WEBVTT - Mom Olympics with Shawn Johnson

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<v Speaker 1>Flying down with Jane Kramer Mia and I'm her radio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Happy New Year, Whoop, whoop? Who trying not to let

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<v Speaker 1>you float alone? Come on, girl, I'm so excited about

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<v Speaker 1>this episode. It's a new year, new US, new moms

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<v Speaker 1>um and I wanted to bring on some of my

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<v Speaker 1>favorite moms um in this episode because I mean, mom's

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<v Speaker 1>just rule life, you know. So I got my girl

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<v Speaker 1>Catherine Woodard Witten Studio hosting today, What's Up, Sean Johnson,

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<v Speaker 1>be Sewn Johnson, What's up? Gold medalist Shawn Johnson and

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<v Speaker 1>my girl Christen Breast. I really wish I didn't follow

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<v Speaker 1>gold medal and I was like, should have changed the

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<v Speaker 1>order there, But that's fine. Uh not a gold medalist,

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<v Speaker 1>Christen Breast? How do your gold medal? Mom? There you go? Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>You know seven. I'm not sure how true it is.

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<v Speaker 1>You feel uncomfortable when people say gold medalist? Yeah? Why

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<v Speaker 1>you worked so hard for it? You shouldn't really break

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<v Speaker 1>out in a sweat. Why it feels like a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of pressure to live up to? What do you mean

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<v Speaker 1>you lived to it? Like? When I was speaking of pressure,

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<v Speaker 1>what about that gold medal? I mean, I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>where do you keep it because when I went over

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<v Speaker 1>to your house, I was like secretly searching for it

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<v Speaker 1>to try it on. It was like your great is this? Um?

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<v Speaker 1>I keep it in a safe actually, and it's safe

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<v Speaker 1>so you can't see it. I mean I don't really

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<v Speaker 1>need to see it. Late ninety vacuum with it on,

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<v Speaker 1>or there many times where you're like yeah around the

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<v Speaker 1>house naked brown chicken. No, So like it's safe in

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<v Speaker 1>your house. I'm gonna find it. How about you come

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<v Speaker 1>over and I'll get it on for you. I've never

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<v Speaker 1>held a gold medal. I'll bring it over. Imagine that,

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<v Speaker 1>like you earned that. I mean, you've worked so hard

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<v Speaker 1>for that. I just can't for our country, Seawan Johnson,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love America wedding. I'm getting really hot. You're basically

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<v Speaker 1>an American five layers on right now. I know I

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<v Speaker 1>have a lot of clothes on. What would you want

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<v Speaker 1>to try to win an Olympic medal for Krista zero

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<v Speaker 1>talent so I don't know, I don't qualify for anything,

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<v Speaker 1>but like I ran across country because I'm not coordinated,

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<v Speaker 1>so I was like I could and I definitely knew

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't be first, so I wasn't like I had

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<v Speaker 1>to like figure out where the track was or the

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<v Speaker 1>trail was. I just was like, cool, I'll definitely just

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<v Speaker 1>follow this group of girls and jog it out for

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<v Speaker 1>a while. But like, okay, let's let's do this since

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<v Speaker 1>we're all moms. It's the mom Olympics. What would you

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<v Speaker 1>win the gold medal in pack and play up and down? Katherine,

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<v Speaker 1>don't give me that glare. She's like, that's hard. I

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<v Speaker 1>am the packing play up and down champion. Didn't really

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<v Speaker 1>I've actually said there should be mom Olympics, and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, I would dominate it. I don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>to put a pack and play because there's something the

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<v Speaker 1>thing that you pull always confuses me. So that's where

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<v Speaker 1>I message, But I still forget it every time. That's well,

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<v Speaker 1>I just really traualed with those babies so many times

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<v Speaker 1>that it was like there was times where you just

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<v Speaker 1>had to what would you fail at in the Olympics?

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<v Speaker 1>Everything else? I think any of us would be gold

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<v Speaker 1>medalists or a solid bronze at one handed life? Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>for sure, hold the baby do everything with one hand.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, I feel like I don't know. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like all of our husbands that are really like they're well,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean yours is on the road a lot. That's

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<v Speaker 1>the only thing. It was like, are helpful? No, I

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<v Speaker 1>just your husband Kristen is married to Um Preston from

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<v Speaker 1>Low Cash and he's on the road a lot. So

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<v Speaker 1>I apologize for that comment. No, I didn't know where

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<v Speaker 1>you're going with that. And we said all of our husbands,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, they're just they're they're they're good. They're

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<v Speaker 1>great dads, that's the thing they are. Preston's actually, he

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<v Speaker 1>really is an awesome dad. He's just not home a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>but he's did That's where Yeah, that's where you go

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<v Speaker 1>with that, And I get that, and I'm sorry, but

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<v Speaker 1>I love you. It's amazing. He's an amazing dad. Yeah. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so okay, what would you get your I know, i'd

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<v Speaker 1>like your fifth metal from six, six or seventh. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>I wish that would be great. I don't have that many. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>what would you win the Olympics? I'm still figuring it out. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>you're like I figured out the like the wrap thing,

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<v Speaker 1>which no, the like to wear a baby? I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>YouTube there was like an action Well, I mean it's

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<v Speaker 1>kind of over now jayss like everyone's in her house,

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<v Speaker 1>So that doesn't mean who's wearing too. I'm not lying.

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<v Speaker 1>I went to a movie the other day in which

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<v Speaker 1>a woman, um, you don't remember I think, I said maybe,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was actually some sort of event. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>remember where. I just let her tell that baby just

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<v Speaker 1>came out. That baby just came out, and none of

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<v Speaker 1>us knew where we were. But I saw a woman

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<v Speaker 1>wearing a child and the front carry the little kid

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<v Speaker 1>had to have been seven years old. Stop like it was.

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<v Speaker 1>This boy was tiptoeing. The kid was wearing jeans, like

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<v Speaker 1>real jeans, not baby jeans, and I she was as

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<v Speaker 1>tall as the mom. It was disturbing. It wasn't one

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<v Speaker 1>of the raps or was it one of the because

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<v Speaker 1>I can get the what are those things called? The

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<v Speaker 1>yea are easy because it's a click on the top

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<v Speaker 1>of click on the back. I mean, this kid had

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<v Speaker 1>been fafty found, so it wasn't. It was a heavy

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<v Speaker 1>duty one. But that's crazy on the front, wearing on

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<v Speaker 1>the front. It was too much. I actually got one

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<v Speaker 1>of those. Foe looked like I did the organic rap.

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<v Speaker 1>You know how you're doing the all one piece rap. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>See that's what's so because it was so like it

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<v Speaker 1>just looks so cool and back She's just like she

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<v Speaker 1>wears it so few, it's so heavy and like a door.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I tried so hard and it just I

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<v Speaker 1>mean because like the ergo babies are too long, like

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<v Speaker 1>my ways to my face. So when he carries you exactly, yeah, okay, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>And then what would you I mean, you're still learning? What? What? What?

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<v Speaker 1>No sounds failing? What are we what are you struggling with?

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<v Speaker 1>I would actually the only person that can feed our

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<v Speaker 1>child for some reason is my husband. Well, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>that sounds weird because but go ahead and clarify, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>following stress feeding our child. Um no, um, she just

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<v Speaker 1>for some reason gets really fussy when I feed her

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<v Speaker 1>with a bottle. And because she wants your addition, she

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<v Speaker 1>can smell the boob because you're pumping, so she can

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<v Speaker 1>smell that you have the note, So she only wants

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<v Speaker 1>your boob. That makes sense, But the man can say

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<v Speaker 1>saying that from a formal mom, But that's what I've heard.

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<v Speaker 1>She's getting breast milk in a bottle, but she wants

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<v Speaker 1>it from you everywhere trillion nipples and I'm leaking all

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<v Speaker 1>over her as I'm feeding her with a bottle, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's a hot mess. Gold medal, Gold medal. I was

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<v Speaker 1>really good at putting babies on a schedule. It was

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<v Speaker 1>really really good at that. It would be maybe a bronze,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm talking gold baby. Let's go for the Sean

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<v Speaker 1>John that. It was really good at formula. It was

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<v Speaker 1>really good to give it my baby's formula. Not breastfeeding.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that that You're just I loved it, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think because of you, I didn't feel bad in

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<v Speaker 1>the fitting that I can help you. He did. I

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<v Speaker 1>did for a while, but I had a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>guilt around that sadness. Actually, I hate that for I tried.

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<v Speaker 1>I hate that for people. I just want them to

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<v Speaker 1>just let it go. So guilt you for it. I

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<v Speaker 1>know it's ridiculous. I tried breastfeeding and I couldn't. And

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<v Speaker 1>to me, well, here's the thing, like when you say

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<v Speaker 1>you couldn't, because I remember saying I couldn't either, and

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<v Speaker 1>they're like, there's these people, these they can come over

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<v Speaker 1>and help you, and it's just like no, I had her,

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<v Speaker 1>I had everything. I did it all and I just

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't pretty. Some people just don't want to or

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<v Speaker 1>can't just revolve around that all the time. Some people

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<v Speaker 1>got to go to work and can't pump every There's

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<v Speaker 1>so many reasons, so the thought, why do you care?

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<v Speaker 1>Like I remember when Jason was I want to get

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<v Speaker 1>back to your metals. But it's a really good topic.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember when jas Because I didn't, I tried breastfeeding

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<v Speaker 1>with Jolia, and honestly, I'm gonna be really honest, here's

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<v Speaker 1>my mom truth. I didn't want a breastfeed. I had

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<v Speaker 1>no desire. I didn't I wasn't breastfeed, you know. I

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<v Speaker 1>I just for some reason, I didn't feel like I

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<v Speaker 1>had to have that connection with the baby. I'm personally

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<v Speaker 1>I like my nipples being touched. I don't like it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want someone sucking on him. I just sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a guy here and he's like, cong sorry tim

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<v Speaker 1>um No. But I just I personally didn't want to,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was really important to Mike, So I said, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna try. And you know, my milk didn't come in,

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<v Speaker 1>and then they wanted me to supplement, and then they

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<v Speaker 1>wanted me to pump, and it was so stressful, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like crying and I was like, oh

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<v Speaker 1>my gosh, my baby lost even more weight than she

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<v Speaker 1>should have. And then my milk eventually came in, but

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<v Speaker 1>we already made decision to formula feed, and I just

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<v Speaker 1>remember getting just like so much shame and so much hate. Luckily,

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<v Speaker 1>Catherine was just like, oh no, She's like when I

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<v Speaker 1>have Ramsay, I'm walking in with my formula into the hospital.

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<v Speaker 1>And so that's what I did with Jason, and I'll

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<v Speaker 1>never forget he got sick. He got rs V when

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<v Speaker 1>he was just like a couple of weeks old, and

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<v Speaker 1>everyone was just like, breast his best, this is how

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<v Speaker 1>he's not gonna get sick. And I'm like, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>they're right, Like I'm if my kid ends up getting worse,

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<v Speaker 1>it's because of me because I didn't breast feed. And

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<v Speaker 1>so I had two of my girlfriends come over and

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<v Speaker 1>they're trying to because my boobs still had the milk

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<v Speaker 1>in them and that they were just so engorged and

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<v Speaker 1>just gross. So they had the pump on me and

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<v Speaker 1>I literally have my friend Ashley and Julie massaging my

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<v Speaker 1>breast to try to get milk out. And I'm just bawling.

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<v Speaker 1>And then we're trying to like get Ja's to like

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<v Speaker 1>connect to my nipple, and you know, I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>how to do it because I never breastfeed, so I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, I didn't know how to latch it and

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<v Speaker 1>how to do all these things. And I'm just like

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<v Speaker 1>bawling and they're trying to help me, and Mike walks

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<v Speaker 1>in the room is like, why are you doing this

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<v Speaker 1>to yourself? And I was like, because I have to,

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<v Speaker 1>because everyone says that he's gonna get worse if I

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<v Speaker 1>don't breastfeed. And he's like, you called the nurse and

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<v Speaker 1>they said it doesn't matter. They're going to be healthy

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<v Speaker 1>one way or the other, whether you give them formula

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<v Speaker 1>or or the breast milk. It's it's just like but

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<v Speaker 1>then this other person says, no, they're not because breast

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<v Speaker 1>It is just I just can't listen to its talking,

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<v Speaker 1>like honestly, so many opinions, and it's like in my life,

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<v Speaker 1>like I had a husband who did two shows the

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<v Speaker 1>year our daughter was born, Like I didn't. I needed

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<v Speaker 1>everyone fed and just doing the best they could. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't and need the extra pressure of and I tried

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<v Speaker 1>for seven weeks to feed her, and I could not

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<v Speaker 1>do it. I mean, I had the milk Ninja. They

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<v Speaker 1>call her in Nashville and air quotes the milk Ninja.

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<v Speaker 1>She came, she gave me the cookie, she gave me

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<v Speaker 1>the tea. I did all the things. I recruited some

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<v Speaker 1>woman I didn't even know, who's so sweet songwriter, who

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<v Speaker 1>my husband knew. I mean, I was just grabbing any

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<v Speaker 1>resource and it just wasn't working for us. And I

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<v Speaker 1>had so much guilt around it that I think that

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<v Speaker 1>added to the postpartum depression. So I think that does

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<v Speaker 1>a lot. I think that is one of the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>contributing factors uh trouble breastfeed, the guilt around it and

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<v Speaker 1>postpartum or breastfeeding and not getting any sleep. I will

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<v Speaker 1>say that's a lot to people that do breastfeed successfully

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<v Speaker 1>but get up a lot at night and they're the

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<v Speaker 1>only ones feeding them, so the husbands are not helping,

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<v Speaker 1>You're not getting any sleep. I think that contributes. And

0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:56.680
<v Speaker 1>then my guilt was similar, but again completely different. I

0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.800
<v Speaker 1>had milk, I was like overproducing again, bathing my child

0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:04.199
<v Speaker 1>and restam another gold medal, but she wouldn't latch and

0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.720
<v Speaker 1>that's why I had people coming in lactation specialists saying, oh,

0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:12.800
<v Speaker 1>she needs surgery, she needs this, and for like lip

0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.200
<v Speaker 1>tied and all this crap. And I was like, she's

0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.280
<v Speaker 1>not tongue tied, she's not lip tied. I've had specialists

0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.000
<v Speaker 1>look like she's fine, and again they're massaging your boobs

0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:25.440
<v Speaker 1>and you're being I mean, you feel just I mean,

0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:30.600
<v Speaker 1>it's just a very it's a lot, yeah, not modest experience.

0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:35.480
<v Speaker 1>And she's also not human being, so I mean at

0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.880
<v Speaker 1>some point you're like, okay, I do have feelings. And

0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I remember sitting in you know, the rocking chair, and

0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:42.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm bawling and she's bawling and she's hungry and she's

0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.400
<v Speaker 1>not eating and she's not latching, and I'm just like,

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.000
<v Speaker 1>give her the freaking bottle. And then people guilty about

0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:48.559
<v Speaker 1>the bottle and I'm like, are you kidding me? I

0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.120
<v Speaker 1>can't I do that now at the hospital. So like

0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:54.920
<v Speaker 1>with my last one, my milk comes in really fast.

0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:58.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, I only pumped with one of them, really,

0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:01.400
<v Speaker 1>but my milk had come in. She was latching, so

0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:03.440
<v Speaker 1>I thought she was getting she was starving. She was

0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:05.680
<v Speaker 1>like not getting any she had lost so much weight.

0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:08.400
<v Speaker 1>I asked him to bring me a pump because I

0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.080
<v Speaker 1>was ngorged in the hospital, and of course they didn't

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.559
<v Speaker 1>want to bring me a pump. I forced them to

0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.040
<v Speaker 1>bring me a pump. When they brought me a pump,

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.480
<v Speaker 1>I pump for twenty minutes and nothing would come out

0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:19.240
<v Speaker 1>of my boobs and I was in gorge and exactly

0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:21.680
<v Speaker 1>and everyone looked at me like that and they go interesting.

0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:24.320
<v Speaker 1>I was like, great, while my baby screaming, and I'm like,

0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:26.320
<v Speaker 1>so do we want to do anything about this? Clearly

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.720
<v Speaker 1>she hasn't been eating for the last three days. I

0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.000
<v Speaker 1>think setting out of my boobs. Had a non mom

0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.520
<v Speaker 1>nurse in the hospital when I had legend the last

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:37.840
<v Speaker 1>baby for anybody that's new, and she's a non mom nurse,

0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.480
<v Speaker 1>and she guilted me. Oh. I was like, I wanted

0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:43.280
<v Speaker 1>to pump. I wanted formula, and like, we need to feed.

0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.560
<v Speaker 1>I was just going to release a little bit and

0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:48.040
<v Speaker 1>then but then when nothing came out, yeah, but I

0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:50.800
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, great, I brought sports brawls. I'm good

0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.240
<v Speaker 1>to go. I did this with my first baby. I

0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:54.040
<v Speaker 1>didn't even like give me sports brawls to bring me

0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.679
<v Speaker 1>formula She's like, no, let's keep keep trying. What do

0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.520
<v Speaker 1>you want to get some milk out of here? You know?

0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.520
<v Speaker 1>And so finally I just yelled at him. But I

0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.360
<v Speaker 1>don't like how hospitals are so like making everybody feel

0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.000
<v Speaker 1>so guilty these days. I don't like it at all.

0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:08.680
<v Speaker 1>Well that and like what you said about because I

0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.960
<v Speaker 1>know you had really bad postpartum. Did you have postprim depression?

0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:13.800
<v Speaker 1>I mean I think I think everyone does, like the

0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:17.760
<v Speaker 1>first couple of weeks everything, Yeah, yeah, but it's just

0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:20.560
<v Speaker 1>it is the comments and stuff, and I mean, I know, Sehn,

0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 1>you've had kind of you can't even say. You don't

0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:24.480
<v Speaker 1>have to be so careful of things you say because

0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like you can't even say we want a healthy

0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:29.000
<v Speaker 1>baby because when people attacked then it's just it's so great.

0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:33.040
<v Speaker 1>You literally cannot say anything without people attacking you. And

0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:36.760
<v Speaker 1>it's like breast bottle formula. I mean I walked in,

0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.080
<v Speaker 1>I remember we walked into to meet your beautiful baby,

0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:40.520
<v Speaker 1>and I was just like, hey, you should get a

0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.680
<v Speaker 1>baby breeze. That formulas great, like not stress. He made

0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:49.200
<v Speaker 1>me feel really good because like, okay, but yeah, I mean,

0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.680
<v Speaker 1>there's just so much guilty on every single decision you

0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:53.600
<v Speaker 1>ever make as a mom. And I'm sure we're going

0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:56.080
<v Speaker 1>to get some comments, you know, on this, and you

0:14:56.120 --> 0:15:00.280
<v Speaker 1>know it's not it's not even like it's just we

0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.560
<v Speaker 1>all just do our own thing and support and say, hey,

0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry that didn't work for you, but you're doing

0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:06.160
<v Speaker 1>the best that you can. I mean, literally, you have

0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:08.400
<v Speaker 1>four moms in a room that are just all they

0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 1>want is is to raise a healthy, good baby the

0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.200
<v Speaker 1>best they can, like mentally, physically. It's like that should

0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:17.320
<v Speaker 1>always be enough to me. Absolutely, I agree. Let's take

0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 1>a break. I forgot you didn't say what you did

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:32.920
<v Speaker 1>worse with mom the word the gold medal. We're there again.

0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.560
<v Speaker 1>So my gold medal was just on a schedule, schedule

0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.920
<v Speaker 1>and breastfeeding, which got us off on the total team. Sorry, well,

0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.000
<v Speaker 1>well you can look at that either as a gold

0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:48.360
<v Speaker 1>medal or failing formula all the formula. I yell, I

0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:51.120
<v Speaker 1>can yell? Are you yellow? I am a yeller? I

0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.720
<v Speaker 1>can I can lose my well, which is good because

0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:56.440
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna be talking to Carla later. She wrote a

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.080
<v Speaker 1>book How a Lot, How to Not Lose your with

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:04.120
<v Speaker 1>your kids, which, okay, there's that, but Also, I think

0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:05.760
<v Speaker 1>there's something and I always kind of want to do

0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 1>a segment on this on the show. Just a true mom,

0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:11.800
<v Speaker 1>like a mom truth or a mom what's the thing

0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:13.960
<v Speaker 1>called like when you um come and help me out

0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.920
<v Speaker 1>here where it's like would say like fail, no, like

0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:22.320
<v Speaker 1>a mom's secret or it's like I really wanted to confession,

0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:28.200
<v Speaker 1>like a mom confessions confession, but it's like it's so bad,

0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:31.960
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean that? Like, but other mom

0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:38.800
<v Speaker 1>would relate to Does anyone have a mom confession? Yeah,

0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.840
<v Speaker 1>but we'll well, we'll just we'll meet you there. Let

0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:47.160
<v Speaker 1>us be vulnerable to meet you there. All the women,

0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.120
<v Speaker 1>all the mom haters out there, they're they're gonna come

0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Confortunately someone gave birth to them. Okay, I'll start with

0:16:57.280 --> 0:17:00.960
<v Speaker 1>like a simple one. Okay, okay, so I pump for

0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:05.960
<v Speaker 1>every single feeding. Are you gonna do formula? Um? I started? Yeah, okay, yeah,

0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:11.080
<v Speaker 1>I good, good for you. Formula so that you go

0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:15.159
<v Speaker 1>battlists can make us feel like, actually have some formula

0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.359
<v Speaker 1>samples in our bag right now to give you she

0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:23.639
<v Speaker 1>actually does. Um. So I have supplemented with formula and

0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:27.200
<v Speaker 1>I plan on some point, but since I am producing

0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:32.000
<v Speaker 1>at the moment. I'm just kind of like whatever. I

0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:33.439
<v Speaker 1>had to pump on the plane for the first time

0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:36.880
<v Speaker 1>the other day, so that was a humbling experience. Um

0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.000
<v Speaker 1>so that made me not want to pump anymore. Well,

0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:40.840
<v Speaker 1>when you're ready to drop, but some cold cabbage on

0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:44.560
<v Speaker 1>your boobs works, like just don yeah, I know, that's

0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:47.320
<v Speaker 1>that's what killed me. Cold cabbage in a tight sports

0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.720
<v Speaker 1>p will lock those bad boys up. Um okay, So

0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:51.640
<v Speaker 1>I'll start with the tame one. I mean, this could

0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:54.480
<v Speaker 1>be team or not. I don't know, but they like

0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.639
<v Speaker 1>people guilt you into like you gotta wash everything, you

0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:02.200
<v Speaker 1>gotta do it in whatever whatever. Um, I can't tell

0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:07.320
<v Speaker 1>you the last time I've cleaned pump hearts. It's that bad. No,

0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:09.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna let anybody feel bad, you see me.

0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:15.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, nope, absolutely not. I mean that's terrible. That's

0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:17.679
<v Speaker 1>my first one. That's good. Have you like rented out

0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:25.399
<v Speaker 1>with water? Janna's judging wondered what that to? Have you

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:30.680
<v Speaker 1>have you thought about it? I'm just the voice for

0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.680
<v Speaker 1>the listeners, So I'm just gonna like I'm just doing Yes,

0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.720
<v Speaker 1>I use it. I rented out with really hot water.

0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:45.840
<v Speaker 1>Then she's not okay, what's the bad one? I come on, Okay, okay,

0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.640
<v Speaker 1>we got to come up with that mouse. Okay, Kristen, Yeah,

0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:54.159
<v Speaker 1>mind some more recent and so embarrassing. I don't share it.

0:18:56.200 --> 0:19:01.119
<v Speaker 1>I don't even get to poop by myself. So you guys,

0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:03.679
<v Speaker 1>this is such mom like we have toddlers. This is

0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:08.000
<v Speaker 1>so embarrassing. I can't believe this is the most recent

0:19:08.040 --> 0:19:09.600
<v Speaker 1>one I can think of, because I feel like the

0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:13.000
<v Speaker 1>baby days I was since such a fog. Anyways, the

0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:15.359
<v Speaker 1>other day, everyone kept coming into the bathroom and my

0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.080
<v Speaker 1>husband's on the road, and I was just like, I

0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:21.479
<v Speaker 1>just got the bathroom in peace. So I made them

0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:23.720
<v Speaker 1>all go outside. I only have too, but it feels

0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 1>like there's fifty when they're all engaging. So I made

0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.520
<v Speaker 1>them go to the outside the back. I like push

0:19:29.600 --> 0:19:31.200
<v Speaker 1>them out of the half bath and shut the door

0:19:31.240 --> 0:19:33.720
<v Speaker 1>and I locked it, which just really threw them both

0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.679
<v Speaker 1>for like it's very abandoned. And then I was like,

0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:39.440
<v Speaker 1>how am I supposed to even enjoy being in here

0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:41.520
<v Speaker 1>by myself if you're both crying outside of the door.

0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:44.000
<v Speaker 1>And I felt like it was a hostage situation. So

0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:47.639
<v Speaker 1>I turned to Peekaboo Barn on my cell phone and

0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:49.800
<v Speaker 1>I triple keyed it, you know, to put it under

0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:53.399
<v Speaker 1>child lock, and I slid it under the door like

0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:55.960
<v Speaker 1>it you know, you like triple click to get it

0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:57.960
<v Speaker 1>on like guided access, so they can't get into any

0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:03.160
<v Speaker 1>part of your phone other than what a is open. Okay,

0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:06.680
<v Speaker 1>it's actually an iPhone thing. It's not like an extra

0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:10.720
<v Speaker 1>app or anything. Guided access is what it's called interesting

0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:12.680
<v Speaker 1>and you can do it on any app you're in

0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:14.480
<v Speaker 1>you just like I think it's the side key. You

0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:16.760
<v Speaker 1>just triple click it and it puts you in. You

0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:19.440
<v Speaker 1>have to have a passco to get out of it anyway,

0:20:19.520 --> 0:20:22.600
<v Speaker 1>so I triple not seem like a fail. Okay, great,

0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:25.000
<v Speaker 1>I slid it under like it was a hostage negotiation,

0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:29.680
<v Speaker 1>and I heard, okay, I need you, I need you,

0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:36.439
<v Speaker 1>I need because I'm not saying this is just my

0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:42.760
<v Speaker 1>screen time here with even so that I could just okay, well,

0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:47.760
<v Speaker 1>I just admitted to giving my child bacteria filled milk.

0:20:48.080 --> 0:20:49.840
<v Speaker 1>All right, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get. Give me

0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:52.200
<v Speaker 1>time time, Christie. If you don't want to do that,

0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:55.720
<v Speaker 1>do you like a mom confession where it's like, sometimes

0:20:55.720 --> 0:21:00.680
<v Speaker 1>I wish that my child would be beep beep. I'm

0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:02.520
<v Speaker 1>gonna have you guys. I have them. I did a

0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:05.159
<v Speaker 1>lot of days alone, like Jannah knows, I didn't. We

0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:06.959
<v Speaker 1>don't have like a nanny. We didn't have a night

0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:08.760
<v Speaker 1>nurse at all with the first one. I had a

0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:11.439
<v Speaker 1>night nurse for sixteen nights with the second one. So

0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:14.000
<v Speaker 1>there's certainly some dark times. I just need to dig

0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:16.080
<v Speaker 1>for a minute. I just it was a moment I

0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:20.679
<v Speaker 1>wasn't proud of when I slid the ransom under the

0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:23.560
<v Speaker 1>doors so that I could poop alone in peace. Catherine,

0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:26.879
<v Speaker 1>I know I have. I just got to think about it,

0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:29.400
<v Speaker 1>not even like something that's happened, like just like sometimes

0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:33.000
<v Speaker 1>I wish or sometimes I think my daughter is annoying,

0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:35.760
<v Speaker 1>or sometimes I missed the days where I used to

0:21:35.800 --> 0:21:37.840
<v Speaker 1>sit in my apartment and date myself and watch two

0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:39.840
<v Speaker 1>movies back to back and order pad tie and open

0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:41.280
<v Speaker 1>a bottle of wine at the very beginning of the

0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:44.400
<v Speaker 1>first movie and order pad tied before the second one. Kristen,

0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:49.480
<v Speaker 1>do miss it? I miss alone time? Oh? Yeah? Alone

0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:51.120
<v Speaker 1>time for sure. I mean not in like I mean

0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:52.560
<v Speaker 1>not in a way where I'm like I wish this

0:21:52.640 --> 0:21:55.600
<v Speaker 1>would all go away, But I definitely and then I

0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:58.879
<v Speaker 1>feel guilty because I missed those days. Sure well here

0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:01.320
<v Speaker 1>and that's the problem too, because for everything that and

0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:04.880
<v Speaker 1>you know you've gone through we'll shoot you guys. Both

0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:08.000
<v Speaker 1>Catherine didn't gone through a miscarriage, have you? So? Okay?

0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:11.160
<v Speaker 1>So Sean and Krison have both gone through miscarriages, as

0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:15.720
<v Speaker 1>I have as well. But we can't say that because

0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:18.199
<v Speaker 1>then people say, but you should be so grateful, like

0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:20.360
<v Speaker 1>you have a kid. So that's another thing where it's

0:22:20.359 --> 0:22:23.640
<v Speaker 1>like it's very hard to but I feel so we're

0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:25.280
<v Speaker 1>entitled to that. Like, yes, I too would like to

0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:27.320
<v Speaker 1>poop alone and not have Jay's pounding on the door

0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:30.439
<v Speaker 1>and Julie asking me questions. Absolutely, I would love to

0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:32.760
<v Speaker 1>lay about all day and watch a walk to you know,

0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:35.080
<v Speaker 1>walk to remember, and a walk in the clouds and

0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:36.800
<v Speaker 1>anything else with the walk to do whatever I want

0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:41.719
<v Speaker 1>and whatever. Yeah, but you also then if you say that,

0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:44.960
<v Speaker 1>then you get crapped for that. Yeah. Well, if you're

0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:48.480
<v Speaker 1>in the arena, you gotta play big. If you're in

0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:52.320
<v Speaker 1>the arena, they tear you down. Do anything, keV. I mean,

0:22:52.359 --> 0:22:55.200
<v Speaker 1>I know I have stuff, Sean, just say it that

0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:57.919
<v Speaker 1>I have so many there has to be come on,

0:22:58.680 --> 0:23:02.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, what are you feeding my newborn bacteria filled milk?

0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:06.920
<v Speaker 1>So it's pretty bad, all right, well that I need

0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:09.960
<v Speaker 1>my kids like lucky charms. Isn't your milk like the

0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:12.520
<v Speaker 1>cleanest thing, more leaning than that? Yeah, but I guess

0:23:13.160 --> 0:23:15.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm just I wouldn't worry. I love our two side conversations.

0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:19.080
<v Speaker 1>Y'all are talking about the milk being you know, clean,

0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:21.200
<v Speaker 1>But then Katherine's like, I need my kids lucky charm.

0:23:21.240 --> 0:23:22.480
<v Speaker 1>You never feed your kids that, And I was like,

0:23:22.520 --> 0:23:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I could fettle more lenient. Yeah, Like we go in

0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:26.840
<v Speaker 1>the beach trip and it's like, oh, we got lucky

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:31.120
<v Speaker 1>charms for exciting like playing. I'm like, my kids get

0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:33.280
<v Speaker 1>it all the time, but fine, totally respect, you know whatever.

0:23:33.320 --> 0:23:38.840
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, what marshmallows. I was like, oh, dear God,

0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:42.240
<v Speaker 1>here hoss avocados coming right? You know? I was like,

0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:49.000
<v Speaker 1>who wants blueberries and scrambled eggs? I know, no, but

0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:51.840
<v Speaker 1>I am getting I am getting way better with that

0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:54.640
<v Speaker 1>because just the other day, Julie asked for cereal all

0:23:54.640 --> 0:23:58.160
<v Speaker 1>the time for dinner, and all the time I'm like, no, no, no,

0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 1>no no. And finally, in the past couple of nights,

0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:03.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, yes, fine, what do you want which one? Yeah?

0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:07.960
<v Speaker 1>Good for you. Yeah, we had a lot of rules.

0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:10.959
<v Speaker 1>I felt like growing up with that kind of stuff,

0:24:11.000 --> 0:24:12.399
<v Speaker 1>and so I think that's why I don't have a

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:16.280
<v Speaker 1>lot of I'm not a huge agreed. There's a happy medium.

0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:18.840
<v Speaker 1>We're just good at balancing. I will let them have junk,

0:24:19.080 --> 0:24:21.280
<v Speaker 1>but they will have fruit with every meal. Listen, dinner,

0:24:21.320 --> 0:24:23.359
<v Speaker 1>they'll have a fruit vegetable. But I'll let you know.

0:24:23.640 --> 0:24:26.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't care if clean. But then also love orders

0:24:26.560 --> 0:24:29.800
<v Speaker 1>talk about with me on DoorDash. So see, I'm all

0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:32.439
<v Speaker 1>about some balance. Yeah, you need it. She says, I

0:24:32.480 --> 0:24:37.359
<v Speaker 1>need a taco without the salad, so she's even taking

0:24:37.359 --> 0:24:42.600
<v Speaker 1>off anything green that comes with taco. About. Yeah. Here's

0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:44.439
<v Speaker 1>the thing though that I dip do with Jolie is

0:24:44.680 --> 0:24:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I have to She has to make a happy play

0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:49.160
<v Speaker 1>in order to get a snack, so happy plate means

0:24:49.160 --> 0:24:52.840
<v Speaker 1>she has to finish her meal, her dinner before she

0:24:52.880 --> 0:24:55.280
<v Speaker 1>can get chocolate or a cookie. I usually do that.

0:24:55.359 --> 0:24:57.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean, there are times I will break the rule,

0:24:57.800 --> 0:25:01.240
<v Speaker 1>but in general, yes, I can't go completely rogue. Guys

0:25:01.240 --> 0:25:03.560
<v Speaker 1>are looking to us for some sort of guidance. You can't,

0:25:03.600 --> 0:25:07.479
<v Speaker 1>I mean, but then like your kids get older and

0:25:07.520 --> 0:25:09.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like, I'm not going to tell them they can't

0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:11.280
<v Speaker 1>go get a snack like I go to school now,

0:25:11.359 --> 0:25:14.000
<v Speaker 1>you know. And it's like so it changes as they

0:25:14.000 --> 0:25:15.920
<v Speaker 1>get older a little bit too. Well. It's funny because

0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:19.200
<v Speaker 1>that year I was just at Katherine's, her daughter's what

0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:22.480
<v Speaker 1>how old is she? Eight? Hate year old? Party, and

0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:24.800
<v Speaker 1>they were sprite there and Julie's wants and I was like, no,

0:25:24.880 --> 0:25:26.560
<v Speaker 1>Julie can't have it, and she's like, you know, starts

0:25:26.600 --> 0:25:28.040
<v Speaker 1>her litt temper. I was like, you're not fine. You've

0:25:28.040 --> 0:25:29.680
<v Speaker 1>never tried it before I try it, so I feel

0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:32.960
<v Speaker 1>like she hated it, but she usually the case that's good. Yeah,

0:25:33.080 --> 0:25:35.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, all right, my kids, with all of us,

0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:37.320
<v Speaker 1>actually we think we want something and then we have

0:25:37.480 --> 0:25:40.960
<v Speaker 1>it and we're like, my kids didn't have soft drinks

0:25:40.960 --> 0:25:43.639
<v Speaker 1>to relate, I mean, minus like my in law is

0:25:43.640 --> 0:25:45.920
<v Speaker 1>giving it to him when I don't know. But now

0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:49.720
<v Speaker 1>occasionally I'll let them have like a dr pepper or coke. Conession,

0:25:51.040 --> 0:25:53.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm like the cleanest human on the planet. This is

0:25:53.400 --> 0:25:57.040
<v Speaker 1>a good confession. Sparked by your soda talk pop. If

0:25:57.040 --> 0:26:02.520
<v Speaker 1>you're in the North, I am clean, clean, like gluten

0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:04.840
<v Speaker 1>raw like I don't eat meat, the kids don't eat meat.

0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Pressing is a redneck, so he eats meat when he's

0:26:07.280 --> 0:26:10.800
<v Speaker 1>not at home. But when I was growing love Bug

0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:13.840
<v Speaker 1>in my belly, I had a fountain soda a day.

0:26:14.320 --> 0:26:16.679
<v Speaker 1>I could not get enough. I couldn't get enough of it,

0:26:16.720 --> 0:26:19.159
<v Speaker 1>and Pressing kept saying, you're feeding our baby rat poison sugar.

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:21.480
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, lay off me at like the

0:26:21.560 --> 0:26:28.040
<v Speaker 1>sonic time. So there's one. I mean, like she honestly

0:26:28.080 --> 0:26:31.080
<v Speaker 1>her blood type could be a positive and diet PEPSI.

0:26:31.240 --> 0:26:33.880
<v Speaker 1>I drank a coke slurpee every single day with Jay's

0:26:33.880 --> 0:26:37.200
<v Speaker 1>all right, I'm gonna seven eleven. Your confession suck. I

0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:40.920
<v Speaker 1>always drink it, trying so hard. The dark days I forget,

0:26:41.880 --> 0:26:45.359
<v Speaker 1>but that days. Oh before we take a break because

0:26:45.600 --> 0:26:48.200
<v Speaker 1>actually we probably talked to her next because I think

0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:49.760
<v Speaker 1>we're on the right track here. How did I lose

0:26:49.760 --> 0:26:52.359
<v Speaker 1>your with your kids? Um? We're gonna have carlin Naumberg

0:26:52.960 --> 0:27:04.720
<v Speaker 1>on the phone with us next. Okay, I'm really excited

0:27:04.720 --> 0:27:07.000
<v Speaker 1>about this because obviously I have my girls here, but

0:27:07.440 --> 0:27:09.679
<v Speaker 1>we are getting get on the phone with Carla um

0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:12.560
<v Speaker 1>In her book, I'll never forget. It came to me.

0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:16.399
<v Speaker 1>I think it was like in UM some like gift

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:18.200
<v Speaker 1>box or whatever, but it was how did not lose

0:27:18.240 --> 0:27:21.480
<v Speaker 1>your with your kids? And I was like, I love

0:27:21.560 --> 0:27:23.600
<v Speaker 1>this title so much. So we have around the phone

0:27:23.680 --> 0:27:28.200
<v Speaker 1>right now, Carla, I'm glad to be here. UM, thank

0:27:28.240 --> 0:27:31.159
<v Speaker 1>you for just being honest, because I feel like a

0:27:31.160 --> 0:27:35.199
<v Speaker 1>lot of times people are like, they don't we lose our?

0:27:35.840 --> 0:27:38.760
<v Speaker 1>But how do you not lose your? That's the thing. Oh,

0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:41.359
<v Speaker 1>we all lose our. I still lose my. I just

0:27:41.400 --> 0:27:43.520
<v Speaker 1>do it less than I used to, and when it

0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:46.399
<v Speaker 1>still happens, I can recover a lot more quickly than

0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:50.360
<v Speaker 1>I did before. But let's be clear, we're all losing it, right,

0:27:50.400 --> 0:27:52.679
<v Speaker 1>But like, what's the first step in taking that to

0:27:52.840 --> 0:27:54.440
<v Speaker 1>not like is it to take a breath as it

0:27:54.520 --> 0:27:56.840
<v Speaker 1>to walk away? I need to read it because I

0:27:56.960 --> 0:27:59.560
<v Speaker 1>still have it's sitting on my sitting on my side table,

0:28:00.040 --> 0:28:01.840
<v Speaker 1>and it's just it's almost like I just have to

0:28:01.920 --> 0:28:04.240
<v Speaker 1>keep looking at it to be like, okay, breathe, But

0:28:04.359 --> 0:28:06.600
<v Speaker 1>what like I'm gonna open it. I promise I will,

0:28:07.200 --> 0:28:10.359
<v Speaker 1>But what's the first step in that? I think the

0:28:10.400 --> 0:28:14.520
<v Speaker 1>first step is to understand what's causing our ship loss right.

0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:17.520
<v Speaker 1>And we may think it's because our kids are being

0:28:17.640 --> 0:28:22.200
<v Speaker 1>obnoxious or unreasonable or unpredictable, and well, that's true. Sometimes

0:28:22.800 --> 0:28:26.440
<v Speaker 1>I would argue it's that because we parents get triggered.

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:30.119
<v Speaker 1>Something happens in our life, whether it's something about a

0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:33.760
<v Speaker 1>mortgage payment or a flat tire or bad news from

0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:36.840
<v Speaker 1>the principle or whatever it is, and our buttons, and

0:28:36.880 --> 0:28:39.480
<v Speaker 1>we all have the buttons, get big and bright and

0:28:39.640 --> 0:28:42.800
<v Speaker 1>super sensitive when we are triggered. And then our kids

0:28:42.840 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 1>come along and as any parent who is spanking big man,

0:28:45.640 --> 0:28:47.440
<v Speaker 1>so the kid will tell you. Kids see a button

0:28:47.480 --> 0:28:50.320
<v Speaker 1>and they want to push it. So when we parents

0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:53.680
<v Speaker 1>are triggered, we've got these super pushable buttons, and our

0:28:53.760 --> 0:28:55.600
<v Speaker 1>kids are like, I'm going for it. I'm spicking my

0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:58.120
<v Speaker 1>finger out, I'm pushing that button, because that's what you do.

0:28:58.920 --> 0:29:01.000
<v Speaker 1>And so the first step up is to start to

0:29:01.080 --> 0:29:04.160
<v Speaker 1>notice when we parents are triggered and know how to

0:29:04.200 --> 0:29:07.320
<v Speaker 1>take care of ourselves so that when our kids behave

0:29:07.400 --> 0:29:11.640
<v Speaker 1>in problematic, annoying, and predictable whatever ways, our buttons aren't pushed.

0:29:11.680 --> 0:29:13.800
<v Speaker 1>We can be cool and stay calm and roll with it.

0:29:13.880 --> 0:29:17.160
<v Speaker 1>Because any parenting book that tells you that the secret

0:29:17.320 --> 0:29:19.480
<v Speaker 1>to not losing your is to get your kids to

0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:22.400
<v Speaker 1>behave well all the time. Well, I don't know. No,

0:29:22.520 --> 0:29:24.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't think that's ever going to happen. If I

0:29:24.440 --> 0:29:25.960
<v Speaker 1>had the secret to that, I don't know, I'd be

0:29:26.000 --> 0:29:28.160
<v Speaker 1>hanging out with Oprah my private Islanderson. Why are you

0:29:28.160 --> 0:29:30.280
<v Speaker 1>shaking your head? Because no kid is going to behave

0:29:30.320 --> 0:29:35.040
<v Speaker 1>well all the time. I mean that's likely appropriate. No,

0:29:35.360 --> 0:29:37.720
<v Speaker 1>I don't actually want them to, because then I'll feel

0:29:37.760 --> 0:29:42.480
<v Speaker 1>like they're better than me. Who's raising who? I mean?

0:29:43.520 --> 0:29:45.760
<v Speaker 1>If they lose there and I lose my, then at

0:29:45.800 --> 0:29:50.600
<v Speaker 1>least we're all being human. Make you feel better about yourself. Yeah,

0:29:51.240 --> 0:29:53.920
<v Speaker 1>you're all losing it together. That's right. My four year

0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:56.120
<v Speaker 1>old already kind of acts like she should be a parent.

0:29:56.280 --> 0:29:58.640
<v Speaker 1>So if she was like always well put together and

0:29:58.600 --> 0:30:00.600
<v Speaker 1>in a tiny business suit and life, I think I

0:30:00.640 --> 0:30:02.520
<v Speaker 1>would probably feel like there's no need for me and

0:30:02.520 --> 0:30:06.400
<v Speaker 1>I could just roll out. Is that a thing, though?

0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Is it is that important to not have the kid

0:30:08.520 --> 0:30:14.000
<v Speaker 1>be the parent in that situation? Absolutely? Look, kids need

0:30:14.040 --> 0:30:16.400
<v Speaker 1>to be kids, and when kids become parents, they don't

0:30:16.800 --> 0:30:18.800
<v Speaker 1>They don't get a chance to have fun and make

0:30:18.840 --> 0:30:21.920
<v Speaker 1>mistakes and feel their feelings and do all those things.

0:30:21.920 --> 0:30:25.560
<v Speaker 1>So absolutely, I mean, letting our kids be kids is

0:30:25.560 --> 0:30:27.160
<v Speaker 1>one of the greatest gifts we can give them. And

0:30:27.200 --> 0:30:29.920
<v Speaker 1>I frequently say to my older daughter who wants to

0:30:29.960 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 1>be the parents, She's like, I think she's ready, she's

0:30:32.360 --> 0:30:35.120
<v Speaker 1>eleven years old. I say to her, Hey, I got this.

0:30:35.280 --> 0:30:37.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm the parent. I'll take care of this for you. Now.

0:30:37.120 --> 0:30:40.440
<v Speaker 1>She doesn't always believe me, but we'll get there. How

0:30:40.600 --> 0:30:43.000
<v Speaker 1>is like, what do you say when you Because there's

0:30:43.040 --> 0:30:45.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot of times when I've talked to Jolie and

0:30:45.080 --> 0:30:47.680
<v Speaker 1>I've gone in the room and I know I did

0:30:47.680 --> 0:30:49.240
<v Speaker 1>it wrong. Is there something that I should say? Like

0:30:49.280 --> 0:30:54.000
<v Speaker 1>should I go and apologize for for me losing it? Oh? Absolutely?

0:30:54.080 --> 0:30:55.680
<v Speaker 1>And here's how I do it. And I've had a

0:30:55.680 --> 0:30:58.120
<v Speaker 1>lot of practice with this. One is I'll go in

0:30:58.240 --> 0:31:00.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'll say I'm sorry I yelled at you. I

0:31:00.440 --> 0:31:02.440
<v Speaker 1>shouldn't yelled at you. That wasn't the right way to

0:31:02.480 --> 0:31:05.640
<v Speaker 1>handle it. And look, the trick to apologizing, well, there's

0:31:05.680 --> 0:31:08.360
<v Speaker 1>two tricks. One is wait till you're calm. If you're

0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:11.320
<v Speaker 1>still all triggered and piste off, what's gonna happen is

0:31:11.320 --> 0:31:13.480
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna go in there and apologize to your child,

0:31:13.800 --> 0:31:16.000
<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna expect them to be like, it's who came,

0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:18.200
<v Speaker 1>mom me, I love you, I'm sorry too, this was

0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:21.880
<v Speaker 1>all my fault. And instead they're gonna like grumble at you,

0:31:22.040 --> 0:31:24.280
<v Speaker 1>or be like, yeah, you should be yelled at me,

0:31:24.400 --> 0:31:26.239
<v Speaker 1>or maybe they're just gonna ignore you. And because you're

0:31:26.240 --> 0:31:28.360
<v Speaker 1>still triggered, you're gonna find that behavior annoying and you're

0:31:28.360 --> 0:31:31.360
<v Speaker 1>gonna lose your again. So you gotta wait till you're calm,

0:31:31.920 --> 0:31:33.760
<v Speaker 1>so that even if the kid doesn't give you this

0:31:33.800 --> 0:31:36.800
<v Speaker 1>awesome response that you want, you can still stay calm

0:31:37.040 --> 0:31:39.440
<v Speaker 1>and not lose it. And the other thing is that

0:31:39.640 --> 0:31:41.960
<v Speaker 1>you never have to apologize for how you feel. You

0:31:41.960 --> 0:31:43.800
<v Speaker 1>don't have to say I'm sorry, I was mad. There's

0:31:43.880 --> 0:31:47.240
<v Speaker 1>nothing wrong with being mad, and I want adults to

0:31:47.280 --> 0:31:49.200
<v Speaker 1>know that, and I really want kids to know that

0:31:49.240 --> 0:31:51.240
<v Speaker 1>there's nothing wrong with being mad or piste off or

0:31:51.280 --> 0:31:53.880
<v Speaker 1>frustrated or confused or anxious or any of it. I mean,

0:31:53.960 --> 0:31:56.480
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't feel good, but there's nothing wrong with it.

0:31:56.560 --> 0:31:59.760
<v Speaker 1>So we apologize for our behavior, right, I'm sorry yelled

0:31:59.760 --> 0:32:02.160
<v Speaker 1>at you, I'm sorry I slammed the door, and then

0:32:02.480 --> 0:32:04.800
<v Speaker 1>after we've sort of reconnected, there may need to be

0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:08.200
<v Speaker 1>another conversation like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry I locked it,

0:32:08.280 --> 0:32:10.080
<v Speaker 1>but I asked you to put on your shoes eighty

0:32:10.120 --> 0:32:13.240
<v Speaker 1>seven times and I got frustrated. And then you can

0:32:13.280 --> 0:32:15.680
<v Speaker 1>talk about strategies for getting those shoes on, which is,

0:32:15.960 --> 0:32:18.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, the challenge of a lifetime. Well and then

0:32:18.200 --> 0:32:19.640
<v Speaker 1>you also have a thing too with like how to

0:32:19.680 --> 0:32:21.320
<v Speaker 1>make bedtime easier, because I feel like that's been my

0:32:21.320 --> 0:32:24.800
<v Speaker 1>biggest struggle. I mean, what Katherine you're over last night, Julie,

0:32:25.160 --> 0:32:26.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean she got up five million times. I have

0:32:26.880 --> 0:32:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to pee, I want milk, I want water, I have

0:32:28.440 --> 0:32:30.200
<v Speaker 1>to go to the bathroom again. I'm scared in my room.

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:32.400
<v Speaker 1>I need my unicorn, I need my But it's like, Jolie,

0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:34.280
<v Speaker 1>please go back to bed, Julie, please go And then

0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:36.760
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to scream, Jolie, go back to freaking you

0:32:36.800 --> 0:32:39.320
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean, Like, it's got so frustrating because

0:32:39.360 --> 0:32:41.440
<v Speaker 1>it's two hours of it. So I'm like, what do

0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:45.960
<v Speaker 1>what do I say to? You know, she's going to

0:32:46.040 --> 0:32:49.400
<v Speaker 1>be four in like a few weeks, so love to

0:32:49.520 --> 0:32:51.160
<v Speaker 1>that old This is a tough age, By the way,

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:52.760
<v Speaker 1>I would argue that three and a half to more

0:32:52.800 --> 0:32:56.600
<v Speaker 1>and a half is the hardest age. A m It

0:32:56.680 --> 0:32:59.560
<v Speaker 1>gets better. I promise it will get better. But what

0:32:59.640 --> 0:33:02.560
<v Speaker 1>you can finally say you were is you can say, hey, kiddo,

0:33:03.520 --> 0:33:06.600
<v Speaker 1>I am tired. If you get up again, there is

0:33:06.600 --> 0:33:08.280
<v Speaker 1>a chance I'm gonna lose it with you because I'm

0:33:08.280 --> 0:33:10.960
<v Speaker 1>getting too tired and I can't. I need to go

0:33:11.000 --> 0:33:13.040
<v Speaker 1>to bed. And so if you come down again, there

0:33:13.080 --> 0:33:14.440
<v Speaker 1>is a chance I'm gonna yell at you because I'm

0:33:14.480 --> 0:33:16.080
<v Speaker 1>so frustrated, and I just want you to know that,

0:33:16.160 --> 0:33:17.920
<v Speaker 1>and I say things like that's my kids. I'll say

0:33:17.920 --> 0:33:20.120
<v Speaker 1>to them, you know what, my buttons are all pushed.

0:33:20.400 --> 0:33:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go in the other room taking deep breath,

0:33:22.240 --> 0:33:24.160
<v Speaker 1>and if you follow me, I will probably yell at you.

0:33:24.200 --> 0:33:26.720
<v Speaker 1>So I need you to know that. And sometimes they

0:33:26.760 --> 0:33:28.880
<v Speaker 1>give me some space, and sometimes they come in after

0:33:28.920 --> 0:33:30.760
<v Speaker 1>me and guess what, I lose it because I got

0:33:30.760 --> 0:33:34.760
<v Speaker 1>no band with left. Is it okay to yell? Is

0:33:34.800 --> 0:33:36.520
<v Speaker 1>it okay to yell? Yeah? Of course we all do it.

0:33:36.600 --> 0:33:42.440
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes the question is, well, it depends is so first

0:33:42.440 --> 0:33:45.120
<v Speaker 1>of all, is this the dominant dynamic in your relationship

0:33:45.120 --> 0:33:47.440
<v Speaker 1>with your child? If you're yelling at the constantly, that's

0:33:47.480 --> 0:33:49.400
<v Speaker 1>not awesome, right, It doesn't feel good for you, it

0:33:49.440 --> 0:33:52.080
<v Speaker 1>doesn't feel good for them. And if you're yelling at

0:33:52.120 --> 0:33:55.880
<v Speaker 1>them about sort of confusing and unpredictable things in ways

0:33:55.920 --> 0:33:59.600
<v Speaker 1>that feel disproportionate, like if they spill their milk, and

0:33:59.640 --> 0:34:02.000
<v Speaker 1>maybe when you know you were a kid, your parents

0:34:02.120 --> 0:34:05.840
<v Speaker 1>just would absolutely explode, like ethically when you spilled your milk.

0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:08.799
<v Speaker 1>And so now you see spilled milk in your body's like, oh,

0:34:08.880 --> 0:34:10.319
<v Speaker 1>I know what to do in the situation, I lose

0:34:10.360 --> 0:34:13.560
<v Speaker 1>my And if you like explode like crazy town over

0:34:13.560 --> 0:34:17.799
<v Speaker 1>spilled milk, that's confusing for a child. You know they're

0:34:17.800 --> 0:34:20.160
<v Speaker 1>gonna be like, oh, I must have done something crazy

0:34:20.200 --> 0:34:23.680
<v Speaker 1>wrong because mom just exploded. There is something wrong with me.

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:26.399
<v Speaker 1>But you know, let's talk about the shoes thing, because

0:34:26.400 --> 0:34:27.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know about you, but in my family, this

0:34:28.040 --> 0:34:29.799
<v Speaker 1>is like the ongoing struggle, even though we do it

0:34:29.840 --> 0:34:32.239
<v Speaker 1>every freaking day, somehow it takes a million years to

0:34:32.239 --> 0:34:36.280
<v Speaker 1>get our shoes on every morning. My daughter like eighteen

0:34:36.320 --> 0:34:37.960
<v Speaker 1>times put on your shoes, till on your shoes, put

0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:40.680
<v Speaker 1>on your shoes, and she doesn't, and then I yell

0:34:40.719 --> 0:34:44.080
<v Speaker 1>at her that's pretty predictable. Like she she knew that

0:34:44.160 --> 0:34:46.640
<v Speaker 1>was coming. I should have maybe slowed down and got,

0:34:46.719 --> 0:34:49.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, down on her level and said, let's go

0:34:49.200 --> 0:34:51.600
<v Speaker 1>put on your shoes. What's your strategy for doing it

0:34:51.640 --> 0:34:54.600
<v Speaker 1>and talked her through it. But mornings are busy. I

0:34:54.600 --> 0:34:58.120
<v Speaker 1>don't always do that, and so that's a pretty predictable outcome,

0:34:58.239 --> 0:35:01.719
<v Speaker 1>and she can say, internal, Oh, the reason mom yelled

0:35:01.760 --> 0:35:03.560
<v Speaker 1>at me is let me put my shoes on. So

0:35:03.680 --> 0:35:05.400
<v Speaker 1>some of the questions you might want to ask yourself

0:35:05.480 --> 0:35:08.000
<v Speaker 1>is how often are you exploding at your kids? And

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:10.439
<v Speaker 1>how intensely is it and is it proportionate to what's

0:35:10.440 --> 0:35:13.480
<v Speaker 1>actually going on? That makes a lot of sense. It's

0:35:13.480 --> 0:35:15.600
<v Speaker 1>so hard though, I think a lot of times for me,

0:35:15.800 --> 0:35:18.839
<v Speaker 1>it's not. I'm not They're like the straw that broke

0:35:18.880 --> 0:35:22.600
<v Speaker 1>the camel's back for me, So it will be like

0:35:22.640 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 1>a million other adult things and then it will just

0:35:25.040 --> 0:35:27.319
<v Speaker 1>be like the one thing that they do and I don't.

0:35:27.400 --> 0:35:29.440
<v Speaker 1>We're not really a yelling household. I grew up in

0:35:29.440 --> 0:35:33.279
<v Speaker 1>a super yelling household, so I'm very like conscious of

0:35:33.320 --> 0:35:36.160
<v Speaker 1>how we parent, and it's pretty calm most of the time.

0:35:36.960 --> 0:35:39.479
<v Speaker 1>But and I'm not saying it's like perfect, it's just calm,

0:35:39.560 --> 0:35:43.080
<v Speaker 1>like we just don't rage out, you know, Um, but

0:35:43.160 --> 0:35:46.520
<v Speaker 1>I do. I don't know, Like I I feel like

0:35:46.560 --> 0:35:48.759
<v Speaker 1>it's usually like if I'm upset with my husband or

0:35:48.800 --> 0:35:50.839
<v Speaker 1>he's done something that's bothered me, and then they don't

0:35:50.840 --> 0:35:53.600
<v Speaker 1>put their shoes on or whatever, then I'm like, ah,

0:35:53.640 --> 0:35:57.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, like it's it's that's there. Unfortunately, I'm just

0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 1>like outing myself. It sound like the worst mom ever.

0:35:59.760 --> 0:36:02.759
<v Speaker 1>You're no, you're being real, and I appreciate because yeah,

0:36:02.760 --> 0:36:07.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like sound like me and every other mom. I mean,

0:36:07.040 --> 0:36:09.440
<v Speaker 1>I would argue that is the most common reason we

0:36:09.520 --> 0:36:12.279
<v Speaker 1>lose it with our kids. Sometimes it's because they've done

0:36:12.280 --> 0:36:14.840
<v Speaker 1>something so ethically annoying or problematic that we have no

0:36:14.920 --> 0:36:17.880
<v Speaker 1>coping skills left. But more often than not, it's because

0:36:18.000 --> 0:36:21.799
<v Speaker 1>we're exhausted, we're pistol our parenting partners, some other mom

0:36:21.800 --> 0:36:24.279
<v Speaker 1>on the playground, some made some weird, snarky comment and

0:36:24.320 --> 0:36:26.600
<v Speaker 1>we can't stop thinking about it. We heard something horrible

0:36:26.600 --> 0:36:29.520
<v Speaker 1>on the news, which hello, that's constant these days. So

0:36:29.560 --> 0:36:32.440
<v Speaker 1>we're triggered and we have literally nothing left. Yeah, I'm

0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:34.640
<v Speaker 1>more annoyed with the adult children in my life than

0:36:34.680 --> 0:36:39.799
<v Speaker 1>I am the children children in my life, so our

0:36:39.840 --> 0:36:42.200
<v Speaker 1>buttons are huge and bright and red and super sensitive.

0:36:42.200 --> 0:36:44.120
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes my buttons get so big that my kid

0:36:44.160 --> 0:36:46.880
<v Speaker 1>even walks in the room and I'm like, get out.

0:36:49.000 --> 0:36:51.759
<v Speaker 1>And so you know, our job in that case is

0:36:51.840 --> 0:36:53.920
<v Speaker 1>to be the grown up to notice that we are

0:36:53.960 --> 0:36:57.280
<v Speaker 1>triggered like crazy. And then we've got a few options.

0:36:57.320 --> 0:36:59.200
<v Speaker 1>You can say to your kid, I'm having a really

0:36:59.239 --> 0:37:01.719
<v Speaker 1>hard day, like, let's try to be a team and

0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:03.480
<v Speaker 1>work together and just take it easy on each other

0:37:03.520 --> 0:37:04.960
<v Speaker 1>because I don't have a lot of like, I don't

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:06.799
<v Speaker 1>have a lot of energy left. And obviously you change

0:37:06.840 --> 0:37:09.040
<v Speaker 1>the language depending on how old they kid is. And

0:37:09.120 --> 0:37:11.640
<v Speaker 1>some things we get home and I'm like, yay, tonight

0:37:11.719 --> 0:37:13.879
<v Speaker 1>is special eating dinner in front of the TV night

0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.600
<v Speaker 1>because mom got nothing left to give you. And so

0:37:16.760 --> 0:37:18.719
<v Speaker 1>I say those nights for mac and cheese in front

0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 1>of the TV for when I need them, not to

0:37:20.680 --> 0:37:22.400
<v Speaker 1>when the kids meet them, but when I'm like, I

0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 1>literally need you to not engage with me because I'm

0:37:25.040 --> 0:37:29.080
<v Speaker 1>so wiped out. And that's that's just being honest about

0:37:29.120 --> 0:37:31.719
<v Speaker 1>what I have in that moment, right and so, and

0:37:31.760 --> 0:37:34.160
<v Speaker 1>they think it's amazing. They think it's like a party. Meanwhile,

0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:36.919
<v Speaker 1>I'm stewing and like plotting my husband's death. But you're

0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:39.960
<v Speaker 1>like happily friends over here watching TV and it's great.

0:37:40.200 --> 0:37:43.080
<v Speaker 1>What's the problem? Eat your macaroni. I'm figuring out how

0:37:43.080 --> 0:37:45.040
<v Speaker 1>to hide up, how how to hide the body? I

0:37:45.120 --> 0:37:51.360
<v Speaker 1>love you? There you go. Yeah, But I guess that

0:37:51.480 --> 0:37:54.520
<v Speaker 1>leads to the you know, the grand old point right there.

0:37:54.520 --> 0:37:57.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's most of it is because of you know,

0:37:57.120 --> 0:38:00.000
<v Speaker 1>the something's bothering you from work or your spouse or

0:38:00.560 --> 0:38:02.839
<v Speaker 1>and I feel bad that our kids take the brunt

0:38:02.880 --> 0:38:05.440
<v Speaker 1>of of that. I really think the most important thing

0:38:05.560 --> 0:38:07.440
<v Speaker 1>is having that conversation. I can't tell you how many

0:38:07.440 --> 0:38:11.240
<v Speaker 1>times I've lost my and then gone back and apologized

0:38:11.320 --> 0:38:14.200
<v Speaker 1>when I'm calm, like she said, had the conversation, and

0:38:14.239 --> 0:38:16.680
<v Speaker 1>they're like, it's okay, mommy, like you know, and just explain.

0:38:16.760 --> 0:38:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I do that at night too. I'm like, I am tired.

0:38:19.480 --> 0:38:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I need you to go to sleep because I am

0:38:21.719 --> 0:38:24.719
<v Speaker 1>really tired, and I'm about I do all of those things,

0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:26.799
<v Speaker 1>and it makes a huge difference, especially as they get

0:38:26.800 --> 0:38:29.640
<v Speaker 1>older they can understand it. It helps a lot and

0:38:29.760 --> 0:38:31.919
<v Speaker 1>just notice things that we're about to lose it because

0:38:31.920 --> 0:38:34.040
<v Speaker 1>a lot of us walk around triggered like crazy all

0:38:34.120 --> 0:38:36.000
<v Speaker 1>day long. Our shoulders are up by our ears, were

0:38:36.040 --> 0:38:37.960
<v Speaker 1>taking these deep breaths, you know, we're having these piste

0:38:38.000 --> 0:38:40.920
<v Speaker 1>off thoughts in our mind and we don't even notice it.

0:38:41.400 --> 0:38:43.359
<v Speaker 1>And so when you can start to realize, oh, I'm

0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:45.439
<v Speaker 1>in a not great place right now, and I need

0:38:45.480 --> 0:38:48.399
<v Speaker 1>to take ten deep breaths to go for walk around

0:38:48.400 --> 0:38:51.000
<v Speaker 1>the block, or sit and just drop my shoulders or

0:38:51.040 --> 0:38:53.919
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is to kind of calm down. That makes

0:38:53.920 --> 0:38:56.960
<v Speaker 1>a huge difference. Chris, and what we're you gonna say,

0:38:57.000 --> 0:38:59.920
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say, for a bedtime for us NAPTI

0:39:00.000 --> 0:39:04.040
<v Speaker 1>in bedtime, we're failing miserably at bedtime or we're super succeeding,

0:39:04.080 --> 0:39:07.680
<v Speaker 1>depending on how granola you are. I'm either the co

0:39:07.880 --> 0:39:11.080
<v Speaker 1>sleep champion or I'm like them in your own bed

0:39:11.440 --> 0:39:15.040
<v Speaker 1>like failure. So um, but like for naptime, she doesn't

0:39:15.080 --> 0:39:17.080
<v Speaker 1>like to she doesn't like to lay down, and she's

0:39:17.200 --> 0:39:19.719
<v Speaker 1>she's about to be four on Sunday and I can't

0:39:19.760 --> 0:39:23.080
<v Speaker 1>even say that barely without crying. So um, I just

0:39:23.120 --> 0:39:25.640
<v Speaker 1>now tell her if she's awake in five minutes, she

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:27.400
<v Speaker 1>can get back up and watch TV because I know

0:39:27.480 --> 0:39:28.680
<v Speaker 1>she's not going to do it. She also doesn't know

0:39:28.719 --> 0:39:30.520
<v Speaker 1>what five minutes is, so it's awesome because she'd be like,

0:39:30.880 --> 0:39:32.960
<v Speaker 1>is it five minutes yet? And I'm like, nope, you

0:39:32.960 --> 0:39:34.880
<v Speaker 1>gotta close your eyes. If you're still awake in five minutes,

0:39:34.880 --> 0:39:36.799
<v Speaker 1>then we can watch TV. And then that she just

0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:41.480
<v Speaker 1>never makes it. They're exhausted, so they don't know yet.

0:39:41.719 --> 0:39:44.400
<v Speaker 1>Take advantage friends. We haven't educated them on the power

0:39:44.440 --> 0:39:48.359
<v Speaker 1>of a minute. You have a baby, so it's like,

0:39:48.840 --> 0:39:51.560
<v Speaker 1>what's your any questions for Carla? The fact that you know,

0:39:51.719 --> 0:39:55.080
<v Speaker 1>have you lost your stuff on your sweet innocent little baby?

0:39:55.200 --> 0:39:57.839
<v Speaker 1>You're sweet little baby? Does I think I take all

0:39:57.840 --> 0:40:01.280
<v Speaker 1>my baby frustration out of my husband. Nfortunately, just because

0:40:01.640 --> 0:40:05.000
<v Speaker 1>you can't really talk to and to two month old

0:40:04.600 --> 0:40:07.719
<v Speaker 1>Ayah and be like, why are you crying? Although we

0:40:07.960 --> 0:40:12.399
<v Speaker 1>have actually yeah, like I don't know what you want.

0:40:12.520 --> 0:40:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what you need for me. I need

0:40:13.960 --> 0:40:16.480
<v Speaker 1>you to stop crying. I'm gonna go take it out

0:40:16.480 --> 0:40:19.799
<v Speaker 1>to my husband now, and then I'm gonna find my

0:40:19.840 --> 0:40:23.680
<v Speaker 1>husband argue with him for no reason whatsoever. YEA sounds

0:40:23.719 --> 0:40:26.000
<v Speaker 1>about sounds about the game, right, Carla? About four or

0:40:26.040 --> 0:40:29.640
<v Speaker 1>four Carla what's the one thing that you wish that

0:40:29.680 --> 0:40:31.920
<v Speaker 1>you would have known, you know from the very beginning

0:40:32.000 --> 0:40:35.600
<v Speaker 1>with your parenting style, and um, just yeah, something that

0:40:35.640 --> 0:40:38.720
<v Speaker 1>would have just kept you a little peaceful with this journey.

0:40:39.280 --> 0:40:41.400
<v Speaker 1>I wish I had understood that for me and for

0:40:41.440 --> 0:40:45.200
<v Speaker 1>almost everyone's, sleep is non negotiable and when you're not sleeping,

0:40:45.800 --> 0:40:48.200
<v Speaker 1>you cannot parent well and you have to cut yourself

0:40:48.239 --> 0:40:53.120
<v Speaker 1>a whole lot of slack. I was, you can't do anything.

0:40:53.160 --> 0:40:54.560
<v Speaker 1>And I was losing my shop with my husband. I

0:40:54.560 --> 0:40:57.000
<v Speaker 1>was losing my shop with myself. I was. I mean,

0:40:57.040 --> 0:40:59.399
<v Speaker 1>it was a mess. My anxiety exploded. It was all

0:40:59.440 --> 0:41:01.560
<v Speaker 1>because I was sleeping. But I thought I had to

0:41:01.560 --> 0:41:04.520
<v Speaker 1>be some like super mom and power through. And really,

0:41:04.520 --> 0:41:06.239
<v Speaker 1>what I should have been saying to myself is this

0:41:06.320 --> 0:41:09.400
<v Speaker 1>is a stage. We'll get through it. And like today,

0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:11.520
<v Speaker 1>my goal is to get like, keep my kid alive,

0:41:11.640 --> 0:41:13.640
<v Speaker 1>keep my help alive, and get through with the bare

0:41:13.680 --> 0:41:16.520
<v Speaker 1>minimum of what needs to happen. Carla, where can our

0:41:16.560 --> 0:41:19.319
<v Speaker 1>listeners find you? So? Um? The book is called How

0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:21.799
<v Speaker 1>to Stop Losing your with your Kids. It's available at

0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:25.520
<v Speaker 1>their local independent bookstore, on Amazon where the books are sold,

0:41:25.680 --> 0:41:30.640
<v Speaker 1>and on my website. Is Carla Namberg dot com. Yay um, Carla,

0:41:30.680 --> 0:41:32.120
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for talking to us moms who

0:41:32.160 --> 0:41:34.680
<v Speaker 1>really appreciate it. And I feel like we just need

0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:36.640
<v Speaker 1>to all mamas out there and need to give yourself

0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:38.319
<v Speaker 1>a little bit of grace because we're doing just the

0:41:38.320 --> 0:41:43.640
<v Speaker 1>best that we can. Amen. Amen, from the depths of

0:41:43.680 --> 0:41:57.000
<v Speaker 1>my soul. Thank you, Carla, Thanks a lot. Bye. I

0:41:57.120 --> 0:41:59.880
<v Speaker 1>got a couple of emails. I wanna get y'all's input.

0:42:00.480 --> 0:42:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay from anonymous overly friendly neighbor? Wait what from anonymous? Oh?

0:42:07.360 --> 0:42:12.960
<v Speaker 1>Okay from anonymous about an overly friendly neighbor. Interesting, Christen,

0:42:12.960 --> 0:42:16.120
<v Speaker 1>did you write this? No, you would have had clarity

0:42:16.120 --> 0:42:19.759
<v Speaker 1>on the first sentence. So we moved into a new

0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:22.280
<v Speaker 1>neighborhood and we're having a few cocktails with the neighbor.

0:42:22.480 --> 0:42:25.720
<v Speaker 1>Her husband was at work. She out of the blue

0:42:25.760 --> 0:42:30.799
<v Speaker 1>asked my husband what what? I'm sorry, She out of

0:42:30.800 --> 0:42:35.160
<v Speaker 1>the blue asked my husband what kind of underwear he wears?

0:42:35.640 --> 0:42:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Then she looked him up and found what high school

0:42:38.239 --> 0:42:41.840
<v Speaker 1>he went to and that he has a football record.

0:42:41.920 --> 0:42:44.160
<v Speaker 1>So now I have no interest in the girl, and

0:42:44.200 --> 0:42:47.200
<v Speaker 1>my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't trust her.

0:42:47.239 --> 0:42:49.520
<v Speaker 1>I trust my husband, but I can't be friends with her?

0:42:49.680 --> 0:42:58.239
<v Speaker 1>Do you agree? Strong agree? Yeah? Why that's weird. That's

0:42:58.280 --> 0:43:01.120
<v Speaker 1>a that's an aggressive like, that's weird question. It's nice

0:43:01.160 --> 0:43:05.960
<v Speaker 1>to meet you guys, Tidy whiteis or boxers? Yeah, I

0:43:05.960 --> 0:43:10.040
<v Speaker 1>mean if overly friendly, it's her putting it nicely. I

0:43:10.040 --> 0:43:14.520
<v Speaker 1>would have been like from anonymous, bitches crazy, you know

0:43:14.520 --> 0:43:17.920
<v Speaker 1>what I mean? Like, honestly, can you imagine looking up

0:43:17.960 --> 0:43:19.960
<v Speaker 1>what high school? It's not like she's saying her husband

0:43:19.960 --> 0:43:22.000
<v Speaker 1>played in the NFL or something and it's like, oh, well,

0:43:22.000 --> 0:43:24.560
<v Speaker 1>that's interesting. Let's see where I mean in high school? Yeah,

0:43:25.000 --> 0:43:28.400
<v Speaker 1>that's like faceboo this person. I just think it'd be

0:43:28.400 --> 0:43:32.160
<v Speaker 1>really weird if I went up to even Nick. I've

0:43:32.160 --> 0:43:34.759
<v Speaker 1>known Nick for how many years? Your husband, Catherine? I mean,

0:43:34.800 --> 0:43:37.359
<v Speaker 1>I would be like if I asked Nick what kind

0:43:37.400 --> 0:43:41.399
<v Speaker 1>of underwear he wears? And that's just so, and your

0:43:41.480 --> 0:43:44.120
<v Speaker 1>to your point is your high school team. It's just

0:43:44.160 --> 0:43:46.520
<v Speaker 1>like your high school. And she looked him up and

0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:48.480
<v Speaker 1>found what high school he went to and that he

0:43:48.520 --> 0:43:50.680
<v Speaker 1>has a football record. So now I have no interest

0:43:50.719 --> 0:43:52.480
<v Speaker 1>in the girl. And my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous.

0:43:52.520 --> 0:43:58.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't like that. Yeah, I don't. Why don't? Well,

0:43:58.160 --> 0:44:01.160
<v Speaker 1>and he probably loves the attemp doesn't think it's a

0:44:01.200 --> 0:44:05.239
<v Speaker 1>big deal. But but I hope he knows that, like,

0:44:05.400 --> 0:44:08.080
<v Speaker 1>that's weird, but it's also flattering for him. I wonder

0:44:08.120 --> 0:44:09.959
<v Speaker 1>if the rules were reversed and it was a guy

0:44:10.000 --> 0:44:14.839
<v Speaker 1>neighbor looking at her high school and and asking her

0:44:14.840 --> 0:44:16.799
<v Speaker 1>what kind of bra she wears, would he feel that way?

0:44:16.880 --> 0:44:20.880
<v Speaker 1>Probably not flip it. You should do that, bitches crazy,

0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:25.160
<v Speaker 1>So let's just not invite that neighbor over next time. Okay?

0:44:25.360 --> 0:44:28.840
<v Speaker 1>From Anonymous husbands and social media. I am married and

0:44:28.880 --> 0:44:30.880
<v Speaker 1>have been for a little over a year. My husband

0:44:30.880 --> 0:44:32.719
<v Speaker 1>and I were best friends for two years and then

0:44:32.800 --> 0:44:36.360
<v Speaker 1>dated for three before getting married. Knowing my husband for

0:44:36.360 --> 0:44:38.319
<v Speaker 1>so long, I knew every girl he had been with.

0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Everything was going fine until I noticed he was still

0:44:41.000 --> 0:44:44.600
<v Speaker 1>talking to his previous hook up friend. I talked about

0:44:44.600 --> 0:44:46.640
<v Speaker 1>it with him and he stopped from there, though I

0:44:46.680 --> 0:44:49.440
<v Speaker 1>was very suspicious because I had been due before. He

0:44:49.520 --> 0:44:51.640
<v Speaker 1>worked at a big city hospital during this time, and

0:44:51.640 --> 0:44:53.640
<v Speaker 1>I noticed that he filed a lot of his coworkers

0:44:53.640 --> 0:44:56.200
<v Speaker 1>and coworkers on social media. I didn't think it was

0:44:56.239 --> 0:44:58.600
<v Speaker 1>strange until I noticed that a lot of these coworkers

0:44:58.600 --> 0:45:02.080
<v Speaker 1>were nurses and that they tended to post certain posts

0:45:02.120 --> 0:45:04.520
<v Speaker 1>I was uncomfortable with. He also had these people on

0:45:04.560 --> 0:45:08.160
<v Speaker 1>Snapchat and still had his excess on his social media

0:45:08.200 --> 0:45:11.560
<v Speaker 1>as well. Eventually he just deleted social media social media

0:45:11.600 --> 0:45:14.439
<v Speaker 1>altogether because he would get so defensive when I brought

0:45:14.440 --> 0:45:17.480
<v Speaker 1>it up. What are your thoughts on this? Up to?

0:45:17.520 --> 0:45:26.680
<v Speaker 1>No good? Strong dislike social media sucks, whether it's innocent

0:45:26.800 --> 0:45:30.879
<v Speaker 1>or not. People blur lines every single day, every single day.

0:45:31.239 --> 0:45:35.279
<v Speaker 1>People are flirts by nature, and social media exaggerates it,

0:45:35.560 --> 0:45:38.160
<v Speaker 1>and there's no easy way to paint a black or

0:45:38.200 --> 0:45:41.640
<v Speaker 1>white line, so it makes it really complicated. And there's

0:45:41.680 --> 0:45:45.000
<v Speaker 1>no reason he should know what any if you went objective,

0:45:46.000 --> 0:45:47.840
<v Speaker 1>say there is no social media, he wouldn't know what

0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:50.680
<v Speaker 1>those nurses are doing on their downtime. So I don't

0:45:50.680 --> 0:45:53.359
<v Speaker 1>like the accessibility of knowing what they're up to. And

0:45:54.080 --> 0:45:58.480
<v Speaker 1>just in our marriage, what works for us. Please don't

0:45:58.480 --> 0:46:02.719
<v Speaker 1>write to Joanna. Um, it's just no girls. There's just

0:46:02.800 --> 0:46:06.720
<v Speaker 1>no girls. It can't it doesn't work. Well. It's Preston

0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:08.640
<v Speaker 1>told me when we met, guys and girls can't be friends.

0:46:08.760 --> 0:46:10.160
<v Speaker 1>And at first I was like, no way, and then

0:46:10.200 --> 0:46:11.640
<v Speaker 1>I started thinking about it, and he was like, to

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:13.520
<v Speaker 1>name a guy friend you have that wouldn't make out

0:46:13.520 --> 0:46:15.640
<v Speaker 1>with you have given the choice, And I was like,

0:46:15.719 --> 0:46:19.359
<v Speaker 1>I yike. You know my husband said the same thing.

0:46:19.520 --> 0:46:21.959
<v Speaker 1>Girls and guys can't be friends. I mean I don't,

0:46:22.000 --> 0:46:24.640
<v Speaker 1>but I also just at this point have no interest

0:46:24.760 --> 0:46:28.920
<v Speaker 1>in wanting to engage with another dude period. I mean,

0:46:28.960 --> 0:46:31.640
<v Speaker 1>everything is very respectful, Like I don't. I don't have

0:46:31.719 --> 0:46:34.120
<v Speaker 1>Mike's number, I don't want Mike's number. I don't have

0:46:34.239 --> 0:46:36.800
<v Speaker 1>Nick's number. I didn't even save Preston's number under Preston

0:46:36.880 --> 0:46:39.000
<v Speaker 1>like when he had texted about your surprise party, Like

0:46:39.160 --> 0:46:42.799
<v Speaker 1>I don't, I don't. I don't know Andrew on there

0:46:43.200 --> 0:46:45.160
<v Speaker 1>just because he's like a brother to me. Yeah, but

0:46:45.160 --> 0:46:48.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying like I don't, but I wouldn't be even

0:46:48.320 --> 0:46:50.400
<v Speaker 1>in the inside jokes that we have from like our

0:46:50.440 --> 0:46:52.719
<v Speaker 1>game nights and stuff. I just text you guys about it,

0:46:52.800 --> 0:46:55.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, and just assume that you tell your husband's

0:46:55.480 --> 0:46:58.000
<v Speaker 1>like I don't, I don't know. Just my question though

0:46:58.000 --> 0:47:00.480
<v Speaker 1>about that, what're gonna say with social media too, it

0:47:00.560 --> 0:47:03.239
<v Speaker 1>takes away any of the guestswork, So like if you

0:47:03.280 --> 0:47:06.000
<v Speaker 1>follow any of your co workers on social media, you

0:47:06.080 --> 0:47:07.960
<v Speaker 1>go into work the next day knowing what they did

0:47:07.960 --> 0:47:10.879
<v Speaker 1>that night, what they drank, what they ate usually because

0:47:10.920 --> 0:47:15.000
<v Speaker 1>people always take a picture of it. I shake basic, Yes, exactly.

0:47:15.200 --> 0:47:17.399
<v Speaker 1>It takes away like the first couple of dates. I mean,

0:47:17.480 --> 0:47:19.520
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, it's it's like you've already gone on

0:47:19.560 --> 0:47:21.879
<v Speaker 1>a first date with someone, so you already know them

0:47:21.920 --> 0:47:26.040
<v Speaker 1>more than you should. It makes it really complicated. So

0:47:26.080 --> 0:47:28.480
<v Speaker 1>here's my question, because my husband isn't on social media,

0:47:28.880 --> 0:47:34.640
<v Speaker 1>because all of your husbands are, So do you do

0:47:34.680 --> 0:47:38.640
<v Speaker 1>you patrol or do you like? What if and Andrew

0:47:38.680 --> 0:47:44.920
<v Speaker 1>follows me? Does he now if you what if you

0:47:44.960 --> 0:47:48.520
<v Speaker 1>saw your husband? What if Nick's following a Victoria's Secret model?

0:47:48.640 --> 0:47:51.120
<v Speaker 1>What if Andrew is following a pretty girl? Like what

0:47:51.160 --> 0:47:53.800
<v Speaker 1>if Preston is following? You know? So it's like, what

0:47:53.800 --> 0:47:55.200
<v Speaker 1>what do you do that? Do you say? Can you

0:47:55.239 --> 0:47:57.600
<v Speaker 1>please and follow? Because that makes me uncomfortable? Or I know,

0:47:57.680 --> 0:47:59.120
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I know how it would makes me feel.

0:47:59.760 --> 0:48:02.840
<v Speaker 1>But also you know, luckily he's not on social media.

0:48:03.040 --> 0:48:05.600
<v Speaker 1>But still, I mean, I think it's safe to ask

0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:08.120
<v Speaker 1>that at any point. I think everyone has the right

0:48:08.200 --> 0:48:10.239
<v Speaker 1>to ask that if it makes them uncomfortable. I mean,

0:48:10.719 --> 0:48:14.279
<v Speaker 1>Nick does follow women on social media and he has

0:48:14.320 --> 0:48:17.200
<v Speaker 1>clients that are women, and I just but what if

0:48:17.200 --> 0:48:21.000
<v Speaker 1>they're like, fortunately, like bikini shots and stuff. I mean,

0:48:21.040 --> 0:48:23.800
<v Speaker 1>I haven't looked, but yeah, I would definitely say something

0:48:23.840 --> 0:48:27.080
<v Speaker 1>and say uncomfortable with it. I guess. I mean, I'm

0:48:27.160 --> 0:48:30.799
<v Speaker 1>my well you, I think you could ask anyone. I

0:48:30.800 --> 0:48:33.320
<v Speaker 1>think you could ask your significant other to and follow anyone.

0:48:33.600 --> 0:48:37.880
<v Speaker 1>But social media is not. I mean you can't censor it.

0:48:38.640 --> 0:48:42.239
<v Speaker 1>So whether you follow them or not, it's still accessible.

0:48:42.920 --> 0:48:46.440
<v Speaker 1>And does that I feel like it's just the world

0:48:46.440 --> 0:48:49.680
<v Speaker 1>we live in unfortunately, because if you go to a

0:48:49.760 --> 0:48:53.840
<v Speaker 1>bar without social media, someone's probably going to put moves

0:48:54.040 --> 0:48:56.800
<v Speaker 1>on your husband. It's going to happen, and vice versa.

0:48:57.280 --> 0:49:01.879
<v Speaker 1>That's just life and was social media, it's exaggerated. People

0:49:01.880 --> 0:49:04.480
<v Speaker 1>can do it every day in any way, shape or form,

0:49:04.520 --> 0:49:07.960
<v Speaker 1>whether it's intended or not. Just by posting a bikini shot,

0:49:08.000 --> 0:49:11.239
<v Speaker 1>they're basically putting a move on on everyone in the world.

0:49:11.880 --> 0:49:15.360
<v Speaker 1>And it's just your choice every single day to say, Okay,

0:49:15.400 --> 0:49:18.560
<v Speaker 1>you know what, you're going to see it. You're going

0:49:18.640 --> 0:49:20.600
<v Speaker 1>to have thoughts about it, just because it's the world

0:49:20.640 --> 0:49:22.279
<v Speaker 1>we live in. But at the end, of the day,

0:49:22.360 --> 0:49:25.680
<v Speaker 1>you have to make your choice of being integrity having

0:49:26.560 --> 0:49:29.239
<v Speaker 1>exactly like that. That's very well said. I mean, because

0:49:29.239 --> 0:49:31.400
<v Speaker 1>how many times on a daily basis are we seeing

0:49:31.440 --> 0:49:33.440
<v Speaker 1>something that our husband probably doesn't want us to be

0:49:33.480 --> 0:49:36.399
<v Speaker 1>looking at, whether it's a shortless sky or that's the thing,

0:49:36.440 --> 0:49:38.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't even intentionally look at it like I was.

0:49:38.560 --> 0:49:40.200
<v Speaker 1>I was just scrolling through. And I know exactly we're

0:49:40.200 --> 0:49:41.600
<v Speaker 1>talking about because on Instagram the other day, I was

0:49:41.640 --> 0:49:43.440
<v Speaker 1>just scrolling through and like I saw, like Tyler Cameron.

0:49:43.520 --> 0:49:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Yes he is a very attractive man, but I didn't

0:49:46.480 --> 0:49:48.520
<v Speaker 1>even like I have no, I don't want to look

0:49:48.560 --> 0:49:52.080
<v Speaker 1>at it. But that's the difference, because we're also annoyed

0:49:52.120 --> 0:49:55.160
<v Speaker 1>by many that were like I'm not spending my free

0:49:55.160 --> 0:49:57.800
<v Speaker 1>time looking at the differences. Is you still saw it,

0:49:58.120 --> 0:50:02.440
<v Speaker 1>but I did not mean with it. But you don't

0:50:02.480 --> 0:50:05.080
<v Speaker 1>know if he thought further about it, or if he

0:50:05.080 --> 0:50:08.520
<v Speaker 1>didn't think as I say, as women though are natural

0:50:08.560 --> 0:50:10.960
<v Speaker 1>instinct would be like you did think something about it,

0:50:11.120 --> 0:50:15.560
<v Speaker 1>even though and maybe they scrolled by it and stopped

0:50:15.560 --> 0:50:18.040
<v Speaker 1>for a second but kept going. We're going to say, oh,

0:50:18.120 --> 0:50:21.600
<v Speaker 1>but you stopped, whether you like I thought it was

0:50:21.640 --> 0:50:24.840
<v Speaker 1>something else, it's just how we're wired, and it's just

0:50:24.880 --> 0:50:27.080
<v Speaker 1>that active choice every day to be like, you know what,

0:50:28.080 --> 0:50:31.480
<v Speaker 1>he's choosing me. He's at home and I have to

0:50:31.520 --> 0:50:35.400
<v Speaker 1>trust him until something else happens and we'll take it

0:50:35.400 --> 0:50:38.680
<v Speaker 1>from there. It sucks. So if you ever do you

0:50:38.719 --> 0:50:44.040
<v Speaker 1>ever look to see? I tried. I'm a girl, of

0:50:44.080 --> 0:50:48.080
<v Speaker 1>course I look, But I honestly, every time I catch

0:50:48.120 --> 0:50:52.160
<v Speaker 1>myself getting within that vibe of I want to check

0:50:52.200 --> 0:50:54.000
<v Speaker 1>and I want to see and I want to patrol,

0:50:54.680 --> 0:50:56.759
<v Speaker 1>I try to get out of it as quickly as

0:50:56.800 --> 0:50:59.240
<v Speaker 1>possible because that's just a spiral waiting to happen. If

0:50:59.360 --> 0:51:00.920
<v Speaker 1>at the end of the day have to just trust.

0:51:00.960 --> 0:51:03.040
<v Speaker 1>And I know people always say, you know that's like

0:51:03.120 --> 0:51:05.040
<v Speaker 1>je sic your worst problem. It's like no, but it's

0:51:05.040 --> 0:51:08.960
<v Speaker 1>like trust problem. It's everyone. It's yeah, everyone has a

0:51:09.000 --> 0:51:12.280
<v Speaker 1>hard time trusting. I think that's just again because of society.

0:51:12.480 --> 0:51:15.360
<v Speaker 1>It's hard to so you question things a lot, but

0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:19.040
<v Speaker 1>the trust is still, you know, it's just hard. I

0:51:19.080 --> 0:51:23.160
<v Speaker 1>remember a girl posted one time, um being on the

0:51:23.200 --> 0:51:26.759
<v Speaker 1>bus with Preston not like in the front lounge. So

0:51:26.800 --> 0:51:28.800
<v Speaker 1>if you're a music person, you know, like front lounge

0:51:28.800 --> 0:51:30.759
<v Speaker 1>just kind of like living room, you know, and it's

0:51:30.800 --> 0:51:33.279
<v Speaker 1>not anything like they were like taking a selfie in

0:51:33.280 --> 0:51:36.920
<v Speaker 1>a bunk, because I would murder. But it was like I,

0:51:37.880 --> 0:51:40.640
<v Speaker 1>you know I did in my twenties, like just like

0:51:40.920 --> 0:51:45.080
<v Speaker 1>selfies just didn't care like I was just like I

0:51:45.120 --> 0:51:47.560
<v Speaker 1>was the worst. Anyways, continued, but I did say to him,

0:51:47.680 --> 0:51:50.839
<v Speaker 1>I mean it was okay. So she takes this picture, right,

0:51:50.840 --> 0:51:53.920
<v Speaker 1>she was like a singer opening up for them or something.

0:51:54.000 --> 0:51:57.360
<v Speaker 1>And and the guys are genuinely nice guys. They're not creepy,

0:51:57.560 --> 0:51:59.440
<v Speaker 1>they're just they are good guys. And they invited her

0:51:59.440 --> 0:52:01.440
<v Speaker 1>to come on with her dad and they all talked

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:03.480
<v Speaker 1>and hung out. But I didn't see the dad, right,

0:52:04.160 --> 0:52:06.600
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know she was on the bus um. And

0:52:06.600 --> 0:52:09.480
<v Speaker 1>so I see this picture and she's like, oh my gosh,

0:52:09.560 --> 0:52:12.200
<v Speaker 1>the best guys ever had so much fun partying with you.

0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:17.040
<v Speaker 1>So instantly I'm like, who is she? When was this?

0:52:17.200 --> 0:52:20.320
<v Speaker 1>Why didn't you tell me how much partying? There's so

0:52:20.400 --> 0:52:22.880
<v Speaker 1>many pieces missing of it that it's so misleading. And

0:52:22.920 --> 0:52:25.560
<v Speaker 1>that's when you're like, this isn't like that's that's where

0:52:26.280 --> 0:52:31.319
<v Speaker 1>the trust too. That's the thing that information first that

0:52:32.560 --> 0:52:36.680
<v Speaker 1>he's going her dad was with her and this other dude.

0:52:37.280 --> 0:52:39.239
<v Speaker 1>So when I brought it up to him, this is

0:52:39.280 --> 0:52:41.399
<v Speaker 1>I just need to like sing his praises because there's

0:52:41.400 --> 0:52:45.040
<v Speaker 1>a lot of times where I don't, admittedly, but he like,

0:52:45.080 --> 0:52:48.520
<v Speaker 1>there's a no chick on the bus policy. Now that's

0:52:48.560 --> 0:52:50.799
<v Speaker 1>just that because he's like, okay, well, and I said

0:52:50.840 --> 0:52:52.400
<v Speaker 1>to him, I was like, if I'm feeling that way

0:52:52.440 --> 0:52:54.000
<v Speaker 1>and I can get to the bottom of it, like,

0:52:54.160 --> 0:52:58.000
<v Speaker 1>what does it look like? The perception is your party, guys,

0:52:58.040 --> 0:52:59.399
<v Speaker 1>and a girl can be on your bus, and that's

0:52:59.560 --> 0:53:02.719
<v Speaker 1>a lot of girls. They're doing that for that reaction,

0:53:02.920 --> 0:53:05.279
<v Speaker 1>of course, I mean, that's what they're doing. They want

0:53:05.280 --> 0:53:07.280
<v Speaker 1>the reaction of oh my god, you partied with them,

0:53:07.320 --> 0:53:11.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, And that's why it's just easier to just know. Well,

0:53:11.200 --> 0:53:15.160
<v Speaker 1>which kind of goes into this last email um from Anonymous.

0:53:15.239 --> 0:53:18.680
<v Speaker 1>His love triggers me trust has been broken in our marriage.

0:53:19.719 --> 0:53:21.799
<v Speaker 1>I think that's just that line is like right there

0:53:21.920 --> 0:53:23.720
<v Speaker 1>made me want to cry a little bit. We haven't

0:53:23.760 --> 0:53:26.040
<v Speaker 1>been to therapy yet, hope to, but has not been

0:53:26.080 --> 0:53:28.880
<v Speaker 1>a priority. We can't seem to move forward in rebuilding,

0:53:28.880 --> 0:53:30.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'm afraid it will be the end of us.

0:53:30.600 --> 0:53:33.239
<v Speaker 1>Not to say we don't both want to try. He's

0:53:33.239 --> 0:53:36.200
<v Speaker 1>putting an effort by being transparent, but I am having

0:53:36.200 --> 0:53:38.640
<v Speaker 1>a hard time with my part. How do you rebuild

0:53:38.680 --> 0:53:43.080
<v Speaker 1>trust when even his love is a trigger? Every time

0:53:43.120 --> 0:53:44.840
<v Speaker 1>he says he loves me, I'm reminded that if he

0:53:44.880 --> 0:53:46.720
<v Speaker 1>loved me, he wouldn't have caused me so much pain.

0:53:49.040 --> 0:53:53.920
<v Speaker 1>M hmm. For any of us qualified to answers, you

0:53:53.960 --> 0:53:57.880
<v Speaker 1>need a PhD. That's what I've always been trying to

0:53:58.040 --> 0:54:01.320
<v Speaker 1>like find though, because I a lot of people again,

0:54:01.360 --> 0:54:03.360
<v Speaker 1>I always they're like, you just need to trust or

0:54:03.600 --> 0:54:06.879
<v Speaker 1>or it's it's like it's so much that's not something

0:54:06.880 --> 0:54:10.320
<v Speaker 1>to say to anyone because like even in your situation,

0:54:10.400 --> 0:54:12.319
<v Speaker 1>like yes you trust Andrew, but you still might look

0:54:12.760 --> 0:54:16.319
<v Speaker 1>absolutely its social media and things, and it's like, how

0:54:16.360 --> 0:54:18.840
<v Speaker 1>do you rebild trust? I think it's just time. I

0:54:18.880 --> 0:54:22.480
<v Speaker 1>think it's time to time and a lot of a

0:54:22.560 --> 0:54:25.080
<v Speaker 1>lot of therapy, yes, a lot of proof and consistent,

0:54:25.680 --> 0:54:29.640
<v Speaker 1>rigorous honesty. And I think that's the changes is like

0:54:29.680 --> 0:54:32.440
<v Speaker 1>an absolute must. It's not just the time, it's action.

0:54:32.560 --> 0:54:34.759
<v Speaker 1>For me, like I can, I don't need words. I

0:54:34.760 --> 0:54:37.919
<v Speaker 1>grew up with a lot of like do as I say,

0:54:37.960 --> 0:54:40.160
<v Speaker 1>not as I do. Kind of mentality in our house,

0:54:40.280 --> 0:54:43.160
<v Speaker 1>parents wise, and so I have to zero interests and

0:54:43.200 --> 0:54:45.520
<v Speaker 1>like hearing anyone talk about how they're going to be

0:54:45.560 --> 0:54:48.279
<v Speaker 1>different and not do anything. Sure, well, I think the

0:54:48.280 --> 0:54:51.279
<v Speaker 1>hard time. The hard thing too is like you know,

0:54:51.320 --> 0:54:55.000
<v Speaker 1>even in the situation before, it's like you you give

0:54:55.040 --> 0:54:58.239
<v Speaker 1>them trust, but then they lie. So it's like that

0:54:58.360 --> 0:55:02.200
<v Speaker 1>situation just continues to make them not trustworthy because of

0:55:02.239 --> 0:55:07.480
<v Speaker 1>like Katherine said, the consistency and being rigorously honest. So, um,

0:55:07.520 --> 0:55:10.239
<v Speaker 1>there's something that UM I know has worked and we

0:55:10.320 --> 0:55:13.840
<v Speaker 1>learned from therapy is the rule. So you have twenty

0:55:13.840 --> 0:55:16.279
<v Speaker 1>four hours if you lie, to come back and say, hey,

0:55:16.320 --> 0:55:18.560
<v Speaker 1>you know what I messed up. That was a lie

0:55:18.600 --> 0:55:22.840
<v Speaker 1>And that shows change, That shows some honesty, that shows

0:55:23.040 --> 0:55:25.240
<v Speaker 1>a little growth. But I would say get into therapy

0:55:25.280 --> 0:55:27.000
<v Speaker 1>because it's worth it. I don't think you can do

0:55:27.040 --> 0:55:29.520
<v Speaker 1>it without therapy. You can't. Just I don't think you can.

0:55:29.560 --> 0:55:31.560
<v Speaker 1>It's too emotional. I don't think you can because I

0:55:31.560 --> 0:55:34.080
<v Speaker 1>think you need a third party kind of calling people

0:55:34.120 --> 0:55:37.040
<v Speaker 1>to the table and some accountability for some things, and

0:55:37.080 --> 0:55:39.960
<v Speaker 1>I think you can't do that with each other. I

0:55:40.000 --> 0:55:43.279
<v Speaker 1>just don't think you can. Are we all on the

0:55:43.320 --> 0:55:49.800
<v Speaker 1>same page. Yeah agree, guys, good episode. Yeah right, you're amazing.

0:55:49.800 --> 0:55:54.120
<v Speaker 1>We didn't get Shawn's big confession. Oh yeah again, bacteria

0:55:54.160 --> 0:55:58.760
<v Speaker 1>filled milk. There you go. It wasn't that. Um girls,

0:55:58.840 --> 0:56:02.200
<v Speaker 1>where can all the listeners and jew Christen At a

0:56:02.239 --> 0:56:05.880
<v Speaker 1>little bit fancy to spell it out, not like a rapper?

0:56:08.640 --> 0:56:15.240
<v Speaker 1>Um at? Shawn Johnson, Sean Johnson, nobody, Catherine just everyone

0:56:15.280 --> 0:56:18.640
<v Speaker 1>knows Catherine, Katherine Woodard? Is it Katherine V. Woodard? I

0:56:18.680 --> 0:56:21.480
<v Speaker 1>don't know. I love you girls, Thanks for hanging out

0:56:21.480 --> 0:56:23.600
<v Speaker 1>with me. It's really cool that we had a really fun,

0:56:23.680 --> 0:56:27.640
<v Speaker 1>like you know, girls, girls episode anytime. We've been talking

0:56:27.640 --> 0:56:29.120
<v Speaker 1>about this for too long. It was time we did.

0:56:29.280 --> 0:56:32.000
<v Speaker 1>It was time, um Stay tuned for next week.