believe me, but we'll get there. How
Speaker 1: is like, what do you say when you Because there's
Speaker 1: a lot of times when I've talked to Jolie and
Speaker 1: I've gone in the room and I know I did
Speaker 1: it wrong. Is there something that I should say? Like
Speaker 1: should I go and apologize for for me losing it? Oh? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: And here's how I do it. And I've had a
Speaker 1: lot of practice with this. One is I'll go in
Speaker 1: and I'll say I'm sorry I yelled at you. I
Speaker 1: shouldn't yelled at you. That wasn't the right way to
Speaker 1: handle it. And look, the trick to apologizing, well, there's
Speaker 1: two tricks. One is wait till you're calm. If you're
Speaker 1: still all triggered and piste off, what's gonna happen is
Speaker 1: you're gonna go in there and apologize to your child,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna expect them to be like, it's who came,
Speaker 1: mom me, I love you, I'm sorry too, this was
Speaker 1: all my fault. And instead they're gonna like grumble at you,
Speaker 1: or be like, yeah, you should be yelled at me,
Speaker 1: or maybe they're just gonna ignore you. And because you're
Speaker 1: still triggered, you're gonna find that behavior annoying and you're
Speaker 1: gonna lose your again. So you gotta wait till you're calm,
Speaker 1: so that even if the kid doesn't give you this
Speaker 1: awesome response that you want, you can still stay calm
Speaker 1: and not lose it. And the other thing is that
Speaker 1: you never have to apologize for how you feel. You
Speaker 1: don't have to say I'm sorry, I was mad. There's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with being mad, and I want adults to
Speaker 1: know that, and I really want kids to know that
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with being mad or piste off or
Speaker 1: frustrated or confused or anxious or any of it. I mean,
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel good, but there's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1: So we apologize for our behavior, right, I'm sorry yelled
Speaker 1: at you, I'm sorry I slammed the door, and then
Speaker 1: after we've sort of reconnected, there may need to be
Speaker 1: another conversation like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry I locked it,
Speaker 1: but I asked you to put on your shoes eighty
Speaker 1: seven times and I got frustrated. And then you can
Speaker 1: talk about strategies for getting those shoes on, which is,
Speaker 1: you know, the challenge of a lifetime. Well and then
Speaker 1: you also have a thing too with like how to
Speaker 1: make bedtime easier, because I feel like that's been my
Speaker 1: biggest struggle. I mean, what Katherine you're over last night, Julie,
Speaker 1: I mean she got up five million times. I have
Speaker 1: to pee, I want milk, I want water, I have
Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom again. I'm scared in my room.
Speaker 1: I need my unicorn, I need my But it's like, Jolie,
Speaker 1: please go back to bed, Julie, please go And then
Speaker 1: I wanted to scream, Jolie, go back to freaking you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, it's got so frustrating because
Speaker 1: it's two hours of it. So I'm like, what do
Speaker 1: what do I say to? You know, she's going to
Speaker 1: be four in like a few weeks, so love to
Speaker 1: that old This is a tough age, By the way,
Speaker 1: I would argue that three and a half to more
Speaker 1: and a half is the hardest age. A m It
Speaker 1: gets better. I promise it will get better. But what
Speaker 1: you can finally say you were is you can say, hey, kiddo,
Speaker 1: I am tired. If you get up again, there is
Speaker 1: a chance I'm gonna lose it with you because I'm
Speaker 1: getting too tired and I can't. I need to go
Speaker 1: to bed. And so if you come down again, there
Speaker 1: is a chance I'm gonna yell at you because I'm
Speaker 1: so frustrated, and I just want you to know that,
Speaker 1: and I say things like that's my kids. I'll say
Speaker 1: to them, you know what, my buttons are all pushed.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go in the other room taking deep breath,
Speaker 1: and if you follow me, I will probably yell at you.
Speaker 1: So I need you to know that. And sometimes they
Speaker 1: give me some space, and sometimes they come in after
Speaker 1: me and guess what, I lose it because I got
Speaker 1: no band with left. Is it okay to yell? Is
Speaker 1: it okay to yell? Yeah? Of course we all do it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the question is, well, it depends is so first
Speaker 1: of all, is this the dominant dynamic in your relationship
Speaker 1: with your child? If you're yelling at the constantly, that's
Speaker 1: not awesome, right, It doesn't feel good for you, it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good for them. And if you're yelling at
Speaker 1: them about sort of confusing and unpredictable things in ways
Speaker 1: that feel disproportionate, like if they spill their milk, and
Speaker 1: maybe when you know you were a kid, your parents
Speaker 1: just would absolutely explode, like ethically when you spilled your milk.
Speaker 1: And so now you see spilled milk in your body's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know what to do in the situation, I lose
Speaker 1: my And if you like explode like crazy town over
Speaker 1: spilled milk, that's confusing for a child. You know they're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, oh, I must have done something crazy
Speaker 1: wrong because mom just exploded. There is something wrong with me.
Speaker 1: But you know, let's talk about the shoes thing, because
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but in my family, this
Speaker 1: is like the ongoing struggle, even though we do it
Speaker 1: every freaking day, somehow it takes a million years to
Speaker 1: get our shoes on every morning. My daughter like eighteen
Speaker 1: times put on your shoes, till on your shoes, put
Speaker 1: on your shoes, and she doesn't, and then I yell
Speaker 1: at her that's pretty predictable. Like she she knew that
Speaker 1: was coming. I should have maybe slowed down and got,
Speaker 1: you know, down on her level and said, let's go
Speaker 1: put on your shoes. What's your strategy for doing it
Speaker 1: and talked her through it. But mornings are busy. I
Speaker 1: don't always do that, and so that's a pretty predictable outcome,
Speaker 1: and she can say, internal, Oh, the reason mom yelled
Speaker 1: at me is let me put my shoes on. So
Speaker 1: some of the questions you might want to ask yourself
Speaker 1: is how often are you exploding at your kids? And
Speaker 1: how intensely is it and is it proportionate to what's
Speaker 1: actually going on? That makes a lot of sense. It's
Speaker 1: so hard though, I think a lot of times for me,
Speaker 1: it's not. I'm not They're like the straw that broke
Speaker 1: the camel's back for me, So it will be like
Speaker 1: a million other adult things and then it will just
Speaker 1: be like the one thing that they do and I don't.
Speaker 1: We're not really a yelling household. I grew up in
Speaker 1: a super yelling household, so I'm very like conscious of
Speaker 1: how we parent, and it's pretty calm most of the time.
Speaker 1: But and I'm not saying it's like perfect, it's just calm,
Speaker 1: like we just don't rage out, you know, Um, but
Speaker 1: I do. I don't know, Like I I feel like
Speaker 1: it's usually like if I'm upset with my husband or
Speaker 1: he's done something that's bothered me, and then they don't
Speaker 1: put their shoes on or whatever, then I'm like, ah,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's it's that's there. Unfortunately, I'm just
Speaker 1: like outing myself. It sound like the worst mom ever.
Speaker 1: You're no, you're being real, and I appreciate because yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like sound like me and every other mom. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would argue that is the most common reason we
Speaker 1: lose it with our kids. Sometimes it's because they've done
Speaker 1: something so ethically annoying or problematic that we have no
Speaker 1: coping skills left. But more often than not, it's because
Speaker 1: we're exhausted, we're pistol our parenting partners, some other mom
Speaker 1: on the playground, some made some weird, snarky comment and
Speaker 1: we can't stop thinking about it. We heard something horrible
Speaker 1: on the news, which hello, that's constant these days. So
Speaker 1: we're triggered and we have literally nothing left. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: more annoyed with the adult children in my life than
Speaker 1: I am the children children in my life, so our
Speaker 1: buttons are huge and bright and red and super sensitive.
Speaker 1: And sometimes my buttons get so big that my kid
Speaker 1: even walks in the room and I'm like, get out.
Speaker 1: And so you know, our job in that case is
Speaker 1: to be the grown up to notice that we are
Speaker 1: triggered like crazy. And then we've got a few options.
Speaker 1: You can say to your kid, I'm having a really
Speaker 1: hard day, like, let's try to be a team and
Speaker 1: work together and just take it easy on each other
Speaker 1: because I don't have a lot of like, I don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of energy left. And obviously you change
Speaker 1: the language depending on how old they kid is. And
Speaker 1: some things we get home and I'm like, yay, tonight
Speaker 1: is special eating dinner in front of the TV night
Speaker 1: because mom got nothing left to give you. And so
Speaker 1: I say those nights for mac and cheese in front
Speaker 1: of the TV for when I need them, not to
Speaker 1: when the kids meet them, but when I'm like, I
Speaker 1: literally need you to not engage with me because I'm
Speaker 1: so wiped out. And that's that's just being honest about
Speaker 1: what I have in that moment, right and so, and
Speaker 1: they think it's amazing. They think it's like a party. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I'm stewing and like plotting my husband's death. But you're
Speaker 1: like happily friends over here watching TV and it's great.
Speaker 1: What's the problem? Eat your macaroni. I'm figuring out how
Speaker 1: to hide up, how how to hide the body? I
Speaker 1: love you? There you go. Yeah, But I guess that
Speaker 1: leads to the you know, the grand old point right there.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's most of it is because of you know,
Speaker 1: the something's bothering you from work or your spouse or
Speaker 1: and I feel bad that our kids take the brunt
Speaker 1: of of that. I really think the most important thing
Speaker 1: is having that conversation. I can't tell you how many
Speaker 1: times I've lost my and then gone back and apologized
Speaker 1: when I'm calm, like she said, had the conversation, and
Speaker 1: they're like, it's okay, mommy, like you know, and just explain.
Speaker 1: I do that at night too. I'm like, I am tired.
Speaker 1: I need you to go to sleep because I am
Speaker 1: really tired, and I'm about I do all of those things,
Speaker 1: and it makes a huge difference, especially as they get
Speaker 1: older they can understand it. It helps a lot and
Speaker 1: just notice things that we're about to lose it because
Speaker 1: a lot of us walk around triggered like crazy all
Speaker 1: day long. Our shoulders are up by our ears, were
Speaker 1: taking these deep breaths, you know, we're having these piste
Speaker 1: off thoughts in our mind and we don't even notice it.
Speaker 1: And so when you can start to realize, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: in a not great place right now, and I need
Speaker 1: to take ten deep breaths to go for walk around
Speaker 1: the block, or sit and just drop my shoulders or
Speaker 1: whatever it is to kind of calm down. That makes
Speaker 1: a huge difference. Chris, and what we're you gonna say,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, for a bedtime for us NAPTI
Speaker 1: in bedtime, we're failing miserably at bedtime or we're super succeeding,
Speaker 1: depending on how granola you are. I'm either the co
Speaker 1: sleep champion or I'm like them in your own bed
Speaker 1: like failure. So um, but like for naptime, she doesn't
Speaker 1: like to she doesn't like to lay down, and she's
Speaker 1: she's about to be four on Sunday and I can't
Speaker 1: even say that barely without crying. So um, I just
Speaker 1: now tell her if she's awake in five minutes, she
Speaker 1: can get back up and watch TV because I know
Speaker 1: she's not going to do it. She also doesn't know
Speaker 1: what five minutes is, so it's awesome because she'd be like,
Speaker 1: is it five minutes yet? And I'm like, nope, you
Speaker 1: gotta close your eyes. If you're still awake in five minutes,
Speaker 1: then we can watch TV. And then that she just
Speaker 1: never makes it. They're exhausted, so they don't know yet.
Speaker 1: Take advantage friends. We haven't educated them on the power
Speaker 1: of a minute. You have a baby, so it's like,
Speaker 1: what's your any questions for Carla? The fact that you know,
Speaker 1: have you lost your stuff on your sweet innocent little baby?
Speaker 1: You're sweet little baby? Does I think I take all
Speaker 1: my baby frustration out of my husband. Nfortunately, just because
Speaker 1: you can't really talk to and to two month old
Speaker 1: Ayah and be like, why are you crying? Although we
Speaker 1: have actually yeah, like I don't know what you want.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you need for me. I need
Speaker 1: you to stop crying. I'm gonna go take it out
Speaker 1: to my husband now, and then I'm gonna find my
Speaker 1: husband argue with him for no reason whatsoever. YEA sounds
Speaker 1: about sounds about the game, right, Carla? About four or
Speaker 1: four Carla what's the one thing that you wish that
Speaker 1: you would have known, you know from the very beginning
Speaker 1: with your parenting style, and um, just yeah, something that
Speaker 1: would have just kept you a little peaceful with this journey.
Speaker 1: I wish I had understood that for me and for
Speaker 1: almost everyone's, sleep is non negotiable and when you're not sleeping,
Speaker 1: you cannot parent well and you have to cut yourself
Speaker 1: a whole lot of slack. I was, you can't do anything.
Speaker 1: And I was losing my shop with my husband. I
Speaker 1: was losing my shop with myself. I was. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was a mess. My anxiety exploded. It was all
Speaker 1: because I was sleeping. But I thought I had to
Speaker 1: be some like super mom and power through. And really,
Speaker 1: what I should have been saying to myself is this
Speaker 1: is a stage. We'll get through it. And like today,
Speaker 1: my goal is to get like, keep my kid alive,
Speaker 1: keep my help alive, and get through with the bare
Speaker 1: minimum of what needs to happen. Carla, where can our
Speaker 1: listeners find you? So? Um? The book is called How
Speaker 1: to Stop Losing your with your Kids. It's available at
Speaker 1: their local independent bookstore, on Amazon where the books are sold,
Speaker 1: and on my website. Is Carla Namberg dot com. Yay um, Carla,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for talking to us moms who
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. And I feel like we just need
Speaker 1: to all mamas out there and need to give yourself
Speaker 1: a little bit of grace because we're doing just the
Speaker 1: best that we can. Amen. Amen, from the depths of
Speaker 1: my soul. Thank you, Carla, Thanks a lot. Bye. I
Speaker 1: got a couple of emails. I wanna get y'all's input.
Speaker 1: Okay from anonymous overly friendly neighbor? Wait what from anonymous? Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay from anonymous about an overly friendly neighbor. Interesting, Christen,
Speaker 1: did you write this? No, you would have had clarity
Speaker 1: on the first sentence. So we moved into a new
Speaker 1: neighborhood and we're having a few cocktails with the neighbor.
Speaker 1: Her husband was at work. She out of the blue
Speaker 1: asked my husband what what? I'm sorry, She out of
Speaker 1: the blue asked my husband what kind of underwear he wears?
Speaker 1: Then she looked him up and found what high school
Speaker 1: he went to and that he has a football record.
Speaker 1: So now I have no interest in the girl, and
Speaker 1: my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't trust her.
Speaker 1: I trust my husband, but I can't be friends with her?
Speaker 1: Do you agree? Strong agree? Yeah? Why that's weird. That's
Speaker 1: a that's an aggressive like, that's weird question. It's nice
Speaker 1: to meet you guys, Tidy whiteis or boxers? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean if overly friendly, it's her putting it nicely. I
Speaker 1: would have been like from anonymous, bitches crazy, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, honestly, can you imagine looking up
Speaker 1: what high school? It's not like she's saying her husband
Speaker 1: played in the NFL or something and it's like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: that's interesting. Let's see where I mean in high school? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like faceboo this person. I just think it'd be
Speaker 1: really weird if I went up to even Nick. I've
Speaker 1: known Nick for how many years? Your husband, Catherine? I mean,
Speaker 1: I would be like if I asked Nick what kind
Speaker 1: of underwear he wears? And that's just so, and your
Speaker 1: to your point is your high school team. It's just
Speaker 1: like your high school. And she looked him up and
Speaker 1: found what high school he went to and that he
Speaker 1: has a football record. So now I have no interest
Speaker 1: in the girl. And my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. Yeah, I don't. Why don't? Well,
Speaker 1: and he probably loves the attemp doesn't think it's a
Speaker 1: big deal. But but I hope he knows that, like,
Speaker 1: that's weird, but it's also flattering for him. I wonder
Speaker 1: if the rules were reversed and it was a guy
Speaker 1: neighbor looking at her high school and and asking her
Speaker 1: what kind of bra she wears, would he feel that way?
Speaker 1: Probably not flip it. You should do that, bitches crazy,
Speaker 1: So let's just not invite that neighbor over next time. Okay?
Speaker 1: From Anonymous husbands and social media. I am married and
Speaker 1: have been for a little over a year. My husband
Speaker 1: and I were best friends for two years and then
Speaker 1: dated for three before getting married. Knowing my husband for
Speaker 1: so long, I knew every girl he had been with.
Speaker 1: Everything was going fine until I noticed he was still
Speaker 1: talking to his previous hook up friend. I talked about
Speaker 1: it with him and he stopped from there, though I
Speaker 1: was very suspicious because I had been due before. He
Speaker 1: worked at a big city hospital during this time, and
Speaker 1: I noticed that he filed a lot of his coworkers
Speaker 1: and coworkers on social media. I didn't think it was
Speaker 1: strange until I noticed that a lot of these coworkers
Speaker 1: were nurses and that they tended to post certain posts
Speaker 1: I was uncomfortable with. He also had these people on
Speaker 1: Snapchat and still had his excess on his social media
Speaker 1: as well. Eventually he just deleted social media social media
Speaker 1: altogether because he would get so defensive when I brought
Speaker 1: it up. What are your thoughts on this? Up to?
Speaker 1: No good? Strong dislike social media sucks, whether it's innocent
Speaker 1: or not. People blur lines every single day, every single day.
Speaker 1: People are flirts by nature, and social media exaggerates it,
Speaker 1: and there's no easy way to paint a black or
Speaker 1: white line, so it makes it really complicated. And there's
Speaker 1: no reason he should know what any if you went objective,
Speaker 1: say there is no social media, he wouldn't know what
Speaker 1: those nurses are doing on their downtime. So I don't
Speaker 1: like the accessibility of knowing what they're up to. And
Speaker 1: just in our marriage, what works for us. Please don't
Speaker 1: write to Joanna. Um, it's just no girls. There's just
Speaker 1: no girls. It can't it doesn't work. Well. It's Preston
Speaker 1: told me when we met, guys and girls can't be friends.
Speaker 1: And at first I was like, no way, and then
Speaker 1: I started thinking about it, and he was like, to
Speaker 1: name a guy friend you have that wouldn't make out
Speaker 1: with you have given the choice, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I yike. You know my husband said the same thing.
Speaker 1: Girls and guys can't be friends. I mean I don't,
Speaker 1: but I also just at this point have no interest
Speaker 1: in wanting to engage with another dude period. I mean,
Speaker 1: everything is very respectful, Like I don't. I don't have
Speaker 1: Mike's number, I don't want Mike's number. I don't have
Speaker 1: Nick's number. I didn't even save Preston's number under Preston
Speaker 1: like when he had texted about your surprise party, Like
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. I don't know Andrew on there
Speaker 1: just because he's like a brother to me. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'm saying like I don't, but I wouldn't be even
Speaker 1: in the inside jokes that we have from like our
Speaker 1: game nights and stuff. I just text you guys about it,
Speaker 1: you know, and just assume that you tell your husband's
Speaker 1: like I don't, I don't know. Just my question though
Speaker 1: about that, what're gonna say with social media too, it
Speaker 1: takes away any of the guestswork, So like if you
Speaker 1: follow any of your co workers on social media, you
Speaker 1: go into work the next day knowing what they did
Speaker 1: that night, what they drank, what they ate usually because
Speaker 1: people always take a picture of it. I shake basic, Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: It takes away like the first couple of dates. I mean,
Speaker 1: to be honest, it's it's like you've already gone on
Speaker 1: a first date with someone, so you already know them
Speaker 1: more than you should. It makes it really complicated. So
Speaker 1: here's my question, because my husband isn't on social media,
Speaker 1: because all of your husbands are, So do you do
Speaker 1: you patrol or do you like? What if and Andrew
Speaker 1: follows me? Does he now if you what if you
Speaker 1: saw your husband? What if Nick's following a Victoria's Secret model?
Speaker 1: What if Andrew is following a pretty girl? Like what
Speaker 1: if Preston is following? You know? So it's like, what
Speaker 1: what do you do that? Do you say? Can you
Speaker 1: please and follow? Because that makes me uncomfortable? Or I know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know how it would makes me feel.
Speaker 1: But also you know, luckily he's not on social media.
Speaker 1: But still, I mean, I think it's safe to ask
Speaker 1: that at any point. I think everyone has the right
Speaker 1: to ask that if it makes them uncomfortable. I mean,
Speaker 1: Nick does follow women on social media and he has
Speaker 1: clients that are women, and I just but what if
Speaker 1: they're like, fortunately, like bikini shots and stuff. I mean,
Speaker 1: I haven't looked, but yeah, I would definitely say something
Speaker 1: and say uncomfortable with it. I guess. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: my well you, I think you could ask anyone. I
Speaker 1: think you could ask your significant other to and follow anyone.
Speaker 1: But social media is not. I mean you can't censor it.
Speaker 1: So whether you follow them or not, it's still accessible.
Speaker 1: And does that I feel like it's just the world
Speaker 1: we live in unfortunately, because if you go to a
Speaker 1: bar without social media, someone's probably going to put moves
Speaker 1: on your husband. It's going to happen, and vice versa.
Speaker 1: That's just life and was social media, it's exaggerated. People
Speaker 1: can do it every day in any way, shape or form,
Speaker 1: whether it's intended or not. Just by posting a bikini shot,
Speaker 1: they're basically putting a move on on everyone in the world.
Speaker 1: And it's just your choice every single day to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know what, you're going to see it. You're going
Speaker 1: to have thoughts about it, just because it's the world
Speaker 1: we live in. But at the end, of the day,
Speaker 1: you have to make your choice of being integrity having
Speaker 1: exactly like that. That's very well said. I mean, because
Speaker 1: how many times on a daily basis are we seeing
Speaker 1: something that our husband probably doesn't want us to be
Speaker 1: looking at, whether it's a shortless sky or that's the thing,
Speaker 1: I don't even intentionally look at it like I was.
Speaker 1: I was just scrolling through. And I know exactly we're
Speaker 1: talking about because on Instagram the other day, I was
Speaker 1: just scrolling through and like I saw, like Tyler Cameron.
Speaker 1: Yes he is a very attractive man, but I didn't
Speaker 1: even like I have no, I don't want to look
Speaker 1: at it. But that's the difference, because we're also annoyed
Speaker 1: by many that were like I'm not spending my free
Speaker 1: time looking at the differences. Is you still saw it,
Speaker 1: but I did not mean with it. But you don't
Speaker 1: know if he thought further about it, or if he
Speaker 1: didn't think as I say, as women though are natural
Speaker 1: instinct would be like you did think something about it,
Speaker 1: even though and maybe they scrolled by it and stopped
Speaker 1: for a second but kept going. We're going to say, oh,
Speaker 1: but you stopped, whether you like I thought it was
Speaker 1: something else, it's just how we're wired, and it's just
Speaker 1: that active choice every day to be like, you know what,
Speaker 1: he's choosing me. He's at home and I have to
Speaker 1: trust him until something else happens and we'll take it
Speaker 1: from there. It sucks. So if you ever do you
Speaker 1: ever look to see? I tried. I'm a girl, of
Speaker 1: course I look, But I honestly, every time I catch
Speaker 1: myself getting within that vibe of I want to check
Speaker 1: and I want to see and I want to patrol,
Speaker 1: I try to get out of it as quickly as
Speaker 1: possible because that's just a spiral waiting to happen. If
Speaker 1: at the end of the day have to just trust.
Speaker 1: And I know people always say, you know that's like
Speaker 1: je sic your worst problem. It's like no, but it's
Speaker 1: like trust problem. It's everyone. It's yeah, everyone has a
Speaker 1: hard time trusting. I think that's just again because of society.
Speaker 1: It's hard to so you question things a lot, but
Speaker 1: the trust is still, you know, it's just hard. I
Speaker 1: remember a girl posted one time, um being on the
Speaker 1: bus with Preston not like in the front lounge. So
Speaker 1: if you're a music person, you know, like front lounge
Speaker 1: just kind of like living room, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: not anything like they were like taking a selfie in
Speaker 1: a bunk, because I would murder. But it was like I,
Speaker 1: you know I did in my twenties, like just like
Speaker 1: selfies just didn't care like I was just like I
Speaker 1: was the worst. Anyways, continued, but I did say to him,
Speaker 1: I mean it was okay. So she takes this picture, right,
Speaker 1: she was like a singer opening up for them or something.
Speaker 1: And and the guys are genuinely nice guys. They're not creepy,
Speaker 1: they're just they are good guys. And they invited her
Speaker 1: to come on with her dad and they all talked
Speaker 1: and hung out. But I didn't see the dad, right,
Speaker 1: I didn't know she was on the bus um. And
Speaker 1: so I see this picture and she's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: the best guys ever had so much fun partying with you.
Speaker 1: So instantly I'm like, who is she? When was this?
Speaker 1: Why didn't you tell me how much partying? There's so
Speaker 1: many pieces missing of it that it's so misleading. And
Speaker 1: that's when you're like, this isn't like that's that's where
Speaker 1: the trust too. That's the thing that information first that
Speaker 1: he's going her dad was with her and this other dude.
Speaker 1: So when I brought it up to him, this is
Speaker 1: I just need to like sing his praises because there's
Speaker 1: a lot of times where I don't, admittedly, but he like,
Speaker 1: there's a no chick on the bus policy. Now that's
Speaker 1: just that because he's like, okay, well, and I said
Speaker 1: to him, I was like, if I'm feeling that way
Speaker 1: and I can get to the bottom of it, like,
Speaker 1: what does it look like? The perception is your party, guys,
Speaker 1: and a girl can be on your bus, and that's
Speaker 1: a lot of girls. They're doing that for that reaction,
Speaker 1: of course, I mean, that's what they're doing. They want
Speaker 1: the reaction of oh my god, you partied with them,
Speaker 1: you know, And that's why it's just easier to just know. Well,
Speaker 1: which kind of goes into this last email um from Anonymous.
Speaker 1: His love triggers me trust has been broken in our marriage.
Speaker 1: I think that's just that line is like right there
Speaker 1: made me want to cry a little bit. We haven't
Speaker 1: been to therapy yet, hope to, but has not been
Speaker 1: a priority. We can't seem to move forward in rebuilding,
Speaker 1: and I'm afraid it will be the end of us.
Speaker 1: Not to say we don't both want to try. He's
Speaker 1: putting an effort by being transparent, but I am having
Speaker 1: a hard time with my part. How do you rebuild
Speaker 1: trust when even his love is a trigger? Every time
Speaker 1: he says he loves me, I'm reminded that if he
Speaker 1: loved me, he wouldn't have caused me so much pain.
Speaker 1: M hmm. For any of us qualified to answers, you
Speaker 1: need a PhD. That's what I've always been trying to
Speaker 1: like find though, because I a lot of people again,
Speaker 1: I always they're like, you just need to trust or
Speaker 1: or it's it's like it's so much that's not something
Speaker 1: to say to anyone because like even in your situation,
Speaker 1: like yes you trust Andrew, but you still might look
Speaker 1: absolutely its social media and things, and it's like, how
Speaker 1: do you rebild trust? I think it's just time. I
Speaker 1: think it's time to time and a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of therapy, yes, a lot of proof and consistent,
Speaker 1: rigorous honesty. And I think that's the changes is like
Speaker 1: an absolute must. It's not just the time, it's action.
Speaker 1: For me, like I can, I don't need words. I
Speaker 1: grew up with a lot of like do as I say,
Speaker 1: not as I do. Kind of mentality in our house,
Speaker 1: parents wise, and so I have to zero interests and
Speaker 1: like hearing anyone talk about how they're going to be
Speaker 1: different and not do anything. Sure, well, I think the
Speaker 1: hard time. The hard thing too is like you know,
Speaker 1: even in the situation before, it's like you you give
Speaker 1: them trust, but then they lie. So it's like that
Speaker 1: situation just continues to make them not trustworthy because of
Speaker 1: like Katherine said, the consistency and being rigorously honest. So, um,
Speaker 1: there's something that UM I know has worked and we
Speaker 1: learned from therapy is the rule. So you have twenty
Speaker 1: four hours if you lie, to come back and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know what I messed up. That was a lie
Speaker 1: And that shows change, That shows some honesty, that shows
Speaker 1: a little growth. But I would say get into therapy
Speaker 1: because it's worth it. I don't think you can do
Speaker 1: it without therapy. You can't. Just I don't think you can.
Speaker 1: It's too emotional. I don't think you can because I
Speaker 1: think you need a third party kind of calling people
Speaker 1: to the table and some accountability for some things, and
Speaker 1: I think you can't do that with each other. I
Speaker 1: just don't think you can. Are we all on the
Speaker 1: same page. Yeah agree, guys, good episode. Yeah right, you're amazing.
Speaker 1: We didn't get Shawn's big confession. Oh yeah again, bacteria
Speaker 1: filled milk. There you go. It wasn't that. Um girls,
Speaker 1: where can all the listeners and jew Christen At a
Speaker 1: little bit fancy to spell it out, not like a rapper?
Speaker 1: Um at? Shawn Johnson, Sean Johnson, nobody, Catherine just everyone
Speaker 1: knows Catherine, Katherine Woodard? Is it Katherine V. Woodard? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I love you girls, Thanks for hanging out
Speaker 1: with me. It's really cool that we had a really fun,
Speaker 1: like you know, girls, girls episode anytime. We've been talking
Speaker 1: about this for too long. It was time we did.
Speaker 1: It was time, um Stay tuned for next week.